Jordan, Jesse, GO! - 638: Bringing Sexy Bakula with Chad Quandt

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

Chad Quandt (New Netflix Series Wizards: Tales of Arcadia, Goosebuds podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's achievable goals to accomplish during quarantine, Chad's rubric for the horniest Star Trek series, and the truth behind the time Jose Canseco said he would sell his thumb on Twitter. Check out Jordan on Chad's Goosebuds podcast!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Achievable Goals Jesse Thorne. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Here's what's going on, Jordan. You got some goals? I think you know this. I think that you know this about me. I'm a real type A personality. Sure, yes. You have that color-coordinated bookshelf that looks so good.

Yep. I'm constantly worrying whether I have enough airline miles. I was, of course, a straight A student. And at the end of the day, nothing motivates me like goals. Right. I mean, you've often said, you know, after we've thrown back a few, you're pretty horny for Google Docs. I, God, I love anything spreadsheet. If you can get it. Right. Yes. My dream date is the two of us sit down at our respective Microsoft services and write some Excel macros.

Oh, boy, sounds hot. Just don't let your wife find out that you're writing macros with a guy you knew from college. Now, here's the thing, Jordan. I can hardly get out of bed without goals. You know, as I said,

type A, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, macros. With me, it's Christ's love. But I mean, you've got your me, it's Christ's love. But, I mean, you've got your thing, and it sounds like that works pretty well for you. I mean, maybe look into Christ's love. That's what gets me out of the bed in the morning. Well. Just wanting to praise him, lift up his name.

The best part of waking up for me is Folgers in my cup. Right. Then number two, goals. And number three, the love of Christ. It's three, huh? After goals and Folgers in my cup. Right. Then number two, Goals. And number three, The Love of Christ. It's three, huh? After Goals and Folgers. Yeah, well, those Folgers crystals. Man, I'm sorry, man.

I don't listen. I don't come on this show to preach. I come on the show to goof around. I mean, what do you drink? Cafe Bustelo? Christ's Love. Wow. A hot piping cup of Christ's Love every morning, huh? I swallow.

I don't drink anything else. I swallow a little bit of water in the shower to keep me alive. But other than that, no beverages except Christ's Love. So here's the thing, Jordan. I'm trying to be kind to myself because everybody's in quarantine right now. You gotta. Self-care. More important than ever.

Exactly. So I decided that I would scale back my goals a little bit and just focus on goals that I could definitely achieve during the period where we are all safer at home. Do you wanna know what my goals are? Yeah, yeah. So first was always wash my hands for the full 20 seconds. And I'm gonna sing the ABC song when I'm washing my hands, and that way I stay safe.

Ah, it's a classic. I mean, I sing Jesus Loves Me, but again, that's me and my priorities, which are with Christ. Go ahead, sorry. No, I get it. For the Bible tells you so. Right. I'm going to do some gardening. Specifically, I'm going to grow sunflowers. It seemed like the easiest kind of garden plant to grow. So I chose to grow some sunflowers. They're already sprouting. So that's great.

Yeah. I decided I'm going to try teleconferencing. I think I can do it. Yeah, I believe in you. I mean, everyone on every commercial is doing it. Yeah. So if they can do it. Yeah, I believe in you. I mean, everyone on every commercial is doing it. Yeah. So if they can do it, why not you? I'm going to get fresh flowers yesterday. That one is achievable because I did already do that. Yesterday I got some flowers. So you just have some retroactive goals. You like do something and then put it on the goal list and then cross it off.

Well, again, I want these goals to be achievable. Oh, sure. No, I mean, I admit that feels good. I mean, it feels great to cross stuff off the list as a type A. You know that. Everybody's been baking. Everybody's been baking lately, Jordan. Right.

I'm going to, during the course of this pandemic, find out what yeast is. Oh, yeah. I think a great place to start is your local library. Just break in. I know they're not open. My top question is, why is yeast so small? It's one of the smallest things at the grocery store. Yeah, well, I couldn't tell you.

I'm going to have to consult the local library. Achievable goals. I've decided to hear more from my mom about the news yes love that moms have a great perspective yeah um another goal i have is to use up the entire costco jar of excedrin that i bought before it expires so you see it in a in a bowl with some milk well beginning of the day like cereal i mean my my goal my thought right now is that I'll continue to get a stress headache every single day of my life. And that ought to do it. Sounds fun.

Yeah. A lot of people have been doing outdoors activities like birding. So one of my goals is to give birding a good long think. Consider it. You're going to consider birding? Yeah. Just give it a good think. Consider it. You're going to consider birding? Yeah. Just give it a good think. Would I be the kind of guy

who would like that? So what you're going to do is you're going to sit in your favorite easy chair. Take your thumb and your forefinger and put it on your chin. Give that chin a good stroke and then just look up the ceiling and go, hmm, wrens yeah pretty much

pretty much i mean i was gonna think about martin's but yeah oh well again we have different priorities uh another achievable goal for me is to try watching bosh then switch back to Cheers. I have that goal sometimes. Yeah. I'm like, it's fun to say. Is it fun to watch? I don't know. I do not know. Yeah.

Not quite a prestige show. Not quite a dumb show. Bosch is the taint of shows. Scott, Lance Reddick from The Wire. Okay. Do you think we could start referring to the taint as the bosh yes absolutely don't neglect the bosh uh another goal i made for myself is to wear pants every day or shorts that's great um no more uh no more flopping around for you yeah eat three square meals

every day plus snacks and up to one or two additional meals oh that's great that's one of my goals uh keep the kids away from pool halls and gambling dens that's gonna be a big goal for me yeah they're gonna they're gonna come out of there with slang like, you know, hey now, and Bob's your uncle. Bob's your uncle, yeah. It's a mulligan, see? And every day, take one hour to get really serious about not learning to play the accordion. Right. Just smash any accordion you might have laying around the house.

Yeah. Lest you be tempted to learn. I didn't want to set my goals too high, Jordan. We can only do what we can do. We got to be kinder to ourselves. Oh, yeah. I said, one hour a day, I'll just go ahead and continue to not learn the accordion. It's really brave of you. Thank you. I like to think of myself as brave. You know, I think Jesus would be smiling on you from heaven had he not already turned his back on you. Wow. The son of God who died for my sins. Literally died for my sins. And he is in heaven turning his back on me right now because I love Folgers crystals. He's a French press guy.

He's a French press guy. It takes a little bit longer, but it's how they do it in Europe. He's been to Europe. You know how I first tasted Folgers crystals, by the way? I was at a fancy French restaurant. Right. With my fancy mose-haired,

that is, hair that has had moose put in it, not hair like a moose, girlfriend or wife. And I ordered a coffee. I held it with two hands. I drank it. I said, this is good. Then this man comes out.

