Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 136: Salad Days with Brian Heater

Episode Date: June 19, 2010

Brian Heater from the PC Magazine After Hours podcast joins us to talk about Santa Cruz, meat protocols and more.​

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by an old college friend to talk about, well, basically, times we embarrassed ourselves on the air in college. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy detective Did you like the insistence

With which I proclaimed My stupid nickname this time Yeah right America's radio sweetheart Jesse No need to be a dick about it People don't understand What's going on with me

And what my deal is So you're gonna be a dick about it No I'm going to be insistent I will be heard. Okay, fine. Special guest on this week's Jordan Jesse Go program. That's great. You might know him from the PC Magazine After Hours podcast.

No? No. They wouldn't know you from that or you're no longer involved? No, I'm involved. You probably know me. Jesse probably recommended me one time on Twitter. Oh. That's the only way you probably know me.

You might remember him from various Follow Fridays. Yeah. Well, he's a great Twitterer. He's one of the best in the business, if you ask me. Sure, absolutely. I'll tell you this. We went to college with him. I had no idea, based on that, that he would be so good at being on Twitter.

Now, Brian was my... Brian Heater. Brian Heater. I'm sorry. I wasn't on The Sound of the New America enough times to have garnered a nickname. Now, Brian was my... Brian Heater. Brian Heater. I'm sorry. I wasn't on The Sound of the New America enough times to have garnered a nickname. I hope by the end of the process, maybe... No, well, that's one of the perks

of appearing on Jordan, Jesse, Go! At some point, we'd like you to create a nickname for yourself. It happens organically, I hope. No, it's forced. Very forced. You gotta force it. Ham-fisted. Really shoehorned in. mean brian do you seriously think that we organically got the nick james well yeah i'm brian big dick heater speaking of really shoehorned it in oh it's great to be here hi everybody it is great to be here

it's been it's been a little it feels like it's been a while. I think it has been a while. I think it's been two or three weeks, hasn't it? It's been some time. Yes. It doesn't sound like a while for most things. We did... Just so you know, Brian, just to bring you up to speed, Jordan and I did a little thing called an eight-hour marathon program.

Now, I understand what all of those words mean individually, but what do they mean cumulatively? Basically, it means us babbling nonsensically in the back of a comic book store, cumulatively. So basically, you were podcasting my life. Yes. That was fun, though. It was very fun. It was a great success. The videos are up on the interwebs.

Last week's program was a few segments from it I had a great time Absolutely, I did too You know why? We had great people We did We had good backup Yeah, we brought in some ringers

And they took care of business Who's the best person? No one's going to hear this Well, here's the thing I mean, there were people that we knew were going to be great We know if we bring in the Sklar brothers If we bring in Jimmy P Pardo and Matt Beldap, we know we don't have to worry about it. Paul Scheer and Rob Hubel, we know they're going to take care of business. Human Giant? What?

We know that if we bring in our pals Clifford and Kidd, they're going to put on a show. And they sure did with regard to root beer. But there were other people that we didn't know at all personally. And I would say the number one champion was Stephen Tobolowsky. Oh my god. Okay, so this guy, and not to spend too much time recapping our glory days,

our best days are behind us, let's face it. Those were them. I have to think about him to get a boner. Sure. It's the only way. Stephen Tobolowsky. Tobolowsky. Tobolowsky.

He's the character actor maybe most famous for being Ned the Head Ryerson from Groundhog Day. He's also now very famous for being a regular actor on the hit television program Glee. Sure. And also still famous for Groundhog Day. Yeah. Very famous. Anyways, I listened to his podcast after he— As you can imagine, I love watching Glee, so—

You're a real Gleek, as they say. Surely you've watched Glee at some point. Surely you've Gleeked at some point. I have some relatives who are Gleek. I have some relatives who are Gleek. Just so you – where you guys grew up, did Gleeking mean kind of a little – It was saliva leaving the mouth. Yeah. It's kind of a little wisp of spit that you would do on someone.

It's kind of – it's like an undertongue. It's an undertongue spittle. Yeah, and then you like – it's like something that I would have – Is it like a spit-and-take-back or whatever that's called? No, it's something like you would do to someone on the bus, and then they would look at you and then, like, pretend that you were crazy. And they're like, oh, no, you just spit on me. It's like a more physiological version of a wet willy.

That's not a real thing. It's an absolute thing. We grew up six hours apart, and we both know what it is. That's what I don't understand, because immediately as Jordan says that, I'm thinking this is a Mission Viejo thing. No. But you're from the East Bay, right? We did helig leaking in my day.

Oh, my goodness. This isn't a Mission Viejo thing. This isn't bagels and brew on Alicia. Famous bagels. Thank you. This isn't Leisure Village. Leisure World. Leisure World.

Sorry, my grandparents used to live there. Often saucily referred to by the young people around as Seizure World. You know what? And my middle school New Heart was called New Fart. From the minds that brought you New Fart. Also the name of the later day Bob New Heart show. Yeah. When they ran out of parts of his name to name the shows after.

You know what the dominant memory in my mind of Mission Viejo is? When I was a kid, I would visit my grandparents in Mission Viejo. They lived in Leisure World. It's like an assisted living community. Yeah. No, it's like a retirement community. It's not mostly assisted living. Oh, okay.

And so we used to visit them there. Freedom Village. There you're talking about assisted living. It's more like ironic town. That's in El Toro, though. Sure. Neighboring El Toro. So we used to visit them at this place.

It's sort of like the credit sequence of a show that's about the dark underbelly of the suburbs. Okay. Like all the houses of the suburbs. Okay. Like all the houses are the same. Me and my grandfather used to go for walks to see the bunny rabbits that they used to have popping around there. That did not exist. They did. Okay.

I've got photographic evidence. He's like, let's go see the bunny rabbits. And then he just points to some garbage cans. There they are. Hoppy. Spotty. I was a city kid. What did I know? Molestation should be

delightful, I think. You should get something out of it in the end. Wait, are you suggesting that one form of molestation is making a kid look at a garbage can? And saying it's a rabbit. Yes, classic molestation. That's mainly what priests are doing when they talk about clergy molestation.

It's lying about what a rabbit is. One year when I think maybe I was six years old, I'd say we went to visit my grandparents. And I said, hey, can we take a look at can we go for a walk and see the bunnies? And my grandfather said, no. And I said, how come? And he said, oh, they were eating the grass. So they killed them. Wow.

Blunt. Not the bunnies are on vacation. They poisoned them all. Wow. They poisoned the bunnies. Jeez. At Leisure World. He didn't even try and rose tint that, did he?

Hey, this is a man who grew up in the Great Depression. Sure. This is a man who fleed the dust bowl. Who fleed the Gleeks. Who fleed the dust bowl. Who fleed the Gleeks. There was maybe a private contractor whose job it was that day to pick up all the rabid carcasses in Leisure World. Yeah, absolutely. Sure.

And hurl them over into Freedom Village. I don't think it's unfair for me to suggest that it may have been a Mexican-American gentleman, given the ethnic dynamics of the Mission Viejo California community. Well, their people use all of the dead rabbit. Is that what they say about the Mexican-Americans specifically? Sure. That's what they use to play their weekend soccer games. Oh, I see. They love weekend soccer.

Anyway, we've got a great Jordan and Jesse go ahead of us. I don't know, I see. They love weekend soccer. Anyway, we've got a great Jordan and Jesse go ahead of us. I don't know. I hope. Yeah. Fingers crossed. It could go either way at this point, I think. I'm pretty spent. Brian Heater with us. Jordan Morris. I'm Jesse Thorne. We'll be back in just a second. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, huh? BD. Sounds like I can't change the size. BBDH.

BBDH. Who's in the house? Yeah. From the... Most of me, at least. From... Oh, nice. Sure. My dicks a bit.

Yeah, the dicks out the window. From PC Magazine Podcast's more sensual cousin, PC Magazine After Hours. A lot of massages. On which we've been a guest on that podcast. Oh, we had a blast. It. A lot of massages. On which show? We've been a guest on that podcast. We had a blast. It was a lot of fun. Some people have been

a guest twice on my show. Have I been a guest? You don't remember the second time, do you? Wasn't I on for E3 one year too? Oh, that's right. We're both a couple

two-timers. I did it one time by phone. You and Lonely Sandwich were on my show. Oh, yeah. I remember that. We were. My memories were dominated by visiting the inner sanctum of PC Magazine.

It's pretty great, right? You know how they say in PC Magazine or one of these magazines? No one can hear you scream. They have a testing lab. Yeah. Brian showed me. They really have a giant room in a Manhattan commercial building. That's all like power strips and like weird,

like Tandy laptops plugged into different shit where they're doing like benchmarking tests and shit. It's sort of like how you imagine where they like develop the recipe for Oreos or something. We made hydrox. Yeah. There you go. That's where all the Zip money came from.

It's like the Playboy Mansion, is what you're saying. We're talking about publishing empires. Certainly the PC Magazine After Hours is like the Playboy Mansion. God damn it. I wish I could say words. It would really help me in my chosen career as a broadcaster.

I should say we now have a friend of Maximum Fun on our show. Alex Zalman of Elephant Larry. The brilliant... And his infant child is usually on the show by phone. Oh, excellent. Alex Zalman is one of the funniest, nicest

guys in the business. And by the business, I mean, I guess, blogging about comic books and sometimes writing them, appearing on podcasts. Just the in the business. Yeah. And by the business, I mean, I guess, blogging about comic books and sometimes writing them, appearing on podcasts. Just the being funny business. Doing sketch comedy. I was very happy to hear that when you told us that. He is a delight. There's a rare – I got to say, and I know you deal with a lot of comedians.

