Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Cowboys Don't Wear Glasses, with Dave Schilling

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Comedian, podcaster, LA Times contributor, fashion icon, and all-around lovely human being Dave Schilling is back on JJ GO! to talk about the Bob's Big Boy comic book, being a SeaQuest nerd, and a new podcast about Elon Musk called "Flipping the Bird." Brought to you by ZipRecruiter. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to www.ziprecruiter.com/JJgo to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREEPre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21! Get your signed copy at Golden Apple Comics.See live stand up from producer Matt Lieb and comedian Jessica Sele at the San Francisco Punch Line Comedy Club on May 31st at 8pm. Buy tickets now!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, first of all, Jordan, you're welcome. Because I've given you the gift of laughter. I thought I had forgotten how to laugh. Yeah. After 9-11? Yes.

Yes. Yes. You know what I was gonna say. Sure. The death of Judy Garland. Yeah. Oh boy. It was a... What a day. What a day for the world. Have you seen the movie Meet Me in St. Louis? Oh boy.

Starring Judy Garland garland no i don't think i have okay i just want to say before we get into the content that we have planned for this program of which there's none that i watched the movie meet me in st louis this is a fucking hilarious movie with some real some real mixed bag songs sprinkled in but there's this uh little girl character who's like the the like zany youngest sister of judy garland judy garland by the way fucking incredible that's why everyone thought it was sad when she died because of how incredible she was but there's this one point where they're like all at the dinner table. It's like St. Louis, 1900, and they're all at the dinner table and there's like

an awkward moment. And the little girl who has like a little lisp, this movie's from 1947, I think, little girl who has a little lisp to fill the awkward silence just says really loudly the he says the ice man saw a drunkard get shot and the blood

spurted out three feet. Solid. I thought where you were going, it was the first recorded instance of someone saying i can't unsee that i know always gets me gets me every time every time it did before 9-11 i guess you're wondering how i came to have never heard someone say okay so the reason i'm wishing you you're welcome is that i did go to the flea market and purchase you some comic books featuring the adventures of— I love these.

I'm nuts for these things. The adventures of— I'm nuts for these funny books. The adventures of Big Boy, the titular character from Bob's Big Boy Restaurants. Yeah, apparently the Big Boy, the mascot of Bob's Big Boy, the diner chain that's, I guess, seen better days. He's like an oafish astro boy. Yeah, right. Overalls, big grin, swoopy hair, you know, the big boy.

Apparently the big boy starred in a series of comics, a co-star, I guess. He has a whole family of friends. I thought I knew a lot about comics history. Weird that these were all written by Alan Moore. Yeah. I thought that was impressive, too. Before Swamp Thing. This is what got him Swamp Thing.

You know what, though? I had heard about these before. I had not heard a ton about them, but I had heard about them because you know how Todd McFarlane bought those Mark McGuire balls for a million dollars? Yes. He had points on Bob's Big Boy because he did the art for Bob's Big Boy. It was an

early creator-owned thing, so he had the points on that, and that's why he was able to... He got points on the... It's show business talk. Sure. So, yeah, Bob the big boy has a lot of friends. Well, I guess two, according to this cover. Dolly and Nugget.

Nugget is a dog. Nugget is a girl and Dolly is a dog. Can I read you this story that I – Yes, please. I'm really excited. I mean, there's all kinds of great stories. This one, this is episode 290. Sorry in advance to Podcast The Ride

who could make three hours out of this. Yeah. This one, issue 290. Oh, you got 290? Oh, no way! I know. That's the first appearance of this guy with the big cowboy hat. Crisis on Infinite Boys?

It's where Big Boy from Earth 1 meets and kills Big Boy from Earth 2. This one is the big boy. He's running down some stairs and he says, I'll get the crook that stole $100,000 from our... And then you know how sometimes the letters are like just written and sometimes they're blocked out with color and stuff to like indicate a sort of headline kind of deal? I'll get the crook that stole $100,000 from our TV telethon.

That was probably such a topical reference at the time. Everything was TV. He won't get away with that. Says, okay, I wanted to tell you this story. That's like a, I bet that's the equivalent of like when we were kids, like early 90s, a sitcom, a character would hit

website very hard because website was a joke. Yeah, anyway, yeah. It's like, I'm going to update my website. Nine minutes of laughter from the studio audience. I bet TV Telethon was so like zeitgeisty at the time. Our guest on the program, by the way, comedy writer, regular writer. Medium boy.

Podcast producer. What the fuck? Elon Musk expert now. His new Elon Musk podcast. expert now, his new Elon Musk podcast. Just a guy who's dressed like a yuppie in a 1980s movie who needs to learn about the value of actual love and what he should really be spending his time on. Dave Schilling.

I'm on so much blow today. Okay, so how are you guys doing? Well, I'm about to perform. Do you know that podcast, of course you know this, is that you're producing a podcast for Wondery, so you know that podcasting is what's also called the theater of the mind. Yeah. And this is the story of Big Boy, the soccer kid.

I'll be portraying the part of Big Boy, and then I'll also occasionally be doing Dolly, and sometimes, of course, Nugget, their dog. Well, duh. Someone's got to play Nugget. So let's start with a moment of internal monologue. And, Jesse, these are older comics, so don't do the racist Nugget voice. Okay.

You can pass it to me if you need it. Someone to say the N-word or something. Thanks, Dave. That's why we brought you in. This is a real ambush situation. I didn't know the racist comics were coming out. Really appreciate it. Yeah.

Really. George Wallace is in this one, not the comic. No, Governor. Well, it's George Wallace the comedian meets George Wallace the governor. You know, I just didn't go well. It was appalling that Hank Azaria did Nugget for so long. Seems like too long. He seems like a good man.

He seems like a nice man, and he's been, he's learned a lot from our friend Harukundo Bolo. He's reflected, and it's nice that, you know, Nugget has that. So let's address the internal,

so the big boy is on what I can, what I would call a disc in a formless void. So if you imagine a gray disc in a formless void, there he is. He's wearing what look like clogs. Jesse, yeah, I'm envisioning my wedding night. Thank you. Thank you.

And then. Talking about a formless void. I saw that on a website. Matt, can you insert applause from the Married with Children studio audience, please? Thank you. Also the rap air horn. Yeah, sure. Throw it all in.

So this is Big Boy. He's got a soccer ball. And this is internal monologue. This is not spoken dialogue. This is internal monologue. He's thinking to himself, soccer is a great game. He's not wrong about that. Then Dolly comes up.

It's fucking Dolly. You guys know Dolly, right? Yeah. That's Big Boy's friend who wears a D on her chest. This is not going to be a normal soccer game. Hey, Jesse, what does the D stand for? Honestly, I don't know. I don't know enough about the lore.

