Jordan, Jesse, GO! - A Dirty Weekend In Skeggers, with Lindsey Kelk

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

On this week's episode, we welcome author and podcaster, Lindsey Kelk (Tights and Fights) to chat about British seaside towns, romance conventions, ASMR favorites, vintage wrestling t-shirts, and more!Pre-order Lindsey’s book, The Bell Witches, right now!Live Jordan, Jesse, Go! in Chicago at Sleeping Village on April 11th!Before 8am PST - Presale code: FULLCHORTJordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Pre-order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic!Send us your niche Subreddits for MaxFunDrive jjgo [at] maximumfun.orgJordan will be at C2E2 and WonderCon this year. Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right! 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Bonjour Jordan, bonjour! Oh, are you speaking French to me just because I recently returned from the land of Nolans? Yeah, well, did you say hi to celebrity chef Paul Bredome? No, I think he's dead.

But I did say hi to his grave. I didn't say, can he say hi to you? I said, did you say hi to him? That's true. I did. I did say hi to his resting place. That's great. Did you pour out an enormous Applejack cap for him? You know when it comes to Nolans

There's only one thing to say and it's a sign I saw around there constantly Binye done that Jesse if you're wondering how New Orleans was yeah, Binye done that. Okay. Well keep keep Nolans weird. That's what I said. Sure. Yeah. No, I had really, I really had a lovely time. We had a, it was kind of a little family reunion from my mom's side of the family. I had a, I think what, my first cousin once removed was riding on a Mardi Gras float.

Is that your mother's cousin? Is that what a first cousin once removed was riding on a Mardi Gras float. Is that your mother's cousin? Is that what a first cousin once removed is? It's my cousin's child. Oh. Which is my cousin? I don't know. Who is this person? Yeah.

Well, she had the wonderful honor of riding on a Mardi Gras float. So kind of like my mom's side of the family all decided to kind of get together and you know watch the float and we had a damn great time. What was the float? Snoopy? You know New Orleans is Mardi Gras is so committed to its- Dagwood Bumstead? There's no pop culture characters in the Mardi Gras parade. Wow. in the Mardi Gras parade. It is just committed to its weird mix of Catholicism and Roman polytheism and some clothes that you hope aren't racist, but are coming by.

But maybe. Maybe. Maybe if you go back far enough it had some sort of... Ain't I a stinker says Nolans. But it is so much fun and it is so fucking crazy and you don't know why it's happening. If you ask someone like, oh why are all those people riding on that float? Oh, because they're part of a community organization. Oh, well what what else they do? You know, they're out in the community.

Yeah, they run numbers. Yeah, who are those people in masks? Community members. Yeah. So it's all very mysterious, but, and yeah, no pop culture characters, no Sonic the Hedgehog float. It's great when New Orleans stuff happens,

when you're in New Orleans. When my friend Pete got married and they had a parade to the reception, like I knew they had like a band that was leading the parade, the second line. And so I knew my friend Pete's a musician. I figure he's probably gonna grab a guitar or whatever and there'll probably be some he's got friends who are musicians. Sure. But we're marching, you know, and there's people just coming out of houses with trumpets. Yeah, just because they're like, Oh, great. I could use my trumpet now. Yeah, perfect time to use my trumpet, whatever these people are marching to public trumpeting yeah yeah it is the world's stickiest city and the world's funnest city uh-huh I don't think that's a coincidence no I think many of our greatest are related many of our greatest funds are sticky all the fuck from semen to morning buns yes that's sure yeah to the powdered sugar that covers their famous beignets.

To the puke that comes out of your mouth when you've had a foot of hurricane served to you out of a plastic guitar. Yeah, so fun. There was an element of this to like, oh, I'm seeing like... So there's like the family members you're super close to, and then there's just like these people you see, you know, once every couple years. And like, so I'm seeing and they're all lovely and I'm glad to see these people every couple years.

Which one's an asshole though? I'll tell you. Throw them under the bus right now on the air. Throw Uncle Jeff under the bus. Uncle Jeff, sorry. I'm calling you out. And also, I don't'm calling you out and also I don't have you. Uncle Jeff, I don't got you. I don't got an Uncle Jeff. No. No, everyone's lovely. All my uncles are dead. But there's these like family members and they, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure they

were lovely guys. Some of them were. Okay. One went to jail for something awful. Oh no. Jeff! Jeff! How dare you? There's this thing where someone knows one story about you. They know they know you, and you just have to a certain, to certain members of your family, you are known for the one thing.

Jordan? Yeah. If I walked into the San Francisco offices of Natural Resources Defense Council, where my Aunt Gail worked for decades, and with whom I went to the annual employee retreat on Angel Island in the San Francisco Bay every year as a child, there would be four people there who would say, ah, Jesse pooped on the beach like a dog So I think once when I was four I pooped on the beach and then came up and told everyone that I had pooped on The beach like oh you were proud of it. I think I was proud of it. Yeah well

Mine is one time I ate a lot of shrimp There was one trip where I ate a lot of shrimp and everyone took note of how much shrimp I was eating. Can I ask a question, Dorton? Yeah. And I don't mean to be judgmental here. How many times have you been to New Orleans? I've probably been as a family 10 times.

So what went wrong on the other trip? Why weren't you eating? I think maybe what happened was there was one... I mean, every time you go to New Orleans, you're going to eat a lot of shrimp. Right. But I think there was one time where I just ate shrimp and didn't eat other things. You know, in some parts of this country, you have to be rich to eat shrimp. Oh, yeah, sure. If you're in New Orleans, doesn't matter if you're a po' boy. No, yeah, they'll give it to you. They'll give it to you on a roll.

You just go down to the unemployment office, give them your card and they'll put shrimp right in your mouth. Yeah. So, I think there was just like every couple hours, I would see a cousin or a cousin's spouse and I'd go, Jordan, look out, shrimp. Here he comes. He's here. And you were like, yeah, fuck them.

Throw them down my throat. Let's go. Let's do this. Crawfish are too much work. And don't taste good enough. It's fine. I'm fine having it, but let's be honest, it's not good as shrimp. Just dredge them out of a river.

So yeah, it was just shrimp guy for a couple days, watching floats. How many shrimp did you eat this time that you ate all the shrimp? God, good question. Yeah, it was, I think when I was a kid, and I think I just kept having it, and I think I wanted it all the time. I bet I ate. Okay, so the average trip's three days. This is a three-day trip.

Three-day trip. Here in New Orleans. That's in Louisiana. Three meals a day. Right. So I'll say probably I ate 45,000 shrimp. That seems about right. Yeah. And then the drawn butter, of course.

And then a little Andouille. And then a little bite of Andouille. A little bite of Andouille. And you know, I finished my shrimp, I loosen my belt, and I say, Benye done that. I didn't have a belt as a child. How come children don't wear belts? Are they just okay with their pants falling down around their ankles? I guess so. Hey, don't talk to me.

I ain't no child. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. A lot of these children out here. I ain't no child. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. A lot of these children out here eating all our goddamn shrimp. Thank you. Well, they got to keep those pants up. They have to gain weight to where their pants stay up. Because as we know, kids don't have belts.

