Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 116: Offensive Driving

Episode Date: November 16, 2009

Adam Lisagor from You Look Nice Today joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about what they do when they're hanging out, wearing their cashmere sweatpants.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, maddy, twiddle, Jesse, go.

I emerged from my deathbed to give you the entertainments you so desperately crave. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's always nice to have, Jordan, a guest in the studio with us. Yeah, it's a little outside the box for us, but I thought we'd give it a try. The two of us usually roll solo, because if we have a guest, it might clunk up the works.

Sure. Might gum up the gears of hilarity. Sure. Might gum up the gears of hilarity. Sure. But today, I think that we've decided to, as you said, step outside the box, roll the dice, as it were, and bring someone in. That is from the podcast You Look Nice Today, the hit podcast You Look Nice Today, which has roughly 10 times as many listeners as our show does. The very funny Adam Lissagor.

Hey, everybody. I'm most certainly going to gunk up your hilarity today. That's what I plan on doing. Well, don't worry. I'm actually... I was suspicious when you came and covered it, honey. But I think you literally, you're like literally trying to gunk things up. Also, all those bumblebees. Why did you bring in all those bumblebees?

Oh, it's for charity. I'm growing a bee beard for charity. Some people sponsor you. For every bee, another cancer cured. Another type of cancer. Yeah. Well, you must have five bees around you. That's pretty good.

Doing my part. So what is that? Rectal. Yeah. Tongue yeah tongue well there's two types of rectal colo and rectal right yeah there's rectal and colorectal right um colorectal is right under my left nostril so you've named them after the cancers that they cure oh oh god what do you do what do you do pancreatic is getting a little frisky right now yeah it's the queen um what do you do with them after you i know i noticed that your smoke cone isn't producing any more smoke is that gonna be a problem what do you do uh what do you do

after the charity events already do you set them free do you kill them like symbolically oh yeah they're bees you kill them oh okay yeah they're horrible yeah no you kill them to symbolize killing cancer oh that's good yeah um so we have adam lessigore here from the effort to eradicate cancer one bee at a time it's called right onebeeatatime.org yeah um onebeeatatime.org uh I'm of course on my deathbed I'm not going to pretend that I'm vivacious I'm not going to pretend that I'm full of life or energy

zip vim vigor Maui wowie none of that you didn't have a little cabo wabo before we started I did have some cabo wabo that's true I am have a little Cabo Wabo before we started. I did have some Cabo Wabo. That's true. I am feeling a little moody bluesy.

But, yeah, I've got the winter cold. You guys know about this cold? I take all these different pills, and we'll see what happens. I took a lot of different pills. I blew my nose a lot of times. I got to this point yesterday, yesterday afternoon, where just this liquid was just coming out of my nose. Oh, God. Do you know what I mean? But like, it's not even snot really anymore. It's like saline solution. solution no that sounds terrible like like brain fluid or something yeah that's i don't know what that what that juice is it's like clear and it's it's like

the consistency of water like it's no longer about uh snot coming out of your nose your nose is just it's it's like a leaky faucet yeah you know i i know you intended this to be one of those like uh you know doesn't this happen to everybody's stories but know i i know you intended this to be one of those like uh you know doesn't this happen to everybody's stories but i i'm not familiar with this this seems totally alien to me this seems like a unique problem really yeah man maybe i have something horrible i don't i don't know do you think i might have pancreatic cancer yeah quick kill the bee to cure his cancer it's an alchemical situation on this week's jordan jesse go okay well we have lots of shit to talk about uh and we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, nickname yeah cool is that the name of your band too sure adam lisigora and this sound

yeah it's like a chick chick chick situation it's like how are you adam um look we're we're good friends i'd say we're good friends right yeah we together we made the the hit web series put this on yeah i would like to go to the dog park more than one for it to be a hit. Yeah, that's true. The hip hit web thing. Adam, I have a question for you. I ride around in, you have a lovely European motor vehicle. Sure, it's German. This is an Audi station wagon because you're practical. It's a sensible car.

I like to ride around in your car. You drive. You're a terrible driver, but that's fine. I've come to accept it. No, you've got a really good driver. Spectacularly bad driver. I take risks. I don't know.

I drive offensively. Is that? Yeah. I like to ride in your car. When I'm riding in your car, you consistently are listening to the jazz station. That's, what is it, 89 point? Something.

Something. K-J-J-Z, I believe. K-J-J-Z. Now, Adam will tell you. K-Jizz. No, they specifically avoided K-Jizz because there is a K-Jizz somewhere else. Oh, yeah. Yeah, with those call letters.

It's just all porno sounds. It's just audio from porno my my favorite station back in san francisco is kpoo um uh really my favorite station really and truly it's a it's a public radio station they play music mostly music but it's there's butt sounds so that's the audio audio from butts it's such a cool station it's such a great station i really recommend people listen to it in their iTunes. Okay, here's the thing. Jordan.

Yeah. Adam, when we're listening to the jazz station, if they play vocal jazz, let's just say they play Ella Fitzgerald singing, Imagine my frustration with no invitation to dance. For instance. For instance. Adam will complain bitterly.

He'll be like, what is this? What is this Diana Krall bullshit? No, but it's usually not the Ella Fitzgerald. It's usually something more contemporary and obnoxious. Something very much more shoulder padded. Something from the buble family maybe a lot of sequins i think so but what i'm trying to say is adam is a bit of a purist adam it listens in the in his car to the jazz station and if they veer from the hard bop uh adam starts getting

cross and complaining about it yeah it's a terrible jazz station. So that's my picture of Adam. Now, Adam comes into our studio this morning, and he's singing at full volume. What were you singing, Adam? Don't Go Breaking My Heart, sung by Elton John and Kiki D, I believe. He comes in here singing, Don't go breaking my heart, Don't go breaking my heart. Don't go breaking my heart.

Both parts. Which is in my brain now. So I say to him, Adam, what's the story with Don't Go Breaking My Heart? He says, I heard it on the radio. Now, I know that they don't play Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and who now? Kiki D. Kiki D.

I don't even know who that, what is that? She's saying Don't Go Breaking My Heart with Elton John on that one record. Okay. And then exploded after the recording session. She was like the vanity to print, is it vanity sure

vanity or apollonia either one would have been acceptable okay um so i know that they don't play that song on the jazz station jordan sure i know that that is not they're not that's not sandwiched between even even during the jazzy even during the hour that Adam claims to hate, the one where they're playing a lot of Manhattan Transfer, even then they don't play Elton John. And so I have a theory. This is my theory. My theory is that when I'm in the car, Adam becomes self-conscious. Right. He wants to impress you and he puts on the jazz station

because he thinks that he's better than me and so he thinks that by putting on the jazz station he will outclass me outflank me because he knows who bill Evans' drummer was. But then as soon as you get out of the car, it's a good times great oldies. I don't know. I know. Honestly, I've been accused of that before, so it's no new thing for me. People are automatically suspicious when someone is casually listening to the jazz. I think no one really likes jazz, Adam.

