Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 160: Manatee Rex with Superego's Matt Gourley

Episode Date: January 17, 2011

Matt Gourley from Superego joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about Syfy original movie creatures and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan. Jesse. Go!

Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, salmon, brandy, maggoty, edgy, brittle, lovely, fl, Jesse, go. We're joined by Matt Gourley of Super Ego to talk about all kinds of stuff, not the least of which is hideous animal hybrids. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

A balmy day in Los Angeles. Over 80 degrees in January. I wore shorts yesterday, Jordan. How'd that go? I didn't like it. I hate wearing shorts. Okay. The thing is, is just there comes a point, basically over, as a San Francisco native,

As a San Francisco native, the temperatures at which I am comfortable run from 65 to 75 degrees. 60 to 75 degrees. Let's be generous. Okay. During the day. But anything over or under that – And I can't handle it. It becomes a problem. Yeah.

It's more than I can handle. Yeah. And shorts are just completely anathema to me uh but i have to wear them once it breaks uh 80 right because otherwise i'll melt like the wicked witch of the east ball sweat too is an issue i imagine well there no there's no doubt that ball sweat i mean ball sweat's an issue 365 days a year i could be right now in Rochester, Minnesota, and ball sweat would be, well, ball crystals would be an issue. Joining us on this week's program from the brilliant podcast Super Ego, maybe you've heard of it, Matt Gourley.

Matt, welcome to the program. Hey, I'm happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Matt, can you answer this question? It's just been rattling around in my head for weeks, and I don't know what the answer is and now that we have a fresh perspective on it maybe you can help me with this i don't have ball sweat can sex friends stay best friends oh my god i don't know that i've had a sex friend

to be honest i know i've never had a sex friend well yeah i mean what constitutes a sex friend how long does that have to go on before it becomes just hooking up and then it's actually just a sex friendship? Oh, but we should probably mention, this is a sponsored segment for the new movie, It's Complicated. What's the name of that movie? I think it's called It's Complicated. I think it's called It's Complicated. It's your sponsor and you don't know the name. I know.

It's that Ashton Kutcher movie. With Natalie Portman. Yeah. Yeah. Where the tagline is, can sex friends be best friends? Oh, wow. Stay best friends. Stay best friends.

Yeah, they probably can. Yeah. It's a movie. Sure. I hope they'll get together. If they didn't get together at the end, it would be a real bummer of a film. You wouldn't see Ashton Kutcher signing up for that picture. Hey, guys.

It's called sex business, not sex friends. I tend to enter into relationships with my sex friends. Really? Yeah. And I don't know if that's always wise, but I guess that explains my long relationships, my three long relationships. I've barely had sex. Really?

Yeah. That's just the reality of the situation. You've accidentally had it a few times. Sure. No, no doubt about it. Never over your own accord. My wife and I share a bed. Sure. Sometimes you roll over into it. have a i have a persistent boner sure i can't seem to get rid of 24 7 yeah well it's

like the ball sweat i see it it's because it's so powerful that my balls sweat that's why you wear the afghan on your lap when we're doing this things are really heated up down there oh well i don't want the whole room to get swampy back to sex friends yeah uh isn't this isn't isn't it one of these situations now where the kind of the parallel competing movies come out like it aren't there a lot of like armageddon yeah armageddon deep impact the columbus movies the columbus movies ants bugs life right that kind of thing i think isn't that thing happening right now with friends Yeah, Armageddon, Deep Impact. The Columbus movies. The Columbus movies. Sure, yeah. Ants, Bugs Life. Right. That kind of thing. I think, isn't that thing happening right now with Friends with Benefits movies?

What's the other one? I think there's actually one called Friends with Benefits. Yeah, there was two that were originally both called Friends with Benefits, too. There were two called that? That was part of the story. There were two movies in development called Friends with Benefits based on that premise. They had to change the name of one to Buckfuddies. I can't wait for the tell-all book on that.

It's going to be written by the guy that wrote The Late Shift. Sure, right. What's amazing to me is that they could make two of these movies at the same time because Ashton Kutcher can't be in both two movies at once. We don't know that. That's true. That's a good point. Do you think they were parallel shooting?

Do you think they were recycling Ashton Kutcher's footage for each of the films and then they just had a different co-star for each film could be i think they cut two movies out of one they just knew they had gold oh sort of like anchorman and then that other movie that came on the anchorman dvd jackass 2.5 or yeah yeah so what what's why is it in the zeitgeist? Justin Long, I guess. Why is America in love with fucking your friends? Do you think it's just something that like a Weinstein brother heard about and then he told all his creepy old Hollywood friends? Yeah, but the lesser Weinstein, like the Adam Baldwin of the Weinsteins. Wait, is it chicken or the egg, too? Because is it friend first or someone you fuck first

and then become friends? How does that work? Can I ask who are the two Weinsteins? There's Bob Weinstein, right? Isn't there a Henry? Harvey. Harvey Weinstein. I wish there was three Weinsteins. There's gotta be. Do you think there's a third Weinstein? There's a malformed twin. But he's just not very

funny. He's in their basement writing Shakespeare in Love 2 right now. I heard that. They're greenlighting that. Yeah, I've heard that too. I've heard that, yeah, the new Miramax strategy is to do a bunch of sequels to things that are kind of – things that are very hard to make sequels to. I know it's a bad idea, but I'm incredibly curious to see what a second Shakespeare in Love would be like. Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein harvey weinstein chico weinstein um yo yo uh just really friends and best friends yeah because i don't i don't know if it's i feel like there's a term for

it but it's not i don't think it's something that actually happens in real life right i don't think i can point to an instance of it in the wild it certainly never happened to me i mean i've i've had dating relationships and i i you know i've had a i i've had a one night stand or two but it wasn't with a buddy you know it wasn't like yeah and you may go into that with all the best intentions of being just sex friends but does that ever play out i don't think sex friends has ever actually existed. No. I think people have had sex with their friends. And it has either gone south or north.

This isn't why I'm here, right? I guess that's why. Matt, we have a proposition for you. Oh, God. We're more acquaintances, I realize. Matt, I think you can agree that we're best friends. This is a new step for me. See, this is going to go to a place that is going to be uncomfortable.

I'm just looking for a sexquaintance. I would say that we should make this an action item, except that the result of us making this an action item would just be dudes calling in to brag about their fuck buddies. Right? Yeah. Can you get a switchboard hooked up for that? Also, what's the difference between if sex friends are best friends is that that isn't

that just a relationship they have to be best friends well that that is a relationship no doubt well the question is can sex friends stay best friends so they started off as best friends no and i think i haven't seen the movie but i think you'll find in the end of that movie that they do not i'd have a hard time if i was friends with ashton kutcher i'd have a hard time not fucking him right yeah forget natalie portman go right to ashton kutcher yeah right you just shove portman aside that meathead physically yeah butterface right hey get back to your ivy league university. Get your nose back in those books. Go planetary in Israel. I've got Kuchar to fuck.

Is she marrying a choreographer? Yeah. Or are you just describing the plot of The Black Swan? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Actually, she is, from what I understand, she is marrying and has been knocked up by the choreographer. Knocked up? What?

Yeah. She's pregnant? Prego. Come on. Yeah. She's, oh. Yeah. There's another one that I'd never had a chance with.

Now is even less. I like the idea that Matt Gourley's walls are just a huge list. Like, it's not pictures. It's just names. Yeah. Just when one gets pregnant pregnant He just crosses them off Yeah Dead to me

Wipe a tear They're off the list Audrey Tattoo Still better be up there She's my brass ring Tattoo Hey Kutcher's not pregnant

My friend Oh god It's funny It's funny I feel like I've seen There's a commercial With Ashton Kutcher I think it's for a digital camera

Or something Yeah they're everywhere And Kind of the premise Of this commercial Is the paparazzi is like following him around and he's escaping them. And there's also a similarly themed commercial for Matthew McConaughey's cologne. What? He has his own cologne? He has his own cologne.