You know what they say? Keep your grades and your pants up. They do say that. Eat shrimp. Yes. It's brain food. I always cut an A in eating shrimp. Eat shrimp. Eat shrimp. Yes. It's brain food. I always cut an A in eating shrimp. You went to one of those alternative schools, right? Yeah, Red Lobster. That's called. Sure. I know that you went to the Olive Garden. Right, yeah. And we were rivals, of course. Our football teams would play each other. Sure. Yours was yours was yours at a distinct advantage because of the unlimited salad and

breadsticks. Right. Yeah. You can really get big and healthy if you've got access to unlimited salad and bread, breadsticks. That's true. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Guest on the program is one of the co-hosts of Maximum Fund's very own podcast, Tights and Fights. She's also the author of Jordan, 19 books. What? Too many. Lindsay Kelth.

Yeah, it's about double what- Too many. It's about double what I'm willing to accept, Lindsay. That seems reasonable. It's 45,000 shrimp or 19 books. You got one book that just came out and one book that's about to come out, right? That's correct. The one that just came out is a rom-com. What's that one called?

Yes, that is Love Story. And then what's around the corner? The Bell Witches. The Bell Witches. Which one of these? If you had to get rid of one of them, Sophie's Choice. Yeah, kick one of these books to the curb. I mean, with Sophie's Choice in it, the lead character in love story is called Sophie. So fuck up Let's go Bellwitches. Thank you for pre-order now

Lindsay do you have a like Family story about yourself. Is there something about you that everyone's like? Oh, Lindsay, of course she nothing good So cool like on the beach like a dog absolutely did not poop on the beach like a dog. I'm British and therefore extremely prudish and any bodily functions take place in shame and private. She only goes to the beach in those like canvas houses on wheels. It's a Victorian bathing machine or nothing for me, I'm afraid. You observe the beach through a window? Possibly. From for me. I'm afraid. Yeah. You observe the beach through a window. Possibly. From a distance. I'm a very pale person. Like the sun is not my friend.

You are though. I mean, I'll say this. Steven, Stephen Ray Morris. Hello. How many Zots did you bring here? I think 45,000 Zots. Yeah. Okay. So lately on the program, our colleague KT, who runs our office, she had leftover candy from last year's Max Fund Drive that she was putting in a bowl on the lunchroom table. That was a what we'll call a budget mix. And one of the elements of the budget mix was Zotz, which is a hard candy with fizzy stuff inside.

I started kind of obsessing over Zotz because they were always there and I'd come into the office and I'd eat a Zotz and then it would fizz in my mouth, you know, it was like a feedback loop. But we had run out of Zotz. Stephen Ray Morris showed up here tonight with a 50 pound bag of Zotz. Oh boy. Did not realize it was that big. I've just taken it to be, I'm like Elf on a shelf, you know, because I'm not here during the day, come back, leave surprises for everyone, you know.

It was like, it was like a, like a basmati rice bag of Zots. Okay. Lindsay Kelk comes in here. First of all, she has a Zots. She's, she's from a foreign country, but she's not averse to, you know, acclimating to our customs. Went at Max Fun, eat Zotz. She told me that when she got married, she brought in rock from the British seasides. She imported rock, not rock and roll, Jordan. Not rock cocaine.

Stone? Oh, I can't speak to rock cocaine. I couldn't comment. Okay. No, rock candy. Okay. What is this rock candy that you can't get in America? So I could have brought you some because it's five years old, but our guests were very suspicious.

And so we still have quite a lot of it. But rock candy in the UK, it's a long stick of hard candy which is usually mint or fruit flavored and the way they make it is they run the name of the seaside town through it. So you'll get Blackpool Rock and it'll say Blackpool or you'll get Skegness Rock and it'll say Skegness. Where does it say it on the wrapper? It's inside the candy. I can't picture this. If you think it's a round tube of candy, it's a round cylindrical long candy and it shoots

through it. So it's not crystalline? Because if you told me that you were bringing me rock candy and you were American and you said you were bringing it from the seaside, say from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Yes. Great place to get rock candy. And tacky. Great place to get rock candy.

It would be a thin wooden dowel or probably cardboard in some cases, but in a classy joint, wooden, and it would have crystalline sugar on the end of it like an Itzikadoo's a the shape of an it's a caduceus. It's it's it's not not helps right. That's that nailed it for me. Yeah. I was were you still get very skinny sticks of rock. Here we go. We've got an illustration or you can get thicker ones. Ours were on the thicker end. So it was kind of like speaking of a breadstick, ours are thicker as well. That's what she said. And yeah, they run the name of the town of fruit. Okay, so if you imagine taking a breadstick, slicing it so that a circle is showing and in the circle is written the name of the place. So then it ends up being something that you say as a saying in the UK.

So it'd be like, oh, it runs through them. Like if you cut them open, it runs through them like black pool through rock. Cause it's just so very common. And I had it made with our names on it. And I was so impressed and pleased. What a cute country. We're adorable when we're not being bred for. We're so cute. I mean, I think one of the cutest things about England in my experience is what they consider to be a vacation destination.

Oh, you've never lived until you've been to Cleethorpes. What are you talking about? I think now people just... Cleethorpes done that. Am I right? Clethorpe's done that. Don't fancy a weekend in Skeggness? Dirty weekend in Skeggers? Come on. If you remember the dirty weekend in Skeggers, you weren't there. I think for 30 pounds now, you can just fly to Majorca. But why would you do that when you could drive your entire family in a Honda Fit to Skeggness or Blackpool or Mablethorpe or any one of these places.

Can you describe one of these places? Pick one and describe it. I love the British seaside. I have very fond memories. My grandmother used to take us when we were little and it was like the highlight of my year. Every year we went it was the best thing. So it is seaside town. You've got your beach. I mean, it's changed now, I'll say, which is disappointing. But there'll be your beach. It's pretty gross, but you rent a deck chair, there's donkeys to ride. Okay. The big donkey ride was a big thing. I have a lovely photo of my child on one of these donkeys looking like the happiest girl that's ever lived. These are like beach donkeys? Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And

they're pretty chill. They seem relatively into it. Beach donkey, where else are they going to go? It's like point break. They just want to live on the beach. All they do is eat apples and fucking blaze trees. Hell yeah. That's it.

They live in the dream. And if we're going to follow the point break plot, they rob banks? Sometimes, but only if they can get the mask. And that's harder for them. Sure, yeah. And I guess they would have to be prime ministers. They have masks of presidents. But if they can, and mask right and that's harder for them. Sure Yeah, and I guess they would have to be prime ministers Masks of president if they can and none of them want to do that. Yeah. Yeah, they're not monsters. Right? Yeah, everybody wants to be

John major But yeah, it's it's beach there's donkey there's deck chairs there's fish and chips There will be donuts, fresh fried donuts. There will be arcade machines or slot machines. Yeah, it's so great, but it's also 300 days out of the year it's raining. So that's going to put a dent into your plans. But if you hit it the right pocket. But if you hit it on the right day, which will not be the day you're there.

No, of course not. But it's just such an amazing, it's just a very wholesome, like the British seaside is very wholesome. Like you're going to get an ice cream, you're going to get a 99, like a vanilla cone with a flake stuck in it. Oh yeah. Chocolate flake. It's just honestly just really nice.

