Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 163: Officer Krupke with Ask A Ninja's Kent Nichols

Episode Date: February 7, 2011

Kent Nichols from Ask A Ninja joins us to talk about the first ten minutes of the Super Bowl and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go.

We're joined by Kent Nichols from Ask a Ninja. You're really going to want to listen to this one. It's hilarious. We talk about all kinds of stuff. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to the Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Welcome to the program, America. Do you think I should start opening this show with that? No, I think let's just presume that America is listening. Maybe they are. But do you surely presume that they feel welcomed? Let's go ahead and make those two assumptions. That they don't feel welcome and need to. Uh-huh.

That they feel like outsiders looking in. Right. And that they in this situation is the entire country. Well, the Super Bowl's over, Jordan. What else are they gonna do? Listen to this podcast for until, I don't know, the next big sporting event. If you ask me, you know what

the real reason to listen to Jordan Jesse Goh is? For the commercials. Yeah. Somebody said that out loud. We're recording just as the Super Bowl has gotten underway, and my wife and I were at a friend's house, and someone said that to me. The real reason to watch the Super Bowl is for the commercials. And I said, wow, where's the beef? You know what?

Oh, sorry. Let's introduce our guest. Let's introduce our guest. Yeah, some more thoughts on this topic. Our guest, he's the co-creator of probably the Internet's most popular thing. Certainly the Internet's most popular thing with one camera and a lot of editing. Now that Ze Frank retired. Yes. Kent Nichols from Ask a Ninja. Kent, welcome to the show. one camera and a lot of editing. Now that Ze Frank retired.

Yes. Kent Nichols from Ask a Ninja. Kent, welcome to the show. Oh, thanks, guys. Hi. Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence. Yeah, you know, like, I feel, when does this air? The 7th?

That's my birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. That's fantastic. You get to have two birthdays, one while recording this and then one on your actual birthday. I know. One on Reagan's 100th birthday today. Congratulations, Ronald.

Let me guess. This is the 17th time you've turned 22. It is. It is. I am 22 years old and I'm loving it. What's that dancing song? That's what fun 22-year-olds dance to. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. You've got to get out of the clubs. Yeah, I thought this was a specific... Seriously. Okay. You don't know what's banging in the clubs right now. That's one of your big problems, Jordan. That's why you haven't gone beyond field correspondent status.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. You're right. I have been stuck in the world of... They call them junk hits for a reason. Extended cable second banana. Yeah, no, no, no, you're right I have been stuck in the world of Extended cable second banana Yeah, well What about gay club drugs? Should I start doing gay club drugs?

Absolutely, of course you should There was just a KTLA channel A local news report on ecstasy Is that a gay club drug? Well, I would presume It's a gay club drug It seems like it's a very dancey drug If I was gay and i was headed to a club that's one of the ones i would choose yeah you know and maybe it's a situation where you know e is out of vogue with the general you know youth

drug culture but you know but the gay community which loves what kitsch, which loves camp, is he now having. What are the club drugs that are in vogue right now? Salvia. Salvia. Oh, yeah, yeah. When people get high on salvia, they see the universe reduced to a single point, and then they hit the floor to some high-energy dance music. Really? So is that all because of the Miley Cyrus bong video? Yeah, sure.

No, once you – I think it was bubbling up from the underground. Sure. Young people having existential crises that seem like they last for months, but actually only last 10 or 15 minutes is one of the hottest new things. Because you can videotape it and laugh at them having an existential crisis on YouTube. And now Miley Cyrus has made it bigger than ever. Well, she does that. She's a trend maker. Particularly in the homosexual club going community. Absolutely.

Speaking of homosexuals, by the way, on the subject of homosexuals, I want to offer an apology. Not really an apology, but a note of clarification with regard to my neighbor. Now, I had presumed that because my neighbor, who is a gay gentleman, was receiving magazines in opaque packaging, that he was receiving pornographic magazines in the mail, which I'm not against. I just thought it was adorable that anyone would have a subscription to a pornographic magazine in 2011. Now, it turns out I have learned from the internet that while I was disappointed to find out that there are no culture and lifestyle magazines with gay pornography in them, a la Playboy, that question which I posited to the audience came back a resounding no. I did find out unexpectedly that there are some non-pornographic gay magazines that come in opaque packaging in case

you don't want people to know you're gay. Okay, wait. So now are you certain did you open up the packaging and find out that they were gay magazines? I'm not going to open up my neighbor's mail. I'm just going to snoop around in his mailbox. But what if it's like he's a closet engineer and doesn't want people to know

that he's receiving engineering... Popular mechanics. Yeah, popular mechanics. I thought you were going to say my neighbor confronted me and it was not so you're saying when you're subscribing to popular mechanics when you're filling out the card you can check a box that says send it privacy style perhaps i'm just saying i'm just saying like take off the blinders don't you like like i i thought you had proof in hand and in hand, so to speak, that this was hardcore gay pornography that you had proof of. I'm excited at the idea that when you fill out a subscription card, you could decide in what style it should be delivered. Oh, clearly.

South of the border style would be a bordaburo. Oh, yeah. See? See? style would be a Bordaburo. Oh, yeah. See? See? This year for Christmas, my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I said,

hey, how about some magazine subscriptions? Sure, because you want to stay informed. Yeah, yeah. I enjoy magazines. I do a reasonable amount of flying, so magazines are more valuable than ever. Right. Exactly. So she's like, what magazines would you like? I made some suggestions. I said maybe Wired, maybe The ever right exactly so she's like what magazines would you like i made some suggestions i said maybe wired maybe the new yorker she's like great

so uh christmas morning uh everything's opened up she's like oh hey uh i couldn't wrap it up but uh i got you a subscription to time magazine so now every week uh i get time magazine and I kind of wish I could get it privacy style. Yeah. You're more on the Condé Nast sort of bandwagon of properties. There's a magazine that's roughly equivalent to Time. But the premise of this magazine is that rather than do reporting, they will summarize the reporting of others. It's called the week. And I feel like any time the topic of time or Newsweek comes up in a group situation,

which it often does. Clearly. No, you're not out at the clubs, Jordan. Clearly not. I'm still doing E, for God's sake. Yeah. Apparently, that's over. Yeah.

Apparently that's over. But I feel like on more than one occasion, somebody has like copped an attitude with me about even like The Economist or something. They're like, you know what you need to check out? The Week. It summarizes all the news so you can. Really? Is that what I need to check out? It's like if you were saying to someone like, God you read the new michael chabon novel and then they say oh man you know you got

to look into readers digest this thing okay that's all i got on that that's okay i loved readers digest when i was a kid those jokes like i don't know well you've always been a sucker for military i know i know then like it was like i think there was a rift at about 14 or 15 that i figured out like oh oh this is a weird publication what is this um why is everyone always getting attacked by animals a lot of of wilderness survival stories. A lot of survival stories. A lot of base-based humor. And, yeah, an amusing tale.

Yeah, all those amusing tales. Or like wisdom from a famous baseball coach. Oh, yeah. Yeah, really? Casey Stengel once said. Oh, yeah, clearly. The Stengelmeister, you know, like, would drop the knowledge.

You can't always swing for the fences. All right. On the topic of Super Bowl and why or why not to watch it. Right. Before I came here, I was sitting at a thing eating a sandwich. Right. A restaurant. Okay, sure.

Was it an intervention? Like a thing? No, no, it was a sandwich. Right. A restaurant. Okay, sure. And Was it an intervention? Like a thing? No, no, it was a restaurant. I said thing when I said restaurant. Okay, okay. And there were a couple of fixed gear bike types next to me.

Oh, the fixies. Sure. And they were just kind of eating quietly. And then one of them Which is good because otherwise you'd have had to pound them yeah well here we go one of them says to the other one hey you know what dude i just realized i don't even know who's playing in the super bowl today right now uh uh and this is something i've been noticing a lot

i'm taking a um i'm taking a sitcom writing class on sundays and uh i'm in it with a bunch of other people who would take a sitcom writing class and class cut-ups class cut-ups we had a class today and there was a big row amongst the guys about like how they don't care that we're having class on super bowl sunday uh it was a row it was a row? It was a row. Classifying it just as that, as a row, I think right there, you know. Sounds like quite a hullabaloo. They were having a lot of fun with the facts. There was a kerfuffle?

Yeah, yeah. A din. They were having a lot of fun with the fact that they were the kind of guys who would rather work on their sitcom writing than watch the Super Bowl. I am not a guy who watches the Super Bowl. No, sir.

You couldn't care less about sports. Yeah. But I think it's so lame to be proud of being a guy who doesn't watch sports. Now, I know that in high school you maybe have to develop that attitude if you're – if it's a jock-heavy high school that cares a lot about sports, you have like kind of defend a little bit against it and i get it but when you're an adult shut the fuck up like don't be proud of the fact that you don't know who's in the super bowl that just shows that you don't engage with the world like that means right you're you're uh oblivious i don't know anyways and to be fair i will say, I do know who is in the Super Bowl.

Sure. Ruben Studdard. Yeah. Right. And a rapist. Wow. They're playing Super Bowl against each other.

