Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 138: Morgy with Martin Starr

Episode Date: July 6, 2010

Martin Starr joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about the end of his great show Party Down, plus secret sex parties and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pretty, lovely, Jesse, go.

You finally get those restaurant recommendations you've been hoping we'd give you. You know, for the restaurants that are probably 500 to 5,000 miles from where you live. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wait, I'm Jordan Morris. Let's go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wait, I'm Jordan Morris. Oh, boy. That's not Jordan Morris.

Yes, it is. That's celebrity entertainer Martin Starr joining us for this week's program. Celebrity entertainer. Very convincing Jordan Morris impression, though. Yes, hi, I'm Jordan Morris. Man. He's got me down. Certainly. This is exactly like the time that we

had Rich Little on. We didn't know who was who. Yeah, well, I put on dark glasses. I thought I was talking to the Dwight D. Eisenhower. I even curled my hair to look like you. Yeah, I mean, it's nice of you to get a full perm before coming

in. You're welcome. To be fair, it looks like a home perm. Come on, Jesse. Don't be mean to his perm. I would have done a salon. I would have gone to a salon. I'm not going to lie. I did it at home.

Yeah. Don't you even try to lie to me about perms. Because I see through that shit like a window. You were around for the beginning of the perm. You were there for the beginning of the perm. You were there for the birth of the perm. When the first lightning bolt hit the first caveman and his hair stood comically on end.

Now, Martin, I'm glad that you've come back for your second appearance on the show. The first time you were on the show was during Max FunCon. And I feel bad because I was so hungover for that and delivered such a C- performance. I'm glad you're back so I can show you my usual B-. I can't wait. Sounds like a huge upgrade. Oh, it's going to be

hugely mediocre. So I'm glad you've decided to come back because I feel like I can kind of redeem myself a little bit. It's great to have Martin here. Folks probably know Martin from film, television. Of course, he's best known as a song and dance man. And, of course, these podcasts. Which is your bread and butter. Like the film and the TV is just like, that's fun. This is how I make it.

This is to pay the bills. Most recently on the dearly departed party down on the stars network uh enjoyed by most people i'm gonna say on netflix on demand should we just say dearly departed down yeah should we say dearly defarted because that would be funnier that's just dirty humor um it's a it's a beautiful evening here in in Los Angeles and a nighttime record for us, which is unusual, a crisp, cool evening. I went on, uh, I'm not going to say it was an epically disastrous, uh, weekend trip, but, uh, I would say that, uh, it was almost devoid of success. You and Teresa went to Wally world, right?

We loaded up the station wagon. Oh, vacation's a great movie Teresa and I Well, Teresa had today We're recording on Monday, July 5th The 5th of July And Teresa had the day off today From her job So we thought, well, maybe we should go

For one night out of town And have a little weekend trip Sunday night Makes sense. It's the 4th of July weekend. Makes perfect sense. Not crazy at all. It's the 4th of July weekend.

It's tough to book a room. And also, we don't know anything about Southern California. What? How long have you been here? Three years. That's sad. We haven't really fully engaged it. That's very apparent by what you just said a moment ago.

Continue. You've seen it across the room at a party, but you haven't gone over and talked to it. That's very apparent by what you just said a moment ago. Continue. You've seen it across the room at a party, but you haven't gone over and talked to it, but you've raised your glass knowingly. You gave it the eye. Come on over and talk to me. We thought about going to... Originally we were thinking we'd go to Santa Barbara.

Santa Barbara, California. The only hotel that had open rooms in our price range, the fourth of July, was a Motel 6. There are two Motel 6s in the town next to Santa Barbara. We couldn't do actually in Santa Barbara. But in the town next to Santa Barbara, two Motel 6s. One of them was booked, and the other one had an average customer rating

of 1.8 out of 5 stars. That's not star rating. That's like satisfaction. Obviously, this is a one-star operation. You're not going to... Well, they've transcended their one-star status by giving a one-point... Like, you're at a one-star, but you're going to get a 1.8 level of service. You're getting more than you're paying for, is essentially what they're saying what i'm suggesting here is like miller highlife

has had a one star one star out of five satisfaction given the context of it being a one star operation which i think makes it a 0.2 star they're like, I expected roaches, but not roaches who were yelling racial epithets. Yeah, exactly. So we ended up, we found a La Quinta Inn, which is a big step up from Motel 6. La Quinta's, that's pretty good stuff, La Quinta. So we go to the La Quinta Inn, but we're now going to Carlsbad, California,

which is just north of San Diego, the whole other direction. We've been to Carlsbad, California, which is just north of San Diego, the whole other direction. We've been to Carlsbad once. It's nice enough. We drove there, took hours to drive there. And then what happened was when we left, the whole plan was we would enjoy the beautiful weather and go enjoy the beach. And as we sort of cruised past, I don't know, like Santa Ana, California or something like that, like one of these places in Orange County, like the sky started to get gray. By the time we were in Carlsbad, it was raining.

Oh. So we went for a little walk by the beach in Carlsbad. It was sort of like it was only misty raining. And the beach had this sort of, I don't know, like a gauntlet of RVs, I guess you would say. Like there was a frontage road along this. You were afraid this might be a road warrior situation. Like this might be a roving gang of like gas thieves or something. Look, there was a converted school bus with tinted windows and a giant logo on the back that was the uh oakland raiders

skull-faced football player in the context of the fox racing f so it wasn't that far from the road warrior situation it was just all encased in a pot leaf yeah like basically uh and also it had rotating knives it was basically it was it was a very shifty situation. But what I didn't, what impressed me was, I guess like all of these RVs, and it was literally three quarters of a mile or a mile of RVs down this frontage road. They all had the most extraordinarily complicated setups

on the beach immediately across the frontage road. This is like a six-foot wide or eight-foot wide path. And on one side is the RV. On the other side is the beach. And we're talking about like canopies, like gas grills, you know, like five, six-foot wide grills. Why are you mad at people having gas grills i'm just i'm not mad it's it's just it's amazing to me like when they like prefer charcoal this is a i don't understand what the issue is this is a life this like rv is a lifestyle jesse these are

things that the uh that the the world traveler but these people were not that's the thing these people were not there you call them world. These people were not there overnight. You call them world travelers? Well, you know. I would guess that they're not from Europe. You're right. But I am guessing. Some RVs are aqueous.

You could. Or even better, subaqueous. Motorboated over. Yeah. They just go right into the water. And you can go to South America if you want to. Yeah. They've got nuclear RVs now. The Russians do.

I've heard about them. No, it wasn't like RV park, we're spending the week. Okay. It was like, we're here for the day. Yeah. And I think people had speaker systems not attached to the rv independent speaker systems uh six foot wide uh grills yeah um sets of tables not a table literally like five or six tables well these are people who take their max and relax and seriously it sounds like when do they even get

to max and relax like i feel like it was like five o'clock, 5 p.m. by the time we were walking through there. I feel like maybe they'd finished setting up 20 minutes earlier. Like, they'd been there since 8 a.m. These people, like, built, basically built homes. Yeah. On the sand. I think this is just a certain kind of dad. And I don't think either of us had this kind of dad.

So it's foreign to us. But I've observed this kind of dad in the wild. Martin, where did your dad fall in the holiday planning, vacation planning spectrum? Not on this end. He wasn't European. He didn't come a long ways to set up a tent. You know what? I have uncles. I have uncles who live in Virginia. And I can almost imagine

them doing this. One uncle at one point Driving to California to do this? Yeah, exactly. You get out to, well, you know, if you're going to drive cross-country, you're going to want to see Carlsbad. Famous caverns? That's a good point. There's a motocross track there that I know very well. That's a good point. There's a motocross track there that I know very well.

Yeah. I can imagine Uncle Roy doing this and probably Uncle Wayne. Yeah, and I think this is the same dad that makes the elaborate haunted house in the garage for Halloween. Yeah. I think there are just dads who just take it to 11 for everything. Right. These dads that I observed were also fat. Oh, I think that goes without saying.

Oh, yes. This is their exercise. They were wearing backwards baseball hats also. Sure, absolutely. Anyway. What was coming out of the speaker systems? Did you notice? Yeah, okay.

So, frankly, I expected more rancheros Not a lot of rancheros It was a It was a real I shouldn't have been surprised by this But it was a real sort of sublime type situation Okay I guess a sublime dad is a type of dad

Oh yeah I think now there are sublime dads Yeah I don't know i i it was a weird situation i was admirable in a way i just couldn't imagine doing all that work just to just to sit there you know at the end of it you know it's four o'clock in the afternoon and grill a couple wieners and head back grill a couple wieners. Listen to date rape. That's a sublime song. Honey, we drove

all this way. Come on. What better place to lose your virginity? Right? I did have one really great

experience in Carlsbad, California. I'm sure we probably have listeners in San Diego. You guys have

listeners? I thought we were doing this for us. I thought I was going to get a copy of this. I was just going to take it home and show it to my friends. Does that cheapen it a little bit for you, knowing this is for a mass audience? I got to go, guys.

I guess it's misleading that we record the show in a booth that says, make your own record. On the outside. Just like that thing you do. At the mall. The great thing that I did do in Carlsbad, California, there was all this controversy last week on the program because I denigrated Subway. We both denigrated Subway.

To be fair. It was a group denigration of Subway. And again, to be fair. Why don't you like Subway? It sucks. I like it. Yeah. Oh, jeez.

Jordan went on the forum and backtracked. I backtracked a little bit. Now I think, you know, most subways are— I think the employees seem very unhappy. Yes. And that's the sad part. The food doesn't taste very good. They definitely rival Staples and Kinko's for meanest-looking employees, I think.

I think that's the trifecta of mean-looking employees. The sweet onion chicken teriyaki sandwich is delicious. Is it really? Yes, sir. I can't say as I've ever had that sandwich. And I'm going to say that that sweet onion sauce is a nice low-cal alternative to mayonnaise. I don't even like mayonnaise, so it's perfect for me. It juices up the sandwich without adding that kind of high-fat mayonnaise, so it's perfect for me. It juicies up the sandwich without adding that

kind of high-fat mayonnaise content. That's what she said. Nice. It juicies up the sandwich. But yeah, I feel like that most people in our listenership who are going to Subway are probably people who have

reasonably demanding jobs and maybe work in an area without a lot of options. It's a nice alternative to McDonald's. I've had demanding jobs in my time, and I made my lunch and brought it with me. It was fine and very affordable. More affordable, more delicious, and more nutritious. But someone on the forum recommended, well, just take some time. Go on to Yelp or get yourself a Yelp telephone application

if you have a smartphone. And, you know, frankly, the people on Yelp are largely retarded. But taken as a whole. I enjoy my Yelp. Yeah, taken as a whole, it's a good guide when you're in an unfamiliar place. So I was Yelping. Before we left, I was yelping before we left. I was like, well, I better figure out somewhere for us to eat because I'm sure it's going to be strip mall central

and I don't want us to get so hungry that we have to eat at Subway. Sure. And it recommended for me an outfit called Tip Top Meats. Now, Tip Top Meats, this does not sound like a restaurant. Nope. And in a way, it's not a restaurant, but sounds like a porno shop. Yeah. A gay porno shop.