But it's not like, look, the only one I ever went to was one near jolly old London town as I call it, Jordan. This was, somebody told me to go there, maybe Helen's Ultimate told me to go there. It was very cool now. Very cool there. Was it, it starts with M and I've completely, Margate, was it Margate? No, it wasn't Margate. It's Margate's very cool now. Okay. Well, it was a famous one.

I can't remember what it was. Brighton? Yeah, I think it was Brighton. It'll be Brighton. Yeah. If it's not Margate, it'll be Brighton. And she recommended it to me for two reasons. One is it's very cool now.

I think Josie Long tried to tell me the same shit, tried to sell me the same fucking line. You know Josie Long, you can't trust her. Yeah, yeah, Lyin' Long. Duplicitous, Josie Long. Just a dark soul on that one, you know? Love's chaos. Yeah, so I went to this Brighton. I took a train there.

You know, it was not a bad, you know, hour and 15 minutes or something on the train. I don't remember. And it's just me out there. And the things that Helen Zaltzman recommended to me, she said, well, it's very cool there. Everybody lives there now. It's very cool. It's true. And then she said, and also there's a really nice summer palace.

A really premium vacation palace there. And I did go to that vacation palace. And I do like that in the United Kingdom, the monarchs would have a lot of different palaces so that they would have a palace wherever they happen to be, despite the fact that everything is three hours from everything else. So like there's 42 different palaces just for the queen or whatever, when she could literally be like, wow, it's six, I'll be home by nine. You are speaking to someone now who came from a village of 7,000 people that had eight pubs in it. So we would really rather not travel more than four minutes if we can avoid

it. I've lived in America for 16 years now. I've learned about distance. I was not familiar with it before that. I thought everything was far away. And it turns out some things are quite close. I had a conversation with our booking agent one time. I was wondering, we had played Austin, Texas, but I felt like we had a lot of listeners in Houston, in the Houston area, which is a bit of a hike from Austin. Texas, big state. Huge state.

And I said, well, sometimes should we do, and I think I wanted to do a show in New Orleans. So I was like, sometime could we do maybe a thing where we did like Austin, but then we also did like San Antonio, Houston, and New Orleans or something like that. You know, like get us to New Orleans and you know there's a bunch of big cities in Texas. Play the other big cities in Texas not just Austin. And the thing the booking agent, decades of experience booking live performances said to me was he he was just like, yeah, there's not really anywhere to play and people will just drive however far. He's like, four hours, they'll just do it.

It's fucking Texas. Yeah, no, I can back it up. I did a book event in Austin in September and people drove from Houston and I wanted to shake them and ask if they were well because for an English person it's so far and they drove to the event and then they were gonna drive home yeah at night wild in the dark in a car drunk I only enjoy yeah there you go yes she was selling rock there at the book event the joy of the book candy so The joy of books. Candy. So they were propped. They were pumped. You were telling us pre the podcast starting that you recently went to like a Romance book con. I did. Oh my god. What's that like? I did. I went to Love Y'all Fest in Decatur, Georgia

Just outside of Atlanta and it was my first ever US convention So I've done a bunch of tours. That's just me and another author or you know me and a couple of authors I've never been to a big convention just that one time though, right cuz fuck him. Yeah Eddie can't be trusted. You can't leave him alone with the rock candy There's none left for anyone better. Whereetter, where's my candy? No more. No more of him. You know what I always say are the top two celebrities who can't be trusted? Eddie Vetter from Pearl Jam and then Josie Long. Yeah. Comedian Josie Long. You're always saying that. Delete your candy. You've always said it. Delete your candy. But yeah, it was intense.

I don't know why I was expecting, because I've been to Comic Cons and stuff as an attendee and as a journalist or whatever, but I've never attended anything as, for the want of a better word, an attraction or part of the event. And it was in a hotel and most of the authors and most of the guests. And then it turned out also a wedding. So that was a fun aside. But we're all staying in the... Yeah, everyone in the hotel was either this one unrelated wedding or...

And it was a royal wedding. Or the prince was marrying a commoner. I mean, there was a big group of groomsmen who were just wandering around the lobby in their tuxes with just all these feral romance writers and I was worried for their safety at one point. Like you're not getting out of here in one piece lads. You've made a terrible error. Right, yes.

It was your fault for wearing elf ears as part of your groomsman's outfit. You're going to get some horny romantic fans. Literally 95% of attendees, including myself at one point, were all wearing the Taylor Swift cardigans. So that's how you could tell us. And that's how you knew we weren't part of the wedding. But it was so intense. And it was just honestly, to be hideously honest for one minute, it

was just very intensely joyous and joyful because it was just a massive gathering of people who were there because they love books. And I got the feeling from some of the people I talked to that that's not always common in their everyday life with everyone they know. But then suddenly they get two days just to be the world's biggest, most enthusiastic book nerd with nothing but other enthusiastic book nerds and everyone gets to be their weirdest, truest self. And it was really, really nice. But it was also terrifying. And you were selling what at this event?

Just myself, baby. Just myself. But you write the- The tales she reads. The tales she reads. So I can see how you like this Lindsay Untrustworthy celebrity after Eddie veteran Josie So you went to this book event? Purely for the craven selfish act of selling Technically I wasn't selling it directly.

Okay. A local bookseller was selling the books. That's nice. We want to support them. Would love to see a number. Honestly, yeah. Because some of us had to do a 9 a.m. panel on the Sunday morning, and I think that was a bit out of order, but here we are.

I hope that- That's God's time. It was not okay in the state of Georgia. That's for Kim. It was not okay. Yeah. In the state of Georgia. It certainly wasn't for me. I've seen the photos of how I looked at that time. And it was ungodly. It was ungodly. It was dark. Get on your bedtime card again. Very much so. I was wearing a Charlie Swan t-shirt that day from Twilight, but it was still, you know, on theme. Yeah, it just is a lot. Like, it's just a lot of adrenaline and enthusiasm,

and everyone's on from morning till night. There was also a Starbucks in the lobby, and that was a terrible mistake, because the caffeination levels were through the roof. Are there also, like, overwhelming adolescent girl vibes in the same, not because the crowd I'm sure is mostly adult, but in the same way that there are adolescent boy vibes that you're wearing a wrestling t-shirt at a wrestling event? Absolutely.

Yeah, totally. It was, yeah, it was a bit like being a, like I assume what like a One Direction show would be. I have a friend, one of my friends is like one of the world's biggest selling romance authors. She is hyper, hyper ultra successful. She is also, thank God, an incredible, wonderful, generous, lovely person. You can say Danielle Steele.

Yeah. Well, I didn't want to throw her under the bus. It's Danielle Steele. You don't know where this is going to go. But yeah, Danielle Steele and I. Or throw her under her famous desk that's shaped like Danielle Steele novels. What a dream though. She is the dream. But yeah, this friend of mine, who may or may not be Danielle Steele, isn't. She is so famous in this group of people. And I've done an event, I've done two events with her before.

One in Austin, actually, and one in England. So I've done two events with her before, and one in Austin, actually, and one in England. So I've seen it, but they were smaller events. It was a couple hundred people. So it's pretty manageable. You can have a little chat with everybody, sign your book, you have a lovely time. Everyone gets home in a timely manner. Putting her in the middle of a hotel in a convention where the convention is happening and she is staying and all the readers are staying was like going back to the 60s and put in... It was like Beatlemania.

