Jordan, Jesse, GO! - A Light Kiss, with Bridger Winegar

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

On this week’s podcast, we welcome back writer and podcast host, Bridger Winegar (I Said No Gifts), to chat about game shows, loud music, different eras of Jessica Chastain, and so much more!Be sure... to get our new 'Ack Tuah' shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an 'Ack Tuah' mug!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!See a live Jordan, Jesse, Go! FOR FREE in Los Angeles at Revenge Of, on November 2nd as part of the Comic Creators Block Party. We go on at 3pm! Jordan Morris will be at the Berkeley Public Library on Saturday, November 9th, signing copies of Youth Group!Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram. 

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you doing, my friend? I'm doing well.
Starting point is 00:00:19 I found myself, I was making some Halloween plans. I know you've been looking for... I'm so glad that you found the answers to the questions you've been asking. Yes. Wait. Do you mean like a good like yogi or like a guru of some kind? How did you find yourself? Just through hard work and sacrifice? I'm confused. What part of my sentence are you responding to? Oh, the part where you said you found yourself? Oh I see what you because I continued the set I found myself wondering while I was looking for I was making halloween plans
Starting point is 00:00:57 Yeah, i'm Attending the haunted hayride this year. Um, our buddy alison becker the world's greatest organizing friend Is organizing a crew Thank God for her and her love of organizing Jordan Are you talking about our friend Mensa member Allison Becker? Oh, I didn't know Becker was in Mensa. Yeah, she's in Mensa I I buy it. I totally buy it. I don't need I do not need to see the certificate because that tracks So yeah, also, you know, a genius in many ways. One of those ways, organizing friend hangs. Right.
Starting point is 00:01:31 And John Bon Jovi. Right, yeah. Interested in Bon Jovi too. A real genius at liking Bon Jovi. Making plans for the Haunted Hayride. Looking forward to seeing my favorite Hayride mainstay, Monty Rivolta. What's Monty Rivolta? This is a Hayride original IP character.
Starting point is 00:01:51 He is a like zombie kind of like lounge singer Tony Clifton, which by the way, if you're 16, what is a lounge singer to you? Like, What is it to us to you? Like- What is it to us, Jordan? Yes, I know. You don't know what lounge singers are.
Starting point is 00:02:11 We've been making fun of lounge singers as a culture for probably a hundred years now, but to whom were they an issue? To whom are people like, we got to stick, I'm sick of these guys, we got to take them down a peg. Like 60s, 70s, What was the height of lounge singing? Do you think Jen Alpha also knows that disco clothes were embarrassing? What other things came just before our awareness? Right. Do they know that Gilligan's Island was bad? I don't know. I'm glad that lounge singers remain in our culture because it gives drag kings something
Starting point is 00:02:50 to dress up as. Oh sure, there you go. That's a valuable service that they're doing. But yeah, Monty Rivolta, a lot of fun. Will sing like, you know, psycho killer and thriller in a kind of a lounge singer way. Right. Always a hoot. But I found myself wondering, what is the Thorne family doing for Halloween?
Starting point is 00:03:13 You've got some horror fans in the family. You have some dress-up fanatics in the family. So you guys are probably gonna go wild this All Hallows Eve. So Jordan, my oldest daughter Grace loves horror movies. And I thought I was going to hit a home run by offering to watch the movie The Witch with her. Seemed like a good idea because I liked the lighthouse so much, right? And I had heard that it was scary but that wasn't like the main thing it being terrifying. It was like more
Starting point is 00:03:53 like moody. Unnerving. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And I thought this is a good movie. It's not Halloween Five or whatever. So, I could probably tolerate watching it. I'm going to offer to Grace that I'll watch this with her. Because with Grace, like you could also get, you know, we're watching Sharknado five. Right. 1000%. Yeah. And yeah, my whole movie watching life, I watch a lot of movies with Grace because when my wife is putting the other two kids to bed, we tend to be here in my office watching movies because I have a projector in here. I thought this was an easy, I was like, this is going to be solid gold. I'm going to offer to watch
Starting point is 00:04:33 this real horror movie with my daughter that I'm willing to watch. I got a hard no, the hardest of nos because it is not Halloween inside the universe of the movie The Witch. Do we know that though? I mean, this is like in Pilgrim times, right? This is like a, I saw it, but it's been a while. It's like a Pilgrim movie. We checked, like literally, we checked with the guy at the video store.
Starting point is 00:05:00 The one guy at the video store had not seen the movie, but the other guy at the video store had. He said, oh oh well he saw it Is it halloween in the witch? And uh, he goes no, I don't think so So that was out wait, so that guy that guy fucked you he watched et instead Apparently et is okay because it's halloween in the world of et. They dress him up like a ghost is okay because it's Halloween in the world of ET. They dress him up like a ghost. Anyway, ET is a fucking good ass movie. Yeah, he's great. That's all I got to say about ET. I was crying.
Starting point is 00:05:30 I was sitting over here three feet from where I'm recording right now. There was like six inches of water because of the tears that were flowing from my eyes when Elliot saved ET's life by telling him that he loved him. Did you also, did it make you hungry for Reese's Pieces? Did you go out and get some Reese's Pieces? Reese's Pieces, dude. Them shits is great. And the candy of ET. Shits fucking amazing.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Think about Jordan, let me tell you this. Imagine a world where you can't eat chocolate. Think about how great Reese's Pieces are. I just imagined. Oh, oh, Oh my God. Free me from your trance. Are you scared that someone will get hurt because no one gave you the chocolate? No, I'm afraid someone will have to get hurt.
