Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Dita & The Stankus Boys, with Hannah Hillam and Kaveh Taherian

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome cartoonists, Hannah Hillam and Kaveh Taherian, to chat Stankus The Rat updates, share more tubing tales of terror, describe their podcast (500 Open Tabs), and more!Watch 500 Open Tabs on YouTube!Kaveh's Website!Hannah's Website!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Good Story Guild presents JOSIE’S LONELY HEARTS CLUBJordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jessi Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Well, greetings to you, Jordan, as we enter, of course, Jordan Jessi Goh's favorite season, that great season known as Summer. Yeah. Home of the Summer Boys.

Yes, and later, 8th of August. Do we have too many things coalescing around the same time? Sure. Yeah. And let's be honest, is it my favorite thing? No, I actively dislike Summer. But you know, I still try and embrace the summer. I think you do a great job.

Here's the honest truth. Yeah. When a car share driver said to you in Baltimore, Maryland that you were a real summer boy because you were wearing shorts to the airport because you were anticipating going to Los Angeles where it was going to be warm. Yeah. I may not have brought long pants.

I was there for a wedding. I was there for a wedding. Okay. Anyway, well you're not going to wear one of their monkey suits. No! I'm here to have fun! By the way, the dress code for my wedding? Monkey suits.

Monkey suits. I love calling any article of clothing a monkey suit when you're taking off like, I gotta get out of this monkey suit Really fun listener. Try it at home. Yeah, remember when our dad's generation The only thing they were mad about was neckties, right? Yes, just it's so mad about necktie. Yeah Symbol it's like a fucking noose that the company put around your neck to squash your individuality. Oh, God, it was awful. They were making a lot of money in advertising at the time. Jordan, that car share driver, I think, correctly identified that within the Jordan Jesse Go

hosting community, you are the true summer boy. I don't know if he was a fan of the show and kind of knew our dynamic, but it's possible. I'm of course from San Francisco, a real autumn town. Sure. You're from Orange County, which arguably is one of the summer capitals of the United States. Yeah. You spent a lot of time down at the artificial lake. I spent a lot of time at the thrift store with my mom. Yeah

You've spent a lot of time bringing a light sweater. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. I did I I was 29 years old before I went somewhere without a sweatshirt on hand. Mm-hmm. Okay anyway, because you are Okay. Anyway, because you are, you know what? I'm going to say it. Jimmy Buffett has passed the ultimate summer boy. Yes. So I'm not like celebrating his death, but like, I love that I got bumped up. Yeah. I brought you a summer gift. Oh my gosh, a summer gift. I happen to be at the flea market. I love receiving things. Giving? Not so much. Gosh, a summer gift. I happened to be at the flea market. I love receiving things.

Giving? Not so much. Giving, it's overrated. Wait, are we talking about gifts or oral here? Why not both? Okay. I saw the summer scene- When it comes to oral, I hate receiving.

Ew. Yuck. I saw the summer season was on the horizon. I happened to be at the flea market. Your trick knee was acting up. My trick knee was acting up, telling me that soon I would be uncomfortably warm and then too cold once I went indoors. And I got you this gift.

Oh my gosh. We're live on air. I have not seen the gift. I'm about to react to the gift for the first time like a teenager reacting to a YouTube video of a grunge song. This will surely go viral. Jordan, obviously, probably your greatest summer boy achievement was being recognized as a summer boy because you were wearing shorts in Baltimore, Maryland by a rideshare driver. I would say your second greatest summer boy achievement was probably wearing that Bart

Simpson tank top. But your third. You got me that Bart Simpson tank top. I did. That's like made its way into my rotation. It looks great on you. Thank you. I feel great.

I love wearing it every time. It was one of those things where I was like, I like this. I'm a little afraid to wear it. But then I like broke the seal and started wearing it. Now I wear it. Yeah, it's great. I love to wear it. You got the verve, you got the bod, you got everything.

Yes, okay. Little bod. But I would say that your third greatest Summer Boy achievement was the time you kind of got lost while solo tubing. Summer Boy achievement was the time you kind of got lost while solo tubing, is that a fair characterization? Yes, uh-huh, this is a, yeah. You were in danger. Yes, I did something foolish.

Sure. Yes, maybe I can summarize what you're talking about. This is, I had plans to go tube it. I've always wanted to tube. I love the, you know, the tube lifestyle is very appealing to me. Sure. And why wouldn't it be?

And so I had made these plans. You know what I just thought of? You go tubing with a bikini babe, you know what you got? Boob tube. Oh yeah. So. Or I guess just if you go tubing with me,

cause I just have a softer body People love your big natural thank you People love your big natural stuff about Jesse. Thank you. Yeah, so I had plans to go tubing with friends People cancelled and I said fuck it. I'll do it by myself, which was a mistake. Yeah, I was ill-equipped for this The weather was bad. I did it anyways. I got lost, but I found my way back. Everything worked out okay, but it was harrowing.

Yeah, but incredible. Yeah. I mean, I think it's one of the things that if I were to say, what are the things that Jordan Jesse Joe listeners most admire about Jordan? Probably number one would be talent. Well, okay. Number two would probably at this point frankly be beard. Sure. They love that fucking beard. Yeah, I know. Since you grew that beard, people are losing their fucking minds. But number three, I would say intrepid tuber. Yeah. You know, intrepid tuber. Okay. Anyway, it's in that spirit that I get. Okay, so now I'm going to reveal the gift. I'm going to unroll what I think is a t-shirt. Maybe it okay. Anyway, it's in that spirit that I get. Okay, so now I'm gonna reveal the gift.

I'm gonna unroll what I think is a t-shirt. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's a flag. Okay, it is a t-shirt with iron on letters, black tee. It says, I'm at the river and I don't give a shit. Holding it up for the cameras, if we wanna make a little clip out of this. I'm at the river and I don't give a shit. It is charmingly uneven. The letters are pretty well spaced apart.

They're like a flocked sort of late 1970s, early 1980s letter. What can you tell me about this? It's majestic. I can tell you that when I pulled it off the shelf and showed it to the guy at the booth, this was a flea market find, he quoted me a price that was a little more than what I wanted to pay for it. And I asked for $5 off. And he said, sorry, I can't, that's a good price. People love that that kind of shirt anything that has shit or fuck on it Yeah, he's right, yeah, this is great. Yeah, I mean if you could find the same style That says talk shit get hit. I'll take that one too Thank you, Jesse. This is a wonderful very thoughtful gift as per usual. Yeah, this is really amazing

I yeah, maybe I mean maybe this is the year that I actually try and tube safely Yeah, I might give it another shot. You think so? Yeah, I've been thinking about it What do you think would be involved in the safe in the safe tubing? Oh, just like planning ahead going with an actual guide not going by myself Knowing where I was going having a plan having other people there just all the things I didn't do the first time. Right, and more beers. And more beers, hell yeah, baby. Yeah, I think that's right.

You could get one of those floating coolers, maybe. That would be great. That's like part of the goal. When I dream of my ideal tube. That seems like, that's a thing, right? Get like a big pontoon cooler. Yeah. Right? I'm not making that up.

No, no, not at all. I think that's, yeah. Like sometimes I'm on the subreddit for the car I own. Mm-hmm. It's a Hyundai. And- What's going on over there on r slash Hyundai? People are complaining about their ICCU issues. Okay.

Anyway, it's a lovely car, my Hyundai, and it has a little plug in the back seat. Yeah. Like an electric plug, and it has a little plug in the back seat. Like an electric plug, like a full on electric plug. I've never been able to figure out what I would do with an electric plug inside my car. But it turns out that a lot of people have a lifestyle that involves like bringing a television camping. Okay.

And then they plug it into their car. And watching it in the car. Well, I mean, they run the cord out of the car. Oh, okay. Yeah, through the window or something. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, it's just a lifestyle that I don't understand. Yeah. And it involves some really expensive coolers. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Some wild ass expensive coolers. I mean, yeah, maybe this is, I mean, maybe I I'll see how it goes I'll get a you know, I'll just get a discount cooler and if I love it, maybe I'll maybe I'll trade up Okay, should we introduce our guest? I would love to on the program Our guests are the co-hosts of the podcast 500 open tabs Hannah Hillam cave to Harry in hi. Hi

Hello, thank you for having us on the show It's a joy to have you here have either of you ever to I was just put to share my tubing story And I found a human bone I was like 14 and I was tubing down a some Canyon somewhere and I we found a bone There was this something you did regularly? Is this like a family vacation? Tubing is yeah. What does it say? Finding bones is part of what you did growing up as well. Absolutely the bone thing, but not human.

