Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 125: Space Monarchy

Episode Date: February 22, 2010

Boing Boing co-editor and woman about town Xeni Jardin joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss the Prince Fan Club, the Olympics, and a cost-benefit analysis of making your own seltzer.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We set a new all-time record for dick jokes with special guest, Shani Jardin. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, it's nice to be here in beautiful Los Angeles. We had a spectacular day today.

Just one of those days that makes people who like Los Angeles glad they live in Los Angeles. Sure. I noticed that when I went outside. A beautiful day. I took my dog for a walk, went to physical therapy. I was in a car accident. I have to do physical therapy every once in a while. You know, it's a new thing. Well, I didn't really have the right health insurance for doing physical therapy previously back when I got in the car accident. So we're doing some catch-up physical therapy.

Is that why your dick looks so weird? No, no. That's viral. Oh. Yeah. It just happened around the time of the car accident. No, I got the virus from the guy who crashed into me. Huh. I should not have made out with him. Yeah. It just happened around the time of the car accident. No, I got the virus from the guy who crashed into me. Huh.

I should not have made out with him. Yeah, right. That was the big problem. And we also touched dicks. But, you know, in the heat of the moment, sometimes when you have a car accident with someone, and in that moment where they decide, you know what? I'm not going to take your insurance. You want to say thank you.

Jordan, we have a guest. Bump tips. Jordan, we have a guest bump tips jordan we have a guest um uh here with us uh she's uh the host of boing boing tv uh one of the uh famous quateria of bloggers at boing boing.net uh she has contributed to your radio program such as your national public radio day to day um she's seen regularly on your rachel madow programs and whatnot. She's seen regular by me every time I fly, uh, Virgin America. Yeah, exactly. And I watch the Boing Boing videos that come out of the chair.

Uh, uh, Shani Jardin, welcome to, uh, Jordan Jesse Go. It's a pleasure to have you here. Can I leave now? It's probably best you do. Your work here is done. Your work here is definitely done. Um, you know, I, I,. You know, I have to confess. Sometimes I think about when I think about the fact that we're having a guest, I think about the guest.

And Jesse usually does the introductions as kind of the host of the show. He usually does the introductions. But sometimes I like to think of how I would introduce the guest. For some reason, Jesse keeled over or you know got distracted or something and for some reason the first thing that jumped to mind uh was internet maven but then i realized i don't know what maven means and i don't know if it's insulting or not maven makes me think that i should have a litter of puppies at least be wearing a sweater it's funny that you mentioned that because my first instinct was to introduce her as Mavis Beacon.

Oh, because she taught you to type. Yeah. And to keep your fingers on the home keys. You've got to stay on those home keys or your car's going to slow down. The definition in my brain is, you know, like a real class act, kind of like a classy dame.

When in fact it's a woman who has puppies. Sure. A woman who gives live birth. A woman. It's from Middle English. One of them is walking around the studio now. If you're following us on Ustream, you may have seen me clutching this puppy to my breast,

as it were. What a puppy, too, huh? That's your personal puppy that you've bred. And my personal breast. Sure. I really appreciate it. It's not some rented breast. You know,

Shani, we have a lot of comedians on this show, a lot of... Not today. A lot of these, a lot of these young, a lot of these young people that don't,

I feel like they don't show the, they don't show our program the respect it deserves. They'll come in wearing something like, I don't know, like some, just some brown shorts

and a Fuel TV t-shirt and some flip flops. These are shants. They aren't just shorts. These are shants. What is a shant? Short pants. No, these aren't. They're not cut like a short. It's a short pair of pants. Wait, what's the difference between cut like a short

and not cut like a short? I mean, it's not billowy. Like, if they continued like they are, it would just be like a pair of pants mean, it's not billowy. Like, if they continued like they are, it would just be like a pair of pants. Are you just thinking of sales? No. Like on a clipper ship. No, Jesse, I was on the crew team.

I know the difference between... No, no, these are a different animal. This isn't like a pair of shorts. Not that it makes me any more well-dressed. I mean, I'm still poorly dressed, but. But I'm still keen on learning about, and we'll get to Shennie and why I brought this up in a second, but because they're not billowy. Right. So is that.

Yeah. When you're wearing shorts, would you say that they typically billow? Sure. I mean, when there's a breeze. Or when you're walking over one of those Marilyn Monroe greats. Yeah. Yes. No, but these are – I did not do this to them, but this is in the style of if you would have cut off a pair of pants at the knee and sewn them up and hemmed them.

I'm looking at that hem right there. You're right. That is – that looks like someone who did their own hemming. Yeah, yeah. That looks like someone who did their own hemming. Yeah, yeah. It's supposed to look kind of a homemade, kind of punk rock vibe to it. So to be charitable, a lot of these comedians come in here as guests.

They have what Jordan would call a punk rock vibe. A shant. Yeah. Now, in contrast, Shani, I'm pretty sure that you're headed off to dinner with the president of Bolivia. My skirt came from Tibet. I can tell you that. It's not a joke. I bought it in Tibet for like three bucks.

She has a Tibetan. You have a shrug. You have some kind of a satin shrug. You're wearing a satin shrug. Worms shat this out for me. It is so good. Congratulations. So what you're saying is you can command insects.

It's not strictly vegan, but I only wear fecal products from animals. That's a good policy. I imagine Cheney at Boing Boing TV headquarters sitting in a, um, sitting in, in like a throne, you know, that's reserved for the host of Boing Boing TV. And did you see the Peter Serafinowicz interview?

Because actually that's exactly how we shot it. I have not seen this. Would you describe this to me? Are you actually on a throne? Yes. Wow. this to me? Are you actually on a throne? Yes. Wow.

So there's these two boxer rebellion carved Chinese chairs that are part of our set and there was a period in that period of Chinese art and design history where they were emulating grotesquely Baroque European

furniture and ornament styles. So what you have are these like Chinese dragons and peonies, but they're carved like Louis XIV, you know, vomited them out. Beautiful mahogany wood. The problem was he was eating too much mahogany. The best way to sort of test a guest's self-confidence when they come onto our set is to say, go ahead, you know, sit in the throne.

And some people just feel that they're not worthy. It's like a Darwinian process of self-selection. And others, they just plop right down. Serafinowicz is on his shit. He's not fucking around. I'll have you know that he corrected me on the spelling.

It's Serafinowicz. Serafinowicz. Wow. And I've been saying it Serafinowicz for a long time. But it's Peter Serafinowicz. Rhymes with bitch. And weirdly, that guy in my elementary school, it was Doug Olszewski.

Olszewski. You'd think it would be Olzuski, but it was Olszewski. So we did an interview with Peter Serf in a witch. I imagine Shani in that throne just saying, what have the worms shat out for me today? Bring me my worm shats. And make smoothies. Right, sure. And the worm poops.

Something really important happened to me the other day that I felt like it was so important that I share it with you guys on the show. That was this. I was in San Francisco, the beautiful city of San Francisco, the jewel of the Nile, as it is known. And I was in this great restaurant called Breakfast at Tiffany's. And Breakfast at Tiffany's is, I don't know what images the name suggests in your mind. Glory hole. This is a, that's a functioning glory hole, right? Yeah. So it's, it's in, my dad lives in sort of the southern part of San Francisco, in the Excelsior District. It's in sort of the, I guess you could potentially call it the outskirts of the Excelsior District,

but this is a lower middle class, significantly Asian American and African American neighborhood. This is a real like, not necessarily what you picture when you think San Francisco. It's not a bunch of Victorians and stuff. And this place is just the greatest fucking place.

It's basically like – it's basically just they only make home fries. Like it's just home fries and just various sausages mixed with eggs. Just – it's really only exclusively griddled foods. There's no... They don't give you even a half a banana with your thing. It's just a pile of potatoes. My dad ordered something that was like just potatoes fried with eggs, fried with ham, fried with sausage. So where do you stick your dick then?

I'm confused. On the griddle. Yeah. Okay. This is... Yeah.. Okay. This is... Yeah. So it's... All right.

