Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 147: David and Goliath with Erin Gibson

Episode Date: October 5, 2010

Current TV's Erin Gibson joins us to discuss bible stories, Denver and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pretty, lovely, Jesse, go.

We talk about some controversial hot topics with current TV's Aaron Gibson. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. A dark and dreary day here in Los Angeles, and God bless it. Maybe, I mean, can we just say it's cuddle-tastic? I think this is...

Instead of saying dark and dreary, I mean, why don't we say it's the perfect weather for cuddling up? Pour yourself a brandy, get yourself some hunting dogs, put a log in the fire. Mm-hmm. get yourself some hunting dogs, put a log in the fire. And kill those dogs and roast their meat. Because it's a cloudy overcast day. Jordan, let's introduce our guest on this week's program. Her name, Erin Gibson. You probably know her from television's Current Network. She hosts one of the modular, Current, of course, is known for its modular programming.

They're called pods. They used to – they actually coined the term pods. They did. Before the moving company claimed that. They're actually share a parent company. It's a company – it's a Taiwanese company that bought the intellectual property rights to the word pod and

have just been trying to spin it out in as many forms as possible. Maybe you've seen the fun water for kids, the aqua pod. Oh, yeah. This is part of that deal. Sure. It's all part of the same deal. She's one of the hosts, one of the modular hosts, current being the i the ikea

uh bramped shelving system of television networks um she's one of the hosts on uh infomania on current enjoyable program infomania yes she hosts a segment called modern lady in which she uh she goes over various uh media clips that have to do with women's issues. Most recently, Katy Perry's breasts and all the places they've appeared on TV recently. Lots of places. I saw a Saturday Night Live sketch where the joke was Katy Perry's breasts. Mm-hmm. Oh, wait, no.

They were also doing funny voices. The breasts were doing voices. Yes, the breasts were doing an impression of Miley Cyrus. That sounds really funny. You guys were up to date on all the SNL sketches? Yeah. She did a lot of bouncing in that sketch, as I recall. That was it.

That's all she did. The first time she talked, and I didn't watch this whole episode. This was the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. I haven't watched the whole episode yet. I like to parcel them out over a period of time. And you know how that is. Yeah. And she's wearing this boob shirt.

Uh-huh. And the first time she talks, it was on the hit talk show sketch Bronx Beat with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph. And the first time she talked, she was kind of doing a Bronx accent, which she abandoned completely. Very quickly dropped it. I was stunned at the total 1,000 percentness of her abandonment. She didn't never do it. The first time she talked, she kind of was like, ah, wah, a little bit like that.

I was actually impressed when she started doing an accent. Yeah, I was like, oh, she's going to do a voice? Like, oh, that's pretty impressive, Katy Perry. And you'd think as a singer, as a professional singer, she maybe would have more vocal control than, you know, like Lindsay Lohan who comes on there or something. If you go to, now, number one, Lindsay Lohan is a professional singer. We both know that.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot about her many hits. But... Am I, am I? Yes. Yes, her very tiny hits. But we all know that the part of the professional singer training is accent work. Yes, yes.

Sure. That's how... Look at Madonna. Madonna, absolutely. She was British for a while. Yeah, sort. Sure. That's how... Look at Madonna. Madonna, absolutely. She was British for a while. Yeah, sort of semi-doing a British voice, just like the What's-Her-Name was semi-doing a Bronx voice,

and just like they were semi-doing comedy in that sketch. Well, I think what you have to remember, too, is biologically women's vocal cords are attached directly to their breasts. So when you're doing an accent, it's also hard to concentrate on what you're... It's like bowing a cello. Exactly. You can't jiggle your boobies and speak in a cockneyed accent.

It's almost impossible. So she would have had to maybe anchor her boobs to her shirt or body somehow. You're saying to effectively pull off that accent. Well, the bit was that her boobies do jiggle a bunch. Yeah. So she had to think about doing that. Oh. Ha ha.

Yeah. Well, it was funny because I was pitching that idea to everyone in the writer's room who are all men. To jiggle your boobs is a joke? Yeah, jiggle your boobs. I was like, hey, what do you think if I like have a thing where I talk about how Katy Perry's breasts are kind of, I'm kind of tired of them. I was like, you guys, you guys are like sick of seeing them, right?

And they all were like, no, no, no. Nobody is sick of seeing those. You know, I have a, can I relate a story? I feel like I hadn't seen them before. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I just don't spend a lot of time with Katy Perry. Yeah.

I don't know. I guess I just don't spend a lot of time with Katy Perry. Most of her appearances, black carpet or red carpet. Black carpet's a different thing. It's a goth. It's a goth. Right. With Morrissey documentary premieres, they have the black carpet.

Exactly. And only then. Only then. But she's pretty much got the low-cut stuff on, which is fine. If I had boobs like that, I would have them out. But every once in a while, I'd probably wear something else. Maybe a shawl. A shawl. A light wrap.

I'd wear a deep neck. A caftan? I'd wear a deep neck V from American Apparel. That would cover them up more than what she wears. Can I relate a story about this is on the theme of you bringing up the breasts in the writer's room and people looking at you like you're fucking crazy. Men looking at you like you're fucking crazy. I was – stop me if I've told this before. I'm not clear on what stories I've told.

Jordan, I'm going to pause and just on that point, apparently – I was reading our message board. Apparently all of what we consider to be our stock stories, we have – there's universal agreement we have not told them on this program. So we just tell them in bits and pieces because we're afraid we've told them before and the people are confused. OK. So continue. OK. I'll just tell this whole thing. I was at a – for work work uh probably something would have i would

have gone to anyways uh i was at like a a 25th anniversary 25th that sounds like too much 20th anniversary of the warped tour that's better take the five years off 20 years yeah uh makes me feel a little less 80s yeah what was the first the first year of the Warped Tour was what? 65, right? Yeah, sure. Mamas and the Papas. Dick Dale, Jan and Dean. Sure. Yeah.

Love and Spoonful. And fuck, the band The Offspring. There you go. Fuck. No, no, no. That's fine. You got it in there. You got it in.

Can we go back and then I'll say it like I thought of the name of the band? Because the joke is that they've been around since then. They've been around a while. Just making their stupid little songs. Sure. Just imagine that he said that a second and a half before he actually said it. Right. Maybe edit it yourself in GarageBand.

Put up a film edit. Do a mashup. Yeah. Mark an in and out point. Do a mashup with that gay guy who's talking about the rapist. Antoine Dobson. Yeah. You're familiar with this meme.

It's going to be the number one Halloween costume, I predict. Oh, yeah. I bet it will. Jesse, have you heard of this meme? No. Oh, this is. Do you know the words? I don't.

Uh-uh. Oh. Do you know the words? I think I know it. It was a news report about this guy who's... Guys, hold on. What? If this was important, I would know about it.

Yeah. I'm the viral video expert on IFC Television's The Grid. Sure. This is my area of expertise. Well, I mean, if you haven't heard of Gay Rapist Guy He basically was overly excited Not excited, but angry about this Rape Rape, that alleged rape

Attempted rape Yeah, it was attempted rape Someone had attempted to rape his sister In the projects In Georgia? Alabama One of those One of those Anyways, and this New Hampshire In the projects. In Georgia, Alabama. One of those.

One of those. Anyways, and this is a very, very flamboyant gay man talking about. It's in New Hampshire. He says, hey, short enough right, huh? Thanks, guys. I'm a professional singer. Yeah, I can tell. You know, I think if you just anchored your breasts a bit, would be uh you would you would get a little more projection um aaron sorry oh uh

please don't be sorry i think this story is taking longer than needed right because i'm sure most of this warp tour thing which everyone's like what was he gonna hey jordan let's keep them separated. Sure. Nailed it. Nailed it. That was awesome. Jane and Dean. You got it. They're famous. Anyway, Auto-Tune the News got a hold of this kind of overly dramatic newscast from this guy and just made a song out of it. I think it's a legitimately good song. Oh, is this the one that charted?

Yes. He's climbing in your windows. He's snatching your people up. Gonna have to something. So hide your kids. Hide your wife. Hide your kids. Hide your wife. And hide your husband cause they're raping everybody out there.

That's it. He did a better job. It was really fun when Aaron Gibson sang. Yeah, it was really fun. At the very least. I mean, if you get the thing is, if you get a professional singer behind the microphone... Sure. Yeah. I have a very deep voice for women. On the topic of Katy Perry's breasts.

I was at this thing, 25th anniversary of the Warped Tour, and the idea was to have artists from the Warped Tour's history. Sure. Warped Tour has changed a lot. It started out as punk rock. I think, you know, Leck & Offspring was the headlining band back when. This is pre Pretty Fly for a White Guy

when they were just going, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. They were just doing that. Yeah. Not the kind of punk rock that, the friendly kind of punk rock. Yeah. This is maybe halfway between. Like a no FX.

