Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 159: Jetski Injury with Nick Adams

Episode Date: January 3, 2011

Nick Adams, author of Making Friends with Black People, joins Jesse and Jordan this week.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, maddy, twiddle, dum, twiddle, Jesse Go, ecstatic dance and bad lieutenant, Port of Call, New Orleans.

Let's go. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Joining us on this cool, lovely Los Angeles evening, he's a writer for Network Television. He's a published author. He's one of the most popular guests in Jordan Jesse Goh history. A nominee, if I recall correctly, for Best Jordan Jesse Goh Go guest of 2010 in the ad hoc contest on the Maximum Fun Forum that I didn't really want to encourage.

This isn't being officiated by a governing body, you mean? Well, FIFA. Oh, okay. FIFA's in charge of it. Yeah, they got four years until the next World Cup. They gotta do something, right?

The same guy the guy who invented penalty kicks is on this. Oh, okay. He's in charge of this. We should get that octopus to pick the best guess. Yeah. Remember that octopus?

He was a great octopus. You know, octopus is a really smart creature. He can solve complex puzzles. Sure. And predict the future. Yeah. If it's German. Right.

Nick Adams with us. Camouflage, too. Also camouflage. Nick Repeat Adams. Yeah. Is Nick now the most Often appeared I'm the Alec Baldwin

Of Maximum Fun That's the only time anyone ever compared me to Alec Baldwin He's gotta be neck and neck With Gene and Chris Fairbanks at least Yeah That's your holy trinity so to speak Can we take us back to the 80's You're the Paul Simon

Of Maximum Fun. I'll take it. Wasn't that when Paul Simon was on Saturday Night Live all the time, the 80s? Isn't Paul Simon close personal friends with Lorne Michaels? Isn't that the deal? Yeah, I think it is a buddy's nepotism thing. And he's married to Edie Brickell still. Really?

Correct. Good for him. Which that doesn't tie in anything, but I really always had a thing for him. This is a segment The segment is Random white people That I like Fun facts

Fun facts about the whites With Nick Adams The whites Everything's classy When you put that in front of you Hey Nick What's Larry Bird been up to? Larry is good

His back's been flaring up recently Oh boy He had an epidural Larry, I've heard some rumors about the possible dissolution of Vampire Weekend Confirm or deny? You know, like Here's the thing You get to a certain age and you try to stay abreast of what's hep

Right That's how it's pronounced, right? Absolutely And then it's In your keeping abreast of pop culture You have learned that kids now say hep Right Certainly The kids are calling themselves Zooters And then it's In your keeping abreast of pop culture You have learned that kids now say hep Right Certainly

Current terminology The kids are calling themselves Zooters The Zoot Suiters I can't Watch out, some carry zip guns I saw a group of them smoking the reefers Sure I don't know who Vampire Weekend is

That's where this is going I don't know who they are My wife likes You know what? Here's the thing There's one of those bands every week I can't keep up withire Weekend is. That's where this is going. I don't know who they are. My wife likes... You know what? Here's the thing. There's one of those bands every week. I can't keep up with that. You guys...

As you guys know, I like rap music. That's my interest in music. Sure. And to some extent, I like soul music, maybe even as much as rap music, but I mostly don't like rock music. But my wife likes Vampire Weekend, has both of their records. has both of their records and I know that that the cool kids have are largely divided on the issue of Vampire Weekend many of them many of them love Vampire Weekend because they like their lacrosse polo shirts and so on I'm already disliking these guys and and many of them

hate Vampire Weekend because others among them love vampire weekend and because vampire weekend uh actually became successful here's how much i hate twilight and true blood i now hate vampire weekend just because of those it's carried over vehicles um surely you don't dislike the blade trilogy i'm not an idiot okay i'm not a moron yeah i you have you have some class speaking of that. Yes. Please. Let's speak up for Blade Trilogy.

Very popular tweet for me a few weeks ago. Okay. Just, here's the thing. Blade star, Wesley Snipes. Sure. Has to go to prison because he didn't pay his taxes, right? Why not? He makes another Blade movie.

The government keeps the proceeds. Oh, yeah. Everybody wins. A publicly funded Blade movie. The government keeps the proceeds. Oh, yeah. Everybody wins. A publicly funded Blade movie. Yes. It can air simultaneously in theaters and on PBS. Right. Who wins if we send Wesley Snipes to prison?

Nobody. Everyone loses. No, yeah. Especially Wesley Snipes. If we get another Blade movie out of the deal, I'm all for it. Would this be sort of like how the Green Bay Packers are owned by the city of Green Bay, Wisconsin? Exactly.

Sure. We could have funny Blade trilogy hats that everyone could wear to the premiere. Wesley doesn't have to go to jail. We get another awesome Blade movie. Well, we get another Blade movie. Sure. Let's just leave it at that. Maybe throw Jessica Biel in this one, too, and everybody's happy. Absolutely.

I told you what my aunt said after she hugged Wesley Snipes at a party, right? Uh-oh. No, you didn't i have this aunt claudia who is um uh i guess what you would call a uh outrageous older woman at this point um she's not a my biological aunt my mom's closest friend is she sassy would she describe herself as she's i don't know if she would she may be a little bit even as a even as a 60 year old lady uh or 65 year old lady somewhere in there does she tell it like it is she's maybe a little bit, even as a 60-year-old lady or 65-year-old lady somewhere in there. Does she tell it like it is a lot? She's maybe a little too cool to call herself sassy, but she definitely tells it like it is.

She definitely tells it like it is. And also, she's an orisha, which is some kind of priestess. It involves wearing white robes. Do they wear the orange, like some sort of headband, like headpiece as well? Yes, I think so. It's like a Haitian thing or something. I don't know. Or like an African thing.

But she is also not a midwife. A doula? A doula. She's a doula. She's also a doula. She used to be an administrative judge, but now she's a doula slash Orisha. Amazing woman.

Really amazing woman. And so anyway, she lives in Washington, D.C., and her brother is Wesley Snipes' hairdresser. She has this brother who is just... Does Wesley Snipes live in Washington, D.C.? No. The brother lives here. The brother travels with Wesley Snipes live in Washington D.C.? No The brother lives here

The brother travels with Wesley Snipes Oh wow okay Where does the brother When he's not with Snipes Where does the brother I think he's always with Snipes Okay Have you seen Wesley's hair?

I think he's part of the Snipes team No I mean you know This is I mean I'm not sure if he's currently Wesley But for many years at least Do you know what movie He started being with? Demolition Man on? Because if he's to blame

for that debacle. This all went down. Because the only problem with Demolition Man was his hair. Everything else about that movie. Sandra Bullock was transcendent, as usual. The Taco Bell integration seamless. There was, this all went down around the time of murder at 1600.

So he was definitely at then. And that was only a couple years after Demolition Man. So I think he was on Demolition Man. This is him trying to like serious up a little bit. Yeah. And so anyway, we were in Washington, D.C. visiting my mom's family and my aunt Claudia. And I'm staying at Claudia's apartment in D.C. claudia and uh we're i'm staying at claudia's uh apartment in dc and um uh you know just just hanging out with my cousin kanita azulaya and uh we get to go to the set of murder at 1600

and meet wesley snipes i'm like 11 maybe i'm'm guessing. Murder at 1600. Does that sound about right? 1992? Something like that. Okay. 11, 12, somewhere in there. And so I get to go to the set. I met Wesley Snipes. He was extremely cordial. And then my Aunt Claudia apparently went to like an after party that Wesley Snipes was at.

And my Aunt Claudia came home. that Wesley Snipes was at. And my Aunt Claudia came home. And Nick, I hope you and our African-American listeners will forgive me for doing a vague African-American voice now. But she went to the party, came home, and talked to me. And she said, Jesse, I hugged Wesley. And then I came home and, woo, panties to the ceiling. It was basically the greatest thing an adult had ever said to me.

Terrifying. I mean, is it terrifying to hear this woman who is essentially your aunt say that when you're 11? Yes. But is it also spectacularly great? Yes. Panties to the ceiling meaning she was so excited she took them off. She ran home to masturbate but just

maybe I'm being too literal she just launched her underwear straight up straight up what happened is she hit the bed tilted backwards legs up

threw it up it got caught in the ceiling or maybe the power of her orgasm rocketed rocketed her panties off the body right

just when she was hugging Wesley Snipes because he was so ripped they hit the ground and they bounced off she had flub her panties off the body. Just when she was hugging Wesley Snipes because he was so ripped. They hit the ground and they bounced off the ground. She had flubber panties on and they bounced. This is a flubber panty situation. Clearly a flubber panty. Yeah, so anyway, that's the time I met Wesley Snipes

and then my aunt said something outrageous. She definitely tells it like it is, though. No, she does, right? She tells it like it is. She tells it like it is, though. No, she does, right? She tells it like it is. She tells it like it is. You know, just yesterday, you were over at the house, Nick, and you were wearing a Shirley Chisholm for president. I was. I am very, very confident that my Aunt Claudia voted for Shirley Chisholm.

I'm sure she did. I don't know who that is. Shirley Chisholm was the first African-American person to seek a major party's nomination for president. She ran in 72. She was a congresswoman, wasn't she? From Brooklyn, if I'm correct. There's a really good documentary about her that you could access via the internets.