No. I'd sooner buy a digital camera from him. I feel like Ashton Kutcher, I would never trust him for a camera. But I would think he's more qualified for a camera than matthew mcconaughey well that's because you're not looking for a you to kelp but you the uh the this in this commercial matthew mcconaughey also running from the paparazzi do these two men actually get chased by the paparazzi in real life like at one point i'm sure they both did.

I bet Kutcher does. Yeah, you think Kutcher? And I bet Matthew McConaughey does in the South. Okay. Because the paparazzi is regional. The Southarazzi. The Southern, the Memphis paparazzi. Oh, they're notorious.

They're still using Instamatics. It seems like both of these. They're like Carl Perkins has laid down for his afternoon nap. We've got time to go chase. I'd be in that paparazzi. I would. Oh, God. Hank Williams Jr. just got off the plane.

I'm there. Hank the Third. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Or is that a stroke in between those? It's one of those one words, but capitalize both of the compounds. Oh, it has intercapitalization. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's superb. Yeah, you can look it up. We got something in the mail that I want to address here.

I opened this package. And, you know, sometimes we get packages from listeners. It's always nice to get something from listeners. I'm still working on that Boy Scout popcorn. Oh, good. I don't know who can buy one of those giant jugs of popcorn and then eat it. And that bag is enormous. But folks were nice enough to send us some caramel corn.

And I've enjoyed eating it over the course of many months. You're not supposed to eat it. You're supposed to hide in it. Oh. I guess I didn't realize. Yeah, you should have been hiding this whole time oh um i got this package and i recognized it immediately as being dvd sized oh yeah and i thought i just assumed it was because sometimes people will pitch stuff to me it was

like handwritten and stuff but sometimes people will pitch stuff to me for the sound of young america like i made a short film and it's nice that they thought of me and enjoy the show but i'm you know it's usually not really something that would sort of that i would talk about with somebody for half an hour on the sound of young america where we mostly interview kind of veteran people that have been around for a while and have a real national prominence and so i sort of i always have two minds when i open those because it's nice that someone thought of me to send me their indie CD or whatever. But I kind of feel bad that I'm not going to be able to put them on the side of Young America. And I assumed it was going to be something like that.

And I opened it and there's this note that says, I saw this at the checkout line in a liquor store. What choice did I have but to contribute it to JordanJesseGo and MaximumFun.org? Thanks for the chuckles. Andy from Michigan. Now, this could be anything. We eat crazy foods on the show all the time. We'll do any kind of weird thing. What were you eating the time we came down to the fun drive?

It was a root beer test. No, we took wonder pills or whatever those are called. We were flavor tripping. Yeah, you guys were hopped up at that point. We were nutty on flavor balls. Sorry, I put your nose in my mouth, by the way. Hey, flavor balls. Hey, at least you got to satisfy your curiosity about what the inside of a mouth smells like.

But what they actually sent us is a copy what andy from michigan actually sent us is a dvd copy of the film theodore rex starring whoopi goldberg and apparently the dinosaur from dinosaurs i remember this i've never seen it but i remember yeah it's kind of a famous bad movie right yeah why would anyone send this to us well here might i uh might i read the back just just just in case people have not seen this okay at blockbuster 10 years ago i want to point out something that surprised me about the front if we just could address quickly the front before we get to the back yes um the dinosaur from dinosaurs is there what i presume to be just a leftover dinosaur from dinosaurs right and then

make a neighbor and then there's there's whoopi goldberg in what appears to be like a black leather catsuit yeah this is maybe something that came from the set of demolition man if i'm not mistaken that's a that's a leftover whoopi goldberg as well from star trek yeah yeah back of the box. Academy Award winner Whoopi Goldberg is the perfect comic partner in this hilarious futuristic family comedy about a cop and a dinosaur on a mission to save the world. But here's the thing. When you see someone at the video store and they pick this up and they're like, honey, should I rent this family comedy about a cop and a dinosaur? They say, I don't know. Does it have any Academy Award winners in it?

Whoopi, Rat Race, Karina Karina, Ghost. Actually, let's leave off Color Purple. Yeah, sure. Don't need it. But no, Rat Race, Karina Karina, Ghost. Stars as a smooth-talking, take-care-of-business cop on the rise, but when she teams up on a high-profile case with a Tyrannosaurus Rex named Teddy, she blows her cool.

Those three, those credits are such a beautiful distillation of Whoopi Goldberg's career. Why put, yeah, why put the color purple in there? Why put Sister Act, the one monumentally successful film, in Whoopi Goldberg's career? And it's funny because it's like, okay, I mean, I guess I get Rat Race because you want something kind of tonally similar to this movie. So you know you can trust Whoopi with broad comedy. And Rat Race was probably a relatively recent film when that movie came out. I'm a little surprised this is still shrink-wrapped to be honest yeah uh what have you been doing

have you been really busy that you can't watch i'd have that thing open yeah i think we're gonna i think uh i think you'll this will help you cure your perma boner jesse just throw this little baby in the player and start to jerk it. I don't know. Oh, and it's DVD-ROM enabled, by the way. I just want to read that. That's from the features. It's DVD-ROM enabled.

As unsexy as I find Whoopi Goldberg. Come on. I find vaguely human dinosaurs as sexy or more sexy. Yeah. So I think the permaboners stuck. This is going to be big for you. Yeah. No, I'm kind of curious about this.

Are you willing to watch it? Because here's the thing. People know I don't really – people think that just because I'm a comedy nerd and because I'm a guy that makes catty remarks about things that I would – You could be a real bitch sometimes. You know. That I would enjoy something that's so bad that it's good. But the reality is that I don't. You're not that one of those guys.

I just find it bad and unpleasant to watch. It's a fine line. Yeah. But for me, the line – there's no – There's no line. I don't. You're not that one of those guys. I just find it bad and unpleasant to watch. It's a fine line. Yeah. But for me, there's no line. There's no line. I watched Battlefield Earth once. I saw that recently.

But it wasn't quite so bad it was good. It was more just amazing at how bad it was. Yeah. Battlefield Earth is not fun bad. I mean, there's some fun bad things about it like that it's a scientology movie but yeah other than that it's just giant shoes are kind of fun well jeremy from super ego we frequently will watch bad movies but uh it you're right it has to be the right type and have you guys ever seen crystal heart do you know that film no what's crystal just in a nutshell if you if you ever want to take a trip down that road. And I feel like I'm pretty well-versed in the famous bad movies.

I think we have a gem here. Crystal Heart, please. Okay, so it stars Tawny Katane. And then the keyboard kid from Fame. I think it's the movie, not the TV show. Anyway, long story short, he's a boy in a bubble. And he comes from a rich family. And he's a brilliant...

Was this in the early 70s when all the Boy in the Bubble movies came out? Well, there's the 70s Travolta Boy in the Bubble movie. Yes, that's what I was thinking of. This one in the 80s and then there's the 90s Jake Gyllenhaal one or is that 2000? I don't remember. But it's like one a decade. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah.

So he's in a bubble. It's like alien sitcoms. Yeah. And there was the Moops episode of Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah, it's true. He's in a bubble and he's writing songs and he's infatuated with this pop star played by tani katane but she's like a madonna type okay so he submits songs to her she comes and visits him they fall in love they literally make love through the glass or against the glass how close in age are they does he push his dick up against the

it's almost that bad and does she kind of how would she because you can't they get fully nude and smudge up against the glass. It goes on so long that you can see all the oily smudges on the glass. And then eventually he breaks out of the bubble and – With his dick. Yeah. With the force of his erection. Yes, his perma-boner.