This is this... It would explain the virus. Yeah, right. I know. It's a griddle-based transferred... Like, it's just like the only thing on the walls is sort of like grease-covered pictures of patrons, like just not even like 8x10s or something like that,

but just 3x5, you know, Walgreens photographs of patrons from 15 years ago. No, no, no. It has nothing to do with Walgreens. That's like the size of those erotic massage specialists in the back of CD magazines. Right. We're getting back to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. This is... They have some...

It's a Jordan's theory. Clearly a sex front. I mean, I would say overall, I mean, given all these things... Hash browns. Is that what the kids are calling it these days browns you get the old hash brown special spectacularly erotic place huh yeah but something's a breakfast a something that's not necessarily something slightly erotic happened which is that uh i was i was seated at this table it's not a big place pretty small place and um this guy is headed out the door. He kind of looks like – like Exhibit is really muscly.

But he looks a little bit like Exhibit if Exhibit was like 5'6". Kind of let himself go a little bit? Yeah, like 15 pounds or 20 pounds overweight. Like not fat. Sure. But a little bit – just not a guy who hosts a television show. And he has a little bit of a broader, blockier head. But he had braids, like really intense braids down to about his chin.

He's headed out the door and he turns back around and he says, folks – he just addresses the whole restaurant. And it completely coherent. I want to be clear. This is not a crazy person. Because when I start describing this. Clear speaking voice. Yeah, this guy, I don't want people to think that this was a crazy guy because he was clearly not a crazy.

And all of this was absolutely coherent and incredibly delightful and charming and intentional, he turns back and he says, Folks, I was about to go, but before I go, I just want to say something to all the ladies in here right now. Wow. You guys have a happy Valentine's Day. See ya. And he just walks out the door.

Wow. It's spectacular. One of the best things that's ever happened to me in my life i felt like i mean obviously i'm not a lady i'm a fella but sure i felt like i felt you're kind of fucked like in a good way i felt like i had just had great sex with this uh with this oh slightly overweight short exhibit figure you should have followed him out the door he probably probably just vertically leapt up and kept flying away i i felt like i felt like maybe i should just go out the door and just give him 20 bucks and say hey for your troubles great work sure i you know i and maybe i'm and or maybe I'm – but what was – Jordan, if there's one word any of us would use to describe you, it's cynical.

Sure. But I don't know. Is there an ulterior motive here? What was he trying for? Like, was he just like, you know what, I'm going to brighten all the ladies' day or – I'll tell you what it reminded me of. Okay. Once I went to see a –

It seems like it's the start of a con. That's what I'm saying. I think it's the start of a long con. Also on Valentine's Day, I went to see Prince in San Francisco maybe five years ago with my then-girlfriend, now wife, Teresa. And we were waiting in line outside the Fillmore, and it was one of those situations where, you know, the Fillmore is first come, first served. It's not assigned seating or anything. It's an open floor. We wanted to, you know, get as close as we could to Prince

and hopefully touch sticks. With Prince? Yeah, so we were waiting. Well, certainly my wife doesn't have a penis, Jordan. She's a woman. Sorry. So we're waiting outside the Prince concert, and we're behind all the people.

We're towards the front of the regular people. Prince had, maybe still has, a fan club, which costs a lot of money to be in, like $200 or $300 a year. But one of the treats you get is that you get first crack at prince tickets so they had all gotten first crack at prince tickets but because there were no assigned seats it didn't really mean anything so they got to go first in line so if you were in the new power club or whatever it was

called you got to be first in line so we're right behind all these frankly weird prince people and i love prince but prince's princeyiest Princers are really Prince-y. How are they weird? Yeah, yeah. What defines their weirdness? They just have a little bit of a wild look in their eyes. They're the kind of people who don't have a – for whom Prince is their emotional rock. Well, I guess I'm looking for more – okay, for instance, the Pixies did a reunion show recently in uh la a couple months back and i drove by the venue uh and the line was uh composed entirely of kevin smith's uh-huh uh is there an

equivalent do you guys are uh these we're talking largely about um we're talking women and homosexuals of every race largely largely between the ages of – Homosexuals. I didn't know that Prince was a gay thing. Well, he's pretty fabulous. I mean, let's be honest. I mean, it makes sense, but I guess I just hadn't heard that before. Sure.

Does he hate the gays? Yes, he does. He's a Jehovah's Witness. Sure. But is he fabulous? Yes, of course. He's a Jehovah's Witness. But is he fabulous?

Yes, of course. Women and gay guys between 33 and 46 who are – you immediately get the sense that they just don't have a lot going on. And I'm not saying that this is all of Prince fans or even all of... It's the entire internet. It's the people who pay $300 to be in the club where all it is is that you get to look at the secret

room in Prince's incomprehensible Flash website. You say that like Flash is a bad thing. Yeah, what do you got against Flash? Were you Steve Jobs? Yeah, what do you hate, Homestar Runner? There are these people,

and they're perfectly friendly, and frankly, I certainly prefer them to the drunk white ladies who were there because they couldn't get a date on Valentine's Day, so they decided to go see Prince and get really drunk and yell stuff while he's trying to sing songs. Those people were definitely worse. But these people are a little bit weird.

And like I said, many passionate Prince fans are totally normal. Our friend Jay Smooth from The Ill Doctrine, huge, huge Prince fan, has all the bootlegs, not weird at all. But a lot of these people are weird. You know who else is a big fan who's not weird? Anil Dash. Really? Yeah.

Wow, internet celebrity Anil Dash. Well, I'm a big Prince fan. I don't know who that is. I'm not the kind of guy, I don't have all, you actually, I saw that you posted some Prince rehearsal footage, which I had seen. That's how much of a Prince fan I am, but I don't have a collection of bootlegs.

I do have Crystal Ball, but I don't have a collection of bootlegs. I do have crystal ball, but I don't have a collection of bootlegs. I have some bootlegs, but not a vast collection. So anyway, we're waiting in line for the Prince show, and this guy who was one of these people is walking down the aisle, and we're trying to figure out what this guy is doing. He's wearing huge platforms, purple head to toe um uh maybe like uh i don't know i'd say sort of sort of like he's really skinny but kind of tall black guy in his late 30s i would say and um a little weird not

super weird outside the fact that he's wearing purple head to toe and giant platforms. And we see as he's coming close that he's giving people flowers. And he gets to us and he gives my wife a flower. It's a rose. And he says, from one Prince fan to another, happy Valentine's Day. Enjoy the show. And then he just keeps going down the line how beautiful that's like a burning man moment what is yeah does that kind of thing happen at burning

man it does but uh the platforms are covered with white playa dust okay the person has very very dilated pupils and their name is usually like thumbina. And you can see their genitals. Their balls are usually hanging out. What was so weird about this moment was the guy, just like the guy in Breakfast at Tiffany's, totally coherent, neither drunk nor

high. Totally clear eyes on this guy. 100%. Lucid kindness, lucid random kindness freaks you out and both of you are sitting here cynically and bitterly and post-modernly trying to figure out exactly why a stranger

would do something nice for another stranger. Every kind thing I do. Have you never been to yoga? No, I haven't. Sherry, we've met before. Yeah. You don't need to ask me that question. Have you never been to yoga? Well, see, the thing that really interests me about that story is that the people in that world, they're almost like prince cosplayers. I mean, they're not so much all dressing up like prince, but it's like they're furries for prince.

There's a particular costume, a particular look and feel, a particular universe. Which is actually, you can join that for an additional $200. In addition to your $250, you can go from New Power Club to Furries for Prince. It was a beautiful moment. It was a lovely thing. He did it because he loved Prince and he knew that we loved Prince, which I do. It's not to love. Maybe it's a signal. Maybe it's just a signal

where he was seeing if you guys wanted to come to the secret after Orgy. If you were members, you would have known what that meant. Yeah, maybe it was. It was, do you want to meet me at the glory hole for hash browns?

Right. There was a secret message that went out to all the members of the new power club that said, numeral two, letter B, furry with me. And then it explained that you should give out a rose and the whole nine yards. Roses are red, violets are blue, yiff and hell, fur fag. That's the 4chan Valentine's Day.