Starting point is 00:06:16 But I've since in all sincerity. Jesse, this is the worst thing that happened until someone talked to me before I had had my coffee. In a world where, in a world where you're not allowed to eat chocolate, Reese's Pieces immediately become the most amazing candy on earth. Because it's the only peanut butter candy is the only, peanut butter in general is the only thing that is chocolate like. Right, that isn't a fruit candy. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I got, look, I like Haribo Star Mix for sure, but not so much Twin Snakes. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Oh, you're gonna hear it in the comments for that one. Oh boy. From the Twin Snakes stands. You know what I really like, Jordan? Let me ask you this question, then we'll introduce our guest and find out how he feels about this candy. I like those weird raspberries, raspberries and blackberries, those Haribo raspberries and blackberries that have little pebbles on them.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Oh, yeah, I've had those. Hey, it's a texture nut. I'm I'm I'm loving those. You're not bothered by their weird medicinal quality. No, I'm just slight bitterness. I'm just I'm just here for the fun on the tongue. Every time I put one in my mouth, I'm like, that tastes weird. I'm gonna eat some more. Okay. Anyway, moral of the story is- Nice texture.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Nice texture. Moral of the story is for Halloween, we have a like a 12-foot high spider web on my house that I did not participate in. I'm the first dad ever to live in a Halloween house who did not decorate the Halloween house. It was a project of my wife and children. I am a cowboy for Halloween. That's a classic costume, right? Yeah, it's a classic and I got all the pieces. I got cowboy boots. Cowboy, astronaut. Ghost. Ghost with sheet. Witch. Witch. Yeah. Pointy hat witch. These are the classic Halloween costumes. Pilgrim. Pilgrim's good if you got buckle shoes. And the Haq Tua girl. Of course, the Haq Tua girl. These are the classic Halloween costumes. Coming soon to
Starting point is 00:08:21 MaxFunStore.com, ourcom our new actua t-shirts Yes, we were just approving some designs for the actua t-shirt. Yes Featuring me and Jordan as Kathy from the comic strip Kathy saying actua We don't know what it means finally a shirt to confuse and upset Our guests on the program is a comedy writer and actor and of course the host of the smash hit podcast, I Said No Gifts, Bridger Winninger. Bridger, welcome back to Jordan Jessi Goh. It's great to have you here. How do you feel about Pebbly Little Gummies? I'm so glad you went back to that because it felt like the conversation did get away
Starting point is 00:09:02 from the raspberries and I've been waiting to talk about them. I think they're horrible. Really? Just because they taste gross? Because it's a bad tasting candy? It is one of the rare candies that is, I mean like, why are you not just eating a berry? Like everything about it is the same shape, it's the same size, everything about it except for it's horrible. It's like it takes the that texture of non-perils and then puts it with like what is obviously dated fruit flavoring, you know. It's like a fruit flavoring from like 1924.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Right, when they first started making these gummies. It's like they took the flavors from Turkish delight and put it in there. Yeah, I think they're, it's a shame because I really do like how they look. I mean, they're really a beautiful candy, but just buy a carton of raspberries. I think it's the same part of me that loves Dr. Pepper and always enjoyed the taste of medicine. Like, I think when people would say like, oh, I can't stand the taste of medicine, I would think like, I don't know, it's great.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Like the way it sort of burns your throat and tastes like a poisoned grape juice. Like that's how I feel about those. Like I'll eat one, I'll be like, that is weird and almost unpleasant. And then I truly will eat the entire bag of them. And be happy that I did. Because you're trying to solve the problem.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Because you're like, well, maybe this will eventually become good to me. This will help my lymph nodes probably. It's probably good for my lymph nodes. But I love some medicine. I love children's Tylenol. That grape. Oh yeah. Fantastic flavor. Diamond tap. I don't like a cherry medicine. Similar product.
Starting point is 00:10:50 You don't like cherry medicine. Oh, that really is the taste of medicine to me is cherry. But grape Tylenol tastes like grape Kool-Aid, tastes like grape candy, and none of it tastes like grapes. It's amazing. Bridger, have you ever had a Luxardo cherry? BD Why do I know what that is? RG This is like a premium maraschino cherry. BD Oh, well, I can't get on board with the maraschino cherry. RG Well, this is a premium product, Bridger.
Starting point is 00:11:19 BD What element of it is premium? RG The flavor, the texture, the syrup. Is your problem with the maraschino cherry that it's too pedestrian? Well... Yeah. This is like a, it's like if you are getting a like $20 craft cocktail, this is the cherry.
Starting point is 00:11:38 If like, this is, if you're getting like a schmancy old fashioned from a man in a giant hat. This is the cherry he's dropping in there. They're great. I love them. A giant hat or a tiny hat. That's true. Yeah. Just not a normal hat. No, not a normal hat. No, this guy's not wearing a normal hat.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Maybe if Genji Kohan is serving your cocktails. Bridger, these cherries are so good. I love a cherry off a tree, but once we get it, we're putting more sweetness into them. I have a difficult time with sweetness. My tolerance is pretty low at this point. Really? I need an edge.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Was that something that developed over time? Yeah, I think so. I think that something's happened. Something has just kind of broken and it's slowly deteriorating. Sweet things for me are very low on the list. I do like a treat. I love a treat, but at this point it's like it should just be bitter and salty. So it's a mouthful of seawater.
Starting point is 00:12:44 A mouthful of seawater and medicine. I was good this week, so. Time to make the cocktail. I'm going to crush up some Advil in some seawater. Bridger, how do you feel about like an oyster? Does that count as a treat? No, but I do like an oyster. I actually think an oyster is a waste of ever.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Whenever they're like, let's order oysters for the table, I just, it's such a waste of money. They just vanish down your throat. That's what makes it so exciting, Bridger. I need to be able to chew and savor and that's the last thing I want to chew or savor. It's like, I don't know, not for me. But people are obsessed and I'll never understand it. It doesn't feel like something you can be obsessed with. Adam Fossum I was maybe 30 years old when I ate my first oyster.
Starting point is 00:13:37 And I don't really like fish. I don't eat fish particularly, but I'll eat a scallop or something. I don't eat fish particularly, but I'll eat a scallop or something. And our friend Benjamin Harrison, close friend of mine in Jordan's and the host of The Greatest Generation on Maximum Fun, Ben said we should get oysters and I was like, I don't even know if I like oysters. It seems like you're just opening your mouth in the ocean. And Ben said, that's the point. And it clicked in for me. All of a sudden, it made sense. I don't want to open my mouth in the ocean, like to be clear. But it all added up. And then that plus the fact that you're ordering six of something that
Starting point is 00:14:20 costs $24 or $32. Like, I bargain, yeah, I was going to say. I don't buy an expensive glass of wine or an expensive cocktail at dinner because I don't drink. So, that's like, and other things, like if you're having a fancy dinner, it would be easy to order a $150 steak, but then it's really making a big dent. You know what I mean? That's causing a problem with your mortgage payment that month This is like the smallest thing on a menu that still makes you feel like a fucking Profligate king, you know what I mean? Like you're just throwing money around
Starting point is 00:14:59 Wearing diamond shoes, right? It's the like most affordable Unnecessary item you can. That makes sense to me and it is refreshing. I just like to say, bring me the super napkin. No, but yeah, it's just I guess if I, the thing with oysters is if I were alone, I would never order them. Would you, if you were just on a business trip, you wouldn't order them for yourself, right? Wow, what if I did though?
Starting point is 00:15:29 It's a lot of, six feels like a lot of oysters to eat to me. Right. I had a heavily dressed up oyster recently with like the, you know, the hot sauce and that kind of like onion marinade. And I kind of liked it. Mignonette, there you go. So yeah, I think that like,
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'm pretty grossed out by them. I'm pretty grossed out by their slimy little bods and the, you know, sea water taste and stuff. Slimy little bods. Yeah, and you know, it's not something I would like. It was the first time when it had been like very thoroughly dressed up with the hot sauce and lemon and mignonette.
Starting point is 00:16:05 I almost said marionette. Can you imagine putting a little puppet in your oyster? Oh my God. Oh my God. How random. What? A puppet with strings in your oyster? How random.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Oh my God. A dancing puppet? Wow. Puppets shouldn't dance. That would be so random. But dressing it up was the first time I was ever like, all right, Jordan. I get it. I get it. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just, Bridger, just so you know, sometimes this show gets totally random. Well, I'm trying to figure out how you guys think of this.
