Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Danimals Monkey Rule 34 With Andrew Ti

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

Andrew Ti is back with Jesse and Jordan to talk about his human-sized dog crate, his trip to the Taco Bell cantina in Las Vegas and, of course, how Rule 34 definitely applies to the Danimals monkey mascot Bongo the Monkey. Enjoy this very normal episode!Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21!Head to magicspoon.com/JJGO to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself! And be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save five dollars off your order!Make sure to support this great network by heading on over to maximumfun.org/join

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Okay, so I wanted to get something out right at the top of the show. I just felt like it's something that I felt like it's something I owe a friend. Right. You know what I mean?

Normally, I wouldn't derail the show right away with something like this. And yet, I know a lot of times we'll start the show and we'll kind of act like it's serious, but it'll be a little bit. Is this that or is this something else? No, this is completely serious. It's not a bit at all. Okay, okay. I actually wanted to read. Because then sometimes the like bit is kind of a surprise

because, you know, like a lot of times people like get real on podcasts and they do this like sincere thing. And then like, well, you know, the joke is kind of like a left turn. So this is not. No, not at all. This is completely serious. It's not just a stupid joke for our stupid show. Yeah.

Okay, good. I wanted to read an apology letter. It's actually kind of a series of apologies. It's not from me, though. Again, as I said, this is sort of a favor for a friend. This is for... You're apologizing on behalf of someone else? Well, I'm reading the apologies that a friend gave

me to read on the show because they don't have their own show. Right. And they want... It's my friend Jocktoberfest. Okay. Do you remember when he came on the show recently? Was that Brian Pose posain that was uh jocktoberfest my friend jocktoberfest toyota-thon um he's a jock i know uh he came on the show and he said some things that he regretted and he wanted to apologize and Oh, I see. Okay.

Oh, I know who you're talking about now. It took me a minute. Yeah. One of the apologies is actually to you. Oh, okay. I'll get to that. Again, I'm just reading what he wanted to apologize. He said, first of all, he wanted to apologize. No, Jesse, just you, can you can you just you know new listeners yeah it was

a while ago can you describe this man yeah this is a friend of mine he's a jock um and he's really well known for um well he's really swollen okay um is that, he's swole? Like he's, you know, buff or he's like a stone by bees? I'm not 100%. I've only talked to him in audio form. He's a good friend, but we only talk, you know, we talk on the phone. Sure. One of those phone friends who you meet on the phone and never meet in person.

You just talk to him on the phone. Yeah. And he eats a lot of powders um which he gets at the mall right just a classic jock yeah just a classic job opposite of a nerd his full name is jock toberfest toyota thon um so he had some apologies he wanted me to share first of all he wanted to apologize to neil gaiman um who he said was a football quarterback. Actually, Jock said that he's probably something stupid, like an Olympics guy who does hurdling or something. So he wanted to apologize for saying that he was something cool,

like a football quarterback. That's nice, I'm sure. Legendary science fiction fantasy author Neil Gaiman will appreciate that. That's very big of your friend, Jesse. Is there more? Yeah. He said he wanted to apologize to his parents because a few times on the show, Jordan didn't call him Mr. Toyotathon, which was rude to his parents, especially to his mother, Fun Run. So he's apologizing to me? His parents. No, he's apologizing to his parents no he's apologizing to his parents

that i they didn't use his certain because you didn't use his surname you just refer to him casually which is rude to his parents with whom he shares a surname um he wanted to apologize to the mall. He said he goes to the mall just to get his powders that he eats. He said he also sometimes goes to Delia's to buy stuff for your girlfriend, Jordan. Man, dude's slamming me in his apologies. Man, this is like, this is rough stuff. I thought this was going to be sincere, but he's getting burns in through you. This is very sincere. Do you remember that he does that work with the Wounded Warriors?

He helps Wounded Warriors because he's a physical therapist at the community college? Yeah. He wanted to apologize to all the Wounded Warriors because, and I'm reading his apology. Apologize to all the wounded warriors because, and I'm reading his apology. Now they have stink on them from being associated with Jordan, who goes to the mall and eats at Mrs. Fields like a fucking nerd. You might remember that he only eats at Sparrow's. Right. And anyone who eats at any of the other places is a fucking nerd. So it wasn't like he's got a thing against Mrs. Fields.

No, he thinks it's for fucking nerds and you probably everything that's not i i do i love mrs fields cookie when i'm shopping at the mall he's got me there dead to rights the problem is that by talking to you he tarred the wounded warriors as the kind of people who would probably go to the mall and eat something other than sparrows. These are all slams against me. I felt like they were apologies. I kind of think, I mean, I wonder if you have anything hurt by a lot of these. I wonder if you have anything that you would like to apologize for, because I kind of admire jock for his willingness to kind of open his heart to our

audience right and show some contrition which is not something that i've heard from you on the show jordan well i i don't this is no jesse these are just okay well i'm sorry to jock i'll write this do you mind if i grab a pen and write this down for him because he does not listen to podcasts okay i'm sorry to jock that uh he doesn't have any real connections or friends that he just talks to jesse on the phone he listens to a man who he's motivational he listens to motivational stories, like the ones in Who Moved My Cheese. So I'm sorry to Jock that he can't appreciate the other- Sorry, I'm just trying to find a notepad here on my desk.

Okay. Do you need me to repeat the last stuff, or do you think you can get the gist of it? It doesn't need to be word for word. No, I want to get it right. He cares about that kind of thing. I'm just looking at- Okay, I got a notepad here. Go ahead.

Okay, sorry that he doesn't have any real friends, I'm just looking. Okay. I got a notepad here. Go ahead. Okay. Sorry that he doesn't have any real friends, that he just calls you on the phone periodically. Right. And, you know, there's no in-person element to it. That's really sad, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that he can't enjoy all the other wonderful food options the mall has to offer. Mrs. Fields cookies, of course. You know, the cookies are great, but grab a cookie cake for a special occasion.

It'll make it even more special. Okay. Hot dog on a stick. Great lemonade. Probably has one of those Mongolian barbecue places where they swoosh the food around with giant sticks. Sorry you can't enjoy that. Can I ask something? Should I put Orange Julius in here?

Yeah, throw Orange Julius. Maybe my childhood memory of it is better than it actually is. It's funny that you mentioned that because I had one recently and I thought it was great. I'll put it in here. Then put it down. But I'll put that you eat it.

Sure. Wish, wish, wish, wish wish and sorry could you hear me writing well look did we can we have stan lee pop up and tell people what what episode of the podcast to listen to to get that wiki jordan it's in the fucking wiki. Okay. Read the wiki for once. Jordan Jesse Go, True Believers. See episode 767 to see what really happened to Wolverine on Arcade's Island. JJGo.fandom. It's on the fucking wiki. Somebody made an entry.

I don't think we should be asking people to do supplemental reading to listen to this podcast. Why? What do people have too much to do supplemental reading to listen to this podcast. Why? What, do people have too much to do? Get your face out of your phone and do some supplemental reading. On your phone. Are we printing out hard copies of the wiki? Print it out. Print it out.

It's worth the ink. Bring it to the library. Print the wiki. Bring it to the office. Write memo at the top. And read it right there in your cube it's my recommendation if you can print it out on one of those printers that has the sprockets on the side that's a way to do it that way you don't have to flip pages you can just read it

in one long roll let's give it a fun retro look too give a and make a cover page for it in print shop rotor bund print shop is my recommendation put a picture of a bear or something like a birthday bear sure yeah there's bears print tape there's one thing i know about print shop deluxe it has bears for every occasion our guest on the program uh one of our faves co-host of the yo's this racist podcast uh he's got his dog peanut there i i hear peanuts gonna come up on the lap at some point peanut hi andrew peanuts peanuts the guest i'm just kind of chilling i finally got peanut in a hoodie for the first time. Okay. Only wore crew necks previously.

