Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 167: The Sparkle with Al Madrigal and Gene O'Neill

Episode Date: March 15, 2011

Al Madrigal, Gene O'Neill, My Brother My Brother and Me and Stop Podcasting Yourself join Jesse and Jordan for this show, recorded live during the grand finale of the MaxFunDrive 2011.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, donated in our MaxFunDrive,

this is our live show for your podcast convenience. You can also watch it on video at MaximumFun.org. Let's go! Hey guys, we're about to go live. 5, 4, guys, we're about to go live. Five, four, three, two. Hey there, America. It's me, Jesse Thorne. Jordan, Jesse, go live.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I am feeling good this evening, Jordan. Yeah? I am feeling ready. Well, it's because you're in your element with these cameras pointed at you. Absolutely. You know what happens?

The cameras turn on, and I turn on what I call the sparkle. Yeah. That's the little something extra that I bring to the table when the cameras are on. A little magic. You've got it. Channing Tatum's got it. Sure. That's about it.

Well, what's that called? Leighton Meester. Oh, yeah? Leighton Meester Oh, yeah Leighton Meester's got that little something You know what I'm talking about, Jordan? Just a little It is, it's hard to describe But, you know, you miss it when it's gone

A little tweak of the eyebrow That sends a message Sure Don't fuck with me Right That's the message I was gonna to say, who am I again?

Which one am I? Hey out there in internet land. This is the grand finale of the MaxFunDrive. Yes. We have been doing two weeks of desperate

tweeting and podcasting in support of MaximumFun.org and it has gone exceptionally well. As of the last count that I had in my hand, our goal is 1,200 new donors, and I think we can break through it

because the last count that I had before we started this was 1,190 new donors. It's very exciting. We've got people watching from all over the world. A couple people emailed me and told me that they were going to watch live from Europe. Anyone on the space station? If you're on the space station,

drop us a line. Sure. Using your space phone. Do they have a space phone on the space station? They gotta. I listened to a segment on, I want to say weekend edition recently, where a woman was on the space station, and they talked about how she likes to practice her, I want to say, clarinet.

Could have been a flute. It was definitely a woodwind. Is a flute a woodwind? Do you know that a woman cannot get pregnant in space? No. Space radiation kills man's sperm. No, that can't be true. I think that's true when i read i read uh

i read a great space book um and uh one of the things that i learned a book about space or a book in space because like a space phone is a phone in space right so i just want to clarify it was um it was actually a book about space that I was reading in, well, low Earth orbit. Oh, just on the topic of space as prefix, there's that old movie Forbidden Planet with Leslie Nielsen. Sure. He's the captain of a spaceship, and he is yelling at his crew for something. I think crashing on the Forbidden Planet. Yeah.

And he says, I'm forbidden. Yeah. Why'd we crash here? Guys, come on. And he says, uh, if you don't shape up, I'm going to dock all of your space pay.

You mean our pay? Just regular pay. So that's why I want you to clarify space book. Okay. Sorry. Um, so I was reading this space book and I learned that the most dangerous thing about being in space is the space radiation. There's no, like, it's not exploding or whatever. Wait, this is what's killing all those sperm. to Mars is because the amount of time that it would take to get there, the 20 years or

whatever that it would take to get there, you would get so much space radiation that you would die of cancer by the end of it. Sure. And? I guess what I'm saying is watch out for space radiation. How much space fucking do you think there's been in the history of space exploration? Interesting you should bring that up, Jordan. That was part of this space book I read.

Really? It was by Mary Ro by mary roach okay uh who's well known for her fascinating and very funny books about uh topics such as what happens to you after you're dead uh having sex and space the important kinds of stuff that science really should spend more time on and uh she did a an extensive investigation of space fucking. Her opinion was that there was probably but not certainly no space fucking that has occurred. Based on what? There were some, based on personal interviews. Space suits with no dick holes.

Well, you've heard of space dick disease, right? I have. Yeah. What about space-a-lingus? What about just a sexual act? Like how, right? I have. Yeah. So what about space a lingus? What about a sexual act? Like how many space? I don't know. Like second base.

Do you think what's the part of this? Do you think things have gone in? Did any of the space chimps jack off? Yeah. That's the question that we're looking at here. But she she interviewed like people who went up in every space mission. And there were no there were no space fuckers that she could identify. And she said at the end it was an educated guess, but since her interest was obviously to say that there was space fucking, I think she played it safe and said no space fucking.

Okay. Well, that's a damn... Well, I mean, how long ago was the book written? I think it was a year or two ago. So there's been people in space since then. I mean, there could have been a fuck fest up there. Sure. It's hard to say that for sure, whether there has or hasn't been a fuck fest,

because it's 12, 18 months since this book was researched and published. Plenty of time for a fuck fest. What does that take, two hours? Three hours? You get a cosmonaut up there. Sure. You have a couple courses of your evening meal.

They've got vodka in the middle of each one. Sure. In a pouch, out of a little pouch. There's a Japanese space doctor up there. Mm-hmm. You know, she's not used to drinking in between every course of the meal. Oh, yeah, yeah. Things get a little hot and heavy.

All of a sudden, the one lady has got out her space flute. Sure. She's playing a song for Weekend Edition. It's getting really romantic. And then the doctor gets out her surgical scissors and frantically tries to cut a hole in the spaceman's spacesuit so his dick can come through. Yep, absolutely. We have so much fun stuff planned for this two hours of programming. It's not just going to be space-walking.

More of the same. Stay tuned for more of the same. We've got, in just a few minutes, Al Madrigal will be joining us. Stand-up comedian Al Madrigal, known worldwide as the man of 81 voices. Hopefully he'll bring out a few of those for us. I hope Grandpa pays us a visit. I'd like to speak with former Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry. Oh, get out there on that gridiron.

That's why I'm not an impressionist. No, no, sure. That guy's got 81 voices. Now, they're mostly Cholo dads. Let's make that clear with Al Madrigal. But like various regions. And various. Cholo's dad's from various regions.