Starting point is 00:16:39 Yeah, we're a little twisted. Two guys have got way too much time on their hands. Guilty. Yeah, we're a little twisted. Two guys have got way too much time on their hands. Guilty. Yeah, we go there. That's a thing. That's a... So that happened.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I'll tell you this. I do not like clams or mussels. That is like too far for me. Even fried. Too far down the... But this is the thing. So your mention of the mignonette, Jordan, reminded me that at the end of the day, you can pretty much fry anything. Sure. Especially if you're on Cape Cod. Like I went to Cape Cod one time. I was visiting public radio legend Jay Allison and Jay Allison lives there and he has a boat
Starting point is 00:17:29 that he made himself and shit. So it was a whole lifestyle. I was wearing a red, white and blue plaid shirt. It was a whole thing. And you go to a shack and they fry them for you and at that point it's an onion ring. You know what I mean? It's like a too juicy onion ring. And that's fine. I'll eat anything that's, you know what I mean? It's like a too juicy onion ring and that's fine. I'll eat anything that's, you know, I'll eat fish and chips and as I said, I don't like fish. Yeah, I feel like with the fried clam or oyster, it is almost entirely the
Starting point is 00:17:54 fried thing. Like the middle of it almost means nothing. It's not like a chicken finger, where you're like this is chicken. It's just like this is a slightly tough or chewy or juicy. This is something for the batter to cling to. Yeah, or to even consume. Could just be an old pea. Fried pea. Bridger, will you get up to Halloween shit this year? I don't know. I feel like I don't have any costume picked out. There's a party, but it's like,
Starting point is 00:18:25 I have a ketchup costume that's been sitting in the back of my car for about three years that I borrowed from a friend. Like a bottle of ketchup? Yeah, bottle of ketchup. But I should probably put some thought, usually I'll just try to think of a famous redheaded person and then slightly dress up and say I'm that person.
Starting point is 00:18:44 I could be Jessica uh, I could be Jessica Chastain this year. Bridger, pick a great Jessica Chastain. Maybe that's who I'm supposed to be. You could be Jessica Rabbit. Oh, I would love to be Jessica Rabbit. I'm voluptuous and sexy. Bridger, my strong recommendation is that you go with that one guy from Game of Thrones that does the lawn care commercials as a Scottish
Starting point is 00:19:06 person even though he's Danish and can't do a Scottish accent. Oh, I forgot about that. Also, can you hear the fireworks going off? No. I mean, it sounds like just... I think the Dodgers might be going to the World Series. Yeah, that makes sense. But no, I forgot about that guy in the lawn care commercials. Yeah. And then the other one, other kind of premium cable person I was shocked to see in it, I think was also like fertilizer was Ted from Breaking Bad. Oh, in a fertilizer.
Starting point is 00:19:36 He's the guy that Skyler kind of has an affair with, right? Oh, right. Yeah, sure. Yeah, he was in one of the I guess that's where you go after you've been kind of a side character on one of these You know Giant shows you have nothing else to do, but you're like you kind of look like a dad. Yeah You're yeah I guess if you're I guess if you are the main character on like a big premium show that maybe like has more
Starting point is 00:20:01 Critical love than it does, you know viewers like has more critical love than it does, you know, viewers. Then it's like, okay, I'm going to CBS, I'm gonna be on a procedural, it will run for 15 years and your mom will recommend it. But yeah, I guess if you are a beloved side character, maybe you don't necessarily make the CBS jump that easily and then you gotta do a little, you gotta do some commercials, you know, until until the next thing.
Starting point is 00:20:27 I mean, I think that I mean, this is slightly different. But I think that a bit of the pioneer of this was what's his name? Richard Karn? Oh, yeah. He was advertising garage doors for a long time. And that made perfect sense. It really did. Yeah, very slick move on his I mean, the wand finds the wizard, right? Did Richard Karn host Family Feud for a time? Yes. He did.
Starting point is 00:20:52 I think he was right before Steve Harvey. And Steve Harvey, maybe, yeah, so this was maybe 15 years ago. We had Louis Anderson, Richard Karn, and I believe at some point, Jay Peterman from Seinfeld. Oh, yeah Not Jay Peterman from the Jay Peterman catalog in real life. Who's a real man. Yeah But that funny talking guy who played him on television. I saw him in I saw him in spam a lot in Vegas What hotel was that playing at or what casino was Spamalot at? Probably the Python, probably.
Starting point is 00:21:30 The almighty Python themed Vegas hotel. Yeah, but he did those garage doors and we were, I guess we were buying garage doors from him for a while. The Family Feud as a show really took a hard turn into guy with the appropriate talent to host the Family Feud when they hired Steve Harvey. He's so synonymous with it now. Like you can't imagine anybody else being in that role. It seems like he's been doing it forever. Like Louis Anderson, brilliant standup comic was wonderful on baskets. So good.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Hosted that show for years, utterly baffling choice to me. So ill-suited to that job. You should not have hosted any game show. Just when you're hosting someone to host a game show, you should not be casting someone whose main quality is always seeming uncomfortable. Right. Never at ease. Gary Shandling and Louis Anderson are not the right choices. And I'll say, the last time I was on, I said no gifts, which is a wonderful podcast. Being on it is very fun. Listening to it is very fun. I love it.
Starting point is 00:22:47 We did talk about Family Feud for a little bit, so I don't wanna have- We did, I forgot about this. I don't wanna have an exact duplicate. It's haunting us. I do talk about it a lot. I wonder if it started with talk of Richard Karn. Maybe it did.
Starting point is 00:23:01 You're always bringing up Richard Karn. I'm always bringing up Steve Harvey. We're very predictable. Bridger, would you like to host a game show, given the opportunity? Would that be a career goal for you? I would love to. I would absolutely love to. Somebody a few months ago said I should be, and I thought, yes, I would love nothing more
Starting point is 00:23:21 than to host a game show in the 70s. Yeah. Like, I don't know what it would be now. It feels like it's hard to be like a game show host star. Now you're just kind of garbage. Sure. Like Rob Lowe. Yeah. Is he hosting a game show?
Starting point is 00:23:39 Yeah, he has a game show on network television. And here's what is it? It's something where people fall through holes in the floor maybe? I can't be sure. I think that might be true. I would love to experience that feeling that cartoon door opening and you're just falling into a void. That would be incredible.
Starting point is 00:23:54 And then at the bottom there's sharpened bamboo poles with human feces on them like the Viet Kong. Yeah, I mean, I understand kind of wanting that cartoon falling sensation because like who lived a richer life than Wile E. Coyote, you know? Of course. Can you imagine the thrill he felt daily? He was hooked. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:17 I feel like to me, the appeal of hosting a game show is the idea that there is like so much stuff to do and in my mind, it would feel so good to be good at that. Oh, to have full control over every element of this machine. It's like a happy version of, you know, air traffic controller or something. Like you know how air traffic controllers are always drinking coffee and pulling their hair out and sweating and everything? It's like the fun version of that. But to have like a price is right control.
Starting point is 00:24:54 What Drew Carey is doing over there. Amazing. Richard, I think you're you were onto something by mentioning that you you would want to do it in the 70s, Because, yeah, I think as you mentioned, like the game show host, it's a, you know, more respected character back then. But also you could give the contestants a little kiss. Now, you can't. That's what I miss.
