Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 139: Lola with Ryan Perez

Episode Date: July 15, 2010

Saturday Night Live writer Ryan Perez joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about a missing parrot, unfairly maligned films and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

How far will one family go to recover a lost parent? That story and more tonight at 11. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Special guest joining us on the program today. You probably know his work, if not his face, because he's a writer on a television program called Saturday Night Live.

Please welcome to the show Mr. Ryan Perez. Hey guys, thanks for having me on the show. I really appreciate it. I was surprised to hear that your voice has kind of a more announcer-y quality than it does. I'm trying something new for the show. I can't do it. I won't be able to do this for longer than a few minutes. No, that's tough to sustain. Yeah, exactly.

I'm just excited that you do bits. We don't ask people to come up with cool bits for the show, but if you do come up with a great bit, bring it out. Now it's a voice. Let's go. It wasn't entirely a planned bit. I was like a second as soon as the intro started, I was like, oh, what am I going to do?

How am I going to do it? Should I go lower, higher, higher, higher, higher, lower? I didn't know exactly what to do. It's hard to tell exactly what to do. That's why we've got a segment producer here. You talk to the segment producer. You work out your anecdotes. You find the kinks.

You find the laugh notes. And you do what you can. It is 1,000 degrees in Los Angeles today. Yes, it is. I am in a terrible mood. I've got a headache. I'm just dehydrated. I've got my hair's falling off my legs

i'm just i my teeth are falling out i'm like keep listening folks this is gonna get good i want to these i feel like i am at this point because we i don't have air conditioning here in my house i feel like at this point i am like one of those people that's crawling through the desert like that's the physical state that i'm in that i can basically only muster crawling sure like there's some some buzzards hopping alongside you yes they're hot that's how you feel i can't even i can't even get them to circle over my head they're just hopping alongside because they know it won't be like well we're just gonna have to land in four seconds anyways let's say the buzzards ryan you're wearing flannel.

I am wearing flannel, which is actually I didn't intend to wear today, but I was this morning. I wore a nice thin T-shirt, walked outside, making a telephone call outside, a bird shit on my – Your thin T-shirt. On my thin T-shirt. Maybe the third time it's happened in my entire life. Was the T-shirt on my thin t-shirt maybe the third time it's happened in my entire life was the t-shirt

so thin that you got bird shit on your skin no you shit on my head and oh okay and just such a bummer

such a such a drabble moment or something and so I had to go inside and so I went into the

into the prop closet got this here. You sometimes, before you worked at Saturday Night Live, and currently, I guess, you work at Funny or Die. I should explain. Yeah, I do work at Funny or Die, directing periodically. And so I have this. I went into the prop closet, grabbed this flannel, and so this was not what I intended to wear today, guys.

Yeah, flannel plus corduroy, I see. Yeah, that's what I intended to wear. That's. Yeah, flannel plus corduroy, I see. Yeah, that's what I intended to wear. That's just the pants. That was your mistake. Exactly. Now, I mean, I guess I wanted to say that you'd work at Funny or Die because I didn't want people thinking you were going into the prop closet at SNL and maybe people anticipating you were going to end up wearing the Gilly outfit. Or possibly a cone head.

Well, this is Garth's flannel. Oh i should this is a garth's flannel oh wow garth's flannel garth's great is garth one of the cone heads yeah right great well we've sorted that out sure um i guess the moral of this story is that i am ill equipped to deal with what is – it's hot outside, but it's not crazy hot. We were – last week on the east coast of the United States, you were talking about temperatures in the hundreds. That's what I hear, Boston. Yeah, in the hundreds, yeah. We're not looking at that here. We're looking at 90, 89, 91.

I was in Las Vegas over the weekend, and it was sweltering. Holy mackerel. But, you know. But you were wearing the Liberace shit from the Liberace prop closet. Yes, I was. After that bird shit on you. I guess it's going to be fine though, right? Night is falling.

We're going to relax, cool out, enjoy a mango rita. Oh, God. Every time I go to the airport, the kind of designated Mexican restaurant in the airport, and this doesn't, you know, this isn't like, oh, every El Torito has this. Every just Mexican restaurant in an airport has a big sign provided by, I guess, Corona, and it's encouraging you to come in for Rona's and Rita's. Corona's and Margarita's. How awful a person do you have to be to refer to it as Rona's? Or casually say to your friends, who's up for some Rona's and Rita's? I'm impressed that the Corona people are horning themselves.

They're like, well, what do people like at Mexican restaurants? Yeah. Margarita's. I'm impressed that the Corona people are horning themselves. They're like, well, what do people like at Mexican restaurants? Yeah. Margaritas. How can we get in on that action? And after they failed at making some sort of Corona based margarita, they just decided to link them inextricably with the unforgettable

catchphrase, come on in for Rona's and Rita's. Yeah. Now, is this sign where it says Rona's and Rita's is this a printed sign or is it just written on a chalkboard? No, this is a banner and they all look the same and I have an iPhone picture of it I can pass around so maybe it will

jar some memories for you. Pass it first to Ryan and then Ryan will pass it to me and then I will pass it to the listener. My phone's out of battery so that's not going to work. But trust me, we'll put it in the forum for this show. But no, this is a printed banner, and they're all identical. I was in the airport of State College Pennsylvania the other day. They had this, and I was also in the Boston airport, and they also had this.

Well, because it strikes me as something that's manufactured. This is not something people actually say. Let's have Rona's and Rita's. I have not heard it in the wild. I don't think there's... And I am, and to be fair, I'm around douchebags a fair amount. I spend a fair amount of my time around douchebags

and I have not heard anyone casually say Rona's and Rita's. I kind of think that maybe Rona's and Rita's would be more something you would hear if you worked on the Style Channel than on Fuel. You're saying this is a thing a gay man might say. No, a

douchebagette might say. Oh, okay. Rona and Rita was a great show on ABC. In the 70s. Yeah, Ty Neely and Michael McKeon. Rona and Rita. Michael McKeon played Rona. In drag 70s. Yeah, Tyne Daly and... Michael McKeon. Michael McKeon. Rona and Rita. Rona and Rita. Michael McKeon played Rona.

In drag. Yeah. What a funny pair. Yeah. They worked in that factory. Sure. Absolutely. So, yeah, I would actually...

The dog was always eating stuff. Maybe that's an action item for people. Have you heard Rona's and Rita's in the real world world or is this just a marketing thing that people hope catch on i don't think there is any marketing thing more offensive than marketing that suggests a familiar tone something everyone's been talking about that they just made up out of whole cloth like i don't think there is you know k, Kentucky Fried Chicken changes its name to KFC. Fair enough. People call it KFC.

But when you get down to Rona's and Rita's, you can't give nicknames to things that aren't things. You can't skip straight to nicknaming something. Yes. I actually saw something along these lines. On the way over here, I saw a billboard for AMPM, and it's encouraging you to go to a website. I think it's a Facebook slash website, so you can check out the AMPM secret menu.

Now, I'm guessing they're kind of trying to capitalize off the idea that, like, In-N-Out Burger has a secret menu. Everybody likes to talk about In-N-Out Burger's oh, if you say this secret code, you can get extra pickles, or if you say this secret code, you can get it wrapped in lettuce. I think they are under the impression that people like that, but I think it's...

I've not visited this AMPM website, but I think it's just going to be something like instead of filling a cup with soda, fill it with nacho cheese. You know, like, oh, this is the AMPM secret menu. Well, on a hot day like this, I can see the appeal. Yeah, just a big gulp full of nacho cheese. If they give you one of those straws with a spoon at the bottom, sure.

Go for it. Now, Ryan, I feel kinship to you for a number of reasons. One, our Hispanic heritage. That's the main one. We're both very light-skinned Mexicans. Yeah, we are. But you two grew up in Orange County and now live in L.A. How are you finding the New York weather?