You're from Sunnyvale, California. So if you told me that angel investing, for example, was a big part of your growing up. Yeah, dude, I sold that bone to a startup. Oh, wow. No, this was somewhere in Utah or something. And I was going down this river with my friend. I was like 14, and we found a bone.

We were like, that's a bone. It was sticking out of the river. And so we stop our tubes, we pull over, and we pull the bone out. That's one of the things Jordan was struggling with. You can't, if you're in a tube by yourself, you have to learn how to pull over and parallel park. So the bone came out out and I was like,

this looks like a human bone. We were like comparing it to our own and her mom is like following after and she's like, let's call the police. You're indicating a forearm. It was this, it was right here, the forearm. It looked like the big one. I don't remember the name.

Was that a tibialis anterior? Yeah. I wish I knew. It's the only bone I know. Was it pronated or supinated in terms of how the arm was? It was all of it, I don't care. Good question, great question. I only know the zygomatic the only bone I know. Was it pronated or supinated in terms of how the arm is? It was all of it, I don't care. Great question, great question. I only know the zygomaniac.

Good bone pull. Yeah. I don't got a lot of bone pulls. This guy does. Bone expert commentarian. Anyway, we called the police, and then that was the last of it. Did you follow up?

Did you solve a murder? I don't know. Wow. I was 14, and I was like, I don't, we just knew it was, I mean, it had to have been a human bone. I guess it- It fit, it looked just like it was I mean it had to have been a human bone I guess it fit it looked just like one I guess it's probably asking a lot like after you turn a bone over to the authorities keep in touch about this

Like text like text me. Tell me what you're sure anyway. That's a my tubing story. Wow. Yeah, I think it's perilous I think a lot of people perish tubing. Yeah, it also just been some other bone, but we're gonna say that it's a yeah I think we should it's much more interesting if you do decide that have you been tubing I've actually I don't think I've ever been To be what were your summertime activities as my summertime activities were mostly hanging out my grandmother's house in Sacramento cool How's that house sure I mean the house is still there. It's not particularly exciting it was just a lot of like my cousin and I just sitting dead-eyed in the front of TJ Maxx while our moms and aunts went shopping for hours at a time.

That's basically all we did. We never did anything fun tubing. It's called the Sacramento lifestyle. Yeah, exactly. TJ Maxx. As a governor, that's what's going on in Sacramento. Although, you know, the American River is right over there, which we tried to go to a little bit.

It had a little bit of a stronger current. But the child of immigrants, we didn't really get anything that we could actually use We just get yelled at and then have to come back into the house Go look at the river wonder. Yeah, we get in there Yeah You can put your feet in a little bit and if there's maybe some fruit around there that you can pick off a tree that You're not supposed to we'll let you guys do that. But otherwise You can eat fruit. Yeah, you can find it eat fruit. Nothing else. That's how you get bones and rivers guys exactly children

Try to pick some fruit that was a little too far out tragically never made it back. Yeah, but thank you for having us on yes No problem Do you guys have any plans for this summer are you? We got some Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have some conventions. You're both in addition to being podcast host. You're both comics folk. We're both cartoonists. Yeah, cartoonists. Yes. We have San Diego and San Diego.

And then Galaxy, Galaxy, Khan and San Jose. And then technically, it's still summer. When we go to Portland for Rose City. Oh, and we're going to Portland. Rose City. It's a lovely comic. Is it good? Have you been to it before? It's our first time. And a nice City. Oh, and we're going to Portland. Uh, Rose City. It's a lovely comic-con. Is it good? Have you been to it before? It's our first time. And a nice time. Okay, good. Uh, Hannah and I always share a table as much as we can anywhere we go both because we're insane. It's like codependent at this point. It's just a lot more fun to do with somebody that you know. I don't like sitting at a table alone. Exactly. People will think you're weird and have no friends. Yeah.

Well, or if people if they get the booth barnacles with they don't leave the people that are just talk at you Oh, yeah, I'm gonna come in and be like, hey So okay on the topic of booth barnacles. Yeah, I've yeah, I've attended a Connor too in my day Yeah, and I believe I talked about this on another episode Something you get a lot is someone coming up to you and telling you their idea for a comic Mm-hmm, and it is usually what if Superman was bad? Okay, what if someone was a vigilante instead of a hero? Oh sure. I like great. Oh run with that You've described Batman. Yeah, here's a new one that I've gotten a couple times in a row

And I want to see if y'all have gotten this okay, and and what to do to see if y'all have gotten this and what to do. It is dad who wants you to inspire their kid. A dad will shove a kid who is too young to be thinking about their career up to your table. It's like, so how long have you been doing this? So did you study it in school? Did you study hard in school? I bet you studied hard in school. Then they will ask you how much you make did you go to a

mid-tier public university Sounds like a good place to go Parents really and help you inspire you to draw they give you materials. That's oh for me It's all the little girls. They're like see girls can be girls who work in comic That's oh for me. It's all the little girls. They're like see girls can be girls who work in comics girl Mary rich No, that's I don't mean that but I always find myself being like Person so you can be fight the power marry a nice juggler

Yeah, I get those all the time where it's like, have you ever thought about doing this idea? Or like, my kid had this idea. Or can you draw something my kid did? Oh. I don't even draw my own kids. I try and, if I'm at the con, like I'll take Frankie to a con sometimes. I'll just ask each person in artist's row

to draw me their version of Stankus the Rat. We love Stankus. We do get that a lot. By the way, we've gotten so much Stankus the Rat feedback. Should we explain Stankus a little bit? Yeah, I bought for my friend Jordan a copy of a comic book called Stankus the Rat, number one. It was made by two children who were inside a minivan at the time at the Pasadena City College flea market. They were hanging out in the minivan, but when I expressed interest in stankus, their mom

brought them out to sell stankus to me. Steven is holding a stankus for us. Oh, these kids are going somewhere. I just want to say, I returned to the Pasadena City College flea market last week. Stankus update. And I tried to find the Stankus boys. Reason being- We're the Stankus boys. That's what they called us. Jesse, have you been playing with those Stankus boys again?

What did I tell you? I had the picture of Stankus the rat, but I couldn't remember what their names were Because someone on the someone on the internet suggested to us that we do stankus x JJ go merch And that was a collab yeah like a collab okay? Yeah like when Pharrell and the the guy from you know Pharrell and the the guy from you know The guy from a Vsuit or whatever Yeah, Pharrell was doing a lot of that stuff so I I

Thought this is a great idea then I'm like fuck. How am I gonna find these stankus boys? And I just thought return to the scene of the crime sure right I went back to the Pasadadena City College flea market and I looked for minivans full of little boys. This is, uh, this is setting up a story that's going to sound very different than you intended to. Let's isolate just that. What about that part? Yeah. And I could not find them and it occurred to me, well, I've never seen stankus there before. Like I'm at the Pasadena City College flea market every month. And so it's possible that this was just like a one-time thing where I fucking blew it by not getting an issue two of Stankus, much less not getting their contact info. Yeah. You should have put it on your pull list, Jess.

Oh my goodness. I know. I should have put Stankus on my pull list. So if anybody out there knows the Stankus boys, we want to do a collab-o for sure. This sounds like a psy-op of some sort. Like maybe the CIA just showed up just to give you this comic specifically for some reason that you're supposed to run off with it. They're gang-stalking you, yeah. If they never came back afterwards. I'm a little bit suspicious of this. I've had it up to here with gang-stalking. By the way, it's happening to me constantly. Have you gone down the Instagram, the Skitsagram gang stalking route?

I don't think I know. I said it. I don't really know what it is. Don't do it. That's most of this show. Just me kind of saying something. You've got to tell us what gang stalking is. I have a fair amount of experience

being stalked by gangs in the neighborhood right around here. I don't have a lot of experience stalking gangs. It's harder. There's a lot of them. You can't stalk a whole gang. You got to pick one or two. This is maybe someone online who is maybe having an episode and thinks people are after them.