Sure. You're not a southwestern Cholo dad from Albuquerque, say, is going to have a very different voice than one from Los Angeles and certainly than one from the Midwest. Yeah, absolutely. It's nuanced, but... More open vowels on the Midwestern one. Sure. In L.A., you can really hear the hairnet.

Yeah. That's the... you can really hear it. He actually takes one of those combs that slides over your finger and uses it to modulate his oh okay his neck sure i'm gonna address that to the camera he uses it to modulate the voice box on his jesse why are you looking at the camera this isn't modern family pretend like it's not there this isn't a faux documentary it's not oh how are we gonna how are we gonna get rid of all the painful exposition without

incredibly labor-intensive to write dialogue? Well, find a way. I know. It's going to be tough. Oh, we should have a scientist come in and explain it to us. That sexy Japanese astronaut lady from earlier. She sounds hot. She does sound hot. I heard she's kind of wasted. She's probably unusually

busty for a Japanese woman, too. I've heard that. Most likely. Also, our good friend... Gross. Big time Gene O'Neill is... Well, you know. Yeah.

The whole thing's been pretty gross. Yeah. Jordan, I don't know why you're stopping now, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I don't know. I stepped over a line for myself. I feel bad about it. Sorry. Well, you know.

Shit happens, man. This is live. This is unedited. People are watching this at home. They're posting in the chat groups. As opposed to the heavily edited show we usually do, where we retake all the stuff that gets too blue. To be fair, I do adjust the levels on this show ordinarily. This week were too live for me to adjust the levels. You're just going to have to live with it.

I address that to the camera, Jordan. I don't know. I think the audience wants this to be a voyeuristic experience. I've got upwards of 10 days left in being a professional television host, and so I'm going to use all the tricks of the trade, like addressing the camera, reading a teleprompter. Throwing to commercial. Did you bring a teleprompter?

Yeah, I've been looking at it the whole time. It's behind your head. God, why did you put it behind me? I don't know. I'm looking out for number one. Sorry, man. Bring your own teleprompter. I can't be babysitting you this whole time. Jesus Christ, you're a big boy. You can't bring two. Buy a teleprompter. You can't bring two teleprompters? You want me to wipe your bottom

for you, princess? Jesus Christ. Shut up. Just go down to prompters, teleprompters. You want me to wipe your bottom for you, princess? Jesus Christ. Shut up. Just go down to prompters, teleprompters. Is that spelled with a Z? Yeah, prompters, teleprompters. Get yourself a prompter. I don't know. Write some stuff for you to say about space fucking. I went to the good guys

and they didn't have any. Well, there you go. Was it because the store was closed? Was it because the store had gone out of business? I don't know. I stood... I'm trying to remember what I did. I remember standing in front of a door and yelling at it. Yeah. Oh, you know where you need to go? The warehouse. Thank you.

If it's not at the Good Guys, it's definitely at the warehouse. Was that a region? Is that... Was that national? Can I make a warehouse remark? I think that the warehouse is a national chain. I don't know. tell us in the chat room and uh theresa or julia will come in here with confirmation is anyone from the east coast or midwest listening and did you ever go to the warehouse and are they still there i guess i guess

all the ones i know of have closed down we should explain that that's spelled w-h-e-r-e house where House. Where? The warehouse. Hey, guess what we have? We have this Xbox. I'm practicing my hosting here. Yes, very good. One of the things that, obviously... That's not a first-generation Xbox. This is an Xbox 360, people. Elite model.

Yeah. This is the good stuff. You've got 250 gigabytes in here. You've got... Of course, it comes with this headphone, I think. Yeah. These lines it comes with. Got a picture of Netflix on the back. So this is great.

I mean, this is a pretty tremendous piece of equipment. We have a fan. Yes. Who works in Redmond, Washington at the Xbox Corporation. And he was kind enough to share this with us for the pledge drive. We decided we're going to save it for the live show. This is what we're going to do. We've got a two-hour program.

We've got people already tweeting about their pledges and so forth with the hashtag MaxFunDrive. The best tweet with the hashtag MaxFunDrive over the next two hours it's going to walk home with a brand new xbox 360 yes extreme box this is one of the best boxes you can buy my friend sure i should explain you fuck it maybe who knows yeah only one way to find out xbox connect x yeah right um we can fuck the air and it makes it look like you're fucking a balloon. And I want to be clear, this is real. This is a real Xbox.

Yeah, no, that's real. It's hefty. We actually are going to send it to someone. It actually was given to us by someone at Xbox, and we really appreciate it. And we have six copies of the video game Gears of War. I don't know if you're familiar with this video. I am very. I'm a fan of the franchise, Jesse.

We're going to give those away throughout the program to some of our favorite tweets. So if you get a Gears of War, that doesn't exclude you from getting an Xbox. It'll go great with your new Xbox, I would say. When there's a tweet tagged pound MaxFunDrive that we like, we're just going to say, great, have a Gears of War.

It's going to be fantastic. This is going to be great, Jordan. Gears 3 is coming out soon. So if you have not played, start here. For one thing. Get Gears 2 at some point after you've finished one. Sure. Boom. By the time you're done with those, Gears 3 will be on store shelves and you'll be all caught up.

We've also got some momentous occasions coming up later on in the program. I've got them on my miniature laptop here. Is that what that's called? Yes. Yeah, sure. Miniature laptop. Miniature laptop. We of course have the... You should have a tablet.

That would make you look like with it. A tablet? Yeah, a tablet. With cuniform? Sure, yeah. A chis this old tablet a tablet that just has the uh the tale of gilgamesh on it the epic of gilgamesh yeah i mean i if you want to look modern current right with it zeitgeisty you gotta have a bear man yeah is there a bear man in gilgamesh i don't think so no you're thinking of uh true grit yeah there's definitely a bear man in Gilgamesh? I don't think so No You're thinking of True Grit Yeah

There's definitely a pig man in The Journey to the East Yeah With the monkey king The pig man hangs out with the monkey king in The Journey to the East We're giving you more of what you tune in for Space fuck jokes And wondering about old creation myths One of the most exciting parts myths one of the most exciting parts

about um one of the most exciting parts about this year yeah at maximum fun.org is that we brought some new folks into the maximum fun family uh this is the mackleroy brothers they're the hosts of the my brother my brother and me podcast i know jordan you've been listening to the podcast and you're a big fan. I like it. I like it a lot. These guys share advice on important issues that are facing young people today. I mean, everything from, of course, sex. Sure.