Yeah. Well, they enter into the story. OK. So they're having bands from across the Warped Tour. No FX is the first band to go up. And also later on in the bill, Katy Perryry katie perry did the warp tour very early on in her career uh uh you know because it has it it is a kind of a changing thing and it always kind of i guess is supposed to represent what a well she's what a shitty 13 year old is

into she's the she's the lady version of a thing like a goofy bro is into. Yeah. It fits. I think it makes sense. Or at least maybe it made sense back when she originally came out. She was conceiving herself as a Gwen Stefani figure. Right. Absolutely. Perfect. I can't think of a better way than the Warped Tour to really shake your Christian upbringing and

gospel recording background. Everyone knows that about her, right? Yeah, I think so. They're common knowledge. Yeah, Yeah. Gospel recording background. Yeah. Everyone knows that about her, right? Yeah, I think so. Common knowledge. Yeah, okay. Oh, I thought of something. Actual punk rock concert.

That's maybe a better place. Anyways, so first band on this is NoFX. And the guys there to see NoFX are all late 30s, shaved heads, boots up to their knees, those types. Sure. Real foul types. Well, you said three things and then you labeled them as foul. Yes. You're aware of this kind of guy.

Yeah. Anyways, but then the rest were – the people were just kind of like mall kids. But there were this – there was this significant chunk of guys there to see NoFX and Bad Religion who were 35-year-old wife beater wearing. I don't know if they abused their wives. A legend. They do. Almost certainly. Anyways, so the next man to go up after NoFX is some sort of side project from someone who is in Fallout Boy.

Uh-huh. Is it the drummer from Fallout Boy? Because the drummer from Fallout Boy made a record with this white rapper from Alabama named Yellow Wolf recently. Hmm. I think it was the drummer from Fallout Boy. From what I understand blink 182 might have been from blink 182 i hear that guy has some sort of oddly credible hip-hop project okay well when i say credible i mean i i'm one guy that's kind of it's unusual well yeah the

white rapper from yellow wolf is a very credible he's a great rapper but uh one guy from fallout boy definitely at one point made a song with the roots that had a porn star in the video and then they didn't put it on the album because people were so weirded out that the roots would make a song with the guy from fallout boy with a porn star in the video it was a it was a good it was a pretty good song okay yeah but it was weird anyways uh so yeah so this fallout boy side project is on on stage and gets booed off after two songs. Two songs they have to leave the stage. Devastating for any artist. Right?

I know. They got booed off? Booed off, yeah. At their 25th anniversary celebration? Yeah, had to leave. Jeez. Yeah, things hurled at them. Did you hear them firsthand?

I did hear them. And could you describe what it sounded like what i imagine fallout boy sounds like okay um right which i maybe only have a limited grasp on what that is but this i'm like this seems like this is probably the same thing i said to myself so if what you're saying is a lot like no fx only 10 years later in the evolution of popular music sure yes i would say that in addition to their whiny singing part there's also a screaming part right layers yeah right there's two parts dynamics um chiaroscuro the light and the dark thank you a black and tan yeah if you will um and i'm like oh boy katie perry's gonna get it i mean mean, if they hate these Fallout boys so much,

what are they gonna think of Katy Perry? You think it's gonna be Tila Tequila at the Insane Clown Posse. Exactly. I predicted that future event in my head as I was anticipating Katy Perry's coming on stage. She came on stage, and the audience could not have been more rapt,

including me and the boobs certainly had a lot to do with it does she have on shorts and her boobs out she had on like a little milkmaid dress uh-huh sure uh and you know what put on a great show during i kissed a girl took a girl at uh out of the audience and kissed her on stage. Wow. Are you telling me that during that song she actually kissed a girl? She did. I can only imagine that that was a one-time only occurrence. And, I mean, she may have been putting on airs,

but it seemed like she liked it. Woo-hoo. So, yeah, I mean. That is mildly risque. Absolutely. Within very specific parameters. So, yeah, I see that she has some sort of power that certainly is derived from her boobs, but maybe not completely made up of her boobs that cause her to be compelling.

Anyways. Anybody with big, beautiful boobs have power over men and women. I like to look at boobs. I was compelled by the boobs on Saturday Night Live. Sure. How could you not be? Like I said, I wasn't really familiar with them before.

Sincerely, I just don't participate in the world. Sure. I just feel like if you're going to... You watch the silent films of Zazu Pitts and check out her gams. That's where you get your titillation. I'm sorry. I interrupted. No, I know.

What you were going to say is better. I literally masturbate to title cards. That is such an awkward visual. I just don't want to sound like I'm a boob hater because I'm not. I just think that she... I'm just... You're just bored.

I'm simply bored of them. Yeah. It's like anything. If you buy a new Mercedes for a week, you're like, this is great. And then week two, you're like... And then you're like, you want to throw a shawl or

a sweater over the Mercedes because you feel like it's being tacky. Yeah, a turtleneck or something. I get it. I know I can understand that. That's not unreasonable. It's not outrageous. It's like you two. They're doing kind of the same thing for a long time. It gets a little old. So now they're doing it, but

it's about Spider-Man. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God. they are doing that aren't they yeah we'll be back in just a second i'm jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Yeah, I kind of do too. That's kind of a fun nickname. That is a little bit fun. I want to talk about this amazing telephone experience that I had the other day. It's sort of related in part to, Jordan, your question about to what extent you should engage people in the service industry on things that aren't related to the service that they're providing for you. Okay. Oh, for Aaron's benefit, we had a conversation earlier. You know, whether or not to talk to the waiters, the bartenders, the cab drivers of the world, what do you get from those conversations?

Is it worth it? Yeah, and also whether you're just bothering them, whether you're making their life worse by keeping them from their work or what have you. So I, look, I'm not going to lie to you guys. Today is my dog's birthday. Oh. My dog Coco.

Oh, thank you for taking the time out of the day. I mean, if I, I wouldn't have. Did she have a dog cake? She did not have a dog cake, but my mom made her a sort of dog scrapbook. And I was thinking there's something that I had been meaning to purchase for my dog that I hadn't bought for. And I thought, I know, this is a good excuse.

It's a birthday gift for my dog. Are you going to take her to the dog strip club, which is the dog park? They don't have clothes on there. They don't. That's the dog sex club. I don't know if you've ever been. Oh, the dog sex club I don't know if you've ever been Oh, I'm sorry I don't know if you've ever been to the dog park

I guess the dog strip club is the pet store Okay, sure You just take your dog in there That makes plenty of sense Anyway If anybody wants to write out sort of a full system Of what a dirty place is for a dog If you want to build a whole chart for us on the forum,

I encourage you to do so. What the human equivalent is. So my dog hates the rain. And she doesn't mind clothes, dog clothes. So it's not like she's always wearing dog clothes. But we have put them on her. And she's fine with it. She's okay with it.

She's not crazy about it, but she's okay with it. So I knew... Is there... Okay. Is there... People who put dog clothes on dogs... Right. Is there some pretense of this is good for the dog in some way?

Well, that's what I'm about to get to. Okay. Generally speaking... Sorry, I'm jumping the gun. As a general rule, no. And certainly Coco has a detective jacket. Okay. That actually was a gift from a couple of listeners that sent it in.

Okay. And when she wears that. Oh, no, I lied. The strawberry t-shirt. It was a gift. Okay. The detective jacket I just thought was funny at Target. It was $5.99. Has she solved a lot of dog mysteries and she said i just i just love the idea that she's investigating does it have fake hands and like a uh no no it's not like that that would

be funny if i had fake hands that came out with a magnified glass did she solve uh did she solve the case of the the rug that was too dry does it come with dog heroin um oh to plan on a perp no no for sherlock holmes maybe dog oh right dog opium is that closer there well what did sherlock holmes do but he shot it up which i think is the difference between opium and harry heroin it's the same comes from the same thing one is what is the thing that you smoke one is the thing that you inject dog ether no that's maybe that's not true oh that's if he was playing dog michael cain and dog cider house rules so anyway i i was gonna buy her a rain jacket which is like you you buy it for like a hunting

dog hunt dogs that do like bird retrieval. They do bird retrieval. They wear like a little hunting jacket out of like waxed canvas and it keeps the rain off. And so, you know, because it's always a hassle to have to drag, literally drag her outside when it's even drizzling because she hates it so much. And I thought this might make a difference. Plus, I'm not going to lie to you. I thought it'd be funny to see her in this thing. Sure.

So I was going to buy this one from this company called Filson. And Filson is this company up in Portland. They make really nice sort of hunting shit. Okay, so wait. So you are concerned that the rainy season is coming and your dog doesn't like the rain. So you want to get this thing.

Okay. The rainy season being four days. Yeah. Exactly. The rainy week. Although it's raining outside today. Hasn't come in the mail yet, but it's raining outside today. So, and you know, I want to get her the nice one.

So I'm getting this one from Filson, but I'm not above getting a discount. So I have to call this place. I have Filson, but I'm not above getting a discount. So I have to call this place. I have Filson luggage. So I knew where I could call to get a discount over the phone because Filson is one of these brands where you can't advertise a discount so that you can't just price search it on Google. You're looking at me like I'm crazy. How did you know that?

Because I bought the Filson luggage. But then they give you a secret when you buy it and a number you can call? I bought something from them, from this company on eBay. And it came with a little flyer that says, if you want to give us a call on your next Filson purchase, we'll give you 20% off and free shipping. Oh, that's a good deal. Most they're allowed to discount it, I think. But you can't advertise the discounts. It's like the Super Nintendo. You can't advertise the discounts.

Sure. I just want to put that in terms that you'll understand advertise the discounts. It's like the Super Nintendo. You can't advertise the discounts. Sure. I just want to put that in terms that you'll understand. Thank you. You can go to Sears and buy it and get for free Zelda 3, A Link to the Past. Exactly. Okay. So you know what I'm talking about. Now I'm on board.