Starting point is 00:25:15 Give it up. You could give whoever you wanted a little kiss. I need to find a TV show where I can give a pet. Sure. You're not jamming your tongue in sure Anybody's mouth just a little kiss Yeah You shouldn't touch their butt No, no, no, it's not appropriate. Just give a little kiss a kiss to show you care Mm-hmm. That's a nice way to meet a person if you could host any show Bridger What game show would you like to host a game show? I, you know, I would be a big classic.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Price is Right, Jeopardy, Wheel. I would not mind being at Wheel. Jeopardy is not fun though. I mean, like, I'll grant you, Jeopardy is the only game show on television hosted by a past Jordan Jesse co-guest. However, and he's very fun and very funny, but it's one where you have to act serious the whole time. But you can have a little bit of fun. Oh, yeah, you could totally have a little bit of fun. You get that feeling of superiority even if you don't know the answers. These people making fools of themselves and you can act like you knew what the answer was. Right. I think if you get in a little zinger during the contestant interview, you're a comedy hero. Like the little laugh you get when someone says, well, right now I'm a high school administrator, but I've always wanted to be a librarian.
Starting point is 00:26:53 And if you, the host, say, well, we'll have to check it out sometime. You'd be booed out of the studio. No, I think you're a hero. I think that little joke in that context is turns you into a god Yeah, and I feel like Trebek had a really good control of that I there's like a famous one that's been all over the internet where the woman describes what she does or what she's into and He just says so you're a loser. Oh, I think the I think it is I've seen this clip too this is very good the woman says she is into, she's either a performer or just into nerdcore rapping. And he like asks like, what's nerdcore?
Starting point is 00:27:37 And she says something like, oh, it's people who like rap about, you know, fantasy and pop culture. And he's like, so losers then. And for Trebek to take that shot knowing who his audience is, is like the confidence, the fucking wild no one can touch me confidence. Meanwhile, at home, 500 nerdcore rappers start writing bars. Yeah. I wonder if there are like nerdcore Alex Trebek diss tracks out there. There's gotta be. Fucking Not Like Us was actually a remix by Kendrick Lamar.
Starting point is 00:28:10 The original was a nerdcore diss of Alex Trebek by MC Frontalot. What would you guys host? That's a great question. I mean, for me, it's not a game show. The answer is The Antiques Roadshow, up, down and all around. Oh, incredible. But in terms, and that is a show that until recently was hosted by a game show host in Mark L. Wahlberg, the world's worst Mark Wahlberg.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Not personally. Mark Wahlberg, regular Mark Wahlberg. You know what? I'm revising that joke because the regular Mark Wahlberg is such a bad person. And I bet Mark L. Wahlberg is a good person. Or he wouldn't be working on that PBS show. They wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't a nice guy. He really had to overcome a lot being named Mark Wahlberg to get onto a PBS show. It's true.
Starting point is 00:28:59 That's a good point. What a challenge. I think I would love to host that. I would also love to host, there's a show, the British version of which has run forever called Antiques Road Trip. Oh, what's this? This is where two antiques experts get in a classic car and drive the weird tiny hedged lined rows of the United Kingdom and go to like antique smalls, buy things and then at the end of every episode, they sell them at auction and it's like a contest for charity who can make the most money doing this.
Starting point is 00:29:39 And that is fine. That sounds like it could be any of a thousand American games, reality TV shows, you know. They haven't tried to do an American version? So they did. So there's also, there's this one other essential element, which is there is a comedian, a British comedian whose name I do not know, who hosts that show. But he does not appear on camera. He just narrates it. And he is, as I understand it, our friend Sarah Morgan, who's a Briton, tried to explain it to me once, like what kind of guy he is. But like, I think he basically is like a music hall comedian. Like I feel like they had Vaudeville in England
Starting point is 00:30:26 until 1993 and that's who this guy is. And so everything he says, he goes like, huh huh? Or like hmm. Like everything is like a corny joke told with a little bit of contempt for the people on screen. But it's also a little silly and goofy. Like he brings it off and he's incredible at it. And the American version of it, they did what I thought would make a ton of sense. If you had seen the British version, you'd get a feeling for why this would be a good American version of it. But Fred Willard was the voice. Oh, sure. Really? Good casting. But this show came on immediately as Fred Willard got
Starting point is 00:31:14 caught jacking off in an adult. Like they were simultaneous events. So not only did Fred Willard get cut out of the show, but that was the end of the American version of that show. What a shame. Yeah. What an absolute shame. Yeah, absolutely. And me, I think if I could host anything, well, other than Jordan Jessico, of course,
Starting point is 00:31:36 which I love. If there's one thing I love more than the show, it's the fans. Yeah. It's a good show. Everyone agrees on it. Everyone agrees. Good show. Important content. Worth listening to. Not a waste of time. Not at all. But I think I'd host a TV show. Gotta
Starting point is 00:31:54 be Fuckboy Island, right? Oh, Fuckboy Island. Nikki Glaser's got a target on her back. Sorry, Glaser. Sorry, you're very nice and funny, but. I think I could get the fuckboys to open up because they're like, this guy's one of us. This guy. You think you could connect with them on a fuckboy to fuckboy level. Yeah, I'm always fucking and sucking, you know?
Starting point is 00:32:19 Yeah, that's a good point. They're like, this guy, he's fucking. Sometimes. He's out there fucking and sucking Honestly Jordan. I'm grateful every time we step in the studio together I'm grateful that you've seen fit to take time out of your busy schedule to record Jordan. Jesse go with me. Yeah, you're welcome Cuz you know if you weren't making the show I'd be fucking it's okay F&S F&F guys This reminds me. Can we take a little break? I got something I gotta do.
Starting point is 00:32:49 We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, detective. Hey, we've got brand new teas in the Max Fun Store. If you have a friend who listens to Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm just talking about you. Just talking about you. Yeah, we're talking about you.
Starting point is 00:33:24 You're the friend. You're the friend. You're your friend. Yeah, we're talking about you. You're the friend. You're the friend. You're your friend. You're yourself and the friend. You're your own friend. And the holidays are coming up, you're looking for the perfect gift for your friend, we're just talking about you. We're just talking about you.
Starting point is 00:33:34 It's fine. Or you could just put it on your list for your husband, your wife, or whatever. For them to get for you. Put it on there. Yeah. Send them a link. Why not get him one of our new t-shirts featuring me and Jordan, his characters from Cathy, saying Actua?
Starting point is 00:33:50 Yes. This was based on a riff we did on the Kyle Canane episode. Best thing we ever said. Yes, where we were talking about what would happen if Cathy became the Hock-Tua woman and she would probably say actua. So check out maxfunstore.com or follow Jordan Jessi Goh on Instagram. We will be posting photos there. The shirt is truly hilarious.
Starting point is 00:34:15 And yeah, who wouldn't want a hilarious, handsome shirt with a joke you have to explain to people? And look, it's not the only Jordan, Jesse, Go thing in the store. There's other Jordan, Jesse, Go stuff in the store. So go to maxfundstore.com and check out what we got there. But that is the best thing that's in the Max Fund Store. It's the best thing. It's going to be leading all the holiday gift guides. Of course, yes.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Wire cutter. Yeah. Get a jump on old wire cutter. New York Magazine. Mm-hmm Don't forget BuzzFeed. They probably do that too the economist Got some ammo And jugs, I don't know Max fun store comm check out our new shirt. We like it a lot.