When to have it. Yeah. Peepums. Peepums, nasty cum. Sure. All kinds of stuff. Peepums. Peepums, nasty gum. Sure. All kinds of stuff. Anyway, they are now on the telephone.

I'm looking over to confirm this from Julia Smith, our producer. And if I press a button, this should allow them to join us live on the air. I should be stalling when you push this button. McElroys? Okay, good. Yeah. Hello. Hello, McElroys. McElroy's? Okay, good. Yeah. Hello. Hello, McElroy's. How are you, boys?

Doing good. How are you doing, Jeffery? I'm doing okay. You sound a little... Underwater-y. Are you underwater? Julia has to hang up her hands out there. Okay, here we go.

Now we sound nice. There we go. Nice to see you. It's fresh. Nice to see you guys here on the surface. It's real nice. As opposed to your underwater fortress. They're building an underwater submarine like James Cameron. Oh, good.

You're going to make some IMAX documentaries? It worked for Cameron because he got to investigate 3D technology. McElroys. Now, we've only got two McElroys here, right? No, you've got the whole batch. All three McElroys? Oh, yesElroys, we've only got two McElroys here, right? No, you've got the whole batch. All three McElroys? Oh, yes. Can we talk to Peepums?

A full house, a full house of funny, is what we call it. You understand that Peepums isn't like a character that they do. It's not like Pee-wee Herman. It's not like saying to Paul Rubens, can we talk to Pee-wee? I would like to talk to Peepums, though. Is Peepums with us now? Is he here with us? Yeah. Do you put on a hat or something

to symbolize your transformation into Peepums? You have to turn upstage, then back downstage. Right. With the hat on. Well, guys, welcome to the Jordan Jesse Go! livestream. It is a joy to have you here joining us. We're happy to be here. It's a pleasure to be here. You guys...

Oh, man. I hope you like Overtalk because this is special of the day. We already get pretty raw as far as crosstalk goes. This is going to get really raw, I think. Really natural. I'm so happy that you guys could become part of MaximumFun.org. And I know that you guys had some fans who had some trepidation about signing up with a big national media brand like Maximum Fun. Yeah.

Well, there's an intimidation factor. We've been unironically referred to as sellouts a couple of times. I don't know how to explain those fears. But luckily we make enough now. We just had them killed. It doesn't matter. Oh, wow. I don't know how to equate those fears. Luckily, we make enough now. We just had them killed. It doesn't matter. Oh, wow.

I guess that's one of the privileges of selling out, being able to have your enemies murdered. Because that's what kind of money you guys are making off this operation, right? That's why we need so many donations

is to pay all of these contract killers. Because this shit ain't cheap. Right now, we can only afford the really cruddy, sloppy contract killers. You guys are trying to get enough money to hire Jason Statham himself to do it personally. I should explain how MaximumFund.org works. So essentially, we ask everyone out there to support Maximum Fund with donations at MaximumFund.org.

And then that money is the money that we use to pay, well, for one thing, everyone that's here on the line right now, to pay Jordan and to pay the McElroys and to pay Julia, who was kind enough to accidentally leave her telephone non-hung up so that everything sounded like it was happening deep under sea. And we've had a tremendous response from your fans in the Maximum Fun Drive, guys. They've been really excited, I think. They like you guys, and they've been getting into a lot of the fine, fine Maximum Fun programming. There's so much to enjoy. They're just entering this world where there's already stores

and sorts of like a Scrooge McDuck-style vault of chuckles that they're just leaping into and swimming around. Would you characterize it as Scrooge McDuck-style? Well, the diving definitely is. Okay. And occasionally they take the chuckles and spit them up into like a fountain of chuckles.

I thought what you guys were getting at when you said that there's a lot of stories and that there's a Scrooge McDuck-style vault, I thought you were going to make the analogy

that there's a long and surprising continuity not unlike the one that exists between DuckTales and Darkwing Duck. The Duckiverse. The D-verse, yeah. Yeah.

But that's not what you were getting at. It's just a, you know. Is the one where Baloo from the Jungle Book flies an old-timey airplane and has to fight against Sky Pirates, is that one part of the Duckiverse? Well, that happened in the 40s. I'm not sure. Yeah.

I'm almost certain Gizmo Duck mean an appearance on one of those. Yeah. I've always assumed that that was part of the Jungle Book canon. Yeah, it does. I'm not mistaken. It happens alongside. It happens roughly 30 years after Rudyard Kipling's time. Yeah, there's a scrapped Disney afternoon show starring Ricky Ticky Tavvy.

Also part of the DC. I was at Ice Hill with a terrifying look into the future when animals become sentient and handle all of our transportation and freight needs. It was terrifying. The events of Tailspin actually took place in a snow globe that Mowgli was holding. Sure. It actually happened in Aut that Mowgli was holding. Sure. It actually happened in autistic Mowgli's dreams. He was malaria mad. He got bit by a mosquito.

It happens all the time in the jungle. Anyway, we know for a fact that there are probably people out there listening to this right now who have waited until the absolute last possible second to donate and support MaximumFun.org. I don't know. Look, maybe you guys can speculate. I have no idea why these people would make a horrible mistake like that.

I think that maybe they were just waiting to see what ridiculous shenanigans we got into during the live show before they decided whether or not it was worth it to support us with money. We did explore the Duckiverse. Let me ask you this. Do you think it's been worth it so far? What if I just said that right now

I am tearing up a picture of the boat, Sinead O'Connor style. Like, this is live? This is raw? Is that enough? Is that what you people need? And hey, I'll build on that. I'm watching Jurassic Park on mute. So it's pretty crazy.