I had a really odd exchange with a woman I didn't know at our friend's house earlier, just as the Super Bowl started. And again, as we record this, the Super Bowl is still going. But she says, I hate that Ben Roethlisberger.

He's so big. He's a big Neanderthal. He's so oafish. Yeah. And I said, and he allegedly raped more than one person. So I would say there's two reasons to dislike Ben Roethlisberger. His brow, his Neanderthal-like brow. Yeah, his physical size, his unusual physical size.

Okay, speaking as someone who's 6'6 and 250 pounds, I think, you know, yes, there's nothing wrong with being a little oafish. You would be kind of, frankly, you would be offended if people said that they didn't like you because you were oafish and not because of the rape. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I've lived my life to be as non-rapey as possible. Sure. Right. And so, you know.

You've had to rape a few times. Everything you do is consensual. Absolutely. Everything. Yeah. Even the non-sexual things. You ask for permission. May I pay for this hamburger?

Sure. May I eat this hamburger? You were asking the hamburger so did you watch did you watch so you i've watched the beginning of the super bowl did you see former nfl greats reading the declaration of independence no that's not a real thing no that really happened. That didn't happen. No, I swear to God. Okay, so it's like Colin Powell and the commissioner, Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL. They're walking in the rotunda where they keep the Declaration of Independence. And Colin Powell's talking, and he's sort of very jovial. And Roger Goodell is looking like he's going to kick the audience's ass.

He's just walking. He's not very comfortable on camera or something, but he's just looking very angry. He wants to see what he has purpose. Yeah, absolutely. He's walking with purpose and angry. And then it cuts to various current and former NFL great players. It just cuts to like Ronnie Lott.

Yes, Ronnie Lott standing in fields of Americans that are staring dead-eyed at the camera as it's swooping with jib arms. Wait, so this is for GoDaddy.com, right? No! On behalf of GoDaddy.com. No, no, this is for the NFL and the military.

And the Declaration of Independence is a fine American document, but it's a little wordy and long for a television piece. So it went on for a full five minutes of swooping HD visuals in various settings in America with all of these players and Americans and service members and children's orchestras. There's so many service members everywhere. Yes.

Look, my father is a veteran. I have the utmost respect for our men and women in uniform. Look, my father is a veteran. I have the utmost respect for our men and women in uniform. You don't have to question my respect for our men and women in uniform. But even they must feel a little uncomfortable when they're always getting calls to stand behind Christina Aguilera. Yeah, sure. Man, she oversung that.

There was like 500 notes in her national anthem, too, as well. The question is, can we do a 90-minute Jordan Jesse Go on the 10 minutes of the Super Bowl before we started recording? And then I left, and then I left, and then I came here. Well, we're lucky to have you, Kent. Oh, stop it. Kent Nichols from Ask a Ninja is our guest. I'm Jesse Thorne. With me, Jordan Morris. We'll be back with more Jordan Jesse Go in just a second. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kent Nichols, carbon-based laugh form. All right. You got that over Twitter. Oh, hey. I saw that Kent knew he was coming on to Jordan, Jesse Goh. He knew the drill. He knew that he would have to think of a nickname.

He did some brainstorming with his friends on Twitter. And, uh, yeah. And I, I, I like that one. The best one that I thought that was,

I thought that was fun. Carbon based laugh form. Hello. Did you hear, uh, Kurt Anderson talking about, uh, Explodo on Studio 360?

I did not. This is news that is reverberating through the MaxFun universe right now. I have gotten no less than 10 emails about this. Our friend Kurt Anderson hosts the public radio international program Studio 360. Big fan. It's a world of arts and culture. I think everyone sitting here is a big fan of Studio 360. Jordan often calls me to talk about the latest Studio 360.

We'll chat a little bit about it. It's great. It's a lot of fun. Kurt Anderson, when he was a guest on this program, used the nickname Explodo. Now, here's the thing. Here's the thing. We didn't really expect Kurt Anderson to be comfortable coming up with a stupid nickname. We figured Kurt Anderson, being exceptionally classy up with the stupid nickname. We figured Kurt Anderson being exceptionally classy.

I called someone classy. I called Daryl Hall from Hall & Oates, who was on the Sound of Young America recently, classy on Twitter. And Kurt Anderson said that classy was Jesse Thorne Ease for middle-aged and well-mannered. But anyway, Kurt's a very classy guy. And so our minds were absolutely blown by the fact that his nickname was Explodo. Cut to roughly two years later.

It's still front and center in our minds. We're still working over Explodo. It's basically all we think about. Clearly. And our friend Kurt Anderson explains on Studio 360 that he didn't even make up the name Explodo. It's his actual nickname. His actual nickname because he loved

as a child to set off fireworks. Explodo. Well, that's the cleanest version of that nickname. I mean, it was the cleanest explanation. I'm called Explodo because I have so much jizz. My balls make so much jizz.

And that's why Kurt Anderson's so classy. He's a class act. Anyway, our hats are off to Mr. Kurt Anderson. He told me he's coming to Los Angeles. We'll try and get him back in here. Oh, boy. That'll be a treat. He's going to be visiting Los Angeles.

We bring him by. We talk things over a little bit. Have a few drinks. And explode all over his head. Yes, and just explode. Okay, Jordan, you've been holding this piece of paper in your hand. I don't know what to... I should explain. I have no idea what is

on this piece of paper. Is this like the Carson bit? Is this, you know... Yes. A joke, a smoke, and a bloke. Five things, something, something, Madonna. That's right. Hey-o.

You guys should have been the Tonight Show host instead of Conan. That's right. No, well, clearly I was up for it, but, you know. Oh, geez. Okay, so Jordan has been so excited about whatever this piece of paper represents. On Saturday. And it's basically been all i've been thinking about it has replaced explodo in my brain wow that's my foremost thought that's a lot of mental real

estate uh i got this in uh there was a bulletin board uh i went into one of those stores that's just kind of like a general office uh activity store like somewhere you go to get something laminated. I had to send a fax on a Saturday so I went to this place to send a fax. I hate sending faxes. I always have to go to those places. Yeah, yeah. There's copy machines. People, try being in business. I'm here at the

business, in my business area here in Jesse's office where we record this program. Sometimes somebody will ask me to send them a fax. And I'll say, can I just email it to you? Right. And they'll say no.

Yes. What? What do you mean no? So I have to find a Kinko's. Do you not have email? Ah. Yes. Infuriating.

Anyway, so there's a bulletin board in this place. And there's stuff for dog walking, for community theater performances, for guys who take new headshots. And then I saw a stack of these that had just been kind of precariously push-pinned to this billboard. And it's about the size of a business card, but it's just printed on paper. He will not show it to us. This is not heavy card stock. No. This is just a piece of paper.

From what I can see right now, Jordan, we're talking about a standard piece of paper, roughly the size of a business card. Two inches by four inches. You have the floor. And I'm going to read every bit of information on this little slip of paper. All right. I will only omit this guy's phone number. Okay. Thank you. But every

other piece of info, I am not leaving anything out. His phone number is public. Right. He put it on the bulletin board. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll get to that. Rick Martino. R-I-K Martino. Need help? Call Rick.

Phone number. YouTube.com. Fluent in English and Italian. Physically fit. So wait, is there no username on YouTube? No, it's just the website YouTube.com. I assume Rick Martino has things on YouTube, but this is not pointing to a specific page. Did you search for Mr. Martino?

And I'm assuming, I'm presuming it's a mister. I am too, but who knows in this crazy world. Because it could be Rick. Yeah, yeah. That is all the information. Sure. Clearly. Need help?

We work in the audio medium. Right. But you've been immensely successful on YouTube for many years. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. You and your project, Ask a Ninja. Would you recommend a specific URL or just writing YouTube? You know, I mean, I don't know. YouTube sort of needs maybe a little traffic boost in general. Right, sure.

And so... Not getting the attention in general. Right. Sure. And so... Not getting the attention it deserves. Right. And so maybe just having YouTube there, you know, without any other call to action or anything else that's specific that they teach you how to do to drive personal traffic for you

might be helpful. So this might be... You're thinking this is kind of a good Sam type situation where he just sees a company that needs a little bit of a boost. Maybe. So he says, check out YouTube.com. Maybe. Or maybe it's one of those environmental games that they do to launch Halo or something like that. Like Rick Martino is in it of himself.

It's just like an element within a massively multiplayer game or something. So maybe if we investigate this enough, we'll figure out who the villain in Batman 3 is going to be. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Yes. Oh, wait. We know that. Yeah.

Well, wait. Who is the Batman villain? Anne Hathaway is going to be Catwoman, and Tom Hardy is going to be Bane. And they say maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt will do something. Now, how attractive is Tom?

Because Anne Hathaway, man, I have a crush on that lady. I didn't until she hosted Saturday Night Live. Oh, yeah? I thought she was so cute. Yeah, she's adorable.

Yeah. I would have guessed that the villain was voice tone modulation. Yeah. Suddenly said voice. The whole time I was like, I don't want to break in. It's okay.