I know that's a huge, huge change for someone who's never lived anywhere else. Yes, as a Southern California native, it's a huge, huge change for someone who's never lived anywhere else. Yes, as a Southern California native, it's a little bit, it's a little harsh. This was an exceptionally long winter from what I understand. Started around November and I think it still might be going on. Clear from autumn to spring.

This year. I don't know if it was long or harsh or whatever, but people that I talk, I was like, is this a normal winter? And they seem to go, no, this is a little bit longer, a little bit harsher than usual. So I don't – that was all I dealt with. And no one tells you that when you're – that basically that show is just made during the winter. Saturday Night Live. Yeah, it's just made – it's a winter show.

That's when it's made. Yeah, it's a winter show. That's when it's made. And so, yeah, I just had to deal with the winter, which I never really dealt with. And, you know, I didn't grow up around snow or anything like that. I think in the early days it was because cocaine was seasonal like a papaya. Yeah, and you needed Jim Belushi and Garrett Morris to come to the set. Yeah, absolutely. Jim Belushi and Garrett Morris to come to the set.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. It's real good indoor drug weather. And, yeah. Yeah, and cocaine is an indoor drug. It's not something you're going to do outside in the park. You don't want to take cocaine to Yosemite. No, you don't.

That big, driving through that big redwood is going to freak you out. That's Yellowstone. Where do you drive through the big redwood? The drive-thru tree. Oh, yeah, the drive-thru tree. I don't think that's in either Yellowstone. I don't think it's in one of, I think that's in one of the lesser. National parks.

National or probably even, maybe even a state or perhaps even a municipal park. I think maybe Santa Ynez, California. This is just a tree near my house that was hit by lightning. Yeah. The drive-thru tree really is pretty great to drive through a tree. I think we can all agree on that. I've never been to the drive-thru tree. I'm sorry. Are you from the state

of California? I've never been. You're throwing your life away for us. You're from Northern California. Yeah, I'm from San Francisco of California? I've never been. You're throwing your life away for us. You're from Northern California? Yeah, I'm from San Francisco. Okay, I've been up in Northern California a handful of times and have not been to the drive-thru tree. It's a beautiful country, beautiful tree, really nice hole in the middle of it. Yeah, I'm surprised. I feel like it's just kind of a quintessential I grew up in California vacation is everybody piling into the whatever whatever and going to drive

through this tree. Old Mobile Cut by Supreme. Sure. It's like a five second ordeal at a very long drive no matter where you are. And there's no doubt that the correct noun is ordeal. Sure. Between the start and the finish

it may take you five seconds but it feels like a month of continuous nightmares. It's like doing salvia, from what I understand. What's salvia? You're not familiar with salvia? No. It's a cleanse of some kind. No, no.

This is a drug people enjoy doing. This is a drug. Actually, last time Andrew WK was on The Sound of Young America, he was excited about it. Essentially, from my understanding, I've certainly never used salvia. I would imagine that you have, Ryan, given your Hispanic heritage.

Big time, every Christmas. Tamales! Grab a big chamal! Tamales and salvia! But salvia, it's a drug that you smoke. It's like an herb that you smoke And the high is very brief

It only lasts a minute or two But when you're experiencing It seems to last hours And you It sort of like exposes your You feel like the most It's sort of like You lose your sense of self

And you feel insignificant in the face of the universe and you sort of like experience that the universe is god in the face of you and someone else videotapes you and then posts it on youtube oh this is part of the drug experience yeah because it's the perfect is the youtube generation's drug because the high only lasts a couple of minutes they They have short attention spans. And because people totally flip the fuck out. Yeah. Oh, man.

It was legal for a while. I believe they have made it illegal. But for a long time it was, until like a year or two years ago, it was legal just because they had not yet been made illegal. Okay. So it just kind of slipped through the cracks of legislation. From all accounts, I have not heard anyone say that it's like a pleasant experience. It's one of these drugs I think people do because they've done the other drugs. Sure.

They go up to the counter and they're like, what you got? Yeah. What's new? Yeah. What came in this week? I don't know. It sounds like a completely unpleasant experience to me. From what I understand about, you know, mental health, the experience of being a crazy person

and something like what you're describing are basically the same. Right. And therefore, so you're saying, I would like to be crazy for a minute. I would like to think like a crazy person for a minute, which to me just sounds unpleasant. It doesn't sound right. This is sort of like, I think it's sort of in a way the star fruit of drugs in that it's something that you get from your grocer and he says to you, hey, guess what we've got? Why don't you give it a try?

The salvia is something where... This is a scenario where we go to the grocery store and have a conversation with someone who works there. Yeah, well, the grocer, the green grocer. Oh, sure, yeah. You know, from the Channel 5 news. I do, I do know this. He tells you what fruits are in season.

Well, you were just trying to relate to Ryan, who as a New Yorker now just strolls down the street and picks up something from Giuseppe's apple cart. Yeah. Oh, you were just trying to relate to Ryan, who as a New Yorker now just strolls down the street and picks up something from Giuseppe's apple cart. Oh, yeah. I do all the cart shopping. Sure. I only eat it... I made a

rule for myself. I said, as soon as I land in there, I'm not going to eat anything that's not on wheels. That's great. You've had to put a lot... You've had to carry wheels with you now to put it because very few foodstuffs are actually on wheels if i go in a restaurant i say let's put let's get these wheels under this table before i i we're always we're always going to be in motion sure it's like it's like uh it's like when you invite a vegan over to dinner it's kind of a

pain in the butt you're like is there someplace I can put these wheels? Oh, yeah. God. Speaking of vegans, they are a pain in the butt. Sure. They seem like nice folks. Vegans. Right? They'll usually bring something of their own if they're having dinner at your house, right?

Has that been your experience with vegans? No. Okay. You're saying pain in the butt. Yeah. Okay. Because what are you going to cook? Anything that's good that doesn't have meat in it has cheese in it that's just the reality of the situation sure yeah that's just the facts yeah i think jesse you just cemented an inbox full of lentil soup recipes for yourself there

man good luck deleting all those look lentil soup has ham in it if you're making it right yeah i appreciate the vegans you know i i if that's your the way you want to eat fine just Good luck deleting all those. Look, lentil soup has ham in it if you're making it right. Yeah. I appreciate the vegans. You know, if that's the way you want to eat, fine. Just don't try to fool me into thinking that what you're eating tastes good. That's fair. And don't try to fool yourself. There are a lot of vegans. Just say before you take a bite of your temp or whatever, well, time to eat my shitty food.

You have to say that out loud. Be willing to suffer. Take the responsibility for the suffering you're inflicting upon yourself and don't lie about it. There's a lot to admire in a vegetarian or vegan. Yeah, sure. It dramatically reduces their carbon footprint, for example, for people who are concerned about their carbon footprint.

And it dramatically decreases it decreases their intake of things that taste good. Yeah. Tasty things. Yeah. That's not true. Fresh fruits and vegetables. A star fruit.

The salvia plant. Salvia divinorum. Whippets. That's another thing. I had these. What if you invited a vegan over to your house for a big dinner

and you said, oh gosh, I'm so sorry, we're serving tri-tip. And he's like, don't worry. I brought a bag full of whippets. I brought these whippets. I had these college roommates who were super into whippets. And it seems like such an ordeal.

And it's one of the – like you described salvia when you started describing it. Oh, I only last a couple of minutes. describe salvia when you start describing like oh the high only lasts a couple of minutes uh you describe the intensity but whippets to me which is getting high off the co2 that people use for like whipped cream cans yeah uh it's brief and uh and it's brief and slight but it has this massive brain killing potential anyways uh. Just monstrous brain killing. Yeah, I can never wrap my brain around what the benefit of whippets are versus pot. I once saw a performance at the New York Sketch Fest.