His germ. His germophobic perma-boner. His diamond-hard member. So what of this so what of this what of this between glass lovemaking what do you see like what

you see all of her okay and I think you see too much of him okay at least his ass but she gets fully frontal at one point she has a dream

where she's in the shower and she breaks through the glass fully nude wow yeah and so she's not only nude and 80s tanned, but covered in blood and glass. Oh, that's terrific.

Yeah, it's a real good one. So it's really sensual. Yeah, it's very sensual. It's sort of like Demolition Man, Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah, if you're into fine wine. And we are. Jordan, are you willing to watch this movie and report back on it?

Yeah, sure, I will throw it on. I like how he gives it to you. Well, Jordan has a well-known propensity Are you willing to watch this movie and report back on it? Yeah, sure. I will throw it on. I like how he gives it to you. Yeah. Well, Jordan has a well-known propensity to sit down at his Xbox 360 and just pick the worst Porky's knockoff. Oh, I can appreciate that. Or surfing comedy from 1984 that he sees. Well, I'm just looking for another ski school too yeah

who isn't i'm chasing that dragon who isn't oh yeah my parents are still doing that i mean that's yeah you know and with the with the advent of the kind of netflix streaming and the kind of the wealth of bad movies that are at your fingertips my my uh patience for them has has declined a lot. It's like when you would go out and rent a bad movie, you kind of feel like you had to watch it beginning to end. But now that you can just kind of click on and off, I'm maybe not absorbing the bad movies like I once did.

I know exactly what you're talking about. But yeah, I'm definitely willing to give Theodore Rex a shot. I'm really going to turn myself into even more of a caricature than I am when I say this sentence. But I was reading about sci-fi channel Saturday Night Movies in the New York Times. Sure. You just shattered two cliches. I don't know how you brought those two together. And they said that as many as two to three million people.

Yeah, they're big. Tons of people watch them. What? Who are these people? Yeah. I don't know. And I've seen a few of these. I've seen Mega Shark, Giant Octopus, and I've seen a bit of Mega Piranha.

These are not anything. No. They're not anything other than they're a title in a cool box. But yeah, they're not – they're hard to watch. They're so boring. One of the things that they were talking about in this article that I read was they interviewed Roger Corman. And he produced a film called, if I remember correctly, Octoshark. You're probably thinking of Sharktopus.

Sharktopus. Octoshark. I was curious about Sharktopus. Octoshark was the Ashton Kutcher one that was out at the same time. Right. There's the dueling shark-shark hybrid. But I called it Arctoshark, which could just be another movie like An Ice Station Zebra. Arctic shock. And the Thing remake's looking pretty good. shock which could just be another movie like an ice station zebra arctic shot um and the thing

remakes looking pretty good so they they interviewed i heard that looks good they interviewed roger corman who uh and please excuse my uh dogs as they greet my wife at the front door i think maybe um but uh they interviewed roger corman about this movie was it octo shark or shark so puss shark doh puss and essentially what arctic shark what roger corman's quote was was he said i produced this film in my line there's a lot in my mind there's a line between what people will be curious about and what's just stupid and i think that shark dopus is well on the wrong side of the line and then he says but three million people watched it so i guess i'm wrong they They shamed Roger Corman. Wow.

Roger Corman, the legendary sea movie producer. But how does... I mean, I don't understand how he's making that distinction because it doesn't sound that odd to me. Well, I think part of the issue was how do you combine a shark and an octopus? Oh, that's no problem. I can do that in your bathroom.

That's not the issue. I can't roger corman we're talking about for film purposes not just as a hobby okay you all right i don't know i mean how do you construct a narrative around this thing you've created that's the issue the part of the problem was roger corman put it was how do you even make how do you make a creature that's part shark that crawls around on the beach on octopus legs and not just make it look like the dumbest thing you've ever seen in your entire life? Where do the octopus legs even come out of? Because apparently their

process is, they come up with a stupid creature and then tell someone to make a movie of it. Sure. Oh, that's just how it works. There's just a guy at the sci-fi channel whose job it is to come up with a dumb creature. How do I get that job? And then he just goes, okay, Sharktopus, make that shit. Oh, God.

You got two weeks. Yeah. And $80. Took me two weeks to come up with it. Oh, by the way. It's away from growing pains to star in it. They spend 14 to 18 months making these films. Oh, my God.

Yes. These are real film films. Oh, my God. Yes. These are real film productions. Oh, huh. I thought this was in the same line as the Asylum movies I think we've talked about on the show before. I went to the set of one of them. And those are like two-week affairs. Well, I don't know. It may be soup to nuts, 12 to 18 months, including scripting.

Okay. And, of course, it takes six months for the guy to come up with Sharktopus. Sure. He's got to do enough blow. How many of these films are there? So what are the other animal combinations they have? They make like 30 a year. So wait, what are some of them?

I'm not even aware of them. They're tied with the Hallmark Channel for most original productions per year oh my god most pretty original feature-length productions per year the sci-fi channel so are they all seaborne animals or do they know there's natural disaster ones okay so it's not just animal related i mean a big a big chunk of it is sea animals okay as well it should be right yeah my past girlfriend had a ex-boyfriend who was on one of these sci-fi channel movies so we watched it and i mean no offense to him but it was he was fine but it was wait so you she was like my ex-boyfriend is in this yeah and so that you watched it out of

sympathy or out of fond regard it was just on and, oh, that's my ex-boyfriend. And so we watched the scene. It wasn't like... What kind of one was it? It was some kind of alien possession thing. They got alien ones and ghost ones, too. Rip off, yeah. Now, it kind of stirs emotions to think about when you kind of run across your significant other's ex.

Sure. As a performer yourself, somebody who auditions for film and television, what did you feel when she was pointing out? Was there a tinge of this guy is more successful than me or was it more look at this asshole could it be both yeah it can't absolutely you know it could be both complicated it could be both to the extent that it was it canceled it out and i i honestly was unmoved oh wow in either way like just oh so those feelings collided they did in a weird way it was like matter and anti-matter okay yeah yeah i mean did he show his junk? Oh, well, she just showed me pictures of that.

Right. Yeah. Sure. She held it up. She put the junk pics on her iPhone and then put them on the TV over his TV pants. Speaking of junk, I have a question. Yes. Why do you have a tape measure on your desk?

This is like a seamstress's tape. Yeah. Oh, answered. Answered. Thank you. So that was an answer to the question. For measuring stuff. Okay.

Sometimes, you know, here's the thing. Like for, you know, one of my many careers is I run a men's clothing blog. I'll put this on. Sometimes I need to measure clothes. Oh, I got you. Okay. So I use my measuring tape. Or if I'm buying clothes from eBay, I need to measure how different things are.

And this just happens to be sitting. I mean, to be frank, there's also San Francisco Giants dish towel. For when you're done measuring. Yes. To clean up the measure juice. Yes. Good. Some dog food.

A CD. I don't know how that plays in. A Metro card for New York that I don't even live in. I'm sorry. You're going to need all this bullshit. A bow tie. Oh, nice. I didn't mean to tangent.

We can go back to platypus. No. Platy-squid. No reason to, I don't think. Platy-squid? Is that half platypus, half squid? In my mind. That's a good pitch. Right now. Why are we pitching these people, I don't think. Platysquid? Is that half platypus, half squid? In my mind. That's a good pitch.

Right now. Why are we pitching these people? I don't know. There's got to be more. We can come up with some good pitches, I think. We just got to get in the room, guys. That's the tough part. Animal combos, no problem when you got a Matt Gourley.

