Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 109: The Return

Episode Date: August 31, 2009

Rob Huebel is Jesse and Jordan's guest.  They mostly talk about romantic relationships with dolphins.  Also, it's gross, so don't listen.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, brandy, maggoty, netty, twiddle, dum, fiddly, palm tree. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la This week on Jordan and Jesse Go, we get surprisingly gross.

In fact, you probably shouldn't even listen to this one. Let's go! It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amazing guest with us today. You know why I say amazing guest, Jordan? Because he's juggling right now? Sure, certainly. That's not why, but that is... I wouldn't say amazing.

Anything that the preponderance of students at UC Santa Cruz are doing at any given time is not something I would characterize as amazing. Oh, no, wait. He's smoking a giant bong now. Oh, wait. Okay. Never mind. Still falls under here. There's a variety of reasons this is an amazing guest, Jordan.

Number one, of course, he's a television celebrity. Sure. Huge. Huge. Huge, monstrous television celebrity from television programs such as Human Giant Show, The Office Family. He plays the host of the show within a show, MILF Island from 30 Rock. Yeah.

Yeah. The 30 Rock television program. I mean, so that's one thing. Yeah. Also. And being a part of a show within a show is like being on two tv shows that's correct that's a good point yeah um uh also he has uh discrete areas in his shoes uh for each of his five each of his 10 toes total all 10 of my toes are working individually but

together as a unit uh rob Hubel is our guest. Welcome to the show, Rob. Thank you for having me, guys. Sorry that we're talking about my fascinating footwear, but guys, when you make a change in your life, you want to talk to people about it. Right. And I just got these shoes in the mail the other day.

They're these weirdo shoes that are kind of like slippers for all your toes go in separate little toe holes. Right. But then it's got like a hard rubber sole on the bottom. If you can imagine in middle school, you knew a girl who wore toe socks

with rainbows on them. Yeah. Where each toe had its own sock area. If you imagine that, only it's a shoe that looks kind of like a gorilla's foot. Yeah, it looks like a gorilla's foot and it could very well be made from the feet of gorillas. Like I would like to think that the company that makes these

chops off the feet of rare gorillas and then they ship them to you. They hollow them out and they make husks out of them. Sort of like how in the late 19th century an explorer would make an umbrella stand out of an elephant's foot. Exactly. I think all that stuff is great. I think that we should make furniture and hilarious items out of dead animals. As long as you're using every part of the animal. Yeah, that's the main thing.

I mean, let's use it. Let's make sure. There's something hilarious that every part of the animal can be made into. Every single part. The intestines, the balls. I don't know what they are off the top of my head, but I'm just saying. You know what someone told me last night? I don't know. What's important to me,

and I just want to get this in here, what's important to me is that you're not killing an elephant or a gorilla just for the ivory. No, no. You're going to use the ears as like, well, you know, I mean, you don't even have to use it as a different function. You could just like put the ears on like your car antenna and drive down the road and just flaunt it. And it's illegal now to buy and sell ivory. So it's important if you're going to kill an elephant or a gorilla.

When did that become illegal? Is that for sure? That's absolutely for sure. If you kill an elephant or a gorilla for the ivory, you have to throw the ivory away. You toss it out. You use the rest of it. Find ways to use the rest of it. Gorillas have ivory dicks, right? Yeah, gorillas' dicks

are ivory. They're very, they're prized for their ivory dicks. So wait, you have these Gorilla Feet shoes. Do you feel like your feet have become more prehensile since you've put them on? Well, I don't know what that word means, but I will tell you this. Don't worry, neither does Jordan. I mean, I think prehensile, I know what a prehensile tail is. Right.

It's something that can be used like a hand that's not a hand. Well, Jordan, we can see, Rob. That's opposable. Isn't that what opposable means? That's what a thumb does because your thumb works in opposition to your fingers. Guys, none of us are wildlife biologists. Let's face it. That's true.

I'm just a simple zoo expert. Not anymore. Do I use my feet in different ways? We're not wildlife biologists since the incident. Since we were asked to leave. Since we wanted to prove that theory about gorillas' dicks being ivory.

It did not go over well. No one liked our research. I think the gorillas liked the research. To be fair, we did learn a lot about Scrimshaw. That's so... Scrimshaw, where did that... Why has that art disappeared? People should be painting tiny pictures on ivory.

On whale's teeth. Yeah, they should. There's no doubt about that. Wait, were those whale's teeth or whale's dicks? That does seem like a whale's dick. Did you know... Seems like it. I'm pretty sure that a dork is the weenus of an underwater mammal.

How did... This is the most bizarre conversation already, but I will tell you this. I was talking to someone last night about this, and maybe you guys from your background in wildlife biology can validate this, because I don't know. Is it true that dolphins often practice gang rape? Have you ever heard that? I have heard that. Have you ever heard that?

I cannot verify it. On the flip side, I've heard that, A, dolphins can be sexually cruel, but I also have heard that the females will sometimes oral sex each other just to comfort one another. So I guess they can be sexually cruel, but they can also be very sexually caring. I thought you were going to say that the female dolphins were asking for it. Female dolphins are super slutty. They roll around in some slutty seaweed and get a slutty seaweed outfit on. Get all slutty yeah they roll around in some slutty seaweed yeah and get a slutty seaweed outfit on it all slutty um yeah i don't know if that's true or not but someone told me that last night and

then i googled it and there's a lot of stuff on the internet about that you know our our good friend uh tyler mcniven um that's a fake name who's been totally that's a character from the wonder years jesse who's been a guest on this show before. Tyler, when we were in college, had a beautiful drawing on his wall. About yay big, two feet square or so. Like a graphite drawing. A finely rendered etching, perhaps, of a gentleman. A mustachioed gentleman. Great use of the word mustachioed gentleman wearing a sort of a leather bandolier type situation,

a double bandolier. What's that kind of shirt? Rob, you would know this. With the metal O-ring in the middle and then the black leather going in a sort of an X shape. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Were there bullets? Like, was it a band of bullets? No, there wouldn't have been bullets because it was an X shape. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Were there bullets? Like, was it a band of bullets? No, there wouldn't have been bullets

because it was an aquatic scenario. Oh, oh, oh. And the bullets would have been damaged by the water. So he was wearing that. That's mostly what he was wearing. Oh, I believe he was wearing a leather cap as well and a mustache he was wearing. And he was sort of,

if you can imagine a man riding a dolphin. I can totally imagine that. Right, so you can imagine a man riding a dolphin. I can totally imagine that. Right. So you've imagined that many times, I'm sure. Now, if you imagine that that man also has a kind of a pounding erection that he's inserted into the dolphin's blowhole. I can totally imagine that. Yeah, I can imagine that. So Tyler had a picture of that on his wall.

Really? Yeah, he really had a picture of that on his wall. I? Yeah, he really had a picture of that on his wall. I would love to see that. That's something that... It was not ironic either. I mean, it was ironic in Tyler's putting it on his wall, I would imagine, to some extent. But this image was sincerely created.

It was somewhat tattered, clearly created in like a 1982 type year. Okay, so this is a painting. This is not a photograph. No, this is not a... No, it's impossible. Physically impossible. No.

Ho, ho, ho. I beg to differ with you. Sorry. You think it's physically impossible for a man... I mean, it's logistically complicated. Yeah. Not to say it's impossible. It's inconvenient.

It's inconvenient to schedule. You would have to have scuba gear on. It's convenient to schedule. Yeah, of course you'd have to have scuba... Well, he's not wearing scuba gear. All he's wearing is the bandolier type situation and the mustache and the cap. Jesse, have you ever seen the movie Navy Seals?

It taught me a lot about Navy Seals. You don't know anything. This guy was probably a Navy Seal. Yeah. They have to do that. To get into the seals, you have to put... First, you have to make your penis hard and then you have to jam it into the blowhole of a sea mammal.

That's not tough. Because the dolphin is sexy. He's the sexiest mammal in the sea. He's the dolphin. Anyway, we got song and dance. Sexier than the otter? Song and dance, man. Rob Hubel is here.

Wait, all of this was my introduction? Disgrace. That was like a 40-minute introduction. Disgraced biologist Jordan Morris here with me. I'm back from Mexico. We've got a lot of great stuff to talk about. We're going to talk a little bit more about Rob's nightmare shoes. I went to Mexico recently.

We'll talk about Mexico. We'll talk about Jordan just running the show right into the garbage. Yeah, boy. Just flush that shit down the toilet. In my absence, just really taking the train and running it off the rails. Taking the curves too fast, I would say. Yeah.

This is just rebuilding the damage that I've done. What happened while you were gone, Jesse? Jordan did a show that featured a case of beer. Yeah. It was you interviewing a case of beer? Yeah, by interviewing, you mean drinking up and getting really cool. Yes. So we have a lot of stuff to come.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Of course, Rob Hewell, you can make up a nickname for yourself. That's allowed. That's encouraged. I had no idea we're allowed to do that. Absolutely. Wait a second.

Are you really America's radio sweetheart, and are you really a boy detective? Do you solve any form of crime? No. It's just kind of like an attitude, like a tude that I like to have. It's not an attitude, because I don't get that attitude from you. Really? You don't get that I'm impetuous and inquisitive? Copping a tude.

Maybe a little bit inquisitive, but I don't feel like you're out there solving crimes, like sleuthing. I'm saying it's a toad that I have. By the way, no one uses the term toad. Nobody. I just did. It looks like you're not much of it. Everybody in this room has used you.

You're going to get a lot of letters. You're not much of a detective, Rob, apparently, because we just use the hip slang, too. Look, guys, if you're going to double team me, it's easy to come in here with your gotcha journalism. We always double team our guests. We're just shoving it right up their blowhole i was not shoving your gorilla ivory dicks in my blowhole look if you're just tuning in that was a callback please something we talked about rob please do not cop a toad with us yeah it sounds like somebody's coughing a toad that's the dumbest expression I've ever heard. I have to talk about something, you guys.