I know. People tolerate jazz. I used to listen to jazz radio when I was driving around in my Volkswagen Vanagon when I was 16, 17 years old. And my friends would roll their eyes in and say, you only listen to jazz because you want to be different from everyone else. I was a nonconformist, but not in that way. I mean, you were already driving a Vanagon. Right. How much cooler could you have gotten? And I had a T-shirt that said-conformist but not in like not in that way i mean you were already driving a van again right how much cooler could you have gotten and i had a t-shirt that said non-conformist did you really have a t-shirt that said that no wouldn't that be good okay do you like do you like legitimately like jad do you like listen to jazz

is or it's not just like a background noise thing like you appreciate no it's weird i really get into them it's the only sort of music that i really like that i really do get into and i do get into it like when i'm when i'm fully in it um you scat yeah a little bit these are some casual scatting i do i'll do i'll do some i'll whistle along i'll drum along on the steering wheel and i'll definitely if it's if if it's uh if i'm possessed too i some scat. I'll whistle along. I'll drum along on the steering wheel. And I'll definitely, if I'm possessed to, I will scat along. You played in a jazz combo. Yeah. You were a jazz bow. Would you say you're a jazz bow?

Sure. Yeah, at different stages of my life. Not right now. You're not a jazz bow right now. What did you play in the jazz combo? I played drums mostly. I had a band in high school, and we got to play at the Starbucks every week.

Now did you ever, when you're a little bit older than I am, but did you, when the swing dancing craze came around, did you guys try and capitalize on that? No, not at all. That was gauche. You guys thought that was gauche. Yeah, totally.

Because big band music is a little bit cheesier. And so that's the kind of, for me, that was the kind of music you had to play when you played in the high school band or something. And I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Swingers. Great movie. Oh, of course. The movie Swingers.

Yeah. It's money, baby. It's money, baby. Yeah. Vegas, right? Vegas. Oh, I'd like to go to vegas oh behave vince vaughn he said his own his character said the actor's name yeah yeah um

uh yeah so okay so okay i never certainly never went swing swing dancing. So you never had the urge to maybe take it to the next level, make yourself more commercial by playing swing music? No, not really. If anything, less commercial. By playing jazz and then also by playing jazz horribly. Can we talk about swing? There was this guy at UC Santa Cruz. I don't know if you remember this guy, Jordan.

I think maybe he was the same age as me. He always wore a Harvard sweatshirt everywhere, which number one is a red flag. Even if you, I think, frankly, I'm going to be honest with you. Anytime you're wearing something that says the name of a college and you're not exercising, it's a red flag to me. of a college and you're not exercising, it's a red flag to me. Or possibly if you're at the football game. That's two times when it's appropriate to... Like, even if it is the college that you go to.

Like, can you imagine me or Jordan wearing a t-shirt that said UC Santa Cruz on it? You know what I mean? I have one that I'll put on when I relax around the house. Okay, relaxing around the house is fine too. Yeah, no, if you're wearing some... If you're wearing your cashmere sweatpants,

you know, and you're just, you're just watching Murder, She Wrote, that's fine. Sure, yeah. That's fine. That's a familiar scenario to me. As a general rule,

I would say it's not appropriate to display your alma mater. Oh, there's one other exception. There's one other exception. If you're the first person in your family to go to college. You want to rub it in their faces. Yeah, and you're in a family reunion.

You also carry your diploma around. In that case, it's totally... Hey, guys, how's fixing car stereos going? It's totally appropriate. To be said to your family. It's totally appropriate to be proud that you went to college. That's fine. That's great.

But let's say you're a student a student at uc santa cruz is it appropriate would you say to wear a harvard sweatshirt every single day no did you ever find out the story on that i okay i'll tell you what the story is this guy was um uh he was a bit of what we used to call a clod which was charismatic leader of the dorks, which is the person who has a group of dorks that follow him. But I think at some point in our college careers, he must have alienated his followers because he started moving from sort of lunch table to lunch table in the dining hall. Yeah. And he would sit down and he sort of talked as though he was a grown up, but in an awkward way. You know this kind of dork that talks like a grown up, but in an awkward way. Mm-hmm.

And one day he sat down and apropos of nothing, he shared with me and my friends that did not know him. He said, I've really become interested in social dancing. Yeah. To me, that man is every swing dancer in the history of the world. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I bet eventually he met a girl, you know, his queen, and she was also into social dancing. And I bet they still do it consistently.

Like, they're in a club. Well, now they're totally into the roller derby. It's the next step. By the way, that story was crushing. It was like, I just i felt i feel for that guy i felt for him that poor guy but but he uh yeah without dorks like without a without a group of his own yeah a clod without it without the dorks that followed him i think he insisted that they try social dancing that's the thing that's the impression that I got. He wasn't... You got the impression

that he didn't think it was fun either. Just that he was going to fucking take care of it. Like he was really going to do it. Yeah. Like a guy who came up with his own theory about how he was going to meet a girl. And it didn't correlate to anything really, um,

practical or useful in, in his college setting. Yeah. Man alive, man alive. I, we have to discourage now people from, um,

uh, wearing neckties to college. That's one of our big jobs now as the, as the creators have put this on is, uh, a young person, uh, bless their hearts, uh, will email us and say i i want to know why when i go to college people think it's weird when i wear a necktie okay i didn't know it wasn't i didn't know it was weird uh to wear a tie to college

so you're gonna have to educate me too yes you did you knew it's weird. Think back to college. If someone you knew was wearing a necktie every day, would that be weird? So why is it inappropriate in college and it's appropriate in... What is the setting for a young person to wear a tie appropriately, then? Business context? Okay. All right. Cocktail? Affair? Affair. Okay. All right. Um, what if... Uh, cocktail... Affair?

Affair. Okay, fine. Um, uh, relative's funeral. Okay. Relative's wedding. So no tie unless it's a school tie. Right. In, like, in a prep school.

Yeah, no, you should wear your school's tie. Okay. Like, let's say you're at Princeton. You should be wearing a Princeton tie, yes. You'll get demerits if you don't. Right. you don't want to get handed out any demerits i of course another time you would want to wear a tie is at the regatta right i think is the theory that when you know a young person who is in college who just goes to like you know bachelor of arts like, when they wear a tie... B of A.

Yeah, yeah. When they're doing it, they're doing it to kind of, like, be funny and weird, and is the theory that you shouldn't dress... You shouldn't make a fashion choice that's to be funny or weird? They're not...

No, sometimes they're doing it to be serious, but there's just no... It comes off as snotty. When all their other classmates are showing up in their pajamas frankly it comes off as snotty at best I would say snotty is your best case scenario slightly snotty is sort of what you're hoping for and what you're going to end up with is probably something worse than snotty

there was a guy in my college who every day wore um sort of a steampunk garb uh like with a cape and a monocle even every day what college did you go to again nyu okay um and and uh when i show god like speaking of wearing your your alma mater's logo or whatever, when I first got to NYU, I was so excited about being at NYU that my parents got me a cap from, you know, a baseball cap from the student store that said NYU Film on it, and I wore that shit. Oh, God, kill me. Now I'm so embarrassed of what I was.

And I saw my first week there on campus which isn't really a campus it's just a set of buildings in in greenwich village and i saw janine garofalo on the street and i went up to her and i said i'm a big fan and she said oh thanks have fun at nyu and then i realized all at once janine garofalo cut you down to size so like you were off the hat like you were a character in a film in the early 90s yeah well not early 90s come on you should have mid 90s you should you should have said to her uh have fun with far left punditry in the future yeah she looked at you quizzically yeah but now she's like oh that's what that young man was talking about yeah you should have dropped some insight on on jg uh i have i have uh this is semi-real i mean this is something i wanted to talk about anyway but i think it's similarly

related to just things that are a little bit anachronistic do you guys want to hear about this yeah i want to hear about this uh just on the way over here walking to my car uh i saw a parked car this is a like a this is like kind of like an older maybe like early 90s something like subaru station wagon or something like that uh you know roof rack and it had on the back a uh a sticker that said um in remembrance of connor and lacey uh december 24, 2002. This is a reference. Correct me if I think it's a reference to the Scott Peterson, Lacey Peterson murder trial. This was a, you know, this is a big thing back in, like, 2004 on, like, this was a big, like.

