Jordan, Jesse, GO! - A Beefy Tee, with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome back comedian and writer, Eliza Skinner, to chat about being well ventilated, rockabilly people versus swing people, CarJitsu, bumper stickers dissonance, and so much!Eliza’s Etsy shop!Follow Booberry Jones on Instagram!Eliza is selling her pottery at the Lyric Hyperion in Los Angeles on September 13th!Not by the Playback with Eliza Skinner, "St. Elmo's Fire."Jordan and company are going to be at L.A. Comic Con this year, September 26th - 28th at table JO7September 26th - Jordan and Jesse!September 27th - Jordan and Eliza!Pre-order Jordan’s new Predator comic!Pre-order Jordan’s new Venom comic!Donate to Al Otro Lado, any amount helps right now.Buy signed copies of Youth Group and Bubble from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Under the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy Detective. Jordan, I'm, you may have noticed I'm full Adam Sandler today. I'm wearing basketball shorts.

Yeah. I got on a ill-match t-shirt. I think to go full Sandler, you need a high. You need a hockey jersey. It's very similar to the full Kevin Smith. Okay, so let's get into the specifics. Although you switch out the jean shorts. I was about to say, does Kevin Smith wear shorts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin Smith does wear joints. And Sandler wears basketball shorts. I feel like this has come up on the show before, but remember when Kevin Smith had his own comedy theater and it had New Jersey Devil's Carpets? I remember he had his own comedies at theater. I do not remember the bit about the carpets. That's...

They were even on the walls. Yeah. Our guest on the program. Kevin Smith's decorator. Stand-up comic, comedy writer, porcelain artiste. Stoneware, but yeah. You're making it sound like she makes toilets, Jesse. I make arts within a toilet.

She can really poop. Yeah, check out my Instagram. Made a Jackson Pollock in there today. After a trip to Taco Bell. Also now a celebrated comedy director, Eliza Skinner. Hi, Eliza. How are you? Hi. I'm good.

How are you? I'm well. The Smod Castle is the place you're referring to. Thank you. Because Smodcast was the name of his show. And Smod means something about Kevin Smith. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe it's something about smoking? Because he was, his whole, like, the thing was, he was like, I don't want to make movies anymore. I just want to get high and do podcasts. So he made that theater. And that was where I had my. first show in L.A. when I moved here, me and D.C. Pearson started our show together there. And I made a little list of things on my wall of like goals, you know. And one of them right before, he retweeted our first like promo for the show. And so at the end of, I added on to the end of

this list like, Kevin Smith actually knows me. Because I was like, he tweeted our show. So that's good. But like, I wish he actually knew me. It wasn't just like, whatever's happening in my theater. I got to like, knew your heart. Just knew me as an actual human. Which known are we talking about? And then a year later, I got hired to co-host a syndicated talk show with him that that never happened. Oh, like, really? Yeah.

I've never heard that before. Yeah. Yeah. I did a test show of it. It was me and Jay Moore were his two co-hosts. And apparently, according to my manager at the time, the. the producers did not want to go with me because I am not hot enough

and you're not Jay Moore you're not Jay Moore well for the girl position this was like 2010 so you know you got to be super hot to be a woman on TV then I mean I've seen you rock a pair of long jeans shorts and yeah but that was dressed I assume in the show everyone dressed like that all the men and the girls they wanted little booty shorts

No, they didn't want booty shirt. I don't know what they wanted, but they wanted a hot girl. But he fought for me, and so I got the gig. But then the show fell apart. Oh, well. Thanks, Kevin Smith. Yeah. And it all started at the Smodcastle.

It was syndicated like Arsenio? No, there is, it was made by some production company that I think they're, I want to say hard copy was the main show they made all their money off of. Sure. Which was a big syndicated hit. And they're like, we've got to do more with this formula we have figured out. Evan Smith and Jay Moore uncovering celebrity scandals. Well, that was on the, that was the, the test show. I believe I beat Jay Moore out for the sidekick position.

Okay, can I ask you a question? Yes. Did you ever get to meet Bill O'Reilly? I have the exact same story about Bill O'Reilly. They wanted him to wear these booty shorts and he wouldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, this girl stuck up for me. I'm always on board with her.

And then I was like, what? and he was like, well, shit it live. Maybe he hosted Inside Edition. Did he host Inside Edition? Oh, boy. I have only a vague kind of memory of that era of TV. You know what? We'll do it live.

We'll do it live. I remember that. I remember the meme. Yeah. I think, I think Junior is my dog now. Yeah. He seems to switch the legions. Junior in the house for today's record.

My dog Jr. was being very dumb at my house. And on an evening when we have to record, Jordan, Jesse, go here at the office. I'm leaving my wife with all three of my children. Yeah. They were also being done. So everybody's on chat, GPT. Is that what this is? It's Junior going to a bunch of time share presentations and actually signing up for time shares.

He's putting down my email out. Oh, no. He's just thinking the bartender really likes him. Oh, Jr. It's just water in a bowl. It doesn't mean anything. Yeah. Yeah.

He was acting down. My children were acting dumb. So I agreed. I offered, in fact, to take him to work with me. And I thought if I brought him to the park. You're going to work after this? Yeah.

We get paid for this. I thought if I brought him to the park right before we came and like threw the ball for him for him for 10 minutes, it would wear him out and relax him. And he was like, fuck this. Let's play chess. Yeah. I think he has figured out that. Yeah, exactly.

He just beating some old guys and he puts his little, slaps his little paw on the clock. He shows up and a bunch of old guys are like, oh shit, juniors. Here. Grandmaster, Jr. Kevin Smith is remaking fresh with Jr. Oh. I really thought that he would just come and clonk down on the floor in here. But actually, he's being just as dumb here as he was at my house, which I should have seen coming.

Well, I have a pocketful of snossages. I actually normally do have a bunch of kibble in my pockets. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's just. I saw a viral video of a man where it was like my retirement plan. personified or something it was just a guy sitting on the like beach boardwalk at in Santa Monica with just a bag of dog treats waiting for dogs to come up to him oh and I have never felt like I try

and avoid identifying with content on the internet because I know that's what you're a special kills creativity I know who that people make content that people identify with instead of content that is good so I try not to encourage it but I identified with it so hard that it was an identify I was worried that that was going to be my you were going to say my retirement plan which is to be a leathery old woman with two giant sheepdogs and a metal detector who hangs out at a beach side bar after she spends the day metal detecting and like it smokes a whole lot I'm going to have to start smoking you're going to start smoking yeah but yeah so I want I want I want to is there a way you can get a couple of dead husbands

Oh. Which ones? Linal or Barry or more. Can I just say maybe, can I pitch you something? Yeah. Maybe your ex-husband is the bartender at the bar. Oh, that's a fun situation. Yeah. And his son, my former stepson, is the other bartender. I'm like, you hear what your dad said? Do you hear what he said about me? He gets it. He's on my side. You know he's on my side, right, Ricky? That's me. Ricky, by the way, is one of the sheep dogs. Yeah. We should explain. Yep. Yeah. Just like fully living my dream beach lady life.

I mean, Eliza, you told us in the lobby, which is an expansive term for the kitchen area of this space. But you told us in the lobby that Booberry Jones, your adorable dog, has been coming to the pottery studio. Yeah. I think they're going to give him his own class. Really? It's pretty exciting. Yeah. Yeah, he does.

It's nice. The studio that I'm a member of now allows dogs, but within reason they have to be well-behaved dogs. They can't go in the kiln. And you cannot do a ghost with them, no matter how much you ask. No, because then we have all these muddy dogs running around, getting footprints everywhere. But yeah, and everyone who works there loves him very much. So we come in and everyone's like, whoa, look who's here.

