Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Dole Mates with Riley Silverman

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Riley Silverman joins Jordan and Jesse to talk getting harassed by stormtroopers in Disneyland, Batman's blood type and our very first cartoon factory song aka Powerhouse lyrics submission.Check out Riley's new book Star Wars: Exploring Tatooine from her website rileysilverman.com or at your local bookstore. This episode brought to you by Lumi Labs. Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. 

give a little time for the child within you don't be afraid to be young and free undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective jordan i have a of a new lifestyle guru congratulations i don't i've never had a lifestyle guru before but i'm i think i'm gonna do the have a lifestyle guru thing oh are you want to be one or you want to have one you want to follow one i want to follow one like the way people put the put eggs in their vaginas because of gwyneth paltrow hold on yeah hold i mean, that's what I was going to ask you, bro.

You gooping? You gooping, bro? I'm not ready to goop. I think I have a lifestyle. Oh, my bro's gooping. I'm not gooping. He's gooping over here. Put the egg in my butt.

Come on. Just put the egg in your butt. Gwyneth's doing great. She won an Oscar. It's going to get stuck in my butt. Well, not if you use Gwyneth's doing great She won an Oscar It's gonna get stuck in my butt Well not if you Not if you use Gwyneth's organic egg lube That's gonna get it more stuck

It's gonna go higher into my butt It has a little menthol tingle too I do like the tingle The tingle is nice It has a little tea tree oil Yeah the tea tree oil To prevent ingrown hairs Yeah that

Listen just lube up the egg before you put it in there. Cram her up. Get your Oscar. Shakespeare in Love 2, starring Jesse Thorne. I don't need Gwyneth Paltrow. With an egg up his ass. I have a lifestyle guru in mind. Okay.

He's a rapper from San Francisco named Larry June. Mm-hmm. Great rapper. A new favorite rapper. I was trying to think of how to characterize his lifestyle guru-ness. Okay. He's not exactly a gangster rapper because he doesn't really rap about violence at all. But he's pretty hood. You know, like he's not like a backpack alternative type rapper.

But he is kind of a lifestyle guru. And I thought I've been really inspired by his lyrics lately because I've been listening to his songs. He just came out with a, with a new record. I texted it to my childhood best friend, Petey, and he just texted me back, was about to text you this shit. It's just like a whole fucking Frisco lifestyle that i think you could learn a lot from even as a really chill southern california dude which of course you are i think there's a lot to be learned from larry june and his lyrics so what i did is i just made a quick list of six larry june lyrics that i found inspirational and I think you might find inspirational. Beautiful. I can't wait to hear them. This one is from his song Lifetime Income.

Whipping up a smoothie, counting hundreds, watching Shark Tank. Right? Great. That's the life, right? Counting fucking hundreds. You need to know how many you have. Smoothie, it's a great way to get in your vitamins for the day. A nice meal replacement Sometimes you're still hungry after it

So, you know Well, he tends to make a green smoothie Okay And he raps a lot about how he has a Vitamix And yeah, I mean, Shark Tank Great kind of passive background show Here's one from a song called I like it already

A song called Mission Bay It's a nice day i'm sipping tea and i'm reading if she's bringing drama in my life she's deleted beautiful don't we don't need it jordan we don't need it we have our tea right we have our reading we are just trying to be chill with our smoothie and our shark tank this is tea the beverage not like you know hot gossip because that you know no that's the last thing fucking larry june needs okay this guy doesn't need a bunch of fucking drama if you bring a bunch of hot goss into his life you're fucking deleted okay so this is great i like tea the beverage i like reading i'm

currently on board i have not i have not gotten off board yet. I can, I give you one for relationship goals. This is from a song called watering my plants. It's a rap song. It's a fucking heavy ass rap song called watering my plants. It's a real song. We can take a walk in the park. Imagine that got a new apartment we can go get you some plants fuck yeah it's great let's get some fucking plants dude this one is from a song called breakfast in monaco so pristine you will not see a flaw in my diamonds just for context he has a lot of diamonds okay he's very successful makes a lot of his own money he doesn't have a manager so nobody takes a cut so pristine you will not see a flaw in my diamonds birds chirping i did the green juice she did the iced coffee yeah i mean this is great i mean you know i'm on board i just wonder

if we are going to go with him instead of gwyneth. Yeah. Where does he stand vis-a-vis pussy candles? So I don't know, but he's really pro passive income. He's got this one song where he's talking with his mom on the phone about whether he should buy property in Atlanta, like rental property. That seems like a good idea. Okay. So this seems sensible. So far, all the recommendations are within

my budget which is great there's another kind of beverage one looking at these nice views carrots in my fresh juice jumped in the 63 hopped on the 101 exit at stinson beach pretty girl next to me early morning heat the seats stop for some green tea are all the drinks kind of in this kind of whole foods zone because i think usually when you think of like a rapper rapping about a drink it would be like you know their vodka an alcoholic drink yeah you know it's all about juices okay um sir some teas mostly organic juices i mean does a smoothie count as a drink uh you know listen do we need another hot dog as a sandwich in the world that's a good point arguably he's got a good song about eating empanadas with a girl from granada great rhyme

yeah i'm gonna say i'm all for you making this a lifestyle. And I'm going to say a smoothie's a drink. This one's for you, Jordan. This is the last one. It's just one I thought would really mean a lot to you. It's from a song called Don't Check Me. You're supposed to check your B. Right now, I'm in the booth. After this, I'm going swimming.

Terrific. Don't you think that could be our new life, Jordan? Right now, I'm in the booth. After this, going swimming terrific don't you think that could be our new life jordan right now i'm in the booth after this going swimming i mean i think just kind of listening to all of this this is currently my life yeah it's fucking incredible there's nothing in here how's your passive income though jordan oh yeah that's i guess that's all i got yeah i mean property in atlanta and this is basically this is basically a guy wrapping my life. I guess I don't do a lot of smoothies either. Okay. So, I'm not quite as there as I thought I was.

Can I ask you a question? I do drink a lot of tea, though. Does the licuado count as a smoothie? I mean, that's a type of smoothie, right? I don't know what a licuado is. It's like a mexican dairy fruit blended beverage oh i think that's that's basically a smoothie right you don't have to put powders in there or what or vegetables or something i mean i i i don't know anything about it so i'm gonna i'll go with you if you ask me i'm asking you i'm asking you if you ask me a liquato is a smoothie

and a vampiro is a juice that's a type of juice that's a that's like a vegetable drink with beet juice in it so it's red that's why it's called a vampiro isn't there some sort of like flat kind of taco thing that's called a vampiro uh there may be riley silverman is nodding her head. She may just be encouraging us. Go, guys, go. Keep talking. Yes, this is great. The energy is off the charts.

Our guest, Riley Silverman, is a stand-up comic, an internet video celebrity, and now an author, the author of the brand new book, Star Wars Exploring Tatooine, an illustrated guide. It's an all ages book that showcases the landmarks, grand arenas, and watering holes made famous by the iconic desert-covered locale of Tatooine. Now, I could not be more excited about this unless if I was a top-level Star Wars guy. Of course, I'm a medium Star Wars guy. The great Riley Silverman is our guest on the show. Hello. Thank you for having me back. I'm excited. Thrilled to have you.

Now, do you know about a taco-like food that's called a vampiro? I think there's like a vampire-style taco. I think it might be a taco that food that's called a vampiro i think there's like a vampire style taco i think it might be a taco that has a garlic to it i've been to a few different tacorias that have like vampire style and that's i think that's which is weird because if you're a vampire you think you wouldn't want the garlic tacos but right that would kind of be an anti-vampiro yeah maybe it's like a longer title is like keep the vampires away taco but Vampiro. Yeah. I'm looking on the internet here, and by the way, great content. This is great content. Me Googling something and kind of describing it.

Oh, I thought you just meant that the internet was great content. Have you guys seen this thing? It's a great idea. It's never shared us wrong once. It's a great place to see what's going on with the band lit and to buy a pussy candle okay what is going on with the band lit because i haven't heard of the band lit in a very long time so oh you know i'm sorry i was just i was just drawing on a recent internet video that i watched okay uh lit uh kind of famous for the kind of late 90s pretty annoying pop punk song where the riff is

this is my own worst okay because i was actually thinking i couldn't say i could not name a single lit song until you started singing it and i'm like nah damn it i do know at least one lit song this is like a big trend on tiktok to be like hey we're a band from the 90s make us relevant again and they do like it's like a it's like a lot of i see a lot of bands doing everyone's trying to get that max from eve six five but like not everyone has the like energy to be like you know a complete like nihilist on on twitter so yeah hey guys we're marcy playground get us some residuals. We think you can get us residuals. Get us some radio play.