The New York Sketch Fest, we went and did the Santa Young America there, and they have this sort of after the festival midnight show where each group is supposed to perform one thing that was just too crazy to put in their show or too nutty to put in their show and um i saw a duo whose names i will leave out of this uh perform a sketch and i'm using sketch in the absolute loosest terms possible which was the two of them this was jeff dunham and blackie right this is the these are the two of them having... This was Jeff Dunham and Blackie, right? These are the two performers?

Yeah, Blackie the Lazy Black. What's Jeff Dunham's actual black puppet's name? I don't know what it is, but Blackie's not far off. Pimpsworth Gold Teeth or something like that. Sure. These two people, a gentleman and a lady, their sketch was them having a contest To see who could do the most whippets on stage in a row

And it actually, I have to admit, was pretty amusing Oh, sure Because they were a mess They were falling all over everywhere You get real dizzy They got dizzy and crazy And and they were falling over. Was there a premise to the sketch beyond, like, we're going to do whippets now? Was there a narrative and characters?

I think there was a countdown. Okay. Like, three, two, one, whippets. All right. They were both compelling performers, certainly. Sure. You know, they're very successful performers. God bless them. Blackie's great. Sure. You know, they're very successful performers. God bless them.

Blackie's great. Sure. I have a... Finally, someone satirizing African-Americans' laziness and enthusiasm for gold teeth. Sure. No sacred cows with Dunham. We talked about Jeff Dunham maybe a little too much on the show lately. Do you think so?

Yeah, I think the fact that we've talked about Jeff Dunham at all. Sure. Did you know he collects? He's in the Zeitgeist, though. Yes. If by Zeitgeist you mean the Mirage at Vegas. That's what I mean. He's in the Zeitgeist room at the Mirage.

The Zeitgeist cocktail lounge. He collects ventriloquist dolls. Like, from history. Oh, wow. So he's like a... He's got, like, King Tut's ventriloquist doll or whatever. He repairs them in his shop. It's what he does when he wants to get away from it all.

And by it all, I mean his money. Sure. He's an archivist. Sorry. I didn't mean to derail you there, Jordan. Oh, God. I totally forget what I was... Oh, Whippets? Las Vegas. What was I talking about?

I think you had something on Whippets. Oh, yeah, I have a sketch group here in LA and I kind of had the idea for a sketch on the... Speaking of manufactured slogans,

I had an idea for a sketch on the bros icing bros phenomenon. It kind of had the idea that the bro being iced in the sketch would actually have to do it. I'm wondering, A, has the ship sailed on this? Is it time to just stop talking about this altogether? And B, is it a good idea to drink several Smirnoff Ices on stage in a, you know, span of five minutes?

I mean, if you do it last in the show, I don't see it. Yeah. The phenomenon now, I'm paranoid. I believe that this is a 100% corporate conceived phenomenon. Sure. But other people have told me, no, no, no, it's not.

It didn't happen. Or rather, people just came up with this on their own. Yeah, this came about organically. Exactly. I don't think the ship has sailed. Okay, you think maybe still available to be poked fun at.

Now, for those who don't know, Brose Icing Bros is something created by Smirnoff Ice, where two gentlemen with frosted tips will cup each other's balls and tickle them. Sure. And then later yell Smirnoff Ice. Sorry, I forgot to explain it for the people who might not be internet savvy. That's what you exclaim upon ejaculation. Sure, Smirnoff Ice.

So yeah, I want to do this on stage that's called icing your bro sure you you when you ejaculate upon it's like icing a cake you right you ice a bro with your ejaculate i don't think you can i think that this number one i'm i i don't support it because i'm i Ryan Perez, believe that it's almost certainly corporate mind control. I believe that whoever, you know, even if it wasn't someone who was directly working for Smirnoff who created this, they were probably a sleeper agent, which I think is what we... So it's a Chuck 2.0 situation. Someone with a computer chip controlling their mind. And the other problem is it might lead to an onstage disaster of some kind. Yeah, like a barfing.

Like a barfing situation. In fact, I actually wanted to, on the subject of onstage disasters, I have a question for you, Jordan. Yes. Which is that I was watching some of your hilarious videos for Fuel TV's The Daily Habit. Sure. Which I do frequently. Mm-hmm. I love Jordan's hilarious videos

for Fuel TV's The Daily Habit. Watch these videos if you haven't seen Jordan. Run to your computer. If you like laughing, fun, or action, those are the three characteristics. If you like the celebrity being in on it, not necessarily in on it, it's both ways. Yeah.

You can do it both ways. It'll switch sometimes halfway through, back and forth, depending on the flights of their mood. Yeah. But I watched a video on the internet. And this is something else we can post. And someone will post a link to this in the forum, I'm sure. A video of you and our friend Chris Fairbanks, the brilliantly funny Chris Fairbanks, visiting this thing called Lucha Vavum here in Los Angeles. Yeah, Lucha Vavum is a kind of maybe bi-yearly thing in L.A.

It happens downtown, and it is Mexican wrestling plus burlesque dancing. I think it kind of started out as something that the mid-30s pompadour smiths crowd was into. And now it's just kind of a thing that the mid-30s crowd goes to. And it's totally fun. This is a classic retro ironic. It has all the qualities that a person who's lived in Los Angeles since the age of 37 and perhaps at some point, it's one demographic younger than the people who have the atomic

themed homes. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, okay. So I think we've got the picture. But, yeah, okay. So I think we've got the picture. These people might have one of those wallet chains with the balls on it. Yeah, sure.

Like you would use to connect a stopper to your sink. Exactly, yeah. It's not exactly the all-Fedora crowd, but it's approaching that. Yeah, they're definitely orbiting that crowd. Is that in New York? Does that swallow tattoo, red cherry dress thing exist? It seems like they would have outclassed it over there. I haven't seen as much of it. I think Hollywood.

I think the idea of Hollywood. Yeah. I think Los Angeles is undoubtedly the epicenter of that. Maybe San Diego. Anyways. Oh, sure. Sorry. That's okay. We're, sure. Sorry. That's okay.

We're splitting hairs. Right. Anyway, but this is a very fun thing. San Diego because of the naval influence. Right, exactly. Certainly the Mexican wrestling is actually impressive and, you know, a saucy lady doing a dance is fun to look. It's not actually Mexican wrestling. I think they are actual Mexican wrestlerslers really yeah i think so i think or that would explain why in the video that

i watched they were surprisingly good at it yeah i don't i don't like the idea i am i'm a little i'm pretty uncomfortable with the idea of uh white people going to see mexican wrestling uh because they think that the masks are funny or whatever. Yeah. Which I think is a key building block of this phenomenon. Sure. Though it may have transcended it. No, I think it may have started out as that.

The thing, I was fine with it. I feel like we were actually watching something cool and fun. Okay. But yes, sure. There's a little bit of meh to it. Okay. Rona's and Rita's. Sure.

to it. Okay. Rona's and Rita's. Sure. Anyway, so the bit we arranged with the Lucha Vavum people was that Chris Fairbanks and I would be the guest announcers and the guest announcer or the announcers in a Lucha Vavum are usually

like some people from the kind of early 90s kind of Largo focused alt comedy scene. I saw Dana Gould. Blaine Kpatch. Yeah, Blaine Kpatch was in this one. So it was Tom Kenny. Yes, I saw him do it.

Anyways, so they're like, oh, well you guys will take over for them for a match and that'll be kind of what you'll make the piece about is you guys, you know, asking advice on how to be ring announcers and etc, etc. Anyways, so Chris Fairbanks and i did this and kind of what we were planning in the car on the way over was like oh we should suck at this like that wouldn't that be funny if we just like didn't know what to

do and we're saying all this weird stuff like well that guy's going over to the one side of the ring and whoa he fell down for a reason you know like do that sure and then we got there and there were so many people and like such enthusiasm uh that we're like i don't want to mess this up like yeah we just felt awful that we had even thought to just do a bad job on purpose yeah uh anyway so we we ran to this place to eat and we just frantically jotted down jokes, you know, something maybe we should have been doing all day. Right. Like was thinking about this. Anyway, so we get there and we do the thing and I think it started out reasonably well.