It's rare that niceness and funniness really overlap that well. Well, I would say niceness, funniness, and functionality in the world. Those three rarely, rarely intersect. And the elephant layers are certainly a wonderful example. You can have two, usually, when it comes

to a comedian. You can have two of those. Yeah, it's like how they say when you go on a date they can be intelligent, emotionally stable, or intelligent, or beautiful,

pick two. Yeah. It's sort of like that with comedians only. Sure. He's a D in that multiple choice. Yeah, absolutely. God bless Alex Zalbin.

Jordan, has anything exciting happened to you over the past couple of weeks? You know it has. Because it's been a long time since we've talked. It's great to see you. Any meat-related stories you'd like to share? Yes, it has been a while. Jordan, let's just say that I said the words. Oh, wait. any meat related stories you care to share uh yes it has been a while and uh i want to and i think

i said the words oh wait uh i would say uh hold right hold it right there okay because i'm gonna tell the story um and yeah and i think yes it has been a while since we talked and i think you can intro the story after he's done and i think i can catch you up uh in a few minutes and here's the main thing that's happened. Okay. I was going to talk about the Hudson River. Okay. Do you have any stories about that? No.

So let's say I said Hudson River. Would you have anything? I mean, any thought? Did anything come to mind immediately? Did anything come to mind if I say Hudson River? No. I mean, I could talk about Hudson Hawk, the Bruce Willis movie. No, Hudson River.

Well, just tell whatever story you were going to tell. Okay, sure. Yeah. And then Hudson Hawk. Sure. Then I will recap the plot of Hudson Hawk. We'll go into Bird on the Wire. It'll be a great night.

Absolutely. Yeah. We'll start at Hudson Hawk and just see where things go. I want to talk about movies that star Cindy Crawford. Yeah. So, Fair Game. Yeah. And Fair Game fan fiction. The movie.

Sure, the movie. PC Magazine After Dark. Yeah. Sure. Almost the name of my show. So, anyway, so I was walking I was walking downtown with a friend slash co-worker and we were kind of on our break from work and just kind of walking to lunch. You just put down your computer, put down your microphones, put down your makeup, take out your dicks, hit the street. Absolutely. Sauntering down the street, dicks in hand.

Street dicking with Jordan Morris. Street dicking. That's your hobby. Just a little street dicking. And macrame. Sure. And walking down the opposite side of the street is a well-dressed, middle-aged, kind of silver fox-ish kind of guy. And I say well-dressed to let you know that he didn't look homeless because that will

be important later okay good this man this is a well dressed guy he's a silver sounds like a real silver frock

sure absolutely maybe maybe not didn't wasn't entirely dissimilar from like John Slattery of Mad Men

oh excellent I think so that's kind of like angular face gray hair it sounds like the moral of the story is don't let this fall in the hen house. Sure, absolutely.

Because he's going to fuck the hens. May have been gay. As foxes do. You know how when foxes get into hens, that's why they're totally sane. It's mainly because they want the chickens to lay mammal eggs. It's out of a desire for mammal eggs? It's a miscegenation between the classes of animals. So part of a big platypus conspiracy.

Yeah, right. Absolutely. It could have been gay. It was, you know, kind of... Nicely dressed was pretty nice, and he looked a little squishy. Okay, sure. Squishy? He was a slightly...

Squishy. A little fae. A little bit fae. So he's walking and he has a bag of some sort with him. So that means he's not technically like John Slatterly because John Slatterly seems like he would

kind of manhandle you. Never seen him carry a bag either. No, you're right. Not that I've watched every episode of Mad Men. Okay. Never seen him carry a bag either. Right? No, you're right. Yeah, when I was being a dick back there. Not that I've watched every episode of Mad Men, but. Like if you kissed John Slatterly, it would be kind of bristly and pushy. Sure.

You know what I mean? Then he'd just shove you down. Yeah. His whiskers would get in the way. Yeah, I bet he would. So anyway, so this guy's walking and he reaches into bag, and he takes out a pack of hot dogs. Like a plastic-wrapped just... What kind of bag is this?

This is a... Like a tote? This is a... Like a man tote? Like a canvas shopping bag. Sure. Canvas shopping bag. Reaches in, stops briefly, rips it open, takes out a raw hot dog, and takes a bite.

I'll say, in his defense, they're not raw. They're typically cooked. They're cooked. Sure. Okay, you're right. No, it's not raw meat. It didn't come straight off of the hot dog animal. You have to understand, Jordan is nauseated by the thought of eating food

that doesn't have those little hash marks you get from putting it on the grill. Right, sure. If it's not spinning around, it won't go in you. Yeah. So he takes this bite and then keeps walking. And I wait the bare minimum distance he can get away without hearing. Or the bare minimum, like, politeness distance. Right.

And turn to my friend and go, what the fuck? Did you just see that? did you just see that did you just see that guy take a bite out of that hot dog right out of the package and i'm i'm flipping out was he was he was he trying to sneak it no no he was was he ashamed of the fact that he was eating it no if it was an apple he would have like polished it on his shirt first and then just take no he this was like this was like i'm strolling It's a sunny day Because it was a hot dog He polished it on his pants Sure right

Yes To give his pants That meat glisten He was wearing his hot dog spats That day Yeah And I'm like I'm freaking out

I'm basically on the ground Like I'm I'm And And my friend looks at me And he says It's not a big deal. Kids do that all the time.

So now I don't know what to think. Do you guys know kids to eat hot dogs right out of the package that have not been warmed up or boiled or anything? But in their defense, they're kids. Huh? Yeah, but they don't, maybe they're not allowed to use the stove Okay, but is there precedent for this? Have you guys ever known a kid to eat just a hot dog out of a package? Yeah, sure

A kid can eat a hot dog right out of the package, I'd say Well, you're saying it's We're both saying it's feasible But have you seen it? Have you seen it? I don't think Here's the thing, Jordan Yeah

I'm right there with you in disputing your so-called friends version of these events and their relative non-ridiculousness. I would argue that more than disputing the point of do children just eat a hot dog out of the package, which because they're not allowed to get involved with fire, they may very well do. And I don't think it's that weird. It would be unusual, but I can definitely see it happening. I think I have seen it happening. Okay, but I don't think that destroys my argument entirely that what the fuck.

Right, so what I'm getting to here, Jordan, is I think that the stronger plank of your platform and the one that you should focus on when you get your friend in the witness booth yeah is that he said that because kids do it all the time it's not weird for this silver fox gay gentleman to whip it out of his tote bag and do it on the streets of the west side of Los Angeles. This was downtown. Downtown Los Angeles. I guess I can see one of two scenarios here.

You said it was a tote bag. It sounds like the sort of tote bag that you take to the grocery store because you don't want to waste a plastic bag. Yeah, yeah. So either he is returning from the grocery store and just got really hungry and had nothing else that he could eat without preheating. Sure, there wasn't a plum in there or something. Or he had brought a snack along. Yeah, but both of those are crazy, right? This is nuts. For different reasons, certainly. This was a nuts thing to happen, wasn't it? Okay. It was a beautiful moment. I don't think, I think that instead

of challenging it You should treasure it Yeah I mean think about it Think about it this way It's sort of like Let's say John Slatterly from Mad Men was there And he sort of like pushed you down

He's being kind of rough Sure Gives me a real beardy kiss That's the kind of thing that you should hold in your I mean obviously it's ridiculous You wouldn't see John Slatterly going around I mean with you jordan's i mean maybe with me sure he would probably do it with me if he had the chance but with you jordan i don't know you know it seems ridiculous but just because it if but if it did happen rather than challenging how ridiculous it

is you should treasure it hold it in your heart. Open up your heart. Put the key in. Turn it. Open it up. Put it in there. Close it back up. Hold it there. Incubate it. I just wish I had talked to him. Incubate.

I guess I should have just grabbed him by his wrist and went. If it was really meant to be, you'll see him again. This time he'll be eating hamburger meat. Just remember. What if he just had a handful of hamburger hamburger meat he was like walking past a car he cracks an egg on the hood of the car cracks it into the hamburger meat i almost see him pulling a a meat grinder out of his bag to actually prepare the hamburger meat he's making sausages along the way he's got some he's got some uh he's got some seasonings he's got some seasonings. He's got some casings, certainly.

So you're saying just treat this like a first kiss or something. It was a magical moment that happened in your life. Like a prom. Something that you should treasure, something you should hold on to. And, you know, every now and then when you're having a hard time getting it up, bring it out. Sure. Think of that limp hot dog. Being snapped off in the mouth of a gay man in public.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la the rumors, Brian. Like, remember that one rumor we heard right at the top of the show? The other one at the top of segment two? I do. Can I just say right now, sort of take it out of the show, not talking about my dick anymore, that I'm glad that I finally have a chance to not be the guy who did a really bad, real big fish interview in The Sound of Young America. Yeah, so you're replacing your place in Maximum Fun Monology. I feel like that pops up every once in a while in my Google searches. I think that show was a relatively recent college years.