Manatee Rex? Come on! That's land and water. Sure. Oh, and eras. Come on That's land and water Sure Oh and eras We need to build The world's largest Boat propeller

With a time machine in it How about I think that's a fun action item How about that 206-984-4FUN We'll play Next on next On our next

Jordan Jesse Go program The couple of best pitches That we get for Sci-Fi Channel original movies. Keep it short, as all good pitches are. We're looking for elevator pitches. Sure. That's a pitch that you can deliver within the space that you're riding in an elevator with someone. So elevator pitches. Keep it tight.

Keep it taut. Pithy. We'd love to hear if you have stars attached. Well, they show their butts. They'll show their butts. If you have any dick pics, send those. No, this is just a list of things we want. Yeah, fair enough.

Forget the pitch. Give us a call, 206-9844-FUN, or email us, jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Gourley, animal hybrid specialist. Did you come up with anything during the break?

Oh, we were talking about... Don't blow the illusion people think that we're brainstorming the whole way through the break yeah i did pterodactyl he's still got it jordan yeah man i can't wait to see what happens once pterodactyl fights manatee rex he's our ace in the hole he is our ace in the hole if you you guys aren't neither of you guys is a football fans you probably haven't been i'm guessing based on your just general manner you're not a football fan matt no i don't i i know not talking about our mincing about i've

i've only watched a little bit of the nfl playoffs but um i was watching like maybe like a highlight show or something like that about the NFL playoffs. And there's this element of football that is so amazing to me. And that is before the game when everybody is getting pumped up. Because you think that it's just the quarterback or the coach in the middle of a bunch of guys taking a knee, and he's like yelling everything, and then they just say they have like a team slogan or something, like on Eastbound and, I mean, not Eastbound and down, Friday Night Lights where it's, you know,

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose, or however it goes. Like you think that's what it is. But in the National Football League league because these people are professionals they're making millions of dollars a year and even to some extent in college football and possibly even in high school football which i don't have a lot of experience with they're doing complicated dances together. So like, it involves just not just one or two moves, you know, like punching up in the air or something, or like going one, two, three, you know, with their hands in the middle. But like whole complicated, like whole complicated choreographed routines that they all dance together before the football game. Was this born out of, remember the Super Bowl shuffle that they all kind of had that move?

I can only assume it was born out of the Super Bowl. I mean, certainly, when I see it, is William Refrigerator Perry present? No. Yes. In your mind, he, oh. He is. No, he is. What?

Absolutely. Wait, I'm confused. He's there every time. So that's what leads me to think it might have come from the Super Bowl shuffle. Why is he there? I'm confused. To teach people about dancing. Because you remember how good of a dancer he is from the Super Bowl shuffle video.

Well, I do. I remember he was also a G.I. Joe action figure. He was? I had it, yeah. You're kidding me. For real? Remember how they made Sergeant Slaughter? Yeah, one.

Yeah, I never knew. I always, as a kid, had a hard time with Sergeant Slaughter. I didn't know whether... Yeah, try swallowing William the Virgin. Yeah, right. He had an iron football on a chain, like a mace. Oh, wow. So he had football-themed weapons.

Yeah, he had a football jersey, and then he wore fatigues on the bottom. It was just stupid. I think I've talked on Jordan Jesse Go before about how perplexed I was by Mr. T. Sure. And upset because he was my hero. Yeah. Perplexed in what way? I didn't understand whether he was a wrestler, an actor, or a cartoon character.

Oh. But yeah, there was a group of guys who kind of occupied several spaces, one of the spaces being cartoons. And yeah, it was confusing for a child. Well, remember they made a Rambo cartoon for a while? They did. They did not make a Rambo cartoon. They sure did.

That's not true. Google it. Yeah, no. And I definitely also remember there being a day to where popular movies were turned into cartoons more often. It doesn't seem like that happens. No, not as much anymore. But slaughter i know yeah it was he each episode he'd go like liberate uh south american town it was like every episode was the magnificent seven plot where they

please someone help us and he would come in and it's not real it's's absolutely real. I used to tape it. I do like, with regard to football dances, I like the idea that all these guys are so keen to get on the same page that they make up a dance routine. Yeah. Like, because there's no better way to get on the same page than everybody does an amazing dance. I guess, yeah. Right?

It's literally synchronized. Yeah, maybe modern teens. I mean, yeah. Right? It's literally synchronized. Yeah, maybe modern teens. I mean, we probably think back to our teen years, and if we were involved in any kind of organized dance, you know, that people were suspicious of you. Well, to be fair, I went to theater high school. Yeah, I guess so. Not only did I have hip-hop dance, I also had Afro-Haitian dance. And I was on the pep squad.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. You were in the pep squad? Well, it was a pep week. I wasn't on the squad, but there was a week where you got chosen to be part of the pep squad for the week. Can I ask you a question? I'd rather you didn't. I do not know what a pep squad is or does.

Well, that's probably best. But we had pep week and you would uh there were like five guys chosen five girls from each class and each year i was chosen and you had to be part of a dance at the pep rally at the end of the week you you were chosen each year yes and you want to know what's worse the freshman year i was chosen friendliest freshman and that was like and no shit friendliest what you had to do was go up on stage and the girl that was chosen friendliest freshman, you had to French kiss them and beat the record from before on stage. What?

You couldn't get away? Where did you go to high school? You couldn't get away? It was a public school. You couldn't get away with that. You had to French kiss them? Yes. With tongue?

This wasn't like some sort of basement of the school after dark. No, this was on the auditorium stage. French? Santina Taurasi was the girl's name and the and the principal has like a stopwatch in one hand and his dick in the other the asb president was there but all of the faculty were there and her mom came up to me and said whatever you do if you win do not kiss my daughter and so i had that pressure and then i had the school but we did we kissed and i mean did you set the record uh no they they at the last minute said you just have to do it for a

minute because they thought oh this is a little shady somehow like like yeah but but still only a minute as long as you keep it anything you do for a minute or less yeah is automatically free and clear here's another thing that you could not get away with. It's like the five-second rule. Yes. When I ran for ASB for publicity – Wait, what's ASB? Associated Student Body.

It's the government. Student government. So I ran for publicity where all you do is you make the posters. Right. So I made a guy come in during my speech wearing a sandwich board that said bad publicity. And I said, I'll eliminate bad publicity. And I pulled out a machine gun with blanks, like a replica gun. And I had wired it.

I was really into like special effects and stuff. I wired it with blood packs and blew them away in front of the school. And then we used explosions, like little flash pods that I had made. And I never asked anybody and afterwards the teachers just were like oh you're so clever creative yeah never a problem this was all before you know everything went crazy so you had so you had public roman orgies fake guns yeah uh wow that's insane yeah was. Yeah. What state did you not did it? Here.

I was born and raised in Southern California in Whittier, Lucerna High. Huh. Yeah. Did any of this shit go down? Because, Jordan, you might be a bit younger than Matt Gourley, but you're in the same ballpark. Yeah. And you're also a Southern Californian that went to a normal high school. I feel like I can't speak to any of this.

I was too busy doing Afro-Haitian dance. That's true. high school. I feel like I can't speak to any of this. I was too busy doing Afro-Haitian dance and singing a song that went, In many ways, that's worse. That's fair. No, yeah. Anything... What year did you graduate? I graduated in 2000.

I was a bit behind that. But yeah, definitely sensitivity toward gunplay as part of any kind of pep rally skit, which I did a few back in my day. Good. I did the occasional pep rally skit. What is a pep rally? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a week about getting the student's school spirit, and I think it's around homecoming, so culminates at the end what's homecoming oh that's right you you yeah you didn't have any of these experiences you should know these words though jesse i know what the words are but i

know that homecoming is like a dance right it is but it's where you crown homecoming king and queen and then we would have a homecoming parade where each class would get a float and there would be a theme so our senior year was was movies so it was just a four that's a pretty sounds a pretty shitty parade with only four floats stupid the whole thing the marching band shows yeah yeah and there's a football game drill team yeah there's the big homecoming football game where does the parade go by the school no it's on do they do it on ha on Halloween so the elementary school kids can wear their costumes? It's on the track of the homecoming thing. But one day we had opposite day or backwards day where you're supposed to wear your clothes backwards and they canceled it and I was sick the day before and I showed up with my clothes.