But by the end of this thing, people were angrily booing us. Now, how did you get introduced? Did they say from Fuel TV, the action sports network? Yes, this may be a factor. And I'm not putting any of the blame on Blaine Kapach, who was very nice throughout the whole thing and actually supportive of us throughout the thing. But yes, they did say here to try their hand

at ring announcing from Fuel TV, Jordan and Chris. And so I think that may have, like, started the crowd off on, like, you fucking Hollywood, you know, that may have been the toot in the room. Sure. First they fucking push Avatar on us and then it's Fuel TV. Yeah, exactly. Sure. Trying to make Kristen Stewart a star and then they bring their.

We want nothing to do with her, said this crowd. Very good in Adventureland, wasn't she? She was quite good in Adventureland. Thank you very much. Whoa. She was good in Adventureland. Did you see Adventureland? I did see Adventureland.

I thought she was quite good in it. Sure, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so we got booed and kind of insult to injury. We immediately went outside. We didn't want to watch the rest of the thing. We didn't want to be in the room. We didn't want to get beat up.

Zooey Deschanel walks out and gives us this, like, you know, thanks a fucking lot, assholes look. So, anyways. Oh, jeez. And, you know, from that. From those big, beautiful eyes. From those pixie-ish baby blues. Yeah, so that's.

Some laser-like daggers of hipster condescension. I can't even. Yeah, her and she immediately locked arms with Ben Gibbard and they, I don't know. Is that who she's dating? That's somebody, right? Connor Oberst. Maybe Connor Oberst. Maybe.

Maybe El Santo. Yeah. Maybe El Santo. Yeah. Maybe. Danger Mouse. I hear they're getting married on the top of a hand-drawn flower. We'll be back in just a second. Join Jessie Coe. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Second, a Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ryan, you get to come up with a nickname.

Can I be the slammer? The slammer? That's great. Yeah, because you're a pog enthusiast. You're a collectible pog, a highly particularly valued pog. In the deck of pogs that is Jordan, Jesse, go. Sure, you're the slammer. You are the most valuable. You're a stainless steel slammer, one of the best slammers you can get.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of what my design would be, a tour eye slammer. Hologram? Yep, you got it. Hollow foil? Body glove logo. I feel like body glove made a popular POG at one point. Like, oh, we're going to move away from wetsuits.

And towards POGs, into the POG industry. They took a look at those trend lines and they said how far reach i mean i know we're all from we're all from california so maybe we don't know but how far reaching was pog i think pog was well i mean it depends what you're talking about are we talking about the game or are we talking about pineapple orange guava juice no i mean that's clearly enjoyed around the world. Around the world. Yeah. Do you have any evidence of pogs being a non-California thing ever?

I think it's a national – I think it was a national phenomenon. Born in Hawaii. All I remember – there was – they did mention it on The Simpsons once, which leads me to believe that it was outside of California. Okay. Just like Kuehlhauser. Exactly. California. Just like Huellhauser. Ryan, you were doing... I should say, maybe podcast listeners probably know

there's two kind of popular Huellhauser impressions kind of going around the podcastosphere. James Adomian is doing one on Comedy Death Ray. Dana Gould is doing one on The Adam Carolla Show. Ryan, you have a Huellhauser impression in your quiver, right? Huellhauser, of course, is doing one on California's Gold. Sure, he's doing one on the Adam Carolla show. Ryan, you have a Huell Hauser impression. Huell Hauser, of course, is doing one on California's

Gold. Sure, he's doing one. I don't think, you know what, I don't know if I, I may have done a Huell Hauser. I never did a Huell Hauser on stage. What am I thinking of? I'm probably thinking of someone else. You did Yan Can Cook. If Yan Can Cook, so can you.

Maybe we've just casually talked about Huelhauser before. I think we probably, like everyone, you talk about Huelhauser and you do Huelhauser to each other. I've met Huelhauser. Oh, yeah. He's a very nice man. Where'd you meet him? I met him. He came to a party I threw.

Oh, wow. We invited him. He came. It was the launch party for Put This On. We're like, I sent out a tweet as a joke. Hey, I'm inviting celebrities to the Put This On launch party. Does anyone have Huell Hauser's email address? And someone emailed me.

Someone immediately messaged me with Huell Hauser's email address. So I said, well, given that, I'd better invite Huell Hauser to my party. And I did, and he came came and he was super super nice and it was just like he is on television all in linen if i remember correctly i think he was wearing kind i think he was wearing a party shirt like a camp shirt okay um he was he was definitely wearing a linen pant there's no doubt about that sure he invited uh my colleague adam lissagor uh from you look from our friends you look nice today Today and the video guy I've put this on invited him to lunch, and they went to a secret lunch spot in the police department. That is great.

God, it must be great. And Adam said it was so cool. He said it was great, and everybody knew who Huel was and gave him his secret special, and it was fantastic. Say what you want about Huel. You might think, hey, this guy's a you know whatever a dork a nerd whatever he knows all this all the spots in the city dexter a poindexter a real you know real high-waisted uh you know a fancy man he probably knows more about the about california and the little pockets of great places to go than anyone

anyone uh go around he makes it his business. He does. I want to ask you, Ryan, I don't know what direction you came from to get here. And I don't need to know. So don't go off on one of your patented rants about what direction. I'm thinking of Dennis Leary. Oh, sorry.

Did either of you guys on your way here or here in the neighborhood happen to encounter any literature or promotional materials regarding a certain gray parrot named Lola? We have not. I mean, I didn't. I can't speak for Ryan. I'm sorry. We didn't come together. No promotional materials. No.

Okay. There is a parrot missing in my neighborhood. This is the biggest thing to hit my neighborhood, Silver Lake, since Beck moved in in 1997. This is shaking this neighborhood to its very foundation. This is a Northridge earthquake of breaking pet news. The fact that this parrot is missing. Lola. Lola the gray parrot.

Now, here's the thing. I know Lola the parrot. Not personally. We're not close friends. But I take my dog for a walk multiple times every day, at least twice, sometimes three times in a given day. And sometimes I walk down my street here in the beautiful hills of Silver Lake, California, and I walk past certain fancy houses, and there's one fancy house with huge picture windows in the entire front of the house,

and they have two parrots, and they have a huge parrot cage in that picture window. So you can see the parrots there. Sometimes they're flying around the house if the people are home. So I am familiar with these two parrots. Now, a week or so ago, I am awakened. Not really awakened, but I was out of bed, but still in a stupor.

It was 9.01 a.m. My telephone rings. I answer it. It's a robocall. Now, normally, we get some weird robocalls here i just usually hang up on them but i did it had a number attached to it um and i just listened to it for some reason and it was a woman's voice and she said hello your neighbor at two six nine four silverwood terrace at 2694 Silverwood Terrace, has lost a pet.

The pet is a gray parrot named Lola, four years of age, or 12 years of age. If you see the pet, please contact. They're offering a $2,000 reward. Now, I don't know if you guys have ever received a fucking robocall about a missing pet. Phone banking a missing pet is new to me. That is new to me. Now, if it had stopped at phone banking, it would have been remarkable enough.

But it did not stop at phone banking. It continued on to mobile billboards not only is every telephone pole within a mile of my house covered in pictures of this parrot which frankly looks like a parrot they could have just written missing lola parrot looks like a parrot yeah um jesse that's racist i don't think people can just it's not like the difference between a chihuahua and a Pekingese. Sure, sure. It looks like a bird, a colorful bird. Not only is every single – not only is every single telephone pole covered in posters for this missing parrot there are mobile billboards parked at key intersections multiple

key intersections in my neighborhood for this parrot did i mention that this is a parrot a type of bird yeah the most hard to find pet there is i always feel like it's futile when i see the lost bird uh birds can fly oh hey you're preaching to the choir on this one. They're out of here, buddy! Yeah. Okay, a couple of thoughts. Do you think that for future robocalls, a celebrity should do the voice? Absolutely.