That's right. No, Peanut was like a real dog, a Chihuahua Houdini until this recent cold snap. Oh. Were you putting Peanut in a barrel and pushing her over Niagara Falls? Is that what you're telling us? Peanut in a barrel and pushing her over Niagara Falls. Is that what you're telling us? That was, you know, I mean, it was, there was an element of they were hand-me-downs that maybe she didn't love from previous different size dogs.

I guess that's probably a big dog thing. Is this, wait, hold on. Were you trying, you know, I can see Peanut here. Our audience can i can see that peanut is a small adorable chihuahua or chihuahua mix uh she's a she's a beautiful little baby that i want to nuzzle and snuggle with right now all right hold on moving away from the light okay okay he's picking up peanut we're're going to confirm her snuggliness. Yeah. Oh my gracious. Confirming. It's confirmed folks. Oh, the hoodie is on. It's got an adorable

pom pom. This hoodie is a sweater too. This is a seasonal, this is a hoodie that's perfect for even let's say a Hallmark Christmas movie about chihuahuas oh yeah andrew are you telling me that you were putting missized hoodies from other sizes of dog onto your chihuahua like a character in a sitcom whose parents say that they'll grow into it yeah like like a nickelodeon after school like not always but occasionally the main thing was i i uh the sad part of the story is uh peanut was a peanut and her sister who is double sad peanuts uh sister passed away a couple months ago but also they were 2020 inheritances i feel compelled at this time to say it wasn't covet but i it doesn't really matter uh it was a friend of a friend was her owner and he passed away um and my friend

turned out to be allergic to dogs so So I was like, you know what? I'll look after these two dogs. One guy with two big sweaters. Big sweater syndrome. Crushed by her own sweater. How ironic. This is the largest sweaters I could find. I just figured bigger the better. That's great that she got to have a nice life, you know,

toward the end with you and her sister in the same home. That's really lovely. Can we confirm, Jordan, that the life was nice? Andrew, can you confirm that for us? Yeah, what do you got treats-wise over there? Are you mixing wet and dry food? Here's what I will say is uh you could the bed okay so peanut is just about the smallest chihuahua you could get so i don't know she's probably like eight pounds something

like that like teeny tiny small uh i got on amazon i just was like i don't know who cares i'll just get the most dog bed you could get right so these guys can see it a little bit in the background of the zoom the dog bed is i believe four right so these guys can see it a little bit in the background of the zoom the dog bed is i believe four feet by three feet yeah and it was two similar sized dogs so now has a lifestyle like wilt chamberlain's bachelor pad yeah yeah yeah it's really i i basically i was like the dumbest person's version of giving these dogs whatever they want which mostly equated to just the most of it so they also had and have i guess peanut now has it on her own uh a dog crate for i mean a human could could genuinely fit in there this is like a human

trafficking crate similar size maybe like a human kink crate. Yeah. Well, I feel like you want a little more heft on the bars for the kink. For the kink crate, yeah. And for the trafficking. Anyway, it would be terrible for... Listen, I'm sure we have a listener or two out there who knows what makes a good

kink crate. Yeah. Drop us a line, jordanjessego at aol.com and let us know what you're looking for when you go on wire cutter and search kink crate what what comes up here's my quote here's what i'm wondering about uh dog kink crate um there's two primary types of dog crate in my experience. Number one, there is a collapsible foldable dog crate that is made out of metal wire bars. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like maybe what you would imagine if you thought generic dog crate or like it looks a little

bit like a rectangular birdcage or something like a totally simple, like, like, uh, industrial kitchen furniture. The other kind is like tan plastic and looks like a, like sort of like a module, like a Quonset hut or something, you know, like it looks, it's got a hexagonal shape, um, and it has a big black plastic handle on top and i can see on top darker brown on the bottom yeah exactly and there's that could potentially i'm just saying potentially here but that could potentially the metal one seems more classic which is what you want, I think, for kink. You know, you're not, like, when you're having sex

with a sex nurse, you want it to be the kind with the little starched white hat, you know what I mean? Do you think it gets too complicated? And again, you know... The folding and unfolding? I was going to say combining dog kink with nurse kink.

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I thought you were going to say, is there like a kink of like a modern nurse, just like mismatched scrubs, like smoking, like haven't slept in 36 hours. They've got maybe like minion scrubs because they're fun. Yeah. It says Grey's Anatomy on it.

Tired nurses here. Yeah. So sleepy. yeah yeah it says gray's anatomy on it um our nurse is here yeah so so sleepy oh i'm so i'm so overworked they won't let me strike oh i like them i like them unorganized but here's my concern about the metal crate for a it is the classic look which it does seem like you would want yeah i mean if you're yeah if you're a human and you want to play nasty puppy right who needs his nose rubbed in his number two yeah you want something that's more classic this because you know it's about the fantasy it's about the vibe so obviously you want something that's more classic this because you know it's about the fantasy it's about the vibe so obviously you want everything to look right nobody wants a 1930s dungeon you go full middle ages or nothing right exactly and so well there are some people with

boardwalk empire kinks yeah that's true um there's a whole kink community around the kind of like BB plus HBO shows. Right. Well, I've been to r slash Buscemi. I thought you were going to say r slash Arliss. It's got to be an r slash. Dream on, Jordan. r slash. r slash nasty Arliss. here's the advantage of the plastic crit

it seems less inherently sexual but you're gonna get less knee problems because it has a smooth bottom with a pad down there right you're not gonna get those kind of marks on your legs that you, you're, that are non, they're not sexual marks. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can cut some of this off right at the pass and tell you that the, the huge human sized dog crate I have in the other room, uh,

though it is of the black metal variety does have a nice little plastic sheet at the bottom or plastic. Oh, that's good. Cause that will will that'll hold in the uh number twos for when the nasty doggy has to have its nose rubbed into it by a nurse for some reason this is getting complicated yeah sort of like a high-end vet yeah yeah okay yeah i like that um andrew i'm noticing are you wearing a faded Taco Bell shirt?

I am. This is from the Taco... This is also, unfortunately, because we recorded Yos is Racist earlier, so I'm going to try not to double dip on content between podcasts. But yes, this is from the taco bell cantina on las vegas boulevard listen to someone who who regularly tells the same stories on this show and alison rosen i give you full permission to double dip all right uh yeah this is from this is from the taco bell cantina uh i went there in 2021 i think think. Yes, it was.

It was like kind of, it was the second the vaccine hit trip. Right. Went to Las Vegas. So obviously we've all been locked down, you know, no contact, you know, missing family and friends. The second that vaccine takes effectiveness,

you're like, get me to a taco bell pop-up yeah no no not a pop-up a permanent fixture on the las vegas strip uh where they play house music at 11 24 7 wow i was there for like essentially breakfast, like Vegas breakfast, which was still like, I don't know, 1245 p.m. But like it was the first meal I had having woken up. And good motherfucking God was the music so loud. Like just everything in there is designed to give you a headache because they also serve booze. Wow. Like taco.

I think they serve. You know what? I don't know this, but it must be Baja Blast with booze in it. Like it has to be what it is because it's a purple, it's like a neon blue margarita. I have to say something about Taco Bell. I had this, we were in San Francisco for Sketch Fest and I went and hung out with our old pal from college, Tyler.

