Jordan, Jesse, GO! - AARP Life, with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

Eliza Skinner is back on JJGo! to talk about the unexpected body horror of Roadhouse, befriending the Gucci salesman, and her mistrust of "good vibes" people.Are you in the Portland, Oregon area? Come see Eliza Skinner live at The Siren Theater on Friday, September 15th! Get your tickets NOW! For signed copies of Jordan Morris's "Bubble" go to Orphan Books Inc. You can see Jordan at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles for their "Afternoon with Authors" event on August 26th! Get tickets here!Come see Jordan, Jesse, Go! live at the London Podcast Festival in London, England at on September 14th. Buy tickets now at MaximumFun.org/events.Head to FactorMeals.com/jjgo50 and use code jjgo50 to get 50% off. 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We've known each other a long time, Jordan.

Yeah. If there's anything you know about what I value and prioritize, it is health for seniors. Right. Yes. Health for seniors. And I am dealing with a senior health crisis right now. Okay.

Senioritis? Yes. You're going off campus for lunch and you're not coming back for fourth period. I thought senioritis was a skin thing. Eliza Skinner is our guest on the program. She had a bad boyfriend junior year. Oh, gosh.

I need to review a lot of things that happened to me. Okay. So this is what's going on. This is what's going on with me. I recently found

a new doctor. Okay. Where? Was it like under a tree? Under a bridge? You find three of them, you can turn them in for a game controller. I got a Tootsie Pop that had the Indian shooting a star. Oh, nice.

You got to save the doctors, Jesse. Don't just blow it on the Tootsie Pop. Okay. You got to save them and eventually. Jesse, don't just blow it on the Tootsie Pop. Okay. You got to save them and eventually. So I wanted to book, I wanted a doctor right by my house.

That's like a thing I'm into right now is like, what if instead of the best medical care, I had the most proximate medical care? Yes. Like a bodega of medicine. Like what if I could just walk to the doctor? I had a walkable dentist that I didn't like other than the fact that he was walkable. Oh, it's like the difference between like a library and one of those mini libraries outside of someone's house. Right, yes.

Like if you just could have like a mini doctor. Like this is good. I can do all my reading out of this little free library. As long as I watch the scale of my health problems. A lot of Bill O'Reilly books in here, but, you know, maybe he's got some, I don't know. I'll just see what the guy has. I'm open to new ideas. That's why they call it a doc in the box.

Am I right? Yeah. So I had gone to see Dr. Alsa, and I wasn't nuts about that guy. So I'm looking for a new doc and I made an appointment with this doctor. It turns out it's in a community health clinic, very strong community health clinic vibes in this place. A doctor is great, but definitely a lot of, um, I guess just like on my way into my appointment, I was deloused. Is part of your – I got most of my medical care from a community health clinic for a long time.

And part of the like intake form was, have you traded drugs for sex recently? That's roughly the kind of – Yeah. The waiting room just always feels like an emergency room waiting room. Yeah. But it's also a vibrant rainbow of humanity. Sure. With plenty of people just having an unusual itch. Where capitalism has gotten us in our priorities.

So I ended up like the doctor was great, had a great interaction with her. We shared a few laughs. She asked me if I was a professor. I assumed it was because of my beard. She said it was because I seemed well-informed. I thought that was very generous of her. Highlight of the week. Yeah. Were you just repeating the periodic table to yourself over and over again? I was hiding my face with a New Yorker. And I got sent out to like get my tests done, but the test person was out that day. So I sat like an hour plus waiting,

and then they said, there's a substitute test person. Oh, did they just play a video? Played a lot of pranks on him, right? Put a tack in the chair. I had to circle back to this morning this is like a week later they're like if you come right at 8.15

you'll be able to and I thought I was just getting phlebotomy just a simple classic phlebotomy situation I traded drugs for a phlebotomy once for the non-professorial listeners, you mean a vampire test. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. And I had a true – Wait, what is actually a phlebotomy? I don't know. Blood draw. Just a blood draw, yeah. A vampire test. That's fun.

A vampire test. Yeah. And I did, you know, the nurse, it was a, again, I prioritize senior health as a senior myself. Now as I enter my 40s here. Yeah. The nurse. I enjoy your ARP life neck tattoo. Did. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. You didn't even know the show The Card at Sizzler. You just flashed the tat. Yep. 20% off. I got it when I was 36, but that's when I started getting the mailings. Hey, then you're good to go. I did see a TikTok of a handsome young person talking very fast about how anyone can get an AARP card and they should.

I think. I haven't followed up, but I... You see a TikTok, you assume it's true. Yeah. With a little bit of like, okay, what's this scam about? Sure, yeah. But it's probably true. I'll go ahead and get scammed by this. I assume that it's like a

higher-end ValPak. Yeah. I think that's about right. I'll go ahead and get scammed by this. I assume that it's like a higher-end ValPack. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's about right. I, um... Do you think you can stack it with a AAA discount? You probably get a AAA discount from the AARP car show.

I mean, the magazine's not beating Westways though, right? The AARP magazine's probably pretty good, but it's not beating Westways, though, right? The AARP magazine's probably pretty good, but it's not beating Westways. Oh, no. So, again, I support all seniors and their health, so I would never say that this nurse had a Mr. Magoo vibe, much less a Mrs. Magoo vibe. But I'll say that her— But you've got tracks now. I would characterize her stabbings as wild.

Erratic would be the... Like, she got it in there. I'm not bad at it. She got it in there, but... Did she do the dig around once it was already in? Yeah, a few times. She instantly doinked it. Yeah.

I'm like, that's inside me. The craziest ones I've had are when they get it and they're like, whoops, that's not it. But the needle is still partly in your arm and they're just kind of like twisting it around. Having children and having like a profoundly pale and difficult to draw blood from wife. It's not a flattering way to, oh, your wife. Okay. Still not flattering. Like really taught me the difference between the person at the nurse's station who's good at it and the other people.

Because what you want is the ones who aren't good at it to take a look and say, I'm going to go get the one who's good at it. You know what I love? I love when you got to get blood drawn and they're like, oh, like where, what vein is good? And I'm always like, I don't know. And like, they're like, well, let's see your arms. And you show them their arms and they're like, oh, yeah. like I don't know and like they're like well let's see your arms and you show them their arms and they're like oh yeah

you guys don't have a you guys don't have a favorite vein I don't but I love when they're like oh that's the one oh I'm gonna blow that fat vein it's that right arm that's the one

that's the main vein like I'm like hell yeah I got fucking sweet veins and sometimes they'll also compliment you on the veins and that's that's really

I've even talked to phlebotomists before about like i don't really know where to take that compliment yeah like they're like well it is nice i'm like yeah i can't really tell anybody you said that though yeah i do i do i do i've been told i have nice veins yeah maybe oh man did they say that to everybody no no no i mean i think i i felt like they were being sincere. So I started. Did they brush your hair away from your face as they were saying it? Beautiful veins. I did start an OnlyFans for everyone telling me to post veins on me.

Wow. So if you've been tweeting at me, post veins to me. I don't think those are the veins they mean. Well, hey, I'm giving them veins. That should be enough. Have fun jacking it weirdos I don't know

here's the veins you've requested I love that sketch album of yours have fun jacking it weirdos yeah people had that one

and then the Adam Sandler one where he said fuck me in the goat ass yeah so holds up pretty well funny's funny

funny's funny if Funny's funny. If you don't mind me traipsing further down the Jordan-Jesse-go as brought to you by David Cronenberg path that we're here on. I got my blood drawn. Yes. Welcome to the new flesh. And then she shared with me that it is the time in my life when going in for a physical includes evaluating my colorectal health. So this is your first time entering this area? Because I've had about 8 million colonoscopies.