This is something that happened in my life. Yeah, think of your nickname. This is something that happened in my life. Something really important, and I've been going back and forth about whether I should talk about it on the show. Yes, I think you should. And I think you should set it up just like you just did. Okay.

I mean, I've been feeling like maybe because it's, I usually don't reveal that much of myself on the program. Sure. I've noticed that. And I don't almost ever say something gross on the show. I'll say something vulgar. Certainly I'll swear like a sailor. Sure.

But I won't usually say something gross. And frankly, this is both slightly revealing and slightly gross. So I'm just... Oh, wait. I don't think I want to hear it anymore. You talked to me. I don't want to hear about it. Is it going to be grosser than you guys fucking my blowhole?

Oh, no. That's beautiful, you're thinking of. You're thinking of. That's natural. Yeah, beautiful and as God intended. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. So, I just want to give people fair warning.

Sure. I'm not going to get into details. Does it have to do with the body, with something that you do in your body? Yes. Oh, man. Okay. Your poops? Yes. No. Your poops? Yes.

No. Your poops? Not poops. Just one poop. We're really going to, we're not going to talk about it specifically or any qualities it has or anything like that. Okay.

Okay. I'm back on board. Okay. As long as they general discussion of poop, you're fine. So of course I, I went to Mexico and, um,

I, I became ill. Oh no. Um, but not the, I didn't, and I became ill. Oh, no. But nothing super gross or anything. But I was in Santa Cruz and it was nighttime. I was feeling ill. I was feeling bloaty. Did you go to Santa Cruz, Mexico?

Santa Cruz, California. I had just come back from Mexico. I was in Santa Cruz, California, I had just come back from Mexico. I was in Santa Cruz, California visiting my younger brother who's now a sophomore or something like that at the University of California, Santa Cruz. He loves hacky sack, I bet. Keep going. He does not. So I was feeling sick and there was a 7-Eleven right around the corner from my little brother's house. Big 7-Eleven town, if I remember it, Santa Cruz. That's correct. A lot of 7-Eleven.

You need a lot of convenience. That's where I do my banking because Citibank is there, so I do all my banking in the 7-Eleven. Nice. That's great. That's excellent. And I can just take out money and buy corn nuts. Yeah. And you can have your money converted to Slurpee points, right?

You can get Slurpee points. For cool Slurpee swag. I traded in all my money for Slurpee points. That's great. That's a good investment in today's modern faltering economy. You don't want Slurpee points. What you might need to know about me, Rob, is that I'm what you might call a square. I don't do anything outrageous in my day-to-day life.

Really? Yeah, I'm really not an outrageous guy at all. I'm not a hard partier. I don't drink. No, like, wildin'? I don't ever wild out. Random vandalism, like driving down the street? I don't even watch wildin' out.

Let's go jump that van and spray paint it. Jumping a van? Yeah. Is that where jump that van and spray paint it. Yeah. Jumping a van? Yeah. Is that where you hold it up at knife point? Yeah, like a van. You surprise the van. Or jump on it. You sneak up on the van, yeah, and you surprise it.

So I've never had occasion to do something inappropriate, basically. Outside of what I'm about to say is moderately inappropriate for mixed company but um i was ill and went to the 7-eleven to um buy some uh buy some medicine for my gut that was hurting uh i was walking out of the 7-eleven i'm absolutely overcome with illness like i'm i'm sweating buckets i'm like feeling dizzy. Like I'm going to fall over. Did you feel like you were going to sweat diarrhea? Uh,

I, I didn't, I was not, not having diarrhea. I was not having diarrhea. What were you having? I was having, um,

nauseous. I was, I was gassy. I was profoundly gassy. Like, you know how your gut gets into really hurts. You know what I'm talking about? That's what the feeling I was having gassy. Like, you know how your gut gets and really hurts? You know what I'm talking about? That's what the feeling I was having from this illness.

And I start sweating and I'm getting dizzy. Like, it's like completely overcoming me. And long story short, I pooped behind a 7-Eleven. No, you didn't. I did. I've never done anything like that. No, you didn't. It wasn't.

I was not diarrhea or anything. And I had no choice. No, you didn't. I would barely diarrhea or anything, and I had no choice. No, you didn't. I would barely walk. This didn't happen. I just became completely overcome. There's no way this happened because you wouldn't do that. They would have been on the news.

We would have seen it on the news. Yeah, you wouldn't do that. There would have been a helicopter shot of a man pooping behind a set. I have never done anything like this before in my entire life. I've never peed in public. I mean, I've peed in public like i mean i've peed you know in the woods so out of character for you thank you what i know about you because you got a little bit of context yeah yeah that's because you got a little bit of context you must have been

so humiliated and i feel like my life has changed but i can't process what oh yeah the change is it changes everything man you can't go back now. You got to ride this. I feel like I got to, for one thing, I got to buy a Harley. You got to sleep outside at least two days a week now. Sell the Infinity, buy a Harley. Let's do this. You should be eating a lot of raw meat.

You should be killing animals and eating them. Should I try and catch an animal by its tail? How do you kill an animal, Rob? You're savage. You run it down. You're not a savage, but you are a savage. You run it down until it gets really tired. As a man who shits in public,

you should know that. Were there any repercussions to that? No one saw you? No one saw me, and I hadn't told anyone. That's one of the reasons that I didn't like it's burned. It was burning inside me. Like, that's the thing. Like, I didn't go back to the house.

I didn't even tell my wife because how could you tell someone that? Sure. You better hope that your wife does not hear this because this could be a divorce breaker. I don't know if that's a term, but you know what I mean? It could break up the divorce. Yeah. If you're going to get a divorce, this could stop the divorce. Because, yeah, because, because you seem,

this will infantilize you to her and then she will think that you need her. You're going to become a diaper baby. You're going to be one of those guys that has to wear diapers all around and, and have a bottle in his mouth. I didn't know how to process it. Like I didn't even know what to do about it. You couldn't say anything. Without getting into it, yeah, did you just do it and then pull your pants back up? Yeah, here's the thing.

It was really close. Is there video of this? Well, certainly I shot video. I had my flip cam with me. It was maybe like 100 yards or 200 yards from uh my brother's house um but i couldn't just go to your brother's house i seriously i have never like i couldn't have done it and it's not just because and it wasn't just because like i really like could barely stand i just suddenly became completely overwhelmed with illness to the point where I was borderline crying.

But it was not diarrhea? No. I was afraid that it would be. What fascinates me about the story is that you had to get it out of your body. I had all kinds of intestinal distress as the illness continued, but at this point, it was certainly not. What if what came out wasn't poop, but like, you know... That's what I'm wondering. What if it was like... What if it was like a snake?

What if it was sort of like, you know, in Star Trek II, where the guy... Where the thing's crawling underneath his skin? You know, Jesse, if you shit out a snake, it's your responsibility to take care of it. You have... You definitely... You're basically a deadbeat dad at this point.

So, wait. The last question I have about this, basically a deadbeat dad at this point. So wait, the last question I have about this, and again, I don't want to get too gross, but did you just leave it there? Like some sort of disgusting human? I did. Really?

I did in dirt. It was in dirt. It wasn't on concrete. It was in dirt. So someone's going to come along and be like, oh, great.

My wife and kids and I came here to Santa Cruz on vacation. It was behind the 7-Eleven. What are they doing behind the 7-Eleven? That's where people, yeah, when you go into Santa Cruz, you want to see all the local areas and you go there to

7-Eleven. Yeah, what do you got? You got the famous lighthouse. You got your lighthouse. You got the mystery spot. You got the mystery spot. You got the, you know, everything. And then, you know, you go there with your wife and your kids and your kids are having a great time. They're like, oh, okay, does anybody want to go in 7-Eleven, get some corn nuts and a Slurpee Point? You go in there and then you know you go there with your wife and your kids your kids are having a great time okay does anybody want to go in 7-eleven get some corn nuts and a slurpee point you go in there and then they and then they go oh i'm just gonna i'm gonna go out back for a second and see the back view of the seven whoa and they slip and they fall and the whole family why are they walking in

the dirt and not on the concrete look man you can lie to yourself and try to feel better about this there could easily have been a family that was affected by what you did. Yeah, their faces are covered in your poop snake. Yeah, your poop snake probably attacked this family. Anyway, that's a nightmare that I lived. How do you feel like this? What I'm worried about right now is where do I go from here? Because I have cultivated this image in my mind of myself as a refined man how long ago a man of taste this was uh at this point only four or five days ago

good gosh this is profound well let me ask you this i mean have you been having trouble sleeping since this happened yeah absolutely because this is tossing and turning i feel like this is the beginning of the wolfman movie you know know, with Benicio Del Toro. I don't know if you've seen that trailer, but everyone's familiar with the Wolfman story. I feel like this is the beginning. It's a story of a man who becomes part man and part wolf just to bring people in. If you're not familiar. If there's any non-Americans listening.

But I feel like this is the beginning of that. This is where it starts. You take a poop outside because you had to, and then suddenly it's just like you have a sweater on. All of a sudden, I've been noticing more hair on the back of my hands. I had just attributed to getting older. But here's the thing. You had this urge to shit that you couldn't overcome.

That's exactly how the urge to kill is going to feel. You're just like, well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just going to get woozy. Yeah, exactly. You're going to get woozy, and then you're just going to want to snap someone's neck. And feast on their neck blood. Or however you kill people. That's how I imagine killing people. I've never killed

anyone, but I imagine that's how I would do it. Yeah, it just seems like that would be the quickest, most efficient way. You might do it in a different way way you might bonk someone on the head with a heavy object i just i you know what i would do i'd reach into their chest and pull out their heart no that i don't even think you can do that i can't i've seen people do it well that i think that happened in like a couple movies you know yeah i've seen it but that's i mean were they documentaries or were they movie movies okay you don't even know the difference michael moore there just

think back if michael moore was there that's a documentary yeah i think he was there he might have been the one doing i don't think you know the difference you don't know the difference between okay i'll get i'm gonna give you a quick quiz like okay so just to see if you know the difference quick quiz rob could you just give me a quick quiz. Okay. So just to see if you know the difference between movies. Quick quiz, Rob. Could you just give me a quick quiz? Okay. Star Wars. Movie or documentary? Yes.