Oh, yay. Yeah. And that's how Criss Cross were born. A happy accident. Can I get back to pep squad sure what okay so each so your school clubs kind of have stigmas associated with them yeah uh kinds of kids and then kind of the sexual activity that takes place within that club what was the so like this so for example the photography club are known for being into anal sure that that squad was all reach arounds oh exclusively yeah

it was um as strange as it sounds it was just it was slightly coveted spot to be in that thing now i was more of a i think sometimes a joke choice because it was all these real alpha male dudes. And I was tiny in high school. I was about five feet tall when I was a freshman. Oh, wow. I weighed 100 pounds. Now, I should clarify, you're a perfectly reasonable size now. Yeah.

You're medium sized, I would say. At least. Yeah. And just roguishly handsome. You're spectacularly good looking. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, and I think I was just in there as more of a mascot, more than anything. Did you get flung?

Is there a dance? Do you do a dance? I would frequently be flung because I was so light or put at the top of a pyramid, sometimes with girls beneath me. I was so small. Do you sing a song? No, but we danced to a song, and it was usually a hip-hop mashup. So when I was a freshman, I think the song was um what was it uh y mañana otra cosa that oh yeah sure was that

yeah sure yeah that's a real k-day song here in los angeles and so you are you are relegated colors for your class so when you're a freshman it's just we got yellow and white and we're wearing like long baggy hip-hop shorts and a tank are you wearing like are you wearing like yellow and white nike air cortez's that's what i'm imagining it's a lot like that we had painted our shoes and i mean i just looked like if you shrunk alex p keaton to pocket size and put him in a bed sheet i imagine you in this scenario i just want you to know i imagine you in this scenario. I just want you to know. I imagine you in like a classic cholo outfit. I'm talking about like pleated. I mean, like pressed khaki Dickies shorts.

Hairnet. Hairnet. No, these were custom made. Sleeveless undershirt, A-frame undershirt. Cortez's. Gym socks that go up to your knees with colored stripes, and possibly, I can't say this for sure because it might be hard to do tumbling, a Pendleton shirt with only the very topmost button buttoned. Would have been more respectable than what we had to wear. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Gourley, ancient alien. Good. Okay. Sure. Can we start with that one sure we'll just start we'll just put that we'll punch that back in i didn't know if i wanted to do another animal hybrid or not i kind of wanted to move on did you think of a new animal hybrid but you i didn't but i can right now please do um uh cow horse.

This is, that's all. If you're wondering what Matt's podcast, Super Ego, is like, it's basically just people listing animal hybrids. Sure. But instead, it's not just animal hybrids. There's other things. Sure. It's funny names.

People hybrids. People hybrids. Horrible things that could happen to someone. Anything that you can make a nonsense list out of. That's right. That's right in Super Ego's wheelhouse. For sure. Hey, Jordan, guess what?

What? A brand new podcast is becoming part of the MaximumFun.org family. Let's hear about it. It is called My Brother, My Brother, and Me. We welcome them to MaximumFun.org. We do. Congratulations, fellas. These are three gentlemen, all brothers. They are McElroys, the three of them.

Each of the three of them is a McElroy. Good Scottish name. They live across America. They're spread out across America. Mostly in the Highlands. Sure. Cincinnati. Cincinnati. I want to say Chicago, and I want to say another place besides Cincinnati and Chicago.

I don't remember. But they're in three different places. They get together using internet to answer people's questions and give people advice. They're not very good at it. I'm not going to lie to you. They're good at hosting a podcast their advice

fair take it with a grain of salt it's okay advice sometimes they'll get one right wow that's my evaluation of their advice is the show built around advice or that's just

it's an advice show no it's an advice program oh wow seems I mean maybe they get some of the advice right. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't go to them for advice. I would go to them for advice, but I wouldn't go to them for advice and then take their advice.

I see. Is what I guess I'm recommending. You would ask for advice to set them up to entertain you. Yeah, exactly. And we're very excited to have them be part of the MaximumFun.org family. I hope all the Jordan Jesse Go listeners out there will give them a listen. I hope all of their listeners will be giving us a listen. Somebody just emailed me, by the way, from Sweden.

He said, I believe it was Sweden. It might have been Norway. I'm going to go with Sweden. And he said, I've just listened. I just realized that I started with episode one of Jordan Jesse Go, and I just realized I listened to episode 159. I'm all the way through, and now I don't know what to do with my life. Well, great news, fella.

My brother, my brother, and me is on board. We've got my brother and my brother and me for you to listen to. Sure. Look, in the time that the time that Stop Podcasting, our friends at Stop Podcasting, yourself, our friends north of the border in Vancouver, British Columbia. I enjoy that show. It's a wonderful show. Right? Isn't it a wonderful program? It is.

In the time that they've been part of MaximumFun.org, we have trebled their audience. Trebled? Yeah, I think that's a word you're allowed to say if you're using an old-time elocution. We've troubled their audience. Yes. You've troubled their audience. Yes, you've troubled their audience. We did trouble their audience that one time I went on as a sort of joke version of myself.

And then I realized that I had never really introduced who the real version of myself was. And that's the impression. And so many of their listeners thought that I really was like wanting to change their show. But yeah, no, we have brought so many new listeners to that program. I think we can do the same with My Brother, My Brother and Me because part of what I think our goal for MaximumFun.org is is to bring together all these sort of like-minded shows and like-minded creators and make sure that people can do what they want to do

and get paid to do it and have a sort of support network and a place to connect with listeners like you. So I hope people out there will give the show a try. I think it's a really fun show. And, hey, guess what? Speaking of really fun shows, Jordan. Yep. You just got back from San Francisco Sketch Fest. I did.

Did you have fun out there with your sketch group, Hot Mess? Yeah, blast and a half. very good shows very good audiences kind of a week max fun turnout for the sketch show really a little bit but the theater was filled up so i'm guessing that maybe just all the tickets were snatched up how do you know it was a week max fun turnout did you did do you have a sketch where you ask for a poll of the audience yes who listens to my podcast yeah um i think it's the sad podcaster is the name of that sketch yes i think one uh i i someone came up one person per night came up and said i heard about this through the podcast and we should say that usually when we go somewhere and perform, a number of people will come up to us, especially in a hip town like San Francisco. Sure.

But regardless as to whether or not you guys dropped the ball, which you did. Sure. Lovely shows. Jordan, I want to interject here because I think people are probably freaking out about how they dropped the ball. Yeah. People in the Bay Area, certainly. Right. I wish there was some way they could pick the ball back up.

I think there is, Jesse. Hold on. Are you shitting me? Are you insinuating something? Usually, when you drop the ball, that is it. Right. That's the end of the game. The ball rolls down the hill, it falls into lava.

If I know sports, that's what happens. Yes. If it touches lava, it dies. Yeah. Absolutely. Game over. Lava kills all. Yeah. Guys Game over. Lava kills all. Yeah.

Guys. Sure. Lava kills all. But where are you heading with this? They can come see us, Jordan, Jesse, Go, and You Look Nice Today, together as the Monsters of Podcasting at the Eureka Theater as part of San Francisco Sketch Fest on the 23rd of this month,uary 23rd holy shit i know because that's my stepmom's birthday oh my god oh you know your stepmom's birthday

sure i do sure i do um no go on holy mackerel jordan you're telling me that if on sunday night the 23rd these people go to the Eureka Theater in downtown San Francisco, easily accessible by BART, by the way, that they can see not just us, but also the Monsters of Podcasting? Yes. Wait, I have a question. Yes, Matt.