They call me colonoscopy gal. Happy analogous, everybody. Happy analogous. Actually, if anybody does that, I will be pretty upset. But I have had a lot of colonoscopies. They call me colonoscopy gal. Happy analogous, everybody. Happy analogous. Actually, if anybody does that, I will be pretty upset, but I have had a lot of colonoscopies. I've got a good disease. Go ahead. First of all, my sympathy is with you. It's the best sleep of my life every time. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, even the one time I woke up. Still, really great nap. Terrible prep, but what a nap. It's how Michael Jackson died. Same drug. Anyway, go ahead. We've discussed the time that they gave me that drug and they bragged about it right before they gave it to me. They always brag about it.

They're always like, this is the Michael Jackson stuff. And they also act like they're giving you like a hot fudge. They're like, oh boy, you're getting this stuff. Since you've got such lovely veins. I didn't come here for drugs. I'm going to give you what killed the king of pop. Yeah. So I don't, I'm not yet, unless there's an issue with testing, I'm not yet qualified for a routine colonoscopy.

I'm more of a drug that killed Prince guy. Can I have that? That's just fentanyl, right? Yeah, I think that was just fentanyl. So yeah, you can have it. Buying any drugs on the street today. See you losers. Matt, we're going to El Pollo Loco

and we're buying some fentanyl. Matt was texting us about El Pollo Loco earlier. Yeah, he's excited. You give it out with packets of sauce, right? We've. Matt was texting us about Opoia Loco earlier. Yeah, he's excited. You give it out with packets of sauce, right? We've. Oh, yeah. The woman hands me, this kind woman, kind, medium kind woman.

Wow. Hands, not. Salty and shady. Not unkind. Well, she's digging around inside my body. Hell yeah. Been there. You know what I'm saying? All the colonoscopies.

So she... You want her to like stroke your head and tell her, you know, tell you that you're special. a bag and some testing things inside and some coffee stirrers. Oh, for a fecal sample? Yeah. Did she give you the hat? Do you get a hat?

Oh, yeah. Hold on. So this is what happened. I want to talk about the hat in a moment. So she had just handed me a cup to pee in, which I've peed in cups. Sure, who hasn't?

Yeah. Any road trip? I was ready to pee in a cup. Yeah, you were a long haul trucker for a while, right? And my migraine- Was that a childhood game, pee in a cup? Sure. My migraine supplement gives me just incredibly vivid urine.

So like- What are we talking? Like a Baja Blast? Yeah, like full scale. Wow. Without exception. Doesn't matter how much water. Wow.

It's a whole freestyle Coke machine. Exactly. Well, once the blood gets in there, yes. If you press jelly. It's an orange Fanta. I was going to say, if you press Jesse's belly button, you get orange Fanta. Okay. We're both thinking Fanta.

That's fun, huh? It is fun. But you could probably put like vanilla syrup in there also. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. So the woman explains, she says, have you used this before? And I said, yes, though I had not. You played it cool.

I wasn't. Yeah, my mom goes to this all the time. My mom and I go here all the time. It was a real, like, anything for me to leave. Sure. Yeah, just, like, move this along. And she's sort of speaking to me in a voice that I would compare to when Matt Besser of the Upright Citizens Brigade used to do an impression of Bjork. Dress as Bjork and then go. She's very shrill.

Like this. And there's cards inside that have... I'm sorry for the... I don't like to talk about poops. And yet... And yet. But it seemed too important. Yet you were like, wait.

Nothing else is happening. Poop story. So it seemed too important. Yet you were like, wait, got to tell this poop story. So this is my concern. So you don't poop in a cup. You don't have to poop in a cup. In fact, you don't even, all you deal with is your toilet paper. You don't have to deal with the poop itself. I mean, the poop on the toilet paper, but you don't do with it. I wouldn't want to poop at the doctor's office.

I'm saving it for marriage. There you go. So... What a lucky girl. I'd like to marry a doctor. You know what I mean? Well, my mother... And I don't. My mother would love that. Someone who knows what to do with it. So, you get

these three... What do you do with 40 years of poop? You get these three cards that fold up like a matchbook. Yeah, so you can tell if you're going to end up in a mansion, a house, a apartment, or a shack. It's called a duty catcher. Yeah.

There's three separate cards, and what you do is you use your coffee stirrer to introduce each card to a sample. Right. Yes. And the cards take – so here's my concern. All of this is just medical necessity. You're spreading shit on a card. And at the end of the day, fine.

I got to do what I got to do. They stuck a needle in my arm. I peed in a cup. I'm just doing what has to get done. I'm a man. Did they poke your eyes? I'm an adult. I'm not a child.

I can do this. Yeah. Right? But here's the concern about the cards. Obviously, if the question is, wait till you go to the bathroom, share the samples to the cards, return the cards to the woman. She pretends like she's not collecting your poop cards. And the end, sort of like with pee in a cup. That's fine.

I can manage that. No problem. Okay. This is the reality of how this works. Three cards over five days. And you just like, when you're least expecting it, like a barista will hand it to you and be like, is this your card? No, it is not a random steroid test. Oh, okay.

It's not like a- It's not like being served papers. I thought it was like a long play magic trick. No, it is. So the thing of it is, you have to have it with you. The cards. All the cards. Because you can't turn them in one at a time.

So either you have to, you can only do them one at a time. So either you have to you can only do them one at a time. You have to do three over five days so you can't do them from the same action. But you have to say so you have two shit cards that you have saving somewhere. So your choice is either you have a shit stash at your house

that you brought home from where I have a shit stash for when the shit goes down. Most people do shit at home. Mostly. But I mean, that's not a promise. I mean, I would say I think most people shit at home, maybe additionally somewhere else too.

But you do usually get that. I think it's a fair ask to assume that your patient is going to be able to shit at home three times. I guess this is also this question sprung to mind. How regular are you? Can you predict your own shits? I'm so glad that this is the episode that I came on to plug my show. I'm so glad that this is the episode I came on to plug my... Your shit?

My show. Excuse me. Sorry. my... Your shit. My show. Excuse me. Sorry. Just my show. Just my show. Okay. I also want to say that this is not a... I think you may have gotten swindled or tricked.

This may be like a Magic Castle long game. This is a Magic Castle. This is Magic Castle Lincoln Heights. This is not a community health clinic. The next time you go to Magic Castle, you're going to see these cards. I'm going castle you're gonna see these cards i'm gonna say a similarly well-dressed crowd because what what this is all missing is the hat okay so so i think we've made clear my concern and objection is the prospect of having to maintain a collection of samples rather than simply being able to brush them out of my mind as I scrape them onto the sample collection card.

