Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 104: Hello Baby!

Episode Date: July 6, 2009

Guest Scott Aukerman joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about things that are ruined by fans of those things, and much more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, maggoty, twiddle, dum, go things for which the audience has ruined them for you.

Things with Scott Ackerman. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. A wonderful guest with us on this program. Very excited about this, Jordan. I could not be more excited.

I know I've described guests before as a get. Right, sure. No, you've used that word before. No doubt about it. It's been bullshit up until now. This is an actual get. This is a real get. I mean, this is going to change.

I think this might change the trajectory of Jordan, Jesse, Goh in the same way that getting Hugh Grant after the prostitute incident changed the trajectory of the Jay Leno Tonight Show. Yeah, yeah. And then HBO will make a TV movie about it. Right, exactly. And in this case, I think I'm Jay Leno. Our guest, Scott Aukerman is Hugh Grant, and you're the prostitute. Great.

I was going to say I wanted to be the prostitute, but you were with me on that. Hello, boys. Can I just say two things? First of all, I love how real and sincere you are in these introductions. Secondly, the Prostitute Institute, real and sincere you are in these introductions. Secondly, the Prostitute Institute, that's what you were going to say. I would

love to attend there at some point. At least be a guest speaker. Maybe an artist in residence. I was at a comedy rehearsal recently and that kind of... Oh, wait a minute, everyone! Hold on, Hollywood! Are you listening? I was rehearsing for comedy.

It's true. Because I'm a professional. I don't just go up and start doing comedy. No, no. I do my comedy extemporaneously, like Mr. Robin Williams. Maybe you've heard of him. Ah, yes.

And that kind of same letter replacement led to the delightful phrase, Hard Corn Porn. Someone said Hard Corn Porn. Oh, I like it. That's been stuck in my brain ever since. That's a lot of fun. That's good times. I have no desire for it to leave, either.

Jesse, I like how both you and I both just rolled up our shirt sleeves as if it's time to get down to business. Or it's time to beat up Jordan. That's where I thought it was going. When I saw two really tall men. Jesse's tall. Scott, you're six-ish.

Six and some change. I saw you guys both looking at me and rolling up your sleeves. I thought it was time for a beatdown. Shit's going down. I kind of saw it as a John Kerry in Iowa type situation. We were identifying with the working men. You guys are in the rust belt. I'm not some east coast, coastal, liberal, academia, ivory tower.

I know what it's like to roll up your sleeves and do real work. Like giving speeches. On a podcast or giving a speech. A speech or a talk. How about that? It may be just that this apartment is swelteringly hot right now. It is unpleasantly hot. And it now. It is unpleasantly hot, and it will continue to be

unpleasantly hot, unfortunately. Scott Ackerman is a gifted comedy writer. You might know him. I'm going to pretend I'm just addressing Jordan. Jordan knows this. So I'm going to go ahead and behind my head

is sitting John the Intern. I'm going to tell him, Scott Ackerman, a gifted comedy writer, the man behind, he was a writer on the Mr. Show television program. He was the writer of Shark's Tale 2. Sharka Tale 2. Oh, Shark Tale 2. Excuse me. Sorry, I didn't, I don't know.

It wasn't exclusively the Shark's Tale. It was a tale about a shark. Oh, gotcha. Okay, so Shark Tale 2. Well, I'm not finished. A shark who had a dream. So Shark Tale 2. Well, I'm not finished. A shark who had a dream. Recently a writer on the MTV Awards for Movies. Is that what the awards were this time?

They were celebrating movies, the history of cinema. MTV put together a great new awards show for classic Hollywood. Yes, that's right. Lana Turner. Myrna Lloyd. The MTV salute to Billy Wilder. I really liked. Oh, yeah, that's right. Lana Turner, Myrna Lloyd. The MTV salute to Billy Wilder. I really liked. Oh, yeah, it was amazing. Set to the music of My Chemical Romance.

Uh-huh. Also, I think it's worth mentioning for podcast listeners, Scott has a fantastic new podcast, the Comedy Death Ray podcast. Comedy Death Ray Radio. It's an official title that you can find Ray podcast. Comedy Death Ray Radio. It's an official title that you can find on Intelligent Tunes. Radio. Or

the Zune you were telling me about. Yeah, it was featured in the Zune comedy section where I snapped it up post-haste. Jordan, I've got some bad news. Oh. My Zune is on eBay. I just posted my Zune on eBay. Judas! What's the story behind

this? Jordan, did you get Jesse into the Zune? I was the first to get a Zune. We all know that story. Listener or no. Lord knows I don't shut up about that. In sort of the aftermath, when Zune launched, they did a lot of things to be

hip, and Jordan got a kind of trickle-down Zune thanks to his connections in the hip entertainment industry. Oh, did this have anything to do with your rehearsal? Yes, I was rehearsing, and someone says, if you would be seen at rehearsals listening to your Zune,

we'll just give it to you gratis. And watching some hardcore porn. Yes. I don't know if you can watch things like that. Oh, you can. It has a very large screen, very clear. Very nice screen. that Oh you can, it has a very large screen Very clear Very nice screen I had had a lot of trouble with iPods before I had two iPods which I felt like had prematurely broken

So you had a two iPod system for a while I did, yeah A rotation And after they broke I brought them to the Genius Bar at the Mac store And found them less than helpful So I kind of had a general bad taste In my mouth about the After they broke, I brought them to the Genius Bar at the Mac store and found them less than helpful. Yeah. So I kind of had a general bad taste in my mouth about the Apple MP3 experience.

So when the chance came to get this Zune, I figured, why not? I'm without an iPod, and I really like it. I think it's a great product. And Jesse followed suit, but now I guess he's jumping ship for a Zen or a Sony Walkman or some other fucking thing. Jordan had had these bad experiences with iPods. I was just too cheap to buy an iPod. I think he was just telling us about those. Yeah.

I could go into more depth about when they broke, what song I was listening to. I'd like to hear Jesse tell it. In contrast, I was just really cheap, and I was using a Creative Labs Zen. What is that? It was like an iPod. No, Rio Carbon. That's what I was using. A Rio Carbon.

It's like an iPod. There's a brand you don't hear every day. A legitimate device. I think they've since gone out of business but a quality product in its day. And finally, the Zune, the first generation of the Zune when they introduced the second generation of the Zune. I remember that day. They were selling the first generation of the Zune, when they introduced the second generation of the Zune.

Sure. I remember that day. They were selling the first generation of the Zune for like $85 on the Internet. And I was like, wow, $85. I'll take one. And you know what? Zune is great. Fantastic device. Eventually, Jordan and I, I was eventually quoted in the New York Times Magazine about Zunes in the excellent consumed column.

Jordan and I had, by that point, I would say, become probably Zunes' two biggest celebrity proponents. You know, I mean, it depends. Like you associate Bill Cosby with Kodak Film. And Jell-O. And Jell-O and other products. Sure. Right. And Fat Albert.

I guess it depends on how you feel about Deborah Gibson, formerly Debbie Gibson, another big Zoom user, and her film Mecha Shark vs. Giant Octopus or whatever that thing is called. What? What's that movie called? I have no idea what you're talking about. You have officially lost me. Mecha Shark vs. Space Whale? You're looking around the room.

Don't look at the Asian person. John, get on the internet and type in Debra Gibson and... And Mecca something. And then just a random collection of words. Type in Debra Gibson and Shark. Type in Debra Gibson and Shark. And I'm going to continue to talk about this. Type in Debra Gibson and Shark, and I'm going to continue to talk about that. I can't imagine. Type in Debra Gibson and Shark Tale, if you will.

See, if there's any place streaming, we can watch Shark Tale. Mega Shark versus, what's it called? Mega Shark and Giant Octopus. Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus. Okay, so she's the star of a little movie called Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus, alongside Lorenzo Lamas. She probably has a zoo. You know, Jesse, I don't want to be one of these pretends not to know about a thing when he does.

When he said that, I remember seeing that in the video store. It's one of those funny direct-to-DVD things. Full disclosure. Yeah, so I'm not going to be that like, Controversy erupts! Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus starring Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Okay, so, I,

I, uh, my wife talked me into buying one of these information phones. My wife. Wait, what? How does this, what does this have to do with- Good one, Scott. Hey, thank you. Man, this is amazing. This is better than any morning zoo I've ever been on. You're the human sound effects box. Ding, ding, ding.

Duborat, Duborat. I don't know who that is. Me neither. It's some sort of giant shark from what I understand. Wait, what did that have to do with zoons? I feel like you skipped a step. So what happened is we were Zoon superstars. We had already popularized the phrase.