Yes. It's deeply sad. I can't stop. I've had to stop myself. I'm like, I can't watch this. But there's a whole Instagram subcategory of people being like look at that car outside my window oh yeah stocking gang I assumed was Dita Von Teese and her friends there you go

she's friends with the Stankus boys. She's gotta be. Dita and the Stankus boys. Yeah, if there's still an adult swim in 10 years, Stankus will be on that. Oh yeah. God, Stankus is probably on it right now. We just don't know. It might be. We just haven't watched it. Stankus is on it in all of us. Yeah, you're right.

There's a little Stankus in all of us. When you said Stankus, I felt something in me. In your heart. Yeah. It's like he's always been there. Did the two of you have any of your own comic book titles as children? Yeah, were you selling out of vans before you went pro? Yeah, I mean I wasn't selling out of a van but you had one right? I had a bunch of brand. I would like, so my dad makes books, like so there's a bunch of book binders in my family that

like make books and then my dad would got into it for a minute so he's like here's a little book so I'd make those into like little comics and like one of them was about the planet Saturn. Sorry, I want to go back to this first part. Yeah, so I have a dad Cool Happy father's day everybody when you say there's a bunch of book binders in your family Do you mean that you went on ancestry.com? No, I do not. Okay. I mean there are three Grew up in colonial Williamsburg

Honestly with that you it's kind of like that. A lot of my family is like, we're gonna make our own furniture. So two of my aunts are book binders. My sister is also a book, she does book preservation. And my dad, if it was his choice, I think he would have done that as a career. Are they hobbyists or professionals? Professionals.

Full-time professionals. Yeah, if you ever want to book get made, I can give you their info But yeah, they're all book binders one of them is I don't know I can tell if I could say this But she she like does Vatican stuff wow She like sent me a picture of a letter that Henry the eighth sent to the Pope and I was like whoa So is she like an archivist is that what the part of it is okay part of it It's like pulling things out and then like we should just call them. I don't know should we call my should we call my aunt? Yeah, let part of it is like pulling things out and then like we should just call them I don't know should we call my am should we call my aunt?

Yeah, let's do it. It could be an echo the entire time that we're talking to. Get them on the phone. Yeah, but yeah. Steven Mann's the aunt hotline Oh yeah, I'm on there all the time. He can literally call up any aunt. Can you get my aunt Gail on the line? I don't want to talk huskies. But yeah, so there's a lot of like homemade books in my family Okay, yeah, so obviously you're when you like started drawing comics the family's like this is great

They supplied me with sketchbooks. Which is great. It's great, you know That's what I you know I'm glad but so I would like write these comics about like so planet Saturn was always involved. Okay, and then it's planet Saturn Okay, so it just so happens... It just so happens that while I was driving to and from the flea market today, I was listening to our friends The Flophouse. Great show. And our hyperloquacious friend Elliot Kalin was explaining to his co-hosts the mythos

of the Fantastic Four. He was talking about Jack Kirby, the original artist of the Fantastic Four, co-creator of the Fantastic Four. One of the things he was describing was one of the characters that was a planet with a face and a beard. Oh yeah, I've seen that. So is this the type of, are we talking about like a Roman god Saturn or are we talking about a planet with a face and a beard or are we

talking about an abstract idea? Oh, it had a face. It had a face and it was a girl. It was a woman. Okay. Saturn's a woman. That's the story. No, I used to send things into reading Rainbow all the time.

Oh, okay. And they never chose them. They never sent them back. So, yeah. These Saturn comics are far too erotic. They're like, this is... PBS, ma'am. This is smut.

We can't... Why are... Comics don't have beards? Look, LeVar Burton cannot read this on air. Did you ever do any actual comic books? Yeah, yeah. My comic when I was a kid was called Shark Bait. Ooh.

Awesome. Fun. It was a superhero book, so it was like, I mean, I say book in loose terms. But I had an origin story, which was like half Spider-Man, half Ninja Turtles, half all this other stuff. And it was like, he's an environmentalist he's this guy he's like yeah exactly this is like half a Fern gully the rainforest so you stop you

stop in poachers no Jordan he was stopping six-pack rings oh yeah yeah that was part of it too so he would go he would scuba dive down because he was trying to remove nuclear waste because nuclear waste was just thrown into the water for whatever reason And then when he grabbed it a shark came out of nowhere and bit him And then because of the nuclear waste that's in the water This is like airtight so far by the way. You've like, you've explained everything Listen, and then he comes out of the water and he's like what I've turned into a shark person And then he just goes around. Why did he call himself sharkait? He could only get off if he was looking at it.

Oh! Yeah. Again, erotic. For short, for masturbate. Yeah, sure. How many issues of Shark Bait were produced? I think half of one issue was the official thing that was produced.

But I had, but it was like a lot of my stories back then. I was like, I know how to set it up. And then I was like, I don't know what to do now. This setup is perfect. There's nothing wrong with this setup. You're right, it's like solid. Yeah, that was so, yeah, the like environmental storytelling of our youth, six pack rings, poachers,

and yeah, drums of toxic waste that were thrown, like drums with toxic waste logos that were thrown into the ocean. Cartoonish looking look these were all Concerns that we had and saving the whales of course of course in this case the sharks Oh, you know they bit us in this process, and that's nice. You were still Empathetic towards sharks. Oh, I love sharks as a kid. Oh Yeah, I was always loved great white sharks as a kid. I was obsessed with them you guys weren't obsessed with sharks

I like Saturn Jordan and I were whale guys All of them I think I was obsessed with great white tracks were terrifying hadn't even seen jaws one Mm-hmm, but I saw jaws three I want to say is the one where they're at the the part 3d just is that the one yes It's just 3d where they're at SeaWorld There's that terrible last shot where it comes and it breaks through like the whatever underwater Steve Z. Sue like car that they have What's the one that exploded look at me?

You're my go-to you've never seen the legendarily bad jaws three you guys have no idea what I haven't seen oh, yeah It's bad. Yeah, it's a running joke on our podcast That's not one though that you can like like it when someone's like I haven't seen. Oh yeah? It's bad, yeah. It's a running joke on our podcast. That's not one though that you can like, like when someone's like, I haven't seen Star Wars and they're like proud, then you can like give them a little, you can rib them a little bit, but like, the Jaws 3,

I don't know that you can like do that to them. For some reason that was on television a lot when we were kids, I don't know why, so I saw it a bunch of times, so I think that's kind of where the fixation began. I had a poster of it, but have never seen it. You had a poster of it? You're a poser. I have vivid poster of it, but have never seen it. You had a poster of it? You're a poser.

I have vivid memories of going. There was a place that I liked to hang out as a child, which was behind this blue chair. Yep. There was a heater grate, and then the back of the chair, and then on one side was like my mom's dresser thing. So I had a three wall area and I would sit there with my chin on my knee and in front of the grate and enjoy the hot air coming out of the grate because we had like a we had a truly dangerous sort of 1927 heater rental apartment. It's not you're not a kid if you don't later think, I could have died in that house.

Yeah, it was a really terrifying piece of equipment that is, I don't know, we moved when I was 11 into an apartment that was almost exactly the same as the one that we had been kicked out of. And they both had the same heater. And I know that my mom left that apartment one year ago and it was still there. Wow.

Like truly 1930, like 100% 1930. But I loved that hot air, would sit in front of that hot thing and look at the poster. Of Jaws 3. Jaws 3? Of Jaws 3D. Yeah, and I can't remember, I think it was either embossed or it was in 3D and I wore glasses. I can't remember which one of those it was.

I like that image. Yeah. And it wasn't like a full theatrical, I mean, we're talking about, you know. Promotional poster. Yeah, we're talking about 11 by 17 or something here. I am kind of surprised that with Grace's interest in like weirdo bad movies, you haven't had to watch Jaws with her yet. Oh, she's told me all about Jaws 3D.

Okay. Um, she... So the problem with the Jaws movies, Grace wouldn't want to watch them unless she started at the beginning. Sure. And I don't think she wants to watch Jaws because I like it.

