Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Blastin' In the 80s with John Ross Bowie

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

John Ross Bowie joins Jordan and Jesse to talk chopping food directly on marble countertops and truck mud flap rivalries while we also welcome in a new Powerhouse lyric submission and revisit the math on a certain malt related challenge.Check out John's new memoir "No Job For A Man" coming out November 8. Pre order your copy today!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I've looked into the light of the sun and it has blinded me. The sun, specifically Jordan of of dads the dad's son the dad's son yeah s-o-n wait no s-u-n s-u-n s-u-n the one in the sky but for dads i've looked into the brightest light that dads are able to generate. Let me guess. You went to some sort of military museum.

Can I have three guesses? I did see one of those 3D science museum movies, and it was narrated by Jim Carrey. Wait, what? That's unrelated. You know those movies that you see at a science museum? Yeah, yeah, sure. The Wonders of the Alps, Our Deepest Trenches. It was in Our Deepest Trenches, and it had no other theme. It

was not a coherent film. It was just, we have a waterproof 3D camera, and it was narrated by Jim Carey. But Jordan, that's not what I came here to talk about. Okay. Can I give two more guesses as to what the brightest light a dad can look into is? So it's not a military museum. This was a dad moment that I looked into. It wasn't a dad moment for me. Okay. Okay. This was Phil's dad moment. Okay. Well, I think I don't have enough information to guess further. So I'll just let you continue and I'll ask questions if I need clarification. My brother and sister-in-law were married a couple of years ago now, but they just had their wedding reception. Congratulations to Dan and Adriana. I love them both very much. Wonderful people. Good for them. And they had it in Stinson Beach, California,

which is in- That sounded insincere. I am happy for them. These people that maybe I've met once or twice, but can't picture. Yeah. You've met them. They're wonderful. Wonderful people. They had their reception in Stinson Beach, California, which is in Marin County. Okay. It's a beautiful and slightly remote... I've never heard of it. It's an incredible place. Incredibly beautiful place. It's where you go to the beach if you're in Marin. Near Point Reyes.

Probably have heard of that. Point Reyes National Seashore. Gorgeous place. And because we were driving everybody up and we were going to be staying with my mother and father-in-law, we rented a beautiful beach house, Jordan. Incredible beach house. Looking out on this beautiful Northern California, foggy beach, seals swimming by in the water, literally poking their heads out. So majestic. Incredible, beautiful place. Slick with goo.

Yeah. I was going to say gathering clams, but I guess that's probably an honor. Yeah, but I mean, you know, Seal's going to gather some clams, if you know what I mean. Seal's much clam. When he's out on the town. And it was a beautiful home. You know, these are multi-million dollar, I don't even know. It's kind of like... Right. Is this a place to go to have like

a summer romance yeah absolutely gotcha and you meet a nice uh ski instructor you meet a nice water ski instructor you meet a nice uh there's not water ski this is northern california this is wetsuit surfing no i don't i don't know i don't i don't mean i mean this is just a man who teaches water skiing at some point you don't meet him during a don't mean this is just a man who teaches water skiing at some point. You don't meet him during a water ski class. This is just a guy who has a lot of... Yes, he has taught paddle boarding. He has a lot of things going on. Paddle boarding he has taught. He also plays drums.

Yeah. And he also sells rugs that he makes. He absolutely sells rugs that he makes. This is who you have a fling with. Yeah. I mean, you're describing a Southern, you're biased towards a Southern California version of the thing that I'm describing. This guy drives a 1980s BMW station wagon and, you know, rents out boogie boards and paddle boards. But it's incredible.

Like in this house, big picture window, looking out on the beach, right on the sand. We spent all of our money on this rental. Just wanted to have a peaceful, beautiful few days on the beach to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law. And right around when we got there, my sister-in-law's dad stopped by. My brother and sister-in-law were there at this house we'd rented. My sister-in-law's dad, his name is Phil. Phil works in construction. Adriana works with him.

Very successful guy. Very nice man. A very nice man. And he came into our beautiful vacation rental with a huge 25-foot window looking out at the water. Walked into the shared living space. Gazed out at the ocean. Kind of took in the whole scene and said, wood countertops? That's a lot of maintenance. Beautiful.

It was just a beautiful, it's like one of those moments where you meet somebody from a previous generation. Is that a gas stove? Yeah. I'm just thinking of some other stuff he could have said. What's that guy, is that guy convection? Mm-hmm. He said, that's a good unit. That's that guy convection he said that's a good unit that's something he would say that's a good unit what freeway did you take to get here you know again that's a southern california bias him he would he would never there's only one road out you know rocky it's a sort of rocky gray beach but

wooden countertops he said that's a lot of maintenance that's just his you know i think there's a certain kind of you know boomer man to whom that is that's a that's a very naked raw moment for a certain kind of boomer man who you know displays their feelings by paying occasionally at Outback. And I think you should take that. I mean, I don't know, again, this is an enlightened guy. Maybe he's... Maybe it's a Thai restaurant, but yeah. Like a nice Thai place for it.

I'm just trying to be funny, though. I'm just trying to say funny things. I'm just trying not to mischaracterize Phil. Sure, I know. I mean, I don't know if Adriano listens to this show, but I think Dan does once in a while. I don't want him to look at Phil. And every time he looks at him, he thinks about Bloomin' Onions. You know what? I take that back. I do want that. From now on, Dan, if you're listening, probably is listening. If you're listening right now, Dan, every time you look at Phil, I want it to be like in a cartoon when you're on a desert island and

you look at somebody and they turn into a fully dressed chicken. I want you to look at Phil and just see a delicious blooming onion. Right. Just 4,000 calories of deep fried. Oh my gracious. When he talks, the mouth is that little cup of dipping sauce. It's just saying apps for the table, apps for the table. How's your gas mileage on the Volvo? It says. Is what he'd like to say. He's just trying to be. I'm economizing. I keep it under 65. Our guest on the program is a celebrated actor. Let's say moderately to significantly.

Like a 70th percentile level of celebrated. 75th. I'll take it. Among working, like full-time working actors. Like a successful, he's doing a great job, he's being celebrated. Now, he's more than just some actor. Now, he's also a memoirist.

His new book is called No Job for a Man, and his name is our friend, John Ross Bowie. Hey, guys. So nice to be here. Hi, John, guys. So nice to be here. Hi, John. So, so nice to be here. What a joy to see you. Have you ever commented on a countertop that maintenance required?

I'll tell you something. We started bringing the house right after it had been flipped and those marble countertops, you know what the catch is with those? They can actually damage your cutlery if you're not careful. Oh, no. You still need a cutting board, guys. The countertop itself will be fine.

It's your knives you got to look out for. John, previously, were you cutting directly on the countertop? Sometimes I get lazy and I don't want to reach down and get a cutting board. So you're just chopping right there on the marble, huh? Just chopping right there on the marble. That seems insane to me. For some reason, I'm really... That really does seem like something that a poorly programmed robot or one of those aliens, like a conehead type alien, like one that's having a hard time, that's like 85 or 90%

adjusted to human behavior. But has not made the full jump towards assimilation to his human counterparts yeah no it's not like occasionally he puts a hat on his shoulder uh-huh yeah it's it's very much like this and this is the tiny little details you know like tries to start his car from like the windshield or whatever yeah no it's uh it fairly it very much does feel like that. But listen, here's the we're burying the lead. We're burying the lead. Bottom line,

guy's right. Yeah. The guy's right. Yeah. But man's not wrong. Wooden countertops are going to be a beast to maintain. How are you even going to get those cleaned? How are you going to get a wooden countertop? How are you even going to get those clean? They're porous as hell. They stain like a motherfucker.