Oh, sorry, Eliza. And I'm like, no, no, I know it's for him. That's okay. I would feel weird if you said that about me. But yeah, then he gets to say hello to a bunch of. people and then he sleeps for a while while I do some pottery work and then we go home and he's like that was an exhausting day of work hey oh boy does he cover himself just sparks up a joint it turns on Rick and Morty does he cover himself in the in the like distinctive dust of the pottery studio a little bit he likes the cold cement floor a lot like I'll put down a blanket and be like sit here and he's like no I want my parts to touch the cement I'm like you don't have to say that in front of everybody and he's like they get it they get it they get it And then I look around to everybody's doing the same thing.

Listen, yeah. My dog weighs, I don't know, 45 pounds or something. He's a pretty medium-sized dog. Mm-hmm. And he will go to sleep on his back with his penis in the air constantly. Right. Yeah. And I don't know what to make of it.

I feel like you're judging him. No. No, I'm celebrating him. Can you guys say that you've never done the same thing? Yes, a good point. I did once until I was hit my lightning. Oh, I don't anymore. Yeah.

I did wrap my penis in tinfoil before. Well, you have to. So the government doesn't. Hey, you. Yes. The government doesn't take control of my penis. Exactly. You got to do Faraday cage that dick.

You have to. I mean, the real problem is people like walking down the street with RFID detectors that will take the codes off your dick and use them at the ATM. I just, you know, now. What is? Is that RFID detectors? That's not the technical word, but it's a thing people do. Really fancy incredible dick detectors? Well, I mean...

Yeah, you got the government will go straight for you, Jordan. The detectors are fancy. The dick is incredible. Let's just make sure people know. But yeah, now I sleep on my stomach, and before I go to bed, I just dip it in some horse tranquilizers. Oh, that's really nice. Keep it fresh. Keep it fresh.

Keep it fresh. Keep it off the government's radar. I dip mine in sugar and citric acid like those frozen grapes that you can get at Costco. Oh, I've never heard of these grapes. So your dick is a locale sour patch kid. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, nice.

A dupe. I mean, honestly, it's always looked like a sour patch kid. That is what I've heard on the internet. Form of sour patch kid, I say to my dick. Yes. I hate to be guys. who's always talking about the guy who came up to a met a con. Okay.

But I have a good one. This is your life. This is my life. Yeah. This is my, listen, you're tuning into this show. You're a con man.

I'm a con man. And I do do the occasional grift. I did set up a fake casino. But I got, today I got a guy who told me about how, uh, how exorcisms are real. So,

okay. This is interesting. So I'm going to start by saying, were you there selling an exorcism related? product so yes so that's good that's good oh yeah your graphic novel yes yes oh i guess yeah there is some yeah so that's so that that's what kicked it off although i do get the feeling based on this guy's eyes that he would he is telling everyone there that exorcisms are yeah and he just happened to kind of have a twice a day even a broken clock at a con is right yeah plus he was

wearing that bishop hat right yeah it made less sense when he said it to luferigno So he's from the X-Men. Bishop from the X-Men. He's a real bishop, right? Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of time travel involved, but somewhere in all of that, he did get training and rose the ranks in the Vatican. If you're wondering what the difference between the Church of England and the Catholic Church is, it's that in the Church of England, Bishop from the X-Men is a real bishop? Wait, no. Let me switch that. I got a new joke. It has to track. It has to track. In the Catholic Church, he's a real bishop.

in the Anglican church. He's just a metaphor. So you're not supposed to take it literally. Right. Now, what's the difference between the Catholic Church and X-Force? Are we? One is Canadian? I was worried you were going to ask, say, X-Factor, and I was going to be like, buddy, there isn't one.

Buckle up. You think of Al-a-Fle-Fle-Fle. But X-Force, it's a less secretive, you know, a little more showy. Sure. They're more involved in their. their own celebrity than supposedly the Cardinals are. The guy told me about the time he saw an exorcism and he's like, they brought in, they brought in these punks off the street, punk rockers off the street who were yelling

and foaming at the mouth, right? So this, I mean, this is a very old guy and definitely like had his pop culture brain locked in in a time when like the scariest thing in the world was like a guy. It's like a guy with a mohawk, right? Now we all know that that is a nerd. That takes a lot of time to assemble. Yes, exactly. You don't roll out of bed with that mohawk sticking up straight.

Right. But then that was the tough guy you had to like. Scary guys wash their hair with shampoo. Right. Yeah. And he talked about like this time when his church, these punk rockers came in off the street yelling and foaming at the mouth and they had to do an exorcism. At his church?

What a fun gig. I want that gig. Yeah. To be able to perform exorcisms with me and my punk friends at churches? It speaks to the Catholic Church's commitment to ministering to society's downtrodden, though. You know, like I don't think you would find as, you know, as much respect as I have for American evangelicals. I don't think you would find at those evangelical churches that they would be letting all those foaming mowling pugs. That's because all of these churches have gotten so far away from the original teachings of Jesus.

who said, the punk shall inherit the earth. I was under the impression that Jesus had said, feed punk rockers baking soda. That would you do to the most foaming of your brothers, is that what you do to me. Yeah, a foaming punker has a better chance of getting into heaven. Right, than a camel has with joining X-Force. Exactly.

See, hide together all the things we said, and you say something that makes sense. Wow, did we just do a Harold? Oh, God, no. Oh, I hope not. I'm not a nerd, Jesse. Sweep the scene. I had two thoughts about this guy's story of him cleansing these foaming punks.

I'm either, I'm either, okay, one option is this did not happen. You know, with the sub option of he created the whole thing. Or, like maybe he thought it happened, you know, just based on his state. But also. Sounds like he needed an exorcism. Thank you. The other thing I thought, though, that was fun is, like, maybe the punks were fucking with them. Yeah.

Maybe this was, like, a bunch of kids who was like, let's run in there. I mean, it sounds like old-timey grift 101. Yeah. Of, like, like, snake oil salesman kind of like, yeah, travel around with my partners here. Right. Weble and Jayho. And they're like, yeah, we play the punks in the show. Right, yeah.

Yeah, sure. And then you can sell holy water to these guys. Yeah. I wonder maybe those punks were just down. on their luck local priests. Could have been. Oh, yeah. Or male nuns.

Could it been. The conversation, the conversation lasted about 30 minutes. Anybody want to guess if this guy bought anything? No, he did not. No, he didn't buy anything. He didn't buy anything. But do you have crazy person priced items? So if it's like, if you'd like to come up to me and just have a long rambling conversation,

these are the $1 stickers you can buy. Yeah, you should have some stickers that cost handful of buttons. I know. I should, okay, I've got an issue of Archie for you that costs five National Geographic, which you have with you. Mm-hmm. That's what they came for. But yeah. Eliza, you got a bunch of holes in your pants. I do.

It's very hot. And so I was like, oh, we're going to be shut in a room. I got a dress for success. Sure. And success equals ventilation. Ventilation. Yeah. So I've got pants with holes in them.

And I have a very big true blood t-shirt, which is my favorite t-shirt. It's a good shirt. Thank you. And I put my hair in tight braids so a lot of scalp can breathe. And I was like, I'm ready for it. I can do it. I think that's good too because we require our guests to have a certain kind of like aerodynamic profile. Yeah, yeah.

Well, again, the hair's not going to get in the way. I can just zoom straight through whatever body of water you guys throw me into. We need somebody where the hair is going to be sleek. Got it. We're going to need the pants to. to sort of have like a knuckleball type effects. Right, yeah, a little drag. Yeah, and then we want to be able to drop people out of an airplane,

and then their shirt goes, yeah, that's what I was going to say, actually, that you were missing for your Adam Sandler look. I think, yeah, sure, hockey jersey, but also just like an oversized, slightly stiff tea. It could be a graphic tea. That's true. But, you know, what are those like...