Ah, that was your first mistake. Healthy. So I think I had not watched Jaws until I was an adult. Yeah. I watched Jaws for the first time maybe 10 years ago. I was a late Jaws watcher too because I was so just scared of the clips as a kid. Like when they would show the clips on like a

Hooray for Hollywood montage On like the Oscars or something. I was so scared of the clips Yeah, and jaws I will cast no aspersions upon anyone who found jaws very scary Especially at the time or in a movie theater. Yeah having watched it at home. I was not scared by it But I did love it. Yeah, it's great. I was like this movie is really funny. This move like this is like a full You know, this is just like the joy of 1970s American cinema in spades like just the the most fun you could have watching a movie and I let that slip to Grace years ago that

I had enjoyed it. And I think she watched a few minutes of it a long time ago when she was very young, eight or nine, and then thought it was a little boring, turned it off and then would never return to it. So she's read a lot about the Jaws sequel, but I don't think she's seen any of them. Gotcha. Gotcha. Were you like scared of it as a kid or? Of Jaws sequel, but I don't think she's seen any of them. Were you scared of it as a kid? Of Jaws 3D? No, because that one was really comical.

It basically has this one terrible shot of this, it looks like a drawing of a shark almost just coming towards the screen, which is the full on, it's like the 3D gag that's supposed to be the biggest, by the way, spoiler alert, I'm sorry for all those Jaws 3D fans who haven't actually watched it. Oh, you know me, I'm gonna watch it. I'm sorry for all those jaws 3d Oh, you know me I'm gonna watch it

I'm gonna get I'm gonna get torn apart online for giving boil er in jaws 3d a shark comes at you through the screen It's real and then he gets nuclear waste Yeah, yeah, but no I wasn't necessarily it's a porno move To be clear. This is porn. Yes. Yeah, you know what? I'd watch a guy in a shark suit jack off sure later eats a barrel of nails Who wouldn't yeah, I'm a whale shark out to the side. Oh, yeah It would be one of these out to the side Happen hold on hold on it would be one of these yeah, it's out to the side

You need to have a remora on the back of it. What is that thing doing? Oh, it's part of it. Yeah, it's watching It's what it's the cuck Absolutely remora disgusting who's together could be a cuck queen Who's the cuck of the sea the sea an enemy Okay, yeah, that was an easy answer yeah halibut you're a flat bitch Wait who's saying that someone cooking's someone cooking a halibut. Oh, okay, okay. The bottom feeder's saying. Sure. This eel's so thick. Okay, let's take a quick break.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Thank you to the members of Maximum Funds for supporting Jordan Jesse Goh each and every week. If you're a Jordan Jesse Goh listener and a Max Fund member, your money goes straight to us and we appreciate it. If you're not already a member, you can become one at MaximumFund.org slash join. We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Factor

Jordan. It is summertime. We are celebrating summer. Trying to do cool summer stuff. And by cool summer stuff, I mean not hot, uncomfortable summer stuff, like turning on your oven inside and slaving over it instead of being out in the pool enjoying yourself. Jesse, I want to be out there getting pumped full of rays from the sun. Yeah, his famous rays. I don't want to be in my kitchen for hours and hours. I want to get something nummy into the tummy and I want to get out there and start frolicking with Mr. Sun.

You know, Jordan, I sometimes need a quick lunch because I'm working from home. I often have a bullseye interview like right at lunchtime and I can't go into it without any food in my tum tum or I will get dizzy but I also don't have time to go like cook myself lunch. I'm trying to focus all my time on preparing for that interview. Factor meals come in so clutch because they are like nutritionally balanced and fresh and tasty. Also, they take two, three minutes to get ready and I am eating. It is a great, great time. They got nutritious breakfasts, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners, and guilt-free snacks and desserts, Factor has your whole day covered. Get

started at FactorMeals.com slash JJ go 50 off and use code JJ go 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code JJ go 50 off at FactorMeals.com slash JJ go 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping factor meals dot com slash JJ go 50 off. We're also supported this week by the podcast Good Story Guild presents Josie's Lonely Hearts Club. This is a semicripted audio drama set in New Mexico's second best relationship call-in show. It is a like, imagine a radio call-in show with a bunch of improvisers calling into the show, plus narrative elements. They describe it as love line meets who's line. Ooh, that's a fun combo.

It's a prank show wrapped in a sitcom with both improvised segments No One Can See Coming and scripted arcs over four seasons. And hey, I'm a fan of this guy, you're a fan of this guy. Max Fun Zone, Hal Lublin is in the mix for season five. Oh, we love a Lublin improvisation. Love a lub. Love a lub? Hey, Jesse, do you think Josie, the host of the Lonely Hearts Club radio show, could help

you with some of your famous relationship problems? Yeah, I'm trying to decide whether to leave my wife. That sounds like a hilarious episode. Season 5 of Josie's Lonely Hearts Club premieres June 4th. Join the club by subscribing and catch up on every episode wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Jesse, I hear there's a hot new t-shirt in the Max Fun store. Yeah, there is. It's the t-shirt for every JJ Go! listener.

It contains our famous musing, I am part of a small but enthusiastic group of weirdos. This came up during the Max Fun Drive this past year, and we got so much mail about the phrase I am part of a small but enthusiastic group of weirdos. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com.

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Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, be sure to check out our website at maxfundstore.com. Scipley, racecar logo. It is really a genuinely cool shirt printed on a high quality tee. You can look at it at maxfunstore.com. Maxfunstore.com, we've got two colors for you. Heather Navy and Athletic Heather. And hey, while you're there, you can also pick up other JJ Go shirts like Actua and our list of nicknames including Clankety Car and Explodo. All sorts of good

stuff over there at maxfunstore.com You know what I've all you know which one I really like which one It's like the the pretty scripty one that just says saying words because that's what podcasts are. Yes What is a podcast if not saying words? Yeah maxfunstore.com. We got shirts for you and they're cool Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Goh. It's Jordan Jessi Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio Jordan Morse boy detective and a hello bone detective Caviteharian Boeing sexual boss boy. Oh, I am Nice that's an inside someone who's in the planes. No just the LGBT we joke that the B stands for Boeing So I'm Boeing sexual yes, no air bus for me

Lesbian Boeing no No, Lockheed. Lockheed, Boeing. Oh no, I forgot. The L in the B. Trans America. Also, I realized I took detective from you. Transworld. TWA. TWA. That's what I'm thinking. I wish I could remember the whole joke, but of course I can't. Can I just add one more little fact about Inspire My Kid Dad? Oh, right. I want to get back to that Yeah, I'm so desperate by the way for anyone to inspire my children You know what I mean? I can see why you know who inspires my children Elliot Kaylin. Oh, well there you go

Elliot didn't you try hard in school to become the head writer of the Daily Show I? Bet you tried hard in school to become the head writer of the Daily Show? I bet you tried hard in school. Inspire My Kid Dad, it's the longest conversation you'll have, one of those. Inspire My Kid Dad has never fucking bought anything from me. Of the 20 Inspire My Kid dads who have come up to me, not one has bought anything from me. Not a fucking $5 ass Archie comic. Because I will say that, let me say this.

First of all, am I a hero? Well, it's not for me to say. Some say that. But I will say this. When I went, when Jordan was at the con here in Los Angeles, California, where I live, my child and I went to the con and we went and we found Jordan and artist Ali. In fact, we found Jordan's table and he was at the bathroom or something. So we went and did something else and then came back later. So we found him twice, technically. Technically I then made Jordan inspire my child Frankie But I bought an autographed copy of one of Jordan's comic book

With cash that's great. They'll talk to you for like 25 minutes. Yeah, they sure will Anyway, bye. Yeah, it's like they'll just walk away. What yeah I know. And it's like, what, if you're wanting to inspire the kid, what better little supplement than like, take home the book, see, we met this person, anyway. I tried to get those stankest boys to inspire me. I think you get it more than I do. It's because of the meme. Well, it's also because I tend to ask

a lot more questions of people, because I'm way more like, blub blub blub blub blub, because I get bored immediately if I have to wait for longer than five minutes for something to happen. When you say the meme, what are you referring to? Oh, right.

Oh. Are you distracted boyfriend? Oh, yeah, I'm the guy. She is. Wow, I'm Drake. I'm both. Nice to meet you. Oh, no, I'm the brain meme.

I'm that anime guy looking at a butterfly. Yeah, and saying, is this blank? And I've never really understood what it's supposed to be. None of it makes sense. No, I did a comic a while back of a girl laying in bed, and her brain is talking to her. And she's like, are you going to sleep? And then the girl in bed, who's me, is like, yeah, shut up.