Where are we at in Jurassic Park? I'm going door to door in Cincinnati, knocking on doors, asking people to donate money. It's easy to donate. Maximumfund.org slash donate. And not only is it easy to get on there and do it, not only are there donation levels that anyone can afford, but also we have all kinds of awesome thank you gifts.

Have you guys gotten any excited feedback yet about the thank you gifts? The number of people that have picked our tote bag is important. All right, Travis, go right ahead. I was just going to say how exciting our tote bag is, and everyone seems excited about the possibility of carrying things to and from places in our tote bag. Yeah, there is a My Brother, My Brother and Me tote bag. I've gotten a lot of people bragging to me that they're donating it at the new Judge Sean Hodgman's Post-Apocalyptic Justice Squad level. That's the $35...

That also comes with a tote bag, right? So you can put all of your survival gear inside of a tote, which is really the ideal. I guess maybe like a lead vest might be better, you know, for the nuclear fallout. All those real survivalists out there are really steamed right now because they realize they forgot to put a tote in their kit in their fallout shelter, and they should have been donating to public radio and television this whole time. shelter, and they should have been donating to public radio and television this whole time. I don't know. I think your

standard, you know, apocalypse survivor is a very well-informed individual. I think they already live in NPR. I think they got six or seven totes. Really? They've already got kicked around. Well, the ones who don't can just hollow out a corpse. So there's that.

I mean, right? Well, mackleroyce thank you so much for joining us if briefly it was a pleasure to speak with you oh it was thank you for having us to join them of course you can find the mackleroyce hilarious program my brother my brother and me online at maximumfund.org and the next time we take a pledge break jordan we're going to have a total and i predict that we will have busted through the glass ceiling my brother and me online at maximumfund.org. And the next time we take a pledge break, Jordan, we're going to have a total. And I predict that we will have busted through the glass ceiling. All right. Now we can just fuck around for the rest of the two hours.

Well, you know, we can fuck around and then try and get people to. Sure. Here's the thing. The thermometer that I drew, I did draw a thermometer because I know that fundraising should have a thermometer. Now I drew it in a less than sophisticated graphics program, and I'm a less than talented artist.

Did you draw a thermoboner, Jesse? Let's call it a thermoboner. A thermoboner here. Did you draw it in Microsoft Boner? That's not a program I knew existed until now. Microsoft Boner actually came with Microsoft Bob.

It was an accessory with Microsoft Bob. Does it have a little paper clip? Like, hey, that boner needs a vein. Anyway, my hope is that the money that we raise tonight... And then the paper clip just kind of gets mean about it. It's like, can you even get a boner? Anyway.

Like, wow, really? Yeah, geez. What's wrong with your flaccid member? Low blow, paperclip. Low blow. Want to see mine? And then he just bends himself to where part of him is sticking out. Anyway, if you need any kind of advice,

or you just want to laugh at the failures of others, my brother, my brother, and me is the place to get it online at MaximumFun.org. And MaximumFun.org slash donate is the place to give, not in five minutes, but right now, because this is the end of days. This is it. If you...

Oh, you know, McElroy's... Let's keep the metaphor going. McElroy's, you guys are... Let's give that boner some extents. McElroy's, you guys enjoy video games. Can you attest to the fact that our Xbox 360 Elite is a good prize for people who are enthusiastic on Twitter?

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, good. That's what I was looking for yeah right yeah i sold the calico vision to buy this and uh jordan for jordan jordan sold his xbox to buy a sega saturn to buy a sega we're trying to put together a gift of the magi here and we're really failing right well i just wanted a gift of the virginal magi right i was gonna say a gift of the Magi here, and we're really failing. Right. Well, I just wanted a gift of the... A gift of the virginal Magi. Right. I was going to say a gift of the Panzer Dragoon, because that's why I was bringing up Sega Saturn. When we were kids, to buy us a Nintendo, or Santa Claus wouldn't bring us a Nintendo, and we never understood why.

It's because he told us that Santa Claus wanted to see we were really dedicated. To Nintendo? Santa Claus was an early, was jumped on the console wars bandwagon kind of early. Yeah. Well, MaximumFun.org slash donate is the place to give. McElroys, we salute you. I'm addressing the camera.

Thank you very much, McElroys. We'll talk to you another time soon. Thanks, guys. Of course, the McElleroy brothers hosts of the great my brother my brother and me podcast they they dredge up some uh some yahoo answers uh questions that are truly stunning yeah i was listening the other day and they addressed the question that someone had posted on yahoo answers that was i know that i'm a dragon but i'm not sure how to harness my powers of transformation that was the question sure it's like who would know this who

would know this yahoo answers would know this right yep okay um i guess i'll stall here well my pen okay good you're back uh hey do you want to bring the great al madrigal in here with us i do want that hey al madrigal you're on here comes here comes al madrigal hey al how you doing pal it's great to have you thank you for bringing my dog sissy in there with you sissy wants sissy wants to make an appearance on the show. Sissy has got her eye on me the entire time. How are you with Sissy? Me and Sissy are fine, but it took a while.

Yeah, Sissy is a pretty suspicious dog. I'm five cookies and a piece of pizza crust into Sissy right now. And she's still... Didn't buy me anything. Do you think Sissy might be racist? Because Coco is definitely racist against Latinos. Yeah. There's no doubt about that.

And that shelter dog, because my dog hates Latinos as well, and I just assume that there's been some sort of past... And you just go, hey, half Latino. Don't look over here. Half Latino. Yeah, but it really doesn't discriminate when it comes to african americans doesn't care for anybody wearing a baseball hat oh hates the baseball hat what kind of dog do you have val i have a half chihuahua half wiener dog named henry noodles oh sounds like a great dog

yeah he's a great little guy my cat's uh racist against uh small balls of tin foil that i drop on the ground yeah she just hates those fucking things yeah we are a little bit racist i'm glad i am glad that we are in camera this week and i will tell you why it's because al madrigal has some truly majestic facial hair on this week's program i made a shaving error and i'm not sure if you can see this but you accidentally turned yourself down into canteen flies, I really did. I gave myself one of those little caterpillar above-the-lip babies. I'm not sure what that's called.