He tells me it's Folgers Crystals. I'm a convert for life. Oh, man. Did they base a series of commercials on it that led to a pretty funny Saturday Night Live parody starring Chris Farley? Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's where that came from. That's where that came from.

Let's introduce our guest on this week's program. He is one of the podcasters behind the Goosebuds podcast. He is a television and film writer who has written on things like the upcoming Troll Hunters, Wizards, Unikitty, Teen Titans Go, all kinds of stuff. Chad Quant. Hi, Chad. How are you?

Hello, gentlemen. Nice to jump in. I'm really sad to miss out on the Microsoft Access and Excel conversations. We can go back. We can easily go back. We got nothing else planned for the show. So if you want to double back and do anything on birding, if you want to do something on sunflowers, we are happy to double back. Yeah, my notepad, Chad, just says Microsoft Bob? as Microsoft Bob?

Question mark? It's a reference to the graphical interface Microsoft Bob where there was a like a, you talk to your computer like it was a person and it was an office instead of a table. I mean a desk metaphor. Did they ever give him like a little like cartoon avatar persona? Like, hey, it's me, Bob. You trying

to do a sum function? What's going on? I killed Clippy. There's just an open grave somehow on your screen you can just see the moved dirt i buried i buried him in a potter's field uh chad you got any goals you got any goals for this part of, for this unusual part of all of our lives? Are you trying to do anything with your life or just trying, just trying to get out of bed once a day? bullet journal I was always keeping very, very, very rigidly while I was on staff working on a show. Now it's just become me tracking the ups and downs of the economy in Animal Crossing. So my priorities have changed a lot. I have this one shelf I've been meaning to hang up this whole time. I haven't really done it yet. I'm looking at it right now. It's there. I've been thinking

a lot about a light fixture that I'm supposed to attach to the wall, but I don't really know how light fixtures attach. It seems like something I could do in the abstract. It's magic. Let's be honest. It's low level magic. Chad, what's going on the shelf once it goes up? And it will go up.

I believe in you. You're a self starter. You're a go getter. The shelf is going up. What's going on the shelf once it goes up? I wish I was making up what's supposed to go on the shelf because what was on it before, before

my cat took it down, was a Battlestar model ship that I was given to by a friend. And a predator skull that I got at a flea market in san diego that is very clearly a normal skull with plastic just kind of glued to the sides to make the mandibles of the

jaw now i i think we need some clarification is this a predator or is this the predator um well it's you know it's different because jordan as as we all know, the canon of Predator has changed in the last couple of years. There's now big boy Predators. There's a dog Predator. You've seen the newest addition to the franchise. I would say this is a young child, Predator Skull. This seems like a young boy that was taken before he could become a hunter yeah killed killed killed before he could ever hunt carl weathers there's a dog predator

there uh yeah i mean in the uh the newest uh shane black uh uh take on on predator which i think was just called predator i don't know't know. Hey, Chad, sounds like man's worst friend. That should have been the tagline for it, for sure. Or just Predator 7 colon dog Predator. That also would have worked.

You know, the Predator had dogs in Predators with Lawrence Fishburne. Oh, yeah. Who else was in that? Adrian Brody? Adrian Brody, Topher Grace. That cast was stacked.

It was stacked. I secretly hoped when you said Lawrence Fishburne was the star of it, that it was just other actors from Pee-wee's Playhouse. I was just like, please say Esipatha Murthysand, please. Right, yes. Charo. Charo makes an appearance. I think Jambi could take down a predator, too. There's one thing I know.

It's what the predators prize above all else, and it's the skull. What do they do when they're hunting Jambi, a man who is just ahead? Is it a challenge? Oh, that's why they can't get to him. They can't rip that spine out. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Oh, my. He's the perfect counter. Ha-ha. Mecca, lecca, hi, mecca. Howdy, ho, assholes. Sure, yeah. And then he hits the self-destruct button.

Wait, is the self-destruct button on Clonky, right? It was, I'm trying to remember. I'm going to embarrass myself. Yeah, I think Clonky. Yeah, it was theruct on clonky right it was is it i'm trying to remember i'm gonna embarrass yeah i think yeah what was the robot clonky it's not that clonky's not that far off is it no i just think it's better honestly yeah clonky is pretty good i'm so ashamed of myself for not remembering the name of the typewriter robot from peewee's playhouse jordan have you set any goals for yourself are you trying to achieve anything I'm so ashamed of myself for not remembering the name of the typewriter robot from Pee Wee's Playhouse. Jordan, have you set any goals for yourself? Are you trying to achieve anything?

You know, I have set some new financial goals for myself. Just kind of, you know, taking a look at like, you know, economic news and kind of where everything is headed and where entertainment is headed. You know, where podcasting is headed. And, you know, I think for a long time, my great financial dream was to someday own my own home like my parents did and their parents did. I just wanted to own my own home. And now I think I'm adjusting it slightly based on kind of the economy. And I think my new financial goal is feel okay buying a slightly nicer brand of olive oil. is feel okay buying a slightly nicer brand of olive oil? I think one day if I work really hard and just get my name out there,

grind, write every day, instead of buying the Kroger brand extra virgin olive oil, I could buy the Kroger organic brand extra virgin olive oil. And I think that would really take my cooking to the next level. I always dreamed of the same thing, Jordan, owning my own home. But it's hard, you know, it's tough. So I decided to focus on avocado toast.

Sure, yeah. You had to pick one or the other. It's avocado toast or a house. Well, as a millennial, yes. Sure, yeah. I read CNET, I know. other it's avocado toast or a house well as a millennial yes sure yeah i i read c net i know speaking of which i ate two beets for lunch today um wow braggle braggle on i know all right i know i know you're both one beat men can't afford the second beat but uh yeah i ate two beets for lunch yesterday and when i was urinating uh before the show, I was looking at my toilet bowl.

I don't mean to be vulgar, but the toilet bowl. And I said to myself, oh, millennial pink. Is millennial pink a color? Is that something like you would? Yeah. Oh. It's like a dusty, rosy pink. Oh, right.

Like the advertising for the Harley Quinn movie. You got it. Did you think about spelling out birds of prey with your urine? Now, Jordan, as someone who was religious, did you think that was birds of P-R-A-Y and were really disappointed when you got to see it? So much. So many swears. So many swears. The violence and the not not Jesus would never use a baseball bat

to hurt others and listen if Jesus Jesus would never break up with the Joker if Jesus made a commitment to the Joker in the eyes of God at Gotham Courthouse he would have stuck by the Joker thick and thin Chad are you suggesting that Jordan went to this film thinking it was about pious waterfowl? Yeah, I think so. I think Jordan is, you know, I know Jordan, we talked about comic books some and you have a pretty good head around the DC universe.