And then the brain says something devastating. And then the eyes open up at the end. Anyway, I'm describing something you just have to look at. And so people are, so people meme that by putting their own devastating thing in there? It is everywhere. Like I think recently there was like a Thai mattress company that was like, they were like fully,

like they used chat GPT or whatever to make it look better, quote unquote. So I was like, cool, worse, that's somehow worse. My name was like, my name's on it? I'm not selling time These days I know but like I don't have time mattresses I don't speak Thai like so people will like message me and be like hey Did you know this is on like a white supremacist board? I'm like well. Why were you there?

Like that where so people will see it and like zoomers like Gen Z will be like oh You're the mean person and like I'll die inside And I'm like you're the mean creator like I would prefer to be known for my association with Malaysian mattress I'm actually a mattress salesman and I prefer you call me that But yeah, so I get a lot of people being like oh, yeah I use that all the time, and I'm like you want to buy it you can buy it absolutely not They don't want to buy it then they'll come say oh my god I've been following your account forever, and then they just walk away

You got me through my divorce anyway, where's the line to meet Charlie Cox? All four hobbits, where is it? Yeah, I'm gonna talk to you while I wait No It's it's one of those like you just kind of like so all the yeah if you get if you pay to meet all four hobbits. Where is it? I haven't talked to you while I wait. No, it's it's one of those like you just kind of like So all the yeah, if you get if you pay to meet all four hobbits is their forced perspective involved Stand a little ditches like get on your knees boys. I paid five hundred dollars I had a guy come up to me at a con talk my dick Elijah would For five hundred dollars. He better come home with me shit. I Enough I had a guy at a con like really come up and talk my ear off. Yeah, and

Yeah, I think what's it? What's up? If you're listening guy? Yeah, I'm talking about you listen You don't have to dance around it. It's Hannah and I Just just guy just talked my ear off clearly like you know was you know knew who I was Yeah, and then you know we got to the time where it's like well I mean, that's a he got to buy some at some point. Yeah, I didn't say that but like I think we both knew kind of Where we were uh-huh? Yeah, thanks Money time and then he's like I'd love to buy something, but I just spent a hundred bucks getting a photo with Michael Dorn Michael Dorn Michael Dorn boy,. I'm like hey I get it man

Have a good rest here. They're honest like I'd rather be also at least it was Michael Dorn that he spent the money on Can I ask a question? What's Michael Dorn? He's from Star Trek TNG One of my favorite characters yeah I'm glad you asked. Warf. I know Warf. He's one of my favorite characters by the way. Yeah. Oh I'm Warf.

This guy. There you go, he's always saying that. The guy with the weird clay looking forehead. Oh yeah. Oh I'm Warf, look at this big knife I have. My people are warlike. You got it. Yeah.

I know what we're talking about. That guy. If I went to a con would I get to meet Whoopi Goldberg? No, sadly I've never seen her in any of these. I bet Whoopi doesn't do those. She's got view money, right? Yeah, she's hosting the view. She doesn't have time for that.

Yeah, I'd love to meet Whoopi Goldberg. I don't think Whoopi does anything besides the game. If Whoopi ever does a voice in Baldur's Gate, then people will start being horny for her. You know, I was playing, I downloaded the new old Skyrim. This is a not-old game. Skyrim! the new old Skyrim Y'all Skyrim oh, oh, I'm Skyrim. I just thought it was like a comfort. You're Skyrim I didn't actually know what the game was I am Skyrim

No, I am Skyrim. What did you think it was? I thought it was about getting your salad tossed on a plane Oh, yeah, like the Mile High Club. That's fun And it can be but I prefer to just play the game alone. Those bathrooms are small. But no, I love that game. My favorite game of all time. Yeah, so I also, I haven't been a big video game. I've never been a huge video game guy,

but at some point, sort of fell off the train, even for the kind of thing I played, except for Skyrim. Yeah, oh yeah. Skyrim was the last one that I really played a thousand hours of. A shameful amount of hours for me. And then I, I mean, I may literally have played a thousand. I don't know.

I haven't looked at the thing, but I really threw a lot of my life away. Gathering lavender. Failed college. Yeah. And I got a copy of Oblivion, which is an old Skyrim that they put Skyrim-level graphics on. It's just part of the Elder Scrolls series.

Yeah. What's impressive about it is that they do charge you $50, but it does look like an Xbox 360 game, right? Maybe an Xbox one game, you know what I mean? Like it's, it doesn't look, it looks better than I'm sure it looked 15 years ago or whenever that video game came out. But it still, like all my children, if I'm playing it, will come in and go with their jaws because they're pretending to be the characters on screen when they talk. It doesn't look good. But it's like 2025 price for like 2010 graphics.

Yeah. I mean, they're better than the ones from the from before, probably. We're just bottom feeders. We'll take whatever they give us. But this thing, unlike Skyrim, so when I would play Skyrim, I'd be like, hey, I'm pretty sure that's that Canadian local hire from Battlestar Galactica. Okay, there was a guy in Skyrim that was the guy, I can't think of what his name was, but he was like the number two captain. He was like the first mate in Battlestar Galactica. He was clearly a Canadian local hire because he had a heavy Canadian accent.

But he was very good. He did a very good job. That guy had, because of his heavy Canadian accent, was very distinctively in Skyrim. I kind of remember being like, oh my God, that's that fucking Canadian guy. Starstruck. Celeb signage. So anyway, that was who was in Skyrim, was that guy. In fucking Oblivion, they got Patrick Stewart in that.

Whoa. Sir Patrick Stewart. Yeah, he's all over that shit. He's the whole fucking intro. He plays the king. I think, yeah, I think that was a time, I mean, I don't know if they've reshot this since then. This is probably

From the old game right? Yeah, I mean cuz that was a time when you did Drop a bunch of money to get a celebrity in your video game That was a little window and they kind of don't do that anymore. Yeah, there was another Maybe they might missing one. No, I say they probably figured out that they can make a bunch more money and the rights were probably all Questionable. Yeah, and there's like there's like weird fucking union shit. Yeah video game Although they just ended their strike. I think like a couple days. Yeah as far as what their negotiations were about Yeah, you guys think if we made if we made a stankus game we can get Dorn. I bet Dorn would voice stankus I am a rat

My name is stankus? I am a rat. My name is Stankus. I'm a warlike rat. It is regrettable. Hello Ted Turner, can this go on Adult Swim? Please. Are you in charge of that? Regardless if we get Dorn, I do think we should all make Stankus the rat. Yeah.

Sure. I mean we'll steal the idea from the kids. We'll steal the idea from the kids. Perfect. Call them Stonkus or something. They didn't exist. Stankus the mouse? Stonkus the rat. St idea from the kid. We'll steal the idea from the kid. Perfect. Call him Stonkus or something. They didn't exist. Yeah. Stonkus the Mouse. Stonkus the Mouse.

Stonkus the Mouse. That's already some subreddit meme coin. Yeah. Stonkus. Yeah, I've invested in Stonkus. Stonks. It could be Stonkus the Mouse. Stonks the Mouse.

Sure. Memes Stonkus. He's an investor. Yes. Yeah. I got in early with Stonkus. Yeah. You know what, Steven?

We pay you to be the producer of this show. Find the Stankus boys. Oh yeah, that's my true crime experience, all right. Fucking Stankus boys, Jesus. Where are they? I even thought maybe I should go. Can I lay down the intro to Finding Stankus, real quick? OK.

This is Jordan Morris, and we're doing a seven-part investigation. This is Finding Stankus. Okay. Okay, great. Thank you. Wait, try that one more time, because I have a background in public radio production, so I think I can add something to it. A comic book can't change the world, but can it?

