Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Dr. Friedman Cannot Be Bought, with Jena Friedman

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

This week we had comedian, TV writer, Oscar nominated screenwriter, and soon-to-be best selling author Jena Friedman on the podcast to talk about her new book Not Funny: Essays on Life, Comedy, Culture, Etcetera.Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, beard sucker. Beard sucker? You know, I got this. You've got this great beard. Now, everybody, we did a few live streams during the MaxFunDrive.

And if I can summarize, just for folks at home who weren't able to be on the streams, if I can summarize the overall audience reaction, it was Jordan is zaddy. Thank you. That's what I was going for. You look like a million dollars with this nice new beard. Thank you. I'm mostly enjoying it. I can't keep this fucking thing out of my mouth, man.

I'm just sucking on this 24-7. Oh, man. So wait, are you sucking? Help me with this. Yeah. Are you sucking on this because of the fundamental nature of a beard that it goes places you don't want it to go?

It's the classic soup strainer situation. Or are you sucking on this for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder reasons that you need something to fuck with and it's just right there right next to your mouth it's right there and it really like i just it's one of those things where i start sucking i put the little like just you know the little area that this area there's a little area above now for folks who don't have beards this area. There's a little area above. Now, for folks who don't have beards, and I know that's a few of you, the bottom of your mustache kind of just is right there on your top lip.

You can just go, um, um, um. And then there's that little, the soul patch underneath. And we should explain Jordan's beard is just a mustache and a soul patch. He's a tertiary character on a 90s sitcom. I'm a guy who works at the coffee shop. Exactly. The little bottom part that sticks out below your lower lip, if you invert your lower lip, you can just put it in your mouth.

Yeah, you can. It's very nice. It's a wonderful feeling. I can and I am. I mean, I would say top to me, top two reasons to have a beard. I just, when I start driving, I start sucking and I don't stop till I get home. Yeah. And you know what's going to happen, Jordan?

You're going to get rear-ended and you're gonna bite your own whip off yeah that's what's gonna happen a hundred percent it's and when i think about like i'm enjoying it i enjoy the sucking the beard sucking yeah but when i think about what i'm doing i'm like this is fucking. It's absolutely sickening. I'm gross. This is gross. I need to get rid of this thing before I just, my face is covered in my own drool 24-7, you know? Let me assert this to you. Yeah.

Almost nothing is a not gross thing to suck on. When it comes to sucking on things, all your choices are gross. I mean, there's one, which is, what's that thing called that you use to sterilize laboratory equipment? A clavinet. I think it's called a clavinet. I was going to say Tootsie Pop's pretty good, but it's not.

It's not. Not the same. We're not thinking of the same thing. Okay. If you have one of those things that you use to sterilize lab equipment, a Moog or whatever it's called, and you put the binky in there first, if you put your binky in there first, you steam it or whatever it's called, and you put the binky in there first. If you put your binky in there first, you steam it or whatever. We're talking about a binky, Jesse.

I'm talking binkies here. Okay. If you take the binky out of there and you put that in your mouth, but it goes straight into your mouth. I made my own binky, Jesse. I know that you're finally living your dream. I made my own binky, Jesse. I know that you're finally living your dream. I can create my own binky using my facial hair. We know that you are like unto a god.

I have a naturally occurring binky that comes out of my face. That's what I've done. I've just created. The Lord's binky. Exactly. You don't need petroleum products to create a binky. Just a face binky. Yeah, I'm like, this is gross.

I don't know that I can prevent myself from doing it. I'm wondering if there's some sort of spray that you use to keep a cat off the couch. Like a bitter apple spray. Spray my face with something disgusting so that I associate the taste of my own beard with bitterness or rottenness or something like that. Let me ask you this. Yeah. Do you eat fish? Not a lot, occasionally. What about maybe if you rubbed it with like a fish oil?

That would be good for your skin and to prevent you from licking on it. That sounds really great. That's what fish oil is for, right? Topical applications? Yeah, that sounds about right. You know what? I'll just start rubbing and see what happens. Look, we've all been through that period of our lives. That moment of self-discovery. Sure.

When we rub fish oil on our face to see what happens. When we say to ourselves, I'll just rub it and see what happens, we say. Right. We say to ourselves. Jordan, I want to bring our guest into this conversation because she just mentioned before we went on the air her baby child and so she's probably got a lot of binky expertise oh yeah i mean our friend our friend aya cash probably has some binky expertise from her days as a raver uh past guest on the program but

this guest is a parent who has probably dealt with a few binkies in her time. Sure. She is- And what are babies but little ravers? Just God's little ravers. That's a really good point. That is a really good point. That's why we're always rubbing Vic's VapoRub.

Right. Vic's Vapo- Vic's Vapo. That's why we're always rubbing Vicks Vapo rub on them. What's to do to die today? They come out knowing only plur. Yeah. Peace, love, unity, and respect.

And then the world corrupts them. Our guest on the program, a really hilarious stand-up comic, television personality, and now author, the author of the brand new, soon-to-be best-selling book, Not Funny, Jenna Friedman. Hi, Jenna. How are you? Hi. Thank you for having me. Nice to see you guys over Zoom.

I was thinking actually about the fish oil lobby when you were talking about fish oil, if it could be used for topical as well. My dad is a doctor and he was actually courted by the fish oil lobby. They took him out for dinner. Big fishy? Yeah, big fish. They took him out for like a fish dinner. That was the extent of it. He has a lot of integrity. But I was thinking... Mr. Friedman cannot be bought. Mr. Friedman cannot be bought. Dr. Friedman cannot be bought. Although he will take a nice fish dinner. Yeah, because he believes in fish oil.