Yeah, put in Paul McCartney in the middle of a premium travel life. People are carrying the pieces of her clothes off. It was nuts. And I know exactly what your friend is going through. So whenever I go to a book of InteraCon, I stay in a tent behind the convention center. Nice. Nice. Smart.

With the possums and the raccoons. Oh yeah. Who are my biggest fans? So supportive yeah I just sleep with your Jordan. We read your books with our human like hands and wash them in the river to read We put them in our pouches in our pouches, where are the possums? Come here little guys, hey it's me, I'm a rat, rats always talk like this. Not big readers though, the rats.

Not big readers. They're more into nuts. Yeah, totally. Or discarded food wrappers. Can you, here's something I always enjoy talking to Bria and Mallory about when they're on the show, the hosts of reading glasses. What's the new thing people are horny for? Yeah. What is the new thing? Oh my god, they're horny for everything. I write romance novels, my books are... So I've been doing it for a minute. I've been writing for like 15 years and when I

started writing romance there was a very clear delineation between romance and rom-coms, which reminded me of rom-coms, if we're going to be specific, and then erotica. And never the strangel mix, like you're not allowed to have the two, bookstores wouldn't take erotica, you had to keep it relatively off page. I just read our friend- Them's were the rules. I just read our friend Linda Holmes' new book back after this, which is very much a rom-com and completely insufficiently horny for me. Oh, I'm sorry. Just some recommendations

for you. Gentle, friendly level of horniness. Because on-page sex is back, baby. And the smartier the better. We're embracing the word smart. The community has embraced the word smart so you can have your spice level. You can go on Book Talk, Bookstagram and reviewers will give you a five chili pepper rating for your level of smart and that's your spicy rating. That's usually how I judge the fajitas and chilies.

Nice, it's just that and on page fucking. Right. Okay, so there are your two choices. You can have off page, just that and on page fucking. Right. Okay. So there are your two choices. You can have off page, you can have on page, closed door, open door. But the stuff that is coming out now is we're reaching unhinged. So you can just go into any bookstore and find just a rom-com or a romance that's got really well written, really great spicy sex scenes.

And that's awesome because sex is part of love, it's part of romance, part of life. Why shouldn't it be on the page? It is. It, part of the story, go nuts. I've been told this. Fuuuck, can you? I got nothing wrong! They kept saying it at the convention. I've been doing it with my wife for 25 years! I'm so sorry. This whole time we could-

I'm so sorry. This whole time? I didn't really want to be the one to tell you, but here we are. Where did my kids come from? The stock. Yeah. Right? Okay.

Well, that settles that. That's something, something makes sense in this crazy mixed up world. I mean, that's what they told me. I keep waiting for him to find my house, but I keep moving. Last time I asked how marriages work of Josie Long. Can't be trusted. Josie Long. Can't be trusted. But yeah, if you are looking for something a little more niche, I can direct you towards

some excellent Minotaur, some say Minotaur erotica by a fabulous author called CM NaCosta. Some say erotica. Sure. Potato, potato. The Canberra Creek series that she writes, they're genuinely really funny, well written rom-coms. But it's set in a fantasy town where half of the characters are fantasy creatures. Starts with, I believe it's Morning Wood Milking Farm. I've probably got the title wrong, but it's about a woman, a human woman takes a job at a Minotaur milking farm. I've probably got the title wrong, but it's about a woman and human woman takes a job at a Minotaur milking company because Minotaurs have to be milked and it's not milk. It's cum, right?

It's cum. Okay. Yeah, they have to be Finished. Right. Yes. Otherwise, they're just too stressed out can't go about their day. I say Minotaur and cum Nice. Yeah. I say Minotaur. Is it like a spa? Kinda. It's quite medicinal. It's quite clinical. They're enjoying being milked. Yeah, they don't hate it.

You know what I mean? It's like if a doctor jacked you up. It was about last Thursday. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. But yeah, that's a great series. There's also a lot of alien romance out there.

This is new to me because I had heard about Minotaurs and we talked with Bria and Mallory about fairies. Yes. I mean, the fairies, if you were veering into fantasy, I was listening to a Sarah J. A lot of the That's right. Okay, they're huge. But yeah, it's not Tinkerbell. It's not your mother's Tinkerbell. She's huge. But if you really want to go into some strange stuff, I can send you the short story that is an erotica written about Clippy the paperclip from Microsoft Word. That exists. There's quite a lot of Shrek erotica.

It looks like you're trying to fuck me. Yeah. And then he winks. Want some help with that? There's 50 Shades of Gorgosaur I read recently. What's Gorgosaur? It's kind of a 50 Shades of Grey mashup, but instead of Christian Grey being a morally grey billionaire, it's a dinosaur.

Okay. Gorgosaur? Dinosaur billionaire CEO. How many of these, like this minute, let's take the example of this Minotaur milk. Please. Let's say I'm a person that bought this. Yes. Am I buying it for the walls or am I buying it because I'd like to read a book about an

industrial jack-off area for Minotaur? So to coin another phrase from the romance community, why not both? Why not both? And that's kind of the amazing thing. Minotaur, Minotaur. Right? We're all friends. Come, Cume.

That's kind of the great thing about romance now is, you know, for a long time, it was looked down upon. It was spoken of in very derogatory terms. It was misogyny rampant in the publishing industry. It was, you know, it's bi women, it's full women, fuck these stupid pink books. I personally, for sure, had a lot of internalized misogyny about the books that I wrote for years because people would make fun of me. Like my family members would be like, oh, gee, they're silly books. I'm like, wait, I've written for a living. This was the dream.

What? And yet still agreed with them because that's what we do in British. And now Gen Z have come out and they're just like, no, fuck this. We like it. It's fun. We enjoy reading it. The stories are fun. The books are well written. The sex is hot. If you're into fucking a minotaur, I haven't done it. So I can't speak to it. I have. Well, it wasn't. I mean, it seems I won't lie a lot like hard work. I know spoilers, but you've got to work up to it. I don't mean to complain about it, but you would think they would be less gentle. Like it was too gentle for me.

Right, sure. You know what I mean? You're like, you're half bull, man. Come on. I'm not fucking you for, you know what I mean? I would fuck a fairy, you know what I mean? Too much eye contact. I am actually- Just clown me. I am actually as deep into one of these as we speak. I am going to go on, you know, guest spoiler alert.

I'm about to go on Brianne Mallory's new podcast, Reading Smut, where we review a piece of smut. So I am, you know, via audiobook mainlining a horny priest book. Nice. Ooh, I bet that's keeping you drained like a minotaur in a facility. You know what it kinda is! Is it the Andy J. Christopher? Because that's a great one. Oh gosh, let me see who the author of this horny priest is.

She's a fantastic writer. She's a DC lawyer who writes romance on the side and she is an exceptionally smart and clever writer. Is someone named Popay Francis? I've heard they're not doing great. So I support their work. Reven Say Morris? Wait a minute.

Hold on. Reaven. This is by Sarah Simone. It is just called Priest. Excellent. She's a fantastic writer. And while I am listening to this thing, I am periodically screaming in my car and I had to pull over and just write down this one passage.

I really wondered what you were going to say, but I'm thrilled. This is from the main character who is a horny priest driven wild by one of his sexy parishioners. Who amongst us isn't? God will forgive me for just one taste. I was like, ah! And I swerved in the car. I hit like the pullover auto. There's a geyser of water coming out of a... I hit a fire hydrant.