But yeah, I know that the Bible is the first book to turn to, not Infinite Crisis. So, yeah, I think you thought it was going to be about religious birds. I know everything about the DC Universe, too. Everything from Firestorm the Nuclear Man to Superman to Firestorm the Nuclear Man a second time. As a religious man, you know, I think the first superhero, yeah, it was Lot's wife. Would that be because she became a pillar of salt, so she's more of a thing type? Not to go over to Marvel, but that would be her power set, right? Yeah, right.

Lot's wife with her famous catchphrase, it's clobbering time. I'm going to look back, and I'm going to punch. That was her main thing. Speaking of nerd subjects. Yes. qualified to um to settle a debate that we were having on a previous episode of this show that kind of spilled over from the show onto our subreddit okay um and the question was this so maybe i'll lay out some qualifications you have recently worked on a tv show that is in the star trek universe correct yes it is in uh one of the quadrants of the Star Trek franchise.

So to speak for Nickelodeon. It doesn't have a title yet. Or I would totally tell you about it. Quadrant. You talk the talk. I talk the talk. So the question that was brought up on the show. That I don't think we were qualified to answer.

Because we haven't worked in any quadrant of the Star Trek universe. I mean, Jesse, I think I'm a low-medium Star Trek guy. Would you say you're a medium Star Trek guy? I'm a low-medium Star Trek guy, but I am a high-level Star Trek guy. That's the Neptune's vanity label from the late 90s and early 2000s.

Wow, that was a deep pull. I appreciate that. So we're low-medium Star Trek guys, so we're not obligated. We don't think we can answer this question. And the question was this. Which of the Star Trek series is the horniest? Oh, man. Good.

You know, I'm glad I'm done writing on this show so they can't pull my scripts from me answering this question. I'll give a precursor before I answer this question. I appreciate you guys bringing me on for this. I was not a Trek head growing up or a Trekkie as the old terms are. Because as a kid, I was like, I don't really really get this show they're just kind of in like beige hallways it's very very strange and boring for me i'm gonna watch power rangers instead you know i had i would say what i would say it stands along with probably the west wing is one of television's greatest hallway shows right man those corridors are great. Or the Jeffries tubes, to use another Trek term. Well, there's a little bit more of a metal steel 90s music video aesthetic.

But also, again, great hallways. Great hallways. Excellent hallways. But with that in mind, so I'm just mentioning it also so that I feel like the time where I would have been watching Star Trek with the most horniness myself, right? To kind of absorb that energy. Sure, yeah. Make it personal. Yeah, I missed out on that.

But then over, you know, the last like five or six years, really got into TNG as a nice like, it was a nice cup of tea at the end of the day to come home and just enjoy the stories. And so I'm a little biased. I'm split between the series itself, right? You're not speaking of certain characters, just what series was the horniest? Yeah, I mean, I think the debate started,

you know, just from being a casual guy, I was saying that it is very interesting that the original series, the original Star Trek, you know, Shatner, Nimoy, et cetera, it may be in the running for horniest show ever, horniest thing ever to be on TV. Just, you know, horns for days on this thing. And my kind of – It sounds like an alien in a Star Trek episode. Yes, horns for days.

Yeah, horns for days. But TNG to me seems very sexless, very chaste to me. That was my perspective, that it seems very like, you know, it's a universe that is about duty, you know, and it's the people driven by duty, not by, you know, wanting to get their fuck on. That doesn't get your engine going, that duty, that level of dedication? Yeah, sorry, not a duty guy. Can I interject here? That was George's opinion as a medium Star Trek guy, low to medium Star Trek guy.

Lower medium, yeah. And then I was kind of thinking as more of a Star Trek guy that probably the horniest Star Trek production is the unreleased Super Cat album. Sounds pretty horny. Yeah. Dancehall legend Super Cat made an album. It never came out. Go ahead, Jordan.

No, so Chad, you were saying, does one of the series – but then people on Reddit were saying that they think TNG is very horny that was my first call okay now I got a lot of Twitter feedback about this oh please yeah because I've really I've seen some episodes of original Star Trek you know the normal amount

that every American has 12 maybe I've seen a fair amount of Star Trek The Next Generation when it was on. KBHK, Channel 44. Shout out. Shout out. 12 cable, but I didn't have cable.

Was catching that over the air. And then I watched the first few of the new Patrick Stewart show. So there's a few in there that I haven't really seen. But I know. I really like thinking that Star Trek Picard is called the new Patrick Stewart show as a variety program.

I really like that a lot. Weirdly, David Letterman's in the cast. Tim Conway pops up in all the sketches. tim conway pops up in all the sketches uh they did get wharf back to to drop himself and wearing a big suit made of alka-seltzer into a tub of water it was it was hilarious classic gag um i i was thinking now i know that there is one of these star treks is called star trek bacula starring scott bacula. And I said, almost certainly, almost certainly anything Bacula is going to be the horniest in class, you know?

Oh, that's just you're assuming, I've seen that Bacula's bringing that energy. Bacula brings that to any project, whether it's that or Men of a Certain Age or whatever. Yeah, I mean, you've heard the expression bde bacula dick energy i was going to say bringing sexy bacula but it's pretty good no you know either way they're both great they can both be put on a shirt we'll be fine look those other captains don't know how to act right so this is the feedback I got from this, Chad.

Yeah, please. Because the feedback was big, it was serious, and it was powerful, and it was screen caps of a part from Star Trek Bacula where they have to strip to the waist after they use the transporters and hose each other down Silkwood style. But it's more like silk stockings wood could could you send me some links to these screen grabs because i don't recall that from uh star trek bacula people send me this and it's scott bacula he's nude to the waist

we're sorry you say new to the waist you mean uh from the bottom up or from the up down sure and they're they're washing each other down him and a lady from the show up or from the up down? Sure. And they're washing each other down. Him and a lady from the show. God knows who this is. Certainly not Scott Bakula. They're like washing each other with, you know, like loofahs. And everything is like red, backlit, like, again, like silk stockings. But they're hosing each other down as in the horrific melodrama Silkwood

when the working woman is exposed to radiation. Yeah. So, Chad, you were saying you feel like there are two different tracks that could compete for horniness. Yeah, and I'll share. This is a very heavy conversation, and I'll share, you know, this is a very heavy conversation and I appreciate it. I think if we are talking about horniness in terms of character dynamics, I would maybe go Voyager just for all the loving sexual tension on that crew that I like to imagine. But that also might just be because you have the great catherine janeway on that one um you're saying that's the one you're horniest for i need to clarify that i

did not say that before this recording that i was not the horniest for voyager you were object you're objectively just i mean just like the the crew of the enterprise objectively looks at other cultures you're objectively looking at the horniness of various Star Trek. Yeah, and I'm also looking at the captain because the captain not only leads the crew, they set the sexual tone for the rest of their adventures.