I think that was just a month or two ago that that show came up on the college years. But yet it was a timeless train wreck. Yeah, I guess for the non-college years listener, back in college, we all worked at KZSC, the college radio station, and sometimes when Jesse would have to be on sabbatical, Brian and I would co-host The Sound of Young America together,

and we had a two-guest situation. David Cross, booked by Jesse. This was a David Cross kind of just starting his stand-up career. And then Real Big Fish, booked by Brian and I. I guess I would say, which one was more unpleasant for you, Jordan? I just don't like to think about them at all. I don't like to think about either of them. I remember

when David Cross called me back. I was in Washington, D.C. It was the very last show of our semester. It was the last show of spring. And I had already left to go to

my internship in Washington, D.C. It was the very last show. And Jordan was like, I'll cover this last show. And Brian was actually licensed to be on the radio. So he was hosting with Jordan. Also maybe contributes to this that I don't know where it was at for you, Brian. But this was definitely at the height of Mr. Show college geek mania. When Mr. Show was something you

got on a VHS tape. In fact, we literally had, Gene had, big time Gene O'Neill had a dubbed VHS tape of Mr. Show that I had maybe seen six months previously. It had blown my mind. I'd watched all of them in a row.

It was really amazing. We had passed it around amongst ourselves. It was a special moment. And David Cross was on his first... He had had his first stand-up special by then, his half-hour special. But it was the first time a comedian had ever done an indie rock-style tour.

It was his first tour of rock venues. Rather common these days, but that was the first time. He was his first tour of rather, rather common these days, but that was the, it was the first time he was playing the catalyst in Santa Cruz. He was touring with a band called ultra baby fat. Um, as I recall, you may know as the band that opened for David cross.

Exactly. Um, and, he had come through Santa Cruz and I had at the time, like it was the first early days of our bookings. And I had called his publicist and been shocked to have her say to me, oh, David loves doing college radio. I'm sure he would be interested in doing it, which was, I think probably the first time I'd ever talked to a

publicist who had reacted to me positively in any way. Um, and given that it was our hero, David Cross, it was big, exciting news. And then I was like, I don't know if this is really going to happen. I was trying to make it happen. And we headed off. I headed off to Washington, D.C. I'd been in Washington, D.C. like a day or two days for this internship I had. And I listened to my voicemail on my cell phone. Hi, this is David Cross.

And I just shit my pants in the middle of a train station basically and he agreed to come out of the kindness of his heart frankly agreed to come on our show as he was driving south from Santa Cruz over the grapevine the day after his show so because our show was live

and the schedules worked out this way there was no way for him to actually promote his Santa Cruz show on our program. But he still picked up his cell phone and called into the show. And you guys were doing your darndest there to host the program. Sure. He apparently just had a very unpleasant experience at the Catalyst in Santa Cruz.

Yeah, I think that was sort of the dominant. I remember listening back to it. I remember thinking that Gene, I think Gene was there as well, right? Maybe. I think that was around the time where just all our friends got in the radio booth at the same time.

Sorry. Okay, Brian. Brian raised his finger like there was an international symbol for whatever he was about to do. I was choking. No, I had to clear my throat. I'm losing my voice.

It's fine. You're doing a great job. Thank you. Brian, you to do. I was choking. No, I had to clear my throat. I'm losing my voice. It's fine. You're doing a great job. Thank you. Brian, you sound beautiful. I remember Gene telling me that he thought that David Cross just picked on him the whole time. And I remember listening back to it and thinking, no, David Cross was just really upset

that he had a horrible show at the Catalyst. Yeah. So, yeah, that's a, yeah, no matter. I'm sorry, I don't mean to pick off the scab of this trauma I guess how many times have Dave Cross been on the show since then? Yeah, that's the thing I feel like I haven't had a chance to redeem myself I feel like because of Jordan Jesse Go

We've gotten to talk to some You know, some very prominent comedy people Who I've admired in my comedy geekdom Which is pretty potent. And, you know, I feel like we come off well and people usually have a good time on the show. But like the David Cross thing, I feel like I've never been able to like I feel like David Cross always will kind of think I'm a dick or, you know, probably doesn't remember the

thing at all. But his last memory of me is what a dick. I you know, I have gotten turned down cold for david cross interviews in those kind of situations where they check with him first a couple of times yeah and i wonder whether he i wonder if it's sort of like when mark maron was uh when when when i helped mark maron with his like equipment and stuff for uh uh his show what the fuck terrific i just wonder his wonderful program what the fuck um i was talking to him and i had emailed him mark maron was on our show was on the sound of young america again in the in the

early days um in a show where we interviewed him probably with brian heater up in the kzse studio oh was this the underpants show yeah we were down at the basic campus in our underpants it was a pledge drive stunt we did a whole show in our underwear from the Basic Campus. We must have raised $70, $80. And a lot of boners. Yeah. Female boners. I had since invited Mark on The Sound of Young America, but not heard back from him.

He had an email address on his website. And I had this conversation with Mark while I was showing him what's what with his microphones. And I had this conversation with Mark while I was showing him what's what with his microphones. And he's like, yeah, so I got your emails before. And sorry I didn't respond to them. I mean, I hadn't sent him a million, but maybe I'd invited him two or three times in the intervening five years. And he said, sorry I didn't respond to them. Here's what happened.

One day I was sitting in my apartment in Astoria, Queens. Home of me. Good one. And he said, and you came on my radio. And I said, oh, shit. I bet that's that guy that interviewed me in his underpants in Santa Cruz. He must be a real thing. Fuck, I should have emailed him back.

So do you think all that time in college where we were interviewing people... We were blowing credibility. We were closing doors. I mean, we thought we were hot shit. We were getting some of the biggest interviews on KZSA. I'm glad that you've gotten real big Fish back on the show several times, however. Yeah, we've cleared the air with them. Yeah, well, certainly. I mean, I'm actually working on their developing a network television idea.

They asked me to come in and help. Do they all live in the same house? Yeah. It's Real Big Fish all lives in the same house. Oh, I've read about this in the trades. It's called Fart Contest, isn't it? I thought it was called Real Big Fish all lives in the same house. Remember those guys? That's the subtitle. It's called Fart Contest, isn't it? I thought it was called Real Big Fish All Lives in the Same House. Remember those guys? That's the subtitle.

What's funny, and I don't understand. I mean, I've been working on them about the development. But they insist, absolutely insist that the show be set in 1996. And I'm not sure exactly why they would insist that. I mean, I don't. But anyway, they seem like great guys. It's a period piece. Yeah.

You know, and so there's that thing it's like when we were in college we thought we you know even like underwear show from campus i mean we thought we thought that was clever and you know certainly you know uh uh we were we were certainly i mean there's no doubt that we were doing better work than other people at the college radio station yeah yeah sure but, sure. But, you know, maybe... I, of course, am accepting Brian, you, and Jordan's ska show. There were good shows, and there continue to be good shows on KZS. No, no, certainly. It's a good college radio station.

But, I mean, I think college radio is kind of dominated by not trying too hard. And I think that when we would book guests... And you always did a good uh you had like acoustic jams from the local bands in the show and like those little touches like i think we all thought separated us from the usual here's my buddy's cd my buddy's band recorded this cd i'm gonna play it all the way through kind of mentality that pops up in college radio sure anyways so but is it possible we were doing that? We were closing doors for ourselves by being boobs.

Also, alternately, I worry that about the goofy celebrity interviews I do for Fuel TV. I worry that I'm, that, well, maybe it seems cute that I'm just... People are actually being upset by it. Yeah, like I'm destroying any kind of You know future potential I would say you probably pretty much Shut the door on any opportunity For having a Monterey based folk band

On your show ever Sure That's just not going to happen gentlemen Oh god Monterey based folk band Sorry I got caught up in my own tears That's okay Oh, God. Monterey Bay folks. Sorry, I got caught up in my own tears. That's okay.

Well, you know, I've had some good conversations with Dick Dale since then. That's good. Surf King. King of the surf guitar. Jordan, didn't you book Dick Dale on our show, didn't you? Well, I think I only booked Dick Dale because his personal phone number is on on his website or was at the time and i think i just called him uh and i said is this the number for dick dale's public is this site still under construction i think it is on angel fire yes that animated shovel on a yield side gift yeah i think i mean i think we both uh i mean certainly you more than i did but i think think I contributed a little bit to the booking

And stuff like that I remember at one point And this is just becoming we reminisce about college That you can listen to on The Sound of Young America The college years Which thousands of people listen to I'm amazed by that Every time I look at the numbers for the college years

People actually enjoy listening to it So God bless them But we did this thing. We used to have these things that we would make people do. At one point, I had this idea where I had this Act Along With So-and-So record. Oh, sure. And I can't remember. It was a teen idol of the 1950s, this Act Along With record.

And Mike Nelson was on our show for Mystery Science Theater 3000, now of Riff Tracks. At the time, he was writing humorous books. And of Maximum Fun Con. And of Max Fun Con. And just a sincerely super class act. He was really wonderful and hilarious. And then we made him act along with this record. And the fax that we had sent him the script didn't come through

because the station's fax machine was slightly broken or something. And so he just had to make up his behalf of the conversation. Sure. And I remember two things. I remember realizing afterwards that we shouldn't have made him do that. Sure. And then I also remember that he just did a really great job given the circumstances. Yeah.

And was so nice and classy about it. Sure. Yeah. We were boobs back then. Just a couple of about it. Sure. Yeah. We were boobs back then. Just a couple of boobs. Unlike today. Yeah. Today we're as smooth as silk.