It's called an above-the-lip baby. Yeah, above-the-lip baby. And I had some pilot auditions that actually suited the Mustache Was Perfect for us. How is that possible? It's one of those new sitcoms about child molesters, right? Does it look that bad? Yeah, it's like an adult swim thing. Yeah, you see, I'm trying to grow it back in.

But it was... How do you even grow that back in? I don't know. It's difficult because you're going to have a weird in-between phase. Yeah, I'm going to have a little mid-level thing. I think I'm going to take this down to ninth. There's already some strategy involved. I'm going to shave it down a little bit.

Then I'll have the beard and I'll go with a little bit of an apron. What if you shave the whole thing, the whole upper lip, you shave that off and then go with the beard? No, no, can't do it. That's going to be awesome. I made a pilot season related hair decision recently.

I got my post-pilot season haircut yesterday. Wow. I usually have it long because I'm told that makes me more castable. Sure. I was not cast in anything, and so I got a haircut. I'm still, it's in the eighth inning, and I have a little bit of a deal. I'm sort of locked up, so that's taking a bit of the pressure off. But I have not had the best pilot season either.

Yeah. So we're okay. My pilot season has been great i've been cast four times what i'm the lead in a new law and order wow uh alongside those just don't go away sissy's basic she's good me and sissy's basic are doing what's your dynamic csi denver like sissy's like kind of uptight and you're, like you see ghosts? Uh, we fuck a lot. Oh, okay.

That's the main thing. So it's like a sexual thing. Yeah, but you don't get along. It's like a sexual thing. Well, when we're not fucking. But I mean,

the fucking is like a solid 40% of the show. That's right. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna tell you otherwise. And this is, she's an older woman, but she's quite beautiful.

Sure. Pretty in the face. She's in her, she's in the midst of her sexual peak, I'm sure, too. Probably. I don't care for pledge drives, guys.

Really? I really don't. Did you know that this was a pledge drive? Did I tell you that this was a pledge drive show? You did not, but I do follow you

on Twitter. Okay, so you knew what was going on. But didn't know what I was doing. And then walked past your pregnant wife, opened up the wallet.

I'm officially on board. Excellent. Yeah, I'm not just a guest. So you paid my wife for something. For something. What did my wife do for the money?

She's pregnant, Al. Yeah, she's pregnant. I wanted to buy a little formula. A little formula on me. Fair enough. Maybe some baby wipes. Al, if you had just

come in here wearing your San Francisco Giants warm-up jacket, that would have been enough for me. It's a battery jacket, I think. Is that what it's called? Is that what that's called?

Yeah, I think so. Does that mean you're the pitcher or the catcher? I have no idea. But I did pick it up at a great store. Or does that mean that that's the jacket that was worn by the guys who threw batteries at me from the top of Valencia Gardens when I was six? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, probably. That's where that comes from.

Probably. Because they did a lot of that at Candlestick and the Bleachers. There were some batteries being thrown. Man, I spent a lot of time. Maybe it's a day. You know how they'll have, like, foam finger day or hot dog day. Don't they have, like, expired battery day? Yeah, and Kevin Kataoka tells a joke they did at Coors Field, I believe,

have the glass, Coors glass bat. Wait, what? They had a beer-filled glass bat that I think people were smashing. A lot of those went on the field. A lot of the souvenir bats end up on the field. How can we further endanger people? Let's fill this thing with beer.

Let's make it glass. Would you say it's like a domestic abuse starter kit? It was hard to get a handle on the original prototype, which was made out of barbed wire and methamphetamine. And I'm excited about the Giants, and I know

you're a big San Francisco guy. I couldn't be more. So I tried to rock my Giants stuff. Al, you grew up in San Francisco. Did you go to a lot of

baseball games at Candlestick Park? I did. The longtime home of the San Francisco Giants? Sure, sure. Rocking my police athletic gear. I had athletic league gear and then would go for quite some time. It was just one of the most horrible stadiums in sports. That's what, Jordan, I mean, I don't know if you've been to a Major League Baseball game before? Yes. So where did you go to a Major League Baseball game?

I don't want to say. I've been to a couple. Yeah, I've been to Dodger Stadium. I've not been to the new Angel Stadium, but I went to the old Angel Stadium. Well, Cholo Heavy. Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Sure. Cholo-centric. The experience at Candlestick Park, you probably got a little taste of it in the old angel stadium and that it was that classic bowl concrete bowl stadium but what was so beautiful about candlestick park was that for a long time just the fence was just a chain link fence the outfield fence at candlestick park until like 1993 or 4 when peter mcgowan bought the giants just a fucking cyclone fence that was what they came up with they're like we need an outfield fence for this place they're just like i don't know get the fucking rent defense guy to come in and put something in

the rent defense people came in and um they probably got paid off just like the politicians who allowed a stadium to be built in the worst spot ever, where it's a frozen wasteland. Just cold air pouring in off the bay, and there was no reason why a stadium should have been built in that. I think built in 1964, with just concrete bowl, that is probably the worst stadium in sports. What's amazing, one of the really wonderful things about it is

it had an open outfield originally, but people got so cold that they're like, we have to close this in. And then it's better for football also. So they closed it in in like the late 60s. And that just made it worse because it turned it into like a whirlpool generator of frozen ice wind.

I just remember seeing a San Francisco baseball game on TV and there being something where if you hit a target, everybody got a free taco and there was a guy in the water outside the stadium. That's the new place. That's actually at AT&T, right? Yeah. That's at the new spot, which is luxurious. And I can't afford to go there. No, and there's actual vendors like Gordon Biersch has a lot of these stands or Gordon Biersch stands. Of course, you can get yourself some Orlando Cepeda tropical fruit bowl or something.