I said that banter. You don't want to break into that gold. So here's the things we know about Rick. Right. He's asking you if you need help. Jordan, let's start with what we know. Here's what we know about rick right he he's asking you if you need help jordan let's start with what we know here's what we know he is asking the question need help right he's fluent in english and italian uh-huh and he's physically fit right what is rick martino advertising fucking it yeah

right i mean it's a male escort it's gotta be sex right Does Italian mean prostitute Yeah Is it Maybe Italian is like Kind of linguist Maybe Yeah maybe English is Sucking dick

Italian is Taking a dick in your butt I was gonna say eating pussy I respect your Decision not to Read off his telephone number Yeah But can we get an area code

323 323 This is Los Angeles Hollywood Fairfax read off his telephone number. Yeah. But can we get an area code? Uh, three, two, three, three, two, three. This is Los Angeles, Hollywood, Fairfax.

He could be a Hasidim. This is, yeah, this, and I, I got this, this is off of Fairfax. Right. Um,

do you think he's Hasidic? Could, do you have reason to believe we're jumping? Now look, can Hasid use YouTube.com? If, if anyone's an anti-Semite here, it's Ken. Can Hassan use YouTube.com? If anyone's an anti-Semite here, it's Ken. No, no, no. I'm not being anti-Semitic.

I'm just clearly saying that perhaps... It's just a fact that they control the banks. Wow. Look at the numbers. Wow. No, the ninjas do that. The ninjas is ninjas is ninjas. They're part of Killer Sapiens, that order above humanity.

Okay. So it's not the Jews. I forgot about how in three years of producing ninja-based web videos, Kent and his partner created an entire ninja mythos. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's so much like, you know, so much thought about stupid things. But, yeah,

I don't know, you know, so he's Italian? Or, do you think he's Italian? Well... He could have just done a semester abroad. Yeah, yeah, but Rick Martino, I mean, it seems like he's at least of Italian heritage. Do you think he could have anything to do with The Room?

Oh, yeah. You know, like something like that. Popular so bad it's good movie, The Room. Right, you know, because that was produced by someone who was bilingual. But that guy's French? I think that's the thing about that guy. Nobody knows. Yeah.

It isn't his ethnicity. He's very mysterious. Yeah. And just generally bad. Um, gosh. Supervillain? Supervillain? Yeah, well, here, so what do we do as a group?

We've speculated. Do we go onto YouTube.com and search Rick Martino need help? Uh-huh. Is it ethical to just call Rick Martino now? Huh. Oh, I think clearly we have to call him. Like, well, yeah, the question is, do we Google before or do we Google after we call him?

What's more satisfying, I wonder? But yeah, I mean, we certainly don't want to upset Rick Martino. But. Well, but do you need help? I do need, I mean, there are various aspects of my life where I need help. Where would you say that you need help, Jordan?

I mean, like hygiene. Sure. Clearly. Time management. Time management. That's a good one. Who doesn't need help with time management? Yeah, general organization. It seems like the day just flies by when you've got stuff to do.

It does. Faxing. It does. You need help with faxing. Yeah. Cooking. Cooking. Also an area that I need some help

Cat care Really? Yeah, I mean, it's always nice to have a refresher course Sure Like cat grooming? So are you going to call him? Well, I don't know, should we call him? We can't call him on the podcast, right? That's like illegal, right?

If we call him on the podcast We have to tell him that he's being recorded. Unless we're in Nevada. Yeah, there are states that we can go to. Oh. So if we were to call him from like maybe an oil rig off the coast

we could just do whatever. In international waters? Yeah, yeah. And like we could also marry him as well? Sure. And have a cock Yeah, yeah. Like we could also marry him as well? Sure. Monkey knife fight. And have a cock fight, yeah. Why don't we just YouTube him first? Okay, let's take a break.

When we come back, we will have YouTubed Rick Martino. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Yes. This is instantaneous for you, but we've spent four or five minutes just in the thralls of bafflement. Sure. Yes. Wow. How would you characterize what we found? I think I was the closest.

He is in the room category of the poor man's wizzo, Tommy Wizzo. We found a sort of black and white art film. And I say art film because it opens with roughly three minutes of nothing. Sure. Right. And classical music. And classical music. And a portentous gun.

And a Ford Falcon. That's true. You did identify the Falcon. Yeah. I want to give our guest Kent Nichols some respect for recognizing not just the make, but also the model of the vehicle. Very impressive. Thank you. Wow. Just madness. Yeah. So I guess from this

we can derive that Rick Martino is some sort of filmmaker who part of his plan of getting himself out there is tacking up these tiny pieces of paper that say, need help. The film is, I think we saw, we looked at it, we saw three parts. And the first part was nine minutes. So it's got to be 25 or 30 minutes long, right? Yeah. And there were 80 views. Sure. On the first one. What do you got to figure?

You got to figure, you got... A little drop off between the first and second parts. You got 70 views from Rick. Right. You got, I don't know if Rick's mom's alive, but you got to figure five for that. The film has other cast members. His mom is dead. Like, didn't you just see the video?

Oh, right. I didn't. Spoiler alert. The father before sunset. The father didn't even bother to call when the mom died at school. So, yeah. So is Rick Mart just a crazy wannabe filmmaker? You would think more than 83 people would have typed Ford Falcon into YouTube and gotten it.

But it's not like it's a visual search. He needed to tag it. And I think his aspirations were beyond the Ford Falcon community. Yeah. People might just like to see footage of a Ford Falcon. I mean, aspirations were beyond the Ford Falcon community. People who might just like to see footage of a Ford Falcon. You're in the Ford Falcon community. You know about how voracious those people are about YouTube videos.

Clearly. There's a huge sub-genre, sub-culture out there that's just devoted to seeing the Ford Falcon in black and white. And not just that, but I mean, when you talk about themes they love, I mean, you talk about fathers beating children. Sure.

You talk about just lack of color. Classical music. Portentous gun. Sure. Mother dying. Sub-professional child actor trying to act like her mother died. Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, but I think I heard that this guy's sort of method, like he killed that little actress's mom. That's how she actually reacted. Now, where did you hear that, Kent? I've been...

Is this part of the ninja mythos? Yeah, that's right. I've been Googling. I've been ninja-ing while we've been watching this. Wow. Though it looks like I've just maintained eye contact with you guys and the screen,

I've been pulling out my phone very quickly. So this is a situation where you move so fast that our eyes don't register. No, yeah, clearly not. Clearly not. There's lots of fight sequences going on right now. What? Oh, I bet they're so cool. Oh, they're amazing.

Whoa, I can't wait to see them. You'd be bored by them. Oh, okay bet they're so cool. Oh, they're amazing. Whoa, I can't wait to see them. You'd be bored by them. Oh, okay. Can we talk about how much your voice sounds like David Cross? I get that sometimes. I literally thought that this podcast was David Cross doing it on the down low. Oh, right. And he's adopted this hilarious character.

Yeah, absolutely. I was sort of expecting on the download to walk in and be like, hey, it's David Krupp. Okay, this guy's cool too. That's fine. That's fine. I'm sorry I won't have

more stories for you about what the set of the Chipmunks movies are like. Wow. You were not a big fan of the Squeakquel? Oh, no.

I was a fan of both of them. I'm very excited to see chipwrecked coming this christmas is that in your time in the chipmunks yeah it's coming it's uh coming soon alvin simon theodore sure it's a trilogy with even less involvement by jason lee those movies are a huge success. Yeah, I think so. What is the secret to success? I don't understand what it is. Let's ask Rick Martino.

We need help. You know what else is a really huge success? Beverly Hills Chihuahua. That was huge. And it looked so bad. I was watching Up or something, and the trailer came on, and literally all of the families and the kids lost their shit when Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailer came on. The original one, I was like, what do I know?

I was like, what do I know? Yeah, yeah. I feel like I don't know anything about the world. I feel lost. Well, I mean I think with kids' movies, you just have to release them at an appropriate time. Like a Kraken? Sometimes kids' movies aren't that. Release kids' movies like you would release a Kraken. Sometimes kids' movies aren't successful.

I mean, that's the thing that I don't understand. There's a thing in my mind that thinks, okay, kids, they don't know that the jokes have been done a million times. They're not that well educated by virtue of their age. You know, even if they're precocious, they're still less discerning than you or I. And they can't do things that like regular people can do. So I can understand why a kid would think something terrible was good. Sure. I used to love Webster.

But your question is more, why do certain terrible things succeed and certain terrible things fail? That's the part that I don't understand. Why has there been a straight-to-DVD Beverly Hills Chihuahua sequel and no straight-to-DVD Marmaduke sequel? I think a perfect example is

our friend and friend of this program Andy Daly was in a movie called Yogi Bear. I visited the Yogi Bear set, by the way. Kent visited the set of Yogi Bear. I visited Andy Daly, a mutual friend, and yeah. It was literally, I was

in New Zealand, like backpacking, as you do, and it was just like, hey, you know, like, you know, Douglas, my partner, Naska Ninja, is quite good friends with the Dailies and dog sits for them and whatnot. And so it's like, well, you know, Andy's going to be in New Zealand while you're there. They filmed Yogi Bear in New Zealand? That's right. Why? And so I go to the set, right?