No, it's the guy is the guy has hard science to back him up. The amount of cream you're going to have to put into that countertop to keep it glossy. You're going to have to condition that. Gross. You're going to be at that restaurant supply store every other month buying chopping block conditioning creams to keep your countertops gleaming. A hundred percent. The reason I'm giving, I know we're not in a, in a visual medium here, but I'm giving crazy face because my son is in the other room, uh, practicing, uh, keyboard. Give me one moment. He's, he's doing a lot of noodling and it sounds,

it's nice, but it's very prog rock hang on one sec hold for keyboard there we go okay hi i'm all yours i like to imagine you're you've bought in your son one of those uh keyboards that goes all the way around him like yanni uh-huh no he's got like a full uh full moog uh set up very emerson lake and palmer it's uh it's it's quite the scene out there he's's working on a three-album concept record about seventh grade. You guys live at the Acropolis, right? No, yeah. I'm sorry. Was I that clear about that? We have killer Wi-Fi, but we are here at the Acropolis. Jordan, they live at Red Rocks.

Right. Great, beautiful, natural sound. My son has a friend from preschool whose dad is a composer. He makes music, sometimes for movies, but often for like television commercials and stuff like that. And he's an analog synthesizer guy. Fifth birthday party, there was a part of the birthday party where all the kids went down to the music room and got to do whatever they wanted with the patch cables. Oh, wow. What child is that for? A very specific kind of child, but what did it sound like? I mean, bad.

It sounded terrible because you have to put the patch cables in very specific places to make music yeah otherwise you're you're just connecting to pennsylvania six five thousand or whatever i would love um i would love to get into that scene i think for like two minutes and then you go on ebay and you price one of those things and you're like oh yeah they're um it's really expensive and incredibly confusing and you need like a master's in engineering to understand how they work there was a while there where like i won't say they were coming back but like there was a spike of interest in the theremin in the 90s a documentary came out about them and people got really into like oh like what's what are old fashioned? What if I want everything to sound like a really below grade 1950s sci fi movie?

Couple of fishboat albums that have a lot of theremin on them. Sure, sure. Man or Astro Man used them to to great effect. But yeah, every time I think like, oh, that might be kind of a fun thing to get into. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, every time I think, like, oh, that might be kind of a fun thing to get into, I'm very quickly dissuaded by just the sheer economics and logistics of it. The theremin is like the didgeridoo in that it just plays the one song. The song is... Yeah.

RIP my mentions, by the way. I think I've offended two very vocal groups. And I await your hate is all I can say. I await your fury. It's probably not a weekend to go deep on the Jews harp as long as we're talking. John, you won't be surprised to learn that when Jordan Morris and I were students at the University of California, Santa Cruz. There was a man who played a theremin on the quad. I will not be in the least bit surprised. I'm surprised. What surprises me is that there was not some sort of theremin circle at Santa Cruz, frankly. Get that rain stick out of here.

It's ruining the vibe. Can I say something about haters since you brought up haters? Sure. Yeah, sure. I was driving back home from that trip to Marin County. And you know how sometimes you'll see a truck that has a slogan on the mud flaps behind the wheels? Like there's a famous, there's a truck store here in Southern California. there's a truck store here in Southern California. It has these sort of caricatures of the four guys that own the truck store that are on like every mud flap in Los Angeles.

Oh yeah. But they're not even like caricatures. They're actually kind of faithfully drawn portraits. They're like seventies t-shirts. The guy, the one that guys has a mustache. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I don't, I I'll be damned if I can tell you the name of the organization, but I have totally seen that mud flap. I mean, if Daniel, our producer right now,

Googled Los Angeles truck store mud flap and did an image search, you'd find it. Anyway. I should hope so. It's a beautiful flap, a beautiful flap. I saw a truck that had a message on the mud flaps that I found pretty inspirational. had a message on the mud flaps that I found pretty inspirational. It said, I swear to God,

it really said this. It said, haters make us famous. South Sacramento truck parts. Wow. That's a- Right. But why are there quite so many haters? Why are there so many haters that they could actually make you famous? Well, I mean, it is a serious question. Western truck exchange. People dealing with the jealousy that happens in the Sacramento area truck parts business. There's a lot of, I mean. This is deep cut sectarian rivalries we're dealing with in the sacramento trucking business yeah it's i think it speaks to the you know the fact that we all kind of have

our own little you know feedback bubbles that we're in like you know you know because of our social media we probably know about you know like hbo max canceling lots of beloved animated shows but all these guys are seeing is like fucking mudflap fights i think that if you're in the inland portion of northern california if you're in what i call the guy branham area area dominated by the legacy of our friend guy branham named for the uh the uh area that he frenetically left yes go ahead i think you go into the truck parts business if you're a real messy bitch if you have if you like drama that you get to do truck parts. I love the drama. If you have a nose for drama, all of a sudden you're selling 42-inch wheels and oversized tires and high-powered windshield wipers. Can I ask? So here in the chat, Daniel was kind enough to present us with the Western Truck Exchange picture that I was thinking of.

I had a feeling in my head I had they all had mustaches in my head, but only one of them has a mustache. What did you, in fact, Google to to get this image? Did you, in fact, Google truck mudflap cartoon? Los Angeles truck store mudflap cartoon los angeles truck store mudflap caricature yeah all of the these cartoon the way i would describe it um to people who have not seen it there's three guys here it looks like they just scrambled up all three of our features that's fair everyone on this podcast yeah yeah yeah i see that they all look kind of like us, a little bit like Tom Sharpling, maybe. Uh-huh.

But they also all vaguely look like... Okay, a couple things. When I was younger, I had a Welcome Back, Cotter comic book. And these guys all look like Welcome Back, Cotter comic book. They look like teachers, other teachers. Comic book renditions. Into the Sweathogiverse. Yes, Comic book renditions. Into the sweat hog-iverse. Yes, comic book renditions. Into the horse shack-iverse.

Is that funnier? 70s educational themed sitcoms. I will also accept Room 222. I have really dated myself just now. My son said the loveliest thing the other day. The crossover with WKRP in Cincinnati is fucking insane. Thank you. Sorry, okay, okay.

Howard has been. rest in power but my son uh loves to draw there's drawings all over the house and sometimes he'll just like draw like a jaw and then move on to the next page but then eventually you'll get to like you know fully realized things and sometimes we find incredible stuff around the house really great drawings he's starting to get into shading and light and it's really cool and the other day he said i'd like to go into into caricature but i don't want to hurt people's feelings isn't that lovely yeah it's beautiful that put me in a really good mood you could just i guess that could be your thing you could be the you know boardwalk characterists who make people look a little bit better than they actually do it could be your hook yeah i will i will do a caricature of you that isn't going to look like some sort of

anti-semitic cartoon from from the 40s and you're welcome and that could be his hook yeah i have a friend who's a freelance caricaturist but only very part-time so she just like knows some people. She's got a few hookups. And when they're doing a bar mitzvah or whatever, they give her a call. They say, we need you to take the day off from being a preschool teacher. We need you down at the zoo. pick up a couple of shifts we're gonna need some giant heads and some hearts coming out of them and a soccer ball or skateboard yeah john i feel like i saw you react when we were talking about the santa cruz goobers playing the theremin who i guess i don't know where you went to college and I want to know where you went to college and who were your quad goobers. Oh, I went to college at what I call Chili Santa Cruz.