It was in Orange County, wasn't it? It was, yeah, yeah. It was a big thing upon like am radio this was a guy who uh a guy who killed his pregnant wife and was having an affair and it was this big kind of scandalous story and he was handsome yeah he was that was the thing about it right yeah and you know he was and you know it was one of these things that just like the you know kind of weird dad-based media obsesses over despite it having no news value and you know totally tragic totally awful uh but just like the dbm yeah the dad-based media yeah just one of these things

that just uh just uh that you and your friends in the dbm are trying to tell us so you know so i'm like okay well this kind of fits with the station wagon. This is obviously like a parent who got super obsessed with this. And, you know, it's just someone who got really, really emotional over this kind of sensational trial. Jordan, I'm going to pause your story right here because I'm concerned that what you're about to introduce to us is one level above what you've just established i feel like you're building towards a switch up or a change of some kind sure that's based on our our being willing to accept or think it's normal that this person had a bumper sticker in memory of these celebrity murder victims like you're like of the tone, and correct me if I'm wrong, Jordan, and we'll get to you kicking it up a notch in a second, I think.

I don't know what this story's about exactly. Then the story's, I got in my car and drove over here. That's me falling asleep. You seem comfortable, Jordan, saying, well, sure. Don't get me wrong. It's crazy. Because I assumed it was like one of these, like, when you said these people's names, I thought the premise of this story is, isn't it weird that someone would have one of those,

like, in memory of my friend that died in high school bumper stickers sure on a subaru instead of on a you know honda crx and it's also weird that it's got calvin peeing on there calvin peeing on the in memory of he's like no i don't hate him i hate the in memory of him stickers that are going around right okay sorry no no it's a crazy to have it be crazier to have it now in 2009 when this couldn't be any less of a news item. Yes. But I mean I think at this point, my point is I can picture what kind of person this is. Right. This is like an overweight woman in her 60s or something who wears a house coat everywhere.

And watches a lot of court TV coat everywhere and watches a lot of court tv yeah watches a lot of court tv sure um anyways but then i look in the memory mr and mrs menendez right yeah exactly the kids michael jackson molested just like um they're not dead but their spirits are you suggesting that michael Michael Jackson molested them to death? Well, he molested their souls out of their body. Okay. Now their bodies are just waiting to die. And then I look in the car, and on the dashboard is a cassette tape insert for a cassette by Big Audio Dynamite.

All right. Which is the band that The Clash was before they were The Clash. Am I right about that? I don't know. I'm not an expert on Big Audio Dynamite. I thought they were like a big beat, like a big beat,

like sort of electronic, like party music, house music. No, if my music knowledge is correct big audio dynamite is like the band that uh um is that the band that that certain members of the clash were before uh they were the clash so it's funny that this person is um jesse you gonna can you i am can you all music.com this for me just so i don't so we don't get all those annoying jordan is wrong calls oh you know what we unplugged the internet to plug in the headphone thing oh yeah iphone okay adam's gonna go on the iphone so anyway so my point is i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure that

big audio dynamite is a toad the wet sprocket side project right um but that that basically i'm like i i had pictured this person from looking at the connor and lacey bumper sticker and now i don't know what to think they've got a they've got a a like this is something like big audio dynamite is not a famous band but it's like it's noteworthy for like a rock music nerd okay so adam what is your you've got your iPhone ready. What does your iPhone say there? Yeah, it says Big Audio Dynamite, later known as Big Audio Dynamite 2.

Okay, sure. Which is how I knew of them, and also Big Audio and abbreviated B-A-D. Okay, so this is the same as Big Audio Dynamite 2? Yeah, I don't know why. I guess there was a rebirth. If you had just said big audio dynamite 2 jordan i would have known i'm sorry i apologize well uh jordan you were right in that it was um

they were for it was a band formed in 1984 by the ex-guitarist and singer of the clash mick jones okay so it's this is a post-clash project a post-clash project anyway i feel like it still occupies the same space of not a famous band, but something that a music nerd would be into. So we have to try and figure out who this person could have been. Yeah. What about this? Is it possible that it was someone who – I have nothing. But also a music nerd who still has cassette tapes.

But maybe that's just a guy. Maybe that's just like a guy who's like a purist. He's like, oh, it sounds better on cassette. Like, is that something? Does that person exist? His car might just have a cassette deck. Because for a while, I was driving a car that only had a cassette deck. And so I bought cassettes at the – I bought a box of cassettes on eBay.

And someone might have said, I bought them because there was, you know, like a Tribe Called Quest cassettes in this box of cassettes on ebay and someone might have said i bought them i bought them because there was you know like a tribe called quest cassettes in this box of cassettes sure but someone could legitimately have asked me jesse it looks like you actually own a cassette of totally crossed out sure um because i didn't throw it away i I just didn't listen to it. So do you think this is someone who is into sensational dad news murder trials ironically? Like, is the sticker a joke? If that's an ironic joke, that is a fucked up ass ironic joke. It's brilliant, though, when you think about it, because it fooled you. I mean, most ironic bumper stickers are so easy to figure out, but this person really put together a puzzle together that you really just couldn't decipher.

And kudos to that. Were there any other pieces of the puzzle? Did you look in any other windows? How was their tire pressure? Modest. Modest? Yeah, no, I haven't inspected this car. I hope it's back there when I go home because I'm definitely going to give it a once over.

But yeah, anyways. This was in West Hollywood, California? This was, yeah, yeah. Do you think that's a piece of the puzzle? Yeah, I do. Do you think it's possible that this is some kind of rock and roll gay? No. No, I didn't know that existed.

But I'm going to say irony say irony i'm gonna say irony all the way okay which and i again i'm gonna submit that it's brilliant so you're saying what you're saying let me get let me see if i if i have this right adam you're suggesting a scenario in which this uh celebrity murder enthusiast has as a joke to her other celebrity mute uh murder enthusiast friends uh pretended to like alternative bands from the mid-1980s yeah it's a good sort of a gag yeah like like how you like how you as a gag will put on jazz uh to creep people out. This woman puts on some post-punk. Yeah, that's what I think. This woman is sort of like, she'll be like Michelle Buble, Michael Bolton, and then she'll be like Public Interest Limited.

Phil, P-I-L. Public Image Limited. Oh, that's what I meant to say. That's okay. We're fucking up all our All our punk legend side projects today Oh god I'm on my deathbed It's Jordan Jesse

Go Adam Lissagor here From You Look Nice Today Of course my friend Jordan Hey what someone should do Is what an action item should be Someone should make a doodle Of the person who owns this car Okay doodle of the person who owns this car

That's your action item folks We'll be back in just a second it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart i'm jordan morris boy detective adam lissagor um it's great to have adam here don't you think jordan yep especially with those I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Adam LeSegor. It's great to have Adam here, don't you think, Jordan? Yep, especially with those noises that he makes. It's like an old shoe. You know what I mean?