I'd have to go watch some lore videos. I'll look it up on Wikipedia. Okay. Big Boy PDF. What does Dolly's D stand for? Just put in bobsbigboy.fandom.com. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Just write in big boy big D. Okay, well, I'll do that later. Dolly says, okay, big boy, with my new outfit, I'm ready to take you on. Soccer is fun. Now, she's talking about this shirt with a D on it. It's green. It's got some stripes. It looks like a one-piece, frankly.

And then Nugget says to himself, something tells me that it won't end up that way. Talking about fun. And then they all yell, oh, my God, Nugget can talk. And then they shoot him with a shotgun. A witch. Big Boy says, you've got it all wrong, Dolly. This game is serious business, not fun. And Dolly says, I like playing it for fun.

It doesn't have to be serious. And he says, it's very important to know whether or not you're really playing for fun. She says, why don't we just play? He says, we can't just play. She says, why not? Because if I'm playing seriously and you're playing for fun and I win, how will I ever be sure that I really won fair and square? Soccer is a very serious game to me. Very serious. Dolly says, but will you hurry up and kick the ball? Think about Jordan's winning night. Alright, alright. I can't unsee that.

So then big boy goes, here goes. here goes. Bop. Crash right into the window at Al's grocery. Oop, he says. She says, you're right, Big Boy. Even if it wasn't serious. Get ready for the punchline.

Even if it wasn't serious, you've suddenly made it so. Oh, like Captain Picard from the Star Trek show. He made it so. You guys want to hear a great gag? Hey, big boy, do you know why the farmer rolled a steamroller over his potato field? Potato misspelled, by the way. With an E? There's an E at the end of it. Okay, nice.

That's where Dan Quayle stopped. Dan Quayle only ate at Bob's Big Boy. History of America destroyed by Bob's Big Boy. Big Boy, you want to know why the farmer rolled a steamroller over his potato field? He wanted to raise some mashed potatoes for his dinner. Is for his dinner on there? It says for his dinner. I thought he was trying to control the price of the potato by destroying so much of his crop that the remaining potatoes were worth more money.

You think this is a price-fixing scandal? It's a commentary on government subsidies. Bob Dole's big boy. Yeah. He was involved in all kinds of shady stuff. Yeah, I mean, I don't mean to punch up the big boy, but if you remove for his dinner, you land on mashed potatoes and a great laugh. Yeah, I mean, if people aren't caught up

in the creative spelling of the word potato. Clarity is important. This thing, by the way, does have a cover price of 25 cents, but it's free to guests of Bob's Big Boy family restaurants. So if you're at the Big Boy, you don't have to pay the 25 cents. You only have to pay it if you're at Louis Vuitton or whatever. So you think this is like propaganda for Bob? You think that Bob had a hand in the writing of these stories?

It does say Bob's possessive. That's true. Big boy. But I am impressed. Not Todd McFarlane's big boy. Todd McFarlane's Bob's big boy. He has huge breasts. No.

Can I share with you some advice? Bob, the big boy is so veiny. What is the big boy? Why are his fingers so sharp and pointy? Oh, my God. The vascularity on the big boy? Why are his fingers so sharp and pointy? Oh, my God. The vascularity on the big boy is incredible. There's an issue where Bob's big boy is ripping the heads off Ku Klux Klan members. Somebody's got to do it.

That was the 90s. The 90s Bob's big boy cartoons, comics got a little dark. He's beholden to Satan. That's fine. Sure. It's not for kids anymore If you are correct Dave The big boy himself did have a hand

In writing these I am really surprised that he would let himself Look so foolish as he did In the soccer comic Where he broke the window Because I would assume It would be like You know how the rock can't lose a fight in a movie?

The big boy is clearly a bigger boy, a bigger man than The Rock because he knows that occasionally he has to fail. You know who allowed themselves to lose the greatest fight of them all? Hmm. Christ. Wow.

You know what? And he allowed himself to lose for us. That's right. For us. Just like Big Boy. For us, Christ became a loser. Some say the greatest loser. Come on. The biggest loser.

The biggest loser. These Big Boy comics have a Dear Big Boy advice column. I never thought this would happen to me. My wife and I were at the big boy, and we could see right down the waitress's top. It was our wedding night. My name is Jordan.

I was in a dark, formless void waiting for the disc to get there. Okay. This is a note from Amy Durbin of Mechanicsville, Maryland. I have a cat. My friend has a guinea pig. My mom was going to get me one too

or a hamster, but then she thought my cat would eat it. What shall I do? Here's what the big boy writes back. How about taking your cat to visit your friend and watching how the cat treats the guinea pig? Nothing like finding out the facts.

Let's know how it goes. Then she writes back the next month, it ate the hamster. It was horrible. I can still hear the screams. Let's know how. They echo in my brain. Let's know how. They echo in my brain. Let's know how it goes, guys.

Did the cat eat the gerbil? Have a potato. Please take photos and send them to Bob's big boy, Carol. I like a lot. Dear Bob's big boy, my grandma died and dad says there's no heaven. This one just starts, and there's nothing good really within it, but the first sentence is something that I'm prepared to get tattooed across my hands. It says, my name is Tina Rat Adams, and I really love the big boy restaurants.

I knew they had rats at that place. I didn't know they had names, too. Tina Rat Adams. Anyway. That's the big boy. These are beautiful, Jesse. Thank you for getting them. I'm going to cherish these. I'm sure they'll appreciate in value.

I just want to tell you guys one more thing. I want to tell you of a problem I have. I live on a mountain and i have 15 cats well my dad said no more now i have another litter of kittens and i don't know how to tell him please write soon what is this person doing with the kittens in the meantime she might be a cat it's possible my dad said no more getting pregnant the only readers of this uh comic book are felines.

They're kitties. That's it. Yeah. That's why they like to laugh at Nugget. That's why Nugget is portrayed so foolishly. I'm Nugget. I'm a big dumb dog. Hey, guys.

It's me, Nugget. What do I eat? Food or water? I eat poop. Because that's what dogs do. They lick their balls and eat their poop. Oh, man, this guy. I'll never learn to drive.

I'll get. Oh, I'm 16. Head writer, editor-in-chief, Snuggles the Cat. Yeah, that's it, of course. Snuggles! Excelsior, true believers. See, big boy 243. Love, sizzle, and snuggles the cat.

As you know, dogs are the worst. They drool, and of course we rule. Dave, you have replaced Elizabeth Lame as the recurring Jordan Jesse Go guest that I see in public the most. Oh, yeah. We see each other all the time. We see each other all the time. We don't like each other. We don't like each other. We always We see each other all the time. We see each other all the time. Yeah. We, you know, we don't, you know. Like each other.

We don't like each other. Yeah, there's that. We always glare at each other. Oh, there's that fuck. That curly-eared piece of shit. But, yeah, we're just showing up at the same building all the time. I think we just have a lot of the same friends. Sure, yeah.