Smooth as a boob. What do you think, big dick? Nothing ever goes wrong on our podcast. It's like a big smooth boob in here. All our guests have every time, without exception, walked away delighted with the experience. Sure. I'd say maybe it's a little hot in here. Otherwise, completely pleasant.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So you don't think you're going to do any kind of mean message board? No, I'm just sweating because of the heat. You're not going to post a big, like a series of paragraphs on your heavily trafficked website about how horrible I personally am. I'm going to post a very cartoony ASCII drawing of you. Oh.

Yeah, fax it to all my friends. Great. Wait, did you say you're going to make an ASCII drawing and then fax it to your friends? To the past. They'll receive it via teletype. They'll print it out with their Steam printers. Why would you? Yeah, no. be a teletype. They'll print it out with their steam printers. It's a mix of old technologies.

Is that dangerous to just eat a hot dog out of the package? Can you get the salmonella thing? Salmonella, right? That's for uncooked food. That's for uncooked food, Jordan. I will grant you this. What about that water that it's in? okay i would i i i will grant you this what about that water that it's in well i will grant yeah the hot dog juice i will grant you that uh it is in los angeles and i assume that there's no uh refrigeration system in his tote bag yeah botulism

is a possibility oh sure yeah the silent. That's what they call that. What do you think of bocce ball? You know how they have that ad campaign for strokes that a stroke is a brain attack? Botulism is a stomach attack. Of the brain. Of the brain. And you die from your heart. Great.

Well, we're having fun. Aren't we, though? Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse. Over there's Jordan. We got Brian Heater here from PC Magazine After Hours. Not to be confused with PC Magazine After Dark, which is a fictional parody. Which is a screensaver. It's a toaster-based program.

Yeah, it's a toaster. You can only watch it on your toaster. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Are there still funny screensavers? There must be. What about that one? I remember at one point Sierra Online, our good friends at the Sierra Online Corporation.

Makers of King's Quest. Sure, absolutely. To say nothing of Space Quest. Is that what it's called? Space Quest? Wing Commander? Is Wing Commander? That's an interplay game. Anyway. You're looking at a Red Baron series. That was a Sierra online product. Certainly the front page sports series was. I'm a broader bun man myself. Okay, good. What's broader bun?

Isn't that a real game thing that I didn't just make up? Yeah, they made Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Okay, so at one point they released a screensaver that was actually a game where you were a guy that lived on a desert island and got into antics and i think antics was in the name of the product was it called desert antics island antics that's possible this was a leisure suit larry thing wasn't it it was was not unlike Leisure Suit Larry, another Sierra Online product. Oh, nice. So, Brian, you're in town because of E3.

Also losing my voice because of E3. The big video game convocation. Sure. A veritable expo, if you will. Yeah. It's the Electronic Entertainment Exposition. Expo Expo. Because you say E3 Expo. This is the Electronic Entertainment Exposition. Expo Expo. Because you say E3 Expo.

This is the Electronic Expo Expo. Sure. It's a gathering of people with an interest in either the Montreal Expo baseball team or the 1976 Montreal World's Fair and Exposition. It's where a lot of conventions gather together. Did they name their baseball team

after the one time the World's Fair was there? Oh, that's fucking pathetic. It's where a lot of convention enthusiasts gather together. Did they name their baseball team after the one time the World's Fair was there? Oh, that's fucking pathetic. It's so pathetic. It was one of the many... Did the baseball team come about the same year as the Expos? Yeah, and the stadium was called Exposition Stadium. And I think the only thing sadder

was that the roof was caving in. Pieces of the roof kept falling onto people. And people there still speak French. Is naming the team the Nationals was that the roof was caving in. Pieces of the roof kept falling onto people. And people there still speak French. Is naming the team the Nationals basically rubbing in the fact that it's not in Canada anymore? Is that the point of that name? Yeah, fuck you.

The only problem is that assumes that anyone in Montreal gives a shit. I think they were drawing about 225 people a game by the end there. Certainly, if you're talking about the era of Gary Carter and Andre Dawson. Also, their colors were red, white, and blue, were they not? Yeah, they were. That's a good point.

I wonder if Tim Rock Rains was an outfielder for the Montreal Expos, later the Chicago White Sox, Hall of Fame caliber player. I wonder if he got that name because of his cocaine addiction or he became addicted to cocaine because his name was Rock. He was just very unhappy with his nickname? No. Or he wanted something else? Because it suggested that he should get into...

That's more of a crack nickname, isn't it into the cocaine family of products. Well, who knows what type of cocaine he was addicted to. I feel like he's a few scoops of baking soda short of crack addiction. He didn't have access to the Pyrex he needed. Well, he tested positive for cocaine. It could have been crack rock cocaine or it could have been powder cocaine. Do you think Daryl Strawberry's love of fruit came from his last name? Anyway.

Oh, I was going to say, Brian, so your job brings you to E3, but you aren't necessarily interested in video games. I did not play a single video game this week. Okay, wow. Which makes me more efficient on the showroom floor. Yeah, right. Because I'm not wasting time engaging in things. Right.

What was the last video game system you owned? Super Nintendo. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Do you find it difficult to report on? Oh, I got my Genesis after my Super Nintendo. Okay.

There's maybe a discount Genesis with Streets of Rage 3 packed in. It was the two-pack with, I think, Sonic the Hedge after my Super Nintendo. Okay. There's maybe a discount Genesis with like Streets of Rage 3. It was the two-pack with I think Sonic the Hedgehog for $99. Okay. That's a good bargain. That's a good franchise. Sure. Absolutely. Are you talking about Sonic the Hedgehog 2?

Number one, I think this is a pre-Tales game. Well, Tales was Sonic the Hedgehog 3. No, Tales came in in 2. Oh, sorry. You're thinking of Knuckles came in in 3. Oh, yeah. Knuckles. You're thinking of Knuckles.

The echidna. Sure. Another mammal that lays eggs. There you go. Are you just walking around the whole time thinking, God, this is gay? It's fun. I'm actually at the point now because I also run a comic book website and I go to a lot of comic conventions for

my non-job. I'm at the point where the spectacle doesn't really phase me anymore. This is the popular comic book website, the Daily Cross. Dot com. Yeah. Slash. You don't have to put the slash in the end. It helps.

But you can. Yeah. It'll get you there quicker. The tilde might break the link. Why do you insist on putting the tilde in there, Jordan? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is it your obsession with tilde, Swinton?

It is. It's your way of honoring her. The Roald Dahl book, Matilda. Nope, not a Roald Dahl book? Yeah, it is. Okay. Well played. It's a great one.

It was my favorite as a kid. It says the Trunchbull. More of a BFG fan. Yeah, you like those fart jokes. Rope it in, big dick. Giant fart jokes. So you've come to peace with the world of the convention. Yeah.

So you're just more an expert on conventions. I've been to a lot of, yeah. You're a conspert. Sure. I've been to a lot of conventions. I go to Book Expo in New York. I had a blast at Book Expo here in Los Angeles. It's a great show.

Went to see our friend Judge John Hodgman speak. And the whole time, Ted Turner, who was another one of the speakers, just stared at him icily. He's a little off. He's a little off. Even in billionaire terms, Ted Turner's a little off Even in billionaire terms Ted Turner's a little off Do you think the other billionaires are like Man that guy's fucking crazy What do you think Branson thinks of Turner

He probably thinks he doesn't jump out of enough stuff Do you think that Branson and Turner ever get together For a good old fashioned fuck fest Yeah no I mean When you become like that rich guy, you just like are in that bored territory. You got to have a special ass to take a gold dick.

I wish. I wish that I could remember. You have to have a platinum ass. You have to have a stronger metal. I wish that I could remember. Well, gold's a relatively weak metal, Brian. That's true. It's a soft metal.

At some point during his talk, Ted Turner basically just openly alluded to the fact that over his lifetime, he's fucked a lot of chicks. And it was something about how it was amazing that he only had two children or something along those lines. And I had to really hand it to Ted Turner. I mean, if you're thinking about places where you're going to brag about how many chicks you fucked, probably book expo isn't number one, but he worked it in there and he did it in a pretty sly way.

I don't know how he manages his, his careers of being in kiss and running a media empire at the same time. Do you, um, do you guys, can you guys think of something that we can name gold dick platinum ass like i don't know what we would name that but it's bookends yeah gdpa yeah i don't know sure the epa they're really they're really gold dicking in the coast right now. Yeah, up the coast's platinum ass.

We'll be back in just a second with more of Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Brian, beady heater. You know what that stands for. Certain ladies. There's four ladies out there. Nobody's talking about.

Four very sore ladies. Tonight. I wanted to bring people up to date with what's happening with the pledge drive real quick before we continue. First of all, we ended up with many, many new donors. And thank you so much to everybody who donated and to everybody who continued their donation. My sincere thank you, and I'm sure yours as well, Jordan. Absolutely. Thank you, everyone.

Kind of on the fence about it. I really have strong feelings about it. fair enough thank you um so our our thanks can i go upstairs now our thanks to everybody out there um here's what's happening uh dvds uh are going out uh they we've given them to a shipping house they will will be going out next week. Columbia House? Yes, Columbia House. Will you get 10 of them? For those of you who are in the club, they will be shipped to you.

So enjoy those. Everybody who gave $5 a month or more and everybody who is continuing at $5 a month or more, there is, our short film is hidden on the DVD. It's an Easter egg. It's an Easter egg. It's hidden very, very obviously. But it is hidden. It's hidden on the shiny It's an Easter egg. It's hidden very very obviously. But it is hidden. It's hidden on the

shiny part of the disc. I thought that we might want to use these as a pledge to thank you gift for radio stations. I didn't want to put that with all that swearing and vulgar humor right out there. So I thought at least I would have plausible deniability if we hid it a little bit.