It's the same question. Are you saying on January the 23rd of this month, Sunday, 8 p.m., San Francisco, BART, Monsters of Podcasting. Lava. You look nice today. Yes. 8 p.m. San Francisco. Yeah. Bart. Yeah. Monsters of Podcasting. Lava. You look nice today. Yeah. Jesse Thorne and Jordan Morris.

Look, here's the thing. I want to go to this show. I want to go see this show. I'm a person who lives in the Bay Area. I want to go see this show because I know that, with the possible exception of Super Ego, my two favorite podcasts are going to be there. Two of the funniest podcasts in the world, You Look Nice Today and Jordan Jesse Go. Again, I'm not myself. This isn't bragging.

I'm a person that lives in the Bay Area. I've never met you. However, since the San Francisco Giants won the World Series, which they did. Did they? More power to them. Okay. San Francisco Giants won the World Series, which they did. Did they?

More power to them. Okay. I have promised myself that I will not go out unless their legendary troubadour, Ashkahn, is going to be at an event that I would go out to. Let's say that that is the situation that I'm in. Then I can't go to this Monsters of Podcasting thing, right? Because Ashkahn's not going to be there. I won't get to see how handsome Ashkahn is. He's filming another Fuck Buddy movie. Ashkahn Kutcher. I mean, am I mistaken in thinking that?

I guess most people... Yeah, I guess you'll probably just have to stay in. Wait a minute. Somebody just handed me a note. Hold on. Oh. Ah, it's horse cow. Run! This note here says that Ashkahn will be appearing at the Monsters of Podcasting in San Francisco.

What? Ashcon. The Ashcon. Who is that? Oh, my God. He's a guy we know from college. Matt, get excited. He had a popular viral video, Matt. Which one?

San Francisco Giants song. It was a song about the Giants. Sports related. This is something that people in the Bay Area are very excited about. I know, I know. Hot Tubbin'. You should in the Bay Area are very excited about. I know. I know. Hot Tubbin'. You should really spend some time with Hot Tubbin'. I will.

Beloved Jordan Jesse Go guest Ash Kahn will be joining us. Who knows? We may have other special guests. We may not. I really haven't put a lot of effort into it yet. That's fine. 8 o'clock Sunday, the 23rd. Yep.

And guess what? Sound of Young America is going to be doing a show the day before, 1 p.m., also at the Eureka Theater. We'll have special guests, Casper Hauser. Ooh. We got Steve Dildarian, the creator of The Life and Times of Tim from the Home Box Office Network. We've got the great Bobcat Goldthwait will be there to talk about his...

There's your next animal hybrid right there. Jesus. Bobcat Goldthwait. And the exceptionally kind and Bay Area legend, singer-songwriter John Vanderslice will be there on that Sound of Young America show.

You can get your tickets. Just go to MaximumFun.org. You'll see the click links and the sidebar there. It's all there. Tickets are very reasonably priced, and it's an amazing, amazing show. And I'm going to be honest with you, Jordan. Yeah. If somebody lives in the Bay Area, they're listening to this this right now and they don't go to those shows

it's no excuse inexcusable anything bubonic plague and below inexcusable that's including bubonic plague right so bubonic plague and below

bubonic plague is included in the things that are not an excuse. I don't care if you were out at a campground, you got bit by a plague-ridden chipmunk. Yeah. And the best thing if you have bubonic plague is to go somewhere with a bunch of people. Laughter is the best medicine. Yeah. But please stay home if you have hyper AIDS.

If you have mega AIDS or you're in an earthquake, those are two reasons why you're allowed to not come. Oh, you just forecasted it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Matt Gourley, hound child. If you extend the syllables, you're going to find something.

Yeah, because it was going to be chicken, but then that's not good enough. We ask people when something really shameful happens to them to call in and share with us their moments of shame, Matt. Okay. And that's what this segment is about to be. We actually got two great moments of shame this week. We got three, and one was kind of upsetting and also too long to play. It didn't work well. I apologize to that person who called in. Thank you for calling it in. We got two really solid ones that I really enjoyed this week.

So why don't we just go to the tape? Hi, this is Jake, and I'm calling with my first contribution to Momentous Occasions slash Momentous Occasions of Shame. slash momentous occasions of shame. I was just perusing the archives listening to episode 16, in which Jordan regales us with the stories of his friends Dave and Buster's bachelor party. It was reminded of a wonderful experience that I had in Boston. Jordan talked about doing the wonderful Irish car bombs, and while some friends and I were on tour, we were at a small little Irish pub in Boston,

which normally an Irish pub means somebody who's white, similar to Jordan's tirades against the Irish, who has no connection to Ireland. But in Boston, everyone has a connection to Ireland, and rightfully so, and is generally quite passionate about it. And our waitress was Irish, probably a very recent immigrant. And I made a joke about ordering an Irish car bomb to my friends. And my friend who was there, who has family in Boston, said, oh, yeah, you should order that. And I said, no, it's kind of probably pretty offensive since there are Irish car bombings with the Irish Republican Army and all. And so he continued to talk me into it and say it was not a big deal, that it was just a drink and people understood that. So the waitress came up and I said, oh, yes, can I please order an Irish car bomb?

And she stopped, put down her rag on the table and just gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life. And then proceeded to say, I'm sorry, we don't serve Irish car bombs here, but I can make you a September 11th. And then walked away. Yay! Oh my god! Oh my god. What a horrible, horrible turn of events. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What a horrible, horrible turn of events.

I hesitate to say this, but I have a story that's very similar to that. Really? What is it? Well, it's a different context. Dude, you were on the pep squad. No. Okay, here, look. The Hindenburg had just gone down. When I lost my virginity, she was an older girl.

Well, this is sad. I was a freshman in college. Okay. And she said, I'm going to- It's not sad. It's wholesome. It's perfectly within the normal range of- Sure.

Yeah. All right. I mean, I was fucking a lot when I was like 10 or 11. Sure. She said, I'm going to teach you. It's hard to go somewhere when, I guess, maybe your first sexual experience is making out on stage while your peers chant. That's right. It's hard to do that. That maybe messes up your development a little bit.

It does. It really does. So she says, I'm going to teach you everything in one night because I'm an experienced – I'm two to three years older than you. Wow. So really, you know, I thought this was great. So anyway, long story short, we go through all the different choices. And she goes, I'm not going to do doggy style because I find that demeaning. But what I will do is one where I'll lay on my stomach and stick my ass in the air. And we call it the stink bug.

What? Why is that? Let's have been talking doggy have been i don't know i don't know but uh you know irish car bomb september 11th apples and oranges yeah oh my goodness gracious okay let's go back to the tape we have one more and this one isn't quite so hard-hitting but i just thought it was so delightful uh hey jordan jesse go it's patrick floy uh from omaha i got a moment of shame for just thought it was so delightful. Hey, Jordan, yes, you go. It's Patrick Foy from Omaha. I got a moment of shame for you. I shut the door to my computer room this morning, and I heard a spoiling sound, and it turned out my knob broke,

and now I'm locked in my computer room. I have been for about 15 minutes at this stage. I'm trying to get out myself so that I don't have to call my super because I know he's on vacation. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to get out by myself.

I thought you guys might enjoy that one. Bye. What I love about it, one of the many things, I just love the idea of his super lying on a beach in Bermuda. And justrick the caller just just is on the phone with him and he just he looks at his cell phone he thinks about not picking it up but then i gotta pick it up i'm a super and he picks it up and uh and patrick just goes i heard this sproing sound. So what, A, what is demeaning about that sexual punishment?

And B, I mean, it seems like they just, they offered a slight alteration. With a worse name, I think. And equally disgusting. Yeah, a worse name. Or shouldn't it, like, you just call it the Frida Kahlo or something? If you wanted to really just take it the Frida Kahlo or something? If you wanted to really just take it back. The Georgia O'Keeffe.