Anyway, Vampiro. All right. I want to... Wait, what about this? What? Yo, dogs, it's me, DMX. I'm dead, but my family still needs to eat. RIP, DMX. Okay, so a Vampiro is a kind of a taco like thing this uh article describes it

as a the love child of a taco tostada and a quesadilla so it's like a kind of a crunchy tortilla spread with kind of taco stuff and then there's a vampiro that is a cocktail that includes fruit juice spices fruit soda fresh lime and tequila so there you go so is there nothing garlic about it? So I've just been assuming these are like garlic heavy tacos this whole time with absolutely no basis in that reality. Yeah. Riley, you've been scarfing these things down, hoping they're going to...

No, I haven't been getting them. I've been afraid to get them. And now I can go for them, apparently. Oh, wait. So do you want... I'm confused. Do you want more vampires or fewer vampires? I'm pretty happy the amount of vampires that I have, but I always am looking

to have more tacos in my life. So if I've been avoiding a taco because I'm not a giant garlic fan, now I feel like I can go to town on this particular taco. You can absolutely go to town on this.

This taco, this vampiro taco is from Sinaloa in Mexico. And this thing, this, I'm not going to lie, this thing looks banging. It has,

the tortilla is grilled, So it's kind of wavy and crunchy and there's cheese on top of the tortilla and then taco shit on top of that. And that sounds boss to me. Sold one, please. The juice, the Vampiro juice is like some carrot juice and celery juice, maybe that kind of thing. And then it's usually orange juice and beet juice. But the beet juice makes it super, super red. And it makes it taste a little bit like dirt. I ordered one once. I didn't want to drink all of it.

I drank some. Usually the amount of juice I get when I order a juice is too much. Oh, yeah. I just don't think I can drink as much juice as a serving dictates, you know? Here's the thing about ordering juice. And this is something that probably came up on the show four years ago, because it's an experience that I had that seared itself into me indelibly, which is I had never been into a contemporary juice store, but I was on a street

called York Boulevard in Highland Park, California. And I think I was waiting for my car to get repaired or something. I had to be there for a while. So I tried to go to the juice place and the juice place I went to was the kind where you would get a liquato. And but it was closed. It was unexpectedly closed and it was really hot and I was kind of hungry, but not hungry enough for food. And I'm like, I'm going to walk another block and see if there's a different juice place. And I ended up looking at my phone. I'm like, oh, this is a, you know, North American juice place, but whatever. I at my phone i'm like oh this is a you know north

american juice place but whatever i'll drink that right why not i don't need to have a liquato i can have a pressed whatever the fuck and i went into this place and juices cost twelve dollars that's what a juice costs the liquato costs four dollars 12 is so many dollars how many carrots can they put in it what you're paying for is the turmeric yeah i guess it's that turmeric turmeric markup jeez louise riley yes congratulations on kind of completing what is just such an amazing nerd feat. Yeah. Uh, for, I mean,

I think you, I'm not speaking out of school when I say that you, you've devoted yourself to nerd pursuits. Is that, is that wrong? No, I don't think that's wrong. I think that I,

I think I, I often refer to myself as a professional geek having, you know, I've, yeah, I've written for sci-fi wire, I've written for nerdists and stuff like that. So I think think it's it is definitely the realm that i am into yeah so you wrote a star wars thing that's so fucking cool yeah i i'm still it still kind of like hits me

in random waves sometimes like i don't i remember the day very clearly it was april 2021 when i was like i was actually in the middle of recording a podcast that i do with some friends of mine at doctor who podcast and then we took a break and I checked my email and the subject line is from my manager. And it just says it's a forward from my now editor for this book. But it said, attention, it said like Riley Silverman, possible Star Wars gig. And that's the day that I died. So I've been dead ever since then. So that's been sad do you think for a second that you were going to get to be r2d2 possible star wars gig can involve a lot of things yeah that's the thing that it is and it was not it was there was definitely like i was like wait a minute what

does this mean because they're also there's like 30 shows so it's like are they are they hoping to have me be a staff writer they were not unfortunately they were not having me be a staff writer but they were like do you want to write a Star Wars book? And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, I'll do it for free. And my manager was like, well, let's not tell them that information. So then we got that worked out. And I wrote that book.

And then a few months later, I got asked to do two more books. So that was very fun as well. I think that Amy Sedaris being on Demand of Chlorian really made it so that we all think we can be on Star Wars. Like once Amy Sedaris is in there, I mean, obviously we're not perfect geniuses like she is. Yeah. But there's no one can say it's less appropriate for us to be a Star Wars than Amy Sedarisaris the famous crafting and bunny rabbit adoption celebrity well if you want to learn more about amy seris's character pelimoto who lives on tatooine you can check that out in my book exploring tatooine oh fuck yeah hell yeah i should have put her in there so we have her height and blood type too um no unfortunately it's okay i mean i have amy's real one if you want that after

the show i'm happy to give it to you that would be great yeah thank you thank god yes please if you would put that in the chat that'd be great can i have a little bit of her real blood i it's pretty precious to me so we'll talk prices later but yeah thank you it's very precious i put it in my tacos so i always remember those these types of books when i was a kid which i was very into not just like the star wars encyclopedias but like like X-Men encyclopedias, stuff like that. It was always interesting to see that they had decided on like a character's height and blood type at a certain point. Anyway. I don't even know my own blood type, let alone like Batman's blood type. I know. Yeah. I don't know mine. I know Gambit's. I've often thought that if I start

bleeding, I'm a keep bleeding because I have no idea what kind of blood they should put in me. Sure. Whatever you give Jean Grey. The rapper Jean Grey. I could find out what her blood type is. Sure, yeah. If you get the foil card, you got to get the foil card. My son went through a period where he was getting these books that were Lego guides to things. But the Lego guides to things, there is like a parallel Lego world of the thing. Yeah, it's wild. So it will like list the blood type, but the blood type is just Lego or whatever. You know what I mean?

Like it is all in its own weird Lego world. Yeah, there's a whole line of like Lego Star Wars, like cartoons and stuff that are all on, on like Disney Plus and such. And it's wow, because some of them like does feel like it's continuing from the canon of the movies that have aired, but then other things are like,

well, but this is not quite the same thing as what happened in the movie. So it's a weird mix of things. Yeah. What would you make out of legos jordan you they got lego indiana jones and lego star wars lego marvel superheroes yeah i was i we had legos when i was a kid but i did not have lego patients i did not have like i think that lego appeals to a certain kind of kid who like wants to sit quietly and read instructions oh yeah well there's two leg let's be fair sure there's two types of lego child one wants to follow the instructions this is called a ben harrison our friend ben

harrison will build a 20 000000 piece Lego set for fun. There's another kind that just wants a pile of Legos to build spaceships out of. I was that kid. Yeah. You build as many as weird and lumpy a spaceship as you can out of the pile. You riff. And then you throw it into a wall so it breaks. Yeah.

I would build spaceships that use parts of castles and pirate ships and all those kind of things yeah yeah that's what that's the other type yeah and i think as a fidgety kid i love the clicking oh you can click them yeah click those click clap you know what clicks nice is a duplo oh duplo is a well duplo what's nice about a duplo is that you get further right the legos are so small that you have to put so many legos together to get somewhere whereas with duplos you know 12 duplos and you got a life-size donkey yeah and uh you're less likely to choke on that donkey oh god i'm constant i still eat legos it's like what am i thinking you know what i mean what am i thinking well in your defense they make lots of videos online of people making pizzas and

burgers and ice cream out of legos and you're just falling for that trap but yeah but my wife says she gets she takes me by the shoulders she's jesse what are you thinking you know jordan would you you know you are you're an experienced children's comedy entertainment and family comedy entertainment writer. What property are you entering into the irreverent world of Lego? Oh, I guess, I guess I did spend a long time literally writing for a Lego show that I forgot about. So I guess I have written a bunch of unikitty which is a lego character um yeah boy i mean i think i mean we were talking about this last week i mean i think i would love to write for lego taxi yes

uh riley does has your job writing star Wars material intersected with your interest? I mean, maybe that would you call this an interest or would you call this a lifestyle being a Disney adult? I think I think interest is probably my version. I think for some folks, it's a lifestyle. I think for me, it is an interest because I maybe make it to Disney once every couple of months. If it's a busier time of year i might go more often when there's cool things happening at the park but i'm not one of these like i'm there every week or every multiple times a week folks and that's

mostly because i can't afford to be that person but you're not hoarding pins is what you're saying no that's like i actually had to make an active choice to be like i'm not gonna become a pin person because i have just enough of like a compulsion kind of personality that i'm afraid that if i started collecting pins i just have a stack of dusty pins in the corner of my room somewhere that would never get anything effectively done with them so there's a fancy lad day at disneyland that i think about going to every time they have like a a convention oh dapper day dapper day yeah and i think i should go like sell at the convention if so put this on stuff at the convention i'm like well these fancy dorks are exactly the