Starting point is 00:35:05 And hey- Just good European porno mags is where you're gonna find that recommendation. Fancy porno mags. Yeah, they're classier. Hey, we got something up on the Jumbotron. The Jumbotron is where Jordan Jesse Goh listeners can share messages with other Jordan Jesse Goh listeners. This message comes from Joshua Potter about his brand new series of
Starting point is 00:35:26 books, The Featherweight Augur, available in paperback and ebook, first three books, on Amazon.com. Here is the message. I am Lyric Locutor of the Hearthland. Locutor. Excuse me. He put a pronouncer at the bottom. Locutor. I missed the pronouncer. I'm sorry. Locutor.
Starting point is 00:35:44 I am Lyric. Well, you're not much of a locutor, the bottom. Locutor. I missed the pronouncer. I'm sorry. Locutor. Well, you're not much of a locutor, my friend. It's true. You're malocuturia. Locutor, locator, let's call the whole thing off. With these words begins an epic nine volume saga set in a light fantasy realm where a young heroine of considerable skill is given a quest.
Starting point is 00:36:04 It's the hoct... Spoiler alert. It's the hawk, spoiler alert, it's the hawk to a girl. Is given a quest that redefines the very limits of the world she inhabits. When a stranger commits an act of terrible violence, it sets in motion a series of increasingly intriguing and otherworldly events with lyric at the center. Fans of the Golden Compass, Hunger Games, and The Dark is Rising will love the Lock Your Tour series. Thank you. By Joshua Potter.
Starting point is 00:36:32 If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. You can plug your thing or wish somebody happy birthday or whatever you please. We just like to, we just like to hear a little message from the community. Yeah, we love to, we love to send messages and mispronounce, block your tour. Hey, if you're in the LA area, you can come see us November 2nd at the Revenge of Comics Creators Block Party.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Revenge of, of course, everyone, really wonderful comic book store slash pinball arcade in Eagle Rock here in LA At 3 p.m. We're gonna be doing a live Jordan Jesse go with special guests Brian Michael Bendis and Elliot Kaylin from the Flophouse That's two of comic books greatest writers. That's true on stage with us two other men Elliot Kaylin's taking over some fucking famous ass comic book. Yeah, I just heard on the flop house What is it that he's taking over or something?. Or something? Yeah, there you go. Who knows Batman? Yeah. Batman's friend.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Yeah. Sometimes foe. Yeah. Do you ever like to hold hands ever? Oh, I don't know. I don't know if we've had any Batman, Harley shipping in the comics. Not to my knowledge. Maybe they sit next to each other on a scary ride. That's true. Then you would, yeah, that's a good excuse to hold somebody's hand. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Maybe you can ask Elliot if Batman and Harley Quinn ever hold hands if you come to our show Do you think that Batman ever goes you know the distance to be in this show your shoulder and your neck is the same as the Distance between your neck and your shoulder and then all of a sudden Batman's arm is around Harley Quinn shoulders Oh, yeah, and then she bonks him with the mallet. Yeah, she's always bonking people with a mallet So yeah, that's at 3 p.m. And at 4 p.m. I am going to be signing books. A ton of other great folks at this thing. Patton Oswalt, Brian Posey, Megan Fitzmartin, Cody Ziegler, freaking Josh Gad is going to be at this signing books.
Starting point is 00:38:15 And hey, November 9th, if you're in the Bay Area and you have an interest in comic books- We'll be celebrating the one week anniversary of our show. Yes. We're gonna be looking back at all the hottest moments. Fans are gonna be reacting, people gonna be talking about the historical significance of our show. No, one week later on November 9th I'm gonna be at the Berkeley Public Library Comic Con. I call it Berserkly. Okay, I won't be calling it. I hope you're driving your Volvo there to Berserkly. I'll be wearing my Birkenstocks.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Hi, can I have a bumper sticker that says visualize world peas, please? I'll take one tofu square. Berkeley Public Library Comic Con. A lot of good folks at this thing. You got a Tin fam, Maggie Cicutta Hall, Brianna Lowenson. I'm going to be doing a panel at 11 a.m. at the second floor mystery room. So please come on out to that Berkeley Public Library for more information. I'm going to be signing books. We're going to be having a great time.
Starting point is 00:39:17 If I'm at the Berkeley Public Library Comic Con and this fucking thing isn't half Jordan Jesse Goh listeners, what are we doing? Here's the thing, Jordan. What are we doing? Here's the thing Jordan? What are we doing? Who are we even is anyone listening to this Jordan? Can I say something? Yeah We have listeners that don't live in Berkeley. Huh, they live right there in El Cerrito. Sure Like a five-minute drive. Come on out from the lay. Oh Yeah, come on out from valjo. Are you listening to E40? Come see us.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Yeah, listen, if there's not a bunch of Jordan Jessi Goh people at this thing, it's going to be fucking wild and I'll probably quit the show. Berkeley Public Library Comic Con November 9th. I don't think E40 is going to make the drive, but I think his son Droopy is. Oh, I'd love to see him. Yeah. Catch up. I'd love to see him.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Goh. to see him. Yeah. Catch up. We'd love to see him. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Go. It's Jordan Jessi Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy. Detective. Bridger Weineger, future host of the game show of my choice. You looked into the middle distance as though you were about to announce a game show.
Starting point is 00:40:32 No, I was just getting lost in the possibilities. In the reveries of thinking about it. So we've already got a floor with holes in it. What about a wall? What if you were shoving people through holes and walls? A light kiss and then pushing them through a wall. Yeah, a little kiss. Just a little pick and then right through the hole. They are sort of running out of ways to make a game show network television worthy. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:05 Like- Is it possible? I don't know. I mean, they haven't, I haven't seen a show where they like hose people. You know, like a racist southern sheriff. Like a big fire hose type thing. Blasting people. Yeah, just really blasting people with the hose.