Sure, the O'Keeffe. Did she go into that at all? She just simply said that her and her previous boyfriend wouldn't do doggy style, but that they really enjoyed this stink bug because she found it not to be demeaning. Huh. I don't, I, you know, in the moment, I wasn't going to. Sure, and this is your first time. This lady is nice enough to, like, show you the sexual ropes. Yeah. I mean, you're going with it.

You're not about to be Johnny. Oh, no, I protested and promptly left. Yes. Yeah. Did you, did she think the doggy style involved, like, a dog costume? I never, I never, I never, well,

I was feeding her kibble at the time. Right. So I think that's the issue. I don't know. She wanted wet food. I mean, but the stink bug, that just,

it conjures up a, you know, you don't want any name to evoke a smell. Sure. A poop smell. If you have a moment of shame, call it in. 206-984-4FUN.

You can also email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back with Momentous Occasions in just a second. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Gourley, velociraptorn. Velociriptorn. Yeah, that's great. All I got was crocodontist.

It's a crocodile and an orthodontist. This is the kind of fun you can expect on the Super Ego Podcast. Jordan and I were guests on your Super Ego Podcast. Yes, you were, yeah. There's a free episode that features us. That's episode 216. And recently there's a bonus episode that features the two of us.

And the next bonus episode out February 1st will feature you guys as well. And this one is just going to be, I mean, granted, as I said, most of your podcast is crazy nonsense. Right. But this one that's going to be on the second bonus episode, you're really getting into the nonsensiest, craziest, crazy nonsense. It descends into that.

Yeah, the sketch that we did, it was an astrological forecast sketch. And it starts off positively, but then it just descends, if I remember correctly. correctly. The method by which you compose these sketches is you have a premise, and then in a case of a sketch like this, it's really just everyone just saying whatever crazy thing comes to their head, and then at the

end, you're in charge of picking out which ones make sense. Right. But in a situation like this, it's all just nonsense. Right. It's just too crazy to find out. There's no common thread. Whatever tickles me, that's what I put it in. Yeah. That's not what I, that's what I put it nonsense. Right. It's just too crazy to find out. There's no common thread. Whatever tickles me, that's what I put it in. Yeah. That's not what I, that's what I put it in.

Yeah. If it tickles you, you put it in. When something momentous happens to us, we call in to, I'm using the royal us. Yeah. When something, when I'm speaking for everyone here, when something, the American people, When I'm speaking for everyone here, when something, the American people, when something momentous happens to us, we call in at 206-984-4FUN and share it with the world for a segment called Momentous Occasions. Let's go to the telephone tape.

I am calling with a momentous occasion. My girlfriend and I were flying cross-country after a long day filled with delays and such. country after a long day filled with delays and such. The last leg of our flight, an Elvis impersonator was struggling to get his carry-on luggage into the overhead compartment, and he just kept on going, come on, man, come on, man. It was fantastic. It was a day for the whole day. Thanks. Love the show.

Great. That was wonderful, right? Sure. What the show. Great. That was wonderful, right? Sure. What a delight. Jordan, Jesse, Goh, and guest, I suppose. It's Quentin in Victorville, California. Today is not so much a momentous occasion, but more of a momentous anniversary. anniversary.

The day, January 6th, marks the one-year anniversary of my dad being released from the hospital and receiving, from receiving a liver transplant as I get a little bit choked up. It really is a blessing and something to be very sincerely

happy about and joyful. So, everybody, celebrate. It's been a good day, and I'm very, very, very, very happy. All right, you guys take care. Bye. Do you think he was drunk? He sounded drunk, right?

Sounded a little drunk. Hey, that's cool, man. What a wonderful story, right? Yeah, you're celebrating your dad. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's just a beautiful, anytime you get to hear a beautiful story about a human lover. You know what I mean? I do.

Just something that really, I have a friend who is on some kind of crack squad. He's a medical student. I guess maybe he's done with, he's like a, I don't remember. Medical school is so complicated. I don't remember which part is which. But he's in one of the parts of the things that happen before you're allowed to just be a human being and be a doctor. Something where... So where the entire run of scrubs took place.

Yeah, exactly. In that... Yeah. He's a colorful ethnic fellow. Mixed up with a relatable white guy. Sure. Lots of flashbacks um he is on this crack squad where at any moment they get a call like like bat signal style or like the watches they wore on mask i loved mask so did i and. Was Mask real or a cartoon?

I always had a problem with that. Real enough to me. Yeah. I wasn't technically in Mask, but they made me an honorary member, so I'd say it was pretty real. What? Wow. Mobile Armored Strike Command. He has to. He has to.

I had the Mask comic book. The four-issue one? Yeah, I'm sure. I do, too. I do. Do had to mask comic book. The four-issue one? Yeah, I'm sure. I do, too. I do. Do. Not did. Currently own.

Do. He's on this crack squad, my friend Max, where he has to fly to harvest organs. So, like, he just has to have a backpack at all times. And, like, if he gets a call, he just jumps in a car or something. He lives in New York, so maybe a cab and he goes straight to the airport, jumps onto an airplane. They fly anywhere in the world

to harvest organs and then they immediately bring them back to New York to this hospital where he works part-time or whatever it is that these medical students do and then they put it in somebody right away. Oh my God. They just fly, harvest, put it in. They fuck the patients.

I see. Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jesse. Hello, guest, if there be a guest. My name is Teresa. I am not Jesse's Teresa. I am a different Teresa. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant,

and that's our momentous occasion I forgot to mention And other than the two of us You guys are the only people that know So ta-da Kidding, bye Isn't that beautiful? That's very nice

You shared it with us Way to go You shared it with us It's a really lovely thing I was that guest And I was there Yeah, you were here You were here for that moment

For the conception Was it hot? It was I did the stink bug I was that guest when I was there. Yeah, you were here. You were here for that moment. No, for the conception. Ha ha. Was it hot? They did the stink bug. No, that's one of my favorites. I impregnated her. Oh, my God.

It is your Teresa. No, it's a different Teresa, but it's my seed that's blossoming in her womb. Have you guys ever had a lobster roll? Yeah, sure. You mean sexually? Oh, no, off the topic of food well here's the thing i thought when i heard lobster roll before that it was a sushi no this is a sandwich yeah i was only recently made aware that this is a sandwich i've been thinking maybe this is a sandwich i should eat this is a new england sandwich that's popular in uh places where

there's a lot of lobsters, such as New England. Sure. And I ate some when I was in Martha's Vineyard this past summer. It's basically like a lobster salad sandwich. It's basically a griddle-toasted buttered white bread roll with basically just lobster in it and some mayo. It's basically just lobster and mayo. It's good. I'm not even really that into seafood,

but it's very tasty. I like lobster. There's a man in New York that'll bring it to you like a drug dealer or something. I feel like I read something about lobster rolls in New York Magazine a couple months ago.

There was a thing about lobster rolls becoming a thing in New York. They can't really become a thing here because it's too far to fly the lobsters economically that you would make a sandwich out of them instead of serving them as a $50 entree. But you could do it if you wanted to buy the lobster. If you wanted to buy the lobster, take all the meat out yourself, put it in the—yeah, sure, you could do it yourself. Okay. Maybe some green onions in there, I think maybe there was.

I don't recall exactly. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Roscoe from Peterborough, Canada. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. Last night I officially became the other man in an affair. It's quite exciting for me. I've definitely never done anything like this before. I just thought I should tell you guys because I thought it was pretty momentous.

Thanks a lot. Love you guys. Have a good one. Number one, we love you too, Roscoe. We do. But we don't trust you. Yeah. Certainly not around our wives.