You mentioned you suffer from a gut disease, and this involves a hat. Well, yeah. So it involves having a gastroenterologist and being monitored for years and years. And part of it is... This isn't something they give you the first time in. Probably. Yeah. I don't, I mean... They don't put it on top of your head like when you go to In-N-Out and you're a child. and all that, and they give you what they call the hat, which is a white plastic, I guess what they're thinking

is it looks kind of like a little pilgrim's hat, but it goes into your toilet to make your toilet like a little potty. So the fact that they call it the hat is very upsetting. Sure. Like you've never shit in a hat? Well, you just can't not imagine someone just plopping that hat

on their head, and it's- Right, like the Monopoly guys headed to Park Place, and he dons his famous cap. Again, like they love telling you how great your veins are. They love telling you that this is Michael Jackson's drug.

They love telling you it's called the hat. Yeah. They're like, don't forget your hat. Did I give you a hat? Okay, good. You've got the hat. The shit into it hat. Our medical professionals work so hard for us.

And we're so grateful to them. And we shouldn't have to pretend like their shit is normal just because they're helping us so much. Yes. That's how I feel. Like just because to them it's okay to call it a hat doesn't mean that I should have to hear them call it a hat. What you're saying is we're all weirdos doing the best we can. No, not medical professionals. I'm against them now.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. You know who's the worst? Nurses and teachers and single mothers and first responders. Hey, I've been meaning to quit the podcast for a while. This is great. Leaves with me.

Come check me out. Portland, which will agree with all of these ideas. Portland, Oregon. Yeah. Wear a hat, get 25% off at a licensed computer show.

Oh boy. Take a cash card or shit tickets. And that card should have shit on it. This card should have shit on it. I'm very grateful for it.

How many samples deep are you? I'm only one sample deep. You got two more to go? I'm only one sample deep. That's not enough for a good song. The other thing about it is that you can't take any, like, aspirin or anything as well.

And, like, all I do is take aspirin all the time. Do you shit so hard you get headaches? No. I take so much aspirin that sometimes I bleed. So it's a whole tricky operation. And there's a part of me that just wants to go in there and be like, give me some of that Michael Jackson shit and I will go to bed. Shove it up there and see what happens.

Let me know how it looks in there, buddy. You'll get there someday. Yeah, I know. Do you think they'll compliment your shit in the same way they compliment your veins? God. They'd be like, oh. Never had that experience. Yeah.

Yeah, no. But there are certain samples that they want you to freeze. So that's what I can tell you about that. You know, when I was a kid, my rat died. Congratulations. My hamster. I mean, I'm so sorry. No, my lizard.

My lizard died. This is a wild freezer, I'm imagining. Rex, the lizard. Rex, the lizard died, and he died of a tumor. And my mom froze him for science, but then had no further plan beyond. I think this is one of the most my mom. You could just stick a frozen lizard into an envelope, write science on it. Yeah, and you send it out the same way you send a letter lizard into an envelope, write science on it.

Yeah, and you send it out the same way you send a letter to Santa. Right, yes. You drop it in the science box at Macy's. This is going to science in Galapagos Island. I was like, are we going to biopsy? My mom is not a scientist. My mom doesn't own a scalpel. Yeah, this is like that Black Mirror episode. About my mom?

Yeah, when the guy went home. Where you can't read anything she writes, her handwriting, you can't even tell. Then even if you can recognize the letters, the words don't exactly make sense. The quality of those Black Mirrors is a little all over the place. It happens with anthologies. There's some great ones. We all like the president fucking the pig. We all like the other fucking the pig we all like honestly thought it was inspired to cast even fries my mom sure this is kind of exciting jesse you talked a couple episodes ago about seeing roadhouse for the first time uh you know, cable TV action movie classic. And I think your review was pro Roadhouse.

Oh, Roadhouse. Yeah, Roadhouse is a blast. I did not expect so much body horror. Sure. Just the level of intense brutality towards the end at what had been a pretty genial punch-each-other movie for a while shocked me. But yeah, it's a fun movie.

Eliza, you had a similar experience. You saw tape. I saw Roadhouse a long time ago. Right, yes. We all saw Roadhouse in 1996 like we were supposed to. Jesse was just putting it off. Sorry.

Sorry, Mike Nelson. They have sex standing up in that movie, right? Oh boy. In Roadhouse? Yeah. I don't remember sex standing up in that movie, right? Oh, boy. In Roadhouse? Yeah. I don't remember standing up sex in it. Maybe so. I think there's a lot of random nudity.

A lot of women in the bar will just dump them out. Yeah. I don't know if there's any. I mean, Swayze dumps it out. Oh, what a romantic. There's a lot of Swayze nudity in Roadhouse. Sure, yeah. Like, there's a lot of Swayze nudity in Roadhouse.

Sure, yeah. And it's sort of like, and he has such a, like, like a bodacious bod. Right. He's such a, like, a big round butt. Mm-hmm. And he's sort of a prancer. You know what I mean? Like, the way he moves.

You mean like a dancer? I mean like a prancer specifically, like up and downsies. All right. You know what I mean? Like he looks like an antelope or something. I think we talk about the desexualizing of mainstream movies now. Everything's PG-13. Everything's kind of sexless.

movies now right everything's pg-13 everything's kind of sexless there was a time when all of your action hunks had to do a a butt in the moonbeam walk oh yeah yeah uh your van damme stallones everybody had to kind of like walk across a room lit by a moonbeam where you got to see them cakes yeah maybe they got into a shower sometimes maybe Maybe they were getting into a shower. Maybe they opened a refrigerator and they were backlit. Oh, that's a good... Swayze's cakes look great in the light of the fridge. The physicality of Swayze in Roadhouse is

absolutely mesmerizing because he's much smaller than all the people that he fights. And he has that big, round dance butt and powerful dance butt. And he also just, I mean, he's obviously a gorgeous guy, but like he also has his crazy 1990 hair. And it's everything, everything about it. Fascinating physically.

But Eliza, you saw Taken for the first time. I did. Yeah. Yeah. I had not. It's one of those movies that was like so in the cultural zeitgeist that like it kind of felt like I had seen it and then was like, oh, wait, I have not ever seen this. I've heard references, made references, but I've never actually seen it. You've literally taken yeah i have been taken um i've been taken to um taken hey taken people take people yeah that's a good point if you were taken you will take yourself i talk to my tachologist about that all the time um got a vampire doctor i don't know i'm just doing the other thing we gotta break the intergenerational

taking cycle i watched it and it was so good but it also made me a little bit sad sure um because it harkened back to a time when movies were allowed to be fictional not proof of um global uh conspiracies sure yes because have you only been watching Dinesh D'Souza movies since then? No, but I feel like everything now, people are like, oh, you know,

that's true. Like, you... I don't think they could make that movie now. Sure, yeah. Because people, like, I think a lot of people would be, like,

would not want to touch it because... It has a, yeah, it has a, like, trafficking plot in it. And it's a bananas trafficking plot. Yeah, sure. It's a trafficking plot where they take teenagers, apparently big U2 fans, and then they drug them up.

Well, they probably got those phones that came with it. Right, yeah. So that's probably what red-pilled them for you too. Yeah, it was a red iPhone pill. So then they drug them up, and they're stuck in these beds all drugged up in some house. And then they sell them in a very dramatic goth sort of auction to billionaires. Right. And just in general, the idea of billionaires needing to buy women is like that.

They're billionaires. Right. They do buy women, but it's just it's not. It's a different kind of transaction. Yeah. I went, but it's just, it's not. It's a different kind of transaction. Yeah, yeah.