I mean, that's how... Danny Glover comes to mind immediately. Sure, that's how you get people to turn out for Jerry Brown for governor. You gotta get a celebrity involved. You gotta to get maybe Jewel. How about Jewel? She's great. Terrence Howard.

Yeah. Terry. I hear he's difficult to work with. I'll give Terry a call. I don't know if he'll do parrots. Yeah. He'll do a rock slash soul album. Yeah.

But will he do parrots? Don't know. And do you think this is, is this a viral marketing campaign? No, because I know this parrot. Okay. I know that this is a real parrot. Okay. Since you know – this is not a celebrity parrot.

This is not – Well, the parrot itself I presume is not a celebrity. I've never watched Bird Notice. Is there a famous parrot on Bird Notice? I think there is. I think there is. I think Bruce Campbell's character has a famous parrot It's sort of his sidekick

He does the driving This might be it then So there's not a tremendous amount of money Like for instance If tomorrow Tony Romo went missing There would be a lot of signs And billboards up saying Let's get Tony because there's a lot of money involved Wait, Tony Romo went missing. You know, there would be a lot of signs and billboards up saying,

hey, let's get Tony because there's a lot of money involved there. Wait, Tony Romo or Tony Roma? Either one. The football guy or the ribs guy? The rib impresario. You know, so I'm assuming that... Reward one onion ring loaf. That the parrot, Lola, is not not an acting parrot not from an acting dynasty

or anything and then so my only other assumption is that the drugs in the parrot drugs inside the parrot oh yeah but that's that yeah how do you do i mean you have to finance phone banking what are we talking about this must be valuable probably a super drug it's probably some sort of long-lasting whippet. Do they think they just shove it up the parrot's butt? Maybe that's what it is. Yeah. It seems like that would take a skilled hand, like a diamond cutter's hand.

Who did you say it was? To shove a whippet up a parrot's butt. Well, a super whippet, certainly. Sure. The call was from whom? It was from a robot. But was it like the SPCA? They did not identify themselves. They provided a contact telephone number.

But they did not identify themselves. But I know this to be a real parrot. Now, is the parrot's owner successful in show business? Unlikely. I don't live in an affluent neighborhood. I live in a what you might call an upper middle class neighborhood. So these are not

these are not multi-millionaires. These are like successful event planners. Yeah, these are people largely these large houses in my neighborhood are occupied by people who make $120,000 a year, not $1.2 million. Sure, in the Hollywood Hills, there's parrot calls every day. You can't keep the parrot calls from coming in. Yes, Zooey Deschanel has lost her python. People actually let their parrots loose so they can demonstrate to their neighbors

that they can get a robocall. Afford a phone bank to obtain this parrot. But here's the question that I have about this whole situation. They've got two or more, I've only seen two, mobile billboards in action

right now. They've got literally thousands of signs all over my neighborhood. This is a love parrot. They're phone banking on behalf of this parrot. But the reward is $2,000? Yeah, it seems like they've already invested more than $2,000 on the finding of it.

If I found this parrot, blackmail is where I would go. I would hold this parrot for ransom. I would blackmail the owners. I would find out a secret about the owners that only the parrot and the owners know. I'm sure the parrot can talk. I'm sure it's heard something incriminating. Hey, yeah, well, you know what they say.

Dead parrots tell no tales. Like the parrot's going, time to go cheat on my wife because that's what the husband says before he walks out the door and he gives the parrot a treat each time which is really his fatal mistake sure every time he says it he gives the parrot a treat so it encourages the parrot to remember that phrase yeah to remember and reproduce that was phrase that was surprisingly aier, a much revered show actually had a plot once about a parrot, like Frasier buys a parrot

or something, and then he's also dating a model at the same time, and then the model... So you can see how that would lead to trouble. Exactly. He's also a little bit hoity-toity. His dad is down to earth. He says the phrase someone says, oh, that His dad is down to earth.

He says the phrase, someone says, oh, that model, she's real cute. And the parrot says, your girlfriend's real cute. And the parrot goes, cute but stupid. And then the model gets really offended. But it turns out that maybe Frasier was talking about something else. Did he actually say cute but stupid? No, he was referring to something else. He was talking about the parrot. Probably, yeah.

Frasier can't catch a break. You can build a close sort of family emotional relationship with a parrot because they live like 40 years. God, maybe that's the pet for me because I have a dog that is going to probably die in four years. That's going to be awful. So you'll want to kick it up by a factor of ten. Exactly.

That's the standard rule of thumb. Take the time between now and when you expect your pet to die, and then when your pet dies, purchase a pet with a life expectancy of that number times ten. That's why tortoises are such a popular pet. You're suggesting I get a preemptive pet to buffer the death of a pet. So you don't have a pet-free time span.

No pet gap. No pet gap. Ryan Perez, I am not suggesting a preemptive pet. I'm suggesting that the best time to make a decision about purchasing a new pet is probably not when you're grief-stricken about the death of your old pet. Don't shop hungry.

It's like going to the grocery store in an empty stomach. So you need to execute 10 pythons. You need to put together what BP didn't have for a deep well oil spill. You need to put together a pet death, pet purchasing emergency plan. And the cornerstone of that should be the number between now and when you expect the pet to die times 10 should be the life expectancy of the pet yeah yeah maybe uh the only problem is by the time you get to your fourth pet of your life uh your pet is a redwood tree which is kind of boring unless you can drive through it yeah then it's awful um i don't know about this i don't

know about this parrot situation but i I will throw this out there. Okay. I know we have listeners all over the world. If you happen to see a gray parrot that responds to Lola, grab it. Grab it with your hands or if you happen to have a butterfly net handy. Apply a rubber glove. Reach into its anus and pull out the super whippet. Get high for mega long for 15 minutes we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, D. Wow. Just like Last Airbender. Oh, yeah.

Jordan, were we recently talking about the film MacGruber? Was that on the podcast that we talked about MacGruber? No, but MacGruber is a part of what I want to bring up. Okay, well, MacGruber is a movie that was, I think, was a failure. Is that correct? Yeah, I think MacGruber was a financial disappointment. But it was a movie that both of us liked a lot. Yeah, yeah.

MacGruber, I thought, was hilarious. And it seemed that MacGruber signified a kind of a period in my life that I'm in now where I'm rather enjoying... Where you're traveling the world, diffusing bombs. Yeah, exactly. In a hilarious wig. But yes. Battling against Val Kilmer. Yeah, but absolutely.

MacGruber is so funny throughout. I mean, more so than, you know, than so many comedies that you could go see. Consistently funny and great and creative. And I feel like it was part of a little stretch I'm in right now that you could go see. Consistently funny and great and creative. And I feel like it was part of a little stretch I'm in right now where I'm really enjoying some movies that are getting very poorly received,

both critically and commercially. Really? Yeah. Multiple movies? It's a little bit of a... Now, we should let the audience in, for those who are new listeners, that you do have poor taste in movies.

Sure. I do tend to enjoy a, you everyone in town knows it jordan jordan's taste true they they look at me and shake their heads in the diner your primary in but to be fair your primary interest is is uh is a self-aware movie where many, many, many things happen. Yeah, that's definitely a genre that I like. And I think that this, that you can... I'd say it's the genre you like. Sure, absolutely. And definitely all the movies I was planning on mentioning

are of that genre, but... By the way, I'd like to apologize for perpetrating that jewel heist and disrupting the show with the sound of the siren in the background. That's fine. They'll never take you alive. But I thought this would be maybe a fun time. We could all share some movies that have been this wrong, but is it would a good alternate title for this segment be Jesse, for some reason, once again, talks ad nauseum about how much he loves Pootie Tang and Babe Pig in the City. I would encourage you.