Oh, you know what it was? You were watching Mortal Kombat 1, the video game. Yeah. That's it. That's exactly what you were watching. That is what I was watching. Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombat.

It's about a group of kung fu fighters from around the world. They come together in this dojo for a fight to the death. Yeah. I think the dojo is in China. Amazing. I thought, you know, remember when Hoop Dreams won the Oscar? Yeah, I never saw that movie. I thought that Mortal Kombat deserved it.

I mean, just if you're talking about what's the more powerful documentary, it's going to be every time, in my mind, it's the one with the fatalities. With the guy reaching into someone else's chest. The plot wasn't as good as I thought it could be. It was a little repetitive because it was mostly just a one fight. You mean the documentation of the actual events.

Right. By plot, you mean... Yeah, exactly. But when you're filming something like that, I mean, you can't control what happens. It was sort of more of a verite situation. Yeah, you're just there. I guess they also only had one fixed camera as well. Yeah. But they did a great job of keeping the subjects, getting them to stay within the field of the camera.

We're assuming that so many people have seen this dumb movie. Oh, I was talking about the video game. Yeah, we were talking about the video game dumb movie. I was talking about the video game. Yeah, we were talking about the video game. That comic bit is a little bit hurt by the fact that there's a movie called Mortal Kombat. Yeah. And a great song that goes, Mortal Kombat. Oh, yeah. Was Mortal Kombat the one that had the theme song with Deion Sanders and Hammer?

That's the Street Fighter movie. Okay, because that's amazing wait let's get back to the to what what you're going to do with your life now that your life has changed dramatically right it's basically like it's sort of like you've been in a car accident and now you have a like some sort of psychic powers like it's right that sort of thing where where there's so i should solve change yeah you could do a lot of things it depends on the network. Do you want to use it for good or do you want to use it for bad?

This is CBS. Yeah, in CBS I'm solving crimes. In CBS it's like you're touched by an angel and you're going to go out and you're going to solve crimes. If this is Fox, you're finding the fat woman of your dreams. And you're making her dance her ass off.

Oh, yeah. You say, you fucking, you get that fat ass off of you. You dance in front of me i don't know if that is i don't know if that is on fox i don't know i think that might be on oxygen dance your ass off but that's a real show yeah but there's i think there should be a lot more shows where what's a popular pilot that's looking for a home yeah i think there should be a lot of

shows where fat people have to do humiliating things to lose weight yeah i think there should be a lot of shows where fat people have to do humiliating things to lose weight yeah i think there should be two and yeah one of them should always be stephen baldwin wasn't stephen baldwin on one of those celebrity weight loss shows recently um i don't know you guys aren't keeping track of stephen baldwin news that's not my job i thought you meant that one of the things that fat people had to do in order to lose weight was Stephen Baldwin. They had to deal with him in some way. They just have to hang out with him. And it's exhausting. It's just such a bummer that they just lose weight.

It's like, oh, you know what? I was going to eat dinner, but I'm just depressed. I'm so depressed from hanging out with Stephen Baldwin that I can't eat. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Rob Hubel, the fire starter.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did not Hubel, the fire starter. We just... Oh! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did not start the fires that are currently burning in LA. No, yeah, let's make that clear so the audience isn't upset. The fires that you start are primarily metaphorical. Yeah, they're like... Not exclusively.

I mean, I don't like burning down people's houses, but if I have to burn down your house, I'll burn down your house. You'll TCB. Take care of business. Right? You guys have such a toot. I can't believe it. You just throw around terms like that.

Hey, Rob. What? Remember how earlier you were saying that nobody says toot? You just said it. I never said that. I never said that. I never said that people don't say toot. It's on tape.

I never said that. It's on tape. It's on tape. You shouldn't be using tape. It's on tape. I never said that. It's on tape. It's on tape. You shouldn't be using tape. It's on tape. You shouldn't be using tape. I was hoping this was digital by now. It's on tape.

It's reel to reel. I would like to see the tape, the spools. We're just using an Ampex, it's called. Ampex recorder. Man, we're having a lot of fun here. We got, of course, Rob Hubel here. I can't tell how the show's going right now. I like to win.

I've been in Mexico for a few weeks, so I don't know what's going on. Well, I mean, I just like, you know, I'm competitive about my podcast. You know, like, I really want to win all the time. So I want to know how this is stacking up compared to, like, the beer case episode. Oh, well, nothing's beating the beer case episode. What? Yeah, I mean, I think you're just going to have to be fine with second place being your goal.

Probably... Make second place your goal. Don't disappoint yourself. Okay, cool. I've been thinking about... We were just talking a second ago, Rob, about how you were filming a pilot in our neighborhood, in my neighborhood,

where they were able to turn my neighborhood into Mexico just by adding a fruit cart and some chickens. Yeah. And I would say that having been in Mexico for two weeks, I had a wonder, really great, it reminded me how great it is to like really go somewhere that's like different from where you live and like do real vacation stuff. It was really wonderful. I hadn't done that in a long time. I would say probably the best part about Mexico, or at least the best single difference that I could define about Mexico relative to my neighborhood would be more goats. More goats.

Just a lot of goats around. Well, you know, I was looking for a parking space outside your home, and it's hard to find a place to park around here because there are so many domesticated animals. You know, there's like goats and chickens. There's milk cows. Brahmin bulls. There's Brahmin bulls. You know, I mean, there's a lot of livestock raising going on.

There's sows. What neighborhood of Los Angeles are we in? Or do we not want to say that because people will come and kill you? This is called Koreatown, Los Angeles. Jesse posts his address on the website. No, that's my mailing address. That's not our personal address. But it's a misnomer to call it Koreatown because there aren't Koreans here as much as Hispanic people or Mexican people.

Certainly in this particular corner of Koreatown. I wonder if there will be a race war between the Korean people and the Mexican people. There's a race war between the Mexican people. Yeah. Amongst themselves? Yeah. Actually, that's something that was surprisingly not that different about my trip to Mexico. Boy, you are really plugging.

Jordan, have you noticed how many times he's plugged the country of Mexico so far? I feel like he's sponsored by or the show may be getting money from. Now that you mention it. Watch how many times going forward he mentions Mexico. Just a quick aside, did you guys know that Mexico is a great place to do manufacturing? To do what? Manufacturing, because of NAFTA.

Why are you mentioning that? That's kind of weird. That didn't even come up casually. Like, you just shoehorned that in there. No, I'm just talking about fun stuff. Are you a paid spokesman? Are you a paid spokesman? Look, this show isn't about that kind of thing it's about having i didn't think it was i that's what i thought fun subject i thought that i thought the show was about having fun and being cute rob are we having fun and being cute on this week's show we were

but now there's there's just this there's like a commercial aspect rob what are you what are you There's just this, there's like a commercial aspect to the show. Rob, what are you? What are you, Guatemalan? Rob, I'm going to do a test. Hey, Rob, you know, I'm looking for a vacation spot that not only has great... Mexico. See? Yeah.

What? I was going to say Connecticut. I would say, go to Connecticut. You didn't even hear what I was looking for. What if I'm... I thought you were looking for a vacation spot. A snowy climate. Yeah.

Where I can ski. Just relax and ski. Yeah. Just a lot of skiing A snowy climate where I can ski. Just relax and ski. Yeah, just a lot of skiing. They don't have that in Mexico. A lot of speaking English. What sort of vacation activities, just out of curiosity, did you get around to? Did you ride a bike? Did you go on a hike?

Did you go on the beach? Did you put on a leech? You on the beach um did you uh put on a leech you guys would you eat them with a mouse would you eat them in a house can i tell you something yeah you didn't go to mexico this is he's starting he's almost starting to cry i didn't really go you just got a big bag of del taco and hold up in your bathroom wait a second this whole thing has been a del taco commercial it has has. Feed the beast, Rob. Feed the beast. Yum, yum, yum, yum.

Blah, blah, blah. Look. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow. Del Taco and former Mexican president Vicente Fox gave me 500 bucks to tell people that I was going to Mexico. It's not very much money. Why don't we get any of it?

It's not very much money. You could have gotten more money. Mexico is a rich nation. They have golden cities underground. Let me ask you this. When you were in Mexico, think back. How long ago were you there?

Last week? Last week. Okay. When you were there, the whole time you were there, did you go to the bathroom outside? No. No.

You waited until you came back to America. Right. And you literally took a poop on america you had the chance to take a poop on mexico yeah but you didn't i took him back to america the red the white and the blue and you made it red white blue and brown town didn't you didn't you i'm sorry you guys why do you hate america i just uh another fucking border jumper here taking our jobs jesse thorn go back to mexico um host a host of host host your radio show in mexico did you um let me ask you this because i'm i'm really interested in these things when you went down to mexico i don't know did you go with your wife yes and did you did you guys stay at one of those all-inclusive resorts? No, certainly not. No. We had two weeks in Mexico, one in Puerto Vallarta and one in Oaxaca. And the first week

in Puerto Vallarta was because we had a wedding gift of a week in this timeshare. And we had to go in August because that was like the only time. My wife just took the bar. So we knew we wanted to go right after she took the bar because she wouldn't have a job and we would be able to go on vacation. And so in August, it's obviously big vacation time. So it's really hard to get a timeshare slot.

Like these timeshare companies, the people who have the timeshares, they book them like two years in advance. So we had this idea, oh, we'll go to Spain or something. It's all booked. Everything in Europe is booked. Everything everywhere is booked except Puerto Vallarta because August in Puerto Vallarta is completely miserable. So we have a week in Puerto Vallarta, which actually turned out great. It was miserable weather-wise, but it was totally beautiful and amazing. Is it like 400 degrees there?