I should say, one of our writers is actually working on a really interesting feature about a person that she knows who is a furry. And we have not and will not ever write or produce anything that is disparaging to sweet, weird people who have...

No, seriously, seriously. No, no, yeah. Who do something that might be looked upon, you know, with fear or misunderstanding. Like going to a Prince concert. Yeah. Yeah. One of the first episodes we ever did of Boing Boing TV

was about furries. There was a filmmaker in Brooklyn who had followed people who were part of the furry fandom, the furry culture, for years,

for like two years. I'm positive everybody listening to the podcast knows, but just for my own kind of OCD-ness, furry, someone who dresses up as an animal,

just to hang out, but often for sex. I don't know if often for sex is necessarily true. It's certainly the perception that it's heavily sexualized. But yeah, I mean, I think actually, having now spoken to a number of furries myself, that the sex part is overplayed because the idea of grown men usually dressing up like dolphins or teddy bears and engaging in rough sex play, the jokes write themselves. I should be clear. Jordan is suggesting that this is a sex thing because Jordan is fixated

on something that he calls the secret sex party. This is what he believes is going on unbeknownst to him at any gathering of like-minded people so he feels that as he travels from gathering to gathering for his work at fuel tv there are secret sex parties which he's disappointed not to have been invited to yeah that's that's the long of this yeah every you know, I feel like I – maybe it's just that the – whenever you meet people who are super inside of something, whether it be the Stormtrooper guys, the Stormtroopers local 412 who go to the Star Wars conventions or Ren Faire people, I always – I feel like when you ask them why they do it, the answer is always very, very vague. It's always like, well, there's a sense of community here. And, well, we all pitch in and make the world a better place. And it's always very, very vague. And I just – my mind always goes to like –

You're fucking, aren't you? You're fucking. You're fucking later and you're not telling me because I'm not wearing the right hat. It's true. It's true. It's true. Well, we've got plenty of time to talk about see your sex parties on Jordan Jesse Go. We've got Shani Jarden here. Shani Jarden here.

Zini Jarden. Zini Jarden here. All XJ. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jenny, you're allowed to make up any nickname you want. That's one of the benefits of being on our program.

Jenny Zardan, space princess. Space princess. I like it. She went right for it. Sure. See, you can tell when they're good. It's like when Kurt Anderson, you may know Kurt Anderson, the host of Public Radio International Studio 360.

Big fan. And novelist. Kurt was on our show. He was ready with Explodo. It's kind of the gold standard in JJ Goat nicknames. Space Princess is really sorry. I feel like, Jordan, I feel like we this week have been living in a world of serendipitous moments. It's true.

Magical things have been passing into and world of serendipitous moments. It's true. Magical things have been passing into and out of our lives with alarming regularity. It's funny you should bring that up. I kind of had a baffling moment that it confuses me but still makes me smile. This was on the way over here last week. but still makes me smile. This was on the way over here last week. I drove by the St. Francis of Assisi. It's not church.

It says, like, St. Francis of Assisi Religious Center or something like that. Probably includes a church and a daycare and something else. And they have a scrolling electronic sign announcing various goings-on at the St. Francis of Assisi religious center. As many churches are wont to do. Sure. I mean, you've got to modernize. You can't be stuck in these stuffy old traditions. You've got to get a scrolling electric sign if you want to get the kids' attention.

kids attention uh and the message going by uh i just feel like i've been decoding and trying to wrap my brain around since i saw it uh at the top it said christian rock concert and underneath it said be there or be square and it's hard to know where to begin talking about this. I guess the obvious thing is, well, if you're there, you're clearly square. I think that's the good jumping off point. I don't know. It blows my mind. Because it's a thing. Sure.

I'll interject here that it is a thing to put a clever thing on a church sign. Sure. You don't see it as much here in Los Angeles where, of course, these Hollywood types, number one, they hate God. Sure. And number two, they're jaded. Yeah. And number three, they're probably Jewish anyway.

I'm making a long nose gesture. So here in Hollywood, you don't see this as much. But if you travel the country, a thing that you see a lot of is a church with a clever sign. It's like Twitter for Jesus. Yeah. It's sort of short form. You only have so many characters on that sign to get the lulls. You only have so many H's came with the sign. They're surprisingly lulls-centric, given that it many h's came with but they're surprisingly lulls

centric given that it's a house of worship of the highest power of the mob there's an oblique punch line that's hidden in there yeah like uh you know like watch out for yourself because someone's watching you but that's less yeah yeah just really. And so it makes me wonder if this sign is somehow situated within that tradition but also is demonstrating an heretofore unheard of level of self-awareness. Yeah, but it doesn't strike – I mean there there are, you, okay. So there is a big hip church in Hollywood on Highland and they have, you know, they, they have big banners and they made the word Jesus in the Google font once. And it said like searching question mark. And they have a big sign for something they call cross flicks where they will show uh popular movies uh wally uh star wars and i'm i'm assuming afterwards you get some sort of

lecture on how it relates to some sort of biblical teaching but this is not in that area this is in a a hispanic neighborhood the the saint francis ofisi thing. And it seems like this kind of cheeky irony is not something you associate with Hispanic Catholics. Yeah. No, certainly not. That's an interesting question. Well, I think we can agree that it's fucking delightful. Oh, and

while I'm on the subject of that hip church in Hollywood, they had a big sign called U2 and the Eucharist. And they had a four-week series where the title of each sermon was a U2 song. Anyway. I had a great experience. Again, when I was back in San Francisco, my sister-in-law is kind of a – she's a super enthusiastic person who's sort of like always thinking about the next fun thing to do. She got all the happy genes.

You got all the dour ones. Yeah, exactly. You got all the frowns. Her boyfriend is – he's just super nice guy he's a he's a park ranger in yosemite for his career just couldn't couldn't nicer could not be a nicer guy uh just really sweet guy and because he's a park ranger he doesn't doesn't really get much of a paycheck so because you know he was only working like six months out of the year. And so he drives this van that had belonged to his grandmother. And it's like, I mean, even if you think of band van,

you're like way ahead of this van. Like this van is like, it's an Econo line or something that maybe once was intended to be a conversion van, but was never converted. Like it's not a cargo van. It has carpeting in the back, but no seats in the back. And the carpeting is really gross and dirty. And there's no like sink or like, you know, sunroof or something like that. This really, this really, this really charming but pathetic van.

And he was talking, he was talking at dinner excitedly about the new stereo system in his van and how he got a new stereo system and i was going to be really impressed by it and i was like i don't know this sounds this really sounds like it's just going to end up somewhere sad right because like what could you do in a stereo system uh in this in this van and he says and then and then my sister-in-law said oh it involves a rope so i'm like wait it involves a rope i rope? I'm like, how could a stereo system involve a rope? This isn't going anywhere good. You're going to end up in a snare.

This sounds like something for a small game. It's one of those secret sex parties you keep wanting to go to. Oh, boy. I'm like, what can you do? I'm not sure what it's going to be. I'm reasonably confident I'm going to be disappointed, but he wants to show it to everybody. I'm reasonably confident I'm going to be disappointed. But he wants to show it to everybody.

And again, nicest guy in the world. So I'm on board for this. I'll go look at it. He goes to the van. He opens up. Opens the door. There's a 12-year-old tied up in the back. And he's like, you like my new stereo?

And then he flies away. He jumps up into the air. Sorry. Jordan, well, thanks for stepping on my stereo. i'm sorry he jesse told me earlier i couldn't resist so he slides open the sliding door of the van this is what his new stereo system is it's two 1970s style home stereo speakers, roughly four feet high each, tied with rope to the chairs. There's only two chairs in this thing. So they're tied with rope to the chairs. So these are four foot high speakers. And there's a turntable somewhere?

Tied with rope to the chairs. And here's the thing. Like, when he said rope, I figured that it would involve, I knew that there was only two chairs in this thing. I figured it would involve tying speakers to chairs. So at that point – One can only assume. I'm like, well, you know, the speakers were broken in his car and so he put in – he only had home stereo speakers and he knew how to wire it. So he wired home stereo speakers to his car.