Wait, why were you talking about Mega Shark? I know you got an iPhone. I know that's the end of the story. I was just giving Debra Gibson as a celebrity who may or may not be bigger than us. Okay. I thought she used one in the movie. Did we ever establish she used a Zune? Or you just wanted to say the title of that movie?

No, I had forgotten about that movie until I said deborah gibson then i remembered that's why deborah gibson was in my mind okay um so but theresa convinced me what a tangled web of a tale this is and interesting too wait no it's not like the clear point-to-point tale that is the shark the shark's tail yes well see oscar had a dream he was a little fish who wanted to be a big fish and the best way he felt he could achieve that goal was to claim he had slayed a shark you and you and bj porter you're wait back to your zoom okay so uh i i had a stretch this out even jordan and I were well known for inventing the key Zune catchphrase, rocketed up your Zune hall,

which is what you do when you send songs back and forth to each other. Oh, that's right. That was a main feature of the Zune. Exactly. It continues to be. The Zune still exists. And, you know, so we were Zune celebrities. Certainly Jordan has been to the secret Zune club in downtown Los Angeles,

though I can't say I'd ever been. Is that at Disneyland? And that's the only place they serve alcohol? Jordan's been there, too. Yeah, yeah, I've been to both those places. But, yeah, no, in the Zune space, what they will do is kill a Cambodian man while you watch and throw wads of dollar bills at him. It has nothing to do i don't know

i didn't see a zune in the whole place this is just something that microsoft ceo steve ballmer is really into i guess and so you know it's one of those things a fan service type of deal so we're celebrity zune enthusiasts sure and i believe that's been heavily established i feel bad about leaving my Zune behind, but Teresa convinced me to buy an information phone and... And you feel like a fool for the last five years you've had the Zune?

No, because they're about... They're about the same. Frankly, I kind of like for listening to music and stuff, this is, you know, people are going to bitch at me because they're going to think I'm saying this to be ironic or as a joke. I like zoom a little bit better like they're comparable they're totally comparable like equivalent things i can't i don't think that if you have an ipod you should run out and get a zoom all i'm saying is given the choice i actually like zoom a little bit better for the

music management stuff but obviously iphone's really neat. It's a neat device. Can you rocket anything into your eye hole? Oh, it's hard. It's a challenge. May I rocket something into your eye hole a little later? Hello. Looks like we've got some hardcore porn going on over there. Were you about to

prompt Scott? Wait, are we still on the intro? Actually, it's now the outro. Two minutes ago, it changed to the outro. Finish strong, Scott. I just had a quick question. Because you guys, you and BJ, who also created the comedy Death Ray, the popular comedy night. BJ Porter.

You guys are a comedy writing team together as well. And, you know and comrades at arms. Sure. You guys were the credited writers on Shark Tale 2, right? No. Oh, the sequel never got made. I hate to break it to you. Oh, really?

But it does not exist. Why do I remember that then? I don't know, credited or no. It must have been when you guys were on The Sound of Young America maybe three or four years ago. We were deep in the middle of that whole experience. That was the talk of the town. Hollywood was buzzing about Scott and BJ's. Shark Tale 2 to never come out.

Yeah, number one came out, and we were not the credited writers Because we did not write that We got additional dialogue by As I understand it, number one came out And then they got the script for number two And went straight to number three Yeah, number three

No We were writing number two while Also writing number one If that makes sense. Because they kind of liked where Shark Tale was going. They think this is going to be big. Let's have two in the hopper. We came into the process, I remember, a year before it came out,

which was two years into the Shark Tale experience. Right. A script was already written, but much like every animated movie, they rewrote it and rewrote it and rewrote it. Because originally you had been hired to do some comedy stuff on Prince of Egypt. Yes, of course. A lot of funny things happened in that movie. But none of which I can really think of right now. Something about a

burning bush. Is that the greatest story ever told? I can't remember. What was the plot of that? I believe of that one of the top stories ever told um yeah so we were certainly one of the top stories ever told by dreamworks animation uh beowulf the first story ever told oh that's true i saw that the other like about three days ago did you enjoy it uh it's crazy have you seen it no it's fantastic yeah it's really exciting i wasn't prepared for it to be that like intense it's it's if every movie had that kind of action and yet wasn't set in one room like beowulf is yeah then movies would be amazing but but unfortunately they just decided to put uh everything in the mead hall of shame yeah no there there's a dragon chase above the mead hall.

Sure, at the very, very end. Yeah. Jordan, I feel like you were just excited about seeing Beowulf because it was one step closer to your dream of seeing Robert Zemeckis adapt Gilgamesh. Well, one day when Hollywood stops being afraid of ancient Mesopotamian creation myths.

Jordan, are you a mesh head? I am, yeah. I do. I just got back from MeshCon. You know, it was fun. We sat around. We chopped down all the forest in Iran. We suckled at the teat of beasts.

Oh, my. And, oh, wait, we married a meteor. Those are like the three funny Gilgamesh things that I remember. And then nothing else. Oh, God, what was his... Anyway, he had a man friend that was named something funny. I forget. Like a man companion.

Anyway. I started watching Beowulf thinking, oh, yeah, I know what this is, and I'll be familiar with it all. I realized I had never read it. I'm about five minutes into it it or at least never read that version where beowulf almost uh gets fucked in the ass by a spear a 3d spear yeah yeah they that's not mentioned in the poetry in the epic poem so in the 3d the audience is placed in the position of being Beowulf's butt? Is that what you're saying with the 3D sphere?

Yeah, I guess that is Beowulf butt OV. You know how they say that Star Wars is actually from the perspective of R2-D2 and C-3PO? Yes. Beowulf is actually from the perspective of his anus. The entire movie is very scared of getting fucked in the ass. Whoa! Yeah. No, it was fascinating.

You should see it, really. Really? Yeah. Sincerely. Jesse's easily scared, though. Was it scary? He's easily upset by scary things. Yeah.

Scary things mixed with the most boring things you will ever see. I don't know why they felt like... What's so boring? What happens in it? Well, I think because they wanted a certain amount of gravitas. Right. They're making an epic film. They're making an epic film with Anthony Hopkins and John Malkovich. And 3D.

In the creepy motion capture style that no one ever quite looks at each other and just kind of talks at each other and around each other. Because of that, they thought they would have to put in a lot of scenes with a lot of drama. So Neil Gaiman wrote the script along with Roger Avery. And I believe Neil Gaiman was probably in charge of the more heady scenes where two women just sat there speaking for five minutes in a computer animated movie about who loves the king more. This was, if I'm not mistaken... The queen and the king's mistress

have a very tense... Oh, very tense. Yeah. So much meat on that scene. Mm-hmm. It's... This film, if I'm not mistaken, was... Anyway, I was going to say something about Ibsen,

but then I couldn't get it together in my head. This film was conceived... Conceived as a... Continue. Like a sort of a super violent follow-up to The Polar Express, correct? Yes, that's right. If you're a fan of Polar Express,

and if 20 years have passed and you're finally able to see grown-up movies, this would be the perfect film for you. Unfortunately, only two years have passed. Right. Yeah, I don't know why we're talking about it other than I just saw it, and it hasn't been out for years probably

yeah yeah yeah this is our hot topic segment oh that's right hot topics yeah the hot topic is in other news I hear they remade Freaky Friday thoughts sacrilege guys sacrilege you don't mess with that

why are they raping my childhood anyway sorry to bring it up can I say speaking of raping my childhood? Anyway, sorry to bring it up. Can I say, speaking of raping my childhood, just really quickly. Well, you said raping my childhood. Really quickly. I'm really upset with... Wait, hold it. You can't make your own segue like that.

I'm glad if you want to talk about something, but like if I said, speaking of Transformers, hey, now that we're all talking about Transformers. Boy, Transformers was a real shark tale. Let me put it this way. Speaking of Shark Tales. Speaking of Transformers, Jordan, there are was a real shark tale. Let me put it this way. Speaking of Shark Tale. Speaking of Transformers, Jordan, there are two people that I'm really upset with in the world right now.

Number one are people who are angry at Transformers, the movie, and Transformers 2, the movie, because it's ruining something about Transformers, the terrible, terrible, terrible television program and children's toy. Number two is people who aren't upset about that and went to see Transformers 2. What the fuck? Well, I don't appreciate that kind of language.