Those are great. I would encourage you to think of other ones. Okay. If you can, you know, if you want, I can go first. Maybe Ryan can go second to give you some thinking time. I'm going to need some thinking time because so far I've come up with two. Those two. Pootie Tang and Babe Pig in the City.

Yes. And those were both poorly received? Very poorly received. Although I think Babe Pig in the City had a very divided critical reaction. There were critics who thought it was... I think Gene Siskel picked it as the movie of the year that year. Yeah, but it's almost

sunk Universal at the time. It was such a box office disaster in that regard. Babe did? Yeah, Babe 2. Was it that expensive? Why was it that damning to the studio well they entrusted a lot of money and uh some big box office stars in uh the form of babe the pig yeah um to the director of mad max and mad max beyond the beyond the thunderdome uh but a great, unique, I agree, a great movie. Jordan, what have you seen lately that was a film that you loved that was very poorly received?

My first one is Repo Men that came out recently. This was a movie where Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker play future Repo Men. And their job is to repossess the artificial organs that people have not paid for. So this is a future where, you know, health care has run amok, privatized health care has run amok, and Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker have to,

you know, through surgery, kind of recollect these artificial organs that people are buying without having the money for. Do you think when they cast Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker to star in this film, they were looking specifically for the absolute most famous, successful

and accomplished people that they could cast in a film that no one wants to go see a movie starring them? Yeah, it's an odd, odd choice. And certainly I will give you that Jude Law is miscast. The most prestige, charisma, skill, fame that you could absolutely have in someone who brings nothing to the table box office wise. Sure. And definitely the character that Jude Law... These are both brilliant actors. Absolutely have in someone who brings nothing to the table box office-wise. Sure. Exactly.

And definitely the character that Jude saw. These are both brilliant actors. Don't get me wrong. I think they're both wonderful. Amazing actors that people – Compelling on screen. No one wants to – no one will rush out to see. No.

No one wants to go see the new Forrest Whitaker. Yeah. Wasn't he in some sort of kind of goofy ethnic comedy recently, kind of marketed toward the ethnic demo? Wasn't he like Goofy Dad? He was trying to get his Tyler Perry on? It was not a Tyler Perry movie, but it was a Tyler Perry-esque movie. Oh, something about marriage. Sure.

The Wacky Fart Marriage. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fart marriage. She's called Fart Marriage in the territories. Here's the thing. Fart marriage. She's called fart marriage in the territories. Here's the thing.

The successful young woman is looking for a good man, but she is having a hard time balancing work and career. And also Forrest Whitaker, who plays her father, is always farting. Sure. He's always stinking up the joint. Yep. With his problem flatulence. Okay. But Repo Man is, I say,

and yeah, Jude Law's miscast. I mean, the character is meant to be kind of a down on his luck. Every man kind of a middle class guy who's, you know, kind of the middle class guy who's gotten in over his head financially. He's kind of a sad dad type. He's too beautiful. Absolutely. He's kind of a sad dad type. He's too beautiful.

Absolutely. He is so gorgeous. You're like, well, if you get fired from your job, why don't you just be an underwear model because you're so beautiful or a high class male escort. Yeah. But that movie Star Charisma is just... Or just a guy in a bowler who people give

$20 because he looks great in a bowler. Exactly. But his movie stardness is so apparent in this and just so fun to watch. You kind of will forgive the fact that he's not right for the role just because he's got this, you know, just like George Clooney. You know, like, I feel like George Clooney is wrong for a lot of the parts he takes. But you're just like, well, fucking fun to watch Clooney. Is he really wrong for some of the parts he takes? Maybe. I mean, I parts he takes? Maybe.

I mean, I think he gets in over... I mean, I think that maybe that was a problem with like a Burn After Reading, which I liked a lot too. I'm like, man, this isn't really for Clooney, but this is fun to watch. Yeah, I didn't really like Burn After Reading. I have to say, although, man,

there was that one part in Burn After Reading where John Malkovich is doing the exercise video. Yeah. And that was one of the greatest things I've ever seen. You can look that up on your YouTube. That's great. There's at least like three really good scenes in that movie. I think that ending scene too.

I mean if that – I mean – Wasn't Brad Pitt in that or something? Yeah. I don't like Brad Pitt. Sure. Brad Pitt also a degree of miscasting. I don't dislike him personally but I don't like the things that people give brad pitt credit for in terms of stretching his skills i feel like he's consistently each time he has stretched his skills it has been beyond the breaking point and he should stop we should stop giving him credit

for that and start encouraging him to to just do stuff where the fact that he's very handsome and charismatic and a good and a good a good actor are what's important and not him doing a voice. Yeah, I would rather see a... I don't care to see a versatile actor who's going to sort of not get there. Yeah. Give me the good actor.

Give me the actor that fits the part. You don't see Malkovich doing a voice in that movie. Put Malkovich in there, what's he going to do? Malkovich around. He's going to knock it out of the ballpark. Oh, Repo Man, you know, tone very similar to RoboCop, kind of that funny, satirical sci-fi movie that I feel like you don't see too much anymore.

Not like in the golden age of Hollywood. Yeah, right. And I like very gory for an action movie, which I feel like action movies are usually PG-13 these days and kind of castrated. This is just supremely gory and fun to watch. Yeah, usually I feel like the gore is saved for the saws of the world. Yeah. And for just an action movie, you don't get that kind of intense gore.

And this has it, and it's great. And it's got a shitty twist at the end end but it's certainly worth watching. Anyway. Do you got anything, Ryan? I can offer something if you're not ready. No, I think I got one. I second MacGruber. That was a very funny movie that for some reason did not... I think

people just had already made a judgment about it out of the gate. I think the poor box office performance had nothing to do with the film itself, because I think if people actually saw the movie, they would... I think it'll probably be a dorm room DVD hit. It'll have a long life in the aftermarket.

As an accessory for Honda Civics. It's going to come standard with every Ford Focus. I saw a movie that I really liked the other day called Gentlemen Broncos. Oh, yeah. I have some thoughts about Gentlemen Broncos, too. Go ahead, though.

Yeah, I actually, people, I think when it came out, they said it was not funny. They said it was twee. This is from the Napoleon Dynamite guy. Yeah, Jared Hess. And, you know, I don't know. I really liked Napoleon Dynamite, strangely, when it came out. And I actually liked... I did, too.

I definitely... It was one of those things where the preceding T-shirts and shitty people quoting it to you kind of hurt your feeling about it in hindsight. But, yeah, like sitting there watching the movie, it's totally funny. Yeah, the phenomenon that developed around it, I didn't care for.

But much in the same way I didn't like when I saw Pulp Fiction. I thought it was great until everyone else had seen it, and then I hated it. But Gentlemen Broncos, I think, is really good. I mean, not a perfect movie, but there's more very solid and strange laughs in it than a lot of movies. Jemaine Clement is terrific in it. He plays a very... Did you watch the film Nacho Libre? Jordan, weren't you a big defender of Nacho Libre?

Yeah, I like Nacho Libre. Nacho Libre is really funny. Yeah, it is. There's some great parts. Something that surprised me about Nacho Libre when I watched it was how boring it is. Not a ton happens in it. Yeah, and you know what i think i overall i think i actually liked it too um i'm not saying this exclusively just to put it down

and dismiss it but i was impressed that as an actual major motion picture starring a movie star that had clearly you know had some money put into it. It was astonishingly dull. Yeah, and maybe kind of a movie aimed at kids that was so dull. Usually those kind of kid-friendly comedies. It was sort of like what if a children's film had been directed by some kind of combination of Wes Anderson and possibly Jim Jarmusch. Like the aesthetic sense of Wes Anderson and the pacing of a Jim Jarmusch. Yeah, and kind of the lighting of the pacing of a Jim Jarmusch. Yeah, and kind of the lighting of just a low-budget Mexican movie.