Sure. There's a fruit bowl involved. The old candlestick is just hot dog is probably different lengths of hot dog is all you can really get. just hot dog is probably different lengths of hot dog is all you could really get just the the uh the the bleachers at the old candlestick park just like the temporary bleachers like you would have at a high school football game and a lot of fights just so many fights so belligerent sure and that's what you really get there now i just went to a game a raider game the raiders versus the san francisco 49ers in candlestick and it was like watching a sporting event in a penal colony. It was just...

You thought some sort of death race might break out. Yeah, exactly. Like maybe they would jump into heavily armored cars. If there was a place that that would actually happen with death... Is there Death Race 2? They did a 2. Well, it's funny you should mention that, Al. I just recently saw Death Race 2? They did a 2. Well, it's funny you should mention that, Al. I just recently saw Death Race 2, directed DVD.

Sure. And it's actually a prequel to the Death Race remake. Ian McShane did not in it. He did not, no. Actually, Danny Trejo replaces Ian McShane. He's kind of in that Ian McShane role. Sure. They're just going down the list of terrifying character actors.

Yeah, with legitimate scars that they got before they were actors. Danny Trejo is somebody I do follow on Twitter. How does he do? He's very funny, I think. It's very scary. It's him with shirt-off tattoos in his picture. And I think he has a significant amount of followers. Yeah.

Yeah, he's out there. But I want to cast him. I'm trying to write a movie based on one of my bits of the Cholo Soccer Dad. I've had somebody say, we want to make the Cholo Soccer Dad movie. That's fantastic. Oh, my God. That's perfect. Can I start watching it now?

That's awesome. Yeah, there's a coach from the east side, and he's a maintenance man, and he sees this west side competition going on. I'm watching a lot of Mighty Ducks, too. Oh, sure. Nice to prepare for this. Why wouldn't you? I ran into Danny Trejo.

My experience with Danny Trejo was at the junket for Death Race 2. I do press junketing as my job. And he did not care what I was there to say. He just knew he wanted to slip in something about it being important for kids to learn to read. And he really shoehorned that in, and I thought it was fantastic. I'm like, you know what? Fucking good for you.

He has this literacy thing that he just wanted to hit, and he hit it. Because he doesn't know how to read. Really? I don't know. He Twitters. R. Kelly doesn't know how to read. Really?

Did you know that? Oh, no, I had no idea. I read that in Vibe magazine once. Oh, awesome. He was functionally illiterate. Huh. Yeah, can't know. We need Twitters. R. Kelly doesn't know how to read. Really? Did you know that? Oh, no, I had no idea. I read that in Vibe magazine once. Oh, awesome. You're functionally illiterate. Huh. Yeah, can't read. Knows how to pee on people.

Sure. That's it. There's some good R. Kelly material. Professional comedian Al Madrigal here with us. That's right. I have a question about badass actors. Yeah. Charles S. Dutton, perhaps best known for his work in

the plays of August Wilson or for being Rock on the television show Rock, killed a man. Did you know that? Before or after Rock? During Rock Live. He's a catering guy.

Wasn't that show live? Wasn't it called Rock Live? For a while it was live. They did one live. They did a bunch of them live. I'm not sure. while it was one live they did a bunch of them live i'm not sure but i feel like maybe they even did a whole season live either way it didn't work yeah it did not work for rock next can we talk about drexel's class yeah now that we're talking about but my my question is do you think that charles s dutton is more or less castable because he feels bad about killing someone and like atoned for it and went to jail and everything.

Well, when you have that to pull from, I mean, just as an actor, that's pretty awesome. But I mean, let's say he had killed someone. When did he kill this guy? Somehow gotten away with it. Yeah, at one point. He killed this as like a teenager. Sure. It's been a long while since

i've read the story the life story of charles s dutton but as i remember he did it like as a teenager like as a 17 18 year old he killed someone uh it was he got convicted of like second degree murder or something like that went to jail for like 15 years went in jail discovered acting when he got out he got got into the Yale School of Drama. At the Yale School of Drama, he started doing the August Wilson plays, and then, of course, from that, rock. Rock live. Yeah, rock live. He owes everything to killing a guy.

Yeah, right? That's the thing. But, I mean, if he was unrepentant, do you think that would make him more castable? Because he seems like a sweet guy, despite his, you believe from his physicality that he could murder someone, but he does seem like a nice guy. He seems like a wonderful person, yeah. I'd see, I think he is, if, he did the time. Yeah. Let's put him in everything.

I mean, he's fantastic. Well, wait, what about this? I mean, do you think that being able to murder is something, like, that murdering potential is not something that everybody has and maybe it's just latent do you think maybe you know he's murdered before and then you know you're on the set something goes wrong with craft service yeah there's a trailer issue boom let me ask you this i want people to know i've i've murdered um i haven't but i choked a guy once um that was a heckler you choked a heckler? I choked a heckler. What were the circumstances of this, Al? Well, I was with Doug Benson.

It was Charles S. Dutton. Mouthing off. Yeah, you all shut up. About, oh, I murdered a guy. I'm trying to do my set. Then I went to the Yale School of Drama, and then I got famous for being in Fences. So the guy wouldn't be quiet, and I warned him. We were in Detroit.

It was me, Doug, and a very funny comic named Jay Phillips, and he would not be quiet. I just actually, for the first time, told this story with Doug because he brought it up. I tried to block it out and figure out about the whole thing. But the guy, I warned the guy not to heckle, not to talk. And then he gave me one of these, just do your act. Just do your act. While I talk? Was that the idea?

Like, I will be talking, you do your act. Like a sort of let them eat cake, but from a guy who's talking during your act. Right in the front row. Like, let him tell jokes. Yes, yes. Can you describe this guy to us? He was not, physically, I think, this guy to us? He was not... Physically, I think, let's say...