Okay. First of all, I know you have a delicate sensibility. I have not seen it. I barely saw the first one, I must admit, even though I did work on the MTV Film Cinema Awards. They did not screen that for us prior. Did you have to spoof it in any way, just without any knowledge? I remember we wrote something for it,

but no one associated with the movie would do it. They all turned it down. There's actors in that movie. Couldn't get John Turtururo on board to come in i bet to toot would have done it yeah that's what his friends call him hey to toot um yeah i i i don't know i don't know what the big deal is look it's one thing to go see transformers one did you see it by the way no where do you follow us i'm fucking of course i Did you see it, by the way? No, of course not. Of course not. I'm fucking, of course I didn't see it.

No, you're a grown-up. I'm a fucking, I'm a, You're a grown-ass man. I'm not an idiot. That's what it amounts to. Even a child who's not an idiot doesn't want to see this movie.

Jesse, you have Babe, Pig in the City on VHS. I just want to point that out. That's a great movie. Thank you very much. Babe, Pig in the City is a great movie.

Are you one of the people who says, that's so much better than Babe? Well, Babe's pretty great too, but they're both great. Babe is great, but I like Babe, Pig in the City better. I think Pig in the City is intolerable. Really? What if it were a shark? That's all I could think of when I watched it.

I can understand. That's the screenwriter's mind at work. I'm not a professional screenwriter. You can see the little thing a little change here yeah a little change what direction it could possibly be all of a sudden it's the hero's journey it's like that parallel universe where it was a shark that's all i can think about like fringe yeah that's all i can think about you actually you actually originally you guys if i'm not mistaken correct me if i'm wrong either of you guys, if I'm not mistaken, and correct me if I'm wrong, either of you guys,

I think Scott would know better. I would probably. You and PJ wrote the original. You're wrong. You wrote the first script for the new Star Trek movie, right? But it originally was about a shark. Yes. A shark named Spock in Babe Pig in the City.

Yes. Spock went to visit Babe Pig in the City. Yes. Spock went to visit Babe Pig in the City in his city, in the titular city. Yeah. And it just had a bunch of like fish puns in it.

Yeah. Everybody into the underwater prize, which is the enterprise. That does remind me that while we were writing number two, I was concocting

the plot to Shark Tale number three, which I was very upset in Shark Tale one that the currency, the form of currency that all the fish undersea use are clams, which I thought was tantamount to slavery. Right. So my idea was Shark Tale three, Rise of the Clams.

Oh, yeah, they're tired of being used as money. Yes. They're not going to take it anymore. Okay, well, we're having fun. We're having a great time. We've got Scott Aukerman here. Of course, Jordan Morris is here. John the Intern is sitting behind me, which is a lot of fun,

because we can, like as though we were a real radio program, hey, why don't you look up this, John? You know what I mean? Plus we can play to him. He's a great audience. He's fantastic. Only because I'm looking at him and he's smiling at me. He's been absolutely overflowing with laughter this whole time.

You can probably hear him on the microphones, you know. And when we tell a funny joke, he holds up a picture of tits. Okay, well, anyway. And they're like, all right. Unfortunately, your tits. Hey, tits is tits, Ackerman. Oh, God, I'm sorry. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i am jesse thorne america's

radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective and i'm scott ackerman the person who was invited here and is listening you can make up a real nickname. Oh, and you don't have to do characters. I'm Scott Aukerman, the boy detective. I know usually when people... You have to have a different one than mine. Right. Sorry.

So just think of a different... You can be boy detective too if you want to. You can think of a different nickname and you don't do characters. Okay. Usually when you're on talk shows, it's because of your beloved characters. Yeah, it's so hard breaking out of those. Much like Robin Williams having a real conversation. Well, he's got.

The aforementioned Robin Williams. Did you bring Grandma Mump with you? Hello. Yay, there she is. Hello, baby. Oh, there she is. Tell me a little bit about where you got the idea for Grandma Mumps. Well, I had the mumps as a child.

Right. And I was bed stricken. Sure. And so that just let me, while I was in my bed in the dark, I just used to see the most wonderful things in my head. Yeah. And the most wonderful people would come and visit me in my fever dreams. And then I would do their voices.

And that's how all of my characters came apart. I don't mean to be presumptive at all but was the big bopper one of the people he may have visited me and said hello baby. Now was that grandma mump or the big bopper? That was the big bopper. I can't remember anymore. It's very subtle. It is a subtle difference. I don't like to look at the past. I like to look at the future. It's those subtle...

Hello, baby. It's those subtle differences that turn... There's two things you love, looking to the future and saying hello, baby. Those are my two hobbies, if you will. It's subtle differences that mark the difference between comedy and satire. Parody and satire, yes. Yeah, sure. So, you know, it's great to be here.

It's great to have the great Scott Ackerman here. Thanks for having me. Oh, thank you for coming. It's great to... I've enjoyed several episodes of your new Comedy Death Ray radio program. Not all of them? Well, my favorite was the one that Jimmy Pardo hosted. I'm going to be honest with you.

But, no, you're doing a really great job there on the Comedy Death Ray Radio. Very happy to hear all the comedians that we love on their own radio program. If I could suggest a starter episode for all our podcast listeners out there. The one Jimmy Pardo hosted. And then just stop. And then listen to Jimmy Pardo's podcast because it's like that. No, Scott had an exclusive, very in-depth sit-down with Weird Al. It was exclusive.

No other reporter was there. And it's just great. I mean, I— That was a treat. He, of course, like many comedians, was a boyhood idol. was a boyhood idol. And I remember being 14, 15, and being so upset that I couldn't go to see his in 3D tour,

which was coming, I believe, to the Universal Amphitheater that year. And it was actually the first time I had physically met him. I had emailed him a few times. And it was just, he's such a pleasant guy, and so open to talk to, and did an hour and a half with us. You did a lot of research for that. I did. I listened to all of his albums over again and just sat there thinking of all the questions

that I'd wanted to ask him for the past 25 years. Right, and then most of them were just about costume changes. Yeah, now when you get into the fat suit, how long does it take you? No, he was fantastic i i got a lot of praise for the episode of being from his fans uh because it wasn't the traditional uh questions that he has asked mainly the ones where they look up his wikipedia page and say now coolio is mad at you even though that was 15 years ago. I may be playing fast and loose with the facts when I say 15 years.

It's been a long, long time. That's another one of my hobbies, playing fast and loose with facts. Scott, I am sick and tired of you going loosey-goosey with facts. But yeah, it was great. Thank you very much for saying that. It was a very fun episode to do. A little more

serious in the sense of sometimes the show is more comedy bits exclusively and that one was a little more of an interview oh you know what i you know what i really enjoyed hearing on your show was you know this may have also been on the one with jimmy parto was hosting the one where uh uh the one with paul gilmartin and maria bamford doing was that on the j Yes, it was. You've only heard one episode. No, no. I've listened to other ones. I listened to one where you were playing,

I remember you were playing a Dragon Boy Suede song. Okay. That was you. That was you. You played it. I did play it, yes. You chose a Dragon Boy Suede song and played it. That was in the first two minutes.

What happened after that? Ah, shit. Do you remember anything Scott said, or you just remember the song? You got me there. You guys, I'm lost. That's fine. That's all right. It's a great

podcast. Jesse doesn't like it, but you know, Jordan is a fan. I just subscribed to it. I told you I just subscribed. I was thinking about what new podcast should I subscribe to, because I unsubscribed from the business. Oh, what is that? I finally cut the cord to the business.

Our friend, I'm going to call him our friend. We met him one time, and he was very nice to us. Is he a Zune friend i'm gonna call him our friend we met him one time and he was very nice to us is he a zune friend uh our friend claude brodesser ackner just scott so you know the business is a public radio show about the business of show business oh i love that business yes yeah on um on the case produced by kcrw distributed by national public radio although to be frank distributed by national Public Radio sort of in the same way that The Sound of Young America is distributed by

Public Radio International, which is to say, to about three stations. Inside joke, y'all. They're on the inside. They're here. They're here. So, Claude Bredeser-Ackner,

a charming host of that program, left the show. It is now hosted by a woman named Kim Masters from the daily beast dot com. Could not be more boring. Could not be more boring. I and I stuck with it for so long. I mean, he left the show three months ago.

What what type of advice would this be giving you? Why would you be listening to it? I mean, you're a successful person in show business. Why would you need that kind of a radio program? Why would I need to know about what's going on in the world of entertainment? You have your own show. You have your own studio. I've got my own show.

You're a gatekeeper. I've got my own studio. I made a television pilot. Thank you very much. I make news. I don't need to care about news. Yes, exactly. That's a good point.