So I call this company. I fell asleep. I call this company. I don't remember where they are, but they're in, let's call it a hunting place. Okay. Let's loosely describe it as a hunting place. Vermont, Tennessee. I'm going to go with Tennessee.

Okay. A more Tennessee-y type. And I've bought things from them in the past. They just couldn't be nicer. The nicest people you could possibly imagine. And I'm buying this dog jacket. They got a special order it you know because they don't carry dog jackets to me but they can order whatever it is and uh he says he says give me your name and

address i say jesse thorn i give my address los angeles california and he says and i want to be clear that he was being nice because it's gonna sound like he was being a dick or like he was trying to make a point like i had ridden in a i had ridden in a cab where the guy wanted to talk to me about air america radio and like randy rhodes and i i mean that's my team i guess but even then he was clearly trying to just say something because he liked the idea of saying something and like hearing himself say it like those fucking Republicans. You know what I mean? And he's got you in a cab and you can't go anywhere. Right, exactly.

So, but this was not that. And that is the special characteristic that makes this interaction so bizarre and amazing. The guy goes – the guy says to me, oh, I seen on the news where out there in California y'all had somebody that was supposed to get executed. Governor gave him a stay of execution. And I was like, oh, yeah, I hadn't heard that. I knew that they were going to – I knew that they had addressed the things that the Supreme Court was against, the state Supreme Court was against or whatever. Because here in California, they had been using the gas chamber and switched to lethal injection.

And in my head, I'm thinking, what is this? What benefit could this man get from talking to me about the death penalty? Maybe there's maybe there's this this other pro death penalty. Maybe there's just this other pro-death penalty discount that he wants to give you. And I said... He's like, I got to make sure first, though. I said... He's like, you passed the test.

Extra 10%. I said, oh, I heard about that. And he said... And he's pressing the issue. He goes like, I guess y'all hadn't had any executions in a few years or what have you. And I said, and I'm like, well, can we get to my credit card number? Can we please get to my credit card number? And he says to me, he's, and I say like, I say like, oh yeah, well, I guess they just decided, I guess that the courts had decided that the gas chamber was cruel and unusual punishment and was just too awful.

And I'm thinking – because in my head, number one, I don't want to agree with him because personally, I have strong personal convictions against the death penalty. Why did you not just say, I hadn't heard of that? Or me not speak English? That was my only option. Me not speak English. I had thought of me not speak English. But what was weird, because he was being nice. He was trying to.

The tone. He lulled you. It was the same tone as if he if i had still lived in san francisco i'd given my old address on grove in san francisco and he'd said hey so the giants just made the playoffs sure it was that tone it was like here's something i've heard about the place where you live he wants to make small talk but he chose a really morbid subject. He chose the death penalty. Not just morbid. I mean, yes, granted.

It is extremely morbid. Because you are buying a dog jacket. There's no connection to those two things. If he wanted to talk to me about coffins, that would solely be morbid. But there's not a lot of controversy in the subject of coffins.

If I were him, I would say, what kind of dog you got? That's what I would have asked. Yeah, that would have been fun. Yeah. It's been raining. And it just. What's the weather? Taint California, usually sunny. The muck and mire only got deeper.

And he goes, he says, he says to me. And again, in the sweetest tone of voice, and I've had nothing but positive experiences with these people, just very nice people. Oh, these people, the prejudice comes out. Oh, he was black, and I'm talking about blacks. Oh, okay. He says to me, he says to me, yeah, well, he says, yeah, well, this one fella, He says to me, yeah, well, this one fella, I read where he raped and murdered a teenage girl.

So as far as I'm concerned, you know, you just gas him or shoot him or whatever you have to do and do it right now. What? When's my dog jacket coming? I'm ordering a dog jacket sir do you have lunch breaks with other people you could discuss this with yeah is there anyone else within earshot of you and it was so because that is an interaction that usually comes up in one of two contexts. One is the context where the person is just assuming that everyone agrees with him. And he's just so clueless that he just starts saying things, you know, just like, well, I met a Negro the other day and don't you know, he's lazy.

You know what I mean? Like, but, you know, he had on a great hat. You know what I mean? Like, but, you know, he had on a great hat. You know what I mean? Like that kind of like thoughtless racism. Sure. Or what have you. Where you're just assuming that everyone's going to be on board. That wasn't this.

I think it was, it must have been clear. It didn't feel like, it didn't, somehow didn't feel like he was assuming that anyone would agree with him. He just wanted to say it. He wasn't picking a fight. And that was weird. Because you normally wouldn't bring this up in conversation with anyone unless you were picking a fight. Or you already knew that they were on your same side. So I could talk about this with my wife.

But I might not even talk about it with Jordan because I don't know Jordan's feelings about the death penalty. Yeah. And you certainly wouldn't just segue right into it after a nice, lovely, very vanilla conversation about something as innocent as a yellow. Exactly. And Lord knows I wouldn't do it with Jordan.

The guy's only offering 10% on Filson products off. Right. I don't deserve your conversation Jordan. The guy's only offering 10% on Filson products off. Right. I don't deserve your conversation. Is that what you're saying? And he wasn't just announcing it to like, just because it seemed like he wanted to announce it. It seemed like what was going in his mind was he genuinely wanted to think of something friendly to say and something misfired. friendly to say and something misfired and he started talking about rape murder and probably one of the top three most controversial public policy issues in this nation oh i had i had a similar incident with a continental rep after uh do tell oh let me make this uh long story short

but uh my husband who's jewish and myself are flying back to L.A. from Houston. A gentleman behind me— Now, are you Jewish? No. Thank God. Right? Can we talk about the Jews right now? We can.

Absolutely. No one else is listening, right? Yeah. You have to—to subscribe to this podcast, you have to type in a Bible verse from memory. Matthew— New Testament only. So. Well, that's—I mean—

It's a safeguard. It's's a safeguard that is a very good segue into what this gentleman was doing behind us which he was reading aloud from the bible the story of david and goliath to a child okay who was not his oh wait a minute what he was a stranger he was sitting in the aisle seat there was a small boy and his grandmother in the window he starts the gentleman starts reading david and goliath to this boy and his grandmother in the window he starts the gentleman starts reading david and goliath to this boy and then keeps getting louder and louder and you hear the grandmother say could you please not do that could you please not do that etc etc we're it's kind of escalating he's getting louder and louder he's essentially forcibly reading the bible

to this boy yes do you know i'm raping this boy. Yes, he's Bible raping this kid. Do you know how the boy feels about this? Is it clear that he's enjoying it? Is he asking questions or is he just sitting there? What do tears and crying and hysterics usually mean? Is that good or bad? He can't tell with kids. Yeah.

They listen to all this gloomy music. You know, they listen to all this Fall Out Boy side project. He's probably listening to the Smiths. Sure. And who knows? He's with his grandmother. I don't know if he doesn't all this fallout boy side project. You're probably listening to the Smiths. Sure. And who knows? He's with his grandmother. I don't know if he doesn't have a dad in this situation, if there's other mixed emotions with the stranger reading to him.

So the stranger has started reading. Maybe he had a dad that abandoned him and that dad was a Palestinian giant. See? Sure. So many things you can just assume about this poor five-year-old. So anyway, the grandmother gets upset, calls the stewardess. The stewardess doesn't... And is he still reading out of the Bible at this point?

Yes. Wow. Stewardess does not see a problem with this, asks him to please stop in a way that's like kind of like doesn't think it's a big deal for some reason. And then the guy goes crazier. He's like, well, this boy needs to know if something happens in air that the Lord, he needs to be saved before we go. And then. By David and Goliath.

Wait a minute. Yes. A white dude, a white Christian dude that says like, you know, got Jesus on a shirt or something like that. One of those stupid uh campaigns that that they just grabbed onto so the stewardess where's the jesus yes where's the jesus instead of beef voicing beef with jesus really old slogan too jesus we try harder sure god i almost said can you hear me now jesus and it's a guy praying into a cell phone um oh she still doesn't see a problem with it we're about to take off and my and i just got really my and my husband was like kind of freaking out by the way he was recording it all on his

we have a dvx 100 and he's recording it oh you got, you got the DVX-100. Yeah, maybe you've heard of it. I got the DVX-50, so you guys are doing pretty good. Yeah, we got two inputs, all that stuff, you know, right to the deck. Two inputs, enough about your sex life. Hello. Keep that in the bedroom. Jordan, everybody. Thank you. I'll be at Chuckles in Montana all next week.

There is probably a Chuckles in Montana. I bet. So anyway, I basically got them to stop the plane so me and my Jewish husband could get off the plane because they weren't going to stop it. Anyway, I called Continental when I got home and I just explained to them. I was like, there are terrorists out there and you're letting this guy, because he's white, just rant and rave over the bible i was

like i was i think i said i don't think that's cool um but but he he was like kind of understanding and you and and the continental rep said well if you come by on sunday at noon we've got a whole band um i think you're really going to enjoy it it's not preachy it's not preachy we have brie afterwards there's some brie and crackers

that's kind of what he did say because he was like it was Easter weekend and he was like well let's just thank Jesus that you got to come back home and spend Easter Sunday with your mom and I was like I think I'd prefer free tickets or something to make this a little easier. Bumped up to first class? Yeah.