demo you know i look and it's like five thousand dollars or something this thing must be but off the chain the number of fucking dresses with cherries on them, you have to sell to make this Dapper Day money back. And a lot of them are like specially designed Dapper Day. Like they'll have like the mugs from the Tiki Room or they'll have like the maps to the different lands of the park and stuff on them, too. It's I I've never made it Dapper Day. Mostly because I don't think that I can have that good of makeup for that long of a period of time in the southern california sun and i also don't understand i i respect and fear anyone who can spend that long at disneyland in high heels but no sure yeah yeah that lifestyle extraordinary and plus you'd have to keep your nylons straight

the seam on your nylons it's a whole thing yeah and the idea of wearing nylons again in a socal song is not that is not a good day for me so have you ever been to goth day the only theme disney day that i have done is gay day where you just go like a red or or other fun gay shirt and then that's what we do so that's what the invitation says please wear a fun gay shirt pretty much yeah they actually like a lot of times they'll sell like the official gay day shirt like not disney does not sell the official gay day although this year was the first time that i've seen disney actually be like this is our disney pride merchandise as opposed to being like disney's rainbow merchandise but yeah they usually like just a rainbow uh yeah i mean whatever i don't know what do you think it is yeah yeah it's in case any fucking leprechauns

come i don't know so look at all these good friends holding hands in the park. But yeah, I'm going for that. Good friends. I would 100% go to Leprechaun Day, by the way. Fucking Darby O'Gill and the Little People Day at Disneyland. Let's do this. Yeah, an ex-girlfriend of mine and I went on gay day wearing a shirt that said Dole Mates and it had two Dole Whips holding hands.

That's solid. I find that as my ex-girlfriend it had two Dole Whips on the ends. That's solid. That's a real list. The fact that it's my ex-girlfriend, it makes it extra sad that we did that. I'm sorry. Listen, we should all find our Dole Mates someday. I was imagining that the shirt that they have there, the official shirt that you mentioned, is for people who don't wear a fun enough shirt. is for people who don't wear a fun enough shirt.

So they like get there and it's like going to a clubby restaurant where they hand you a sport coat and a necktie to wear. They're just like, I'm sorry, sir. This gay shirt is a four out of 10 fun. You're gonna have to wear one of the official shirts. We need a gay shirt for you. They're all double X. So just put it on over your regular clothes.

Riley, you were telling me you had you tried to like take promo shots in the park and something happened yeah my second book that i wrote is galaxy's edge treasures from batu it's a shorter little book it's full of a bunch of little chachkis and stickers and stuff for kids to play with that are all themed around the galaxy's edge section disneyland park and i was there and i like i had my friend take pictures of me in line for Rise of the Resistance. There's a part where you're on the ride and you come out of a ship and there's a bunch of stormtroopers

ready to take you into custody. So I pose with me holding the book up for that. And then I was walking around the actual park and there are stormtroopers who walk around who are harassing you. The thing that's funny is all their dialogue is prerecorded and it's all activated by finger tuts and stuff they do. It's not things that they're actively saying. So they're always trying to figure out how to match whatever responses they already have in the can to whatever you say to them.

Oh, interesting. So they only have a certain amount of stock things that come out of the speaker. Yeah. certain amount of stock things that come out of the speaker yeah i think it's i think it's clearly so you don't get like one cast member who has a bad day who like starts spouting off terrible things to children in a scorned mask but so i had this i was cornered and these troopers walked up to me and this wasn't like a planned thing i didn't go ahead of time go hey let's go ahead and do a cool pr thing i look like hell but i my friends started taking pictures of me because they walked up and they were like,

let's see your identification. I tried to do the Jedi mind thing on them and go, you don't need to see my identification. And then they like, as if like I was really being harassed by real cops, they like got in my face and they were like, now we really want to see your identification. So I decided to be cute and pull my book out

and be like, oh, I'm actually a writer writing about this planet. I'm here doing research for it or whatever. And this stormtrooper grabs my book out and be like, oh, I'm actually a writer writing about this planet. I'm here doing research for it or whatever. And this stormtrooper grabs my book and shoves it in the face of the cast member handling it. He just really commits to this bit. And they're taking my book and hitting it with their guns and pointing at it and trying to flip through it and stuff. So we got all these awesome pictures.

Wait, Riley, is the premise here that these storm troopers don't know what guns do i mean like that's the premise of most of star wars i think is that don't know how their guns work yeah we're shooting these for the first time yeah i just i'd love to see uh like the new re-edit the new george George Lucas version of the Star Wars movies is like one of those scenes where they're going down a corridor and the stormtroopers are shooting the laser guns. But instead of doing that, they're just hitting books with the guns. Take that, red badge of courage. That's the Disney world that DeSantis was. This book as gay.

So I did Galaxy's Edge for the first time a couple months ago. I'd never been. And, you know, obviously excited to see it. You know, I think I'm an upper medium Star Wars guy. So, you know, thrilled to go. But the kind of interactive stuff I was worried about, because I'm like, this is a leisure activity. I don't want to do improv. I don't want to be reminded of the most humiliating hobby I've ever had in my life. So the thought of like doing little

acties while doing a leisure activity was a little scary to me. Like, I don't, you know, I don't know that I could do a little, a little acty with these, with these folks. You probably went at a good time then, because I think they hadn't really ramped that up again a bunch a few months ago. I think, like, they kind of recently started filtering it back in towards a lot more active, but for a while they were being still pretty, like, stay away from the people. And honestly, that is kind of what happened is i went and the star wars people were

behaving like disney employees and fucking an hour into this i'm like why is nobody hassling me i want to get hassled nobody hassled me on the ride nobody hassled me in line for the blue milk i don't know how are you gonna promote your book yeah? Yeah, thank you. Hit this. Somebody should hit this with something. Will they hit any book that you wrote? Can I bring a book there that I worked on and have them hit it? Just bring Bubble by. See what happens. Yeah, hit this.

I would love to go to that Star Wars. I'm not prepared to go to a whole trip to Disneyland to do it. Do you think they'll take it on the road at all? Could they bring it to Glendale or something? You can do it in a, like an old Sears that closed. That's if, if they put that star Wars shit into a Sears that closed in Glendale, I'd have been there week two. I think you are describing a con a convention week one. Cause it'd just be too, too busy. There is that that bar there's that bar in like hollywood that's called scum and villainy cantina that used to be a little bit more in character but now it's a little bit more of just a general nerd theme bar

but it still has that like star wars cantina decorations and stuff to it i went to that scum and villainy not too long ago and really had a great time they really do a good job with it i i really had fun but yeah there was like I could tell it was like mostly Star Wars. And it seemed like there were some stray ETs and Xenomorphs around. And that struck me as something they had to do legally. It's all sci-fi. I don't know. It's all, we don't know who any of these characters are.

It's all. What's the theme mech and me i guess sure yeah when it first opened it was a pop-up and it was only going to be limited time and that was a lot more purely star wars and then they kind of like softened it over time probably for that reason but i remember when they very first opened somebody posted like the actual bar posted a picture of a couple of guys at the bar in star trek like starfleet uniforms and this person in the comments immediately was like this kind of bullshit's why i'll never go there and i was like how can you have that much anger and lack of joy in your life you're like this whole thing is terrible because these two guys had a good night

i hope stormtroopers hit them with guns yeah Yeah. Like they were books. Did you already know everything about tattooing the desert planet of Star Wars, Riley? Or did you have to like, did you get access to secret files or something? A little mix of both. I knew a lot. I knew a lot more than I realized I knew when I was writing it. But yeah, I had to build essentially a outline of all the sections that I was going to cover. And then I also then went through and found a bunch of reference materials that I then would tell my editor. Like, hey, I need this set of these comics. And I need this book that was published a while ago that has some stuff in it. So I basically got reference material.