And then he points in between where the center console would be if this if this van had a center console and there is a home stereo tuner sitting in between the seats like a like a you know onkyo 1977 i bought it at the salvation army that is plugged into the cigarette lighter through one of those power inverters so you can like charge up your laptop. And so he is just instead of... That sounds like that would be more expensive than just getting a stereo. It sounds like this is all vintage equipment you have to buy.

I don't think he was using like a tube amp or anything. This was really like this was really some like $6.99 at the Salvation Army equipment. But it was amazing. It was, I had never experienced a moment that magical in the world of car stereo repair. And then he showed you his iPhone, which was a cordless phone taped to a laptop. It was really, it was really something else. I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it and also trying to figure out how I can get one.

I'd like to see a turntable added to that. Sure. Right? Why not? A cassette deck? What about a cassette deck that only plays ca-singles? Is that a type of cassette deck? No. It would be great, though, if you wanted to listen to an Onyx song.

Sure. Anyway, magical moments in our lives. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Shani Jordan, space princess. Feels good, doesn't it?

Feels nice. Say a nickname. Feels good. So I have a question for you, Jordan. Yeah. I have been fielding these emails all week. Of course, I get a lot of emails about Jordan Jesse Go. You don't get any. Of course, you have your

own secret email address. You only occasionally you'll look at the Jordan Jesse Go email jjgo at maximumfund.org. People will randomly email me about Jordan Jesse Go. I've been getting a couple of themes popping up in my inbox. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who emailed

me to show their support for Chompers. Chompers, of course, is a power pig that I saw on the Antiques Roadshow last week. It's an awful horror toy that Jesse saw on PBS and he won't shut up about. There, Jenny, you're caught up. It's a lovely pig, a pull toy pig. It's unusual to see a pig. It was more you'd see a lot of goats pig. It's unusual to see a pig.

You'd see a lot of goats, but it's unusual to see a pig. So dumb. You're scaring the dog in the corner. I want to thank all the kind people out there who emailed me their support for Chompers and for me. Several people offered to take up a collection to buy me Chompers, which was valued, by the way, at $2,000 to $2,500. I explained that if chompers was for sale, this was, I think, as I think I may have mentioned in the show, the first thing I ever saw on the roadshow where my immediate reaction to the appraisal was, I've got it right now. Let's do it. But unfortunately, the items on the Antiques Roadshow

are not necessarily for sale. They're often family heirlooms. And if I had chompers and someone was offering me $2,500 for them, I would not give them up. So do you want to just recap an episode of Nova you've seen recently? Actually, it's... Are we just going to keep shoveling coal in this entertainment train where you describe PBS shows to us?

Funny you should mention that. I was just watching Scientific American. Oh, God. And Alan Alda was investigating strategies to make the human life longer. Yeah. It turns out there's a lot of good science behind caloric restriction. Or so they say on C-SPAN. So anyway, so first of all,

I want to thank everyone who emailed me about Chompers. Of course, if you want to see Chompers, someone, I don't know if you saw this, Jordan, but someone created a Jordan Jesse Chompers logo, which is a sort of logo for Jordan Jesse Go. If Chompers was hosting the show with us. He would probably make his Chompers noise, which if I can approximate it,

it's something like, which is the noise he makes when you pull him. So I want to thank everyone who showed me their support on that count. I also got a lot of great emails about R. Kelly and the song Ignition Remix. There were a lot of people who were really baffled that Jordan wasn't on board or wasn't familiar with Ignition Remix by R. Kelly.

And so a lot of people took the time to email me to show their support, not just of me and R. Kelly, but specifically of the song Ignition Remix. I'd like to thank those people. But there has been a third theme amongst the emails that i have received which is at least a dozen people have emailed me jordan uh to ask me why you were on the adam carolla podcast uh i did not know i was on the adam carolla podcast i now i i i ran into and introduced myself to adam carolla recently but i so i i could only guess he was secretly recording it and is strapped for content. I'll explain the context for this.

And so I'm assuming that it's you. There's no proof on the tape that it is you, but I can only assume that it's you. This is approximately what happened on one of the most recent episodes of the Adam Carolla podcast. you this is approximately what happened on one of the most recent episodes of the adam carolla podcast uh seth green uh the creator of that's the name of the guy from robot chicken correct sure seth green uh from the uh uh occasionally slightly funny television program robot chicken is talking to who seems like a great guy by the way sure he really does seem like a charming and pleasant man. You darned him with faint praise. So he's talking to Corolla.

Seth Green probably doesn't smell. Most likely. Don't you think Seth Green seems... As bad as a corpse. As bad, yes. Don't you guys think that Seth Green... Because those things stink. Do you guys not think that Seth Green seems like a good guy? No, he does. I really do think that he seems like a good guy.

But the fact of the matter is that I don't really enjoy Robot Chicken. Occasionally there's something that I'll think is a little bit funny. But he seems like a great guy. So I want to separate the art from the man. The man was talking to Adam Carolla. We're not talking about some ironic children's toy talking to Adam Carolla. It wasn't Chompers. No.

This was the actual Seth Green talking to Adam Carolla. It wasn't Chompers. No. This was the actual Seth Green talking to Adam Carolla. And I've only heard the clip. Someone sent me the clip. But this is sort of a reenactment of the clip, as best as I can perform it. I'm not an impressionist. I'm no Rich Little. No.

So it's basically they say something, oh, you know, something, something, robot chicken, and then you just hear one of them go, hey, that kid from Fuel TV is taking off his shirt. Hey, Jordan, get your shirt back on. Get your shirt back on, Jordan. And then Carolla goes, you know, it's only a douchey move if you look good with your shirt off.

And then they agree that if you don't look that good with your shirt off, it's a cool thing to do. Okay. Was that you? Yeah, yeah, that was me. Sure, this makes perfect sense. This is all falling into place. Yeah, oh, that's interesting. I didn't know they were recording stuff when they were doing that.

Yeah, so, sure, that's interesting. I didn't know they were recording stuff when they were doing that. Yeah, so sure. Here's what happened. This was at a benefit for Haiti. Oh, blame it on Haiti. Yeah, exactly. Haiti. I was taking off my clothes for Haiti, raising several dollars. raising several dollars, where the cast of Family Guy and the cast of Always Sunny in Philadelphia were doing this live stage show and all the money was going to Haiti.

So Seth Green was there, and Adam Kroll was there. I thought he was just kind of hanging out, but I guess he was recording a podcast there. out but i guess he was recording a podcast there yeah um and uh anyway so i was i was talking to the cast of always sunny in philadelphia which is a great show by the way but they seem like kind of kind of seem like assholes no i'm just kidding yeah i'm sure they're great people uh they are great people and it is a great show very nice um uh Did you see that one where Danny DeVito eats out of the garbage? Yes.

That's like 20% of their episodes, Danny DeVito eating out of the garbage. So I don't know how familiar you are with my day job, Jenny, but I do interviews for this thing called Fuel TV. And it's kind of – I'm encouraged to be outrageous. In a goofy, fun way. Yeah, yeah. Nothing threatening or mean but to maybe kind of shake up the usual kind of tone of an interview. Anyways. Taking off your shirt is a great way to accomplish that.

Yeah, sure. And it's a technique you've used to great effect before. I use it often. Right, sure, yes. Yeah, and it's beginning to bother me a little bit, realizing that my nudity elicits laughter, something I maybe't think of uh when i originally started down that road but let's be clear jordan you're a fit guy well you're not you don't have a lot of you're not ripped with muscles no no no neither are you overweight at all you know i don't know man i i i also do do a fair amount of auditioning just general auditioning around town. The last, I would say, couple of months, I've been getting audition notices

that one of the descriptive, one of the adjectives for the character is chubby. Uh-huh. So, I don't know. I'm beginning to wonder. I haven't done anything about it yet. Like, exercised more. Uh-huh.

But it's beginning to become a concern. I'm concerned I'm becoming a funny fat guy. But you've been known to swim some laps at the Y. No, sure. I mean, I'll go to the... You're a healthy man. I'll go to the Culver City Municipal Plunge. And a handsome man.