It's like a hot coffee situation. It's like a hot coffee situation. It's like a hot coffee. And our t-shirts are currently being printed with our good friends at vgkids.com, a former Jordan Jesse Goh advertiser, and they've been kind enough to do a little swap

with us to do our printing for the pledge drive out of the kindness of their hearts, so by all means, vgkids.com. Those, I guess, will be here in a week or two and then we'll ship them out a week or two after that and they'll take a week or two to get there. A month or so, they'll be

arriving, I think. Our thanks to everybody and all the other thank you gifts will go out around that same time. Just wanting to take this opportunity to thank everybody, let you know where we're at. Oh, and guess what? We've got great changes going on around here. I posted this on the website, but Jordan's getting a raise.

Sure. Graham and Dave are getting a big raise. They did great. A lot of Stop Podcasting Yourself fans donated during the pledge drive so our thanks to all those folks and we are hiring employees

we're hiring we're hiring Julia Smith our former intern to be the new associate producer of The Sound of Young America she's going to be working for us here

three days a week what does the associate producer do exactly? is it coffee related tasks largely? hey we got a new intern. Nice guy named Christian for that. No, she's going to be doing a lot of guest booking,

starting with guest booking and working her way up, hopefully. She's got a lot of talent. Get me Cross now. Yeah, I don't know. Is that the white whale at this point? David Cross? Yeah. You know, he did once agree to come on the show.

I emailed him because I had his email address. I don't remember why I had his email address, but I did. And I emailed him to invite him on the show right when there was all this controversy about the fact that Larry the Cable Guy's book had an entire chapter about David Cross. And I emailed David Cross and said, hey, if I could get Larry the Cable Guy to come on with you, I emailed David Cross and said, hey, if I could get Larry the Cable Guy to come on with you, do you think we could have like a moderated discussion of comedy and why you were bagging on him and why he was bagging on you? It's Larry the Cable Guy, your new white whale. And I couldn't get Larry the Cable Guy. I tried.

I talked to his publicist. He was the original drummer of Real Big Fish, right? They said they would try, but it didn't work out. But then other times when I emailed him, he just didn't email me back yet. So yeah, who knows? Yeah, none of the other blue-collar comedy tour people would balance that out for him? I know. I thought if I could just get... Tater Salad.

Hey, Tater Salad, that guy's pretty funny. That's the funny guy in the blue-collar comedy group. Yeah, exactly. I've heard that he's been touring the same act for about six years or something. Sure. It's a funny act. We're fine. He's still got a lot of Oliver North jokes in there, right?

Okay. Anyway, we'll be back in Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Gorm, Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Brian Heater, sitting by the door. Because it's cooler over here. Brian, you were overheating. You were looking like you were about to freak out. Sweating a little bit. I gotta be honest with you. You look like you might have a meltdown. Yep. From time to time here on Jordan, Jesse, Go, we ask

our listeners to give us a telephone call when something momentous happens to them or when they have an interesting subject to discuss or, you know, whatever. The number, I realize that I forgot to open the actual track listing of this thing here. A little peek behind the scenes, everybody. Is this the Google Voice?

Using the Google Voice? No, we use a different service to record our calls. But here we go. Track list. Great. So we start with track number four. Now, today was Christian the Intern's first day. And the first task I assigned him was to listen to Jordan Jesse go calls

and pick out some of his favorites for this week's program. So if this sucks, it's Christian's fault. Sure. That's what you're supposed to do as a boss, right? And the intern is no Christian Bale. Am I right? Sure. With one of his classic on-the-set tirades.

That Christ was a big fuck-up, too, huh? Oh, sure. Don't get me started on that guy. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, possible guest. It's Chris from Seattle. I'm just going to give you a little bit of a warning.

Is he doing a mean me impression? Not so piffy of a phone call, but trust, it's worth it. I had, I guess, a momentous occasion, but it really was a near-death experience. I was at work. I work in a kitchen, and I was nearly electrocuted because of some faulty wiring between my broiler and my range and oven, and I was putting a piece of metal that I had just cleaned, a guard piece that actually covers all of that electrical wiring. I just washed it so it was wet. And I'm talking like shoddy wiring,

like shit held together with duct tape and like not up to code. And I went to go put that guard back, and I hit it and pop! And sparks start flying. And I'm still standing. I just kissed my girlfriend of five years. And I told her I love her

like I do every day before I go to work. And I wanted to call to tell you that I love you and thank you for keeping me happy and healthy

while I work. Not healthy, not doing anything for that. Yeah, we were probably distracting you. I go, I do the same thing every day. I live right around the corner from where I work, and I anticipated coming home tonight, and it was very close to me not coming home, all because I just wasn't paying attention for a hot second.

And, you know, my life did flash before my eyes. Later on that electric second. You know, I was happy for the life that I lived. A water-soaked range second. And to all of you listeners out there in faux radio land, try to make your life that way too. Jordan, I'm going to give you a near-death experience. I'm fucking 23. No, no, no.

I'm 24. And I could have died tonight. I could never have seen my two cats, and I could have never seen my girlfriend. I may have never seen my nephew been born. Okay, so I'm...

Wear rubber sole shoes, first of all. I just need to get that out of the way. Sure. Also, you've been dating that girl five years. Time to put a ring on it. Sure. I know you're just washing dishes. But make sure you're grounded while you hand it to her.

Yeah. When you say put a ring on it... Oh. Is cock? Yeah, yeah. Time to put a ring on your cock because it'll add a little spice to the bedroom. Sure. I know that sometimes sexual relationships can get routine. cock yeah yeah put a ring on your cock because it'll add a little spice to the bedroom sure i

know that uh sometimes sexual relationships can get routine or uh as i say in canada put a plug in it oh put some beads in it these cock plugs in canada well in canada they're just more focused on the butt yeah is that what you're saying brian it's a but it's a but it's a butt-centric nation culture sure it's a cultural difference yeah it's like how they all started it's a butchery at the well we were all playing hockey sure speaking some french hey jj go it's david from milwaukee wisconsin just calling with a momentous occasion um i am a theater director here in milwaukee and last night i was talking to some people while I was out about shows I want to do next

year, and a young woman was like, oh, you know, I'd really like to audition to be in one of those. I was like, oh yeah, feel free. And she said, I have one condition. I have to be nude on stage. Bam! Greatest thing I've ever heard. Have a great day. Well, that's called being pithy, my friend. Sure. Sure.

The man didn't almost die, and he didn't have an important message to tell us. It's pretty much the only reason hair still exists as a musical, isn't it? Yeah. For college kids to have their first nude on stage experience. You know, the college we went to, UC Santa Cruz, I did some theater department stuff. I thought you were going to say every time it rained. Yeah, right? Jesus. I did some theater department stuff I thought you were going to say every time it rained Yeah right Jesus Santa Cruz has a tradition called First rain

First rain of the year there's a nude run around the campus A hairy nude run The theater department we were at What's kind of gross about it is as they're running around You can see sort of like the trail of mud That they leave behind them From the rain washing over their bodies. That's the gross part.

The mud. The soil they leave. And then the hand drumming starts. So I did a fair amount of stuff in the theater department. And the Santa Cruz Theater Department, being like it was, had a lot of nude on stage experiences for people. There was a lot of barrier breaking and exploring of sexuality. And I was totally ready to do it if the opportunity ever arose. Yeah, no, I never got to.

That's why people become playwrights, Jordan. To give themselves the opportunity. Yeah. Do playwrights write themselves nude scenes in their own plays? Sure. It's called typecasting. Sure. Isn't that what that word means?

I think so. It's when you type out a role for yourself that involves nudity. But now I probably shouldn't do a nude on stage role. But I think then it would have been liberating and charming and a great story about my college days. But I think maybe the nude on stage ship has sailedaring to go yeah jordan to be fair we did do a radio show and only our underpants yeah we did but it's that's not artistic maybe it is hi jordan jesse go this is jason from texas i have a momentous occasion i suppose. I just got back from the doctor's office and found out that I have a broken bone in my wrist. And it's the first bone I've broken in my fairly short life at 22.

And I also have just graduated college and consequently been kicked off of my parents' insurance and found out that if I were to not do something to correct this broken bone in my wrist, I am at risk of having bone death. I was osteo something was the technical term. Bone leakage. And I'm also unemployed. So I feel as a Canadian-born immigrant into this great nation that I'm actually having my first true American experience in my life.

So I figured I'd call and share. Love the show. All right. Bye. But bone death is his first American experience. Yeah. How about this? Your first American experience was when you opened your wallet and there was money in there because the government didn't take it from you.

Boom. Try that on for size, asshole. Yeah. Take that, man at risk of bone death. Sure, go inside your shoddily constructive stadium and shove something up your butt. Because that's what you're into, Frenchie. Is it just me or do people seem to be breaking less bones than they used to is there just more calcium in our diets have you guys broken bones in your lives well i think that the

bone breaking all goes on maybe you know between elementary school and high school i have never broken a bone in my body okay have you guys broken bones it might just i've never broken it because we don't run with children. Don't children... I've broke... I broke two bones. I broke my leg when I got hit by a car. Oh. And I broke my pinky...

