Jordan, Jesse, GO! - 639: Booze Omnivore with Danielle Radford and Andy Wood

Episode Date: June 5, 2020

Danielle Radford (Tights and Fights podcast) and Andy Wood (Probably Science podcast) join Jordan for a discussion of the state of professional wrestling during the pandemic, Andy's childhood as a "Snake Guy" and a tragic tale from Jordan's high school reunion Facebook page. Plus, we keep tradition alive and sample some summer alcoholic beverages!And, though JJGo is a silly nonsense podcast, we want to acknowledge and support the brave protests continuing across the country this week in support of Black Lives Matter. If you can, please consider giving to these great organizations –https://www.naacpldf.org/https://blacklivesmatter.com/ 

Hey, everybody. Maybe you noticed that the episode is a little late this week. We wanted to hold it for a bit out of respect for everybody out there protesting. We've got a very silly episode for you this week. But before we get to it, I just wanted to come on and express support for Black Lives Matter. If you're out there protesting, please stay safe. And if you have a little extra cash, consider giving it to an organization fighting racism in your area. Okay, here's this week's JJ Go with Danielle Radford and Andy Wood. Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free.

Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jesse Thorne out this week taking care of some family business. But in his absence, I have two awesome returning guests, people we have been wanting to have back for some time. And two people who will, a little bit later in the show, put their taste buds on the line to taste some potentially horrible malt beverages. First, we got a stand-up comic and writer and the host of Max Fun's wrestling podcast, Heights and Fights, Daniel Radford. Daniel Radford, welcome back to the show.

Hi, hello. Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm excited to be back and taste these hard seltzers because I got opinions. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Yeah. I mean, it would be I should hope that not everybody is just mad on them because I don't have a lot planned. Oh, no. I like I will Somalia this shit.

Oh, good. Yes. Tell me about the oaky notes. Oh, we don't get into mouthfeel. Just be ready. We are getting into mouthfeel. Good. I mean, and what is this podcast but an get into mouthfeel. Just be ready. We're getting into mouthfeel. Good. I mean, and what is this podcast but an exploration of mouthfeel?

I've always said when people ask me to describe Jordan Jessica, I'm like, well, you know, it's not really an interview. It's, you know, it's about mouthfeel. Exactly. Our other guest is a stand-up comic and one of the hosts of the Probably Science podcast, Andy Wood. Andy, welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me. I'm also a big fan of Seltzer's Hard and Soft. I'm old enough to remember the early days of Zima.

I think that was one of my first drinking experiences. I draw from decades of knowledge about clear alcohol, bubbly things. See, this is why I didn't think that the seltzer we're gonna get into it i'm sorry i'm already really pumped to have this discussion segment is the second segment so let's do not i have a plan i have a lucy goose plan it involves talking about the seltzer in the second segment this is a tease this is quality content guys you gotta tease um yeah so uh so yeah i'm gonna goof around uh today with two of my uh favorite funny people um a little acknowledgement

up top that we're recording this on on sunday the 31st and um you know uh lots of uh very intense uh world stuff happening in the world and it feels a little bit weird to come on and do this kind of goofy mouthfeel based podcast for everybody. But but yeah, but I mean, I think something that I like about about doing this is that, you know, it's a little space to just kind of goof around and be silly every week. And hopefully that's what the listeners like, too. So. So, yeah, just, you know just uh just know that know that we feel weird that's what i want you to know i feel weird it's not the usual weird that i feel when i do jordan jesse go it's a completely different way there's two different kinds of weirdness going on um so danielle but you guys uh you guys are still doing Tights and Fights, your wrestling podcast.

You guys are kind of doing it remotely since all the quarantine stuff has happened? Yeah, we're still doing remote. And then I also host SJU on Fandom, which is part of the Screen Junkies Fandom kind of family of shows and things. And so I'm one of the co-hosts on that as well. And we're also doing that remotely. Now that we do uh we do have zoom so there is um a visual component which means i gotta fucking wear makeup all the time i didn't have to do it in the studio because the lights were gonna blow me out anyway but in this one i'm like oh well great if i don't i don't have a fucking

nose so um i have to like do contouring and all that fancy stuff uh had to buy more wigs because can't get no haircut. That is always like I think we've maybe we've all done a few kind of podcast type things in quarantine. And it's always a little surprise when you're like, OK, we're going to do a photo or this has video. And I'm like, oh, shit, I look like Eraserhead and I'm covered in cat hair. like eraser head and I'm covered in cat hair. Yeah, I definitely have that like ring around the the ring around the webcam, where I've got my my quarantined area that looks very nice. And then the rest of it is just all cans. Just all cans of White Claw. Just the rest of my everything else. I put in some of my weird frustration from this week and I made myself a home office. I'm

like a real girl. So I can do some of my stuff from there. Wow. So what's it, can you describe the home office to office to us? I should say we do not have video. We do not have a video component here. So I cannot see the home office,

but I would love to know what it, what's in there. Do you have, do you have those steel balls that, that clack back and forth? Cause that's, that is what back and forth. Because that's... That is what makes an office. No, I don't have that.

And I don't have my stress balls either. Oh. I also need like that. I forgot to get the mini golf, you know, so I can practice my putt. Man, I know my idea of an office kind of stops at what an 80s action movie villain would have. Mine is all mirrored and black black it's all mirrors and black so i do it is a very dude because those are the things that were cheap so sure like every every i have a god my couch is like fake leather i have a real dude apartment that i'm looking at mask energy i mean when you

say when you say uh leather or black and mirrors uh i mean that does seem like it has a a sensual element to me i was like that sounds kind of sensual now my living room smells like all of our dads is what i'm discovering all of it is just i don't know about your dads but thad morris was quite the sensual man i don't know if you uh you've seen any photos of thad morris and his famous khaki shorts and indiana jones golf hat oh i must say i must say those special ones for father's day yeah exactly um so yeah oh i so i wanted to ask danielle what is going on in the world of wrestling because nights heights and fights the wrestling podcast is there still wrestling going on and if so what's the what's the like hot shit people are talking about

um there is and it's fucking weird it's really weird they are still just rubbing all over each other no masks just rubbing so um it's been a really controversial time for wrestling um and this is going to be long story short, but I promise this is the most interesting thing that you will hear about wrestling from me possibly ever. And you will hear about wrestling for me a lot. So WrestleMania obviously was scheduled for the beginning of April. Um, and that is when everyone canceled outside. And so WrestleMania is usually kind of like the San Diego comic-con of wrestling events

and that it's not just WWE Wrestlemania stuff and they do stuff all weekend every company it's Riverdale panels it's yes exactly exactly Katie Keene you will definitely meet someone from Netflix's 13 Reasons

Why at Wrestlemania well is this Comic Con I don't know it's all kind of just pop culture now sure yeah just like a just a bunch of activations so right yeah so they everyone floods there there's tons of events um and yeah no like there there will be like wrestling burlesque like it does get weird and maybe sexy probably not um it does it gets weird and so every other company was like well we can't do this now uh what wwe did because it's in florida which is also where they have a lot of their training and stuff so wwe was like we're still going to do wrestlemania but obviously like we're not going

to do it with a crowd um i i believe they did it at the performance center maybe they did it in the huge stadium i don't remember it'll be a solemn dignified wrestlemania it was very solemn there were no there was no crowd um but there were some people trying to do crowd work which is very awkward they did do something which was a cinematic match which i actually thought was like really interesting and it reminded me a lot of ha nerd alert um when i studied theater and we had you know like a whole you know probably like a month of uh the theater uh program when we studied like actual theory of theater and history of theater we did a whole month on how um greek rituals eventually became theater and that's what this reminded me a lot of of like watching like these gladiator

like people fighting and then it become it became like this really weird surreal um, um, like scene, um, that was like not all in the ring. And it was really interesting and actually really genuinely cool. And I was, I was proud of them for doing something different. There was a chorus explaining the political ramifications of, I mean, if you consider a commentary to be a Greek chorus and I do, um, they've already got that. Wow.

