Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Bi-Honky-Tonk with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Eliza Skinner joins Jordan and Jesse this week to talk about the current fungus moment, the best and worst movies on Kanopy and Jordan and Jesse's first kiss.Check out Eliza's new podcast "9 Plays 30 Days" anywhere you get your podcasts!Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. Don’t forget to pre-order the “Pop’s Chocklit Shoppe of Horrors” that Jordan wrote on using code JAN231229 at your local comic shop!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Ooh, Jordan Morris, beard baby. Look at this handsome man. There is a man in this studio right now, and we are recording in real life here at the Maximum Fun World Headquarters on MacArthur Park in Los Angeles, California. Gorgeous face of hair right now.

Wait, is he behind me? Oh, no, it's me. I'm talking about my friend Jordan Morris. Yeah, I'm taking a shot at a beard for the first time in my 40 years. Uh-huh. This is Baby's first beard. It me. I'm Baby.

Uh-huh. Wait a minute. Jordan, where in the studio are you sitting? Hold on. Maybe I don't get where you're leading me? Aren't you in the corner? Oh, I am in the corner. What?

I told you baby's not supposed to be here. Yeah. It me. I'm baby. Yeah, I like this mixed character. Fine. Patrick Swayze to help me get an abortion. And then hold me up.

That's not what happened in the movie. It's been a while since I've seen Roadhouse, to be fair. Our guest on the program already having inserted herself into it, but for appropriate reasons. When you're at a certain caliber of guests, you don't have to wait till the bullshit is over. You're just in the show. Yeah. I mean, you guys are lucky I'm not lighting up. I'm that level of guest.

Right? Right? Yeah. Our guest on the program, stand-up comic, comedy writer, beloved friend of ours, now the podcaster behind a brand-new podcast that's about the public library video streaming service, Canopy. Eliza Skinner. Hi, Eliza. Hi. I am very niche.

So we're going to talk about Canopy soon. We're tabling Canopy for now. I didn't even say you needed to. Why are you here on this broad appeal show in this four-quadrant juggernaut? I came by to hear about the beard. Yeah, that's right. Your number one place for a recent beard chat. Yeah, so I have to hear about the beard. Yeah, that's right. You're number one place for a recent beard chat. Yeah. So I've always avoided growing a beard because I get so itchy. I'm a

man who doesn't like to be itchy. Now, I know that most people don't like to be itchy. I don't know anybody who's like, bring on the itch. Right. Yeah. Put me in a sweater and roll me in the sand. Yeah, daddy, make me itch. Ooh, I'm a nasty itch. Step on my neck and make me itchy. Share some tiny shards. Right, yeah. Ooh, leaves of three. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum. Leaves of three on my balls. They'll be. On my balls. They'll be. Yes, so, I mean, I know no one likes to be itchy, but I think I am, like, pretty sensitive to stuff. Like, I like, you know, I like my T-shirts to be soft and, you know, stuff like that.

Sensory sensitivities. This is not uncommon among those of us with highly tuned brains. Sure, exactly. Highly tuned, yes. That's what I'll say, yes. It's because of my big brain that I don't like to be itchy. Are you an earth sign? Uh, yes.

Are you a Taurus? I am a Taurus. That's what we do. We love a fabric. Yeah. You and me, you know? Sure. They say that we'll shop by touch.

Is that why I love textiles? Are you a Taurus also? Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah, that's absolutely it. No bullshit. Sure. Three Tauruses in one room? Oh, my gosh.

This is going to get wild. We're going to snack, sleep, and get luxurious. And be really loyal friends. Yeah. Which I would say about the both of you. Yeah. That's true. Well.

Annoyingly incapable of lying. Before this podcast began, I betrayed each of you three times. That's where you got all those pieces of silver. I don't know. I appreciate the poetry of it. Yeah. I'm not that mad. It's appropriate.

Love a biblical illusion. Very literary. You don't like to be itchy. No. I'll say this just for your benefit, Eliza, because I'm going to presume that the two of you have neither kissed. Now, I've kissed Jordan Morris. Oh, I thought you meant at all. You meant each other. You were right the first time. Still waiting. Someday. Yeah. It was quite some time ago. i'll become married and yes i do not remember what the circumstances were but all i do remember

about kissing jordan is how itchy it was for you yeah this really happened i don't know maybe it was in our improv group in college or something yeah maybe yeah i think we were like when i say that i don't remember the only thing i remember about it was it being itchy is genuinely true okay and i think jordan now jordan i think is the i don't know if i've ever kissed another boy so it might be all boys are itchy eliza you can speak to that as someone who's kissed a lot more boys than us hey wait, wait a minute. You don't know. Maybe it was just one over and over. Sean Cassidy. They are. It was Sean Cassidy.

Yeah, they're itchy. It's weird. Like when you first start dating a dude, it'll be like sandpaper mouth. And then you just sort of get used to it. It's kind of like at the beginning of the season, like the beginning of summer, you finally get the bike out of the garage. You ride the bike around. And boy, the downstairs, it's like of summer, you finally get the bike out of the garage. You ride the bike around. And boy, the downstairs, it's like somebody took a baseball bat to the old puss. Oh, I thought you meant riding the bike.

It's easier to ride the bike upstairs. No, no, no, no. I mean, like your twat gets a beaten from the first bike ride of the season. You know, like as I was a kid. And then the next day after that for the rest of the season. You know, like, as I was a kid. And then, the next day, after that, for the rest of the season, you're fine.

I have a racing bicycle with a leather saddle and I get a taint bruise like you wouldn't believe. But every time? Or you get used to it? It takes some time and then, yeah,

I believe it hardens up. Yeah, it's the same way with kissing some stubble. The first time, it's like, ow, and then, eh, you kind of don't notice it anymore. What happened to it? I don't know, my face hardened up or something. Well, do you want to, ow, and then you kind of don't notice it anymore. What happened to it?

I don't know. My face hardened up or something. Well, do you want to kiss more, Jordan? Is that the answer here? You brought in the kissing thing. Jordan didn't bring up kissing. I feel like the beard makes you want to kiss him, Jesse. Yeah, maybe.

Is that where this is going? He looks very handsome. Listen, Jesse, I would love to kiss you, but I'm trying to get a son over here. Trying to get a son. I'm working on it. This is my new catchphrase. I'm trying to get a son over here. Fair enough. I'm trying to get a son. I'm working on it. This is my new catchphrase. I'm trying to get a son? I got to get a son, yeah.

Yeah. Jordan doesn't have a son, so he's working on it. I'm working on it. Oh, boy. People like it when I say it? Do they? I don't know. I'm not enjoying it.

I do not. Yeah. Maybe they don't like it. I want to be clear here. I fucking love it. Yeah. Every time this happens, I get such a kick out of it. I've texted Jordan about how much I enjoy it.

Daniel, thumbs up or thumbs down. What do you think about it? Daniel likes it. Daniel in the booth. They're sons. Of course they like it. Oh, that's a good point. You're right.

You're right. You're right. I need to ask other children. I'm trying to bake a baby. I like it. See? That's a step trying to bake a baby? I'm trying to. I like it. See? That's a step up.

Don't you dare punch up our program. I'm trying to get a baby baked. Yeah. Can I give it a shot and see how it feels? Yeah. I'm trying to bake a baby. I mean. I'm working on it.