I think our lady listeners and male homosexual listeners would agree that you're a handsome man. As the sole woman in the room, I don't know about your dog. With my dog accepted, yeah. I can say that you're a handsome man. Thank you. Thank you. And if you'd like to take your shirt off right now, I wouldn't complain. Thank you.

I only do that on television. Not streaming webcam. I have standards. But thank you. Nice of you to say. If it's streaming webcam, you're going to want some stuff off your Amazon wish list. Sure, right. Yeah.

My physical fitness aside. So, yeah. So I'm talking to the Always Sunny in Philadelphia people. And the premise I was kind of operating under was I was feeling superior to everybody there because I was in our town in high school. So I was like being kind of a jerk to everybody i'm like listen i know all about this theater thing i know you're from television i'm from the world of the theater i was in our town in high school uh so i said to the people from always sunny in philadelphia uh now i don't know how familiar you are with my body of work

and then danny devito said take off your shirt and i i kind of stopped i was giving i'm like what i'm sorry and he's like it's like you're talking about your body of work you gotta take off your shirt and uh when danny devito tells you to take off your shirt and you have a history of taking off your shirt it it i don't know i would feel like a chump if i didn't do it. I mean, this guy made Death to Smoochie. Sure, absolutely. This is the Death to Smoochie guy. This guy had a small part in the Reno 911 movie, which was very funny. So I did it, and, you know, that was not just my shirt.

My pants also came off, and I was wearing undies. I should mention that just because. Now, you've taken off your undies to raise money for charity in the past. Sure. Haiti doesn't want that. I think I can speak for Haiti. They'll get it and they'll like it. Those Haitians, their minds are beaten down by the brutality of Papa Doc Duvalier.

Now that they're beginning anew, they can imagine the possibilities on the horizon, such as the intense, sultry, romantic energy of a shirtless, pantless Jordan Morris. Yes. And so, yes, and I did hear Seth Green yell, hey, Jordan, put your pants back on. I didn't know they were recording that for a podcast and then had a discussion about it. So there you go. Mystery solved. Well, the good news is that they decided you're not a douche.

Yeah, no, that's great. I mean, also they agreed I didn't go get my shirt off. So, you know, damning with faint praise again, I think, is what we're back to. Timing with faint praise, again, I think is what we're back to. I mean, I think there's a certain, you know, I think the reality of the situation is that unless you have muscles, people are going to laugh when you take your shirt off if you're a dude. There's nothing there that anybody wants to see. No.

You know? If you have muscles. Some people like pastiness. Really? No, they don't. No one likes pastiness. I think they do in this chat room over here. People are talking about different stuff they'd like to do with you, Jordan. No, that's foul.

We've got a chat room going on the Ustream here. You people are all being ridiculous. But yeah, no, so there you go. That's why I was on the Adam Grohl podcast. Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. I'm very happy to hear that. So I think if we can summarize, number one, the people from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia seem like real assholes. Sure.

Number two. Seth Green may or may not be a reanimated corpse. Oh, shit. I don't know. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Shani Jardin, space princess. That looks good. Great to have you here, Shani.

It's really good to be here. Now, you're in charge. You have to be looking constantly through your panopticon of world cultures in order to capture the best, the creme de la creme, if you will. I call it my inbox. Sure. For Boing Boing and Boing Boing TV. Have you spent any time watching the major sporting event called the Winter Olympics?

Have you been watching the Winter Olympics at all? I watched the opening ceremonies only so I could fully appreciate the multilingual, multiethnic, pan-geographic splendor of the YouTube fan remake videos that followed. So you're just laying the groundwork for the eventual... For me, watching a major mainstream cultural event, especially anything to do with sports, is just background research for the weird shit that's going to come up on the internet. Did you do this with like the Super Bowl and your American idols and stuff like that? Yes. And true to form, maybe 24 hours after the Olympics opened, a gentleman who is a Ukrainian, if I remember correctly, fan of Boing Boing, sent me an email. And he pointed me to a remake of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody by a Tatar ethnic performance group.

We have heard the phrase or the word Tartars, but it's really, really I guess Tatars. They're like a Turkic ethnic group. None of that matters. What matters is that they were singing They were singing Bohemian Rhapsody and I thought it was awkward. I thought it was fabulous. I thought it was weird. I used the word awkward

in the title of the blog post and there was like 100 comments that followed saying that i was um ethnically insensitive to tatars uh because who had to this point to be clear tribute primarily been known for their sauces yeah because no olympic tribute in tatar with people mind you playing juice harps wearing big furry hats is this total like ethnic drag, you know. From what I understand, I did not see the – I didn't see the opening. Oh, sorry. We are the champions.

Not Goleman Rapsi. We are the champions. I didn't actually watch the opening ceremony, but I did have a discussion with the new Max Fun intern, Julia, about it. And that doesn't sound that far off from what actually transpired in the opening ceremony. These things are always like, it's just one thing after another. This nation is the home of Cirque du Soleil.

They should just get the, you know, what's Patton's bit about Cirque du Soleil? It's something about a midget with a boner riding a unicycle. Sure. They should just get a midget with a boner riding a unicycle. Sure. They should just get the midget with the boner riding the unicycle, light the tip of it on fire, and light the rings, and be out of there. You know what I mean? Everybody just applauds.

And then everybody dives into a big tub of poutine. Oh, man. Poutine is delicious. Anyways. So are midgets. Yeah, so are boner midgets. I don't understand why the world's biggest sporting event opens for one thing like no other sporting events have associated ceremonies especially ceremonies that i mean there are ceremonies

like the coin toss or there are literal ceremonies but none that are self-consciously created to be ceremonies. Also, weird animals. Like, everything, every Olympics has a weird animal. Does this really need a yak? Yeah. Like, it's like, oh, it's Tutu, the Vancouver yak. He loves

all the different sports. He's a fan of the luge. Here's him doing skeleton. Sure. Luge, by the way, I always of the luge. Here's him doing skeleton. Sure. Luge, by the way, I always pronounced it loogie. Uh-huh. I don't know. Another thing that really struck me as I was watching the Winter Olympics, I watched two evenings of Winter Olympics programming because I was switching computers and we don't have cables.

So that was what was on broadcast television when I wanted to veg out a little bit. And so I was watching the Olympics and I was watching figure skating, which I had forgotten how much I hate. I mean, not to start another classic Jesse Thorne rant, but what do you hate about figure skating? Oh, just the usual shit like it's just it's really just like watching something that was created by quirky saint claire from waiting for guffman like it really is like so beyond tasteless and so like grotesque and also um while certainly athletic uh a weird thing to consider a sport.

I know that that's – What if you get kicked in the face with one of those skates though? Sure. I mean that's – I'm not – I don't want to get too – because I feel like it's well-trod territory questioning whether ice skating is a sport. But I'll just say that I'm on the side of – But I'll just say that I'm on the side of, eh. However, I will say that while I was watching ice skating, it was pairs skate dancing, which I believe is what it's called. And one of the – this girl who was in an American team or club or pair, as they're called, was Filipina, Filipina-American.

And I realized that I had been watching this, I'd watched five solid hours of this without seeing a non-white person. And I think they're just basically, I think what happened is they had the Summer Olympics, which had their roots in Athens, Greece. I think my dog is Grecian and upset about the ethnic stereotypes. She's offended. Yeah.

I'm awake. We have the Discus Olympics, the Summer Olympics that are from Greece. And then I feel like white people were just like, you know what? We're only at like 50% on the medals in this thing we need to come up with a new whiter version of the olympics to tilt the odds in our favor you know something phil collins can really write a song about something you something you can only do where only whites live. Sure. Something you can do where everyone's a socialist, but they're also xenophobic. You know what I mean? It's amazing.

The things that they'll... Like, biathlon is a sport in the Winter Olympics. This is something that has to do with the Swiss Guard or something. Like, what it is is... It's an attempt to cracker it up. It's cross-country skiing and target shooting. Like, long gun target shooting or something. And then a long banjo solo.