Just making some noises. It's like having one old shoe. Yeah, I feel like you are familiar. Like a little demon or a gremlin that follows us around. Fine, I'm going to try not to take offense to any of those things you just said. Don't. They are all compliments. Like a moldy old shoe. God.

Great. With a real, like a ripe odor. Okay. Just a disgusting gremlin's shoe. Just a shitty beard. Just a shitty bearded shoe. Just a shoe with a lousy beard on it. You smell.

I'm probably going to go. No, don't. Hang out. I might have some more stuff I want to say to you. We're having a good time. Having a great time. How about that? Try that on for size. Yes. We've got so many calls. Since our telephone call

machinery has been busted and our internet has been busted, we've got all these calls to take. So we're just going to have a little call extravaganza. What do you say, team? Yeah. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse.

This is Mitch from Kansas City. I recently moved back to college, and I've sort of been getting back with old friends and hanging out. And I was just hanging out with one of the people I consider to be one of my closest friends here at college in just period. And I spent the last three hours discovering sort of generally that he believes that 9-11 was an inside job and about how the earth is a collective conscience and just so many feelings about everything that just happened. Yeah, just really, really confused, kind of let down. Ooh, just feelings. All these feelings.

So, man, that's a tough thing to find out. So you've returned to college to find out that one of your close friends is into bullshit. That's a really tough situation. Adam? I'm sorry, I zoned out. Thoughts on bullshit. So his friend is a conspiracy theorist?

His friend thinks 9-11 was an inside job. Okay. And he thinks that the Earth is a collective conscience i'm gonna guess consciousness right that's not what he said he did say conscience maybe he's onto something so he thinks of the earth as one big jiminy cricket if you will okay um yeah no it sounds like maybe just rather than rad i think i think what he's getting at is rather than just believing in these two specific things he's kind of now into ecology bullshit right which is which is a problem do you think this is going to be a passing phase or do you think he's going to spin off into further collegey bullshit because we

knew people in college who started out relatively normal then sort of became unmoored and then just floated further and further from the dock, and now they're too far away from the dock and they send you a weird message on Facebook. Yeah, and I think being into college-y bullshit in college isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, you shouldn't do it, but you're especially receptive to that kind of thing. Sure, you read The Fountainhead and you get into that sort of bullshit. Yeah, you're prone to joining the leadership forum or whatever that thing is called. Landmark forum.

Yeah. You have extreme opinions in college. I think it's – I didn't know it was that extreme. I consider that an uneducated fringe of society that believes that 9-11 was an inside job. I didn't know that was college-y. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I guess I associate it.

Maybe it's... There's a lot of documentary films now, which is a big thing in college. Oh. I think, you know... You could stream it on Google Video. You start watching sort of, you know, manipulative, ill-supported documentary films. Your 9-11 was an inside job films your michael moore films same category yes same category but yeah i mean i think there's two there's two you know ways to go

i think either you know you grow out of it or you you know you you reasonable eyes your opinions and you move into polite society or you know you know, you, like, stay in that college town, you grow a ponytail and try to organize community gardens. And I think that less people do that, because I think that more people, you know... Start a kazoo orchestra. Exactly, yeah. Something with the ukulele. And I think that, yeah, and it seems like,

I mean, we can all look back at college and think of some times where we acted in a certain way that was ridiculous. You know, so yeah, no, I think hopefully you're, you know, just be a normal person to your friend. And hopefully they won't do something with crystals for a living in the future. You know what I recommend that they do? Check out the Landmark Forum. It really changed my life. It made me feel so powerful.

Yeah, go in at level one. Obviously, you're going to start with the entry package. But you're just going to build upon that and those connections that you're making. Democracy Now? Yeah, absolutely. Democracy Now? Please. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh.

This is Kim and Todd from Phoenix and Michael from Idaho. And we are calling in about the oddly specific yet random action item for publicity in Montana. Now, we couldn't get to Butte, but we did end up in Bozeman, where we decided to promote MaxFunFun.org by creating a MaxFun promo kit, which involves a shiny gold box, which is, of course, to represent your royalty. Thank you. Posters, free candy with MaximumFun website and show tags, and, of course, your fun faces. We actually just left Cactus Records, the hippest store on Main Street, where the lovely manager, Riley, was kind enough to display the promo box where everyone would see it.

So pretty fun, exciting stuff. And we will be posting pictures for everyone to see shortly. So just wanted to call in and let you know we did that for you. So anyway, take care. And we can't wait for Max Funk on too. I like this. Yeah, this is good. I think there's the obvious question.

Two young people from Phoenix, one person from Idaho. What are they doing in Montana? In Bozeman. I don't want to assume it's a cross-country murder spree. Right. But it would make a lot of sense. It would make more sense. It would answer a lot of questions.

Yeah. Certainly there are a lot of questions that need to be answered, and there's only one natural conclusion. Cross-country murder. Cross-country murder spree. Murder spree. I felt this way. I watched an amazing short-form documentary on the internet last night that explained everything to me. I mean, it raised as many questions as it answered, but it certainly suggested to me that this was a cross-country murder spray.

But hey, I'm glad that they took some time to promote our stuff. She didn't sound like a cross-country murder... That's the thing, though. A murderess. She sounded... I mean, she had an excellent presenting voice. She did. She really had her shit together.

That's how they trick you into getting murdered. Okay, I'd let her murder me, I guess. They come up with their nice diction. We're not talking about un petit mort. What the French call the little death. Oh, come. Siemens. That's fantastic.

It's not little with this guy, believe me. When he gets done with you, you are drenched in semen. To fire us. You are. You're laden. Yeah. Semen.

I like the fact that we're. He's got big balls. I like the fact. Big audio dynamite. He's got some big audio dynamites in his pants. Speaking of saturation, I'm glad we're saturating the great state of montana with our uh entertainment brand of jizz with our entertainment it's one of the least populous states in the union if not the least populous certainly the least dense in its in its population

and that's why i think it's such a good target for us because we can quickly become the most popular podcast in montana it's easy just think you know us because we can quickly become the most popular podcast in Montana. It's easy. Just think, you know, there's not that many people in Montana who are listening to Grammar Girl right now. Exactly. We often have Montana's favorite native son, Chris Fairbanks, on. Exactly. That's the most famous Montanan of all time, Chris Fairbanks.

That guy's been on television. So here we go. Let's do it. Bozeman, Montana. Butte, Montana. Other cities in Montana. Crested Butte. Crested Butte, Montana.

Old Hoss Radburn. Cactus City. Wilderness Town. Buffalo Central. A Coyote. Montana. Hi,. A coyote. Montana. Hi, Jordan Jesse Go. This is Colin from Vancouver, BC.

I'm just going to tell you something awesome that happened. I write for a humor column for the school newspaper here at Simon Fersey University. And in the office, we've got a list consisting of fake names that we like. That's for when uh somebody doesn't want their writing to be published under their own name now because it's too incendiary and i decided to write one down and i didn't tell anybody else about it but this week i opened the paper and find out that they used the name and an article in this week's paper was published under the name chip dibsonon. Superb.