I went to Ithaca College, which is I hear that's gorgeous. It is. It is not a Sunni. It was fucking thing landed me in the kind of debt that it took like an NBC pilot to pull me out of. But it is a well, the town Ithaca itself. That's part of Biden's plan, right? Everybody's getting an NBC pilot. Yeah, I'm assuming. God damn it. I got a fucking TBS pilot. What's wrong with me? It's funny you ask, because the one time I visited Santa Cruz, I got an astonishing Ithaca vibe from it. Ithaca is a super hippie town. A lot of people come up there for either Ithaca College or Cornell and stay there and become very enamored of it. The winters absolutely suck, but it's very, very pretty. There is a famous six-mile gorge that cuts through the town and has all these

waterfalls and and tide pools and stuff it's really really not it wouldn't be a tide pool but you know like little pockets and ponds here and they're really beautiful it is there are anemones in there um maybe um it's at the um it stands astride lake cayuga the largest of the finger lakes it is really a really beautiful part of the country. And it's super, super hippie. Like we had a like every time I check in with them, they they had a socialist mayor when I was a student there, like a genuine like he ran unopposed on the socialist ticket. We're like, that's our guy, Ben Nichols. Two terms. Boom. Then they also did a they had a 26 year old mayor who was like just a couple years out of Cornell a few years back.

Golden retriever with a bandana. Yeah. There's nothing in the town charter that says we can't. Yeah. The culture. Yeah, it is. You know, it's just they have their own currency. They had slash have their own currency for a while called Ithaca Hours, which was designed to make sure you were you were spending money at locally owned businesses.

So if you can use it out of the mall, but you could use it in downtown Ithaca. Oh, my God. Late 80s, early 90s. Jam bands. Sure. Would come through, would would blossom out of the ground. And a lot of them were birthed in genuine drum circles and the Ithaca College quad. So people would be like people would be doing drum circles and they go like, this is so good. We should start charging people for this. I swear to God, that was apparently how it went down. We're just giving these vibes away. We're just giving these vibes away for free. We should get one guitarist, big music school, big conservatory at the college. And if you could find one or two fun musicians, a lot of them were just very, very serious Shostakovich guys. We're working on 12 tone stuff. Fuck everybody. But if you could find a couple of fun music guys,

yeah, you could play frat parties and, you know, absolutely pay for your tuition up there. Huge for jam bands just out of like proximity, not out of wanting to see this stuff, but just because it was always around. saw fish blues travelers spin doctors i probably saw colonel bruce hampton in the aquarium rescue unit but at this point it's all blurry but yeah massive town for jam bands massive town for um you know being barefoot in a museum sure john you famously John, you famously, you know, anybody who's read your memoir, No Job for a Man, knows how punk rock you are. You're totally punk rock. So how did you feel about being totally punk rock in an extended solo community. An extended solo community. It was hard. I was not used to, you could have done five songs in this time. What is happening here? No, I'm not. We could be done playing and drunk. You could be deep into your heroin habit by this point. Why are you still on stage?

I'm yeah, the the book details my my early exposure to punk rock and and and the principles that I may or may not still adhere to. But I'm not like the sort of punk rock that is so punk rock to that I will dismiss everything else. You know, I have a fairly eclectic taste. I did attend punk rock bowling a year ago. That was a year ago. Yeah, a year ago. Jordan and I were ago, Jordan. It was a year ago. Jordan and I were at Punk Rock Bowling. That is my happy place, no question, but I'm not above.

Wasn't that fun? Wasn't that a fun time? It was a really fun time. Yeah. And I was trying to think, was it just fun because we'd been cooped up for so long? And I think, no, in and of itself, it was just a really good time.

How can you not have a good time when spin doctors are on the stage? You know what I mean? Not paying attention. Right. Not paying attention. You tuned out. Hardcore punks.

No. The closest thing to a jam band we got was, who could have straddled, maybe the English Beat could have straddled both worlds. Yeah. Or the AgroLites. Yeah. I feel like the amount of different music festivals that the English beat can play is insane. Yeah.

Yeah, the amount of package tours they can do. They can squeeze into- I feel actually we might have had- I'm not being crazy out of deja vu. I feel like we might have had this conversation while the English beat were on stage last year. These guys could play a county fair. They could play this very- These very credible punks like them.

Yeah, it's amazing. Guys, I saw- And they killed, too. They could play these very credible punks like them. Yeah, it's amazing. Guys, I saw- And they killed, too. I saw Spin Doctors go on after Run DMC at Rock the Bells, and it was incredible. When they brought out Ghostface, people fucking lost their shit. Ghostface did a verse on Jimmy Olsen's blues. Why not? Is that true?

No, of course not. I mean, it's ridiculous. It's an absurd, yeah. It would be silly. John, we talked a little bit about this with Judy Greer, who was on a couple weeks ago, who had written a memoir. What would you say are the main animals?

Yeah. Okay, two questions. The first one is ridiculous. I read I Don't Know What You Know Me From. I read Judy Greer's book. She's talking about her growing up in detroit and one of the positives of detroit she lists is that the zoo has all the main animals so one what do you think all the main animals refers to and two how does it feel to have your like personal shit in a book that like your kids could read okay lion tiger bear yep uh and at least one primate fair no reptiles all right fine we know where you stand no the

reptile you know if you went to the bronx zoo when when when i was a kid they probably still have it the bronx zoo was it's a hike it really took forever to get up there but it had the hall of darkness which was uh the the hall you would go into that was all the nocturnal animals under blue lights and stuff. The English beat played there one year. And the English beat killed. They fucking killed. Because they can do it. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. There's something for everyone. They can do an 80s thing. The opening for Rammstein? I mean, but it worked. Yeah, the crowd loved it. It worked. Here's the thing about English beat.

More hits than you remember. More hits. Really? They mean, but it worked. Yeah, the crowd loved it. It worked. Here's the thing about English beat. More hits than you remember. More hits. Really? They can fill it with hits. You know all those songs. He's not fucking kidding. Works with Skinny Puppy. Yeah.

You get those German heavy metal guys up there, and all of a sudden, Save It For Later comes on, and uh-oh. This is them? This is them? This is them? I didn't realize this was them. I love this. Oh my, this is them?

I confess. I love this. Oh my, this is them? I confess. I confess. That was my Rammstein impression. And as to the second part of your question, terrifying. I've been in a constant state of anxiety since I got the hard copies. What it's like to have all that stuff in a book that is like lined around my house where my kids can find it. Oh, nightmarish. I go so much darker than Judy Greer goes in her book, which like lined around my house where my kids can find it. Oh, nightmarish. I go so much

darker than Judy Greer goes in her book, which again, I enjoyed. I enjoyed Judy Greer's book. That's not what this is about. But yeah, it's it's a very vulnerable feeling. But I have a feeling I the hope is that people will will read it and think, oh, you know, here's a guy who's had some some down times is from modest means, has the occasional crushing depression episode, but has managed to eke out a creative career regardless. And so I hope it is it is ultimately an optimistic read. Yeah, I mean, you've had your name on parking places. Which is really the only measure of success, I think at the end of the day, I went to interview Alison Janney once. They said we had to do it at her voiceover studio where she records radio commercials for Kaiser Permanente. Okay. And there was a permanent sign in the parking lot that said,

Allison Janney. A permanent sign. I mean, this was like a six car parking lot. And there was some like plastic stanchion shit, like a permanent sign. No, not spray painted on the floor. This wasn't zip tied to something. This had a full on concrete set stake. And they said, Alice and Janie.