Okay. And she was kind of a badass. Yeah. She was serious. Yeah. She didn't take no mess. Gun Toten? Yeah. She was't take no mess. Gun-toting? Yeah.

She was Medea. She was like a Yosemite Sam type figure is how I would describe her. Do you remember there's one where Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny both ran for mayor of a small western town? Right, sure. So she had, I mean, well, look.

Her button was rootinestootinest congresswoman for president. That was her campaign slogan. There are differences. She was African American. He, ofotness, congresswoman for president. That was her campaign slogan. There are differences. She was African American. He, of course, was an Anglo. Sure. Similar mustaches.

Yeah, the mustaches were similar in shape, if not in scale. Or color. She's not a cartoon character. Yeah, it's not ridiculous. But she could lift herself off the ground by firing her guns into the ground. Well, they both had stump legs also. Sure. If you want to take that into account.

Anyway, Nick Adams with us. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. Oh, it's a pleasure to have you here, Nick. It's good to be head.

Nick, by the way, I mentioned, I alluded in the introduction, Nick is a writer, a staff writer on a network television situation comedy program. That's right. I'm part of the problem. It's called Perfect Couples. Peek Up, as I call it. That's what the kids are saying on the street, Peek Up. Absolutely. This is very hotly anticipated. It's going to be running between Community and The Office on NBC Thursday nights. Got a nice cushy time slot.

I believe it's, if I'm not mistaken, I'm trying to remember, it stars Thurman Munson. He's one of the principals. Controversial daily show contributor, Thurman Munson. Is that correct? No, it's, I think you might be confusing him

with Olivia Munn, I think, maybe? Right. No, no, Olivia Munn played catcher for the Yankees in the 70s. You're right, you're right, you're right. Right.

I'm wrong. Died tragically in that plane crash. You're testing the limits of my baseball knowledge. So Nick, we had Jen Kirkman on the show a few weeks back, who was also a writer for this same show. Jen Kirkman, premature old

lady. I told her on the show no matter what happens between us, whether we stay in touch or not, I'm going to track her down down we're 70 ish because she's already the funniest old woman what now what about her sense of humor as old lady it's not even her sense of humor it's just every i'll tell you a really quick funny yes kirkman story we're talking about uh the guy who wrote uh lone star who created the tv series lone star the canceled Fox series, also wrote the script. The Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver. Sure. So we're talking about the fact that, wow, this guy has this hot script,

which is now finally getting released, and then he has this show. And Jen Kirkman chimes in. Wait, wait. The guy who created On Star wrote The Beaver? Every day with one, at least one of those every day. That's great. It's hilarious. That's my Jen Kirkman side. Oh, man. She's good people. It's great. It's hilarious. That's my Jen Kirkman side.

Oh, man. She's good people. It's America, sweetheart. America's in love with Jen Kirkman. Why wouldn't they be? So it seems like this show that you write on, it's kind of like a battle of the sexes type show. Is that a good way to describe some of the central conflict? Yeah, it's a little bit of that, but I think it's also battle of the sexes

and then battle of the couples. It's that idea of you look at other couples and think they're crazy and then you realize that you're crazy and everybody's crazy. You got the waitress

from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia as one of the stars of this program, if I'm not mistaken. Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Sure. Very, very talented lass. Very talented and funny lady. Yes, very, very talented lass. Very talented and funny lady. Yes, very, very talented.

Do you feel like that, A, is the writing staff kind of equal parts men and women, and do you feel like you're kind of called on for a dude perspective, or is it not gendered that way? It was pretty balanced, but more guys than girls, But there were one, two, three, four, five. And then we got cut back down to, wait, this is really embarrassing. Four. Four ladies. That's pretty solid, though, for a network television sitcom.

Yeah, yeah. That's a strong. And strong voices and strong opinions. There were no shrinking violets, these ladies. But I think what they were looking for more is just a married person perspective, just an adult married person perspective. I mean, there's a lot of guys on the show, and I wasn't necessarily calling them for a dude perspective,

but I think they just wanted a lot of divergent married people perspectives. I think you'll find that in the comedy writer community, I think you'll find that in the comedy writer community, there may be a certain delayed emotional development in evidence. So you're saying comedians and comedy writers tend not to be the most mature group. I'm just suggesting that I think you'll find more of them getting married in their early 40s than in their mid-20s. I think I must be the exception. Well, I wasn't married in my early 20s, but I've been with my wife since I was 22. So I'm sort of like an old married person in a younger person's body, if that makes any sense.

But isn't early marriage a sign of maturity, do you think? Do you think the people who do get married at 22, 23, do you think that's necessarily a mature decision all the time? I think it's... No, but I think that what I'm trying to say is in a lot of the people that I know in the comedy world, I will grant them their many wonderful qualities, but especially among the guys, I would not describe a lot of them at age 26 as

marriageable sure totally i would agree with that you know what i mean they're they're definitely there's a lot of 26 year old guys in the comedy community who are still working on 21 year old guy skills could you say that about 26 years in general? I think it's extra in the comedy world. I definitely think it's extra in the comedy world. I think you could certainly say that about a lot of guys. There's no doubt about that. And a lot of women, for that matter. But I think in comedy world, you get a lot of 26-year-olds that are, you know, still working on stuff.

Making a hand gesture. Honing down their life skills. I don't know how familiar you are with radio, but that doesn't really translate. His hand gesture means honing their life skills. But also, in defense of that, if you're 26 and you are pursuing comedy writing or comedy, chances are you may not be the most financially stable individual in the world. Chances are your living situation may not lend itself towards stability or marriage. And the ladies don't tend to gravitate toward those type of fellas.

They're like the fellas that own a vacuum. Yeah, yeah. That's why I think it's best to meet someone when you're 21 or 22. When no one has a vacuum. No one has anything. When I met my wife, I had, I think, like one, literally one pot. Like I had one tiny pot that I cooked ramen noodles in. I was going to say a ramen-sized pot.

Yeah, ramen-sized. Perfect for ramen, but for anything else. That's just what it says on the package. Yeah, perfect for ramen. And they actually sell it in the video game section at Target. 99-cent store. You can buy like a dozen of them for 99 cents. Okay, so a listener called in.

Yes. Like a dozen of them for 99 cents. Okay. So a listener called in. Yes. And said that he had a momentous occasion that was taking place in the future for him and the present for us. And this momentous occasion was when we finally got around to talking about Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans. So I want to take this opportunity to talk a little bit about Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans.

We've been teasing it mercilessly. For weeks. Yes. Maybe a month at this point. Sure. And by teasing it mercilessly, I think we mean genuinely thinking that we're going to talk about it, but then realizing that our show is already way too long and we forgot to talk about it sure um it's an evergreen topic that's one of

those classic movies this is something that everyone can relate sure sure this marginal film gather gather grandma around the uh around the podcast i uh okay so for people who don't know what Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans is, people may be familiar with the Abel Ferrara film Bad Lieutenant. What happened is, apparently, one of the producers of Bad Lieutenant owns the rights to the idea of Bad Lieutenant.

Sure. Look, if it's a rear admiral, a rear admiral that's up for grabs that is public domain that is like camp town races even if it's an even if you even if you said you do have to pay him royalties if you said it in london and it's bad left tenant oh yeah that is does fall under there's been some lower court decisions on this matter. Hasn't made it all the way up to the success. It's sort of like Will.i.am. If you make that movie, you have to give him in parentheses, he has to get a credit. Right. Exactly. Wait, what?

Will.i.am, when he does a shitty song, and then whoever he sampled gets the songwriting credit. Not just Will.i.am, but any pussy. Primarily Will.i.am. Yeah, he pretty much does all the bad sampling. Okay. Rap expert Nick Adams. Oh, boy.

37-year-old rap expert. So, basically, the guy does not own the rights to the script or the story of Bad Lieutenant. He just owns the rights to Bad Lieutenant. Yeah. The idea of a lieutenant that's bad. Those two words coupled with some sort of film project. What if there were a movie about a cop whose last name was Bad and it was called Lieutenant Bad? Does that guy have...

I think that belongs to Damon Wayans. Damon Wayans is working on that. It actually belongs to Kenan and Kenan is developing it for the son. This is just coming off all the, those warm feelings from major pain, right? This is like, you're coasting off that.

So, um, so this guy decides, he like looks at his portfolio and says, what can I do with bad Lieutenant? Well, I can make a new bad Lieutenant movie. It can't be a remake of the original Bad Lieutenant movie,

but it can have Bad Lieutenant in the title. It's just sort of like Death Race 2. What was that that you went to the other day? Yes, Death Race 2. Like Death Race 2, you know, he has the rights to make a sequel, but it can't have anything to do with the original one. Sure. It's a reboot.

It's a reboot. Yeah, but a complete reboot. And so that's all fine and good. It sounds like that, you know, there was that Scarface 2 a couple years ago. Was there a Scarface 2? I think there was a Scarface 2. Was it a – Maybe I'm thinking of something else.

There was something with – you know what? There was a Carlitos Way 2. There was a Carlitos Way 2. That's what I was thinking of. Also a Boondock Saints 2. Yes. Carlitos Way 2, I think maybe it had Luis Guzman in it or something. It was credible.