You know all their, every woman in their life generally probably in some way has made it. I don't mean that. So they don't, when you say that they're trafficked in the room, it's like a row of beds and they're all, they zonk them all out in the beds. Yeah, well, it's like a bunch of, it's a house with all these different rooms. They're all zonked out in the rooms. Because they're like, oh, otherwise they're too noisy. Well, I mean, I guess you would think that it's like a brothel, but they're waiting to sell them to these billionaires. Right.

So I didn't get the sense that it was, and when they're selling them to the billionaires, they're wearing these like ornate capes and they're again, like super zonked out and they like reveal their faces with the weird spooky capes. Um, and the billionaire seemed to be in like glass, um, like sky boxes. That's where they're doing their bidding with like a little telephone.

Well, that's nice that they don't have to get down on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like, it's not like being a commodities trader and you have to wait. Yeah. Yeah.

No, exactly. Very, um, glass box. There's a buffet in there to win. Yeah, yeah. No, exactly. Very... Nice glass box. There's a buffet in there. Yeah, very pristine. I would like to talk... I want to get your impression about the U2 of it all. Yes. So, Jesse, have you seen Taken? I haven't seen Taken. It's good!

Yeah, and it is even better. I will say if you're a first-timer, if you've not been took, watch it. I don't know who wrote Taken. I don't know who directed Taken. You're not supposed to. The answer is Liam Neeson and Liam Neeson, I'm pretty sure.

It sprung forth from the earth. Right. It's here now. It'll be here long after we're dead. It has always been. It always will be. Yes, exactly. Now and therefore.

If you are going to watch Taken for the first time, which I suggest you do, watch it with the headcanon. My dad wrote this. Because it just seems like it. Okay. Jesseesse like it will heal any wounds yeah it is like dad the the the premise of the movie is dad was right i called my dad a dork i didn't listen to him but he was fucking right the whole time yeah it's sort of uproot saved me anyway the whole basis of rich dad poor dad right it's like nope way other you know um opposite day and and the uh the you know the the daughter gets taken dad doesn't want to go to europe the her permissive stepdad says she can the rich dad the rich dad who's not as epped eliza i have not read rich dad poor dad um i've

been putting it off i'm trying to figure out who moved my cheese oh yeah rich dad poor dad i believe is like you could be either dad so like why would you be the poor dad and i'm just figuring out what planet those women are from well it's not pl. It's not Pluto. Wherever it is, they're dumping them out. It's not my anus. And she goes to Europe because she is a teenager in, when did this movie come out? 2010, 2005? Sure, probably. They're following you two around Europe.

The teens are. I just fucking love that whoever wrote that movie that was their pull poll for cool band yeah it rules it really it kind of feels like um like it was a placeholder um and whoever wrote it was like they're saying you too and somebody was like right are you sure you two stop stop we got oh shit we shot the movie we shot it we can't say it we can't we we've got an We shot it. We can't say it. We can't. We've got an important action to make. We can't stop and tinker with things like that.

Right. We just got to go get this girl. I think a lot of kids imprinted on the pop tour. Sure. Right. But yeah, but it is just all about how no one listens to dad, but he was right and he saves you anyways. It's really it's really lovely if you kind of watch it like that you said not to watch the sequels yeah i

have seen taken two and three and couldn't tell you much about them other than in one of them there's a thing where someone tokyo drifts sokyo drifts yeah right and then vin diesel shows up at the end it's like this doesn't really seem like it's part of the whole series yeah i have no i don't remember anything from taken two or three maybe i'm wrong if i need to revisit the sequels let me know um hit me up on my veins only it does really seem like a real dad classic because also he's not a super jacked action dude yeah um he's just an intense kind of sad single dad with an unplaceable accent but he does like like be oh yeah like it's not just like he doesn't play like a bill pullman like role no he played i mean he is an action that but that's what's like cool about it because it's not you know he has a kind of a vague backstory where he's like, I used to do things to men.

Yeah. Oh, he did things to men. Yeah. So it's kind of like he's like a scarier type of guy who like knows how to do murder in three moves. But he doesn't look like a Vin Diesel or a The Rock, like your typical action kind of guy. He looks more Liam Neeson-y. He looks very Liam Neeson-y. In a way.

Seeing it, actually, I was like, oh, now I understand the gray. This is how the gray got made. Right, yeah. Most deceptive advertising campaign of all time on the gray. You think so? Yeah, the gray, I think, was sold to us. And the gray, I think, is a pretty good movie.

It's like a survival wilderness movie. But the trailer was a shot of Liam Neeson taking those airplane liquor bottles. That's like the last shot in the whole movie. Using them as Wolverine claws and charging at a wolf. Last shot of the movie. Spoiler alert. That is not what the movie is about. The movie is about a man lost in

in this in the snow area yeah wondering if there's a god yeah and like trying to get his friends through or not even his friends like the people he was in a plane crash with through it all survive it and like they're dying off the whole way but it also i mean i remember leaving that movie and thinking wow if it was the most popular movie in amer. And I was like, this means America needs a girlfriend. Like what's happening? America is really like eating over the sink right now, you know, with like a couple of dumbbells in one hand. Have America throw out that beanbag chair.

You know what? You can have a little comfort, America. You can be a little bit easier on yourself. America, at least frame your posters. Frame your posters, America. You can be a little bit easier on yourself. America, at least frame your posters. Frame your posters, America. They'll look a lot better. Wash your sheets, America. Anyway, you guys want to take a little break and frame some of America's posters?

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan J. Segal. He's got to use the hat. ahead. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris boy detective. Okay. Look, you're if you're in London or anywhere nearby, you're on the hook to come to Jordan Jesse Go because we're flying 6,000 miles. Are you going to, Jordan, do you promise that if people come to our Jordan Jesse Go show in London, you'll do your Liam Neeson as an American voice? Oh, yeah. Do you think the audience will like that or do you think they'll be insulted by it?

Either way, yes, I will do it. Right? I mean mean there you go and we can just say bus lori whatever and then we'll be done sure yeah uh have you seen the new mission impossible movie the most recent mission impossible movie no i haven't oh carrie elwes is in that doing an american accent and it is it's the wildest one of these i have ever heard carrieary Elwes, isn't it? Cary Elwes, yeah. That guy, isn't that the guy, isn't he like star of like Saw or something like that? Yeah, he is.

He's the first Saw movie. I don't know if he appeared in any of the sequels, but yeah. So it's Robin Hood and Men in Tights. Yeah. Princess Bride, Saw, and the new Mission Impossible movie. Yeah.

Amazing. He is enjoying those R's, the R's that are coming out of Elway's. September 14th, there in London. And don't forget to see Judge John Hodgman, too. We're in Dublin, Belfast, Edinburgh, and Copenhagen as well. As well as American destinations, MaximumFun.org slash events. You're doing something here in Los Angeles, Jordan. Yeah, this is kind of a cool event on the 26th.

And not just for folks in Los Angeles, Jesse. People all over the globe can take advantage of this cool event. It is a benefit event for the Entertainment Community Fund. That is a fund that is helping out folks out there on the picket lines who are members of the WGA and the SAG guilds. If you want to support those folks, this is a great way to do that. The gang at Orphan Books is putting on a really cool event called An Afternoon with Authors. It's at the Dynasty Typewriter. It is on the 26th of August. It is at 4 p.m. You can go see that at

the theater. You can live stream that anywhere in the world. Go to the Dynasty Typewriter website. Here's who's on this thing. It's me. You got Max Greenfield, yeah, from The New Girl, Amber Benson. Can I tell you, that guy came on, you know, he's on that

sitcom with Cedric the Entertainer. And when that show was new he came on bullseye with jesse thorne yeah my public radio show i don't think anyone who has ever come on the show has more delivered in person in an extended interpersonal interaction their brand than max greenfield did. I was like, because he's obviously wonderful on New Girl,

wonderful on that sitcom. I was like, oh, this guy is just the most delightful and gracious human being you've ever met in your life. Yeah, well, you can see him. Be gracious alongside me. A pretty gracious dude myself.