Yeah. It's like 95 degrees, 95% humidity. You're just soaked with sweat the second you leave. What's the mosquito content? It's the bugs weren't that bad, actually. Yeah, not that bad of bugs. I think just because it's like there's not a lot of standing

water or whatever. I don't know what exactly. But you guys had a good time. So it's beautiful in Puerto Vallarta, and then we went for a week to Oaxaca which is much cooler. Do you know how to spell Oaxaca? O-A-X-A-C-A Doesn't seem like that's how it would be spelled.

It's weird. Teresa's dad did ask us whether we had a good time in Oaxaca. Which is reasonable. You only wrote him letters about it. We hadn't said it to him out loud. My mom says El Polo Loco.

Really? Wow, your mom hasn't figured out the double L thing? I think it's a Texas thing. It's a southern thing. Really? A Texas thing? I like that in Texas there are no Spanish people. Wow. Is your mom, she's not that smart in general?

I mean, I'm sure she's a lovely woman and a great person. I'm sure, you know. She's very culturally specific. She has a very focused cultural laser beam. Yes. My mom's a robot. Yeah. What?

Yeah. That's a whole other thing. Did you know that? That's crazy. I did know that. I mean mean that's part of why jordan is so efficient did you know that if you give a monkey if you if you take a baby monkey and you put him in a room with a um a cold steel fake monkey with milk in its breasts so he can nurse or, and he also has the option of going to be held by like a stuffed monkey, but it's like a puppet monkey, but it'll actually hold him. But it has no milk. No nourishment.

No nourishment. No nourishment free. The baby monkey will choose contact, like loving contact over food and will die. Not me, man. I'm choosing the laser robot every time. You got to go with the laser robot. It was just Jordan's half robot. And have her squirt laser milk into your mouth.

Jordan's mom is a crazy nice lady. Really great lady. She sounds amazing. She sounds great. Yeah, Louisiana. Louisiana. Yeah, she's a southern lady. My mom's a southern lady oh sure

yeah my mom's from south carolina i grew up uh eating a lot of like great southern food you know fried chicken and collard greens and macaroni does your mom know the two l's make a y in spanish why sound i think so of course the word word for Y in Spanish is Ygriega. Is it really? Yeah. I didn't take Spanish. I took French. Seems made up, right? That does seem made up. Yeah, they don't have a Ygriega. Not as interesting as I would

have originally thought. Ygriega. Oh, there it is. Now I'm back on board. Don't cop a toot on us, my friend. Man, everybody's got a toot in this room. It's like TV on the radio. You have to listen to it a couple of times before you get it. First you're like, what? But then you're like, okay, I get it now. Jesse, when you were on vacation, did you and your wife have any arguments or big blowouts? We had some tension at some points, but like big blowouts? We had some, we had some tension at some points,

but we know big blowouts, not, not a big, but we rarely, my wife is like pretty much the nicest person in the world. She's very accommodating. So let me answer your question and you don't have to say yes or no. You can just give me a signal. Okay. And since people are listening to this, I'll have to, you know to somehow convey what I think. But does your wife hit you? Again, you don't have to say yes or no, but a simple... He's holding up a crayon drawing of a lady stick figure hitting a male stick figure, and there's an arrow pointing to the male stick figure that says Jessie. And there's tears filling up the room.

It's like a puddle of tears. I would say that's a clear signal. That's in real life, not in the drawing. That's a clear signal. In this room. Wow, she hits you. Well, that's a common thing. We'll get you some help.

Thank you. We'll get you some help. No, I'm glad that you guys didn't fight on vacation because I've done that before. I've been on vacation with girlfriends and stuff, and I just make the mistake on day one of going, Really? Why don't you shut your mouth then? And then it's like, Okay, now we've got 12 days of arguing. And then it's on. Yeah.

You're going to town. Yeah. And you can't enjoy Knott's Berry Farm. Yeah, because that's where I go. If I'm going to go on vacation and really relax and take a girl, I want to go to Knott's Berry Farm. And I'm not sponsored by them, but I do like to mention what a great theme park it is. I like to go there.

I like to ride the rides. There are jellies. There are jams. Quick question. Did former Mexican President Vicente Fox give you $500 to talk about Knott's Berry Farm? No, he's not connected to Knott's Berry Farm. He to talk about Knott's Berry Farm. No, he's not connected to Knott's Berry Farm. He is connected to Knott's Berry Farm. They have a ride called Montezuma's Revenge,

which is a popular Mexican poop disease. Did you even know that once you finish being president of Mexico, you become president of Knott's Berry Farm? No, I don't even think that that's true. He told you that it was unrelated. He told you he was just a big fan. Look, if I'm somehow involved

in a scam or a scheme that a former Mexican president, Vincente Fox, is perpetuating, for me to promote Knott's Berry Farm, I'm unaware of it. That's all I can tell you. I will tell you this.

My favorite thing in the world is a thing that they do at Knott's Berry Farm during Halloween. And they change it over to Knott's Scary Farm. Oh, yeah. I've done that before. That is fun. It's so fun. It's like they make all these haunted houses. And a lot of them, they make like 13 different haunted houses.

Some of them are themed like specific movies? Yeah, or like clown house. And you'll go in this clown house and it's all terrifying clowns. But they do it really well. They hire all these out-of-work, angry actors to dress up in really scary outfits. And they all, I think, make their own masks or something. It's really elaborate, but it's so scary. And you go there at night.

They certainly have a mask workshop. There must be some sort of mask work. Do they focus on actors who have mask work experience? You know, I didn't get a chance to ask any of the people because what they do is they hide and they grab you when you walk by. And it literally is. But they will grab you. and i went there with my friend paul sheer and his fiancee and a bunch of other people and one year they um they scared her

um paul's fiancee june they scared her so badly she fell down on the ground and uh and her purse she dropped her purse these guys dressed up as monsters picked up her purse and like went through her purse. And we were like, really? And we were like, guys, please. Okay. Can you not harass us? And they were like, but they were these big monsters that would not be dealt with. And so they just, they did.

They stayed in character. They did not break character and they would not talk to us. They just like stared us down and really intimidated us. And then they ate the purse they ate the purse one each piece at a time starting of course they start with the lipsticks it took forever yeah it took a long time it became less scary as it went on because when you went out to the parking lot you found that they were jacking off on your car yeah which that was another thing i did not expect that at all same guys too no but it really is so fun to go to not scary farm um sometimes a couple of the actors go a little bit too far but but i'll put

in a good word for universal studios horror nights yeah i went there too look if it's scary i want to be there that's my i really like to do that so yeah the universal studios is not as many haunted houses yeah but well the quality is very high, I would say. Yeah, really well done. I'm not on board. Terrifying. You don't like terrifying. I'm not that kind of guy.

It's not that I am. I'm not like, oh, I want to go there and fight these guys. I just like being scared. You're saying you're not Van Helsing. I'm not Van Helsing. It seems like, it's funny you mention that, because it seems like there is – those places always have a big contingent of like neck tattoo guys. Yeah. It seems like they are there to maybe fight somebody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not my thing. But I do – I just like being scared. You really want to beat up a guy in a Freddy mask. Well, when I was little – I think it goes back to when I was little. My parents were really into Halloween. They just loved like dressing up up and scaring neighborhood kids. Mask work.

Mask work. It all goes back to mask work. I'm really planning on being a Halloween dad when I grow up. I really want to be on a house in the garage. I can't wait. I'm going to do it until my kids are a little too old. They're going to be 15 and 16 going, fuck this. Yeah, I'm going to be so into it.

But my mom used to do this. When it was not Halloween, my mom would, um just for fun go out in the backyard and uh we'd be watching tv in the family room and my mom would she would just go out in the backyard jack off on the car she'd just jerk off on the car and we'd be like what who did this no she would go out in the backyard and we'd be watching tv and we had um screens on our windows in the summertime and uh she would go around and she would put on this really scary um coat with a hood and she And she would go around and she would put on this really scary coat with a hood and she would pull up the hood and she would just slide up to this back window and dig her nails down this screen on her window

and scream as we were watching TV for no reason, just to terrify us. But that eventually became fun. Not knowing when that was going to happen became really fun. So now I like being scared. What was it at first? It doesn't sound like it would be fun at first. Oh, at first it was terrifying. I mean, the first time that happened, yeah, like a poop snake came out of me.

It was really scary. But eventually it became fun. That's horrifying. Yeah. One brother died of a heart attack. The very first time she scared him, he was little and his heart just exploded. Rob Hubel won. Yeah, Rob brother died of a heart attack the very first time she scared him. He was little, and his heart just exploded. Rob Hubel won.

Yeah, Rob Hubel. Yeah, I was named after him. He was my older brother. That's one of those times where you wish there was a guy like me around who could reach in there, pull it out. Pull out his heart. See what's up. And then fix it and put it back in there. Right.

I can't put it back in. Why don't they ever do that? So you'd need two guys, technically. A guy like you to punch through. And another guy who's really good at sutures. Okay, so put it back in. Why don't they ever do that? So you'd need two guys, technically. A guy like you to punch through. And another guy who's really good at sutures. Okay, so it's three guys. What you're saying is three guys now to pull this off. I reach in and rip it out.

There's another guy who's good. I'm okay at fixing it. But maybe it would be good to have another guy who's quick. Someone a little quicker. And then a different guy, a technician. Who's good at suturing like sutures get it back in there yeah you would probably be an asian guy i mean it depends on what the ethnicity of the second guy is because if the second guy's asian you don't

want to have two asian guys and one white guy because then they're gonna be then they're gonna be double teaming you you want to mix it up so i'm thinking like the second guy could actually be like a latina a woman oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's good casting. But she's like kind of harsh. She's kind of like – Well, she's street smart. A little abrasive, yeah.