A gay, specifically. Yeah. It's basically, I mean, no offense to this gay porno shop that you guys are imagining, but it's basically- Imagining? I've been there. What are you talking about? Wait, am I?

I think I- Tip top. I'll stop. Yes, that was out loud. To answer the question you were about to ask, yes, you said that out loud. Tip top meets is basically the greatest place I've ever been in my entire life. It is in the middle of Carlsbad, California. And I'm guessing there may be a downtown Carlsbad, but I've been to Carlsbad twice.

I've never spotted it. So it's basically just you know uh here's a shopping center with it you want you here's the good shopping center that's the one with a trader joe's here's the other one that's the one with the subway sure um and uh it's just in a sort of a strip mall a miscellaneous strip mall on a just a miscellaneous road that just goes between a Ramada Inn and an industrial area. A gay porno shop. Yeah. And it's a German delicatessen, but it has like a restaurant counter inside of it.

And it basically just serves maybe, I'm going to say, eight dishes, all of which are huge piles of meat. You order them at the counter. They all cost $ 8.95 and you sit down and uh they call out your number you go get it it's like i had prime rib 8.95 pretty good um you can oh the best part is this place has i'm gonna say 40 or 50 feet of refrigerator cases full of meat. It's got elk meat, any kind of meat you could ever want to eat. Sure. And they have a standard policy.

You can buy, you can get any kind of meat from the refrigerator cases and they'll cook it for you to eat for $2.98. So if you want an elk burger, you can go buy some elk. They'll make a burger out of it for you

and serve it to you for an additional $2.98 in excess of the cost of the ground elk. Hmm. This sounds fantastic. I'm kind of amazed that you think this is the best place you've ever been to in your entire life. Oh, it's great.

It's like somebody's never been to Tip Top Men. You know, the gay porno store. It was amazing. It sounds amazing. This is like the platonic ideal of restaurants. It's just you just choose a meat. What were the beverage choices? Red and white wine.

What about vegetarians? I don't know. What are they going to do? Yeah, right. Go to Subway. Get one of those veggie sandwiches. It's like a salad and bread, somebody said on their forum. I don't know. They make

sandwiches with just the other parts? Yeah. How do you make a sandwich without the meat? Here's the thing. I'm not willing to take responsibility for those people. They're welcome to live their life as they please, but I don't... I guess I get it. Subway has a lot of options. They have green peppers, and they have a lot of different veggie items.

You got that onion sauce. Yeah, that sweet onion sauce. Is that vegetarian? They make that with hog grease, don't they? They do, yes. Wait a second. There's fish heads in there. Little tiny ground-up fish heads.

Anyway, that was by far the highlight of my weekend. Oh, and everyone there has a German accent. That's another thing. At the restaurant. Everyone there has a genuine German accent. Oh, great. And they want to tell you about the difference between various dark beers. Okay.

That's nice. Oh, you know what? I have a story about funny talking. Yeah, sure. Do we want to save this? Do we want to save this? Do we want to tease it for the next segment? We can tease it. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Just so you guys know, we were goofing around off mic. Yeah. And you will never hear it, and it was better than anything that's going to be in the show. Oh, God, was it bad. Oh. I identified myself, Jordan.

Oh, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Excuse me. I'm Martin Starr, boyish sweetheart. Oh, I like that. Oh, he's taking the middle road. And you do have a boyish charm. Thank you. Very Buddhist of you.

That propeller beanie really adds to it. Thank you. Martin, you were mentioning that while Jesse was hyping a restaurant, you maybe had a restaurant to hype. I say it lets you and I both hype a restaurant. Yes, my place is less a restaurant than... A garbage can outside a restaurant. A fantastic garbage can where I get food a restaurant. Yes. My place is less a restaurant than... A garbage can outside a restaurant. Fantastic garbage can where I get food to go.

You know that most of our listeners live in Carlsbad, right? So this is a Carlsbad. Each of you guys is doing a Carlsbad recommendation? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Well, say whatever it was that you were going to say. Just say it.

And pretend it's in Carlsbad? Yeah. But people are going to be Googling it and looking for it online. All these Carlsbad people. Martin, they're not. You're going to have a gang of angry RVs outside your door. You and I both know that if they're in Carlsbad, I'm just going to give them your address.

They're going to eat at Tip Top Meats. Any qualms. It's clear. You don't need to worry about it. Whatever you say is going to go in one ear and out the other because they just got their asses blown out by my description of Tip Top Meats. Well, then why would I even talk about a place in Carlsbad? I don't know.

I mean, but it's just for the theme. He's got a point, Jesse. I mean, already. Look, talk about whatever restaurant you want. You're Mr. Hollywood. Wait a second. That wasn't my nickname. No, he's the boyish sweetheart. Oh, sorry. Boyish sweetheart. Thank you. You're Mr. Hollywood. Wait a second. No, he's the boyish sweetheart.

There we go. Boyish sweetheart. Thank you. We're back. I take offense to your last words. We're back on track. There's a place I've been going to since I was a kid that my dad would always get bratwurst from. And every time I get bratwurst, I go to this place called

The Sausage Kitchen on Robertson in Olympic. And they have fantastic meat. This is in Carlsbad. This is in Los Angeles. Parentheses, Carlsbad. Carlsbad adjacent. In good meat, Carlsbad adjacent. They got good meats?

Can you get kraut there? Sauerkraut? Yeah, fantastic sauerkraut. And everyone who works there, as best I can tell, is German, which just authenticates the whole experience. That's good. And the bratwurst is fantastic.

I haven't tried any of the other things. They also have this, like, I forget the name of it at the moment, but this, like, German just, like, dried meat that's hanging. Oh! But it's not, like, it's not beef jerky per se. It's a lot thicker. And then you just cut off thin slices of it,

or they'll cut it for you. You don't get to cut the slices yourself. You can. I did. Wow, that's great. Well, because I knew I wasn't going to have it that day, and they'll kind of dry out a bit. Do you have a deli slicer at home?

I'd like to imagine that you have a deli slicer at home. I do not have a deli slicer. But I have a knife, and so I cut it thinly for my friends. Wouldn't it be great to have a deli slicer at home? You know, I cut my finger on a deli slicer once, so I'm a little gun-shy about them. But at least it wasn't very much skin that was taken off. No, very paper-thin. It just melted on my tongue, too.

I put it right in my mouth. Your mistake was putting it in your mouth, I think. My tiny slice of thumb. Did you really cut your hand on a deli slice? I did, yeah, yeah. I got a champion juicer. Now that go. How is that going, I guess I should say.

I can fucking make juice out of anything. It can juice anything. You're talking about those big giant ones? It's enormous. I've had that since I was a kid. Jack LaLanne endorsed? No, this is like a... It's a similar thing.

It's a giant cylinder with a smaller cylinder attached to it and then another little cylinder on top and you just put food in and it just goes grinding. A series of cylinders, eh? This sounds like something I could stick my dick in. Where did we go today? Here we are. Hey, Jordan, I don't recommend it. I can see by your shredded dick that I should probably take your advice. I'm excited about this Champion Juicer I got.

I'm hoping that people on the internet are going to... People on the MaxFun forum, I'm sure there's some Champion Juicer enthusiasts out there. I'll give you a good recipe right now. Really? What is it? Let's hear it. Freeze bananas. Okay. Done. I've already got some a good recipe right now. Really? What is it? Let's hear it. Freeze bananas. Okay. Done. I've already got some frozen bananas in my freezer. Really? Yeah, when they get a little bit too ripe, I freeze

them so I can make smoothies out of them. I just stock up when I'm at SeaWorld. Whenever I'm at SeaWorld, I just get ten frozen bananas. Is that why you have so many cod in your freezer? That's also a reason. And that just paper thin sliced orca. It just melts on your tongue. That's also a reason. Yeah. And that just paper-thin sliced orca.

It just melts on your tongue. It's a nice thin orca. Orca meat. Sorry, you were in the middle. Frozen banana. I'm sorry. Yeah, no. Here we go.

Yeah. And then I would peel the bananas first. Okay, right. Yeah, sure. Noted. You can do it however you want. But in any case, then you're going to take the peeled frozen bananas and put them through your juicer. And everything that comes out, there will be no juice.

It will just be all pulp kind of. Sure. And it's so good. It's just ice cream. You can add a little bit of vanilla extract and mix it up. But it's just like wonderful ice cream. Really? Yep.

And it's pure from God's green earth. That sounds fantastic to me. That sounds nice. I expected this to be a more green earth. That sounds fantastic to me. That sounds nice. I expected this to be a more complex thing. Simplest thing ever. This sounds good. It's delicious. I'll tell you what I put through there.

I put through, I had some watermelon that was watermelon. Yeah, you could have called it watermelon. You've gotten folksier, haven't you, Jesse? Howdy. I want me some watermelon. Howdy, Jordan. I'm sitting in the catbird seat. Sure.

I put some watermelon through there, and then we had a nectarine. All we had sitting around was some watermelon and nectarine. I put that through. Oh, man. I'll tell you what's pretty good. Watermelon nectarine juice. I'm not keen on watermelon juice for some reason. I might be the only one.

Really? It's too sweet It's like I would rather have the pulp of a banana You'd rather have the pulp of a banana I want real No, I want like real watermelon That just makes me want real watermelon Oh

So you're saying that the texture of a watermelon is part of the experience Yeah, absolutely No, I understand that Reminds you of a summer's day Yeah, but the smooth texture of a watermelon juice is part of the juicer experience. It's a larger, it's a greater experience. I could see watermelon juice being used to sweeten up lemonade. That might be a genius idea.

That sounds pretty good. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. There we go. Yeah, it snaps. Jordan's mic is snapping, crackling, and popping there over there. Apologies for that. So I got a champion juicer. Jordan, what's your restaurant recommendation?

Oh, you know, I was going to talk about one, but I'm starting to remember maybe we've talked about it on the air. Did me and Dave Holmes talk about Irv's? No, I don't think so. Okay, well, if we did, I'm sorry. You're going to hear about Irv's Burgers again. Is this the one where they draw little pictures on the bags? This is the one where they draw little pictures of you on your bag. Oh, that does sound like a great place.

We did hear it already. Okay, yeah. We just did. Well, just very quick. I won't go into it. In case you've heard this before. Sure. Some people avoid the Dave Holmes episodes, and I can understand that.