Um, cause there is, there are, there are commentary teams. Um, and so they, and everyone was like, okay, well then that's like, we get that they're going to do WrestleMania. It's not great, but whatever. Um, but, and, and people were theorizing, like the reason why Florida hasn't canceled outside yet is because WrestleMania. And then we were like, no, that's conspiracy stuff. So then they kept going and they were like, oh, we're still going to do shows. And we're just going to do shows in our performance center, keep them kind of small. And folks found out that somehow wrestling was considered an essential profession in the state of Florida. After which we learned that the McMahons

had donated a lot of money to, I believe it was in either the governor's like super PAC or like, you know, a reelection or something. They donated a lot of money that benefits that they, they, they bribed the governor into saying that it's essential that people, that dudes rub on dudes. Listen, in Florida, it's, it's essential. You know, you have, you know, you have healthcare workers, people who work at supermarkets and food service places, professional wrestlers, jet ski repairmen, alligator wranglers, machete sharpeners. These are the essential workers of Florida. Swamp boat fan repairmen. Yes.

Yes. At least once a week, I know that me and my family depend on our undertakers. once a week, I know that me and my family depend on our undertakers. So you just need someone that can come in and just shoot lightning. John Cena, definitely essential around me and my loved ones. So yeah, so that wound up happening. And so that was a huge controversy. I want to say not even two weeks later, and I don't time means nothing. So I could be all wrong on this timeline. But it was very soon afterwards. WWE then fired a ton of people that they had kept on and been like, yeah, we're going to keep all these people on. We want to make sure everyone's working mania and getting paid because it's rough right now. They fired a crap ton of people and then they put some people on furlough,

but a lot of talent got let go. The same day that they started doing these layoffs and furloughs, was the day that it was announced that Vince McMahon was going to be part of Trump's, like, his consulting team about how to bring business back after COVID. Boy. Oh, my God. The world's a cartoon. And then, like, the week before that, I forgot this, XFL, which they tried to bring that back, declared bankruptcy. Oh, RIP XFL.

Second death. Yeah. So it's like I'm not an economic consultant, but I just feel like if all of these things have happened and have been in the news, along with also people finding out like there was this thing called Dark Side of the Ring that was on Vice, where it was very strongly implied that Vinceahon may have paid someone off to cover up murder um i like maybe uh i don't know uh i'm not again i'm not i'm not a consultant but i maybe would have sat on that announcement for another month just sat right on it just just put put my butt all over it just this is right there is that because because wrestling is like you know like obviously i mean i i do not follow wrestling but i kind of know that like the wwe is a kind of a shady

organization are there more respectable places that one can go for wrestling if one is socially minded um there are some that say they do uh in theory like they might tweet like you know black lives matter and then it's like yeah but you still take all this money from these weird people are like yeah but you still don't have a lot of black people on your roster or like yeah but like you guys say that you're this is really like progressive company but why is there like never more than one women's match on your two-hour show so there are still things and because there are alternatives now which is interesting because one of them um a big one just started back up and it's called like aew and so that's become a huge alternative to at least the wwe main products people are still watching nxt because nxt is good it's smaller

um it's more focused on like storylines and wrestling um it feels more like an indie show it doesn't feel uh so much like it's you you never have to worry on an episode of nxt that someone's going to come out dressed like the colonel and be like you're i love chicken and you're chicken chicken or something done like that you never know what's gonna happen because that is that is why that is maybe why i don't follow wrestling is because i am worried about various Colonel Sanders related faux pas. You would be surprised how many times that's happened. Although I will say AEW did a thing where they had a Cracker Barrel themed match where people were like, there were barrels full of biscuits or something that people were throwing at people.

A lot of food waste. Didn't like it. Yeah, that's the most offensive part that food could have gone to people in need yeah they they were there were grandmothers taking their kids out for birthdays yeah you could buy a kind of a shoddily made a rocking chair yeah that supports no one's weight who's in there not and that's not even a fat joke that's just like it is not it is decoration but yeah they're they're yeah i think we can all agree that the uh the furniture you buy at cracker barrel is flimsy there i mean sorry i know jesse doesn't like it when i talk about the quality of cracker barrel furniture on the air but since he's not here this week i'm going all in man you're just going political yeah sorry that's why i shop and

eat exclusively at craterate and Cracker Barrel. Ah. I will admit that the last time I had a very small window where I paid attention to wrestling and it was when the most famous wrestler, or my favorite wrestler anyway, was Jake the Snake Roberts.

Oh, he's back. He's back? Tell me, okay. Tell me all about that. How old is he? Does he still have a snake? I need info. Okay. Very, and yes.

So he is on AEW now. And I think that he's supposed to be like a heel. But so his thing, he has an amazing redemption story where like he was obviously at rock bottom and he's been at rock bottom for years and for documentaries i think it was like beyond the mat and other documentaries that really detailed like all the things that happened to him um because wrestlers uh much like football players uh they were not like football players because they have

a union wrestlers like health care wasn't covered and stuff like that you don't get days off um so if you don't work you don't get paid and so that might mean if you're injured you just cover it in drugs you just bathe yourself in drugs and that's not good for a person over a long period of time so yeah i mean i i treat myself to one drug bath a year just one that's sensible i stop there and it's not and it's not a um it's not i don't have to do it i do it because i want i want to myself. It's all in the name of self-care. Anyway, go ahead. Have you ever been to the drug baths at Big Bear? They're beautiful. Oh, I've heard. Yeah, they're outdoors.

So gorgeous. So gorgeous. So he's back. And there's another wrestler named DDP who started his own yoga about 15 years ago. It was originally called Yoga for regular guys because uh you know uh who's more regular than a professional no one's more regular than a professional wrestler so he started his own yoga and through that he's been using his yoga to like help all of these old wrestlers rehab their bodies and their minds and souls so So he helped Jake like get back on the straight and narrow.