Nothing super secret. I didn't get anything that hadn't because the whole point of my book was supposed to be like here's things that have already occurred this is like a collection of stories as opposed to new content so nothing was like secret stuff that it was all things that had been established and there's a whole there's a whole thing where continuity is split between before disney Star Wars and after Disney bought Star Wars. So anything that's not a movie and like a Clone Wars TV show from pre-Disney is not considered canon per se. So I couldn't include any of that. So I could only include things that were canon for the post-purchase era. So like anything in the Clone Wars, anything in the Marvel comics,

anything in the modern Marvel comics and anything in the movies was it was fair game so i mean there's cool stuff that you can put in there the original canon didn't have goofy it's true yeah now there's goofy in the in the jizz band sure luke's father was the predator it's a lot you can just stick anything you want into star wars now yeah yeah except batman i guess darth prey have you been to moss mac and me by the way that's one of the cool towns of tatooine bold of disney to purchase the rights to mac and me like we think we can rehab this thing my kid watched mac and me i did not watch that much of it but there is a dance sequence in a mcdonald's

like a full production number didn't like mcdonald's pay for that movie isn't that the like it was like a huge tie-in yeah i could not like when i say that there's a production number in the mcdonald's it's not a production number movie like it's not a song and dance film and it's pretty far into the movie i think there's like a five minute full-on dance sequence in a mcdonald's with like 40 people fucking dancing and ronald mcdonald and shit yeah i i think i watched a youtube clip of that recently kind of trying to like is one of those because we definitely rented mac and me as kids i think we rented it from like long's drugs and just like watched it for family movie night yeah it was distributed exclusively to the one spinner rack of rental videos at long's drugs yeah fucking right aid was so mad yeah like oh i can't believe

we lost the mac and me license yeah you could get you either can rent mac and me or get one of those chonky archie comics oh i'm gonna go with the archie comics that was yeah i know it sounds very chonky it made it into a recent mst3k season i think the last netflix run before i went back to the gizmo plex i think i think there was a mac and me in there somewhere that's where you fucking if you're making mst3 if you're joel hodgson and elliot calen and you're looking at that fucking budget you're like this year we're blowing it all on mac and me it's mac and me and the rest of the shit's public domain our whole fucking acquisition budget is going towards this et knockoff made by mcdonald's oh man that has the cockiest we'll

like attempt to say like we're gonna have a sequel thing in that movie which is my favorite part about it like there's a thing at the end where they're like driving away and they like edited in like a chewing gum bubble that like pops up behind the car they're driving through and it's like we'll be back and it like pops and it's just like what a like complete like arrogance they're they're setting up something like um well mac uh we we did it you say you know you saved the town i don't know what he's trying to do mac you did it you saved the town but now we got to meet the king the burger king and kill him we would slay the burger king by mcdonald's during this same period where my daughter watched Mac and Me, she watched a movie called The Last Starfighter. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, sure. I think it's like a famous Star Wars knockoff, right? It's another Long's Drugs favorite from my childhood. And I, again, that's another one where I only watched five or ten minutes, but I, like, happened into the room and they were, you know, the kid from the movie was in a, like a car driving down the road or whatever. And they like, get out. And I'm like, wait, this movie stars professor Harold Hill from the music man. Fucking Robert Preston is there a man whose entire career was playing like he's not just in the movie he didn't just like win the Tony for the Broadway production like he toured as

Professor Harold Hill like into his 80s for like 40 years he was Professor Harold he was to Harold Hill as Yul Brynner was to the king and the king of house. Exactly. And he's also in The Last Starfighter. And he's very much the Alec Guinness type guy in that movie where you can tell that it's like, let's get somebody people might recognize. Yeah. Let's get an older Shakespearean actor who maybe has a drinking problem. They need some money to deal with. And how.

That is an example, too, of a movie that had like for what its time frame was extremely impressive CGI. But then a year later, it seemed like the most outdated, horrible. Like it's like it's like the aha video level of like CGI. I watched In This Zone. I just last week to to chat about it on a podcast, watch Howard the Duck for the first time. I had never seen Howard the Duck. And I was kind of looking forward to it. And what I kind of assumed about Howard the Duck is it was going

to be like a Ghostbusters 2. You know how people like kind of shit on Ghostbusters 2, but when you see a couple minutes of it on TV, you're like, I don't know, come on, Bill Murray's got the talk show. Statue of Liberty walks around. What do you assholes hate about this? It's got some good jokes. Yeah, it's it's a solid it's a solid sequel it makes that makes no ambition to go better than the first movie but it has some good jokes in it yeah there's no dick sucking in it no yeah yeah there is a deleted scene where harold ramus eats out the statue of liberty that's where the slime comes from yeah that's the slime that's it was her vaginal excretions they had an adr a line in the slime comes from anger right you see and you see her eyes crossed

i'm getting eaten out by harold ramus this is what the statue of liberty sounds like harold ramus is like statue of liberty give me your huddled masses but I watched Howard the Duck Howard the Duck just just sucks it just sucks so bad I was blown away by how much it sucked it's just like not you know it is not the room it is not fun to watch it's just like

you know it just like is this huge fucking face plant and sucks every second of the way but there's this one thing that I can't tell if it's, I can't tell if this is the best or worst line ever. I don't know if this was intentional, but there's a Tim Robbins character. First of all, everyone is just acting

at high school play levels of acting. He's this like- Even the humanoid duck? No, okay, so he's the only one who's not acting crazy. I mean, maybe that's the best decision. He's kind like... Even the humanoid duck? No. Okay. So he's the only one who's not acting crazy. I mean, maybe that's the best decision. He's kind of low key. You know, the duck knew what movie he was in. So he played to that performance.

He actually toured that for decades after. Yeah. And then he just randomly showed up in Lord of the Rings. Like, wow, that's the guy from Howard the Duck. And now he's in Lord of the Rings. Yeah, well, they wanted to get somebody credible. And, you know, he had the drinking problem. Yeah, sure sure he played howard the white and that was like a whole thing yeah he comes back as howard the gray after he dies yeah yeah he goes backwards he goes

backwards in the pantheon of wizards yeah you should never drink and fly a biplane is i think something that happened in howard the duck does he fly a biplane boy that biplane shit is so long there's 45 minutes of biplane i saw howard the duck in the theater with my dad he was like six or something you can't make any biplane comedy once indiana jones last crusade exists like i feel like that is the pinnacle of biplane comedic performances yeah and then you just put it to bed triplanes or or higher yeah show me the spruce goose or show me nothing give me ted striker of the drinking problem or leave me alone so tim robbins is this nerdy like lab assistant who dreams of like that like howard the duck is going to get him his like promotion to like you know head scientist and at some point someone like takes he's like all right you're off the

case and takes howard the duck away from him and he says ah now i'll never get my own museum i love that like misunderstanding of what a scientist is that like they own the museums i i don't know if that's just like the laziest coked out writing or like just a weirdly hilarious line in this otherwise bad movie. Howard the Duck is, and Riley, you may know this more because you're more of a comic person or Jordan, you're a comic person as well. You may know this, but isn't Howard the Duck like fish police? One of those things that is known in comic book world for its like creepy horniness, first and foremost. Like that it is like a second tier R. Crumb situation in the alternative comics world of X-rated adults only rack at the comic book store, that then they kind of ended up making into a semi-family film.

I think there is something, I don't know a lot about the history of the comic. I do know that it is definitely now owned by Marvel. I'm not sure how long Marvel's owned it. I think it was, I think he's a Marvel character. I think he was a Marvel character. And yeah, I think you're right. I think that was them trying to chase like fritz the cat or something i think he might have been like a like a leisure suit larry level where it's not quite as dirty as a fritz or such but it's like trying to get that audience he wasn't that funny riley yeah yeah exactly but it's like trying to like hey this is so edgy and dangerous but like actually extremely safe and just kind of juvenile i don't know i i'm sure some howard Duck super fan is going to come after me for my disparaging him.

But I do know that that's the gag of him appearing in Guardians of the Galaxy. He's got a smoking jacket and a cocktail, and that's the kind of vibe that he has going for him. late 1980s, early 1990s, 16 color, horny comedy adventure game, Leisure Suit Larry, finally came up on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's been 10 days since the last time. Do we talk about Leisure Suit Larry a lot on the show? I feel like we've talked about Leisure Suit Larry so many times. I'm sure we have talked about him. I don't doubt we have talked about him. I got at my house when I was a kid. I've never played Leisure Suit Larry. I have.

But I got, because I bought, I'm going to say front page sports football, maybe? I got a magazine published by Sierra Online, the software company that made Le suit larry and there was so much leisure the things that i remember from that like they made king's quest which was like a legendary adventure game kind of thing but like the things that i remember from that are promotions for various leisure suit larry's and then a police simulators that was endorsed by Daryl Gates. Oh, yeah. Police Quest, baby. Yeah.

Like what? They're probably all just King's Quest reskinned as these things. I know he just Larry was so. Yeah. I mean, it is. It was truly like as an eight year old in the-year-old in the toilet reading this free magazine that came to the house after my subscription to National Geographic for kids ran out. Like just reading about how realistic the police brutalities were.

Also a screensaver where you're a castaway stuck on an island and it's a game i remember that one yeah what a weird yeah what a weird world you know i guess they got goat simulator or whatever now but that's kind of classy yeah i spent a lot of time on stray recently the game where you're just a cat running around so oh yeah yeah i i dived into that thing i played goose game but nobody told me that i was going to spend 20 for goose game and then it was going to be like eight things were going to happen and then it would be done that's about how stray is stray is like 30 bucks it's maybe about three hours long but there's a meow button right there's a button and it's a real cat's meow like they recorded an actual cat as a voice actor.