Excuse me, that's a triathlon. I'm sorry. Like, it's really, really like you really feel like like i think like the picture that emerges in my mind is there were in it was like 1926 or something i don't know exactly when the winter olympics started it was like 1926 and uh the people of color had been encroaching steadily on the the medal podium over the previous 20 years or 30 years of the Olympics, the first 20 or 30 years of the Olympics. And in like 1922 or 1918, they had created team handball. They had just made up a sport and said, we won't tell the people of color about it. We'll keep it secret from the people of color. But then

four years later, the people of color saw it in the olympics and then came to dominate it and then they're like you know what we gotta do and then they uh then they added the alan thick impression contest and then there was the the yacht rock karaoke marathon right yes these are i feel like these are roughly the same thing as something that involves a fucking alpine shooting contest. Like, what could possibly be more, like, it's something that you, there's the what goes on in the basement of Yale contest. The fondue diving. Like, when you, let's just list some more of these. When you get to, when you get to the point where it's a thing that thing that you feel like it would be inappropriate to not be wearing later hosem.

I like the idea of Fadoo diving of just getting horribly scalded every time you dive. It's like a one-time-in-a-person's-career thing. You didn't tell me it was Bree! Sorry. Everyone in the chat room is pointing out that there's a movie called Cool Runnings about a Jamaican bobsled team. And certainly, I'll give you – number one, I'll give you Cool Runnings. Number two, I'll give you future Hall of Famer if he's not already a Hall of Famer NFL running back, Herschel Walker, who for a long time was a bobsled pusher. And that made me interested in bobsleds.

was a bobsled pusher. And that made me interested in bobsleds. I liked the idea that Herschel Walker was having 1,000-yard seasons for the Minnesota Vikings and then taking a week off to go push a bobsled in the Olympics. I think we can all get behind that. But generally speaking, the Winter Olympics are so bizarre

because I feel like they're so profoundly not equivalent to the summer olympics competitive blogging i got another one sorry but do you know what i mean like like where how how is it that the winter olympics are allowed to be the same amount of olympic as the summer olympics like i feel like they're like the like the Winter Olympics are maybe one and one-third Paralympics in terms of their Olympicness. You know what I mean?

And maybe half or two-thirds of a Summer Olympics on the scale of Olympicality. I got nothing. Yeah. Yes. You seem mad at the Olympics. Seems like kind of an asshole move.. You seem mad at the Olympics. Seems like kind of an asshole move.

Sorry. Being mad at the Olympics. I know. I should be celebrating this. It's amazing. The world comes together. The world comes together to celebrate Bill Costas' hair dye job. Sure.

You can make jokes about wider events to have in the Winter Olympics. I like the part where him and Matt Lauer made out. Did you guys see that part? No. Did something like that actually happen? That was spectacular. Chris Collinsworth was there, too. No, it didn't. That would have been great, though, if it had happened.

They were just so overtaken by the curling, they had to have a gay kiss. Look, you guys. Curling? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? It is. Hash brown curling. Look, you guys. We've been laughing that what the kids are calling it these days? It is. It is hash brown curling. Look, you guys. We've been laughing and joking a lot, but I actually want to bring up something very serious on this week's podcast. That's this.

Jordan, let me ask you a quick question. Sure. How do you feel about seltzer? I love it. Okay, great. Because I also love seltzer. I love it. You and I both love seltzer because, look, when we're on the air, we don't want to get

burpy. No. We're drinking still water. We drink a flat water. A flat or still water. But when we're at home, when we're enjoying ledger time. When we're enjoying our ledger time. When I'm enjoying a Heath Ledger movie.

When I'm balancing the books. I like when I'm getting the books. I like... When I'm getting out the old red pencil. And when I'm watching 10 Things I Hate About You. When I've got my green visor and my sleeve garters on, and I've

got the old Ledger book out, there's nothing better than a nice crystal geyser. So, Jordan, where... Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Jordan, where do you buy your seltzer? Okay, well, when I started drinking... That's a funny question, Jesse. When I first started drinking seltzer...

I was hoping you would have more to say about this than the most important event going on in the world at this moment. I made that joke about competitive blogging. I felt like that added to it a lot. I didn't feel like that got the recognition it deserved. So I shut off. I drank an Arrowhead brand sparkling water. They have a lot of great flavors.

They have your standard flavors, plain lemon lime, but they also have wonderful things for when you're feeling more adventurous, like raspberry lime and pomegranate blueberry. But then here's what they did. Right around the time I started drinking it, I was five months into the habit, and they shrank the bottles and made them more expensive. Yeah. Fuck that.

Yeah, fuck that. I agree. That's bullshit. Even when they're on special at Vons, they're too expensive. Absolutely. I have material, gentlemen. Oh, this is why I happen to know for a fact, Jordan, that we have a seltzpert or seltzer expert here with us. It's like a sexpert but for water instead of fucking.

Right. Sure. but for water instead of fucking. Right. So there's a company called SodaStream that makes these devices that produce seltzer in your home. They're a type of fuck machine. So you don't have to go to Vons or Ralph's or whatever and haul home like 100 pounds worth of water if that's what you want to drink instead of your sodas. Right.

So I asked them to send me a review unit. I have a unit on loan. I think it's like a couple hundred dollars. It looks like a penguin. Plus you have a seltzer maker. Hello. You stepped on my punchline. It looks like a penguin.

It looks like a penguin. Okay, it's adorable. Okay. The little beak, you push the beak down, and there's a canister of carbon dioxide gas in his innards. Right. And he shits out tiny bubbles into the water. And you just, you keep pushing the beak down and pushing and pushing and pushing.

And then all of a sudden he makes a whistling sound. What? When it's time to drink. This isn't sexual at all, is it? No, I'm not. No, seriously. Feeling anything. And you can, depending on how much you...

Right. Depending on how many times... How much you work it. How hard you... Depending on the number of thrusts. Depending on the thrust duration and... Right. The bubbliness, the sort of perkiness of the water.

Effervescence, if you will. The effervescence strength will be either harder or softer. Right. And they also have, they sent these little- Go on. They sent me these little bottles that are like hotel liquor bottles full of flavors that you can flavor the drinks with. So, you know, if you're a fan of, say, the raspberry or peach or lime or whatever flavored water, you can do that.

And they also have like a ginger ale, a cola or whatever. Okay. So let me ask you this question. I love it. And FCC regulations here didn't, you know, I'm not like their spokes. Oh, no, not at all. Spokes princess. But you do have a review unit.

And also the seltzer bottle. I really, really love it. And I will... That's what I want to know. I want to buy it. Because I sincerely am strongly considering one of these things. Because I hate carrying things. My mom has...

No, it's a pain. It's a real drag. Well, unless you've got a burro. If you have a burro, it's a breeze No one does You people probably think that we bloggers All have We're all living in golden palaces

With 29 With as many burros as we could ever want Well, here's our throat We never want For beasts of burden Or Worm shit You probably think that we have helper yaks We never want for beasts of burden or worm shit. You probably think that we have helper yaks following us to the plastic surgery clinics that we frequent.

But no. So let's say – now here's the thing. My mom, when I was young, my mom once dropped a lot of hints that she wanted a seltzer bottle for her birthday or Mother's Day or something like that. Seltzer bottle? Like a 99-cent bottle of seltzer? Like the kind of seltzer bottle where if – that you would use – Like a clown would use. Like a clown would use one of these seltzer bottles.

You know – Oh, yeah. You know, it shoots a stream of seltzer. And what I – And then as soon as you do that, you just hear this sound that goes – Yeah. seltzer and what i and then and then as soon as you do that you just hear the sound that goes so what i found very quickly was they they have these co2 cartridges yeah and um you can buy the co2 cartridges and it's easy to buy these co2 that's like how the soda stream thing works too so but what these co2 cartridges you could make maybe one bottle's worth of seltzer out of the

co2 cartridge and the co2 cartridge costs like $4 or something like that. And so it was just a horrible, horrible system that somehow they had made it more expensive to buy seltzer in this convenient make-your-own-seltzer system than it was to just buy it by the VAT at the Trader Joe's, which is my current system. So I want to ask you, do you feel like the cost-benefit is the price-to-value ratios, and I'm still working on the ledger stuff here, is acceptable for this SodaStream product as a professional seltzer reviewer. Yeah. So I'm actually working on a little Excel spreadsheet to calculate exactly how much each bottle of this is versus hauling home a bottle from the grocery store.