I want to order a pie from that place, you know? I've got another pitch. Yeah, sure. Please. Because now I've got this mental, this cursed mental image of you guys smooching in my head. And it's disgusting. Yeah. I'm hoping.

It's super hot. Would you consider. Oh, boy. Would you consider growing out the lower beard part, keeping the mustache part trim so that it would be sort of a perfect Velcro match for you guys. So Jesse's facial hair is... He's got a bushy stache and a tight crop on the beard. Pringles logo-esque. So yeah, right.

You do the reverse. We could be a little puzzle. Yeah. And then when you smooch, you Velcro and stick together. A two-man puzzle. That would be nice. That would be nice. Right.

See, I have good ideas. These are great ideas. I feel like we're on the set of an early Judd Apatow movie, and you're just off camera. You're Melissa McCarthy, and you're just giving us punched up lines. It's like, give me something else, Melissa. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I want to make a baby. All right, Seth Rogen.

Boom, boom, boom. Try and get some children out there was that what melissa mccarthy was doing i don't know have you ever watched that thing where melissa mccarthy it's i think it's from this is 40 that scene that was so so funny look i i'm here to tell you i enjoyed this is 40 sorry everyone you know who else does melissa rivers loves really i mean at the time i i was working on Fashion Police when it came out, and she was like, you guys, I saw the funniest movie. It's like literally about our lives.

You have to see this movie. And I was like, okay. And I went to see it, and I was like, that is not my life. In many, many ways. Finally, someone got being a rich white person right. Yeah, exactly. You're like, yeah, that is about me. It's about a bunch of people getting paid $15 a joke

to write jokes for Tom Rivers. I wish we'd gotten that much. Boy, that would have been great. Yeah, maybe on Christmas. I think it's in This Is 40. There's a scene where Melissa McCarthy is yelling at them. And the extended cut of it, it's pretty extended in the movie

and pretty solid gold throughout. And there's an extended cut that is still solid gold throughout because of how funny Melissa McCarthy is. And I just imagine that Melissa McCarthy is always the person off camera yelling alternate punchlines at them. In addition to Seth Rogen, who's also very funny. Yeah, and then also a lot of like not famous people who are ugly and you probably know. Yeah, that's true. Sure. A lot of unfamous. Like me and Jordan. Yeah, sure. We're not too far from those games. Honestly, I've stood off camera and yelled alternate punch lines to people. I demanded a bunch of puppets say exactly what I said immediately after I said it.

Yeah. Going back and watching Earth and Ed, I'm like, oh, my God, so much of this. I was yelling. Yeah. Ask her about ask her how much money she makes. I got to be there for some of the yelling and it was truly inspiring. Thank you. A lot of the funniest stuff those puppets say was yelled at you. You don't really need to punch up things that a puppeteer says, though. Those are the most...

They're really funny people and very generous to have been like, yeah, I'll say what my boss tells me to say instead of, you know, throwing a fit about it, which some people, especially comedians, would do. Some might. Yeah. But no, they... With that show, also, we had

to, like, kind of string together this web of narrative and the interview that was happening at the time and the theme of that show. And this was a talk show featuring non-Muppet Jim Henson characters. Yes. Who hosted the talk show. They were aliens. And then regular guests on the talk show. Yes.

A human celebrity. And there was also, as you said, a narrative element. Yeah. And Eliza, you were the head writer and Jordan, you also wrote on the program. Yes. But so that meant that I had to have, while they were in the moment with their interviews, I could also have my brain focused on all those other aspects and be yelling things to be like, this will make sense when we edit this.

Yeah, right. Say this thing. You have to set up the death ship that's coming in the next episode. You have to say that the death ship is coming. Remember, Cornelius's planet was blown up before he existed. It's a long ago history thing. He can't talk about his planet. Yeah, I know.

Having to yell not only joke alts, but continuity notes at people. Yeah, imaginary continuity notes. Yeah. This will not be in the show. It is in my head canon and it matters. Jordan, you got a beard now. Oh, sorry. I'm beard man.

Yeah. What precipitated this? Itchiness? Yeah. So I want it to be more itchy. I'm a nasty itch freak now. Sick little itch boy. Yeah, I'm a sick little itch boy.

You're an itch baby. Ooh, I want ants in my pants. Put those ants in my pants. Ooh, just a sick. Don't powder my bottom. bottom no add sand to the bottom get some beach sand and put it right into the bottom so itchy oh itch anyway so yeah nasty itch freak uh no so i i think i've mentioned this on the show before that i was surprised that my because i usually shave pretty quick after i start getting stubbly. Again, love to be smooth. Oh, on your face, right.

On my face. Yes. Can I just offer one more itchy thing? Yeah. You buy all your sweaters at the military surplus store. There you go. Go ahead. Thank you. Very specific. Yeah. Thank you, Melissa McCarthy, everybody. The Ghostbuster herself.

Also a very funny movie. A lot of good options. Joke Buster. Joking makes me feel good. Makes me feel bad. About myself. I feel mid. Mid. Mid joke.

Okay, so. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I. So you're a nasty itch freak. I'm a nasty itch freak. I was surprised to find a little while back that when my facial hair came in, there was a little salt and pepper in it. And I kind of thought it looked cool. And then I noticed it not too long ago.

So I had some facial hair come in, a little salt and pepper. And I'm like, ooh, this is kind of like Pedro Pascal in The Last of Us. Which, so facial hair was all that separated us previously. We looked exactly alike other than facial hair. Sure. No, I kind of liked it. And, you know, I just, I'm not a man who's changed how he's looked that much in my life. You know, I got, my hair started getting a little blonde when I started swimming.

So that was like a change. It was kind of fun. Yeah. So I just, I thought I would try it. As a guy whose vibe in presentation i would characterize as silly goose i would have said funky monkey funky monkey yes sir that funky monkey yeah to look a little bit distinguished i thought would be kind of fun and sure maybe someone would tweet daddy at me at some point that would be fine i would

i would be okay with that. It would be nice to get a daddy tweet. It would be nice to get a daddy. No, but just looking a little distinguished I thought would be kind of neat. And I would just see how it went. You know what someone tweeted at me? Gramps. Yeah.

Step on me, Gramps. Somebody just tweeted Nana at me. Just that word? Yeah, just the word Nana. Nana. Somebody just tweeted Nana at me. Just that word? Just the word Nana. Nana. I had a similar experience to you when the gray started coming into my beard. Because there's a little bit of gray coming into my beard. Thanks to the stress for my children.

Their mother-in-law. Oh, boy. Dave Barry? Are you on the show now? I noticed the salt and pepper coming into my face. And you had said, we were like, I guess this is me and Pedro Pascal. I had the same experience. I said, look at this salt and pepper.

I feel like I'm salt and pepper in the song Shoop. Right. In the song Shoop. Salt and pepper song. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Melissa, any punch-ups for that one?

I want to talk about Paddington. Yes! Okay, so there were two topics broached here. One possible topic was Jordan's beard. Dare we waste another topic? The second was Paddington Bear. Now, if you don't know who Paddington Bear is, he's a bear from Peru. Paddington Bear.

Paddington Bear. Silly Willie really all stuffed with fluff. It's Paddington bear. He likes marmalade. He is not the other bear. He is this one. Yep, yep, yep. He's a bear who moves to England from Peru

and loves marmalade. And the colonialist aspects of his tale are somewhat but not entirely alighted by its more recent tellings. Sort of, but in the classic British sense, not entirely. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like in the more recent ones, do they even say specifically where he's from? Yes, and there are a lot of scenes of various explorers in pith helmets who belong to the explorer club in the movie that is not interrogated at all.