That's the question we're asking in this eight-part investigation finding stankas This is gonna be a podcast and then a peacock mini series When I was at the flea market, I seriously had the thought oh You know, they got a booth for like where the vendors go, you know, to pay their $200. Right. I was like, oh, I should go to that booth and ask, oh, what eight year olds gave you money to sell the Sancus last month? And I was like, that doesn't make sense. There hasn't been an 8 year old around here in years So the 8 year old died here 20 years ago

Selling stankas Honestly I would I would follow stankas into battle Yeah I love this, I don't even know, I saw that picture I need him, I need that as a comic A comic book changed all of our lives, but the boys who drew it were actually dead. It's an eight-part investigative series. We're calling finding stankus Stankus farts that's one of the reasons his name is stankus. It turns out that picture is of his butthole

You know what? His name is Stankus. It turns out that picture is of his butthole. We had a hard time figuring out then we realized Mike Drucker realized who's gonna play me in the Peacock miniseries When something momentous happens to you give us a call at 206-984 for fun or just send us a voice memo at JJ go at maximum fun org as this person has done Hi, Jordan. Hi has done. Hi Jordan, hi Jesse, hi guest. Probably a podcaster that I'm not aware of. This is Aaron calling in. I was listening to your episode 900 with Gareth Reynolds where you're talking about organizations, civic organizations that your audience probably is a member of. And I was laughing and then I realized I just have to call in.

I guess this is your segment, your audience checks in. I am a Unitarian Universalist minister, longtime member of the Boy Scouts or Scouting America now. And I was listening to your podcast as I was heading to my Freemasons lodge meeting. I'm a bit early, so predictably I am going into a vintage menswear store yep I'm your your target demographic perhaps all right love you love the show bye Aaron first of all thanks for the exhaustive nature of that call. Should he narrate the Stake of Stock inventory?

Aaron, yes. That guy's kind of got the vibe for it, right? I don't know. Let me text Ira and find out. OK. I think he ultimately is the decider as the executive producer of this. By the way, Ira Glass is going to be the director.

Oh my god. Nice. Cool. Yeah, naturally. We're so lucky to to be working with them you think that we would get Julie Snyder who worked at our college radio station but no I got Ira no great never met Julie Snyder before yeah but you know cool no Glenn Washington said he'll be an EP too oh amazing this is great yeah what a team you gotta have a package these days yeah he said your storytelling needs a beat

that's what he told That's solution to everything that was in a momentous occasion to call it all that was a call on our for our regular segment Tell us checking in with Aaron checking in with Aaron Aaron lists the organizations to which he belongs Do y'all have a like do y'all have like an archetypal listener to your podcast Yeah, actually absolutely yes We have a lot of Freemasons apparently yes interesting we have a lot of people who love facts Yeah, to a degree that makes that like it's like how they get dopamine It sounds like what our listeners might have in common is that they're all odd fellows

It's Freemasons odd fellows Listen Jesse yeah the podcast Accomplishing what we set out to do even which is for about 90 minutes. Saying words. Saying words. Oh, saying words is a podcast. We're speaking and talking, and it lasts for as long as we want it to.

Is that why the t-shirt at maxfunstore.com just says saying words on it? That's right, maxfunstore.com. That people should go get that cool t-shirt. Because they're a fan of saying words. Because they're a fan of saying words. Saying words. Okay, have either of you two ever belong to what what

organizations or clubs have you ever belonged to oh no because you're talking to this president of the San Francisco School of the Arts Dr. Pepper Club right now yeah a lot of people think that my my hopes for getting into a college better than UC Santa Cruz were pinned on me being student body president. But no, they were pinned on me being president of the Dr. Pepper Club. Yeah, Santa Cruz. Turns out neither of them worked and I just went to Santa Cruz. It was fine.

It was perfectly good school. I was in theater club, drama club. I don't think I was in any clubs in high school, but I was in a few bands. You were in a bunch of bands. Not like the nerd bands. Fuck you. No, not nerd bands but I was in a band I was in a few bands. You were? Yeah you were in a bunch of bands. Not like bands like the nerd bands. Fuck you. No not nerd bands. I was a nerd band. I was a nerd band. He was a good looking guy rocking at it. What were the names of your bands? Quirk was one and then Duel 77 was the second one. That was the one I was in with my friend Logan. Which one was better? Duel 77 was the better band. Okay, I would have to say. So that named after a turntable?

No, actually it was a reference Duel and Farsi means dick And then this is I'm gonna tell this story so please we had a friend who Bringing it back to jerking off because that's what we were talking about. Thank you you know, we're 15 16 year old boys and I had one friend and we were we were all talking about it and he said, what's the most you've ever done it in a day? And one of my friends said, I did it one day, I did seven times.

We were like, bullshit, you didn't do it seven times in a day. And he's like, no, it did. I swear to God. He's like, it happened seven times and then I collapsed on my bed afterwards. And the television was playing public access, but the remote control was too far away So I couldn't picture I couldn't get up to move it and change the channel. I was too exhausted from jerking off seven times So we were like we have to put that in the band name so it became seven twice so it's just dick 77 correct dick 7 Dick 7 you're like

Yeah Dick 77 correct Dick 7 you're like Well, you ever belong to a club of any kind as an adult oh You're part of the pink pony club right what does that mean it's a popular song. I don't like ponies or horses all right Horses that's true. I don't they're scary. They're scary. I know they're thinking we started our own club. We have a discord I'm not in clubs. I wouldn't belong to any discord that would have me as a member I get our discord is filled with people like you. Yeah, I'm in that a good way Yeah, I'm in that a good way Whole sub category of just big dick's yeah, what was the what was speaking of big dick's we are they also Different I'll find a different discord. What was the biggest show that dick 77 ever played? That's a good question

We I'm trying this is like more than 20 years ago, so We played the Masonic Lounge once. I think that was pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah This is just local. I mean that's all I did. This fits into what we're talking about Was Aaron there? Aaron? The guy who just called in. Oh, yes he was. He was like amazing. He was like, I just came back from my shopping for clothing. He had his fingers in his ears, he's like, too loud! Too loud, it's not gonna work. I love the message of the band, but it's too loud. It's far too loud.

Far too loud. We played some like weird barn out in like Danville or something. Oh, the Danville barn. I know the place well. Sure, oh yeah. Again, many many years ago, don't fact check me on this this because I don't I just remember that that we played these shows But it had a DIY ethic right yes, oh very much so and that's carried into like everything I've done basically since then we we we went to do everything in

Yourself that's what they used to say even though But no we recorded like a Danville myself, I'd never leave the house like your friend We recorded songs on four-track. I can barely San Carlos myself I'm really good at that. Yeah, but no we did a bunch of stuff for sure Okay, me and the wife are gonna do a little Vallejo for my birthday Yeah, that's really good what we're doing is it fine was it good. Yeah. Yeah, no because people remember Marine World Africa, USA Listen we all remember Marine World Africa USA, USA. Also, Confunction. What's that? Confunction Junction. A band from Vallejo. Oh yeah? Let's play one more

call. I don't know. What kind of call is this? No way to know. Hard to say. Someone will be talking into a phone. I hope they list things. They'll be from the Illuminati this time. Oh, hopefully. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Goh. This is Alec. I just was on my lunch break at work, sitting in my car with the windows rolled down, enjoying the nice summer breeze. Somebody pulled their car up next to me, asked for directions somewhere, and gave me kind of like cross streets. I told them vaguely like, oh, it's

southwest of here Probably a good five or so miles. I'm like, oh, it's it's this place called Susie's. Have you ever heard of it? Like no And I continued to try and give them directions to how to get to the freeway and was like, oh, yeah, it's a sex store Great so here's how you get from the freeway to to this street and it's like yeah I heard they have glory holes there and I just told him to have a good time So hopefully he finds a place and has a blast Thanks

That sounded like that was gonna be a street joke. Yeah, wasn't there? Yeah Yeah, well and was this guy would you say this guy was a priest a rabbi? Yeah, or a horse with a long face that had the decent. Yeah, my could have been a mason Yeah, a mason a horse. It was the pause after Before he said thank you for me. That was my favorite part. The really long pause. I don't, do you think if he puts his dick in the glory hole will anything happen? Yeah, great question. Especially during workouts.

Sure, yeah, just two on a Tuesday. Only if you believe. Yeah. Just through there and just see how it goes. If you believe in the glory of the hole. Yeah, well yeah, that's right. The glory of the hole. the glory of the hole. Yeah. Glory of the hole. That means you want to beat the crowds. Like if you were into a glory hole,

which is a hole you stick your dick into, and you hope that someone sucks it on the other side of the hole. If you were into it, you get there, it's 2.30 on Tuesday afternoon. Yeah. You know, you might have a rock hard erection because you're so excited yeah this glory hole right this is what you're into yeah right both physically and literally yeah sure you are into it you put you put your penis into the hole how long do you stay there before you give up and how long do you have an erection before it's gone? This is like fishing you're like how long do you keep the rod out right?