I don't think, like, someone ranting and raving in a terrorist kind of way and you're not taking them off is, like, a sign from God. Wow. What a backwards, like, thought process. Now, I want to clarify one point. Yes. You realize that this is a story from the Hebrew Bible, which is for both Jews and Christians. So I don't understand what your boyfriend's problem, where your husband's problem was. Well, I guess neither of us are very well versed in the Bible because we're very offended.

Well, you're a God hater. If it was from a book of Satan, we would have known exactly what was going on. Sure, if he was reading aloud from the Karma Sutra or the Anarchist's Handbook. Oh, we know all the recipes in that. Sure, we know how to make so many kinds of plastic explosives and things around our house. I want to make a point in favor of religious... Anarchist's Cookbook, sorry. I want to make a point in favor... Handbook? I said Handbook. Cookbook, sorry.

I want to make a point in favor. Handbook? I said handbook. Cookbook. Sorry. I want to make a point in favor of religious tolerance. Offspring. Offspring. Last week on this program, Jordan and I made a lot of nonsense jokes that could have been interpreted as being at the expense of the Mormons, the Mormon people. Sure. And some pretty straightforward comments that were certainly at the expense of Salt Lake City.

Sure. Which is the heart of Mormon culture in the world. We got not one, but several nice emails from Mormons telling us they enjoyed it. Thought we kept a nice, respectful tone, despite the fact that we were obviously being disrespectful. And so I want to thank those nice Mormons that emailed us. How nice of you. Like, we were, obviously, we were just being disrespectful. And so I want to thank those nice Mormons that emailed us. How nice of you. Like, we were, obviously, we were just being goofy. We have no opposition to the Mormon faith.

Sure. But I was like, hey, way to really show yourselves, Mormons. Good looking out. Wow. Thanks a million. What a healthy sense of humor they have. I know. Well, at least these folks that emailed us, we probably lost a thousand Mormon listeners.

It was nice. Yeah, Mormons are like dominoes, man. Once one topples, the rest go. You gotta be careful. We could lose a significant chunk of our listenership. You're thinking of Southeast Asian communists. Oh, yeah. That's so specific. We'll be back

in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Aaron Gibson, et cetera. I went to Denver this week for the Public Radio Program Directors Conference. The Public Radio Program Dire's Conference was a nightmare. It was really the worst.

Sure. You look, everyone in public radio is nice, but what happens is when you're a programmer and you go to the Program Director's Conference, no one wants to talk to you because they know you're just going to try and pitch them your show. Oh, okay. So it's a really brutal thing. And so, yeah, I mean, it was rough. I met some nice folks.

Talked to our friend John Moe from Twitter. Oh, hey. He's the host of the Marketplace Tech Report these days. I might go out on a limb and say funniest dad on Twitter, John Moe. He's a great dad. I mean, look. I'm going to say Scott Simpson, maybe. Oh, yeah.

No, okay. Top five funny dads. Top five funny dads. They're both very, very funny dads. I mean, I know. Okay. I know we don't want to spend too much time talking about Twitter. Okay.

I feel like John Moe's Twittering is characterized by dadness, whereas Scott Simpson's is not. Okay. So when I say funny Twitter dad, I mean someone whose primary, or let's say just 51%, is composed of dad-related jokes and jibes. Also the occasional heartwarming, uh, joke about how one of his children is a little person. Sure. Uh, and it'll be like funny and also heartwarming because it reminds you of how much this dad loves his children.

Absolutely. Yeah. It's really, it's really, it's a nice, it's a nice feat. It's, I think we can all agree.

Anyway, I had a great time talking with Glenn Washington from a snap judgment. Uh, this new NPR PRX show. Glenn actually came to MaxFunCon. So folks who were at MaxFunCon last year might have met him. He is just the nicest guy you could ever hope to meet. And people should check out his show, Snap Judgment.

It's sort of – it's this – the log line is storytelling with a beat. It is like a more urban and mannered this american life um and uh went to a show i enjoyed watching his show it was really nice to talk to glenn washington but overall the conference was horrible it was a horrible nightmare i i did yeah that's what we want to hear about jesse dish dish girlfriend we don't want to hear about who was nice we want to hear about who was a nightmare i did find out that one guy from pri roger recently bought a biplane so that was pretty exciting oh that's pretty good that was pretty good news but uh

the good news is about this denver trip we had a meetup and we went to uh sweet action ice cream there in denver um and uh the folks from uh sweet action ice cream are a very friendly couple who moved to denver from brooklyn a couple years ago decided to open uh uh uh an ice cream are a very friendly couple who moved to Denver from Brooklyn a couple years ago, decided to open an ice cream store because they've always loved making ice cream at home. Their names are Sam and Shia, and they could not have been nicer. There's a wonderful ice cream store. They made me Dr. Pepper ice cream. Delicious. To commemorate the meetup, they made special Dr. Pepper ice cream. I also had something called salted butterscotch that was

oh my god, was it good. Outrageously good. Better than Scoops? Apparently it's their... Here's the thing. Scoops here in Los Angeles is an ice cream store known for its crazy flavors. I have tried to go to Scoops a few times.

It's one of those places that's just open whenever the fuck it wants to. It's open until they run out of ice cream. Okay. And then they close. But makes me want it more. Like, anyways. Oh, here's the thing. Unlike most of those things in Los Angeles, I will put it in the category of delivers, not bullshit.

So it's not annoying in there at all. The people are super nice, and the guy who runs the whole shebang is really nice. It's great. Only failing, it's gelato, not ice cream. And at the end of the day, A plus gelato is about as good as a B minus ice cream. Not enough fat.

Not enough fat in there. I see that. That's ice cream's secret ingredient, fat. And in the case of the Blizzard and the Twister, candy bits. Yeah, exactly. So it was this really great venue. We had literally dozens of people come out to this thing, which is, you know, we never know how many people are going to come. Sure.

It's a little, I mean, you know, it's unusual to come out to a meetup every time, right? You know, you don't know what it's going to be like. Sure. But we had dozens of people. A 15-year-old boy had me record a Facebook video. His mom brought him. Nice young man. Somebody, how about this?

Somebody who wasn't there for the meetup heard me recording the Facebook video and saying, Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, marginal internet celebrity. And then the guy came up to me afterwards. He said, you're Jesse Thorne from the Sound of Young America? And I'm like, yes, you're here for the meetup, right? And he's like, no, no, I'm here for some ice cream. So that was great.

Wow. Is this going to just turn into a bunch of stories about how famous you are jesse great this is what we all want to hear about i feel like places for you to get recognized or or uh known would be an ice cream place i'd also say like a like a gourmet pizza parlor sure i'll give you a list of the places oh i look at me i get a i get a discount when I order dog jackets. What a charmed life you lead, Jesse. I get spit on when I walk down the street. How do you think this makes me feel? It's true.

I've done it to him. Yes. I don't think I had. And Aaron is my closest friend. I don't think I had ever been recognized outside of line at the Upright Citizenship Great Theater. That's it. That's the one place where I am a celebrity

So this is special because it's Denver It's in the middle of the mountains Exactly So a young lady named Kate Asked a special favor of us And it was that We do a segment where You were referred to only as

Jord And I am referred to only as Jess Does your family call you Jess? My family calls me Jord Really? I call you Gordon sometimes Lately I kind of feel like maybe you're ambivalent about that

Are you okay with that? I'm fine with it I just don't want to do it if you feel bad about it Because I really do enjoy it It's not a slam There if you feel bad about it because I really do enjoy it and it's really not – there's no – It's not a slam. No, it's not a slam at all. There's nothing slammy about it.

It's just really nice to say Gordon sometimes. I get it. Aaron, do you have a family nickname? No, but – Air Bud. Air Bud or Air Butt, whichever cousin you are. Sure. But no, most people call me Gibson. Oh, okay.

But that's not really a nickname. I like to refer to myself, I like to give people names that are just like one or two letters off from their name. So I call myself Urban Globson.

Uh-huh. See how that would work? Like, that's kind of fun. Yeah, that is fun. So it was great and everyone missed you being there, George. Sure.

And I... I'm sorry to disappoint there, George. Sure. I'm sorry to disappoint them, Jess. That was seamless integration of that. Yeah, right? The other thing she asked was that we not reveal why we were doing it. That was part of her dream, but I mean, that's unrealistic. Sure. But, George, if I can tell you the one other thing that happened to me that was amazing in Denver.

I went to this diner down the street from the ice cream place. First of all, I went to this fancy restaurant right down the street from the ice cream place. I can't remember what it's called. But just walk down the street from the ice cream place and turn into the restaurant with the trees inside of it. And it was really wonderful. It was like a fancy restaurant, expensive, but worth it. Were the trees growing or were they in pots? Were they growing from under the ground?

Neither. Okay. Hovering. Hovered trees. They were wood tree sticks, trunks, if you will. Tree sticks? No, no. This tree stick's correct.

From floor to ceiling throughout the restaurant, no explanation. Just also a lot of lanterns wow also get a load of this they had a potty outside the potty there was a sink and the sink instead of having a faucet just had some like of those of those ball and chain deals yes that are attached to uh a sink plug um but they were going all the way from the ceiling. It was high ceilings. It's like 15 feet above you, a sort of maybe a dozen or 18 of these things

all hung together at slightly different lengths. And you tugged on a rope and water went down that from up in the ceiling all the way down and dripped onto your hands. So it turned a very simple hand-washing transaction into a magical work of art. Yes. They should do that in the restaurant, but with gravy. Just whatever you got.