Yeah, I didn't remember that. I just remembered him eating marmalade sandwiches. Let me put it this way. A little better than Babar. Yeah, I don't know. My dad is British, so I grew up a big Paddington head. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was hardcore into Paddington. I have videos of me, a video of me as a kid being interviewed, and my dad is like, make a funny face.

And I'd like stick my tongue out, and I was like, that's a Paddington face. I don't know what it means, but I feel like that's where my comedy started. Yeah. So you would say that's the origin. Yeah. You wouldn't be Melissa McCarthy today. No, I'd be a little more esoteric. Sure.

Yeah. I should say it came up pre-show because I'm very late to this party, but I have been Paddington pilled when it comes to the movies. Paddington pilled when it comes to the movies. There was a little while, I think it was maybe height of pandemic, where every third person was only doing online posts about how great Paddington was. And I was like, come on, what are we doing?

Really? It can't possibly. It can't possibly. I'm an adult man. Sure. I will be watching Teen Titans Go. Like any other father. Like a grown adult. Once I bake that baby.

Yeah. Love it. Put two in the oven for me. A little dollop of ice cream on top. My six-year-old Frankie watches. I'm on mode. My six-year-old Frankie watches Teen Titan Go. And just the number of questions about confusions about what's going on because of...

So it's more of a Teen Titans what's going on? Adult humor is in the program. Just so baffled. But let's get back to Paddington. Yes. So I sat down and watched the Paddingtons recently and I was like... What were the circumstances? Just looking for something to watch?

You know, looking for something to maybe watch while I blaze. Yeah, sure. And they were hanging around. Trees? Those are them. Oh, I thought you said play. Oh, yeah. Blaze.

I'm sorry. I should have enunciated. Blaze. I get it. Code for painting miniatures. That's right. I had my little Warhammer figs. Hell yeah. I had my tiny little paintbrush and my jeweler's glass. I had my little Warhammer figs. Hell yeah.

I had my tiny little paintbrush and my jeweler's glass. Might have just wanted something in the background. And Mr. Orc, your hat shall be pink. And, you know, it's one of those things where I'm like, fuck, everybody who tried to make this their personality was right. These are so funny and good. was right. These are so funny and good and they have that great thing you don't see anymore, which is

live-action kid acting. Kid movie acting. Most kids' movies are animated, so you don't get to see a Brendan Gleeson going kind of 1.5 big. Oh, adult acting in kid movies. Yes, adult.

I was like, I don't like kid acting. The kids in it are pretty good. But, you know, this is really great. These have been great just like to see a Nicole Kidman, a Brendan Gleeson go kind of big. You know, so, yeah, love Paddington. As I said, I've always loved Paddington. So these new ones didn't explode so much for me. I was like, yeah, this dude rocks.

He's always rocked. Sure. My dog and I did go as Paddington and Phoenix Buchanan for Halloween this year. Wow. And that was very fun. But you're making me think. I've been rereading and rewatching a lot of fantasy, like the movies and books about a lone kid that goes to a fantasy world. Your Labyrinth, Neverending Story, even Time Bandits.

But the books, specifically, the movies are great. The books are so good. Oh, yeah? So good. I haven't read a Narnia. I read a lot of Narnia. Yeah, me too.

I was a huge Narnia fan. Are they actually good books? I watched this on Canopy. I watched a really fun documentary about C.S. Lewis. He was very interesting. He had a very unexpected life. So deeply religious man, right? Well, he started out as a deeply atheist.

Oh, interesting. Oh, interesting. And he would like do debates from an atheist point of view and got convinced, I guess, and became very like academically religious. What if that's what happened in a debate? That you were like, you made a great point. I. Yep. I agree. Now I believe that Christ died for our sins. Like what if at the end of of, like, the Lincoln-Douglas debates, Douglas was like, yeah, okay. Yeah, can't argue with that. Let's do this.

Become president. You're president now. You know what? I feel like it would be a lot more satisfying. I would be like, yeah, if someone had to live their,

the loser had to live their life by the winner's code. No, I want the internal change. Them being like, you have changed me yeah wow i agree also he he made a promise a wartime promise to another soldier that if anything happened to him in battle he would take care of his mother oh wow and that guy died and so he went and found

his mother and took care of her and like spent the rest she she and her kid like lived with him when he was a professor and they lived out the rest of their life together. She was kind of like, I think she kind of ran it as like a boarding house maybe. I might be making that part up. But anyway, after- Why didn't the kid take care of the mother? Because the kid died.

Oh, oh, oh, no, the kid was too little. The kid was like younger. So he's living with this, you know, doing this good deed, living with the mother. The dad is 19 and the kid is 11. Yes, like 11, exactly. Got it, okay.

And then the mom is like 40. Pretty hot. Well, and he calls her mother, you know, so everybody gets the relationship. Obviously, they were fucking, yes, for sure. But nobody found out. Call somebody mother. You know what's going on. Nobody found out until after he died.

Wow. Like, they were like, what a nice guy. He's just doing a really generous thing. No, he's like in a relationship with this woman. Was he also in a non-war time, dead, non-ghosts mom relationship? After she died, he started a relationship with a fan of his in America, a woman who was much younger than him, like 10, 15 years younger than him. And they, I think, wrote letters and stuff and finally met. And there was a spark.

And then that woman got diagnosed, I think, with cancer, something fatal. And so he married her before she died to be like. You can die a wedded woman and it's her married woman's heaven. She was already married to someone else. Wow. She like divorced him. So the only people he had relationships with, the only women he had relationships with were remarkably older, remarkably younger than him. And do you mind if I do a quick dramatic reading?

I was Googling that while you were Googling their letters. Okay, cool. Do you mind if I do a quick dramatic reading? I was Googling that while you were Googling their letters. Okay, cool. Do you mind if I do a dramatic reading of her first letter? Because she initiated the relationship. I believe so, yes. It says, my dearest Mr. Lewis, daddy. That's all it says there. It says daddy.

Oh, it's creepy now. Yeah. P.S. Convince kids that Turkish Delight tastes good. That's the thing. People always give me shit about reading Narnia books and they'd be like, you know, that's super Christian. I'm like, it's not making me go to church, but it did lie to me about Turkish Delight. Yeah.

That's the real that's the real crime of those books that made me eat soap. Yeah. There is a like cranky atheist who loves to like gripe about narnia and also tell you that the in and out cups have bible verses on the bottom yeah like oh you know the in and out cups have bible verse in the bottom okay yeah i know okay i know i know cool you know that there are like some non-religious people who do terrible things like it doesn't matter please don't you have a magic show to rehearse with teller. Anybody that's complaining about those Bible verses, you know what I say? Yeah, but they pulled off the fucking miracle of having Coke and Dr. Pepper at the same restaurant.