And so now Jake is like back and he's taking on Cody Rhodes, who is like one of the main dudes in AEW. And he's like one of the founders. He like put a snake on, on Cody's wife. Like shit's real. Wow. You don't snake another man's wife.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I maybe I'm old fashioned right in the middle of the ring. I think the reason why I loved Jake the Snake as a kid, because I think I always wanted to be a snake guy. And I think my parents were pretty permissive with the like weird pets. Not weird, I should say. But, you know, you're kind of non-dog cat pets. I think we had a hamster who, God, who, yeah, I mean, this kind of lines lines up my hamster's name was hulk hogan i

have now canceled my hamster uh my childhood hamster because your hamster also got uh caused the end of gawker which is amazing yeah that's true that's true um but yeah he's been dead for a long time but i have canceled him just so you guys know um and so, but yeah, but they never caved on the snake. We had a parakeet too. Not that weird, but it's a little bit of a like, yeah, why do you have one of these things?

But yeah, they never caved on the snake. And I think in hindsight, I'm, I'm grateful to them because I think if I had a snake, it would have led me down a path. You know, you get the snake and then,

you know, how, how far away is the onk jewelry you know oh it's very close it's very close um you know if you get a snake eventually you're going to become one of those guys that like rope walks with his bird in the park you know right oh yeah and gotta learn fire sticks. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. Is contact juggling far behind? It is not. Did either of you guys have any of the non-cat-dog pets growing up?

Oh, yeah. I'm a snake guy. You're talking to. I take umbrage at this. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Oh, well, I've revealed my feelings about snake guys. So, Andy, can you can you speak to any of this?

I don't understand what the appeal of snakes is or was. It doesn't exist right now that the appeal is gone for me. But there was certainly a time when I was fascinated. I had multiple snakes. I had strong opinions on which species were the coolest. I had I had a water. I had a water snake named Walter, not the most creative name, but he was great. And my neighbor, I was taking piano lessons and my piano teacher's son wanted to play

with the snake and I didn't want to let him because I didn't trust this little idiot. But my mom made me bring over Walter while I took the piano lesson. And of course, an hour later, I came outside. No, I don't like where this is going. Yep. He let him go. Walter got away. And then I took the piano lesson. And of course, an hour later, I came outside. No, I don't like where this is going. Yep, he let him go. Walter got away. And then I got a new one. Another water snake.

Looked very similar, but it turns out snakes do have personalities. And the second one was a real bitey asshole. He heard about what happened to Walter and he wasn't taking his chances. Walter's living his best life out there in Ann Arbor, Michigan somewhere. He's still out there, you know, not biting anyone. No. Being by water, I guess. Daniel, what was your pet situation growing up?

You know, we were pretty like, we had a dog named Scruffy and then we had two birds. I don't remember what kind they are. They're probably whatever starter bird you get. birds. I don't remember what kind they are. They're probably whatever starter bird you get. And both of them were let out by my stepdad, who was just like not paying attention, I guess. So the first bird we had was when we first moved to Hawaii. I think people who listen to stuff know that I grew up on military bases. So we moved to Hawaii. We had that bird and he was yellow and his name was Frankie. And then we came to visit my Oma for a couple of weeks during the summer and in Seattle and then went back. And Frankie done flew away. Very, very sad.

Oh, I was in my kindergarten. It was not good. I think if you're if you're cataloging accidental pet death or accidental pet losses, more often than not, stepdad is responsible. more often than not stepdad is responsible i feel so i know that he cared but like i i just think that like my sister was the bird talker like the birds liked her they didn't really care about me um because i was small and grabby i was definitely like i you know it was definitely a mice and men situation where i just wanted to cuddle it's like that bird's not for cuddling. You are very, very large for a five-year-old. So, and then we, so we got a new bird, same kind of bird, but blue.

And we named him Bluey because I am a writer and very clever. And so, and then we went to go visit my Oma in Seattle and then we came back and Bluey done flown away. Oh, Bluey. poor bluey and you know he's out there with walter somewhere walter being best friends making a future pixar movie yeah bluey and walter coming soon from dreamworks animation sorry i demoted it from pixar to dreamworks uh andy but you never like so you had snakes but you you never felt i mean maybe

you did i guess i i don't know too much about your childhood did you ever feel compelled to to kind of keep going down the route of snake guy did you have a a goth phase did you have a red phase it really wasn't about like that i thought outwardly someone else would think my snakes were cool i just thought snakes were cool. Like I didn't ever have a desire to like take it out around my neck. Not that Walter could have even fit around my neck, but you know, there was never a part of me that's like,

I want to have a thing. I need this in place of a personality. I mean, I did not have a cool personality, but I was just like, this was an, this was a, this was an intrinsic,

not an extrinsic reward for the snakes. The snakes were their own reward. I would catch snakes. Yes. It's true. Snakes are their own reward. I actually got that crocheted on a pillow at Cracker Barrel, weirdly enough. But I caught a lot of snakes.

We used to go vacation up in Canada in this area where there were a lot. And I was an obsessive 10-year-old who would read about them. So I knew which species were safe. but I think my parents didn't trust. In retrospect, I guess, yeah, why would you trust that a 10-year-old knows? So one of the times I caught this snake who'd bit me a bunch of times on the hand, as you would if you're being caught, I guess, and it didn't bother me. It wasn't super painful and I knew it wasn't poisonous or venomous, whatever. And I got back to the house and my dad saw it. Just started flipping out.

Did that. He took me over the kitchen sink and started sucking on the snake bites and spitting it in the sink. I'm like, dad, I know what's. It's a garter snake. It's fine. You don't have to do that. Wow. Dad.

Dad's has some survival skills. Yeah. TCP. Yeah. He's a regular. Taking care of biting? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Sure. deemed a Florida essential worker, my dad. Okay. But just speaking of vibe, Andy, I saw a photo just a second ago. You have quite a mighty quarantine beard going.

Yeah, I haven't shaved since, was it March 13th was kind of the day everything fell apart? I haven't shaved since like a week before that I think okay how is it how are you finding beard life because you're not normally a beard man right no this is the longest I've ever had I really speaking of wrestling I just want to get it to the point I could put some Captain Lou Albano rubber bands in it and then shave it but I gotta try that out first um yeah I think there's kind of no reason not to do this now because it doesn't matter what you look like. And I'm just curious. Yeah, nothing. Yeah. I don't know if it's made.

I've had entire jobs. This is a weird thing. I've had an entire job where I've never seen any of my coworkers in person. I had a five-week stint of a thing that came and went. And they also only know me as a weird beard guy from Zoom calls. So, yeah, I don't know. I give off a very Ted Kaczynski thing right now because it's very scraggly and gray and I'm working on a manifesto. Yeah, you write a beautiful manifesto.

Thank you. I majored in manifesto composition. I know a lot of, you know, you work in a lot of like, you know, kind of talk variety, you write for a lot of game shows, but I mean, you really do a beautiful manifesto and I would love to see the next phase of your career. Are you starting to kind of pursue that? You sound like my mom every Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know, mom. I have natural manifesto gifts that I'm not. I know capitalism is a blight and it's a poison that needs to be extracted. I know. Much like dad did with the snake bite on my finger. I get it. Much as dad sucked the poison from my hand, he must have sucked the poison that is capitalism from the earth.