Every third movie has Luis Guzman in it. Sure, and why not? If I made a movie, fucking Luis Guzman's in it. If it's about Amish people, just throw Luis in there. He's like one of those guys who is, I'm sure, just like a casting director's dream because he makes every movie better, but he's probably so easy to get. It's probably so not hard to get Luis Guzman to do something.

Man, I'll tell you, when I interviewed Luis Guzman for The Sound of Young America, it was over the phone. He was in his home state of... Vermont? Vermont. Vermont, yeah. He lives in very rural Vermont.

He had to drive to get to a place that had a public radio station where we could have him go into a studio. He had to drive an hour and a half. Jesus. Just to get to a small town in Vermont. It wasn't to get to Montpelier or whatever the—I don't know what the capital is. The bustling metropolis of Montpelier. So anyway, after I talked to him, I talked to him for like half an hour and then he just wanted to keep talking with me um and he told me how much fun he had talking to me and basically

what i learned is luis guzman in real life is exactly like luis guzman in a movie and just as fantastic sure i believe it well didn't you work on the fox lot when luis guzman had a fox show and you always wanted to try and get into their ultimate frisbee game or something yeah no the uh the staff of the luis guzman show uh would always have these kind of games of touch football out in the parking lot uh luis guzman show uh was show ran by these two guys who wrote on this really kind of weird, funny MTV cartoon called Clone High, where the clones of a lot of famous historical figures all go to high school together. Anyway, so that was like around the time that I just like wanted a writer of a TV show to talk to me and just tell me what the fuck to do. And you thought you could leverage your football skill. Yeah, I'm like, hey, I mean, if there there's a good if there's a way to to to squeeze in here once these guys see what

they need a tight end tight spiral i can tell right it's the old hollywood boys network of touch football once they see how i run a post then they'll say hey kid why don't you get us some lattes and then boom fame and fortune uh and that happened too that exact thing happened yeah it didn't that's why you're so famous now yeah yeah absolutely and i've just piggybacked And boom, fame and fortune. And that happened, too. That exact thing happened. Yeah. It didn't. That's why you're so famous now. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And I've just piggybacked on that. We've both essentially become major stars from that. From that one game of touch football. Yeah, you know, I never really saw Luis Guzman while that was happening. But I kind of creepily made excuses to walk by the writer's bungalow and just ask their assistant a couple of times if anybody wanted to talk to an intern and it never happened so the end so anyway they went on to make the cloudy with a chance of meatball movie uh meatballs movie that was pretty good so the end the um back to bad lieutenant Port of Call, New Orleans. So this producer.

Do you want to talk more about Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? The producer owns, the producer owns the rights to this thing. He gets a script written. The script is, the script is in many ways what you would expect from a reboot of Bad Lieutenant. Have either of you seen the original? No, I have not seen the original. You have? Yeah.

What's it like? Is it a quality movie? Is it fun to watch? I mean, it's a dark, good, sort of gritty. It's Harvey Keitel, if you like that sort of thing. Oh, sure. Is it late 70s? Maybe early 80s.

Okay. I think early 80s. Okay. I think early 80s sounds more. It's been years since I saw it, but I remember thinking it was pretty good. That's enough. I think that's for the purpose of this discussion. And, you know, it's something like what you would expect from a moderately seedy version of that, this script. script but where it gets good is then this producer happened to be friends with legendary german american film director werner herzog now you can't go wrong if you're friends with werner herzog yeah you're doing something right and he calls werner herzog as i good decisions

in your life as i heard werner herzog describe it and what i think we can all agree is probably the greatest ever episode of the treatment with with Elvis Mitchell. Yeah, yeah. This is a cool public radio show that you can podcast. And I would recommend before and after watching Bad Lieutenant Portal Call New Orleans, listening to this interview, because it will make the movie enjoyable. So much more magical. That's a good way to describe The Treatment and shitty movies. magical. That's a good way to describe the treatment in shitty movies. Yeah. It's that good of a

show that even a shitty movie, you're like, oh, I kind of respect this person, even though they made this ridiculous movie. Oh, yeah, sure. I went and saw the Fantastic Four movie after that guy. That didn't work for Fantastic Four. That was too shitty. Not even Elvis. Elvis is good, but he's not that good. You can't make me believe that there are themes in that movie.

Jessica, Elvis not blood? The one thing I don't recommend that you listen to is the creator of Weeds, Jenji Kohan, on Elvis Mitchell. She'll just make you want to punch her in the nose.

Sure. So anyway, we're going to step aside from that issue. So he's asked Werner Herzog. Tiny Furniture Lady also, too. Don't listen to that.

Asks Werner Herzog. That's the worst movie in history. Asks Werner Herzog. Tiny Furniture Lady also, too. Don't listen to that. Asks Werner Herzog. That's the worst movie in history. Asks Werner Herzog to direct this film. And Werner Herzog agrees. And Werner Herzog calls Nicolas Cage. Sure. He happens to have, as he presented it, had a long sort of on and off telephone relationship with Nicolas Cage, where they always discussed what they would do if

they did a movie together and verner herzog because he's verner herzog had the chutzpah to call a film star nicholas cage albeit famous eccentric film star but film star nonetheless and say hey i'm doing what will obviously be basically a direct dvd reboot of bad lieutenant that only came about because some producer happened to own the words bad lieutenant would you like to be the star of it the titular bad lieutenant and nicholas cage because he wanted to work with verna herzog agreed yeah and the result is how would you even describe what it is yeah it is it is it is just kind of like it is just a it is just kind of a seedy exploitation movie uh you know the quality of the story and stuff a direct-to-DVD sequel, but with just some crazy, bizarre filmmaking touches, and Nicolas Cage acting as Nicolas Cage-y as he's ever acted in anything before, and also just some

weird turns by, like, Jennifer Coolidge and the girl who was the lead from The Craft. Also kind of giving these weird... Robin Tunney, I think? Maybe. Don't know. Not the evil lead from The Craft. That's Feruza Balk. I'm thinking of Feruza Balk, I think.

Anyways, and it's hilarious and baffling. Oh, and Eva Mendez is also kind of fun to look at because she's spectacularly good looking. This brings to my main issue with the movie. The two things that it set off in my mind was there are two main questions. One, how does Nicolas Cage choose movies? Is it one of those Dungeons and Dragons dies that he just rolls and if it lands on 12, I do this movie? Well, here's the thing, and I think that that is something that everyone asks him. I mean, I think we've all maybe seen the trailer for Season of the Witch at this point and gone,

what the fuck? He's in, like, tax trouble. Right, right. And I think he has to be constantly making movies because he bought a $20,000 dinosaur skeleton, I was going to say. He owns a castle. Yes, yeah. Also dinosaur bones. He owns every Spider-Man or something, too was going to say. He owns a castle. Also dinosaur bones. He owns every Spider-Man or something, too.

Yeah, yeah. So I think he's just been bad with his money, so these things that you're like, oh, well, why would a major movie star do them? Why is Nicolas Cage doing them? I think it's for money reasons, but maybe he just also loves being crazy in movies. Here's what's amazing.

Here's what struck me about the film that I feel like maybe you left out of your description just now, which is in addition to, and we'll get to the filmmaking flourishes of Bad Lieutenant and Port of Call New Orleans because they merit significant discussion. But in addition to that,

I think Herzog brings to this film a kind of presentness and kind of emotional currency that I found really upsetting because the shit that's going down in the film is absurd. Sure. And everyone is acting absurd. But the film is not it's not crazy it doesn't it's

not crazy in the sense that it doesn't know what's going on or that it's lampooning itself yeah no and yeah and that's that's kind of the when you hear it described like oh this is like a this is a farce no it's not a goof on a plane thing no it's like a it's you know but it's also not i mean like i want to be clear it's not so bad it's good sure no no yeah and it's also not good self-aware about being bad and a joke yeah yeah but it is operatic but it's weirdly it's just a weird combination of that operaticness with the kind of with the kind of uh a kind of crackling presence and intensity that i found very upsetting like i expected it to just be ridiculous yeah so that i could laugh at it but i found myself unable to laugh at it like when you watch showgirls you're like show like a lot of upsetting things happen in showgirls but because because you know you're aware that it's supposed to be

you know bad or or bad good or something like that it really like it's it's it's hard to let it affect you but yeah i think bad lieutenant has some of those showgirls equalities but no robert davi like you have to have robert davi in your movie for it to be bad and good so bad that I think Bad Lieutenant has some of those showgirls' equalities. But no Robert Davi. You have to have Robert Davi in your movie for it to be bad and good, so bad that it's good. You can't not have Robert Davi in the movie. Because I think what it is is that Werner Herzog, like, no one has control over the idea of pitching towards madness like Werner Herzog does. Sure, and that's why listening to this treatment interview is such an essential part of watching this movie. I might say don't even go near the movie until you've listened to it

because, like, yeah, it seems like... I've listened to it three times, by the way. Sure. It seemed like he's, like, he really seemed like he was having fun with this and him and Cage were like, this is fun. Like, this is fun, and we want it to be as crazy as possible. And it's so, like, I don't know. I think that's so necessary.