Sure. He's an unpleasant man. If you were to choose one word to describe Dave Holmes it would be unpleasant. Two words. Unpleasant and racist. Yeah. Three. Unpleasant, racist, unprofessional. Sure. Anyway, so... Wait, where is this guy?

I want to get to know him. He's behind you! He's got a knife! Hey, Holmes. This place, kind of in this area of West Hollywood Is dominated by brunch This is in the brunch district of West Hollywood So you know there's a lot of Nice places to sit outdoors

And you know have a scramble And look at rainbows Yeah and look at rainbows Anyways but there is this There's this Burger stand called Irv's Burgers stand called Irv's Burgers, and the Irv's Burgers sign is very small. The Coca-Cola sign is giant out front.

Are you sure it's not called Coca-Cola? I don't think so. Okay, just checking. I think that's the name of a popular drink. All right. Yeah. I could be wrong, though. I'm not sure I am.

I don't know if you guys have listened to a lot of Gangstar, but the late guru... I've listened to quite a bit. More than you'd think. Yeah. The late guru from Gangstar taught us all a lesson about popular drinks. It was, lemonade is a pop... God damn it. Lemonade was a popular drink, and it still is.

That was his rap. Sure. Lemonade was a popular drink. I miss guru. And his rap sure well lemonade was a popular drink i miss guru still is i think we all miss guru did he die he passed i'm sorry to hear that yeah um anyways at this place it's an excellent burger it's an excellent uh it's an excellent kind of standard stand burger uh you you you you should go there anyways even if it didn't have the cute affect, but it does. The cute affect is that the kindly Chinese woman who works there, who always works there, will draw a picture of you on your plate or your takeout bag, and sometimes you'll be saying something. You'll have a word bubble. And one time I went there with a buddy of mine, and he paid, and my little guy was saying out of his word bubble,

thank you for the burger, sugar daddy. Anyway. I don't think you said that when we were at Dave Holmes. So if you're ever in West Hollywood, herbs. You were saving that for a less racist show. I want to go there now. I really want to go to that place. Oh, yeah, yeah, you should.

It's delicious. Can I ask you guys? They've got styrofoam cups and crushed ice, which is a great thing for a burger. That's fantastic stuff right there. Absolutely. Can I ask you guys a racism-related question? Sure.

No. You can ask me, but not Martin. Martin's going to cover his ears. Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. I've been watching. Martin's not listening. I've been watching. You guys are familiar with the television program Seinfeld, correct?

Sure. Now, I watched Seinfeld a lot when it was this is about the um it's the lady cartoonist and the guy who does her inking is kind of like curmudgeonly but they have a will they won't they thing right no guys this is way too racist i can't be a part of the show anymore no it's the one that's set in a magazine office and uh brook shields is the star um anyway veronica's closet yeah that's it veronica's closet so i've been i i watched seinfeld when it was on and i took a break i hadn't watched it in really except for the rare rerun in years and uh then i started watching it again from the beginning relatively recently if three, four, five months ago.

In between, I watched this amazing one-man show by this actor named Danny Hawk called Jail's Hospitals in Hip Hop. And this is – I'm generally against the one-man show as a form. I don't even really like Anna Deavere Smith, to be frank with you. Wow. No sacred cows with you. I know. But Danny Hawk really is a special, brilliant guy. He's been on The Sound of Young America. I recommend people listen to that.

And this is an amazing, amazing film. If you can find a copy of it, I'm not sure if it's on the Netflix, it's really amazing. And one of the pieces in this is about him auditioning for Seinfeld. They want him to play a character named Ramon the Pool Boy. And he basically, the long and the short of it is,

he gets fired for not wanting to do a sort of broad Latin accent. He's a white guy, by the way. He's a white guy who could pass for an ethnic guy,'s a white guy, by the way. He's a white guy who could pass for an ethnic guy, but a white guy. And... I can see why he wouldn't want to be pigeonholed for the rest of his career after that. Yeah, as a broad ethnic stereotype.

As a pool boy, I mean. Yeah, right, just to have you take on pool-related roles. So when I watched this, I was like... Adam Sandler was worried about that before he did Airhead. Sure. But he broke out. about that before he did Airhead. Sure. But he broke out. Thank goodness.

Yeah, thank God. I remember when I watched this. I meant that, by the way. I'm really glad that Adam Sandler broke out of that. Me too. Because I think he's fantastic. Sure. He's a talented guy.

Yeah. I don't think Grown Ups looks that good. Well, I'm not going to say anything. Sure, that's fine. Hey, I'll say going to say anything. Sure, that's fine. Hey, I'll say this. He talks like a baby. Ha ha, okay. Sure.

Mission accomplished. You said it. You did say that. Were you talking about something before? Yeah, I was. Do you remember what it was? Oh, wait. Can I just do a quick thought about Sandler?

Yeah, okay. This will be quick. Jesse looks so annoyed. I feel like Sandler has an infinite past with me. So affable in an interview setting. So many funny things on Saturday Night Live. And just the occasional wonderful turn. For instance, funny people.

So I say go ahead and do whatever, Adam Sandler. Anyways. I agree. This is my point I mean I'm okay number one I bet he's a fantastic guy sure I don't heard anything negative about him personally I've met him ever so briefly and he was the sweetest person I have also had very brief interactions with him and they've been uh nothing but nothing but all all charm and warmth john z reilly as well a really fantastic guy did you uh i had to interview him in character as dewey cox once so i don't think that counts that's my only uh interaction with riley did you did you guys happen to listen to uh andy kindler onler on our friend Mark Maron's podcast, What the Fuck?

No. Andy said, apparently Adam Sandler and Andy Kindler ran into each other at a funeral for a mutual friend. And Adam Sandler said to him, Gangstar. Don't worry. This is guru. Ah, boy. He said to him, don't worry.

There's no hard feelings. And Andy Kindler couldn't really remember what he'd done to Adam Sandler to have no hard feelings about. And then someone reminded him that once when Adam Sandler was in the room, just right around when Happy Gilmore came out, Kindler was talking about stuff in Hollywood. And he said, I haven't seen Happy Gilmore yet. Uh, and, but I don't really know if I need to, uh, I'll describe the trailer to you. Uh, Adam Sandler pops out of a water trap and spits out a fish. So, A, I thought that was a beautiful moment.

Sure. so a i thought that was a beautiful moment sure b i thought it was kind of beautiful that kindler had to eat it and talk talk to sandler after doing that in front of him um but see i think there's something to be said for the fact that um is sandler not really his fault, but probably ill-suited to his huge... Well, he was well-suited because he was a huge success. He had that huge successful run of movies. And, you know, Happy Gilmore is kind of funny. I liked it. I still like it.

I'm okay with Happy Gilmore. He's just so charming. It was a time when things that really were not for me ruled the box office, and it really sucked for me. Has that time ever waned? Yeah, sure it has. I mean, look at the people who star in comedy movies now. Oh, sure. Look at these.

I think Zach Galifianakis is hilarious i think paul rudd is hilarious i think will ferrell's hilarious i think seth rogan is hilarious i think all these people all these big movie stars all there's i'd be hard pressed to name a big uh film star right now who i don't think is uh really funny i mean they make bad movies but so does you know i mean it's hard to make a good movie. You don't make a good movie every time. Sure. But all the famous movie stars now are people that I actually really like, whereas, you know, 10 or 15 years ago, I'm just not a big Jim Carrey fan. Yeah, okay. You know what I mean? No, you know, I... And Adam Sandler

was making a lot of shit movies. Sure. Yeah, definitely America's taste in comedy celebrities is generally pretty good these days. And I'm also like... I don't know. Maybe, yeah, comedy celebrities, I guess. Yeah, yeah. No, I think... I'm not going to...

Look, I'm not going to defend other celebrities. I'm just saying... We're not going all the way around here. That I think... We're very specific with these comedy celebrities. You're not defending Taylor Lautner. But I think we're very specific with these comedy celebrities. You're not defending Taylor Lautner. But I think we are lucky to be. I think there's no doubt in my mind that we're lucky to be in a time when there are a lot of great people starring in movies.

And as much as Adam Sandler seems like a great guy, I'm not so convinced I want to watch him star in a movie. Although he was great in Funny People, which I liked a lot more than other people who seem not to have liked it i love that movie yeah i really enjoyed it i thought it was great i was really proud of the people that i know that helped make that thing yeah it was great i i thought it was a great movie um it was very great yeah i mean i think judd did an amazing job and seth is great in that jon we know Judd Seth and Jonah sure don't only Martin does oh I had an uh wait no you don't get to introduce any new things okay we're going back to Seinfeld okay all right okay so let's let's uh let's reboot a little bit I'm steering this ship all right um so Seinfeld I have a hilarious story that involved a celebrity But let's hear about your thing

We're teasing it forward Jordan's hilarious story once we're done talking about Seinfeld Wait, stories about celebrities Those are better than other kinds of stories When's my turn? One time Just joking guys, I don't know any celebrities I disappoint myself every day by reminding myself i don't know any

celebrities all those movies you've been in with big celebrities those have been green screened right yep like you like you do you have like a trailer in uh austin texas yep with a green screen robert rodriguez films he's directed all of my uh career yeah okay he directed my career he actually wrote lava man and Shark Boy for Martin, and Martin was just too busy doing other movies. I was. He wanted me to be the Shark Boy. You're one of the Predators, right?

Huh? You're one of the Predators? He's both of the Predators. I'm in one of the masks. Which one? I won't tell you. Oh, I can't wait for that movie. Son of Mask.

I think he was in Son of Mask. So when I watch Jail's Hospitals in Hip Hop, I admit that while I greatly admired Danny Hawk, I was thinking, you know, I don't know. Seinfeld's not really racist. Like, he doesn't straight up say Seinfeld's racist, but he comes pretty close, implies it very strongly, and it's sort of the premise of this 10-minute chunk of the show.

Yeah, I mean, I might say just like every character in Seinfeld is a crazy cartoon character. But here's the thing. I've been watching Seinfeld lately. And you know what? It's pretty racist. Can you name a few times people might remember? How about this? Name any character that's not white on the show that isn't a broad-heavening stereotype.

Poppy? Oh, wait. Yeah, like it's really like it could – and I'm not going to say it makes Seinfeld a bad show or anything because I've enjoyed – if anything, enjoyed Seinfeld more now than even than I did the first time through. It's an amazing, brilliant, hilarious show. And it is sweet. It's not – it's almost never maliciously racist um but boy if every secondary character in seinfeld is not a broad ethnic stereotype yes yeah i figured that might generate more you guys seem to be out on this no i mean seinfeld is i figured if i said seinfeld is racist that might get more. You guys seem to be out on this. No, I mean, I... Seinfeld is... I figured if I said Seinfeld is racist, that might get people hot under the collar.