And Tyler has these friends as a local businessman. Tyler has these friends from the tech industry. Oh, sure. A lot of people in the tech industry in San Francisco. He introduced me to this very nice couple of dudes. They were brothers. And I didn't exactly understand what they were up to other than they had spent a few nights

at the founder of Airbnb's house recently. Like they had Airbnb'd into the founder of Airbnb's house. Whoa, dude. Fucking trippy. There was an amazing part where they said how humble he is and how he cooked for everybody. And then Tyler said, well, didn't you just say that there was a cook there? And they said, yeah, well, we're vegetarian.

So he was intimidated. So he did have the cook cook one of the nights. But I'm talking to these nice dudes and again like i cannot overemphasize how weird they have to like strip their beds at the end yeah why do i have to does this what is this negative feedback for not turning out a light in the hallway happened to me one time so these dudes are found at airbnb you should just be staying at other people's houses at this point that's a good point yeah live the life man practice what you preach he's not about it he's not about it not about that life so phony he's a fucking phony tyler says to me that one of his buddies is about to get married

i'm like, congratulations. I'm saying congratulations to this nice dude. Oh, they also showed me some photographs of some kind of art installation that they went to. And it was great. And it had a real Burning Man vibe. It had a lot of lights in it. During this conversation, did you periodically go into the bathroom and scream like oh they were so nice it was really hard because they seemed like really

nice men we were in this park like three blocks from where i grew up across the street from the projects and like it was just full of these people, these who are so nice and work in the tech industry. Yeah. I've actually, I met a Jordan Jesse go listener there. He was playing guitar for the kids there. Uh, and I just want to say, I apologize because I took a picture of his Venmo donation thing and was going to make a donation, but then I couldn't remember my, I had gotten a new phone and didn't have my Venmo password But then I couldn't remember my, I had gotten a new phone and didn't have my Venmo password in it and couldn't remember it. And I didn't want to reset my password there. And so I didn't give him a donation. I've been feeling bad about it

ever since. Anyway, apologies to that guy. That spends what you just did. Yeah, that's money in his bank right now. That's clout. Yeah. Guy who makes up songs for kids in Dolores Park who seemed really great. So he says he's getting married. And I'm like, oh, really? Are you getting married here in San Francisco or somewhere else? And he said, oh, I'm getting married at the Taco Bell in Pacifica. And there's this Taco Bell in Pacifica california which is south of san francisco that's famous for being the world's most beautiful taco bell um it's like on the water in pacifica

which is a very beautiful place and it has a kind of like sea ranch kind of 70s modern exposed beams vibe going on um and i was like oh okay and then he goes well i'm having the reception at the taco bell the wedding's in the metaverse hell yes and it was just one of those moments it was just one of those moments. It was just one of those incredible moments. And he apparently, he's a filmmaker. I gather a part-time filmmaker, maybe. He and Tyler maybe know each other from the world. Yeah, he got to wear a lot of hats these days. Exactly, in the tech industry.

And he made a film about why his marriage should take place at Taco Bell. And apparently it was a motivational film. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the concern was not that they would not otherwise have a venue. You know what I mean? Like if one of us were to make that video it would be because of the cost of wedding venues right this was a lifestyle thing for him yeah yeah because there are there are like serious taco bell people and andrew i was wondering if you were one of them you have the shirt you went to the you went to the the club um yeah i was noticing that i saw on you know one of those like eater type websites that

there's like some historic 1920s building in la that now has a full bar taco bell is this stuff that you like to go to do you like seek out all these things i i uh not particularly actually the the kind of like crazy thing is the kind of like weird thing is like this uh crew neck sweatshirt is probably the best fitting garment i own it looks great and the logo is faint so you know necessarily no it's got it's got an over dyed vibe yeah it's it's trying significantly too hard but it's just like it's just exactly where my shoulders are and like i there's just like i it's the most like comfortable thing in this kind of weather and also because of la i actually there's not such a wide window that i get to wear this suit so i'm i'm overdoing it

big time um but i'm not what i am is i'm a person who, whatever, like, trying to, like, eat healthy I have in my life, my entire always exception is weird fast food. So, like, Taco Bell Cantina, anytime. Anytime there's a new fast food item, like, I just get to have it. Oh, okay. So so your kind of policy is like eaten clean until yeah until something comes out that is made of dorito dust every clean slash novelty policy yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's like i hate i hate eating the food that i eat and then i probably will hate whatever the novelty is even more um yeah it's like every sounds like we've discovered your king yeah i hated it uh

i i mean and it's pretty loose i mean like mcrib counts okay so anything that goes away and comes back periodically yeah if it's ever not of it If it's ever not been available and it is available, I get to have it. Okay. Like a werewolf. Yes. Right. Yes. During the full moon, some will say they hear the McRib howling on the moors.

A lot of shamrock shakes. One time, a custard-filledald's pie um that sounds nice i would eat that yeah it was honestly it was really good uh it was really good ultimately the and i mean i don't know what i thought it was going to be the temperature of the custard and the like sort of viscosity was napalm-esque if you bought every conceivable it was so fucking hot and it would not go away i love the smell of custard in the morning yeah i have to ask i have to ask you a question andrew let's say you went down to the corner store right now and got yourself a home run pie oh i don't even know what that is because you had 75 cents and and you didn't want to get three packs of now and laters this is like the uh this is like the version of the mcdonald's

pie they would sell it just oh yes yes store when you were a kid and yeah they were yes famously cheap so you could bring like your child money and get nine yes i feel like is that a regional thing you guys are west coast boys right i'm from michigan do they like have a hand pie at the they have the hand pie home home run pie you guys both said it with such like like the packaging does not look familiar to me yeah we have the pie does and i think there was one there's a brand that was advertised in marvel comics so you would be reading us and then it was one of those things where the comic characters would advertise it in a little kind of one page story that made reading it really confusing so you would be reading about x-men

and then yeah they were it would switch to spider-man eating pies it would be like spider-man and some kids and spider-man would save them from second-rate snacks at the at the park and then he would be he would be in the middle of the kids in the middle of the group of kids eating the pie that might have been a hostess pie i don't think that was home run oh fine hostess fine jordan no no i'm not i'm not trying to i didn't know the name of the pie myself go go put it into the wiki jordan go put it into the wiki jjgo.fandom.com can i just say you guys both of you but i think a little more jesse your commitment to acting on the podcast is remarkably high it is thank you i'm four years of acting training, so. It's so great.

You just did the whole pie thing. Thank you, Andrew. It was wonderful. Here's my question to you about those pies. Yeah. If you got those pies, would you put them in your toaster oven, countertop oven,

to warm them up a little bit? I'm a big, actually actually for most baked goods i'm a big 15 seconds in the microwave kind of yeah i mean that's not a bad call it freshen it can freshen up anything even if it's a little stay a little freshen up but you got to eat it fast or that thing andrew if you don't eat it fast that thing's's going to desiccate. It's not so good. It's going to hulk out on you. The other thing that, I don't know if this is a Chinese mom thing, but we did a lot of... Don't worry, Andrew. We'll know.