This is fantastic news. Great work. We've had actually a huge breakthrough, two huge breakthroughs recently on the Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson front. First of all, just to explain, bring people on board, Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson are names, one of which was thought of by a friend of yours

and one of which was a... I think just as kind of a general sitting around and bullshitting time with me and a buddy. We came up with the names Chip Dipson and Dip Dopson as the two greatest sketch comedy character names you could come up with. Just the two greatest – and we've sort of taken it one step further and pointed out that they're just overall the two greatest fictional character names you could have. Yes. And so it's become our goal to propagate these names throughout the culture wherever possible. We've had two big breakthroughs on this front. Recently, you may remember some months ago, our friend Rob Corddry was on the program here.

our friend Rob Corddry was on the program here. He promised that if his show, Children's Hospital, got picked up for television, he would, he of course writes the programs, he would name two of the characters, Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. The big news is that Children's Hospital has been picked up by Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. So he is contractually obligated, verbal contract, to name...

Punishable by death. Punishable by death, to name two of his characters, Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. And if you're saying to yourself, in order for it to be a contract that is legally binding, each party has to receive something. That's fair. Rob Corddry, of course, is receiving promotion for his program Children's Hospital in exchange for naming two of his characters Chip Dipson and Tip Dobson. So that's breakthrough number one. Breakthrough number two is, Adam, you've probably heard of a little outfit called Marvel Comic Books.

Sure, I'm familiar with Marvel Comic Books. We're talking about Wolverine. we're talking about spider-man we're talking about uh x-man we're talking thor uh this is mighty thor lady thor superman um um uh it's actually uh image shazam it's image comics okay um crazy cat sure peanuts peanuts anthology supergirl um um there is a there is a comic series within the marvel universe called x babies uh now this is baby versions of the X-Men in a kind of crazy alternate universe or something. I'm not going to get involved in describing the continuity to you. No.

But the author of the series X-Babies included in X-Babies number two, which I believe is on your comic book stands now. Yeah, I actually was in the comic book store last night, and I checked out X-Babies 2 and confirmed that Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson are both in there, so they are now part of the X-Men universe. Yeah. The X-iverse. This is very exciting. I did not buy the comic. Do you think they'll appear in a wiki?

I bought Astonishing X-Men, which is the X-Men I follow. I don't think there is room in my life for more than one X-Men title. So you read – I didn't even know you read comic books, Jordan. Yeah, yeah. I mean I kind of go in and out of my interest in it. But yeah, right now I – You're reading Astonishing X-Men? I caught up with Astonishing X-Men and there's new issues, so I got them.

How much does an issue of one of those cost? I think three bucks. It's a little bit of – it's too expensive a hobby for sure, like keeping up with regular comic books, but it's fun. Seems like a lot, three bucks. It is. I thought they cost $1.75 or $1.25 or something. It's a $3 situation.

Wow. It's pretty solid. Yeah. I wouldn't know about that. I listen to the jazz station. Hi, Jordan, Jesse. This is Chris from Iowa. I live in a university town

and just now I was walking to pick my toddler son up from daycare and ducked into the law school building to use the bathroom. So I use the bathroom. I come out and I see in the entrance of the building there's a table and set up on that table is two giant jugs of hand sanitizer giant jugs fine tape to the

table that says please do not sit on table and then there's a plastic container that has one powdered sugar donut hole left in it. And I just passed it by. And now I'm thinking, I mean, should I have grabbed the donut hole? No. Do not grab that donut hole. That is a trick placed there by two people on a cross-country murder spree. That is to lure you over to their table with the promise of snacks and clean hands, and then boom, you're murdered.

That's the first stop on their cross-country murder spree. They're upset they're in law school i can understand my wife went to law school i came pretty close to going on a cross-country murder spree at one point um the hand sanitizer is there uh actually for their benefit um it helps sanitize the jizz on their hands um they've got poison jizz uh that they're shooting onto that donut hole. Sure. They don't know, apparently, that jizz is its own sanitizer. You can actually sanitize your hands with jizz. Ladies. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This is Chad calling from Saskatchewan, Canada.

A brief momentous occasion to share. I'm a 31-year-old male, just leaving my doctor's appointment, had a full physical, and that included a rectal exam. It was as brief as it was bizarre, and if any other listeners are out there thinking they want a momentous occasion of their own, are out there thinking they want a momentous occasion of their own. And their dude, I guess, I recommend they go have a prostate exam. Gay. You're suggesting that he was into it?

Oh, so gay, man. Why would you even let a doctor do that to you? That's exactly why. Come on. I haven't been to the doctor in like seven years no homo no homo no recto um we've been uh we've been laughing and joking a lot about a man's uh sexual and other inside type functions um we've been laughing about jizz and calm and see the jazz station but this is serious if you don't want to get cancer uh you have to let your doctor put a finger up your butt it's a digital exam that's what they call it it's a digital rectal exam you're gonna always gave me a little chuckle a digital

rectal examination in the analog rectal exam. I shove an abacus up there. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Ted from Philadelphia. Actually calling from New York. I have what could best be categorized as a momentous occasion of shame.

I was listening to a podcast last night. Well, I was delighted to hear the voice of my dear friend of almost four years now, Bethany from Philadelphia. Not only that, but she was talking about me on the podcast, which is great, except for the fact that she was on there to call me a joke stealer. Did not appreciate that. Now, am I one to whip out a power jam occasionally? Yes, I'm apt to do that.

Some people just need a power up. Do I need to play a game of would you rather? Yeah, it's a thinking, a thought experiment game for gentlemen and ladies. And do I refer to a given website as an internet? Yes, it works. But am I a joke stealer? I don't think so.

I don't know. Okay, up to speed. Before previously my position on this, a young woman called in to say that she was a relatively new listener to the program, as recommended by a friend of hers. And when she listened to the program, she discovered that all of this friend's jokes had been stolen from Jordan Jesse Gell. Oh, I see. Now, my position on this matter was this. All our jokes are in the creative commons. When you light your taper from my taper, neither one is extinguished.

Never the twain shall meet. According to the founding fathers. And so it was now Jordan took a harder line on this issue. Yeah, which is send me money. Right. Jordan needs royalties. Jordan is a professional comedian. He lives off of his royalties.

Adam, I'm sure you've run into this with You Look Nice Today. People's talking about Snare, for example, the exercise program built around using a snare drum. Yeah. We don't value our content that highly it's all out there in the public domain so yeah they're free to take it and and repurpose it as they wish um and i'm going to say that most of our content is is um in turn stolen uh as well and right and uh what you know uh what's original these days, except for you guys? Oh, thanks.

Yeah, no, it's interesting to hear the other side. She seemed taken aback, maybe even a little betrayed. But yeah, I would like to get both of them on the phone at some point. Okay, we'll have them. It's hard to play this he said, she said over the answering machine. They can send us an email at jjgogo at maximumfun.org with their phone numbers. We'll give them a call next time we're recording and see if we can get them on the air. How about that? And in the meantime, eight bucks per joke.

Yeah. Okay. That's a fair rate. I think it is. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This is Jamie in New York. I just had a sort of fake out momentous occasion that was so momentous for the second that I thought it was real that I feel like I have

to call anyway. I'm in New York walking down 8th Avenue, listening to my podcast, looking to a Starbucks and think I see Jesse. And my heart starts fucking pounding and I'm like, is that really him? And I'm getting ready to go in and make a fool of myself. But Jesse, it was not you. You're not in New York right now or at least not in the Starbucks right here. So, yeah. But now I know what it would feel like to randomly spot you in New York City. And it was amazing and terrifying.