Hey, Jordan. Jordan. Ouch. Yowza. And I broke my pinky in karate class one time. I was hoping you got hit by a matchbox car. Yeah, I broke my... For the second time.

I broke my leg when I got hit by a regular car. My pinky by a Matchbox car. Jordan, if I'm not mistaken, you're an expert at the deadly arts. Is that correct? Sure. I just wanted to check in with you about that. Well, deadly slash... It's just good to know.

Deadly slash erotic. Okay. So if it's... Like a praying mantis. You went to the Cinemax school of karate. I did, I did. Yes, I learned from... You trained under David Duchovny.

Yes, well, I trained under a group of undercover cops who got in a little too deep. Yeah. So if it's a little bit of both, then I'm very good at it. Jordan, Jesse, moment of occasion. You are both candidates for high office in California. Today, I noticed on the ballot while I was voting that several people were running unopposed. So, Jesse, I voted for you for Secretary of the State. And, Jordan, I voted for you to be the Attorney General.

And then I voted for Coco to be the Tax Assessor. So, write-in candidates, you guys are on your way to Sacramento. Good luck. Jordan, laugh if you will, but I think Coco has a good shot. That's not how – my understanding is that that's not how elections work. Although – Yeah, it is.

You write somebody's name in there. A single write-in and – I think the real danger is if he misspelled coco and then ice tea's wife that was my joke that was my joke or the nestle quick bunny one is the nestle quick's buddy named coco but he makes coco sure what is the nestle quick's buddy's name well this isn't a person let's pick a character that makes this let's just throw it at the dartboard of pop culture and see what we hit. Let's select a character that makes...

Yeah. Who do you think would be a better politician? Ice-T's wife or the Nestle Quick Buddy? Well, they're both pretty sexy.

Oh, at one of the E3 parties, Ice-T and Coco were there. Yeah. At one of the E3 parties, Ice-T and his wife were there. Really? So, yeah. I was surprised.

And Snoop Dogg's kids were there. But someone had to tell me those were Snoop Dogg's kids. I didn't recognize them. Neither did Snoop Dogg. Yeah. Too high. I had dinner with Curt Schilling. Really?

Of baseball. You had dinner with the Curt Schilling. Curt Schilling is an all-time great baseball player. Probably not quite a Hall of Famer, but maybe. And he was famous at one point for getting into a fight on EverQuest with Doug Glanville. He's also famous for having a bloody sock. Yeah, exactly. And bleeding through his sock

in the World Series for the Boston Red Sox, wasn't it? Yes. But now, what were the circumstances of you meeting Curt Schilling? Well,

this was my big, that was my big E3 celebrity moment. Celebrity sight, yeah. Wherein we, he has a gaming company now, 38 Studios is the name of the gaming company.

I believe that's his number. No. And they make games where one guy is Curt Schilling and the other guy is Doug Glanville. They're both elves. You have to manage your resources. I was telling Jordan my Curt Schilling story on the way over here, which was we were eating filet mignon in the back of a fancy – the Palm. Sure. What else would you eat?

A fancy New York restaurant. When you're at the Palm, you get the filet. Curt Schilling eats about three-quarters of his filet mignon, turns to everybody at the table and says, I'm sorry. I just want to let everybody know that I'm not going to finish this because I'm saving space for In-N-Out Burger. And then the final course of the meal comes, the cheesecake comes. Curt Schilling eats the whole thing. And he says, well, guess I'm only going to be able to eat one In-N-Out Burger.

Oh, man. That Curt Schilling. Class act. I'm fucking busting a gut at Curt Schilling's antics. I had a great dinner. I was in New York City. I was in New York City. I was visiting New York City. Had dinner at our pal John Hodgman's house with our pal, another past Jordan Jesse Go

guest, Jonathan Colton. Public radio legend Ira Glass, who I worked hard to convince to come on Jordan Jesse Go the next time he's in Los Angeles. Cross your fingers. There's a giant poster of him when you're walking into the studio. Yes. That's going to be gonna be embarrassing yeah it is um even more embarrassing than the two different times that sarah val made fun of me for having it also when he's wearing the same suit as in the picture yeah brian were you embarrassed about the uh brian heater poster when you walked

in how did that make you feel i thought there was a life-size mirror in the hall um and uh a past caller to this program uh ira glass's wife anahid who i the the announcement that delighted me the most at this dinner which of course was a pleasure these are charming wonderful people uh was that anahid doesn't just not listen to public radio hates it yes only likes to listen to Stern. All right, callers. Call in and say who had your favorite celebrity story for the past week. Was it Brian and Curt Schilling, Jordan kind of seeing iced tea and cocoa, and Snoop Dogg's kids or Jesse's thing that he said?

Or the dark horse candidate, the Nestle quick bunny. Yeah. Okay, we got one more call. Hey JJ Go, I have a momentous occasion. I was walking, recycling out to my alley and I got offered $10 from a woman because she thought I was homeless. I explained to her that I was the apartment manager just cleaning out an old apartment, and she was very upset about it, but I tried to make her feel better.

But I think I need to dress better, because if I can't, people think I'm homeless from behind. Yeah. She's got that homeless bonanza dunk. Sure. Do you think slightly better off homeless people give money to more homeless people? Just to keep a little bit of their self-respect Like people who are living out of their cars

I'm not that homeless, they will say Yeah, they're not losing it Sure We'll be back in just a second with more of Jordan Jesse Go La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la la It's Jordan Jesse Go Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Should I do it? Do it. Come on, dude. Yeah, just do it. It's fun. God has blessed you. It's your right to. Look, maybe you'll get a development deal.

Yeah. It's the new vampires. I've got a dick for radio, they say. So many big dick shows. Oh, you know, okay. I'm going to go ahead and massage my business. I did a Twitter the other day that I don't feel like got enough stars. Oh, let's hear it. You were aware of Twitter and Star Points.

Yeah. Earning Star Points on Twitter. That was a popular venue. Twitter is, people might know Farmville. I think like Farmville, Twitter is a game where you try and accumulate star points.

Absolutely. By buying taquitos at 7-Eleven. Right. So I like to keep track of how many star points I get. It's vain.

I realize that, but you know what? I enjoy it. You know, usually I'm, usually I'm, I try and get about, I try and get 10 at Twitter. That's my kind of little goal I've set for myself. I did one the other day I thought was very observant.

I said, there's too many big penis shows on TV these days. Ladies, demand a big vagina show. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. But you realize this trope. There are two big penis shows on TV now. That's too Sure. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. But you realize this trope. There are two big penis shows on TV

now. That's too many. Yeah. So since the cancellation of Sex and the City, you feel like there aren't enough big vagina shows on television anymore. Yeah. Hello. Let's take some telephone calls, huh, gang? Hey, Jesse. This is a desperate plea. While I was at work today, I'm a PA.

I was walking down the street and... Production assistant. Yes. PA is a production assistant in the entertainment industry. It's a name for gophers. Sure. I thought it was police officer. Greenwich Village in New York City, where I've just moved.

I saw a guy wearing a Sound of Young America t-shirt. I said, the Sound of Young America. He responded. We were excited for a second, but I couldn't stop and talk, because I was at work, and I don't have any friends in New York. So I am desperately pleading to this man. I have embarrassed myself semi-publicly

on the internet by posting a Craigslist misconnection in an attempt to make some pals in New York. So if that guy is up for hanging out with another Max Fun fan, then he should check that out. If not, you know, I'll just keep my time in New York alone for a while, I guess, and hopefully make some friends at work.

That's all. Thank you. Bye. I have exactly the opposite story that happened to me recently. You moved to New York and immediately were mobbed by friends. Soon after graduating, this did happen in New York City, soon after graduating college, was walking down the street

and was really excited to see somebody wearing a UC Santa Cruz shirt. Does not happen a lot in New York City. No. Probably happens exactly as much as you see Sound of America shirts. It happens a lot in Santa Cruz shirt. It does not happen a lot in New York City. No. Probably happens exactly as much as you see Sound of America shirts. It happens a lot in Santa Cruz. Sure. It happens a lot in the movie Pulp Fiction. Sure.

I'm walking down the street. I'm on my cell phone, as New Yorkers would want to do. Sure. I see a lady, I should say a well-endowed lady, walking past in a santa cruz t-shirt she had a big dick she her breasts were well hung buzz with me lady yeah um i walked past her and um you know i couldn't couldn't actually talk to her i was on the phone um made a pointing gesture to my my own chest she didn't understand what I was talking about. Wow.

I think I had the first time... I think you owe Ice-T a little apology for Insulting Coco. I think in New York City, I was walking around Park Slope. We were staying at Hodgman's house there in Park Slope. Teresa and I ran into a guy

wearing a Sound of Young America t-shirt. He didn't immediately recognize me, or if he did, he was being cool about it. But I saw him. I got so excited, but then I couldn't say anything, and I just pointed at his shirt and pointed at me.

Was he wearing a Sound of Young America thong? Yeah. You gave him a dick point, didn't you? I don't think I had ever seen someone wearing a Sound of Young America t-shirt outside of one of the following contexts. It's a person that I already know. It's an event that I'm putting on or I'm in line at the UCB. Well, I should say this. I didn't tell you this at the time.

UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater here in Los Angeles. Popular alternative comedy theater. Not at the University of California, Berkeley. No. When we were at the barbecue place and I was getting some whiskeys for myself and our mutual friend Joe Garden, there were two gentlemen seated next to me on stools. One of them turned to the other and said, I think that's Jesse Thorne. Yes.