They needed Peter Jackson's creature shop. Yeah. Absolutely. So I go to the set after a month of hiking in New Zealand. And it's in Auckland. I believe it's Auckland. Whatever. One of the cities. Big cities.

There's only two. And I'm walking there. Sydney. It's like there's 500 people. It's the biggest movie set in the world. You can't get bigger than this sort of set. Like cars in the world like sort of like you can't get bigger than this sort of set like like cars in the background you didn't know that in new zealand they do everything at lord of the ring scale yeah absolutely absolutely and there was hobbits there so many elves oh it was amazing

and uh you know in the center of it's andy daly in a limousine and uh being shot in 3d and there's producers and lattes and like it was it was crazy and stupid and everything else, and there was chairs for Yogi and Boo Boo. Wow. What? Yeah. Wow. But I didn't get to see them, unfortunately. Yeah.

Boo. Boo. Divas. Divas. You know, divas. Andy, I think there's a strong argument to be made that Andy Daly is the funniest person in the world. Absolutely.

Sure. You can make a case. And Yogi Bear was not a failure, but neither was it a monumental success. Now, I'm not putting that all on the back of Andy Daly. I realize that the way that I'm structuring this makes it seem like the success or failure of Yogi Bear rested upon the shoulders of Andy Daly. But I had a vested interest in it because our friend Andy Daly was in it. I would love to see him become a movie star because I'd get to enjoy his comedy on the big screen.

And other people across America would get to see what we get to see here in Los Angeles all the time. So I felt like I had a vested interest. Moderately successful film So yes, what is the difference between Marmaduke, Yogi Bear, and Alvin and the Chipmunk? I think that was the original Sphinx riddle Like, you know, what is the difference between I don't know What's the difference between any movie?

Like, any movie on paper Any movie on paper, you could be like like well i can see how they made it like but i you know when then when you see it actually executed you're like i did that fell off the rails there didn't it it's i think i think a huge part of that and i think the huge part of the movie business that maybe maybe doesn't get written about a lot it's's just timing. Like, has there been a kids movie in theaters in the past month? If there hasn't, then that's a month where these parents who need

things to do with their kids haven't been able to go to the movies. So, you know, if there's been a a, you know, a lack of kids movies in theaters, it seems like when a Yogi Bear or Beverly Hills Chihuahahua comes out no matter what it is they'll go so if you can time it right i think it's more about that i think i want to see you know now that you mentioned this i'm having a

vague memory of having gone to see rainbow bright the movie in the theaters okay yeah no uh that's on netflix streaming right now. And whenever we scroll by it, my fiance loses her shit. She's like, oh, Rainbow Bay. And I'm like, no, we're not going to watch that. Yeah. It led to a long period where I pretended in my mind that the tunnel through the mountain on the north side of the Golden Gate Bridge, led not from San Francisco into Marin, but rather from black and white world into color world.

Oh, right. That's about all I remember. Oh, I was going to throw a Purple Pie Man reference, but that's Strawberry Shortcake. Totally different girl verse. Hey, Kent. Yeah. I haven't met your fiance.

Wow. She seems like a lovely lady. She is. She sounds really hot. Just fucking watch the Rainbow Bride movie with her, okay? She works hard. She puts up with your nonsense. I know.

My tomfoolery. She knows way too much about the Ask a Ninja verse. It's true. It's true. Just get a box of cupcakes from Sprinkles, bottle of champagne, and treat your lady to an hour and a half of almost unsloggably

mind-numbing faux entertainment. Well, you know what? You know what? Valentine's Day is coming up. And you guys just did some date planning for this guy.

Because nothing says romance. Yes. Like streaming? Was there an evil man with a cat in Rainbow Bright like there was in the Smurfs? Or am I just mixing up Smurfs and Rainbow Bright? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The Purple Pie Man was the Gargamel of the Strawberry Shortcase universe. And he was called the Purple Pie Man?

Oh, he was the Purple Pie Man. Wow. Yeah, because I had to play the Purple Pie Man with my sister when she was Strawberry Shortcase. Okay. Clearly. Got you. You know, like, because that was the bone to the brother.

That was the brother bone. I didn't have to play, like, a girl or anything else. But I was the Purple Pie Man. You did have to participate, though. Well, you know, like, there's limited options. There was my brother who was older and a little more taciturn.

Sure. He wanted to play Jack off to Playboys. Wow. Wow. Yeah. No, well, there was that sort of

subterranean porn railroad that you have in any... It went from your brother to your sister to you. That's right. That's right.

You know, that's what... I you that's right that's right you know that's what i think that's what the original uh and then the hamster lines his cage with it yes makes a little nest we did have a we did have a mouse that we would blow through a tube yeah but uh no yeah i don't know wait let's go back to this mouse you blew through it too yeah my sister had a mouse and like shoot him out of a tube? Yeah, we sort of invented pneumatics. Or did you sexually pleasure him? We blew his tube.

No, we had this barbell set, and it was a tube. It was a hollow tube. The mouse fit exactly enough to be like Augustus Gloop stuck in the chocolate tubing. So you just put him in one end and then blow them across. That sounds kind of awesome. It was sort of awesome. And cruel, but awesome. It was borderline cruel.

It was cruel. He never complained. He never said anything. No, he never said anything. Never squeaked. He was a boa constrictor feed mouse. And he lived for like eight years. Probably cost a buck.

Yeah, it cost a buck. He lived for eight years. My sister won him at a carnival, I think. Oh, wow. The school carnival. And he lets you guys just rocket him across the house. You know? Well, he wasn't launched.

He wasn't launched. A lot of the kids have boa constrictors these days. Clearly. And I've got a great idea for a prize at the school carnival. Yeah. Right. Something to feed the boa. Oh, it's like the goldfish.

It's like the goldfish, you know? It's like you're just giving away, you're making flesh material for three weeks from that date. Gosh, here's my afternoon. I mentioned the sandwich I ate. Sure. But between my class and here, I also stopped by the Family Arcade on Vermont. Sure. Which is kind of the one...

Do you play families there? No, no. It's just an arcade that I guess they want you to believe is suitable for families. It's family friendly. It is not. It is not. Clearly not. This is for...

Degenerate masturbators? Mean Cholos only. Sure. See? And they're... Mean Cholos? Mean Cholos are still doing video game arcades? Yeah.

You know, Mean Cholos love fighting games. Mean Cholos. Mean Cholos. Mean Cholos. Yeah, which is an interest of mine. I thought relatively recent Chinese immigrants liked fighting games. Also Cholos. Can't explain it.

Okay. Can't explain it. Are you a Cholo? No. Are you mean? I am not. I'm a little testy. It's one of the few truly pan-cultural things.

Yes. And this family arcade has... They're really good about ordering Japanese-style cabinets, which are much easier to play fighting games on. They have an octagonal joystick. What? I'm an octagonal joystick, so it's easier to hit diagonals on it. This is something that American cabinets

do not have. Clearly. The ball on top is an octagon? No, there's a plate that's under all the cabinet thing. Anyways. How does the joist work on the cabining? Is there a nice joining? Is it a tongue and groove?

Or is it a biscuit joiner? Don't know. Don't know. Do not know that much about this. Only to the point where you know that you want a cabinet from a Japan. Do they use traditional Japanese woods? Yeah.

Yes. It's all bamboo. Okay. And some panda meat. Renewable. Yeah, right. Very renewable. Very. Nice. It's all bamboo. Okay. Excellent. And some panda meat. Renewable. Yeah, right. Very renewable. Very fast.

Pandas live in China. Anyways, so I was there, and there's also a very high level of play going on at this arcade. So it's just a pleasure to sit and watch these guys play, because they're very, very good. Sure. I can hardly think of a better way to spend the time. To spend a Sunday afternoon. Between my sitcom class and my podcast taping.

Anyway, so the group of guys kind of run the gamut between uncomfortably nerdy and really mean looking. These are the two kinds of guys that are sitting around these machines. One of the guys, giant African-American guy, huge African-American guy, and he's wearing one of those, like, crocheted caps. Like a koofy? Yes, like a koof. That's the name of it.

And he is holding under his arm a tiny plastic box with a water turtle in it. Nice, nice. I went to downtown Los Angeleseles recently and for those of you who don't live in los angeles or haven't spent time in los angeles los angeles is a very strange place in that it is essentially a giant suburb of itself and so because it goes for 30 miles or whatever there are all these kind of weird worlds going on in Los Angeles and you don't really...

And all the... There's no sort of concentration. It's not like neighborhoods. You just pass from one thing into another like you're passing from a field of red light... From black and white world to color world. Or a field of red light to green light on the stage

of a rock concert. Sure. And downtown Los Angeles is – I hadn't spent a lot of time there. But every time I go there, I get really pumped up because in some ways downtown Los Angeles is like the downtown of any great American city because it was built in the 1920s and 30s and 40s. American city because it was built in the 1920s and 30s and 40s. And it's full of these big, huge, beautiful buildings. And just all this, there's people everywhere, except that because when downtowns cratered across America, which they did in many cities across America, the downtowns cratered in the 1960s and 70s and into the 80s. Because Los Angeles was already essentially a giant suburb, so there was no, like, no one had to flee for that to happen in Los Angeles.