He's not taking dinner with the opioid people, but he believes in fish oil. And I was just thinking about fish oil for topical beard usage. I feel like that would work yeah it seems like fish oil maybe you could get a fish dinner out of it too from the fish oil lobby so yeah i'd take it i mean do i get my choice of two sides i'm sure i've been rubbing about the sides ask ask your dad ask. Friedman about the sides. Can you ask if it's okay if we order, instead of ordering a main, if we just get a bunch of apps? No fish if you don't get any. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he just went to dinner. I don't even know. I actually need to find out. He told me that they invited him to dinner. I don't know if he went. I should call him and find out. need to find out he told me that they invited him to dinner i don't know if he went i should call him and find out uh we should explain the reason that your father believes so strongly in fish oil

is that he is a baleen whale sure yes he is um that's my little secret that you'll read about in my new book it's weird the reason it's called not funny is because it is really brutal to have a parent who lives underwater yeah even if they breathe air yeah sure um your father is such a majestic creature when he breaches just extraordinary just to see those fins break the water beautiful such a playful creature yeah intelligent i love his song his song is just i was just listening to it he doesn't live here in los angeles he lives hundreds of miles away and yet i was listening to it live last night because it travels so far in the water yeah that yeah well you must be be part dolphin as well because the sonar waves or whatever. A lot of people say that to me.

That you're probably part dolphin. Yeah. I hear that. I've been hearing that a lot since my fraternity days. Is that why they call you Squeaky? Yeah, it is. Okay. I'm named after Squeaky Fromm from Watergate um is that a murderer or a watergate person i think it's a watergate person no i think i think that's one of the manson family god damn it it is i mixed up my 70s is that is or am i thinking of reggie jackson

no no that's a different 70s thing sorry shana na is it shanana that's i'll let me take that back that's why they call you shanana see this all makes sense people will be able to follow this perfectly jen i want you to know that when i was opening the package that contains your soon-to-be best-selling book not funny i was sitting at the dining room table in my home, and my daughter said to me, she looked at me, and she said to me, what are you doing? Opening your fan mail that doesn't exist

because you're not funny? Really? Sick burn. Did she see the cover of the book, or was that before you opened it? It was before I even pulled the book out. It was just serendipitous. It was just one of those moments when the universe tells you that you're doing something right.

Aw. Sick burn. It was really beautiful. Do you have any binky experience, Jenna? Is a binky a blanky, a blanket? No, a binky is a num-num, a sucker. Oh, like a pacifier? you um yeah no my son drools i mean i've never felt more boring than when after i had a kid it's thank you for asking about it

because it's um really exciting to get into the nuances of what he sucks um but yeah i'm learning i'm getting into it he's teething he gets grumpy you know i put things in his mouth i could talk about i mean i i just got these like mesh pacifiers that you can stick food in because we're trying to give him food now wait i'm sorry what it's like this This is like a baby's hunger striking? No, he doesn't. He's not. He just like today, I just started giving him food. I gave him some mushroom soup I made and then I realized it had salt.

And then I'm like Googling if it's toxic to give babies salt. I just Google everything like as it comes up and then I freak myself out. And then that's basically my style of parenting. It's essential for babies to get salt. You have to give your baby a salt lick. Does your baby not have a salt lick? That's horses, Jessie. That's horses.

He's a horse. My baby is a horse. Your father is a whale. Your son is a horse. Yeah, my baby is, I fucked a horse, and he's. Well, congratulations, first of all. Beautiful creatures. Beautiful creatures.

Minotaur, technically. That's some queen shit right there. Yeah. Yeah, he's a little baby half man, half horse. So you, not to get into the nitty gritty here, but you had sex with a half man, half horse. And you produced a full horse? Very boring to talk about, but I had sex with a full horse. What are had a full horse very boring to talk about but i had sex with a full horse and i what are you the mendel police jordan come on nothing is more boring than talking

about parenting and bestiality yeah i mean it's a you know the both it's a i never thought i knew love until i started participating in bestiality yeah Yeah. I didn't know what real love was. Yeah. Jenna, have you ever gone to a rave? I feel like the definition of rave maybe changed over time. Like I, yes-ish, yes. Okay, so when you say the definition of rave

has changed over time, what do you mean by that? Like, have I been to a warehouse party where people were doing ecstasy? Of course. Was that a rave? That's a natch. Does the rave depend on the music? What defines rave?

That's a great question. That's a really, really great question. I mean, yeah, when you say warehouse and ecstasy, defines rave that's a great question that's a really really great question um i mean yeah when you say warehouse and ecstasy i think that's you know these are two two things that you think of when you think of raves i have never been to one i made it you know out of the entire 90s without raving but yeah maybe if you were like in an if you were like in a warehouse doing ecstasy and listening to slow jams, that might not be a rave. No. And did raves just stop like after Y2K or something?

Like I feel like after Y2K, there were just parties and warehouses. Before Y2K, there were like raves where people like licked lollipops while they were doing ecstasy and like had those things that they give out at bar and bar mitzvahs the you know what i'm talking about the torah readings yes the the half the yes was it like a torah or like an aliyah yes um there was a brief sort of interregnum though between those two times which is the time when raves were mostly it's like a group of vampires and then all of a sudden a blood rain happens indoors and everybody just system and then everyone runs from the day walker yeah that situation yeah we were all around in the 90s trying to escape the wrath of the day walker. Yeah. That situation. Yeah. We were all around in the 90s trying to escape the wrath of the day walker.