They then credited and shared and it's adorable. So yeah, I'm sick of these fucking fake cats and video games. Yeah. Give us laser suit, Larry. At least you can jack off to that, right? Yeah. Thank you very much. Can't jack off to the goose game.

Believe me, I tried. It's definitely a game that I played as a kid. My brother had gotten a copy of it and it very much was that like fake sense of danger of like we're doing something really dangerous and naughty and playing leader suit like as if as if it was like us watching porn but it's literally the most like it's a 16-bit just digitized just terrible midi sounds whatever i'm like we're getting so much so we're playing leader suit larry darcy Carden was on Bullseye recently, the wonderful comic actress. And she's from the Bay Area and her father was an alternative newspaper publisher. And in his like bio and stuff, it really highlights that he published this thing called BAM, which was

Bay Area Music Magazine or Bay Area Music Monthly or something. And it was very cool, like alternative newspaper about the San Francisco Bay Area music scene, you know, it would be Carlos Santana on the cover and then an article about the Mystic Journeymen or whatever. Very high credibility stuff, lots of important work. But he also published this alternative newspaper called micro times that was all computer news. And like, it was one of those things where you could pick it up at the, at the coffee shop, you know, go down to, to muddy waters and you could get a copy of the micro times and you could

order computer parts by mail and find a list of the phone numbers for local bulletin board systems. And I remember getting a modem when I was, you know, 12 or something like that. And you could dial into the bulletin board systems. And I don't remember there being anything to do except that some of them had like R-rated text-based sex games, like where you would like wander around and then it would be like somebody would say like she says her pussy's wet like you couldn't like do sex or anything like it was all the equivalent of teeny weeny bikinis or whatever in text form but that was my leisure suit larry was on the family desktop, logging into a BBS, noticing that if you pressed six or whatever, you could play a game where in text it described a bikini.

Did you have the graphing calculator games that were like Pimp Quest or like Drug Wars and stuff like that at school? People definitely had those at school. I did not have, I was too broke to have my own graphing calculator. I had to use the one they let you borrow in class. Did that at least have snake on it? It didn't even have fucking snake, much less drug wars. They probably formatted it every night like narcs.

I know, these fucking narcs. Narc teachers. Formatting those graphing calculators. Can't have kids having fun. Jesus Christ. Unless their families can pay for it. Can't keep my drugs in the graphing calculators. Can't have kids having fun. Jesus Christ. Unless their families can pay for it. Can't keep my drugs in the graphing calculator. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of those graphing calculators, you couldn't even type boobs on them, you know, because they put the parental controls on. Jesse, you were talking about the magazine that Darcy Carden's dad published was called Microtimes. Microtimes. Yeah. Was that a magazine about your penis? Let's take a break. I leave out onto that we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, what I use that for, Jordan? Food. Yum, yum. Technically food is what powers this podcast. Goes in the mouth, huh? Yeah. And then I kind of clamp and release, clamp and release.

Love it. Love it. Goes from there. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Raycon. Now, Jordan, you know I'm what they call a music guy. I'm a music lover. You love it. Tunes, bass clef, treble clef, tempo. One of the things, so my buddy Camilo Landau from high school, of course, you guys know Camilo. I played Little League with him too before that.

Of course, you guys know Camila. I played Little League with him too before that. Camila is a great guitarist and he played on this record by a woman from San Francisco called La Doña. And he just posted like, oh, I'm so excited that this record I played on is getting so much attention or something on Twitter or Facebook or something. And I'm like, oh, I'll listen to something that Camila played on. I listened to it. It rules so fucking hard. I've been listening to La Doña nonstop since I heard about it. It's kind of like, you know, it's got some reggaeton vibes, some cumbia vibes, some different kind of Mexican stuff vibes. She's from the same neighborhood I'm from, the Mission District in San Francisco.

She sings. She plays trumpet. It really kicks ass. It's really great. And you know what I love to use to listen to it, Jordan? What? My Raycon buds. Yeah. Raycons, everyday earbuds. Look, feel, and sound better than ever. Jesse, I love these things too. I've got Raycons and yeah, using for tunes, listening to podcasts, phone calls. I love to make a little phone call with my Raycons. Everything sounds good. Hello, show business. Jordan here. What? You're not interested? All right. I'll try again tomorrow. Well, back to podcasting.

The Raycons are about half the price of other premium audio brands. They sound great. You know, you can, you can create sound profiles for, I want something that's clear as a bell for when I'm listening to my audio books. I want something with some thump for when La Doña is on the stereo, you know, these, these are, these are great products. Yeah. They're awesome. The best wireless earbuds I've ever had. I love them. I use them. And yeah, the fact that they are such a good value really just makes them a slam dunk. Go to buyraycon.com slash jjgo today to get 15% off your Raycon order.

That's buyraycon.com slash jjgo to score 15% off. Buyraycon.com slash jj go we're also supported this week by the folks over at lumi labs who specialize in micro dosing now some of you out there may already be macro dosing but if you want to turn it down a notch why not try lumiabs and their micro dosing products? Yeah. These are micro dose gummies that deliver perfect entry level doses of THC. That's THC that starts in the mail room. And they help you feel just the right amount of good. You know, I think everybody out there has maybe had an experience with edibles. Maybe it was great. Maybe you're like, why the heck am I so high? And I feel like

I'm in a vortex and I'm worried. You're like, I'm just trying to watch King of the Hill here. Sure. Yeah. I'm just trying to enjoy some King of the Hill, the episodes where Chuck Mangione plays himself. And I'm just zonked out of my mind on- That's too much THC. I don't know you. Sure. Right. Sort of like a King of the Hill thing combined with too much thc i don't know you sure right sort of like a king of the hell thing combined with yeah too much thc love it but these lumi labs micro dose gummies are they're just a little bit you can control your dose if you want to have two you can have two if you want to have three you can have three but yeah if you want to just pop one it gives you just a nice little bit of chill it helps you sleep i've definitely been a nice little bit of chill. It helps you sleep. I've definitely been

having a little bit of trouble with sleep lately and popping one of these LumiLabs microdose gummies really helps before bedtime. Couldn't recommend it more. I talked to my sibling, Brendan, recently and Brendan had COVID a month or two ago. And I was like, well, what's your advice? You know, cause I'm feel sick and whatever. And he's like, just eat some marijuana and chill. So that's what I did. I had my LumiLabs micro doses. You know, I ate a little bit and just chilled. It was nice. I wasn't like super high or anything. Could still follow King of the Hill. Yeah, exactly.

That's what's important. Peggy's going to the goddamn Bogle Championship. Peggy loves Bogle. Ann Richards is there or whatever. Anyway, the microdose is available nationwide. And to learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com. Use the code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description.

But again, that's microdose.com. Code JJGO. And hey, remember, we are on Twitter now. So follow us at JordanJesseGo for all the fun announcements and dank memes that Daniel and Jordan and I can muster. They're all there on twitter.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. Hey, Jesse, can I do a little plug? Can I do a little plug while we're plugging stuff? As long as there's a flared base, we've got to keep it safe.

Sure, right. So open up your ass, everyone. I'm about to plug it. I've spent a year and some change working on this video game that's out now. It's called Rumbleverse. It is free to play on many popular video game platforms. I had such a fun called Rumbleverse. It is free to play on many popular video game platforms. I had such a fun time working on it, doing lots of jokes, lots of little goofs, but also some big kind of lorey world building stuff. The game is so fun. It's a battle royale with wrestlers and crazy fighting game moves. Yeah, tons of fun. I would love to hear from people who are enjoying it. Daniel, maybe we could post a little trailer for Rumbleverse on the old Jordan Jesse Go Twitter account.

You could check it out. Yeah, I'm looking for a way to maybe get some MaxFun people to all play together. I don't know quite how that works, but if I can wrangle it, I would love to see it happen. Jordan, aren't you like a big computer guy? I thought you were a big computer guy. I'm actually not. No, I'm just a dorkus. Do you think you could come over and fix my computer?

No, I can't. No, I cannot i can't no i cannot help with that i cannot help with that uh but yeah i can tell you a lot about uh mortal combat fatalities how they changed from game to game okay great nothing useful that'll work but yeah but uh rumble verse is a ton of fun and i also uh i've slipped in a little podcasting easter egg that references a member of our extended podcasting family i don't think anyone's caught it yet but i have seen it in in there. So if you catch it, I'd love to see somebody post it. It was a fun little tribute to one of our buddies. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, to come ask me where why a planet's not showing up in the archives i'm gonna give you some sass about it and say it doesn't exist even though then a scene later you'll be like i just talked to this lady he said didn't exist and then the kids will make fun of you and then you're the

idiot so right what's your favorite uh space alien from tatooine from tatooine i guess the jawas i guess would be i like little guys who run around just scabbing i don't mean that like lit was born and raised you could include the different space guys from the space bar the jizz band i got it there's a there's a there's a set of priests ben kenobi there's there's a set of priests in jabba's palace that essentially as part of trying to like get complete sense deprivation sensory deprivation remove their, had them put in jars, and they're carried around by giant spider bodies. Dope. Yeah, I can... I mean, I'd do that shit.