We have a lot of the same interests. And we're both friendly people. I think that probably explains it. I was going to say maybe it was an Earth 2 situation. That we're the same person. We might be. Oh, man. Remember that show Earth 2?

You ever watch that? It was after Sequest on NBC. You remember Jesse, right? I'm not that kind of nerd. I'm artsy. Damn it. Okay, I'm that kind of nerd. Anyway, Clancy Brown was on it.

It was very good. What kind of nerd is a Sequest nerd? I don't know. I think like- The dolphin talked. Come on. I often think about how there's definitely Babylon 5 nerds. Right.

I love that. I wish- Okay. Okay. I wish all Babylon 5 nerds the best. I think a SeaQuest nerd is some next level shit. It's some classic NLS. I was 10 when that show was on.

Oh, I'm not blaming you. Then who are you blaming? The producers of Sequest? I'm blaming you for going to Sequest Con. All right. Well, I mean, it's once a year, every year, and they build an effigy for Jonathan Brandes, which is weird because he passed away.

And you get to put your finger in a replica of the blowhole. Two hour wait. Me and Lakey. Do you remember things that happened on Sequest? Yeah, absolutely. What happened on Sequest? The whole show. Can you start with episode one?

What I remember about Sequest is that it existed, and I remember being confused and a little upset by it, but not its existence. Just like you'd see a promo, and I'd be like, what the fuck is SeaQuest? This is whack. I'm sure that's what you said. No, I wasn't thinking it was whack. There was something unsettling

about it to me. Okay. You're unsettled by the exploration of the ocean? Okay. Do you think man should respect the sea more? I should explain Never kill a seabird. What is this? My abusive stepfather was Echo the Dolphin.

Well, that'll do it. All that noise he made. It was set in the future. This was 1994 that the show came out. It was all tons of Star Trek rip-offs. This was, what if we took Star Trek, which is in space and cool,

and put it in the ocean? Because this is when Star Trek The Next Generation was on and popping. Yeah. Did Sequest have Whoopi Goldberg? Sequest did not have Whoopi Goldberg, but it did have a cameo from William Shatner in the first season. Oh. And Jonathan Brandes, who, RIP, we loved him. So they were- Sidekicks.

I could go on. Were they- Me too. But let's not challenge each other to do it because we could. We are the same person. We are the same person and we'd be here all night. Saying Jonathan Brandesman. Was it in a space ocean?

No, it was the future. It was the future, yes. It was like the 22nd century or something. And so they had this like superpowered submarine that would patrol the ocean, discover various, you know, natural resources down there, and protect colonists because beneath the surface lies the future. That was the tagline of the film. Whoa.

They had colonies. People moved into the underwater. Let me tell you this, Dave. Did you ever think that maybe with the way global warming's been going, Sequest is less of a television, scripted television, but a documentary instead? A peek into our future, prescient, if you will. I'll watch that when I get done watching my favorite documentary, Idiocracy. Thank you.

Man, it really is so true. Do you ever feel like that could be almost like a documentary? Sequest? Well, I was talking about Idiocracy, but either one. No, I mean, I don't know. I don't jack off as much as the guys in that movie.

Not yet, at least. I don't know if you've made it to the last episode of Sequest, but was the real Sequest the friends we made along the way? Yes, it was. It was really touching, and everybody hugged the boat and drowned. We love you, boat. They went outside, hugged the boat, and then they realized that there was no oxygen, and they died. Where are you guys running into each other?

Tell me about your casual outside-the-home relationship. Republican National Convention. Yeah. CPAC. You know, NRA stuff, Trump stuff. Yeah. We went to Daily Plaza. Nope, nothing happened. At least we got to hang with our boys.

We were there to support freedom. Got to hang out on that one grassy knoll that one time. Yeah. I mean, I see you every January 6th now. That's true. We have ending dates. That's really nice. Nobody needs to call.

There's no phone tree. We just meet and talk about freedom. No, it's just like bars. It's like a friend's birthday. And that space used to be occupied by Elizabeth Lame, who I never see anymore. For a while, I lived a quarter mile from Elizabeth Lame. The thrill of a lifetime to see Elizabeth Lame in public. What a treat.

Lately, though, I haven't seen Elizabeth Lame in a while. Is she avoiding us? She's probably avoiding us. She probably doesn't have anything to do with her children. Wait, is she Dave in a mask? Hello! I don't know what she sounds like. Sounds just like her. I have no clue. Oh, is she Dave in a mask? Hello! I don't know what she sounds like. Sounds just like her. I have no clue.

Oh, it's me! Yeah, I don't know why we see each other so much. I also see Andrea Bocelli a lot. Really? Yeah, the opera singer. Oh, that's fun. That's pretty cool. So the popular opera singer. Yeah, yeah, he and I just bump into each other at racquetball or like Erewhon. Just like this?

You guys have a racquetball court at Erewhon now? Yeah, like right next door. But Chelly demanded it. And he's like, hey, what are you doing? How are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I'm good, Andrea. How are you? Oh, you know, I got the show coming up.

It's going to be great. Does he do the voice of Nugget? No, he's the voice of Mario in the new Mario movie. Oh, okay. I saw that new Mario. I saw that Mario movie. How was it? I mean, they made a whole movie.

Mm-hmm. You know? I think... Did the kids want to see it, or did you have to see it for like a whole time? No, my children desperately wanted to see it. Everyone in my entire family. And the great victory was it was the first time everyone had gone and done something like that since before the pandemic. And we made it through the movie.

Everyone, all the children loved the movie. I don't think I have ever seen less movie in a movie than that. Like the amount of neither bad nor good that that movie is cannot be matched. Like I saw both Sonic movies, both of which had things to recommend them and things to not recommend. The Mario movie, I don't remember a thing that happened in the entire thing. So you've never seen a Minions film? Okay.

It's the same kind of deal. No. Minions do stuff. The Minions do. See, that's the thing. Yeah, they do disco dancing and karate. They do all kinds of stuff. There's not a story is what I'm saying.

In contrast. Let's get to a little context here. Yeah. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. here. Yeah. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave dad. Yeah. Me dad. Dave dad.

Me dad. What sorts of stuff is your kid watching? Well, he went to see Mario Brothers with his mother, my ex-wife, and he left early. He said it was too scary. I don't know. I haven't seen it. But he said, I don't think that's a very good mother. And then they left.

I don't know if there's a mom in the movie. Does Mario have a mom? That's interesting that he would say that because I think the only mother he could be referring to is your ex-wife. I do not remember any other mothers in the movie. Well, she refuses to feed him. Well, there's Mother Earth. Oh, thank you. Gaia. Gaia, yes. Gaia. My son also watches Godzilla movies a lot.