In a bus stop. Killed seven. Anyway. God will forgive me for just one taste. God will forgive you for that taste. Don't worry. God's fine with just one taste. Off the pussy.

That's how I got hooked on rock. Sir, just one taste. God will forgive me for this one. The second taste though. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, we have a couple of fucking super exciting things going on right now.

We sure do. Number one, right around the corner is the Max Fun Drive. We are going to be streaming every single weekday during the Max Fund Drive from 9.30 AM Pacific, which is 12.30 PM Eastern Time, for those of you who don't like to do math that rolls over the 12. And we'll be streaming on Instagram, on Facebook, and on YouTube all at once every morning for 20 minutes or so. Come hang out with us.

We're going to talk about weird subreddits Maybe maybe not just weird subreddits niche subreddits places where? enthusiasts gather to talk about Ultra specific topics yeah, it's for our segment subreddit Online talk looking looking at talk online subreddit That's gonna be a great time. That'll also be showing up in your feeds in compressed form, but only during the drive. Then it's gonna go be member only after the drive. So fucking get your shit together. And we have an all new bonus

show that we're planning for too. I think I think y'all are really gonna like this all new members only show that we are planning For you this max fun drive is gonna be a fucking blast. We also recorded a video about Burbank So that's cool And we're also going to Chicago Ill annoy the windy city the city with broad shoulders the the Big Apple, the city by the bay. It's going to be a great time. April 11th at Sleeping Village, which is the last place where we performed a Jordan

Jesse Go Live show that was a grand, grand success. Our friend Sam Riegel is going to be there from Critical Role, probably best known as Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney. Can we get him to object to something during the show? We'll try. He'll be dreamy one way or another. He will be, absolutely. MaximumFun.org slash events is where you can find all the information about our live show in Chicago. We haven't been on the road in years. Really excited about this. You're also going

to be at the C2E2? C2E2, yeah. That's kind of the occasion for us heading out to Chicago. I will be at C2E2 selling books, signing books, chatting it up, enjoying cosplay. I have a question. At the Jordan Yostego Live show, you're not gonna sign anyone's book, right? No, you know what? Hopefully I'll be selling some books at the show and at C2E2 and yeah, bring whatever. I'll sign it to the show.

Yeah, come see me at the con, come see me at the show. I'll sign whatever, but not tits. What about dicks? Oh yeah. Love to sign a veiny thick one. You know what? I'll sign your tits.? Oh, yeah. Okay, great. I love to sign a veiny thick one. You know what? I'll sign your tits. All right, cool.

I'll sign your tits. I'll sign your tits. That's fine. Yeah, sure. Jordan? Yeah? I'll sign your tits. Hey, oh, come on.

No, wait. It's not my birthday. You're welcome, buddy. You're welcome, buddy. Every episode is, of course, supported by the members of Maximum Fund, so please do join in the Max Fund Drive. We're also this week supported by our friends at Lumi Labs. Consistent, mellow, and super delicious, Lumi Gummies are specifically designed to make

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Yes. You know when your bud comes in and kisses you on the forehead? No, like a dank bud. Ah, a dank bud. Yes, well, a lot of great buds out there. Flower buds, those are great. Anyway, we're getting off topic. We're here to tell you about Lumi Labs and their great gummies.

I really do like these things. And I can't stress enough, also very tasty. I know sometimes those edibles can taste a little bit like dirt and garbage. Yeah, grass clippings, I would say. Yeah, these taste like gourmet gummies with wonderful fruit flavors. I really do like them and I think you will really like them too. Lumi gummies are available nationwide. Go to lumigummies.com.

That's L-U-M-I, gummies.com and use code JJ go for 30% off your order. Again, that is lumi gummies.com code JJ go loomy gummies.com slash JJ go. Also, this podcast is brought to you in part by stash stash isn't just an investing app. It's a registered investment advisor that combines automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster. Go to get.stash.com slash jjgo to see how you can receive $25 toward your first stock purchase and to view important disclosures. Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients and not a guarantee.

Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments, LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. Investing involves risk. Offer is subject to TNCs." And Jordan, your Spider-Man's, is it here? Yes. Let's circle back to comic books for just a second before we get back to the show. Thwip, Thwip, my friend. Web of Spider-Verse, New Blood, is available at your local comic book store right now.

I'm going to be doing some signings in and around the California area. You know what? Just in California. Not around. I will not go around California. I will only be in... You're not going to Reno? No, I'm not going to Reno. Hey, you know you know what if you're out there, they're Jordan arena, please I would love to come to Reno biggest little city in the world is a compulsive gambler I love buffets. Uh-huh. Yes, if you know if you've got a coffee girls of gambling JJ go maximum fun or cigarettes smoking God. I want to get a Reno right now I'm going to be signing some books around town and you can also get some signed copies

in the mail from various LCSs. But yeah, I'm really excited about this thing. It's a fun Spider-Man anthology with a story from me and Sumit Kumar. And yeah, it really turned out great and I can't wait for folks to read it. Can I just say, Jordan? Yes. I want you to put Web of Spider-Man onto your poll list. Yes.

And when you talk to your local comic book store person, I want you to say the secret passphrase to them, which is, can you put Web of Spider-Verse on my poll list? Thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip. And then they'll know that you're a real one. Yeah, that'll unlock them knowing that you're a real one. Yes. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Lindsay Kelk, Rock County Connoisseur. You know, there was this baseball player named Tim Rains. So now in the baseball hall of fame, legend for the... Congratulations. ...among other teams, the Chicago White Sox and Montreal Expos and his nickname was rock rock reigns Anyway, he did a bunch of cocaine. Mm-hmm And I'm like did they just call him rock reigns because of how much cocaine he did and that was on his baseball cards

That's why they called me Jordan shrimp more How much shrimp I snort. I thought it was because of that shell that you have. That exoskeleton, that vein of shit I have running along my back. No, it's because of how much shrimp I snort. I swear to God, I went to that fucking wedding in New Orleans. I love my friend Peter, you know that. I love this guy more than anything.

We've been friends since we were two years old. Don't make me eat a bunch of fucking crawdads. Yeah. So much work. You get so little crawdad out of it. Crawdads aren't that great. They're fine. Shrimp are better. And all you have to do is pull the little shell off the shrimp. Often shrimp, they already took the shell off the shrimp. You don't just... Yeah. Often shrimp, they already took the shell off for you. There's a fun factor with the crawdad boil though. You dump it out, you know, you have the potatoes and the little corns.

Look, I don't mean to stand in your way. I know how you feel about dumping them out. Yeah. When I'm talking about dumping them out, I'm talking about taters. You know what happened to me as I went and I'm like fucking trying to eat these crawdads, you know. So much work. I eat like one and a half crawdads over the course of 90 minutes of taking apart these

crawdads. Yeah, your hands are disgusting. You're wearing a plastic bib. I'm like, I don't even like these. What am I doing? Ugh. Whatever. And I went upstairs.

There was a whole dinner spread up there. Oh man. But it had just gotten put away. I was over here fucking trying to eat these tiny fucking crawdads. So you went back and just ate shells and eyes? Yeah, I made a stock and drank it. That's nice. Yeah, it's easy to make a stock with the shells and eyes.