How's the orgasms? I imagine pretty good. Leisure suit Larry level. Yeah, probably pretty good, right? Because he's got the eight legs and... Oh, yeah. Nobody blasts harder than spiders. Where do you think those webs come from, huh? Thank you very much, Jordan. From their wet farts that's where oh no that's their thing though don't kink shame them spiders have a cloaca so it's how they come web and fart it's the same hole you know I was just thinking about Obi-Wan Kenobi. You know how they think that's just old Ben Kenobi?

In Star Wars, if you want to pick a normal name, like a boring name to tell people, it's Ben. But everyone else has a space name. That's all. Well, it's also you give them the same last name that you've been going by and you're trying to hide from. I'm Ben Kenobi. Old Ben was a second draft. His original fake name was not Obi-Wan. It was Frank.

And they're like, make it more spacey. They're like, all right, how about Ben? I don't know. Get off my back. Ben seems too normal. OK, how about Old Ben? OK, now you're hitting it. Look, when something momentous

happens to you we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org uh here's a momentous occasion now hi jordan jesse and go this is sarah i'm calling in with a momentous occasion. This evening I was diagnosing a leaky toilet. My toilet has sprung a leak. And the diagnosis, Daniel, was murder. Friends, it's Nick Van Dyke here.

Dial T for toilet. Did Sue Grafton do all those? That's Sue Grafton, yeah. It's going to be, well, dial M for murder is Hitchcock, but then Sue Grafton was T those? It's Sue Grafton, yeah. It's going to be, well, Dial M for Murder is Hitchcock, but then Sue Grafton was T for Toilet. That was her famous detective novel. T for Toilet.

P for Poop Log. Daniel, you can go ahead and play the rest of the call. You can just press play. We're not doing anything important here. I got to live out everyone's favorite comedy trope by turning a valve the wrong direction and blasting myself in the face with water, which is fun, but not as fun at 2 a.m. Anyway, love you guys. Thanks.

Bye. Love you, too. That's a fucking classic mishap. I think this call opens up a pretty exciting door for us. Describing physical comedy. We don't actually have to do it on the show. Right. Because, you know, like I, you know, I got bad joints and, you know, I'm not in great shape.

So, like doing, you know, stunts and pratfalls, you know, probably would be bad for me. Pratt Falls, you know, probably would be bad for me. But if I can just, you know, say like, oh, excuse me, Jesse, I have to move this wedding cake off this high shelf. Right. Daniel throws in a bunch of splats. Yeah. And boom, we got ourselves a yuck-a-thon. We're lucky that Daniel still works here, given what happened between me and him earlier on when we were getting ready for the big dessert rush at the bakery how'd that go well we had a disagreement

well we got to chucking jordan we got to chucking and i'm not talking here about empanadas right talking about desserts you threw a bunch of desserts yeah pies specifically Pies, specifically cream pies. Yeah. Mostly cream pies. And where did that pie go? Well, let's just say it didn't go in our mouths, but some of it did go on our mouths, Riley. It was a pie fight. We hit each other with pies. It was classic physical comedy, Riley. We just have to describe it for it to be funny. Oh, excuse me, Jesse. Hold on.

That's a banana peel on the floor. I should just... I'm going to see what I can do about that. A scorpion bit my penis. Classic. While I was inspecting this banana peel, I got bit on the penis by a scorpion. Riley, would you mind helping me move this piano down these steps in Echo Park? Look out for scorpions. Yeah. So just recently on the program, we had this conversation about the Looney Tunes factory song, which by the way,

is called Powerhouse, apparently. But let's be frank. It's called the Cartoon Factory song. And it goes, ba-ba-ba, ba-da-da-da-da-da. And we have a lot of really musically talented listeners on the show. And we challenge them to write lyrics to that song and then perform them for us and send them to us at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Now, in the past when we've done this, we've had jazz combos record songs for us. We've had some pretty extraordinary song parodies sent into us. And every journey starts with a single step.

So, so far, we've got the one. So far, we've got the one. We're going to play this one and see where it goes. Okay? Because who knows? This might inspire the next one, the next one, the next one. Right. This see where it goes. Okay. Because who knows, this might inspire the next one, the next one, the next one. Right. This is the Velvet Underground of Looney Tunes factory songs with lyrics. I think you could argue that the Leonard Cohen Hallelujah parody

about Walton Goggins vodka is the velvet underground of yeah yeah everybody who listened to that song parody started a song parody themselves started furiously writing lyrics into the factory song from looney tunes actually made a documentary about that song parody that's how popular song parody guys would be they did uh Daniel, play this one that we have received. Jordan, Jesse, special guest, Paul Rubens. This is Jim from Erie with lyrics for the factory song inspired by Honey, I Shrunk the Kids because that is indeed in the opening credits. Can you pause this, Daniel? The first good part about this that I like is that obviously when Powerhouse, the original song was recorded, it was one of those things where they got all the musicians in one room and they just had a big bell with a

little needle that was like carving into a piece of shellac or whatever to record the song. And I'm glad that he's recreated that recording quality here by recording this. In an actual factory. that recording quality here by recording this in an actual factory yeah in the busy parking lot of a kmart well he was in the middle of moving a glass pane back and forth across the street awesome recording this so he's just doing double duty i feel like i often in my life and disappointed that i'm not paul rubens and now i feel extra disappointed that it's been called out directly to me one time i was talking to um dana g, friend of the program, Dana Gould, one of the funniest guys around. And Dana Gould, for some time, he's a Planet of the Apes nut. And for some time, he and his former wife lived together in a house that they had bought from the estate of Roddy

McDowell. It was an incredible house in Hollywood Hills. Dana's ex was the programming chief of HBO at one point. And they were really living it up in this Roddy McDowell house. And I was talking to Dana about it one day. And he said that Dana told me that he was just hanging out with Paul Rubens. Paul Rubens found out that he had lived there and just told Dana like six different stories of crazy shit that had happened when he went to parties at Roddy McDowell's house. And I was like, God damn it. I've actually been to a party at Dana Gould's house that, but not that same house. So it's a whole full cycle. Does the new Dana Gould house

still have a totem pole of apes from one of the later planet of the apes movies not that i noticed i think it was that stayed at the old house i believe we've custom up lighting that's the thing i remember the most from dana's house to legitimately beautiful house okay anyway we're getting too far afield and riley hey don't be too down on yourself at some some point, you'll appear in the movie Mystery Men. Someday, you'll appear in Mystery Men. Yeah. Daniel, let's listen to the rest of that song.

Rick Moranis invented a shrink ray. Rick Moranis invented a shrink ray. Rick Moranis invented a shrink ray Rick Moranis invented a shrink ray Rick Moranis invented a shrink ray Think it's gonna cause some problems We are just two neighbor families Couldn't really be much different Wonder how we'll come together Oh that's right Rick made that shrink ray

My dad's weird, your dad's weird And they do not understand us I think you're weird, you think I'm weird Our behavior mirrors our parents Now we're small and stuck in the backyard A lot of commitment. Moderate tunefulness. Lawnmower is a good verb. Wayne Zielinski is the character's name. Wayne Zielinski. writers really found that one in scorpion scorpion time for us to band together can you pause this daniel here's the thing he's accusing the writers of phoning in the nickname auntie for the guy that rides on the ant i think that was the aunt's name that was the aunt's name

i think the aunt's name was auntie i remember the children you know like asking auntie not to die after he fights the scorpion i'm just saying that this the lyric is ride on ant we call him auntie that is at least at least as half-assed as calling the aunt auntie ride on ant i think it's worth pointing out too and i don't want to like shit on this caller it's like we said to do a thing the writers probably got paid more than the caller did yeah isn't that worth mentioning the writer definitely of that movie definitely has residuals that have bought them a house that has totem poles of of apes and stuff yeah no shit type of thing yeah this is a dis it's a

disney movie in the uh in the late 80s yeah whatever their kind of totem pole is whether it's fucking planet of the apes or a star wars totem pole or the african queen sure wacky races yeah that's a totem pole you can have yeah so i mean i yeah worth pointing out rick moranis doesn't invent the shrink ray wayne zalinski does okay that's the character's name that's the character's name here's my question do you think wayne zalinski from the honey trunk the kids franchise is related to the dan akroyd character zalinski that is in the movie tommy boy who owns the auto parts company oh interesting is there a dan akroyd rick Moranis multiverse happening here? Yeah, right. This is a continuity of Canadian comedians.