I'm not a nightclub guy, but I feel like I would go. If you invited me to a nightclub, I might say, you know, I'm sorry. I got to get up early. You know, my kids wake me up at six. I'm not. But if you told me specifically that you were inviting me to a nightclub and it was one of those like warehouse buildings with two floors and everyone is wearing black like every nightclub in a movie from 1995 to 2008. I feel like that is an authentic experience that I would want to have accessed at least once. Yeah, they're still going to those in John Wick movies.

Yeah, they sure are. Oh, man. And then the balletic shit they get up to thereafter. Sure, yeah. Holy mackerel. Hey, guys. I don't mean to be the guy to call it out here, but you know me. I'm a no bullshit kind of guy.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some people say I'm too honest um it's is it a little icy in here is it a little icy in here in this you know what we're having fun but are we i don't know i was just noticing this jenna um you want to break the ice yeah just just so you know i feel like we really on jordan jesse go we try to build a spirit of esprit de corps, kind of get to a place where we know each other, we trust each other, so that we can do our best work together. Sure. And part of that is not allowing ice to stand between us as we relate to each other. I understand.

Jordan, I wish there was something we could do about this. You know what, Jesse? There is. Holy shit. I've been researching icebreaker questions. Oh. Now we're talking. We actually had a lot of fun with these on a recent max fun drive related uh

live stream and it was just so much fun i thought i could you know maybe bring some of that you know some of that spirit to this show spirit of open-mindedness and sharing giving of ourselves um so yeah i actually found two really two really good sources of icebreaker questions. One is just kind of like a website for corporate resources, signupgenius.com slash business. I'll go to any website slash business. It's a good, yeah. What's your favorite website?

Add slash business. You're going to find some fun. Doesn't matter. Pornhub.com slash business. Sure. You know what I mean. Who doesn't love erotic business? And then I also found another good site called research.lifeway.com.

And this is for icebreaker questions for Bible study groups. Let's just chop it up. Jenna, you're our guest. Which do you want to hear first, something from this corporate website or something from research.lifeway.com? I'll start with the corporate website. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. These are fun.

Let's go. Okay. This is fun. All right. Jordan. Yeah. Is this fun? This is going to be fun.

Great. What's your least favorite fashion trend that you're opting out of this season? Wheelchairs. Too many people use them as accessories, and I'm just over it. Some people need them for mobility. Let's leave them to those people. My first thought here, Jordan, is binkies. Am I going to get canceled for a bad joke?

Yeah. That's our whole thing. Good. I'm trying to sell the book. I need to get canceled to sell the book. Yeah. You're like, I'm selling a lot of books in Austin for some reason. Yeah.

That's what we do. That's all of these questions are to get people canceled. Good. Jordan, what's next? I want to hear one from the Kiefer people. But you have to answer with something that would get you canceled. That's the challenge. The answer to the icebreaker is something that'll get you in trouble.

What about putting little things on your crocs? I think that would get us canceled on this program, Jordan. I think we got a lot of people who put those little things on their crocs. You know crocs have little ding-dongs that you put into the holes? Like croc flare. Yeah.

I think if we speak up against croc flare, that's going to get us canceled on Jordan, Jesse, go. Do you think we have a lot of Croc Flair fans in the audience? What about literacy? I think a lot of our fans support libraries and young people reading, having access to reading. I think that would be another problem. Well, here, let's keep breaking this ice.

I think it's going great. We'll all be canceled by the end of this, ideally. This is a fun one. If the Apostle Paul were alive today, do you think he'd be active on social media? Wow, that's a great question, Jordan. Oh, boy. I mean, it's a question of platform, right? Sure.

To me, it's a question of platform. He'd definitely have an OnlyFans. That's just me trying to get... That's all I got on trying to get canceled. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. He'd probably be disappointed that Elon bought Twitter. Sure.

We're all disappointed because the guy seems like a real fucking dick. Right. Paul's one of those guys who's like i'm doing a mastodon yeah now we're all on mastodon right it's like i don't know i don't even know how mass it's servers that's that's my impression of paul yeah i'm trying to get on mastodon i just i don't know there's servers i don't know discord i don't know earnestly did either of you try to do one of those twitter alternatives like in the those weeks when people were trying to do twitter alternatives i signed up for the

whale one and not just because i have family in that under the sea under the sea but what was it called like squirtle or something jordan it's pronounced under dusty excuse me what's it called like squirtle or something jordan it's pronounced under dussy excuse me what's it called though in earnest i don't know yeah you know what i'm talking about well one there's mastodon there's spout spout spoutle spoutle it's probably called spoutle you know what i'm talking about it's spoutable spoutable that sounds like a website yeah i'm not familiar with it so where how far did you get jenna i just like got i i reserved my name at the end j-e-n-a friedman and then is the app still on your phone i don't think i ever went i didn't get the app but i did the same thing with tikt When TikTok came out, I just reserved my name, put it to the side.