Get the ball moving. No, yeah. I mean, yeah, definitely, but... There's something kind of amazing about it, even having been a TV show, given how racist it is. Sure. But yeah, I think Seinfeld,

it's hard, and I think this is the line that King of the Hill toes to because you could say there's probably a lot of stereotypes in that show. But I think that just the fact that kind of everyone is treated equally, even like the white people. I'm going to draw a distinction between King of the Hill and Seinfeld. Well, Seinfeld is cruel and King of the Hill is sweet.

King of the Hill also handles things in a very rational kind of manner. Sure. Or in a more human, like they're all very human. I was about to say, the adjective I was going to use is humane. I feel like King of the Hill is, humanity is sort of the premise of King of the Hill. It's still respectful, too, and it deals with it in a way that I think is, unfortunately, very relevant. I'm a really big fan.

And still happening in parts of this country. I'm a really big fan of that Cholo guy that Dale calls to, like, whenever he needs to do dirty work done. Oh, yeah, sure.

The one with the sort of long, extra long mustache. Mm-hmm. What's that extra long mustache? Is that called Fu Manchu? Longhorn Fu Manchu? I don't know. Fu Manchu.

But I think the comparison was that everybody's on equal footing. I don't think that the... I think the stereotypes in both things are as... Yeah, but... As extreme as the leads. Here's the question, though. I mean, I think, yes...

I don't know if the leads are are number one i don't agree with you if you're bringing the leads into it okay but number two certainly all of the secondary characters are very broad there's very few secondary characters on seinfeld that aren't broad even the recurring ones i mean even you know jay peterman or uh you know newman or something these are broad broad characters but only the ethnic characters are is their broadness basically ethnic broad oh sure yeah you see what i'm saying like i don't think like i i don't think you know uh uh jackie chiles the black lawyer like i granted it is broad but that's not a stereotype of, you know, all lawyers are like this. It's all black lawyers are like this.

Sure, sure. But, yeah, I think it's just more palatable than, you know, like Will & Grace where you have a world full of normal people and then you have the flaming gay guy. You know, so it's like, here's this crazy character. Well, there's also Megan Mullally'sali's character was it karen yeah yeah i don't i didn't watch that much of the show but i thought she was amazing on it when it happened she was also kind of an over-the-top character yeah yeah and i guess it i guess yeah i guess that show was there were kind of those two and then her um uh hispanic maid i think who was in it a lot yeah they definitely hyped up those storylines but will and grace seemed very toned down yeah yeah i think it's actually pretty similar to what was just being

described no yeah and you know i did notice the storyline in will and grace the storylines with the uh hispanic maid the hispanic maid always uh yeah this might even be like a little comedia tell arte thing was always like kind of came out on top. Like she was always, you know, the characterization was a little bit hard to take, but she always kind of came out of things. Absolutely. The smart one. Yeah. Oh, yeah, always. Because she played, because Megan Mullally always played someone that was so ignorant.

Yeah, yeah. And so like not aware of the world, really. And so in her own little head. She has that special comic quality, which is that ability to do something horrible and still be identifiable and likable. She can be awful on screen. Yeah, because it's so big.

It's definitely recognized that underneath all that is a human being she's so sweet there's some some kind of quality about it sort of like she's not feral she's not doing it um intentionally yeah she's she just is that way and she's so sweet about so many other moments that she kind of earns those yeah i even the way she says it is kind of sweet. I heard it. The way she's really mean to people is really sweet. Speaking of Will and Grace, I heard Sean Hayes on Fresh Air the other day. I don't know if either of you guys caught this.

This show has serious ADD. I wonder if Ritalin could be applied to a radio show. We should see if we can get him a sponsor. It's a freewheeling conversation. Jesse and I will both pop a Ritalin a radio show. We should see if we can get him a sponsor. This is a freewheeling conversation. Jesse and I will both pop a Ritalin before the show. I heard Sean Hayes on Fresh Air, and Sean Hayes was making an argument. I'm paraphrasing his argument here,

but he was saying that he felt like his character wasn't that broad because he knew, because in real life he knew gay guys that were much uh you know uh femmier or queenier than his character on will and grace and i was listening to it and i've i've certainly known gay guys in my time who were femmier or queenier than his character on Will & Grace. You've been to Tip Top Men. Yeah. I mean, you know, I'm from San Francisco. I went to theater school.

You know, certainly. Yeah, you did brag about it. Why don't you? You know, a really femmi gay guy is not outside of my realm of experience. And certainly there are more. But he almost seemed to be implying that people who said that his character was kind of a broad sort of slightly stereotypical gay guy were in some way kind of homophobic or something. Like you just it was he was towing that line in that conversation no sean hayes i saw i saw will and grace that was a pretty broad stereotypical gay

guy character yes it was i don't really think you can i think you got to own that one. Sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely don't. Ah, I hit that. Yeah. I had another example of that, but I can't think of it right now. I know that does nothing for us. I think we can all agree that Megan Mullally is fantastic. Oh, the best and the sweetest. Really. She's wonderful.

You worked with Megan Mullally on the Party Down television program. This is correct. And her and Nick Offerman are two of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. I met Nick Offerman briefly in an airport. Did you? And I'd seen him perform. We did a comedy festival. We were both at a comedy festival

and shared a plane back. And my experience was also that he was the nicest man in the world and that his manner was so Nick Offerman-y. I guess we should say Nick Offerman is the kind of mustachioed, mean guy from Parks and Rec. Yeah, the boss from Parks and Rec.

What's his character's name? I can't think of what his character's name is. I'm bad at remembering. I haven't watched much of Parks and Rec. Well, he is a force of nature. I'd say he's almost certainly the best thing of Parks and Rec. Well, he is a force of nature. I'd say he's almost certainly the best thing about Parks and Rec. I mean, there are a number of recommendable things about him, but he's really great on it.

Sure. And when I talked to him in real life, I was surprised that someone could be like that in real life. Yes. And it made me really happy. It made me really excited. The only thing that got me more excited was when I heard him on the Adam Carolla podcast, and he talked about how he made an instructional DVD about making canoes.

Yeah, he did. I saw it. You saw it? Was it good? Did he make any canoes for me? I saw part of it. I think it might have been an advertisement for the actual DVD. I mean, he's a woodworker.

Yeah. That's what he does. It's his thing. He was a set builder, apparently, before he was a sort of part-time set builder, part-time actor for a long time. I saw there's pictures up on his website of a gazebo he built. I remember when Parks and Recreation first came on. I hadn't met him at the time or anything, and I didn't know anything about him.

And I remember thinking he was so great as Ron is the name of his character on Parks and Rec. I thought, man, that Ron is amazing. So I Googled his name thinking maybe I'll invite him on the Sound of Young America if I can find something for him or whatever. And I find this website, and I remember I literally spent an hour trying to figure out if this was the same Nick Hufferman because his website is completely dedicated to gazebos and stuff. You'd hardly guess that he was a successful professional actor given the commitment to gazebos and canoes on his website.

It's what he was doing long before he got the opportunity on Parks and Rec, and he was auditioning and whatnot, but I think he has another huge passion in this world, and it's creating furniture and using wood to make people happy. Makes me wish... That didn't quite come out right. No, he doesn't make wood prostitutes, is what you're saying. Like some sort of wood sex doll.

Which is maybe what people might infer. No, I was thinking, well, never mind. I have a dirty mind. Well, we'll just continue on where we left off. It really made me wish that I knew how to do anything. Hearing him talk about making a canoe by steaming wood, it made me wish that I knew how to do really anything. I think I've pried my way into his life in a manner that I've gotten him to agree to help me learn how to make my own coffee table.

Wow. I mean, really? Yeah, and I feel bad at this point because he's just so busy. But I think if time permits in both of our lives that I'll actually get to do that, which I'm really, really excited about. The man's a newly minted star. I think we can both agree. I would say his performance on Parks and Recreation is what they call a star-making turn. Now, Martin, can you picture this coffee table in your head and you just need someone to instruct your hands how to bring it out?

I need to know how to make it out or i need to know how to make it yeah no i have a pretty good idea of exactly what i want i'm a simple person i'm a simple man so i know i know the basic idea i don't want like an oval shaped coffee table i want to no no you're not some ostentatious hollywood type hey hold on a second i don't want some coffee table with the glass talking to mr hollywood you're having to be talking to Mr. Hollywood. It's true. I prefer you call me Mr. It's not like I want some wood table with a pear cut out of the middle and a glass on top.

No. Like Jesse's. Oh, wait a minute. He's describing my coffee table. I'm going to take it a step back and talk about Seinfeld. Okay. I recently have two friends that are really into the Howard Stern show. And so we were listening, and he's out of town on vacation, Howard Stern.

So they were playing old shows, and they were talking about Seinfeld dating some 17-year-old girl and taking her to a basketball game. And I don't know how I missed that. I missed that completely. This is a while ago, I think. How is this? This is in the marriage ref era, Seinfeld. No, because he's been married for a while. Okay.

Anyway, this was pre him getting married. Yeah, I don't think it was out of, I don't think it was while he was married. I don't think he was cheating on anybody. He was just off having a good time with a very young girl that was apparently still in high school. Oh, my.

And Howard called him because he had his number, and he had brought Seinfeld on initially when Seinfeld the show wasn't doing well, and he was trying to, you know, he knew Howard Stern had a huge audience, and so he went on and tried to build viewership for his show. And so he kind of just had a big history with Seinfeld, and Howard called him.

And it sounded so annoying. He was like, hey, do you mind if we ask you a couple questions? And Jerry said, as if I know him, Jerry said. J.S. Good old J.S. said. J.J. Or J.J. We all know him in different capacities.

I call him the wrath. The wrath of comedy. Now, he's not the marriage wrath. The bald guy is the marriage ref. Wait, Tom Papa is the marriage ref? Tom Papa is the marriage ref. Jerry Seinfeld is just like... A guy. A guy. He's just there. He's the sideline ref.

Sure. The third base coach. So he was like, Howard, you know I can't talk about this. This is very inappropriate, the way that you're doing this. And Howard was like, yeah, you know I can't talk about this. This is very inappropriate, the way that you're doing this. And Howard was like, yeah, no, I understand that. Let me just ask you one question, one quick question, as he's getting ready to hang out, Seinfeld is, and he asks him this question about this girl, and he ends up talking for a minute. He just weasels his way in, Howard Stern.