Oh, nice. He's really into Godzilla. That's a fun phase. Yeah. It's wild that kids are still having Godzilla phases. I guess Godzilla just looks so fucking cool. Well, so he went from... It sounds so cool. He went from Jurassic Park. Yep. And Jurassic World. To... Hey. I'd say, hey, come here, Ozzy, look at this.

This is Godzilla. Kind of like a dinosaur, but incredibly cool. Way cooler than a T-Rex. You know why? Because he can shoot like a laser beam at us. Because of the tragedy of nuclear war. Exactly. He's a metaphor.

He's a walking metaphor. I am trying to subtly seed all of that intellectual information into our conversations about the giant lizard smashing a building. It's really great that he's into it. And he's also learning about Japanese culture through that. And he didn't know what Japanese food was or what the language sounded like until he got into Godzilla. And now it's like. Now he knows that in Japan, they eat electrical lines. Yes, they do.

Or buses. And they're constantly screaming. Yeah, so that's what he's into. No Mario, though. He doesn't really like Mario. The Mario movie is distinguished. So, like, I've seen those DreamWorks movies. Lots of things happen in them.

Maybe not plot things, but jokes gags this that that sometimes it's annoying so i like that puss in boots recent puss in boots i like a lot um uh puss in boots faces the specter of death or whatever it was called i can't remember what it was called but i really liked it but yeah like usually in in kids movies a shit ton of things happen there's jokes and stuff and blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like... A little montage. Everybody dances at the end.

Yep. There's a Lego movie with 20 trillion jokes and, you know, a bunch of your favorite alt-comedian people from 10 years ago. It's great. But Mario... And sometimes, like, I'm on record not liking Shrek. Sometimes it turns bad.

The Sonic movies, they're mixed bags. Some things work, some things don't. You know what I mean? There's some fun in there, but there's some annoying bad in there. Yeah, I just don't know why Louis C.K. had to play Mario. It seems weird. I just thought, can't we cancel this guy? I swear to God, he's getting jobs left and right. Yeah, it does seem weird. I just thought, can't we cancel this guy? I swear to God, he's getting jobs left and right.

Yeah, it does seem weird. He was our philosopher king, Dave. A sad clown who turned a mirror on. Dave, yes, they got Louis C.K. to do it because Kevin Spacey had a schedule conflict. He had to be in court in Italy. That's why he's Funky Kong? I i don't know i haven't seen it i hope funky kong is in the movie brett ratner directed the mario it's really but it really is impressive how little happens in the mark like i don't at no point was i bothered by it like a This is like a Duplass Brothers movie.

Really? It's a character. This is bad. It's a character. You know what? It's a look at a life. It's a moment in a life. I'm not going to tell you. This does have the children's film sort of mumblecore vibe.

Wow. And that basically it's just like there's an adventure, but nothing distinctive happens in it. There's very few jokes. So it's Plumblecore. Yeah. He's a plumber. Plumblecore. Jesus.

Wow. T-shirt. T-shirt. T-shirt. Let's take a break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective here for a very special messaging segment joined by not Jesse Thorne, the other host of this show,

but by super producer Matt Lieb. Welcome to this special segment. I'm so happy to be here, to be in this very special segment. Unfortunately, Jesse couldn't make it, but hopefully my voice, while not as booming, is sufficient enough for people to enjoy. Matt, it's a second voice, and that's all we need. That's all that matters.

That's all that matters. Could literally be AI. People wouldn't care. Another guy. I'm one guy. We just need another guy. Do you have a favorite moment so far? Oh, my favorite moment is in between the recordings when sometimes Jesse will do a long pause, and I'll be like, what's happening here?

And it's just like, he's getting his thoughts together, getting ready for the next part. People think the fun banter continues. No, it stops and everyone just kind of Stares off into the middle distance. Absolutely. Dreams of the sea. Well, hey, this podcast, Jordan, Jesse Go,

and all the other great podcasts on MaximumFun.org are supported by folks who go to MaximumFun.org slash join. The folks that do that get access to a very special bonus feed with hundreds of hours of bonus content. And we're going to be throwing some new stuff in that feed in the coming months. We got new episodes of Stash Rules Everything Around Me, our Burt Reynolds recap podcast coming soon to the feed, and maybe a couple other little

surprises. So if you are signed up there at MaximumFun.org slash join, make sure you stay signed up. And if you haven't already, head on over. Throw a couple bucks to the organization. Help keep the shows coming and get yourselves some sweet and tasty bonus nugs. We're also brought to you this week by Zip Recruiter. Matt, it's tough to stand out, especially if you're a business owner and you want to attract the most talented people to hire on your team. But Zip Recruiter makes it easy. I know what they're talking about.

Standing out is tough. Matt, we've talked about this on the show in the past, but I just in case you don't know, when I was in high school, I tried to stand out and show everyone how random I was by wearing bowling shoes to school. So random. Very random. That was a random guy move. I tried to stand out by being a new metal kid. And, you know, that is a way to stand not just out, but apart from everyone.

Right, yeah. You wanted everyone to know you were doing it all for the nookie, right? The nookie and the cookie as well. I don't know what the cookie is, but I'll urban dictionary it at some point. Yes, not to get too off the topic of zip recruiter. Not to get political. Oh, sure. But I wonder if the cookie from the Limp Bizkit song was a literal cookie or if that was...

Yeah, I assume it was. All music is literal. Yes, especially when sung by fred durst the man the man the man doesn't even know what a metaphor is listen if you want to stand out in the job market in the world of jobs and hiring you don't need to wear bowling shoes that make you slip and fall on the stairs you don't need to get into a hybrid of rap and heavy metal. All you need to do is go to ziprecruiter.com slash JJGO, and they will use technology to send you great candidates for your job, and you can send a personal invite to apply to your top choices

so you stand out from the competition. Get your job noticed by the best and brightest candidates with ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free. That's right. ZipRecruiter.com slash jj go do it matt while we're bringing folks very special messages i just want to let folks know that a brand new archie comics horror anthology with a story by yours truly is going to hit the shelves on june 21st it is called camp pickens and you can

throw it on your pull list right now. Just go to your local comic book store, tell them you want to pre-order Camp Pickens. And I'm also doing signed copies via the great comic book store, Golden Apple Comics. GoldenAppleComics.com is their website. You can pre-order your signed edition of Camp Pickens there, and you can support a great local comic book shop you will see the link in the description matt if folks want to come see you do some hilarious stand-up comedy will there be an opportunity to do that coming up sometime soon absolutely especially of the

hilarious variety i'm going to be at the san francisco punchline on Wednesday, May 31st at 8 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Doors at 7 p.m. I'm going to be opening for my very good friend Jessica Seeley, who is doing a live album recording at the San Francisco Punchline. So get your tickets now. It's going to be a lot of fun. Jessica is hilarious and everyone should go out to support just her. Forget me.