And then recently I got on TikTok, but I was able to use Jenna Friedman because no one else took it. That's nice. Did you make a talk? I mean, I actually, yeah, I'm a TikToker now officially. Congratulations. That's huge for you. It is. So you're going to like stop comedy writing and just

yeah and just talk tick and talk and tick and talk and talk yeah i did you just did you try what to do one of those twitter alternatives i went back and tried to remember if i could start using facebook again oh and it's it's pretty rough on there still. It is pretty rough. I had never deleted my Facebook account. I would use it to get parts for my tiny Japanese van in a tiny Japanese van club message board or a group on Facebook,

use it to get updates occasionally about what my Aunt Debbie is up to in the world of lifestyle transition real estate in northern virginia besides that i had not used it in a long time she's just she just closed on a condo really that's great yeah she's doing incredible debbie miller if anybody needs a real estate agent in Northern Virginia, check out my aunt Debbie Miller. Yeah, I really, truly, I mean, I have been checked out of Twitter other than posting the occasional link

to something I was up to. I had taken the app off my phone, could not remember what my password was, was only logged in on one computer that I would have to go to to post a link to the latest Bullseye interview. And when there is a a certain british comedy writer who is a turf who was reinstated to twitter and almost immediately

tagged me in a tweet and i was like i don't need this in my life and but i didn't i didn't have the strength to learn how to do something new. Yeah, that's how I felt. Yeah. I think I was like, I really put a lot of work into making Twitters. And I don't know that I could develop, for example, video skills. I don't, like, there's a part of me that that thinks our friend Adam Conover is very good at TikTok, but it's because he can do that thing where you talk into your phone while you're walking around.

Yeah, I can't do that either. I've tried that a couple of times. I feel like I could come up with rants. Like if you just want someone to have hot takes on something i could probably do that but i don't think i could do that and not trip on the sidewalk jenna what what kind of tiktok content are you doing so i'll say two things well maybe i'll say three things about tiktok jenna say four things i don't give a fuck and then facebook so tiktok i don't i actually somebody reached out to me and asked if they could help build out my talk and i i yes handed them them and um so they're

posting yes they're posting old content of mine on tiktok i'm not actually really engaging with the platform but the first video they found that they posted to get like 5 million views. And so I brought them on because I was like, I don't want to look at this site. And then all of a sudden, all these people are watching something that no one ever watched before. And it's fascinating to watch. On TikTok, you can watch people watch your stuff. It's so bizarre. And so now I'm like obsessed with the platform, but I do try to avoid it. Facebook, I was off Facebook, but then I recently got back on because I had this idea when I was writing the, I think I had finished writing the book and I was looking, I had this idea to have

like a celebrity write the foreword and that celebrity being Bill Cosby, but not the actual Bill Cosby, someone named the actual Bill Cosby. Someone named Bill Cosby. A different person with the chair that name. A different person. So the title could be- And would you ghostwrite it or would you just take what they offered?

So the joke was like- Does dad write it? Yes. No, don't apologize. That was a really good pun. One would presume that this person goes by William now. Well, so I had to find somebody legally named Bill Cosby to write the actual foreword. So I could say a book called Not Funny Foreword by Bill Cosby.

And so I went on Facebook. I went back on after I'd been off for a while. And I friended all of these actual Bill Cosby's and proposition them with this. To write the foreword. To write the foreword forward and then i didn't get anyone and then i finally got someone but through like linkedin or something not through facebook um and then my editor was like maybe you shouldn't have somebody named bill cosby write the forward because it's kind of insensitive and i'm like you're right you're right you're right you're

right coward no it's it's you know but i'm but probably probably good yeah and then just two days ago one of the bill cosby's reached back out to me but also then my friend was like they might not actually be named bill cosby they could just be fans of the actual bill cosby and that's weird who are like using that as their screen name or just yeah i don't know there wasn't like one of the og like famous twitter things just someone who just what what their handle was Bill Murray and they just like tweeted memes and people like assumed it was Bill Murray anyway.

A hundred percent. That's why they invented the verified check. That and they needed it to be safe for celebrities to use Twitter without being impersonated. Best $9,000 I ever spent. Yeah. It's so funny. I'm impressed to hear, Jenna, that you had the courage to go on linkedin i actually didn't a camp friend of mine

who um is who you had reached out to through no he's a fan of my comedy reached out to me and he was like do you need help finding because i was like tweeting about it or something do you need help finding a bill cosby because i i reached out to 20 or 30 and none would talk to me. He found a Bill Cosby through LinkedIn. That Bill Cosby, his name is William to your point, and it's like a sixth generation William Cosby. And he was like, I'll write it. And we were all set to go.

And then I just kind of pulled the plug. But I paid him a stipend anyway just for his time. What does he do? He works in retail. I just kind of pulled the plug, but I paid him a stipend anyway just for his time. What does he do? He works in retail. He just works in retail. It's a good business. I don't know.

People always need products. I don't like that business. Retail? Yeah, I think manufacturers should be going direct to consumer. Well, they are. That's what's happening. Yeah, via podcast specifically. Yeah.

You don't see fucking Aeropostale advertising on Jordan, Jessica, or Jordan. If I got one, if we sold one spot to Aeropostale, if Limited 2 bought one ad on Jordan, Jessica, I'd be pro retail. You know how many? Goose egg. Zero. many goose egg zero the goose eggs back and this time it's retailers advertising on our show but then you direct a consumer do your less Wexner what less Wexler

with less Wexner Ren Wexler yes the one the Epstein's friend the pet the kind of like closeted like guy who uh made limited to i was always fascinated with limited to because i was a fan of it when i was like a little preppy kid and then all of a sudden it started selling thongs to tweens and then if you like follow limited to up the whatever you less wexner it's's actually pronounced Vicks VapoRub.