I went to a restaurant. Just dump some gravy on it. I went to a restaurant down the block from there that was that sort of situation. It was a real gravy restaurant. Sure. It was a real gravy restaurant. It was gravy-themed, I would say. And my wife and I, my wife Teresa and I sat down to order dinner. So you went from this fancy restaurant to the ice cream parlor to the diner? We went from the ice cream parlor to the fancy restaurant.

And then later we were hanging out in the neighborhood of the ice cream parlor. Because we had a few hours to kill in Denver. We figured, well, these nice folks that open this ice cream parlor, they probably know the cool area in Denver. This may have been the cool area of Denver. I don't know how cool Denver is, though. Is it downtown? No.

Downtown is sort of like San Diego. It's like a real Main Street USA type place i've been main street usa type situation it's not it's not the best thing everything looks like it's a chain but it's not it's weird yeah it is weird when something is like i know this isn't a chain but you want it to be but there's chairs on your walls i'll tell you what there was a lot of in downtown denver that i didn't necessarily expect granted I had this picture in my mind of Denver as being like a big metropolitan Portland, which, as I understand, is a different city in Colorado, like Boulder or something like that. It's now been explained to me.

But the thing that I did not expect to find in Denver, outside of the context of our meetup, which was just full of awesome people um was walking around in downtown denver just there were just a lot of white people that scared me just a lot of scary white people a lot of meth-y white people i'll give you i'll give you a good meth-y i'll yeah are they good they were sort of meth-y meth-y yeah um it sort of cut you soon as look at your types all right if we were talking earlier about the rapper Yellow Wolf A lot of fuck me, fuck you types We were talking earlier about the rapper Yellow Wolf

If you go onto Google And Google for a picture of Yellow Wolf Y-E-L-A-W-O-L-F That'll give you a good picture of about 50% of the population Of downtown Denver Just some real shady looking characters. Some real, I saw a guy in an insane clown posse basketball jersey. Never good. That was dangerous. So, I went into this diner and my wife,

it's sort of like a classic kind of Greek diner, which I didn't know was a thing until recently because it's not a thing on the West Coast. Okay. But I think, you know, like a Greek diner is a thing. Sure. In Denver, it makes sense. Sure. And this lady comes up to us and she's maybe, she's like a real diner waitress type lady, only a little squatter than you might imagine from that description.

So she's like 60-ish, you you know she's definitely wearing some support hose um and she asked us what we'd like to drink while we look at the menus and i just asked for water my wife says do you have ginger ale and the woman pauses and no but i can make some for you what wait what excuse me you can make some for us i mean that's just like she's just mix gonna mix coke and sprite right that's what she's so okay so we say excuse me sure genuinely confused at the prospect of her making ginger ale. I'm picturing ginger. Sure. I'm picturing giant barrels and stills. Yeah. And she says to us, almost contemptuously, well, we've got Coke

and we've got Sprite. And that's all that ginger ale is. Oh. What? Did you know that? I did not know. I did not know the story going into it. I'm sorry for spoiling the punchline.

I'm still amazed, though, that that's a thing. She said that to me as though that were as plain as the nose on my face. As though everyone knows that all ginger ale is is Sprite with a little bit of Coke in it. But I don't even buy that. Did you drink it? Yeah, I don't either. Okay, number one, I mean, talk about buying it.

No, that is not true. Ginger ale is like Sprite with gingery flavor in it. Yes. It's sugar water, which is what Sprite is, with gingery flavor. Right? That's straightforward. That's what ginger ale is. Sure.

Yeah. There's no ginger. And even Coke itself, there's no ginger essence to it, you know? How could you extrapolate that it could make that? Yeah. Maybe she's just shooting for the color. I mean, that could just be like, oh, I want something clear but a little brown. But she's specific.

She says, that's all ginger ale is. She said it like as though, almost as though she thought that we were all in the palm of the ginger ale lobby. You were paying high ginger ale premiums when you could have just been making it at home by mixing Coke and Sprite. Exactly. And so my wife is like, oh, no, that's okay because it's weird. She made a good move. She's just going to have some water.

You know what I mean? I'm not going to have a glass of Coke and Sprite mixed. There's no need for a glass of Coke and Sprite mixed. They charge you twice for it, you know. Oh, yeah. It's like an Arnold Palmer. Yeah. I alwaysite mixed. I have to charge you for both drinks. I always get mad when I get charged more for an Arnold Palmer. Unfair.

Same amount of liquid. Same caliber of liquid, too. I feel like those are both equally expensive. Like, Ice Tea and Lemonade are both equally expensive, so why are you charging me more to mix them? I think it's labor fee. There's a labor fee. Plus, you gotta account for the cost of the swizzle stick.

Sure. Handling. So she brings me my chicken fried steak and my wife her scrambled eggs and hash browns. And she brings us a... It's on the house. She just wants to prove to you that you're a fucking idiot two things were remarkable to me about this about this experience of tasting it number one it is definitely not ginger ale it's not where ginger ale comes from that's not ginger ale number two it does taste kind of like ginger ale.

I felt pretty embarrassed because I was like, well, this is clearly not ginger ale. And it does... It is ginger ale-like to the extent that if someone had just served that to you and told you, same thing, and you were impressionable and young, let's say you were a Greek immigrant. Sure.

You're a 19-year-old Greek immigrant who'd never had ginger ale. Great example. All you'd ever had is souvlaki. Then maybe you'd believe it. I don't, but I have to go do this right after. I have to go to a gas station. Do you know what the percentage is? It's not one-to-one's more sprite than coke i'd imagine no it's mostly sprite with a splash of coke okay okay well i'll experiment at the exxon yeah the other great thing that happened to me at the meetup was i met this uh this nice lady who's a lutheran pastor just down the street um And she has,

she was covered in tattoos. She had like full sleeves and they were all, they were all icons. They were all religious icons, Christian icons. They were really impressive. And I'm talking to her. She knows about this hippie church that I used to work at in San Francisco.

She knows people from there. We're chatting about that. End of the conversation. She hands me her business card.'re chatting about that. End of the conversation, she hands me her business card. I put it in my pocket. It's nice of her to give me her business card. She was a really cool, pleasant lady. Seems like a great Lutheran pastor. I'm not probably going to be in Denver looking for a place to go to a Lutheran service. But she hands me her card. I take it out a couple days later from my pocket. I look at it. The slogan, her slogan on her business card is...

Fuck me, fuck you. And Jordan, this may be just a direct play for your heart. But the slogan on her business card is, We're not spiritual, but we are religious. Oh, that's good. I like that. Right? You got it.

How can you not love that? That's good. I don't understand it. Well, I mean, there's that kind of annoying thing that- I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual? Yeah, yeah. This is taking it back. Anyway.

I get it now. I really supported it. How many tattoos were on her card? There were no tattoos on her card. Did the card have sleeves? Hey now,

this was a cool lady. Oh, sure. We talked about different shit that gays should be able to do. Like sexually? Thank God she's living in Denver. Yeah.

Spreading that. She's teaching the Kutcha people about how you should have a gay priest. Do you think she can get through to them with all their drug problems? She can relate to them. She's cool. She comes Sundays at noon. There's Bree. Yeah. Did you get any background on her? Like why the tats? Well she's like she's just a tat type lady.

She wasn't like a biker chick, like, had a real hard life, and then was like, ah, God. It's time for God. No, because all the tats were all religious icons, so it was like, they were pretty impressive. I was pretty impressed, I have to admit. Sure.

She was impressive, and she was with this other Lutheran pastor that she brought along with her. They were sort of nice pastors. Anyway. What did he look like? He looked like a... Did he look alternative? He looked like...

No. He looked like about how I would imagine a Jordan Jesse Go fan would look like. He's pretty skinny. This slim guy. Didn't look like he participates in a lot of physical activities. Mostly Bible study. Pale. A broad smile.

A broad and sincere smile. A sweet guy. Anyway, all of that to say this. It was so great that me and Teresa are going to Washington, D.C. for a wedding. We decided to have a Max Fund meetup while we're there. If you're in Washington, D.C. for a wedding. And we decided to have a MaxFun meetup while we're there. So if you're in Washington, D.C., you have to be listening to this promptly. The meetup

is on October 7th from 530 to, no, from 7th, 530 to 7th. 530 p.m. to 7 p.m. on October 7th at a place called Science Club near DuPont Circle. Now, why not two full hours? Why an hour and a half? Hour and a half is a nice length. Okay.

It's easy. It's enough time for people to come in and come out, but then people won't feel like they can just show up two hours after it starts. Sure. And it's enough time to decide who's cool, who you're going to invite to the after party. Oh, after party. Yeah. I'm going to invite Craxworth to the after party.

Yeah. It's going to be me and Craxworth. My pal Craxworth. Craxworth is going to be there, by the way. For fans of the MaxFunForums, both Evander and Craxworth have confirmed to me their attendance. Man, if you can just get Mafu John in there. I know. We've got to buy him a plane ticket from Minnesota.