Eh. Yeah, that's fair. No Max Greenfield greenfield i mean you're more than most but it's me max greenfield amber benson from buffy the freaking vampire slayer and the great novelist dana schwartz we're all going to be doing this event you can go see it in la you can live stream it and if you want uh signed copies of everybody's books, you can get them and they ship anywhere in the US. It's orphanbooksinc.com slash shop. That's orphanbooksinc.com slash shop. We got the bubble graphic novel up there, two Eisner nominations for that thing.

Not only will I sign it, but I will personalize it. So you can go there in the notes. You can, any fucking thing you want, I'll write in this book. Gotta get a son. I'll write something in a Liam Neeson voice. Any dumb reference to this show. You'll write The Hit King. You'll write Charlie Hustle. You'll write I Bet on Baseball. Sorry, I'm thinking of things that Pete Rose will write on anything. He'll write on anything. Right, yes.

Anything Pete Rose will write on a baseball, I will write in a copy of our graphic novel bubble. I want at least one Pete Rose thing out of this. OrphanBooksInc.com slash shop. Yeah, you can get books from me, Dana Schwartz, Amber Benson, Max Greenfield. And yeah, it all goes to a really good cause, the Entertainment Community Fund. They're doing great work

helping out all the folks out there on the picket lines. And you can always support them directly at entertainmentcommunity.org too. Yeah, there you go. A lot of good ways to help out. We're of course always supported by the members of Maximum Fund.

This week, we are also supported by the folks at Factor. I happen to have had a very busy week. This is what will happen in my week sometimes, Jordan. Yeah. I will have an interview for Bullseye. It will start at 1 p.m. or 1.30 p.m., something like that. And I'll spend my morning desperately preparing for this interview. It will get to be 12.30, and I will realize that I have 35 minutes or whatever

before the interview starts. And I can either spend that time cooking lunch or preparing for my interview. And I know I have to eat something. And so I end up like desperately trying to flail around in my kitchen, trying to figure out what will take three minutes for me to put into my mouth so that there's food in my stomach when I meet Smokey Robinson or whatever. Sure. And usually you're just, oftentimes you just dump a bag of flour in there, right? Two times, Jordan, this week, not just flour. I mean, whatever I have on hand, flour, sugar.

Cornstarch. Cornstarch. Two different times this week this happened to me where I did not make a good plan as to what I was going to eat for lunch. And then I realized that I had to like eat something now or else I would be hungry and faint while I was supposed to be working in the afternoon. And I happened to have factor in my fridge. I had a delicious turkey chili with zucchini. Oh yeah. It was fantastic. I've had that same turkey chili, Jesse. It is

really tasty. And I had a nice Pomodoro as well. So I had two different lovely meals that were just waiting for me, ready to eat in my refrigerator, thanks to Factor. And they were real meals. Yeah, they're totally, they're real meals. You got veggies, you got great proteins. I myself, I had the jalapeno lime cheddar chicken with spicy cilantro cauliflower rice. Really good. It's ready quick. It's America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit. Yeah, it's awesome. It's great when you're in a rush. You can have real food, tons of flavor. I was like, am I going to have to dress this thing up with my own condiments? No, tons of flavor in these. Yeah, they're fast. They're tasty.

They got real veggies in them. Yeah, save yourself some trouble. You know, stop dumping money into those delivery apps. Factor is really, really good. Head to factormeals.com slash JJGo50 and and use code jjgo50 to get 50% off. That's code jjgo50 at factormeals.com slash jjgo50 to get 50% off. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, clankety car. The legend. The legend returns once again. Legend. Where are you going to be in Portland? The Siren Theater. Oh, what's the Siren Theater?

It's a theater in Portland. Portland, Oregon. Look out, sailors. You'll be tempted to sail to the Siren Theater. Also, if you're driving, pull over your car, because it's the Siren. It's a theater in Portland, Oregon.

I'm going to be there September 15th. Tickets are available now. I'll be so funny. I was at the flea market the other day. I'm talking to this genial flea market guy I like a lot. Older man with white curly hair. Love that. Love it.

Yeah. And I was buying some World's Fair collectibles. This sounds very you. And he says, you're a performer, right? And I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm a podcaster, but I tour sometimes a little bit. And he's like, oh, you ever play the Neptune Theater? And I was like, actually, yeah, I actually played that on tour with him. He's like, oh, I own that theater. I was like, what? Anyway, that's what's going on with me and theaters. Nice. Yeah, way to go. I think he owns it with

some other family members, I think. Yeah, you know, that's a lot of theater. You met James Neptune? Exactly. I went to, I was mall walking today with a friend of mine. I was mauled today. Oh! It's pretty much the same thing. He's doing

mall walking as a physical therapy thing because he had a a heart attack and so anyway um i was very excited when this all came not with the heart attack came up but when the mall walking came up because i was like oh boy do you need someone to go with you will you mind like just kind of lingering around a hot topic while i pick up horrible earrings and look at them um so yeah so we're mall walking and he from doing his mall walking has become friends with one of the sales people at gucci so like we went to the gucci

store and started um he there were all these like security guys and cops around did you guys know about this thing that's happening now that like like huge gangs of people will go into high end luxury places. Oh, my friend. Does this? My friend Dallas used to do that in the 80s. Yeah. Yeah. It was like huge gangs now.

I mean, I don't know if it's, I don't mean like, like huge groups of people doing it. And yeah. And so we were just going in and asking. He and his friends, the Decepts. I forgot why I started telling this story. But you were mall walking and you met the Gucci. Yeah, the Gucci guy was great. Now I'm carried away by just remembering how funny this dude was.

It's the guy that works at Gucci? Yeah. You know, you got to bring a certain amount of heat to working at Gucci because I'll tell you this i don't think gucci is hiring gucci is not hiring low quality overqualified people do you understand what i'm saying you mean ugly people i'm no i'm talking about no no you mean gucci hires it's true i'm saying you don't get it if you are a square jaw square jaw. I get it. If you are a shitty, boring, uncompelling person who has a PhD. Okay. You don't get a job at Gucci because they're like, well, they got a PhD.

Right. You get a job at Gucci because you are qualified on paper to work retail, but you're bringing the fucking fire. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you've clear eyes. Piercing eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like you've got clear eyes. Piercing eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. Fucking Gucci. Yeah. I love them all. Does this Gucci person have piercing eyes? No, no, no. Do you shop while you're mall walking?