Can you imagine? I don't even have that here at my home. That's remarkable. I just park out front on the sidewalk. Was she delightful to talk to? Yeah, of course. She's fucking Alice and Janie. Yes, of course.

I've met her a couple times. She'd never remember me, but I find her just absolutely enchanting. In fucking chanting. We did Meisner Technique games. It was great. Good, good enchanting. In fucking chanting. We did Meisner technique games. It was great. Good. The repeating game. You're so charming.

I'm so charming. You're so charming. I'm so charming. Yeah. That's me playing Meisner with Allison. One of us is lying. This interview is just 40 minutes of zip, zap, zop. And it's riveting.

Could have gone on two hours guys i think i would like to pivot to something very special if that's all right with everyone wow no i um we had talked a little bit about the fact that you i mean i don't mean to but you got your period last week for the first time well i did but i don't think that's a big deal i just think that's a beautiful part of life but are you there god it's me jordan yeah it's just when the moon visits you that's right exactly it's kind of beautiful in its own way it's it's kind of it's kind of weird that Jesse got everything from a 1692 health book and has not bothered to update any of his thoughts or opinions on the matter. That's cool. This happens to be a 1970s middle school inspirational book written by women who spell women with a Y. I'm sorry.

No, Jesse, you told me that if Win is getting her monthly, she shall be placed in the yurt, lest she attract werewolves. Anyway, so back it up. Jordan has the Curse of Eve. What's going on? Yeah, and it is about that which comes from the body. So this is actually a pretty good segue.

A few weeks ago on the show, we were talking with David Borey, one of the funniest, goddamn. We were talking with him about a variety of topics and he threw out a pretty important question that we kind of speculated on, but did not know the answer to. But now, thanks to one of our listeners and their love of math, we do know the answer. Yeah. And this is the kind of thing, John, I mean, you haven't been on the show, it's been a while. It's been a year, 18 months since you were on the show. We've kind of gotten into, like, it used to just be a bunch of vulgar nonsense, but now we do a lot of science on the show.

Yeah. Okay. Just because Daniel wrote a grant and we got it and then we had to kind of back it up yeah oh sure so yeah we do a lot of science and a lot of educational stuff we kind of consider ourselves in a lot of ways podcastings crat brothers yeah but also like we're trying to kind of get in on some of that neil degrasse tyson action and we're just pointing out which parts of top gun maverick couldn't happen yeah Yeah. Sure. Sure. That's where the money is. People really like it. They like it and it's fun. It's fun. It's fun and like it makes people feel good and not bad. Yeah. They

feel good. They like it. Yeah. But yeah, the question that we were, you know, ruminating on was how long would it take you to fill up one of those metal milkshake cups with cum yeah like if you were now to be clear john you might be picturing a continuous or a continuing set of seminal bursts no no i'm assuming this would be over a period of time i mean if we're going to ground this in reality, obviously I can't do it in one shot. It doesn't matter how pent up I am. It's so funny because I was talking about this with my kids the other day.

Come sit on my knee. It's not just about, a lot of people think this question is just about flow rate. Okay, they think this is just about a lot of people think this question is just about flow rate okay they've just won they think this is just about the throughput and that's not what this is about because we're including refractory periods okay and we're looking at to some extent the effect of one ejaculation on later ejaculations right right no right. No, and that's the key thing is that you do have the issue of diminishing returns if you do it too often in too short a time. I don't know if anybody worked on location during the height of the pandemic, but

you get diminishing returns after a point. Like, let's say you're really lonely and no one's coming into your hotel room. And you're in a hotel room somewhere and you can't even go out to shop. So, yeah, just hypothetically speaking. And you can only eat so much Thai food delivery. Yeah. So, I mean, well, you mentioned Thai food. I think it would require a massive dietary reset i should think right at the very least in terms of eating celery i mean you know i well i don't want to get into like you know the whole pineapple and

flavor thing um not about flavor flavor not an issue this is about flavors okay great great it could be if you serve it to someone i am reminded of one of the all time you were putting in a milkshake thing anyway yeah but i am reminded of the great harris whittles who um had a tweet one time which is they say that pineapple makes your cum taste better but your cum makes pineapple taste terrible. Oh man, we really, we lost something. Rest in power. We, the lights burn a little dimmer. Gosh, this is a standard issue diner milkshake metal thing.

It's probably like a pint and a half, you figure? It seems about right. It'll enter into the equation. I think what we're actually talking about is 30 ounces ounces 30 30 ounces 30 great okay because i'd like to have a nice number yeah and i have a very very strong comprehensive wi-fi connection for this whole thing sure no you just have one one poster of the divine miss cindy crawford a yowza oh hang on it It's 1988. Wait, did we go to a wormhole? What just happened?

The fuck just happened? You're blasted in the 80s. God. I don't know how we managed. That broke me for some reason. That's my favorite Huey Lewis album, by the way. I straight faced this entire conversation and blasted in the 80s broke me for some reason. I don't know. That's the first time I saw the English beat was at the Blastin' in the 80s festival.

More hits than you realize. Yeah. Fuck off. Mirror in the Bathroom is them? That's them? Month and a half. Wow. Okay.

That's extraordinary. I mean, by the way, this is my job. This is my job, however. Okay. Let me make something very, very clear. I am properly hydrated. This is all I do. Fill the cup. Yeah.

But yeah, given those strictures, I'm going to say six weeks. Okay. So I think I said my initial reaction was six months. And then I... I think you're selling yourself short, Jordan. Thank you. That's really nice of you to say. And I appreciate the fact that you believe in me.

Jordan, I've heard such wonderful things about your blast. No, it's like, I mean, I don't want to, you know, it's everything I said in my birthday card still stands, you know? It's great. I never... This is the talk I always wish my dad had with me. And this is nice to hear it from the two of you who I consider to be daddies. John, I saw that birthday card. And can I just say

that I don't know what else you've done in your life, but just for that card, it was worth it for you to have learned calligraphy. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And I appreciate that you drew the word bubble to make it look like Ziggy was saying it. Thanks. You know, a lot of people miss that. He climbed all the way to the top of that mountain to tell you that birthday message,

Jordan. In calligraphy. So, we got a very special message. Big orange sunset behind him. Yeah. We got a very special message. John john and they said your background in long form improv would never benefit you professionally here we are yet you've remembered and listed all of the specifics we got a message from our listener cory g57 on reddit cory g57 a A top 60 Corey G for me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Easily. The G, actually, I found out stands for God damn, you're nasty. Anyway. I had it down as standing for Gunt. Corey G, 57.

So, C. Gunt writes, in relation to, colon, filling a malt tin with semen on the David Borey episode a few weeks back. Here is some math on filling the milkshake cup. And he says malt in the beginning, and now he's saying milkshake. Come on, get your story straight, guy. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to say it's a milkshake cup. that we are not adding malt powder, and thus we are not subtracting malt powder from the total volume we require to fill the cup. That's good. Specifics are important.