But I think what it is is that Werner Herzog's idea of fun includes, like, sickening emotional intensity. Sure. Like, Werner Herzog, his idea of something that's worth doing is something that will like shake you up. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that is an element of this film,

despite the fact that these things that should be like, that should be like something happening because the script of the film is essentially the script of uh like a like i you know it's like a showtime movie sure you know late night movie level content yeah like it's basically just you know like oh and there's some prostitute his girlfriend's a prostitute and everyone's addicted to drugs and blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Nick, now you said you didn't make it all the way through the movie, right? At what point did you turn it off? I approached it, I think, the same way Jesse did, and I thought, this will be a goof. I'll watch this movie and get a laugh at how crazy it is. And for me, it wasn't even... It's like you have to take it to such the nth degree and laugh at yourself in order for it to be fun in that way. And like you said, the movie is taking itself seriously. And at a certain point, I just thought, well, I could just be watching something good. I think, you know, when I was watching it, I wondered if I wasn't, and I haven't, you know,

I've self-consciously not talked about The New Sincerity in a long time, just because I got tired of people asking me about it. But I wondered if it wasn't like the dark evil side of the new sincerity yeah no and that's i think that's a great way that's that's a great description of it and i think that's that's totally perfect is it is like yeah if you are a person who thinks you know outrageously upsetting things are fun and funny then yeah this is it yeah well then i would i would rather 500 movies like bad lieutenant port of call new orleans exist than 500 twilights like i mean i would much rather see that movie at the multiplex every saturday and then another shitty cynical sequel just totally designed i mean i kind of over. I kind of feel like if you...

I definitely agree that if you're the kind of person that just really likes amusing... really finds horrible things amusing, you'll think this movie's really funny. I think that's true. But I also think that Herzog, both Herzog and Cage,

probably succeeded in doing what they wanted to do. And they just have different values. Okay. You know what I mean? Like that, that Herzog, I really got the feeling that it was the movie that he wanted to make.

And part of the quality of it was like, this is like a, a grotesque fever dream. Yeah. And he, and him setting it. Cause Herzog was the one who, as if i remember

correctly who decided that it should be set in new orleans like it was sort of a generic wasn't a big part of setting it in new orleans because tax subsidies you get a tax break absolutely but but i mean so there's this weird practicalness to the whole thing and then they threw a katrina element well herzog is really proud of his practicalness. I mean, he's really proud of how he brings every movie a million dollars under budget. He says in the interview, and it's one of the best things ever said. He's like, I brought the movie in for two weeks early and a million dollars under budget. After that point, the producers wanted to marry me.

Maybe. Maybe take the two weeks. Yeah, sure producers wanted to marry me. Maybe take the two weeks. Yeah, sure. Just to say that. Maybe take. If someone gives you, let's say someone contracts you to do a deck. Yeah. To build a deck. And they say, look, you got two weeks to build this deck.

And here's 20 grand. I don't know how much it costs to build a deck. You finish the deck. You have four days. And then the people come out. And they say, wait a minute. This deck is made out of alligators maybe take a couple of days and just polish the deck like make sure all the screws are tight make sure everything's in place just take the time there's a there's these moments in the film that herzog kind of laughs about with elvis mitchell

in the interview that are absolutely a thousand percent verna herzogian that he just sort of decided to put in the movie and you can just you can just tell he mounts a camera on an iguana at some point or there's there's an iguana and and there's a big scene that is unrelated to the story that is shot from the iguana's point of view yeah there's a there's a there's an iguana pov shot there's um there's a lot of alligator-related stuff or crocodile-related stuff. Sure. There's a whole scene where Nicolas Cage goes out to meet with an old friend from the highway patrol. And the highway patrol is doing some kind of investigation of a crocodile, a dead crocodile.

Gators. They're gators. Oh, it's a car accident caused by an alligator on the road. Yeah, and there's just way too much attention paid to the alligator, not in the dialogue, but in the way that the scene is shot. Like the alligators, like these dead alligators, this creepy looming presence. This movie's ridiculous.

Also, a mob boss gets shot, and Nicolas Cage in some sort of weird drug haze says, look, his soul is dancing, and no one else in the room sees it, but then it cuts to a crazy breakdance scene of the dead mafia boss. He's like a fat Italian guy. Now I have to watch the entire movie.

He does a crazy breakdance. Now I have to watch the entire movie. Yeah, that's later on. Too classical music. As Nic Cage, he gives even more batshit. And then it kind of has a happy ending, I think. It has just a comically happy ending where a line of people, like, Nicolas Cage has a bunch of problems in this movie.

One, you know, there's this case that he can't crack, and his bookie is always on his back. I guess he's making a lot of bad bets and trading like drugs for his gambling debts and stuff and there's this part where he's sitting at his desk in the police precinct and one by one people like as if they were in single file a single file line come by and tell them him that his problems have been solved in all these areas like it's and i'm like oh this has to be a weird drug hallucination no it was real but do you they i kind of feel like they i kind of feel like that is what verner herzog wants from you yeah i

just feel like he chose it sure no no absolutely and and it doesn't it doesn't feel like this is a shitty movie that they didn't have enough time it does everything feels deliberate and like and it doesn't like what's amazing about it is that you feel like werner herzog like he wanted it to have that quality but only because he knew that if it was like that it would upset you and confuse you more like it would thrust you more not because in his world of the film this this is, you know, it's all, not because in his conception the whole, like, last 10 or 15 minutes is, like, a crazy drug dream or something and didn't really happen, which is sort of how you would think that he would play that. Yeah. Or because it's making fun of it. It's because he thinks that the crazy world of this film is best furthered by everything resolving yeah through no

through no uh through well i guess i guess nicholas cage kind of solves the crime he sort of solves the crime although at one point he almost murders an elderly woman sure but yeah it seems like it is kind of that 70s uh idea filmmaking like let's try and upset and confuse and make squirm the audience. It's movies like Jazz Fusion. It's not supposed to feel good. It's supposed to be challenging. The Ornette Coleman of movies. I want to say one thing

about Nicolas Cage in the movie. I thought he was great. Sure. He's so fun to watch. In that scene where he accosts the old lady and he reveals himself because he's hiding behind the door, and also shaving for some reason, is such a, it's a ridiculous way, but I don't know, it is, it's also, I mean, what amazed me about it was his, none of it, even the things that were hilarious weren't hilarious in the film or undercutting the reality of of the or undercutting the tone he was it felt grounded no matter how insane things were happening even when he saw the ghost break dancing like i gotta see the end nick you fucked up i definitely there's ghost break dancing i bought it from nicholas cage and it's amazing

to see someone have that like sort of like the only part like someone i could compare to maybe is like william h macy who you just feel like when you're watching him on screen that he is just present in every millisecond of his screen time that he's just right there engaged and real and like being well only it's that with just apeshit things going on well it's also it seems like it's i re-watched uh there will be blood last night and i'm like this daniel day lewis performance is no less crazy than the typical nicholas cage performance it just happens to be in a good movie yeah and it's just he picks his movies so well and everything he does is incredibly cinematic and mood and theme and tone and right just the quality of everything he does but yeah he he

immerses himself in the same way let me ask you this question do you think that if before making bad lieutenant port of call new orleans uh nicholas cage had taken a few years off to move to italy and learn to be a cobbler, do you think that would have altered the critical reception of the film, if not the quality? Maybe don't buy a castle. Maybe don't outbid Shia LaBeouf

for a dinosaur skull. Nick Adams, accountant to the stars. Hey, Cage, I'm going to say don't buy the castle. Sure. I believe it was Leonardo DiCaprio that you outbid for the dinosaur. I'm sorry. Hey, come on. Get real, man. I'm sorry. let's get serious for a second here i fucked up what do you what do you got on the dinosaur bones

by the way that dinosaur skull i'm thinking about going 420 450 i think i can afford 450 bucks for a dinosaur skull yeah a million shit i'm going that means you have to do national treasure three if you that's fine. Hey, National Treasure 3, Ghost Rider 2, and I don't know, something where I'm a wizard. The Sorcerer's Apprentice 2. Oh, there you go. Sure, yeah. Sorcerer's Apprentice 2.

We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, on Jordan Jesse Go. Is this that Boner Patrol thing you've been talking about? I like it already. Somebody called in and they said, and we may be playing this call later in the show, I can't remember if I picked it or not, but they said that they were talking with their girlfriend about Jordan Jesse Go, and I think they said the distinguishing characteristic

was that host that talks a little bit too much about his dick. And I want to contend with that. I talk a little bit too much about dicks. I don't talk that much about my dick. I don't know. Yeah, I would say that talk about your dick or any specific dick is pretty light. No, I talk about the idea of dicks a lot. Yeah, this is dicks as an idea.

I do talk a lot about dicks. Sure. There's no doubt about that. And I do find it endlessly amusing the idea of doing something normal, but your dick is out. Sure. There's no doubt about that either. And that's come up on every third Jordan Jesse goes since we started doing this thing. At least.

But I don't talk very much about my dick. It's pretty unremarkable. There's not much to talk about. Okay. I just want to let that be. Go ahead. That's settled. Nick, you look worried.

I'm just wondering if someone's dick is going to come out. No. No, we wouldn't do that kind of thing. We're classy. We're running a classy operation here, Nick. To wit. To wit. A new segment on Jordan Jesse Go.