Like a Haynes beefy tea. Yeah, beefy tea. Where it's not going to form fit you at all. It's not going to drape. What's incredible is my experience based on doing a lot of flea market shopping with Gen Z vintage dealers and buyers is I think now that you mention it, they all dress like Adam Sandler. Their teas are too stiff. I'm always like, oh, that tea looks so stiff and uncomfortable. They like a stiff tea.

Or they like an unnatural fiber. Chain wallet back yet? Gosh, no, it should be. I have seen some chain wallet. I haven't seen a ton of chain wallets. Did you see them on people that they were back or they were still? No, these are back. These are back.

You do. Okay. So my favorite group of people, certainly, at the flea market is person. Latino Smith fans. Person, well, we can talk in a second about the guys that were playing basketball at the uh at the park when i took junior there earlier but it's a person who has picked a subculture and is sticking with it well into their 50s so that rockabilly fellas this will be rockabilly this will be and the like the swing people like the rockabilly people some of them are 40

you know what I mean oh we got newbies I know but like the swing people are like 60 now yeah like they are old my neighbor okay I was like you don't need to bring in a my neighbor story but I have this neighbor who I found she not only she had in her 60s swing dancer yeah she really wanted like it did it was not coming up in the conversation big bad voodoo mommy oh yeah it was not coming up in the conversation in any way she really like wanted to tell me about she's like oh boy you know oh it's going to be a busy weekend I guess I don't know if you know I don't know between Western swing and Lindy hop but I'm tired from from lindy hopping.

I'm normally a Western swinger like literally. And I was like, oh, well, that's a fascinating thing to know about you, lady. You're like, how do you do the Charleston? Oh, my jitterbug elbows acting up again. Oh, boy. Yeah, I really got to lean into, give them some of what they want when they give me those. Oh, sure. Right?

Ask them the questions. They're like, finally. Honestly, I like it. I like that they have those like wall telephones. that you pick up vertically and then have a rotary dial, you know what I mean? I like that they have, you know, radios that have to warm up at their houses. Yeah. What about the duct tails?

Do you like the duck tails? I support duct tails, but I'm not much about duck tails. How do you feel about just ornamental hood hair dryers in their homes? Well, I mean, they might not be ornamental. No, they don't work. They're setting their hair, Eliza. Sure, probably, but that does not work. They got to set their hair.

They've got to set their hair. They've got an updated system for setting their hair. They use heatless curls. I'm sorry, the Gen Z's discovering the heatless curls. That's just curls. Jordan and I were just saying this to each other. They got hot curls and they're not drinking and they don't like sex on TV. They don't.

No kink at pride. Come on. Thank you. Who started pride? Yeah. People with hot hair. Swing dancers. Swing day, yes.

Exactly. Rockabillies. When I was at the park with Junior right before we came here, there is a basketball courts at the park. And sometimes people are there and they'll bring like one of those, one of those sort of like mini keg sized Bluetooth speakers. You know the kind that I'm talking about? And this is especially true lately because in the past couple of years, the tennis courts

have basically been turned into pickleball courts. And the pickleball people come from other neighborhoods, I can only presume. I don't understand the frantic love for pick-up, like, okay. Yeah, it's fine. It seems like less good tennis to me. The more people talk about it, the more I assume it's code for swinging. Yeah. Oh, sure.

Like, why do you, come on. So these people, yeah, it's the new upside-down pineapple. They say, we're going for a game of pickleball. Hopefully no uggos there. Which is what they always say No single guys at pickleball courts That's what they say But women, you can bring your friends

Oh sure, yes As long as they're fun Yeah They are usually listening to like Dance music on the pickleball court So that means that the guys on the basketball court Have to turn up their hip-hop, right? When you say dance music

Are you talking like house music Or are you talking like hits from the grinds? I'm talking about something Jock Jams, right? Cornyer than most house music Less like subculturally specific So like current the club club music Just just like

Not even like the weekend type dance music Like like IPs Like no It's electronic dance No it's EDM but it's it's just sort of like vague EDM Okay so it's licensable Yeah and it's not like Skrillex or something either

It's not like it's not like Mook EDIM Do people listen to Skrillick still? No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying, like, I'm just saying like it's not the kind of EDM that is like, it's, it's like skinny but muscular gay guy EDM still, but it's not like house music. It's not like specific, culturally specific that. It's hour long network show seen at a burning man music. Yes, exactly. Okay.

Thank you, Eliza. So normally these dudes on the basketball court, you can tell they're in Palm Springs shooting it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. just outside. They're pumping, and it's usually, these guys are like a little, these guys are usually a little older. So it's like, it's like early to early 2000s to 2010 hip hop generally. Plus Kendrick Lamar songs.

Everybody's always fun. Yeah. The DNC did. They're all playing Kendrick Lamar songs. But this time, all I could see was that they were like, it was dusk. So they were on the far end of the court. And they were playing basketball. it was three dudes two of them were not wearing shirts they were all wearing pants oh not short so i was

wearing the basketball shorts were they stiff jeans with high cuffs like no no they were they were tight jeans though they were what looked like tight jeans it was a little ways away they could have been juggings i can't say for sure yeah just just fucking bumping morrisie while they played nice I mean, politically not nice, but... No, no, he's a real dick. He's not a nice man. No, no, but the senior painting, I appreciate it. With Rockbilly folks, I always like seeing the Rockabilly couples, always fun, you know, couple goals, am I right?

Yeah. I mean, when you say couple goals, you mean that both of our goals as people who have had, you know, in my case, have very long and in your case, a number of very happy, successful, romantic relationships. We've always just wanted to date girls with cherries on their skirts. Oh, I thought when you said couple goals, they're the type of people who have like, hmm, a couple goals. A couple of goals. Number one, find the perfect pomade.

Number two, keep the line on my nylon straight. There we go. That's it. When I see them, I'm like, I don't doubt that both people are into this. But one of you is more into it. Which one is it? I always like to sit in a booth at the Bob's big boy and watch them. Like one, yeah, one person is, okay.

Like which one of them? Because you would think it would be the dude. Because like usually in a, usually in a heterosexual enthusiast relationship, the dude is driving that bus and dragging the poor woman behind him. But I think. Style was? So, yeah, specifically with Rockabilly, I think it's equally likely. Right. And I think it's a scenario that I'm imagining specifically with a rockabilly deal is that.

The lady is the rockabilly one, and the guy is someone who's basically in our cultural position, maybe yours more than mine just because you're more of a rock and roll guy than me. Yeah, but come on, which one are you is more likely to have like salvage Levi's? Okay, so fair point, right? But, okay, so let's call it a tie. We just want to date someone with cold curls or whatever they're called. They're called cold girls. Yeah, that's what we're going to call them. We just want to date someone with 1950 makeup on their face because it's cute, and we'd be willing to go there.

And somewhat cartoonish, the Venn diagram of Comic-Con and Rockabilly, as far as, like, girl type. Oh, yeah. Sure. Same ideal woman. Sure. Listen, I think what we all want is just someone who looks like they're the secretary for the Ghostbusters. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

Yeah. But, yeah, I think that it would be really. A Rockabilly under duress type relationship, like, there's so much community, right, with Rockabilly. Wouldn't you always be worried that they would find someone within that community? Your partner would find someone within that community with a closer match to their level of interest in Rockabilly. Who does a better job restoring classic cars. Yeah, or who, like, doesn't really care about this. And actually, we both like jazz.