She is street smart, but she's also kind of like overcome her difficult roots by being a little bit defensive. Yeah. Let's say she's Latina. And let's just say Mexican because you went to Mexico. And she's Mexican-American. Yeah, and you get another eight bucks out of saying it. And let's imagine that when she was little,

she swam with dolphins and was gang-raped by dolphins. And so that's what she's dealing with. So she learned to put defenses up. Yeah, so that's what she's doing. Especially underwater. Hey, guys, and if things start getting stale, maybe four seasons in, we bring in the laser robot. The laser robot. That's a, well, I don't know seasons in, we bring in the laser robot. The laser robot.

That's a, well, I don't know. Yeah, we can do that. Jordan's, what we didn't mention is Jordan's mom's also an actress. Okay. See, everything. Why are you guys. There's so few roles these days. You guys abuse the power of this show.

All you do now, it seems, is use the show to curry favor with government officials to get jobs for your mom. You know, things like that. Endorsement deals for Del Taco. Number one. Number one. Former government officials. Number two. Feed the Beast.

Meow. Meow. Okay. Number three. Guadalajara. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Mexico.

Tuxtla Gutierrez. Cabo Wabo. I wish I could say the word for why, but I don't know it. Oh, yeah. Enya. A little mark that goes over the end. Y. Do you guys ever listen to the band Enya?

I mean, I'm aware of Enya. You don't just put them on and then just go to town on yourself? I mean, if it's Halloween and it's my job to masturbate on a car, a little Enya helps. Is Enya a band or a person? Hey man, if you don't know that, get out of your

house. I'm going to throw you out of your house right now. You don't deserve to live in a house. Enya, I don't know. I think they are... I think they are. I think it's a woman backed up by – I imagine it's a woman backed up by a lot of people in robes. Specifically, it's a woman and three elves. It's not specific elves. She rotates.

They're studio musicians. They're elfish people, and they make beautiful, relaxing music for masturbation. I mean, that is what it's for sure if you take the word enya e-n-y-a and you spell it backwards it smells and then add completely new letters yes you can spell masturbation you have to remove a few letters also sure are we getting to that is that too gross for your listeners we shouldn't talk about that this is a really gross episode of jordan Jesse, go. Oh, man, is it my fault? No, I didn't.

It's not your fault. It's totally my fault. It's a little bit of my fault. If this episode was trading cards, it'd be a garbage pail, kid. Terrible. Terrible analogy. I think it's apt. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart i'm jordan morris boy detective great to have rob hubel here sitting there jordan we're going to the east coast i don't even know if people do people know about this i i don't know i know about it i know you guys are going to be in new york city i know that right absolutely of course we're going to be in uh new york city in september uh and we're also going to be in New York City. I know that. Right, absolutely. Of course, we're going to be in New York City in September. And we're also going to be in the great city of Philadelphia, the original capital of the United States of America. I don't know if you knew that, Jordan. I did not know that.

Originally. I don't think that's true historically. I think we can look it up on the Internet. That won't be fact. That would be incorrect. Originally the capital of the United States of America. It's where they shot the movie Star Wars I know that

and they shot the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark and Jaws all shot in Philadelphia that's absolutely true Streetcar Named Desire shot in Philadelphia North by Northwest Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was shot there a lot of people don't know that Mahatma Gandhi was born in Philadelphia.

That is a little known fact, but I think that that is probably also true. Well, look it up. Let me Google it. I'm Googling it. September 16th. Oh, one more. Home of the world's only dragon. The world's only living dragon.

Living dragon. I'm sorry. September 16th, The Sound of Young America Live is going to be at the Adrian Theater. My guests on that show are Charles Burns, the famous comics artist, the Spinto Band. Love them. A wonderful, wonderful band, the Spinto Band, they're called. We've got lots of other cool guests in Philadelphia. The day after that, September 17th, we're doing Monsters of Podcasting.

That, of course, is us and the more popular podcast, You Look Nice Today. Both of those at the Philly Fringe Festival. And tickets are on sale now. You can find the links at MaximumFun.org. And then we're on to New York City. How are you going to get from

Philadelphia to New York? That's what listeners want to know. We're going to take an Amtrak train. A train. I don't know. American track. Good luck, buddy. You're saying that might not know. We're going to take an Amtrak train. A train. I don't know. All right. Good luck. American track. Good luck, buddy. You're saying that might not happen?

You're saying that we might not get there? Good luck. Well, you know, they don't always stop where they say they're going to stop. They'll start in Philadelphia. They'll go right past New York. Yeah, you're in Orlando the next, you know, you wake up. You fall asleep. You wake up in Orlando.

You've been drugged. You've been drugged. Your hands are cuffed. You've got a hand cuffed to the chair. This is why there's problems with rail transportation in the United States. If you go to Japan. It's like the Old West. Let's say you just graduated from college.

You buy a year rail pass. You're riding the train all the way back. You're backpacking. You're discovering. You're in the United States. You try and take a train just from Philadelphia to New York City. You're drugged. You wake up in Orlando.

Yeah, naked, handcuffed to the chair. For some reason, you're sitting next to a dragon. A dragon with a taser. A stuffed dragon because the only living dragon is in Philadelphia. The only living one is still back in Philadelphia. So Friday, September 18th, I'm doing the Sound of Young America live in New York at WNYC. They have this new beautiful performance space. My guests are, I'm doing this from memory,

I got Andrew WK is going to be there. We got Nellie Mackay. Is he music performing? I'm going to be talking with him a little bit. He's going to be smashing things. He's going to be breaking microphones. He's going to talk a little bit about his new television program, Destroy Build Destroy,

where he gets a group of 13-year-olds together and they blow something up with explosives and then they build of 13 year olds together and they blow something up with explosives and they build something out of it and then they blow it up again. Why am I not on that show? I don't know. I want to get exploded. So Andrew WK Nelly Mackay

Scott Adsit from Television's 30 Rock Kumail Nanjiani stand-up comedian from Michael and Michael Have Issues That's a big show. rock uh kumail nanjiani stand-up comedian from uh michael and michael have issues um that's a big show we have a really big we have a really big slam oh and rick cordero uh hip-hop music video director rick cordero has directed videos for uh jay-z and the roots and and many others um it's going to be a blowout program that's a big one man oh it's going to be fantastic and uh then the night after that saturday night uh which is uh big one man oh it's going to be fantastic and uh then the night after

that saturday night uh which is uh september 19th uh we're going to be at the ucb doing the monsters of podcasting at seven o'clock holy so this is like and we have special guests playing for that rest assured there will be special guests i mean this is like a listener's dream oh tell me about it yeah you know if you're if you're a listener and you like listening, then listen to that. Somebody told me they're going to go to the Philadelphia shows. They're from Philadelphia. They lived in Philadelphia. They just moved out of Philadelphia,

but they want to see the Monsters of Podcasting and the Sound of Young America live so bad. They're going to drive from Ohio to go to Philadelphia to see these shows. That's like a four-day drive. Exactly. Maximumfun.org. There's all the ticket links,

tickets and reservations, and all that stuff is available for all of the shows now. So we hope that we'll see you there. Also, one other thing. For people who are coming to these shows, we have this beautiful tour poster that you can see on our website.

It's really sweet. Tom from Boss Man Graphics designed it for us as a kind favor to website. It's really sweet. Tom from Boss Man Graphics designed it for us as a kind favor to us. It's really beautiful. And we're printing sort of a little limited run of these and we're going to sell them at the shows so you can go on the internet if you're going to come to the shows and buy it for $12.

It'll be a little more expensive at the shows. You can buy it in advance for $12. We'll have it there for you. We'll autograph it for you or whatever. And that's sort of what's going to be paying our travel costs and stuff like that. Well, I'll probably write a joke name on it, though. I probably won't. So wait, so you guys are going to sell – your plan right now is to sell these posters to make money to get back to L.A.?

Like you don't have tickets back to L.A.? So otherwise we're just going to have to – You're going to have to live on the East Coast. We're just going to have to have a ride. Yeah, we're just going to have to start a new life on the East Coast. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love not, it's still funny. Because it sounds like a dumb, bad, fast Mexican food slogan. Sure.

Feed the beast. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Hubel, the fire starter. Ah, we're having fun. I am still upset by your shoes, Rob. I've been trying to get away from this subject in my mind.

Well, when we're talking about something that people can't see, I don't know how far we're going to get. I'm going to paint a picture with words. Okay. You're wearing shoes that look like aqua socks. Yeah. And they're supposed to be, it's supposed to be so you can, the point of it is so that you can get back in touch with your environment and be barefoot and really connect to the urine on the sidewalk and stuff like that. There's rubber on the bottom of these shoes. The poop behind the 7-Eleven. And the shape of the rubber on the bottom of the shoes is like the pads of one's feet. So it's supposed to be like an extension of your foot, including each individual toe.

Yeah. Every toe has its own little area that it goes in. I mean, it's like wearing the little footie socks, you know, the little whatever they're called. But with a little rubber sole on the bottom. They look really stupid. And I just got them today. And it's made by the... Now, you bought them because...

Well, I was on the internet and I just saw a picture of them and they just looked funny to me. So I thought, well, I'll buy these because they look funny and maybe people will make fun of me. You're the kind of guy, just to clarify, the situation that you're in is that

you've pretty much reached the top of the entertainment industry. The tippy top. I would say the tippy tippy top. So you have a lot of money but you've pretty much reached the top of the entertainment industry. The tippy top. I would say the tippy, tippy top. So you have a lot of money, but you've also used up most of your shtick, so to speak. Yeah, I don't have anything else. You've already done everything. People have seen you do the things that you had thought of that were funny.

So now mostly what you'll do is buy something on the internet that looks funny. That looks funny and or humiliating. And you can bring that into an audition. Yeah, I'll wear these to an audition. And I actually just auditioned for, oh, I wish I would have worn these. I totally would have gotten it. I just auditioned for the A-Team movie. Uh-huh.