Friends with Epstein. You know who was friends with Epstein that I just learned? Frank Lids. L-I-D-Z. Good friends. The founder of Lids hat store.

Baseball hat store Lids. That's kind of the baseball hat store, Lids. That's kind of a situation where Wetzel's Pretzels, the guy is actually named Wetzel. On the guest book for Epstein's Secret Island, they found a cryptic entry that just said, Oh, Julius. Guys, want to grab a couple of Juliuses and then go back for some more?

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. I'm sure you've noticed how giant corporations are controlling more and more about what we consume, whether it's our food, our news, or even the shows we enjoy. The Greatest Generation is a show that stands up to big Star Trek and says no. We can laugh about costumes that fit too tightly in the groin area. We can make a Star Trek podcast that's basically only about that. The Greatest Generation, the show for free and independent thinkers

about Star Trek. And the groins of different costumes. Reviewing every episode in order. So subscribe to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org. You'll be doing your part in telling the Star Trek industrial complex that they can't control your mind.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jenna Friedman, Canada's Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jenna Friedman, Canada's Jesse Thorne. Wow. That's big. Big if true, as they say on the internet. Big if true. Jenna, of course, got famous on the Royal Canadian Air Farce.

Or possibly This Hour Has 22 Minutes. That's all the Canada stuff I know. I'm literally Drake on Degrassi. I got famous on Drake. There was a photo of us on TMZ. I'm literally physically on Drake. Crying at a Raptors game.

Guys, I got a text message I just wanted to run by you in case you have any feedback. This came from, I didn't have this person in my address books. I'm not 100% sure who it is. I presume it's someone I know. If this number rings a bell,

605-566-7582, does that ring a bell with either of you guys? No. Is it okay to give out someone's phone number like that? Are we doxing them? It says, are you a puppy seller now where do you live

now comma where do you live no i gave it i gave it the i sort of implied a comma there isn't it just says now where do you live boy are you a puppy seller now where do you live if that's code how does that scam play out ideally how does that person get anything from you wait this is a scam no that's ling that's child trafficking lingo oh i got it i see this is a pizza planet thing so it's called I think that's the pizza restaurant from Toy Story. Okay. All kinds of crazy shit going on in that place. Okay.

So you say this is a scam, Jordan. How am I going to get rid of these fucking puppies? You're lousy with puppies over there. I feel like I'm in over my head with these puppies. Got like nine, a hundred, a um got like i got like nine a hundred i've got a hundred one of these fucking things i can uh i can call my friend miss deville and she will gladly shepherd them away to a new home let's assume that it's a scam yeah first of all i'm not sure it's a scam because it feels like a threat. Is there a PETA where they're against selling puppies?

I guess all PETAs are against. They want you to rescue the puppies. Sure. Yeah. I would say just go to your neighborhood PETA branch. And ask if this is a threat? Uh-huh. Okay.

Well, let's suss out why do you think it's a threat? What's the what's the possibility here let me say it i'll read it one more time i think you're gonna understand okay are you a puppy seller now where do you live oh so you maybe you think this is a this is kind of a radical animal rights person who is kind of tracking down and, you know, John wicking puppy sellers. They're going to come to your house and paint it red. What if you want a red house? That would be nice.

It's like a school house kind of thing. I've ordered so many hits that way. You want your house to look like it was like a splash with blood if you're a country school let's say you're a country school house and the town is dying you know how it is in rural america you've got a country school house the town is opioid crisis all you got to do is one cheap like a raccoon fur you know it doesn't have to be a mink get a raccoon fur call pita tell them to bring the red paint you're good as gold right got a fresh clean country schoolhouse then it's my idea yes of course it's a threat the idea is that one of these pitas heard i'm selling

puppies and they want to know where i'm at so they can come kick the shit out of me. And the honest truth is they probably can. Yeah. You don't think it's a threat. Do you think it's some kind of scam? Just answer. Hello. Yes. I'm Jordan.

Jesse go producer. Matt leave. Here's my address. Oh, by the way, you're going to have to fight off whoever Pete is. John Wick is. Let me read Matt Lieb's phone number real quick. Five, five, five. Hunk.

Am I right? I do think that's a good question. What the scam would be with this puppy scam. I mean, like, let's say I say La Jolla. Sure. Hell, let's say I say La Jolla. Sure. Hell, let's say I say Lincoln Heights in Los Angeles, a real neighborhood where I actually live. Let's say I say that out loud. What's their next move?

And I say, no, I don't sell puppies. Yeah. Sorry I wasted your time. I'm having a really hard day. It's really hard to buy puppies these days because of the pandemic. I just wanted to connect with a stranger. Let me Venmo you $40. Let me Venmo you $40.

That's usually how those work out. Do you think it's possible that they're trying to scam people by just blanketing? It's cheap to send fake texts now. Sure. They're just blanketing people with texts trying to find people. Yeah, they want your credit card information. Well, that their target here, they're spraying broadly, but their target is they figure if they send 10 million texts they're going to hit at least 40 or 50 people who are selling puppies and they're fucking golden when they when that person gets that text message because they're yeah i'm selling i got i got baby blue pits what do you

need and then you raise that puppy with another animal. And then it takes on the characteristics of that animal. Like Jenna's baby. 50 million. Yes, exactly. Her horse baby. Pan. Yes. The horse baby who occasionally has to visit her father whale.