Important information. important information. On this segment, a listener will email us a Wikipedia article about something really important that everyone should know about. And then we discuss that article. This week, Jess has been kind enough to email us an article. This is a different person than me. I'm not using their last name. I don't know if it's a fella or a lady. But Jess has emailed us some important information.

The Dancing Plague of 1518. This is the novel that Footloose was loosely based on. it loose was loosely based on uh the the outbreak the dancing plague began in in july 1518 when a woman frau trophia in strasbourg france began to dance fervently in the street this land this lasted somewhere between four and six days within a a week, 34 others had joined her, and within a month, there were around 400 dancers. Stop, stop, because Werner Herzog is going to hear this program, and the next thing you know, he's going to be on the phone with Nick Cage. I'm working on a documentary about the timeless battle between man and dance.

I don't want to risk it. Within a week, 34 others had joined. Within a month, there were 400 dancers. Some of these people eventually died from heart attack, stroke, or exhaustion. It was not just a fight. It was a dancing mania. This was an episode of Happy Days, right? This is pure madness.

There are numerous independent confirmations that it was specifically dancing and not like conniptions people were not just flailing seizures no they were dancing maniacally literally maniacally because it was a mania um and uh the physicians at the time ruled out astrological and supernatural causes, instead announcing that the plague was a natural disease caused by hot blood. First of all, you use the phrase, you use the year 1518 in physicians in the same paragraph, which basically means dudes. In 1518, physicians were just dudes. They didn't know shit about shit.

In 1518, physicians were just dudes. They didn't know shit about shit. Apparently, authorities believed that dancers could only recover if they continuously danced night and day. So they opened two guild halls in a grain market and constructed a large wooden stage for the dancers to dance on. Was it thinking that they would just dance it out? Like they would just sweat it out? Yeah, they figured they'd dance it out. They essentially had a 20-year-old college girl's approach to a bad breakup to the dancing mania.

They all got into a circle. Sure. Yep. No guys allowed. Yeah, they put on a great song. I'm calling bullshit on this whole thing. The authorities paid for musicians to play for the afflicted. Yeah, I was going to ask, at what point was there music to dance to?

Because this is the 1500s. Did music exist in the 1580s? Yeah, well, I'm just saying, it's not like, oh, well, if you were in public and if you're dancing in public, maybe it's just like a song that's, you know, it's coming out of Marshalls. And you can kind of hear it from the street. Like, where is the music coming from? Right, they just had a constant stream of mandolin players. Yeah, and what is the famous music? Like, what is the music from? Just Greensleeves.

Greensleeves on repeat. Isn't someone really famous from Strasbourg? Okay, well, anyway, it was part of the Holy Roman Empire, by the way, which is another nice thing about this whole story. Sure. So there are theories about this. One of the original theories was that it was caused by St. Anthony's fire, which is also known as ergotism, which is like a fungus that grows on bread and causes madness but apparently it also causes difficulty to use your limbs which is would lead to one to suggest that people would then stop dancing um or difficulty meaning you can't control your limbs or you can't get your limbs

to move because if you can't control your limbs, they're moving independently of your brain. There you go. They said ecstasy, like an ecstatic, not ecstasy the drug, but like an ecstatic mania, like speaking in tongues, the equivalent of speaking in tongues or something like that, where people get themselves worked into a state of frenzy. something like that, where people get themselves worked into a state of frenzy. Or possibly something called MPI, or mass psychogenic illness, which are sometimes caused by famines, which there was a famine because of cold winters, hot summers, crop frosts, and, of course, violent hailstorms.

Sure. Anyway, which do you guys think it was? I think this is a new segment on Jordan, Jesse, Go! Very important information. Is that what I decided to call it? I forget. Yeah, I think important information is what we decided to call it. The dancing plague of 1518.

If you want to email us some important information, it's jjgo at maximumfund.org. We'll be back in just a second. It's Jordan, Jesse Goe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. You know, we took a couple weeks off there for the holidays. We enjoyed New Year's and Christmas.

I had a lovely holiday. You, Jordan? Very nice. Mr. Adams? It was pretty good. It was pretty good. Hey, nothing better than the holidays. Am I right?

Yeah. You got that network TV money to spend, too. That's right. But I'm also, I've recently impregnated my wife. So I can't get too crazy. Congratulations on the sperm. Yeah. You got great sperm, Nick. That's pretty good sperm. I yeah you got you got great sperm nick

that's pretty good i've always said you got you got great sperm it's it's fair to midland sperm i have hey just admit it now you busted her out with your super sperm oh excellent uh panties to the ceiling right panties ceiling through the ceiling ah my house um so we have a we got a lot of telephone calls i thought it'd be fun So we got a lot of telephone calls. I thought it would be fun if we did two telephone segments this week. Hey, why not? How about that? And this one, this is not a momentous occasion.

This is just going to be sort of a catch-all. Oh, well, we could talk about another Nicolas Cage movie at length. Let's go to the phones. Hey, JJ Go. I'm calling with the momentous occasion of having just been at the best JJ Goh meetup ever with Jesse, and it was amazing. And hold on. At one point, we talked to Guy for a while, and he was great. And then later, we were talking to some other people, and my friend goes, Hey, by the way, Guy is the guy who just got married by Jesse last week.

And the girl who's with us goes, Oh, yeah, I'm the girl from the secret sex party. I'm the girlfriend. She's the roommate. Sitting down over there is the boyfriend. And it was just amazing because it was fantastic and we had a great time. And then I had to leave a little early because I have pneumonia. But I went anyway because of how good it was. It was wonderful.

So number one, I will admit that as much as I'd like to take credit for this meetup, it was your meetup. It was my, yes. The guy made a mistake at the top. Right. But yes, that was my meetup. And it had appearances from regular JJ Goh characters. Yeah.

I mean, I... It's like when you stay at the Disneyland Hotel and Pinocchio comes over to your table during brunch. Oh, I was going to say. You're staying in the Disneyland Hotel and you wake up and Pinocchio's in your bed. Turn down service. Turn down?

And his nose gets a little bit longer. All I heard was secret sex party in that entire phone. Yeah, well, did you get to talk to the secret sex party people? I talked to everybody. Did you go to the secret sex party? Because you were invited to the secret sex party. No, I only went to the meetup, which was a sex-free affair but uh but you wouldn't have known i think we all blew our blew our happiness load on account of it on account of the dicks that were out the dick yes

is this what not yours specifically right so wait the single guys these days are turning down opportunities to go to secret sex yeah let's be clear they called in to talk to us about secret sex parties and said if jordan was going to be in Seattle, he was invited to secret sex parties. And you turned, you, no go. Well, I didn't like, it was one of those, it's one of those things. His dick was out. If it was going to happen, it would have happened. It's one of those things where, you know, it's like your friend like has a cabin, let's say.

Okay. Your friend has a cabin. Groups of people get together there to fuck sure or a jet ski and he's like you know you got to come out and ride my jet ski sometime of course you want to ride the jet ski of course you want to ride the jet ski but then you see your friend you can't say hey what the jet ski? When are we going to ride that jet ski? You got to wait for him to plan it because it's his thing. I don't know. You lost me.

You have a jet ski? Yeah. Have you guys ever fucked on a jet ski is where I'm going with this? Hi, Jordan and Jessica. This is Leslie in Seattle. And I'm calling with a topical occasion. I just got out of the movie The Fighter, and during the previews there was a trailer for Thor,

and a guy behind me said to his friend, hey, I saw Kenneth Branagh's name. I should go see that. So there you go. Here's your answer. This is something we were talking about On the last show Why is Kenneth Branagh directing the Thor movie I'm gonna go with money

We know why he took the job Why was he asked to direct the Thor movie Can we Before we address that The Fighter real quick No more working class Irish Catholic catholic people from boston stop it hollywood stop it just stop it even they all can't be you know rags to riches lovable like fucking stop it the town is the cutoff i'm not watching any more of those you know what i would

say if we're gonna if we're gonna if we're gonna ban one irish catholic working class movie from the year let's i was i would say let's keep The Fighter. The Town was first. The Town was first. I'm sorry. This is chronological. Yeah, it's purely chronological. I did not enjoy The Town. I kind of like The Town too,

but I would say that. I thought The Fighter was a pretty good movie. I haven't seen it. I have the screen. I'm kind of excited to see it because I really like David O. Russell. This is super. It's the most David O. Russell-y,

non-David O. Russell movie you'll ever see. Interesting. Does, he plays the brother. I'm blanking on his name. Sure. Terminator. Yeah. Christian Bale?

Christian Bale. Does he not take movies unless he can do something drastic to his body? Does he just turn them down? Yeah. Unless he can fuck with his metabolism somewhat? When I heard Christian Bale on Fresh Air, I don't think I've ever heard someone on public radio come off like more of an asshole. Yeah. Oh, have you also read his recent Esquire interview, too?

Oh, yeah. Where he gets all up in the interviewer's face. It's like this weird Frost-Nixon duel with no stakes. Is there an easier thing in the world than being a movie star? No, no. No, no, no. I agree with you. No.

Just be nice. Everyone fucking loves you. Just, hey, man, yeah, it was really fun doing this. Just fucking be nice. Jordan, to be fair, I think you said no stakes. Yeah. But he is the leader of the... He is the leader of...