Sure. They probably have. Do you have any idea how many beverage distributors they have to grease the palms of to get Coke and Dr. Pepper into the same fountain? If they didn't believe in God, that would be Mr. Pibb. Exactly. Also, the Bible verse on the bottom of the cup like that's a hilarious prank it is you just tell people like wow you know and there's a different bible verse and everyone did you check yours what they dump it out you just dumped out your drink yeah fuck you jesus did that to you looks like you pissed your pants

thanks to jc i thought the prank was that you're into Christ now. Well, it depends. You know, if you had already drunk everything out of the cup. Depends who wins the fucking debate. Yeah. Yeah, then I guess you wouldn't look like a fool, so you might be like, awesome, this is great. Now, Eliza, I have to ask you this. Are you confident that those movies are good?

Because my experience with those movies as an adult is that maybe they're not actually good. I mean, it depends. Never Ending Story, the book Never Ending Story might be my favorite book at this point, like, of all time. The movie, eh. Now, of all of those movies, of all of the movies of 1986 to 1989. Wow. You know what I mean?

Like, all of the movies that, as an elder millennial were childhood movies. Never Ending Story absolutely was my favorite. But I have not watched it since I was a child. Whereas I have watched Labyrinth. Oh, I think Labyrinth definitely holds up. I never saw Labyrinth as a kid. I only watched it as an adult. And it is just a series of things that happen, but the things are all awesome.

Yeah, I love them. Like, oh, man, when she's in the fake version of her room and covered in her own nostalgia, I'm like, yeah, man, I get that. Sure. That's how a lot of us got through this pandemic. Just rebuying old Happy Meal toys. The fries turn into a robot. It's okay now. I feel okay. The one I was surprised that! It's okay now! I feel okay!

The one I was surprised that I did like as an adult you know, I got kids, you know, so I've seen, you know, I'm desperate to have them watch this instead of whatever Madagascar 7. But the one I was surprised that I did like was Return to Oz. That is... I thought that was

pretty good. Are you joking? No, I enjoyed it. Did you let your kids watch it? No thought that was pretty good. Are you joking? No, I enjoyed it. Did you let your kids watch it? No, that's the thing. It is terrifying. It terrified me as a child. the deepest dark.

Do you know this movie? Yeah, I have seen Return to Oz. I saw it as a kid and don't remember too much other than it's, it scared me. It starts with Dorothy, like at the, literally at the very end of,

uh, of Wizard of Oz. Like she's woken up and Auntie Em and Uncle Henry, I guess. With Dorothy, like, literally at the very end of Wizard of Oz. Like, she's woken up. And Auntie Em and Uncle Henry, I guess? I don't remember who. Uncle Buck. Sure.

Yeah. That makes sense. They walk out of the room. She's like, and you, and you. And it was all, it all happened. Yeah. And they walk out and they're like, okay. Okay, Dorothy.

She's fucking crazy. She's lost her mind. And then they proceed to institutionalize her where she's going to get like steampunk ECT. Yeah. I love an old time mental asylum. That's one of my favorite settings for anything. There's this doctor who's like, yes, this is how we built a machine. It'll zap these

memories out of you. It's really scary and upsetting. And then there's not I mean, like the thing. That's before she even gets to Oz. And then there's not I mean, like, the thing. That's before she even gets to Oz. Right. And then Oz is The real world is that fucked up. Also scary and upsetting. Oz is super scary, super weird. And she, like, cobbles together this, like, part

couch, part taxidermied head monster. Oh, now that is pretty cool. It's like one of her friends and it's like, ah, what am I? And she's like, you're a thing we can ride on and get around here. It's pretty nightmarish. Okay. It's nightmarish from start to finish, but also Brian Henson's in it.

Oh, really? Yeah, he plays Pumpkin Jack. Really? Now, I have to say. I can do it all. And when I, as an adult, watched Labyrinth, I was not into it. I apologize. There were some fun things that I liked, but I was not into it.

I was surprised and disappointed that I wasn't that into Time Bandits either, which I loved as a kid. I didn't hate it or anything. And I think part of my reaction to these things is I remembered how terrified I was of Return to Oz, about which I had nightmares until I was like 12. It's nightmarish. It's also, um, Farooza Balk is the kid. So like, in case they were like, I don't know, should it be a scary version? Let's put the famous witch. Right. I mean, she wasn't yet the witch. Sure, sure.

But no, I think by the time I saw that movie, I knew her as the evil one from the craft. Yes, exactly. So I think maybe I was comparing it to that idea that I probably would hate this now. Whereas I think with Time Bandits, I was comparing it to having loved it. And there's definitely, none of these are like horrible. I didn't hate any of these. But like Time Bandits, I think I was comparing to having loved it as a kid and I found it real brown and creaky. And then with Labyrinth, I was kind of bored. I love Labyrinth. I feel like Labyrinth holds up. I like it when David Bowie sings that funny song.

Don't watch Neverending Story because you will find there's very little plot there. What's in the movie of Neverending Story is about maybe 100 pages of a 550-page book. I legitimately don't remember anything about the entire movie other than that it was literally my favorite film. I think something interesting when you go back and watch movies from then is like, oh, movies were only required to have plots very recently. Like movies, like the idea of a plot. And I think sometimes you watch stuff now and you're like, oh, this is kind of formulaic. Yeah, this hits all the beats. beats but like back then no one was thinking about it and it could just be a series of things that adaptation was a documentary about people

discovering plots sure so you didn't even like the end of time bandits when we meet god that was it's all weird my children actively hated it well of course it's an i can't believe it's harry gilliam yeah okay i can't believe that i ever let i can't believe... Is it a Terry Gilliam? Yeah. Okay. I can't believe that I ever... I can't believe any child would ever like it. What I loved even more than Time Bandits is The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, which was my other favorite movie that we rented over and over from Blockbuster. God knows what that is.

Well, at the end of Time Bandits, they meet God, who is kind of constructive. And God has this attitude of like, yeah, we're going to murder everybody. I do that sometimes, whatever. And it's like just so matter of fact and kind of chilling that when you get to the climax of like, and now it's God. And he's also a villain. There is no hero.

And then the kid, the main kid goes home to see his parents. Well, I don't know. It doesn't count as a spoiler. God makes everyone pour an In-N-Out soda on their crotch. Yeah. No, but it's just like so bleak. And I'm like, that's my DNA. And I understand why kids today wouldn't like it.

And we don't need to have that in our DNA. But I got it. I got all dark in my soul from these movies. I don't know how much of it is about how much they could afford certain kinds of film stock or whatever, but it has that same kind of quality that Holy Grail has, which is that you just feel like they shot all of it in a pile of brown wood. Like everything is this sort of vaguely grayish, dirty...

I disagree. Brown. Okay. Yeah, I mean, and the cast is like, I mean, Sean Connery and like, yeah, I like it. I like it. You know, teach them. I feel like I'm worried that I'm coming off more negative than I actually felt about it, whereas I think it was hard for me to feel like I was two and a half stars to me now.

You want a Teen Titans go. And I like something a little bit more artsy. Let's all go around. To end on a positive note, let's all go around and say something from our childhood that absolutely has held up. Does anyone have one off the dome? I mean, the other favorite movie of mine when I was that age, this is not interesting, but was The Princess Bride, which I probably watched five times with my children, making them watch it each time. And every time I'm like, oh, yeah, fucking still fucking love this. Everything about it.

Yeah. time and every time i'm like oh yeah fucking still fucking love this everything about it yeah and if you're just saying a thing from our childhood uh the theme song to james bond jr still slaps oh right there was a james bond jr wasn't it oh and he uh and the evil organization was scum yes do you remember what scum stood for no but i always like to like when i when it pops into my head i'm driving around i like to laugh at the idea of James Brown, James Brown, James Bond Jr. James Brown Jr. is a show I've been pitching. James Bond Jr. Little sex machine.