It just turned into a crazy ghost town, I'm sure, in 1983. It is this totally insane world. And I was, number one, I was going to the tailor supply store. Right. To buy some side buckles for trousers. On 7th or something? Yeah, somewhere down there around the garment district. On the block. And within the like literally 300 feet between where I parked my car and B. Black and Sons tailoring supplies and fine woolens, I passed not only just an itinerant street vendor selling baby turtles. Yeah.

Just a person with a huge pile of baby turtles. Well, that's also the turtle district as well. Right, yes. There's a garbage district. Well, it's the historical turtle district. But also an actual game of cup and ball con. Someone with the three cups spinning them around with a ball underneath. Yeah.

I did not know that still existed. I thought that would not, had not only been eliminated from the first world, but the second world as well. Like I would not expect to see that. Certainly I wouldn't expect to see that in the great capitals of Europe, but I, neither would I expect to see it in like Bucharest.

You know what I mean? But it's, it's like, expect to see it in like bucharest you know what i mean yeah but it's it's like you know bangalore it's like going to the to the county fair as i'm want to do and then you go and uh you just hear a good uh huckster like like you know selling knives like they're they're they're the in-person ginsu people you know it's like hype and you're never going to be able as to be as good as they they are and it's not going to improve your life. But at some point, you're just like, well, maybe it will. I know this guy's game with the cup and balls. What was the last county fair purchase you made?

You know, I don't think – I think it was probably a corndog, clearly. Okay. And that was a huge disappointment. It was. They bring you in with that corndog pattern. Who wants a corndog, corndog, corndog, corndog? Yeah. That's my version of a salesman, I guess.

A barker. Well, we were at the L.A. County Fair when I was a kid, and my dad hated poultry at the time. He was poultry-averse for growing up on a farm and seeing poultry uh uh depoultrified in front of him and um like you know my he loved hot dog and a stick and that's all we would do at the the fair and we'd eat corn dogs corn dogs corn dogs and my mom turned to him and goes well and it's great because it's a turkey dog and like he literally was mid corncorn dog, and he throws it down. He's like, well, why'd you tell me that? And he never ate another bite.

People get really emotionally wrapped up in this. I know that our friend Adam Lissagor, Lonely Sandwich from You Look Nice Today, he called me. I talked to him immediately after this big street festival here in Silver Lake that I can't think of the name of, but there's a lot of concerts and so forth. Sunset Junction. Sunset Junction. He called me after the Sunset Junction Street Festival, which costs, because of the concerts and stuff, costs like $25 to get in, something like that. He called me afterwards. He's like, ah, Sunset Junction fucking sucked this year. He doesn't get that animated in his voice but i could feel the passion and i was like oh you

know was was the like michelle and deggie ocello concert not to your liking um hey no no disrespect intended to michelle and deggie ocello of whom i am a fan sure um but she was one of the performers at this festival and she's been phoning it in she has been it It's true. And he says, no, I go every year so I can get giant turkey leg, and the giant turkey leg people weren't there this year. He was crushed. He was genuinely emotionally crushed at the lack of giant turkey leg. It seems like if you're going to go to an outdoor walking around thing, that's a staple of that. It seems like that guy should be at everything like that. Well, we're having fun, huh?

Yeah, I guess. Kent Nichols here. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Kent Nichols, carbon-based laugh form.

It's great to have Kent Nichols here, huh? From the Ask a Ninja program, recently relaunched. That's right. Daily videos at AskANinja.com. And YouTube.com and YouTube. Wait a minute. Just like Rick. I heard about this YouTube.com.

I'm trying to remember where. Oh, it's on Rick Martino's tiny piece of paper. Oh, right, that tiny piece of paper. But if you go to YouTube.com slash Ask a Ninja or Ask a Ninja DOS, as in D-O-S for two, you will find all of our programs there. That sounds great. If people want to get their feet wet, you know, they want to dip a toe into the Ask a Ninja verse. That's right. Okay, let's talk about a few messages for this week's program. First of all, thank you to all these people who are buying our classic Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt.

Yeah, right? This is easily the most beloved t-shirt we've ever produced. I'm not going to sit here, Jordan, and tell you that this is not the most beloved t-shirt that we've ever produced. I get emails about this t-shirt almost bi-weekly. Absolutely. I mean, people will say, how come your store doesn't sell the classic Jordan and Jessie Go t-shirt with the race car? Absolutely. And it's like, geez, I think Jordan and Jessie Go need to reproduce this classic and most wanted t-shirt.

This t-shirt is good looking. This t-shirt is comfortable. Very soft. This t-shirt is ultra premium. And this t-shirt is guaranteed to make you a hit with the opposite sex or same sex as you prefer. At your Super Bowl parties. It turn, it will, in fact, if you are a gay man and the object of your romantic interest is a straight man, it will turn that straight man into a gay man and the object of your romantic interest is a straight man, it will

turn that straight man into a gay man. Same thing for lesbos. Jordan. It totally works. Jordan. They're from the island of Lesbos. I am not gay. Jordan is racist against

people from the island of Lesbos. And Jesse is married and he was wearing the shirt, and we made sweet love before the show. We totally did. He saw the shirt. We started doing it. Does Teresa consider that cheating? No, of course not.

Not if I'm wearing the shirt. We're on the same team. We're on the same team. That's just human. That's called human nature, Jordan. We're animals. We're animals. That's called human nature.

Kent, on this program, on this program, if folks want to share their personal or commercial messages, they can email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org and she will set it up for them. It is $100 for a personal message,

$150 for a commercial message, just a little sort of Jumbotron-style service we offer our listeners. So first of all, Luke Black is a Jordan Jesse Goh listener who is working on a short film called Uni. It is a comic satire of ex-gay conversion camps,

something that I think we can all agree needs a little satire because it's the worst thing in the history of the world. I mean, really and truly probably the worst. I mean, Holocaust was probably worse. It's up there. But it's the worst thing in the history of the world. I mean, really and truly, probably the worst. I mean, Holocaust was probably worse. It's up there. But it's right up there. What about the Inquisition? I mean...

Yeah, shit going down in Darfur is probably right up there. Yeah. But certainly when you're talking about stuff going on with the oversight of a man of the cloth in contemporary united states it's one of the top five worst things right sure clearly top five um anyway uh the star of this movie is darcy michael uh who is a regular guest on our friends Stop Podcasting Yourself's program, a three-time guest. His character, also named Darcy, loves nothing more than to dress up as a unicorn. So I think it sounds like a fun movie.

They're trying to get the money together to finish this thing and make this thing. To finish this thing and make this thing, you can find out how to support this movie at Indiegogo.com slash uni. Indi, I-N-D-I-E, go, go, spelled as you would expect, slash uni, U-N-I. So our thanks to Luke for his support, and we hope you'll support Luke's project as well. Now, this one is unusual. Patrick Foy, a regular listener, I believe he's a contributor on the forum as well. Now this one is this one's unusual. Patrick Foy, a regular listener. I believe he's a contributor on the forum as well, has sponsored our podcast not to sponsor

not to promote his podcast, but to promote another podcast that he also likes. Askaninja.com? It's not Askaninja.com. It seems crazy, right? It seems nuts. Who doesn't like that ninja and his elaborate mythos? Clearly.

This show that he likes is, okay, initially I thought that the show was called Rum Doings. Okay. But I'm guessing now that I've thought about it some that it's probably called Rum Doings. Okay. Rum doings. I mean, hey, either one's possible.

But it's nice that you didn't, you lack the curiosity to not Google this thing and listen to it and to find out the actual pronunciation. I'm asking the listeners to Google it. No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely. You don't want to overstep your bounds. I've got work to do, Kent. I know. These people just sit around the house all day.

They're paying you $100 to say this thing. Watching Oprah and listening to Jordan Jesse go, that's all these people have. Sure. I know. Well, you're the new Oprah. Now that Tyra's gone. You're the new Oprah now that she's leaving.

Is Tyra gone? I think Tyra's gone. Tyra is gone, but not forgotten. No, absolutely not. She'll live on forever in our hearts, of course. She's the explodo of daytime talk show. She is the explodo. Rum doings, he says, Patrick says that his sister compared it to Jordan Jesse Go.

Okay. Patrick's sister. Not one of the people involved in the making of the show Rum Doings. Right. Patrick's sister compared it one of the people involved in the making of the show Rum Doings. Right. Patrick's sister compared to George Gase. Is she drunk on rum when she listens to Rum Doing? In case people were speculating as to whether or not $100 would cause us to read any message, let this be evidence that we will read any message.

The hosts of this show, one of them is named john walker who is a video game and television critic uh the other one is named nick nick mailer he is the owner of the british isp the positive internet company now is his name mick mick mailer uh his name is nick mailer okay nick mailer he is the nephew of norman mailer sure which of course is the ultimate podcast hosting quality he's a nick off the old block. Between that and ready access to hosting, he's really great. Anyway, he says to check out episode 25. That's probably their best episode ever.