I think that's a really good point. Thank you. Now you might say Kirk is the obvious choice then, but when you rewatch some of those TOS episodes, Kirk's, uh, the way he handles himself with the ladies would not work today. Uh, you would not,

you would not sign off on those. There's a lot of grabbing women by the shoulders in a way that goes, Hey, let's maybe take this to HR. Uh, so I, I'll, I'll go,

I'll go, uh, actually, even though I think Voyager is a close second, I'll go TNG, particularly just for one example of by the first season of the show. and busy with Tasha Yar in a beautifully not sexy outfit that is so not sexy it goes over the

threshold back over to sexiness and it's implied the data is equipped to please anyone he needs to he's fully functional is the quote I believe and that is the show hits the ground running with robot sex

which is why i robots are derogatory term i'm very sorry um i i'd say an android uh at the very least uh i think that's i think that sets the tone yeah and then picard like joan john luke also from the john uh the john luke picard show or sorry the pat Luke Picard show. Or sorry, the Patrick Stewart show. The Patrick Stewart show. There's something about that charisma. You know he won't get down, but he has gotten down. Oh, sure. He has a very rich life. And there's constant chemistry between him and every officer on the bridge.

Except for Wesley. There's nothing there. That's a very platonic, fatherly mentor. But everybody else. But everyone else. It's a very respectful sexual gravitas that I would put TNG at the very top. Also, just one more

evidence point because I know I'm going to get some angry emails. Thank you guys for dooming to me for this for the rest of my life. We're like, as this podcast exists, Chad, let's,

let's steer it over to star Trek opinions. All right. Be your mentions forever. I would point to one of the episodes of TNG that I'm blanking on the episode, but with a very much covered that the hollow deck would be used for hanky panky on the regular by crew members uh and i think that kind of that kind of goes that level of like

yeah this is a horny show uh i think, like an Alan Cumming who sort of can, has, and will fuck anything. Sure. But like always will leave the campsite cleaner than when he got there. You know what I mean? cleaner than when he got there you know what i mean like he'll he he'll fuck you know uh five different people representing five different genders simultaneously in uh you know in some kind of like a scottish castle that he's invited them all to uh and at the end, everyone will thank him and bow. Right. You know what I mean?

He has stories about going on a retreat with Willem Dafoe and Judi Dench. Yes. I'll give, if you're not sure if you feel Patrick Stewart's sexual energy based on this conversation, if I could recommend a YouTube video. I don't know if that's allowed on this show. It is. It's encouraged. I mean, I think you'll, you know, I think we love to describe our favorite YouTube videos.

Any chance to, you know, just get out there and remind people of the cat who sounds like a southern gentleman saying, well, hi, when his owner films him. Well, hi. Oh, you mean like Oolong Johnson, well, hi, when his owner films him. Well, hi. Oh, you mean like Oolong Johnson?

Yeah. Jordan, I, I have to, I have to disagree here. Um, I am not comfortable with, uh,

him plugging YouTube. Uh, I have a, uh, I have an exclusive deal with break.com. Oh, sure. Sure.

Yeah. Uh, and, sure. Yeah. And they literally doubled the money I was making from JibJab, so I want to really show them some respect on the program. I'm sure, dude. They're probably offering like a $3 CPM. Yeah, probably. A high level. Chad, can you meet us halfway and just recommend something from E-Bomb's world?

You know, let me see. Let me scroll. I'm finding a version of this video that has an iFunny watermark on it that I think I can recommend. This is a video from 2013, wherever you find it uploaded. And just to paint the picture is what seems to be his wonderful wife, Patrick Stewart's wife, videotaping this. My assumption is that they are in some cabin in the woods, possibly stoned. Yeah, that tracks.

And it's from her POV as she was recording it. So it's already feeling a little erotic, right? You can just pretend that you are dating or married to Patrick Stewart. And it is a very cute video where he teaches his wife, uh, the quadruple take. And there's nothing about it that is sexual,

but boy, oh boy, does it get me going? It is, it is so just like, I would, I would take him right there in that cabin. He is so charming in it.

I had that same feeling about Mandy Patinkin singing Sondheim. Just love me now. Yeah. He plays the cop a lot these days, but people don't remember he was a song and dance man first. Patink. Just like walking. Well, yeah. Well, Chad, thank you for weighing in on that.

I mean, I think. I regret all of my answers so much. I think I regret all of my answers so much. I'm if I can ever send you like an addendum at some point to be added to another episode or something like that. I just listen. I'm going to do a Star Trek convention at some point. And I am so terrified of the Q&A now. Yeah. People are just going to people are going to, you know, you know, talk like, oh, you know, what was it like working on the show?

And, you know, you know, who's your favorite captain? And then, you know, somebody's just going to talk like, oh, what was it like working on the show? And who's your favorite captain? And then somebody is just going to stand up and go, Jordan, Jesse, go. Episode 633, you stated that Voyager was the horniness, whereas I personally have cranked it to Deep Space Nine on a number of occasions. This is a two-part question. I know it's coming. I know it's coming. I know it's coming. It's going to be you somehow, Jordan.

It'll be you with a mustache. And a Ferengi head, yes. Can I say my pick for Horniest? Please, yeah. Oh, please, please. Benny Hill. I feel like it's crazy that it hasn't come up yet. Yeah, you know, I don't think Benny Hill was officially a Star Trek show.

Yeah, I think it was. It was a little earlier than... It was in between the original series and Next Generation. They did Benny Hill. It ran on PBS. Hmm. You know, okay, well, I guess if we're going to use, you know, things that are, you know, kind of in the extended Star Trek universe, which I guess Benny Hill was.

No, it's main. Have you seen? He is like, it is a regular Benny Hill show. It's a regular Star Trek show. It's about a horny Englishman. Okay. And he's always in fast motion. And sometimes there's boobs.

Is this a big place on the holodeck? Because if you were to say that there's like a fast forward glitch for example and the holodeck is moving particularly too fast to keep up with, I would totally buy the Star Trek episode. Is that, does every Benny Hill episode take place on the holodeck? That's why there are

busty nurses and gorillas? Shit. Can I point out, by the way, that my Star Trek series that I was very proud, it was a pleasure to write and produce on, is a kids animated show. Can I point that out in detail? That's why you're so inexpert.