Yeah. Why are you going to jazz on Tuesdays now, Kevin? You know, that kind of thing. Are you leaving me just because I'm only a deacon Horton heat? It's fine. They both have a stand-up base, so I'll be home before midnight. I'm a lay leader. My stray cat is Tomcatting.

No, I don't know. Okay. Yeah, sure. Why not? Cut that out. Why the fun not? A really wonderful group of young people at the flea market is there are these dudes who are 25-ish, I would say, and they go around together in, like, jazz age clothing, in, like, F. Scott Fitzgerald clothing.

Have you seen the kids on TikTok who do Northern Soul dancing? Oh, are there kids who do Northern Soul dancing? I've seen old British people do Northern Soul dancing. Nick Hornby types. Who do it. Shout out to Nick Hornby, the King of Names. It's a whole thing. There's a talk for everything.

Am I right? Yeah. Is that the oldest sounding thing that's ever been said on this show where we say old sounding things pretty regularly? There's a TikTok for everything. My favorite talk genre is people acting out stories of customer complaint. Okay. Oh, yeah. But my only complaint with them is they are mundane.

Like, yes, they're addictive, but they're mundane. So I want to start doing, nobody take this idea. Okay. I want to start doing them. Yeah, Eliza, this won't come out for a few days. So I'm going to have you. Let's take a break. for a second.

Okay. Write it on a piece of paper and mail it to yourself. That's the only way to legally protect this thing. Okay. All right. Okay. We're back from the break. We're back from the break.

Ugh. I had to run all the way to the mailbox. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to do those customer complaints, but with magical creatures. Oh. So it'll be like, yes, we'd like to get a table at the restaurant, deuce of blood. And the waitress is like, ugh.

We're actually backed up. You were supposed to make a reservation. Like, no, ah, you know. Are you going to invite me into the restaurants? Yeah. Okay, write them with me. Okay. When you say magical creatures, that guy was a griffin?

Yep. A griffin from Transylvania. Yeah, well, where the fuck else would it be from? The lion half has this accent. Where would it be from fucking Huntsville? No, those are chupacabras. There we go. Okay.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective, every episode of our program. Every single one is supported by members of Maximum Fun. If you're listening to this show, you can become a member. by going to maximum fun.org slash join that will allow us to keep making this show. We're also this week, supported by the folks at Zock Dock.

There's the little sound. Hey, Jesse, remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? You remember the one I'm talking about, right? Yeah, to get my penis checked out. Yeah, listen, if there's something wrong with you, your penis, your vagina, any of your other parts, your little tepees. There's nothing wrong with it. I needed to get it checked out to see if it's too good.

I don't know if there's a medical professional that can do that for you. Only the internet can, Jesse. Is that what a podiatrist does? No, no. That's a foot. That's a foot doc. Oh, okay. So that's then, you know, but that's a great example of someone you can find on Zoc, doc.

If you have, you know, something wrong with your feet, if you're having foot pain. If the skin is getting all crackly, you're going to want to see a podiatrist. But how are you going to find this podiatrist? I don't know. Listen, you could go through your... Freaking look in the phone book? You look at the phone book? That thing's huge.

How are you going to even lift that thing? Just call everyone, you know, and say, hey, do you have problems with your feet? Yeah. Tell me about it. And then people are insulted because, you know, the feet are private. You don't want to just talk about your feet with any old person. No, there's basically never been a good way to book a medical. appointment until now, zoc.com slash jjgo. It is a free, free app and website where you can search

and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance. You can filter for distance. So you're not traveling thousands of miles to get those tutsies looked at. It happens really, really fast. I famously, Everybody loves my famous story about booking a doctor's appointment on ZocDoc while I was waiting in line for coffee. It really was that fast. I found a great dermatologist on ZocDoc. It's definitely the place I am going the next time I need a medical professional. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash JJGO to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's ZOCDOC.com slash J-J-G-Go. Zock-Doc.com slash J-J-G-Go. Jordan, I just signed up to join you at L.A. Comic-Con. That's right. Big announcement. If you're in the Southern California area and you're going to L.A. Comic-Con, September 26th through 28th, you can see me and Jesse

in Artists' Alley on the 26th Artist Alley Table J-O-7. You can remember that by thinking to yourself Jack-off 7. That's where we'll be on the 26th. I'm going to be selling books and comics, and you are going to be selling stuff from the Put This On Shop, right?

Stuff from the Put This On Shop. We have so much beautiful new stuff in the Put This On Shop, which you can get on the internet by going to Put This Onshop.com, and I would encourage people to go check out. I just found a bunch of gorgeous Mexican silvers. So if you're looking for jewelry, whether for a fellow or a lady, got some really special stuff. I think I'm going to bring maybe some, I got some, like, vintage sci-fi books in magazines and some, uh, some we, I got a, I got a game called space chess.

Um, no, space checkers, space checkers. Perfect for all the poindexters going through the long boxes at Comic-Con. Yeah, we're going to be hanging out. Come, come see us. Come, come get some stuff. Come say hi. Maybe you'll catch us at the right time and you can share our $15 convention center nachos with us.

Yep, exactly. You're going to be anywhere else, Jordan? No, you know, nowhere that I'm ready to announce. Maybe some more book and comic things incoming. But for now, I just want folks to come see us at L.A. ComicCon. Jesse's going to be there with me on September 26th. I'm going to have a special guest at the table on all of the three days. But yeah, come on, come to see us on the 26th.

It's going to be a fun time. It's going to be a good time. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La Laugh. It's Jordan Jesse Goe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Eliza Skinner, Clankety Car.

The legend. Honk, honk, honk. No greater ledge. Do not honk my dog. Hock on, he likes it. Yeah. You shouldn't be wearing that low-cut top if you didn't want him honked. Ahuga.

Look at those ears. If the mics are picking up panting, you might think that's the dog. But that's me because of Jesse's basketball shorts. Oh! Wow, your whole tongue just unravel, unfurled across the birds. I'll show you a little bit of boxer brief. Oh, yeah. Oh.

So you guys want us to fuck calls and make noises for the last 20, 30 minutes of the show. Oh, there's a sad baby in here, I think. My parents died. Oh, Jesus. Wait, is there a sad baby in here? Or is that just Adam Sandler doing comedy? That is yes. That is his main thing.

Yeah. His main thing. His main thing. His main thing. Baby voice. Speaking of baby voices. Yeah. I, so my dog is allergic to a lot of stuff.

And what are some of the things? Chicken, fish, beef now maybe. Oh, boy. Yeah. Maybe lamb. Bullshit. Mm-hmm. What?

No, allergic to bullshit. Yeah, yeah. I believe everything you told us. Straight talk only. You're bullshit. Yeah. But so I have to give him to like trick him into eating his food. Sometimes he's like, this is boring.

And the dog toppers are expensive. I've started getting him baby food and putting baby food on top of his food. Oh my gosh. I love to hear about this. There's one brand that makes a bison and squash type of baby food. It's pretty expensive. But there's like one place where I found a good deal in it. So I like got him out.

And he's worth it. He's worth it. Yeah. And the other night he was. I haven't been having to, like, crush up these little pills for them, and, like, it's another way that I can sneak them these pills. So I was out, and I had to run to the store, and I got some, you know, like, coffee and some stuff for me, regular grocery stuff, boring grocery stuff, and then this little packet of baby food.

Plates, olive oil. Yeah, exactly. Like, zip-up bags. Condoms. Just don't manage to let people notice I'm buying baby food. And I'm in the checkout line, and the guy in front of me has all this baby food, and I'm like, oh, I hope this isn't going to be a thing where, like, if people know that I'd baby food my dog. They're like, no, what about the babies? You're running out of the baby

food for the babies because you give it to your dogs. And then I hear him say to the cashier, I'm buying this baby food for my dog. I have to give it to my dog. I put it on to me. And I was like, what? That's what I'm doing? And he was like, what? And I was like, there's a spice and cat. We traded a dog food type. Wow. That's nice. And now you're married. Yeah. And then we walked outside together and started just slapping each other across the face as hard as we could and screaming, never see each other again. Right.