Fighting Valerie Solanas. Who is that? Oh, from, like, The Scum Manifesto. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. So, like, yeah. It's a really complicated joke, to be fair. Okay. I don't know that it is, but okay. Yeah. So like, yeah, they're really complicated joke, to be fair. OK, I don't know that it is, but OK. OK. Especially for this show. I mean, come on. That's true. That's fair. No, that is the place for this.

Lancelot Link's secret. Yeah. Yeah. Was James Bond Jr. an animated program? OK. Bond, James Bond Jr. Nothing can can stop him but scum always tries young bond cuts through each web of spice he learned the game from his uncle james now he's add to the name wait james bond is his father also named james they might have had a complicated family and the uncle just happened to be the one that had the intelligence experience, and the nephew wanted that instead of to go into cobbling like his father, James. To solve world crises through espionage, not these questions of juniors and uncles. And come on, I am for your priorities. I was wondering what scum stood for, and I actually Googled it.

It was super cum. Oh, well, no wonder I actually Googled it. It was super cum. Oh. Well, no wonder I had to fight that. Yeah. Yeah, that's how you end up with baking a baby you didn't expect. Sure. What's in this oven, you know? You guys want to check the oven and then come back for a little bit more?

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, the MaxFunDrive, right around the corner. March 20th it begins.

We love it. The show that we are launching, only for Maximum Fun members. You will hear one episode in the Jordan Jesse Go feed. This program might be the greatest work of which we are capable. Yes, it is the apex of our careers up till this point

and nadir. Yeah, that's true. Tis both. Tis both apex and nadir. Am I pronouncing that right? I think that's one of those words I've only seen. Yeah, I think it might be one.

I think it might be that thing where Latin is a dead language. You can say sui generis however you want. Oh, hell yeah. I don't know. Fuck yeah. I don't know. I can say whatever I want. My old producer, Julius Smith, he used to produce Bullseye and Judge John Hodgman.

I was like, you took Latin in college. How do you say sui generis? She said, any way you want. Latin's a dead language. Oh, yeah. I was like, hell yeah. Okay, so anyway, that's coming around the corner, so watch out for it. You'll be able to go to MaximumFun.org slash join and become a member of Maximum Fun, and we hope you will.

We're also going to have a really cool Maximum Fun announcement. I can't say what it is, but it's going to be cool. It's really cool. Okay, we're also supported this week by the folks at LumiLabs. They're the micro-dosing folks. Yeah. Micro-dosing with LumiLabs. It is terrific. Here's what they do. First of all, they have you turn on Canopy. After Canopy is on, here's what you do. You take a LumiLabs microdose gummy and you get the perfect entry-level dose of THC that helps you feel just the right amount of good.

Yeah, no feeling ganked out of your mind because you took an edible that was too strong. You don't want to get ganked. No, you got a podcast to do later. You got to recap. You got to take some notes about the plot. Sure. LumiLabs, the microdose gummies, they, you know, entry-level dose of THC. They feel amazing.

They're great for just before bed. They're great if you're doing a little creative work. They don't zonk out. Ice cream in your future. Yeah, sure. If you're thinking about that, sweet, sweet ice cream. Pop a Lumi Labs microdose gummy before you eat it. They got full-dose gummies, too. If you want full-dose gummies, they got those, too. But microdose gummy before you eat it. They got full dose gummies too.

If you want full dose gummies, they got those too. But microdose gummies is their speciality. Yeah, and they taste great too. Not in the copy. I feel that it should be. Sometimes those edibles can be real nasty. Well, marijuana is a type of grass as far as I can tell. So it's basically cow food when you eat it, but they make it taste pretty good.

Yeah, really, really tasty. And boy, howdy, do they chill you out. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com. Use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com. Code JJGO. We'll be back in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com code JJGO.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, clankety car. Yeah, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Eliza Skinner, clankety car. Yeah, there it is. Clankety car t-shirt still available? Yeah, I think it is still available on maxfundstore.com. I teased that we were going to talk about Canopy for a minute. This is not SpawnCon. We have not received. We wish to.

Mm-hmm. We wish to. SpawnCon is the Todd McFarlane convention. Yeah. It's being held in probably Florida. Are there still Spawn fans out there? I think Spawn is still a comic. I think Spawn fought Batman recently. What?

Yeah. How did he meet Batman? Don't know. At SpawnCon. Batman goes to SpawnCon every year. He's just a fucking big fan. He's trying to get John Leguizamo's autograph. I mean, he's got so much stuff in that cape.

Just look around. Sure. Who knows what's in there? Totally. But you were saying? I was imagining different stuff in Batman's cape. And one of them is an issue of episode one of God damn it. What was that?

Oh, shit. Now I lost it. It's going to be worth it. This is going to be good. Oh, yeah. What was that called? no i lost it this is gonna be good oh yeah what was that called young bloods what was the young guns oh young guns too field yeah i think you are thinking young blood wild cats wild cats is what i was thinking of wild cats thank you early image jinx yeah teeny tiny waist got no feet no feet little waist great big. Got no feet. No feet. Little waist. Great big hair. Yeah.

No feet. Little waist. Can't lose. So you have a podcast called Nine Plays 30 Days with our friend Brandon Bird. Our friend from college. I've heard. The painter of light himself. Did you know that Brandon Bird gave up painteroflight.com?

Yeah. He swiped it. He squatted on it from Thomas Kinkade, I believe, the man who paints all the lighthouses that you could buy at the mall. They're like little cottages

in the woods and they are so bad. Yeah, but I guess he squatted on that for a long time, but I guess he let it go. He let it go out of a false sense

of propriety. He earned it as far as I'm concerned. It would be great if Thomas Kinkade had Jerry OrbachCar.com. Delightful Brandon Byrne project. I bet you are speaking to an audience of Canopy fans.

I don't think you need to explain the library viewing app to our audience. It's a library viewing app. It's a streaming app for movies and TV shows, video content that's connected to your library membership. In most places, some libraries have opted out of it, but it also goes through school libraries, so you can usually find some way around that. Anyway, it's free, and you get nine plays each month, and each month it sort of restarts. And so Brandon and I both have, we were like Twitter friends and both kind of had the same anxiety coming to the end of each month about like using up your plays and using them on

something good or the delight of having a lot at the end of the month and being like, all right, this weekend I can watch four movies. They don't roll over, right? They don't roll over. No, but I mean, it's free, you know? And it's got a really, really weird selection. So, anyway, I asked Brandon to do this podcast with me and we've been working on it and it's been funny. That dude has a really

good radio voice also. Yeah. He does. I was shocked listening to Brandon Bird on the podcast. I was listening to the podcast today. It was like to the podcast today. It was like, man, my doofy friend Brandon Bird sounds pretty hot on the radio. Yeah, me and Megan, our producer, were both like, dang, you could be doing like audio books and stuff.