Here's some math on filling the milkshake cup. The average amount of semen per ejaculation is 1.25 to 5 milliliters. So let's just average that out to 3 milliliters. I think that's fair. So let's just average that out to 3 milliliters. I think that's fair. The metal milkshake cup is 30 fluid ounces or 887.2 milliliters. If you ejaculate once a day, well, maybe I've already found a little bit of a flaw in this. Once a week. Am I right, guys?

Can you do it more? Yeah. Woohoo! If you ejaculate once a day, it would take approximately 296 days or nine to 10 months on average now men in their 30s tend to have more volume so assume you are taking your zinc and saw palmetto for prostate health saw palmetto yeah that's that's the good stuff there yeah i want to take that and pygeum uh assuming you're taking your zinc and saw palmetto for prostate health and have a healthy volume of 50 milliliters per load you're filling that cup in 175 days or approximately six months hot damn good for you now let's just say that you're one of america's more celebrated actors

not top tier but very successful a guy that people love to see at the CVS. Less so on their televisions. Six weeks. Because the blasting that you can do, a guy who starred alongside the great mini driver. Yeah, that improved my volume. Wow, I'm really going to get in trouble for that one.

I might have actually crossed the line here, guys. That, I felt, I feel like the line just came under my feet. So the line is adding to the cup? We can take that out, but we will be adding the hamster dance. Fair enough. So you will seem crazy. Dancing baby from Ally McBeal is going to be our new guest. Yeah. So, I mean, I think the question is pretty much answered. I'm okay with that math. I mean,

I think that it doesn't take into account the fact that maybe you could, you know, do multiple loads per day, but, you know, it's very thoughtful. And I just want to thank CoreyG57 for all their hard work. Corey, there's a lot of vectors you failed to consider. I think Jordan is right that one's ability to ejaculate multiple times a day, or certainly if you're on location during COVID, as many as six or eight times a day, just whenever your favorite HDTV program is not on, if they're not doing a marathon of the one that you really like, you know. Sure.

Or, you know, you're not watching Locked Up Abroad, whatever it is that you want to watch in a hotel room. Sure. Sports Center on ESPN2. I think the other big thing here that you're not accounting for, Corey G, is chafing. Sure. I mean, do you have a topical ointment on hand? You might need it. You know, it's like people who have really high spin rate curveballs are vulnerable to blisters. Just ask Rich Hill. vulnerable to blisters. Just ask Rich Hill. Now, a lot of good work done here. So CoreyG57, if you could just do us a solid and get to work on how many times Tom Cruise could blast in Top Gun Maverick, that'd be great. Like during the runtime or on screen?

Yeah, as part of the plot. So this is a story-breaking exercise, really. My favorite part of that movie Gravity with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock that is completely scientifically possible is when he blasts himself into outer space. Yes. I think our friend Griffin McElroy taught us that when you nut in space, it puts you back. That's right. Yep.

Mm-hmm. I really like how he yelled, see ya, suckers, too. I feel he improvised that. I know. Well, he's a prankster. He is. He really is a prankster. I do remember Neil deGrasse Tyson having myriad problems with that movie, which I saw super high and in 3D at the Arclight, like the best of all possible circumstances, how to see that film left just completely like that was great and made the horrible mistake of going on Twitter and stumbling across him being like, actually, just the biggest buzzkill of all time.

Anyway. Yeah. Well, you guys want to go ruin a couple movies for ourselves and then uh come back and do some more show when you say ruin a couple movies for ourselves you're talking about on location during covid style you know it baby we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know who I was just thinking of fondly, Jordan?

Hmm. The members of Maximum Fun. Ugh. You know that song, Bills, Bills, Bills? Mm-hmm. You know who pays my automobile? The members of Maximum Fun. You know that song, Bills, Bills, Bills? You know who pays my automobiles? The members of MaxFun. Yeah, you got it.

MaximumFun.org slash join if you want to join them. We're also supported this week by the folks at BetterHelp. And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Jordan, we're big therapy advocates, always have been, probably always will be, unless we turn against it for some reason. Well, I haven't always been a big therapy advocate. I didn't want to try it for a while. I thought it was something that, you know, that if you tried it, you were weak, you were less than. These are things I am, but not because I go to therapy. That's a positive thing I do for myself.

And it's so interesting. There's totally a stigma around going to therapy. I definitely had to overcome it before I could pull the trigger. And yeah, I'm really, really glad that I did. It's so helpful. It's a big part of my life, big part of my week. And yeah, I think if it's something that you are curious about, if you think you could use some help with problems, both big and small, going to therapy is really, really awesome. And one way that you could get some help in the therapy department is with BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers online therapy in lots of forms. You can do it through video. You can do it through audio. You can even just text back and forth if that's what's most comfortable for you. You can get therapy quickly, which can be a real challenge, especially in a world where everyone's brain has been broken by a global pandemic. pandemic. And, you know, you can give therapy a try. It's easy to switch therapists if you don't click with somebody. It's a nice setup for accessing something that can be challenging to access.

When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash JJGO to get 10% off your first month. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JJ Go. We're also supported this week by the folks at Mint Mobile. Jordan, these big wireless providers are always trying to stick it to you. I don't want to talk about them right now. They get me so steamed. Jordan, you have so much. You're so steamed. You're you have so much. You're so steamed.

You're like a Dungeness crab. Yeah, that's not my tea kettle preparing my evening tea. That's my ears because somebody mentioned big wireless providers. Well, good news. If you just want wireless service, you don't want to go to some kiosk in a mall and have a pimply 19-year-old sell you nonsense. You just want to get quality wireless service at a great price. Mint Mobile can help you out starting at just $15 a month.

One line or many. I got myself a Mint Mobile phone plan. Super easy, very convenient. It's an easy switch if you're using one of the big boys. Go on over there to mintmobile.com slash JJ Go. They will set you up. It starts at 15 bucks a month and they will give you the best rate whether you're buying for one or a family you know what if you have a family can i make a recommendation buy for one fuck them yeah they don't need phones what are they gonna do just call someone and complain about you oh hello uh the guy who buys the phone service in my family stinks and hey you can keep your same phone number and all of your existing contacts to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free.

Go to mintmobile.com slash JJ go. That's mintmobile.com slash JJ go. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash JJ go. Ma'am, this is the city comptroller's office. Thanks for letting me know about that sucky family member. I'm taking a note and passing it up to the mayor. See you later at my birthday party. Everyone's invited. Well, everyone who calls me here at the office, what is this? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, lafruit. You're one of those guys that eats grapefruits for breakfast, which I really admire, honestly.

People actually do that. That isn't just something people do in movies when they're trying to get their life together. Well, no. President Nixon is the one who would eat cottage cheese on a grapefruit, I think. That's like the classic 1970s diet food. That's why he resigned. Yeah. Yeah, when somebody has like high cholesterol.