And I'm not sure if it's a great idea that they're making the A-Team movie. Is Mr. T involved? No, he's not. Oh, wow. Not even as a consultant or a producer? Well, that's a good question. Maybe as some sort of... I don't know. That's kind of a concern because the premise of the A-Team is Mr. T. Well, that's not the premise. I mean, yes, were a lot of episodes based around the hilarious witticisms of a character named B.A. Baracus? Yes. I read an article where they said that they were talking about Common playing Mr. T.

Well, they were. Originally, they wanted to get a rapper, I think. I don't know if they've cast the Mr. T. character. That was not what you were going in for. I did not go in for the B.A. role. Why did you get the haircut? Because I have... Is that even your real hair? You're not African American. How do you even get your hair like that?

Is that like a super tight perm? I have cancer. And I came on the show to announce that. So no, I went in for the... So earlier when you were saying that you pitied me, that wasn't... That was just a separate thing. Oh, wow. I do pity you. I didn't say that wasn't a... That was just a separate thing. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I do pity you. I didn't say that as like a Mr. T type person. Yeah, I just kind of assumed that you were... I said, I pity you, fool. And I meant that in a sincere way. It's sort of like the way that he feels bad for you because you have to sort of dance for the king. Yeah. Is what he's saying when he says, I pity you, fool.

I feel like, yeah, you are a fool. And I feel bad for you. In this case, I'm the king. Thank you for clearing that up. I went in for the Murdoch role. I don't even know if anyone has ever even heard of the A-Team TV show. He was the crazy

helicopter pilot who could also lie his way out of any sort of predicament by playing different characters so he would like you know he could sneak into a hospital and then infiltrate uh into like the surgeon's ward and act like a surgeon you know and just pull it off he'd do it just he was great at that sort of stuff so i went in for that part and um i don't think um i'm gonna get it because i don't ever get things. But I do wish that I'd worn these monkey shoes because that would have given me something that would have seemed like something that a Murdoch person would wear.

Something like, oh, this guy is crazy. Look at the crazy shoes he's wearing. Yeah. He's got monkey feet on, you know, like that would have helped out a lot. You know, I do a little auditioning myself. Yeah. And I don't usually do commercials. Yeah.

You would be great in like a Del Taco commercial. Like if you had to say the slogan. Say the slogan real quick. Feed the beast. Now do the guitar solo. Yeah, you'd be great at that. I know. This is what we call a spec commercial, what we're doing here.

Yeah. Yeah. You're preaching to the choir. I know I'd be great at it. So you go in for commercials. I went into my first commercial semi-recently. Yeah. And it was for a Nike ad about...

And kind of the idea was that they have this crazy character who is just like a super running fanatic who loves runners and the culture and history of running. He loves the sport of running. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, kind of the idea was like a crazy Will Ferrell, Jack Black type who's just totally into running. That's exactly what you are. I mean, people can't see you, but you're a, if you took Will Ferrell and merged him with Jack Black

and shrunk Will Ferrell down, that's exactly what you are. And you also imagine him with a sort of a runner's body. Yeah. Yeah. Real runner's physique. Yeah. Kind of lean. Yeah.

Muscular. Real muscular. Oiled. Anyway, but I showed up. Sort of a dick in a porpoise. Yeah, exactly like a. Yeah, like a real. Yeah, like if you picture a dick going in and out of a porpoise,

that's what you're looking at when I look at you. Sure. But I thought it was weird. I just showed up in my after-work clothes. Sure. But all of the other guys auditioning for this all came in track suits. They do that here in L.A. Like people – when I lived in New York, I auditioned for a lot of commercials and did a bunch of them.

And people there, same thing. You just show up wearing whatever you're wearing. You don't worry about it. But people out here, they do this weird thing where they show up in character. So you'll go to audition for like a doctor in a commercial and everyone's wearing their lab coat. I haven't found that's the case in – well, OK. I may be correcting myself in my brain. I was going to say I don't think that's the case. I haven't found that's the case

with theatrical stuff, but I guess I go out for the role of goofy stoner a lot. It seems like you'd be great as a goofy stoner. That's... yeah. If Seth Rogen gets assassinated, you're going to be so set. I'm just going to slide right in, and America will not even notice.

By the way, I keep getting emails from people. Both of my brothers separately, age 14 and 19, talk to me about this. Yes, that is Jordan in the trailer for a Sondra Bullock movie. It is. Wait a second. Which Sondra Bullock movie? All About Steve. Is that out right now?

I think that is coming out in the next few you know when you have you're in it don't print don't play I actually I don't know the specific day I saw I actually saw an advanced screening of it recently so I mean it's already did you you were worried that you might get cut out of it I was wait what is your character my character is goofy stoner to protest I think I had five lines in the original script. Two of them are in the final cut of the film. Excellent. I cannot recommend anyone see this film.

Wait, you can't recommend it highly enough? Is that what you meant? If you think I'm not going to be the first one in line to go see All About Steve, you're wrong. You're going to one of the midnight screenings where you dress up like the character. Here's the thing, Rob. They've been saving this movie for about 18 months, two years,

because they know it's so good that people are going to flip out. They had to wait for a moment when, sure, our nation's confidence in Barack Obama is waning. People aren't sure whether we're going to recover. They need to deliver the jolt. Then they drop all about Steve boom America's back that's the thing

anytime you see a movie that the studio has been hanging on to not releasing for quite some time doing a lot of reshoots on it that's a good sign that means that they love it a lot of TLC going into this thing when a movie is coming out on 9-11 that means that they love it

they know it's going to that's when people are going to movies. Exactly. Because they know, they remember. September 11, 2001, they remember that anniversary because that's the day that Jay-Z's The Blueprint album came out. Is that true, historically? Is that really the day that it came out? Yes. Wow.

That was an unfortunate timing for that. Wait, so I want to talk more about other movie roles that you have done. There are not any more. Okay, well I want to talk then about... The conversation about my movie role stops with All About Steve. We can talk about Local Weatherman. What's that guy's name? Oh, I was in a commercial for The Local Weather with Fritz Coleman. Why does the weather need a commercial? I mean, is just gonna happen well you know why do you need to

promote the weather you building the brand brand building the brand for for what local station uh nbc the nbc4 and you are are you do you play a cloud or do you play rain or what do you do? I play condensation on a glass. I'm a goofy surfer. Okay. You know, none of your characters, you're not giving them names. You should go ahead and give them proper names. I give them names before I even get out to the audition. Yeah. Because it helps me pick

out the outfit. Oh, you know, maybe it is said once. All about Steve, my name is Winston. There you go. So, yeah. There you go. Well, you should do, you'd, maybe it is said once. All about Steve, my name is Winston. There you go. So, yeah. There you go. Well, you should do – you'd be great at commercials. You'll get a lot of those, I bet. Yeah?

Yeah, because that's all about – I've got to look. That's all – commercials are all about having a look. Like you could – it's just being a stereotype. Yeah. You know, and I think that – and this might be totally off base. I feel like what I've heard about commercial auditioning is that it kind of just happens randomly in the middle of the day. Yeah.

And I kind of enjoy having a day job. Oh, you do? So, yeah, I think maybe that wouldn't party. Is that true? Yeah, I mean, it does happen. Well, most auditions happen during the day. There aren't a lot of night auditions. If you get called on a night audition, it could be for a pornography movie or something like that.

Or a snuff film that you are in. You've gotten the part in this snuff film. Bang! It's for the new TV version of Fame, which by the way is a reality show. Is it really? No. It would be if there was a night audition. But the auditions are during the day. So if you don't have a situation where you can go on auditions during the day, you won't be getting those parts. But what I'm telling you is. How will I remind people they need to feed the beast with the new half pound macho burrito?

You should. The fact that you're so good at that already, you should already have the job. But you should quit your day job. OK. You should do that. Commercial auditions. Yeah. I'm telling you, that's how I made money in in new york like that's how i lived in new york i and

then i quit when i did one that was so humiliating i couldn't do them anymore what was the so humiliating one oh i don't like to talk about it look think about what i've talked about on this show okay this is so humiliating and i've told this story on stage at ucb so i feel like i can i can tell it but uh it's so humiliating i quit doing commercials and i can't um i'm haunted by it in my dreams but it was a commercial for a restaurant you may have heard of a restaurant chain a delicious italian uh restaurant chain called the olive garden and um i should have known going into it that they have the dumbest cheesiestiest, worst commercials. But they tricked me when I went in for the audition in New York. They were like, oh, we're changing it. We're going to we got this new director and we're going to make them really funny. And we know that you're an improviser and you're a comedian, so you can

just do whatever you want. So in the audition, I was being like really sarcastic. I was on a date with my wife, you know, and and the waitress would come over in the audition.'s like can i get you guys anything and i'd be like uh yeah you could shut up because i'm having dinner with my wife okay we're trying to talk yeah you know and what and everyone was laughing like oh there's more breadsticks yeah more breadsticks shut your mouth and uh it was so fun and then so i got it and i was like this is gonna be so fun i'm just gonna go in i'll get to be sarcastic jerk. I'm sure they won't let me swear, but I can just – whatever. I'll find something funny to improvise.

So we did that all day long on the shoot. And then at the very end of the day, they go, oh, can you also – do you mind just saying one time like this line? And they gave me the line or whatever. And then that's what they used. Then it was – and the line was – and then that's what they used then it was and the line was uh it's like olive garden is molto bene no so what it was was uh uh my wife and i sit down at the restaurant and uh and we're having dinner and the waitress comes over and she goes uh um oh are you guys uh here is it a special occasion or i say i say oh you know we're celebrating and she says oh is it a special occasion? Or I say, oh, you know, we're celebrating. And she says, oh, is it a special occasion?

You know, birthday, anniversary? And I have to smile in a really cute way and take a bite of food and go, nope, it's just Monday. And so they were promoting that it was like, you know, you should just go to the Olive Garden. Make date night every night. Yeah. So this happened in my life, and I haven't been able to escape it. Yeah. And what happened is I have a copy of it, and when I get a little too uppity in my life and I feel too confident.