So the kind of beautiful imagery you can use in your manifestos, Andy. Thank you. Okay, so this is all fair game for me to put in? Great, I will do that. Yeah, you can use all this. I will say I had a little, I had a kind of a moment of

you know we're reminiscing here and you know remembering remembering childhood's past I so this weekend was supposed to be I was supposed to be going to my 20th high school reunion down in Orange County

so it's about an hour away from LA and I don't know if it's something I would have like flown to or, you know, dedicated a, you know, any kind of like expensive trip to, but you know, it's pretty close. And so I kind of like RSVP'd that I was going to go. I went to my 10th and had a pretty good time.

So I was like, oh yeah, why not? I'll do the 20th. It'll be a hoot. But so, you know, obviously like, oh, yeah, why not? I'll do the 20th. It'll be a hoot. So, you know, obviously, like, you know, the reunion was pushed back. But there's still, like, a Facebook page for it. And the Facebook page kind of became kind of fun. It was, like, people posting, you know, yearbook photos and kind of like, remember this song? And granted, most of that is TLC's Water waterfalls yes you remember tlc's waterfalls um but yeah there's a lot of like you know photos

and kind of like stuff from the time and um but uh there was one that and i've just been having just it's been just a pleasure but there was one that kind of blew my mind and i i even i clipped it out and i have it here and i just want to like take you guys on a little journey through this high school reunion facebook post um it and just to to set it up it has a real for sale baby shoes never worn quality to it oh no you know, it's stuff from high school, stuff from the yearbook. It's someone who posted their student ID.

And just, you know, with their picture and it's like, so it's someone posted their ID and the caption is LOL, why do I still have this? Anybody else still have theirs? You know, so we're going down. I wish, ha ha ha, so young. You know, so we're going down. I wish. Ha ha ha. So young.

And now. So now we have Mike. And Mike posts. I lost everything when Rachel left. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. oh oh oh oh so oh and i will say that mike is is is with someone else in his facebook photo so i don't know if that is rachel uh or if he's still you know i mean if she didn't leave mike maybe change the facebook photo but i like the idea that a his i guess wife left him and took his high school id in case she needed to get a discount at the sub shop she had a really good lawyer yeah yeah she got everything and also like why she's getting that bus discount yeah right exactly half fair

um yeah i mean that's uh i mean that's gonna yeah that's gonna be a money saver in the long run uh and know why mike decided that this is the appropriate place to do this i don't know why and i don't know why yeah and uh oh what what's your uh what's your diagnosis danielle um well because i think that it was, aside from obviously being like a weird cry for help, I think it was definitely one of those like, oh, I'm really sad now. So, I mean, I guess if any of you guys remember me, ladies, and want to like talk. Oh, sure. I'm going to be at the reunion. Yeah, you know, if you guys want to, you know, like just come and like hang out because I'm really sad because I just I love too hard.

Yes. I love so hard. And I didn't know Mike in high school, but he he just struck me as the type that just he loves too hard. He's a real workaholic. Perfectionist, really. Yes. These are some of Mike's worst qualities. It just he cares too much. And people can see it. It's worst qualities. He cares too much.

Right. And people can see it. It's a problem. It is. And I think this is the reaction. The last time I checked was he got one cry face emoji. No. A single cry face emoji.

How many people in your class? Oh, gosh. You know, I would say probably a many people in your class? oh gosh you know I would say probably a thousand in your class? yeah I had a big high school I had a really big class that's insane but then it's people going like

ha ha ha you look great I still have mine and everyone just ignoring him yeah lol love these that's amazing he hasn't taken it down i'm sure obviously no last time i checked it is still there um so you know we i just want to like send out you know obviously like there's a lot of people who need good vibes these days and hopefully everybody out there you're taking care of the people close to you.

And I just want to send out some good vibes to Mike. And, you know, Rachel, if you ever change your mind and want to come back. Can you please bring his fucking ID with you? Bring his ID. He needs it if he wants to check out library books. He's trying to check out Island of the Blue Dolphin and they won't let him have it. He's only got to the part in Animal Farms where all the animals are still friends.

Yes, he doesn't know that it's a symbol for society eventually falling apart and absolute power corrupting absolutely. By then he's just like, I want to hang out with those chill animals. That's funny

oh yeah animal farm yeah cool book really fun yeah loved it why don't we do this we've been teasing what everybody is tuning in for is the the official 2020

taste test of the hot new malt beverages we will do that after we come back on Jordan Jesse Go the official 2020 taste test of the hot new malt beverages. We will do that after we come back on Jordan, Jesse go. Hi, I'm James host of minority corner, which is a podcast. That's all about intersectionality.

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we're the majority. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. podcast minority corner because together we're the majority welcome back to fireside chat on kmax with me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the west coast oliver wong and morgan rhodes go ahead caller hey uh i'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful but like also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of. Yeah, man. Sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks every week. Myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives. Guests like Moby, Open Mic Eagle, Talk About Albums by Prince, Joni Mitchell,

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La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Andy Wood, beard noob. Hi, Danielle Radford, never had a snake. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Andy Wood, beard noob. Danielle Radford, never had a snake. Hey, you know, if you're out there,

mail Danielle a snake. You can find it at P.O. Box. Yes, send the snake to her P.O. Box. If you're out there, I listen. I know we have at least one listener who has a snake farm. I don't know that for a fact, but I know that have at least one listener who has a snake farm. I don't know that for a fact, but I know that implicitly. So you two are very lucky slash unlucky because you have come on an episode where Jesse is not here.

And I think as is our tradition, when Jesse is not here, we like to do a taste test of hot new malt beverages. And, you know know summer is summer is upon us um so and so as so as to be as on trend as possible um instead of doing um you know kind of the margarita type ones uh we are going to do all hard seltzers. Hard seltzer is apparently the new shit. You can get it everywhere. It is at your hip breweries. It is at your crafty cocktail bars. You'll see I'm right once these places are open again.

Right, right. So before we start, so we have three varietals of these hard seltzers that I got from BevMo. By the way, the BevMo contactless delivery ordering over the website. Really fun and easy. They don't sponsor the show, but if they want to, I will speak up for their contactless delivery. The folks at BevMo, big hit with me. So before we taste test these, i just wanted to ask uh is this something that you guys would drink normally danielle you mentioned a pile of white claw cans

but i don't know if that was just uh uh being colorful or if that is something you actually like to drink oh no that's real uh so i love fizzy water like more than i have like a soda stream um because my fizzy water addiction was like becoming too. I was spending too much money on fucking water. So I got a soda stream and I you can make like bottles of it a day. I go through at least two or three bottles of that a day. That's like the only way that I drink water. I tricked myself into drinking water with fizzy water.

So I when they first started introducing these because i had been burned before with your zimas with your other things in a can um even with uh sofia coppola's wine in a can which was like i love the idea of wine in a can but that just it was not good um i sophia she you know sophia taste tester weird champagne can put as much care into your wine as you do into your slow movies. I like them. They're slow. I mean, the can does look like something that would come from one of Safiya. It's just very it looks like it would be it would have lace on it. It's beautiful. So, yeah, I I love so I love the fizzy water. And then my drink of choice has always been vodka.

I'm a vodka drinker. I enjoy my vodka. So when these came out, I was like, well, if it's just like I can make vodka sodas at home, if that's basically what it is. So no, thank you. I've got it. I'm good. Plus, I've always been like, I like to taste my fucking liquor.