And he was like, nah, no, why would I? I'm focusing on putting posters in tubes. Yeah, I mean, seriously. What are the best and worst things you've seen on Canopy for this show, or ever? So I think I was telling you, Albion, The Enchanted Stallion is one of the worst. It's a strange fantasy vanity project with an amazing cast. I learned when I was a kid, going to the video store, the rental place,

if you find a movie that has an amazing cast, like all your favorite people and you've never heard of it, don't be excited. It probably sucks way worse than a normal movie. Every time I was like, holy shit,

I can't believe, I love all of these guys. And I would watch it and be like, oh no, this is so stupid. Am I remembering correctly this movie has

Richard Kind and Debra Messing? Is that? Yeah, Stephen Dorff, John Cleese. How much money? Here's the thing. How much money do you, like, if you're trying to get Stephen Dorff in your thing, it makes a lot

of sense. Not because Stephen Dorff isn't good, but the man's just a working actor. Richard Kind, same story. They're just out there trying to get a paycheck doing their job, right? And they were trying to maintain their upper middle class lifestyles here's my question if you're deborah messing your house is made out of money yeah you were the star of a network television john cleese you heard where john cleese is but i mean john cleese if john cleese had been on wings then you'd be, then I would be more surprised that he had taken the job.

Yeah, that was the big mystery with that, especially after seeing the movie. We're like, how did this happen? So what kind of vanity project is it? Whose vanity are we talking about? The director is also like the one of the leads of the film. And the director is vanity yeah yeah exactly uh so vanity smurf it's actually a collab right vanity x vanity yeah and so i kind of looked up i mean i don't want to say everything that i said on the podcast but i i kind of did so we allow podcast double dipping here. From what I can tell, her mom was just a very successful businesswoman. And now she's a producer listed on all these award-winning movies, but it's more recent. So that's the worst one.

Yeah, it was real bad. What's the best one? So far, I think Style Wars. Oh, Style Wars is a fantastic movie. I used to know before he passed away, I knew the director of that movie, Tony Silver. Style Wars is by far the best hip hop movie, in my opinion. It's a great documentary. Even if you're, I think, even if you're not, I mean, I'm probably delusional because I'm into hip hop, but also very into graffiti.

Like when I was a kid, I got a feature in our local newspaper on graffiti that they couldn't get. They couldn't find a reporter who could do the story. And I'm like, I'm 11. I write for the kids page. Can I do it it did you write for the was there a kid's page the yv section it was your other stories um gosh what were there i don't even remember that was the one that i was so proud of because it was like big sure um hard-hitting yeah i wish i could remember yeah and everything else paled in comparison. The YV Young Virginian section. Carry me back to Young Virginie, that's what I always say.

I can only write for the Young Virgin section. Still can. Not if you start begging that baby. I gotta beg that baby and get out of the YV section. But it's also, Style Wars is a great documentary. It makes such cool points without shoving any of them down your throat. I am not always a fan of cinema verite. And clearly they did.

It's not quite verite. They clearly have people answering questions that we don't see. But we don't have any kind of narrator explaining it along and connecting. Well, there's a little bit at the beginning. They call themselves writers. That's true. They have it at the beginning of the interview. But this was like, to think that this, so this is a documentary about primarily, not exclusively, but primarily graffiti writer culture in New York.

And it came out in what, 1980 something, 1981? Well, 1983, but it was filmed in largely 82 and earlier. So this was made for public television in New York originally. And there's a feature cut and a 60-minute version of it. And it is so not patronizing. Like, the amount of not patronizing that this movie is, when you consider that it was made by two white dudes, Tony Silver and Henry Chalfant, who was a photographer.

So Tony was the filmmaker and Henry Chalfant had like been photographing graffiti for art galleries or whatever. Like the amount of immense respect with like no pretending that these people are magical. No, just let them tell their own story for better, for worse too. Like, and then they just decided who to juxtapose and who to put next to each other.

Like, I love that they have Ed Koch talking about how graffiti is basic. It's the same as pickpocketing. It's on the same level as shoplifting, which, like, clearly it is not. So they have him railing about how it's one of society's great ills. And then they cut to one of the writers and his mom in a kitchen, and the mom is listing why she doesn't want him doing it. She's like, it's dangerous. There are people trying to work down there on those trains.

He shouldn't be messing around while they're trying to work. I don't want him to get arrested. And it's like, well, all those reasons, the mom reasons are good reasons to not do graffiti. But also... The Ed Koch reasons are bad. But Ed Koch, as he is basically doing a bad guy character

from, like, a cartoon show, is so fucking amusing that you're like... He tells a story about, like, how wolves don't eat people, so we should, like, get wolves to attack these kids. And I'm like,

can I vote for him for mayor right now? I disagree with all of this. And I am on board with this man. Ed Koch in style wars is just the absolute purest distillation of like only in New York where like a, just a guy who's eccentricity and weirdness involves some yelling, and that is enough because he's so fucking delightful. I had no idea, by the way, that he was gay until recently.

I only recently learned that. I think he didn't come out until recently. I mean, there were rumors. I don't think he actually never came out, I think, before he passed away, but he was out within his immediate social circle. Yeah, I remember they would make jokes on SNL and stuff. But he hated it. It is funny that if you were a kid who grew up in that time and you watched Letterman,

you just heard a lot of jokes about who was the mayor of New York. And I'm like, I know who that is. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, sure, David Dinkins? Yeah, let's get into it. Let's talk Dink. Let's talk Dink. Yeah, so the podcast ends up being a lot of like me.

So far, it's been a lot of me making Brandon watch zombie movies, which he dislikes. What zombie movies are on Canopy? Train to Busan. Well, so we have them done by categories. So our producer picks four categories per month, and then we each pick a movie that goes along with it. So for one of our categories was locomotion and we did Style Wars and Train to Busan. It's a very topical subject because everybody, I just heard everybody's been doing a brand new dance. Right now. Yeah. We said there would be no kylie minogue on the episode

sadly also there was another one um the girl with all the gifts oh i've heard that's great yeah it was really good and it's made me think a lot about why we're into fungus as a zombie cause now yeah we're having a little fungus moment as a culture. I feel like we're, my theory is. Because our feet are all itchy. Well, my theory is, but ew, you're such a nasty itch baby. People are obsessed with fungus and Among Us. Sure. That's sus.

Something you say playing that game, I think. Sussy boy. Sus. My theory is that it's about like not trusting our surroundings surroundings and the surroundings that are supposed to be familiar, like your home. Like if your home is rotting and you have mold around. I don't know. I'm working on this theory. It's good.

It's got a good foundation, like a house with no mold. So we've done some zombie things and my weird picks and then Brandon picks a lot of art films. So, you know. Like films about art because he's a fine artist? Sometimes. Or art films like they run at the art movie theater? Sometimes. Oh.

Yeah. So he does both. Yeah, it's a pretty fun, pretty fun. My notes for one of the upcoming episodes, the first thing I wrote down was apologize to Brandon for making him watch porn. So we'll see how that one goes. They got that on Canopy? I love it. If it's that arthouse kind. Sure.

Speaking of pornography, Jordan, we've been asking our listeners to write in about their experiences on the Internet right when they first got the Internet. They write, Eliza, to jordanjessigo at AOL.com. A real email address? A real email address. A real email address. Here's one. I believe the year was 2007, which would put me right around 14 and at the peak of my skateboard obsession. We had one family computer in our living room, which I was allowing LimeWire to absolutely riddle and ransack with viruses in exchange for free episodes of weeds. Living in Alaska at the time, our internet was rudimentary at best, and in order to find

anything on LimeWire, I would have to submit a search before bed, then return in the morning to select the best option, then download it for upwards of a week before I could enjoy it. Look, I'm not here to editorialize, but there had to be better choices than episodes of Weeds. Not that Weeds is a terrible show. Just, even then there was better prestige

television. The Sopranos exists at this point. Weeds was surprisingly sexy. Well, and she was crazy hot in it. I'm not gonna... I think it was not a show that people were like, oh, you can't watch that because it's too porny, but kids would watch it and 14-year-olds would watch it and be like, oh, wait a minute.