Okay, thank you. Actually, I think it's probably worth piping up that I actually still subscribe to the business, and I was as big a Claude Bredenser-Ackner booster as anybody. And yes, Kim Masters is a bit boring, but I think a very good interviewer, delightfully dorky, and the content of the show is still top-notch. Did you just call her a cunt? Did I? Jordan, maybe she's a cunt.

And oh, that cunt. I'm not going to say whether or not she's a cunt. That's for you to decide, Jordan. That's for me to say. She does do a nice job in the interviews. I give her credit for doing a nice job in the interviews, and I've always been a big fan of the business producer Matt Holtzman, of course. Does she listen to the show? No, I hope she doesn't because Jordan just called her a cunt.

I know. That was uncomfortable. Oh, you know what I said? Boo! Cunts. I actually said Alan Funt. She's as good as a young Alan Funt. Was there ever a young Alan Funt?

He seemed like an old man. Anyway, we're having fun. Something that... Let's remind ourselves we're having fun. Just having a good time, talking about the business. Talking about the business. Talking about other podcasts that are out there. Yeah.

Sure. So you freed up a little bit of room on your... I freed up a little bit of room, so I subscribed to Comedy Death Ray Radio. They're going to be shooting into my iPhone. Your eye hole, I believe is what it's called. Your eye socket. Yes, that's right. Right.

They're shooting on my eye socket. Check it out. Of the Comedy Death Ray Radio. Jordan, I want to ask you about something that we talked about briefly before we went on the air that is something

that I know that you are worried about. Yeah. This is a concern that you have in your life. The other day, just down the street from here, there was an event

called Lebowski Fest. Yes. Now, I will admit to once having needed a guest on The Sound of Young America back in the days when I did the show live and booking the founders of Lebowski Fest on The Sound of Young America. Now, this was a long time ago, six years ago. Has it been around that long? It has been around that long. What a long, strange trip it's been. So many years ago, I booked the founders of

Lebowski Fest on The Sound of Young America. It was one of those things where I had never been to Lebowski Fest, but I was just like, well, I like the big Lebowski and, you Sound of Young America. It was one of those things where I had never been to Lebowski Fest, but I was just like, well, I like The Big Lebowski, and, you know, good for them. You know what I mean? Making a little fest. You know? So I booked them on The Sound of Young America,

and I realized at some point that it's getting to be a little bit over the top. Sure. Yes. The Big Lebowski is one of those things, and I think all of us in this room can agree that it is a fantastic movie, one of the funniest movies. It's just really funny. It's a great movie. Scott, do you feel similarly? I guess I'm just assuming. I saw it once.

Okay. You should check it out again. It's a really fun movie. It's great. It's really funny. A wonderful lead performance. I'm all about the future. A bit of a mess. A bit of a mess structurally. Hello, future. performance i'm all about the future a bit of a mess a bit of a mess structurally but it's gotten to the point where there was a guy who i worked with um when i was working at counting votes in the uh for the department of elections in san francisco which is the most horribly nightmarishly dull job stuffing ballot boxes is more like it that's what i heard

he stuffed more than the ballot boxes. What? He stuffed butts with his dick. That's right, butts. There was a guy I worked with who watched The Big Lebowski on Sundays with his girlfriend. Every Sunday? Instead of going to church. And that is... The Big Lebowski is great and everything, but no, that's, that's a, that's

like church for some people. It's like, you know, going to the Source Awards is like church for black people. Is that so? Yeah. Is that so? Yeah. I didn't know that about black people. Haven't you heard that?

Yeah. They call it church. Sorry, I didn't realize you have, you had your hand on the pulse of African America. This is how they say it. They go, hello, baby. Let's go to church. What was the point here? The Big Lebowski kind of falls.

It's in a category of things that are great. Right. But the fans of the thing are so obnoxious that it's hard to enjoy the thing. Other things in this category. Tenacious D. Yeah, yeah, sure. Wow.

Absolutely. The band Cake. Yeah, that's good. I remember I came upon Cake on my Zune recently and re-listened to the album. Is this show sponsored by Zune? If it's not. That was one of the great disappointments.

We never managed to get sponsored by Zune. Did you ever even get a free Zune? I know you did in your rehearsal. I got a free Zune. Because you mentioned Zune so much. Yeah. Wow. They sent me a...

I lost my first Zune. I bought my first Zune with my own money. I lost it. And somebody talked to somebody, talked to somebody, and they sent me a me a free zoom it took like six months first generation it was really annoying it was a zoonub 16 wow second generation zoom 16 it had a squircle that's the square circle that is the uh control device for a zoom i was listening to the album comfort eagle by cake fantastic album one of my faves i'm, why don't I listen to Cake? And why did I not buy any other albums after this?

Because they've made albums. I'm like, oh, right. It was that Cake concert I went to. Oh. What was it like? You know, it was just so full of outrageous on purpose nerds. It was so full of like. Where was it, first of all?

Set the scene. Oh, the Greek theater. I was there. Were you? I don't know. I saw them there once. Did De La Soul open up for them? Was it part of the Sunshine? Yeah, and Flaming Lips. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was scene. Oh, the Greek theater. I was there! Were you? I don't know. I saw them there once. Did De La Soul open up for him? Was it part of the Sunshine?

Yeah, and Flaming Lips. Yeah, yeah. I was there. Oh, nice. There you go. It was a while back. I was in college. I don't remember anything being wrong with that show.

Oh, boy. Wait a minute. Are you talking about me? I was. I looked at you. I'm like, there's the guy from Mr. Show. Fuck him. You gotta admit, Scott, you were wearing a fucking top hat.

That was made of a birthday cake you had a bowl you had a bowler on and you are carrying a cane and but you had on a uh a skeleton t-shirt yes that's right and uh it was a birthday cake that had uh a groom and a bride on top it was a very confusing message uh yeah right and uh yeah i you know i just felt it was just full of guys What does that even mean? You're just going down this path Some would call it a wedding cake But, no, it was a birthday cake with a bride and a groom on top Oh, yeah

It said, happy birthday, honey I will marry you today on your birthday It wasn't technically cake It was actually pumpkin bread That's another problem with it I don't know what it was actually pumpkin bread and that's another problem with it i don't know what i was thinking i'm a cake fan who frosted this pumpkin bread guys i was gonna make a guy fox day joke okay sorry quiet down for my guy fox day joke uh no it's okay okay you know i just felt like it was just full of those you know dudes who like oh wait a minute

you were sitting in the cheap seats. That's right. Oh, yeah. I was with the rich people. Sure, sure. Yeah. That's why I didn't notice. You got to ride inside the Flaming Lips inflatable bubble. Yeah.

I just – You know, just full of just those nerds who like to shove it in your face by wearing like a SpongeBob t-shirt out and bowling shoes. You know what? I have something to share about spongebob squarepants don't tell me that you like spongebob squarepants it's fine to be the sponge on squarepants is fine it's fine to be a kid again it's fine to no it's not oh that's the part that i'm not that i don't think it's fine i'll be going scott look slam you're wrong i can totally understand

that if you've got kids who want to watch children's programming, you would certainly want to choose SpongeBob SquarePants because it's dramatically better than most other... Over the Transformers. Oh, absolutely.

I mean, the choice is clear. Don't get him started on that! Oh, sorry! No doubt about that. No doubt about that. But don't be a grown-up that watches children's television and then tells you about about that. But don't be a grown-up that watches children's television and then tells you about it.

Yeah, don't be the one who watches it by yourself. No, God! In the privacy of your own home. Or just wears the t-shirt, wears the... Oh, God. Now, I heard a rumor about SpongeBob SquarePants that his pants is what they base the Zune controller on.

Because it's square. Is that correct? That's true. By the way, thank you. You're sponsored by Zune. We're actually contractually obligated to mention it once per minute. I was starting to panic.

And then Scott Aukerman slam dunk. We actually get the bonus for mentioning the Hollywood connections as well. I actually got 20 bucks for that Deborah Gibson thing earlier. Okay, good. I was actually, to go back to the topic on hand, I was going to ask you guys,

have things you liked been ruined by the obnoxious fans before? And if so, how do you deal with it and how do you move forward with liking the thing? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what was ruined for me by obnoxious fans. It was similar to your concert experience um what was i went to see uh a boston red sox game at fenway park i'm a i'm a baseball fan uh no doubt about it wait did you where did you park your car because there's this great place

uh harvard yard It's pretty exclusive. I'll give you a map. How is it better than a normal parking lot? You say exclusive parking lot? Oh, yeah. Not a lot of people know about it. Is it just really close? Or is it covered?