When something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-44-FUN or just record a voice memo, record a voice memo, record a voice memo and send it to us. It's me, a cartoon rat. I'm living in your tent behind the convention center with Jordan. He's trying to sell copies of Web of Spider-Man. Or just send us a voice memo at jjgo at maximumfun.org. Here's one. Hey Jordan. Hey Jesse. Hey guest. I'm Wayne Brady. This is Nick from Arizona calling in a moment to this occasion that happened over the weekend. Me and my girlfriend went

to see the McElroy Brothers MbemBem live show when they came through on their recent tour. It was a great show. We had a ton of fun, super funny. After the show, we headed to my car and while waiting in the parking lot for all the chaos of everyone else leaving to die down while sitting there, my girlfriend looked at me and she offered me a blow job while the line dies down. And now I had just gotten my windows tinted a couple weeks ago.

So I figured I can make use of them and said yeah. So she did. And by the time that that ended the venue was empty so I was able to drive right out So I said, thank you. We drove out and then straight to water were and we shared Did he say they shared a milkshake She blew him in the parking lot and she got half a milkshake. I get the woman her own shake. I mean...

Oh, that's not on. I mean, sounds like they got all horned up from watching the McElroys. I mean, come on. Have you ever taken a good look at Griffin? Yes! I get it! The little guy's gorgeous! Gorgeous!

Do you think anybody's ever gotten horned up from one of our live shows? I'd like to think so, but... Be nice. Yeah. Give us a call. Have you ever seen our live show and then gotten it on? 206-984-4-fun. And then got half a milkshake.

And then got half a fucking milkshake because of your cheap ass. Do you think they only got milkshakes or do you think they got burgers too? Oh, I don't know. Good question. Yeah. I guess this depends on what kind of food the venue had and if they ate beforehand. I'll say this about my experience listening to that call, it was really a lot more soothing than you would expect from a stranger explaining to me about how they went to someone else's podcast and

then got their dick sucked and went to Whataburger. Yeah. You might have expected more enthusiasm. Well, what up, bros? Have I got a nut story for you. I don't know. I mean, I kind of like, you know how there's like ASMR videos of almost anything now? Love ASMR.

Like you can, yeah, just have an ASMR of, you know, it used to just be like a lady folding towels but now it's any topic? Yeah. I have a nice lady who pretends to be a fairy while doing a Pomodoro timer for me. Not specifically for me, it's just on the internet. What are your other ASMR categories? Now that fella calling in about getting a blowie in the parking lot.

Cute stories. Yeah, gonna record that. Gonna save that. I love Maria Gentle Whispering. She's one of my faves, one of everybody's faves. Fred's voice. He looks a bit like Thor and sometimes he does things as Thor. Oh!

So he does like Thor ASMR. He's pretty fun. So it's canonical to the MCU? Sure. Man, I can't see any of these fucking movies. I got to watch a bunch of ASMR videos first. Yeah, I know. I mean, maybe just the first 15.

The first 15 or so and then you'll be good. But yeah, I agree. This was a very soothing call. Yeah, if you're out there, get your partner their own milkshake. We also have a call to Jordan for one of our long running segments. I should mention, for your sake, Lindsay, a lot of people presume that Jordan and I don't work hard on the show

or have a lot of creativity. We actually ourselves think of a lot of things to do on the show. It's not just sort of on autopilot for decades. We think of a lot of segments for the show. We work really hard and we're really creative. We didn't doubt it for a second. So we come up with all these ideas and then people call in and they're sort of drafting off of our ideas, not the other way around.

Absolutely. 100% believe you. Hello, Jordan. Hi, Jessie. Hello hello guest. I'm guessing Maria Bamford. Close. That was close, thank you. I am calling with another installment of your long running segment, you can probably say it with me, what happens on the first warm day of the year.

I'm in Cincinnati, it has been zero degrees this week, earlier and now, right now, it is 60. So here's what you might observe in the Midwest on the first warm day of the year. I just drove past sort of a river overlook and I happen to see two gentlemen, I'm guessing high school age, college, maybe early college age, wearing roller skates and holding fishing poles. Looked, the fishing poles looked hooked up, ready to go, lines ready to cast. So what I'm taking from that and we can all observe is

that when it finally gets warm here you do all the things at once. I wish them luck. Alright, hope you're having as delightful a time as they are. Bye! Inlines or quads? Inlines or quads? We gotta know, we gotta know. Why did she not tell us inlines or quads? Now we don't have a sufficient mental picture, but I do what I'd like about it. I'm envisioning quads. Okay. And I think what I like about this is I'm envisioning quads.

And what I like about this is how can we combine wholesome activities? It's like combining pie baking and Bible reading. It's like let's just do knockout two, wholesome ass, fucking 50s ass things at once. The last thing I want to do is contradict you here, Jordan. Or like get in your grill. I don't want that either. But I will say this. When I pictured quads and I did picture quads,

it was not a wholesome scene. Oh yeah? Half of butts were out. Oh, why do you say that? Because of the shortness of the shorts. I was wondering which half. Oh, I didn't hear about that. Bottom half of butts were out.

Bottom half of butts. I didn't hear about the short shorts. I maybe missed that detail. Oh no, that's something that I see in my mind. Okay, so you are envisioning half of butt. So with quad skates means half of butts is out. You're right. No, typically.

Bottom half of butts is out. Typically. Top half is in. Top half is in. Top half is in. All the way in? Not even a hint of crack? Well, are we... what move are we doing? I mean, if you're in motion, there's potential. Yeah, but I mean, if you're lifting a leg to the side, that kind of move, that would actually... Yeah, you'd be alright then. That would lift the waistline. But if you were then to cast your fishing line and bend over a little bit, you're probably gonna get like a whisper of crack. What happens when you get to the banks of the river? Great question. Yeah.

Are you rolling on it? If you're rolling in and you're sinking down. Better hope a beaver catches you. Yeah, I know. All of beaver is in, by the way. All of beaver is in, butt is out. Yeah, half of butt is out. Beaver concealed.

Yeah. Another thing that I noticed here is that the 60 degree day, that's the warm day. If it's a high of 60 here in Los Angeles, I'm like, fuck yeah, to the sweater closet. Yeah. Time to bundle up, get out the hot cocoa. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm from the north of England, so that sounds like the desert to me. Like 60,

60. Also, I don't know what 60 means. I've only lived in America 16 years. I don't understand Fahrenheit still. Yeah. What other American things don't you know? I don't like to leave my house. What other things? Yards. I don't know what a yard is. Weirdly grew up with miles and pounds and ounces, but then with meters as a shorter distance. Oh, I thought you meant yards, like backyards. Like having an area of grass near your house. Oh, I'm familiar with a yard.

Although, yeah, we don't have yard. Well, we do have a yard, but a yard is slightly different. It's more of a garden community. Clothesline things that's on a central pole and then it extends outward from there and spins around. Yeah, a yard is a measure of distance I'm unfamiliar with. That's three of the king's strides. Is it?

Does that help? Which king? Okay. Elvis? I don't know. Again, I mean, I don't agree with the monarchy. So that works for me. What else is so many things?