So it was kind of a truncated hallmark movie is what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look for it at Christmas. Did you know that dudes slapping each other is an important type of viral content? I have not seen that, but sure. Yes.

I haven't seen it either. I know Graham. Oh, the male slapiness epidemic. Yes. I have heard about that And it's like, women are slappy too Sure A male slappiness epidemic said

Eliza's killing It's like a boxing match But it was slapping Okay But you take turns slapping each other Until someone quits And it's not It doesn't have a cuter name than that

Like it's not the slappy challenge I think it has a cuter name than that But I don't know what is Stephen looks like he's ready to tell Well no have you heard of the car wrestling thing where you wrestle a car? No, you wrestle in a car. Two people start in seatbelts, like in the front passenger seat.

That's not wrestling. And then they have to wrestle in the car. That's not wrestling. They're at the drive-in. It's on ESPN. They're at the drive-in and their parents say they have to be home by midnight. Yeah. They like each other a lot.

Yeah, apparently it's on ESPN and you can watch two people wrestle in a car. It's on ESPN? It's probably on one of the sports network? It's probably on one of the later ones. Yeah, it's on one of the darts ones. Like, how close, how close is all of this to, like, erotic tickling, right? This is all kind of related, right? They have erotic tickling on ESPN de Portes.

Oh, sure. Yeah, that's, uh... Ooh, it's called car jiu-jitsu. Carjew, sure. What kind of cars are these? Are these, uh... Is they like nice cars? Are these domestics or imports?

I thought those were the things that came out of the sea and then fought the big monsters. Oh, thinking of kaiju. Oh. I think of Kaiju. Wait, look at this. Sorry, just to... Steven, you know, you're the producer of a podcast. You know that showing a phone to us.

We can describe it. Wait, they have to wear their seat belts? That's so goofy. Right. They're wearing their seat belts. They're so goofy. They should have just put them in a tube. They should have gotten some sort of regulation tube and been like, you get in the tube,

and then one of you escapes. Right. That would have made more sense of this. Honestly, this is a good. sport. I think that's a good sport. It's just being mugged. And they're always kicking the radio. Do you think, Jordan, you remember this. A long time listeners will remember the time a guy just got into my car in San Francisco. Yeah, this sounds like a story. I don't know the end of it. I was just driving down, I think,

Ocean Avenue in San Francisco. Get in my car. Get in my car. With my brother John in the passenger seat. And a guy who is high out of his gourd, just got into the backseat of our car. This is well pre-Uber and Lyft. That's what I was going to ask. No, well pre-Uber and lift. He just got in and he said, let's go this way. And it was the way we were going, and I

didn't want to get murdered. So I was like, okay, he wasn't threatening us or anything. Then maybe like three quarters of a mile down the road. What did he smell like? He smelled like my brother John, weirdly. Okay. Yeah. He's like, I have punks to give exorcisms

to. If there are some punks that need exorcisms. This guy's trying to exercise me. Step on it. And then maybe like three quarters of a mile down the road. He's all right, I'm getting out. And he just got out and left. Wow.

So you were sort of the subway for him. Yeah, it was like a subway. He might have been riding cars around all night. Maybe he thought I was some sort of jitny. When my car was new, my 2015 Prius C. Nice. You stopped driving that cube? Yeah, no, the cube.

I got in a wreck with the cube. Oh, sorry. It's gone. The cube exploded because the cube, the Honda element, turns out they are made of Legos. Ah. So if you get in kind of a minor fender bender, they comically explode. But probably great for resale. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, absolutely. A lot of collectors. Very good. This Prius C is nice. The C is for compact. And it's a pretty color. It is, yeah, it's nice. But I think for when I bought it, that was the Uber car.

That was the most common Uber car. So very regularly, if I was driving when the bars were getting out, just some drunk would just yank on my door every time I got to a stoplight. You should lock your doors. How am I going to meet delightful drunks? That's true. I love them. The big red noses, seeing pink elephants. And I drive a Mazda Miata, which means I don't have a backseat, which is wonderful because people are always like, well, but no.

I mean, you can give us a ride. And I'm like, no. I can't. I can't. I cannot give. There's nothing back there. Right. I cannot help you move furniture.

It doesn't exist. Yeah. People just stand on the trunk and hold on to your roll bars, right? Don't have roll bars. Oh, no. What happens if you flip? Your head's going to get squished. No, just part of the car is there.

It's not real. I mean, I guess it's probably built into it someplace, but it's not that kind of convertible. I'm scared that your head's going to get squished. Well, then appreciate me while I'm in front of you. Okay. You know, save for the moments, Carpe Diem. You never know when your friend's going to get squished. Squished.

Don't wait until after your friends are squished to tell them. There you go. You know this about our show because you've been on a lot of times. But Jordan and I worked very hard on the show. First time I was on it, I think it was at your house. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's true.

Jordan and I work very hard on the show and we come up with a lot of ideas for segments on the show. So people don't just call 206-984-Fund or send a voice memo to us at JJGo at maximum fun.org with whatever they want to say, and then at the end of it, say, oh, this is for your segment. No, that's socialism. Yeah. That would be socialism. Exactly.

We don't want any part of that on this show. What are we, Zoron, Mum, Donnie? I don't think so. I live in an apartment. You hear that? This guy lives in a fucking apartment. Can't even lift half of what Eric Adams can lift. Yeah, that guy can lift anything.

New York politics, am I right? We know about them. Yeah, the New York Times tells us about them. Sure. No matter where we. we're looking at the New York Times from, they can tell using the internet. It's the most important city in the world. Yeah, exactly.

Cheesecake, pizza. I'm walking here. Imagine if the Washington Post was just all about who's running for mayor of Washington, D.C., like all the front page was that. Yeah, not unless they're smoking crack. Then they're a star power. What if the L.A. Times was just tracking Angeline. Yeah. Oh, she's the mayor of Los Angeles.

Yes. I honestly don't. Yeah, she's really cleaned up the streets. I haven't seen her in so long. I have, I know. I've never seen her before. Oh, really? I mean, I know, like, I've seen pictures of her.

You haven't even seen the car? You haven't been like, oh, I'm driving on the street? No. Angeline, beloved, local weirdo, we should say, had bought billboards of herself in the 80s. Yeah, and she became a general 80s icon for a while because of that because she was doing that in L.A. And so she ended up in movies from it. And now drives around in a pink sports car and parks in front of gay bars and sells T-shirts out of the trunk.

I have seen the Occidentes guy. No, I haven't seen that. That would be. But you've seen Sweet James, right? Were you lying about having seen Sweet James, right? Wait, in real life? Seeked to his sex dungeon, if that's what you mean. Was he there?

I was in his vagina stack that his wife got him for his birthday. What about that? Who's the guy with the, he did the when commercials? The hair guy. The hair guy? Oh, I, Chaz Dean? Yeah, Chaz Dean. With the billboard at Western and Franklin.

Were there commercials? L.A. Billboard Legends. With that guy? Infomercials for a product called When that was like this cleansing conditioner. It was him and I think Alyssa Milano. And it turned out it made your hair fall out. Oh. I was going to say cleansing conditioner.

Are you sure it wasn't called Pert Plus? Jesse, come on You're sure, it's not just called Pert Plus? No, they didn't sell that through infomercial, Jesse. Chaz Dean's just selling your Pert Plus, and he's written Wend on it. That wasn't a... Hey, Stephen. You know this Chaz Dean?