Like I like to, you know, I like to drink my booze. I like to taste my booze. Let me tell you, the first time I had a White Claw, I was like, I think i'm like done with vodka for i think i'm like because i used to make fun of it and it's like no they're really good because you can like realistically you can't really have more than like three or four of them a night oh oh can't you count andy counterpoint andy you've known me for a long time if i am saying that I can't drink for a night, then I would love to see who is. So yeah, it became like my thing where I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna like, I will drink these if I decide that I want to have one because it's like,

it's a nice kind of very pleasant buzzed. I have never felt like I wanted to punch anyone in the face after drinking a White Claw. Like it's just it's very, you know it's very like cbd of alcohol for me um so yeah i've gotten into it i i got recently i tried the truly um the truly variety of um hard seltzer which is also very delicious with a couple of weird skunky flavors but uh yeah so i uh i have both of yeah both opinions on uh fizzy water and specifically on hard seltzer water. So I'm legitimately, because again, we talked about earlier how this is like a weird weekend. And I was like, yeah, but like also I get to like drink a bunch of like hard seltzer. So.

Okay. Well, yeah. Happy we could be a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I am very close to downtown. So if we do hear helicopters and sirens, that's what there is. Okay. end of the tunnel also i am very close to downtown so if we do hear helicopters and sirens that's what there is okay they're not and they're yeah and they're not coming for you because there are no laws when you're drinking claws right no loss you're drinking claws baby andy is this something that you'll uh crack open from time to time i i have definitely purchased uh 12 pack assortments

of white claw of truly of um i believe even one of the brands we had. I don't want to spoil which three we have, but one of these three I think I've actually paid for. So, yeah, I'm no stranger to this. I spent my formative post-college years in Portland, Oregon, land of tons of craft breweries. And I put in my time as a beer snob. And now I'm just kind of an omniv of of booze um i think the word is alcoholic i think that's the word no no booze omnivore sounds really sophisticated i would go with that yeah no this summer i've been drinking mostly tequila on uh in crushed ice on crushed ice

with crushed ice and that has been a delightful discovery is my new favorite thing. But yes, I'm definitely not averse to a claw or a truly. I will say that in this, you know, as long as we're all laying it out on the table here, I will say that I am a man who likes a drink. I like to have them. I think they're good. But man, my experiences kind of drinking in the quarantine situation, I kind of stopped because I could not predict how it would make me feel. I had been like, I'm like, oh, I'm a little bummed.

You know what will make me feel better? This depressant. And, you know, it's like it's worked sometimes and it hasn't others so i've kind of just been staying away from it because sometimes i'm like ah this is great it's chilled me out it uh you know i'm i'm i'm relaxing in a way that i would have had a hard time uh doing otherwise but um but yeah but sometimes it'll just send me into the like well this sucks like mode like oh this fucking suck this is terrible you know i'll just get into that so i kind of have been uh reluctant to crack open uh anything at all um so i'm uh you know so just guys you know just forgive me if i get a little blue

all right yeah no that is, I'm not even like, no joke-y, that is why I switched to class because I was like, oh, I'm not going to be drinking. We're not leaving the house until at least September. I am not drinking vodka

this whole time. Yeah. That's when you start calling like ex-boyfriends and stuff and we're already like doing crazy shit right now. I don't, no one needs more.

Yeah, so, you know, and I know, I don't think so. I think this is going to go well because I am here with two of my favorite funny people and I think this is going to be a lot of fun. So the first entrant in the hard seltzer drink-off 2020 is the Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer Raspberry Rosé. Now, there's something we all want to do when we're drinking this raspberry rosé. Now, there's something we all want to do

when we're drinking this raspberry rosé. Let's just do it once, get it out of our systems, and then we don't have to return to it. On three. One, two, three. Raspberry rosé. Sindo the kind you find at the BevMo around the corner. There it is.

Wow. Raspberry Rose. Raspberry Rose. Okay, great. I love this can. Are we going to talk about cans and stuff? Yeah, let's just talk the whole thing. Danielle, what are your reactions to the packaging, to the Sturinoff brand?

I know you're a vodka drinker. What are your initial impressions well my first thing is is this one is meant for ladies and you can tell because it's pink and they put the calories really big on the side so that's how you can tell that this is marketed uh for the women uh this is a ladies night out heard seltzer now you know and i i want to be and i've had a sip here and you know i i think that you know as as as men as people who identify as men i think sometimes you know we we can be a little closed-minded when it comes to stuff that is like marketed to women whether that's you know food drinks entertainment and you know and i i like to kind of like maybe challenge myself a little bit to kind of get out of my comfort zone and to you know experience stuff that's you know maybe not

pitched directly at me uh but i will say my man's perspective here is that this fucking sucks this is not good it's got a weird it has like a weird well because why are you why are you mixing in wine flavors along with like it's not and i know that there's like sparkling wines and stuff, but you don't do that with a rosé. Plus it's not. It's a malt beverage. So it still has that like weird

kind of tinny. Yeah. No, it simply is not good. I would like to try whatever. You remember when Dr. Pepper was like, fuck that.

This is Dr. Pepper for men. I would like to taste. Right. I would like to taste the Smirnoff spiked sparkling seltzer raspberry rosé that's for men. I would like to taste the Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer Raspberry Rosé that's for men. Yeah, the Raspberry Rosé with notes of leather and Axe body spray. Oh, I just had another taste.

It's musk. No, this does taste musty. This tastes like if you find a bottle of wine that's been sitting in the back and it was like open for a party a month ago and you're like, it's not going to kill me. And then you drink it. Yeah. I like rosé too.

I love a glass of rosé on a hot day. It's really, really nice. And this, this is just nowhere close. It's all, it's, it's the worst parts of these kinds of things.

It's the, it's the tinny aftertaste. It's the weird kind of like artificial fruit flavor that you know just tastes like it's a starbucks it's been in a pocket for a long time um andy i don't think we've heard your thoughts no you haven't because i'm gonna be the voice of dissent here and say this is this is palatable this is palatable to me palatable high praise what would you pair this with and Andy? I think some Flamin' Hot Cheetos, perhaps. Okay, that kind of sounds nice. I think this is actually not as bad as it could be.

It's not overly sweet, which I think is the kiss of death for these things. Do you guys think it's, I don't think it's incredibly sweet. No, it's not sweet, which is nice. It's not cloyingly, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah, I think that is maybe the one thing I could say for it is, yeah, because I think with your, you know, the like Limerita products, it's just like, it's just like, it's like every sip is eating a whole popsicle. Well, I'm curious, Jordan, have you had the frozen rosé at one of our watering holes of choice?