I mean, mostly my husband's from South Carolina. So a lot of the food stuff in that region was confusing, remains confusing. Because it's too good? Well, some of it. Because it fucking rules. I am going to have to raise questions about boiled peanuts. I'm gonna, well, some of it. Because it fucking rules. I am gonna have to raise questions about boiled peanuts. Boiled peanuts are all right, but you know what,

the real money, I should have fucking, I should have given you 20 bucks in orders to bring me back deep fried peanuts. Oh yeah, those are good. New Orleans I've only had great food. New Orleans I've only had incredible food. Yeah, the food, it's insane how good the food is. Look, if you live in New Orleans, I've only had great food. New Orleans, I've only had incredible food. Yeah, the food is insane how good the food is. Look, if you live in New Orleans,

and you can send me deep fried peanuts, I'm not saying you need to or anything, but... No, no. Keister them and get on the plane. Shove them up there. If you sent them to me, I'd eat them. On mic. If you had a reason...

You're freaks like that, right? If you needed to poison me, the number one way would be to send me some deep fried peanuts that you put poison inside of, because I'd be nga nga nga nga nga. Do a nice ASMR mock bang. Oh, sure. You eat the whole shell and everything. I mean, that's fine. Deep fry anything and it's delicious.

I mean, again, I am British, so Scotland will deep fry literally anything. They're not breaded. No, but you go up to Scotland and they'll batter anything. They will fry anything and it's a magical, magical place. Deep fried Mars bar, deep fried cream egg, whatever you need, they've got it. Wow. Yeah. Cream egg, that's too much. It's too much cream egg yolk.

You think that and it's delicious. And it kind of started as a joke that they were making fun of tourists and now it's just massively popular. Right, why not both? Yeah, why not both? I do like that there is a category of restaurant in England and it is, as far as I can tell, the only category besides Indian restaurant. And this category of restaurant is well we got a fryer. Yeah pretty much yeah that's you good you good old chippy. Yeah sometimes it's it's a presents itself as a chicken shop other times it presents

itself as a fish and chips. Sometimes it's a chippy sometimes it's a sometimes it's a kebab shop and they lead with the kebab, but that would be the only thing that's not fried. So realistically, is it defined by the kebab? I mean, it is at four o'clock in the morning when that's what you need. But yeah, we're really good at frying stuff. We've really honed it over the years. They do great work. There's no question about that. Yeah, they do. I mean, not all heroes wear capes. If there's fish in there, everything kind of ends up tasting like fish though. They do great work. There's no question about that. They do. I mean, not all heroes wear capes.

If there's fish in there, everything kind of ends up tasting like fish though. That's one problem. I have no problem with it. It's delicious. Chuck enough vinegar on it and it's going to be great. You're a penguin, so. That's why. I didn't even know.

Well, we didn't mention it earlier. We should have mentioned Jordan lives in a tent. I live in a tent behind the convention center. Behind the convention center. Behind the convention center. Lindsay's a penguin. Yep. Steven fucks dinosaurs. Sure.

Yes, I do. He's doing it now. Confirmed. He brought them back to life using mosquitoes trapped in amber. Keep sucking, Stego. Worm. The line hasn't dissipated yet!

Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Put on your gecko shorts and grab your pods. We're celebrating Max Fun Drive, 90's style. Support the shows you love. And get some rad retro themed gifts. Meetup Day, bonus content, and more. So don't miss it. On the World Wide Web, March 17. Somewhere in an alternate universe where Hollywood is smarter. And the Emmy nominees for Outstanding Comedy Series are Jet Pakula, Airport Marriott,

Threeple, Dear America We've Seen You N. And, Allah in the family. In our stupid universe, you can't see any of these shows, but you can listen to them on Dead Pilot Society, the podcast that brings you hilarious comedy pilots that the networks and streamers bought, but never made. Journey to the alternate television universe of Dead Pilot Society on MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy,

detective. Lindsay Kelk, not a dinosaur. Lindsay, you're wearing a wrestling t-shirt right now, which is of course on brand given that you're one of the hosts of Maximum Fund's own wrestling podcast, Tights and Fights. The only wrestling podcast. Did you know that if you go buy a fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt, it costs $300 fucking dollars? I do because I almost wore it but it was in the wash Because I do have a vintage

Did you did it cost that much money or did you have it from it was a gift from my brother? Who is a wonderful gift giver and it was more expensive than it should have been I? The the time in my life that I kept track of wrestling was very small. An era defined by the ultimate warrior. Grad school. So I kind of missed. Yeah, there's a lot of wrestling I just don't understand.

Who was Stone Cold Steve Austin? Who is Stone Cold Steve Austin? Still around. Still around. Not working. Still doing it. Not working, not wrestling. Lindsay did, by the way, write the Who Was biography of Stone Cold Steve Austin for Scholastic Books. Yeah, bestseller.

Yeah, go get it at your book fair. Yeah, I wish that were true. A sheet of Garfield stickers. It hit me up, Scholastic. Stop asking me to write Hello Kitty books. Who was the ultimate warrior? No, you don't actually want that answer. He was a terrible, terrible person. I get a lot of folk and distrocity as I understand it.

Now he's dead. Stone Cold Steve Austin, just a magical man who now lives on a ranch in Nevada with his two cats, Poncho and Macho, and his horse Sonny, and has become the internet's favorite cat dad. None of us saw it coming. Sounds like a pretty fun evolution. None of us saw it coming, but that's his newest turn, is just wandering around a barn screaming Poncho when Poncho won't come to him when called, because of course he won't, because Poncho is a cat. I feel like I am so trained to expect professional wrestlers to age in place. Just so expect a wrestler to be trying to do things a 30 year old man should be doing but they're 62.

Stone Cold is an interesting one because he will speak to this happily when asked, is that his whole thing was get in, make your money, get out. And that is relatively rare because most of the wrestlers of his era and probably either side, both directions a little bit, you see a lot of those guys, generally the men, who can't leave and they become addicted to it. This is why you see a lot of wrestlers having health problems and addiction issues and things like that because being in the ring and the hit of getting the reaction from the crowd, it is addictive. When you think about the wear and tear on your body, you know, a lot of people are like, wrestling's fake, but you can't really fake being thrown off a 20-foot cage. Like that's going to hurt whether or not you're going to win, you know? It's like the outcome is predetermined, but getting

your ass kicked is going to sting regardless of whether or not you want it. So a lot of them, yeah, they do just sadly kind of keep at it until they probably shouldn't. And I'd like to think we're coming to an end of that era now with, A, we're seeing men and women and our non-binary friends in the industry taking much better care of themselves. Their careers last a lot longer. They aren't falling apart at various joints. And yeah, I think we are going to see people who know when to say when. Adam O'Hara I will say that when I went to the Lucha in Mexico City, I did like the old men that were wrestling there. Yeah, I mean that's a cultural difference.