But bottom line, number one, I do think that it works out to be less. But number two, I don't care. out to be less, but number two, I don't care. Number two, I don't care because what it means is that I can be that much lazier when I have to do my errands on the weekends, right? Plus you get that little pengie.

It's like paying an assistant to haul home your bottles of seltzer water. Technically, technically my assistant is an indentured servant, so he doesn't necessarily get paid. But I guess I could reallocate his resources elsewhere. So I could have him clean my burrow stables, for example.

For instance. Okay, well, I think I'm going to get this. I was looking at it on Amazon. It cost $100, but I think I'm just going to do it. The tricky part, the one sort of less than super convenient part of the experience is that you have to order new cartridges and a guy has to come and pick up your old cartridges. What? So you don't throw them away. They're like reusable cans.

This is good. This is good, like earth environment. Sure, sure, sure. A guy comes? This is good. This is good. Like Earth environment. Sure, sure, sure.

A guy comes? A dude comes and he takes the spent CO2 cartridges and then replaces them with new ones. This is all good. So you're not using plastic. Like a milkman. So what you're saying is. He's like a milkman for carbon dioxide. Wow. I had no idea a guy came.

I thought it was a through the mail thing. I like it. I thought it was like Netflix. I don't think you can even mail it. No. It might explode. Yeah. Try that on for size.

I like it. Okay. Okay. Well, Try that on for size. I like it. Okay. Well, that's great. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Shani Jardin, space princess.

Okay, it's... Look, we're recording this show shortly after we recorded our last show. We don't have a lot of calls to play. Just a couple things I want to run through. But before we get to that, I want to just drop a fucking bomb on you guys that just came out of the chat room.

We're live streaming this show. We occasionally will just, you know, live stream the record of our show. It's not a fully finished product. What you're listening to right now, if you're at home, is a cleaner, nicer, neater package. This is just a sort of for fun extra thing

that I announce on the Twitter every once in a while. You cut all of Jordan's belches out. Yeah. And my racial slurs. I bring in a Jordan sound-alike to come in and loop in some semblance of interest in what I want to talk about. The mm-hmm track.

Yeah. So something amazing just happened, and that is that Oni Davin, or Davin, who we ran into when we were live streaming last week's program. Sure. Oni Davin just announced, when I was in Germany, we had a really cool cola delivery service. Wow.

Germany has their fucking shit together. Yeah, right. Germany knows what the fuck is up. Sure. Cola delivery service? A delivery service specifically for cola? That's how much they love cola as a nation. Oh, my God.

These are people who just know how to take care of business. Sure. You know what I mean? They're efficient. They are efficient. As is the stereotype. They're great at making small appliances. Schnitzel.

Oh, yeah. You got to hand it to Schnitzel. Oh, come on. Absolutely Schnitzel. I mean, who's not going to hand it to Schnitzel? I'll eat a Schnitzel. I'll eat Schnitzel. Is that what they're calling it these days?

Oh, God. Okay, let's go to the telephones. I picked out three calls, and I don't even frankly remember what they are, but let's give them a listen. Hello, Jordan and Jesse. This is Matthew calling from western Massachusetts, and I'm calling with a suggestion for Jordan, who wants to get better at drinking during the day.

I write a wine column for McSweeney's. You can cut that out if it is too much of a plug or makes me sound like a douchebag. We're leaving it in for that reason. We're leaving it in. Yeah, that's why we're leaving it in. Yeah, point Dexter. I just wanted to establish that I got credentials.

I'll often have a glass of wine during lunch. But really, the deal with drinking during the day is not, I mean, you know, unless you want to raise your tolerance, which you can only do through some good old-fashioned hard work and commitment, you really just need to reevaluate not I want to get better so that I don't feel as drunk and I can do what I normally do. You have to really think about what does drinking during the day go well with, you know, what kind of activities would go along with it, that you could get good at those. I think you're approaching it from possibly the wrong side.

You know, so some suggestions, I would say things like ranting at fellow barflies, bocce would be things that you could do, do um dominoes you know stuff like that so um so as i understand it what a douchebag yeah come on douchebag this this douche with his little with his adorable little lists sure uh with his wine jokes um so this guy seems like a sweet guy. I think this is good advice for you, Jordan. Yeah, that was informative. Yeah, I know.

Ginny, to catch you up, last week I came in here all out of sorts, kind of in a tizzy, because I had been drinking in the afternoon, and while not still drunk, I was feeling insane. And I was kind of wondering how i could if the opportunity to drink in the afternoon arises again kind of how i should handle it anyways no so this is good i guess i guess i was drinking in a day where i had to sober up and drive and where i had to do a podcast and then do some other stuff so i'll tell you my wife my beautiful wife theresa spent some time living in as a drunk yes spent some time living in communist Cuba behind the banana curtain, if you will. And it was a wonderful experience overall.

What I think one of the things that she found when she was in Cuba is Cuba is a beautiful place. There's not a lot going on as a general rule and frankly everybody's too broke to really do anything that might cost money and so mostly like fondue diving which is a rich man's sport

mostly what people do is they drink and play dominoes. They just sit down and play dominoes for a really long time while drinking. And one of the things that I learned from my wife after visiting there is that she was – one of the adjustments that she made over the time that she lived there was when she realized that what she should be doing is drinking and playing dominoes. And once she started really doing a lot of drinking and domino playing,

then her experience in Cuba got a lot better. So she kind of adopted a kind of a hacienda-type attitude toward afternoon drinking. Yeah, absolutely. Or, I mean, if you want to go Italian, you can go bocce. Sure. Bocce sounds nice. There's a lot of great opportunities there.

Speaking of communism, I just wanted to point out that we are taping this episode on Kim Jong-il's birthday. Oh. Speaking of communism, I just wanted to point out that the Berlin Wall just fell. They tore down the wall yeah we won um so you should think about you got any big ideas for activities that you might be interested in boy if you want to start the lawn bowling league i'm in yeah first of all number one if you want i'm totally sincere i'm in in your lawn bowling league okay but i want you to know that i'm going

to dress up all gay i i'm gonna dress up expect like a lawn bowling guy expect nothing less well i we need to find meet someone with a lawn i already have white flannels if you're wondering do i have white i was not wondering the answer is yes not wondering that yes i do uh i don't have a cricket sweater but i'd love to buy one uh yes need to find somebody with a lawn. That would be nice. Okay. Step one. Do you think,

there's probably lawn bowling courts here in Los Angeles. This is a big city. I know there was lawn bowling, there were lawn bowling and bocce courts right near my father's house in the Excelsior in San Francisco. It's usually a place where,

you know, old Italian guys go to drink and smoke. Yeah, I was going to say, if they're public, do they let you bring? No, but. But and smoke. Yeah, I was going to say, if they're public, do they let you bring? No, but... But, sure. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Maybe have a little road soda. We'll just do it at Jenny's house. She's already got a... Yeah. She can clear out a couple acres that we're going to keep in the burros fat. Sure.

And we can do it there. Are you on board for this? Yeah, I guess I can relocate the goats. Do you have a policy on day, afternoon drinking? I don't drink. Okay, well, there you go. The policy, policy done. That's why I was so excited about the seltzer.

Yeah. Frankly, Jordan, seltzer's all we have. Yeah, sure. To you, seltzer's something that you can put with other stuff. Yeah. It has a pleasing effect on your body chemicals. DIY wine coolers. Hey, Jordan, Jessica.

This is Alex from Michigan. In regards to the Mario continuity, this other podcast I listen to actually went off on a rant about this lately and I'm pretty sure there's a loose continuity over all the Mario games but all that you really need to know about

the thing that blows my mind is that Bowser Jr. this is the little replacement to all the Koopa Kids that I think came around in the game cube era at least in super mario sunshine uh there is the end of the game i believe um is where it is is a scene with uh now look, I think we can all agree

that he's not keeping this anecdote tight. But he's doing his best. He called in on this topic that you specifically asked for people to call in on. Yes. He's really doing his best. So I think we should hear him out. He gets points.