A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And definitely, you know, I go in the Spencer's and the Hot Topic. Spencer'scers way downhill yeah what's in a spencers gifts these days it's basically a hot topic for pervs oh really yeah downhill you say this sounds like all of it like my ass to a spencer there was a whole wall of t-shirts that were all like what's on my like just just the grossest were you about

to say what's on my dick yeah i was about to say what's on my dick what's on my dick is it cum um but it's like that level of jokes where it's like that's not a joke it's just a bunch of gross words on a t-shirt um and then of course like a few like i heart milfs which are like like that i respect that um but yeah we salute our nation's milfs like yeah just walls of dirty t-shirts wow that's like who is this for that's kind of where it was because i what i remember as spencer's gifts it's yeah like i mean a lot of like dirty posters yeah uh penis shaped pasta so a little shelf of like bachelorette party yeah yeah yeah yeah a little corner of like legit sex store sure items like things you could also find in a sex and then around halloween just

the most terrifying realistic mask yes that that'll be fun um but yeah no the rest of it is just like and the and and tracing it back to its origin like who who is Spencer? Who is Spencer? And he gives terrible gifts. Don't invite Spencer to anything. Once Spencer for Hire got out of the detective business, he sold it to Hawk and then he... Goes to like one baby shower and people are like, he's not our friend anymore. Boner pasta. You know what I like about Spencer for Hire? You guys know detective fiction legend Spencer for Hire.

Never saw it, but I know the reference. There's a long series of novels in addition to a long-running television show, recent Marky Mark movie, et cetera, et cetera. He had the big mustache and the Hawaiian shirt. I only watch Funky Bunch movies. Got it. So Spencer for Hire. Friend with the chopper.

My dad was into Spencer for Hire novels. So I read a fair few of them because they would just be sitting around the house. What I loved about Spencer for Hire is this guy, you know, this guy was a regular kind of bruising Joe. Like this wasn't some, you know, this wasn't some fancy fucking whatever. But, man, did he have an answering service. I just man did he have an answering service i just would love to have an answering service i'd love to just put a quarter in a payphone dial a number and have a nice woman tell me who's called that's what i want is it is it that or is it all the artifice around it the like being a cool detective in the 80s that you want and that is what would make you feel like

you had achieved it or is it really just the no it's the answerings that you want and that is what would make you feel like you had achieved it? Or is it really just the... No, it's the answering service. Yeah, I know. I want to be able to... I also want... I feel like you can get that. ...to give people a number

and say, call my answering service. I think you can get that with Google. But now they're just going to say... But now they're just... Number one, you don't. They don't have... Only robots work at Google. Oh, so you want them to call a person and the person will write it down.

I want them to call a person, writes it down. Then later I call that person on a pay phone. That person tells me. You know who used to have a service? Who? My sister. Really? Yeah, when she first moved to New York to be a New York actress.

Yes. All the New York actors had services. So they'd get calls? Yeah. And they would call up and, yeah yeah the lady would read all of their is it kind of like sort out fans right like is it no i think it's because at that time well probably at that time they could have just used a um um like the kind of answering machine yeah but i think what before it was vestigial for when you couldn't really call it.

So they would have to check their messages when they're like out and about. Right. And if you can't just call and get it on an answering machine, then. I kind of know what you mean, Jesse, of like, oh, there are parts of being a, you know, 70s, 80s private detective that do sound appealing. I don't want the answering service, but I do want to get drunk at four. Yeah. I think both of those seem really. Yeah.

Or just anytime donuts. Yeah. Yeah. Change your clothes in the car. Oh, God. And it's like a fun quirk. Like, ah, look at this guy. Look at this quirk this guy's got.

Yeah. Yeah. Being able to like change your clothes, have a drink all out of the trunk of your car while you're explaining why you charge the per diem that you do. Right, yes. And people underestimate you because you're such a mess and then you solve the case. Exactly.

You know what I think I'd like to do? And I've never used an electric shaver, you know, the kind with the round heads that spin around. You know what I'm talking about? Too modern? I just didn't come up. I never have either. Yeah.

Yeah. But I would love to have some context where I'm sort of walking around using that outdoors. Right. Well, it's someone where you're getting or giving exposition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe open in the refrigerator, backlit, naked, shaving.

No, no, no. No, no. I'm talking about like— You just want more business. You just want more stage business to do. I'm talking about like as I like get onto or off of a boat maybe or as I'm like slamming a car door behind me. Oh, you want to be a busy guy. a car door behind me. Oh, you want to be a busy guy. Yeah, but not like a yuppie. Not like a yuppie,

like I've got a cellular telephone. No, that's a showy guy. Like not a car phone guy. Yeah, you don't want to be a showy guy. You're not showing off how busy you are. But you are busy. I'm just like, okay, look, I'm facing the day. Here's my move.

Here's what I like to do in that zone. You open the fridge. Get out the thing of Chinese food with the two chopsticks sticking up. It's open. Two chopsticks sticking out. Sniff it. Ew. Put it back in the fridge.

Yes. Wow. He can't even take care of himself. But I bet he can take care of this case. But he can do the case. I've underestimated him. Boom, I solved the case. Drunk at four.

Jordan, I think you could probably feed Bug like Elliot Gould in The Long Goodbye. Sure, yeah. I think that's what, at the end of the day, if Jordan and I, Eliza, I'm not going to speak for you. Sure. You could be a real Ms. Marple if you want to. I gave Jesse permission to speak for me a long time ago. It was a mistake. I wish it hadn't happened.

I just signed Lawson in front of me. Power of attorney. But I think for you and I, Jordan, if we are going to aspire to a private eye lifestyle, I think the best that we could realistically shoot for is Elliot Gould in The Long Goodbye.

Yeah. No, I mean, that's- Wandering past some 70s Hollywood types doing naked yoga on a patio. Mumbling to some cats. Yeah. I am three quarters of the way there. Makes sense to me. But just one more thing before I go.

God, that's good. If this goodbye is so long, when does it turn around and become a hello i ask because my wife she's always saying that i say goodbye too long and we get to the hello so uh eliza knows what sure what's in her future we're all gonna start competing detective agencies oh god yeah i'm gonna get all the cases. You know why? Never miss a fucking call. That's why. You guys are so busy trying to remember the secret code you have to press in to get the answering

machine to give you. Unless you have a wacky lady working at that call center. And she's like, it says that Mr. Moonshine needs you to call about a whiskey. I mean, Mr. Whiskey needs you to call about a... Oh, mean, Mr. Whiskey needs you to call about a... Oh, gosh. I'm sorry,

Barry. He's always mixing stuff up. My name is Barry. So, yeah, Eliza, you celebrating the summer any kind of way? You enjoying any summer activities? Oh, yeah, man. I am staying inside in the air conditioning.

Hell yeah, bro. And occasionally taking my elderly dog inside of a tote bag out to the street to let him pee and sniff some stuff. And then both of us hurry back inside to the air conditioning. Hell yeah. To me, this summer is the summer of I found out that there is an app in my phone that turns on the air conditioning in my car. Whoa. Nice. Whoa. Nice. Yeah. That's where I'm at.

Sick. So you can start cooling her down on your way to the car. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. Maybe even before I'm on my way to the car. Oh, my gosh. Like while I'm getting my shit together. How about that?

Nice. That's great. So can it heat the seats up in the winter? It can cool the seats down in the summer, baby. What? Yeah. That's a technology now? Cars come with air summer, baby. What? Yeah. That's a technology now? Cars come with air hockey seats now.

What? Yeah. So it's blowing air up in your... Right. No wonder you need to get those samples out. Yeah. Can it extract the sample while you're driving? Yeah.

Air bidet. Sorry. Air bud. Yeah. There you go. Hey. There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't wash your taint. Extract the sample from your...