Fuck. What were you trying to do there i was gonna say he was the leader of the tories but then i remembered that their leader is now the prime minister of england i thought that's a bad example no i get it then i wanted to go then i couldn't remember what the third party was yeah that that was ruling with the tories in england well there's the tories there's a conservative party the tories and then there's. Well, there's the Tories. There's a conservative party, the Tories. And then there's labor. And then there's a third one. Gryffindor.

It's Gryffindor. How about this? Can I say, to be fair, he is governor of Tennessee. Sure. And his term has been somewhat controversial. That's fine. OK. But yeah, oh, yeah, sure.

I would say Christian Bale is one of those actors where if you want to enjoy him, just don't seek out any of the material. Just assume that he's not being interviewed. Also, one, Jason Schwartzman. Just keep away from all interviews with him. I actually really like interviews with Jason Schwartzman. I feel like my hearing interviews with him

made me enjoy him less. Did you hear him on The Treatment? Yeah, that specifically. Really? I didn you hear him on the treatment? Yeah, that specifically. Really? I didn't like him on it. No, I didn't. Agreed to disagree.

But with Christian Bale, like, it's one of those things where if you're like, I don't like doing interviews, here's the thing, don't do them. Yeah, right.

Just respectfully decline. I think sometimes it's in your contract that you have to do it. Right. So you can't do it in the shoot. Then have a white-iron spritzer

and live it up. Yeah, sure. No, I agree. Live it up, for sure. But back to Thor. Ultimately, I just want to say you have to do right so you can't do it then have a white ron spritzer and uh yeah sure i agree live it up for sure here's but back to thor we were ultimately i just want to say doing it being interviewed is not that hard no it's not absolutely not even if you have to do it all day like it's annoying is it annoying yes yeah are people who do interviews insipid typically yes some people are great present company excluded no when i when i did did stuff for the book, and I did all these radio interviews,

and I did like four or five of them in a day, and a lot of them were with like Drive Time, Shock DJs. Oh, making friends with black people, yuckity yuck. And it was awful. I would get off the phone and be like, I was an asshole. But, you know, it's fine. It's fine. It's not the worst thing in the world.

Yeah. As a guy who has to hang around entertainment reporters as part of his job, yes, they are the worst people in the world. Yeah. As a guy who has to hang around entertainment reporters as part of his job, yes, they are the worst people in the world. I don't want you to think, this call, you've got 20 seconds to listen to this call,

and at first you'll think like, well, this segment is fine, but it's not, it's not blow, this call is fine, it's not blowing my mind. But wait until, wait until you get to the end, okay? Okay. Hey, Jordan and Jesse, it's not blowing my mind but wait until you wait until you get to the end okay okay hey

jordan and jesse it's mike uh i'm in in hawaii instead of seattle during jordan's meetup i just wanted to say maximum fun forever i couldn't make it because i'm you know thousands of miles away from seattle uh one love to Jordan. One love to Jesse. You guys rock on! Oh, man, awesome. Rock on! Having had the great fortune to visit Hawaii on a couple of occasions, the fact that he did anything,

that he was even thinking about the meetup on the mainland. He was doing something that wasn't rum-based. Right. He is a great and amazing supporter of your program. Can I maybe take this time while we're discussing Rocking Out.

Out? You're having another meetup, right? I'm having another meetup. As someone called said they had a good time this guy wished he could have been there when he was in hawaii if you're in chicago or anywhere in the midwest or anywhere in the midwest i know last week on the show i said it was going to be on the east coast i just don't know what a map of america looks like okay yeah i was impressed that you're wrong That's a pretty epic error. It's America's third largest city.

Sure, absolutely. But if you're around Chicago, January 7th, I'm getting another meetup. Milwaukee, if you're in Milwaukee, you should be there. Gary, Indiana. Gary, Indiana, you should be there. Sure, there's several. Madison, Wisconsin, boom, you should be there.

Several songs we can sing from the Music Man, if you show up. 76 Trombones Led the Big Parade. If you're in a Wells Fargo wagon, you should be there. Several songs we can sing from the Music Man if you show up. 76 Trombones Led the Big Parade. If you're in a Wells Fargo wagon, you should be there. You should get started now. If you're a librarian and your name is Marion, you should be there. Yeah, so, yeah, all the info is on MaximumFun.org. I forget the place we're having it.

You know what? You boot it up. I should just not. I shouldn't leave that hanging. Yeah, we shouldn't leave it hanging. There's a place called Sheffield's. It having it. You know what? You boot it up. I should just not. I shouldn't leave that hanging. Yeah, we shouldn't leave it hanging. There's a place called Sheffield's. Is that right? It's in Chicago, Illinois.

Yes. The great city of Chicago, Illinois. It is on January 7th at Sheffield's. Yes. 7th at Sheffield's starting at 8 p.m. Is this a sex meetup or is this just a regular meetup? This is a regular meetup. But I think Jordan's made it clear that he's not averse to receiving an invitation,

perhaps passed from sweaty palm to sweaty palm. Sure. But... Like a secret code word in an address. If anybody wants to go up to one of the Great Lakes and ride jet skis... That's mainly what I'm concerned with. In January. Yes.

Okay, let's go back to the telephones hey Jordan Jesse Go this is Heather in South Louisiana I have to say Jesse you are so right about satsumas they are amazing and I've always had neighbors and aunts and uncles who live in the country

who have their own satsuma trees so pretty sweet getting free satsumas yep okay bye I've always had neighbors and aunts and uncles who live in the country who have their own Satsuma trees. So it's pretty sweet getting free Satsumas. Yep. Okay, bye. Satsuma's, of course, the Asian character from Sixteen Candles. Yes. You're thinking of Long Duck Dog.

Right. Right. I just want to thank everyone who took the time to email me. I mean, it's one of those things where if you're a broadcaster, as I am, you sometimes don't realize the extent to which you really touch people's lives. And I have gotten so many emails from people who just people. Do you need a minute? Do just um getting emotional over fruit is that what's happening people who didn't know about satsumas or they knew about satsumas and they didn't feel comfortable talking about them in public or just being because there's a stigma there's a stigma attached to them. Setsuma fans, it gets better. And I have gotten so many emails and Twitter messages of support,

literally more than any other thing we've ever talked about on this program. I've literally received dozens. I've received letters in the mail. And I just want to thank all those people. You really make me feel like the work that I do here is important and for those of you out there who are still eating tangelos or navel oranges,

don't worry, it gets better. It gets better. It gets better. Do you still have any of these? Yeah, there's satsumas here. You can have one on your way out. I'll be absconding with satsumas. Hey, Jordan, just to go, this is Evan from Indiana,

and I have a question for each of you. First off, Jesse, I'm 19, and I'm a male, straight male, and I wear what you would refer to as skinny jeans. And I need to know what is the proper age to stop wearing those, because I know you're vehemently against them, but I need to know where to draw the line. And Jordan, what are some NES and Super NES games you can recommend to me? I probably have similar taste to what you have when it comes to video games, but I'm just not sure what to get.

Thanks, guys. Each question in its turn. Now. Nick has some strong opinions about the first question now immediately um 501 it up my friend i think that it depends on a couple of factors i'm inclined to just agree with Nick, but there are certain exceptions I'm willing to make. Are you on a skateboard right now? Are you very skinny? If you're very skinny and you're punk rock, you're totally punk rock.

Totally. You can't half-ass it. Then you can go as far as, I would say, the absolute last moment when I think it's appropriate, even if you're really skinny and totally punk rock, unless you're fronting a band, I would say— Or working at Amoeba. Working at Amoeba. Sure.

Where's he calling from? Do they have an Amoeba? Where does he go? Did he say? I don't know where he's from. Indiana? Something like that. There's only three, so.

Okay. Yeah. Probably not. He's probably calling from Berkeley or Haight Street, right? Indiana probably hasn't. Anyway. He, 24. I think 24 is the hard cutoff after which no one who isn't the frontman of a band.

I thought you were, that's generous. I thought you were going to go see. Even bass players have to get it together. That's what I'm saying. I think if you're not really skinny, the cutoff is 18. Sure. If you are not really skinny and totally punk rock, I would say the cutoff is 21. Okay.

But if you're assuming he's very skinny and punk rock, you're saying he can go to 24. Right. Okay. Assuming he's very skinny and punk rock, you're saying he can go to 24. Right. If he's at community college studying architecture, he can't be wearing those jeans, is what you're saying. I'm saying, okay. And I also want to add that if you are overweight at all.

Take them off. You should not, no matter what your age is. And I mean that, I mean, look, I wouldn't call myself fat, but I'm probably 10 pounds overweight the term you're looking for is American yeah if you're a normal American person you should really be underweight and if you need an alternative go get yourself a nice 514 you don't

look if you're a big enough man if you got a meaty thigh you can pull off a 501 effectively, then go for it. 501 is an excellent gene. If you're looking for something that's a little bit slimmer but not embarrassing, I recommend a 514, slim straight. Get the rigid wash. It's not raw, but it's worthwhile. Jordan, Super Nintendo games. Yeah, I'm wondering why this guy wants recommendations for Nintendo and Super Nintendo games.