Wow. Why don't I live? Because here's the thing. I talked to this really nice, the guy wearing this Honey Young America t-shirt was there with his kids, just a really sweet guy. Teresa and I talked to him. He seemed to be impressed that I was talking to him.

Save it for the radio, buddy. Yeah. I couldn't find a way to convey to him that it was not a burden. It was amusing and delightful to me that someone knew what I do. And he goes, I told him, like, this is the first time I've ever just in a regular place, just walking down the street, seen somebody in a Sound of Young America t-shirt. And he said, oh, this morning I went to get coffee and there was a guy in the coffee shop wearing a Sound of Young America t-shirt.

What the fuck? Why don't i live in park slope this is this sounds like some kind number one because your life your life will uh your life will be turned upside down just paparazzi everywhere you won't be able to leave your house people sign me up for two of those that sounds great it was a blast it was so fantastic it was so exciting to me i should say I'm really enjoying my week in Los Angeles. That's great. I think that's about it, though.

That's all you got? I think a week. Have you seen any PC Magazine After Hours podcast? I've seen a lot of tattoos. Yeah. I think a week is a good length of time to spend in Los Angeles. You live in Astoria. It's a great place to live. It's pretty good.

It's nice. I had some good friends who lived in Astoria. It was a really nice place. Mark Maron lived by me. I wouldn't say Mark Maron's pretty good. It's nice. I had some good friends who lived in Astoria. It was a really nice place. Mark Maron lived by me. I wouldn't say Mark Maron is my good friend and acquaintance but some close family

personal friends lived in Astoria. Apparently there's some ladies with some big jugs. Brian, do you have for the caller do you have any advice on the new New Yorker

making friends? Because it can be I guess any big mecca can be but New York I mean especially is maybe hard to get around. Maybe a little harder to meet people. Yeah, my main piece of advice would be Craigslist is probably the worst possible place. It's such a great resource for so many things in the world.

That is not one of them. Oh, she should have a meetup. Casual sex, moving jobs. Look, we got people out there. Hand job for $420. Sure. Look, you guys look at me right now. If Ebeth can't be friends with this young woman,

who can? Ebeth, Jordan. Ebeth! Sure, that's a popular message board person we know. Everybody loves Ebeth! Everyone loves Ebeth! If you can't be friends with an auction site, who can you be friends with? I challenge, okay. Yeah. This lady who can you be friends with? I challenge. Okay.

Yeah. This lady who's sending this thing sent me an email. I'm going to set you up with Ebeth. You guys are going to have a little thing in New York City where everybody hangs out. I'm going to step it up a notch. If a meetup comes out of this conversation, I will be there. Brian Heater, this guy's a great guy. Sure.

How could you not me? You got this guy and E-Beth and maybe even E-Beth's husband. If we go to a barbecue place, I won't eat the meat off your plate.

Brian, will you be bringing the wingman to your dick? Will you be bringing to your dick? Why didn't you point to yourself

when he said that? No, I was pointing at my dick. I should have pointed at your dick. I'm sorry. But your dick is resting on top of my dick. It's hard not to point at my dick.

To be clear, when we say wingman, we mean that he uses it as a wing. Sure. Technically an airfoil. It catches the breeze. It's more of a glider. Like a flying squirrel. I have a personal question, I guess. Jesse, I know that you've been with Teresa for a while,

and, well, I guess I'm wondering how that works. You see, I'm 19, and I'm not religious or anything, but I still feel uncomfortable being sexually active. I guess I feel like... Wrong podcast. ...I'm a general, godless liberal. I'm supposed to be living a sort of free love life. Do you think it's not a good idea to wait to fall in love or whatever? Jesse, do you feel that having been

monogamous for so long that you missed out on something or that you don't know as much about yourself as you might if you'd had a number of sexual partners? Also, I'm sorry it took me until this Max One Drive to finally get off my duff. Thanks for doing the show. Y'all are the best.

I want to emphasize I did not pick these telephone calls. This is a very sincere call. In her defense, yeah, the Sound of Young America does sound like a Christian podcast. This was toned exactly like a Savage Love podcast call. Maybe, you know what, maybe what happened? She probably put it together for Savage Love. Sure. And then switched some stuff

around a little bit went after she donated and she figured she had bought her way onto her it sort of sounded like a robot voice when she said your name's in the name of the show oh sure this is going everywhere this is going to savage love this is going to yeah i mean i feel i can't think of another. I feel I feel unqualified. PC bag after hours. There's one. I feel unqualified to answer it because my wife and I really computer guy. We really have been together since we were 17 years old. Sure. And I really only had, you know, I really only had two or three other girlfriends in high school before my wife. And I even feel like most people, even who who sleep with someone that they're in love with and that's the first time they sleep with somebody even they usually don't end up spending the rest

of their life with that person you know what i mean even if you save yourself for someone that you do does that make sense uh yes right yes that that sure Sure, there's the Yeah, there are people who Wait longer than your average You know, what's the huge these days It's like 16 or something like that Yeah, sure, there are people who wait enough Losing your virginity in college is perfectly acceptable Should you wait

Sure, absolutely Here's my kind of general Feeling about it I don't think you have to wait to lose your virginity with somebody that you feel like you're going to be with for the entire rest of your life. But I do – I am a defender of and think it's a good idea to lose your virginity to someone that you sincerely care about who cares about you. Maybe that's something you almost don't want to thrust on somebody that first time. That might color the rest of the relationship. But I mean, you know,

you want to have a real relationship with somebody that is the first person that you're sleeping with. Someone that you you know. Sure. A friendly prostitute. Oh God, there was this guy on my hallway my freshman year of college.

I can't think of what his name was. I shouldn't use it even if I could think of what it was. Just call him the RA. We didn't know him that well. We didn't know him that well. And he was sort of like a – he's not a super social guy, not like a horribly unsocial guy, but not the kind of guy you would necessarily choose to be pals with.

Sure. Instead of being super social, he collected super soakers. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he did. And he would sort of stick himself into our conversation sometimes. And one time he sort of stuck himself into our conversation by just mentioning, plain as day, that, oh, I lost my virginity when my dad took me to see a whore in tijuana oh wow whoa that's a load of bricks to drop on us now what do we talk about that or do we just leave where do you go from syphilis yeah it was intense it was crazy he just said that and he seemed to like he it was horrifying

because it was he didn't not think it was a big deal at all but he didn't really think it was a huge deal were you talking about losing your virginities i mean it's that's a pretty important question it's weird either way it's kind of like my hot dog thing it's like doesn't matter that kids do it but i feel like most people's conversation on that subject is gonna be a little weird it's not like we were all talking about this is how i lost my virginity this is how i lost my virginity and then it came to him he forced it in there you guys are playing a game of. He stepped into a circle of people talking in the hallway and dropped that bomb. You know, I never...

Slept with a whore? I've never slept with a whore. Listen, I never wanted this guy to talk about... No, I don't know. I was implying that I was the whore. That didn't go great. I never... Yeah, I'm always baffled by When someone brings up

The heavy conversation Casually What about when they Call into a podcast With a question about it No no that's fine Okay Because that's something

To talk about So that's good Yeah We got time to fill Sure absolutely What are we going to talk about Talk about your giant dick What are we going to talk about

Personal computers Sure Sorry Brian Macs are also PCs Oh good point I just What are we going to talk about? Let's talk about your giant dick. What are we going to talk about? Personal computers? Sure. Sorry, Brian. Macs are also PCs. Good point. That's a fine distinction. Apple, in some ways, was the original personal computer. Sure.

So you cover Mac-related issues on the podcast. Yeah, I will defend that with my life. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Let's get back to this girl for just a second. Sure. This was a sincere question.

My sincere answer to you is there's no right way to do it and no wrong way to do it. You should do what seems appropriate at the time and don't feel too bad about it. Tijuana whore might be a wrong way to do it. Probably a wrong way to do it. No, yeah. No, that's incorrect. Yeah, this is exactly one wrong way to do it. Especially a male Tijuana whore, which I think this woman would be going after.

Yeah, the male whore is probably not a good plan. Does that... I mean, you guys have different... As bad as the female whores are in Tijuana, the male whores are much worse. You guys have a different perspective on this than I do. You guys have fucked dozens of women each. I mean, 40, 50 each. Yeah.

Hundreds of women. You guys are... We usually high-five if we're in the same room. You guys are... It's called the Eiffel Tower. You guys are known as the Wilt Chamberlains of podcasting. Sure.

I'm kind of the Wilt Chamberlain of Gene Simmons. I was going to say Brian DeGene Simmons because he's a Jew! And I'm the Wilt Chamberlain because I'm black. Yeah, no, you know, i waited uh i waited till this gal's age to have my uh to have my first how old was she again go around 19 uh yeah and i uh your first go around in the sack sure yeah uh did you do in a ballot box my my roll rolling the hay. Yeah, and though I'm not with that first girlfriend anymore, but yeah, I think it was a – I feel like it was a good decision and yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, but no, I feel like I agree with Jesse's point that yeah, it doesn't – you don't have to have a promise ring or something the promise ring should be playing in the background right um you should be listening you should be listening to the promise a perfect circle is also a very good choice yeah absolutely any many any maynard side project is acceptable you should be watching the movie ringu sure the japanese sure that the ring sure if one of you is trapped in a tv yeah they really sort of what do you think heater i don't know i'm gonna say something probably slightly controversial i feel like it might be different for ladies and three way you're saying three way just jam as many people as you can into a phone booth like you did in the 1920s

you don't know on top of a flagpole i don't think that's what they were doing so you're saying so you're saying it might be different for ladies than dudes why because they're not as good at reading maps or sorry i had to think of a lady stereotype that was uh that was an offensive stereotype but not too offensive i didn't want people to think i was really saying it. I'm just saying all the time it takes them to pick out their pre-sex shoes. Sure. But you think sometimes a lady might want to put a little extra heart into it. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to say.