Starting point is 00:41:27 Okay, you want to see, like hose blasters. You want to see a show called Hose Blasters. Yeah, or hose them. They would be called something like all wet. Sure. It wouldn't be called hose blasters, I don't think. Face full of hose. Face full of hose. It's directly to the face Oh, yeah Blinded. Yeah, their whole list. They're they're in a box. They're in like, uh, you know
Starting point is 00:41:51 With an old-time steam cabinet and they're just head sticking up. That's when they're getting the hose Right in the face I want I just want to direct traffic, you know Yeah, I just want to be like and what about you you? And you correct, you know what I mean? Call somebody a loser once a season, get a standing ovation, be a Be a gift suit. Be a gift for the rest of your life. Unbelievable. Yeah, it does feel impossible to make a future classic game show. We've got the ones that will be classics forever. Future classic game show. We've got the ones that will be classics forever
Starting point is 00:42:28 Mm-hmm, and I think when Merv Griffin died It was like now these will just be kind of tacky things that last a couple seasons. Yeah, I mean I Think what happened is they made who wants to be a millionaire. Oh That changed everything it both rescued and destroyed the game show. And what they missed in making future game shows was that they should be hosted by Regis. Like the absence, like if you just put Michael Strahan or whatever in there, you're losing the Regis Philbin magic of a guy who seems like he's completely in control of everything that's happening at that moment and also doesn't know where he is. Like he's the funniest human being on earth and also doesn't know what is and isn't a joke.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Like just the magic of the late Regis Philbin. Well, and it seemed like Regis wanted to be part of the show and like Michael Strahan is like someone who shows up and does the job. Yeah, exactly. Somebody woven into the DNA of the show essentially. I feel like maybe there is a game show hosted by Travis Kelce that was advertised me to on a streaming service. I just, I don't know. I think there's three of us here dreaming about hosting a show and there's nothing we can do. Somehow Jimmy Pardo isn't hosting any of it.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Oh, he would be so good. I feel like I am out here fucking and sucking for nothing. For Jordan. Nothing. I don't enjoy it. We see you putting in the work thank you Jordan glad thank you for acknowledging that what about the love of the game I'm sorry what happened to that that that died a long time ago haven't you ever seen field of dreams yes we're fucking and sucking to impress our dad ghost right
Starting point is 00:44:27 no you're right perhaps when my father passes away my my love of this we'll come Bridger is gonna leave behind his career as a country doctor to play one more game right when something momentous happens to you give us a call 206-984-FOR-FUN or send us an email at jjgoatmaximumfund.org as this person has done. Hi Jordan and Jesse, this is Aaron from Massachusetts calling in with a momentous occasion. I was just at the gas station and while I was filling up my tank this little neon blue Honda Fit came tearing into the parking lot with this music blasting that the whole car was vibrating from the music and it was pulling into the air pump and the guy gets out to put air in his tires and it's
Starting point is 00:45:20 this big muscle-bound weightlifting guy and he's wearing a pink wrestling singlet and he's just really, really getting amped up. He's like really into the music and he's singing along and he's bobbing his head and he's strutting around and like really, really into it as he's putting air in his tires. And the song he was listening to was You've got a friend in me from the Toy Story soundtrack Which may be this generation's eye of the tiger Anyway, he filled up his Tires and then got back in his car
Starting point is 00:45:55 But before he left another Randy Newman song came on so maybe it was the best of I don't know But I thought you should know thanks of the show. Bye. I love it. I love what a dream First of all, I think the three of us should go in together and be pitching huge guy tiny car That's a game show. I don't know what the mechanics of the game are. Yeah, we'll switch off hosting I'll host it Mondays and Wednesdays. Uh-huh the car just keeps getting smaller. The guy stays the same size. He has to keep getting in it.
Starting point is 00:46:28 And the you've got a friend in me just gets louder and louder drowning out any other noise in the studio. I think that's the game show. And at the end you get a beautiful vacation to let's say Palm Springs. I'd love it if the if the Randy Newman's like I'm sure the Randy Newman song that came on was like I Love LA the Randy Newman song that came on was like I love LA or something like that, but I'd love it if it was like, you know, I think it's gonna rain today. One of the more bittersweet. Yeah, bittersweet one or one of the ones with like a a really intensely ironic narrator. Sure.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that the fact that another Randy Newman song came on at the end is really the key to this call. Because like, I know, I think some people probably do get pumped up to like Disney music, you know? If you're a Disney adult and you're looking to get jacked, you wanna, you know, if you're a Disney adult and you're looking to get jacked, you want to do the I'll make a man out of you from Mulan, you know.
Starting point is 00:47:32 Maybe I'm, you know, maybe even Under the Sea. I could, you know. I mean, we've brought this up on the show. I could flip a tire to Under the Sea. We've brought this up on the show, but you know, Dan Deacon, electronic musician, Dan Deacon used to DJ at Max Funcon and he really knows how to pump up a party. Like truly, I've never seen wilder parties. And the wildest moment of any one of those Max Fun Cons that Dan Deacon DJed was Dan dropping
Starting point is 00:48:07 under the sea. At like, everybody's pretty drunk, the curfew's in like 10 minutes, he drops under the sea, people were loose, like fucking jumping so high their head got stuck in the plaster of the ceiling. Just people going ape shit for under the sea. That makes sense to me. Yeah. So, but the fact a friend and me, it's a little, it doesn't go anywhere. Yeah, it's pretty gentle. It's a nice mid tempo sort of Fats Domino style number.
Starting point is 00:48:41 Maybe this guy's going to Kansas City. Who knows? Yeah. But yeah, I like that this guy seemed to be getting pumped up to an all Randy Newman playlist or maybe like Randy Newman radio or something on Spotify. I'll say this. There was a time when I was listening to Randy Newman song a lot because I was singing it in the Judge John Hodgman live show. And so, I would like listen to it a few times in the car by telling my phone to play it, you know. And I will say that if you listen to a Randy Newman song in Apple Music and you are hoping that the artificial
Starting point is 00:49:21 intelligence will deliver you another Randy Newman song or even a Warren Zvon song or something. You are in for a world of pain because it is delivering you directly to like Vanessa Carlton singing songs from the Emperor's New Groove. from the Emperor's New Groove. Just do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just straight to Lee Ann Rimes, sings the rescuers down under. So it just assumes you want Disney music. 100%. And not just Disney music, like it doesn't send you to, I guess maybe it thinks or people's behavior suggests that people who listen to you've got a friend in me want to listen to Disney music as performed by actual musical artists because it never goes straight to like the Josh Gad song from Frozen.