This horse is acting like a whale. Listen, when something momentous happens to you, like you finally meet your own your father whale your absent father whale who's you've only heard his song you've never actually met well you met him that one time when he breached incredible very briefly when you were on wow dad so that's why i'm covered in barnacles. You know, I think- I get it from you. I know that I've talked a lot about this show over the years, but retrospectively now, I understand that the public television program, The Voyage of the Mimi, starring a young Ben Affleck, was actually about that young Ben Affleck reconnecting with his father, who was a whale. Who was a whale.

They weren't just any whale-watch a whale. Who was a whale. They weren't just any whale watching boat. It was a mission. He was just looking for, what they were watching for was closure. Yeah. And then the deaf woman taught him how to get fresh water by putting a triangular tarp up and gathering condensation. Anyway, I've always wanted to try that. Yeah.

God, I'd love that. You know, I would love to try that too. Never met Ben Affleck. Never had the opportunity. He's got all the tarps, right? This guy's fucking lousy with tarps. Yeah. You got a tarpaul.

You want a tarpaul and you got to call Affleck. Hey, J-Lo, don't move my tarps, he says. I'm deeply troubled. You want a tarpaulin, you got to call Aflac. Hey, J-Lo, don't move my tarps, he says. I'm deeply troubled. But it's kind of funny when I come out of a Dunkin' Donuts. Anyway, if when something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, or send us an email address at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. One person who's done that is this person. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, possible guest. I'm going to guess Eliza Skinner. This is Jeremy in Seattle.

I was just driving and it's a rainy day here. And I saw a lady reach her hand out of her open window, out of her open window, rub it on the wet roof of her car, and then use her wet hand to style her hair in the mirror at a red light. I thought this was pretty odd, but also somehow genius. Okay.

Love you guys. Bye. Love you too, Jeremy. And you know what? Love to all the Jeremy's who are listening to Jordan Jessico right now. I feel like probably 40-50% of our audience are, Jeremy. And you know what? Love to all the Jeremy's who are listening to Jordan and Jesse go right now. I feel like probably 40, 50% of our audience are named Jeremy. Oh, such beautiful Jeremy's.

We have the most wonderful Jeremy's. Jen, I don't know what the Jeremy's are like in your TikTok audience, but here in our podcast audience, these are gorgeous Jeremy's. Just beautiful hearts. Eliza is my name. And I like the name Jeremy also. I found myself unexpectedly moved by this call. Because of the rain, the image of the rain,

of a woman reaching out to the rain on her car to make herself feel beautiful. Because I don't know if it worked aesthetically. No, she was gorgeous this was he matt edited this part of the call out but it was kathy ireland oh well no i'm just saying you know it's not about what you look like but it's about what you look like, but it's about what you feel like. So if you're reaching on your roof to grab as much water and put it in your hair, that act alone makes anyone feel beautiful. I want to say something real quick to the Jeremy's in the audience. Jeremy, I think that you're beautiful. And I want you to think that you're beautiful and i want you to think that you're beautiful in fact i want you to know

that you're beautiful jeremy to me you are jeremy ireland jeremy k ireland can i talk to the the Jeremy's real quick? Jenna, do you mind if Jordan? Yeah, and then I want to talk to the Jeremy's. You want to talk to Jeremy's first? No, I want you to go first. I'll go. Okay, go ahead.

Jeremy's, you're so much better than the Duggs. Compared to you, the Duggs fucking suck. Ugh, Dugg fucking suck. Ugh. Dugs make me sick. I'm so glad you're out there making this all worth it. And the Dugs are just out there doing what they do, which is taking. Taking, taking, taking. Shoving our hard work in their fat Doug maws.

Did Jeremy's and I pay taxes? Jeremy's, me, Kathy Ireland, Cindy Crawford. Yowza. And Ferrari Testarossas. All pay taxes. These Dugs are getting off easy. I know. They don't want to work anymore. Are there any Jeremy's, like, are there any serial killers named Jeremy?

That's a great question. Probably. Probably. Well, they just haven't gotten caught. Most serial killers are named Doug. I mean, that's true. I don't know if you watch the profiler yeah doug ramirez sure uh doug uh doug zodiac sure doug zodiac

i guess jenna do you want to talk to the j's? Jeremy's. How does it feel to have a name that evokes so little animosity? They can't. So it's a unilateral medium. So they can't, in real time, talk back to you. Or do you consider this more of a broader- Oh, I hear them. Yes. I don't know what podcast you're on, i just heard three jeremy's speak to me all right they said it feels fine

it's not an it's not a hindrance it's not is that what this can i ask a question? I looked at the press release for your soon to be bestselling book, Not Funny. In the end there was a paragraph about people that was really focused on your dental fillings. Is that because of the Jeremy speaking to you through them? Yeah. Jenna, let me ask you one more question. Was Jenna your given name or is it more of a nickname? It's Eliza was my given name. And Jenna is what people call me when I'm not on stage. Yeah. Is Eliza short for Doug?

Yeah. Okay. Hold on, Jesse. That was a little harsh come on man i don't know she's the one who's come on the show she's the one who's fucking i don't even know i don't know jordan i don't even fucking know okay i bet you i bet she's a retailer okay hold on you're this is let's all calm down i bet bet Jenna, I bet Jenna Friedman, if I, if I was going to guess, I bet she's runs the sharper image. That sounds anti-Semitic. All right.

Two out of three of us are now canceled. What about this? Let's go to break. I'll see if I can get myself canceled in our final segment. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Jackie Cation. Hello, I'm Lori Kilmerton. Hello, I'm Lori Kilmerton. We do a podcast called The Jackie and Lori Show, and you could listen to it anytime you want it because there's hundreds of episodes.

Yeah, I mean, we've been doing comedy forever, and we should both quit. So why don't you listen to it before we leave this not only terrible business, but this awful world. And find out why we can't. Because we love it so. Jackie and Laurie Show. Every week here on MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Jenna Friedman, not yet convicted sex offender. Congratulations on that, Jenna. Congratulations, because everybody, every American, no matter how heinous, in my opinion, Jordan deserves a fair trial. Jordan deserves a fair trial. Deserves to go before a jury of their peers and present evidence in their own defense. Unless they're named Doug, then we just string them up in the town square, right? Yeah, into the fucking lake with you.

Yeah. You know they say, throw a Doug in the lake and if he floats, he's a witch? I have heard that expression. That famous expression from Bartlett's familiar quotations? Now you know where it's from. Jenna, your new book, Not Funny, is very funny. I was reading it today, yucking it up. What part specifically? the archaeology part i really liked i will say

as someone who has been you know at once enriched and traumatized by the improv industrial complex i felt that you're sharing your experience as a young person interested in comedy going through improv and you are able to balance the this thing woke me up and made me feel creatively fulfilled in a way that I'd never felt before. But also it's kind of a weird cult and the people in it are often monsters cool yeah i mean i did write about my experience in that world it is see what you did you were you uh have experience doing oh yeah so i i you'll be shocked to know, shocked, shocked to know that I did a lot of improv. Oh, cool. Where? At the Upright Citizens Brigade.

Oh, okay. Little theater out there on Franklin. And in high school. And in high school and college. Yeah. Did some comedy sports with the Z. Mm-hmm. We were briefly on a stripping improv team but we we got cut really fast i don't think

we were ever on that did we i think we auditioned but didn't get in no i think we were on it for a week and then got cut oh yeah so there is in santa cruz where jesse and i went to college there are like there i think were at the time, I think it's gotten better these days, but there were like limited comedy performance opportunities. It is a beachy college town. I think there is a one, there's like one bar called the Crow's Nest

where like, you know, maybe you would see like Kathleen Madigan once a year or something yeah well first of all kathleen madigan's playing the santa cruz civic auditorium dna comedy lab right is that there now dna's comedy after our time but yeah i think that is there now the lost boys yes that's the house that yeah sure you could open for the guy who you could open for the guy who played saxophone in the lost boys um but yeah so i think the one like comedy institution santa cruz had when we went there was a group that like stripped while they did improv like if they made a mistake the audience would yell strip and they would take something off. I think the gag was or one of the I mean, a lot. There were a lot of gags, but they just wore so many layers that nothing like salacious ever happened.

There's something so funny about like, what could make improv more awkward? Sure. Like naked people. just like naked people you know what though I've always found that improv is an incredible opportunity to kind of bare my soul and I wouldn't be afraid to bare my body in that context I feel like I'm

really connected to the other performers and the audience it's definitely less embarrassing you know yeah people enjoy stripping that's like fun to watch but like a mother-daughter scene about cancer sure nobody would nobody would watch improv showgirls sure yeah uh but yeah i think the way you write

about that in your book i thought was really like you really do a good job of saying, cause I think sometimes people can talk about improv. Like people talk about like punk rock sometimes. It's like, it saved my life, man. It saved my life in this way that like makes you realize that they don't see the bad parts of it, you know?

And anyway, I thought the way you wrote about it was really interesting and I, um, I really appreciated it. Thank you. Well, you got enmeshed into improv almost backwards. Like you didn't intend to go do improv and comedy for your entire life. You

went in there pretty sincere. Yeah, I was a nerdy student just writing a paper. I had no idea. But as you know, it's so addictive. And when I found ImprovOlympic and that you could actually, that people actually did this thing where you were like your own writer, director and performer at the same time, I couldn't believe how cool that that was. And so I just, I really, it's my rosebud. I know that sounds cheesy cheesy i haven't done improv in like a decade but i did totally fall in love with it when did you find out how not cool it is i mean i kind of always knew it wasn't cool i always knew it wasn't cool i mean i i've always i never thought it was cool i i thought it was cool that people were able to, in Chicago at least, make a living just playing make-believe as adults.

I thought that that was cool. I never thought improv. Never was I like zip, zap, zop is the future. Maybe if our lawmakers would do a little zip, zap, zop before they met for Congress. I mean, it is the future when you think about the singularity and, you know, the robots. I'll say this for the coolness of improv. I know I just made some jokes at its expense, but wouldn't you say that the original improviser was Mr. Miles Davis? Yes.

Yes. Yes, and. Yes, and. Yes, and. John Coltrane as well beautiful mm-hmm mm-hmm and of course Bob Dylan who could forget oh my god the master the master Bob Dylan and I can't I can't let this slide without mentioning Jodi Arias. Yes, Jodi Arias. Just incredible stuff. Mr. William Shakespeare and the Apostle Paul. Of course. I saw

Shakespeare and Jodi Arias at a little club, 50 seats. They played till 3 a.m. John Ross Bowie dropped in. All the greats. John Ross Bowie dropped in. All the greats. John Ross Bowie. All the greats. Was there.