I think he's on TV selling people Pert Plus. Wow, that would be disappointing if that was true. Is this part of your stand-up act? This is my stand-up act. David Letterman did that for six months in 1993. We all loved it. Paul, do you hear me? Perk plus Paul.

I heard you, Dave. Anyway, the point is we think of a lot of our own stuff on the show, so this isn't just someone that called in and then whatever. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guest. I'm going to say stand-up comedian Benny Feldman. Close.

I'm calling in for your segment. Fun bumper sticker I saw on a car on my drive home from work. I was driving home from work. And just now, and I saw a gray van with a bumper sticker that was white, just white letters, that said, I hope something good happens to you today. And that made me smile. And as I passed the car, still smiling, I made eye contact with the driver who was a young woman who, looked just so angry at me and at everything. She just glared at me.

And I think that kind of counteracted the positive vibes that her bumper sticker had. But anyway, love you guys. Love you too. Thank you for paying it forward. Can I just say thank you for paying us forward? Bumper stickers are back, baby. Is this why you have that prompt? I think bumper stickers are back.

They are back. I hate driving big time. It's awful. It's a hellscape out there. The SUVs really bother me. Why are we driving around studio apartments that could kill you? If you hate driving, why are you out here driving the ultimate driver's car, the Mazda Mioda? Well, because I'm trying to have a lovely.

time. I don't understand when everybody is enjoying their time. They're like, ah, I'm, I got a win. And it's like, aren't we all on team get there alive? My understanding is that the Mazda Miata only drives up and down the PCH. That's the only place of Mazda Miata will operate. No matter where I'm trying to go, suddenly I find myself on the PCH. And it has a little arm that slaps sunglasses on you, you're not wearing them, right? Yes, exactly. And I keep putting the roof up and it goes down and my hair's blowing. And I'm like, what? And it only plays, the radio only plays we built the city on rock and roll, right? Oh, no, not in mine.

Mine play is Sweet Freedom by Michael McDonald's. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, you have the S package. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking of the club. I'm thinking of the club. Remember that arm that picks up R2D2 by the head and puts him in the X-wing?

Yeah. I heard that all meadas have one of that, but for cool dog. Sure. Yeah, it puts him right into my, his car seat. Yeah. I should have said, yes, there's no back seat, but there's also only one seat for a human. The other seat is a car dog seat. And the arm high-fives you after it does it.

Yeah. I think this collar was experienced. a kind of, you know, a bumper sticker dissonance, right? And I think you have to be conscious of what your bumper sticker says when you're driving around because people, if they like it, they're going to want to get a look at you. So I think just to like cover all your bases, just you should get a bumper that's sticker that just says, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm late. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

And then no matter what you look like, people are going to be like, oh, okay, yeah. For sure you can find that bumper sticker. I'm sure. Yeah, just covers the whole car. Sorry to have jumped to me after the call. It was just so inspiring. But my hating, driving and everybody being angry, it drove me to a little sticker project. I don't feel like you have to talk about these fucking callers.

They're just like, me, me, me. I listen to this and enjoy what you're doing. This is about us. It's me, Frank, or whatever. I send you $5 a month. Please love me. Yeah, we are creating somewhat community over a vast space. I posted a kind comment about you on Reddit.

We're keeping this show around that should have gone off the air years and years ago. Where's Marple? We like a fun silly bit, especially if it's a little bit dirty. So I wanted to... Yeah, that's the callers. So I wanted to... I was like, I got to do something because I feel like everybody's so angry. There's so much anger on the road.

And including me, shout out paramedopause. And I got... Big ups. Yeah. Yeah, best 10 years of my life. It's... So I got a bunch of bumper. stickers because I was like, okay, these will either remind people that I am a human in here

or make them go, make them think that I'm such a dork. They're like, oh, let's not, we can't hit this car because this lady's going to be really annoying. But I got magnetic. I got magnets to put it on. So you can switch them out. Oh, yeah. Turns out, Mazda meata, back end, fiberglass.

Oh. So now I've got to peel them off the magnets and decide which ones I really love. And I got great bumper stickers. What are we talking to you? Can we help you out? This car was bought with camel cash. I hit rock bottom at the shrimp buffet. Scared.

That's a good one. Oh, I believe it says like, look out. I just left a party and I'm on my way home to see my dog. These are all good. Do you think, I mean, obviously the Miata bumper can't accommodate all of these. Is this a reason to get a cyber truck? Yeah, I think maybe it is. You can just put them all over.

Maybe even a van. Oh, sure. A cyber van. I just have the bumper van. Oh, yeah. And it's just all stickers. Are magnetic bumper stickers, the new threadless t-shirts? Is that what I'm learning here?

They might be. Well, yeah, I mean, you think you're going to resell your car and that it's going to matter. I think I just have to go all in with weird car. Yeah, and just like fucking cars for kids deal with it in 10 years, you know? Yeah, you're welcome, kids. Yeah. I gave you a whole car. You can peel things off of it.

Thank you. The kids do that work, right? The kids do that. Yeah, that's who the cars are for. Yeah. When you give it to cars for kids. Thanks, mister. Yeah.

We'll get right to work all these bumper stickers. I believe cars for kids benefits some sort of Orthodox Jewish summer camp in New York State. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, it's a very odd operation. One 800. No, don't sing it. I am an occasional checker-outer of the person and relating it to the bumper sticker.

Yeah. I'm a frequent checker outer of the damage on a car and relating it to the driver. That's always fun. Oh, I'm a big time, bad move on the road, bad move driving, then check out the driver. Mm-hmm. Who is this? Who's this turkey? I'm obsessed with, like, someone who has, like, damaged, like a driver-side front-quarter panel damage,

and then they're making, like, a shady left turn in front. the right-hand lane in front of someone, you're like, I know how you got that. Yeah. I know how you got that because I just saw it. But then while I'm... Sherlock Holmes moment. Like, I was today on the, I was driving sort of behind someone who was driving like a Ford Taurus or something. And the whole driver's side would just look like used aluminum foil.

You know what I mean? Just wall to wall used aluminum foil. Love a front bumper held on with bungee cords. That's always a fun one. I see this guy and I'm like, oh, I bet there's a, I bet there's a real asshole in this car, fucking driving this fucked up ass car. And I behind him, but I'm in a lane to the left. And as I pass him, I just see that he's there driving with his knee while he types on his phone. Chomping a cigar.

And I'm like, ha, ha, I win. And then I'm like, uh-oh, got to get out of here. Yeah. As soon as I realized that I won, I realized that I had won it losing. Right. That's what I'm saying. I'm putting myself in the path of someone who might kill me. When I see somebody on their phone in an SUV, I'm like, you're literally playing Russian roulette.

And I have to say, I know a lot of people with families have SUVs because they could fit a lot of children. That's not what I'm talking about. And I know a lot of Russians play standard roulette. It's not dangerous at all. They also play Texas Hold'em. They also like to hit the slots. Russians like a lot of different casino games. They've gotten bigger and they're very dangerous because the front end is so high.

When they hit you, they won't just mess up your legs. They'll mess up all your organs. Sternum, it hits your sternum, and it drags you under instead of over. It's more dangerous. Kids go right under there. Listen, if a Miata hits, is in danger of hitting a pedestrian, the little arm flings them out of the way. Yeah, and then a little hand comes up in front of the mouth of the car and goes, he, he, sorry.

Right. And then it opens a beer and underhand chucks it to the guy. Yeah, it's a fun car. It's a fun car. It gives kids their first sip of beer. A lot of people don't know this, but children. are actually impervious to fiberglass. Right.