Made in part to look like a low-budget Mexican movie. It was on cable the other day. I watched a little bit of it, and it was hilarious. There's a lot of madness in that Gentleman Broncos. Is that correct? Yes. And it's also, if you're into sci-fi, sci-fi books, sci-fi movies, you might like some of the jokes in it. And I don't know.

I found probably 80% of the movie I connected with immediately and really enjoyed. And it is a little fussy. It is a little knick-knacky or whatever. But, you know, once you get over that, I'm at a point now where, as a film viewer, I try to enjoy everything I see, and I'm able to look past, you know, some maybe overzealous art direction, you know, because there's a good story there or something, you know, or funny lines. Yeah, it definitely has that thing about, like, oh, this adheres so closely to this cutesy-poo filmmaking style.

But yeah, if you get over all the funny nightgowns that the mom is wearing, there's tons of funny stuff in it. Anyway. I was having a conversation with a gentleman named Todd Levin, who some of our listeners may know

as he's been a repeated guest on Never Not Funny. And he and I were talking about Sylvester Stallone. Well, to be fair, we were talking about Frank Stallone, which is one of my favorite topics. I know it's one of yours, Jordan, because you've had some great personal interactions with Frank. Frankie boy? He's the best. And certainly, I'll say right off the top, before we get into the Sylvester Stallone stuff,

if you haven't listened to Frank Stallone's appearances on the Adam Carolla program, particularly he did one sort of hour, it's the best hour and a half of podcasting you could ever enjoy. Frank Stallone's a fucking delight. And you can hear Carolla marveling at what a delight he is throughout the entire 90 minutes. And you can hear Carolla marveling at what a delight he is throughout the entire 90 minutes. He's more of a gabber than Carolla is, which is remarkable. But just a joyful, delightful man. So I'm talking to Todd about this.

And it comes up that I think you, the time that you ran into him, was at the red carpet for, I think, Rocky Balboa. Yeah, this was the Rocky sequel. Not a reboot. It was a sequel. It was not a Rocky reboot. Yes. Anyways, that happened. It was a tonal reboot, but timeline-wise it was a sequel. I really liked Rocky Balboa.

I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a sequel. I really liked Rocky Balboa. I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a very good movie. I thought it was great to see. I really liked the tone of the film. I loved the idea of seeing... I think the tone of the film was very true to the tone of the first Rocky movie,

which is something that is really thrilling to see in a Hollywood film, a movie that's about... You know, even though it is... Even though it does have a very simple structure that is very much about a direct physical conflict,

it's so character and ambiance driven. And I thought Rocky Balboa had that same quality about it. And I really liked it. So there's that. I never saw it. And I never, when, I swear, when these movies were coming out, Rocky and the new Rambo movie,

I saw the trailers and I said, I will be first in line to see both those movies. And then I think maybe part because of the critical drubbing, I kind of stayed away from both. But I think this is probably a mistake. Yeah, I went to see it with my beloved wife, Teresa. And Teresa also liked it. it with my beloved wife Teresa. And Teresa also liked it. Teresa

is another point of data on your graph. Sure. I feel like Rocky Balboa made money though. I feel like it was a commercial success. Was it? I don't know. That's been a while. There's no reason for me to know that. I'm judging this by I picked

something that I liked that I figure people will make fun of me on the message board for liking. Okay. That's a great litmus test for this. That was the best I could come up with was Rocky Balboa. But I think that's pretty good, Rocky Balboa. I really liked it. Yeah, that's good.

You know, another movie I liked in that regard, not that it was completely hated. It was actually a box office success, but I think people make fun of me a little bit for it is Taken. I don't know if you saw the movie taken. Oh yeah. I watched that in a hotel room recently on HBO. I loved it probably more than any thriller I've seen in five years. I thought it was terrific. And I,

you know what I loved speaking of Liam Neeson, I loved watching Liam Neeson recently promoting the 18 movie on Regis and Kelly. How'd that go? Neeson recently promoting the A-Team movie on Regis and Kelly. How'd that go? It was amazing because, number one, you could not have more – you could not be more compelling than Liam Neeson is. He's so huge, for one thing, so handsome in such a striking way, not in a pretty way, but in just a commanding way.

Sure. He has that spectacular voice. You know, it's an incredibly rich voice before you even get to the accent. And it could not be more at odds with Regis and Kelly. Like, every quality. Like, clearly he had not gotten up before 11 a.m. in months. Clearly he hated the A-Team movie.

He was completely perplexed as to why he was there, what was going on around him, and just bursting out with this sort of mild, like just mild, he was trying to be nice, but it just ended up being mildly disgruntled behavior. Because that was all he could muster, given that he was talking to Kelly Ripa and Regis Philbin.

And he was Liam Neeson. But I feel like his whole career has taken a turn for, wasn't he in Clash of the Titans too? Yeah, Neeson's been in some real shit piles lately. He's cashing in. But what was it about Taken that you liked so much? Just the super realistic punching.

It was all the realistic punching. It was the realism of the movie as a whole. I just thought the... You know what I liked about it? It was a dad. It was a movie marketed to a divorced dads it was a movie for it was a fantasy movie for divorced dads and uh i thought that was just i will make a difference in my daughter's life yeah you and i have to punch 80 guys and uh much in the in the manner of like a death wish movie or something i don't whatever

it is it speaks to the whatever it is that speaks to a divorced dad speaks to me. The cruel irony is that the very punching that broke up my marriage is what will save my daughter. The fact that I don't feel emotion very much will now aid me in rescuing my daughter. My greatest strength. aid me and rescue my daughter. Greatest strength. That's definitely kind of a theme in Repo Man is that Jude Law is this kind of like you know

metaphorically castrated guy and he kind of rises you know he rises above that to be a hero. I want to throw it out to our audience action item what poorly regarded films did you love and why remember to keep it

pithy sure we're not gonna play some fucking treatise you gotta be pithy you gotta keep it tight punchy make some impact get in get out bros icing bros sure 206-984-4-fun we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. And Ryan, the slammer Perez. We have a sponsor this week, Jordan.

Here on Jordan, Jesse, go. Here's the deal. If you send us $150, we will deliver your commercial message for your business or business-like enterprise. For $100, we'll deliver your personal message, Jumbotron at the ballpark style. And that is what this week's sponsor is. It is on behalf of JordanJesseGo fan Andrew Foster.

And he is, he has sponsored this week's jordan jesse go that we might congratulate emily davis and matt hensley on their wedding day uh which is saturday the 17th in portland oregon oh come on beautiful you kids making it work this is the perfect show for us to congratulate these folks on sure don't you think yeah and maybe And maybe if you're looking for a wedding gift, get them a copy of Repo Man on Blu-ray. Bring the theater experience home. We are so happy to congratulate Emily Davis and Matt Hensley. We wish you all the best, Matt and Emily.

We think the world of you. You're going to be a very beautiful couple, have many beautiful children. Hope it doesn't rain on that wedding day up there in Portland. Good luck. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne,

America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Ryan the Slammer Perez. Great. Are you trying out different voices still, Ryan? I'm still trying it. Trying to just see what's funny. That.

That's your answer. That's funny. I think we just found out that that is what is. That's the very definition of humor. Was that the funniest one? Somebody call Tad Friend and have him write it up for the New Yorker. That's what comedy is. From time to time, we ask our listeners to call in when something momentous happens to them.

For a segment we call Momentous Occasions, let's go to the tape. Hi, this is Shannon from Omaha calling in a momentous occasion from the bus stop. I get hit on a lot when I'm waiting for the bus because those kind of guys like me. And I was trying this... Guys without cars.