But were 14-year-olds horny for her? I feel like she was a primary... 14-year-olds are horny. That's okay. It's not for anyone. They're horny for shapes of buildings. Yeah, it's horny buckshot. It's just for anyone. They're horny for like shapes of buildings. Yeah, it's horny buckshot. It's just like,

what does my body want now? A sawed-off shotgun. Also, I think when we were 14, we were all a little horny for Kevin Nealon. Uh, no. One night...

17-year-olds are horny for everybody but Kevin Nealon. One night, I was searching for his skate video. Good news, Colin Quinn. Both very funny. One night I was searching for the skate video. Good news, Colin Quinn. Both very funny. One night I was searching for the skate video,

Mystery, black and white. I did my normal routine, but I was woken up by my mother in the morning who informed me I was no longer allowed to use the internet. She had found my porn search. When I finally went to look, all of the top results read things like naughty black nurse spanks white man back to health.

See, that sounds informative. Yeah, that does. That could be on Canopy. That's about, like, life-saving intervention. I had to convince my older sister to explain to my mom how the internet worked so I could earn internet use back. Thanks, big sis.

I love a porn title that just says what's going on in the thing. Even if it is medically suspect. I don't know if you can spank a white man back to health. The older sister spanked the internet privileges back to life. Do you guys remember there was like a building, some loft in New York right around the turn of the century that had cameras set up all over it? And so it was just live streaming constantly.

Oh, it was like a house that you looked into. Yeah, but it was, so it was like pre-influencer influencers where it would just be like, you can watch them live in an expensive place. I remember seeing so many articles and stuff about it and I was like, wow. The future. This is where it's going.

We're all going to be on TV all the time. And also thinking, how is there any money in this? And I was right. But I feel like, listen, the only thing they didn't foresee is they would have to be playing Minecraft. I think that's the only thing that those trend pieces missed. Yeah, and they don't want you to walk around.

They want you to stay in one place. Right. Just look straight into the camera. You don't need to see your surroundings. The real money is on a camera pointed at eaglets. Ooh. Oh, yeah. Those are some good cams.

I think one of— I'd like to spank those birds back to health. I think the website... Justin.tv, which was one of those. It was a guy who was live streaming his entire life, even when he was naked. I think maybe that became Twitch or something. Okay.

I think that that one became something... That's the place with the racist AI Seinfeld, right? Oh, it is! Yes! Oh, I believe Is he playing Counter-Strike? I believe that the AI became transphobic I don't know if

I think all AIs eventually become all bad things Yeah, you're right. I think for some reason I thought that it was I mean, Seinf reason, I thought that it was... I mean, Seinfeld's probably transphobic. Not like actively hateful,

but uncomfortable with the idea of what to tell you about it. Old rich comedy man. And he's uncomfortable with most things, it seems.

Any old comedy man at least goes through the phase of being transphobic. Yeah, sure. You know? Yeah, just running it out there, seeing what comes back. Draw the nets, see what fish it brings.

Tell me why I'm wrong. Am I right? Oh, that is why I'm wrong? I agree with you. End of debate. Fair enough. Thank you, Mr. Lincoln. I will no longer be moving to Austin.

I have learned here and trans-yes-bia. No, that's not. I'll say this for Jerry Seinfeld. I'm getting tired and stuff. This is when you do your best work. No, now I'm running on fumes. It's going to get wild. Daniel, print up the trans-yes-bia t-shirts.

I'll say this. I'll say this for Jerry Seinfeld, co-creator of one of the greatest television programs of all time, The Seinfeld Show. He seems like a guy that's into learning. This is the theme to Seinfeld Show. The opening theme to Seinfeld Show. He seems like a guy that's into learning. This is the theme to Seinfeld Show. The opening theme to Seinfeld Show. See, now there's... This is the theme

to Paddington. Weirdly intense deep cut that I get. I'm right here with you. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I missed the scum manifesto,

but I caught the Gary Shandling show. Valerie... Okay, whatever. That was great. That was really good. As Bay Area guys, I figured you'd be down with scum, but okay. I know.

I feel bad. Does that sound for super cum? What does that stand for? Super cum? Let's do survival research laboratories humor, and then I'm right there with you. Let's do some SRL material. Now, you know this, Eliza. You've been on the show before, but we're really creative guys.

Nope. And we think of great ideas for recurring segments on the show all the time. Right. Putting tons of effort into it. It's not just people calling in with some shit they wanted to tell us about and then naming it a segment. That doesn't sound like something you'd do. Yeah. No, we're show business professionals.

That's exactly what's happening. Not just Jordan, also me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a shirt you have? Not just Jordan, also me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a shirt you have? Not just Jordan, also me? Okay. Sorry.

Go ahead. Hey there. This is Jess calling from the Chicago area about another notable sticker for your collection. Driving behind a car with a bumper sticker that says, Don't look at my bidonkadonk spelled B-I for some reason and then it has a picture of a cartoon

penguin. I don't great job. Get it. Anyway. I get it. Love the show. Love you guys. Bye. I can explain this one. Sure. A bidonkadonk is a cross between a budonkadonk and a bidet. I thought it was when it was a bisexual had a juicy ass. Yeah, I thought it was like a roadhouse kind of saloon for bisexual people.

But that might be a bi honky tonk. Thank you. Why am I on this show? We should go to the next segment, right? We should shut it down and buy hockey talk. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, I hope they've got the bread bowl.

Have you seen the bread bowl at this place? Good evening. Welcome to Maximum Fun. Have you been here before? It's her first time. Very good. Might I recommend our special? Oh, please.

Can I interest you in the Max Fun Drive? I'm told they're cooking up something quite extraordinary this year. I've heard about this. With limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members? That's right. We'll take it. How would you like your episodes? Can I get them excellent with new Boko on the side? Oh, are there live stream events? Absolutely. You know, if you're interested in events, meetup day is returning.

What? Oh, you're gonna love meetup day. It's the best. Okay, let me make sure I have everything max fun drive 2023 with limited time thank you gifts, live stream events, meet up day, excellent episodes, and of course, new bonus content. Sounds perfect. Great. We'll get it started and it'll be ready in two weeks, March 20th. Oh, can we also get a couple of waters? Of course. Where am I? On Maximum Fun.

What do you want? A podcast miniseries about The Prisoner. Whose side are you on? That would be telling, but okay, I'm on my own side. It's one of my favorite ever TV shows. We want a podcast on it. A Prisoner podcast. You won't get it.

By hook or by crook, we will. Who are you? I'm Elliot Kalin. Who is number one? Jesse Thorne. But you are John Hodgman. I am not a prisoner podcaster. I am a free man.

Are you okay? Elliot, are you all right? Okay, I'll watch it. All four episodes of Be Potting You are out now. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, clankety car.