Oh, and beer. Yeah, they can drink as many as they want and they don't get drunk. And they can still drive. They're fine to drive. They actually drive better that way. Right. Yeah. Gives and loosens them up a little.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Josh in Denver and I am going to guess that the guest you have on this week is David Bori. I am just walking home.

from a coffee shop and I saw the rapper to a doldo in the grass and I thought that was really funny. Have a great day. Bye. Okay, wrong on the guest. Wrong. That's such a

Denver guest. Thank you for calling us from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Either a runway of the Denver airport. Yeah. Where you go when the shit goes down. He's probably that famous airport horse from Denver. I was going to That one street. Who's going to say thank you for calling a Tapa Zamboni?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's another possibility. Oh, yeah. That's more whimsical. David Borey got a new comedy special coming out soon. Oh, nice. So I saw that on his Instagram. So this person found a rap, a rapper.

Now, listen. Have I bought a lot of dildos? Yeah, Lil Dildo, the rapper. A little dildo. Eliza, I was going to say, you've done a lot of rapping in your time. Have you ever been the rapper to a dildo? No. Cardi B featuring Little Dildo.

Well, I did coach one once, Ashton Coocher. Oh, excellent. Now we're talking. I told him, you can wait, get in the pocket. You just have to find the rhythm. That's the key to all of it. And he gave me this evil look. And he was like, oh, really?

That's the key. I think the most important, because I was like, that's the most important thing. He was like, I think the most important thing is having fun. Whoa. And then like, spun around and turned away. And I was like, that's the weirdest thing to say. In a half. Yeah.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm off to be as beloved as I am now forever. Yeah, and he lost. The first person ever that I coached, who lost. This is on the rap battle show. Yeah. Do dildos come in rappers? It seems like maybe you want it.

You have they come in cellophane like one of those pickles that you get out of the refrigerator section. I'm imagining those oranges that you smash, those chocolate oranges. Which one is a dildo and which one is a tootsie pop? I get them mixed up. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a dildo? Yeah, yeah, so those come in rappers. Yeah, those old retro commercials with the owl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, one, to who-hoo. And he bites the dildo. He put the dildo in. Yeah. Crunch. Who put this dildo in me. Yeah, that's fun, huh? Yeah, it's a good show.

Rapper, because I would think, Dildo probably comes in like a box or a case. Yeah, I bet it's in like some sort of like, not clam shell, but like a bot, like one of those plastic things that are form fitted to it inside of a box. Right. That's what I think. I don't think you're getting like Lucy's. If I know anything from the joke that I've repeated to Jordan many, many times that Dana Gould once made about the sales force tower in San Francisco, that it doesn't, he's not going to say it looks like a dildo, but it looks like the box of dildo comes in. It's that dildos come in boxes. Thank you.

Yeah. And boxes come from dildos. And boxes come from dildos. Yeah. If you use the dildo, the right, get it? Yeah. It was a cum joke. It's a come from boasts.

Ask your parents, kids. Male slappiness epidemic. These are some things we've said on the show. Well, Eliza's set them. Ashton Cudgers at home right now crying, like, why didn't I listen to this woman? That guy. You're not listening to Eliza is the source of all my problems, he said. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I was like, hey, don't be friends with rapists. There we go. He was like, oh, I think the key is to have fun. And I was like, what? Yeah. How was that track? Come on, Ashton. Just, you know, the man likes to have fun.

He just likes to have fun. And invest in companies. And invest in companies. Invest in companies. Yes. I feel like investing in companies is like the number one thing that a rich dillweed can do to be called smart and important. Oh, to buy the right stock? Like if you're, no, like not just buy the right stock, but like,

if you're like cart owner yeah like if you're like soldier boy and you like people mostly primarily know which soldier boy soldier boy from the 90 day fiance franchise or soldier boy the rapper soldier boy the rapper soldier boy are there two soldier boys yeah there's a soldier boy on the 90 day fiance or is it two sides of the same no no he's also a rapper and an rmbee he's mostly a rapper He's from Nigeria. And he just took the name of a pre-existing rapper? Yeah, nobody from mentions that. Does he even Superman host?

No, he doesn't. It's very confusing. Weird. It sounds like a branding show. Okay, so if you're the rapper Soldier Boy, who, you know. Not the African one. Granted, a lot of, a lot of music business innovation came from Soldier Boy, not a lot of rap innovation, but a fair amount of music business, innovation in terms of his relationships with, you know, his audience and so on. A lot of important

teaching. A lot of important teaching. That's later when he was at Concordia. He teaches at Concordia. Oh, okay. He teaches how to soldier boy. Yeah. At Concordia. Concordia. Yeah. He used to teach at Oberlin, but he was only adjunct there. Okay. So if you're soldier boy and you want to. like demonstrate what a like serious grown-up you are there's like a Forbes article about how you're an angel investor in tech startups no it's it's such a gamble because it can equally go either way it 100% depends on how the company does okay because yeah either you invest and you're a genius or you invest and it's fire festival okay and you're what is that jaw rule I feel like there's not

a follow-up though like it's not like there's a follow-up like this isn't You mean like the next act for the investor? No, a follow-up article in Forbes. Like there's the article about how what a smart, serious business investor guy you are now. No, but there might be a documentary. Again, Jarl, Fire Festival. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, and anytime like a celebrity, like an actor starts the side business, like I understand the fun of tequila brand.

I absolutely understand wanting to have your own tequila brand. Everything else. I'm like, oh, God. But if generic tequila brand, like it turned out, was made from rat poop, and they'd be like, yikes, just don't, nobody do that anymore. If it was Brian Cranston's rat poop tequila, articles everywhere. These are specifically, again, these are specifically tech startups. I'm not talking about E40s Lumpia brand. We all celebrate E40s brand of grocery store Lumpia.

Sure, sure. Because he is friends with a lot of philippinos, it worked out. It's frozen? Yeah, I think they're frozen. Oh, you can't throw those in the air fire. Those might turn out pretty good. You know what you're talking about. Then you get to serve yourself a slurricane hurricane, hurricane, and you're in business.

I'm out. You're out? Because of those reasons, I'm out. Okay. What about equerinta tequila? Would you be willing to drink that instead? Did you bring the sharks a sample? This is not the investment for us, Jesse.

I just feel like investing in tech starts. startups is like all I've heard about Ashton Coocher since he was on that 70s show is how he's a canny investor in tech startups. What about pop chips? That's the big investment I know about. He's in pop chips. He was an investor in pop chips. And then he did a racist commercial for him. And he was like, well, I mean, it's kind of my company.

And people are like, so? That doesn't make it better words. I was just trying to have fun out there. Yeah. It was a literal translation of the lines my Miata gave me. You guys want to consult Eliza's Miata for what we should say next and then come back for some more. We'll be back and just on that.

Hong Kong. On Dard. I'm nothing ago. You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother me for 15 years. And maybe you stopped listening for a while. Maybe you never listen. And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years. I know where this has ended up.

But no. No, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing. Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works. The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me. We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening. And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten. So check it out on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcast.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything. So let's do a quick progress tech. Have we learned about quantum physics? Yes, episode 59. We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters? Episode 64. So how close are we to learning everything? Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet. Oh, we're ruined! No, no, no, it's good news as well. Well, there is still a lot to learn.

Woo! I'm Dr. Ella Hubber. I'm regular Tom Lum. I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode. Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Eliza Skinner, Clankety Car. Eliza, look, you've got your hands in a lot of pots. Hey. Talking about your pottery career. And those pots all have pies in them. Yeah. Gearing up for the fall, guys.