It's kind of about the relaxation. Yeah the ritual doesn't matter if you get it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's about being out of the water Happy Father's Day everybody we're recording this on father's you Know how long would it take before you start feeling awkward about it? I always start getting embarrassed. I'd be like, I'm still here. Here's what I think. Yeah. Okay.

I think that this guy was going to a place. Suzy's, right? Did we? Yeah. Something like that. Suzy's. I think if you're, like it's not, this isn't a rest stop, or this isn't like a bathroom at a bar.

No, this is a guy who sucks dick. This is like a, I didn't do that anywhere. I think if you go to a place that has it, it's like, you know, it's like, oh, I'm going to a place that has mozzarella sticks. It's on the menu. So I think if you're going to a place with a hole,

that is a service they provide. And I think it is a guarantee that there's someone on the other side of the hole. So you think the person on the other side of the hole is an employee. I don't know if they get health insurance. You know 401K? It's a good union job. They only work 35 hours a day. I think they're still 10, 90. I mean it could I don't know if they get health insurance It's a good union job

Yeah, I think they're still 10-9 sure Hannah your family were book binders But there are families of glory hole attendance, and you know what every job is worthwhile Yeah, mozzarella stick glory hole sure yeah What a surprise if you're on the other side of the glory hole with your mouth open if someone just starts shoving in moth I eat I eat the moth. I was gonna say I feel like that's a delightful gift to get you're like for once I get something that's delicious sure With or without marinara, that's the question with okay. Yeah, I agree wait are we still talking about sucking dick? I know I watched your eyes glaze. Honestly, if there's marinara, that's something that a urologist is gonna have to look at Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. There's such thing as too many kegels

If you do too many kegels, you're gonna start blasting lots of yeah Yeah, we get get too buff. The other day I blasted some ragu. Sure. Bring me your chicken parm! Ah! We wanna vomit. Have we ever talked about this? No.

Well, maybe. My beautiful wife, Teresa, was lived in campus housing that was a house. So it was like a dorm, but it was a house. And she was even, at one point, she was the RA of it, I think. I can't remember if this was when she was the RA. How many people lived in the house? Say six?

Eight? Something like that. This is at she was there. How many people lived in the house? Say six, eight, something like that. This is at Sarah Lawrence College in Bronxville, New York. It's sort of like the UC Santa Cruz colleges that are significantly better than UC Santa Cruz. And when she was there, there was another girl there who had a boyfriend who didn't go to Sarah Lawrence, not uncommon, not a huge number of straight dudes at Sarah Lawrence, had a boyfriend there who would come and visit and they would have loud sex. And that is also not uncommon in any shared living college space. People are probably having too loud of sex.

But the distinctive element of their sex was this boyfriend who everyone had to make eye contact with later would yell the trains coming into the station. Wow. Like, loud. Like, everyone in the house knew that this one boyfriend, that they had to look at at breakfast or whatever, when he was about to come, would say, the train's coming into the station. The train is coming into the station. The train is coming, and the station is the pussy? He is a train enthusiast.

That's correct. He's probably a train enthusiast. Everybody knows the number of that make, the number of that train. Oh yeah, sure. How many cars were in that train? Absolutely, where it was made. Yeah. Yeah.

It's beautiful. Train factory is my guess. Yeah. You know what I say? A big train factory. Choo-choo. It's a much better catchphrase when you're coming. Choo-choo.

Choo-choo. Choo-choo choose you. Chooka-chooka. And if you're fucking a Sim-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo- a little bit more. You kind of have an unfair advantage in this one, Jordan. I like setting up games that I'll be good at. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Hi everybody, it's Ellen Weatherford. And Christian Weatherford. People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. But we can judge a snake by its ability to fly, or a spider by its ability to dive.

Or a dung beetle by its ability to navigate with the starlight of the Milky Way galaxy. On Just the Zoo of Us, we rate our favorite animals out of 10 in the categories of physical effectiveness, behavioral ingenuity, and of course, aesthetics. Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, musicians, comedians and more join us to share their unique insights into the animal kingdom. Listen with the whole family on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. The wizards answer eight by eight. The cornclaves call to demonstrate their arcane gift

their single spell they number 64 until a conflagration 63 and 62 they soon shall be as one by one the wizards die, till one remains to reign on high. Join us for Taz Royale, an oops all wizards

battle royale season of the Adventure Zone, every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La la la la la la la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jessi Goh. I am Jessi Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hannah Hillam, person who's here.

Kava Taharian's Sigma Fighting Fish. Oh. No betas here. No betas here. Only sigmas, is that better than alpha? Words mean nothing anymore correct. Yeah, that's why we make a podcast It's your fault for listening Great sign off we fumble our sign-ups every week, but I kind of like it's your fault

We fumble our sign-offs every week, but I kind of like it's your fault for listening. If you're mad, it's your fault. If you stop listening, we don't do it. We're not making you do this. You've chosen this. Again, we're like the Simpsons characters, like that one tree house of horror where all the advertising, the giant billboards are destroying everything. Just don't look. It's like, just don't listen. Please listen. Listen to our jokes, please. We don't have skills. listen. Listen to our shows. Please subscribe. We don't have skills. We went to UC Santa Cruz. Yeah dude. No one buys myself at Comic-Con. Jordan majored

in world literature and I in American Studies. Please continue to listen to our podcast. Inspiring children isn't profitable because the dads don't buy anything at the end. And they don't like it when you say, I dropped out of college. Oh yeah. They don't like that. They don't like that. They also don't like when you're over-educated either. Yeah.

Maybe it's your own fault for not having a hole for the dads to put their dick in. Oh. Sure. Well, they start putting a little mozzarella stick over there every now and then. Gotta give them incentive to keep working, guys. Yeah.

Num, num, num, num, num. See, at the con, you've got to rent the table, Jesse. so if I'm drilling a hole in this yeah, oh right I'm losing my deposit you could buy comics Two for one yeah, I like the idea in it. Or the dad lays under the table and pushes himself up. Holds on like a... And then you just sit at the table and then bend over and suck the dick? Yes, yes. Correct. Or maybe underneath the table there could be one of those like scissor lift like a bed like a

chair yeah yeah yeah yeah oh you can go roll under there on my skateboard or something yeah or like to get a massage from a shorter massage therapist or taller miss so give us a call 206-984-45, and let us know how you would suck a dick at a folding table. At a convention. At a convention. At a convention. Yeah. Yeah, at a con.

Yeah, that'll show those dads. Yeah, at a convention center, or a high school gym or something. Yeah, let us know. This is how you make money, son. You wanna go to art school? Don't. I mean, at the fucking Renaissance Fair.

Yeah. Oh yeah. They already got dick holes. You don't gotta put a dickhole in anything. Everything's got a fucking dickhole Yeah, have you guys been to run fairs? I haven't been to one. I have yeah It's a hoot and I have and though I can't say firsthand I can I can Almost certainly there's some sort of glory hole there. Oh for sure. I mean gotta be those things The old glory hole. Yeah, I understand. Yeah Oh the run fairs. Yeah, all I hear about is that yeah, just like everyone's mm-hmm

Yeah, it's horny and a little too expensive. Oh, but you know and also Those fucking turkey legs. It's not that great turkey legs aren't that good. It's fun Right I don't take a picture with it. Is it not that good I'd rather have a taste kind of like ham rather have a hot dog. Yeah, I like hot dogs I'm not exactly accurate. It's our new world food. Why are we eating them at a 1500? Thank you If I went to a run fair, here's what I would do. I'll get mad at everybody But that does not that's a lot of courses look like why would no one wear sleeves like that? It's 1560 Why are you doing this bill and Ted?