Is it covered? Oh, yeah. It's covered. Number one. Yeah. Number one. Oh, you're talking about Harvard Yard. I don't know what that is.

Yeah. So Fenway Park. Fenway Park, the home of the Green Monster. You might know it as. Of course, Scott, you might know it as the home of the Green Monster. Of course. It's a beautiful ballpark. In fact, I would say, you know, I've visited many baseball stadiums in my time.

Certainly the most beautiful. It really is a beautiful place. It's spectacularly lovely. the most beautiful it really is a beautiful place it's a it's spectacularly lovely but i have never been to a baseball game with dumber baseball fans than this like when there's like 12 000 beach balls going and like people are like standing up in front of you during the baseball game facing the other direction facing away from the field because they're following the beach ball that's bouncing around you know what i mean and and i've been to where are they beach ball game tell me about it tell me about it

so i know beach ball come on scott this is your thing i don't know what you're talking about i park ruined for me by obnoxious fans i had a much much less of a good time watching the ball game i mean i'm not like do anything public in Boston and you're going to be surrounded by assholes. I wasn't going to go to that extent, you know, but I'm not going to, you know, I'm not standing here to get in a fight disagreement with you about the city of, the great city of Boston. The one thing, when I, I visited Boston once.

I'm actually going back at the end of the month. The one thing I saw in Boston that seemed odd and alien to me was the couple... I had a lot of... Were we in Boston together? No. No, I think we were in Boston together.

I've never been to Boston with you. Yeah, no, we had dinner in Boston. I remember, right by Harvard. I don't remember why we were there. Oh, you know, it was right before we went to... No need to reminisce about this on the show. Yes, you know, we have been to Boston together, and we did have dinner there once.

Can we cut out the last three minutes? And the rest of the... You want to direct the rest of the show, Scott? Okay, just cut out the last three, and here we go. Thank you, Jordan. Remember when you guys went to Bostonoston together i do it's a long and interesting story uh and then uh anyway the thing in boston that i saw that seemed a a native boston animal was the couple uh usually overweight uh they can be any age uh wearing kind of matching

full red socks gear and kind of walking around holding hands. Like the couple, both of them have hats, both of them have jerseys, and, you know. That's not exclusively Boston. That's the many cities. I remember when I lived in Chicago and Milwaukee, there were, you know, Green Bay and Chicago people constantly like it.

It seems like the further west you go, the less people care about sports. Uh-huh. You know, which I think is perfect to live in California and just not care. What I'm amazed by, and I feel like there's... The Lakers people are overturning cars. Yeah, but not

my kind of people. Okay. You know what I mean? I'm talking about white people. You don't have any whites acting weird. I feel like I really get the feeling here, living here in Los Angeles, the people who like the Lakers don't really give a fuck about basketball at all. They just like an excuse to overturn a car. Or they're just looking for an excuse to act like they're hanging out with Jack Nicholson or something.

I'm going to go overturn a few cars at the Michael Jackson Memorial on Tuesday. Oh, that's good. It's going to be a lot of fun. Are you going to be there? It's going to be great. Did you get your entry into the lottery system? You know, what I did is I got some window flags. Michael Jackson window flags? Some

rest in peace. So you look like a Michael Jackson diplomat? Exactly. So, Jordan, I will give that. And I also... So Fenway Park was ruined for you. Fenway Park was ruined for me. Has anything like this ever been ruined for you, Scott?

Well, the aforementioned Tenacious D, I remember I used to go see them in small clubs, and then the bigger they got, the worse their crowd became, to the point where it was hard to go see them anymore because the last time I saw them was their last tour at a Universal Amphitheater and just the worst people. This side of Fenway Park.

What I always wondered about that was like, who were those? Because when we, Jordan, you went to see, you were with me when we went to see Tenacious D, right? Yes. We saw Tenacious D on there. You guys go everywhere together. Was it in Boston?

We saw their second tour when we were in college. We saw their second tour in like 2001-ish. And I remember they- More detail, please. Yeah, and- Longer, boringer.

You guys want to do the show? Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead, guys. I told a long, boring story. No, come back. Come back. So we went to see Tenacious D and there was this element of the crowd. We saw them at the Fillmore or something like that.

And there was an element of the crowd. What street is the Fillmore on? There was a MOOC element. We're talking about the Fillmore East? Yeah, that's right. Yes. There was a MOOC element. A jockey element.

It was 10%. It was mostly the same people. It was a mook element. A jockey element. It was 10%. It was mostly the same people. It got up to about 99.9. The same people that went to see, I remember going to see Mr. Show Live. It was mostly those same people. Right. With a few people where you're like, wait a minute, what's that person doing here? Yeah.

But this last time when they toured, like around when their movie came out, they played like Madison Square Garden or something. Yeah, they did. I was like, how is that even,

like, no, I mean, they're fun guys and really funny. I wonder sometimes, I had this theory when I went to go see the KCRW,

not to mention KCRW, or are you affiliated with KCRW? You can mention it, it doesn't matter. I went to go see. I mean, Jordan called one of their hosts

a cunt earlier. Yeah, I boy that was uncomfortable i'll say it again um no i went to go see their uh musical program at the universal amphitheater and um i remember cold play was the headliner and uh i get the sense that they're're different from Coldplay, right? That's right. Okay. They're different from Oh, Baby. No, I get a sense that sometimes people like to go to something because it's a thing. Right.

We were sitting directly in front of a bunch of girls who talked very loudly throughout the entire Coldplay performance until clocks came on. And then they went, woo, throughout the entire thing and then returned to talking. They were just there to hear the single, the radio single. I'm not going to, look, KCRW is a great public radio station as far as that goes. But I feel like there's a strong element of the kcrw audience whose entire life is predicated upon that that going to see something because they heard it's a thing it's like this los angeles hollywood like it's a very specifically i don't think it's yeah it's not it's not case

here i just think that that it sort of struck me when i was there the more famous you get the more you are just a thing that people will go oh i'll throw money at that you know what i mean i mean if it's just a like you know i'm sure that tom cruise that's how his movies open so big for a while because it's like well what do you want to people are essentially bored at home and you go what do you want to do tonight well there's this thing that everyone's heard of that's why transformers is so popular why people go to barnum and bailey is that's the whole basis of this operation for a hundred years is just the circus yeah people are bored we have something to cure them of that yeah that's all it is to be fair, I think that searching for new stuff on the internet or searching out...

On Zune.com. On Zune.com. In the social. Yeah. It's like searching out new media and going to see a band. Hey, have you guys been checking out Wale's Mobisodes from his tour on Zune.com? $40. Okay.

Go ahead. Is it Wale? What's that? Wale. Wale. Wale. Featuring Lady Gaga. He's a rapper. W Zoom.com, $40. Okay. Go ahead. Is it Wale? What's that? Wale. Wale. Featuring Lady Gaga. He's a rapper. Wale.

Oh, okay. To be fair, I think that that is, you know, a pastime. Please be fair. A pastime for, you know, the college student or the unemployed or something like that. So it's like when you have a job, you're like, ah, fuck, you know, I better just like, I have to go to a thing and you don't know about it because you don't. Yeah, like sometimes I would see the ladies at the pharmacy where I get my drugs and, you know, all of a sudden they'd just be listening to, say, Star 97 or whatever. And it would play the same songs that you hear over and over again, but they would perk up, you know, when one that they had heard a lot would come up and then they would sing along to it. And I think that's what it is.

Like all of a sudden you read in the paper that Coldplay will be here and you go, I know what it is. This is something amazing. When I worked in Washington, D.C., I worked at this Borders in Washington, D.C. There was this guy there who was like he had a reputation in the borders, and every presumption that you're making right now about a guy who has a reputation for working in the borders, absolutely correct, for being the guy who knew what the next big thing was,

like for being really hip and cool and into it. And I remember that the two things that he was really into, and this is like, I don't remember how old, that was 2002 or three like a long time ago you keep your age a secret we're cold we're cold play and maroon five he was so he was like maroon fives gonna be the next big thing and then they were the next big thing but what i'm wondering is like who is the, and this isn't anything against Maroon 5, but, like, who is the person who not only, like, who that thing that a person has heard a million times

and just likes because it's familiar, like, who's the person who's ahead of the curve on that? Right. You know what I mean? Like, who is that person? Like, who's like, oh, you know who's going to be big? Michael Bay. Michael Jordan. Yeah. person like who's like oh you know who's gonna be big michael bay michael jordan yeah um like that is especially since coldplay had been out for two years by 2002 right but what what the

difference but the difference for for coldplay here is he anticipated that they were going to be giant coldplay going from sort of like umie superstardom Like an indie star Sort of the poor man's radio head Just something that people like To something that everyone in the world To something that somehow is a famous rock band Like a super famous rock band It's almost like picking stocks

Entertainment stocks in a way Yeah, it's so weird It's your ride to Coldplay It was sort of To me, that memory of that guy Is forever tied in with the guy who was training me and talked about how much he loved books and showed me his collection of James Patterson first editions because he loved books so much. Like, what world are these people living in? Not where they just go to it. I'm actually able.