He sounded way too gleeful about that, right? Proud. He sounded proud. But he sounded like amused and delighted by it. Yeah. Not so much just proud. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, I guess I understand how... I hope he knows what he's doing. I mean, I fucked a lot of other men's wives in my time. Sure. Between when I was 10 and I started fucking around. Sure, sure. And now... Yeah, it seems like, I mean, that it can't end well.

No, no. No, there's no good ending to that. Although, yeah. Well, yeah, you know, go for it, I guess. I have a question. When it comes to Roscoe, can sex friends stay best friends? I guess Roscoe's gonna find out.

We have one call that is actually just an advice question from time to time. We're no My Brother, My Brother and Me. Right. But from time to time. We're no My Brother, My Brother and Me. Right. But from time to time... We're no Lobster Roll. From time to time, we'll have a listener will call in and ask for our advice.

I thought this was an interesting question, so I'm going to share it. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh. This is Dana from San Francisco. I was thinking about taking a first date to your Monsters of Podcasting at SF Sketch Fest. And is that a horrible idea? I'd like your opinion on that, especially the guest. Would you be uncomfortable bringing a date to your show?

All right. Great. I'd love to hear from you. Bye. Number one, we love to hear from you. Bye. Number one. We love you, too. Yeah, we love you. Gosh, yes.

The guest primarily. Yeah. I don't know, Matt. What do you think? Well, this is a tough one. Is this this is a blind date or this is someone you know? Well, if you know their comic sensibilities, then I would say go for it. You know, but you guys.

I think this is it sounds like a kind of a cold date. Yeah. It doesn't sound like this is like... These aren't sex friends trying to take it to the next level. Yeah. What the hell? What the hell? You know why?

Because maybe he will, you know, be able to relate that story to you guys, and you'll go, oh, yeah, we played you on the air, and he's going to be a big shot. If I were him, I'd worry that Roscoe's coming to the show. Yeah, he's going to snatch up your little lady. Coming down from Peterborough. You guys seem to...

Peterborough, by the way, is what Jordan calls his nether regions. Peterborough? I say burrah. Peterborough? Peterborough? Pizza burrah. Jordan's nether regions are somewhat of a northeastern of the northeastern patrician persuasion you know what i call mine

when you don't stretch when you don't depends on what mode i'm in yeah it does seem like a bad idea right far be it from me well there's pros and cons right yeah well yeah here's the thing i mean i'm i'm assuming that he would have included the bit of information in the call that she's a fan too if she was right i i mean you gotta be we gotta start with the fact that uh she's probably a classy lady sure Because otherwise, why would he ask her out on a date? Okay. She's probably a classy lady, which puts the odds... He didn't meet her at some peeler bar.

Some what now? Peeler bar? That's just a funny name for a strip club I heard recently. Peeler bar? Yeah. Like what somebody's dad in Michigan would call it. Peeler bar. Yeah. Like what somebody's dad in Michigan would call it. Peeler bar. Yeah, but yeah, I guess our show is, and we try and make it theatrical for on stage.

We try and do things with the audience. We dance. Yeah, we dance. There's a few song and dance numbers in our stage show. But yeah, I might say you would better taking going to a more traditional comedy show i wonder what someone who had never seen because most people i think she probably maybe has never even been to a comedy show who knows yeah um but what she would make not just of us i mean we will do some weird stuff we We might say some offensive things.

We'll do like a nonsense contest. But you look nice today. They're barely even doing a performance. They're just saying their little crazy things. Sure. Yeah. So, yes. Whereas I would encourage fans of both of our shows to come to these things, I think...

And we would encourage fans to bring friends who might not be fans. Sure, I have a solution. Okay. Okay, Matt, tell her to listen to the podcast, and if she enjoys it, then go. It's that easy. Yeah, maybe. I don't... I just...

You think even then? I don't i just i you think even then i don't know i feel like the it's i i get it's i get the sense that it's delicate that they're not to a point where they're recommending media and i don't know i feel like in a in an early dating situation like go see a fuck friend movie just go see a fight just go see one of those charming fuck friend movies That are out Should he just take her to the Sound of Young America? Yeah that's what I was going to get Why isn't he doing that? It's afternoon it's lower pressure

I'm saying like when This is kind of the thing that I'm Likening it to I feel like when you pick up a date And it is a You know It is an early date you try and have music on in the car that is of a general interest like you're not going to put on or at least that represents you well yeah yeah yeah but maybe skewing more toward vampire weekend a Weekend. Vampire Weekend. Beach Boys. You know, just like something...

Pet Sounds. Yeah, something from Pet Sounds. Something from the best of Bowie. Gerardo. Yeah, Gerardo. Yeah. Something, something. Otra cosa. You're not trying to out-college radio somebody on a first date. Right. And I think that, in general, this... When I go on first dates, I'm usually listening to No Age.

Yeah, right, sure. Is that a mistake? Maybe. But yeah, so I might think that our show, whilst delightful, is maybe not good first date material yeah but the sound of young america look at this you got everybody loves bobcat goldthwait she'll be surprised that he's not yelling and doing weird uh stuff and that he remembers him at all yeah he's actually an interesting and intelligent man sure uh she's gonna see some great stand-up comedy from baron

vaughn she's gonna see a great sketch from cas Hauser, but not a bunch of sketches so that you have to worry that if she thinks comedy is weird, that she'll be upset by it. And then John Vanderslice is going to sing some beautiful songs. He's going to warm her heart up a little bit so you can stick your dick in it. That's in her heart. That's how it works, right? It does. That's how my wife and I have been doing it.

Getting heart transplants around the world. That's how my wife and I have been doing it Getting heart transplants around the world But you know If you do decide to pull the trigger and come to the show Give us a little signal so we know who you are And we can give you a special thumbs up Hey how about this If he listens to this and he is bringing his date to the show

Email me Email me directly Now he's going to come Normally Jordan Jesse Go emails I ask that you send them to jjgo at maximumfun.org because then they're all in one place and I can keep track of them. But in case I don't check that email, email me directly, jesse at maximumfund.org, and maybe we'll even do something special for the two of you. Sure, we can. We'll bring you flowers or something.

Yeah. Well, now. A gentle kiss on the forehead. Now for sure he's going to fuck it up by bringing her. Now he's going to be too much for her. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Gourley, pit bull bull. Oh, that's a good animal combination. Yeah, Pitbull Bull. Matt, it's really been a pleasure to have you on the program. I'm glad to be here, thank you.

People really need to check out Matt's program, Super Ego, right? Yeah, you really should. It's a delightful program, very, very funny. Not enough good sketch comedy in the world of podcasting, in my opinion, but you guys do it right. Thank you. You do it but you guys do it right. Thank you. You do it right, you do it tight. You do it all night. Stinkbug style.

That's gosuperego.com? It is, yeah. 206-9844, find the number to call if you've got a momentous occasion. You want to ask us a question, you want to just make a comment, you've got a moment of shame, or you have a momentous occasion. You want to ask us a question. You want to just make a comment. You got a moment of shame. Or you have a pitch for us.

We're looking for pitches. We're making monster movies here. Just so you know, when you call, they do become property of MaximumFun.org. Them's the rules. Them's the rules. 206-9844-FUN or email us at jjgoe at MaximumFun.org. You can check out Matt at GoSuperEgo.com and do check out my brother, my brother, and me in iTunes. It'll be up on MaximumFun.org within a couple of weeks, but it's the newest member of the MaximumFun.org

family. And while we're at it, check out Stop Podcasting Yourself. There's people out there who listen to this program who still don't listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself. That's a mistake. I'm embarrassed. It's embarrassing. They're embarrassing themselves. Yeah, man. How much can you people drop the ball? That's all I want to know. I'm surprised they haven't called in for their shame

moment with that. Yeah. That is pretty shameful. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.