Starting point is 00:50:26 That's a pretty straight like you've got a friend in me to the one where he's gonna melt, you know, and he's trying to come to terms with death. Sure. The funny one where he's dancing around in the snow. It always goes to, yeah, it's always Lee Ann Rimes or something. What do Randy Newman fans, how do they feel about the Toy Story? Is that part or are they like, ah, that's lesser Newman? Well, I think it was at the Randy Newman concert that Jordan and I went to 20 some years ago
Starting point is 00:50:56 that he played You've Got a Friend in Me and then at the end of it, he shrugged and said, of course, it's all bullshit. I think, I mean, I think a Randy Newman fan, I'm a Randy Newman fan, big Randy Newman fan, I think certainly prides themselves on understanding the most complex, unreliable, narrator, cynical, Randy Newman song. But I don't think that a Randy Newman fan has a problem with You've Got a Friend in Me or the theme from The Natural. Like I think that we have the sense to understand that You've Got a Friend in Me is a very nice song. Even though it's not an indictment of racism in America being sung from the point of view of a racist or whatever is going on in a Randy Newman
Starting point is 00:51:54 real Randy Newmany Randy Newman song. It's just kind of bonus content. Richard, do you have pump up music that you prefer if you need to get pumped for, you know, workout or to come on your favorite podcast. I wish there was any situation in my life where I needed to be pumped up. I would love to have something where I need to have my heart racing. There's just simply nothing in my life
Starting point is 00:52:15 that I want to be excited. You gotta get ready for that Halloween party. Something's gotta get that ketchup costume on you. There's a lot of music I'll listen to at a very high volume, but I think, I don't know, I think it's more self-inflicted something or other, just damaging myself or something. Let me ask you two, I feel like I listen to music very loud in the car and I feel like most people should. I feel like that's why you listen to music in the car, but then Most of the people I'm surrounded with I listen to it at a pretty low volume And it doesn't make any sense to me
Starting point is 00:52:50 I feel like you should you should probably hear the music in everyone's car from outside the car if they actually listening to the songs Yeah, oh, yeah, I'm allowed music in the car car fan. So yes, I'm with you It's sure it's like a little concert that you're in while you're going to the thing. You don't want to go to right But I feel like there's a large amount of people who don't listen to music like that and the idea of just turning on your favorite Music at a moderate volume just make makes no sense whatsoever I want to turn my music up loud at my house and cannot Because right children live at my house all the time. Like the thing that I will do when if for some reason there is no one in my house
Starting point is 00:53:37 but me, which is a almost like once a year situation, is I will go and like put something really heavy like gap band four or something something like that type bass. Oh, what a feeling. And turn it way the fuck up. Yeah, like, like upsetting the neighbors loud. I mean, it'd be like two o'clock in the afternoon to be clear. They're at work. But yeah, that and in the car, it's always, I mean,
Starting point is 00:54:09 I think maybe everyone does it this way, Bridger, but maybe when you're in the car with them, observing their behavior, they want to talk to you because you're a charming conversationalist. to you because you're a charming conversationalist. Well, everyone knows that. But, yeah. No, but yeah, I understand that, but I feel like, I mean, there's, I guess I have no proof of people listening to their music in a moderate volume, but I just feel like I never, most of my friends will pull up and I can't hear the music in their car. I want to hear what you're listening to.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Nosey. I want to hear what you're listening to. You know what I'm saying? My wife gets physically ill from cars with subwoofers that are not her car. Wow. Like when a car pulls up next to you, you know how sometimes their car pulls up next to you and you can only hear the sub in their trunk so it's sort of going... That like makes my wife nauseous. Wow. Like physically nauseous. Yeah. Like physically nauseous. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Oh, that's terrible. Richard, what are you cranking though in the house? What's the, what's, what are you taking to 10? In the house, that's a great question. I think in the house, the things I'm cranking are more like dance, like pop or R&B, things that you can move around to. Whereas in the car, I'll listen to more, the loud stuff is more guitar based. Oh.
Starting point is 00:55:26 Because I don't need to move as much. Sure. It's more about the thrill of the open road. Right, right. To get the top down. Pedal to the metal. Yeah. What sort of music do I listen to really loud in the car?
Starting point is 00:55:42 Stuff I'll really, about once a year, this, do you know the band McClusky? They have an album called Do Dallas from 2002 maybe. That's one that about, for about three weeks of every year, I'll listen to it. It's so loud and nasty and it's just such a feeling, just incredible feeling. There's a when I'm in a really horrible mood or I need to release some tension, there's one song I always go to by a band called Pissed Jeans called False Jessie 2. And it's just it's a very cathartic piece of music to listen to. Bridger, how does it feel to be here with the OG, the original false Jesse one and with a guy who's just pissed his jeans.
Starting point is 00:56:25 That's me. I'm always pissing. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. What's up people of the world? It's Mark and Hal. And we got this with Mark and Hal.
Starting point is 00:56:44 The show that settles those pointless arguments that you and your friends have. Should you put ketchup on a hot dog or liquid, foam, or bar soap? And our 500th episode of We Got This with Mark and Hal is available now. It is super sized and a ton of fun. Yeah, we've got guests coming back from the entire 500 episode run of our show. Some of your favorite Max Fun stars, some of your favorite regular out in other places in the world stars too, some really fun surprises, and every single one of them had a topic for us to cover.
Starting point is 00:57:15 You can listen to it right now on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, sleepyheads. Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal. We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudyk. You hand somebody a yardstick after they've shopped at your general store.
Starting point is 00:57:44 The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family. Sleeping with Celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Night night. It's Jordan Jessi Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. La la la la la la la la la la la It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Oh, I've got to do another. Bridger Weinegger.
Starting point is 00:58:13 You can use the same one. We're using the same one from before, Bridger. This is your show, you can do whatever you want. I feel like I have to bring a new one. Not at all. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're fucking it all up, Weininger argumentative podcast guest yeah there you go no you're not see yes I am I pissed my jeans right now this and comfort in my own piss everybody should listen to piss jeans yeah I'm swimming in my ET tears. Oh, I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:58:48 A lot of great fluids to swim in. She agreed to watch Meet Me in St. Louis. Because it had a Halloween scene? I admitted to her that Meet Me in St. Louis involves multiple holidays and she
Starting point is 00:59:04 crosses it off the list. Is there any movies where it's Halloween but it's not a scary movie? Yeah, E.T. Well, you know, E.T. is pretty scary. E.T. is kind of scary actually, honestly. I guess you have like your hocus pocuses, stuff like something that's more of a, you know, comedy. Right, but there's never just like Halloween's the background and it's a wedding. Right, there's not a Halloween rom-com. Right. Mean Girls. Oh, Halloween Girls. That's fine. Yeah, that's a Halloween movie. Son of the Mask. Of course. No way you guys haven't seen Son of
Starting point is 00:59:38 the Mask already though, right? I have seen Son of the Mask with my daughter. I figured, I figured. 100% I have. God, what a nightmare that movie is. Mimi in St. Louis is also, man, a horror and thriller is a long list. About Last Night, how about that? About Last Night, which one is that? That sounds like no strings attached. Fried green tomatoes? Oh. But these ones are like seasons, you know, right? No strings attached fried green tomatoes. Oh
Starting point is 01:00:09 But these ones are like seasons, you know, we're right it sure I probably like it's probably like a portrait of a life and then we see them in all their holidays But this that Steve Martin movie parenthood probably has a Halloween scene. I make sense Bridger on your fantastic podcast. I said no gifts. Here's what happens. You invite a guest over, you explicitly tell them no gifts. But these fucking assholes always bring a gift. The amount of fucking assholes I've had on this podcast is never-ending. You were a recent one. I was a recent one.
Starting point is 01:00:41 I had a lot of fun. My gift was kind of a fiasco. It was a huge fiasco. Yeah, what do you say? That was the biggest fiasco that's ever Yeah, I mean my producer had to Fill fill up a giant pineapple at air inflated pineapple while we were talking I bought You know I had the brainstorm on the way in that a hilarious and delightful gift would be an inflatable pineapple pool toy.
Starting point is 01:01:08 We're in the, you know, this, we're taping this in the middle of summer. I'm like, this will be great. This will make a great photo for social media. I did not anticipate how difficult these things are to blow up. I bought an apparatus at a big five to blow up the thing that I had bought at Target. And your brilliant producer, Annalise, had to blow it up while we were talking. Because we both tried and I think failed and then Annalise got on there and was like... Just started pumping away. And what kind of apparatus are we talking about? Like a foot pedal? No, just like a hand pump.
Starting point is 01:01:44 The kind that you go up and down on, like you're driving one of those railroad carts? Right, or blowing up dynamite. Have I talked about this on the show when I was buying that? I had a really fun little piece of small talk with the cashier at the Big Five. No. It's the only item I'm getting.