Support her. But I will also be there doing jokes and it'll be a really fun time get your butt in gear if you live in the san francisco bay area go see matt lieb do some hilarious stand-up jokes and uh now why don't we get back to the show let's do it. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Dave Schilling, Mr. Net Worth. So Big Boy says, I finally decoded this secret letter.

You read it from bottom right to top left standing on your head. And then. So like Hebrew. Yeah, and then Dot or whatever her name is. What's her name? Dorothy. Dottie? She's, you know, she's not.

She's only on one. I know there's a D on her shirt. Big D. Dolly. Excuse me. Dolly. You know, she's only on one. I know there's a D on her shirt. Dolly. Excuse me.

Dolly. Then Dolly says, big boy, did you consider turning the letter right side up? Fucking big boy. What a maroon. This one doesn't have a joke on the back. It just has a big headline that says, maze lovers, enter here. That's a big trick. Talk about Jordan's wedding night.

I love a maze. He loves mazes. This guy loves fucking mazes. Listen, I love anything in the bedroom that you can also get on a kid's menu at a restaurant. Love a word search. If you show up to his apartment

and he's got a stack of big boy comics, he broke. These two pictures appear identical but there's several small differences. Dave, you're producing a podcast about Elon Musk right now. Yeah, I'm one of many producers. I don't want to make it seem like I'm important.

I'm there and it's exciting. Sounds exciting. Yes. Do you have any insights to share with us? Is there anything entertaining about Elon Musk? Or is he just as dull as he seems? You should see the memes this guy posts, Jesse. Yeah, I mean.

He's like if bacon were a person. Delicious? Uh-huh. You know, one, you're going to have to listen to it. Right. If you want insights or intelligent discourse. But Dave, you understand this is what's called a tease. Yes.

You give us a little taste and we come back for the brick. I'm coming back around to it. I'm just saying, you know, I don't want to give too much away. But here's the thing. Mr. Networth can tease it out. Elon Musk is not a cool guy. Okay, thank you. No, this is not the Elon I know.

Again, do I need to show you the memes he posts? In my capacity. The memes? Sorry, Dave. I heard you earlier, but have you... Sorry, it sounded like you haven't seen Cybertruck. Oh, yeah, I haven't. That is pretty rad.

When I pull up to the Sunset Tower Hotel in my Cybertruck, and the door slowly opens, and then slowly goes back down, and then goes up again, and then falls off. All the ladies say, ooh, that's a real man. That's a yes. I want to ride on the back of his Cybertruck.

I wonder what kind of memes he posts. Isn't there anything fun about Elon Musk? Listen, in my position as a journalist, as a part of this project, I don't want to seem biased against this person. I will say that he did quite a few things to make it seem as though he did not want to buy Twitter. And I think you guys know this. He spent months trying to avoid the thing that he said he wanted to do, which maybe is the most relatable thing he's ever done. It's sort of like he's, yes, we are all Elon. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, I want to get engaged. And then you have these horrible second thoughts and then you cheat on your fiance with a variety of women around town. But then you want to come back and you want to do it anyway. Wait, are we talking about you or Elon Musk? No, I know. We're talking about the Cybertruck? Is this a metaphor like Godzilla? We're talking about Michael J. Fox in the movie The Secret of My Success.

Got it. No, it's just like he seems like so weirdly incapable of focusing on one thing. Like as far as I can tell, this is a person whose attention gets drawn to a million different things. And he seems incredibly... Chill? No. That's the opposite of what I was going to say. Chillaxed?

It just doesn't seem like there's a lot of long-term thought behind these things. You know, you buy Twitter, and then you lay off 70% of the staff, so you hopefully save some money. He's also not paying the rent on his buildings. At the headquarters, he's not paying the rent. They're just going to, like, turn off the gas. So it's just like, I don't need people. I don't need buildings. What do I need?

I don't know. Is a chat GPT going to run Twitter at some point? What I'm most fascinated by with entrepreneur, engineer, elon musk is before he bought twitter he was of course famous for running tesla the electric car did you know about this about elon musk toward me around tesla the electronic car company you know what jesse i I did. Okay. So he, you know, Tesla, of course. And then also a company that digs holes was his other big project that he was like, I'm going to take some time off from running. Do you know the Jordan, the electric car company, Tesla? I do.

Okay. So he was running that. But he took some time off to invent a company that digs holes that did a bad job of that and never figured out how to dig good holes. Do you know what the company is called, Jordan? This is the boring company? Yeah, I think he's trolling himself sometimes. Yeah.

I don't know for sure. The boring company, I think, is probably his himself sometimes. Yeah. I don't know for sure. The Boring Company, I think, is probably his best work. He should have stopped there. He should have named the company that and then, you know, just fucked off to Cancun or something. Yeah. He still might. We don't know.

He still might. Yeah, I think something I've experienced. Now, like the rest of the world, I've come to know Elon Musk gradually. Yeah. And, you know, he's've come to know Elon Musk gradually. Yeah. And, you know, he's revealed himself to be the man that he is. But it seems like in 2008 or 9 or whatever, he did a lot of cameoing and things as himself. And the premise was, this guy's cool. Yeah. He's in Iron Man 2.

Yeah. That's a great one. I'm thinking of that one and a couple others, but where the premise is like, this guy's cool. Anyway. I think, well, he brought together the values of entrepreneurship with the values of engineering. And, of course, he's good for the environment because of electric cars. And he only had six or seven children at the time only a few ex-wives there was no way to know catch up dave um well hey elon musk united many values but we like to unite the values of

phone calls and listening okay yeah what a segue. Thank you. Thanks, Jordan. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or just record a voice memo and then email it to jjgoe at maximumfun.org, Dave. Yeah. I can see you in your face. You're considering this. I don't think I can get away with it because you would know it was me. Yeah. Your distinct voice.

It would be like, hello, guys, it's Steve. And you'd be like, yeah, it's Steve. He just said his name. What an idiot. Let's take a listen. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest, I'm gonna guess Professor Noam Chomsky. Can you pause this?

What an asshole. I'm just kidding. I'm not Noam Chomsky. Wait, who's the asshole? The guy who said you were Noam mean guy. I'm not Noam Chomsky. Wait, who's the asshole? The guy who said you were Noam Chomsky? It's a lie. Or is Noam Chomsky the asshole? I'm sure Noam is an asshole too. I think the best part of social media overall to me is that sometimes Noam Chomsky is trending.

And then there's Noam Chomsky on like an unlit webcam with his 7,000-year-old man beard just staring in and saying really complicated things about foreign policy. My boys is eating beans out of a can. You know what I mean? That's anti-capitalist, I think. I feel like Chomsky would eat beans out of a can, don't you? Yeah, that's why I said it. Okay. It seems very on brand.