These are all people. That is not a direct flight, I bet. No, got to buy him a plane ticket from Minnesota. These are all people. That is not a direct flight, I bet. No, yeah. That's a change in Denver or somewhere. These are forum celebrities. Oh, I gathered by the fact that you weren't using their first and last name. Anyway, Cracksworth. Evander's real name is Evan.

And Cracksworth's name is Jenny. So I'll refer to them by their real names. Oh, I like their screen names. They're very inventive. They're evocative. Yeah. That's my favorite. Just reading people's screen names on YouTube comments, that's the best. So Thursday afternoon.

Dr. Truth. Okay. Thursday afternoon. Dr. Truth. Okay. Aaron, you were mentioning before we started that you maybe have been getting a lot of YouTube flack for your Katy Perry comments. Best YouTube name that slammed you. Oh.

I couldn't even tell you. Fag Patrol. Fag Patrol. 420. 420. A guy who's on Fag Patrol but likes to get high. Sure. That's what that says. A guy who's on fag patrol but likes to get high. Sure. That's what that says. Before he goes out on patrol.

That guy is upset because he chose fag patrol because he's patrolling for fags. After he picked it, he's like, kind of makes me sound like a real fag. Yeah. The only time I actually pay attention to those names is when I get angry enough to decide I'm going to write something back. And the trick is when you're dealing with irrational people on the internet is to use their screen name in your retort because it makes them seem stupid. Sure, yeah. Listen, MasterChief69. Hey, MasterChief69. I couldn't help noticing that you're real angry um anyway come out and meet me and theresa washington dc and environs on uh thursday

october 7th from 5 30 to 7 at the science club which is not actually a social club. It is apparently a very cool bar, restaurant, meeting space mix in a big brownstone near DuPont Circle. So thank you to Denver. And here's looking forward to Washington, D.C. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Yossi Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Aaron Gibson, et cetera? Et cetera? Et cetera? Et cetera?

Et cetera? We're having fun. We're doing some experiments in time signatures here on Jordan, Jesse Goh. No, it's all anchor our breasts. Breasts. Do our best Bronx accent. That's from earlier. Well, just so you know, Aaron, we have a telephone line that we ask listeners to call in to, 206-984-4FUN.

We're going to get into momentous occasions in just a moment, but we had just sort of an interesting variety of calls this week so i picked out a few of what we what would fall under the miscellaneous questions queries and statements sure category um that i just thought were interesting things that i would like i would like to share a number one everyone in the world has sent me the website with the maps to fruit um there's this website I want to say it's called fallenfruit.org and literally I've gotten 20 of this email so there's no need to inform me that

there's a map to the fruit in Silver Lake especially because I looked at the map totally useless map a horrible map like did not make sense to me it's got a thousand symbols but it's also really abstracted um it is really only for people who like the idea of making a map of fruit trees yes start sending jesse that auto-tuned rape guy mashup instead because he has not you haven't seen that no i haven't so let's let's get to the

miscellaneous question so don't oh i need to say something about the lemons so i took my fruit picker outside i literally spent 90 minutes picking lemons i brought i bought uh i've got basically quite a lifestyle you have here you're getting recognized on the street. You get pet clothes discounts and you have 90 minutes to spend picking lemons. I filled in – Enjoy your ivory tower. I'm sorry. It sounds like fun. I filled an entire bag like a grocery shopping paper bag sized bag with lemons, probably 100 lemons.

They're pretty small. And I got upstairs. I started slicing lemons. Probably a hundred lemons. They're pretty small. And I got upstairs. I started slicing lemons. The second lemon, my lemon juicer broke. I'm going out of town for a week tomorrow. And I have an entire... So if you guys

need any lemons... I'll take lemons because I like a lemon in my water every day. Oh. Do you have a juicer? I'm talking about a juice volume of lemons. I can take some lemons off of your hands. Okay. Can I feed a lemon to a cat? No, you're going to have to use cat food.

I have to disagree with you. I think you can feed a lemon to a cat. I think you can, too. Give me all of them. How many cats do you have? Just one. Okay. Also, I'm...

I mean, she'll eat 10 lemons a day, right? She'll get tired of them, but she'll take a bunch down at the beginning, I think. I'm sorry. Initial enthusiasm will be high. I'm sorry that on the show last week I said pith when I meant zest. Okay? I'm sorry. I apologize.

Mea culpa. Sure. Let's move on. Hey, Jordan and Jesse Go. This is Zeb in Clarion, Pennsylvania. One of my favorite segments of the show is what I like to call Jesse Explains Rap Music to

Indie Rockers. I've got a question, Jesse. Can you tell me why the Beastie Boys are not really talked about in the realm of rap music? Like, even when people talk about white rappers, they talk about Vanilla Ice and Eminem, but they don't bring up the Beastie Boys. And I don't know, I used to listen to rap music a lot more,

and I always thought the Beastie Boys were pretty great, and we'll put them up there with other more, like, acknowledged rap acts that I also enjoyed. So maybe you could explain that to me. Part B, Beck. I can see calling Beck's music not in the genre of hip-hop, but he's totally rapping,

and I think he's done a pretty good job. So yeah, look, you have what you have to say. Thank you. Bye. Oh, boy. You've touched a sore spot. This is going to get ugly. Okay, let's start with the Beastie Boys. That's a more important issue here.

No, we're going to start with Beck because it's the less important issue. Sure. Number one, Beck is talk singing or semi-rapping, but he is not a good rapper by any measure. He's sort of funny and amusing at talk singing or doing whatever he is. But that guy is closer to My Fair Lady than he is to a rapper. That'd be great for that analogy if there was a rapper whose name sounded like My Fair Lady. Well, I'll just take this opportunity to say it's closer to My Fair Lady than Glasses Malone, which is my favorite current rapper. All right.

Name. Okay. He's a pretty good rapper, but it's a better rapper. Yeah, I get that. West Coast gangster rapper, by the way. Glasses Malone. Current guy, or did you... Current guy.

There's a new rapper You know Two years old his career is I would say So Let's leave Beck aside We're gonna leave Beck aside Okay

I don't need to So you're just saying This guy's incorrect That's yeah It's just a whole It's just a whole other thing Sure I don't hate Beck

I actually kinda like Beck I think everybody kinda likes likes Beck, right? Hard to hate. Yeah. But it's not rap music. Not even close. Nothing related to it. It's nothing.

It's just a whole other thing unrelated. It's Debbie Harry. Right. Exactly. So the Beastie Boys. There was a time when the Beastie Boys were rappers. Okay. And they were part of the rap world.

This time was 1986. They were roughly equivalent to the Fat Boys. I don't know if you know the Fat Boys hits or their signature beatboxing style. or their signature beatboxing style. But the Beastie Boys were, they were the white guys of rap in 1986. Now, I want to be clear. In 1986, you did not have to be good at rapping to become a successful rapper.

Even Run DMC, the most- Rodney Dangerfield was the most popular rapper at one point right to say rap and rodney to say nothing of uh john wayne had a successful rap album um uh or john wayne impersonator i know god fuck off you fucking pedant sending me these emails um but in 1986 you didn't have to be good at rapping even the sort of like the best rappers like run dmc weren't especially good at rapping um and they were they were it's more it was more just kind of a general party aesthetic okay is what it was i think around 1987 people were like what if you rapped but it was also a cool thing in and of itself,

and not just a silly thing you did to make a repetitive breakbeat more interesting. You know what I mean? I'm not dissing any old school rap. I'm just saying, you know, Cool Moe D is pretty much the start, and I know that his career started before 1986,

but 1987 around then is when things get interesting. You're Rakim's. You're, you know, there's your Big Daddy Kane's. People are getting sort of polysyllabic. The lyrics are starting to have content, et cetera, et cetera. So in that context,

in the context of the Fresh Fest in 1986, the Beastie Boys are rappers. So then what are they now? They're guys in a rock band. They're guys in a rock band. They're guys since 1987. The Beastie Boys have been guys in a rock band. They are horrible rappers. They rap like they were bad rappers in 1986.

I want to be clear in the context of a world where you did not have to be a good rapper to become successful. But things were rapidly changing. In 1986, they were rapping like it was 1981. They have always been bad at rapping. This guy is going to be so disappointed with this answer. Don't you think this caller is going to be? No, I think he kind of likes it. I feel like he was, this is kind of.

He was baiting. This is like chewing a cold sore. Yeah, okay. He, the. You know what you're getting into. The Beastie Boys... And you know what? I want to say something about the Beastie Boys. I'm not really opposed to the Beastie Boys in general.

I think if you want to... They do all that good work for Tibet. Sure. And ladies' rights. They were on Futurama that one time. Yeah, you know, I mean... Yeah, ladies' rights. I understand, you know,

Paul's Boutique was an interesting use of sampling and was very revolutionary as long as you're not considering Public Enemy. You know, like, they've made really interesting records. Given the fact that they're horrible at rapping, they've really done the best they could with that. I think, you know, like,

you don't see the Fat Boys, for example. I mean, sure. Making a video where they, like you don't see the Fat Boys, for example. I mean, sure. Making a video where they dress up like giant robots. The Fat Boys had a song with the Beach Boys and they had

the Fat Boys are back. So they did have two second and third phases of their career. But nothing like the Beastie Boys. But like the Beastie Boys, it's like

they're closer to ACDC. It's not rap music. That's why they don't get counted as rap. They're rapping, but this is every Beastie Boys song. Jordan, you can help me with my signature impression. I can. I know. I used to be a very big Beastie Boys fan.