Take yourself down a peg. I put in the old VHS tape of the Olive Garden commercial, and then, yeah, really, really explode myself and explode my confidence and take it way downtown. And, uh, yeah, it was totally humiliating. It was the, it was really horrible and they tricked me. That's the worst part is they tricked me and then it aired. And, and, and what happened was also we shot it and then I kind of forgot about it cause it was, I wanted to block it out of my memory and it didn't air for two years. And I like you know what because sometimes you'll shoot them and they and they they just go away bank them yeah they just go away and so i thought like oh thank thank you sweet lord that that just went away and then all of a sudden i started getting all these emails from my friends

and they were like what are you doing in an olive garden commercial And it was so humiliating. But what happened was the punchline of this whole story is that they aired it, and it started airing, but the contract had expired because it was two years old. So they aired it for like a month. But it was airing on NBC, not like on cable. It was running in prime time. That's normally when you would make a ton you'd be so excited you'd be so excited like if you're in like a like a herpes commercial that runs on you know the national news you you're making so much money it's great but um if it runs on commercial for herpes yeah if you actually have herpes you should be really excited but if uh uh so yeah so

this was running in prime time on network and i was going to make so much money and i was so, you know, like, and then, but it was so terrible that it was the worst commercial in there. And I just look like such a jerk and it's just not at all what I wanted to be doing. And so they, but the contract had expired. So they, they called my commercial agent and they're like, we want to renew it. And they called me and I told them that the only way they could keep airing it is if they paid me a million dollars. I told them I said I said I want a million dollars and my agent was like well if you if we go back to them and we tell them that then they're gonna pull it and I said well then then they have a tough choice to make wow so what they did was they cast a guy that looked exactly like me and they went and they reshot it with everyone

with the same people except for a different me wow so they liked that they like that they love just monday they love nope just mondays yeah they love that slogan at that point was that story too long no i thought that was a beautiful story yeah it's a little bit too long so hollywood insider i mean i don't mean to be i don't mean to be rude but jordan did do a local television commercial where he was a surfer dude and i did do a local television commercial where i was completely nude so i've done i'm not saying i'm not saying that that's not humiliating to be in an olive garden commercial where you say a line that's not funny well it's not even that you guys it's just that like the whole thing is so cheesy you know like they set it up and it's so familiar and then like

i just felt really uh horrible about being in that environment you know because it's so what it is it's so sweet it's like so there's nothing funny about it like there was no it's not just that it wasn't funny but it was just like it's so, it's not just that it wasn't funny, but it was just, like, it's so, it's, like, so neighborhood-y. Yeah. That I really wanted to, like, put a gun in my mouth and blow my brains all over my wife. Like, explode my brains all over the unlimited pasta bowl. Sure. You know?

That's, like, I would be in that commercial. If I could go, no, just Monday. And then, like, my brains flew into the salad bowl. The last Monday. Yeah, yeah. It's just our last Monday together. Bam. But anyway, so that's that story.

You got some cool shoes, Rob. These are great shoes, guys. They'll change your life. On the website, now what do they want you to do in those shoes? Well. Like what are those ideally? Again, these shoes are primarily made to make you feel like you're barefoot for real and uh and then put you more in touch with the environment so i think

you're allowed to do some activities but not all activities you can't do um like you it would be hard to go on like a rocky rocky hiking trail you know If it had little rocks, maybe. But, you know, it's good for walking around on, like, grassy hills. People use these to run on a running track. But the thing is, is, like, apparently the deal is, is that when you're running, you, when you're wearing modern athletic shoes, you tend to land on your heel. Yeah, these make you run on your, on the balls of your feet. On the balls of your feet, which apparently is how you're supposed

to. It's how you're supposed to run. It's how cavemen run. What it is, is it's trying to make people more caveman-like. They're made by the Vibram Corporation. Which is, they do a lot of different, they do different caveman stuff. They make clubs for clubbing. They make fire if you need to buy a fire.

They've been trying to bring woolly mammoths back to life. Yeah, they've been trying to clone a woolly mammoth. Rudimentary language. Rudimentary language. They want to bring that back. Stick drawings. Super shitty paintbrushes. Yep, super shitty paintbrushes to make stick drawings of, you know.

The hunt. The hunt, you know, saber-toothed tigers. Right. Stuff like that. Really, really horrible razors. Yeah, that's what the Vibram Corporation... Completely ineffective razors. Yeah, that's the thing that the cavemen didn't have.

They had no method of shaving. Yeah. So that's what happened to their faces. What happened, they all had overgrown beards. Sure. You know, and once they invented fire, did anyone think of burning their beard? No.

No one thought of that. Too dumb. Too dumb, you stupid caveman. That's why they all died. Yeah. But now we can run like them. Now we can run exactly like them. But be smarter. That's the magic of contemporary American life. Run like a caveman. That and going out

just because it's Monday. Just going out because it's Monday. Just get yourself some pasta. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.

I'm Rob Hubel, the trash man. Isn't it nice to have Rob Hubel here, Jordan? The trash man? Hell yeah. I changed it up. I used the trash man on that one. Are you taking out the trash is that yeah i think i'd like to think of myself as a guy that would if you had trash i would take it out okay i would dispose of it properly this is not like you're getting rid of like bullshit no i would actually no i would recycle what needs to be recycled and the refuse and and i would send that to the landfill and then hopefully whatever i can

compost i will compost that oh sure so you're you. Oh, sure. So your great skill is in sorting. I should have said, Rob Hubel, the sorter. Yeah. Which would naturally mean that you separate the different kinds of trash. You actually know what number is inside the little recycling symbol on a plastic thing. Yeah, give me an item and I'll tell you what number is inside of it. Wow. Give me an item.

Literally. A gallon milk jug. Wow. Give me an item. Literally. A gallon milk jug. Two. Give me another one. Oh, um... Four. Oh, wow. You knew I was going to say Gatorade bottle.

Yeah, I knew you were going to say Gatorade bottle. God, he's good. Del Taco. Mason jar. Del Taco. Mason jar is one. Del Taco is four. Nation of Mexico.

Wait a minute. Hold on. That's not an item. You need to split that money with us. That's the only... How much money did you get to continuously plug Mexico? $500.

You know what? I think we should be getting more money to do... You know who I met with? Speaking of getting... I met in Mexico. I met the people from StudySpanishInOaxaca.com.

Oh, okay. That's not a website. That could not Oh, okay. That's not a website. Could not have been nicer. That's not a website. Could not have been nicer. Had a wonderful time with them. Studiespanishin Oaxaca. That's way too long of a URL.

A very friendly Canadian gentleman and his Mexican wife, whose mother runs a Spanish school in Oaxaca, seriously could not have been nicer. Why would you go to Oaxaca to study Spanish when you can just do it online? That's true. That's a good point. You could just do it online. I mean, I guess you could go. It would be more fun to go to Oaxaca,

but I imagine you're going to spend a lot more money. Or, here's an idea. Why don't you make friends with a Spanish-speaking person? You know? What do you mean? Like, you don't want to do that you have you have an aversion i guess if it's a former president of mexico brother oh brother yeah 500 bucks he got and he's just plugging he's just banking it's not a lot of money in public radio rob it's not like

doing olive garden commercials oh that was sweet cash man you know what i did with that cash i built a robot. I built one of those laser robots you were talking about before. Are you my dad? Does that make you my dad? I wonder if you built my mother. Jordan, God, get your head on straight. That does not make you, Jordan. That does not make Rob your dad.

It makes Rob your grandfather. I could be. He built a robot that fucked your mom. I built a robot that fucked your mom i built a robot that this is it's so complicated this is like the term this is like the terminator movies yeah right i get so confused because i don't know we always have a continuity expert on set there should be though there should be a continuity person here to make sure that what we're saying is accurate canon yeah part of the official jordan jesse go just makes sense yeah. Would you say that those two episodes that you hosted while I was gone were canonical?

No, no. Were they within continuity? No, no. Those are happening in an alternate universe. That was sort of like Superman versus Muhammad Ali. Yes, exactly. So how many people do you think listened to the show where you interviewed a case of beer? I mean...

Millions? Millions? Here's what I think happened. I think the same amount of people who subscribe to our show regularly, which isn't several thousand, started listening to it. We're talking about

a five-digit audience here. Yeah, yeah. Five-dig. Five-digis? Yeah. Yeah, and I think they probably stopped ten minutes in. Ten minutes in? They didn't even give it more than ten minutes. And what was the other show that you did? That's when it fell apart.

What was the other show you did while Jesse was away? It did not involve a case of beer, but, you know, while delightful, probably equally slapdash, I would call it. Did you have a guest? Yes, I had guests on both occasions. Oh, you did? Very nice guests. So it's just you trying to do it by yourself.

Spinning my fucking wheels. Yeah. I can't imagine's just you trying to do it by yourself. Spinning my fucking wheels. I can't imagine you being able to run this show by yourself. No. It's true. I just don't see... I did not. Jordan's very talented. If Jesse weren't here... I get a lot of emails. When I go on vacation, I get a lot of emails about what a great job Jordan's doing

from his many lady internet admirers who think he's adorable. Nobody thinks I'm adorable. Everyone thinks Jordan's adorable. Nobody thinks I'm adorable. Everyone thinks Jordan's adorable. It's fine with me. I'm spoken for. I'm very happy.

They think Jordan's adorable and they love it when he hosts the show. I just want to say that I have a new found... Yeah, I've done it before, but I don't say this enough. I appreciate the skill of the long-term hosting i think it's a

great skill that you have keeping everything together especially you know he's also got a sweet sweet voice it's a nice voice i mean i mean it is just say something right now to relax me like let's feed the beast say feed the beast half pound macho burrito hey rob feed the beast half pound macho burrito god it's so good I would love to have a voice like that. Yeah, and I feel like the TV hosting I do is in these kind of short two-minute chunks and broken up by lots of intense punk rock and metal music heavily edited. I'm like, no, I don't really have to talk for that long.