Sure. Maybe 17, 16-year-old kid was trying to pick me up today, and he was on the way to the pool with his, like, 7- or 8-year-old brother, and he was just making conversation with me about various things, you know, where do you work? Oh, I'm banned from there. I wasn't stealing, though. Stuff like that. And the little brother rolled his eyes and walked away.

And then the older brother said, Eli, where are you going? And the younger brother goes, I can't see you get shot down again. It's too hard. And I laughed a lot. And then I did shoot him down. So I felt kind of bad about that. But it was awesome and it totally made my day. And thanks. Bye.

Oh, that is momentous. That is momentous. I like that idea that idea comes through that like when you're 16, the most impressive thing you can say to a girl is like places you've gotten kicked out of. Like, that's their badge of honor. Let's take, we also asked people to call in last week with their worst song lyrics in a song that they actually like.

And apparently this one, I did not screen these calls, Christian, the new intern, did. He says this one is both a momentous occasion and a response to that action item. Hey, Jordan, Jessica, this is Patrick Floyd from Nebraska. I had a momentous occasion I wanted to call in about. I was sharing a hotel room with my brother this weekend. We were traveling for the fourth. And apparently I talked in my sleep and one of the things I said was that's not good titties so apparently I was dreaming about I don't know some disastrous titties

or possibly like a disaster event that happened near titties it's impossible to know and as long as we're on the titty tip so to speak I also won the nomination for worst song lyric which is titty tip, so to speak. I also wanted to have a nomination for Worst Song Lyric, which is by

Tim Fight. It's in the song Change Clothes, and it is, You've Got Mustard On Your Titties, Wipe That Mustard Off Your Titties. And that's a really bad lyric all on its own, but you also need to bear in mind that that's apropos of nothing else in the song. He hasn't mentioned titties or mustard anywhere else

in the song, except for in that part. It's not a song about mustard, in other words. It's not an ode to mustard, that most delicious of ground seeds. I'm a little uncomfortable by the word titties. Well, I think we just found that out. Yeah. Did you know already that you were uncomfortable around the word titties? Should I have avoided that?

No, I mean, I'm learning things about myself, but yeah, something about it rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway. Said with conviction, I think it works, but this, yeah, I didn't feel it. Yeah, the guy's wavering voice. Yeah. Oh, okay.

So we also were asking people about their worst board game experiences. As predicted, there are tons of board game nerds in our audience. They're board game nerding out each other all over our fucking message board right now. There's 12 trillion pages. They're having fun. About their fucking board games.

But we were discussing the fact that I can't play board games because I get too upset. And we asked people for their worst, if they had strategies to help me or for their worst experiences. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, possible guests. This is Seth. I had an entry for people who are horrible to play board games with, people who are way too competitive playing board games. I was a medic in the Army, and we were in Iraq for the invasion, and somebody had a scrabble board, which was just a reproduction of the board on paper, on like butcher paper that we had laminated. stick it in a backpack, and then we just also had the tiles that went with it.

And we were playing this one. We'd been in a firefight earlier that day, but we had some downtime, and we were in an old, you know, burned-up, bombed-out building, and we were eating, and we decided to fit in a game of Scrabble really quick. And we were playing this one guy who had a notoriously hair-trigger, just a fiery temper, just a real crazy kind of guy. And we were playing with him, and there was a word played that he wanted to challenge. Oh, I should mention also, we didn't have a dictionary at the time to play with. And so he wanted to challenge the word, but we all thought that the word should stand.

Well, it escalated really quickly into yelling and then screaming at each other across the board. And then he picked up his rifle, chambered around, and was pointing it at the guy who played the word, who instantly responded by drawing his weapon in retaliation. And so we had to talk those two down so we didn't have a shooting incident over Scrabble. So that's where I learned that board games and firearms do not mix. Sorry, I had to be kind of vague. Some of the people involved actually listened to the program, but I just wanted to share my story. Love your guys' show.

Keep it up. Thanks. Bye. Wow. I apologize for those booping sounds. That's Jordan's iPhone booping on my computer because we had to plug it in for a little extra juice. I don't think you can really top that board game nightmare. No, that's gunplay.

My God, that is an amazing story. You know who the other people in this story were? I don't mean to blow their cover. No. Ice Cube, Mark Wahlberg, and George Clooney. Oh, man. I'd love to see that movie. Yeah.

Okay, great. I think we'll continue to take – we're going to shut down board games, but I think we'll keep it on worst song lyrics in a song that you like. 206-984-4FUN. And, of course, we're always happy to accept your personal questions or your moments of shame in addition to your momentous occasions, all at 206-984-4FUN. Oh, and SecretSexPartyGuy, call back.

He emailed us. Okay, we'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Ryan the Slammer Perez. Best one yet? Yeah. That's good. Because if you think, when I think pogs, I think older gentlemen. Sure. Older Midwestern gentlemen, maybe. Like a Jimmy Stewart time.

I don't know how you settle your differences, but we slam our pogs. Well, that's, I think, in the old days, in olden times, World War II and such, what do you think they were playing? They brought out big coins. Why do you think old men are so interested in coins? Old men are very interested in coins. Well-known fact. Well-known fact.

Those were the pogs of their day. Some people think it's because of their shine or something like that, but it's because they're the pogs of their day. Ryan, think it's because of their shine or something like that, but it's because they're the pogs of their day. Ryan, it's been a delight to have you on the program. It's been a delight to be here. You know, long-time listener. First-time guest. Yeah, first-time guest, long-time listener.

You guys are doing God's work. That's very nice of you to say, Ryan. Yeah, really fun. Say hi to our friends on Saturday Night Live. Lorne Michaels of course Gilly, MacGruber the whole gang the dick in a box guys, the whole gang I was thinking

I don't know if you John Lovitz, you could say hi to John Lovitz Julia Louis-Dreyfus Anthony Michael Hall everyone when you're on Saturday Night Live You just have to live in the building For the rest of your life People that haven't been there in years

Damon Wayans, Ben Stiller Anyway A long and illustrious television history It was great to have you on the show, Ryan Perez Do you have any special internet things that we should make sure people visit besides your Saturday Night Lives and your FunnyOrDie.com? Just really go to FunnyOrDie.com if you're interested in laughs. Maybe type in Ryan Perez? Yeah, if you want to see things I've made.

You can type in. How about this? Go to FunnyOrDie.com. Type in Ryan Perez? Yeah, if you want to see things I've made. You can type in. Here's how about this. Go to FunnyOrDie.com. Type in Ryan Perez. Whatever your favorite thing is that you find, post it on the forum in the thread for this week's episode. I'm going to get a forum? Well, this episode is going to get it. All right, great.

Also, post what voice you thought was the funniest. Was it that first one? Was it the second one? Give a little name to the voice. Was it the old man? Because this is a one-man show. It's going to be built around whatever you guys. Our action items continue to be what's the worst lyric in a song that you actually like

and what film poorly received did you love? And that's something you can discuss, of course, on the forum as well. But we'd like your pithy telephone calls on that subject at 206-984-4FUN. You can email me if you... You know what? You don't have to email me anymore

because the Sound of Young America, Jordan Jesse Goh, just hired a new development director. Okay. You can email Teresa Thorne, our new development director, at Teresa at MaximumFun.org

if you would like to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go, it's $100 for a personal message, $150 for a commercial message. Or, of course, if you want to have a long-term relationship with us, we can figure something out. And if you want Jordan, Jesse, Go stuff, visit MaxFunStore.com. Or if you're a donor, check your mailbox because T-shirts are arriving all over the country right now. I've been getting these emails, people showing us how cool their T-shirts are.

I'm really happy about it. Yes, as am I. It's wonderful. There's great stuff you can get in this store, all kinds of cool stuff. We've got the rocket ship hoodie and the whole nine yards. If you haven't been to maxfundstore.com lately, take a look around. I think you might find something you like. They're all printed on ultra-premium

alternative apparel tees. We'll talk to you next week on Jordan, Jesse, go.