Yeah. And hey, quite a blurb collection on this thing, huh? This book of yours? Oh, the book? Yeah, thanks. A lot of good blurbs. Yeah. You had the Reverend William Cosby.

Yeah. This is a different third Cosby. Well, he blessed it, but yeah. Did you send out a mass email or are you sending text messages one by one? To ask people to buy it? No, to ask people to blurb it. To ask people to blurb it? Have you thought about sending out a text?

Can I suggest that? Buy my book. I know, but now where are you? Now where are you? Are you book i know now where are you are you selling books now where are you i'm in la jolla ask for matt lieb yes i'm gonna do that that's a good idea when um when our friends in the san francisco sketch comedy group Casper Hauser came out with their first book, Sky Mall, happy, happy crap you can buy from a plane. One of the funniest things in the history of the world. They needed blurbs and they, they emailed me and they said, Oh, do you think you could like send it to Patton Oswalt or whatever? And I was like, yeah, sure. And Patton was nice enough to blurb it. And I was like, yeah, sure. And Patton was nice enough to blurb it. And then they were like, well, our dream is to get David Foster Wallace to blurb it.

Is that why he killed himself? This was before he passed away. But that didn't, that's not why he, okay, keep going, keep going. No, that wasn't, no, no, no, no, no no no no it didn't lead to his passing you sure i'm not a hundred percent on i didn't watch that movie with jason siegel okay because they didn't name the people who asked for the blur but they just said it was a san francisco sketch comedy group and then he had enough. We'll sit here while you watch the movie, Jessie. Sorry. Keep going. I'm sorry.

Their publisher had somehow connected them to Dave Barry, who had been kind enough to blurb the book. They were not personal friends with Dave Barry, but they had seen Dave's world and they emailed him or whatever, sent him a copy of the book and he's signed it and they got david foster wallace to blurb their like novelty parody book again a legitimately brilliantly hilarious one but like their novelty parody book by writing him a letter at the university where he taught they just like fucking showed up at his office hours, basically, with a book and got him to blurb the book. And that blew my fucking mind.

Did Dave Barry blurb yours at all, Jenna? No, but what did- Just Sasha Baron Cohen, not Dave Barry from Dave's World? Yeah. baron cohen not dave barry from dave's world just sasha baron cohen not pulitzer prize-winning humor columnist dave barry dave barry also blurbed it i don't even think i don't think that's true jenna well you don't look like you're telling me i do i'm not gonna say i'm not a professional poker player but i can see or tell tell. And I don't think that Dave Barry actually blurbed your book. Well, a Dave Barry blurbed my book.

I mean, there are a lot of them. David Barry. From LinkedIn.com. Yeah, nice manager of a Sbarro. Dave Barry from Barry's Boot Camp also. Oh, I forgot I had to get canceled. I know we're starting to wrap up. I just got to get canceled real quick.

Hey, Jesse, you mentioned universities earlier. Yeah, sure. Universities where some people go after high school to further their educations. Yeah. Well, I think that the kids at those universities, it's really great that they're working for a better future for themselves. I just can't do it. You fucked it up, Jordan. My takes are just too pristine.

Oh, my takes. They're just too good. Jordan. Oh, I can't do it. I wish I could get canceled. All you had to do was say that they were one slur. It could have been any slur. I can't do it.

You know, this is going to be like the sound bite for when you really do get canceled. Everyone clip this. Save it in a folder marked Jordan's comeuppance. Jennifer Edmonds' book, so funny and actually insightful as well. It's a memoir and some insights, some broader insights as well. It's called Not Funny. I really enjoyed it. And if you're not familiar with Jenna's work, Jenna truly is one of the funniest out there.

Watch her comedy special that's on Peacock. Watch her Adult Swim specials, which are among the funniest things ever get familiar because jenna is so sharp and hilarious and terrifying and brilliant really really tremendous work that jenna friedman does so so do check it out thank you jenna for joining us our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. And of course, thanks to our friends at the

real estate website, Zillow, for using that song in a commercial and now everyone emails us about it. Thanks, Zillow. We look forward to our residuals. You can find, oh, Jordan Jesse Goh, produced by Matt Lieb. Thank you, Daniel Zafran.

Thank you, Daniel, for all of your great service to Jordan Jesse Go. It was a pleasure and a joy to work with you. Daniel has a new podcast, Jordan,'s already a humorous history podcast veteran, thanks to his Los Angeles history comedy podcast, L.A. Meekly. But his new podcast is called Candy is Dandy. We would encourage everybody to go check that out. But Matt Lieb, our new producer welcome aboard matt lieb happy to be here very excited i also went to college with you guys it's true right we all went to college together how come you weren't on our improv team oh i was i i'm not good at uh too much self-respect i can't think on my uh you know what do you call it? You know, the little walkers.

The little flipper guys on the ends of their legs. The walk and runs, you know. Yes. Little flappies. Our producer emeritus, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on social media at JordanJesseGo on Twitter at Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. On Instagram at JordanDavidMorris and at put.com slash jordandjessego, on Instagram at jordandavidmorris, and at put.this.on.

And thank you, of course, to all of the folks who became members of Maximum Fund during the Max Fund Drive. We owe it all to you, and we could not be more grateful. Thank you. You rule. You own every member of Maximum Fund, the folks who have been members.

I heard from folks who have been members. Somebody told me today that they have been a member since you had to send a PayPal to Splengi at Splengi.com. That's truly gorgeous. Thank you. We owe it all to you. We really appreciate it. And we'll talk to you next time you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.