By the way, the whole thing with the Benny Hill show and the holodeck, the issue was when they made the holodeck, they spent all their money on the artificial intelligence and the holograms and stuff, and they only had enough licensing money to license Yakety Sax. Oh. Yeah, because the creator of Star Trek found that loophole where he wrote lyrics to the theme song, right? Oh, that's right. And now I understand that the canon is explained that that was being played. That was diegetic audio, I believe is the term.

Right, yeah. Riker was not on the holodeck, but he was playing his trombone while off screen playing Yakety Sax. And that's the sound that was permeating into the holiday. That makes perfect sense now. Got it. When you say Riker was playing his trombone. I don't mean the euphemism. Okay.

I mean, Riker was in a scab. Because it would be great if every time Riker came, it played Yakety Sax. Can I just, maybe if there's some of our listeners out there who are maybe looking for a little project, maybe looking for a little, you know, editing project to, you know, kill some time, why don't we

take that clip of Scott Bakula loofah-ing the female crew member, add Yakety Sax. Wow, that might become too horny. Yeah, well, I mean, let's use this time to experiment. Well, I think we've solved this

case pretty much. Yeah. Yes, we sure have. Let's take a quick break. we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm j Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm guest Chad Quant, boy seen on the side of a milk carton. Oh, no. Oh.

There's a bit of a mystery. What happened to me? Yeah. Maybe you fell down the old well. Guy went to elementary school, ended up on the side of a milk carton. Really? Did he win a prize or was he missing? He went missing.

He went voluntarily missing. I think he was a prize or was he missing? He went missing. He went voluntarily missing. I think he was like 15 or 16. Things were tough at home and he went missing. Oh, well, there's no comedy in those minds, is there? I'm looking, I'm looking. I do like the idea that you can be on a milk carton for being missing or for winning a contest. Just to really freak people out for a second.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I won Milk Boy of the Month. I'm fine. I'm at home. I'm safe at home. I just won Milk Boy of the Month. You know, in National Geographic for Kids magazine, there was this page called Kids Did It.

And it was for kids who had done, you know, had gotten remarkable jobs, you know, like if you were the announcer for a minor league baseball team or you won an international science contest and discovered the cure to a disease, or if you were kidnapped. Yeah, sure.

Or if you stopped the wet bandits from breaking into your house while you were there. Parents were in France, I think. An extraordinary series of tortures. Very soft. Well, how else are you going to be Milk Boy of the Month if you don't torture the wet bandits? Wow, was Macaulay Culkin the first Milk Boy of the Month? First Milk Boy, yes.

He was the inspiration for all other Milk Boys. And for the Steven Spielberg movie, the first Milk Boy. Right. One of my favorites. It was a different time, the early to mid-1990s. A beautiful time, though. Yeah, yeah. Especially for Milk Boys.

So lush. So lush. So lush and green. Very verdant. I would say it was a more verdant and peaceful world. Right. Sure. Well, everything was hyper-color, so it just popped, right? Everything was just pinks and oranges. Yeah, yeah.

What show is this again? Jordan Jesse Goh. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. That's 206-984-4FUN, or you can just send a voice memo to jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Here's our first such call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, possible guest. such a call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, possible guest. This is James in Tallahassee, and this is a momentous occasion from about a year ago, which I didn't call in at the time because it was before I started listening to the show. So I'm out with some friends. It's late. We've been drinking,

and we hire an Uber to get home. The driver is a big guy. He looks like he's in his 50s or so, in pretty good shape, and there's baseball equipment in the car. So we ask about that, and he tells us that he's running a baseball camp during the day. And we ask if he's a former player, and he says that, yeah, in fact, he was in the majors for a bit, nothing too notable. But then he tells us that he has a brother who was in the majors for 16 years. So that's intriguing. And so we start asking more questions, and he's kind of giving us a little bit at a time.

It turns into a bit of a trivia game. He tells us that his brother got started in Oakland. He was an outfielder. He hit over 400 home runs. He was a six-time All-Star. And then the biggest clue, which is that his brother believes that he was blacklisted and forced to retire because of a book he was writing

so yeah our Uber driver was Ozzy Canseco your fucking Uber driver was Ozzy Canseco love the show thanks Jose Canseco's twin brother I guessed it before he even started listing qualities of Jose Canseco.

This is amazing. This is breathtaking. Now, Jesse, this is probably something you can help me with. Where can you get the clear? Where can you get the clear? Are you keeping up with how Jose Canseco is dealing with the coronavirus? Oh, no. My guess is, well...

Yeah, I mean, he's virulently healthy, if anything, I would say. He's going to live to be 241 or whatever. I think Jose Canseco's probably handling this crisis well. Didn't he... Wasn't he trying to sell his own thumb on Twitter for a period? Because his lucky

thumb was responsible for all those hits? Is that the thumb? Yeah, is it collectible or just for would-be hitchhikers? Yeah, the car is more likely to stop if it's a celebrity thumb. Pull over. I think that's Jose Canseco. Sure. Aw, it's just a regular guy with Jose Canseco's distinctive thumb.

I had Willem Dafoe's thumb in here last week. That's a big thumb. That's a big thumb, that Willem Dafoe thumb. Well, I would think that you ask how he's handling himself in the coronavirus, I would think really poorly because, if I recall, he's one of the Bash brothers.

And you can't bash another brother. You can't put those arms next to a brother's arm during this virus. Yes, you can't bash from six. You can't put those arms next to a brother's arm during this, this virus. Yes. You can't bash from six feet away. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

You got to slam that forum against each other. Yeah. Good point. I mean, how, yeah. How is he right? That's such an essential part of who he is.

How is he keeping that? I don't know who, who, yeah, he probably has to ask the question. Who am I? If I cannot bash, who am I? Am I cannot bash, who am I?

Am I just a brother? Right. I have a thumb update if you guys want. Yes. A quick thumb update. Brian needs to give us a quick thumb update here. So he tweeted a while ago. This was in 2015, I think, that his thumb fell off while he was playing in a poker tournament.

And that there was video of the incident. tournament and that there was video of the incident and so that he sold to a media outlet and he was thinking of selling it uh on ebay but then it turns out that the incident never happened he got the idea when he saw a fake bloody finger in a halloween store but he actually he so he didn't fall off at a poker tournament he but he did shoot it off while he was cleaning a gun. It was successfully reattached. Wow. So which would you say is the got the idea part of this? The part the part where he saw a novelty thumb in a magic store that he was hanging out in or the part where he shot his thumb off

thought maybe i could do something with this well i'm wondering if the timeline uh jesse is because we're not i'm not sure on the details and maybe you can check that out but is if he shot his thumb off and this was like mid-fall and he's like well crap i gotta get the kids halloween costumes and so he's holding his bloody hand but he's gotta get like the captain america costume for his kid or he's gonna be super embarrassed yeah and so he's there and then he sees the fake thumb i think it's the other way around i think that he saw the thumb in the costume store or whatever got excited bought it thought i'm gonna do something with this then later he shot off his own thumb and said this coincidence is too good to be true you know can't pass this

up like what even if not without knowing that and you said list three celebrities that have lost a thumb, he would be the first guy I would say. What would you say are the other two? Or the other one besides Sybil Shepard? Oh, yeah. Well, Sybil Shepard, of course. Famous, right. Famous shit kicker, Sybil Shepard. Although I think she kind of was, right?