Yeah, who've also both been in Ghostbusters. Right. A dream that the kid from Twin Peaks is having in his coma or whatever the fuck it is. He's inventing shrink rays. His brother is gutting the factory in Sandusky, Ohio that makes brake pads. It's just all tragic. Is Cronenberg Canadian? Maybe the fly from The Fly

is part of the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids over. Yeah, has kind of a funny Polish name. That's another funny thing from Ghostbusters 2 when Rick Moranis is defending them in court and he's like, one time I turned into a dog

and they saved me. And then he sits down. Ghostbusters 2 good. Howard the Duck, not good. I watched Honey, I Shrunk the Kids not that long ago when my child became good I watched Honey I Shrunk the Kids not that long ago when my child became obsessed with Honey I Shrunk the Kids and watched all the Honey I Shrunk the Kids films

the rest of them are not good but Honey I Shrunk the Kids remains very charming it's a little creaky but very charming in that realm of me being a Disney adult I miss the Honey I Shrunk the Audience attraction that was once at the Walt Disney World in Florida I'm going to be frank with you. I've never been able

to muster anything but resentment for Honey, I Shrunk the Audience because I just see it as a Captain EO usurper. That's fair. I can only see it as having destroyed the one thing I truly loved at Disneyland from childhood to adulthood. I see it vaguely as a

Muppet vision 4d myself oh sure yes if i could bring back one 3d film it'll be a muppet vision 4d michael palin's in it though right isn't michael palin uh do a little cameo in that michael palin and honey i in honey i shrunk the kids or in i think he's in like the line video for honey i shrunk the audience i think he's like in the like explaining the plot to you what what kind of what did he need to buy that week that he said yes to that project what do you think he was like trying to pay off i don't i mean hard hard to say cigarette boat probably gila monster i don't know what's what palin's uh what palin's deal is but probably threw a Gila monster off a cigarette boat you know how

John Cleese is uh likes to complain now about how wokeness is the death of comedy or whatever sure yeah and I mean look I met John Cleese one time to interview him for Bullseye thankfully I got that in before he started on this trail he couldn't have been more lovely or brilliant and obviously he's one of the great comedy geniuses. And obviously he's wrong about Walkin' Through a New Comedy. He's very wrong and old. But to me, I think the most magical thing about him having that complaint is that he is literally a man who quit comedy to focus on television ads. Like this is a guy who like spent a decade or 15 years of his career just starting an ad writing company to make magnavox ads instead of making film and television uh mr bean's also kind of on that train rowan atkinson is also on the uh you can't say anything because of the

snowflakes train it's like wait what which he said on his press tour for a series of television where he was literally just him fighting a bee like he made his whole speech about i mean honestly that sounds pretty funny yeah he probably does a good job i'd watch rowan atkinson fight a fucking bee but yeah like what what if someone told you you can't do rowan atkinson? Get a chicken on your head. Is that, are people saying that that's, you know, problematic in some way? I only recently learned. Turkey, turkey gets stuck on his head.

I'm sorry. I think extremely online British comedy people know this backwards and forwards and it's very old news, but i'm not one of them so i just learned that like rowan atkinson's new wife fiance he stole from the wonderful 30 year old stand-up comedian james a caster like james a caster was brilliant and hilarious james a caster uh go listen to his interview on bullseye from a few years ago he's a very funny man a very talented stand-up comic very sweet guy had a girlfriend who was in a movie with mr bean and left james a caster for mr bean and now they're getting married

mr bean's like 65 or whatever i mean and then that the worst part is is you know you just have to relive it over and over again every time you get a turkey stuck on your head what could have been that brings up the really horrible realization for me that Mr. Bean must be really good at sex. Because like, I mean, it's the same skills as getting your head stuck in a turd. That's fair. Right. Now I'm like, what if Teresa left me for Leslie Nielsen? Like, how would I feel?

Anyway, I'm just saying so that was pretty i mean that's definitely going to be the best plot summary of honey i shrunk the kids set to powerhouse the factory song from uh looney tunes that we're gonna get we got a lot of really excited and passionate corrections saying that we needed to identify that the song was called Powerhouse and it was by the guy who made Powerhouse. Because apparently there's a lot of like early white jazz cartoon music nerds in our audience who are very passionate. So God bless them. Your audience? I can't imagine that being the case. I know. It doesn't seem like some people who really took a deep dive on the influences of

Squirrel Nut Zippers would be in our audience. It's like they've never seen the old Bosco and Honey shorts. Do they even know who Bosco and Honey are? These people are the opposite of sunshine makers. It's one of those probably. Sunshine makers has some, that's a good one. Have you ever seen the sunshine makers? We're happy when we're sad. We're always feeling bad. My dad used to sing that to me when I was feeling bad. It was actually a really bad thing because it didn't honor my feelings. Right. But now that I look back on it, pretty funny for funny for him probably our parents are complicated and you know what we're all complicated not me i got like four things i got i'm from san francisco uh basically the one thing now

just that one thing i mean i got a couple different tones of it uh jj go at maximum fun.org i think there's a lot of directions people could go with this like obviously somebody's going to want to say like oh i i summarized condor man i summarized the nutty professor i summarized the shaggy da yeah like let's try to keep it to joe movies, okay? Yeah, please. So Gremlins 2, Small Soldiers. Small Soldiers is in play. Small Soldiers, yeah. I worked at a Burger King this summer. Small Soldiers came out.

That was a formative year of my life. Wow, pretty extraordinary. Selling burgers, crushing on Kirsten Dunst. Come on. Yeah, she fine though. She fine. The rest of that movie, very disconcerting to me as a child. So I don't remember why.

I just remember it made me really uncomfortable. Because you're like, Spinal Tap deserves better than this. Yeah. 206-9844-FUN or send us the voicemail. You can just email us the song at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey there, I'm Ellen Weatherford.

And I'm Christian Weatherford. And we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share. On Just the Zoo of Us, your new favorite animal review podcast, we're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't, rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Guest experts give you their takes informed by actual, real-life experiences studying and working with very cool animals like sharks, cheetahs, and sea turtles. It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears. So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count, why sloths move so slow, or how a spider sees the world, find out with us every Wednesday on Just the Zoo of Us in its natural habitat on MaximumFun.org.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Carrie, is it? Oh, yes. Hi, I'm Carrie. I am Psychic Ross, and I will be reading you this evening. Oh, interesting. Well, okay. I co-host a podcast. It's called Oh No Ross and Carrie.

Yes, I'm sensing that. The spirits are telling me. It is a show about poodles. Well, it's about fringe science and spirituality and claims of the paranormal. Oh, you knew that? You do research online. But more importantly, we do in-person investigations. You in-person investigate as paranormal. Oh, you knew that? You do research online. But more importantly, like we do in-person investigations. You in-person investigate as well.

Oh my God, that's amazing. See? Me and my friend, this is so weird, my friend Ross, same name as you. Weird. He and I just go and try them all out. And actually, we've gone to a number of psychics. And to be honest with you, it's a lot like this. It's called Ono, Ross, and Carrie.

They can find it at MaximumFun.org. I could have told you that. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Riley Silverman, Jedi archivist. I have a correction that I would like to present. Thanks, Jordan. Thank you. To the audience.

I, you know, got caught up in the last segment. I just, I don't know. I just started running my mouth. And, you know, this happens a lot with, you know, straight white guys. We just, you know, we think we know everything and we haven't been challenged. So we just start talking and, you know,

we're not considering, you know, other people know we're not considering you know other people and we're not considering the facts and sometimes you just in the heat of the moment you say that joe dante directed honey i shrunk the kids when in fact it was the directing debut of old ben dante joe johnston who went on to direct the rocketeer and Jurassic Park 3. So I'm sorry. I'm going to listen to Joe Johnston, and I'm going to try to do better by Joe Johnston, who also directed Jumanji. Can I say something to Joe Johnston?