Stern's amazing. His weaseling is truly spectacular. Yeah, oh, it's incredible. And then at some point he had a conversation with jerry about like bringing up the fact that this girl was 17 or is 17 and uh and he like they just talked about it on air it was just crazy wow and he didn't say that they had any kind of sexual relations but you could definitely get the implication in the way that he would talk about it. Yeah, but I mean, just a grown millionaire hanging out with a 17-year-old

is bizarre. A really hot 17-year-old girl. Yeah, that's even maybe more weird than having a sexual, like, oh, no, no, we just hang out. Yeah, totally platonic. That's weirder. That is totally weirder. I think I might be more weirded out if he was just platonic with

all you guys just hang out he's like oh yeah bring her home around 11 yeah talk to her parents sure yeah we have a dad's great glass of chardonnay and talk dad's really into woodwork and she toddles off to bed toddles would you guys like to be able to make anything you want to make this coffee table this nice square solid tell me a little bit more about this coffee table um what are you putting on this what's going to go on other than cups of coffee this is this is how i want my coffee table to look uh a beautiful dark wood sheen lacquered gorgeous looking just beautiful piece of wood unzip don't look at me keep describing and then four kind of Rounded off legs On the sides

But all square And then Wait a minute Are they square Or rounded off They're square But on the edges They're rounded off

So you don't hit yourself On that corner And hurt yourself Gotcha Does this make sense Gotcha So the whole table Is just kind of

Shaved on the corners Gotcha Much like a Child safety table So this is a piece Of safety equipment As much as it is A coffee table Correctamundo.

You don't want any kids coming to your house and poking out eyes. Exactly. Did you design this on the back of a napkin one night at 3 a.m.? Not yet. Immediately following a stream of profanities. I think tonight at 3 a.m. I'm going to get going on this.

And then underneath that would be another tier of the coffee table. Double tier. Yeah, so that I can put all my board games or something under there. Settlers of Catan? That's kind of it. It's very simple. I don't have Settlers of Catan. You seem like you kind of...

I think you would be into Settlers of Catan. I might be into it. I want to learn how to play it. I don't know it that well. I'm semi-familiar. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. It's a board game that people also play online. Yeah.

It's based on resource management. You're collecting ore. You're collecting wood for your ships. You're settling a new world. It's like Sid Meier's Civilization 2. Yes. Yeah, sureization 2. Yes. Yeah, sure. Great.

Martin, are you a board game enthusiast? I do enjoy myself a good night of board games. Board gaming. Let's talk a little bit about what some of your favorite board games are. Rummikub is a fantastic one. Balderdash is another fantastic one. Monopoly is fun for about an hour, and then you want to kill everyone. Yeah, it gets mean.

And throw that thing away. Yeah. And then I like card games. I like a lot of card games that are kind of in the vein of Rummy Cube and just like fun. Jordan, how do you feel about board games? You know, I don't really have anybody in my life right now that is a board game enthusiast. I do remember in college I knew a guy who had a board game night, and I went to a couple and was super into it.

My thing is I'm not about to organize a board game night. I'm not about to try and make this happen. But if I did for some reason find myself thrust into a circle of people who were super into board game night, I would go whole hog. At one point in college, I would... Wait a second. That's a porn term, isn't it? It is.

I would jack off while I was at the board game night, is what I was getting at. That's how much I'd enjoy myself. I'd go whole hog on that one. Sure. Our friend Brian, back in business lane, sometime co-host of The Sound of Young America, and I believe he's been a guest on this show at some point. Brian, at one point, had organized a Risk League when we were in college. Oh, Risk is amazing.

I don't like the turn that it's taken. Now, there's like a future Risk with Robot Mechs, right? I don't know about that one, but there definitely is. They've sped up the process of playing Risk because it's like a – generally it's like a 12-hour game that you play over the course of two days. And now it seems like they have these different versions where you can play a much shorter game. And I played once, and I just didn't love it as much.

You just take it out of the box, and it's Hungry Hungry Hippos. Yeah. Here we go, guys. I'm going to eat Australia. I was not part of this risk league, but this is how I remember it going from a third party perspective. Week one, things are going great. Everybody loves risk. Week two, things are still going great.

People are getting really into risk strategy. Week three, everyone hates each other. Yeah, you can turn pretty quick. I find risk is kind of like monopoly in that some bad feelings come up because of it. It's competitive in a way that maybe gets the blood boiling. I find it's just boring after a while. Like, I'll play, and then there's a point at which I'm just like,

oh, that's right, we're playing a board game. I don't care anymore. Sure. And it's fun if you're in it if you're like the world superpower in risk but even at that point it's like oh the game's already over like i have way more men than everybody else this is i'm done you're never gonna come back yeah but it's gonna take an hour to kill them all. But everyone can turn on you, and then everyone's powers are really weak, and then you have three people with eight men all combined. And what's the fun in watching that game end? Oh, that's no fun.

I feel like I've been playing Scrabble with my wife. Cute. Thank you. and um cute thank you uh and i can just barely keep my aggression in check because i love my i love my wife very much like i i think but sometimes she's uh cruising for a bruising yeah absolutely jordan i think you can vouch for the fact that I really love my wife, Teresa. Yeah. You have that fiery Latino temper. I don't believe it.

Yeah, there's no love in this house. This is a marriage of convenience. I think also it's of note that my wife is just one of the kindest people you could ever meet. And one of the least aggressive people you could ever meet. And so there's not really anywhere in my wife for me to get a foothold, so to speak, in terms of being a dick. But I'm terrified. I simply, I just don't play games with people because I'm terrified that I'm going to get too competitive and I'm going to turn into a dick.

And my wife doesn't bother at all. She never gets competitive about anything. She'll happily lose over and over and over and it won't bother her. Whereas for me, unless I'm in it to win it, I have a hard time focusing on it. And then when I am in it to win it,

I don't cheat. I'm not a cheater. but I do find myself hardening. And then I have to constantly catch myself like, why are you hardening? This is a game of Parcheesi. You're playing Rummy Cube. I don't know. How old are you? Don't slip off to the bathroom so you can file down your teeth to look more aggressive.

I once took a knife to a man over a game of Pop-O-Matic Trouble. Oh, I love that game. So poppy. Yeah, that was the travel edition. Yeah, sure. But my point is that I almost can't do it like uh unless i i even if i know i'm gonna win i just get too obsessed with the with strategizing and playing it and you're like i used to be when i was a kid except i used to cheat really yeah like we'd all play we'd all sit down and play monopoly or something and and i would

always be the banker for obvious reasons oh yeah and uh and I had to win so bad that I would steal money from the bank. And, like, I just... That's what happened, is I don't care as much anymore. Was that your preferred method of cheating, just shaving a little off the top of the... Yeah, I wasn't really... I didn't get too creative with it.

Just look over there. Snatch, snatch, snatch. I feel like if I cheated, it would no longer be an effective referendum on my value as a person. And so I – Well, you just kind of stopped doing that. Like that idea doesn't come into your head as an option anymore the older you get. But as a kid, you were like, who cares? Any way I can win, I'll win.

But now I like – I don't know. That ended a long time ago let's just say if we were to play monopoly tonight i probably wouldn't cheat maybe but you're not martin you're not playing these kind of uh you're not playing these kind of complicated board games that come in a box that goes on a bookshelf right or are you what are you talking about you know sometimes a board game comes in a box that goes on a bookshelf, right? Or are you? What are you talking about? You know how sometimes a board game comes in a box that goes on a bookshelf that's sort of shaped like a big book, like a dictionary or something? My Monopoly and my Scrabble are shaped like that.

They really reside on my bookshelf. Yeah. I got friends the new Life Edition that looks like that. Yeah. No, this might be just a trend in board game packaging. Oh, well, it's a great trend in board game packaging. It makes a lot more sense. It makes people look like they're literate

when they probably just play board games all the time. Oh, no, this is Nabokov's Scrabble. It's a novel. It's a giant novel. My wife has Scrabble en Español, but I don't speak Spanish. There's an Enya tile in there? There's an Enya tile in there,

and I think the point values are different, probably. Sure. I'm going to think the point values are different probably. Sure. I'm going to say the point values are different. If you had a number one favorite board game, Martin, what would it be? At the moment, it's probably Rummikub. But that's not a board game. Rummikub is sort of like... It's a tile game.

It's basically like a card game. You can play it very easily with cards. This is Settlers of Catan. This is more a tile game than it is a board game. Anyways. Right. Board game, board is a board game. Anyways. Right. Board game. Board game. Board game.

B-O-R-E-D? What's your favorite boring game? Probably Balderdash. That's a board game, right? What happens in Balderdash? It's not really a board game. It's like a word game, right? Is that the one where you make up fake definitions for words? Yeah, that's not a board game either.

Or a date. You, or a date. You'd get a date, and then you'd have to make up what happened on that date. Oh. It's a game of trickery and treachery. Or you get the name of a movie and the year, or maybe just the name of the movie, and then you'd have to make up the synopsis of what it's about. That's a really fun one. Or it's someone's name, and then you make up what they're famous for.

What they're famous for. What they did. Jordan? Favorite board game? Yeah. Or do I agree that this is how you play Boulder Dash? Yeah. God, it's been a long...

I think actually the last great board game experience I had was Settlers of Catan. Yeah. But that was during a period of my life when i had people who wanted to play board games uh so yeah so now i uh yeah now i mean you know uh occasionally i'll play words with friends on my iphone but uh yeah i have to get back into that well i'm not really into it at this point so never mind you can let it slip. Yeah, I play like Plants vs. Zombies.

Oh, sure. That's like a good one to pass a little bit of time. Kill some zombies with plants. Of course with plants. I feel like it's now occurring to me that I've somehow opened us up to just a torrent of board game nerddom. Yeah, we're going to get emails about this. We have tens of thousands of listeners, and I'm going to say at least, what, 5% of them are probably board game nerds. Sure. 3%.

That means hundreds of people are going to start sending us board game nerd-related emails. Bring it on. I can't wait, yeah. Bring it. My email is... Don't worry. We'll forward all your board game nerd stuff over to Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just share. We don't wait, yeah. Bring it. My email is... Don't worry. We'll forward all your board game nerd stuff over to Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll just share. We don't want to give it out publicly. Okay. We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Moore's Boy Detective. Oh, hey, I'm still here. This is Martin Starr, Mr. Hollywood. Just joking.

No, I'm Boyish Sweetheart. Mr. Hollywood's pretty good. I think both are strong. It's a little presumptuous. But that's, but I mean, it's bold. And that's how you make it in Hollywood. You know that I'm not actually America's radio sweetheart right

What? America is at best ambivalent about me And largely ignorant of me So you lied to all of us I'm a liar Jesse Thorne Hey at least I don't cheat at Monopoly Like some assholes

Hey don't be a fucker I drove all the way out here We appreciate you. We appreciate having you here. He described his dream coffee table, which is very intimate. This guy came all the way out here from his beachfront mansion in Malibu. The boo. I am Mr. Hollywood.

Hey, we got a sponsor this week, Jordan. Great. Here's how it works by the way On Jordan Jesse Go If you're out there on our listening audience You want to have a message on Jordan Jesse Go We'll put it on there for you It's what a hundred bucks for a personal message

A hundred and fifty for a business message I believe Is the last rate we quoted Yeah we'll put it out there It's just donation to maximumfund.org Is all we require Or you can just email me And the next time I'm on the show, I'll do it for free. You'll just, wow.