What do you hate? Alan Moore, author of Adventures of Big Boy. The listener, the caller is not an asshole. I'm just like, I'm sorry. I'm disappointing you. I'm not Noam Chomsky. You're saying Chomsky's an asshole. You're saying that if I'm hearing you right, you're saying that both Ralph Nader and Noam Chomsky

and it says here Mumia Abu-Jamal are all assholes. Listen, that's what I heard when Jordan and I went to the QAnon rally a couple months ago. Did you really call Howard Zinn an asshole? I did, yeah. Hannah

Arendt, you said, is a monster. One of the biggest. One of the biggest assholes. Yeah, I'm sorry. All of these men and women of letters, they go get fucked. If there's a puppet of them that appears in a drum circle, they're an asshole? If you read Dave's book, The Banality of Assholery, about Hannah Arendt, okay. Press play on it.

On this occasion, they're filming some kind of movie in front of my apartment building right now, and I think Joel Kinnaman said that my bike looks fast, which is cool, and it is fast. So, uh, yeah, have a nice day. This is just some fucking brag.

Wow, Joel Kinnaman! The star of RoboCop? 2014. The only RoboCop? 2014. 2014. The only RoboCop that matters, frankly. Yeah, Michael Keaton is in that, Sam Jackson, some other folks. Yeah. Directed by Jose Padilla, I believe, was the director of RoboCop 2014.

Great pull. Thank you. Great work, Dave. I prepare when I come in and do the research. Check out Doc Hollywood over here. I read the Wikipedia of RoboCop. I was not asked to do that. And yet I did because I'm a professional.

It's a little something called producing a podcast, Jordan. He's one of a variety of producers on the podcast. I tell everybody that works for me, read the Wikipedia of RoboCop 2014. Don't see that. Then talk to me. I won't have a meeting with you until you've read the Wikipedia. Thank you. Listen, I have a story. Yeah.

It comes with a brag. Great. I'm sorry. The brag is part of the story. The brag is part of the story. What am I going to do? The story won't make sense without the brag. Well, maybe.

So here I am sucking off Gnome Jones. This motherfucker is eating beans from a can. Here I am in a gray void. Does he heat them up on a little single burner? Not like a gas burner. Hot plate. No, I'm thinking like one of those little like candle Bunsen burner kind of things. That's horrible.

And as he's eating those beans and you're going to town, you take it out and you say, I'm working here. And he's like, I'm sorry. And he puts the beans down because he's disrespecting you. Does Noam Chomsky have any children, daughters or? Where are we? I don't know. I think he's working. He's working on it. He's working. Thank you, Jesse. He's working's working. He's working on it. He's working.

Thank you, Jesse. He's working on it. I'm working on it. As am I. I'm working on it. I got to get us on. I love saying it so much. I love to say it.

I love when people comment it. I love it. Oh, my God. You just turned into a gremlin all of a sudden. Yeah, well, feed me after midnight. Dave, you're the one who fed me after midnight. Talk about Jordan's wedding now. Yeah, right?

You married the gremlin with the big boobs. That's true. Yes, that is me. I was that gremlin. I married the super smart gremlin. Oh, brain gremlin. Voiced by Tony Randall. That's right.

We were doing a signing of our new Archie comic book, Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors, here at a comic book store called Golden Apple. I've been. It's a great place. Legendary comic book store. Great comic book store. Great comic book store. Great comic book store. Big place.

And you know what? I wouldn't expect anything different because great comic. Thank you. Yes. Appropriate. Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors. Available now at your local comic book shop. When you say we, it's you, Alan Moore, Todd McFarlane, Dolly, Big Boy.

And Bob. I've been out of the game for a while, but it's good to be back. He insists that he has to look the fool in the comic. Ooh, make me look the fool. A big fool. Oh, no. Markguire's here to take his balls back he's injecting us all with steroids he can see our veins um so uh so you see you know there's the people who are coming in for the sign and getting the book signed but then there's a there's a there's a then there's a kind of a barking you have to do. People who are in the store for other things, you have to say, hey, you know, we got this new book.

Well, I'll sign it for you. So, you know, it's tough to bring people over. You're in a comic book store. You're kind of single-minded. You're not really there to chat. You're there for the Funko Pops. You're there for the Funko Pops. Exactly. you're not really there to chat um you're there for the funko pops you're there for the funko pops exactly um you know there there's this kind of older older kind of classic nerd couple came in

um and we're like hey we got we have a new we're interested in some archie comics the the man of the couple leans over and he's like, oh yeah, she loves Archie. And we're like, great, well, we'll sign one for you. And then they just, she leaves. And he's like, I'm just kidding. She hates Archie. She's more a fan of ducks. And then they leave.

So that, you know, you're dealing with stuff like that. But then this kind of older guy in like a pink baseball cap and like a blue, like a bright blue, like a bright blue work shirt comes in. And he's got a young boy with him. They're picking up comics. Is this guy like some kind of Palm Springs dad? Kind, like Palm Springs dad, but also like there's a little 90s rave going on. It was strange. It was Noel Gallagher from Oasis?

The punchline is going to be better. Oh, amazing. Sorry. So they buy what they're going to buy, but then he brings the boy over to the table. And he's like, hey, look, these people, they wanted to be creative, and they achieved their dream. If you're like them and you try hard, you can achieve your dreams. And then they walk out without buying the comic. And then the owner of the store comes over, and he's like, that was Peter Weller.

That was Robocop. Whoa. Just goes in there all the time. Buys some comics for his grandson. It's amazing. But he wasn't like, be like me, Robocop. Be like them, these others. It's interesting because he has succeeded beyond most people's wildest dreams and you are

sure. You know. You're Jordan. Yeah. I'm doing fine. You're not Robocop. I'm hucking Archie's to passerbys. Yeah, but you're not Robocop. I'm not Robocop. You're not Buckaroo Banzai. No. You weren't in, um, what's that one? Repo Man. I'm not Repo Man.

He was not in Repo Man. I did have the soundtrack in high school and I felt like repo man when playing it in my bedroom. Let's all go around the horn. Matt, you can chime in too. Please don't. What are some things that I'm not? I think I've established

that you're not RoboCop. No, I'm not RoboCop. You're plenty of things, but you're just not that one thing. I don't think you have to feel bad about yourself. Yeah. You accomplished something that Peter Weller never accomplished. That's true. Fucking Weller never wrote a comic book.

He didn't write a fucking Archie comic book. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. That guy didn't even write a fucking Bazooka Joe comic. Yeah. Thank you. He couldn't write his way out of a paper bag.

Let's list some things that Peter Weller hasn't. What has Peter Weller not done? He does have his PhD. That I've done. In like art history or Egyptology. He never had a season pass to Wild Rivers, a water park. He's tried. He never sees me anywhere.