I didn't. You've come to the right place. We did a lot of like my mom didn't want to steam a usually chinese thing but not always baked good and so just a wet paper towel wrapped it around maybe this is where i get my my 15 seconds in the microwave thing like well some of those like a bow or something like that like something that has that kind of soft chewy you gotta it wants steam it wants steam more than than anything else so yeah that was my mom and it's like uh there's there's a bunch of stuff that i'm always like is this a general chinese thing

or is it a my mom specific chinese thing what are what are a couple more examples of that one that i was uh roundly disabused of because i assumed it was a my mom thing um but um my mom used to make um sauteed uh like like like uh sauteed uh iceberg lettuce with like oyster sauce that i guess is like a hong kong thing and this is a little bit my dad's from taiwan and my mom's from hong kong and so we usually did more like not as much hong kong stuff often you had to call the whole thing off yeah truly it was just cantonese and mandarin um but um so i'll like and my mom also is one of those people that would um never listen to a podcast number one and number two uh like would kind of very um credulously believe like almost any like western health kick so i had it in my head that she was sautéing iceberg lettuce

because she believed it was like lower calorie than a better tasting vegetable um so i for a long time complained about this and then one of my friends from hong kong or who'd spent a lot of time in hong kong was like nah that's just a thing man like first of all i would you're being weird i'm not gonna stand for this ice iceberg slander on jordan jesse go uh i don't want to speak for jordan but i'm a wedge nut um yeah give me a way give me a wedge would you saute it though would you saute it in a pan with classically hot hot iceberg lettuce is classically one of the worst things that ever you know what i thought i'd say i wouldn't saw you're right jordan that i wouldn't saute it in a pan with oyster sauce i'm not mom. However, I'd saute it in a pan with blue cheese.

Okay. Damn, dog. Yes. Like a nice... You know, it's funny you mentioned kind of wondering what was cultural with your mom and what was just something your family did. I always wondered, I'm like,

is this Southern Dads? I'm like, is this all Southern Dads? Do they all just disappear for days at a time and come back smelling weird it's like southern dads right yeah we all know that we all know those yeah yeah i guess that is yeah i had the same thing where uh i was like do all is it a kansas city thing my dad was from kansas city uh to not have slept all the way through the night since the war that's a kansas city thing is that a kansas city thing like though it's like in st louis they have those pizzas with the provel the same thing yeah and then in kansas

city they have uh like just flying into a rage from time to time and then feeling bad afterwards and apologizing. Andrew, pivot away from our troubled dads. Kansas City, thanks. Troubled dads. Welcome back to OTD, our troubled dads. I'm Jesse Thorne with me, Jordan Morris. Andrew, what's wrong with your dad? Nothing. He was great. our troubled dads. I'm Jesse Thorne with me, Jordan Morris. Andrew, what's wrong with your dad? Uh,

nothing. He was great. He will never say, and that is sort of the alpha and omega of that. I've tried to ask before. I, I am, I am fascinated with your only eating seasonally appearing fast food.

I don't know. What's your best one and what's your worst one? I think probably the best one probably was that pie. But the other best one was there was a time when Taco Bell, I guess, I mean, this must have been sort of concurrent in spirit, but probably not in practice with like the heyday of the keto type thing. But they had one where they basically, I guess, like Milanese chicken breast and then folded that up to make a taco shell and then otherwise normal taco inside. Yeah, like there was extreme kfcs that were like that right yeah chicken thing oh where the bun was the bun was the chicken yeah it was still a fried

chicken was there chicken in the chicken taco no that was a big disappointment i was actually hoping it was going to be the regular um taco bell meat like like they basically yeah andrew everything andrew was disappointed because he's a foodie he wanted all pastore uh but uh i think it was just iceberg lettuce on the hot hot fried chicken uh some cheese maybe the cheese sauce and you know know, the Taco Bell tomato. And I think that was it. That one was weirdly good. What's the one you wish you hadn't gotten?

I mean, it's probably just there. I never really regret any of them. I kind of always regret like the last two thirds of a shamrock shake. Sure. But that's boring. i don't know no no pretty gummy i love i like love a fast food shake i think a fast food shake is like one of my favorite treats but yeah always like the volume always get a size smaller than you think you want like you think you want the large you really want the. We've discussed on this program how much I love a blizzard,

which I do. I'll eat a blizzard any day. I think that's probably comfortably my favorite fast food menu item. But like the baby size blizzard is like a pound of blizzard. Like that's the size for toddlers and below. Like if you order a full blizzard it's like 34 ounces of blizzard yeah and it's like you could die you should yeah like you genuine you don't even have to be diabetic halfway through you become diabetic and then at the end you die that is a that is a spider-man comic these are there's some kids about to eat large blizzards and he just webs them out of their hands. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. First and foremost, I want to say thank you to the members of Maximum Fun, both members of Longstanding and our new members who joined us during the Max Fun Drive. Jordan, Jesse Goh had a pretty incredible performance. That is often the case.

I think often Jordan Jesse Goh is right up there at the top in the ratio between new members and our audience, which is modest. But the ratio is good. The ratio is incredible. And if you're listening to this and you're a member of maximum fun you know that you're one of those people thank you very much for being one of those people and hey uh i think folks have really been enjoying the stash rules

everything around me mini series that we put up in the bonus feed uh specifically for max fun members and because we reach some of those stretch goals we're going to have new episodes of stash rules everything around me coming to your bonus feed soon so uh we'll let you know when those are going up and we'll post about them on social media but yeah thanks thanks to everybody who joined uh you got some new bonus content coming your way. Thank you. Thank you. Speaking of thank yous, thank you to our producer, Daniel Zafran, who is off to new endeavors. Thank you, Daniel Zafran. Daniel did such a great job producing Jordan Jesse Go. We were so thrilled to have him. It was very sad to see him go on all sides, but he had new challenges ahead of him. on all sides, but he had new challenges ahead of him.

So, yeah, don't worry. No bad feelings on any front. We were very thrilled to have him, and we're very thrilled to welcome our new producer, Matt Lieb. Hey, happy to be here. Matt is a much more successful podcaster than we are. Sure, I'll take it. And he went to college with us.

We only knew him a tiny, tiny bit. We only knew him a little bit. I ran into you a couple times on campus. And Jordan, you and I took a stand-up comedy class together. We took a stand-up class together. You became good at stand-up comedy. Congratulations on that. You were good. I just sat in the back and smoked.

But yeah, Matt is a podcaster who you might know also uh matt you might know from a good mythical morning uh where he pops in for a hilarious bit or three we are of course supported by the members of maximum fun we're also supported this week by our friends over at magic spoonoon. You know that I love Magic Spoon, the only breakfast treat that my six-year-old Frankie calls Magic Poon. That's the only one, huh? It's the only one out of all of them. Does it call English muffins that?

Nope, not at all. We often have deep emotional relationships with breakfast cereals. And often if they're childhood ones, maybe they're ones that are less than great for us. And the folks at Magic Spoon have worked very hard to recreate the thrilling and pleasurable experience of eating a breakfast cereal that feels like a treat with zero grams of sugar, Eating a breakfast cereal that feels like a treat with zero grams of sugar, 13 or 14 grams of protein, and only four or five net grams of carbs per serving. These things are made without grains. So that's a great way to get your little breakfast num-num in, but do it relatively healthily.

Yeah, there's a lot of great flavors, too. You got cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut cookies and cream, and cinnamon roll. But also, Jesse, have you tried the limited edition birthday cake? Oh, yeah. I got in on this before it expired. You know I had to. Really, really delicious. The birthday cake is awesome. Grab it before it expired. You know I had to. Really, really delicious.

The birthday cake is awesome. Grab it before it goes away. And you know I'm a peanut butter boy, right, Jordan? You're a peanut butter boy. It's nummy. It's nommy. Head to magicspoon.com slash JJ Go. Grab a custom bundle of cereal.

Try the magic for yourself, and be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's backed with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. That's magicspoon.com slash JJGO, end code JJGO for $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. We've also got something up on the Jumbotron this week, Jordan. The Jumbotron, of course, is where Jordan Jesse Go listeners can share their messages with the world, whether they're happy birthdays or mentions of a new endeavor upon which they are embarking. And this is by a comfortable margin, the most legitimate business that has ever been plugged on Jordan.