Rum doing. It sounds British or from the UK to some degree. Do you think a rum doing is like spotted dick or something? It is a spotted dick. Where it turns out to mean something pretty unremarkable? Or maybe it's Cockney rhyming slang. Oh! Okay. Let me see if I remember how this works.

Good day, mate! Yes, exactly. That's what it means. That's what it means. You've been to Cockney, the capital of New Zealand. I have been to Cockney, the capital of New Zealand, to visit Andy Daly on a 3D movie. Was the Yogi Bear shot in 3D or converted later? It was. No, it was shot in 3D.

Wow. You're walking into it, you're like, this is the largest scale movie making that I will ever witness for a long, long time. Because what's bigger than 300 people and 3D cameras and flying and jibs and movie stars. It was like, this is crazy that Andy Daly is in the middle of this. They had jibs? They had jibs. Wow.

It was as if the NFL was producing a spot on the First Amendment. That scale of production. Okay. If you want to do one of these, not just on our program, but Stop Podcasting Yourself or My Brother, My Brother and Me, our brothers in arms at MaximumFun.org. You can email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. By the way, Jordan, coming up, the MaxFun Pledge Drive. We're only about a month out from the MaxFun Pledge Drive.

I think it's going to be amazing. I've been talking with Teresa about some of the thank you gifts we're putting together. And they're going to be huge? Oh, they're going to be monstrous. Great. with Teresa about some of the thank you gifts we're putting together. And they're going to be huge? They're going to be monstrous. If you've been freeloading until now, the buck stops at the beginning of March, my friend. The buck stops. We'll be back in just a second.

We're not like rum doings where we have Norman Mailer inherit its money to coast on, okay? You do have that George Plimpton money, though. I do. That's just because I robbed George Plimpton at gunpoint. Give me your money, you zombie corpse! He turned out to be a real paper lion.

Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Kent Nichols, carbon-based laugh form. The more you hear the nickname, I feel like it could use more punchiness. Yeah. It was pretty cute the first time. I know. Oh, I was delighted. I can remember that time very vividly. It's sort of fading.

Did you write down any of the ideas? Here's the thing. I had a list of topics that I was thinking about with you guys. And then I was going to write them down in my Moleskine and then bring them in. I was like, you know what? No one does that with you, I don't think. And I think I would have been nerdy. I think I would have just given off that sort of over-prepared nerdy vibe to bring that in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't. And now I feel a little ashamed that I don't have the other ones. I like this under-prepared phoning it in that you're doing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't, and now I feel a little ashamed that I don't have the other ones. And I like this underprepared phoning it in that you're doing. Yeah, yeah. No, no, clearly, clearly. So it's that balance.

I do agree. It's a pretty amazing coincidence that you came in here prepared to talk about my neighbor's gay porn. Right. Well, no, I've been literally doing my homework. I've been listening to past episodes. I've been trying to, you know, like I try to be conversant in my mirror with myself in just sort of subtly witty, hipsterish ways.

Which frankly is very kind of you given that you're successful and we're not. Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please. Your level of success is huge. I mean, well, OK. It's large. I mean, well.

It is a level. It's there. It's there. You have a level of success. It's large. I mean, well. It is a level. It's there. It's there. You have a level of success. Can you stop staring at my crotch? Wow. I'm sorry. You're wearing the t-shirt on your crotch now.

I am. It's true. The new t-shirt at maxfundstore.com. Listen, we ask our listeners, as you know from having done your homework, to call in when something momentous happens to us for a segment called Momentous Occasions. Now, last week we picked out some calls, and when I say we, I mean our intern, Lindsay,

picked out some calls. I was dissatisfied with the calls. I fired her. Wow. Was she working for free? She was. I mean, she wasn't strictly working for free. Yeah, she was, yes.

Okay. Now that I think about it, yes. It's harder to fire someone that's working for free, isn't it? No, I find it easier. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Really? Okay. Interesting. I guess it's more of a banning or a banishment.

Yeah. Yes, yes. You're never to return. Here's the thing. She saw it as more of a rumspringa. Yes. Yes. You're never to return. Here's the thing. She saw it as more of a room springer. Oh, okay. Where she was to go out into the world. Yeah. She went out there.

She saw the other options. She might have tried, I don't know, maybe she tried interning for Earwolf. She went out there and talked to Marin. She went to the cat ranch in Highland Park, California. And now she's back helping you build a barn. Exactly. So we'll see how this week's calls are. Maybe I'll have to fire her again.

I'm not going to lie to you. Sounds fun. I also have a momentous occasion. I just saw a man driving his Toyota Camry with his belly. He was so fat that he didn't need his hands on the wheel. He could just kind of stick his belly and move his hips from side to side, and that would steer his car. He was doing this for, you know, probably three or four minutes

while we were going alongside him. So that's kind of magical. All right, talk to you guys later. Bye. So was he eating? Was he eating as well? Yeah, what was he doing with his hands? Was it like a bike? It's magical Alright Talk to you guys later Bye So Was he eating? Was he eating as well? Yeah what was he doing with his hands?

Was it like a bike? Like the Was it like the cocky bike guy That can Yeah Ride his bike with no hands? Yeah I hate that fucking guy

Yeah that guy The smirk and like Oh Look at you You got a You got a big hero sandwich in one hand Yeah And a

And a gun in the other And you're firing it randomly You got a big hero sandwich in one hand. Yeah. And a gun in the other. And you're firing it randomly. God bless America. Yeah. Hey, Jordan, Jessica. It's Dave and Pavlis from Orlando, Florida. Soon to be Dave and Pavlis from New York City.

I have a momentous occasion. I just accepted a job offer in New York. You guys heard when I got my PhD and was recalled when we got married. So with this third life event, I think that means you're basically our mom now. Wow. Do with that as you will. Well, gonna try and push you out of my vagina, right?

I mean, isn't that the basic thing that you do? I was just going to put him in timeout. But, you know, you can do whatever you want to with your vagina. Timeout for what? For lack of animation in his call? I was going to say for moving around all willy-nilly. Well, but he didn't pick the call. Like, you know, someone else did.

Intern. Okay. Don't look. It's not your job to hire and fire here at maximum it's true i'm just because you're a success on the internet and we're failures oh please doesn't mean it's your place to rub our noses in this that's right no we're total huge no we're not just because you've got hot new daily vids and we only have weekly lukewarm pods. Yeah, but you have a network.

There's a network. There's a conference. We're international. International? You're on the radio? That's true. You hobnob? In literally several markets.

Literally. Hey, Jordan, Jessica. This is Jess in North Carolina. I called recently about seeing a guy driving on the interstate playing a recorder, and I have another highway-related call for you. This guy's our highway go-to. Clearly. Look, sorry, belly driver.

This fella called in about the guy he saw in traffic playing the recorder while driving. Well, you've got to practice, and that's sort of on the spectrum of annoying instruments to hear practicing. It's got to be the recorder. On this occasion, I just saw a woman driving down the median, and not in the middle of the median, but on my side of the median, which means she was going against traffic. And it's three o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. And when I passed her, she didn't look drunk or crazy at all. She just looked kind of resigned and frustrated, but still making no effort

to get back across the median to her side of the highway. Just thought you'd like that. Thanks guys. Bye. Okay. That's horrifying. Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like she sounded to me like my immediate story that I wrote

from my sitcom writing class. I was taught this, that you save the cat. You save the cat. Yeah. And that she's looking for her cat or or something on that side of the the road that like let's say she was angry at her fiance and she threw out her engagement ring and now she's looking for it by driving that close

on the median the wrong way to me like that that that's what it screams out to me she she she knows what she's doing she's looking for that or maybe like a chair that perhaps flew off the roof or or the back of her truck bed yeah yeah something like that look my story is that she's mentally ill can't your expertise is in the ninja mythos right clearly you don't what do you know about people driving down the medium i just media i the median? I just know people. I just know people. That's my gig. So far, Lindsay's fired again.

I'm not going to lie to you. How much more does she have more chances at redemption? Well, there's one got into Berkeley, which I'm guessing is just somebody that got into Berkeley. Oh, boy. There's got to be a secret sex party caliber call in here to redeem her. I have smart listeners. There's a moment be a secret sex party caliber call in here to redeem her. I have smart listeners. There's a moment of shame here. Conversely to the momentous occasion, we do ask that when something really shameful happens, people call in and tell the story of their moment of shame.

This takes an especially brave form of caller because literally dozens of people across America are going to hear this podcast over the course of the next few years. So as long as we leave it up and we do remember to put Ford Falcon in the tags. Here's our moment of shame. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Lance from Birmingham. This happened last night. This is a moment of shame. So me and my wife are driving home with the windows down,

and she turns to me and said something I couldn't understand. And I asked her to repeat herself. I'm just going to interject here and say, so far, this is fucking amazing. Lindsay's job is saved. So far, this is so mind blowing.

What a comeback. A yeah. I know we're not watching the Superbowl, but right now this is a home run. Yeah, absolutely. And she was trying to seduce me. She said she was ready to get laid proper.