I am able to do that, though. That skill that you're talking about. I know what is going to be super huge and on everyone's lips in about three months' time. Right. Is it like a phrase? No, it's entertainment stuff. It's Wale Mobisodes on Zoom.com.

Thank you. I was presuming that it was, Hello, baby. Just people saying that yeah just people guys walking that'll be on everyone's lips yeah um this is this is kind of a negative uh action item but i'm gonna go with it anyway uh what is the thing that has been ruined for you by its audience uh what has been ruined for you by its audience? Oh, man. I was going to say, like, I wonder who's going to call and say Jordan, Jesse, go.

206-984-4FUN, of course, is our telephone number. 206-984-4FUN. Really? We take calls? Yeah, we're going to take calls in just a minute. Oh, is this going out live? No. Oh, shit. I was supposed to be streaming this live.

I completely forgot to. No, kind of what we usually do is people call a voicemail and then we respond to them the I really was to be streaming this live. I completely forgot to. No, kind of what we usually do is people call a voicemail and then we respond to them the next week. I really was going to stream this live. Okay, well, starting in the next segment, we're going to try and stream it live. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, to be here. That's fantastic. That's a good nickname. Of course, dick sucking contest. I suck

two dicks. So, Scott, as the world's biggest... The second place runner-up was actually one butt. So you actually... People misunderstood the rules, I think. Hold on, trouble. You guys hear that? Scott, you're

the biggest fan of Jordan, Jesse, Go. So you already know that when something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask them to say... It's momentous time! That's exactly what it's called, momentous time. Yes, we ring the bell and we play momentous time. Here we go, bell! Bell.

John, John really dropped the ball. John the intern back there really dropped the ball. Okay the intern doctor really dropped the ball. Okay, we asked them to give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for a little segment we call Momentous Occasion. So let's kick things off. Hi, Jesse. This is Tim. And this is Kimzie. We're calling from Minneapolis,

and we just have a momentous occasion to share. We just adopted a little kitty cat thanks to mr jesse thorne himself through the miracle of twitter that's right folks i saved a kitty cat's life how do you like that jordan have you ever saved anything nope scott i mean i've destroyed a lot quick question have you ever saved anything uh because i saved a kitty cat's life wow a kitten a baby kitty cat um try that on for size asshole wow that's impressive where'd you find this kitty cat um and why were you going to kill it uh and why did you stay your hand okay let's the second question first uh it was giving me a weird look okay um uh no i didn't i didn't really uh two friends of theresa's in uh minneapolis minnesota uh found a kitty cat mewling in a bush mpls a baby you got it

a baby kitty cat beautiful baby kitty cat um and they sent me a picture of it and said and theresa was trying to convince me to let us adopt this i guess we would have flown to minneapolis to pick up this kitty from her friend's house or something and it was i'm gonna be frank with you this is a really cute kitty cat but i don't really have any interest in having a kitty cat nothing against them they're nice creatures but they don't do enough as far as i'm concerned for me to be interested in having one living in my house they they're lovely creatures i really the last thing i would want to do is speak ill of kitty cats but i'm just not that into them you know they don't do any they

don't go around acting dumb and goofy which is what i like about a dog you're just not that into kitty cats you got that was that was greg baron's fourth follow-up, if I'm not mistaken. The great and very funny Greg Barron. Moment of silence, R.I.P. Make God laugh, Greg. Greg Barron is not dead, ladies and gentlemen. What? Not dead. So I put out on the Twitter a picture of this kitty cat and said,

anybody in Minneapolis want to adopt a kitty cat? Tim and his lovely girlfriend, I'm presuming she's lovely because she's the girlfriend of a Jordan Jesse Go listener. We're looking for a kitty cat in Minneapolis. They went, they met this kitty. They adopted it. Problem solved.

I saved a life. Wow. Congratulations to the three of you. I saved an Arby's once because I was the only guy that went there. You do eat a lot of roast beef. I do.

Is there more to this call, though? No, that's it. Oh, okay. It's for Jesse to brag about himself. Hey, it's 2.45 in the morning in Brooklyn on Thursday. I was going to town to some fried chicken. I got a crown fried chicken and seafood across the street waiting for the bus. And a 10-year-old Ford Explorer pulled up

and there was a green light and he nods his head back and forth towards me asking if I want to come in. Assuming he was a taxi, I just continued to go to town on my fried chicken. And then he drove away looking angry.

And that's when I realized that taxis in this area drive Lincolns, or they're yellow. I was going to say taxi on him. That was probably a sex pervert asking if I wanted to do sex things to him for money. All right. Well, why is a 10-year-old driving a Ford Explorer?

That's what I wanted to know. That's a good question, starting with that question. Much less how did a 10-year-old become a sex pervert? Probably doesn't even have pubes yet. Well, he was probably molested himself, and the cycle would just continue. That's fair. That's fair. But I think that's really lovely.

It's a lovely little story. Certainly a momentous occasion solicited for sex by a man in a Ford Explorer. What I like in the one nice detail in this story, and I love to pick up on the little details. One detail I really enjoyed in this story is that he's... His natural reaction to a cab pulling up is going to town on some fried chicken. Sure.

I'm starting to understand your point of fans of something ruining the thing for you. Or I listen to these calls. Mr. Morris, Mr. Thorne, I am at a wedding. The world's gayest voice award. I am without a doubt the best trust man here.

And you know why? Because my suit was purchased from the host of The Sound of Young America, Jesse Thorne, through the Maximum Fun message boards. This is Alex on the message boards, by the way.

And Jesse, I want to thank you very much for this suit. It fits me beautifully, and I look so fucking good. I'm saving lives here. I'm sorry to understand what this show is. When John screened the call, I gave him very specific. You have a garage sale type podcast where you basically try to get rid of your shit. This is like, if you've heard in rural communities, they have that kind of thing where people call in, they say, Oh, I got an extra queen size bed.

I don't appreciate that offensive rural voice you're doing. That's like a real stereotype. I got some extra farm equipment, a thresher, or what have you. What do you have this week to give away? They call in. I got 14 baby chicks. I need 14 baby chicks.

I got a thresher. And they swap. It's a swap. It's beneficial to all parties. That's what Jordan Jesse Goh is like. So next week are people going to be calling in talking about how they got your Zune? Look, if somebody's of size 42 long, and they happen to need a suit,

I happen to have an extra suit that I don't wear anymore. Does it smell like bacon frying right now? Yeah, a little bit. Something pork. Something pork. It might be some sort of carnitas. Oh, that would be so. You guys want to get Mexican food after this?

I do. I would. All right. Well, do we have another call on the line? Caller, are you there? Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. Yes, caller. I'm from New Jersey.

Hi there. Go ahead. I have a momentous occasion here for you. Tell us about it. Just got out of a ska concert, my first ska concert. Oh, my God. Your first? I figured you guys would enjoy that, or at least

one of you. Anyway, so I'm the lead singer of one of the ska bands. He just killed himself? He just asked me if I liked the taste of my own pee-pee. Thought that was kind of interesting. And he

encouraged me to go punch a friend and shit. Alright, love the show. Bye. He encouraged me to go punch a friend and shit. All right. I love the show. Bye. What segment is this, Jordan? You've been to a lot of Sky concerts. Oh, sure.

Absolutely. So you can verify that this person should not have called in because this is not momentous. Par for the course, I would say. Absolutely. This is the kind of thing you'd expect in a typical... It sounds like it might have been a GWAR concert. Wait, why have you been to a lot of Ska concerts? Scott, I grew up in Orange County.

So did I. My formative years were one goes to a lot of concerts. So were mine. Were in 1996. Oh. The height of... The height of the third Ska revival. Yeah, yeah.