Yeah, there is like a, there is a thing where there will be a blood feud between families. And so there will be these overweight old men. When I say old men, I mean it's possible that they're 60, but I want to say they're 78 and they have on like they have that kind of like dyed hair where the roots are showing and it's like like really just for men ass fucking dye jobs on their head and they're real portly and they are like they just stand in the back with their chest puffed out in a singlet in the garb of a 23 year old fit man with their sons who are themselves in their mid 40s I would say and they're just directing their sons to go kick each other's asses and then there's like grandchildren that are like ha ha they're just directing their sons to go kick each other's asses And then there's like there's like grandchildren that are like ha ha they're like thing one and thing two in the

Cat-in-the-hat like jumping around and getting into trouble that I support Yeah, that plenty of generational talent in the WWE these days, which is what's that? What's the ultimate warriors child up to I think it all girls, and I think they're too young still. But you did legally change his name to Ultimate Warrior, and his wife, his widow's name is Dana Warrior. Oh, boy. And his children's names are something Warrior. Was that so that he could, like, take control of the name

from Vince McMahon or something? I'd like to think it was that, but he really was a massive bag of wank. He was a terrible person. Look, my... This has come up many times on the program before, but my college roommate, Mike was a huge wrestling nut. And the main thing that he was interested in in 2000 or 2001 when when we were roommates was the Ultimate Warriors website. The Ultimate Warrior had a website where his life philosophy is outlined on it that were so beyond insane and they were based around folk which is focused but it's only about you, not about us.

And distrucity, which is a quality of destructioning, but also it's just like your vision for your life, like being focused on your vision for your life. And it's just an incredible thing to think of this man with the strips on his arms just typing it into his computer. In the neon face paint. You know, he just shook those ropes like for quite a long time. And you just wonder how much of that ends up being like shaking a baby, but you do it to yourself. You know, it can't be good for you. Who is the wrestler on your shirt? The wrestler on my shirt is Mr. Perfect. Sadly, also no longer with us. The wrestler on my shirt is Mr. Perfect. Okay. Sadly, also no longer with us.

Sorry to hear that. Truly, he was one of my first favorites. But yeah, his son is a wrestler now. He's Kurt Hennig. His son wrestled as Curtis Axel in WWE. His gimmick is that he's a truck man. Well, his gimmick was that he got fired. But I hope he's a truck man. Well, his gimmick was that he got fired.

I hope he's doing well. But yeah, Mr. Perfect was one of the best, best wrestlers of the eighties and nineties. He was sort of your Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels. And is this shirt you're in, is this a vintage shirt? It is, it is a vintage shirt. It is. And one of my proudest possessions. It's gorgeous. You know what? Go to the Rose Bowl flea market. Just walk around and let those fucking Gen Z bros flip the fuck out over your fucking t-shirts. You'd be amazed as someone who owns many wrestling t-shirts, you'd be shocked as a notable lady penguin how often men do

need to come and tell me about wrestling. Without asking me what my interest in wrestling is in the first place, they will just say, wrestling t-shirt, let me talk to you. And it happens all the time. And you just let them. Like, I'm just like, go for it, go for it. And then eventually they'll be like, did you get that for your boyfriend or did you borrow that for your boyfriend? I'm like, I did not. I was 100% expecting you to say

that people try and buy them from you. Oh no, no, they just want to explain wrestling to me. That's a thing with t-shirt bros. Like t-shirt bros have really taken over thrift stores. They get in fights at the Goodwill outlet a lot. That's a big thing. One of the big things that they love is OTB, off the back. If you got a grail from somebody OTB, that's the fucking ultimate grail is if you just talk like a...

You want to have somebody else's stink on it, right? Unhoused person into selling you their t-shirt for $20. Oh, God. What's wrong with people? Yeah. It's true madness. Well, Lindsay, it's been a joy to have you here on Jordan Jesse Go. You got any book appearances coming up or was it just the love y'all? It was the love y'all for now. I will be appearing at RomanceCon in September in Milwaukee. Okay. Which is very exciting.

And also in Anaheim's own, is that correct? Yes. Steamy Lit. Mighty Ducks. Steamy Lit Con. I'm afraid to correct you, Steamy Lit Con on October 31st and November 1st, which is, I think, the biggest romance con in the country. So I'm terrified and excited about that.

You know what I think is going to happen when you get there, Lindsay? What's that? I think a Jordan Jesse Goal listener is going to come up to you and they're going to ask you about wrestling. I hope so. Can you explain wrestling to me? And I will say, I can't explain it to you, but let's share the joy. Oh, that's nice.

Let's do that. Hey, while we're plugging Anaheim appearances, may I? Please. I'm actually gonna- You may have heard of Tomorrowland. Sure. I'll be there eating a churro. Come find me and explain wrestling to me.

I'm going to be at WonderCon in Anaheim, March 29th and 30th. I'll announce the panel times when I've got them here, but hopefully you're going to WonderCon and just keep an eye out for old Jordan. And also C2E2 in Chicago. I'll be there as well. And a lot of cool people are going to be there. I've heard. I heardard Jordan. I heard that a lot of cool people are gonna be in Chicago during C2e2 Stephen you hear about this

Yes, I have heard of this. I'm trying to remember if this will come out after we've announced the show or if this is We don't know either This might be the one actually where we announce it Oh, we can always add it later. You wanna announce it? Let's announce it. You know what let's announce it Jordan Okay, I'll announce it after you announce it because I think I don't exactly know the dates off the dome Oh April 11th, Sleeping Village. Oh, thank you Stephen. Let's do it. Let's let's Say you're gonna be at C2E2 again. Okay, we should keep all this in though April 11th at Sleeping Village in Chicago, Illinois

Jordan Jesse go live This is our first time hitting the road since before the fucking pandemic Yeah, will the show go well? We don't know. Sam Riegel is going to be there. How could it go bad? Oh, yeah. Sam Riegel from Critical Role is going to be one of our guests. Hopefully some more surprises.

But Jordan, Jordan, you don't need shit. These people don't know Sam from Critical Role. They know him because he's Phoenix, right? Ace Attorney and Donatello for a while. I think he was probably Donatello. He was some kind of spider-man at some point Spider-man oh yeah, Sam Riegel has been in all Yeah, we're stoked. We hope to see folks there. It's gonna be a fun old time. It's gonna be a party after you know it

No, I didn't know it's gonna be a party after what fuck you know the only problem is Jordan Hmm you know these people in Chicago mm-hmm fucking don't like to drink So they're not gonna have fun at the party. Well hopefully some people are coming from the surrounding environs who actually like to party. You know what I'm really upset about? They're probably going to fucking keep serving me chopped salads every time I go to the party. Is that what they do?

They serve me chopped salads and acai bowls. Oh man. They served me chopped salads and acai bowls. Oh man. I'm like, can I get something with a little, you know, a little heft to it, a little punch? They say that's not how we do it here in Chicago. We're just eating acai bowls. Just bring your own jerky. You just eat six almonds like Barack Obama.

Okay. We'll see you in Chicago. It's going to be fucking great. It's going to be great. It's going to be a great time. We'll probably write a quiz, you know. Oh yeah, sure. see you in Chicago. It's gonna be fucking great. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be a great time We'll probably write a quiz, you know. Oh, yeah, sure. I Think we will you want to write a little dance do a little dance. I'll do a little dance Yeah, right. So we got a quiz. We've got a little day little quiz

little dance Our producer is Stephen Ray Morris. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can find us on Instagram at jordanjessegopod and at jordandavidmorris and at jessethornveryfamous.com. And you can find us in the Max Fun Drive right around the corner. Woo!

Yeah! You don't have to live in Chicago to get in on that. That's right. It's for everyone. But you know what? Send me pierogi one way or the other. Sure. Give me some of those fucking pierogis.

Fried peanuts, pierogis, send us your regional delicacies. We'll be back next week on Jordan Jessi Go.