Eliza, so excited to have you on the program as always. So exciting to listen to your show with Brandon Bird, Five for Fighting. Nine plays, 30 days. Okay, thank you. Boy, how to lose a podcast audience in 30 days, okay? I mean, honestly, sure. I really, I was laughing. I was laughing my butt off in my car.

Thank you. It's a pleasant show. It's real pleasant. And I learned about library content my car. Thank you. It's a pleasant show. It's real pleasant. And I learned about library content as well. There you go. All the content I could get from the library. Yeah, support the library. I am genuinely really excited to learn that you can legally watch Style Wars other than on the special edition DVD.

You couldn't watch it at all. My mom had to order an educational edition VHS tape. That's how I watched it like five times in a row. There's all kinds of good stuff on there. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to just list it all. Yeah. It is a place where you can watch Grey Gardens and also Assault on Precinct 13.

Yeah. I really enjoyed Crypto Zoo. I just watched that. Oh. What's Crypto Zoo? Is that about crypto? It's an animated film about a zoo for cryptids in the Bay Area, in the pretend Bay Area in 1967.

Oh. And so there are these people that are like hunting for cryptids all over the place but it's like, you know, it gets into political stuff through the lens of cryptids. No board ape content though. No, no, not that kind of crypto, not the Logan Paul cryptid. What kind of apes?

No apes at all, more cryptids What kind of apes? No apes at all. More cryptids. Bathing apes? No. Like, griffins. You know, Coco the gorilla lived in Woodside. Coco the gorilla couldn't really talk. Sort of.

Okay. Eliza's a Coco truther. I think we've talked about this. Yes, we have. And I'm on your side. Coco was fake. No way. Fucking, don't you dare.

I've been Coco-pilled. Don't you fucking dare. I've been Coco-pilled. I'm not interested in why. First of all, I'm not interested in whatever the fuck Eliza thinks about Coco the gorilla, whatever her so-called fucking fake facts are about Coco the gorilla. Number one, we all know that Coco Gorilla could talk. She used her hands. She

talked to Mr. Rogers. She talked to Robin Williams. Who don't speak sign language. Where are all the people who speak sign language that she would talk to? How do you know? Have you ever tried to talk sign language to Mr. Rogers or Robin Williams? Frequently.

Wow. I will go as far as to say that... You win, Wow. So. I will go as far as to say that. You win, Mr. Williams. I will go as far as to say not only did Coco not talk, but there has never been a gorilla. Ever. Yeah. There's never been one.

Only big monkeys. Thank you. Yes. Some monkeys are big. Some monkeys get in accidents with threshers and lose their tails. Exactly. Thank you. Yes. Some monkeys are big. Some monkeys get in accidents with threshers and lose their tails. Exactly. Thank you.

Anytime you see, I'm making air quotes here, gorilla at the zoo, it's just a monkey who got into an accident with a thresher. A silverback? What animals have silver backs? Thank you. Silver, the same thing collected by a Judas. Wow. Anyway. Three times I've betrayed you two.

Three times. So I'm trying to figure out what kind of spinoff podcast I can have from this podcast already. And I'm. You got to spin it off. You must spin it off. You got a road to it. Either a podcast for my dog. Hosted by my dog.

About the goingson in his neighborhood. Yep. Or a Canapé podcast to go with Canapé. little bites to have before dinner. Yeah, where we just discuss

little bites on a theme. Eliza, I have bad news. What? If we make a Coco the Gorilla isn't real podcast, we'll get really rich. I've,

it was brought up on, you're wrong about. If Coco, the fake gorilla, could find richard simmons you know i know a comedian who does speak asl and applied for a job and they would not give it to her which they were famous for not actually hiring people who were fluent in asl wait you know a comedian haydenden Crystal. Who spoke or used, communicated with ASL. Mm-hmm. Applied for a job to work with Coco the Gorilla? Yes.

Well, maybe the problem is the comedian is full of shit and isn't cool enough to hang out with Coco the Gorilla. She's very cool. And they didn't, I don't think that they, I don't think she says that they gave, they didn't give her the job because she spoke ASL, but I'm like, that's gorilla. She's very cool. And they didn't, I don't think that they, I don't think she says that they gave, they didn't give her the job because she spoke ASL, but I'm like,

that's why. That's why. I will say. All ball indeed. All ball. Yeah. All ball indeed. I'll tell you this.

The monkey named her, her cat All Ball. First of all, it doesn't rhyme. It's an ape. It doesn't rhyme in sign language. Moshe Kasher,

Moshe Kasher never worked with Coco the gorilla. Moshe Kasher speaks ASL. Exactly. Maybe they don't hire comedians, which I think is probably a good policy for an animal sanctuary. You're on the wrong side of history here, Jesse. Am I Strom Thurmond-ing

this thing? Jesse's gonna move to Austin where he can say whatever he wants to about Coco. Yeah, you can't tax me to death. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I guess whatever supplements you're on are more important than the truth. Jesus Christ.

What other things from the 80s are lies? Well, vitamins are. Whales never needed to be saved. Nope. The whales have been fine the whole time. Tomatoes are better when they're not dried in the sun. I mean, most of the women that were talked about were not pieces of shit. Okay.

That's fair. The 80s. You can't have a family and a career. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, just because you are pretty doesn't mean you're a slut. Who knows? Who knows?

Besides that, all wisdom the whole decade. Yeah. But if we. Reagan, great policies. If we attack social services. Yes. The 80s. Ah. decade yeah but if we reagan great policies if we attack social services yes so anyway my dog podcast that'll be fun sharday sharday was good though do we say it i feel like when i say her name i don't want to hit the r that hard well that's the thing so i'll say this. The thing about her is obviously her name is not said. We all agree.

It's Sade. But on the album cover, on her debut album, there's a giant sticker. It's on the copy that I have that says, say Sade. Who put that sticker on there? Fucking the woman who trained Coco the gorilla. Whoa! There we go. The clues have been there the whole time.

The gorilla ending was fake. That was real. Eliza Skinner's podcast with our friend Brandon Bird is called Nine Days, 30 Plays. You can listen to it wherever you list a podcast. Daniel Zafran is our producer. Our producer emeritus is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on social medias, maximumfund.reddit.com, at jordandavidmorris at put.this.on on Instagram, facebook.com slash jordanjessego. Check me out on Goodreads and LinkedIn.

Check out Jordan on LinkedIn. He's not hiring anyone who can put the lie to his claims that Coco the gorilla is real. The argument is just that Coco the gorilla couldn't really talk, not that Coco the gorilla didn't exist. Well, my argument is that she couldn't really talk, that she basically learned rudimentary training, but it was mostly her interpreter saying that she was saying things like claiming what she just did means this complex thought. And I'm taking it a step farther. Jordan is the one saying that she did not exist and nor do any apes. My position is the courageous one. I'll say this. And I'm nuanced.

This is what I think. I think that when they introduced that male gorilla and they were trying to get them to breed, actually they were fucking. He was just an MLP, master of pull-up. I don't remember that part of her story. She had a boyfriend because she wanted to have a boyfriend. I don't think she... They brought her a man-whore. All balls, you know what I mean, right?

That was the problem. She did get sued for sexual harassment. All ball, no shaft. Sure. Classic. Okay. Gotta did get sued for sexual harassment. No ball, no shaft. Sure. Classic. Okay. Gotta gotten the thresher. Thank you, Jordan.

Check me out on Goodreads. Bye, honky tonk. And LinkedIn. And LinkedIn. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.