No offense to all the other operations that have been plugged on Jordan. Jesse go. This is a very real thing. Yeah, this is actually, I'm, I'm really stoked to read this. This is for a TV show that I am a fan of.

I never miss an episode of Housebroken on Hulu. Watch those new episodes. Jesse, you watch this show, I can fill you in. Tell me, this is a talking animal show. This is a hilarious talking animal animated show on the Fox network. Same night as your Simpsons and your family's guys. It's called housebroken. Here's who's in it.

Lisa Kudrow, Tony Hale, Clea Duvall, Will Forte, Sharon Horgan, Sam Richardson, Jason Manzoukas, Nat Faxon,

Brescia Webb, Maria Bamford, Greta Lee, and Tim Simons. We all worked really hard on it and want people to watch. That's from the folks behind Housebroken. One of those folks is our friend Elliot Kalin. Yeah, Elliot Kalin.

He's a flop house writer on that show. Frequent Jordan Jesse Goh guest, one of the writers on that show. Co-created by Jennifer Crittenden, one of the writers of the best episodes of The Simpsons and Seinfeld. So a lot of great comedy cachet in this thing. Jordan, Tony Hale, past Jordan Jesse Goh guest.

Jason Manzoukas, past Jordan Jesse Goh guest. I'm pretty sure. Right? Manzoukas has been on Jordan Jesse Goh, right? Manzoukas has been on Bamford. The Bammer, that's three. And Sharon Horgan, my one true love in the world of entertainment.

So that's four great Jordan Jesse Go guests if you count Sharon Horgan who has not been on Jordan Jesse Go. Yeah, this is a great show. Airs on Fox. Watch the Eps on Hulu if you want to stream them. It's a great show.

I recommend it. It features a turtle that has sex with a croc. And by croc, I mean like the rubber shoe, not a crocodile. That'd be gross. Yeah. Maximumfun.org slash jumbotron is where you can sign up for a jumbotron if you would like. And Jordan, first of all, I was excited to see the pictures of your Archie signing here in Los Angeles. Jordan is now probably the world's number one writer

of Archie horror stories. That's true. I'm among them anyway. You're number one. I just checked the rankings. Oh, wow. Okay, I don't have the rankings. You probably have the rankings.

You passed Martina Navratilova. Oh, amazing. They print out on one of those old-time stock tickers, right? Uh-huh. The Archie rankings uh yeah my uh my first story was part of an anthology called pop's chocolate shop of horrors you can still grab that at your local comic book store if you want signed copies uh all the writers and i signed at golden apple and arsenal comics you can grab those on their websites. And I've got a new story coming out as part of Camp Pickens,

a Archie horror anthology set at summer camp that comes out June 21st. You can put it on your poll list now. Do it. We'll put a little code in the description for folks who want to call their local comic book store and ask for Camp Pickens, uh, June 21st. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan,

Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. And I'm Andrew T., the man with candle tools now. Is this a tool made of a candle? Now you showed us what looks like a very skinny candle.

Is this a tool for candles? Is this a candle? Okay, so you have a snuffer there i got a candle set this is i guess what's known as a wick dipper uh and weirdly the product distributor should say wick dipper in parentheses if you know what i'm saying wink wink nudge nudge apparently you just like submerge the wicked it's it's basically another way to snuff a candle um i bought these in a three three tool set um on now i imagine i imagine the internet yeah what is now the third tool was an auger are those do they make it easier than, you know, exhaling slightly? Nope. Near the candle?

Not at all. Not even close. Not only that, it's significantly less convenient because now when I use the snuffer, maybe I'm not doing it right, but now I just have a drippy candle. A drippy snuffer. Yeah, I don't know where to put this without getting candle wax everywhere. Can I suggest that you see a urologist if you have a drippy snuffer my dad my dad came back from the war with a drippy snuff i think you know there's all kinds of homeopathic remedies i just want to throw out an alternative option thank you very much there's a lot of good there's a lot of both sides

do your do your road research focus on diet and nutrition. Yes. Submerge yourself in cold water or something. Yeah. Or very hot water. If you're snuffy, it's drippy. Now, Andrew, you already know how creative we are. Oh, hell yeah. I, of course, went to four years of acting school.

Jordan minored in theater. Did you minor in theater, Jordan? I did a minor in theater. Thank you. Jordan has a minor in theater from the University of California at Santa Cruz. So we're really creative artists, which is why we think of so many segments for our show that are our idea. And I want to emphasize here, it's not just listeners calling in with some shit they wanted to say and then saying at the beginning, it's for a segment that we created.

That's what it is. Yeah. Totally. So let's take a listen to one of our segments that we thought of. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I'm going to guess Chris Fairbanks because it's been a while. This is Christian from Dana Point calling in for your beloved segment, Weird Shit You Saw in Target Parking Lots.

Tonight I saw three Marines all on cross rockets, surrounded by what appeared to be close to 80, I would say, empty containers of animals. Now, I don't know if this was some sort of TikTok challenge where you drink a bunch of kids' yogurt to see if you, like, explode from diarrhea or whatever, but I've never seen three Marines in uniform on cross rockets just downing animals in a Target parking lot.

So keep up the work with this segment. I think it's really important work that you guys are all doing, and you definitely invented it. Thanks. Thanks so much. And thanks, by the way, to the Peabody Committee for recognizing the work that we've done in future. I expect that they will soon. Yeah. You know, a Target parking lot is a pretty good place to see some shit.

Yeah. I do think that this could legitimately become a recurring segment. How about this? Can I pitch a sort of alternative or additional recurring segment for Jordan Disco? Danimal shit. Oh, sure. Just shit about yogurt in those little milk jugs or in tubes or in little pouches, the kind with the twisty top.

So Danimals is a kid's yogurt. So Danimals is a kid's yogurt. We didn't have Danimals in the house. We were a Yoplait family. Oh, that's fine, dog. Yeah, hell yeah. So the yogurt company is Danin, and the animals are the Danin animals is i'm looking on google image my my first thought

is are there like canonical characters for daniels like is there a narrative here well is there something that i can get the ip for and you know like pitch to whoever owns probably jerry bruckheimer owns the danimals characters and and he's just looking for the right writer to do a grounded take on Danimals. I'd like to see it sort of dark and intense. Right, but also grounded. How grounded? Should it be really grounded? Yeah, they should probably ground it.

Yeah, it should be really grounded, but yeah. Otherwise, there's a risk of electrocution. Right. grounded but yeah otherwise there's a risk of electrocution right the now i'm looking at these animals there really only appears to be unless you count buzz lightyear there really only appears to be one danimal the most dangerous animal it's right your buzz lightyear yeah well because of his problematic views right right buzz lightyear has some stuff about cancel culture that uh like you to know he's dangerous to the discourse right yeah dangerous to snowflakes only it's this monkey snowflakes it's this monkey that loves sports and an active lifestyle so this yeah he

loves art as well so wait but there are there are some branded Danimals with Buzz Lightyear and the Paw Patrol and other Pixar characters. Are they suggesting that Nemo is a Danimal? Yeah, I think Nemo is a Danimal. Where would you draw the line between animal and Danimal? Right. Well, a Danimal is killed for fun. A Danimal will kill just for the fun of it. Just to watch him die, yeah.

And sponsored by Danon is critical. It's really Danimal. It's only this monkey. It's monkey and money, basically. Yeah, thank you. The monkey wears high tops and shorts. The monkey is really, the aesthetic of the monkey is really keeping up a tradition that I would call the church of Denver the Last Dinosaur. Right.