Exactly. Mrs. Moonshine, about a whiskey? I'm sorry, Barry. I'm sorry I said the dog cleaned your taint. You did get a call from Mr. Taint. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I said the dog cleaned your taint. You did get a call from Mr. Taint. Oh, no. I'm sorry. That was somebody else.

Mr. A Bud called? Yeah. What about you? How are you keeping cool? Mostly that butt cooling and by celebrating this summer boy lifestyle. Yes. Oh, yeah? If you're out there and you're celebrating the summer boy lifestyle remember no matter what your gender is

206-984-4FUN or JJGoAtMaximumFun.org for those voice memos here's a summer boy right now hello to Jordan and Jesse and producer Matt and your beloved guest this is Jackson in Minneapolis with some summer boy shit

I was just riding home on my bicycle passed by a sign that somebody posted up on a utility pole that just said with some summer boy shit. I was just riding home on my bicycle, passed by a sign that somebody posted up on a utility pole that just said, good vibes. It's a whole sign advertising the concept of good vibes. Felt good, man. Love the show. Love you guys. Happy summer.

Love you too. Love those vibes. That guy had a vibe like, and I don't know if he's called before, but he did have a vibe of like, I always call. Oh. It's me, the guy who's always calling. I thought you were going to say he has a vibe of a guy who starred in a live stage production of an episode of the original series of Star Trek. Like a local theater actor who's really passionate about it.

Yeah. I, I, I feel like all of these vibe things are like, I don't trust them. You don't trust vibes? Well, no,

they're like demands for good vibes. Oh, well, that's fair. I feel like they often come from bad vibe people. Would you say that the, so would you say that if you saw a sign that said good vibes would you say that that was an offer of good vibes or a demand for good vibes

it depends on the font right and the placement so let's talk typeface helvetica okay helvetica that's a demand comic sans that's That's an offer. Okay, great. A third font. Or a really passive-aggressive demand. Courier. Ooh, that is... Fixed width. Yeah, yeah, no, that's also a demand.

Yeah, it's just like, it has the same sort of vibe as the, like, I'm not into drama. I hate drama. That was like, okay, always people who create drama say that. And like, good vibes only, it's always someone who is either like a disaster or who is just going to leave you hanging. They're like, good vibes only with a sink full of dishes in your sink. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's like, oh shit, my bad. Sorry I didn't show up to lunch. Let's go to Vegas. Good vibes. Yeah. Just like, well shit, my bad. Sorry I didn't show up to lunch. Let's go to Vegas. Good vibes. Yeah. Just like, well now it's good vibes for you, but not for me. I got to clean the Vegas. Clean the whole Vegas.

Yeah. And I'm also biased because my neighbor has an air freshener hanging in her car that says good vibe zone. And she called me a bitch once. Wow. Yeah. For no reason. Well, what sort of vibes were you putting out there? Yeah, what kind of vibes are we talking about? We have to back down our street.

What kind of vibes, Lionel Hampton? Cooler than you. Wow. I mean, not you. That was what I was putting out towards her. Cooler than everyone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Lionel Hampton type than you wow that was I mean not you that was what I was putting out towards her cooler than everyone else yeah yeah yeah

so Lyle Hampton got it I mean she I was like hey I'll pull over and let you back up and she was like

but that's where I like to back into you bitch and I'm like wow we're gonna keep living near each other someone needs to take

a good hard look at their own air freshener yeah and her air freshener with a little surfboard on it only good vibes allowed probably got that at Spencer's gift probably to take a good hard look at their own air freshener. Yeah, and her air freshener with a little surfboard on it. Only good vibes allowed. Probably got that at Spencer's gift. Probably.

I do have a new car air freshener, despite the fact that I have an old car. So I know about air fresheners that lie. Oh, yeah? What is... Oh, so yours is just subtly lying? Yeah, it's producing the smell of a new car. Yeah. You know, older car.

Yeah, that's like trying to pass off highlights. That's just how it is. It's true. Are you gaslighting yourself with an air freshener? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, I can understand it. Somebody's got to do it.

I prefer that you use electric lighting in there. I think it's better than literally gassing yourself. Never mind. That's true. Cut that out. Cut that out, Matt. Matt, cut that out. Matt, make it louder.

Hell yeah. Cut it out. Matt, play it again and make it louder. Cut out. Can you put some reverb on out, Matt. Matt, cut that out. Matt, make it louder. Hell yeah. Cut it out. Matt, play it again and make it louder. Cut out. Put some reverb on that. No. Can you make that wet? Nope.

Make it wet. Don't do it. Yeah. Don't make it wet. Make the gas wet. Don't make it wetter. Put some stank on it. 206-984-4FUN.

JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We're taking momentous occasions. We are. We're taking summer boys.org. We're taking momentous occasions. We are. We're taking summer boys. Yep. We're taking, you got a call for one of our beloved signature segments? Sure. Give us a call.

That's not just a thing, Eliza, where people just have something they want to call and tell us about, and so they claim that it's for one of our beloved signature segments. This is a bunch of stuff that we thought of because we work really hard on the show. Yeah. And you're taking all of them. Yeah. Because you have a very specific set of skills calling the woman the answering service yes just let him be from ireland in the movies don't make

him do it was weird that part was a little i'm not like walking down wall street shaving it's like i'm like you know no you're You're untying your boat From the dock And it's a nice boat But not like so nice Exactly Yeah I get it You're a busy guy

Thank you That would be fascinating To someone seeing you from afar I'm a guy who's like Taking care of business Yeah Even though I was maybe

I started drinking at four Yeah You know But you're not gonna go back Into that life No You can't be a pool hustler anymore. No.

You know? You got your money. You bought your boat. You got out. You've done things to men. And you know what? Yeah. Down at the docks.

Sure. Things, men. Ooh. This guy's lived. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. The following pro wrestling contest is scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring from the Tights and Fights podcast

are the baddest trio of audio, the hair to beware, Danielle Radford. It really is great hair. The Brit with a permit to hit, Lindsay Kell. The queen is dead. Long live the queen. And the fast-talking, fist-clocking, Hal Upland.

See, I can wrestle and be an announcer. Get ready for tights and fights. Listen every Saturday or face the pain. Find us on Maximum Fun. No ring the bell. I'm Emily Heller. And I'm Lisa Hanawalt. And we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses.

We've been doing our podcast for over 10 years. When we started, it was about trying to learn something new every episode. Now it's about us trying to actively get stupider. And it's working. Hang out with us and you'll hear us chat about... Gardening. Horses. Various problems with our butts.

And all the weird stuff that makes us horny. That's so weird, all that stuff. Baby Geniuses, a show for adult idiots. Every other week on Maximum Fun. All the weird stuff that makes us horny. That's so weird, all that stuff. Baby Geniuses, a show for adult idiots. Every other week on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Liza Skinner, clankety car. Honk, honk. Giggity, giggity, giggity. Can I tell you something? I think 12 years ago maybe on this show, our friend Al Madrigal, the man of a thousand voices, came on. Always a joy to see the great Al Madrigal. Al Madrigal, of course, he brought his whole suitcase full of characters, all his famous signature characters.