And Sausage Kitchen is on Olympic and Robertson. Wait a minute. Oh, you're getting that sausage money. I knew fucking being on TV wasn't making it so you could dress that night. I just get free bratwurst. The money's in sauerkraut. The real money's in sauerkraut. It's just cabbage. It's just cabbage.

It's just cabbage. It's unbelievable. They jack up the price. Cabbage, salt, and water. Yeah. It's pretty simple. Everything by Everyone is our sponsor this week. Now, Jordan, you and I were both interviewed for this documentary film.

I don't know if we made the cut. Speaking for myself, I'm in the trailer. That's great. Yes, I got interviewed for this too. It was a lovely experience. This is a documentary about internet media. Exactly. What it is is this guy Nathan has created this documentary,

and the framework is it's about this place called Newgrounds, which is a place where people make and, I guess, trade and give away and sell or whatever. Maybe they don't sell it at all. Anyway, it's for flash games. They do sell them. So it's a community of flash game developers

that sort of grew out of this one guy who was creating flash games. Yeah, maybe you've played their most popular title, Castle Crashers, which is a great game. Amazing game. Isn't that a good game? Yeah.

Did you play it on Xbox? Yep. We should play sometime. Okay. Anyway. I'm on level like a lot. Okay, I'm like 25, but you're probably higher.

Are you higher than that? I think I'm at like 63. Oh, okay. I'm not going to be much help, but we should still play because it'll be fun. It's going to be hard for you.

Yeah. And it's about that, but it's about that through the- I do have a little floating crocodile that follows me around. Where'd you get the crocodile? Oh, he's in the little weapon shop. He'll follow you around. He'll hurt the bad guys. I didn't get a crocodile.

Yeah, he's in there. I never saw a crocodile. I have the one that helps me level up faster. Oh, that's good. Mine's a purely offensive familiar. Yeah, no, that makes total sense. That's one I need at this point because they get harder and harder. Go back and get the crotch.

That's what she said. Jesse, you were saying about our sponsor. We were talking about video games and making penis jokes. Sausage Kitchen on Olympic and Robertson. God damn it! In addition to us, Nathan already interviewed our friend Kevin Sprinkles Pereira, who I ran into the other night and is doing quite well for himself. Sure. Lloyd Kaufman, who's been a guest on The Sound of Young America, the founder of Troma Entertainment.

Yeah. Lots of other people who sort of do things for themselves And it's about the way the internet has changed And created, you know, doing things for yourself as a career And he's got a trailer He's edited together a trailer He's trying to raise $12,000 to make a feature film So he's made a Kickstarter project And he's already

I just looked at it this afternoon, he's passed four grants, so he's already more than 35% of the way there. Nice. He's well on his way to success, and I think $12,000 is a pretty modest goal for making an entire feature film. It's a pretty remarkable thing that he's doing. He's been flying all over the country shooting these interviews, and he's a really nice guy, and I had a great experience with him.

You, Jordan? Yeah, absolutely. If my interview is any indication, this is going to turn out great. So, yeah. John Kay. He interviewed John Kay, the guy who created Ren and Stimpy. It's all online at everything-by-everyone.com. Everything-by-everyone.com. Everything-

by-everyone.com. We'll put up a link to that. Everythingbyeveryone.com. Nice. With hyphens. With hyphens between the words. Your place for internet sausages. There you can find a link to the... Visit their brick and mortar store at... There you can find a link to the um uh to the kickstarter project and we're hoping that uh nathan will uh i am personally for my own selfish reasons hoping

that nathan will um uh fund this thing because it will be my feature film debut now not all of us have been in all about steve Jordan. Yeah, I know. Wait, was I in All About Steve? No, you're not the only movie star here. Yes, I... Wait, hold on. I was... Other people have had small parts as ambitionless young men.

I can't believe you guys misled me. Martin, have I mentioned... Anyway, everything-by-everyone.com Wait a second Have I mentioned how much I enjoyed What's the Ricky Gervais movie called? Invention of Lying Have I mentioned to you how much I enjoyed your performance in Invention of Lying?

Just now yes you did I think Invention of Lying had all these amazing people in it Martin among them And I would say that while none of them were bad in it, I was probably not... The people whose cameo appearances made me say, man, they really knocked that out of the ballpark, were Martin and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That's pretty good company to be in. Absolutely. Oh, yeah, lovely company. A wonderful, very funny performance by Martin Starr in that movie. Ed Norton was pretty interesting in it, too. I thought that was pretty funny. The whole movie, I'm not going to call it an unqualified success. It's worth watching.

Yeah, sure. Absolutely worth watching. You get to see Martin Starr. You get to see Philip Seymour Hoffman bring a little soul to his character. Bring a little soul to a small cameo. That's a tough thing to do. A lot of good stuff in that movie.

Some good ideas. Nice people. Yes. Great people. Anyway, everything-buy-everyone.com and, you know, donate some money

to this thing because I want to be in a real movie. Yeah, right. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessup. How much money do they need?

$8,000. You going to do it right now? Eight grand. Fuck no. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, Mr. Hollywood here.

Yeah. How can I help you? You've decided on Mr. Hollywood then. I think you guys decided, and I'm just going along with the ride. It's a good choice. You made a good call. I think it's a little arrogant, but I don't think it's being presumptuous. I'm obviously Mr. Hollywood, but it's just arrogant to self-proclaim yourself Mr. Hollywood.

Not when you've got the spirit of Hollywood coursing through your veins. Oh, I forgot. This is a man whose last name is Star with two R's. Yep. So. You got it. That's Mr. Hollywood right there. Your mom picked that, right?

Am I mistaken that your mom picked that? No, we had a conversation about it. I picked it. It was. Did she give you... The choices she gave you were star and big dick, right? Yeah, good old Martin Big Dick. My mom would think of that as my new last name for a week.

It is pretty big, honey. Wow. On our program, Jordan, Jessica, we ask people to give us a call when something momentous happens to them. I hope my mom never listens to this. Don't worry. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call here if something momentous happens to you. What's the number again?

206-984-4FUN. Beautiful. Here's the number to call. Here's the first call. That's what I meant to say. Hey, guys. It's Logan from Montana. Hey, Logan. I'm calling the first call. That's what I meant to say. Hey, guys. It's Logan from Montana. Hey, Logan.

I'm calling at the moment. It's a recording. The other day, I saw a bee pee. Pickle bumblebee. Just take a squirt. And it was just a little squirt. Anyway. How do you even know that a bee peed?

He saw a bee pee? I didn't even... I thought he said bee pee. I thought he was talking about the oil spill. Yeah, right? How does he know that the bee didn't, like, expel its guts in fear or something? Isn't that something some animals do?

Expel their guts? Or, you know, bees have dew on them. Yeah, it could have just been some dew. He could just be dripping dew. It could have just happened... So he could get pooped. He could have happened to have had some dew on his B-dick. Sure.

Little B-dick boo poo. Oh, man. Hey, Jordan, Jessica. I have a momentous occasion. My roommate and I just went to the Humane Society. We were going to adopt a kitten. And we found out it was adoptopt-a-Cat Month. So it was adopt one, get one free.

So we have two kittens, Rhoda and Neil. And also the woman who helped us adopt them had a tattoo of a cat's face on the back of her head, and she was weird. On the back of her head? On the back of her head. I wish this guy was calling in right now because I have so many questions.

Yeah, was her head shaved? Yeah, it must have been. Otherwise, how would he have spotted it? Otherwise, it was the neck, and he was just biologically challenged. Yeah. Even on the neck. What cat was it? Felix the cat?

I just got the impression this was like a photorealistic cat face. Like this wasn't a famous cartoon cat, which is a more understandable tattoo. Yeah, certainly more reasonable. Sure. It's crazy. That's a crazy thing to see. Yeah, as a recent cat adopter, I can vouch for people who... You can vouch for the fact that you got a cat's face tattooed on your arm.

That was part of adopting the cat. You have to have your cat... And you're a woman. Yes, I am. They waive the spay-neuter fee if you do it. Yeah, right, exactly. There's a good economic reason to do it. But people who work at animal shelters are intense people.

They're intense. I don't like cats. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Andrew. Hey, Andrew. I just got done with my first ever first date. Let that sink in. I just dropped my date off at her house.

He just said it was his first ever first date. I want to be... Jordan was too busy talking over it, but... No, I was listening. That was his first ever... I had a great time, I think. Good. I had a great time, at least.

Nice. She seemed like she had a great time, too. Good. No departing kiss or anything, but... That's not good. You know, it was pleasant. I'm... Okay. Nice. Good. That's not good. Okay. Your friends. Probably not.

She's using you for free dinner. I feel bad for him. Wait, so you think that just because there was no kiss, it's automatically... I think it's a pretty bad move not to show your intentions immediately. And there is an unfortunate place that you're put in as a man if you don't show that you're an alpha male immediately. Is that why your dick is out? Yep. Hey, guys.

Oh, interesting. I knew about your nickname, but I hadn't seen it firsthand. Wow. Mrs. Star, how did you get in here? People are going to think you guys have like a sound effects booth that you guys are just pushing buttons on. It's a board, yeah. You think you have to make it happen right away.

Like this love line. Yeah, well, you definitely have to make a move. Yeah, baby, Austin Powers. That was one of my favorite scenes in the movie where he said what his name was yeah he says yeah baby like every scene doesn't he um so i well okay i think i i i i want to engage you on this um wait we're getting i don't we don't we haven't known each other that long no no no this, no. This is going to work. Let's just listen to our hearts. Okay. Let's elope. I think age is a factor here. I think that if this is a mid-teen situation, that that first kiss is a little more important.

You guard that kissing a little bit more. So if this guy is a 15, 16-year-old, I think that... I think he has one more date. If she's willing to go on one more date, that second date, you have to make the move. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I, I might agree with you there. I might agree. Even for a 15, 16 year old, there should be some sort of for anyone physically. Yeah. Anyone. Uh, you have to just make your grandpas, you have to make your intentions clear or else you are kind of just leading someone possibly to believe that you're a friend or at least girls tend to put you in that position in their brains yeah because they haven't made physical contact with you and they've continued to enjoy your company on an emotional level for that long

so but you still haven't like made the move and yeah and touched their bottom is that the key i i should explain my wife wife and I have been together since we were 17. So I only had really a couple high school girlfriends before that. So the key is to touch the bottom. When you go in for the hug, you grasp, hold, and clench the bottom. Clench? I haven't been clenching. That's probably why they keep getting away.

You just give it a little squeeze. I'm demonstrating right now. Yeah. Sure. So you go around and then up a little? Up a little, yeah. Okay. Fair enough.

Well, I want to congratulate this young man going on his first date. Please don't quote me as the inventor of this move if you so choose to use it in your life. Thank you and good night. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Chris from Seattle. What up, dog? Momentous occasion. I am on my way home from my first secret sex party.