I was about to say if he's out there, but obviously he's listening. Joe Johnston, director of The rocketeer in jurassic park 3 which maybe is the one that stars bill macy it is the bill macy and taylor yeah taylor joe johnson i just want you to know i'm holding space for you i'm holding space i thought i was gonna have to issue a correction but i looked it up and i thought i said i thought i said kirsten dunst and i thought her name was kristin dunst but i was actually correct it is kirsten dunst so being a trans lesbian lady i'm actually usually correct and usually mean the right thing that i said so if you think that i made a mistake i think i might have said something else that you probably all like i think i might have said the aha video when i actually meant

money for nothing but i i meant what i said when i said it so before you correct me just know that if you come to me, check your privilege. I just want to say to Kristen Dunst, I'm holding space for you. I will not let you be erased. And while we're in this apologetic mood, I think we should apologize to some other listeners that we have wronged with our stupidity. And this is something that we've opened up specifically because we do have a new Twitter handle at Jordan Jesse Go. It's a great place to share dank memes, obviously, not just show announcements, but a lot of really incredibly dank meme-age. But it's also somewhere that we have in the short term at this time agreed to accept corrections yeah in the past we've referred them to our quality control agents at jd power but we are accepting them directly at this time until such time as daniel uh our producer has to um do one of those like quiet quittings where you have emotional burnout from uh judging whether too many facebook

comments are racist or whatever uh so uh some corrections that came our way uh via our twitter account at jordan jesse go it's from stuff mike sees oni the postal mail dog is originally from albany new york home of other famous dog mascots like Nipper, the RCA dog. Please stop suppressing Albany's special place in dog mascot history. All right. I don't know what that was about. I'm willing to copy that one. Obviously, I'm really passionate about Oney, the postal dog. This is a dog that in the beginning of the 20th century, if I'm not mistaken, traveled the rails on postal trains being passed from postal train man to postal train man at each post office or with each train. He would get a medal, which he would put on his dog vest until his dog vest became too heavy for him to walk, at which time they issued him a new dog vest. And he became a famous mascot of the Postal Service, and eventually upon his death was stuffed and mounted

and is available for viewing in the Postal Service Museum in Washington, D.C., which is an okay museum with a really tremendous stuffed and mounted postal dog with a vest covered in post medals is absolutely incredible. Anyway, I will admit that in focusing this story on our nation's capital, Washington, D.C., I did elide the portion of Oni's story that tied in with Albany's legendary history of famous dog mascots, including Nipper, the RCA dog, the one who's in the famous illustration, his master's voice, where the dog is listening to the big bell of the gramophone and he's hearing his master and getting confused because the sound production is so accurate. Okay. And one final one here from at Matthew R. End. There are 19 states, mostly in the South and Midwest, that do not require front license

plates, freeing the driver to purchase and install lewd German replica plates, most on BMWs, Audis, and VWs. Swedish plates can go on Saabs as well, but no Italian plates on your Ferrari. That's like one of those classic anti-Italian racism things like the Godfather. Yes, exactly. This is as bad as the Godfather. Yeah, roughly as bad. There's one from at faux hammer that says, Dear Jordan, Jesse go. I'm sure you've said something incorrect about Magic the Gathering at some point, and I was probably frothing with disdain. General apology, please.

I mean, this one is not technically a correction in the sense that this person doesn't even remember anything and that they were mad about, just that this is something that they're always mad about. So they figure at some point they were mad at us about it. It's a safe assumption. Yeah. My assumption here, my other assumption is that at faux hammer is the stealth account for john darniel of the mountain goats so yeah at just general blanket apology to fans of magic the gathering star trek star wars dungeons and dragons uh thank you thank you for that pokemon pokemon the dragon dragon ball z yeah, Dragon Ball Z. Mario and his enemies.

Yeah. A lot of times when I say Wario, I'm thinking of Waluigi. That's not something the audience might pick up on just because I don't know a lot about Wario either. And a lot of times when I say Waluigi, I'm thinking about baseball so I can stay hard longer. Thanks, Jordan. Nothing makes me harder than thinking about baseball so I can stay hard longer. Thanks, Jordan. Nothing makes me harder than thinking about baseball. I love to think about the old crack of the bat. Because in this scenario,

I'm turned off by Waluigi. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, traditionally, people would think about baseball so as not to come, which I guess indirectly is a way of staying hard longer but i think in this description i think thinking about baseball for you is erotic jordan listen the more we talk the more we're gonna have to apologize so speaking of the aforementioned darcy cardamon i do think that there is a legion of women loving women across the country for which that has become very true about because of the Amazon Prime series. The League of Their Own. Yes. Which is effectively known as the lesbian baseball show.

Yeah, it is very lesbian. That's a fun show. I really enjoyed that. I watched a fair bit of it for when Darcy Carden was on Bullseye. Very fun. I do know some baseball nerds who are upset because in that league they they started out pitching underhand for the first two seasons sure sure maybe there's the size of the penance is incorrect yeah uh well we're sorry thank you for continuing to listen to our show

despite all our grievous errors including errors we made about general grievous you know we made quite a few general grievous related know we made quite a few general grievous related errors i think riley probably sent us angry i said he didn't like lightsabers no he didn't show up on tatooine and that i'm aware of so i'm sure someone will come in and be like actually there was an episode of clone wars where he was on tatooine it all goes back to the clone wars if you missed some shit it was in the clone wars he might have been on tatooine the clone wars movie because i know asajj ventress was there when they kidnapped so job of the huts kids well we obviously we all know that but we're talking about general grievous here so i'm wondering if

grievous is there as well at jordan jesse go on twitter did we make any mistakes and was general grievous ever on tatooine well i know anakin fought dooku on tatooine well everyone knows that general grievous an animated fan film that sounds pretty dope it's probably pretty good listen Anakin fought Dooku on Tatooine. Well, everyone knows that. General Grievous in animated fan film. That sounds pretty dope. That's probably pretty good. Listen, everybody go and buy Riley's Star Wars books. You love Star Wars.

You love Riley. By the way, just so you know, if he did fight General Grievous in the Genie Tartik... I can't remember the guy's last name properly. Genie Tartikovsky. Yeah. If he fought him in that, that is not considered canon. So don't come at me with that. Don't hide your ass for that particular time. Yeah, that's a legend now, right?

Yeah. Even though characters from it show up in the other. Yeah. It's a whole thing. That was not a Star Wars thing, though. General Grievous fought him in Gendy Tartakovsky's dune, if I'm not mistaken. Right, in Hotel Transylvania. Riley, where are the best places to get your Star Wars books?

They are sold in your common bookstores. Any bookstore you like. I support small businesses, so I support independent bookstores. So if you have a bookshop that you love, go down there. If they don't currently have it, tell them you want it. There are three books. There is the aforementioned Exploring Tatooine Illustrated Guide. There is Galaxy's Edge Treasures from Batuu. And then there is the Life Day Pop-Up Book and Advent Calendar. And those things are all going to be available.

And I think by the time you hear this, they may already be available or will be able to come soon. So you can get them at your big ones. You can get them at your Amazons and your Barnes and Nobles and those things. But I support indie book bookstores tatooine book has a real cool look to it too really beautifully designed yeah i was really amazed by the artwork in that one uh and yeah hey there's one thing i know about the uh your local indie bookstore they love to order something for you they love it they love it it's like thinking about baseball for these for these dorks they're so fucking hard i think people like to be in business yeah yeah everyone loves their store to stay open. Please spend money in our location.

Yeah. Sure. And of course, Joe loves the network. Also listen to Trouble Waters, which I am still writing for and quite love doing. It's really a lot of fun. So. Wonderful program with our friend Dave Holmes. As funny as it gets, good times.

Can I ask you one Star Wars question before we go? Sure. You know the Jawas yeah from tatooine is the little guys with those little hats on yeah yeah i read the book about yeah you know how they have that big uh sort of cyber truck kind of thing yeah how do they get such a big cyber truck when they're such little guys well that actually is a thing i know the answer to that question yeah what it is is that previously in the history of tatooine a mining company had thought there would be like minerals that were worth mining on the planet and they brought a bunch of equipment to do that with and then there

wasn't enough worth doing that with so they just left all this junk on the planet so these crawlers are actually mobile mining facilities and that's why when you're inside of it it looks like an industrial plant and the jawas have repurposed them and used them for scavenging. Those fucking things are one of the coolest looking shits in all of Star Wars. Star Wars is great. Star Wars is really good. I'm a fan. I could just look at different Star Wars shit all day long.

I love looking at that Star Wars shit. Yeah. There's some good stuff. Riley, you're hilarious. And I was so excited when I heard you were doing this. It's so cool when one of your friends gets the perfect job for them uh so yeah i'm i'm just so stoked that you got to do this and hopefully you just get to you get to keep doing it oh i hope so we're stoked people buy the books come on brand new one star wars exploring tatooine

an illustrated guide you can go get it your local indie bookstore you can buy it on a popular online website wherever you please and in fact you can just search for Riley Silverman because her name's right there on the fucking cover. Yeah, that's right. She's credited. Yeah, if you go to RileySilverman.com slash books, there's a whole link. A lot of different ways to order this book. You know what? We'll put a link up on our Twitter at JordanJesseGo. How about that? There you go go another reason to follow the man behind the twitter daniel zafran our producer you can find us also on facebook facebook.com slash jordan jesse go jordan and i are on twitter at jordan underscore morris and at jesse thorn

we are on instagram at jordan david morris and at put dot this.on where by the way, Jordan, a lot of people ask me about pictures of the tiny Japanese fire truck. There's a bunch of pictures of me with that tiny Japanese fire truck on my Instagram at put.this.on. Just scroll, scroll a little bit, look for a picture of a tiny Japanese fire truck. That's where the pictures of that are. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. And that's probably all the things.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, God. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.