Like ripping sweet guitar solos and wearing solid colored clothing and doing kick flips yeah yeah in two years the danimal monkey is going to be dabbing yeah i think that's true it's going to be just hitting the dab holy cow look at this uh ray from star wars is a Danimal. Wow. I thought Ray was a Mary Sue. She was a Danimal this whole time. To be clear, that's not something I think. I'm making fun of internet. Jesus Christ. What?

This Danimal's a fucking monkey Frankenstein. I'm looking at it. I mean, we're all just frantically googling danimals at this point but i'm looking at a red an angry reddit post that says they changed the fucking danimals monkey and then everyone is mad that's so i just want to know how like the the nemo having a danimal just like the squirt little ocean water and then it's just it's very unpleasant to imagine a fish drinking drinking yogurt out of a tube is it a tube just a fish drinking yogurt seems kind of fucked up like period yeah can i i we've been

saying a lot of laughs and jokes about danimals right Right. But I'm here on businesswire.com, a Berkshire Hathaway company. And I just want to share something. Dateline White Plains, New York. True to their commitment to bring health through food to as many as possible, the Danin company has improved the nutrition profile of its best-selling children's product, Danimals. Using an innovative process, Danimals reformulated, Danon reformulated Danimals smoothies to reduce the sugar content by 25% without sacrificing nutrients, taste, texture, taste, texture, or convenience.

Okay. I feel like a lot of these products, a lot of these diet products, I like the flavor, the texture. I know you're a texture nut, Jordan. Huge texture nut. Love it. Love to feel with my tongue and mouth.

They're so often compromising the convenience of the food like have you tried those have you tried those uh low calorie potato chips and they they put them in a uh not easy bean can like a can that beans would come in you have to get a can opener to open it up instead of just pulling the sides of the bean the chip bag uh i'm here on fork i'm here on characters.fandom.com bongo the monkey uh-huh here's all the information bongo the monkey is the mascot of the danimals commercials and that is it no other information so this guy's a blank slate. This is really great for my take. Let's build this up. Jerry Bruckheimer.

JJ go dot fandom dot com. We need to know more about the animals. I thought I thought you were saying the article said mascot of the commercials. And that's it. As if canonically like the article is slamming him as part of the character. It cannot be built into additional IP. And that is sacred. Right.

I would encourage you guys to take a look at Danimals XL, which has some sort of like, I'm going to say I feel highly confident that this panther speaks with a black set. And I guess I don't know for sure, but it just has that vibe sure i'm checking out uh the danimals official instagram account which is uh the underscore official underscore danimals right and uh that's troubling that they needed those underscores someone someone grabbed there's like yeah there's like an only fans girl who calls herself animals that got to it first i'm checking out a picture of what's the name of the animals uh gogo bongo bongo i'm looking at a picture of bongo he's doing a kickflip he's he's wearing a striped shirt and he we got it he's wearing a striped shirt and he's wearing shorts and there's a little bit of an upskirt situation

on the shorts we're seeing the kickflip from underneath from a low vantage point like it was Charles Foster Kane it suggests Bongo's power and then wait no hold on

and then he's holding a danimals with himself on it reading books he's into reading books and then this is what it says this is the inscription on this again official it says game on exc mark. And then underneath that, it says, playing with my kids, comma, and I'm. Now, it says Vioni, but that's just the one, and they forgot a space. Playing with my kids, comma, and I'm the one who amps up the competition. What? They're just saying that the kids are having fun, but he wants to kick their ass.

I don't know. What's going on? Is Bongo threatening us? Bongo's fucking turning up the heat on him. Bongo's saying he's one of those hockey dads that punches off the... Well, I mean... Goes out on the ice. Once Bongo reaches adolescence, he's in danger of hockey dads that like punches off the, well, I mean, it goes out on the ice. Once Bongo reaches adolescence,

he's in danger of ripping off your face and genitals. Jordan, you mentioned that you were, that you were over there on the Reddit. We have been talking a lot lately about people's earliest internet experiences. Andrew, what was your earliest internet experience and how did you embarrass yourself therein? Oh man, this one, this one is going to age me significantly, but I,

I went to a high school in Ann Arbor, Michigan that for reasons that like, like now that I'm an adult and like have some understanding of how like schools usually get funded, this is crazy. But it was in 1994, they gave my friend Ben a Unix server, basically. And we all had email and a bunch of kids got whatever the the apple laptop was i think it i don't know we're talking about a power book i think these kids got a goddamn power book it was yeah it was like your friend ben got a eunuch yeah no he was like the sysadmin for a real ass like fucking server that we all like learned how to make web pages and like we're we're on we're running shell commands on on our unix accounts fucking that was college town it was

real yeah it was some real like i it must have been the universe i mean it must have been it it 100 was some university thing but like yeah we we just use that obviously to try to download a jpeg of a boob um pretty much exclusively uh i'm trying to think the one thing just the one yeah well mother says i'm not old enough to see the second breast well we just don't have enough bandwidth we're just listen what's what's one boob renders? That's, you got to print at that point. Yeah. We shan't gild the lily. A single boob shall suffice.

Sure. I shall see the second boob on my wedding night only, as per the Lord. We were, the other thing. As per the Lord's recent memorandum. With re-second boob. The Lord is recent memorandum with re-second boob. The Lord is crazy now. I mean, the Lord is, of course, at this time, sending both email versions and a notarized letter to make it happen. This also, because it was high school and also college town, this also dovetailed right around when, and it was, you know, Michigan in the 90s. So we were near Detroit and raves and anyway.

So this is also like getting online and getting at like. Andrew, we've all heard about Michigan in the 90s. Access to unbelievable amounts of LSD. access to unbelievable amounts of lsd um so i was often on like one or two hits of acid and either in the computer lab or at home on uh like various chat rooms being you know i mean this can't be good for your brain when you're that my age but when you're high on acid and you're chatting in chat rooms yeah playing muds which is like somebody's face at role-playing games hell yeah those have come up before i've played a mud well you've been talking about how i become you're very successful so you know maybe

maybe everyone should yeah it's out there this is the path somebody writes asl you write andrew 14 yellow submarine it was really like just everywhere man oh what is the location right yes someone emailed us at jordan jesse go at aol.com which if you have an embarrassing early internet memory you are welcome to do jordan would you like to share that with the good people at home? I would. This is from an anonymous listener. They write, one of my earlier weird internet memories

has to do with a very early exposure to Rule 34 content. Now, Stan Lee will break in here and tell true believers that Rule 34 is the internet rule that if something exists, there is pornography of it. C. New Mutants, Issue 53. I was a freshman in high school and have been on the internet for a few years at this point. I had found a secret Usenet group that specialized in erotic content for cartoons and comics, and I found a big old chunk of Pokemon-related content.

for cartoons and comics, and I found a big old chunk of Pokemon-related content. Being the excited mid-teenager I was, I told all of my friends about it the next day. I was then labeled the Pokemon Porn Kid for the next four years until I graduated. It is a shame slash pride I carry with me to this day. Yeah, I mean, I don't usually endorse, but I think bullying is a big problem in our schools. Right. And I think probably the worst form of bullying at all is cyberbullying. And this sounds like it might've been cyberbullying. At the same time, it's well-earned. You know, like we have to teach adolescents somehow that there are consequences to talking about Pokemon pornography at school.

That should stay where it belongs, which is in the mouths of 40-year-old men on podcasts. The first thing I wondered after reading this was, I was wondering if the pornographic images were of the human characters in Pokemon or the Pokemon. I would guess that it's both. Yeah. Commingled. Yeah, you're probably right. Because you identify with Ash.

Right. But you want to fuck Snorlax. Sure. Because of how soft and sort of. He's so wonderful. Yeah. Just fucking Snorlax. It would be like fucking a duvet.