They wouldn't let him. That's true. That's true. He never sees Dave Schilling out. Yeah, so I mean, who's the loser here? Yeah. On the other hand, who's the loser here? Yeah. On the other hand, he sees Elizabeth Lame all the time. Constantly.

Also, Peter Weller's constantly being mistaken for Paul Weller, which is not good, or Peter Ackroyd. Sure. A lot of Peters, a lot of Pauls. These things happen to him constantly. I find myself often robbing Peters to pay Pauls. These things happen to him constantly. I find myself often robbing Peter to pay Pauls. On the other hand, he's never mistaken for a U.S. soccer player. That's true.

I've got it going. I've got it pretty good. Thank you. Well, we've really turned this around. I'm feeling great about myself. Yeah, good. So if you're keeping score out there, listeners, it seems like on the score sheet here, Peter Weller is losing to Jordan in terms of good things in his life. So sorry, Peter.

He has that charming grandson, though, which I don't have. Do you have any? No, I got to get a son. I got to get a grandson now. Jesus Christ, I want to catch up to Weller. That void is just not cooperating. The void's got a headache, okay? If you're Peter Weller, what advice do you think you would give to a young child?

Oh, you know. Do RoboCop 3. Yeah, do RoboCop 3. Don't tap out of RoboCop 3 because you'll get a jet pack in this one and you'll fight ninjas. People didn't like it at the time because it was PG-13, but it's actually pretty cool. That's actually, that would be it. Do RoboCop 3. And when you get that, and if you're going to use us as an example, buy the fucking $3.99

comic. Get it for the kid. I agree. Slap it up. That's the shittiest part of the story in my opinion. Thank you. Yeah. Is that he's like, look at these people.

They're successful, except I'm not going to contribute to their success, despite the fact that I'm a millionaire. I'm incredibly rich. Yeah, Weller's doing great. Well, he didn't do three, so I don't know. If I'm Weller, my first thought is I get that kid, sit him down,

say, add a little bit of acid for brightness. A lot of times, if you think it's missing something, a little bit of lemon juice, or a little bit of acid for brightness. A lot of times if you think it's missing something, a little bit of lemon juice or a little bit of vinegar or something is really going to amp up the flavor. It's not that it makes it sour. It's that it adds a pop to everything else. It enlivens everything.

Salt, fat, acid, heat, RoboCop. Yes. Incredible book. Have you read that book? John, Paul, George, Ringo, RoboCop. Yes. Incredible book. Have you read that book? John Paul Dorringo RoboCop. By Grubanzi. Well, let's go to break. Yeah, we're done.

Yeah. You had a great segue before, and that was terrible. Yeah, sorry. Jesus. You know who does a great segue? Fucking Weller. Weller can segue to the next segment with ease. So this is

a guy in the forest and he says hello big boy and Dolly I am Sam. And then big boy says Sam? And then Dolly, I am Sam. And then big boy says, Sam?

And then Dolly says, we've come to help you. What can we do? I gotta see where this goes. We're going to help Sam do what? Who knows what's going on. Who knows? Only

Manny Stallman knows the answer to that. Well, that's a pet name, of course. We all know Peter Weller wrote those. That's an anagram for oral sex. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, when you listen to podcasts, it really just comes down to whether or not you like the sound of everyone's voices. My voice is one of the sounds you'll hear on the podcast Dr. Game Show.

And this is the voice of co-host and fearless leader Joe Firestone. This is a podcast where we play games submitted by listeners and we play them with callers over Zoom we've never spoken to in our lives. So that is basically the concept of this show. Pretty chill. So take it or leave it, bucko. And here's what some of the listeners have to say. It's funny, wholesome, and it never fails to make me smile. I just started listening and I'm already binging it.

I haven't laughed this hard in ages. I wish I'd discovered it sooner. You can find Dr. Game Show on MaximumFun.org La la la la la la la la The following pro wrestling

contest is scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring from the Tights and Fights podcast are the baddest trio of audio the hair to beware Danielle Radford. It really is great hair. The Brit with a

permit to hit Lindsay Kell. The queen is dead long live the queen. And the fast talking fist clocking Hal Upland. See I can wrestle and be an announcer. Get ready for tights and fights. Listen every Saturday or face the pain.

Find us on Maximum Fun. Don't ring the bell. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Dave Schilling, Mr. Networth. In issue 298, big boy on the cover here. Big boy is saying, our search has ended.

Quick, Dolly, call the police. Nugget has found our man. Nugget the dog is going, arf, arf, arf, grr, grr. And then Dollyr, grr. And then Dolly says, yikes! So that's Turbo Ullman.

Turbo Ullman? Was he the DP on The Seventh Seal? Yeah. And he does all of Spielberg's movies. Fantastic. His work is so good.

The Shotbridge of Spies. The Shadows. Oh, my God. Depth of Field. Turbo Ullman, by the way, he's wearing a giant Western hat and a fur collared and cuffed coat with green gloves. This is what Turbo Ullman is saying. Nobody will ever find me. What's that dog doing?

He's finding you, asshole. Turbo Ullman is now a Tennessee state representative. He looks like one of those guys. What's that dog doing? Oh, well, off to strangle a doorman. Turbo Ullman. Yikes. So that's Turbo Omen?

Bump the brakes. Strangle doorman. I got one for you. This is from a segment called Big Boy's Pals. Okay. So this is Big Boy. He's got his school books. He's in, you know, one of his classic orange voids. Sure.

I think this is a nice one. This is a nice segment because I think a lot of times Big Boy would tell you that he feels like he doesn't have any pals. No. This segment suggests otherwise. So this is he's with a kid who's like in like cowboy clothes but has like glasses on. Hi, Tex. This is Big Boy. Okay, wait.

So he's wearing cowboy clothes and glasses? Yes. He can't be a cowboy And wear glasses We all know that I mean you know I think we're We're meant to

You know Assume this is like a kid This is like a kid in his class Real cowboys Have fur Muffs And cuffs Right

Yeah like Turbo Omen Like Turbo Omen This is Big Boy Hi Tex You look real upset Upset I've got a lot of worries This is Tex Okay This is Tex again. Hi, Tex. You look real upset. Upset? I've got a lot of worries. It's Tex.

Okay. This is Tex again. His friend is named Tex. Now, how did he get that name? I'll do a little Tex voice. How did Tex get that name? Big Boy, I've got so many worries in my head right now that if something real bad happens to me today, I won't have time to worry about it for a week.

Bye. Bye, Tex. That's it. Time to worry about it for a week. Bye. Bye, Tex. That's it. These things always stick around for one or two lines more than they should. I would have been more comfortable with that if you had had Dave do the Tex.

Thank you. Yes, Tex was a very handsome black man. It didn't seem appropriate for you. As you flip through the pages, you get to the end, and Tex shoots down a Chinese spy balloon. Did you know that? Wow. Okay. With a little BB gun.