Props also? Yeah. He was on his way to Portland, Oregon at that time. So many people came up to him to tell him how excited they were to meet the man of a thousand voices. Wow. In Portland, Oregon. Wow. in Portland, Oregon, that to this day, Al, who went on to be on The Daily Show, starring films, Marvel movie,

believes that we're successful. Wow. And that's the effect that I am hoping to have on Eliza Skinner. Obviously, obviously, Eliza has a little more info. She's seen Under the Hood. She knows about, she knows more than Al did about the scale of our success. But I still think we can pull the wool over her eyes if enough Jordan Jessico fans. Oh, yeah.

I mean, when I go to airports, I have to be really careful to not get mobbed by all of the Jordan Jessica. Just yelling clankety car at you. Clankety! Yeah, and people are like, okay, honk honk, yes. And like three or four people who don't know what's going on are all like, what is that? And I'm like, don't worry about it. Eliza, I bet if somebody bought a ticket to this show in Portland. I hope someone does.

And they said clankety-car to you, would you be willing to say honk-honk? Yes. Yeah. She thought about it. She considered it. I did. So this is sincere. My knee-jerk bad teen wanted to be like, get the fuck out of here.

I'm not going to hog for you. I would actually enjoy that, yeah. Yeah, that would be fun, right? Yeah, yeah. At the end of the day, the truth is, I think we can all admit, it would be kind of fun. Yeah, but you can't heckle it. No. No, no, no.

No. Dude, has any Jordan Jesse Goh listener ever heckled anything? Has any Jordan, Jesse Goh listener ever heckled anything? If they have, I think that it would only be the helpful heckle. When people sometimes, especially when I'm drinking, I have had friends and possibly family members who had problems with helpful heckling. Because a lot of times comedians will, especially when they're starting out,

will ask rhetorical questions to the crowd. And they'll be like, hey, who here watches Game of Thrones? And everybody's like, hey. And then people, my family, will be like, no, I don't. I don't watch the show. There's just a lot of TV. It's like, where do I start? And I tried once, but so many names to remember.

I thought I'd watched it but it was the Lord of the Rings show. Yeah, and I'm like, and then they're like, where's Lego Lost? Why'd everybody

get mad at me? I was answering. I'm two episodes into The Bear. I don't know if it's clicking for me. Yeah, so I'm like,

that actually counts as heckling. I know it doesn't feel like it in your soul but yeah. I think probably the rowdiest of Jordan, Jesse Go Go listener has ever gotten in a live performance. Maybe someone yelled, I love you when there was a lull at the Radiolab live show.

Yeah. That's fair. Chad. I love you. I got too excited. I'm sorry. I also went to Oberlin. I also went to Oberlin. We both went to Oberlin.

Oberlin-related heckles. I could see a few Jordan Jesse Go listeners in Code Pink. A couple of Jordan Jesse Go listeners have met Medea Benjamin, and they've heckled a Congress person at some point. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I meant strictly like comedy show style heckling.

Well, I don't know what you think about Congress. Oh, wow. Put it on a t-shirt. Because, you know, don't pitch your t-shirt ideas to me. Just put them straight on the shirt. Flap, flap, flap. Sounds like Congress is coming out with those giant fucking shoes. I'm going to get Mr. Spencer on the phone.

I'm talking to Mr. Spencer. He says, can we give the clown a giant dick? Or a very, very small one. Either way, but it can't be in the middle. I'm doing the thing where I cover the phone when I don't want the person to hear. Does anybody ever

mime pressing mute? No. Let's get that started. But that might just be that you're dialing for an operator. You're trying to get to the operator. Well, let's see. You guys are seeing me doing it, and I'm like, yeah, no, we're totally going to be there.

Boop. We're not going, are we? Okay, boop. But you did. So what you did, the thing that worked there, you sold it in your space work, and I can tell that you've instructed improv. Thank you. The only part of improv worth while.

Jesse. That was mean. Jess, come on, man. Slam the guests like that. What I saw in your space work there was that you looked to the phone. You really established it. You really concretized it. You had it in your hand, and you looked to the phone to you really established it you really concretized it you had it in your hand and you and you threw to it you booped yeah you did make a boop sound but that was for the at-home yes exactly and then i think the boop help i think the boop would help

irl yeah yeah i and then as you wouldn't if you were trying to do it secretly if you are trying to mute a call and not have that person know don't say don't say okay go ahead as you. It wouldn't if you were trying to do it secretly. If you are trying to mute a call and not have that person know, don't say boop. Don't say boop. Okay, go ahead. As you were sharing what I'll call mommy's little secret, you cheated the phone out, which I think really sold. There's a look where I'm on the phone with that. Yeah.

I'm there. I just mute it. So you can't take your time to answer. And I think if we, if we cheat the phone out like that, it's sort of a little bit like covering the answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jessie, you hit the volume button. Oh, boy, they heard everything. They've been listening to everything.

Now you put it on speakerphone. Wow. How did I get this job? You need an answering service. Just have them call you on that answering service. Eliza Skinner, where is this Portland show and when so that everyone can buy tickets? It's at

the Siren Theater on September 15th. And there's links in my... The Siren Theater, this is a hot spot in Portland. They're bringing in all the stars. Yeah, a lot of people. Laurie Kilmartin.

All kinds of comics. I think Laurie Kilmartin might literally be my hero. Sorry. No offense to you. I'm a big Eliza Skinner fan too. It would be too much of a weight on my shoulders to have to live up to your hero worship.

I lack, among other things, her powerful swimmer shoulders. Too much of a weight on my shoulders to have to live up to your worship. Yeah. Well, I lack, among other things, your powerful swimmer shoulders. Yeah, exactly. That's why. And also you seem to get tired on long walks. So both of those things. Okay. Well, I hope everyone in Portland will go out to see it.

Probably a few people drive down from Seattle. Yeah, sure. Drive down from Seattle. Discuss the small differences between your swatches and yes, get mad at each other for some reason.

Yeah. Eliza Skinner, one of the funniest people, one of the funniest stand-up comics. You will laugh your ass off. Go to the show. Go to the show.

This is the time to go do and enjoy things. Enjoy things. Enjoy laughter. I mean, I do honestly think that seeing live performances it's like hugely important for human beings' spirit and our country specifically. And with all this like AI stuff happening with entertainment, live performance is like the one thing AI can't do.

Yeah, perhaps. Perhaps that will be the way. Until we get more of those hologram things. Oh, yeah. I'd love it if AIs could write our laws because these guys. Oh, boy. Put it on a T-shirt. Okay.

Okay. Spencer's asking, can the AIs have a big dick? Or a very small one? Yeah. Can't be in the middle. Can't be in the middle. Can't be a standard dick. Have you not met my congressman, Big Johnson? Can't be in the middle. Can't be in the middle. Can't be in standard dick.

Have you not met my congressman, Big Johnson? Ah, yes. He invited me for liquor in the front and poker in the rear. Oh, man. I'm in the wrong district. I'm in the co-ed naked district. Big Dog is my congressman. The view never changes.

Something, something, something. Sure. Okay. Don't blame me. Something, something, something. Sure. Okay. Don't blame me. I voted for no fear. Finally, something funny happens. You got to sell that to Medea Benjamin. Okay.

Matt Lieb is our producer. Brian Sonny DeFernandez is our producer emeritus. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We're headed to London, England, so I hope we'll see you in London, England if you live in Europe or the United Kingdom. And you can find us on social media at jordandavidmorrison,

at put.this.on on Instagram, at jordandjessiego, and facebook.com slash jordandjessiego, and maximumfun.reddit.com. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you.

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