Right. Yeah. And then you cuddle up afterwards. Yeah. But then you fuck again once you're through the refractory period. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. The Snorlax that they had in that Detective Pikachu movie

was actually one actually the most one of the most delightful things I've ever seen in cinema. I've heard that Detective Pikachu movie is like pretty good. That's the like, that's the word on the street. Can you confirm? Yeah, it's way better than it deserves to be for a Ryan Reynolds

not acting movie. Now I have to say this. I've seen Detective Pikachu yeah I know a lot of people think I'm some snooty coastal elitist but I've seen Detective Pikachu and I'm here to tell you I had heard that it was pretty good and I had heard wrong i think while it is better than a movie that stars ryan ryan reynolds called detective pikachu could potentially have been yeah it was nonetheless bad well it depends on what you want out of it i guess i just wanted a longer version of the trail i just wanted to see snorlax two more times yeah and i got i got

what i paid for um just just uh real quick i i think we were all thinking it but i'm the one who actually did something about it and googled animals monkey rule 34 uh there's a lot of monkey characters that people have made filthy drawings of um none of them appear to have the signature red t-shirt and toad of the danimals monkey um yeah there's here's some donkey kongs i will say this just Googled, and I want to be clear, I accidentally didn't do it in a private window. No, I didn't either. Oopsie, I hope I don't get a lot of targeted ads for this. Oh, no. I do have to say that I Googled Danimal's pornography,

and the top two entries were both from, let's just say, a popular pornographic video website the first one is danimals porn videos makes perfect sense i googled danimals pornography the second one is homeless danimals porn videos yeah that's i mean with the with the housing crisis going on in this nation it affects our cartoon monkeys as well and they turn to sex work uh which you know sex work is work right but it's also illegal when it's a cartoon monkey sure or any monkey i think we can all be fair it's like you can all agree it's a complicated situation can i say this yeah i'm still on the underscore official underscore danimals they post this has 6800 followers which is not

they should have more or less okay like they're at the right the wrongest number yeah they should have a lot more or a lot less yeah the number they have is weird yeah uh it says now this is a picture of the the monkey uh go go the monkey and he's wearing bootsy collins sunglasses cool he's so he's apparently he's a he's a superstar Bubble. And he's got his hat on backwards like all cool kids. Damn. That sounds fresh. And this is the inscription on this. There's also some flowers at the bottom, some beautiful flowers.

It says, sunglasses, strawberries, bananas, and snow boots. Yep. It's spring. An icon. I'm going to share. Iconic. I'm going to share the comments on this video. First one says, hi.

Right. Second one says, bring back danimals crush cups third one says crazy springtime gotta love it the fourth one says i'm crazy for these pouches but i'm crazier for you danimals oh there's no amount of engagement that isn't wonderful on these fucking engagement that's why we do it you know end of the day we do it for engagement we love it we love i engaged with i don't have a great sense of the size of a danimal thing oh i guess there's some photographs my question actually was when you guys were doing all your uh porno searching um i'm so surprised that none of them were not of real

world people effing or being effed by a danimals bottle or or the yogurt oh yeah i can see that interesting that feels like higher up on the list for me well here's something interesting i think one on my list i think that the Danimals monkey, Dan Dan, according to this photograph, he's close friends with Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes. Sonic Movie 3. Yeah. Into the Danimals-averse. Okay.

Here's the comments on this one. They're high-fiving. By the way, for some reason, it's in a seafaring theme. They're on a pier that looks like a Hot Wheels track, and then there's ships on either side. But one of the ships is a sailing ship, but the sails aren't up. And then there's ships on either side, but one of the ships is a sailing ship, but the sails aren't up. So it looks like there's a crucifixion cross coming out of Sonic the Hedgehog's head, which is something that I just typed into DeviantArt. Right. Here's the comments. One just says Sonic, which absolutely right.

Yep. which absolutely right yep uh one says i agree my boys need a gallon a week or at least a large smoothie bottle smile uh one says at joy division needs to work w you then three people in a row say make make gallon jugs. Hey, guys. You guys are my boys, right? Absolutely. Y'all need a gallon a week? What up? Yeah.

At least a large smoothie bottle. A gallon a week for my boys and beer for my horses. How fast are you supposed to be running after pounding at animals? I guess there's a lot of sugar. The final comments, well, 25% less sugar, Andrew. Still a lot. Without compromising the texture. Convenience. The final one says, does anyone know if the strawberry banana organic smoothie bongo with a trench coat and a camera is a photographer or a detective?

I mean, it's a fair question someone's doing research jordan someone's gunning for your someone's gunning for uh your pitch man yeah get ahead of this man yeah 371 likes i don't get that kind of fucking engagement on my instas yeah i like how give it given the two options for that bongo just like like, like blow up. I think that's, it's like blow up, but with a monkey, a monkey fashion murder photographer. Yeah.

What happens in the movie blow up? I don't remember any of it. Yeah. There's a, it's, it presages the golden age of American cinema. They're inspired by it. Right. Yeah.

Blow up is one of those movie poster only movies i don't think right oh yeah i think yeah i mean i know everybody in college they had donnie darko they had um close encounters of the third kind and bongo blow up boo who imagine what you can be for halloween uh it says you can be anything for halloween a robot an artist a deep sea diver we'd love to hear your ideas what will your kids be for halloween courtney kessler she also interacted with another danimals she says mine is a party llama. And then the only other comment here

just says, woo! That's true. But I want to add that comment is from Danimal Warrior for Life. It's not the official Danimals account that's a fan account

no this is danimal warrior for life hey you boys want to uh chug our weekly gallon and then come back and wrap it up we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go a man was walking along a beach which represented his life. At his feet were two sets of footprints, his and God's. But looking back down the beach, the man could see that in the hardest parts of his life, there was only one set of footprints. So the man said to God, Why is there only one set of footprints when times were hard?

Where were you? And God replied, My precious child, I was in my car, listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast and you can find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. With MaxFunDrive in the books, we'd like to welcome our new members and say thanks to everyone who's supported us over the years. Welcome. Thanks. And now onto the sticker sale. A lot of this year's drive gifts and live streams focused on food.

We love how food can bring communities together, but not everyone has access to the food they need. So we'll split the proceeds from our sticker sale among five U.S. food banks in areas disproportionately affected by poverty. The sale ends Friday, April 14th. Members at the $10 monthly level and above can purchase any stickers they'd like. There's also a special MaxFun sticker featuring Nutsy the Squirrel that all members can purchase. For more info, head to MaximumFun.org slash Sticker Sale. And thanks again for your support. it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective oh i forgot kettle guy okay so first of first of all we've got a a yogurt convenience product, social media update. Andrew has confirmed that the Go-Gurt account has about 4,000 more followers than the Danimals account. And the Go-Gurt account is very dank.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Full of dank meme-age. Now, not quite as many followers on the Yakult Instagram account. Yakult.usa. But I will say that every few months they post a do you know post. And so I just wanted to share with everybody one of the things here.

Do you know, this is a swipe to find out, how renowned is Yakult? Yakult began its first overseas. How do you measure renown? Ten. Ten. measure renown? Ten. Ten renown points. Yakult began its first overseas operation in Taiwan in 1964. Since then, Yakult's network has expanded, and now people in over 40 countries and regions worldwide drink a bottle every day.

Okay. Great content. This was not planned, but this is basically a callback to, was it just a MyFamily thing or was this an Asian Everywhere thing? Yeah, cool. I guess it was just more like Taiwanese MyFamily doing it. What do you guys? And not Asians Everywhere.