You know what I would like to eat for breakfast? Because I already eat, most mornings I eat grape nuts, which is already kind of a 1920s, an old man in the 1920s breakfast food. But you know how you read a book about like a grandpa on a farm and for breakfast he just drinks a tall glass of buttermilk i think i would like to do that i don't think i've ever drank buttermilk straight but i love a buttermilk biscuit or pancake so i don't see why i wouldn't enjoy probably tastes exactly like that so yeah just get chugging get chugging baby i would love to drink a biscuit i would love to drink a biscuit gosh i don't know what the product is but that's the that's the slogan and we just got rich john i'm excited and here's the here's

the here's the radio ad drink my Okay. I think that's good. With no information as to where to get it. No notes. I'm not taking notes at this time. There will be no questions. Is this one of those Gen X, kind of like, okay, Cole, backwards marketing kind of thing? It's a comment on advertising. Very much so. Yeah. Get Janine Garofalo to do that voice, maybe. Blow people's minds the great janine garofalo

okay so you know this song the song that plays when there's a factory in a cartoon okay so we were calling it the factory song it's apparently called powerhouse i think you could also call it the conveyor belt song, I think that's also fair. Industrial Mischief. It's actually called Powerhouse, which I think we all know is a band, not a song. A hundred percent, Powerhouse is a band, right? What kind of band would you say Powerhouse is? Funk.

You probably saw them at Ithaca, right? They were on the play on the Quad at Ithaca? Yeah, they played Ithaca all the time. Yeah, all the time. It's a white funk band? Is that what you're saying? It's a white funk band, yeah. I think so. Yeah. They open with a cover of What is Hip. All right. Sure. Well, that's fun. I did not know that song was called Powerhouse. I did, however however i know that is called the saber dance that is a skill i have that's cool it it was driving me crazy and i had to hunt it down i think i i called up a a film composer that i know and was like i'm gonna sing something to you you have someone that's called i'm gonna die

yeah teach me the patch holes to plug yeah until such time as you can just yell into the Shazam app, we still need people. Powerhouse is a British production duo of Hamilton Dean and Julian Slatter, who reached number 38 in the UK with Rhythm of the Night in December of 1997. Sure, Rhythm of the Night. I think we all know that rhythm. Which rhythm? Was it a cover of the Elder Barge song? It's a 4-4. I think we all know that rhythm. Which rhythm? Was it a cover of the Elder Barge song? It's a 4-4. I think this is...

I think this is like in the Ace of Base... Yes. You know, zone. So not feel the beat of the rhythm of the night. So it's not that. I don't think that's... I think it's Elder Barge. If I'm not mistaken, it's a waltz.

It's also an Oakland hardcore band formed in the early 90s. Powerhouse quickly became one of the Bay Area's most beloved hardcore bands. Nice, nice. And also the Powerhouse Band is a premier cover band performing classic rock, blues, pop, Motown, disco, and much more. Those motherfuckers do what is hip. I will bet my kids on it. Well, their next performance is at, let's see, the Bayside Clam Bar and Grill.

So if you're near the Bayside Clam Bar and Grill, go see the powerhouse band and their beloved, their patented mix of classic rock, blues, pop, Motown, disco, and much more. Phenomenal. You know who loves the powerhouse powerhouse band the countertop dad seals oh seals steward yeah i could love those munching on those clams you do nasty ass seals anyway so we asked people to make up lyrics or to write lyrics to the wacky Looney Tunes conveyor belt song.

And first of all, I want to say this. Someone informed us that the Looney Tunes characters sang lyrics to that song already, and it appears to have been in some kind of Muppet Babies knockoff. I don't know exactly what this show is, but it's like a 1995 ass, some kind of fucking Disney afternoon type

Looney Tunes shit. No, it's sub-Disney afternoon. It's comfortably sub-Disney afternoon. Disney afternoon had some stuff going for it. Harsh. Well, look, you saw the thing it's garbage i haven't seen the thing i don't know what you're talking about really okay daniel you have the song play the song from the muppet babies looney tunes what if looney tunes back in action didn't have steve Steve Martin and shit level. It's hard hat time. Hard hat time.

It's hard hat time. It's time to build. That's our cue. Let's grab our gear and round up the crew. There's stuff to do. It's time to create. Hey, it's going to be great. Come, let's go.

It's going to be great. It doesn't even scan. Too big, oh, small. We don't have it all. May the best racer win. All right. That's, yeah. No, it sucks ass.

It's fucking horrible. Turn it off, Daniel. It's garbage. Hmm. You have a very strong reaction to that. Put it down the garburator. Do you want to unpack why this is bothering you so much? That's the sound of that fucking song going down the fucking garburator oh boy all right turn on the water so it doesn't clog striking amount of violence towards this yeah geez perfectly fine

like you're in all the hootie tunes heard you know what daffy in there, Tweety? Can I just, excuse me, guys. Can I just say, my Daffy Duck, to me, to me, Daffy Duck is a grown duck, not some kind of weird duck baby. Okay. Nobody wants to look at a fucking diaper-ass duck baby singing garbage lyrics to Powerhouse that don't even scan. Jesse, we got in trouble when you did this about the Little Mermaid.

We got in trouble. This is like last week's Velma rant. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this. Characters grow and evolve. Jordan, what do you want to see? Some kind of fucking diaper Velma? Like a little baby diaper Velma?

Is that what you want to see from fucking Scooby-Doo babies? Listen, if she's strong and independent, she can wear anything she wants. Whatever, dude. What the fuck ever. So there are some canonical lyrics to this song, but a listener has stepped up and perhaps improved upon these. Let's see if it makes Jessie as mad. And perhaps improved upon these. Let's see if it makes Jesse as mad.

Sun will rise soon, so best get going. Shiny, clean, get some energy flowing. Ergonomics seat, caffeine and devices. Let's hear the agenda. Wield your time like riding a dragon. Helpful, skillful, 24-7. This one's business-themed. Build that what you got. Lights on chakra.

Let's feel the agenda. Spin those plates this fast. No, faster. Hold on. Can you pause this, Daniel? What is the chakra part? What chakra are we building? Should I be getting horny?

I'm not sure if that's one of the horny chakras. Does anyone have a large metal milkshake container at easy access? I can run down to Johnny Rockets for you, John. For I have use. Is there a Johnny Rockets near the Acropolis? Just bringing stuff back. Just bringing stuff back. There's a Smart and Final.

There's a Smart and Final. You can get some like restaurant supplies there. Have we ever addressed the fact that smart and final is named after a man named smart and a man named final? No. Is this like a Wetzel's pretzels where that's like actually their name? Yes. Wow. Cool.

Their names were smart and final. You're not doing a bit this time. This is actual. This is real. And so was this shit about the fucking baby Daffy Duck. I also think that that's inappropriate and wrong. Those are not bits. This is not a comedy show.

Daniel, is there any more to this song that we can hear? Coming round, tick left, talk right. Good day, good night. Me and mine are fine. And so is your agenda. Minutes, hours, spin those plates. Weeks, quarters, spin those plates weeks quarters spin those plates years decades spin those plates always something coming round sunset soon so say there's a bow on a join up crew slam

a drink let's down another trail back to the shack flop chop tidy up chew on the agenda chew on the key and pause it for a second daniel i'm worried this is too good yeah it's pretty good i'm worried that this is gonna stifle future creativity because it's too coherent and not dumb enough that's themes yeah the last one was just about the plot of honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I mean, it is, I mean, you're in a real irony-free zone with that one. I mean, that, I mean, this person

is committing to this. Kind of beautiful. It has themes. They're weaving in themes. There's a central irony, which is sort of the irony of modern life or post-modern life

is that rather than the satisfaction of a day's work in a factory you are experiencing the hamster wheel of corporate life plus the internet you know sure they got different flavors of coke there's actually another powerhouse assembled in 2003 this party band has taken off and never looked back don't be left out powerhouse band can perform with you for you with five six seven eight or nine on stage wow give me the nine that's a really specific slider yeah like they're like, how many horns do you need? Yeah. Because the trombone guy is last on the call sheet.