And then asked, what did you hear? I heard, I'm ready to lay a plopper. Mwah. Mwah. I don't know. I mean, the thing is, she's really nice. She's been doing a great job. Seems great.

We had some, initially, last week's Jordan Jesse Go did have some pitch issues. Yes, it did. I thought my iTunes was broken. No, that was also a small mistake that Lindsay made. But, I mean she's a bright young lady yeah just you know she's a rising we all make mistakes we all make mistakes do you think she was sent by another podcast to sabotage okay so wait here is this a double agent situation i have an odd thing to bring up right now that is both a momentous moment and a moment of shame that is inspired by your last week's episode. Wow. Because – and, like, this is bragging but also strange for me.

But the Playboy cover issue was brought up last week. Yes. And the woman that was on that cover was my ex-girlfriend and so like krista flanagan was my ex-girlfriend on mad men and and so it was like it was a bad breakup you were on the television show madman no i was not my my ex-girlfriend on the cover of playboy no my ex-girlfriend was and so it's like growing up like you know masturbating to playboy you know that that's like an iconic thing you do as you do uh and then like just seeing an ex-girlfriend on the cover is just uh very very very strange and it's like you know it's like i didn't i don't want to think about her anymore i i i purposely have not watched mad men because i know she appears with some infrequency on it

but then like this thing this large cultural thing happened and it was like oh oh god that happened and so it was it was simultaneously like a momentous moment but also sort of shameful as well but isn't that better than i mean you i think we can all agree that it would be kind of weird if your current girlfriend was on the cover of Playboy. Absolutely, especially without like knowing. And it just – you learn about it from a press release. But if you're – yeah. So it would be weird if your current girlfriend was on the cover of Playboy. So that's where you've been going to and you've said I've been going to the mansion.

Yes. I thought it was like a restaurant. Right. Yeah, clearly. However you felt about it morally, you might be perfectly fine with it. It would still be weird if it was your girlfriend. It would be weird. But your ex-girlfriend, especially if it's your ex-girlfriend that you had a bad breakup with.

Right. You don't have to have any positive feelings towards her because you had a bad breakup and it's your ex-girlfriend. And I'm speaking in the general case absolutely about your specific situation but if your ex-girlfriend was in playboy all that means is that your playboy model caliber right no no clearly so you don't have to feel bad about worrying whether she's made the right life choice could because you're no longer emotionally involved in this person except in a negative way. And it's basically all you're required to say is, I hit that.

Yeah. Well, there's that. You don't have to go any deeper into it. And it's not like Angel is a centerfold. It's not like that song is sort of like about unrequited love that's there. It was like, oh, oh, oh, really? Really?

Oh, okay. Yeah, I hit that. I guess that's the... When you say you hit that, you mean you physically abused her? No, no, no, no, no. Well, I mean, you know, role-playing. His dick is so big that it's like abuse. Hello.

It's very, very... Reservoir Dogs, yeah. Sure. Right. Yes. Sure. Likeoir Dogs, yeah. Sure. Right. Yes. Sure. Like that famous torture scene. No, like the opening diner scene.

It hurt. Oh, sure. Reservoir Dogs. Like a virgin. What about this? Remember that scene with the twist-off dance contest? Yes, it was like the twist-off. Yeah.

Wait, so have you purchased or looked at the photos i have seen the photos online and like accidentally accidentally but like you know you were reading 20 questions with george bernard shaw yeah i was clearly because you know it's unlike the gay porn that does has no literary value playboy has literary merit as we've learned uh from from jordan just ago but uh it's one of those things like you know like the the jad the uh jad abramrod uh whatever radio lab radio lab uh their podcast on memory and they're like oh it's really destructive it's like no she looks exactly how i remembered her like and so there was It was just like, okay. There she is. Alright, let's move on.

God, I'd love to have sex. I'm just kidding. We just had sex. Yeah, we did. Gay sex, though. I know, gay sex hardly seems like it counts, especially if you're straight. Why judge? Why the judging tone?

I'm sorry. You probably hear the sour grapes in my voice. No one tried to gay sex me. Why judge? Why the judging tone? I'm sorry. Just, you know what? You probably hear the sour grapes in my voice. No one tried to gay sex me when I came in today. Well, that's why you need the t-shirt. I know. That's why I need to go to MaxFunStore.com. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Kent, Garden of England, Nichols. That was another one. That was another. Because Kent County, I think, is the Garden of England. And they're like, is that too literal?

And I was like, I don't know. Let's see. You know what? So I threw it in there as a softball. By softball, you mean bad idea? Yeah. Is softball a word that means bad idea? That does.

In my Kentiverse, it does. Sounds like somebody just pulled a Lindsay, huh? Whoa. She's great. Kent, you know, I'm sure you look. Unlike Jordan and myself, you're in show business. Absolutely. No, I think we're all Hollywood insiders.

You've taken a few meetings. That's true. Let me put it this way, Kent. You've taken a few meetings. It's true. No one wants to meet with these yahoos. We did pitch a movie for Reels about shoots and ladders. We did pitch a shoots and ladders movie.

Oh, wow. It was rejected. I'm sorry to hear that. Wow. But the Battleship movie, that went through. That did go through. But we're like, you know, our people were like, hey, no, get in on this. Pick a property that no one's got.

And we're like, all right, what about Chutes and Ladders? They're like, love it. They're like, pitch something pop-o-matic. Yeah. Did Hungry Hungry Hippos ever come out? Oh, yeah. No, I think that's in development. I think that's one of the ones, because clearly, you know.

Well, I mean, there's so much story. Well, and they're hungry, and they're hungry. Sure. You know? Hunger drives a lot of narrative. Absolutely. Ice Cube is going to star in that. That's my prediction.

That's racist. Doesn't that seem like an Ice Cube movie, Hungry Hungry Hippos? He just makes that angry face, and he goes, I need to ice cube movie hungry hungry hippos he just makes that angry face and he goes i need to take care of these goddamn hippos i think it's i think oh i thought he was gonna be in the hippo like you know like with like a facial hippo prosthesis yeah but like the hippos have to be the heroes it has to be a hippo hero yeah you know ice cube okay well on this subject of monster films is this something that-T and Coco can work on together? A couple weeks ago, Ice-T and my dog Coco, yes.

By which we mean that's a camera... Gosh, what's that called with the days on it? Calendar. A calendar. Wow. A calendar photo shoot with my dog Coco and a nice tall glass of iced tea. Is that one of the giveaways on your fun drive?

Is a calendar of your dog? Yeah, absolutely. You know, my mom gets a calendar of our dogs every year for Christmas, and she loves it. She does. I'm not judging your mother at all. You know what? How about this? Anybody who gives $100 a month, that's the Jesse's Golden Eagle level of donations.

I will send you the very same calendar on January 1st that we sent to my mom. Now, do you have annotated your birthdays, like family birthdays, the dog's birthdays? Yeah, you'll find out all the dog's birthdays. You'll find out the whole nine yards. It'll be come from snapfish.com. That's awesome. It's going to be fantastic. That is a donor level that I think we can all get behind.

And I'm deadly serious about it. Now, are you going to have to email me to remind me that I promised this a month ago? Yes. In a month? Yes. Clearly. Frankly, I have to remind myself what the name of this program is by writing it on my hand in between segments.

A couple of weeks ago, we asked listeners who are not in show business to pitch us their ideas for sci-fi original movies. Love it. Now, part of the understanding here is that when you pitch it to us, it becomes our property. Yeah. So should we ever be allowed admittance into Hollywood, like let's say we meet Wesley Snipes at a Christmas tree lot, like our friend Big Time Gene O'Neill did one time. That's why I watched Blade II last night.

Anyway. Which is set at a Christmas tree lot. Sure. Ron Perlman's in Blade II. Something I forgot. Oh. Ron Perlman's in Blade II. As Hellboy?

No, God, I wish. He's a Hellboy-like character. What about Beast? As the guy from Sons of Anarchy. Oh. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Goh. It's Sheila calling from Sweden.

I'm feeling pretty inspired about your discussion about the expendables and the hybrid conversation. And I guess I'm mostly inspired by the Jose Canseco. I've come up with a vehicle

which I think has a lot of potential and it involves 20th century dictators. For example, Adolphin Hitler, known for his sonar capabilities, Nikolai Ceaușescuğur, hunter, Saddam Hussein for his

speed, Idi Aminpin after the tenacious little dog, Benito Musalimer, agility. Maltse Donkey, strong work ethic, obviously. And my personal favorite,

Pole Apotomus. He's silent, but he's deadly. I love the show. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. I really like strong work ethic. Yeah.

Well, I think whenever you combine, you know, I think anything with Hitler is strong. Right. But the obscure communist dictators, you know, I think you need to aim more towards fascism than just sort of, you know, Pol Pot. Like, you know, a nice Pol Pot reference is cute. I kind of feel like Ceaușesku could have just been part dictator part Chow. But hey, that's just me. Let's see what else we got here in the inbox.