Yeah, maybe so. And I think the third one, ah, the Divine Miss Gal Gadot. I thought you were going to say the Divine Miss M, Bette Midler. That was a surprising choice, but I was willing to roll with it. Yeah. No, no. Not her. Well, the Bette Midler is because she often was known for putting her thumbs in the eyes of her enemies, right?

That's how she climbed away to the top. The Yakuza. Yes, Bette Midler was the boss of the Yakuza for a while because she'd thumb out the eyes of her enemies. You're not good enough to hold your samurai sword anymore. You must cut off that thumb. Oh, yeah. If you ever see Midler in the shower, full tattoo, full body tattoo. Oh, yeah. If you ever see Midler in the shower, full tattoo, full body tattoo. Oh, wow.

Wait, is that why she has those tattoos of tears on her face? I mean, well, that's a related but slightly different reason, yes. That's because of the people she killed when she was in prison, right? Right, yeah. She thumbed out a couple eyes in prison. Yeah, yeah. And plus one for the episode of Seinfeld that she was in. Right, yes. You get a couple eyes in prison yeah yeah and plus one for the episode of seinfeld that she was in right yes you get a teardrop for guesting on seinfeld that's why

uh terry hatcher has one i always thought it was a solidarity thing with the first wives club okay now i understand oh yeah right yes all the first wives club if you're in the First Wives Club, they jump you in. If you could survive 10 minutes in the ring with the First Wives Club, you become a wife, but you have to get the tattoo. Is it a ring or is it like a cage match? I'd like to see a cage match. Yeah, it's a fight club situation. It's like a rusty fence that they put over you. Hey, the first rule of First Wives Club is you don't talk about First Wives Club. Second rule is do it in the rusty cage.

Right, yes. The third rule is Goldie Hawn gets a free shot. She always gets a first free hit. She's in a lower weight class. Thank you, Chad, for knowing someone else who is in First Wives Club. That's what I was fucking racking my brain with. Is it weird that as a 10-year-old boy I watched a lot of

First Wives Club over and over again? Is that weird? Not at all. Not at all. It's a seminal movie for a lot of people. Thank you, Jesse. I was just watching Boat Trip over and over. Sure. Brian, we have another call in there? Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Impossible Guests.

This is Roger from Brooklyn calling in on a momentous occasion. So about 12 years ago, and I remember the dates and school time, I was walking home from the train to my apartment, and I was walking past this medical office that was undergoing some renovations, and there was all this junk on the streets, fixtures and posters and stuff. There's also this big box that's the size of a banker's box, like a file storage container, and it says, water-based personal lubricant single-use pack. So I look in it, and it's this full box of, you know,

those little packs of lube that you might hand out at, you know, with dental dam or something like that. So my first thought was, what am I going to do with all this? Second thought was, well, lube's expensive. What's worse is it's going to happen. Someone's going to see me. Can I take it? And I would keep some in my bedside drawer until today. I reached in, and it's all gone.

I finished that entire box of lube. I'm not sure how many, but I think I might have about 5,000 count box. So, thanks guys. Heart is a rock. Wet is a river. Bye. This guy acts like he's bragging that he's been doing it so much.

Yeah. Really, what he's bragging about, if you ask me, is that, not to put too fine a point on it, but his penis doesn't self-lubricate as much as it used to. He's getting a little older. Nothing wrong with that. You just need a little help from Dr. Astroglide. It doesn't get as juicy as it once did.

Now, the single-use lube packet, I have not heard of that. It's something you'd give out with a dental dam, Jordan. Yeah, I mean, we were, Jesse, you and I, we were RAs. I mean, I gave out my fair share at dental dams, but I never gave out a tiny, single-serving, dip-in-sauce-sized pack of lube. A Chick-fil-A packet's worth of lube. A Chick-fil-A package worth of lube. Right, yes, exactly. They have so many lube options at Chick-fil-A.

I know I don't love their politics, but I like their lube selection. Yeah, when my grandma died, we opened, we pulled open her kitchen drawer and it was completely full of McDonald's lube packets. Right, well, she's from a different time. And I looked at my mother and she looked back at me and she said, child of McDonald's lube packets. Right, well, she's from a different time. And I looked at my mother, and she looked back at me, and she said, child of the Depression.

Right. You know, they didn't have the money to buy lube. Sure, yeah, you never know what's going to get you wet next. Yeah, I know. I feel like I've never seen that. It seems like something you would, yeah, like a single use. It just seems wasteful to me. Did you ever – Wait, sorry. Sorry, Jess. I just need to ask. When you say single use is wasteful, Jordan, are you proposing that you take the lube that you've used and scoop it back into the packet so it becomes more than a single use?

I just mean get a bottle, get a, just all the packaging, I think. I'm not suggesting you reuse your lube, although, you know, if you really loved the environment, maybe you would. Okay, thank you. You can gather, what you do is you strain it into a new container and then you can use it as long as it doesn't get too hot.

You can't heat it past the smoke point. Oh, okay. That's like, otherwise you have heat it past the smoke point. Oh, okay. That's like, otherwise you have to deal with free radicals. Oh man, well, I don't need that when I'm cranking it. No, or new radicals. You don't want that either when you're cranking it.

No, I know. Nope, strictly Alpha Flight. Oh, I think we went into a couple different directions there. Yeah, I liked that. That was interesting. Chad, you were talking about the new radicals, the 90s one-hit wonder that sang,

Don't Let Go, You've Got the Music in You. Yes. Jesse, you're talking about the Canadian X-Men. Yeah, Alpha 4. Now, how did we get here? I thought the new Radicals, I thought that was, I must have been thinking of the new Teen Titans or something. Oh, the new Warriors, perchance? New Warriors, that must have been what I was thinking of.

Also, great 90s one-hit wonder band. Tub-tub-thumping, right? New Warriors, tub-thumping? Closing time, maybe? Closing time, yes, exactly. I have a question for you, though, seriously, Jordan. Because you and I were both RAs, and we were responsible for distributing sexual safety equipment.

Right. Did we ever distribute safety equipment to a member of the Alpha Flight, for instance, Sasquatch or Wendigo? Yeah. Or Puck, whether he was a tiny or boy, he's going to have a hard time with this. Right. Yeah, sure. And when I say safety equipment, I'm talking, of course, about the whole thing.

Wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads, helmets, everything you need. Sure, stop, drop, and roll. I definitely, I mean, we've talked in the past about how many Magnum condoms David from our hall needed. Yeah, he sure did. I was constantly knocking on my door. I'm like, dude, just get some condoms because you're obviously fucking your way through Porter College. Your huge schlong that's attached to your weird sort of sinuous body, sort of long-limbed

sinuous body. The man had a real gymnast's build but uh if gymnasts were tall i think we'd say he has like a volleyball players that's probably closer that's probably closer sure sure otter bot is the new internet term i think for some of it there you go jack can you describe otter bot it's i have not heard that before you've never seen the muscle muscular abs of an otter and thought like what if not heard that before you've never seen the muscle muscular abs of an otter and thought like what if that was on a dude who was tall and and smelt and could just hold me on his chest no but i mean i do it would be pretty hot if uh you know an otter who was a real daddy type would uh smash my head with a rock like i was a sea urchin

he used tools yeah sure arguably smash my head zaddy otterbot is probably my favorite kraftwerk 12 inch speaking of uh 12 inches obviously we've covered that that David was always getting Magnum condoms from me. But I don't, I definitely had dental dams, but I don't remember anyone ever asking for it. And there were plenty, there was plenty of pussy eating going on,

on my hall. As far as I know, like, I don't think that was the issue. Cause you had, you had microphones installed and that's how you knew. knew well you would check in during all the floor meetings raise your hand if you've munched box sometime in the past month uh just tell me how you're feeling one to ten and if you've been licking the bean lately

sure uh just as a check-in. Yeah, you got to check in. You got to check in. Yeah. But did you ever actually give out a dental dam? What I want to know really is I understand that the dental dam is important maybe for not transferring things that could cause cancer or something. I don't know what dental dams exactly are supposed to be doing. But I do remember them always saying like, you can't just wrap your dick in saran wrap.

Sure. Yeah. That's very important. I think I probably in my RA time, I maybe gave out three dams. That's pretty good. Yeah. Do they ask for them?

Or did you just kind of like hand them down? Yeah. I just threw them at kids who were playing their hand drums in the halls. Quiet down. It's quiet hours. And then I would fling the dental dam at them like a Frisbee. Well, when you have something momentous happen to you, like your RA flings a dental dam at you like a Frisbee, 206-984-4FUN or send a voice memo to

jjgoe at maximumfun.org We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Judge John Hodgman won a Webby in the comedy podcast category. After 10 years of production, Judge John Hodgman won a Webby in the comedy podcast category. After 10 years of production, Judge John Hodgman has finally won. The Susan Lucci of the Webbys. What is Judge John Hodgman?

Comedy writer and television personality John Hodgman settles disputes between friends, family, coworkers, partners, and more. Is Machine Gun a robot? Should a grown adult tell his parents about his tattoos? Should a family be compelled to wear matching outfits on vacation? Listen to Judge John Hodgman to find out the answers to these age-old disputes and more. If you haven't listened to Judge John Hodgman, now is a great time to start. Judge John Hodgman is available on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Janet Varney, host of the JV Club podcast. Ah, high school.

Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery? Class of 95, we did it! Or a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion. We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess. The truth is, it was both. So join me on the JV Club podcast where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris, and Keegan-Michael Key to talk about high school, the good, the bad, and everything in between. My teenage mood swings are getting

harder to manage. The JV Club. Find it on Maximum Fun. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

And I am Chad Quant, boy who is, boy, his parents really haven't looked for him yet. They really should start looking for him. It's been a couple weeks. Chad, I would like to recommend that all of our listeners check out your great podcast, The Goosebuds. I was on it a little while back and I just had such a fun time goofing around with you guys talking about The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. Oh, what a great episode. Yes, Jordan, thank you for mentioning

that and for being on the show. If you are in an age that read Goosebump Books, The Great Works of 1 R.L. Stine, you can check out GoosebudsPod. We cover others, YA novels as well. We got an Animorphs in there. Oh, you got to get an Animorphs.

You got to get an Animorphs in there. We haven't done a Boxcar Children yet, but I'm waiting that up. But it's a great time. Yeah, we just kind of review the books and give them the tough critiques they deserve. And Jordan, you are a wonderful, wonderful guest on it. Can you say, I have three on it can you say I have

three questions for you when I was on the show I had a lot of questions about Goosebumps but I didn't want to you know make you guys if the podcast leave ye be answer me these questions three

if the cast on which to stay, everybody, neuter and spay. Yes. So there was a Monty Python reference into Cha-Cha Slide. Is that what that is? Listen, Chad, you don't know what we're doing.

We're talking about Alpha Flight. We're talking about the new radical. Who cares? Just say stuff. I'm trying to decide who the best baseball brother of the late 1980s and early 1990s is. Because I was really keen on Ozzie Canseco when I was thinking about it. But then I remembered that time that Billy Ripken had the baseball bat where the knob of the bat said, fuck face. Yeah, very funny.

Fuck face. So Chad, do you, can you, have you been able to glean anything about R.L. Stein's worldview from the goosebump? Does he inject any of his himself into the books or are they just, you know,

pure, you know, mercenary, you know, churning out as much claptrap as he can to get paid there's a few that are randy in right oh yeah right

only the greatest and those who deserve the haunted mask will be able to put them on right yes so the werewolf got rich because he was such a brilliant scientist pull yourself up by your boot strap surprisingly not any books about trains in the uh thexicon of Goosebump books. To answer your question,

the most debated topic we have on the show, and I think we talked about when you were on too, Jordan, is how many of these books are actually ghost-ridden. We have a bunch of theories. There's a big conspiracy wall. We have tracking of anonymous sources claiming

they've written some of the books and we like to kind of try to see like okay now did rl write this one or did rl write the title and then someone just kind of ran with like a visible mirror sure maybe there's ghosts in it and then you just kind of go from there that's a safe bet there's ghosts in that mirror my uh My eight-year-old is square in the series book reading demo. She's deep in it. She really loves something called Big Nate. Ah, yes. Coming out as a cartoon series now, I believe.

Yeah, she's very excited about that. She loves Big Nate. She's read quite a few Nancyancy drews at one point this was a couple years ago but she read every magic tree house literally everyone there's like 60 of them nice uh those those are truly horrible i read um i read to her last night and i was surprised that she even let me read to her because it's been a while, but I read to her last night an American Girl doll novelization. Okay.

So each American Girl doll is like its own character. Mm-hmm. And then they come with a novel Yes. about the character. And my wife had an American Girl doll that was in her parents' garage or something, and they brought it down for my daughter, Gracie.