Clearly, judging from the phone call, she's been thinking. And of course you should. Males and females should put a lot of thought into it. Yeah, but I think you ultimately want to look to your feelings rather than your thoughts. You can think about what's right and what's wrong and make a big complicated plan. And that's really only going to complicate things and make it more and more difficult for you to deal with what's what. If it feels like the right thing to do in a certain context, then do it. And I think we can all agree that

one great time to do it is when you're in a relationship with somebody that you care about. And the two of you are married under the eyes of the Lord. Oh, I thought you meant me and Jordan. You were kind of pointing to us when you said that. Okay, let's get rid of this.

That's not recognized in the state of California. Let's get rid of the sincerity. Yeah, but a Jew can't marry a black guy in California. We were of the same religion and race. In California, you're actually required to marry a Tijuana whore, at least the first time. Sure, or a dog. Yeah. It says here we have a moment of...

But if you want her to pick up the dead rabbits that are lying all over your yard... We have here a moment of shame. That happened earlier. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. My name is Elizabeth, and I'm calling in with a moment of shame. First of all, I have this thing for Jewish men. I'm very attracted to them, and I'm not Jewish myself. Go on.

I'm a Christian. My dad is a pastor, and Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior. Jew. But last night on a whim. Go on. Jew. I got a day date story. Wow. And I put on my profile that I am completely kosher and that I attend synagogue every Shabbat. So Shabbat Shalom. Wow. This is a good one.

Do you have to certify your Judaism in order to join J-Date? No, from what I was actually talking to someone who was a J-Date member, you can just be a fan of Jews on J-Date, I think. Our pal Claude Brodesser-Akner, back when he was Claude Brodesser, when he met Taffy Akner, maybe it was on J-Date, I think. Our pal Claude Brodesser-Akner, back when he was Claude Brodesser, when he met Taffy Akner, maybe it was on J-Date. Later, he went on to have his dick skin cut off. And now he writes for the Wall Street Journal. So that answers your question. Is he writing for the Wall Street Journal? I think he does.

He's working at the New York Magazine Vulture blog, I think. He's the West Coast editor of the Vulture blog. I mean, you would know better what's going on. Yeah, which one of those is the Wall Street newspaper? I talk with our man CBA from time to time. Wow. From time to time, I check in with Claude Bordesser-Ackner.

In fact, you know what? He doesn't call me. I talked to Claude about appearing on our marathon show, and he did convert to observant Judaism when he married his wife, Taffy, and he couldn't come on our show because he was observing the Sabbath. I will say just come clean about it.

There's a sliding scale of Judaism on J-Date. You can be a fan of the chosen people. Sure. Just a Jew fan. Is this a service you've used, Brian, the J-Date? I've experimented with J-Date. Have you dated a J? I have dated a J, but not through the J-Date.

I've gotten an H-J. From a J? On my B-J. Ooh, a black Jew. Like a Somali Jew? This is like a mammal egg. I'm just saying stuff from earlier. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Jordan, Jesse Goe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Brian, J-Date heater. That was pretty, I mean, that was a good, it wasn't big dick. I know you wanted me to keep doing the big dick, but that was pretty good. It implies that you have a big dick. Or at least a cleanly cut dick.

You know the old thing about Jews having big dicks. It's certainly a well-groomed penis. Actually, you know, the Ku Klux Klan was actually organized around a perceived threat that Jewish men would rape their wives. Sure. That's why they burned giant barbed dicks. Big wooden dicks. This is why Jewish men were half cat? Why are they barbed?

Those Jewish men were half cat? Why are they barbed? Those Jewish men cats. Jordan, they did not think that they were half cat. They thought they were half rosebush. Oh. Just stop throwing boots at my people. I'm sorry. Brian, it's been a joy to have you here. Thanks, guys.

So it's the PC Magazine After Hours podcast, which people can find in their iTunes, certainly, by searching for PC Magazine After Hours. Got a few more podcast projects coming out that I can't really talk about. Oh, I'm excited to hear about them. We'll talk about them. You'll hear about them, say, maybe on your Twitter. Yep. At bheater.

Yes, sir. That's heater, just like... My last name. B just like my first name. It's a great place to keep up on all things Brian Heater. I would say it's the number one internet resource for Brian Heater News. You're the man behind the popular comic blog, The Daily Crosshatch. That's me.

Very popular blog. I know that if I do a comics interview and you put a link to it, I got a good chunk of traffic from that. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of crossover. I know there's a lot of Maximum Fun, Max Fun fans in the comic world. I see a Jamie Tanner book on your shelf. Oh, absolutely.

He's a big fan designer. He's got a t-shirt that's available at maxfunstore.com. I believe, did Box Brown do one for you too? I don't know who that is. Okay. He's on Twitter. Follow him. I probably should.

He probably did. Yeah. And I just don't know his name offhand. By the way, can I make mention of MaxFunStore.com? Absolutely. We got some sweet stuff there. Why wouldn't you? Didn't ask me.

What? I'm just saying. You don't want me to? No, I just would have preferred. Nice to be asked. Yeah, sure. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. I don't want me to? No, I just would have... Nice to be asked. Yeah, sure. No, it's fine. No, it's fine.

I don't want to see what your problem is. You're the guest here. I'm making the calls. I'm checking in with my co-host. I just thought it would be polite. Look, Jordan, his pay grade just got upped. I got to check in with him. What are you making for being here, asshole?

I have more responsibility. I'll give you a hint. Two slices of pizza without the cheese yeah um and conversation with your delightful wife we got some cool we got some cool uh t-shirts on there we got some cool hoodies on there uh i just added i just put something up there it's an awesome uh uh it's an awesome uh print from max fun con uh for folks who loved max fun con we got all kinds of cool stuff up there. And hey, guess what? This guy named Eugene just sent us a fucking rap song

that he made about Jordan Jesse Go and the Sound of Young America and shit like that. Wow. Isn't that something? A real rap song. He sends me an email. Hey, is it okay if I use the beat from the intro of the Sound of Young America

that Dan Wally made? I said, well, you got to check with Dan Wally. Dan Wally says, go for it. You know, we don't know what he's going to do with it. He makes a nice rap song about all the stuff that we're doing here at the Sound of Young America, Jordan Jesse Gulland. You're a fan of the rap music. I love rap music. This guy's an absolutely competent rapper. Not embarrassing at all. I expected, I'm going to be honest with you guys, if a guy from our audience says he's

going to make you a rap song, you expect it's going to be pretty horrible. Sure. A second-rate snow. Yeah, this guy's absolutely competent. Enjoyable rap song. Sure. I've never had a rap song made about me. It's really exciting. Anyway, let's let that take us out this week, huh?

Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, available on Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design on Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. It's a great CD. And here's a song from Adam Warrock. You can find him online at adamwarrock.com. It's called The Sound. I'm Jesse Thorne, live on tape from my house in Los Angeles.

It's the sound of young sound, it's all around Maximum, that's the level of fun we have in sun Cause I'm a young America And if you're off like wood Then you're doing your part And we salute you, America's radio sweetheart This is the sound of a generation Ad Astra, ever skyward

That's the way we're creating When you take the things that's awesome in life, ignore the negatives. As Jordan and Jesse go with comedy representatives. Cults of personality, new journalism, boom. Actors and writers all in Jesse's living room. Cause I know that most rap MCs arrive late. But I'm right on time to put this music on your plate. So check every podcast that Max Fun is handling.

Might explode knowing your ears like Kurt Anderson. Studio 360, come on now, who's with me? Cause I'm prime time like Big Gene O'Neal, you know the deal. podcast that max fun is handling might explode though in your ears like kurt anderson studio 360 come on now who's with me because i'm prime time like big gene o'neill you know the deal some might say rap is dead i say some's left in the tank only two words to describe my style it's big game i drink up all the maple syrup on david graham's shelf into max fun never stop podcasting yourself maximum that's the level of fun we have in sun Cause I'm a young American And if you're awesome, then you're doing your part And we salute you, America's radio sweetheart Boy, detective, come and sing us a song

Cause it's so right, though sometimes joining is so wrong So good, check the cover with your meta filter thread The sound of young America still playing in your head Cause this here rap song is my momentous occasion Cause I quit my day job now I'm rapping to make the bacon I hope to spend some time on the MaxFun forums

and I hope to see some MaxFunsters out when I'm touring cause it sucks to feel like the only sandwiches is all you have it's why I love Duke Rayburn and Resilient Rapping

put them on in a song and rock the bow tie complete though I rock the hip hop no flip flops on my feet cause I'm dressing like a grown up but still a child inside and it's great to hear Jesse just having a good time, damn right, making me smile when

I'm out in the street cause I'm hot tubbing or something, it's like, yadda da mean, maximum, that's the level of fun we have in sun cause I'm a young America and if you're awesome, then you're doing your part and we salute you America's radio sweetheart. And we salute you, America's radio sweetheart I hear the sound, the sound, I hear the sound I hear the sound, the sound, it's all around Big ups to Dan Wally for the beat you