I'm shocked to hear this attitude from anybody. We all have a lot of fun watching the sabotage video. I'm not putting down the sabotage video if that's what you think. Well, I think if you are in comedy, you can appreciate that their lyrics are a little funny. No, not really. They're not. We talked about this one time before several years ago on the show, and somebody sent me an email with some great Beastie Boys lyrics.

They're not. They're nothing. Do you think they're fun to say? That's what I like. I think they probably are pretty fun to say. Real fun to say. The Beastie Boys have a winning rock and roll attitude. They don't have a winning rap attitude.

They don't seem like rappers even in their winning charms. Their charms are rock and roll charms. It's a different aesthetics. It's a different thing. Every Beastie Boys rap sounds like this. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Yep, I have to give it to you. The Beastie Boys, it's settled.

And again, they seem like great guys. And while I don't really like rock music that much, if you're a rock music fan, you enjoy their rock music, good for you. They seem like great guys. It was cool when they played Sabotage in that new

Star Trek movie hey it's it's fun the Beastie Boys are fun it's a fun thing it's not rap music they would probably

be really pissed at me for saying that but it's just the reality hey Jordan it's Aaron from New Mexico I'm about to have to give a best man speech here in two weeks,

and I have no idea what I'm doing. I thought I'd turn to some of my favorite guys comedy-wise and get some good ideas from you guys. So please help me out. Keep it up. Jordan, this one's for you. Oh, good. Jordan, you're the king of the best man.

Sure. You've given 7,000 best man speeches because you're broadly beloved. Sure. And because all your high school buddies married early. I've actually not. I've given two best man speeches. Okay. One for my best high school buddy and one for my best college buddy, who is Jesse.

So, yes, I've given two best man speeches. There's two more than I have. I don't have any friends, so keep going. Fair enough. My high school buddies— Excuse me. I don't have any marriageable friends. Sure.

No one who anyone would want to marry. My high school buddies— Jordan, I say that only because you're so much of a sex symbol that a woman would feel uncomfortable marrying you. Thank you. It would actually be a disservice to you to entrap that sexuality. It's like how Gene Simmons will never marry Shannon Elizabeth, whoever he's married to. Shannon Elizabeth. I believe it's somebody different.

Shannon Tweed. Carmen Electra? Carmen Electra. Yeah. Morgan Fairchild. Sorry. I love a good Morgan Fairchild reference. I would say that my high school buddy's best man speech was maybe the most well-received performance I've ever given in my life.

This is within all my work in television and sketch comedy and whatnot. This is maybe the most well-received performance I had ever got. Standing ovation. I even felt compelled. This was not something that I had thought out in advance. I just felt the energy, and I felt it was natural to do a Chris Rock-style mic drop at the end. I'm presidented. Dick out.

But yes, Chris Rock-style mic drop at the end. Jesse's best man speech I feel like was equally well-written, maybe not as well-received. But well-received. But well-received. Not poorly received, but not mic drop, dick out well-received. But well-received. But well-received. Not poorly received, but not mic-dropped, dick-out well-received. I was not booed,

but my dick stayed in my pants. Was your high school friend's wedding party less expecting that from you? Was it more of a surprise? Had you followed some people who kind of gave dreary, long speeches?

I would say in both cases both cases i followed very boring speeches there was no instance of like brother-in-law talking about you know tijuana sex escapade of groom there was nothing like that everything was in the case of my high school buddies everything was very religious uh in the case of jesse it was all very heartfelt and from family members um what do you think are there like specific things that you included like like a like a story a funny story then some like was there a pattern that you filled out to kind of like number one to try and say as many people's names as possible. Sure.

And places they're from. Yeah, yeah. Is Brooklyn in the house, for instance. Like stand-up rules. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Jordan learned a lot of this stuff from Toastmasters. Sure.

Did you mention a highway that's often congested? Yeah, right. A funny billboard that everyone's noticed in town um the local politicians who just can't get anything right um where's the milk uh i mean i would i mean just some some general tips you know i think in both instances you you you know take take what you understand to be the people's most prevalent qualities and do something fun on that. I think assume that all the heartfelt stuff is going to be

gotten out of the way by family members. So as the buddy it's probably better flow-wise. We're talking about the flow of the reception to maybe try and do something funny and fun. Keep it under five maybe? Keep it under five maybe keep it under five

uh i'm gonna say though if this guy wants to call in we can help with a rough draft yeah sure give us a call 206-9844-FUN if he wants to call in now we may we may not have time or what have you he may be calling the day of night before the wedding sure etc but if you want coaching we will coach you it just give us a call at 206-984-4FUN leave us your phone number and everything yeah or actually

even better send us an email with that information at jjgoatmaximumfun.org I want to emphasize one thing if you're not funny you don't need to be funny

oh sure it's actually a bad idea to try to be funny I think if you're not generally a funny person or you feel like the only way that you could be funny is by pushing the boundaries of taste or you feel like you need to get drunk first to be funny.

No, that's good. Yeah. I think it is perfectly okay. When I was getting married, was 18 or 19 years old, made a speech and he cried. And he basically just talked about that he loved me and my wife and, you know, that we were important to him in his life for these reasons. And he loved our love for these reasons. And, you know, if you're really, generally speaking, if you're the best man in somebody's wedding, you really do love that person. Um, uh, I mean, you know, we're not all of us have had that experience. I don't, but I guess if I ever,

I don't know, but, uh, Jordan has had that experience. So you really love the person and you can just express that sincerely and succinctly. And there's nothing wrong with being heartfelt. There's never anything wrong with being heartfelt. Yeah, be honest. And I think maybe I need to realize that I'm a guy with no feelings other than jokes. All of my feelings are wrapped up in a joke somehow. I do not have any legitimate, authentic human feeling. To be fair, you do get sometimes angry or elated because of a joke.

Right. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Absolutely. But it is all having to do with a joke. Like 30 Rock makes you happy. Sure. And Two and a Half Men makes you angry.

Mm-hmm. But those are joke-related feelings. MacGruber made me whistful. Yeah. I am going to a wedding this week in Richmond, Virginia. My cousin is getting married. I have not seen her in almost 10 years now. She is marrying a guy who, it's amazing.

My mom's family is from Washington, D.C., and there is this remarkable thing that you can do, which is that you can be in Washington, D.C., and then leave Washington, D.C., and you can go to the American South within an hour. You get half an hour of suburbs of any town USA, all of a sudden, oh shit, we're in rural Virginia now. And this is real rural Virginia-y. I think her boyfriend or her fiance, all I have to base this on is a photograph of him. I'm going to guess that he's a little bit

more Richmond, Virginia, where the wedding is going to be held, than the Washington, D.C., where my mother's family is from. I'm basing this on two things. One is the photograph and his buzz cut and his general sort of beefiness and polo shirt in the wedding pictures, you know, the engagement pictures. He's wearing a polo shirt. I have a question. Yeah. Standard size polo logo or extra large logo he's not from the middle east okay he's not from the united arab emirates

a valid question thank you yeah um and also that we asked about him because we've never met him before um and we heard that he's thinking about going into law enforcement. Thinking about it. Seriously considering it. Probably going to become a bodyguard first. Moving out of jet ski sales. Yeah. Aaron, you, as a married lady,

who was your maid of honor and do you feel like their speech was satisfactory? Did not do that. We had a very small reception. Michael's best friend, Matt Price not do that. We had a very small reception. Michael's best friend, Matt Price, married us. We had him ordained online. So it was a triple. Triple what?

Triple wedding. You married two gentlemen, Michael and Matt Price. No. You two were married and you married him. Michael's best friend married us. Right. But we had him ordained online. So the three of you...

Well, obviously... You all had a drink of blood under the full moon. Yes. I'm sorry, that's where I was going. Okay. You became a triad. Yes, we were a triad. Gotcha.

40 guests. Sweet Lady Jane wedding cake, which is a veryad. Gotcha. 40 guests. Sweet Lady Jane. Wedding cake, which is a very delicious bakery here. And then Jones on 3rd. Catering. That was it. In the house. So you didn't have a maid of honor? No speeches.

No receptions. Nothing? No. Nothing. And it was so easy and so calm and so nice. I had a pretty big wedding. It was pretty fun. Yeah. I had a great time i don't it's

that that situation stresses me out having a lot of people because i get very organizing like oh is this person having a good time what about this person i get worried about everybody so you know what i wasn't even going to bring this up but i feel like this is an appropriate time to bring it up uh i have been asked and accepted the invitation to officiate the wedding of Jordan Jesse Gohlisner. His name is Guy. You've met him. I've met Guy.

Because he works in the video game industry and you were covering the video game industry. You met him in an event. Sure. Yes, I met Guy. I've seen Guy for the past couple of years at E3, which is kind of the big video game

conference he works for microsoft who makes gears of war and other fine products and i have emailed with him because he was kind enough because he worked for microsoft he was kind enough in a couple of pledge drives to donate some stuff for us to use in the pledge drive from which is why we had like halo 2 in addition to all of like the david sedaris books and other things something for everyone yeah something for everyone um uh yeah and he ran this by me before he uh he did he ran this by me at e3 he says he's like now jordan i have kind of a serious question for you and i thought he was going to ask me to have a gay experience sure with him right i was flattered but prepared to turn him down. Nicely. But I would titter about it later

in the bathroom. You would only do that in an Aaron Gibson type marriage. Oh, right, right. Where it's two fellas in one lake. Sure. We drink blood under the full moon. Only 40 people. Low pressure. Yeah. Jones on third is good, isn't it? Oh, macaroni and cheese from there?