I assumed that there had been prior shows in which you discussed Super Nintendo games. Oh, no, certainly. I mean, I'm a good person to ask about that. I'm just wondering why at this juncture. Why he's going backwards in the video game technology? Yeah, I don't know if he's been eBaying old systems. I mean, I can get behind that. I guess a lot of systems have download services.

Yeah, you got the emulators. He could probably download some of these things. Yeah, let's see. I mean, let's start with... Baseball Stars. Certainly Baseball Stars. We can all agree with that. For NES?

Yeah. I've never played Little League World Series. Now, what does that have on a Baseball Stars, a Baseball Simulator 1000? It's just another baseball game. Okay, great. But it's great because every team has one kid. Like the Chinese team or the Taipei team, there's one kid that you just can't pitch to. If it crosses the plate, he'll hit it 1,000 feet.

It's just like every team has one guy like that. Sounds like a great game, Nick. I'm glad you're recommending it sounds fantastic it's a lot of fun uh i might say for the nes yeah uh the super famicom the super famicom wait no the famicom the standard famicom sure yeah um i like the megaman games if you like action games two and three i think are the best of the bunch uh six has its charms it's a little harder to find but if you're downloading things i'm sure that's it'll be readily available uh castlevania 3 i think is a spectacular game these are both side-scrolling action games uh um let's see uh final fantasy 3 if you want a role-playing game uh this all is nes stuff uh for super nes i think zel Zelda 3 is one of the best video games of all time.

That's a link to the past. Essential playing if you're interested in the world of Zelda. Uh, and yeah, just video games in general. It's one of the best video games of all time. Zelda 3. Uh, also, you maybe want to get, uh, along those same lines, you want to get a Super Castlevania. Uh, not an incredibly, out of the box castlevania

adventure but a but a very good one can i suggest a game for the nes you may please avoid the noid yeah sure anything that had a fast food tie-in we're talking mc kids uh cool spot ah the seven up game yeah there's a sure the 7-Up branded game. Also, any of the Final Fantasies for the Super Nintendo are very good. Those are a ton of fun. Yeah, there you go. Mario Kart. Boom. Super Nintendo. First appearance of Mario Kart.

Oh, is that what they're saying? Mario Kart's really fun. Yeah, Mario Kart's really fun. And then maybe Punch-Out and Super Punch-Out. Hey, you know what's a fun game for the Nintendo that I can recommend? What? RC Pro-Am 2. Oh, yeah? Oh, damn.

That's a really fun game. I've never played RC Pro-Am 2. I've played 1. Well, it's even better. It's very... The differences are modest. Is there a new offensive weapon? Yeah, there's like a few extra kinds of tires and slightly improved graphics.

But they don't mess up anything. Hey, great. Contra? Oh, great. Contra? Oh, yeah. Contra? Yeah, I think if you're going to get a Contra Adventure, you're going to want to get Contra 3 The Alien Wars for Super Nintendo. That maybe is the definitive Contra Adventure. Spoke too soon.

I would say. If you're going to get a Contra Adventure. If you're going to get a Contra Adventure. If you're going to go back to video games from two decades ago when they were kind of crappy. Don't bother with Super C. I think there's something called Contra Adventure 2. Also't bother with Super C. Don't, there's a, I think there's something called Contra Adventure 2. Also don't play that.

That's no good. Contra 3, The Alien Wars. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la,

la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne,

America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick. Repeat Adams. Before we get to the momentous occasions, let's, let's check in with a moment of shame. Hey, Jordan, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. Before we get to the momentous occasions, let's check in with a moment of shame. Hey Jordan, just to go, it's Patrick Ford from Omaha. I was just feeling a little bummed out this week.

I have a moment of shame for you. I was feeling bummed out this week and I was drinking a beer in bed and I was reading through the old notes that my girlfriend wrote me in high school. and I was reading through the old notes that my girlfriend wrote me in high school. And while I was reading them, I put my beer down on my side table wrong, and it fell on top of my bed. And so most of the beer spilled out onto my bed, and my bed closed. And so now I have to sleep on the couch because my bed just smells like beer.

So that made it a fairly unhappy day, just that much more unhappy. But I thought you guys might get a kick out of it. Have a good one. Bye. We need more listeners like this. Yeah. That slamming sound you heard right at the end of that voicemail was the medicine cabinet closing. And the next sound, like if we could continue that, the next sound would have been a pill bottle opening.

And then just the thud of like about 180 pounds hitting the floor. That was the saddest thing I've ever heard. I really like a listener who's got the guts to call in and let us know that he was sitting on his bed reading love notes from his ex-girlfriend. While getting drunk alone from high school. Didn't he say high school? From high school. He said high school. Because now it's a sliding scale. If this guy's 22, it's a little sad-ish.

If this guy's 32, maybe. Also, it depends if his dick's out. If his dick's out, it's just a party. Sure. Here's something magical, though. This is a two-parter. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Patrick Foy again.

I just now spilled beer on my couch, too. So I guess I'm sleeping on the floor tonight. Hopefully I don't spill beer on my couch too so i guess i'm sleeping on the floor tonight hopefully i don't spill beer on my carpet bye uh yay if you're listening to if you're reading old love letters from your high school girlfriend and you spill beer in your bed night's over that's the sign yeah don't don't try to keep that party going. The night is over. Turn off the lights. Yeah. Tomorrow will be a better day. This guy, he tried to power through it. No. Nick, as you know, when something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN to join us, to share their moment with us for a segment called Momentous Occasions.

I narrowed it down to just a couple. We had a lot of great momentous occasions, but we've been going so long, and there were so many. I just narrowed it down to just a couple. We had a lot of great momentous occasions, but we're, we've been going so long and, you know, there were so many. I just narrowed it down to a tight three. Happy New Year's by the way and well it turns out that those were pot brownies I had an attitude towards drugs very similar to Jesse's so this is my first time being high

I'm high right now I know you like people to call while it's happening so I thought I would call you guys so wish me luck uh bye he's been dosed i think i got dosed huh yeah i mean nick i think you probably have more experience with edibles here than anybody you're an enthusiastic marijuana user. I am. I take the pot. Any tips for if you find yourself accidentally dosed? You're the person present most likely to wear a t-shirt with a pot leaf on it.

I would never wear a t-shirt with a pot leaf on it. I would wear like a button, you know, like a Prop 19 button or something like that. You would go to a rally in a doctor's coat with a giant marijuana leaf painted on the back. I do have a dashiki. Now is the perfect time to watch Bad Lieutenant, Port of Call, New Orleans. Do you have Netflix? Dude, if you watch that movie,

his mind would be so fucked up. It's perfect. It's the perfect time. Maybe have a cocktail. The first time he's ever been high, he's going to watch that nightmare of a movie. Just don't. Just relax.

Don't call the cops. That movie freaked me out, and I'm not even... I was not high. That's what I'm saying. He's got to get himself to a streaming device. Yeah. Maybe a Roku box. I'm a Roku owner.

Sure. Do you have a Blu-ray player with wireless? Get on it. Yeah. I sometimes wonder if I might ever one day eat a pot brownie. Why wouldn't I, right? Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't I?

I don't know. I mean, because you've dedicated your- Because I never have. Yeah. I mean, but it's not like I've dedicated my whole life to not doing it because I'm morally opposed. Sure. Why not just smoke pot then? I don't- I've never my whole life to not doing it because I'm morally opposed. Why not just smoke pot then? I've never really smoked anything.

I think the smoking would be so annoying to me. You couldn't enjoy it? That I wouldn't be able to, yeah. You could also vaporize. Or are you with the water vapor? No, water vapor might work, sure. Sure, water vapor might work. I'm shocked that someone who is as much of a hip-hop connoisseur as yourself

has never taken part in The Chronic. Yeah, I i know isn't it odd the old people there's one of those things about me it's one of those things that led that one itunes reviewer to say that uh i'm a guy with a collection of eccentricities in place of a personality oh wow ouch sweet huh oh never mind. I was going to make something like, oh, you're a late period Wes Anderson movie. That's dumb, though. I shouldn't say that. Hello, Jordan and Jesse and guest.

This is Casey calling from Charlottesville, Virginia. I just asked my girlfriend to marry me based on a conversation where we were talking about how great it was that Jesse had officiated a wedding for a friend. Not for a friend, for someone else. And, yeah, and we decided to get engaged because I was talking about that. And then sort of everyone thought it was a joke, but then it wasn't a joke. And then I really said we were going to get engaged. And so now we are going to get engaged. And that's the end of that.

Okay, bye. Okay, okay. As a married man. Yeah, I'm a married man as well. Yes, right. You're also a married man. As a married pot user. As a married marijuana aficionado.

Let's talk about vaporizer brands. That story. Let's talk about vaporizer brands. That story. Let's talk about one of those gas masks you put on. That is the ball you took. Started out very romantic and then got a little dicey. Well, because there's a bunch of other people there. Yeah, it was a little confusing. I mean, here's the touching part.

Yeah. He seemed so happy. And God bless him because marriage is a wonderful thing. It is a great thing. Whether it's between a man and a woman, two men, two women, a man and his dog. Yeah, it's a slippery slope

because now dogs are involved, Jesse. I don't know about that. I'm for all of it. Hey, look, I've got San Francisco values, my friend. I say gays should certainly be able to get married and if that means men people can marry dogs, ah, fuck it.