What? I went there with my roommate and my girlfriend. Now, we should explain that Jordan has been fixated on secret sex parties for years. Secret sex parties. I will catch you up quickly. When you go to a Ren Fair, when you go to a Star Wars convention, there's a bunch of people dressed up. You ask them why they're all dressing up. They give you some weird reason about community or togetherness.

I think they're actually having secret sex parties. Why won't anyone tell me the specifics? Anyways. That's interesting. Yeah, something we've been talking about on the show. Let's get back into the tape here. Sex party. I went there with my roommate and my girlfriend and they do exist. Thanks. Keep it up. What? That's it? No more details? Tell us, you asshole! What a dick. And you went with your roommate? That's it? Tell us, boy, you asshole!

What a dick. And you went with your roommate? That's going to be so fucking weird. I know. That was the part that shocked me the most. I mean, I guess if you're going to go to a secret sex party, you're going to go with your girlfriend if you've got a girlfriend, because otherwise, what's going on there?

Or a girl you like. Or a girl you like. You take your first date there. Here's what I recommend. You reach, you clench. Clench and drag. You take your first date there. Here's what I recommend. You reach. You clench. Clench and drag. The old clench and drag. Drag her in.

You drag her on, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. So, but bringing your roommate, you got to figure the roommate invited him, right? I don't know. Oh, so much information we need. I think the roommate. Let us call you, dude. I don need. I think the roommate...

Let us call you, dude. I don't think he knew the... Yeah, let's call him right now. Yeah, did he leave his number? He did not leave his number, but he can email his number to jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Oh, crap. I want to be here when we talk to him.

I'm just going to have to listen to it later. We'll patch Martin in. Yeah, no, we'll Skype you in. That would be awesome. Yeah, sure. It's amazing. I feel like this is a momentous occasion for Jordan, Jesse, go.

Sure. This independent confirmation of the existence. This is like shooting a Sasquatch. Sure. This is like lassoing a Yeti. The podcast may have to end. Yeah. After we discuss this.

This is what Ray Kurzweil is referring to when he talks about reaching the singularity. Sure. My ex-girlfriend kind of invited me to an orgy once. Really? When we were together. Well, she didn't actually invite me to it. She just... She just threw out the option.

Dropped. She didn't actually invite me to it. She just threw out the option. She was like, I know a guy who has these parties, and he kind of mentioned that we could go if we wanted to, where it's just a bunch of people who, if they want to have sex, they can have sex there at the party in front of other people and with other people. And if they don't, they don't have to, but it's just a room where that's accepted. Are you sure you're not thinking of an episode of your hit television show, Party Town, with our friend Tom Lennon?

I'm not. Okay. I'm talking about... We can talk about that if you want. Did she sound excited about the... She was intrigued by it. was intrigued by it and we had talked about having a menage a trois at some point which is according to dr. drew always a bad idea we call a mini orgy yeah yeah the old man orgy orgy I think implies that there's it's like the

biggest orgy you could have yeah I don't want to go and have an orgy I'm going big with a morgy That's like what a sexual Glutton yells at the orgy Morgy Morgy Sounds like a delicious Japanese ice cream treat That's mochi

Would you like a morgy? Yes, could I have the green tea please? Now that it was mentioned Would you mind fielding a few questions about Party Down? I mean, I think it's probably on everyone's mind who's listening. I, for one, was not expecting you to say Party Down after you said, now that it was mentioned, would you mind fielding a few questions about after he had just been talking about orgies? Yeah, well, that's as far as that story goes.

Sure. Okay. Because I never did it. So this has recently been written about as canceled. How does a cast member learn about that? Do you have to just read the same internet post as everybody, or do you get a call? I should have gotten a call, but that's not...

I mean, I did get a call, but Starz told the media first. So it was out on... Oh, wow. They didn't even tell, like, the bosses of the show first? I don't think so. No, they told them 45 minutes before. Something like that.

And so I found out through EW.com, I think. Someone had forwarded me a link to this article, a brief article, just saying that Party Down and Gravity had both been canceled. Now, did they ever give you the option to add some gladiator elements to the show to make it more like their hit show, Spartacus, Blood, and Sand. Can I offer a few suggestions for elements you could have added? If only they knew my nickname.

That my mother gave me that you guys, the imaginary mother you have. I have some good ideas for... Wow! Wow! I love her! I have some good ideas for elements they could have added.

Blood, possibly sand. All right, all right. I get her. I have some good ideas for elements they could have added. Blood. Possibly sand. Sand. All right. All right. I get it. You love Spartacus. We do. I've never seen Spartacus.

Have you ever watched Spartacus? It's no good. It's what I've heard. And I like that kind of thing. Yeah, anyways. Staticus. More like stopicus. It's not called Staticus, though.

That's the flaw in that joke. It's not actually called Stardicus. That's a joke one of my friends would make, and I would go, aw, dad. Because it's a dad joke. It's so weird because in our circle, the Hollywood person slash comedy nerd hyphen aficionado world, everyone watches Party Down religiously and can quote it. And so it's weird to think about that. Everybody was excited that Martin's character got to really stretch his legs in season two. Yeah. So it's weird to think that our world that we're in is so divorced from the rest of the world

in that, as far as I'm concerned, Party Down is the most popular show on television. It's the only thing I can bring up regularly and know that people are going to like. There was a really cool article that followed, someone linked to, where this girl, I don't know if it's true or not but it sounds like it's pretty true she went on a date with someone and she thought like things were going

okay she wasn't that into it and then uh he brought up party down yeah and she was like that's it and like the title of the article was um and it might have just been a blog or something but it was uh it was like um i only date guys who watch party down that's a good litmus test she hears the words party down and it's around the bank and clamp yeah and that's it do they and and a lot of the people i know caught up with the show or discovered it on netflix on demand does do they factor that into how many people are watching or is that just some weird outlier? Yeah,

I don't, I don't really, I don't know for certain, but it seemed more as best I understand and am aware of that the show, uh, according to the new, uh, head and chief of stars or,

you know, the new guy running it, who is Chris Albrecht, uh, former HBO, big wig, correct. head and chief of stars, or the new guy running it, who is Chris Albrecht. Former HBO bigwig. Correct. Who ran into a little incident in Las Vegas. Shamed wife, Peter.

Okay, let's not talk about that. I don't know if they were married, but there was an incident. Sure, someone was punched. You're free to Google it. Yeah. But in any case, we weren't really a part of the plan that he had for stars and has for stars, which is, I think, to take it on a global level.

He wants to make S.T.A.R.S. really big and doesn't see us as a potential way to do that. He's looking for other historical epics. Yeah. all this is that, and this is a fairly common occurrence, unfortunately, that even though they have no interest in our show, or at least, you know, I think we got a lot of support from a lot of the people at Starz, who are fantastic people, and I loved working with Starz, they're a great company, but with this new perspective and this new outlook on the direction that they want to go, they don't really see us as a part of their future. So we got canceled, obviously.

But on top of that, they wouldn't allow the rights to be taken to another network because they don't want three years from now for Party Down to be this massive hit and everyone go, hey, stars are a bunch of idiots for not picking up the show. So not only do they not see us working out with them but they don't want us to succeed at all. Oh, boo. It's a really sad thing that happens. Yeah, because it seems like

one of those things like it could be like a Family Guy or a Futurama that didn't work on one network but is a I mean, it would be great

on an FX or a Spike or what have you. It definitely is something and we did it it seemed like it was so cheaply done that another network could easily afford

what we were working at before. But I think upgrades would need to be made on a small level. And I even noticed in watching the show that there seemed to be a lot of very tasteful product integration. Was that true? I feel like I noticed a lot of... tasteful product integration. Was that true?

I feel like I noticed a lot of... I don't know that I was aware of any of that. Okay. I feel like I noticed a lot of kind of featured beers and liquors and things like that. I think it was just... It may have just been they didn't have a budget for covering labels. For dutching. For fake labels. There might have been a small...

I don't really know. I know that I got a free bottle of something And I took a picture with it Oh nice But I don't think they would ever I never saw that picture come out I have no idea what that is I saw it

It was Glenn Livet Oh nice That's a fine scotch It was a wonderful bottle of Glenn Livet I think I got really like 16 or 18 years aged Delicious The Glenn Livet people listen to this program Do they? I think I got really like 16 or 18 years aged. You know, the Glenn Livid people listen to this program. Do they?

Oh, wait, no. I'm thinking of the Luna Bar people. Yeah, the Luna Bar people. Yeah. For my job at Fuel, I got a free sake bomb kit the other day. Oh, that sounds awesome. Yeah, I haven't yet done the sake bombs, but it's there. It's ready. I'm in. Let's do it. It's ready. I'm in.

Let's do it. Okay. Now, I'll go back home and get it. Wait here for two hours. Okay. And I guess, unless Jesse has anything, final question. That one episode in the first season where you guys were working the porno convention and there was a lot of naked ladies in the episode,

was that fun to shoot or stressful? I mean, there's something intriguing about it, just as going to a strip club is intriguing when you think about it, and then as soon as you're there, it's like really... It gets awesome! It's really depressing and uncomfortable. But you have a good time. And the people were fun. I don't think there were too many people that seemed as uncomfortable as I would feel if I was in that scenario.

Sure. Showing off my boobies for everybody. But, you know. To be fair, you're not famous for your boobies. Well, who says? Wow! Mom again. You don't read my blog.

But, yeah, I mean, it was a fun episode. That was one of the things that stars wanted more of, more boobies, as is obvious when you watch Spartacus. Yeah. I watched Spartacus. So much TV. I watched one episode of Spartacus, and it was so much boobie. A lot of unrealistically groomed pubic hair,

I think, too. Yeah. Did they really maintain in that way in ancient Rome? You gotta ask some historians. Sure. I saw a nice piece where they talked about the haircuts

in Prince of Persia. I don't see why the Wall Street Journal entertainment section couldn't take a crack at the pubic hair of Spartacus. Well, you know, maybe you can audition for future stars programs. I hear they're putting together a tale of Genji. Tale of Genji, blood and sand. Sure.

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm working on a show that I would like to make happen in the near future. But I don't know where I would pitch it or how it would go, exactly what type of show it's going to be. You've got stuff going. Last time we talked, you were writing with our pal Charlene Yee, the very funny Charlene Yee. Yeah, and unfortunately it's been in a standstill, I think, since we spoke last. Can I say something? It just takes me forever. Speaking of friends of ours writing things,

can I make mention of the fact that our friend, all-around class act and great guy, two-time past Jordan Jesse Go guest and past Sound of Young America guest Paul Rust. He's fantastic. I opened... Of course he is. He's the best. He's fantastic. I open... Of course he is. He's the best.