Are you familiar with Alfred E. Newman? I am. No, about 5'8", in that range. Not terribly, but a little bit. I definitely could take him. He had no business mouthing off for me. And... I mean, now, with your raw power,

I mean, you've got a sexual leonine energy. Never been in a fight in my entire life. I really have. I'm the nicest guy you will ever talk to. But really, inside, something evil lurks. Half Mexican, half Sicilian just really do get very angry at times. Sure. So then this guy

gives me one of these, can't take it. I flip out. I say, I told you I'm going to kick your ass. I finished up, did about three to five minutes to close properly.

So you brought it back around before you... Yeah, I decided... This was a post-show choking. Did you choke him while Doug was on stage? Yes, while Doug was on stage, Doug saw me drag the guy into the pool hall next door. So you brought him next door, too.

Brought him next door. You don't want to disturb Doug's... I'm very courteous when it comes to other people's performances and stage time. What? Now, so this doesn't seem like something where you were, where, you know, you were telling him to stop, and then it just got more heated, and then you were in his face, and the next thing you know, but it seems like you were planning on choking this guy. Oh, I was on stage, and I warned him.

I said, if you say anything else and keep it up, I'm going to choke you. I'm going to kick your ass. And then he gave me one of these to just do your act. You didn't specifically say choke, though. No, I said I'm going to kick your ass. Okay, because you choked him, so you didn't technically warn him act you didn't specifically say choke though no i said i'm gonna kick your ass okay because you choked him so you didn't technically warn him that you were gonna choke him no it was just that's how i go about kicking somebody's ass that's uh i start with a choke right and uh straight for that throat yeah throat little choke out yeah and then i would have proceeded with the uh pool hall ass kicking oh yeah that's like something something involving

hitting somebody with a Q stick. Yeah, exactly. Two balls, one ball on each side of the head. A real roadhouse situation. Sure, exactly.

Or Steven Seagal when he has to go down. Sure. Which one is that? Hard to Kill? Don't know. All right. Hunt for Red October.

So, and it'd be Drexel's class. Guys had to pull me off. I just, I live, you know, and you're going to be moving there soon, but you're just surrounded by badasses constantly. So I know when I can threaten someone.

You know who you can and can't take. Yeah. I almost got into it in my son's basketball game the other day and I was, well, I was settled down. You had to step back. I did take a step back. Every incident in my childhood, I think since I've been six foot three, people haven't bothered me. But there was definitely a period of time in between when I was old enough to be bothered, which is to say like nine-ish. Nobody's going to pick on a six-year-old.

when I was like nine or 10 and when I was like 13 or 14, when I was big enough that people would just leave me be, uh, every incident that I got into, I just capitulated fully just 100, 1000% capitulation, whatever you, whatever you need. Doesn't matter if I'm standing immediately outside the 24th and mission

BART station and there's a hundred people around. Yeah, sure. Yeah, no, here you go. Now that was aided, I should point out, by the fact that I typically did not have more than $2 being an 11 year old.

Well, that's, yeah, that's, it makes it easy. I wasn't going to talk back to anybody. But now if somebody comes for your wedding ring or now you've got to think about the baby. If I want to get a divorce, I've got a baby on the way. You've got a baby on the way. Yeah. That's what happens if somebody takes your wedding ring.

Am I mistaken in thinking that? Automatic divorce. Right. Yeah. Isn't that right? Immediately. Or does your wife die? No, it's not like you step on it.

Jesse, that's crazy. You just get a divorce. Okay. Sorry, sorry. Oh, look. Al? Yeah. Do you have

time for another question about the choking sure oh yeah oh yeah so here's the thing i'm sorry i'm fascinated with the choking um by the way i just uh jordan's really into choking this is the only guy that i've ever really choked um and um i warn him. I said, please, you know, you gotta stop. Yeah. So you've had a reasonably long comedy career and you've probably been heckled before. What was it about this heckling to where you said, I'm going to

drag and choke? There's this circumstances in Detroit where Doug stayed on stage for one minute. Oh, wow. I lasted the full 25. And so we were supposed to jay phillips did about 20 i did 25 and then oh here comes the dog that likes me uh and um then doug was supposed to close out and do about a half hour and he stayed on stage for one minute saying to everyone if you do not uh if you want somebody yells out one more time i'm out of here it was just that type of

crowd where people were yelling out it was a very difficult set he just the the issue for doug was he had this one great joke about pistons legend bill lambert that he knew would only work in detroit so he's like let me just do that joke and then we'll shut this thing down but i've been you know i'd be going to the comedy store uh for quite some time where it's like doing comedy with ankle weights on. It's very difficult. I performed in front of a large group of Russian mobsters. I am every challenge. It's the highest level of video game stand-up comedy challenge that you could put yourself.

It's experts only. And it really is a difficult situation after difficult situation. Russian mobsters large group of african-american people that came into the wrong room i thought they were there for a yelling contest yeah exactly just tourists everywhere i mean just a non-sub bachelorette parties and just a non-sub challenge and we actually did that at max fun con when uh we did maria bam Night. We did the class. Right.

So at Max FunCon, you guys did kind of an all-levels comedy open mic session where people who had just started to do comedy or anyone who had done comedy before could come with new material and practice getting on stage. And we put them through these, like, 14 trials of heckling. And so we went through every possible situation. We all huddled up and maria said okay bachelorette party and then we got four girls from the audience together during one of their sets and they formed a bachelorette party and a lot of hoodling and hollering and then um

a loud waitress and then we went through just every potential situation where somebody could be disturbing so that was happening i felt like i was um i was ready for it uh and i was able to do my full 25 minutes but i did warn this guy yeah you talk what dude i've i said i've been up here for 20 minutes listening to you talk non-stop and you're just fucking killing me you gotta be quiet i'm gonna kick your ass and then he gave me one of these and kept talking and so he he was fairly warned, and I had been pushed. And I said, there you go. You just got your ass kicked. I'm going to finish up now.