He's the first one we jettison. We have song list here. 1999 by Prince. 24K Magic by Bruno Mars. 60 Minute Men by the Dominoes. ABC Jackson 5. That's a solid list. Ain't No Sunshine. What is Hip? Anyway. Of course. 60 minute men by the dominoes abc jackson five this is a solid solid list ain't no sunshine

what is hip anyway of course oh an apple they close with apple bottom jeans oh that's fun what tower of power songs do they do uh just what is hip or it doesn't look like they do oakland stroke let's see no yeah ain't no sunshine though i don't know if that exactly gets the party going but everybody loves that song i guess if you're having like a corporate fourth of july party or whatever and they come in there and they fucking rip that bruno mars song and then they're like you know what we're gonna get tragic let's bring it down here's a little from the dark side of bipolar singer-songwriter bill withers do you guys ever stay up at night thinking about the mistakes you've made well we've got a tune for you then gangnam style they launch right into gangnam style

place goes ape shit who doesn't who doesn't like that well yeah let's hear let's hear the tail end of this daniel agenda to upon the agenda she did the whole fucking thing yeah she did in the in bare minimum local musical theater level singing like very competent vocals here this is great i'm gonna say this say this is like Florence without the machine. She remembered the melody of the song without any accompaniment. She was probably in tune. I couldn't tell you. I don't look,

I don't have a bunch of fucking tuning forks over here, but she sounded pretty good to me. You know, quarter note gets the beat, that kind of thing. Sure. Sure. That's a thing.

She did it as a Roomba or a Foxtrot, perhaps. I think I thought it was pretty solid work, but I do have to say that I would like to hear more fully produced versions, and I would like to hear more bullshit versions. Yeah, more about Rick Moranis movies. If you could do one about My Blue Heaven, I'd love to hear that. Let's slide up the bullshit slider and let's slide up the production slider.

Let's get Powerhouse in here. I think they can shine it up a little. Which Powerhouse? I'm talking about the UK Powerhouse. You know what? Let's have a battle of the bands. Let's go down to the clam shack, get the mayor in,

see who walks out with the trophy. Four different powerhouses and then English beat closed the show. Everybody fucking goes nuts. While they count the beats, you got to have a headliner while they count the votes. Can't go wrong.

Can't go wrong with those guys. They go anywhere. You guys want to count the hits and then wrap up the show? Yes. Send us your songs at jj and then wrap up the show? Yes. Send us your songs at JJGoAtMaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. And now, a live reading from Rachel's Poetry Corner.

Elephants, theremins, clifton. Neopets, pore strips, jepson. Pine smell, jelly beans, goalie goals. Skittles, squirrels, and the mole. Celery, chopsticks, pumpernickel. A Case of You by Joni Mitchell. Lullabies, tie-dye, the more you know. All of

these things on our wonderful show. All these things and more wait for you on Wonderful every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Did your neighbor back into your car? Bring that case to Judge Judy. Think the mailman might be the real father?

Give that one to Judge Mathis. But does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at Disney World when she passes away? Now that's my jurisdiction. Welcome to the court of Judge John Hodgman, where the people are real, the disputes are real, and the stakes are often unusual. If I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the Jungle Cruise, it would be an honor. I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht. Thanks for watching. won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Ross Bowie, author. Yeah. Yeah. How's it feel on the old mouth parts? A little weird. Yeah. A little weird. A little pretentious.

A little used to it. Evenious used to it even though it's true but it's still weird guys i have a couple of quick powerhouse updates yeah covered by lee press on and the nails on their album jump swing from hell live at the highball lounge as an ithaca student john you probably heard it on alternative jazz group Soul Coughing's song Bus to Beelzebub from their hit album Ruby Vroom. They did not get together until after I had left Ithaca. I wonder if they must have gone up there and played like a Cornell gig at some point or another. Soul Coughing did. I'm in college college 89 to 93 so like i i see fish for five bucks at a nightclub because i can um and you

know that's what there was to do that evening but um that's a good memoir actually in 2014 the dubuque iowa colts drum and bugle corps included powerhouse as part of their show Dark Side of the Rainbow. Okay, cool. And in 2017 One more. Chapo Trap House utilized the piece for their Call of Cthulhu tabletop game series. Do you remember 2017 when everybody was always saying

Powerhouse, go on Chapo? Right. I do. Those were the days. John. Yes, hi. Your book. It's coming out, but people can house go on jambo right i do those are the day those are the days huh john yes hi your book it's coming out but people can and should pre-order it because they're going to want to get that book on day one i would i i would hope so yeah um yeah it comes out november 8th i did the audio version a couple weeks ago neat that was really um That was really, that's a whole, that's a whole separate podcast. That's fascinating. That is just a, I've never done anything like that before. I've done some voice work. I've done some voice acting and I've been acting on camera for 20 years,

but there's something about reading your own book that is, when it's a memoir, that it's just a brand new skill set. It was really, it was very challenging, much harder than I thought it was going to be. In fact, we got about two hours into it before I got into a groove. And I was like, oh yeah, it sounds different now. There's just something like there's the right amount of energy behind it. And everybody, it was me and engineer and our director and we were all like we should probably go back and redo chapter one shouldn't we i'm like yeah i think we should i really think we should so it was a lot of that but um it was amazing it was fascinating an e-book is coming out they're

doing an e-book with it so if you are a friend of mine and you want to uh hastily search for your own name that's your best option. Hey, if you want to do it, if you want to do it like Jordan, and who doesn't, go down there to Romans in Pasadena, go to the help desk, talk to Amanda,

say you want to pre-order John Ross Bowie's new memoir, No Job for a Man. They'll help you out. Love that place. Love Romans. They'll help you out. You can do it there. Jordan, I have a follow-up question. let's say amanda's not available can any of the other clerks help i think

anyone at romans or any fine independent local any romans location yeah any romans location there's that other one that's in the strip mall near a whole foods anyway they're really weirdly two romans yeah why is that other what's with the other romans that's in a strip mall near a Whole Foods. Anyway. There's weirdly two Vromans. Yeah. What's with the other Vromans that's in a strip? There's one big... What's the deal with the other Vromans? Yeah.

Anyway. I love Vromans, and they're reopening the little coffee place in the front. Yeah. I noticed that. Yeah. Isn't that great news? It's going to be cool. I'm excited to get that coffee.

How does that land with you, Portland, Oregon? How do you feel about that, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? Give us a call, 206-9844-FUN. Vromans is reopening its cafe. What do you hope will be in the pastry case? Let us know. They used to do an oatmeal raisin cookie that would knock you on your ass.