Bowser, and when you walk in, Bowser and Peach are in a hot tub. And I guess the continuity is that Bowser Jr. is the kid of Bowser and Peach. Wow. Yeah. This is the kind of shit that you probably get a lot of boing-boing comments on. We do posts about things like that. Never mind the comments.

We are those people. Yeah, yeah. Continuity. Well, if somebody made a, certainly if somebody made a papercraft version of this scene. It needs a little more Bluetooth, guys. Yeah.

So is that a part of the Mario continuity you were familiar with? That sounds big. Yeah, I mean, yeah. At least I haven't in my brief looking, I have not found anything that says that the Mario games take place in a certain order. Our mutual friend Nathaniel, who was my roommate when we were in college, had the only Mario game really that I have played since the Nintendo Entertainment System,

which is Mario Sunshine, the game that is referred to here. Now, I didn't get to the weird interspecies lovemaking scenes that this guy has either seen or imagined. I have not played this game. I have not played this game, period. The Hash Browns Easter egg. Sure.

I'll tell you what happens in this game because now my general understanding is that it's pretty consistent throughout the Mario universe that what happens in these games is Super Mario runs through a thing and jumps on a guy and makes him disappear. He's a bad guy. Or sometimes he could get the fox tail and fly or, again, my— Raccoon tail, sure. So this is the basic system of what's happening they threw a real curveball for mario sunshine which is there's graffiti or something throughout mario land and mario for some reason in this one he's like a fireman and he has a fireman hose and he has to spray the sunshine onto the walls and make the graffiti go away.

But anyway, what's important is whenever you do what you're supposed to do, which is get this graffiti off with your fire hose or something like that, the screen, really big on the screen, it says, shine get. And the point system is shines, shines, plural, more than one shine. And each time you get a shine, the screen says shine get. Sure. So that's my experience with Super Mario continuity. That's very funny. I haven't been able to stop thinking about shine gets since I was about a junior in college. I had an uncle in Brooklyn. Old Uncle Shine gets.

Yeah, yeah, Uncle Shine gets. He was a cobbler, wasn't he? We ask people to call in when something momentous is happening to them. As I recall, this was a little bit borderline, but like I said, not that many calls to go through that have come in in the last 48 hours since we produced the last show. So we do what we can. If something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN, and tell us either as it's happening or in the immediate aftermath.

And, of course, please keep it pithy. We ask that you keep it pithy. I think this guy maybe didn't keep it pithy. I don't remember exactly. But the nerd cred points were so high that all is forgiven yeah yeah uh hi jordan jesse go i have a momentous occasion or at least i thought it was i live in hong kong and i was walking to the station one day and i saw an old older woman going into the station at the same time. And she had, I just want to describe what she looked like.

She was about, I guess, 60 or so. She had this black curly hair with those big kind of curls that, you know, you imagine that she had some curlers in overnight and shower cap on top of that. A big cardigan with embroidered roses and stuff like that on it. Some stirrup pants. And those kind of shoes that nurses wear, you know, the really cushy ones in all white. My mom calls them old folks' comforts. But then the momentous part was she had this T-shirt

that had this big picture of Colonel Sanders on the front. So I thought, okay, well, she just bought it at one of the markets or whatever. But under that, in the Kentucky Fried Chicken font, it said, Chickfucker on a diagonal. And so my question was, is she proclaiming herself a chicken fucker? Or is she making some political statement about Colonel Sanders, like this guy really fucks over the chickens? It's an interesting question.

Is that maybe like a PETA shirt? Yeah, right, maybe. It just says chicken fucker. Is it maybe her son's band? Look, I got to be honest with you. I'm not the world's number one expert on PETA, but I'm pretty sure they frown on chicken fucking. Not if it's kind. That's true.

There's this whole chicken make love campaign. Yeah, don't fuck chickens. If the chicken comes first, if you make sure the chicken comes first, then PETA is on board with chicken fucking. Not the egg. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go

it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan moore's boy detective i'm shenny jardin space princess space princess it's really been wonderful to have you on the program it's been lovely and cuddly to be here with you. A delight. A delight. Okay, so. I like your kind of local story time voice you have there. I would like to share with our listeners. Sure.

If you happen to live in the Southern California area, The Sound of Young America is putting on a big comedy show. Oh, wow. On Thursday, February 25th at Art Share in downtown L.A. There is, by the way, I know that this being Los Angeles, I feel obliged to say there is free and ample parking. But at Art Share in downtown Los Angeles, we're putting on this benefit show for this organization, Art Share, that does free arts classes for kids and teenagers. And they're a really amazing organization. My wife's on the board.

A really great outfit. They also have a cool gallery space. They've got all this cool stuff going on. But we're putting on this comedy show that is a combination of a taping for The Sound of Young America and a benefit for Art Share. So we've got Greg Barrett, who's been a guest on this program, one of the funniest comics in America. We've got Karen Kilgareth, who's been on this program.

You might know her from Mr. Show. She was the head writer of Ellen, a super cool lady just in general. Girls' Guitar Club, you might know her from. We've got James Adomian at this show. He has also been on this show in our controversial Gary Busey segment where people felt like we had betrayed them because he was doing an absurd Gary Busey impression. And people thought that we were trying to trick them into thinking that it was actually Gary Busey on our live show in Portland. We've got – He's very funny. Yeah, he's fantastically funny.

We've got Nick Adams, a regular. James Adomi and a very, very popular Huell Hauser impression on the Comedy Death Ray podcast. There you go. Yes, absolutely. And he was regularly featured on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilbourne, a regular player on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilbourne. Craig regular player on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilbourne. Craig Ferguson?

Craig Ferguson, which is not – yes, Craig Ferguson. There you go. Ten years ago, he was regularly featured on the Kilbourne Show. And Nick Adams, who is a regular on this show. Holly Mills, a very funny young comic here in Los Angeles. It's a really monstrous, mega powerful. Oh, Donald Glover from Community on NBC and Derek Comedy. Really super great show. It's only eight bucks, six bucks if you live in downtown LA. And Thursday, February 25th, all the details and you can make reservations

at MaximumFun.org slash Laugh Night. MaximumFun.org slash Laugh laugh night it's called the sound of young america presents laugh night or you can just uh click on it in the uh right hand bar in the upcoming events area um jenny of course can be found at boing boing.net and uh uh boing boing tv has its own standalone site these days boingboingvideo.com or youtube slash boingboingvideo and you can watch all kinds of various boingboing videos one of the boingboing videos has me pretending to be Jim Gray, the creator of Garfield Jim Davis Jim Ferguson I'm running out of steam here

if you've got a thought about what Jordan should do while he's drinking during the day, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. Yeah, no, I think I'm going to try and have a successful day drink here in the next week or so. And report back. And report back, yeah. Hopefully before the next show. And if anyone has a suggestion for a nice daytime cocktail. Before the next show.

And if you might, has a suggestion for a nice daytime cocktail. And Jordan, I'm not going to say this person's name because I feel like it would only be encouraging them. But in hat contest news, we just got a new – we're having a hat contest here on Jordan and Jesse. We ask people to put on as many hats as they can at once. And also do the most amazing hat work that they. It's called hat work in the hat community. Hat punk? Yeah, hat punk. If someone makes a wooden and brass hat. Yeah, with valves.

That's going to be a world champion. That's a challenge. I'd like to see someone make a steampunk hat out there. But hat punk. We just got a picture's a challenge. I'd like to see someone make a steampunk hat out there. But hat punk. We just got a picture of a man. A man who I will say, I'm not going to say it's funny, but I will say that he doesn't have

muscles, is wearing nothing but a hat over his business. He's covering his business with a hat. He's not in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He was hoping that it would be in the category of sexiest hat Which we had talked a little bit about Sure

We'll have to see Jordan's the steward of this He has not yet seen this photo As long as it was a top hat Not a Yarmulke Hello Working blue consistently We have been Jordan Jesse Go

We'll see you next week right here on Jordan, Jesse, go.