Fair enough. A well-armed militia. Get them out of our country. Exactly. The Texans? No, the Chinese spy balloons. Oh, Chinese spy. Well, I think we should get rid of the Texans.

I think we should. Well, not Texans, but Texans. Various Texes. I think we should. Well, not Texans, but Texes. Various Texes. People named Tex who are so called because they're little boys who wear cowboy suits, even though they have fucking glasses. So we know they're not a cowboy. That's what Tex-A-Fee looked like. What cowboys do you know who have glasses?

When were glasses invented? Doc Holliday. Did you see the movie? Okay, many cowboys have glasses. It was called Tombstone. If cowboys didn't have glasses, where would they put their whiskey? There you go.

In their mouths. Okay. I feel like that could be like on, like etched onto a piece of wood that's in an Airbnb. Cowboys didn't have glasses. Where would they put their whiskey? It's like, what does that mean? It's my grandma had wheels, she'd be a wagon.

What? What? Why would she do that? One potato, two potato, three potato floor? Did this guy have these custom made or did he buy, did these exist? Is this a chat GPT thing? This is an Instagram ad. Sure.

Oh, shit. Live, laugh, gun? What is this? Howdy red wine, it says. Sure. Okay, Dave, it's been a joy to have you on the program, as per always. It's been all right. If people want to enjoy your podcast production regarding Elon Musk, how can they do that?

Well, the podcast is called Flipping the Bird, colon, Elon versus Twitter. It's on Wondery's various networks and Wondery Plus, which is a subscription service. You pay extra and you get it early and that kind of thing. I'm not here to promote that necessarily. No. Look, end of the day, you're going to join Max Fun so you can listen to our recaps of Burt Reynolds. There you go. You're recapping the entire life of Burt Reynolds?

Yeah. We're ascribing his boyhood. But I'm selling the documentary short. It's very good. Yes. It's just, you know, I contain multitudes. I'm doing other stuff. I have a story for you guys.

Okay. I am in the next Taika Waititi movie. You're not. No way. Seriously. Boy too? I play the second boy. I did one day.

It is a very small non-speaking part. Okay. But I am in the trailer. I've seen the trailer. Really? You're not. This isn't the Star Wars movie, is it? No, no, no. I'm playing Thor now. Oh. It's a soccer movie. It's called Next Goal Wins.

It's based on a documentary about the American Samoa soccer team. Wow. So how do you audition for a non-speaking role? I didn't. Tell us more. Oh, my friend wrote the movie. Oh! So it was like, we need...

Put Dave in. We need handsome men. Right. Good looking boys. Mm-hmm. Nice fellas. Mm-hmm. To be in this scene.

And it is a boardroom scene. I'm in there with Elizabeth Moss. Wow. Mm-hmm. Will Arnett. Right. Oh my gosh. Reese Darby.

Uh-huh. Some of the funniest people in the whole world. Sure. Especially Elizabeth Moss. She's hilarious. I don't know if you guys have seen her work in The Invisible Man. I'm just kidding. Michael Fassbender is the lead.

Wow. I'm in the scene with Michael Fassbender. At the end of my time, my very brief time, my one day, he got up and he shook my hand because I was wrapped for the day. Thank you for your heart. He says that bike looks fast. What are you talking about? I got a suit. I got fitted for a suit from, you know,

one of those prop houses in Burbank. Yeah. I had to get COVID tested because it was around COVID. And Taika's like, just take notes. Just take notes on a note. Wait, Taika Waititi? He's the director of the movie. So wait, does this happen before or after Last Jedi?

This is kind of the old Republic. Okay, okay. Well, just lead with that. It's the old Republic. Where does the boy's obsession with Michael Jackson lead? Well, he becomes a Jedi, like I said. Do they find the wilder people? They've been shopping.

What are they doing in those shadows? What are they doing in those shadows? This is a list of Taika Waititi things. This is why you'll never be in one of those movies, guys. He has some sort of. Because you don't take things seriously. Reservation Dogs has something to do with him. He's involved.

He's a producer. He's a He's involved. He's a producer. He's a producer on it. He's a very talented man. He brought the talent together on that or something. One of the other extras in that scene was one of the writers from that show. It was like friends of the production. That's really fun. Yeah.

How was the food? The food was pretty okay. Okay. Did you ask if you could be in the Star Wars? I'm playing Mace Windu's nephew. Mace Windu's birthday party? Jamal Windu. It's very funny.

Wow. By the way, I feel like, you know, I feel like if I had to pick my number one favorite character from a different world, it's got to be Jamal Windu. Yeah, because he goes to Hillman, but then he drops out to go to the Jedi Academy. And then, of course, Order 66 happens, and he kind of sneaks out. Yeah, we've all seen Sequest. We've all seen it. The Talking Dolphin, you know, all that stuff. Anyway, that movie Comes out in November

So you want to Just want to You want to plug Your non-speaking role In that type of I just thought It was a fun story It's a fun story

It's exceptionally fun I mean it would be better If you were in the Star Wars I didn't I didn't have a choice Nobody's going to watch This American Samoa shit I think it's going to be

Very successful It's going to be an awards It's going to be great Caliber You know I'd watch it if it was About the Tongan soccer team Shit. I think it's going to be very successful. It's going to be an awards caliber. I'd watch it if it was about the Tongan soccer team. Why? Why are you racist against Samoans?

Because I'm pro-Tongan. It's a classic. It's A or B. It's like the Hatfields and McCoys. Yeah, exactly. You know, I love everybody. That's why I'm in the movie and you're not. By the way, Hatfield McCoy was my other favorite character. Hatfield McCoy.

Yeah, he was in Yellowstone. Sorry, Jordan. I talked over you. Nah, it's okay. I wasn't saying anything either. Don't worry. Who cares? You talk, you talk.

I don't know. I'm going to go back to plugging stuff. You talk and then you'll say something and then, you know, 80, 90 minutes, it's over. From now on, should all our guests' plugs just be like a cool thing that happened to them? I think they should bring one plug and one cool story. I think that's a fair, yeah. I mean, I could just be like, my Twitter is at Dave underscore Schilling. Follow me on Twitter.

I talk a lot about Star Trek. Oh, yeah. Boring. I post pictures of my clothes. I'm sorry. Was Michael Fassbender in that one at all? In my clothes? No.

We should all be so lucky. I'd love to get him in my trousers. Talk about Jordan's wedding night. Oh, boy, I wish. Talk about an endless void. Michael Fassbender. Okay. Anyway, God knows what we're doing here.

Matt Lieb is our producer on the program. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, our producer, and Meredith, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Twitter at JordanJesseGo, on Facebook at Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. We are on Instagram at JordanDavidMorris and at put.this.on. Dave Schilling has been our guest on the program. Always nice to see you, Dave. Nice to see you too, guys. Thanks for having me.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.