Why not? Sure. Let's go for it. Sounds all right nancy pelosi thanks we've had all right now that you had your soapbox time um what are we oh you're saying that that wasn't very romantic what well because it came out that maybe there were other people there and that it was a discussion more than a proposal. And then he said, we're going to get engaged. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. You just ask and then they say yes and you're engaged. It's like a promise ring situation, it sounds like.

It sounds like they're a couple of Mormon 16-year-olds. I've known some people that have gotten engaged in weird ways like that. Yeah, I'm not saying it's unheard of. Yeah. Yeah. You maybe want to firm that up. Where I feel, usually what I feel like

when I hear about a situation where people got engaged in some roundabout way like that, I kind of feel like maybe the lady tricked the fella into it somehow. Like sort of backed him into a corner somehow. Right, right. Which, you know,

may well be the fella's fault. I don't know. I'm not party to it. But I definitely think there's something to be said for uh for surprising them even if it means making them making it seem like oh i don't know and then you even if you are going to propose i think the surprise is nice yeah and it doesn't have to i don't think any every proposal has to be on a hot air balloon yeah it doesn't have to be crazy like that, but I think it has to end in a...

It should at least come out of a cannon. Right. Him or her? Something. Somebody. I don't know. Whatever. You figure out the details.

Whatever. Are you thinking of a human... Who am I, Jennifer Lopez and the wedding planner? I'm not. Just fire something out of a cannon. Are you thinking of a human cannonball, not a wedding proposal? What were we talking about?

Wedding proposal. We're talking about old-time circus freaks, right? No, no. No. Is that why you've been biting the heads off of chickens this whole segment? Yes. If only you guys could have seen. At the end of a proposal, there should be a definite engagement.

Yeah, not a we're going to, yeah. Hey, Jordan Jetsigo. This is Matt from New York. I'm calling you on the momentous occasion. Today I bet a co-worker that he can't eat 100 mini cupcakes in a half an hour, and it turns out he can't. So I won $70, and he ate 50 cupcakes. And a man died.

And finished the day with a horrible stomachache. So, yeah. Enjoy the show. Give it a good work. Bye. Here's what really happened. A fat person wanted to eat a bunch of cupcakes and not be ashamed about it.

That's what happened. That guy knew he couldn't eat 100 million cupcakes. He just wanted to gorge himself shame-free. That's all that happened that day. And this guy got 70 bucks out of it, so good for him. Hey, guys, I can eat 50 eggs. All right, cool hand Luke. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. Another delightful program with Nick, repeat Adams in the chair over there. Morris, Boy Detective. Nick, Repeat Adams. Another delightful program with Nick Repeat Adams in the chair over there. Sure, always fun. Nick, when does your television

program have its proper premiere? There was a sneak preview. There was a sneak preview which apparently snuck by most of America. But the proper season premiere of Perfect Couples will be on January 20th, Thursday night, 8.30, sandwiched in between two fine comedy programs.

The Community Program. The Community Program, which is picking up steam and getting better every episode, I think. Yes, absolutely. And a show that you may have heard of called The Office. I've heard about this program. I've heard it's a winner. I think it's going to stick. Hey, guess what?

Me and Jordan are going to be in San Francisco. Absolutely. As part of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. You're beating me up there. We've got a couple of things going here. We've got three shows going on. Let's enumerate. Okay, so number one, you have your show with Hot Mess, your sketch comedy group. Yes, I have a sketch comedy group,

Hot Mess. We perform down here at the UCcb theater we will be up at the dark room theater in san francisco on the oh gosh 13th and 14th i believe dark room a lovely little theater an intimate venue a great place to go see a show absolutely yeah we're there with uh with some other fine sketch comedy groups uh i think uh yeah actually 13th and 14th. Of January, so sfsketchfest.com. And in fact, after this, we will be running a sketch that you and Ian from Hot Mess will be recording live. Yes, absolutely. Just for Jordan, Jesse, go listeners.

And also, I guess you have a Sound of Young America show. I've got a Sound of Young America live program featuring myself, of course, the great John Vanderslice, Bobcat Goldthwait, the gifted film director and legendary crazy-voiced comedian and star of Hot to Trot. But he was great. He was on the Sound of Young America maybe four or five years ago. Just a really fascinating, cool, funny guy.

I haven't seen one of his recent supposedly credible movies, but I hear they're very good. He's a really, I mean, he's just a, he's a really interesting, fascinating guy. Like he, he sort of quit stand-up comedy in order to, in order to, he was the director of Kimmel for quite some time. And worked closely with Jimmy Kimmel for a while. I think he worked on The Man Show as a director. And basically what stand-up he does now is just to pay for these kind of really intense, dark comedy films that he's made to much critical acclaim.

And I have to say, I did a show with him at UCB. I did that show that Ed ed and seth the puppet show and uh he's really funny like he's i mean i didn't know what to expect i knew he wasn't going to be the yelling guy but he's he's even very funny even yeah even if i remember liking him when he yelled yeah yeah that's even funny the very funny steve dildarian who is the uh creator of the funny hbo show the life and of Tim, will also be on that program. Stand-up comedy from Baron Vaughn.

And we may even pack in another special guest on that show. We'll see. And then we have the Monsters of Podcasting, the triumphant return to San Francisco of the Monsters of Podcasting. Ourselves and our friends from You Look Nice Today. And those two shows are respectively on the 22nd for the Sound of Young America Live and the 23rd for the Monsters of Podcasting,

both at the Eureka in San Francisco. Beautiful theater, wonderful place to see a show. They're really going to be a blast. SFSketchFest.com for your tickets. And I also want to mention, if you're here in Southern California, we are doing a very special Sound of Young America Presents event

with the kind people from CineFamily which is we are showing one of my favorite films of all time and when I say favorite films of all time I'm talking like top three a thousand clowns at the

silent movie theater at CineFamily here in Los Angeles and then afterwards I'm going to be doing an on stage a thousand clowns at the Silent Movie Theater at CineFamily here in Los Angeles and then afterwards I'm going to be doing an on-stage Q&A with the star of that film when he was in the film he was like 13 I think Barry Gordon

who went on to become a lawyer and became the president of SAG and is now a talk radio host but he's also he also was the kid who sang All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth before he was acclaimed on Broadway and in films in A Thousand Clowns. But A Thousand Clowns is this amazing movie that stars Jason Robards as a kind of down-on-his-luck comedy writer who's quit his job writing for a stupid kids' show, a sort of pathetic kids' show.

And Child Protective Services is coming to take away his adopted son, who's his nephew, who lives with him. And it's really, I mean, it's just for a comedy fan or somebody who's in the comedy industry or understands that world. I mean, we're talking about emotional development and the comedy world. adult and have real meaningful relationships in the world without losing what's special about him and what makes him such a brilliant comedy person, which is, you know, this passion and zeal and unique perspective on the world that he has. And it's just totally amazing, hilarious, touching film based on a Pulitzer or something Tony Award winning play

and the role that made Jason Robards famous and for good reason because he's totally fucking amazing in it. And also Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World. Cool.

So if you're wondering about that. That's on January 27th. We were. All this stuff at MaximumFun.org and hey, MaxFunCon just is full. It's now full.

So if you want to try and get into MaxFunCon, you better get on the wait list. We will let out a couple wait list tickets at some point because we've sort of been conservative about the number of guests that we're going to book. So hopefully we'll have a couple of beds anyway. Maybe just show up with a couple of smoking hot babes. Yeah, well, that might get you past the velvet rope. It might get you in. It might get you in. Just so you know, the way we work at it is— Ladies drink free smoking hot babes. Yeah, well, that might get you past the velvet rope. Just so you know, the way we work at it is... Ladies drink free at MaxFunCon. Two for one.

Waitlist at MaximumFun.org. Be sure and include your phone number and whether you are coming solo or coming with someone who will be sharing your bed. 206-9844-FUN. The number to call if you want to talk to us. It was a pleasure to have you on the show, Nick. Thank you again. Always, always fun.

Always look forward to seeing Coco. And Sissy. And Sissy. And Ice-T. By the way, Coco and Ice-T live in my second bedroom. Yes. Oh, my God. Coco, now I have to go to the internet and just...

You know what? That's another email I've been getting a lot lately. Apparently when I alluded to the fact that I got a new dog, I never said what her name is. Her name is Sissy. She's a great dog. So for all of you out there who like to keep track of my dog's

names and keep emailing me, the second dog's name is Sissy. We'll see you next time on Jordan Jesse Goes. Keep it locked right here for a sketch from Hot Mess. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

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Yeah, that was a good first take, but we're looking for something masculine. That's what I was doing, you know, it was really loud and... Yeah, just turn up the tough a little bit. Think construction worker, football coach, dads on boats, that kind of thing. Okay, got it. The new Beef Barrage Burrito from Taco Stop is a full- Okay, alright, alright.

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Uh, okay. I can give it another shot. Fine. We gotta get this on the next take, though. Alright. The new Beef Barrage Burrito from Taco Stop is a full pound of green... Think Dingus Khan. You're Charlie Sheen on a coke binge.

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