Also, people are mostly distracted by the outfit you're wearing. You're usually wearing like a dragon costume. Yes, either I have a dragon costume on or there's some motocross bikes flipping over my head. You do amazing mask work. Thank you. Have you really ever had a motocross bike flip over your head? I mean, I've had them flip near me.

Whoa, that's so cool. But not legitimately over my head. It's pretty cool. Motocross. I'm not saying it's not cool. Motocross seems like, am I pronouncing that right? You are. It's not motor. I'm not saying it's not cool. Motocross seems like... Am I pronouncing that right? It's not motor-cross, right?

It's moto-cross. That's a really cool sport that I don't understand. It's really intense. Those are guys that race motorcycles around on a dirt track and go over jumps and then have sex with their motorcycles. A famous skateboarder punched Jordan. I was actually a famous motocross guy punched me. He punched you?

What for? For a goof. For a goof? You know who slapped me in the face? Wait, can I guess? Yeah, you can guess. Okay, yeah, I'll give you a hint. My first guess is Dom DeLuise.

You are not that far off. Do I get to have a guess? Yeah, I will tell you it is a comedy icon. Cloris Leachman. No, but also close. I interviewed her on Dancing with the Stars one time. Yeah, I will tell you it is a comedy icon. Cloris Leachman. No. But also close. I interviewed her on Dancing with the Stars one time for Best Week Ever. But no, this was someone that I really looked up to all my life.

I thought he was the funniest person in the whole world. Very famous comedy movie star. Older now. And I had heard that he was a real jerk. And then I was hoping that that wouldn't be true. And then I met him and I introduced myself to him. And I was at the UCB Theater in New York with a lot of my friends. We were backstage.

And in front of all of my friends, he slapped me in the face very hard right when I introduced myself. Who was it? Robin Williams. Cloris Leachman. You already guessed Cloris. No, it? Robin Williams. Cloris Leachman. You already guessed Cloris. No, it was Chevy Chase. Wow. Yeah.

He slapped me in the face really hard. Because Chevy Chase is, and I want to say this, because I feel like people don't talk about this enough anymore because he's been mostly retired, made some terrible movies in the mid-'90s, early to mid-'90s. Chevy Chase is really, really i i i don't know whether you're being sarcastic no i'm not i think chevy i think chevy chase is hilarious like and i'm not exaggerating slap me in the face i would crush me to to be honest it really took the wind

out of my sails because like i loved him he was angry at being came up to? No, I don't think he did it angrily. I think he did it to be funny, but he just went overboard and slapped me. I can't explain to you how hard he slapped me. Same thing with my punch recently. It was meant as kind of that goof, but then I just got socked in the face. But it was also sort of like,

he wasn't really trying to be funny i think he was like trying to just kind of put me in my place a little bit you know like like i think he is that kind of guy where yeah like people have told me that's his reputation i think his reputation to the extent that he has a reputation for being a jerk it's because people feel like he does something to be funny and goes too far. But just to clarify, I am a huge vacation, Fletch, come on. I love those movies. I knew every line

to Fletch. I'll watch, once in a while I'll watch the best of Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live. It's unbelievable. It's like an hour and a half or 70 minutes of solid genius. And you're like, oh, yeah, he was only on Saturday Night Live for one year. One year.

He did one year. But, yeah, just sort of was such a different type in comedy. You know, this like big, tall, tan, like kind of good looking, like sexy dude, but so goofy and so funny. But anyway, yeah, when he slapped me, it just really hurt my feelings. I can't imagine. I've told this story to somebody before, and I feel like I'm not trying to be mean to him. It's just like,

it's really a reminder to you guys when you meet someone, don't slap them in the face really hard. Don't do that, and don't, you know what? I'm writing it on my hand as we speak. Even if you're friends with bill clinton um are you friends with bill clinton i'm not but chevy chase is oh is he yeah they like go on vacation oh do they really yeah i see i'm a big bill clinton fan too and if i met

him and he slapped me in the face you know what i met bill clinton once um and i was trying to get him to give me a high five and i put my hand up for a high five. You know, he was going down the line of people shaking hands. Yeah. He went like he was going to high five me. But instead of going palm to palm, he went about three inches higher. So his palm was in the, what's this called? The pads of my fingers.

Yeah. And he went over the top and downward and shook my high five so it was like a clasp like he was like holding your hand he took it out three inches went down and over and grabbed my high five and unhigh fived it wow turned it into a handshake he secret serviced your high five i'm not saying that's the same as being punched or hit but it's pretty close you guys have to admit that's pretty took you down a notch he he took your funny high five and he said you know what not appropriate friend not not gonna happen here not on my watch but um i would like to meet bill clinton a lot but um but you know chevy chase is

in that new sitcom coming up yeah i'm looking forward to it i community yeah the the dan harman created it yeah it's really funny i saw the pilot it's really funny i'm very i'm very excited about there speaking of high fives by the way jordan you know that it's the end of the month it's a high five contest is coming to an end oh yeah you took responsibility for i sure did counting the votes did you talk about it during the show uh yes i talked about it during the last show i made sure people knew to get in their final entries. As we record this, it's just the absolute last moments, and we'll count anything that happens before Jordan counts them,

which will be in a few days. So, you know, we'll see how it goes, but I'm excited to see who's going to be this year's winner. Let me ask you guys a question. You guys do a lot of things on the show to engage your listeners. Sure. And you're very involved with your fan base. And I've heard you refer to them in a loving way.

Max Funsters. Yeah. I want to know what sort of, like, groupie sex opportunities there are. Now, Jesse, I know you're married. I'm spoken for. But Jordan, I mean, and I don't want you to be graphic or anything,

but when you meet these fans, do you just make out with them right when you meet them? If someone comes up to you and they say, oh, I love the show, do you just go like, oh, take your tank top off? Let's, how to put this delicately. I'm a dolphin-only guy. You're a dolphin-only guy. You're a dolphin-only dolphin. You only have sex with dolphins.

So, you know, yeah, there's lots of human fans. But certainly there are opportunities. You can teach dolphins to communicate with humans, but you cannot teach them

to listen to podcasts. Yeah, there's lots of, you know. I disagree. I disagree. Yeah, and it's tough because, you know, I meet a dolphin.

And, you know, it's like I meet a human being. And, you know, of course, they've listened to the podcast. In the human community, Jordan's a legend there. They've seen me on channel 612. Yeah, when you walk down the street, people go, hey, 612.

Yeah, or hey, background to that Sandra Bullock trailer. Yeah. So they'll yell that out. If I wanted to fuck a human, it'd be easy. It would be really easy. Female, gay male, bi-curious male. But, you know, I'm just not interested. I think there are a lot of opportunities there for you because people listen to this and it's comforting.

And they hear your voice and it becomes a thing inside their head. And it's very erotic. I've got an idea. I've got a good idea i got a great idea action item for this week's program send jordan a picture of yourself yeah you can email it to us at jjgoe at maximumfund.org or you can post it on the discussion forum a picture of yourself with some dolphin attributes so we're gonna bring jordan so a picture of yourself with some dolphin attributes. Sure. So we're going to bring Jordan. So a picture of yourself with dolphin attributes.

So trying to bring Jordan closer to the human. I don't want you just standing around. Right. So a sexy dolphin picture of yourself. Yeah. So the person should have some sort of dolphin-like trait. Right. And we don't want any nudity or anything.

No, no, no, no, no. We don't need anything. Keep it R-rated. It could be PG- Keep it R-rated. It could be PG-13 or R-rated. Let's say TV-14. TV-14. Can we agree on TV-14? TV-14.

But I would say also people, it's a chance. Rated M for dolphin content. Yeah, and people can show off their echolocation skills. Oh, yeah. If it's people using a series of clicks and whistles, they can do that. Sure. There are a lot of different opportunities here. Balancing something on your nose.

Yeah. So that's a great action item. We want you to bring us some dolphin type, bringing some dolphin qualities into yourself. Fins. So that Jordan can be aroused. Make the jump. so that Jordan can be aroused because you can't

you won't be able to segue into the human sexual experience without this right this is just a baby step I don't know if I'll ever go full human honestly I can't say that but you know I am willing to you know at least cavort with a dolphin person

someone with a blowhole I will have drinks with someone with a blowhole. Awesome. Well, Rob, thank you so much for being on Jordan and Jesse. Go. What a pleasure. I feel like we've done a lot of good, you guys. Haven't we, though?

I think we've helped a lot of people. Yeah. Thanks for having me. This was really fun. No, thank you for doing it. You can watch Rob regularly at the UCB here in LA in his show Crash Test. Sure, we do that. As well as other shows.

Is there anything else that people around the country twitter i like the twitter rob is the best twitterer rob is my number one twitterer i'm not the best i don't know what you're going on my pile i don't know what you're doing because he i like a guy who uses twitter to upset me that's what the whole thing is i want people to be upset i want you to read my twitters and i won't respond. People are so nice and they write to me and I love reading it. I really, I love, love read. I read everything that people write to me, but I can't respond because

then, but the reason I don't is because I don't want people to have to see half of a conversation like that's right, Steve. I'll see you later. I don't like it. Pancakes! Rob Hubel. Twitter.com slash Rob Hubel. This is, you don't have to say another word. This is my number one Twitterer, Jordan. I've said it it. Pancakes. Rob Hubel. Twitter.com slash Rob Hubel. This is gold. You don't have to say another word. This is my number one Twitterer, Jordan.

I've said it before. Our old friend Brian Heater is a pretty amazing Twitterer, too. Sure. Our friends from You Look Nice today, they're famous for being great Twitterers. But I'm going to say my number one all-time Twitterer is going to be Rob Hubel. That's a little generous. I just want to upset people. That's my goal.

Our action item give us a call 206-984-4 fun email us jj go at maximum fun dot org our theme music love you by the free design from kites are fun the best of the free design on light in the attic records um i'm really sorry that i told that gross story uh we'll be back next week on jordan jesse go bye