Starting point is 01:02:02 I probably look insane, because I have to be at Bridger's house in 10 minutes. So I'm like paying for this thing and while we're waiting for my credit card to go through, the cashier just says to me, so you going to pump something up? I forgot about that. Beautiful. Don't they say that if you have a giant inflatable pineapple in your card at target, that means you're a giant inflatable swinger? Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:33 Can't wait to meet the giant inflatable couple of my dreams. I hope it's the Garfield balloon from the Macy's Fair. The Macy's Parade. Anyway, you guys know what I'm talking about. Macy's Fair, whatever. They throw a fair once a year too. Why not? They throw a fair. That's why they're going out of business.
Starting point is 01:02:54 All the presidential candidates visit and eat something deep fried. Sure, yeah. Bridger, what other gifts have you gotten as part of the show? Let's see. I, um, what did I, I recently, we did a live show in New York and I got a life size porcelain bulldog, um, which I could not bring home because I just had a carry on so it's in my boyfriend's apartment now. I tried to give it to the venue almost immediately. Then my boyfriend was furious.
Starting point is 01:03:23 He actually wanted it. So it's still part of my life. Oh! What else have I gotten? When you're at Max Funcon, Bridger, a listener who was a prop master, believe he was a prop master, made an exact replica of a pig toy, a German pig toy that I was obsessed with that had appeared on the Antiques Roadshow. It's been going around on Instagram lately. I know because several people sent it to me on Instagram, but Chompers, the power pig.
Starting point is 01:04:00 And it was a perfect replica of Chompers. I mean, I had expressed how much I wanted this pig, which I did. It was a perfect replica of Chompers and it was such an extraordinary act of generosity and expression of skill. Like it was a remarkable simulacrum of this antique pull toy. You know, I mean, I'm talking about two and a half feet long. This is not a little desk thing. Right. But as soon as it was given to me, I was forced to reckon with what the fuck am I supposed
Starting point is 01:04:37 to do with this thing? Of course. Because it's someone's extraordinary art project. But I want the real chompers. That's that's the dilemma that you faced with this porcelain bulldog. Yeah. It's just what what is this object? What's the purpose other than out of the corner of my eye thinking, oh, there's an animal in the apartment.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Right. To scare you once a month. Once every hour. You know this apartment is flora only. Wait, yeah, flora. Yes, flora. And Macy's throws a parade. Yes, there you go. What else have you gotten, Bridger?
Starting point is 01:05:19 Let's see. There are things I've gotten where I'm like, wow, I can't believe I've got, like Weird Al gave me a Trophy he got in high school Wow, there are things like that where it feels like oh, thank God. I do have this podcast because Often it's a garbage that is just filling up my home But I've gotten useful things. I got a car garbage can that completely changed my life. Wait a minute How does a car garbage can work completely changed my life. Wait a minute, how does a car garbage can work? It hangs in the back of the car off of the passenger side seat.
Starting point is 01:05:50 I can't recommend this thing enough. It's like that's where all of your receipts end up. From like the bag or the pocket on the back of the seat or from the headrest? From the headrest. So you can kind of reach back and put your straw wrappers, your paper, not your wet goods. That's what I was about to say. Are you tempted to put wet goods in there? Fortunately, I'm not doing a lot of wet things in the car.
Starting point is 01:06:17 You should try. I save that for special occasions. You should try that. Jordan knows a little something about that. Yeah. You should try that. Jordan knows a little something about that. Oh yeah. Yeah, well you'd hear more about it if they would let me host Fuckboy Island. Glacier, she's done her time on the island. Or if they'd let me host All Wet. Sure, the All Well Rides.
Starting point is 01:06:42 The O's Base Game Show. We're saying things that we said earlier in the episode. It's a good show. They do love it. They're going nuts. They're all wet in their cars. People are literally, Bridger, you don't know this because you can't see the audience,
Starting point is 01:06:56 but we know what they're up to. Right now, they're writing their senators to ask them to offer us commendations. There's calligraphers right now, senators to ask them to offer us commendations. There's calligraphers right now, calligraphing different great stuff we said on this good show. No, I've heard stories. I've heard stories. Word gets around. But yeah, the garbage can, but you can't put a banana in there.
Starting point is 01:07:20 You can't put a banana peel, you know? Right. Yeah. So forget snacking. You know, I do eat a fair amount of car bananas. It's a great snack in the car. Oh man, yeah. I mean, it's ready to go. You gotta get all-weather mats. Then you eat that banana, you just toss it right down there on the fucking passenger side floor. Who gives a shit? Start a compost pile in there. You can just hose it down later.
Starting point is 01:07:43 I do think a banana peel is one thing that you can kind of guilt free, throw out the window. I don't know if you're going to throw something out. I mean, if you're a professional comedy writer, I mean, you're essentially creating future comedy. Great stuff. Well, Bridger, it's been a joy to have you back on Jordan. Jesse, go. It's always lovely to see you. It's so nice seeing you, too.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Just wonderful. We're going to be looking forward to finding out what you decide to go as for Halloween. Oh, Chastain, which is going to figure out which era. Zero Dark Thirty. That's everybody's favorite Chastain. Everybody wants to see Zero Dark Thirty. That's everybody's favorite Chastain. Everybody wants to see Zero Dark Thirty on Halloween. You get to a party, somebody says, are you Zero Dark Thirty?
Starting point is 01:08:31 And you say, yes I am, yes I am. And just in time. Most popular, it's one of those costumes that never goes out of style. And imagine, so you're there, you're Zero Dark Thirty 30 Chastain and who's coming out of the bathroom, but Molly's game Chastain Fight ensues yes I mean it's brutal fistfight bitch What if sitting on the sofa is?
Starting point is 01:09:01 Jessica Chastain from a third film that I can't name. A third? Jessie? That's random. What if that's there? Interstellar, It, the grown up kids in It movies. Those are good polls. I could not think of a third film. Yeah. Great in everything. She's so good. She's great.
Starting point is 01:09:23 One of our best. And that's why people will love my Halloween costume. They're gonna love it. You're gonna be the hit of Halloween. I think you should stick with condiments. Just get the ketchup costume. Dijonais, that's what I think. Dijonais is my recommendation to you.
Starting point is 01:09:40 Fine. Or maybe In-N-Out special sauce. That's kind of peach. Oh, that would be a real specific one. Bridger, it's been a joy. Jordan Jesse Goh- Thank you for having me. Of course. Bridger is the host of I Said No Gifts, which you can enjoy on your favorite podcast app. Why not go listen to one of Jordan's episodes on the program? You'll have a lot of fun. Oh yeah, we had a blast. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of Jordan Jesse Go. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, licensed to us at no cost by the band The
Starting point is 01:10:12 Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. And for that reason, you should go listen to their music because it's great. You can find us on the internet at maximumfund.org. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan Jesse Go Pod, at Jordan David Morris, and at Jesse Thorne, very famous. You can find us, if you're in Los Angeles, at that big show coming up at Revenge Of with our friend Elliot Kalin. Yeah, Revenge Of Comics and Pinball, November 2nd.
Starting point is 01:10:43 We're going to be doing a live Lil JJ Goh at 3 p.m. free for everybody. Come on down and yeah, get some signed comics. I'll be signing books as well. All of the comics, greats. All of them. Every single fucking one. I think that's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessi Go.

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