The rosé on top? Oh, that is the hot shit now. Maybe I have, you know, i have had a frosé and i kind of liked it i thought it was they're delightful yeah i like those too maybe why i'm giving this a pass a little bit i think i have had some of those with like fizzy in them like the same way they do like coke uh like the coke uh the icing freezes or whatever we call it so i think i've had that yeah i don't also visit there's not enough um fizz for me yeah yeah you're right it is lacking in carbonation i agree i do like them i like

these kinds of things a little more carbonated so yeah it is it does it it does taste flat yeah i'd also like i actually when i make that which is part of the reason why i'm happy to make it at home when i make my fizzy water um i like extra carbonated it like hits me in the face i love it nice oh so you can adjust the carbonation levels yeah it's just like a uh you just put it into um a like a machine with a nozzle and then you just press a button and so it's supposed to be it's like the normal amount is you do three pushes of the button for 30 seconds i do um five to six pushes of the button and uh okay all i taste is it's amazing are you are you at all

worried what might happen if you accidentally ingest some pop rocks oh yeah oh i will die immediately this is actually a prop rocks for you like i scan in the same way that they're doing temperature checks now like i scan people for pop rocks like you can't be right like how in an elementary school you have to make sure nobody brings peanuts in their lunch. Right. Unless they brought enough for everyone. Yeah. All right. So it sounds like we have two thumbs down and one thumb kind of medium. One sideways thumb. The gladiator thing where the thumb is.

Isn't that the true way that the dude is supposed to say whether the person lives or dies was like thumb to one side or the other as opposed to up and down oh i don't know i guess i thought of it as like it that's it's in the middle till the crowd says what they want oh i thought i remembered hearing something about how like it's supposed to represent like a sword being sheathed or unsheathed and it's i don't know i could be wrong the internet will solve this for me i'm sure by the time this yes let us know gladiator nerds uh are you not entertained by this episode if you're not entertained because we're getting our uh gladiator facts wrong all right so let's let's move on i think let's do uh let's do a uh let's do a sparkling seltzer with a name that I do not like. This is the Belching Beaver Hard Seltzer. So this is the one for dudes.

Yeah. So the logo is like an extreme tattooed beaver letting out a big old Shrek style belch. And this one's for the fellas he's flexing his beaver guns he's got big beaver guns he's got sunglasses on he's got beaver tribal tats yeah

he and it's belching beaver to me sounds like something that like one of the dude characters would say in like one of the American Pie sequels like oh dude I bet she does the Belching Beaver. And then a Blink-182 song plays and everybody runs away. I'm checking Urban Dictionary to see if it's already a thing

because if it isn't, our listeners should make it something. Is that how Urban Dictionary works? It could be another name for a queef, right? It seems like what it must be. The old Belching Beaver. Yeah, hey, if you're out there and you're an editor on urban dictionary help us out so i think this is from like a craft brewery it's like here at the beef oh god here at

the beef we love making beer but some of our guys are packing on the pounds all right so we have so thomas we all know thomas so thomas came up with the idea of making a low carb hard seltzer troy like we know of course i don't know who works in your fucking beer place dipshit but i didn't know that one of them was named troy though like i did i think it is safe to assume that at your craft brewery safe to assume there are enough troy's it probably merits distinguishing which Troy we're talking about. Oh, there's Troy S. There's Black Troy. Black Troy. Troy brewed up a batch using real fruit, no artificial flavors or extracts.

Now we have a low-carb, no sugar added, easy drinking style to balance our carb intake. It's either this or the gym, so hard seltzer it is. Oh, God, I hate everything about this. Let the damn good times continue. Damn beaver, ha ha. Cheers, Tom. Another great guy I don't know. Alright, belching beaver. Alright. Passion fruit and guava.

Oh yeah, passion fruit, yeah, we should say. No, absolutely not. No? Absolutely not. Hold on. Hmm. Alright, so I... Oh god, no. Oh god, no. Sorry god no no sorry sorry sorry sorry that was involuntary right like you can't oh oh oh i have to do a little journey with this the first 1.5 seconds i was like oh i don't know this is pretty good and then the aftertaste came

yeah the aftertaste is pretty it's pretty foul i think the original sip was okay but uh yeah it really it it really uh leaves a stink in your mouth it's like i would call it vomitus adjacent okay i smelled it before i tasted it and i should have known then like i can smell it from where it's sitting on my table now which is like not close to my nose but they're real fruit flavors, Danielle. You would have to hit the gym with Troy and Jotty and Tim and Cooter and Cooper. When's the last time any of you guys had a passion fruit or guava? They are not super great on their own.

That's why we put them with other fruit. You're right. Guava's a weird one. Like you mix them with other things. Yeah, guava's good, but it's like not – that's why you put it in sugar and make it with jam and shit because it'sava's a weird one. Guava's good, but it's like not... That's why you put it in sugar and make it with jam and shit, because it's got a weird taste. Yeah. It's in the same family as

papaya, which actually, to me, smells like vomitus. Yeah. I don't know that we need to discuss the belching beaver too much more. 110 calories, 5.5% alcohol by volume. Let's see how much did the raspberry rose have, 5.5% alcohol by volume. Let's see. How much did the raspberry rose have?

4.5. So the beef will get you fucked up. Oh, God. All right. So I think we're not going great here, but we have one more, and I am a little bit excited about this one. I saved it for last because I'm the most hopeful. This is the Pabst Blue Ribbon 8% Alcohol by Volume Stronger Seltzer.

It has a lime flavor. It is in a 16-ounce can. It's a tall boy. Hell yeah. And I have a soft spot for the Pabst family of products. Hard same. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, yeah.

Hard same. I definitely kind of started drinking in the peak of, Hard same. It was also part of the early wave of PBR's popularity in, I think Portland was one of those cities circa like 2001 when I moved there that was like starting to become a thing. And I think actually. You could get it for like a dollar. Right. And I think it does taste better than similarly priced beers. Like I think I could in a blind taste test pick it out from, you know, your Bud and Coors kind of things. And I do think it's actually better.

This is 230 calories You know 8% yeah Yeah but it is Efficient if you are Looking for a Buzz so yeah That's what this one is for scumbags

Yeah for scummies Scumbag shit alright That artificial L lime is powerful. No. Lime forward. No. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Again, the fucking aftertaste gets me with this one. I beg both of you to go back and go sample the much maligned raspberry rosé after having tried this one. I think you will suddenly find that I made a good point. I think I was like, for me, I was expecting the other two of these to be like on the level.

Now we see why, you know, we make fun of White Claw, but man, there's a reason why we call Q-tips Q-tips. There's a reason the band is a band of, man. Like there's, sometimes the thing is the better thing. And I think that extra alcohol is not helping either because it's extra alcohol, but it's extra malt alcohol.

Yeah. This one's too sweet. Definitely. Yeah. What is that aftertaste? It's almost like cinnamon. Oh. Yeah.

It tastes burnt. I think like if you if you do that thing where you kind of like close, you close, you put like the roof of your tongue to your mouth and like exhale and you can kind of taste it. It tastes burnt. I think the aftertaste is D battery. Yes. You know,

when you're like dumb friend dares you to lick a D battery, that's this. That's the taste of PBR in general. A dare that your dumb friend makes you do oh come on I'm defending so much alcohol today I say that in a loving way I do I will listen

I'll drink a straight up you know PBR beer at the drop of a hat but man yeah I was kind of hoping we would have a champ in this can we all let's all stump for a favorite. I know that, you know, maybe none of these were home runs, but let's go around the horn. Danielle, do you have a favorite of these?