And definitely a big time for Orange County. Scott Ackerman, am I misremembering that your high school friends were the member of Ska band No Doubt? You are not misremembering. Oh, okay. Interesting. The plot thickens. I've been to a lot of Ska concerts myself. Sure, sure.

The Donkey Show. Well, let me ask you this question, Scott. Perhaps you've seen Let's Go Bowling once or twice? Do you, sir, like the taste

of your own peepee? This is a bizarre segment. Okay, we got one more momentous occasion. Here we go. Caller. You guys, it's Elizabeth in Chicago

calling with a momentous occasion. Things just got sexy. I work in dog rescue, and my rescue group has just taken in a pug who was found as a stray in Chicago. And I've decided to name said pug Bammer slash Bam Bam after my Max FunCon roommate, Maria Bamford the Bammer herself, who is a pug owner, lover, and friend of animals. We met Elizabeth at MaxFunCon, a super nice lady. Sure. Class X. She named a pug after the Bammer.

That's not weird at all. That's not... Because the Bammer loves pugs. She's got two. Why is she her roommate? Well, the accommodations at MaxFunCon were what's called a condo. We had a con. Oh, I see.

It was a con. We had a con. A con at the con. We should start by saying we had a con. Yes. No, I know that. Okay, so you know that we had a con. Oh, I see. We had a con. A con at the con. We should start by saying we had a con. Yes. No, I know that. Okay, so you know that we had a con. Oh, everyone knows that.

At our con, we had condo lays, like most cons have. Now, a condo lay is part condominium, part chalet. Oh, I thought it was a lay that you gave everyone who went into the condo and said aloha, which means hello or goodbye. Yeah, that's a good point anyway so i thought that that's a nice that's a nice little story don't you think that is nice yes it's all pets john apparently john's really into pets and uh deviant sexual acts that's why he chose these this was either this was the theme of this uh segment should be pets or dicks so out of the out of the many many calls john sifted through all of

them and these were the best apparently so fantastic because that's because they were so great i'm on board okay thank you very much thanks callers we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Scott Aukerman butt sniffer Yeah that was suggested by somebody We're trying out Streaming the recording of the show on Ustream I announced it on my Twitter Young American And Scott you're quite popular on Twitter What's your Twitter? Scott Aukerman

Jordan's Jordan underscore Morris So anyway I typed into the Twitter We're recording live and we're going to try streaming it And it's working pretty good I think I think people are happy with it We got 60 people or something like that there um so anyway we're having a good time aren't we though we're doing good work aren't we though and you know what what better time to bring bring back an old favorite on the sound of young america i mean on jordan jesse go it was a favorite on

the sound of young america in its defense sure we live in a world of moral uncertainty surrounded by difficult choices enshrouded in a fog of indecision. Luckily for us, there's a beacon in the darkness. There's hang it up, and then there's keep it up. First, hang it up. Hang it up. Don't you know you gotta hang it up. When you're wrong, you're awesome

Hang it up Sports sunglasses Are you playing a sport? No? Just an asshole? Hang it up, sports sunglasses Complaining about Kanye West Well, he's certainly a lot more awesome than you are

So why don't you shut your pie hole? Hang it up, complaining about Kanye West Mustache If you're seriously wearing a mustache, it's kind of embarrassing. And if you are wearing a mustache as a joke, you are a terrible person. Hang it up, mustache. Jack White. I admit, this is based exclusively on a picture of him that I saw on the cover of a Guitar World magazine that belonged to my father-in-law.

But he looked like kind of a dick. So, hang it up, Jack White. A popsicle that fell off the stick. Not cool, popsicle. Not cool at all. Hang it up, popsicle that fell off the stick. Hang it up. And now, Keep It Up.

Keep it up. Things don't let me down. The Blizzard. What a special gift you have given us, Dairy Queen. A gift worthy of your majestic name, for it is truly fit for a monarch. Keep it up, Blizzard. Pork shoulder. name for it is truly fit for a monarch. Keep it up, Blizzard. Pork Shoulder. Oh, the tender flesh of the pork shoulder is truly a great delight. Keep it up, Pork Shoulder. The Edge. Again, this one is also based exclusively on the picture on the front of the guitar world that my father-in-law had, but he just looked like a really decent fella, so keep it up, The Edge. Summer haircut. Oh, the most refreshing of haircuts.

Keep it up, summer haircut. Eagles. A glorious symbol of a glorious nation. Keep it up, Eagles. That was it. What about The Eagles? Hang it up. Ooh, yeah.

Hang it up all night and all day. Were they on that very same aforementioned Guitar World magazine cover? It really was Jack White, and this guy just had a puss on. You wouldn't believe. He just had his... Old sour puss white. He just had on...

He's got that horrible haircut that just looks bad. He just he just was like trying so hard to like look like the mustache of a musketeer. He just he just was trying to look like he he didn't want to be there. Just so hard, like so transparently hard. He was trying to look like and he's standing there with the edge and Jimmy Page. It's like, you know what? If you're on a magazine cover with the edge and Jimmy Page, maybe's like, you know what? If you're on a magazine cover with The Edge and Jimmy Page, maybe you don't try and be

the cool one. Maybe you're just like, hey, this is neat. There's The Edge and Jimmy Page. To be fair, you did not see the entire roll of film. Maybe he was smiling in every other picture, but just that one was so good of The Edge and Jimmy Page. Given his public persona, he's well

known as a smiley fella. Now, from what I gather, this is probably the cover of this magazine was for a documentary called... The World's Biggest Assholes? The World's Biggest Assholes. Right. I forget what it's called. It's called like... And they just happen to all play guitar.

It might get loud. It's called like Guitar Fellas. Yeah, it's like Guitar Buddies. It's called Guitar Fellas. Anyways, I went to the press junket for this and met both jimmy page and jack white jack white was nicer really and he liked to goof around well by all accounts he is a very very nice well yeah yeah hang it up jordan's personal experience keep it up jesse's judgment We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Scott, that's you. Scott, come on. And I am the wonderful, big bopper loving Scott Aukerman. Let's all make a pact to kill ourselves after this show! Yay! Finally! Much like Air McNair and his

murder-suicide pact. Wow, that's terrible. Was that what happened? They say that it was a murder-suicide, but I don't know if a pact was involved. Who was the murderer and who was the suicide? I believe Air McNair was murdered and the girl he was with was the suicide oh well because because air mcnair wouldn't want to commit suicide he's a nfl football great hey guys he's a star football

player i don't know what you're talking about well some news broke on the fourth of july some people uh i i have i felt bad because i've talked on the show too much about the late 1980s, early 1990s San Francisco Giants. So I am instituting a moratorium on talking about the late 1980s, early 1990s San Francisco Giants. Because I know you don't follow sports. You don't follow baseball. You don't care if I want to talk about Jose Uribe. What's Jerry Rice up to now? He thinks he can dance.

I didn't know he was on there. Not mistaken. I just want to let you know, moratorium. I'm going to focus on the A's. I'm going to focus on the A's and mostly Walt Weiss and Carney Lansford. So you're just going to do the same thing. Walt Weiss and Carney Lansford.

Let's go to the telephones. John's picked out a couple of doozies for us. Hello, caller. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. What about me? I just saw a guy wearing a JJ Go t-shirt, and I was going to give him a heads up, say like, hey, dude, but we need like a code phrase or something.

And I was going to say like, hey, Boner Society, but there's no way I'm going to say like, hey, Boner Society, because if the guy isn't like totally caught up with the episodes, that would just make me sound insane. So that's an action item for you guys. Kind of was a cool code word for the Secret Society. That's good. So we have this organization called the Boner Society. Right. But if you don't know about that, that's a little weird to have someone wink at you.

Especially if you're chowing down on some fried chicken. Going to town. Ten-year-old and a Ford Explorer. So the thing about the Boner Society is it's totally not a sex thing. A lot of people assume it's a sex thing, and you can see how it would be easy to assume. But it's just about reaching your maximum. Mainly because of the word boner. It's about reaching your maximum. Mainly because of the word boner. It's about reaching your maximum potential.

Oh, right. It's about living up to your dreams and being all you can be, as the old army commercials used to say. And that makes me think that a good answer to this problem, if you see somebody in a Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt, or if you just want to secretly

figure out, go up to them and say the motto of the uh boner society ever skyward oh right skyward it's elegant i i would think that would be even weirder if i didn't know what you well you would just assume that they were in a like a death cult which is not nearly so weird i mean even nfl greats like Air McNair. R.I.P. Air McNair. What I've pieced together is that some football guy had some weird suicide thing recently.