And I'll hold on to that. And now I'll go to listening to the podcast. Thanks. Yeah. Ultimately it would have been, if it had been Jesse, it would have been a little bit of a disappointment for you anyway. So you're probably better off. Yeah. No offense, Jesse.

Yeah. You're just less impressive in person. Yeah. No, I mean, that's all we're saying is the potential that's exciting. This was a call about how amazing it would be to see me. I don't think you guys missed it. And we're just correcting her. Like, she had this feeling like, you know, she would meet you and it would, you know, whatever, whatever, whatever. But we're just saying you're better off.

Did you guys hear the call, though? Because I heard it before when I was choosing which calls to play on the air. Oh, were you pick and choose the calls? Were you sound cool? Well, when I heard that call, I thought it seemed like a call where the lady was really excited to see me. So it was essentially a complimentary call towards me. Oh, yeah. Most definitely.

I'm just saying that she got what she came for. She got the good part. You had all the fun, all the excitement of thinking to meet Jesse Thorne,, like she got the good part. You got, you had all the fun, all the excitement of thinking to meet Jesse Thorne, but without any of the letdown. She had a crushing. There's no letdown though. People are,

I'm really nice to people when they, are you? Think back. Think real hard. Have you been nice? I'm usually nice. Really? Think real hard. I'm usually nice. Really? Think real hard.

I'm sorry, guys. I feel like I fucked this whole show up playing that call. No. We can see why you did it. Okay. Sorry. Let's take one more call. Hey, Jordan, Jessica.

It's Clinton, Canada. And I'd just like to file this comment under jokes you thought were funny but nobody was impressed with. I just delivered pizza to a girl who paid me all in change, Toonies and Loonies, and I said, wow, I feel like a stripper. And she didn't laugh. She just looked at me kind of disgusted and shut the door. So, anyways, just thought I'd share that with you. Bye. She was probably disgusted because she herself works as a stripper.

She's disgusted at the prospect of being paid in change. Jesse, you've never been one of those old Coney Island coin-operated strippers? Out on the boardwalk, you get a hot dog, you pop a couple of coins inated strippers. Not on the boardwalk. You get a hot dog. You pop a couple of coins in the stripper. Yeah, dude. You know what? We have a kind of recurring segment where we get to share jokes

that we don't think went over well and, you know, kind of give them a second life. But I think in this case, this was not a good joke because I don't know what goes on in Canada strip clubs, but generally,

you don't pay a stripper in change, right? Canada, just because you have a $2 coin doesn't mean it's appropriate to give a coin to a stripper. Yeah. That seems horrible. Then they bite it. They bite it to make sure it's real gold. Thanks, mister. There's plenty more where that came from, Sapphire.

Start shaking that rump. And then the piano player starts playing some hot jazz yeah oh canada you're crazy can't live with it can't live without it we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go You're crazy. Can't live with it? Can't live without it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Adam Lissigorf.

Adam is going to be a guest of ours in the spring. Jordan, do you know what I'm talking about? Is it at MaxFunCon? Oh, yes. It's at MaxFunCon. Jordan, just because we're promoting something doesn't mean you should talk in a robot voice. Why not? It's fun.

Jordan. It's my promotional robot voice. People are more likely to buy from a robot. Really? Yeah, totally. Is there evidence of that? Have you been doing clinical studies? Coin-operated strippers.

Far more popular. Just for example, by way of example, did you have a fun time at MaxFunCon last year, Adam? Oh, it was a blast. Everybody should go. What was your top thing at MaxFunCon? Oh, gosh. Just the, I think everybody. Just everybody.

All the people. All the wonderful people. The camaraderie, right? Yeah, the camaraderie. Everybody everybody. All the people. All the wonderful people. The camaraderie, right? Yeah, the camaraderie. Everybody felt included in the party, the fun part. It's a great place to get a handjob. I didn't find that.

You didn't? No, I didn't get my handjob. It wasn't in my bag. You got a bunch of handjobs. No, no, no. I think you were the only one. I got a patch. Did you just jack off in your hotel room? Is that where you're thinking of?

I'm thinking back. Think real hard. I'm thinking back. I remember I had a bunch of loonies and toonies. Like a lot of loonies and toonies. Max FunCon this year, May 7th through 9th at the beautiful lake arrowhead conference center how would you describe the lake arrowhead conference center adam oh it's gorgeous it's absolutely just uh picturesque and scenic and also um it's uh it's it's also uh beautiful and

picturesque if you're talking about like a high class like the world's highest class summer camp like you you stay in a fancy room with a fireplace, and there's a beautiful lake. There's a beautiful mist enshrouding everything in the morning that clears up by midday. Yeah, real upscale. We just added, you know, Adam and I do this thing, PutThisOn.com. We just added a PutThisOn Presents event at MaxFunCon. It's this guy, Will, who runs a great men's style website called A Suitable Wardrobe, probably my favorite men's fashion style blog. He is amazing, amazing. He's like super insightful about men's clothes.

He is going to run a seminar on dressing yourself for men. We know from having been there last year that a lot of Max Fun Con attendees, gentlemen particularly, have a hard time dressing themselves. And so Will is going to run it down. People were asking for me to do it. A lot of mittens pinned to jackets. Their mittens pinned to their jacket. So what should attendees do in preparation for the

seminar should they bring a suitcase full of of items of clothing right so they're going to want to bring their prop box um so different hats different mustaches um uh all that all that kind of stuff also we're going to be doing we're going to be doing a production of Midnight Los Angeles in 1993 so if they could bring all their different all their different costumes

for that we're going to be doing all kinds of different one woman and one man shows actually Will will be presenting it with Anna Deavere Smith. Nope. No, nothing? I don't know either.

Don't know what you're talking about. Somebody does, though. Someone does, and they're delighted. They're probably not even delighted. If you want to try stand-up comedy, how about this? Maria Bamford had such a good time at Max FunCon last year.

She specially asked to come back. She asked me, can I come back next year? And she's like, because I want to do... Whoa, that's good. Thank you. I want to do an open mic. And so Maria Bamford, during one of the activity sessions, is going to do Maria Bamford's comedy open mic for all levels of experience.

Maria is going to get up there and do new material. Al Madrigal has offered to help people out with their first time doing stand-up. Oh, I'm so excited. I'm more excited about that than anything. That's why I'm going. Isn't that unbelovable? Yeah.

Mark Maron is going to be there to worry about different stuff and make us laugh. It's going to be, man, it's gonna be really really sweet but seriously you're you're definitely right adam i felt like the best part of max fun con was just uh was just being there with um 200 people 150 people that are just couldn't be happier about being there it's like living it frankly it was like being in an andrew wk concert only this year we're actually gonna have andrew w wk there how great is that wow we're gonna think of think of how many opportunities you're gonna have to give andrew wk a hug not very many not very many but you will

at max fun con my friend anyway if you want to come to max fun con it's max fun con.com we got a beautiful new website too and i've been trying to post stuff on the blog. I think I might start a MaxFunCon podcast. What do you think of that idea? You on board for that? Play some stuff from MaxFunCon last year, some of the comedy and shit. Play some interviews with people who are going to be at MaxFunCon. Put some other different shit in there. Right?

Just mix it up. Yeah, that's smart. Right? Sure. Maybe a craft project. Jenny can give us a craft project. Jenny can give us a craft project. We'll put that in there.