Can I ask you guys? Okay, quick trivia question. And this is is i'm throwing it out to both of you so you can just ring in if you know the answer no no prize but we're playing it for pride here okay yeah that's its own prize in what occasions can you drink your cult ding ding ding yeah jordan anywhere fun is served drink yakult on any occasion such as for breakfast and on the go in quotation marks snack while driving or with your packed lunch its refreshing taste is perfect after a meal as well the thing with the yakult social media that i really love is

they actually have a distance they can like move the needle which is convincing americans it's not gross yeah which is like all the other products it's like who cares like i don't know do i need yogurt this is yakult looks and seems gross and it isn't as gross as it looks and seems so like they actually have messaging they can do that's useful okay let me ask you guys this real quick. Do you know what's the size of Yakult? I do. Ding. Small.

Okay, Andrew. It's like two ounces. The bottle size, 2.7 fluid ounces, 80 milliliters, makes Yakult unique. It allows for everyone to drink it easily. Kids, adults, and the elderly since the size is adequate yakult helps people to take their probiotics every day quick and easy it's like it's like just north of a shot glass yeah what do you guys think chobani is working with follower wise oh wow i think chobani is ruling the school my that would be my guess too just because we're you were amping towards prime social media eight

demographics with chobani because go or not go or danimals you gotta hope most of the danimals consumers don't have instagram and go GoGurt, you're cool. It's obviously gross. So, yeah, I'm going to go with 16K. Jesse? I'm going 24,000 followers. Listeners, lock in your votes. The real answer, 198,000 followers.

What? For the Chobani body instagram holy moly they do a lot of fun stuff that looks like they do fucking wiping the floor with these other yeah god i would hate to be to animals right now i would fucking kill myself no this is this is the an opportunity you got to look at an opportunity this is the time for all of the other yogurts to band together to destroy chobani take down chobani yeah okay guys how many do you think calpico has is that a yogurt brand i don't recognize it yeah they make uh they make a yogurt soft drinks and cowpeco minis which are a direct competitor of of the Yakult

it's another Asian thing I'll guess 30k okay I'm gonna I'm gonna go with 6 17k wow wow can I say 16.3 that is an incredible wow absolutely absolutely an

extraordinary and look i'm not gonna you won't find me i'm not just okay one last yogurt game and then how many followers on the activia instagram oh okay i'm gonna talk it out now this is now i'm gonna i want to let you know ahead of time your well-being starts on the inside gut lovers innovators tasters and fermenters so i i actually have a oh sorry you know go ahead andrew my technical question is does facebook push you to like create instagram profiles and follow great question because that feels like that could juice the activia so you see this if you know what i'm saying you see this as more of a um of a facebook'm saying. You see this as more of a Facebook brand, Activia. I see it as more of a Facebook brand, but obviously they're all owned, of course, by Meta. So there's a world where they're really pushing people towards this.

Sub-question here, and this is something Activia is offering. This summer, which team are you creamy bowl or delectable smoothie oh Activia don't remind people of shit with your names you already kind of remind people of shit don't I just say not a lot of engagement with this contest I'm gonna guess Activia has 20k and maybe like 10% of that

is just like nasty shit freaks damn if Chobani's in the hundreds I guess I'm gonna go with 37k 7,416 god damn it can i say why i think why i think they don't have as many as as they should because they just have this picture of a bowl that says activia on it and then it says this porridge is just right for winter that's strange what just

right for winter this is an activia porridge that's just your gut enjoying oh my gosh you know you know what you need with activia is just more fiber right just extra just moving along okay one last question okay this is it this is about yogurt yeah this is the active this is an activia question choices here one hour or long what the fuck i have no idea what does that mean is this like one hour or long is Is the Activia account to do horse e-books? Activia is like AI-generated nonsense. Activia is like

a little yogurt guy, right? But it's for poops. Yeah, it's for regular. It's for making sure Jamie Lee Curtis always has this card. Yeah. And I guess it does leave clearly what they're indicating is what do they mean by enjoy? Because it's not simply eating it.

Jamie Lee Curtis, Jamie Lee squirtus. She's always got the squirts from all that yogurt she's eating. She's so nice. She sent me copies of her children's books after she came on Bullseye. children's books after she came on uh bullseye she sent gracie a uh uh an action figure of herself jamie lee curtis with a giant bloody knife did she sign it jamie lee oh yeah she did she did she signed it jamie lee squirtus i'm one of the nicest people ever to come on bullseye and that's my nickname because of my poops because of actinia oh my god all on all on the little i'm so nice and cool i'm married to christopher guest i will say um one of the most

uh inspiring like i think probably i don't know i i assume you could do this in a lazy way but one of the most inspiring halloween costumes i saw was a jamie lee curtis and everything everywhere all at once just like a real oh yeah just like just a big big dumpy i saw one with the uh hot dog hands at comic-con it was great oh yeah i saw a low effort one that was just like the hot dog hands obviously put some effort in i disagree i'm like oh you want what's here can i tell you andrew can i tell you what's low effort uh shitting after you've had an activity that's right it comes right out don't worry about it anymore you don't even have to sit down you just start jogging a little andrew t one of the co-hosts of Yo! Is This Racist? with our friend Tony Newsome.

Delightful program. Delightful man. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for sharing Peanut with us as well. Thanks for having us. Yeah, I haven't seen... What's Peanut been doing this whole time? She's been off cam.

She's snarfing a blank. She actually has been on cam. Oh, there she is. She's blended in with the dog bed. So still. Well, she also gets lost in the dog bed. I'm going to once again,

move over and just show you. She is iconic. She has a chameleonic quality. Yeah. She takes approximately like one 20th of the surface area of the dog bed. Andrew's not playing here. That is a real fact. Yep.

It's a big, it's a big bed. Our producer on playing here. That is a real fact. It's a big bed. Our producer on Jordan Jesse Go is Daniel Safran, producer emeritus, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You know what? We really do it.

Somebody really did make a wiki, Jordan. It's at jjgo.fandom.com. I'm interested to see some Activia- related content on the wiki i don't really know what wikis are per se but there should be a section called yogurts wow here it is yeah somebody put the put the names in there you can see how many times somebody's been on the show huh can somebody change the picture they used of me? This is the worst. I really don't like this picture of me. Other than that, I love. This is the best way to edit a wiki, which is just mumbling.

Yeah, mumbling into the microphone. Someone change my picture. Find a more flattering photo of me. Oh, but that's funny. It will work. Under people, there's Nick Repeat Adams. That's great. Yeah.

He looks very handsome. He always looks handsome. Yeah. Just put. Okay. Whoever's doing Repeat Adams. That's great. He looks very handsome. He always looks handsome. Yeah. Okay, whoever's doing the pictures, take down this crummy picture of me and put up just a photo of Nick Repeat Adams. Yeah. And if someone can start a fantasy league

for guessing yogurt social medias. This photo of me they're using, I could be the face of I've had too much Activia. It is the most, I'm squirting here. No, disagree. That's probably a very serene face when you've had too much Activia. You're empty. You're empty inside and out.

You're practically at nirvana. practically at Nirvana. Well, look, maximumfund.reddit.com, at put.this.on and at Jordan David Morris, on Instagram at Jordan Jesse Go, on Twitter, facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. Let's get some engagement going. We love it. I really liked it.

I love engagement. Daniel, start posting questions questions and every post with a question like uh here's a picture of andrew t would you fuck him no question mark i think we need to take a lesson from danimals like here's our new episode with andrew t what are your kids going to be for Halloween? That's a good one. One hour or long? Long. Is this podcast going to be one hour or long? Okay.

We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll be back next week on Jordan Jessico. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll be back next week on Jordan Jessico. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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