I love him. I opened my Variety one morning. I don't get Variety. But someone sends me... Someone emails me a link to a Variety article. Guess who's fucking writing the next Pee Wee Herman movie with Paul Rubens? Paul Rust.

Paul fucking Rust! Holy shit! Yeah. Big enough news that they're making another Pee Wee movie and that they've gotten someone very funny to write it. Judd Apatow, or as I call him, Judd, producing. That's what I call him. And like, I would have shit my pants if it

was just that someone has finally taken an interest in making a new Pee Wee movie. Since Pee Wee himself, Paul Rubens, seems to have no interest in episodic television. I actually had a conversation with a guy who makes episodic television, who orders episodic television episodes for a network that would be a great fit for Pee Wee

if he happened to want to make a television show. Oxygen, we know. And he said that he had... You're friends with people at Oxygen. You don't have to rub it in. They had inquired and had been told that Pee Wee, Paul Rubens had no interest in making a television program. And he was sticking to his guns with these two scripts that he'd written

for films, which he's had written for ten years now. Maybe five years. And Pee Wee, he's had a for 10 years now, maybe five years. And he's had a hard time getting anybody to bite on him. And so it would have been huge news if it was just that it was Judd Apatow, this guy whose proven ability to actually make movies is astonishing. But our buddy Paul Rust, who, by the way, I mean, granted, I think everybody here knows, I mean,

there's a huge picture of Pee Wee Herman on my wall right there. I couldn't be a bigger fan of Pee Wee. Oh, wow, and he's naked. Couldn't be. Yeah, well, you know, it's art. Right. What are all those stains on the bottom of the frame? That's art juice.

It comes out of my dick. Oh, boo, boo. Wow. Wow. It comes out of my dick. Wow! I couldn't be a bigger Pee Wee Herman fan unless I was our friend Paul Rust, who could not more have the spirit of Pee Wee

and believe in the things that Pee Wee represents if his name was Paul Rubens. I'm just so excited about it. I'm just shitting my pants with joy about this. I'll just take a movie to get made. Two weeks? Three weeks? When are we seeing this?

Yeah, let's see it next week. Yeah. You got plans on Friday night? Well, I mean, I have to see Predators first. But we can see the Pee Wee movie after that. Okay, great. We'll theater hop. I kind of do want to see Predator.

Oh, I do too. I'm excited. I had a buddy see in advance who's uh who's tasting stuff like that i trust and yeah he gave a hearty thumbs up so i saw dinner dinner with schmucks dinner for schmucks oh yeah with uh correll and rudd yeah how'd that go i i enjoyed it oh good you know i don't i don't love those meet the parents movies so i was a little skeptical it's um it's... Same director. It's not what I expected.

Yeah, I didn't know. I thought it was all taking place at a dinner, like from the beginning to the end. It was my dinner with Andre. I never understood the entire concept of the movie, so I thought the whole thing was going to be an hour and a half of a dinner, and I was like, this seems kind of boring.

Also, points against Jeff Dunham is in it. Anyways. Wait. As long as we're putting points against it, I'll – Wait. What do you mean? I'll throw in – He's the ventriloquist who had that show in comics.

Oh, he's great in it. Is he? Yeah. Good. I mean, I don't – I mean, you know, I think his ventriloquism show was pretty awful, but I don't – He has a small part. I mean, it's not – Okay.

He has a small part. But I don't – I don't think he can – he's devoid of the ability to be good at something. Anyways. I don't know if I'm actually allowed to talk about this. I saw the screening of it. I saw the French film The Dinner Game, upon which this film is based. It was critically acclaimed. This was 8, 10 years ago.

I kind of hated it. Yeah, I've heard that's not very good, actually. But the idea is what they kind of got from it. The idea is a contest about who can have the worst... Well, let's not ruin it. Let's not ruin it for the dinner party. Too late. Way to go.

That's the titular game. You're titular. Ooh, bam. Coming out swinging. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Yeah, we will. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I am Mr. Hollywood. Great. Nah, I don't... Is that how Mr. Hollywood talks? Can we do that over? Yeah, no, no, it's authoritative. It's a great character work, Martin.

That wasn't good. That's better than your Jordan Morris impression you displayed at the top of the show. Seriously, guys. That was really good. Can we do this over? I really enjoyed that. Can we do that over? I really enjoyed that.

Hey, let's pull a Karate Kid and reboot this, okay? Okay. You guys want to reboot? What's next on the agenda? Start again. Jackie Chan? Yes. Jackie.

Hello. And I'll be the littlest scientologist uh i think we had a lot of fun on this show he's great are they scientologists i think so will smith and his family you gotta figure just because they're celebrities what i've heard yeah martin you're a scientologist right yep no no that's why you love coffee table so much yeah yeah mean coffee table and i don't blink. I don't actually. I'm not a celebrity.

So once that happens, then I have to become a Scientologist. It's part of the deal. You're a celebrity to me, Mark. Thank you. So that means I'm a Scientologist to you. Number one, you're good looking. Really? Number two, you got on that great t-shirt. Great t-shirt, great beard.

Number three, I really enjoyed your performances in The Invention of Lying and the film Adventureland. Heard of it. Have people not seen Adventureland, by the way? I feel like people haven't seen Adventureland. I mean, not everybody, but sometimes someone that I assume has seen Adventureland hasn't seen it.

Oh, this is funny. I think it'll be on cable soon and then everyone will probably watch it. Yeah, pre-Adventureland I had picked up the kind of hobby slash affect of smoking a pipe having a little

pipe every now and then going outside and just smoking a little pipe yeah you told me that last time yeah yeah and people were like Adventureland

I'm like no I invented this a few months before I invented pipes a little bit you got really butt hurt oh Martin's character in Adventureland is kind of like

an old soul, and he smokes a pipe. Anyway. Yeah. But I got that from Jordan. Yeah, right. The writer of the film. I highly recommend the Adventureland. Greg Mottola walked over on it. I really loved it. That was what you were theoretically

promoting when you were in The Sound of Young America, I think. Yep. Adventureland. That's how I... No, I think I first met you... Yeah. It was Adventureland. I was like, I'd love to talk to Martin Starr.

That guy's great. And they're like, oh, yeah? And I was like, yeah, no, really. Like, I am actually sincerely interested in doing an interview with Martin Starr. And they're like, oh, great. Usually they pitch me somebody and they say, oh, he was just on the cover of Teen People.

Yeah, they don't have anything like that for me. No. I love that that is how it is because then I'm not bombarded with doing all that shit. And I really love that. That was the coolest thing

that I had done for the movie was with you doing The Sound of Young America because you genuinely cared. And I think we talked about it in the interview because there are so many people that are just like, oh, this is the grind, the nine-to-five gig.

To be fair, I get to pick who it is. But you know what else about Adventureland that I've been thinking about a lot lately since I got this Twilight on TV? Yeah. Kristen Stewart, I thought, was great. I've never seen any of the Twilight movies. She was great. But I thought she was of the Twilight movies. She was great.

But I thought she was great in Adventureland. I had no idea that she was the lady from Twilight. And I was also shocked to learn that she was playing like 19, and when they filmed it, she was like 16 or something. I was shocked to learn that it was like a backwards aging process for her in that movie. She was great. Not just for a 16-year-old.

I thought she was fantastic in that movie. She was great. Not just for a 16-year-old. I thought she was fantastic in that movie. Yeah, she's a sweetheart. Anyway, I have an action item. She's like my little sister. I want strategies. Is that an action item? Does that know that one? Tell us celebrities who are like siblings to you.

She's like my little sister, Kristen Stewart. No, she's not, because we don't have the same mother. Interesting. Let's hear more about that. My action item is this. If anyone out there – I have two action items. The first is if anyone out there has strategies for me or advice or experiences with people who get too serious about board games. So if you have a strategy, if you have a strategy for me to control it.

All my friends are going to call you. All of my friends are going to call me. If you have a strategy for me to control it, or if there was just an astonishing incident in your past in which someone got too serious about a board game, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN. What's that number again? 206-984-4FUN. Did you hear number again? 206-984-4FUN.

Did you hear that, Dad? Call in. You tell them that story about when I was eight. And I threw the board game out the window. Oh, Jesus. And my other one is, I'd like to hear the worst lyric from a song that you like. I shared Guru from Gangstar's classic lyric,

lemonade was a popular drink and it still is i'd like to hear uh the worst lyric from a song that you like and i don't want you to call and say about a song that's so cheesy you love it or some bullshit like that fuck that i hate that shit i don't want to deal with it. A song that you actually like because you think it's good, but it has a horrible horrible lyric. Lady Gaga. I know it's going to happen. It's going to be Gaga heavy. Because I think I enjoy

some of those songs, but they're not the most beautifully written songs. Okay, well let's hear what people have to say. They're mainly about imagining her robot costume. 206-984-4FUN with your board game, too serious about board game experiences and advice, and also the other thing that I said.

That's the one. Yeah. MaxFunStore.com is where you visit to get all your Jordan Jesse Go stuff. I just cut my friend Jordan a check from our proceeds, our monumental proceeds that will be arriving in his mailbox shortly. It's going right up my nose. That means cocaine. MaxFunStore, where you can get not only your choice of two different Jordan, Jesse, Go t-shirts, but also things like the Max Fun Rocket Ship Polo and hoodie, both of which are actually kind of cool, I think.

Yeah. They're kind of cool. Absolutely. No, yeah, not your usual swag. These are nice items. The logo is tasteful. Max Fun Store. Well, I don't know.

That penis in the middle of the logo doesn't really. Oh, I mean the size is tasteful. MaxFunStore.com. I mean, it has a dick and a pot leaf on it. We hope that you will join us online on the forum at forum.maximumfun.org to talk about this episode. And, hey, Volunteer Day on Saturday, July 11th? It's Sunday. July 10th.

Yes. Saturday, July... It's definitely Saturday. I think it's July 10th? It's Sunday. July 10th. Yes. Saturday, July. It's definitely Saturday. I think it's July 10th here at MaxFun World Headquarters. So if you want a tour of MaxFun, we want to see where all the magic happens and meet Coco the brown dog and me and Julia, the producer. And I'll be there. Martin Starr, of course, is going to be there and help pack some stuff.

Email Christian. I think we only have literally one or two slots left. Star, of course, is going to be there and help pack some stuff. Email Christian. I think we only have literally one or two slots left, but email Christian at MaximumFun.org. Our current intern, Christian, will gratefully take your email if you live here in the Los Angeles area. How do you spell Christian? People need to know how to get in contact with him. Just like a follower of Christ, C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N,

or 206-984-4FUN. Don't call. Email Christian. Anything else? Nope. We're covered. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, from Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design,

courtesy of Light in the Attic Records. We'll see you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Sorry this one was so long, but it was so great. Yeah. You should thank us. Thank you for having me Mr. Hollywood signing off