What do you think? All that. Max Fun Con podcast? Sounds fine to me. I'm going to chew on that a little bit. I think I can get that together. Mull it over. Okay.

MaxFunCon.com. If you miss it, you're making a horrible, horrible mistake. And get your ticket soon because you don't want to miss out. What? What? No, I was just thinking of something else what were you thinking of jordan i you just said it's really juvenile i mean i guess i have to tell you yeah pretty much i thought it'd be funny if i stood on the chair and farted into the microphone it's good like what would happen just a second I'm Jesse Goh It's Jordan Jesse Goh I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective Adam Lissagora Love you, love you, love you yeah make the noise sure adam let's go great and i think people are really like the slight

variation jordan what you standing on the chair and farting into the microphone is not funny that is not funny to me all right let adam make his sound you stop farting into the microphone i think it would have been funny i i thought the funny part would be standing on the chair to do it like not moving the microphone closer to my butt but like standing up to meet the microphone um if jordan were to have stood up on his chair and farted into the microphone it would have been what we call on jordan jesse go a momentous occasion when something momentous happens to you, we ask that you give us a call at 206-984-4FUN and share it with us either as it happens or in the immediate aftermath. It's Momentous Occasions.

Hey, Jordan and Jesse. This is Dan from Chicago. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I just saw a goth kid rollerblading. That's great. Great. That's exactly what we're looking for. Nothing wrong with that. that's exactly what we're looking for nothing wrong with that that's exactly what we're talking about something magical the magic moments that make

every life worth living do you think the goth kid had goth rollerblades yeah i'm certainly did with um stickers on them i kind of like the idea that they had sort of like slate gray rollerblades with purple wheels and those kind of like fluorescent green straps. You know, the straps that clamp your rollerblades on? Yeah. That's what I'm thinking, that that person was wearing that goth. Maybe there was some Nightmare Before Christmas commemorative rollerblades. Do you think that the goth guy's duster was flowing behind him?

Yeah. Like, did you ever see Prayer of the Roller Boys? Are you familiar with this movie? No, what is Prayer of the Roller Boys? Okay, I'm going to say like 91 or 92. It was a Corey Haim vehicle. And so it's about rollerblading gangs, and it's sort of a techno dystopian future.

And it's rollererblade Gangs. It's sort of like... Wow, I had no idea this existed. Is this just something you're making up? No, not at all. Prayer of the Rollerblades. Look it up. This sounds like a riff on You Look Nice Today.

I've got to be honest with you. No, I couldn't make this up because it exists, and it's a really great thing. It's horrible, but it's a great thing. And they all wear long white overcocoats so it's sort of like a opposite of goth it's they look really good and they're more like they're more like angels yeah sort of angels of the night right on rollerblades sort of an update of um like the baseball furies from the warriors or something like that okay i got you is that the baseball is are they the ones that no who's the roller the roller skating ones on the Warriors? I've never seen the Warriors.

Yeah, I have, but I don't know. Yeah. The Jets? It's the Jets. The Jetsons. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and possible guest. This is Jason, and I just moved to Houston, Texas, and I'm sitting in a parking lot of a grocery store

where I'm watching a man who has a refrigerator in the back of his pickup truck loading it up directly with his groceries from the grocery store where I'm watching a man who has a refrigerator in the back of his pickup truck, loading it up directly with his groceries from the grocery store. And that is my momentous occasion. Welcome to Houston for me. Get her done. That's what that guy's doing right now. He's got, the first step is when you get a freezer in your basement, like a deep freezer, you know, like a cabinet freezer. That's step number one. Step number two is when you install a refrigerator in the bed of

your truck. Do you think it's that he lives in his truck or do you think it's just he lives so far out of town that he has to do that so the groceries don't spoil? I think he tells himself that he lives that far out of town, but actually what happened is he had such a huge truck bed and an extra refrigerator that was just sitting on his lawn and he figured he might as well put those two together and install a refrigerator into his truck bed i think it's like in my imagination in this description that it's like built into he's he's built it in sort of jury rig style into the bed of the truck. You see what I'm saying?

Like it's not just sitting there plugged into something. And it's not actually part of the bed of the truck. He's taken an actual refrigerator and added it to the bed of the truck, but there's welding involved. And you think it's a powered refrigerator too? This is a fully functional refrigerator. No doubt about it. He uses it for ball games. That's where they keep the beer.

For the tailgate parties. I've seen that on Pimp My Ride, I think. Pretty good. I wouldn't say momentous. Nice caller, though. He's even nice. Jordan, Jeff caller, though. He's even nice. Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Tanner calling from New York.

I called earlier tonight. I just wanted to call in with a momentous occasion. I don't know. You guys don't seem to be doing this as much anymore, but I totally made out with a fellow Jordan Jesse Go listener tonight, a beautiful young girl who I am taking out later this week. So thanks for helping me hook up. I wish you guys the best.

I love the show. Talk to you soon. Bye. Young woman. Young girl sounds gross. Young woman. Young lady. Sweet, ripe gross. Young woman. Young lady. Sweet, ripe young thing.

There you go. Number one, congratulations to Tanner and his... Bride-to-be. Bride. Number two, do you guys think that maybe we should consider creating some kind of master race? That usually works out. Right? Wait, first we have to make the trains run on time.

Okay. Let's not put the cart before the horse, Jesse. First on making sure the trains run on time. Okay, great. That's fine. And making sure that our military can drill effectively. No gypsies. Oh, God. And making sure that our military can drill effectively. No gypsies.

Oh, God. Jesse Jordan goes, this is Josh from New Jersey. Momentous occasion. I was crossing the street and I was literally almost run down by a pair of tandem bicyclists. They had a bright blue bike and they were wearing awesome neon yellow jackets. I'm amazed that I didn't see them. But after I ran out of their way, the guy leans back and he says, Don't worry. We wouldn't have hit you

that hard. It was pretty righteous. Nice. A sassy tandem by cyclists. Don't worry. We wouldn't have hit you that hard. I'm off to see the mayor. Tassie tandem bicyclists. Don't worry, we wouldn't have hit you that hard. It's the voice of a tandem bicyclist. I'm off to see the mayor.

Look out, there's a tandem bicycle. No, sorry. No? Nope. Not at all. Whoops. We'll be back in just a second Jordan, Jesse, go

Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Adam Lissigore we're having a great time we got some more calls to handle I told you this was going to be a call stravaganza I wasn't fucking around when i said uh that this is going to be a call stravaganza before we get to the calls though real quick uh we have just approved designs for not one but two jordan jesse go t-shirts oh wow which two jordan jesse go t-shirts

well our friend jamie tanner uh a gifted cartoonist who designed actually the Squid Sound of Young America t-shirt, was an entrant in our Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt contest. And he became the winner. He has a fantastic design that features our profiles, highlights my baldness. That's something I like about it. A very handsome design on a concrete colored T-shirt. Concrete, the name of the ultra-premium alternative apparel T-shirts that we use there. Very handsome design. And also our friend Stephan Lawrence from Elephant Larry.