The Vromans oatmeal raisin cookie was a thing of beauty. This thing was gorgeous. Heavy on the cinnamon. Worthy of pie and burgers. But yeah, hey, if you can, pre-order those books. It really helps. cookie was a thing of beauty this thing was gorgeous heavy on the cinnamon worthy of pine bird but yeah hey if you can pre-order those books it really really really helps uh you get the book day one helps the author helps the books or no to order a shit ton of copies it's a net win and uh and if you're local and i have a very broad definition of local i will swing by and i will sign a bunch and then maybe you'll get a signed one. Oh, not you won't swing by somebody's house or.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's what I will do. I will come to your house and I will sign. How big is the. No, but I'll go by. Here's what I'll do. How big is the radius? Where do you live?

A Las Feliz? Maybe I'm I will go 50 miles in any direction. Now, I would remind you that will take me well into the Pacific Ocean. But having said that. John Ross Bowie signing autographs. In the Channel Islands. From the Inland Empire to all the ships at sea. If you're on an oil, Derek.

I'm your guy. Those guys, massive memoir readers. If you need something to read while you're drilling for crude. If you're out there on a trawler, give us a call. 206-9844-FUN. But yeah, John, you're a hilarious guy. People know that. You're a very thoughtful guy. You've led an interesting life full of twists and turns. I can't wait to read the book, I think. People should pre-order their copy now. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe they should do it. I think you're right.

I think you're right about this, Jordan. Any mini driver content in there? You got any great mini driver stories? No, you know, it kind of cuts out a little bit before. I mean, she's in there, but it cuts out a little bit before that. As far as I know, I'm not in her book at all. She had a book out a few months back, and I don't think I made that cut. Wow. But she is in there in the sense that her just kind of like her gifts influence you. Right. Yes. In all your artistic endeavors.

Precisely. She's in all of our books, in all of our books. She's really in all of our books. She's beautiful. She's a great actor. She's got the whole package. The celebrity cameos are weird and myriad. And I mean, obviously, everybody from Big Bang Theory shows up in there at one point. But there's a Tim Allen scene. There's a Tony Shalhoub scene. If you have Allen and Shalhoub, that's a good book. Yeah. That's the standards

the Pulitzer Committee use. Because New York in the 70s was really wild, there's an Ingrid Bergman scene. Wow. I got an Ingrid Bergman scene in there. Not kidding. So that's fun.

If you had been to one of these Bergman, Alan, Patti Smith parties in New York in the 70s. I ran into Tim Allen at CBGB's. Oh God, it was incredible. Every time you would run into Tony Shalhoub

at a Velvet Underground show, it would just be just mind blowing. Yeah. It'd be so great. Everybody at that show became Tony Shalhoub. Is that a play on like the Velvet Underground didn't sell a lot of records but everybody started a band yeah that's kind of what i was going for i followed that i completely

i think not many people will but some but the ones who do also won't like it i disagree hard disagree everyone at that show it went on to create their own quirky detective series. That's the hope, right? Isn't that the dream? To eat Italian food on CNN, I think. John, I'm not going to lie to you. You would make a great USA Network detective. Oh, God, my dream. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. That sounds great. I I'm, I'm advocating for that here. And now 40 years ago, it's a done deal. 40 years ago, there was, there was nothing but like, Oh, this guy gets at least one season where he solves crime. This vaguely recognizable character actor. Wait, 40 years ago, you would be on silk stockings. Not a lot going on on USA in 1982. No, I mean, but like, no, I'd have an, I'd have a network. Oh,

I would have an absolute network detective show or, you know, who else does it to great effect? And I'm always talking about this with people. The British are still doing the lone wolf quirky detective show for like, you know, six episodes. But my friend Adrian Scarborough plays a detective and his hook is he's dyslexic, but incredibly insightful regardless. And even though the words are sometimes look backwards to him. It is honestly straight up my dream to be quirky crime solver who bumps heads with the chief of police. But I just sign me up. I keep trying to put it out there so it will manifest. I see you as our generation's Jamie Farr, and I truly believe that we can get you a detective show. Fingers crossed. Your mouth to God's ears. I think we can do this. Look, a lot of network executives listen to Jordan, Jesse, and Go.

Really? Sorry. I meant librarians with tattoos. A lot of librarians with tattoos listen to Jordan, Jesse, and Go. It's only a matter of time before they put one of them in charge of Peacock. Yeah. I think that's probably true. You're probably going to just give the detective show give the detective show to the crap brothers so if you're from zabuma foo so if you're a network executive

make john ross bowie a quirky detective with a problem let's say ibs if you're anyone else or what about just an itch like a serious itch like eczema near and dear to my heart sign me up this is these are all fantastic ideas or you know don't be a network executive you can just be a high-powered showrunner with a holding deal that would also do me a world of good i want to think outside the box with this guys i love this i love this for you bowie get out of the memoir business nobody wants to buy this fucking memoir i knew it bowie memoir. What are you doing not buying John Ross Bowie's memoir? Get your act together. I pre-ordered mine. Buy it so you can talk to me about it. Anywhere you get books. If only to talk to Jordan. If only to have an icebreaker to talk to Jordan Morris.

You can have a conversation with me, Jordan. Look, where are you in Rancho Cucamonga? Bowie will drive out there. Sure. Absolutely. Happy to. He's not afraid to drive to Downey. Harupa Valley. You got it. Ventura. Sign the book. Grab some fish and chips. Absolutely. Carlsbad, sign me up. I know a great coffee place. Let's do this. John Ross Bowie will meet you at Tip Top Meats in Carlsbad, California. Let's make this. John Ross Bowery will meet you at Tip Top Meats in Carlsbad, California. Let's make this happen. Woo-hoo!

Jordan, you know how people will, like, at-message us when they go to some business that we've mentioned on the show? Mm-hmm. How come nobody's at-messaging me about Tip Top Meats in Carlsbad, California? I don't know. Maybe we just don't have the people in Carlsbad that we should. With all our listeners in the Navy, how's that possible? I don't have uh we don't have the people in carlsbad that we should with all our listeners in the navy how's that possible i don't know all our navy boys in uniform the boys in uniform that left jordan jesse go god bless you across this great land

but certainly the navy boys down there in the san diego area a lot of the san diego padres listen as well manny machado it's a big jordan goal guy. I'm assuming. I think we've done enough. I think the show's over, right? I mean. I don't know. I don't give a shit. We're just in the listing now. So maybe we say goodnight.

Daniel Zaffran's our producer. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, our producer emeritus. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free design and light in the attic records are thanks to them you can give us a call 206-9844-FUN or just send us a voice memo jjgoe at maximumfun.org we're on twitter now at jordan jesse go we are still accepting corrections this is a limited time offer tweet your corrections at jordan jesse go daniel look at him he'll refer some to us they won't make him mad because he's doesn't have a personal

connection to it so no he doesn't the good news is daniel doesn't give a shit about this fucking show that's as it should be he's doing a great. He cares and he does a great job. Phenomenal job. He's doing a great job, but the other thing, no way. No way, Jose. We're on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. We're on Instagram at Jordan David Morris

and at put.this.on. We're on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. And John Ross Bowie has a new memoir out. Hit the bookstore and put in a pre-order. Talk to Melissa there at Romans. Amanda? That's who I talked to, but- You talked to Melissa? I think Melissa would be equally helpful. Everybody's so nice at Romans. Everybody. I've never had a bad experience at Romans. What about Big Pete? That guy's kind of an asshole. Yeah, but he loves you. Yeah, that's true. He doesn't play by the rules,

but he gets results. There you go. Yes. It's true. It really is true. We'll be back next week on Jordan Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.