Yeah, I think we have to go with the rosé. I don't think we were given a choice. Yeah. Andy, how do you, do you feel the same way? Well, I can tell you the two that I'm going to finish are the Pabst and the Rosé. The Passionfruit Grava will get thrown straight down the sink. Yeah, I think the Rosé, very not bad. Very not bad for what these things are.

Was this part of a multi-pack, by the way, of Smirnoff? Was this a of a multi-pack, by the way, of Smirnoff? Was this a variety pack? I will say, so the Smirnoff and the Belching Beaver come in six packs, so I still got three of these in my fridge if anybody wants them. The Pabst you can buy individual cans.

Hell yeah, baby. Stick into those. So, you know, the Pabst has that going for it. Yeah, I think I'm going with the raspberry rosé just because it's kind of the least offensive sweetness, the least offensive aftertaste. But yeah, but it doesn't look like we have anything here we can add into the rafters as a champion of malt beverages. I think we just determined that it should be called perhaps Yellow Ribbon? Wait, what's the second place ribbon? I don't know.

I forgot how ribbon – Oh, red. Okay. Probably. Probably. Yeah. Brown Ribbon because it tastes like poo. It's like it's a very long second.

Yeah. Do you guys remember – of course you remember this, but I can't believe the life cycle of hard seltzers going from Zima to this and in between having the period when people only drank Smirnoff ice ironically because someone else had tricked them into it. Remember icing bros? Yeah. I was iced a few times in my day. I was iced. Yeah.

I remember many parties at Andy Wood's house where I watched people get iced. Because we were adults. How do you come up with that? I mean, I feel like Bros Icing Bros had to be an inside job. A brilliant one. You know, there had to be some marketing person at Smirnoff. Oh yeah, an intern is like, I got this crazy idea.

We'll spread it at America's frat houses. It'll ironically catch on at comedy parties. Yeah, like it doesn't matter if people like it because they're going to buy it at America's frat houses. It'll ironically catch on at comedy parties. Yeah, it doesn't matter if people like it because they're going to buy it because it's something dumb. And I forgot, it's a fucking Russian name. Of course, the Russians know how to do disinformation campaigns.

Russians. First it was bros icing bros, and then you ruined our election. Give us a rest, Russia. Alright, now that we all have maybe just a little bit of a sparkling seltzer buzz, why don't we take a couple of phone calls? Brian, you have some phone calls queued up from people who gave us a call at 206-9844-FUN. Let's hear our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and I'm going to go with Senator Tim Kaine. I conquered a personal

fear of mine. I climbed up onto the roof of my house so that I could do some necessary repairs on the side of it. I'm up here now, and I'm using this phone call to procrastinate the most terrifying part, which is getting down. Thanks. Love the show. Bye. Man, I did a fair amount of roof hangs as a youth. Did you guys hang out on roofs? Yes. I forgot one time we used to climb up onto the roof of my elementary school using the electric meter on the side as kind of a ladder. And we got caught one time by the janitor who said he was going to call the police and i

was in like first or second grade and it was one of the most terrifying things that had happened to me at that point the threat of the police what are they going to do to yeah electric chair i think when you're in first grade you just assume you're going to get the chair for everything yeah yeah when i was in college i lived one of the places i lived was like just a big house it was like me and a bunch of dudes um and we had a place where if you went through one of our roommates windows you could access the roof um and so i used to go up on the roof a bunch and then one day me and my friend who was in my roommate for a while um hey josh um we decided to robo trip which i had never done before um and the details are easy maybe i don't quite know what is that

robitussin yeah yeah it's when you drink a lot of robitussin and it makes you feel weird um and so we robo tripped and uh it got real weird i don't remember a bunch of it i remember being in my room and it feeling we were on the moon um i remember being in the back of the flatbed of someone's truck like laying down as they were driving somewhere um and i remembered that for some reason after that i no longer wanted to go on the roof and i don't know why okay wow something you have a you have a a gap in longer wanted to go on the roof and i don't know why okay wow something you have a you have a a gap in your memory something happened on the roof i just knew that the roof was over okay okay have you been on a roof since i have but it's always been one

of those things where it's like it's the kind of roof that's set up for that you know the kind of crazy parties that one might find you know in a in a Pabst Blue Ribbon Stronger Seltzer commercial where we're all just hanging out. Almost everyone's white. Someone's probably grilling some dogs. Yeah, grilling some dogs. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Get on the roof. Get on the roof.

That's their new slogan. I will say nothing stresses me out more than at one of those same parties Danielle's describing when someone decides it's time to jump from the roof into the pool if there is a pool. I'm like, we're about to see a paralysis happen. I know it. Even though I'm a guy who likes the water and jumping, that's one thing I never – I'm never part of the roof into pool situation. We have lost so many great Florida essential workers that way. The number one cause of death for florida essential workers we've also created so many jobs through america's funniest home videos and everything that followed thanks to the endless hours of hilarious rooftop jump fails yeah that's true the afv industry has really has it really has

uh has that to thank for basically their whole existence. I will say that I've had a couple more sips, some absent-minded sips of the raspberry rosé. Maybe I kind of like it now. Yeah, there we go. See, that's how you got to do it. That was what Mike was doing on your Facebook page. Oh, yeah.

You start him off with something terrible, and now he can add whatever other awful thing he wants to after this, and it's going to be like, okay, maybe the ID thing wasn't that bad, you know? Right. Brian, we got another call in there? Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Sunny D. I was calling with a story from the golden age of nunchucks.

It was the mid-'90s, and I was in karate class and got to the belt where I was to learn the nunchucks. It was the mid-90s and I was in karate class and got to the belt where I was to learn the nunchuck. I was the only student in my class that was learning the nunchuck at the time and so I was shown a couple of moves and told to go into a side room of our dance studio where we had karate class and work on those. The next thing I knew was my teacher coming in and shaking me awake as I was lying on the floor. I had knocked myself out with the nunchucks. So very dangerous with that weapon. Everyone should watch out.

Anyways, love you guys. Thanks a lot. Thanks for keeping me sane in all this. And talk to you later. That teacher gave a beginner a full chuck? You don't give... There's foam...

I know... Listen, I have no nunchuck experience. But half chuck, maybe. But not a full chuck. Half chuck, maybe. There's a... a foam chuck exists. I know this. I've seen the foam chuck.

You don't give a full TMNT-style nunchuck to a beginner. This is an irresponsible sensei. I'm not afraid to say it. This is a very irresponsible sensei. I'm going to guess that this was in a mold. But yes, yeah. This is definitely next irresponsible sensei. I'm going to guess that this was in a mall. But yes, yeah. This is definitely next to an Orange Julius. That's a weapon.

I can't even picture what the best case scenario for a nunchuck attack is because it's not like it'll keep spinning after it hits someone. It'll just disrupt that entire – this choreographed thing you're doing is all in the hopes of just that it hits someone one time, right? Can't you also just swing it once it hits someone over the head and that's i mean yeah it's just a bat i think the nunchuck is it it operates like and again i'm i'm no nunchuck expert but i think the nunchuck off off operates like a um like a lizard's frill. It's a kind of a don't fuck with me kind of protective dance. It is a kind of, it's a show you're putting on for the rival.