And I started reading the novel of Kirsten. It tells the story of her thrilling adventure immigrating from Sweden in the late 19th century. And I gotta tell you, I get pretty into it. You're pulling for a little Kirsten. I was like, this is so much better than for a book that came with a doll. It was pretty solid. I actually could feel on that, Jesse, is I recently found out my my girlfriend had worked in high school at the American Girl Doll store and has plenty of horror stories that I shouldn't share a third party on this podcast as juicy as they are.

there are set rules and jesse maybe you've run into this when you're you're covering these books with your with your child that that there are strict rules about like the stories of the girls and their and their play style and what i the impression i've gotten is the girls from each of their eras cannot meet they are they are not allowed to like interact with one another because they're set in different decades and and i felt like there's something missing there in the American Girl doll store of sort of Avengers Infinity War where they all come together, right? Maybe on the holodeck. Maybe on the holodeck. No, yeah. with all the shared universes being all the rage,

they would concoct some sort of time stone or wormhole gauntlet or something like that for Kirsten to put on so she could visit Samantha, the pioneer girl. I think that's what we all want to see. And they're kind of like, they fight at first. It's like, who are you? Are you a magician? Are you a sorcerer?

They fight a little bit, but then they have to uh team up to fight oh let's say dark side uh my daughter took my daughter took kirsten to the american girl store here in los angeles uh a few months ago and um she and she and my wife uh my wife and my daughter and kirsten so the three of them of them, had a special tea time that's just for girls and moms and their dolls. And then they took her to get a special customization. They have all these customizations. And my daughter was allowed to get one customization.

She was considering haircut. She was considering haircut. She was considering all this different stuff. And she chose a hearing aid for Kirsten. And my wife was like, you only get to choose one. Is that your choice? And my daughter decided yes. And that was sweet. And the woman at the counter said to my wife, you know,

I'm actually, normally we do this just right here, but I have to take this one back, and then I can bring it back to you later. It's... And then she leaned into my wife's ear and said, they drill a hole in the head. The girls

don't like to see it. Oh! Wow. Geez. hole in the head the girls don't like to see it oh wow jeez wow i was gonna pick a accessory for my american girl i would choose flame decals makes it go faster so you you had you had you had further questions i had further my okay so so hard to pin down the politics or worldview of rl stein yeah so i will i do want to add just as a an addendum to that that with there are several books that when you when you go through rl's process he also says he starts with the title first so that's oh sure always the best way to start a story is there's a he talks about how he grew up and that he wasn't allowed to go outside as much.

There's implications that maybe he had like asthma or allergies. And so he would just watch kids through the window and and write stories about the adventures they had. But then he started reading the books. You're like, I think I was kind of writing like a murder stories about all these children that he couldn't be friends with. It's a fascinating insight into a man. And off the top of your head, is there a best and worst book you've had to read for the podcast? Ooh, that's a very, very good question.

My favorite one is out of the at least core pantheon of books is, was it The Curse? books is uh uh was it the curse the curse of camp jelly jam with a uh great cover uh it's got got a counselor on the front with this big grin that looks kind of like what's that character that martin short used to play where he'd pull his pants up and spike his hair ed grimley yeah sure ed grimley thank you ed grimley looks a little like Ed Grimley. Kids brought to this camp to be athletes and play sports, which is already terrible. Sports camp? Oh, no.

But they might need to subject themselves to be the slaves of a gross jellyfish monster that stinks so bad that kids die. It's a pretty good story. Oh, hell yeah. And what's the absolute worst one? Worst one, you know, honestly, we're probably like 70 books in at this point so far. They've all blurred together. Worst one, it's a really good question, honestly,

and I should have an answer for this. I would probably say one of the choose your own adventure or the give yourself goosebumps. Oh, God. Because there are there are tracks and we'll do some episodes where we'll kind of like one of us will be the dungeon master and read the book to the other two where we'll pick the journey and which one to go through, which is a very fun, fun way to do. And there are sometimes there's plots where you just didn't have a choice. Or it'll be like, oh, the case of the ghost horse. And then one of the choices after about five,

ten pages in of the Choose Your Own Adventure will be like, do you want to follow the horse, or do you want to go home and tell your parents about it? Well, since this is a story about ghost horse, I'm going to probably follow the ghost horse. And then wouldn't you know it, the next page is a dead end and you're dead. Ah, car hit you. You should have gone home. You should have gone

home, I guess. It's like one of those, sort of like, what are we even doing here? Well, yeah, the podcast was a total blast to be on. You and your co-hosts are very fun, funny hosts. Yeah, people should check it out. Thank you. You always want to check it out. It's GooseBudsPod.com or GooseBuds on pretty much all the uh podcast apps i tried to make friends

with a goose at the park the other day and did not work didn't take oh man i wouldn't have done that you don't want to do that man famously famously uh famously ill-tempered right yeah well i i had no idea at the time. I used to invite him over to watch Bosch. Sure, yeah. They're not going to like that. He's got local interest. I explained he's an LAPD detective, and he kind of looks at the underbelly of Los Angeles,

which I figured a goose would be particularly interested in. Sure, maybe you'll see they film it here. So, yeah, maybe you'll see some stuff he recognizes. Maybe they'll drive by Randy's Donuts or something. That's always fun. Randy's Donuts? I saw that at Iron Man 2, the goose says. Also, geese just have such, you know, majestic underbellies.

I thought just as a fan of underbellies, you know. Right, much like Los Angeles itself. Like the belly of a goose, they say. The city's as cruel as the tummy of a goose. Right, yes. Well, Chad, it's been a joy to have you on the program. We thank you for joining us. Jordan Jesse Goh is produced by Brian Sonny D.

Fernandez you can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.Reddit.com you can hashtag it on Twitter hashtag JJGo you can follow us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris you can also like us on Facebook

we make fun announcements the other day our old friend Ash Khan had a production of his that he won a bunch of awards for called beardo a musical about uh what's the uh evil russian uh warlock king advisor called i like the description thank you that was very good lost the name, but I had Warlock ready. Rasputin, a production of his about where he played Rasputin. They put that on the internet for free because of people being safer at home.

And we put that on the Jordan Jesse Go Facebook. We'll put any goddamn thing there. Probably put a picture of Alpha Flight or something. Yeah. Checking to see when to go. Is that the kind of shit you're into? We don't care. Yeah.

You know? And if anybody does end up making the Scott Bakula Lutha-ing up to Yakety Sax. That's where it'll go. You bet it will. Let's see. Our theme music is Love You by the band The Free Design, courtesy of the band and Light in the Attic Records.

Kites Are Fun, the best of the free design is their best of album. It is breathtakingly beautiful. It's a really lovely, lovely record um and i think that's about it we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported