Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Eh Game, with Jimmy Pardo

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

This week, we’re joined by comedy legend Jimmy Pardo for a conversation about autograph culture, carpooling with Juan Jamón, prank calling Woody Allen, and much more.  *Follow Jimmy's hilarious podcast Never Not Funny on Instagram.  *Celebrate 20 years of Never Not Funny! *Get tour dates to see Jimmy live—with or without your partner.  *Check out what’s new on Bullseye with Jesse Thorn. *Check out more Amazing Spiderman content from Jordan. *Pre-order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic, out April 8th.  *Check out Jordan’s comic Predator: Bloodshed. * Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood! * Order Jordan’s new Venom comic! * Donate to Al Otro Lado. * Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!   ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~ Get  Bronto Dino-Merch! Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store. Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug! The Maximum Fun Bookshop! Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes! Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On. Follow producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram. Thank you to engineer Gabe Mara!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Under the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I want to make something abundantly clear. Okay.

We have located the stankist boys. Yes. The stankist boys will be coming on Jordan Jesse Go. Yes, there will be big surprises with three. re-stankus. Okay. I'm just setting, all I can say is this, Jordan.

You've clarified. All you hype beasts out there, get in line on Melrose, outside the golf wang store right now. And then once we announce our thing, go on the internet and do that. Oh, yeah, we will not be setting up on Melrose.

No, we don't have, we'll all be online. We don't have Tyler the Creator money. God, that would be great. Yeah. But yeah, Stankis, a Stankis ex-Jordan-Gessiggo project coming. No one knows.

We said too much. Listen, people are teased or confused if they're not regular listeners. Stankis, the famous rat who uses the superpower of farts will be. Yes. His creators will appear on this program. It's not an appropriate program for them. No, they're children. They're 10-ish.

Yes. However, their mother has listened. She thought it was fine. Okay. And you know whose call it is? Mommies. Exactly. It's what mommy's call.

Hello, mother. Yes. May I play with Jordan and Jesse? On their program of vulgarities? Spanking on my bottom, if you insist. No, it's weird. Mama. No, it's weird.

Yeah. Anyway, the stankist boys are going to come on Jordan, Jesse. Go in the upcoming weeks. And if you don't know what we're talking about, we're sorry. We got the Max Fund Drive coming up. There are two young boys that I met at the flea market who made a comic book called Stankas the rat. It's about a rat who farts. He lives in the sewers.

And he does superhero activities. I think that's a pretty good summary, right? People are now on board and not confused at all. Even though their comics were amazing. Then I found them. Then I found them. I mean, a listener of ours found their mom on LinkedIn. I don't know.

I still don't know how that. LinkedIn's no place for a mom. Should we introduce our guests on the program? He knows about all this backstory. He listens to every episode. He's a legend in the field of podcasting and a star in the field of stand-up comedy, Mr. Jimmy Pardo.

Hello, fellas. Hi, Jimmy. Congratulations, Jimmy, on the 20th year of Never Not Fun. Thank you, but, you know, that's not as exciting as the stanky kids. What are the hell they called? They're called the Stankest boys. The Stankest, but now, is that their real name? Or is that their, is that they're numb to prove?

They, they, well, we'll do, I'll try and zip through this. Jesse at the flea market, found two boys selling a handmade zine style comic. It's handmade. So it's like, uh, they drew it themselves, they wrote it themselves. And then they made copies of it. Then they, yeah, used, I presume a mimeograph. I couldn't tell you for sure. My dumb hand went to, like, they had ten of them that they drew in the color themselves.

And then they were selling them. But these are, uh, professionally printed. Yes. And it's about a rat name Stankis. We read it on the air. Everybody loved it. That can't be true based on what they said about what he does. I'm not a fan of that F word that you said.

And so for me, this is not for me. We'll use our friend Dave Schumka's family's word for that, which is dirt's. And the F word for dirt. They say dirt's? Yeah, when he was a child, he was only a lot to say dirt. You know, we said weezer. Weeser. I've never heard weezer.

Yeah, that was something that we said. And even as a child, I hated it. I hated it. and I'm not a fan. I'm not a, control yourself. If you're around others, that doesn't need to happen. We also don't need to talk about it. Sure.

I'm not a fan of the word. And by default, these two 10-year-old children. Jordan, Jordan, our friend Jimmy, like the FCC, not a fan of sexual or excretory function. Well, sexual, let's talk about that. Okay, I got no problem. You got any comics about that, Jesse? That I'd like to hear about, and have you to read it.

The problem was, once, Once we got these comics and fell in love with them, I realized that I did not, I had not seen those kids before, and I might never see them again. Yeah. And they had not, they had signed their work, but they had not signed it with their full names or anything. I see. There was no email address or website on the comics. And so I was sure that I would never find these kids again. And I wanted to congratulate them on how great their comics were.

Tell them, we had enjoyed them and talked about them on the air. perhaps obtain more comics from the series. Or maybe they made some sales because of you guys chitch chatting about it. Exactly. On a worldwide website. So I threw it out to our audience. I said, if anyone can find these stankus boys, it's you. One of our listeners somehow found their mom on LinkedIn.

Yeah. And we don't know why was she posting on LinkedIn about her children's rat fart comic. It could be a Kardashian thing. Maybe she's the manager of the... Of the children in their college. Now, can I say two things about that? Number one, how bad were those signatures? Because they're 10, right?

They were very difficult. Yeah, nothing was super legible. And then a follow-up that's on topic, especially on this program, somebody blew slide at me yesterday. Yeah. With a photograph of a signed graphic novel, I believe it is, and said,

Hey, Jimmy, what do you... Because I always... I go by the rule of Arnold Palmer. If you're going to sign something Half lemonade, half iced tea. That's right. If you're going to sign something, make it legible so people know who it is.

Right. If they care enough to ask you, you should, and I do my best. Sometimes it gets a little sloppy. So somebody, people very often go, what do you think of this? What are some things you, what does it Jimmy Pardo sign?

Well, I've got, I got tour posters that I have and then a baseball hat, which I will sign under the brim because I don't, under the bill, because I don't want, I want people to be able to wear it. Sure.

And I will not sign T-shirts. because that ruins the shirt. And then I have golf towels this year because my tour is called I'm cleaning house 2026. And so I've got golf towels and those are impossible to sign. So new rule, not signing them.

Tits? We signed tits? Yeah. Okay. So somebody blue skies me. But not farts, Jordan. Not farts. I'm happy with the T word.

So again, this is relevant to the program. Yes, okay. Someone's blue skying you. Somebody blue skyed me to again get my opinion on the If I could blue sky myself, I'd never leave Hey, that's Jordan Morris. No, it's not. Jimmy, what do you think of this signature?

And it was of our very own Jordan Morris. Oh my gosh. And I will say this. Thumbs way down. It's a terrible signature. I'll say it. It's horrible. People ask, people, somebody's excited to get that.

And then they show up and it's that. Yeah, sorry. I know it's bad. I wish it was better. I love that you're owning it. I love that you're owning it. Here's what I try and do. I realize I have a bad.

signature that doesn't look like one. What does it look like? But you have a great name for the J and the M do? I know. And the two R's in the S? I could work on it, but I try and do something when I'm doing a comic or something. I try and do like some other little embellishment or something.

You know, there was some Archie comics that had food on them. I would write Bon Appetit. And I thought that was fun. That's fun. That's fun. And if there's a character on the comic with an open mouth, I write the character saying hi. When I sign my name on things, I draw little hearts.

Oh, that's nice. Not like checks. I don't draw the hearts on the checks. If someone asked me to sign. A signature. I draw little hearts to symbolize that I love my fans. Yeah. But yes, I agree with you.

It's a bag signature and I wish it was better. My son also, my son is doing standing up comedy these days. Oh, yes. And people, because of his many appearances, I'm never not funny, people will then ask for his autograph. That's fine.

And I will tell him, uh, he has got to spend hours in his room practicing that because it's horrible. Yeah. His signature is a zero. Well, they're not teaching kids cursive these days. They're just teaching them Roblox and NFTs. I don't know what Roadblock means. What is that?

Roblox. And I don't even really know what it is. It's a video game. Do your kids play it? It's a video game that is also a thing that can have video games made with it. And so it's sort of like Minecraft. if you could also create a video game within the world of Minecraft. So, like, oh, it would be like, I'm playing Roblox,

but this is a game where you blah, blah, blah, that a guy that's not Mr. Roblox designed. I see. And what if I don't want to do any of that? Do I just keep living my life the way I am? Enjoy not being in middle school or below. Well, done and done. I didn't enjoy it when I was there, so it's perfect.

But Dad can give it money, right? Dad can give it money? Yeah, dad can give it money. Okay, good. Yeah, that's what the teaching can do. Tell me about your signature. Did you spend time doing a good job? I spent probably every waking hour of my sixth grade, like just practicing it.

Here's why I'm not a fan of his anymore. But Gene Simmons and I think this guy's still a good guy, Paul Stanley, and all the members of Kiss had amazing autographs. Oh, yeah. And so as a sixth grader, I saw their great autographs. And I would like, well, look at how great those are. One day, one day I'll be a star, right, mommy? And I practiced mine over and over. But you cannot talk to Jordan and Jesse.

She's not on LinkedIn, we're good. Why, she's dead. Now, may she rest in peace. I practiced my J a bunch and finally landed where I'm at with the J. And so I practiced it a lot. I have a question for you. There's a follow-up question. Yeah.

Because I know that there are parts of your life where you go by Jim Pardo rather than Jimmy Pardo. Now, you're always professionally Jimmy Pardo. That's correct. And I think most people in your... in your life since you have at least been in Los Angeles. Like, I know you as Jimmy Parano. I would call you Jeff. I say, hey, Jimmy, if you were walking down this street.

That's what you would say, I would wave back. And I would say, remind me. Hey, sport. There is. Big guy. What's up, coach? Hey, stretch. And I would love to be very clear.

I'd love to run into either of you two on the streets. That would make my day. That would be fun. I'm wondering if your 10-year-old Jimmy Pardo, are you signing your name Jimmy Pardo? And did you have to elongate it? And did you have to elongate it for professional signatures? It was Jim.

Uh-huh. I practiced Jim for most of my life. I wasn't Jimmy until my first open mic. I was Jimmy to my family and to my friends. Uh, but to the world at, like at work, I was Jim. And my name tag at when I was at the record store said Jim. I mean, I'm saying records. I was Jim.

It's, to be clear, Jimmy Pardo, great staged. I don't disagree with it. I don't disagree with it. It's terrific. It's got, and it fits. It's zippy. it's got a lot of an attitude. I love it.

Listen, and I think, here's the deal. I think the people I work at the mall with because they were at my first open mic when I signed up and I wrote on the piece of paper, Jim Pardo, and they went, what are you doing? You're Jimmy. I said, well, no, I'm not, I'm Jim.

You guys call me Jimmy because, like, it's a familiarity thing. And they went, Jimmy, Jimmy Pardo's a better name. And so I added an M.I. And then the rest, wow. It's got me to where I am. Here we are.

Yeah. People are going to be excited to it heard that origin story. Yeah. A fun origin story? A lot of talk in the, lot of talk in the podcast world. How did Jimmy get such a gorgeous signature? Well, the signature gets a little sloppy from time to time. I'm busting Jordan's balls because the blue sky came through just today. And it was one of those things like, I don't feel comfortable knowing this without talking about it with my friend Jordan in a fun way. Oh, of course. I had a lot of fun when you brought it up. What was the context when

someone blues skyed you, were you saying like, there's a lot of bad signatures out there? Oh, I talk about it on the podcast all the time. Oh, okay. So I get this all the time. Like, the worst one that I ever got was actor Michael Madsen. Yeah. My friend Mike Schmidt is the biggest Michael Madsen fan of the world. And I saw Michael Madsen on the street.

I'm like, oh, did you like, I got to do this. Sure. And I grabbed. And he's probably not one of those guys. I passed away, rest in peace, Michael Madsen. But he's probably not one of those guys who everyone's coming up. I don't think so. And he certainly was not being bothered on this day.

He's no Mads Mickelson. Everybody's coming up to Mads Mickelson. Well, that may be who signed my piece of paper. paper. It was M.M is all he wrote. And I'm not even a hundred percent sure they were M's. It was such a like, and he was very nice, by the way. It wasn't like, I'm bothered, you know, you're bothering me, blah, blah, blah. He was, oh my God, that's so, I was just, my friend, it's birthday. It's a hundred percent true. Birthday is coming up. It would make his year if I gave him your signature. And he's, oh, of course, we'd love to. Yes, of course. And then he just,

hey, there you go, man. Happy birthday your buddy. And then I'm like, then I'm like, then I walk. where you look at it, like, what the F? I'm uncomfortable with this whole topic. Yeah, and the reason is this. You don't like Mike Schmidt. I love Mike Schmidt, the 40-year-old boy. I have to say, I've seen Jordan's signature, and if I am Frank. I cut Jesse a check every month for this.

Privileged to be on the show. Hey, do you get me? The exposure's been great for me. It's good for you and Predator. What are you about to say? Because I'm going to pull it up. I'm going to say. It's bad.

I'm owning it. So you please. zoning it. Guys, razz me. I love it. How are you going to spin this? I get off on this. I'm going to say mine is a full level below. Yours isn't great either. Mine is as bad as it gets. Oh, are we going to have to have a sign off guys? And not saying goodbye, but having a contest for signatures. I'm cool with the first idea. I do draw the little hearts. I draw the little hearts. Yeah. All right, I don't have to pull it up. I thought I thought you were going to make me prove how bad Jordan's was. It's awful. I've seen Jordans. Jordan and I have at Los Angeles Comic Con this year. Yeah. The two

us went out, I mean, well, we've signed posters after Jordan Jesse Go shows as well, but just recently at LA Comic Con, Jordan brought his comic books. I brought stuff from the Put This On Shop, my antique store, and we sold stuff side by side, and by stuff, I mean a few things. And when Jordan sells his comics in person, he offers to sign it for people. People were mainly there to meet Michael Dorn. I don't know who that is. They could, uh, Wharf from Star Trek. That's Worf from Star Trek. Yeah, Worf. Don't know who that is. That's okay. Yeah. But yes, we, you know, We weren't the most popular table. I said.

We had a fun afternoon. Yeah, we got to have some good hanging out. It was really nice. I had a nice time. And then at some point, we went over to the stand. I got myself a Fanta. Oh, you had a nice beverage. Yeah.

The stand, meaning the hamburger place? No, no, just the stand inside the Los Angeles downtown can't. Yeah, the concession stand. I see. They had a Fanta there. Jimmy, do you have any... A fanta or any other? I was going to say, have you received a disappointing signature for yourself?

You know what? I don't know if I have, I'm sure at some point some baseball player gave me a disappointing one when I was a kid. But for the most part, I think mine are all okay. Okay. The other one that was bad is I did see Brian Adams, which I have a beautiful Brian Adams signature. I mean, it is. I mean, beautiful voice, beautiful signature. Thank you for saying.

Me? Terrible voice. Most beautiful signature of all? Andrea Bocewe. Sure. Oh, boy. Well, he can't see it, right? I mean, that's fair.

That's fair. Brian Adams did a signature for a friend of mine, and it was horrible. But I don't think I've ever, I don't think I have any nightmares. I will do some recon at home and look through all my autographs. What are your good ones, though? Bob Hope is a great one? What context did you get to Bob Hope? You know what?

Here's it. Want to hear a banana story? Yes. You're at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. I'm at Go Bananas. And the ghost of Bob Hope appeared. This is back in the 80s for maybe one month, a three, thing called the, I forget what any of it was, but it was like the forbidden book of

celebrities' addresses. And in it, it looked like somebody's handwritten thing, but it was published. Bound with human skin. Yes, Ed Gein made it. And it was wonderful. Had a few recipes for Molotov cocktails. Right. But more importantly, it had these address. Yeah. So anyway, it had the addresses. Where do you get this? It was that just a Barnes & Noble, right? I probably crocs and brittanoes at the time. or a Walden book. Crown books, maybe. So,

uh, this was before Crox and Mentano got married to Mr. Barnes and Mr. Noble. That's exactly right. Yes. Thank you for acknowledging the highest. The hottest pollicule of all time. So I bought the book and it's full of,

uh, celebrity's autograph, or I'm sorry, addresses. Yeah. And phone numbers. And I then wrote all of my heroes. And, uh, like Barbara Streisand came back, uh, address the unknown. Okay. Right. Dick Van Dyke came back to Jim.

Thanks for the letter. Dick Van Dyke. Bob Hopes was, you know, whatever he said. So I've got a great Dick Van Dyke, a great Bob Hope. Is there a small, small chance a secretary did him? Maybe, but I've seen comps and they're pretty good. So, and then who else did I get to? Jack Nicholas sent me one, it's clearly a stamp.

And it's like, what? Don't even, come on, brother, that's not going to fly. Maybe you can't use his hand because he's goss her a little. The only people I ever did that for. Did what for? Wrote a letter to. Yes. Wrote a fan letter to.

In middle school, I think both of them were, we had to write a letter to someone we admired. And I think we had to do it on two occasions because I wrote two of them. One of them was to a former San Francisco Giants pitcher, Dave Drevecki, who after having a catastrophic arm injury and cancer returned with one arm. It was a whole thing. Yeah. And the other was to the Reverend Jesse Jackson. Oh. And did you get responses? So Dave Derevecki, I'm going to say 18 months later, I got a postcard.

It told me to read the Bible. Just a pre-printed postcard that told me to read the Bible. Thank you, Dave. That's it. Nothing, not even a two Jesse scrawled at the top, just a pre-printed postcard that said, check out the Bible. But you've read it every day since then, right? I don't you think of the one-arm band.

I'm going to say 30 months later, I got to. got a fundraising letter from the Rainbow Push Coalition. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is only responses. But, you know, I did, I think my senior year of high school, I learned how to do mail merges. I was working at the mayor's office in San Francisco. I learned how to do a mail merge where you have a list of addresses and then you have a letter

and then Microsoft Word can put the addresses into the letter so you could and print envelopes. So if you have one letter that goes to a hundred people, you can just print them on out. If you have a... Okay. So I just wrote a letter asking every United States senator to mail me something that represented their state. Oh. And a couple of other dumb questions.

I don't remember what the dumb questions were. That's cute. A lot of senators. I remember a senator from Ohio sent me some buck guys. What's, I guess I don't know. It's like a tree nut. It's like a tree nut. And he said that because they're the, they're the Buckeye state.

It's a Buckeye state. Fun. Yeah. The only letter writing I ever had to do in school is writing like we had to do a state report. and I didn't mind on Texas, and we wrote the Chamber of Commerce for information about the state, and we got a packet of information back.

What a thrill. I think I just liked that I was communicating with a grown-up that wasn't my parents. A grown-up read this. I wrote to them. It was very thrilling. Yeah. I had to apologize to the whole student body once,

but that was in person, not by letter. Okay. That's off-topic, that. Yeah. I guess that's true. I'm talking about writing. I didn't write these celebrities for any project. I did it because I was a sad

hoosered by a room. No, you're a cool guy, you're a fun guy. I like that you were a kid and your hero was, one of your heroes was Barber's Trizan. That's very cute. Anybody that was show business. You know what I mean? Like it was, you know, Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, anybody that I, you know. Nobody more show business than Babs, unless it's Liza Manelli. I've met Liza and have her signature on the back of my business card.

Because that's all that I had, that's the only thing that I had that was on me that could be sign. That she's got a beautiful beautiful. Beautiful. And it's just, it's just Liza. I mean, that's all you need. Sure, one word.

It's beautiful. Huge loops. Is that with an S? No, you idiot. Elijah with a Z, not Lisa with an S because Lids with an S goes snuzz. Got it. Thank you, Jimmy. Do you have any signed Chicago stuff being a Chicago super fan?

Of course. I've got maybe every album signed and some other trinkets and so on and so forth. So, yeah, everybody but Terry Kraft because, of course, he passed away before I was old enough to be a fan and collect autographs. Yes. Well, that's not true. I was collecting autographs as a child because I've got the Globetrotters from the 70s. Really?

None that you've heard of because none of the Curly Neals or? You know, I do have Curly Neal and Geese Osby were the top, were the famous two at that time. Who would you say are the top Globetrotters right now? Well, you've got Big Easy. Yeah, sure, big easy. And then there's one more, there's two that are pretty, they were on the Amazing Grace together. Colonel Dunks?

Nope, not a guy. I'm just making them up. Now, do you want to hear the other story about this book that I read? Yeah. This address book and had phone numbers in there as well. And somebody's phone number, in addition to his address, Woody Allen's phone number was in there. And I would call him once a week and panic when he answered. He answered?

He would answer. Wow. And I would panic because it's like, ah, and I would hang up. And why did this book exist? And then it was gone. Yeah. Then it was gone. It was like, it was public.

because I went to buy it again because it went missing in my home, and then I went to buy it again. I'm sure they update it with new celebrities. I would hope. The producer of Bullseye, Kevin Ferguson, is a big fan of a guy that does, did, I think, very strange prank calls. I want to say his name is Longmont Potion Castle, but I might be getting some part of that slightly wrong. and someone is writing an entire zine about how I got it wrong right now, because he's a very zine-cultory type of guy. All right.

But one of the things that Kevin has told me about is that he had one of these books, Longmont Potion Castle, had one of these books, and he got Alex Trebek's phone number. Okay. And he would call a store, then ask them some complicated questions, then ask them to hold for a second, then connect them to Alex Trebek. Really?

And then Alex Trebek would just politely explain to them, I'm so sorry, this is Alex Trebek. There's a man that calls me and connects me to different stores. He would do it. He called Alex Rebecca on the regular basis. Yes, regularly. And, you know, I guess it's before caller ID. I don't know. That's real.

And why would he stay on the line? Just connect him to the Big Five. His Precian Castle again. Well, all right. What are we talking to today? Well, he's trying to be nice to the people at the Big Five because Alex Trebek was a considerate man. you know, a polite Canadian. So if you had done that to Woody Allen

or some other mean thing, it would have made the world a better place, as it turns out. Well, I mean, I did hang up on him once a week. Yeah, that's pretty good. So in a way, I did. That's more than I've done. I prank called Woody Allen once a week. Yeah.

More than I've done to punish him for being a horrible person. And that's time he could have been doing something creepy. So there you go. You know what? I took him away from something. There you go. Yeah, he was probably... Hang on the phone.

Sorry, honey. I can't go to Jeff's house for dinner. Pardo's on the line. Is there? evidence that he was at the... Many times. Many times. I did not know that.

Yes, many times. My house, I mean island. There's no evidence that... My understanding. And I'm just going to be clear that I'm not the number one expert on this is that there's much evidence that he was a regular guest at Jeffrey Epstein's house with his wife. Or Jeffrey Epstein's house without his wife at group events where there's not necessarily specific creeps happening.

Right. creepages. But yes, he was many times. He did not know that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, he's really, he tries to kind of survey the world and think about what different creepy things can I do.

Well, he's got to, you know, come up with inspiration for his new movies. There you go. Remember when he did all that stuff and then Amazon kept making movies with him? God. Okay, anyway, go ahead, Jordan. Can you flip any of the Chicago stuff online?

Is it valuable? Yeah, in fact, I just went through with... Here, it's funny you bring that up. Yes. I recently... Thank you. This is a funny show.

Not at the moment. I'm boring everybody in tears. No, this is great. This is as good as it gets, unfortunately. Well, then I'm doing my best. Yeah. Then I'm bringing my A game. I've decided, like, why am I hanging on to all these things?

Yeah. Because they're worth something to me, and they're probably worth something to other classic rock fans. Yeah. All of my various autographs and stuff and collectibles. They won't be worth anything when I die, because everybody else that would want it will also be dead.

Like Elvis albums at an Antiques Mall. Yeah. At one point, worth something, now nothing. I believe that most of the stuff of my collection, so it's on eBay.

A lot of stuff's on eBay at the moment. Or I just sold a bunch of stuff on eBay. I've had a pretty good month and a half on eBay of selling a bunch of signed kiss stuff and some Chicago stuff. And just a bunch of collectibles like that. Where's the big bucks?

What's gone out the door for the big box? A signed kiss box set was the biggest thing. And then a Chicago quadraphonic CD set, which I listen to zero times because I don't have a quad player. Are you, when you're selling these things on your day? But I bought it because I'm an idiot. Is this a chance to connect with other? No, God, no. In fact, I hate that my address is on the return label.

I was going to ask, is this something you want, but apparently it's not. No, no, no. What I want is them to give me money. and then I send it and then that's it. But then you leave me good feedback. That's it. I maybe imagine a Chicago fan being kind of fun to hang out with, but maybe a Kiss fan being kind of difficult.

Am I getting that right? I would say in this day and age that, let's say 90% of Kiss fans probably wear red hats. Is that what you were getting at? Not specifically, but that makes a lot of sense. I have a related question. Have you ever experienced true autograph hounds in your life as a public figure.

Can I tell you something? Not for me. I mean, yes. I've shown up at a fundraiser at the improv and people will have that binder where they'll go, Jimmy, Jimmy, can you sign? And then all of a sudden, I'm signing 10 photographs. And, you know, I've also got, you know,

Tops made a baseball card of me a few years ago. So did they? They'll have that. That's cool. Jordan, Jordan, the greatest thing. That's great. I mean, that. Do you have stats on the back?

I think it's just like a little resume. Sure. You know, it's part of that... Topps now? No, it's where they do a round of celebrities and me. Paul Rust had a baseball card, Jordan. Wow, neat. How come we haven't had a baseball card?

I don't know. Well, you're not Paul, you weren't with... They weren't inglorious bastards. You weren't that movie with Panning Terry, however you say your name. So I have... But here's the big one was we did Sketchfest, and we did Never Not Funny up there, and John Hamm was our guest. And then John and I had, we had to leave early before, like, before other people, because we both had flights.

And John's like, hey, just, you know, just ride with me. And then riding with him meant running to the car like we're the Beatles and people chasing him for signatures. And I'm like, how old this happened? He goes, every day. I. And I'm like, what the? I couldn't, like, how do you live like that? No offense to our mutual friend, John Hodgman, one of my best friends in the world and my,

a man I'm lucky to be a creative collaborator with Lothys 15 years or whatever it's been. But a few times when we've been on the road, we have experienced true autograph hounds. Now, this is not, like, to be clear, this is not people who are fans of yours and come up to you and ask for an autograph or a picture. So glad to do that. And John, in my experience, so glad to do that, like very sincerely. This is these guys with binders full of 8 by 10s. and like people are coming up to John to do this, these guys, but they'll be hanging out like outside our hotel or like behind the venue or both for hours at a time.

It does necessitate lurking. That's part of it. You have to lurk. And I'm like, what is the payoff to get John Hodgman? Like who is going on eBay? Like, oh, I've got to get one of them John Hodgman's. What's going on there for mine? What does it cost? 20 dollars? Like, what could they could be getting for it? I will say, I think this is a repeat anecdote. God forbid, we repeat an anecdote on the show. But it's, I think, worth talking about it here. It applies. I did go on eBay to look for comics that I had signed. So I just to have your feelings hurt? Yeah, because I like to feel bad sometimes. I know. Yeah, it was just one of those self-destructive Google things. I mean, you had had an invitation at one point to do a highly paid signing session that you weren't sure whether

it was real or not. Yes, I think that turned out to be a scam. Oh, is that true? Yeah, it's like, come do a signing online, and I'm like, how does that work? And then I got some more information and the English wasn't great, and then they stopped emailing. Got it. But I mentioned these Archie comics. Small print runs of these things, so sometimes they can, you know, be valuable. There are a lot of Archie Weirdos out there. So I saw just a, you know, an unsigned copy of one of these comics that I had written for for a hundred bucks. I'm pretty good. What can I be going for?

I'm going to look. I found the one that I had signed $104. So your signature worth four more dollars. We can price it, yes. We can price it. Bump it. Yeah. Wow.

What if you had signed it twice? 1008. That's a lot of money. I know. Now let me ask you guys a question. It's almost a soda at the movies. Talking about eBay. Yeah.

So one of the things I was selling was a signed Steve Perry, colored vinyl, 45 of him seeing silver bells. Very limited run. And he signed it. And limited run, it's beautiful. And they're going for $3,400. I'm like, you know what? I'm not looking to gouge anybody.

If a true Steve Perry fan wants this, I will let it go. So I started at $100. Or best offer. And so if it's at $100, fellas, and in the description, I said, make me a reasonable offer. and it's yours. Because I'd rather just get rid of it. You don't want to go for this. So if it's $100, what do you think a reasonable offer is?

Just on a curiosity. You're going to say $85. $85 is reasonable. You know, maybe if I'm trying to lowball you, $75. If you're trying to lowball, I'll be $75. What would you say if a guy said, and I got the email, I'm like, oh, you have an offer. I'm like, here we go. I'm moving the Steve Perry item.

$10. That seems fair. Sir, madam, how dare you? You've wasted, sir, probably. I mean, you've wasted both of our times. Steve Barry, obviously, one of the, one of the, great singers in rock and roll history. Silver bells, a Christmas classic. Yes. A beautiful colored vinyl. I'm going to say a dollar or two is the most I would be willing to pay to hear him

sing that song specifically. You're not, sir, if I may, you're not buying it to play it. But you're asking me, oh, well, it's colored. It's a collectible. It's a collectible. And he signed it. Was it silver? No, it was, uh, there was, you got two of them, one green, one red. Oh, right. Christmas. Those are the colors of Christmas. The colors of Christmas. He also by the, the way, has a beautiful signature. Steve Perry knows how to do it. Let's do this. Let's take a break. Gabe, while we're taking a break, would you go on eBay and see if there's stuff

we have signed on eBay and how much it's going for? And then we can come back, take some calls, and we'll see what comes up there. All right, take some calls. We're going out live. I did not know we're going out live. Yeah, we have like an answering machine. Yeah, we got a little bit. So there are banks calling in on an answering machine.

It's not alive. So they call in the discussion. It's like a message. I mean, they're live. They're calling in live, but they're live on. These are live. They're alive. None of them are dead.

None of them are past. Well, we don't know that for sure. It's been a weird. Oh, we do. Oh, we do. Do you check in on them? Yes. I go and look in their window.

I alert like an autograph guy. With your 8 by 10s. With my 8 by 10s. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Jesse go. Love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you love you. Yeah.

Bert was King, 36 to 8. La La La La La La I'm one of the host Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweetheart. Hi, Jordan Morris Boy Detective here. I am guest to me part of podcasting Pioneer. Jimmy, when is this 20th anniversary show? Because you guys are doing a 20th anniversary show. The show is on April 11th.

April 11th. 411. That's a great day. Why do you say that? Other than this big celebration. I mean, that's four days before my friend Pete's birthday. Oh, good. Happy birthday to Pete.

Yeah. What a joy. And nine days before we all get blamed. Yeah, my man. My man gets it down. My man gets it. Huff the homegrown. Are you kidding me?

Oh, what about Pete? Pete's probably going to have a good year. This is going to be streaming on the internet as well. This is a big extravaganza show. You guys, for many years, did gigantic, various sizes of gigantic. extravaganza marathon shows. We've done many a marathon show. I believe Jordan was on our very first marathon show.

I was. A lot of fun. I believe, weren't you also on that one? I may very well have been. I was on a fair few of them. I'm having a memory. Okay, let me know if this is a false memory or if this actually happened on the show. I think this was around the time I was working for Fuel TV. And I did a lot of press junkets. And so I had a lot of like the swag that they give you at press junkets.

So I had a lot of like hoodies that said Captain America, the first Avenger and stuff like that. And you're saying you gave these away? So I think I pulled down my pants to show off my walk hard underwear. 100% true. Did that happen? Yes. I had walk hard underwear. They made their way into the rotation.

Yes. That is a true statement. That is what happened. That was in 2009. And it never was more successful than that, right? Like you say people say it peaked there. We raised more money that minute than we ever have. Yeah.

I actually still get calls asking me to let Jim. Jimmy know that nothing better ever happened on his show overall than when Jordan dropped child? You get the call. I get the call because they don't have Jimmy's phone. My number is in the book. Yeah. The leather bound.

Necronomicon of celebrity phone numbers. Yeah. Anyway. Did we look at eBay? So, okay. I wrote the foreword for a book called Mail Order Mysteries. A really neat book. It is about like the advertisements in comic book.

that advertise cool products that you would want to mail in for, but it just had a little line drawing of what the thing was. Right. Almost like a classified act. Like back in the day, the back of the comic book, X-ray 60s, and then it would say what you would imagine, and then the book has pictures of the actual thing in addition to the advertisement,

really beautifully designed book, really beautifully put together. They asked me to write the forward. I wrote a real fucking sad forward about just the nature of losing our childhood. and so forth. And that book went out of print. And I don't know how big the market is for that book, but if I search Jesse Thorne on eBay, I will find usually a copy of that book that is like $200 or that much. Okay. Yeah. And I got paid with a box of those books. I should have kept them and then sold them $200. But I just gave them away to nice people that I knew. You're a nice man.

When they came by. I think I might have one of those. Yeah. Well, now you know what to do with it. Yes. Appreciate it for life. For I do not need the $200 because I have, okay, whatever. I'd be on eBay tonight if I had that. Yeah.

I would say, you know what? I had a nice time with it, but it sounds like somebody else could appreciate it more than me. Yeah. But then there's also, we'll show up like a couple of old Jordan Jesse Goh t-shirts that have just been on eBay for five years because no one wanted to buy them. So, but Jimmy, do you want to predict? to what of yours might be on eBay? The baseball card. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah.

And I believe there's some autographed index cards. Because the lurkers, as you call them, will also say, and will you please also sign this index card? Uh-huh. And then, you know, sure. When I heard, I listened to a podcast about collections.

Yes. I may have shared this on Jordan Desicco. I haven't heard it. I listened to a podcast about collections and connections. Mm-hmm. and every episode was someone talking about their collection, and people with odd, unusual, remarkable collections. And all these people were sweet and insightful and lovely about the things that they, you know, sometimes a little eccentric.

But like, I really enjoyed hearing about somebody's like blimp collection, you know what I mean? And why they were so passionate about blimps and so forth. And what do you say blimps of all various sizes, salt and pepper shaker blimp? Bimbinga. Blimp bookends. Full-size good year. They collect that? I don't think that they have.

That's a shame. Maybe they had some dirigible in there, too. I don't want to. You deflate it. You can roll it up and put it in the garage. That's a good point. That's a good point. It's a roll it real tight.

If you put it in one of those plastic pouches that you attach to the vacuum cleaner to. Oh, yeah. Oh, those are fun. Then you can fit it underneath the bed. There was one about an autograph collector. Yes. And of all, I'm probably listening to 80 episodes of this podcast. It was like my go-to low-stakes podcast for a while.

And this autograph collector struck me as the worst human being on earth. I believe it. And one of the things that he would do was always have pick guards with him. Because if he spotted a celebrity musician, he would have them sign the pick guard so that he could then put the pick guard onto a guitar and have a signed guitar. And he's a guy that sells him or just, it's for his own collection. So he started as his own collection, then he became a dealer. and the main, the primary central anecdote in this fucking interview was him getting, there were two.

One was him getting Bob Dylan's autograph. Bob Dylan didn't want to. And he like faked his way into some fucking party that Bob Dylan was at. Yes. Pulled a pick card out of his underpants or whatever and then made Bob Dylan sign it, even though Bob Dylan didn't want to sign it. Yeah. And he was proud of this. So proud.

The other version, the other one, was. But what was disgusting about it is the whole time this guy is talking about how like, talking about it is though he's doing these people, these celebrities of favor. Yeah. Like not like, it wasn't even like, yeah, it wasn't even like, uh, I got over on them. You know what I mean? It wasn't like, ha, ha, I beat them at their own game of avoiding me, giving me an autograph. It was sort of like, you know, these guys, they love the attention. You're like, well, you're describing a man who's literally running away from you.

But the worst one was Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, the king of pop. Michael Jackson was going to be appearing at a rally of some kind in New York City. This guy went into Al Sharpton's office, walked through, you know, past the receptionist at the Al Sharpton organization, and hid in Al Sharpton's closet. What? Because he knew that Michael was probably going to be appearing with Al Sharpton because they were close and that probably they would be hiding out in Al Sharpton's office. So he just came out of the fucking office. And he's like, and Michael was glad to sign. It's like, yeah, because he was worried

you were going to murder him. Yeah, no kidding. He was not glad to sign you, a-hole. Anyway, that terrified. I'm just saying, you see Michael Madsen walking down the street, he's probably going to be glad to sign an autograph for you because you're being nice to him. He's not, you're not disturbing it, whatever. It's going to be fine. Even if you're waiting outside. after a concert and you're just asking for one for yourself or something. You're waiting at the shoot to the player's parking lot after a ball game or whatever and you're a kid. If you're just asking for one, I don't think it's a problem. If you're hiding in a closet, you're a maniac.

100%. And proudly he's talking about that. You're out of your skull. That's a good rule of thumb if you're hiding in a closet. No matter what you're hiding for unless there's a home invader involved. That's the only reason. Yeah. Let's remember that Jay Leno hid in the closet to learn if he was going to take over to tonight show.

Why? Because he's insane. He's a fucking media. I'll sign an autograph. I'll hide in closets. Did you know this? I'd love to be behind coats. Did you know this, Jordan? He doesn't spend a single penny of his tonight show money.

He just lives off the index cards he signs. It's all my signatures. That's right. I got nine airplane hangers full of my signatures. Okay. Gabe, let's start with Jordan Morris. Gabe Marr on the boards for this recording. I'm good.

Gabe. Gabe, what have you found on eBay for my friend Jordan Morris here? Jordan has quite a few items, actually, but I picked out the three most expensive. Oh. Does it say if they would be more expensive if the signatures were good? Oh, these were a signed one, so I don't know. See, so first one... Do you usually do an A and a B version?

Follow up. Does that answer the question? Nope. Your question was... Does it say more? I was doing a self-owned there. You were making fun of how bad you're saying. I was getting in front of it.

I think Gabe is being a positive human being and saw it that way. I think so too. Yeah. Wait a good Gabe, thank you. Sure. So the cheapest item is a $30 Godzilla versus America comic. That's the cheapest.

Yes. That's pretty good. That's a yeah. Next is a 3495 signed copy of Pops Chocolate Shop of Horrors, number one. That's an archie comic. I understand. Jordan Morris wrote.

Number one from what I understand. Okay, cool. The character's, from the Archie Universe. They did not make a number two. Horror scenario. I like it. Humorous horror scenario.

You could see their heads get chopped off. And the last one is Predator Bloodshed number one for $40. Okay. As far as I'm concerned, those are all good values. Those are great bargains. That's good price. You're going to have to give somebody

$300 to camp out outside his hotel room. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to spend that kind of money. You're lost, Jeremy. I just hide in his bedroom. You just get dabs on the horn. Yeah. Yeah. If Gabe pull up any of mine, my prediction is I've got a card going for $1.

And hey, just if my fans are out there, my DMs are open, and so is my closet. So come on in. I love you guys. Enjoy my shirts and pop out whenever you feel like it. Can I just say if you want my autograph? My closet is closed. However, I am going to Al Sharpekin's office tomorrow. I'll see you there. Wait for me there. What else we got, Gabe? Let's see. For Jimmy, actually, you don't have any cards that are only a dollar. Oh. Everything signed, let's see.

You have a couple signed ones for $20. Okay. $24. All right. $30. For the same card. Yes, for the tops card. Yeah.

But the highest priced item is you have a signed three by five index card autographed for $45. Hey. Yeah. Who's buying that? Nothing yet. Real index? I know. Thank you, Gabe. I recognize that's how eBay works. But by point,

my own recipe freaks. Who would buy that? Yeah, right? Someone who needs a card for a recipe. Yeah. My first thought is identity thief. Yeah. He wants to forge some checks. The card is dated 2004, and it says National Lampoon's Funny Manor. Funny Money, Funny Money TV show host. Well, I was in 2004. So I must have signed that outside of the studio.

Great year for TV. Oh, my God. The best year. Right year for my aunt Debbie, big fan of Jimmy Pardo's show National Ampoons Funny Money. That's correct. And then also, I disappointed her that very same year because the show was canceled. What do we got for Jesse? Jesse, you do not have any signed items. However, I found a DVD from 2012.

I'm a tough sign. I'm a tough sign. There's a DVD from 2012 called Put This On Season 1, Men's Style Fashion Documentary. Yeah, so that was the first season of Put This On. My Men's Wear Web Show. which you can't watch granted for free on the internet. But you made a DVD on it. I believe our friend Paul F. Tompkins is on there.

I think he did a commentary for an episode with me. Maybe Donald Glover did a commentary. Maybe. He was a fan at the time. What's it selling for? He doesn't reply to an email now, but was a fan at the time. Yeah, I've got those people. What are they getting on the?

Let's list them. What's that? Let's list them. Some new ones this year. I wish him the best. We wish our friends the best. What was the question, Jimmy? What's that DVD going for?

What are we getting on that DVD? $20 or best offer. Okay. So is Jimmy win with the $45 index card? I think so. Congratulations. Jimmy wins. Do you know that there are major league baseball players that do not have baseball cards?

Like a guy came to spring training on picture day with a sign that said, please four-year major league vet, please make a card of me. No, is that true? Yeah. I did not know that. Yeah, a relief pitcher for the Phillies or something like that. Really? Going into his fourth or fifth year in the major leagues has never had a baseball card before.

Well, guess what, buddy? Yeah, Paul Rust has one. Gotta get a podcast. You have to get a podcast. I don't know why Paul Rust had one. I mean, obviously, we think the world of Paul Russ, that's not, that's not about, that's not what it's about. It's probably part of the same collection that, because they have like six celebrities

that they include every year. This is also, you're one of the top six celebrities. Of that year? No. I was very, I was so, when Tops contacted me, what a threat. You hit shot Tom Lennon, to be clear. No, that year you shot Tomlin. I will not, yes and that bit.

I've shot nobody in my life. Okay. Not just I wouldn't want to. They're right, sure. Well, Jimmy, congratulations on your, on your value, on your inherent value as a person. Thank you, Jordan. I'm a winner. Gabe, can we want to listen to a call now?

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Aubrey from. Connecticut calling in with a two-part momentous occasion. I was originally going to call in because I am leaving the doctors, and after years of dealing with cervical cancer, I am finally got it approved to get a hysterectomy, which means I am also giving up on trying to get a son. The second part of my momentous occasion is that on my drive home, I was listening to the episode with Sierra Coteau, and you all mentioned the yell whiff and poofs, which is very funny because I am actually one of their advisors on campus. I manage all of the undergraduate music groups. And then the other part of my job is

Timothy Chalmay's Worst Nightmare, which is managing and operating the Yale Baroque Opera Project and the Dance Lab. Thank you all so much for keeping my boat afloat. I love you all. Have a great day. Love you too, Aubrey. First of all, congratulations on your hysterectomy. I think we can all agree, congratulations on your hysterectomy. If that's what she wants, yes. Yeah. The great news for you. I'm glad that it wasn't, for example, that the cancer had spread to another part of your body. E.G. That would be an example of something we wouldn't want. Yeah. Don't call us about that. We're trying to keep it light. Yeah. Who would call it?

Some. Someone might. Someone might. It's in my limbs. And why would then Gabe put it through? You know what? Here's the one for them. You're going to love this one. There's a lot of fun to be had here, says Gabe. You guys can riff on this. Rithmeisters. She's the graduate advisor of all. all the campus music groups at Yale University. I wonder this. We've learned from his interview that Timothy Shalomey doesn't like opera and ballet. Yes.

But how does he feel about the college dorkas arts, i.e. Acapella and improv. I wonder how he feels about those. I would imagine he likes them more than ballet in the opera. I would like see Shalami out there yucking it up in an improv show. These people that were mad about him not liking ballet in the opera. Ooh, is this a hot take coming up? No, do they like ballet in the opera?

Do you? I used to work at the opera in San Francisco. I used to work at a gas station too. I don't like gas. I used to work at the opera and... Well, we know you don't like gas. We already had that conversation earlier. Thank you.

We call it darts. I... The answer is no. No, I don't. I don't like them. I'm not opposed to them existing. I think I was a little offended at how much public funding they received.

because only very, very rich people were there. But I think they should. It's impressive that they get that many background singers, you know, chorus guys. My wife loves the ballet. Yeah. And so she actually was a little ticked off. And you like monster trucks, right? Because the show Home Improvement was based on your relationship?

That's exactly right. Thank you for knowing that, Jordan. But I know for me, man, on both of those. And opera is just, no, if you like it great. I mean, I like classic rock. We all like what we like. But man, does opera bore me? I think what was so distasteful about that is because it was a, you know,

bazillionaire taking a shot at, you know, something that is underfunded. You're referring to what I just said. No, no, that what Chalema did. Okay. Yes. I think what you did was fine. Based on my experience working at the opera, it's very well funded. Okay.

It's extraordinary. Nothing could be so well funded for something that, 200 very, very rich people come to. It always seems to be rich people to go to the office. There's like more people, I mean, to be fair, in the city of San Francisco, there were like fill in seats that you could buy cheap,

and there were sweet middle-aged gay guys sitting in those seats who were probably not rich. They were just, you know, cultural elitists. But in a nice way. Got you. You know, profound appreciators of the confluence of the influence of the, arts that is opera, which is extraordinary.

You know, music, singing, stagecraft, et cetera, is amazing. Like, when you're backstage, you're like, again, you're like, there might as well be someone walking an elephant through and somebody breathing, like, it's every, there's so many people back there, so many outfits, et cetera, right? But I will say that the guys that worked on the opera, when they didn't need to be changing lights or whatever would just be in a little tiny room watching Starship Troopers. Starship Troopers needs more public funding. How are we going to defeat the bugs if we don't buy Neil Patrick Harris psychic lessons?

They would be getting these like $3 million donations from like Getty family members in San Francisco. You know, the like richest whatever San Franciscans. And charging $500 for tickets and then also getting tax money from the city of San Francisco. And it's like, uh, think about how many, like plays they could have put on

with that money or something. Uh, but it is impressive. It's genuinely impressive. I'll do your word for it. Ballet can be nice. I prefer contemporary dance. I like monster trucks.

Ro, right, right. You know what? I went to Monster Trucks once. I went to Monster Trucks once. I was surprised at how boring it is. Is that true?

They don't bring out, they don't bring out the monster trucks until the very, very end. and then the monster trucks don't really do much that's cool. I was really looking forward to going to the monster trucks and seeing some cars get smashed and shit. I just thought the whole time was going to be monster trucks crashing into each other

and all fucking shit going crazy. What do you get prior to that? Just like motocross? Like exhibitions of motocross? Flipin A TVs. Yeah. This is, okay, something exciting coming up, something we've been building to for a while.

Yeah. Jimmy, for you, we put out an ask for our listeners. Yes. This is really exciting. Yeah, this is perhaps something you can relate to. Our listeners, we gather that those of them that are in relationships, typically their partner or spouse does not like the show. They're not a lot of couples that listen together. There's like one weirdo who listens, and then the other one's like put in earbuds when you're listening to that.

So we wanted to get to the bottom of this. So we asked people to hand off the phone to their partner. It's sort of like in my house, sometimes I come down to the kitchen. My wife's already making breakfast. She's listening to Ani DeFranco. She presses pause for me on the Sonos. Because you don't care for it, that artist. I don't, I wish her the best.

She was on my public radio show once, and she seemed like a really cool lady. Very frankly, like she, I really liked her. Yeah. But her music is difficult for me to listen to. I'm nice about it to my way. I'm not like, because my wife being considered. to me. She reaches for that pause, but that's what happens when

a spouse of a Jordan Jesse Goal listener enters the room and they're listening out loud. We need to make one electric album and then one acoustic album. That's what we need to do. That's kind of what Anya Franco does, I think. Anyway. Yeah, so actually this happens. We need to revolutionize the independent distribution of popular music.

Yes, we do. And inspire a generation of young women and girls. I think so. Yeah, she did. I know nothing about her. I heard a song and was like, that. somebody else can enjoy that so we asked our listeners to hand off the phone to the spouse or partner someone has done it we've been asking for this for a long time and finally it happened uh jimmy you this you maybe can relate to this a little bit this is i can't relate to this uh it is the rarity where uh very often i will be doing a show and i will jokingly say oh you looks like you got

dragged here yeah uh whenever i somebody who comes up like oh my wife and i we listen every week and i'm like you got to be kidding me um very very often I'll get, hey, my son and I love it, and it gives me and my son something to bond over. But very rarely. It's a great sun's show. It is a good son's show. Oh, we sort of skip past this. What happened?

Well, our first caller, she's not going to be able to have a son because of her hysterectomy. She could adopt a child. There's a lot of, you know, her partner could have a child, et cetera. But what I'm thinking is it would be nice if someone here. Okay. I see. All right. So what I'm thinking is, Jimmy, don't worry about this part of the show.

I will not. Jimmy, what I'm thinking is. Stank us all over again. What I'm thinking is just for her saying, in a sort of in a way of honoring her recovery from the threat of cancer, cervical cancer. And her safety, once she's had her treatment, and honoring like her wish that she could have a son. more, longer? Maybe Jordan, if you, do you think you could have a son? I got to get a son. I'm working

on it. Thank you. Jimmy, people love it when we do that. People love this. They love it. That was, I just wish there's a little skit. A little skit. A little skit. Oh, it's wonderful. I don't like the opera, so I didn't care for it. It's where I asked Jordan, it's where I asked Jordan, if he's thinking about getting a son or he'd like to get a son. Then Jordan said, I gotta get a son. I'm working on it. He says he's working on it. It's your catchphrase. The character's catchphrase.

No, that's me. The character's chimps. But I mean, we all kind of put on masks when we come on this show. That's a really good point. Is this us? What's the, who's the pose? Maybe it's part of me.

It's true, but it's true about part of me. Okay. Anyway, there's a second call. We got a call. Let's hear the call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. Hello. Who do you think the guest?

I don't know who people are. Okay, I'm Derek. And I'm Paige. And we're calling in for your segment. Why would girlfriends who hate you? Okay. Boys, is this my third time trying to say this? Mayhaps.

But here's the T. I never thought about you two. I never thought about you once. That's really neat. I've never, and you know what? Derek goes, we got to call in and tell them why you hate you. the show. For your long running segment.

Sure. I never thought about your show before, but now I've got beef. You boys and your little theme song does not go with your show whatsoever. Okay? It sounds like I'm supposed to be midsummer forlicking through a Nordic village. And then it's you too. Here we go. This is my pitch for your new theme song because this Nordic does not.

match whatever the hell you've got going on on this show, okay? Hit it. Beep, beep, go, go, Jordan and Jesse. Beep. And that's the song, and I know you're going to have to pay me royalties now. All right. Don't revoke my membership. Love you.

Maybe you should. No, don't. She wants to have five bucks so she can upgrade her Hulu to add free. Yeah, right. Okay. So, Paige, thank you. Thank you. It sounds to me like, Paige,

concerns about Jordan Jesse Goe are primarily about the first 20 seconds or so of her program. Yeah. She can't make it any further. In her defense, it's all downhill from there. Yeah, that's true. It's a beautiful song. It's a beautiful song. Beautiful song.

Highly acclaimed. A band inspired a whole generation of indie rock artists, stereo lab. The free design, Desart. Free design. Desart. is our theme song. And yeah, it's a little dissonant from the show, I guess. It's a, you know, I think so a little bit. I never thought

that one. I've heard people have said that to me before that the theme song reads them out a little bit. But I think it's part of the fun. I think it's a beautiful song. The song's great. I think maybe they're saying in the context of the show. Is there a new segment where I could call page and sell her I hate her? Is that a new segment? We know, the page seems like a winner.

I disagree. I didn't like your attitude. I mean, I don't like the way she treated you, it took a minute for me to get back on board after Mayhaps. I didn't like Mayhap. I'm like, oh, okay, where are we going, Mayhaps? If you're saying Mayhaps, I want to see, I want to see. You're going for a libation later?

I want to see the thing. Ha, ha, my man. I want to see the card that says you're the faculty advisor of the whip and poofs, okay? Because then you got the qualifications to say mayhaps. Yeah, but it's, I do. And, you know, and I think our caller framed this as wives and girlfriends that don't like the show. I think there's many different genders who hate the show. Yeah.

Oh, a gender. Yes. Fellas. Sure. Ladies. Uh-huh. I bought a lot of men hate us because we're a couple of cucks. We're a couple of soft people.

I hate us for being soft beta cubs. Yeah. They're not wrong. They're not. I don't get enough protein and I get too much soy. You're a soy boy. I'm a soy boy. Absolutely.

I got my own NPR show, Jimmy. I'm the king of the soy boys. You're telling me. I talked to Owen Benjamin about it yesterday. Hello, sir. How is your cult compound going? Yes. Good.

I'm away from all the soy boys. That's what he said. So yeah, thank you for the call. It was mean. But I want to keep this topic open because I don't feel like this was it. Well, first, Jordan, I want to say one more thing about Pages call. Was it a little dismissive? Yes.

Sure. Might she have listened to our show to tell us so that she could have an informed opinion about why she doesn't like us? Yeah, sure. It would only take a couple of things. a minute. Is it on her partner for presuming she would hate it without her ever actually having heard it and then letting her call in when she'd only heard the first 20 seconds? Maybe. Although I'm not going to complain too much because he's keeping that money away from Hulu and send it towards us. Yeah. Maximumfund.org slash join. Yeah. I will say this. I didn't hate Page's

theme song. No, the theme song was all right. Beep, Beep, Jordan Jesse, beep, beep. Yeah, I liked it too. Yeah. I did not care for her, but I did like the same song. I'm not so sure I liked him, to be honest with you. I don't like the way it was bossing her around behind the scenes. That was the law of putting to me. Yeah. You know what?

Deep in your relationship, like build some real connection and then have your partner call us. There you go. You don't need to be bossing around. And in fact, it might be better if they do it quietly by themselves. Yeah. So that they can really let loose and we can get our good cuck juices for one. Yeah, you could go down the street, go have a drink at the bar, leave the number for your, let them have a little moment to themselves. We get it.

Maybe do it in the bath. Call us from the bath and tell us how much you hate us. Are you guys? Like, we're not as talented as Amy Poehler. We know that. Are you going to hire somebody to make a theme song out of that? We don't have a good idea. We don't need to hire anybody.

It's ready. People are singing it in right now. They're sitting in and in. JJ go at maximum fun.org. Beep, beep. Jimmy, you haven't heard the full album's worth of songs. about the fact that Walton Goggins has his own signature vodka that our listeners recorded and sent into us? No, I'm not. And I'm okay with that.