Jordan, Jesse, regarding the action item for Crazy Animal Hybrids, I have a question for you. What has eight arms and nine lives? The puss-a-puss. It is an adorable kitten that lures you in with its sad eyes

and then grabs you with its razor-sharp claws and rips all the skin from your screaming body. You know, you could do it low budget, Mobisodes, I know kitten videos go viral very easily. Kent knows about that. I don't want to get in the way. I know you guys can probably figure out how to monetize that better than me.

Maybe Jordan could make a video game tie-in, but I'll leave that up to you. There's only one Mobisode expert here. It's Kent Nichols. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty as charged. I got to say, I was kind of disappointed when it lures you in with its sad eyes. I assumed it would then consume you with its razor sharp beak.

Right. Right? Yeah. It should have a secret beak. Because you can't have a beak on a cute kitty head. It's got to be some sort of retract like like well like a stomach beak yeah stomach beak could do it maybe maybe it uh maybe it wears like uh a veil over its over its nose and mouth like a belly dancer in erotic istambul oh sure yeah and then it slowly lifts the

veil picking up the gold coins with its vagina. Sure. Did that happen? Wait a minute. I don't know. All I know is in the erotica that I read that I was forced to read when I was a tween of Anna's name. The erotica you were forced to read when you were a tween. Yeah. Continue. Well, I didn't have access to much.

You just love the cartoons of Gay and Wilson. Yes, absolutely. And yeah, Fritz the Cat. I believe that there uh yeah uh you know fritz the cat i believe that there was a whole sequence in fritz the cat okay let's hear another pitch this guy's talking himself all the way out of hollywood hi this is jamie in new york and i have a movie pitch for you famed geneticist chip gibson has one last chance to try for the Nobel Prize in Genetics and for his estranged daughter's love. At first it seems that his work is a noble manipulation of ancient DNA,

approaching the pinnacle of human ingenuity. But Dr. Dipson has gone too far, and this unnatural creature is too dangerous for science to control. Too dangerously cute. Mastodonk. He will melt the ice age of your heart and then kill you. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. I like that that one ended, forgive me for hitting play twice accidentally.

I love that that one ended strong. It did. He will melt the ice age of your heart and then kill you. Yeah, no, but I'm just confused as to what the hybrid actually was. It was a mastodon and a donk or miniature donkey. Oh, clearly. Clearly. A donk?

Is that a real thing? It is, yeah. It's what you call a miniature donkey. My aunt ran a pony business for years, and I thought I was familiar with a lot of it. You had a man in the pony biz, eh? Oh, yeah. That's my strongest showbiz connection. It was Aunt Edna's pony biz.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kent doesn't have much steam in his nickname, Nichols. Kent, it's really been a pleasure to have you. Oh, stop. It's been my pleasure. It's been amazing. You are doing now daily videos at Ask a Ninja. Yes, we are. It's almost like a news vlog.

I watched a couple. It's like a news vlog hosted by a ninja with a crazy voice now well no there's a couple we have we have five like sort of distinct segments or shows uh but we have the traditional ask a ninja episode on tuesdays uh but on mondays we feature video content from around the web you guys know the long tradition of ask a ninja videos absolutely you know where the ninja will answer the world's question in a very sped up, quick-cutting manner. Known as St. Nicholas in England. Absolutely.

Sinterklausen in Germany. Death by Monday is on Monday, where we feature acts around the web, like episodic content. Then we just started a thing called the Ninterview, where the ninja will sit down and interview someone. And then we do a sketch that just sort of helps us clear our heads and do something weird and random.

And then on Friday, we wrap up the week's news and vlogs with the stare. And so the stare is that sort of new... Okay, so that's why I saw something with a ninja talking about the peaceful revolution in egypt yes absolutely absolutely uh yeah we we we delved into that that last week and uh yeah but but we talk about uh you know basically anything it's sort of like the ninja's chance of vent on current things sure sounds like a daily destination for web entertainment it does it's it's does. It's web fun.

Jesse, we're having you as a guest of the week coming up. And so that's going to be fun. It will be a great honor to join you guys in a couple of weeks. Maybe we'll have you too, Jordan. I would consider doing it. But he sort of sopped up all the email on it. I get it. But, you know, you seem swarthy and ready to go.

Initially. I am swel- Yes, I am ready to go. And I have the attitude- A vaguely olive-ish complexion. Yeah, yeah. Of someone who might be swarthy. You sort of look like the cross between the guy from The Big Yellow House, who was also in Scrooged, who died at a cult.

Sure, yes. Michael J. Pollard. Michael J. Pollard. Is that your dad? It's not. It's not your dad. People tell me I look like him. That and Oliver from The Brady Bunch.

Okay. I'm not familiar with Oliver from The Brady Bunch. And Cary Grant. And Cary Grant. Thank you. And Cary Grant. Somebody told me a young Ron Jeremy the other day, and I was like, why do you even say that to somebody?

Why would you say that out loud? Are you hung like an armadillo? I mean, by armadillo, I mean like big. His dick was in. I mean, that's the thing. Because if his dick was out, you can understand. Yeah, that's a reasonable remark. Right.

Because he has a huge dick, but completely hairless. Hey, speaking of dicks, what about body part pics? Oh, yes. That was a... People could request pics of my body. Sure. I got two. Oh.

Wow. What were the requests? Via Twitter. Sure. And I'm, you know, I'm no snake oil salesman. If I say I'm going to pony up body part pics, I'm going to pony them up. Especially if they're from ladies with cute Twitter pictures, which these were.

One for the knee. Right. The other for the back of the knee. Wow. So, Jesse, is there a tasteful place on the website we can put these? Oh, absolutely. There's no doubt about that. I don't want to text these. Were they in cahoots?

Were they in cahoots, these ladies? I don't think so. Because that seems very, I don't know, coincidental. Well, you know, I don't know. I guess it just points to where modern tastes in male pictures

are now. is now. It's sort of like a show in Patella. Wham, wham now. Thank you. Jordan, your Twitter is Jordan underscore Morris. Yes. If people want to send you requests. Yeah, I mean that's kind of a one week thing.

Oh, it's over? It's over? I mean, if you want to make a case. We'll see. Maybe there's some in the Jordan Jesse email box that you haven't seen yet. Sure. Hey, that's true. But for now, I guess somewhere on the website. We'll put them on the forum. We'll put them on the forum at forum.maximumfun.org.

Front of the knee and back of the knee. Wow. You're welcome. No side? No knee side? Nobody asked. All right. Hey, you know, I would love for Jordan Jesse Go listeners out there to review us in iTunes,

by the way. Oh, yes. That would be nice. I feel like we have a disproportionately low number of reviews in iTunes, both for this show and The Sound of Young America. Do it. Start raving. Get out there and review the shows.

Come on. We need some active fans out there. You know? Super fans. Check out your Stop Podcasting Yourselves and Your My Brother, My Brother and Me's while you're at it. Do it. Somebody, a lot of people have been emailing me about the interview that I did with Mavis Staples the other day on The Sound of Young America.

If you haven't listened to The Sound of Young America, if you're a Jordan Jesse Go fan who hasn't listened to The Sound of Young America, it was a tremendous honor to talk to Mavis Staples. I really recommend you listen to that interview. If you're a big comedy fan, this week on the show I'm talking with Bill Carter, the author of The Late Shift and The War for Late Night, about sort of the history of late night TV, late night comedy. Nice. That's a really great show that Nick White, our editor, did an amazing job of. It's full of amazing audio from the history of late night comedy.

And also the great Dick Cavett, speaking of the history of late night comedy. You're you're interviewing dick cavett i interviewed dick cavett and it is coming out later this oh that's crazy so i hear he's sort of a crank now uh he was not he was could not have been more gracious oh yeah oh exceptionally great gracious i mean he certainly does he dislike people with bad grammar yes did did you get grammar corrected? No, but he did briefly digress into bad grammar. I don't think it made the final edit of the interview, but the really golden... He couldn't have been funnier, more fascinating.

It was amazing to get to talk to him. But the best part of the whole interview that you'll hear if you listen to it on The Sound of Young America is there was a moment where I asked him about being accused of being pretentious because that's something that has, you know, I'm sure has followed him throughout his career because he is high minded. Right. And, you know, likes to interview Norman Mailer when he gets the opportunity. Of course, we here like to interview Nick Mailer if we can. But I asked him about being accused of being pretentious.

He said, for the most part, I'm paraphrasing from memory here. For the most part, the people who say that sort of thing are witless boobs. Sort of a modern nattering nabob of negativity. Yeah. Witless boob. And then he said that he wrote a letter to the New York Times saying that a negative critique of his show, the writer's writing had all the liveliness of a second mortgage. Ha ha. That's a real rum-doing.

Cabot. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. 206-984-4FUN. The number to call if you've got a momentous occasion,ing. Cabot. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. 206-984-4FUN. The number to call if you've got a momentous occasion, want to ask us a question, whatever. JJGo at MaximumFun.org, our email address. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design,

courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records from their album Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, which we highly recommend. And we'll see you next time right here on Jordan Jesse Go. Thank you, Kent. Thank you.