Don't judge this bill of 10 No, I would be I would be I'd be a nightmare to go to a run for with yeah, so like actually did you know that? They didn't dress like this actually no This is what I told you you'd see the giant boobs and all the different corsets and you'd be completely distracted guys. I thought this is great I thought of something fun love I remember when in Bill and Ted when they said put them in the Iron Maiden, then they were like What if the Iron Maiden had a dick hole oh So the Iron Maiden and then they were like What if the Iron Maiden had a dick hole oh So the bad news is you're getting poked by all the nails that are inside when it closes up on you

But the good news is your dick is coming out has a rest That's good news That's why you know a blowjob in Iron Maiden? Why not dude? I've got bad news, that's why. You know, call someone called John Krasinski because we got some good news. Yeah, we defeated COVID didn't we? We sure did. When podcasting is over, yeah, someday we can all just pivot to that. iron mating iron iron mating Yes, iron me by the way speaking of metals and old materials. Yeah, I just found out today that Hannah Hill I'm here No, no my co-host has been recording with like a 1930s mic stand that is all lead I mean realize this like last week Warm vintage I realized this like last week. We brought it into our home. It has that warm, vintage tone.

When I lick it as I do, I just get dumber. It tastes good. Where did you get it? My dad had it in the garage. Nice. That's the answer. So I started the podcast. Which was your nursery as a child. No, this is so my family.

I need a mic stand. I was like, oh, just a minute. And he goes in the garage and brings me two of them and they're from the thirties. And I pick one and he's like, they're kind of broken, but you can pick them. You can have these. I was in the Brian Setzer Orchestra for a little bit and I got these old timey mics. So I think I played the Marimba. I played the Marimba in the Brian Setzer Orchestra. I don't know.

He had a few Marimba songs. So sometimes he'd tour with me in the marimba your mother never liked brad sets her he was rude to her on a number of occasions touring with buster poindexter now that was hot hot hot rest in peace oh yeah so now i have lead in my home okay and now i have lead in my home because you brought it. Get over it. You'll be fine. How about you get over it, dude. Okay, the lead is really heavy. It feels good.

I'm holding it like this is a fun, nice. It's a nice grip. It's a weapon. Did you test it? No, I looked at it with my eyes and I thought, that is definitely lead. You're a half into it, by the way. That's why the podcast isn't as insane as it is.

It's true. On hit. She's licking lead half the time. Did you use it to murder Miss Scarlett? Don't talk about that. By the way, that's why the podcast isn't as insane as it is. It's true To murder miss scarlet don't talk about that. That's the finale of their podcast Podcast and I'm killing people with that mice. I don't know I'm going to cut to the I had to cut to the quick because not everybody has a hundred dollars to pay Michael Dorn to tell him how the podcast ends. The Herald. The Herald.

Anyway, now that here we are at the beginning, back at the beginning. Back at the beginning. From whence we came. Having seen nothing. There and back again. The tale is all this time. A podcast recorded. Rejoice!

We all bonded over some mozzarella. We sure did. We had some fun. Y'all have comics. Y'all have a podcast. Tell us about them. My comic, I just had a book come out last year called Cat People about a person and a cat who swapped places. Whoa, cool. And the cat, the woman, the person falls through a portal made of cat puke and then the cat takes care of the person. And it's just shenanigans.

Sold. I have one out there for you. Yes! Both of you. And then I also have like, you know, do online webcomics and stuff. For a time, my youngest child claimed to be half cat. Dude, we all go through it. I think they'll be the one too. Yeah.

Yeah. It's um, just maybe take out one of the pages. You know what? We'll see. Crankest of crankest doesn't give a shit. Oh great, great, great, great. They'll be fine. Crankest is cool with whatever. give a shit. Oh great, great, great, great. That'll be fine. Crankest is cool with whatever.

But you've got way more books than me. This guy just cranks books out. So I have a couple different ones. So the last one I put out was called Mothman's Compendium of Southern California Cryptids. And the gag with this one is Mothman comes to Southern California to look for other cryptids and ends up writing a travel guide while he's here. A famous New Jersey cryptid, right? Mothothman and no actually from West Virginia excuse me yes But you know do you know the lore of Mothman? I don't really I know that it's a local monster

Yeah, so basically there was a bridge that collapsed it was I think it was in the 60s And people reported seeing you know this big screaming thing with red eyes in the sky So then the lore became about like they thought there was this monster that was trying to warn everybody. At first they thought it was like a demon, but they're like, oh, he's an ally. He's our friend. He's trying to warn people that things are bad and that everyone's going to die. And then you listen to him. So he sort of has that kind of place within pop culture. So he was there to teach them about the value of public services. He voted for an infrastructure bill. Instead they all just voted for that funny governor with the fat dog. West Virginia's got a shitty governor with a fat dog, but

the dog's pretty good. The dog's good. Vote for the dog next time. Steven, what's the name of that fat dog? Look up West Virginia dog. Look up fat dog look up West Virginia dog look at fat dog West Virginia tell me what the name of this dog is. Fat hog West Virginia near me. And then it's baby dog. Baby dog. That's a great name for a fat dog. Again this guy I obviously I don't have any opinions about politics or politicians very shitty guy I can't emphasize that part of this equation enough. However, he brings his fat dog with him everywhere. His fat dog's named Baby Dog. Baby, fat baby.

Fat baby dog. It's like Baby Huey the dog. Obviously, Sidney McElroy should be governor of West Virginia. There's no doubt about that. It'd be great. But if she does become governor, I would like for her to inherit Baby Dog.

The dog comes with the title. That's true. But the office is actually his. I know she and Justin have human children, but I need them to prioritize this fat dog. I was going to say, so my other series, I've maintained the environmentalist spin. Oh yeah, you're right. Which I've brought into adulthood. So it's called Permafriends.

And it's about what happens in the distant, distant future where humans have all gone extinct. All my stuff's comedy by the way. None of this is actually serious. So humans are all dead and we're not allowed to explain, we're not around to explain any of the reasons why we did anything. So robots and animals have inherited the earth and it's about these, the three main characters are, it's Esteban who's a penguin who had to escape the poles because they had melted. It's like a survivalist. Then there's Byron who's a snowman who's born out of the last nuclear war. And then it's Harpo who's an ad bot and he roamed the earth for a thousand years trying to sell ads to humans but there are no more humans around. So then the three of them meet in the first book and then they go on a series of adventures.

And it's all very ridiculous and it's all sort of like, you know, kind of Kurt Vonnegutty type like why did humans do any of the things that we do and trying to explain them and trying to understand it? Sometimes I look at human behavior and I say to myself, what is this all about? And then I smile and I nod. Well, we're all just passengers on this crazy blue marble. That is itself a ferry or bus. Yes.

Which is why we're passengers on it. Airplane. Or it's an airplane. Oh, that'd be cool. Or it's a train. And George's train coming into the station. It's a train. Choo-choo.

Choo-choo-choo. Did you want to talk about the podcast? Oh, right. We have a podcast. Yeah, you have a podcast. I almost forgot about that. 500 Open Tabs is the name of our show. You can download it anywhere you find podcasts Spotify Apple podcasts

Whatever we pick one of our 500 open tabs because we hoard tabs Yeah, yeah browsers and we pick it and we go on a deep dive and then we tell each other about it And then we have a closing ceremony at the end It's always a blind thing going in so I have no idea what she's gonna do and she has no idea what I'm gonna Do so we have to listen heart podcast part winter Olympics is what you're telling me So we have to listen heart podcast part Winter Olympics is what you're telling me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna get smash mouth to play

Which is they're great. I went to the Salt Lake Olympics and I watched math smash mouth play it What it sucked odd choice look I was what 12. I mean they're known as one of the great winter bands Yeah, if you want to you want to cozy up in front of the fire I mean when it comes to bands that strike you as athletic Jordan, which is smash mouth probably Already all-stars. Am I right? That's true and one's dead RIP. Yeah, the one guy that died. Yeah, that one guy that died You know what the rest of them can RIP to not yet dead, but just when they're not on tour Time to yourself sure enjoy enjoy those residuals from Shrek and

And mystery men Man look forward to the next county fair Paul Rubin's and a Jeanine Garofalo William H. Macy While that that was a movie. Yeah Didn't quite work didn't quite work close some fun stuff It didn't quite some fun had high hopes for it. Yeah, there's some fun stuff in there didn't quite hold together. Yeah ahead of its time Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of our program. Stephen. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. You can find us on Instagram at jordandavidmorris

at jordanjessegopod at jesse thorn. Very famous. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse go. And please, I beg of you, find us the stinkest boys find us the boys. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse go. Love you, love you