There's some real beauties. Some of them are pretty good. I'm not denying. I'm not doubting that for a second. Okay. This is just about your problem with Goggins. I got a little problem with Goggins. Oh boy. Too much Goggins? Well, that I understand that it's some people's problem. My problem is I invested in the goggles and they are not selling as well as he claimed they were. Oh, yeah. I shouldn't have put so much into those goggles. I went in her. early on the Goggins goggles. Should have gone in on those Kareem goggles. That's the money goggles.

He would have made a zillion dollars back of the day. Okay, let's take a break, have a couple shots of Walton Goggins Vodka. I won't do that, but I'll watch you do it. No, everyone has to. No matter how sober you are. And we'll then come back and finish up. We'll be back in just a second on.

JJGo up maximum fund.org. 206-984 for fun. Look, you want to record your own version to beep. Jordan Jesse Go, go to town. We'll probably play it on our show. Otherwise, we have to think of things to talk about. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la. This is John Hodgman and Janiferni coming to you from the flight take. Please be comfortable. We have now reached our cruising altitude. Well, that's correct. You are now free to listen to the latest season of E. Pluribus Motto. As always, this season will discuss the official models of U.S. States and territories for your enjoyment.

I'll cut the window. You'll see local iconography and creatures of all sorts. It'll be discussed this season, including California quails. Puerto Rican frogs. North Dakota horses. Spiders of New Hampshire. And all matter of official and unofficial state critters. I've now turned on the enjoyment sign. So please start enjoying new episodes of Bleribus Motto every other week on maximum fun and wherever you get your podcasts. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your listen. Saginaw, Michigan, Galveston, Texas, Albany, New York, the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and San Francisco. Paul and Muncie, Indiana. We've just added these cities to the growing list of meetups on April 23rd for MaxFud

Meetup Day. Didn't hear your city or don't know where your local meetup is? Head to Maximumfund.org slash meetup, and we've got all the details there. And if you still don't see your city listed, host your own. Find somewhere, a park, library, cafe, bar, any public space a small group can hang. Then fill out the form at maximum fun.org slash meetup and we'll add you to the page so other folks in your area can find you. That's maximum fun.org

slash meetup. Hope to see you on April 23rd. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jimmy Pardo, celebrity. April 11th is the 20th anniversary of Never Not Funny.

Congratulations to you. James. Congratulations to Matt. Congratulations to the whole gang. Thank you very much. Garen, for example. Garon. Elliot would be the other one. Elliot Hochberg.

The rate Elliot Hochberg. Prior to Elliot, we had Andrew Canig, who is our video producer, he since passed away. Sweet guy. A great guy, and I'm very grateful for the 20 years we've had. Great fans, great support from people like yourselves. And it's been very, very lucky. It's been just a wonderful journey.

It's one of the best podcasts of all time. Jordan, I say thank you, and I also say thank you. Okay. It's true. Jimmy Bartow, I've got an interview coming up on Bullseye. It'll be fun to listen to. That's what they call, Jordan. In depth.

Okay. Yeah. We go deep. You go deep? We go very deep. Yeah, I should hope so. We're not talking about. We're not going on eBay and looking at what costs that things cost.

We're getting to the bottom of something. I took a look inside Jimmy Pardo's heart. You know what I found? What? It had spread to the lymphs. Yes. This is how you found out. This is how we're breaking it to people, Jimmy.

We're having them on the show to tell them they have cancer. Your doctor asked this too. Why would they ask you two clowns to do that? I'd say clowns are the complimentary. Sure, thank you. Oh, okay. Well, Hong Kong. Yes.

You guys know your clowns. I'm a clown. I'm all flatted a da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha-ha-beep. Beep, beep. See? There it is, Paige. That's how easy it is. Sure.

We're just beep it out here. Beep it and honking. What are people, where is it going to be on your YouTube or something? It'll be on YouTube. It'll be at never not funny.com is where to get all that. That seems like the perfect place to go. It seems like it makes the most sense. Look, it never not funny.

One of if not my single favorite podcast of all time. So, And you couldn't be supporting better fellas. And I include Elliot in that. He's a good man. He's a real fucking sweetheart. Yeah, he is. He's a great guy.

If you're out there, you're wondering, is Elliot a real sweet guy? He's a really decent fella. He plays a character on the show. He shows in this character. And he does it very, very well. But off Mike, he's the nicest human being in the world. Very bright, very decent fella. Yes.

And you know what? So is Garen. I'm always happy to see Garen. Garen's a good man. Anytime I get a chance to see Garen, I'm glad to see my friend Garen, give him a hug. Yeah, you should. And you know what? Matt, Matt Belknap, one of my oldest friends in comedy.

Great guy. One of my oldest. I made friends with Matt Belknap on his fucking message board. Before we even graduated from college. Is that right? Jimmy, the show will feature a cavalcade of celebrity guests, perhaps. It is a celebration of the 20 years of Never Not Funny. So it's guests from the last 20 years.

Okay. And, you know, what kind of promotional underwear will be shown? As of right now, none. Okay. None. And this is... We're looking to keep pants on on this show. And this event is being held exclusively to enrich the four of you.

Is that correct? No, sir. This is... Thank you for asking. We will be auctioning off signed posters for suicide awareness. Oh, that's wonderful. In Andrew's name. In memory of our friend, Andrew.

Yes. So, yeah, we are doing that. And it is a celebration of 20 years of the podcast and very excited. about it. How's everybody else's signature? How's Matt? Oh, Matt's is horrible because he's left-handed. Oh, boy. And Elliot's is worse than Matt's because he just doesn't know

that people might be interested. And Garrens is okay. Okay. I might be somewhat disc graphic. That means I have a hard time writing with my hands. Yeah, I think we all kind of have trouble writing these days. I remember the relief when I got a computer with a keyboard when I was like eight or nine or something.

Yes. And I could finally get things down as fast as I was thinking. Oh, so you get frustrated in trying to write with my hands. I mean, I can do it. I'm capable of doing it, but I hate it. I still hate it to this very day. I get it. Make me fill out a fucking

form? Oh, I get so mad. You don't like it. Nope. You'd rather get an email the night before saying, fill this up before you get here. I'd love to fill it out on a PDF. Yes, you and me both. Oh, with little pull-downs. Love it. I also like then you click here, and it populates your

signature. Because you've already signed it once. Oh my God. Then I don't have to figure out how to take a picture of it. That's when the ADHD kicks in. Oh, no. Once I have to print something out, sign it, and then take a picture of it and send it to someone? Oh, boy, no, thank you. That's a lot of work. I'll just lose my house. Oh, no. You'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. Yeah, you'll get somebody to do that for you. I don't want you to lose in your house.

Or you'll find a new house. That's the other option. A beautiful new house. I don't think so. Congratulations on, in Ventura. Congratulations on 20 years of what is one of the best podcasts in the world. Thank you very much. In addition to being a very esteemed and dignified 20-year-old podcast, also then and now, one of the greatest. Thank you very much. Give our friend Matthew a hug for me as well. I'll just say, hey, are you doing?

I'll probably just do that. Go ahead and get, go ahead and get mad at hugs. I'll say I saw Jordan, Jesse. They both say, hey. Hey, it's going to be that. How you doing? And then he'll go, I was told you're going to give me a hug. And I go, yeah, we don't do that.

All right. Well, fair enough. You can just let him know. We don't hug, Matt. I do not hug. Well, I recommend that you give him a hug. I'm not going to do that. But this is for me.

So you get to feel a good it feels to hug your old friend. I'm going to go, my man. Hey, stretch. Maybe give him a. What's up, coach? No, I know his name. I think I do anyway. I'll be all right.

Thank you for having me. Gabe Mara on the boards. Dave. Our theme music is beep, beep, Jordan Jesse by page. Also love you by the free design. Thanks to the free design and light in the attic records,

their record label. You can find us on social media, Jordan Jesse Go on Blue Sky, Jordan Morris and Jesse Thorne on Blue Sky. You can find us on Instagram. Jesse Thorne, very famous. Jordan, David Morris, and Jordan Jesse Go Pod. You can find us on Facebook.

at Facebook.com slash Jordan Jessie Go. And on Reddit at R slash maximum fun, the place. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun.

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