I mean, like, yes, are there more effective weapons than the nunchuck? Absolutely. Most weapons, I would say, are more effective than the nunchuck. Danielle mentioned a bat that is much more effective than a nunchuck.ielle mentioned a bat that is much more effective than a nunchuck a trash can sure maybe a cat yeah throw a cat at your uh at your pursuer more effective

than the nunchuck um but yeah i think the nunchuck is for people who want to like scare away attackers rather than engage them if that works why would anyone ever beat up a drum major? And I know they do. This is baton twirling is kissing cousins with nunchuck clinging, isn't it? Sure. That should be. It's one of the great mysteries of life.

Why do people fuck with drum majors and not nunchuck experts? And once again, just one step from working a fire stick. Like it's just so close. It is, yeah. Than devil sticks. It is the, right. It is the, yeah, it is the college quad version of martial arts.

So, well, now that we have, and I would love to open up the phone lines, 206-984-4FUN, to any other nunchuck stories that might be out there. For that matter, bow stories, katana blade stories, any of this TMNT arsenal. Let's open it up to all martial arts weapons. If you have a shuriken story, we'd love to hear that. Now, Brian, if I'm not mistaken, we have another entry into our now beloved recurring segment, which is songs about Walton Goggins' vodka. Andy and Danielle, I'll explain for you. Oh, no, I know. I'm a huge, huge fan of the Zoot Suit Riot one from your Dan Deacon episode. That one was amazing.

one from your Dan Deacon episode. That one was amazing. For you and for any of us who might be tuning in for the first time, this is a recurring bit that is getting harder and harder for me to explain. I forget more and more of the genesis of it each time. I was

in the supermarket and noticed that Walton Goggins, character actor Walton Goggins, had his own brand of vodka and sang to myself, Walton Goggins has a vodka, Walton Goggins has a vodka, Walton Goggins has a vodka, Goggins has a vodka, Walton Goggins. And that inspired a nation. A nation was inspired by my bravery. A nation was inspired by my bravery, and our listeners have spent far too much time writing and recording songs about Walton Goggins' vodka.

And apparently we've received a flood of them as of late, maybe people who are quarantined and looking for a way to pass the time. Brian, can we play the latest entry? So we got 10 this week oh my god this is a one we have a genre we haven't quite hit yet so I thought you guys might like it As a vodka, I think I am. As a vodka, I think I am. As a vodka, I think I am. As a vodka, I think I am. As a vodka, I think I am.

As a vodka, I think I am. As a vodka. Wow. That is elaborate. That was something else. That was? Yeah, in the style of the epitaph, fat records, punk rock of the 90s. I will admit that if that was a parody, I don't know what it was a parody of. And I'm probably losing a little bit of punk rock credibility here,

but I didn't recognize it. Brian, did they say that it was a parody of something specific? No, they didn't say it. I don't think it was. Okay. Well, if you are out there and recorded that song and it was a parody, please let us know what of. But, man, great job.

That got me pretty pumped. Yeah. I might go finish this belching beaver. And then have some seltzer. Yeah. I don't know what I'm going to pick up, but I'm definitely going to pick it up as soon as I find it. Yes. I don't know where it is, but

I'm picking it up. Well, if you have a Walton Goggins song, jjgo at maximumfun.org. We will be playing more Walton Gogins theme songs in the coming weeks uh we'll be right back on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jordan morris boy detective a huge thanks to both danielle La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Huge thanks to both Danielle Radford and Andy Wood for coming on this show and tasting some pretty bad drinks. I wanted to mention that both of you were writers and producers on an upcoming Sci-Fi network original tv show uh called the great debate

uh i think i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that um if you are listening to this program you will be very interested in the great debate uh can you guys give a little pitch for it sure yeah the great debate is the show that settles ancient geek debate topics like who would be the worst boss to work for darth vader or the joker things like that it's a ton of fun it's a four guest panel show hosted by the amazing baron vaughn and his trusty sidekick uh the ship's computer db8 voiced by someone who i think might be here on the call somewhere that doesn't sound right uh danielle can we talk to dba is dba here today inside the actor studio style um no yeah i uh this is a show that like started at comic cons

right like it was a like a popular like hall h type show and now it's uh it's on tv yeah yeah we have just a great mix of of guests ranging from like the people behind critical role to beloved nerdy comics, like your, your Brian Post saying, and Adam savages, you get Aisha Tyler, just tons of great guests and really fun topics.

And it's just a very like loose, uh, fun way to let all these people be their naturally funny selves and also uh dig into important topics like whether yoda or mr biagi was a better sensei the answer may surprise you or not yeah uh well i will say this uh because uh the two of you were writing for it i'm sure it will be hilarious you are two of the uh funniest people out there. The Great Debate, June 18th on the Sci-Fi Network, it looks like. So, yeah, set those DVRs if a DVR is still something that you have. But, yeah, no, and it sounds really cool.

I bet this will be a fun thing to watch, you know, because we're all inside. I think that cons and, like, hangouts and, like like big shows like this are something that people are really missing. I know that I certainly am. So yeah, like a TV show version of one of those, uh, you know, kind of like cool, funny con shows. Uh, sounds like it would be, uh, right up my alley. I think you'll enjoy it. I think you'll enjoy it. Yeah, it's definitely good timing for it. I mean, everything's bad, but... It's definitely, like, it recreates that feeling of going out and nerding out with, like, your nerd buds

and, you know, like a bar or at a party or at a hang and not just, like, through Zoom or on Twitter. Yeah, and the two of you are both podcasters. If you're looking for more podcasts, Danielle, you host Tights and Fights or co-host Tights and Fights, the MaxFun Wrestling podcast. Andy is probably science still thrown out new episodes.

Yeah, we've been doing it still weekly. It's just changes every week, which day of the week it is because schedules are weird. But yeah, we've been doing it through COVID here. So we're about we're eight years in, I believe, eight and a half years. Matt Kirshen and I have been hosting a podcast about science news and whatnot. So that's probably science and tights

and fights in your pod catching app and the great debate coming soon to Sci-Fi Network on your TV. Andy and Danielle,

thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for having us. Yeah, this was really fun and I have to

brush my teeth. Oh, God. I think we all have to vigorously brush our teeth to get really just a foul cocktail of aftertastes out of our mouths. It's so many different ones all at once. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. If you're out there sending out nice vibes to the people in your life, definitely send some nice vibes to our pal Jesse Thorne, who is out there dealing with some family health stuff. We're sending our good

feelings to him and the whole Thorne family. And yeah, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez produces the show. And by the way, he's doing a lot of extra work these days now that we're recording remote remotely. So, uh, thank you so much to Brian, Sonny D Fernandez, who is really, really working overtime, uh, these days to bring this dumb show to you. Uh,

our theme music is love you by the free design. You can discuss the show on maximum fun. Dot. Reddit.com hashtag JJ go on Twitter. We will see you next week. Bye. hashtag JJ go on Twitter. We will see you next week.

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