This is the time for pottery. Actually, apparently summer really is, but that's what you like pay to be in those markets. And I don't have that kind of cash flow in the whole pottery system yet. But, yeah, I got some spooky pots coming out soon. Oh. Oh. I got a spooky, I got a spooky Eliza Skinner original on my refrigerator. It's a, it's a magnet of a bat that says bat on it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I really like it. I've got on my fridge, I have a kind of a county fair ribbon that says, hell yeah. Oh, yeah, I made those too. And, of course, my most prized, I'm going to say it, possession, is my Eliza Skinner coffee mug that says poison on it. And then someone has written not. Yes. It's not poison.

Wonderful. It is functional. I enjoy a cup of coffee out of it most mornings. I got it. And my life is better because of it. I got a new. I'm so glad. Yeah.

And I've got a new run of not poison mugs coming. Hey. I've got, yes, so spooky. It's funny. I was like, I'm going to make people stuff that they can just have in their lives and it'll be functional. And it does seem like people are like, no, we want the weird art. Make more weird art stuff. And so I'm like, well, okay.

I better hurry up with the weird art production. Yeah, people bought their regular stuff down at the IKEA. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. With a bag of meatballs. Yeah, but it's really nice to have a special mug. It's nice to have a special mug. Makes life more fun. Yeah, and I think we're going to.

Oh, yeah. Should we announce this? Sure. Should we make a big announcement about a live event? Wow, wow, wow, big, big. Are you sitting down to announce a stoneware collabo? No. This is going to be a thrilling collaboration.

Okay. If you're in Southern California and you're going to attend... Hold on. I am in Southern California. Oh, this is great for you. Jesse, wait, I have a second. I have a follow-up question. Yeah, let me check on something.

Okay. Steven? What's up? Where are you? I'm in Southern California. Oh, boy. Wow, this is exciting. Hey, dog, where are you?

Where are you at, dog? Hong Kong. Dog is car? All right. Whatever. If you're going to be at L.A. on the 27th, Eliza and I will be tabling together. Together!

Together! What? The ultimate team up, name a more iconic duo. I'll wait. Nope. I mean, Jesse and Jordan. Jesse and Jordan. I'd like to imagine.

And Stephen and Jr. You guys aren't good pals, but. Oh, I'm with the dog. We've been working together for 20 years, Jordan. Would you call us iconic, though? I mean, I don't know. Yeah, you're going to have graphic novels. I'm going to have comics and graphic novels.

Elisha's going to have pop culture inspired. Mugs, mules, maybe some monsters, probably some monsters. Probably some monsters. Yeah, and we'll hang out and sell them and meet people and do all that stuff. Let me ask you a question. I've got a kid who I'm interested in encouraging to have a creative career. And I'm not interested in buying anything. Sure.

Yeah. Could I bend your ear for 20 to 40 minutes? Oh, well, we have these stickers for you. Yeah, these stickers. Yes. They cost four national geographics each. I've got a handful of buttons. Will that do it?

Yeah, whatever. Sure. Yeah, why not? You want a picture? Sure. Wait for us near the parking lot. I want a picture, but with Janet Varney. Oh, okay.

Well, yeah, sure. So, yeah. So this is going to be, this is going to be the 27th of September. It's a Saturday. We'll let you know about the exact location when we know it. So stay tuned to this show and to social media. So yeah, come get some comics. Come get some beautiful pots and ceramic items and have a great life.

I have a question. My pots all buy baby food for my dog. There you go. I have a question. The dog needs baby food. Dog is baby. Okay. So dog is baby and dog is car?

Dog is baby car. It's a very little car. He's so cute, Hong Kong. Yeah. I have a question. Jordan, do you mind if I ask Eliza a question? Sure. I don't want to cut you out of the whole thing.

While you're asking you and I are a pretty iconic duo. We both talk to you a lot. That's true. We got a lot to make up for. Yeah. Can I play Marvel Snap? Yes. You can be X-Force.

Well, it depends on who I get in my deck. Hopefully you'll get Sasquatch from. the Alpha Squad. There you go. Yeah. Good pull. Okay. Eliza. Yes. I am not in Southern California. I lied earlier. Oh, no. But I do love pots. Okay. And mugs. And spooky monsters. Well, you should keep your eye on my Etsy store. You have an Etsy store? I do have an Etsy store. Anyone in the entire world can access that. Yeah, exactly. And you can buy things there and then I'll wrap it up and I'll put a little card in and and write on it and send it to you. What do I do? Just type in Eliza Skinner or Etsy store? That would be smart, but no.

You would type in Booberryjones. Dot Etsy.com. That's your dog's name. Yeah, well. It's the dog store. It's the dog store. It's the dog's car. You has Instagram.

Yeah, I do. So I can click on there. Yeah. That also isn't at Eliza Skinner. That's at E-Skins. But you could follow me on Instagram and there's links there. But I could, I could search for Eliza Skinner, Instagram. That would work.

What about, what about that? I got a third solution. What if Stephen dropped the link in the show notes. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah. Oh, my God. I have to, I have my fourth move to making Marvel Snap.

And I have this, I have a line of intention cups coming out, which is a little cup. You've had a, you had a drink in. Oh, I've drank out. I have sipped from the cup. Did you, you had a success cup or a magic cup? Oh, yeah. I think I got, yeah, I think it was magic. And.

And there was magic in your life? There was some, you know what? There's been a little bit of magic in my life. Yeah. I found an entire ice cream code. Wow, that's magical. In the road. Wow.

Well, okay. And it was covered in what you initially assumed to be chocolate sprinkle. But it wasn't. I'm hoping that these things will be more popular because they're like, you know, you set your intention. You think about something while you're drinking out of it. Because I also released a set, a line of abortifacient mugs. And no one wants those. Okay.

What are those about? Abortifashioned. Substances that cause abortions. Oh. Yeah. So it's like a witchy sort of. Sorry, I have abortapha. Oh, yeah.

No, it's like a witchy, my body, my choice kind of thing. Oh. But, yeah, people aren't into it. I have one more quick follow-up. Okay. So obviously, I can order these online just by going to buberryjones. dot Etsy.com. Correct.

But here's my question. I'm kind of avoiding ordering things online right now because I don't want to get hit with tariffs. Oh, well, if you are here in America, there won't be a tariff. I am. I'm not in Southern California.

That's where I am. So there's no state-to-state tariff. Well, thank you, President Trump. Well, I feel like that's a little too enthusiastic. And if you say it too many times, it'll get taken away um but uh yeah and you know what if you're not in southern california but you're in driving distance and you are free on the 13th i will have a market um that day also at the lyric hyperion oh right there at the lyric hyperion yeah could i go to that market then later on go to a

great show there sure yeah there's great shows there every night probably like uh like a fancy clown maybe a fancy clown maybe a sexy clown could be a sexy clown maybe something maybe a sad person who had something sad happen to them, but they found humor. They found humor in it. So they're telling their story. In it. See it a year before it's out of Edinburgh, you know?

In it. Within. The sad. Yes. Mm-hmm. That's all we have on this week's show, right? Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the free design. Enlighting the Attic Records. Stephen Ray Morris is our producer. dog's name is junior Eliza Skinner's dog name is Booberry Jones give your dog's last names you can find a picture it's how they get driver's licenses they can't get the license they don't have a last name the dogs should vote my dog's name is jesse thorn junior

there you go he's got a last name yeah you can and a suffix you can find pictures of booberry jones on eliza's instagram or his or his instagram i think i follow both good Is it at Booberry Jones? It is. Like the Etsy store. So people can remember it's like the Etsy store. Yeah. At Boobary Jones.

I remember you should just pretty much get a tattoo of my dog's name and then you'll have all my contact info. Okay, great. I'll talk to you. Love you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. some of fun. A worker-owned network of artists-owned shows. Supported directly by you.