Hot damn. Forget about it. That's the crown jewel of the $10 sandwich district as far as I'm concerned. You know, I'll say it. It's too expensive. Sure. Can I tell you guys something? Can I tell you guys something serious?

Yeah. I'm glad you're talking about this because if the world of podcasting needed more of something, it's local restaurant recommendations for Los Angeles. Here's a place you'll never go to that's super big guys super unaffordable by the way said the guy who earlier in this show gave a local restaurant recommendation for denver colorado not even a place that you live yeah sixth as many people hey guys maybe we'll mention your town next week. Gotta keep listening for the restaurant recommendation. So Guy asked you.

He asked me, but he's like, I have something to tell you. I'm thinking of asking Jesse to officiate my wedding. Were you disappointed? You know what? I'm going to be real here. Yeah. A little bit. He's a fan of our podcast.

Sure. He did not ask me to do anything. Right. He did not ask. He did not want us to co-officiate. You were hoping for at least for Flower Girl. I could make the speech. Sure.

I could make the speech the best man could make. Why can't you both officiate? Is that what it's, officiate? Because that's gay. Yeah. Okay. You know, you're getting this sweet free trip to Seattle. You get to go to a wedding, which is always fun.

Weddings are fun. Great place to pick up chicks. No, you maybe don't – you didn't want a big wedding, but do you – are you a subscriber to the truism that weddings are pretty fun? No, I do not like weddings. But I don't like crowded areas. And I have to smoke a lot of pot to go to parties just so I could be around a lot of people. And usually weddings involve places that you can't bring pot to. Like airports. Yeah, airports, train stations, New Jersey. Knott's Berry Farm.

Knott's berry farm it's very far i think if i didn't have social anxiety with a crowded of drunk people then i think i'd be okay okay uh that's nothing it gets away it's my own internal struggle so yeah a little you know a little but i mean i get why he wants you to do it and not me like you're a public radio sure you're a public radio host you have uh you got the you got the golden you got the golden pipes you own a tie i'm a professional singer sure you're yes you will tape down your giant bosoms for the occasion so i get it like i get it it's the right choice it. It's the right choice. It's the correct choice. I have a dress that's appropriate to wear on Sesame Street. Sure, right.

But he could have just sent you an email instead of going through. Well, he didn't want to ask a weird thing. And he also wanted to make the point that Jordan wasn't good enough. Yeah, he wanted to cut me down. It's still weird if he asks you. The weirdness doesn't disappear because he asks you over... Yeah. I mean,

don't you think? It's still weird. I get it. I get why he asked me if you would be into it. Well, look, if it makes you feel any better, I'm planning to fuck it up royally. Okay, yeah. The whole thing's gonna go down in flames. Jesse, you should wear a camera on your head and record the whole thing i should let's create a helmet cam like super dave and i'll bring i'll bring a weird ethnic stereotype like fuji sure

um but yeah i'm gonna consult with um i'm gonna consult with ebeth i'm gonna ask ebeth ebeth doesn't know this yet she's learning it for the first time but one of going to consult with ebeth i'm going to ask ebeth ebeth doesn't know this yet she's learning it for the first time but one of our forum regulars ebeth is a is a professional wedding officiant uh she officiates non-denominational weddings um in her home state of new jersey and so i'm going to check in with ebeth see if i can get her her advice i don't know i don't think i'm prepared to do this the only reason I believe that I can do it is because our friend Adam Lissagor, Lonely Sandwich, recently officiated a wedding. Oh, great. Every podcast guy is now getting to officiate a wedding.

And guess who's dead last on the invitation list to officiate a wedding? Jordan, what will you give to the person who invites you to officiate their wedding? I mean, a fucking badass wedding. Is that not enough? No. Like a fucking kick-ass wedding. A couple of great speeches at the least. $150?

Yeah, sure. I will pay you. What about this? A foreman grill, but the extra large model. Sure, absolutely. You could put two steaks on this thing. A lot of burgers on that. Yeah, two steaks on this thing. A lot of burgers on that. Yeah. Two steaks and grilled veggies.

Do you know there are parking perks for being an ordained minister? I'm sorry? No. Apparently you get a parking sticker and you can parking pass and you can park in handicapped spots or something like that. Yeah. You get like preferential parking in certain government parking lots. Wow. That's pretty nice. Yeah. I don't even knowential parking in certain government parking lots. Wow.

That's pretty nice. Yeah. I don't even know if I have to be an ordained minister. We're going to have to talk about this different stuff. The legalities. Yeah, I don't know what the actual title is. It's possible that I don't have to. It's possible that it's essentially some sort of like a modified dog wedding.

But they may have to go to the... Yeah. A novelty wedding. Modified dog wedding. You know when you got your friends have a girl dog and you decide to have a dog wedding okay we're skipping momentous occasions this week we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I love both of you dearly. I don't know if you know how much I've sent you letters. Yeah. Have you gotten my letters? Get them and throw them out. Okay. I don't open letters.

I don't open my mail. Okay. Well, they're heartfelt and genuine. There was a big scare involving some sarin gas. You might have heard about it. It was on the subway in Japan. And after that, I stopped opening my mail. Oh, the lights just went out.

Well, I'll scan them and I keep copies at home. Attach them as PDFs. Send your emails, your respective emails. But I've had a lot of fun. And, oh, boy. Is it weird to start crying right now? No, it's beautiful. No, it's appropriate.

We would be offended if you didn't. If I didn't start crying? Do you mind if I give you a tear jug? Because we have a show guest tear jug. There should never be something called a tear jug? Because we have a show guest tear jug. There should never be something called a tear jug. People, of course, can enjoy your regular segments, not just on Current's Infomania, but they can go to the Current website. If you go to Current and you just type in Modern Lady, you will get a page of everything

that I've done. And you know what? Somebody in the forum in one of the earliest posts is going to be responsible for linking up the Katy Perry thing that's getting all the mean YouTube comments. Oh, man. Look at those comments. They're mean because they use my full name. That's always a little. Dear Aaron Gibson.

Yeah. Who do you think you are, Aaron Gibson? I recently posted a YouTube video. gibson i i recently posted a youtube video uh no i've been posting youtube videos of goofy celebrity things for for a while now and never have i gotten as many mean comments as i did when i did something with russell brand ease i mean uh oh they're married by the way right just thought about that right right when i said it uh easily the meanest YouTube comments I've gotten were people who were mad that I was wasting Russell Brand's time. What? Meaner than Megan Fox.

Anyways, yeah. Russell Brand, whose specialty I think is wasting time. Sure. Not that he's without talent or not funny. I would say incredibly talented. Yeah, he's very talented, very funny. But I think his whole thing is just amusing wastes of time. So, yeah.

Yeah. I have recently gotten the most hate amusing wastes of time. So yeah, yeah. I have recently gotten the most hateful YouTube comments of my career via someone from that family. Has it made you stop reading comments altogether? No, I like to read them generally. And I think I have a pretty good skin about it and kind of mainly think they're funny. Sometimes I feel a little bit sad. I think, I don't know if it's true for guys but uh i know with me and a couple of my girlfriends who do stuff that that's you know out there on the internet a lot of tearing down of the way that you of the way that you look

yeah yeah no i mean i specifically like yeah your nose and eyes and all that stuff like wow really vicious really specific uh yeah and making assumptions about what your body could Wow. Really vicious. Really specific? Mm-hmm. Ooh. Yeah. And making assumptions about what your body could look like, that's also bad. Oh, like imagining... Like I bet you have a real shitty stomach. Something like that. I anticipate. Oh, jeez. Oh, the internet's awful.

And great. If you're in the neighborhood of our nation's capital, I hope you will join us for the meetup. You can find the information at MaximumFun.org. And 206-984-4FUN, the number to call, 206-984-4FUN. And hey, guess what? As we say this, I am presently guest hosting the television program The Grid on IFC. So if you want to see me awkwardly hosting a television program, demonstrating why Jordan is a much more competent television personality than I,

you can go to channel 162 on your local television, find the independent film channel IFC. The Grid, it's on Thursdays at 7.45 Eastern and it sort of depends on whether you have satellite or cable, whether that time applies to you in other time zones literally or whether it's at 7.45 in other time zones or whatever. But Thursdays at 7.45 The Grid

or I think it's ifc.com slash The Grid. You can watch them online. I've watched them online, correct? You can watch a little bit of it online. I don't know if you can watch the whole thing online. Yeah. You want to get a real taste of me and my hosting prowess. On a flat screen. And when I say hosting prowess,

I'm referring specifically to the fact that I'm wearing a bow tie. That's all going to be online. That's all going to be on your televisions Thursdays at 745 on IFC's The Grid. So 206-984-4FUN jjgoe at maximumfun.org our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic

Records, you should get their album Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, every time someone does they send me an email that says oh my god this was so wonderful it changed my life um it's really great and um no as far as i know that's just about it that'll do it we'll see you next time right here on jordan jesse go