He was shot many times. Former quarterback for the Tennessee Titans. I think simplify. Simplify. Just say gofuckyourself.com Gofuckyourself.com and see what they say. And see what they have to say.

Jordan, you're part of this, Jordan Jesse Go. You're the Jordan hat. What do you have to say? What do you think about just saying Ever Skyward? Just give them a little pat on the bottom. Just a pat on the rear? People used to do a handshake in order to tell because everyone you met on the street you would give a handshake to.

Now there's far too many people in the world to give everyone a handshake you try right sure you know but this is another one of the problems of overpopulation if you go to sub-saharan africa there's children who have never shaken a hand because there's just too many too many people and they don't even know the secret handshakes were they to shake someone's too many people not enough fava beans so they're undernourished, malnourished. I mean, I would say we should create a secret handshake, but it's going to be tough because of this audio program we have. What do you think our secret handshake could be?

Wait, I have a better idea. Okay. Secret mouth shake. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. You just go up to someone and give them a mouth shake. Okay. You shake their mouth with your mouth.

Well, problem solved. Okay, well, look. Just French them is what you're saying. Wait, what? Just French them. No, it's a mouth shake okay you shake their mouth with your mouth well problem solved okay well look just french him is what you're saying wait what just french him i know it's a mouth shake don't be so crude i feel like this would make an excellent i feel like this is an excellent action item so i'm going to throw it open to our audience and say what is the how can max fun sir jordan jesse go fan recognize another one. Is there some secret exchange, a handshake, a secret password, a series of eye blinks? What can we do to recognize each other in a public place? Why don't we say that until that is figured out by your audience, that you say ever skyward

and then kiss someone full on the lips. Right, with tongue? Sure. Because otherwise, what's the point? Yeah, I mean, is there another way to kiss? Done. Okay, done. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. someone full on the lips right with tongue sure because otherwise what's the point yeah i mean is there another way to kiss done okay done we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective and i'm mr butt no you are not mr butt someone who is, I want to be Mr. Butt. You stole that, Scott.

I'm Mr. Butt. Okay. Here's your juice box. Go lay down. Take your nana. No, I'm not Mr. Butt. I'm Scott Aukerman. Thanks for listening to...

You're saying Mr. Butt because for the benefit of the 10,000 people who listen on the podcast rather than the 40 who are listening live, someone logged into the chat room with the name Mr. Butt. He has yelled, hi-yo, in the chat room. It has made us laugh so much to hear Mr. Butt. Yeah. Those two words together is just magic. We had a lot of fun.

You know what? We had a lot of fun on this show this week. Thank you so much for having me. I had a great time. It was so nice to have you here, Scott. Scott Aukerman is... I'm going to recommend a couple of things to check out if you're interested in Scott Aukerman.

Number one, I'm going to recommend that you check out his Twitter feed. It's at Scott Aukerman. Twitter.com slash Scott Aukerman. Aukerman, A-U-K-E-R-M-A-N. That's true. It's a combination of great jokes and the world's worst jokes. Right.

That's number one. Number two, I'm going to suggest that you check out the web series Between Two Ferns with Mr. Zach Galifianakis. Yes. Because Scott Aukerman and B.J. Porter work with Zach Galifianakis to create this web series. That's right. We write them, but we can't actually say that we write them because they're supposed to be real interviews,

but it's a combination of Zach riffing and us writing. Right, and they're spectacular. They're just really hilarious and really, really funny and also very impressive because the idea

of someone writing something for Zach Galifianakis is a challenge because he has such a unique voice. Yes. You guys do a fantastic job of that.

Thank you very much, yes. They're a lot of fun to do. You know who else does a good job? Zach Galifianakis is good challenge because he has such a unique voice. Yes. You guys do a fantastic job. Thank you very much. Yes, they're a lot of fun to do. You know who else does a good job? Zach Galifianakis is good at that, too. Yes. He is challenging, but he's quite good at it. He's figured himself out. Number three, of course, Scott Ackerman hosts the podcast slash internet radio show for Indy 1031, the not actually a radio station radio station here in Los Angeles,

called CDR Radio, Comedy Death Ray Radio. Comedy Death Ray Radio. You can look it up on iTunes. We're in our 10th show. And they're really great. You can check out, of course, Jordan's favorite is the Weird Al episode. I really enjoyed the one with Jimmy Pardo. We've had a couple of great ones. We just had Amy Mann on two days ago.

She was my co-host that that lady's a class act yes she's fantastic if anybody's gonna class up a joint it's gonna be nominee oscar nominee first oscar nominee on my program and a very nice very many oh i've had millions hundreds of uh of oscar nominees um as well as people involved in the production of Oscar-quality films like Babe, Pig in the City. Or Oscar, starring Sylvester Stallone. It's not a bad movie. No, it's not a bad movie. Except for him.

He's horrible. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, available on their compact disc. Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, from Light in the Attic Records, which there's a thread on the forum right now. I tell you, people are always emailing me buying that CD to change their life. There's a thread on the forum right now about how wonderful it is. My gums hurt.

I have a lot of gum pain. I hope you don't see a fan of the show because he's going to give you a greeting that might exacerbate that. Oh, yeah. When he Frenches me. And I got a great idea, you guys, for how we can take this show out. Let's hear it.

Why don't we play Scott Ackerman's new single? Oh, I have a brand new single. The blogosphere is abuzz about it. Oh, people are going bonkers. I just released it on Friday. Is it all over MySpace? It is. That's the great thing is, you know, once you put it out there,

you can't take it back. But, you know, people you put it out there, you can't take it back. But, you know, people either love it or hate it. But everyone's talking about it. That's the great thing as an artist, just to hear people talking about it. I know what that is like. Internet content. If people want to get this single, they can find it maybe on your Twitter feed? I just put a link up to a free download of it on my Twitter feed.

Can they purchase it for sale? Oh, no. I put it out there for free. But what I want to see is I want to see people remixing it and mashups. Are you going to put up the stems? Oh, all the stems, all the seeds. Yeah, we're getting all of that going. Scott, tell us a bit about this.

What is this single? Oh, well, you've heard of Weird Al Yankovic. Oh, yeah. Have I ever? I heard him on Comedy Death rate radio now look oh wait that was jordan he is the best at what he does okay now i am the best at what i do which is exactly what he does okay now there's a song called birthday sex by jeremiah uh and uh i decided to do a parody of it. And just released, just dropped on Friday. It is called Birthday Checks.

Okay. Not about the famous cereal, but about the checks that people send you on your birthday. Quick question. Do you think you have established the premise of this single enough? I'm not sure. It requires more establishment because i know of course weird al's the best in the business he does those spoken word

he explains every single song before yes that's what i like to do a lot of times it's a kind of in a weird al song you're looking at a pretty complicated joke well this one is so complicated that it really does i really did need to set up the clip. Because if you just listen to it, you may not get the subtleties, which I've been able to sort of explain to you. Absolutely. Well, that's it. We'll talk to you next time. Oh, this week's action items. Number one, we need some way for Max Funsters to recognize each other.

And number two, we want to know what for you has been ruined by its audience. What has been ruined by its audience? 206-984-4FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll see you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Here's Scott Ackerman. It's my birthday, so you're all coming to my house. Opening presents from my friends and my spouse. Tear the wrapping paper, then I start to cry out.

Bunch of things that I could have done without. I said I want cash and don't think I got none. These pants ain't my fashion, someone pulled a fast one. This sweater is itching, I hate everyone. Then I open up the mail, girl. Girl, you know I, girl, you know I. I start screaming, people send some cards redeeming this birthday party. Girl, you know I, girl, you know I.

I can pay my bills and rent, Cause my family just sent some birthday checks Birthday checks It's the best day of the year, girl Birthday checks Birthday checks It feels like, feels like someone sent a ten spot, ten spot Seems like grandma mailed me out one that's for ten. Grab another card and see what is within.

Here's five dollars from my good old auntie Jen. Ring that bell, there are more from the mailman. My grandpa sent fifty, cause it's my birthday. Uncle Bobby sent twenty, my wallet is bursting. One last one to open, it's from birthday Uncle Bobby sent twenty My wallet is bursting One last one to open It's from dad and mommy Tell me how much is their gift Girl, girl you know I

Girl you know I I start screaming This is what I've always been dreaming They sent a hundred Girl you know I Girl you know I I sit there almost in shock. I can get my car out of hock because of birthday checks, birthday checks.

It's the best day of the year, girl. Birthday checks, birthday checks. It feels like, feels like someone sent a 10 spot, 10 spot.