And Stephan Rules is the name of his design company. Designed for us a very simple shirt that simply says JJ Go on it. Okay. That is also on the Ultra Premium Alternative Apparel shirts. Hopefully we'll have pre-orders up soon in the MaxFun store, but there's already lots of cool stuff in the MaxFun store. If you just go to MaxFunStore.com, MaxFunStore.com, we got rocket ship hoodies we got polo shirts we got um what else we got in there we got casper hauser t-shirts we got

sound of young america t-shirts what does the casper hauser t-shirt say on it it's got uh their sweet crest on it okay are you familiar with their crest have you seen their crest i think so yeah it's got some cool unicorns and shit involved in it. Okay. Says Casper Hauser. It's really great. It's really awesome. Awesome. Well, it's been a big seller for us. Also a big seller,

the Mustache TVs, as you would expect because it's America's favorite party game. A perfect, all this shit makes it for a great Christmas present and if you don't act fast,

you're going to miss the Christmas shipping window. Yeah, it'll probably be easier to meet a fellow fan in a bar or something and make out with them. Exactly. An easy way to prevent that opportunity from sliding away. You got it. So maxfundstore.com.

We had an action item two weeks ago about power jams. My power jam, of course, is You Dropped a Bomb on Me by The Gap Band. We'll talk in just a minute about my hip-hop power jams when we get to the topic. But first, this is, I think, a really great classic power jam. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Julia from Virginia. I'm responding to the awesome power jam request. I personally love Shalimar's Make That Move

as my particular power jam. And, jam, and when I'm feeling a little bit down or I don't really want to do something or it's making me nervous, totally kick that out. A young Jody Watley steers me through. It's really good. Anyway, Jesse, I encourage you to look into it. Jordan, I know you're not into this, so disregard. Anyway, thanks, guys. Bye. Shalamar is perfect power jam material. This is someone who has really captured the spirit of the power jam in just one word, and that word is Shalamar. Any kind of roller skating jam is a great kind of power jam.

Anything on, what is it called, Los Angeles? Shit, I can't remember the name of that record label. called Los Angeles... Shit, I can't remember the name of that record label. There's lots of Power Jams recorded between the years 1979 and 1983 is what I'm trying to say.

I'm Sal Kyer, Jordan and Jesse. Momentous occasion. I just finished a midterm examination for my first semester of Arabic language. Nailed it. My secret. I powered up as the tests were being distributed by Wipin' Out Power Jam, or in my case, Swing Your Rag by T.I. T.I. is a good power jam. You know what T.I. does when he's in jail? He thinks about his power jam, which is

Swing Your Rag by T.I. It helps him power through his stint in jail for trying to buy automatic weapons um uh a good power jam if you're ever in trouble guys just an fyi if you feel like you're you're uh bumping against the wall uh uh bouncing back by, produced by the Neptunes. Okay. You keep bumping me against the wall. Sure. Don't know anything about rap music. I'm just saying, that's a really good one.

Don't know anything about rap music. It really helped Mystical when he was in jail for attempted rape. So, just throwing that out there. That's really useful. Another action item we had was um uh we had there was a time when anybody doodled the lady who has the weird car yet what do people get why did no one do my action item um we also got it's been three weeks we asked people to it only feels like three weeks, Jordan. Time passes really slowly for Jordan when he's not allowed to stand on the chair and

throw the microphone. Yeah. What else get me through the day? We asked people to share information about Waldorf schools. We're, of course, have become very, we were initially anti-Montessori school. But when we found out about Waldorf schools, we realized that we were backing the wrong horse. So we're backing Montessori schools in their eternal battle against Waldorf schools. And we asked you to share some information about Waldorf schools that you knew or had

heard from a friend of a friend or thought maybe you'd heard from someone. Or you thought of while you were on drugs. someone or you thought of while you were on drugs hey this is uh yannis from maryland i'm calling about um the battle royale between montessori schools and uh waldorf uh educational academy brainwashing centers um they're i actually have a legal nameessori, and I would like to side with Montessori schools, particularly since the Waldorf school apparently only has two, well, I guess maybe three requirements. One is that you have enough money. Two is that your IQ is lower than 95, I believe it is, if you're a parent. And for kids, you have to have a green aura, and otherwise you're out.

parent. And for kids, you have to have a green aura, and otherwise you're out. So they actually, at Waldorf schools, will test the color of your child's aura before they allow them in. It's messed up. You have to be a member of the Landmark Forum. Also, a lot of people don't know that about Waldorf schools. See now, everybody. Jordan, Jesse, possible comedy guest Sharky from Minneapolis And I have it on excellent insider information That Waldorf schools are made out of people No, that's not a great factoid about Waldorf schools

It's good, it's fine, good work Acceptable What is awesome is that that guy's name is Sharky So if you need any more explanation about why Montessori schools are better than Waldorf schools, how about this? Just talk to our man Sharky. Just talk to Sharky.

Sharky will set you straight. He's a straight shooter. 206-9844-FUN if you want to join our continuing battle against Waldorf schools. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Lissy Gore. I had a lot of fun on today's program. I still feel like I'm going to die. Sure. Can't breathe through one of my nostrils at all. Having trouble breathing through the other nostril. Every so often I have to turn off my microphone and blow my nose

and make that keep talking motion to Jordan. other nostril. Every so often I have to turn off my microphone and blow my nose and make that keep talking motion to Jordan. Which I don't understand. And then don't. I feel like I'm forcing every word out of my chest, but I had a great time. You know why?

I'm just happy to be here with my friend Jordan. I'm happy to be here with my friend Adamordan i'm happy to be here with my friend adam lissacol likewise i had a great time thanks for having me guys yeah why wouldn't you have adam uh adam's brilliant brilliant podcast is you look nice today if you've never listened to you look nice today you're really um you just really have a lot of fun ahead of you although they are more popular shows Shouldn't Adam be saying, hey, to the You Look Nice Today people who are listening to this for the first time,

keep listening to it. Yeah, it really is a good show. I mean, well, I guess you've listened up till now, so you don't need any further convincing, but yay. So Jordan, there you go. Did you hear the previous 90 minutes of quote-unquote entertainment we just generated? Convince them that every episode is this good.

Yeah. It's a little long. But you know. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think this has been the perfect length. Not a second wasted. In case you haven't heard, me and Adam have a new show called Put This On.

It's online at putthison.com where we are blogging about men's clothes. Adam had a great blog post the other day in which he explicated a scene from Community. Yeah, one of my only two or so blog posts so far. Jesse does most of the blogging. Probably our most popular so far, though. Let's be honest.

Oh, that's only because it had celebrities in it, though. It's easy. See, I'm a Tumblr aficionado. I know be honest. Oh, that's only because it had celebrities in it, though. It's easy. I'm a Tumblr aficionado. I know how to... Except, oh, if anybody out there knows what Tumblarity is, oh my god, it's just blown up. On the site that Jesse is doing

for us, it's got much higher Tumblarity. I'm really upset because Put This On is currently doing about four times as much traffic on a daily basis as maximumfund.org i feel like my 10 years of hard work no it's all been leading up to this anyway you can watch our uh you can watch our pilot there at putthison.org and where you know we're raising money for more and blah blah blah blah blah um we'll see you at maxfuncon maxfuncon.com and in at MaxFunCon, maxfuncon.com,

and in the MaxFunStore at maxfunstore.com, and on the forum at maximumfun.org. If you want to email us, it's jjgoe at maximumfun.org. If you want to give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN. If you want to ask our opinion about something, share a momentous occasion, a moment of shame, whatever and what have you, you can do so.

Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, from Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, available from Light in the Attic Records. Jordan got a little bit bored and started pushing his nose into the microphone just now. Just a little one of these. Little one of these. We'll be back.

I'm like a seal. Next week on Jordan Jesse Go