And so I told him the last five minutes and then walked and proceeded. Did the guy keep talking after you said, I'm going to finish up now? Yeah. So my mind was made up. I'm not going to threaten somebody and just not fall through yeah i mean speaking of parts of your act that we turned into movies i would like to see that as a movie with steven seagal as you and danny trejo as the heckler that'd be awesome and they just hit each other with pool cues yeah that'd be awesome i have

some tweets here uh theresa who is monitoring the tweets in the other room, we have from The Fryster, and we can give away, I say we give away two or three video games to our favorites among these. The Fryster says, how much do I have to donate to make Griffin McElroy my best friend? Not much. The man doesn't have any friends right now. That's cute.

That's not true. He's got fucking tons of friends. Why wouldn't he? A guy with that kind of that kind of insights okay uh zenak says jordan morris i love those curls whether shorter or longer and then she has hashtagged it both max fun drive and girly tweet no okay i kind of like that one right i like somebody right? I like somebody that's taken into account our vanity. Yeah. And loneliness. Roystess says, I upped my

donation. Up yours. What? What is that? No. That's a positive. Yeah, that works. That's very positive. I think he's talking to people who have not upped their donation. I don't think he's talking to you, Jesse. Why is he telling me up mine? He's not. What does he want me to put up my ass? I don't think he's talking to you, Jesse. Why is he telling me up mine? No, he's not. What does he want me to put up my ass?

No, no, nothing. I'll put it up there. Up your donation. I'm ready to go. Sounds like you're just looking for an excuse to shove something up your ass and think it's okay. Ann Urge says, Max Fund Drive idea. Donate every time somebody says boner

on the live Jordan Jesse Go. Problem solved. Boner, boner, boner. I feel like that's where the video game, right? Sure. It's pointing out our propensity to talk about boners. as Boner on the live Jordan Jesse Go. Problem solved. Boner, Boner, Boner. I feel like that's where the video game, right? Sure. It's pointing out our propensity to talk about Boners. We mostly just talk about Boners.

I mean, it's weird that we just did 20 minutes on that story without bringing up any Boner stuff. Well, it's hard to get a Boner in Candlestick Park, and if Cholo seems to get a Boner... Sure. He takes you to a Morrissey concert. Hey, you got a boner, bro? Hey, bro. You haven't done any of my 81 voices this entire time, right?

I've just been Alan Alda-ing it. That's what I'm getting a lot of is my Alan Alda. Wait, is that what you... Not doing voices is what you call Alan Alda-ing? Yeah. I just sound... Every time I do a podcast, which is a lot. Sure.

Very popular. Well, I mean mean you got a new compact disc out you gotta you gotta make the rounds taking that back you're taking back the cd you put out i'm not i don't like it at all i just had to re-listen to it i have a heckler in the cd that's another thing is i just left it in thinking like this will be it's like a nice life this is what it's like man yeah yeah slice of life sucks yeah anyways i have this guy oohing and aahing it's like, man. Slice of life sucks. Anyways, I have this guy oohing and aahing. It's a positive. So people shouldn't buy your CD.

You know what I'm going to do for your listeners? I'm going to go home. Yeah. And I'm going to cut it down because there are some good tracks on there. Cholo Soccer Dad, my day laborer band I really enjoy. Everybody likes that. Yeah, it's a good one. And they're going to let me do the whole thing on Conan coming up.

The whole CD. No, not the whole CD. The actual entire... I'm just going to have Conan say, Ladies and gentlemen, Al Madrigal. The entire program. Yeah. No, the whole day labor. It's weird.

At the end, you're going to have to interview Leighton Meester. No, it's a six-minute joke. So they're going to let me do the entire joke from beginning to end. Excellent. Which is rarely done done i'm not sure you know if you watch a lot of late night stand-up comedy but usually you gotta keep it keep it punched up you know shorter bits uh men and women blacks and whites what about this bill clinton you know he he gets it arsenio hall so hasn't to donate for Yeah, sure. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. So, Henson, to donate for that,

the synchronized whoop, whoop, whoop. Worth it. Okay, so here's the deal. My friend Teresa Thorne, close personal friend of mine. Close personal wife. I've gotten to know her a lot since we moved in together,

started sharing a bed and making love. Has handed me a sheet with the current number of donors on it. Now, I will remind you again, our goal for this pledge drive was 1,190 donors. No, our goal for this pledge drive was 1,200 donors. We had 1,190 at last count right before we went on the air. Our goal for this show was to bust through that wiener tip on the Thermo Boner. Sure. Jordan, can you tell me what that says?

It says 1230. 1,230 donors. Congratulations, guys. Keep those pledges coming. That's amazing. We're closing this thing out with a bang. How many do you think we can make it to by the end of this program? 9,000.

9,000? That's fair. Sure. That's a pretty good guess. I think it's unrealistic. Do you think that's unrealistic? Well, I don't. I mean, we've got...

It's only... Sorry, Al. I'm going to follow my dreams. I don't care what you say. I'd like to get... This is what I'd like to do. I'm going to follow my dreams. I don't care what you say. I'd like to get. This is what I'd like to do. I'd like to see us at 1500, and I don't think it's unreasonable that we get to 1500. We got an hour.

We got an hour. We got probably two, three hundred people listening to this right now. Gene's going to come in. He's going to tell a story about his dad. Oh, man, yeah. Gene's going to knock it out of the park. Not that you didn't know. Al, you're continuing to knock it out of the park right now.

I'd like to. I mean, maybe we could talk about my waterfall thing today. Yeah that you didn't know. Al, you're continuing to knock it out of the park right now. I'd like to, I mean, maybe we could talk about my waterfall thing today. Yeah. It was pretty awesome. I do want to talk about this. So, Al, I was talking to you before we went on the air,

and I said, what have you been up to? And you said, I went on a cholo hike today. Went out, and this is the third time I've been, and just unbelievable just the amount of cholos and gangsters on this hike.

Now, this is not a typical, I mean, if you said to me, I went on a hike through Universal CityWalk, the theme park mall. To go to the popcorn store. Then I would have said, yeah, sure. Or Lids, they have a good Lids there. I went to Dodger Stuff Store. There's also a store that just sells Dodgers merch. Sure, and Raiders. There's a Raiders store there.

Oh, no. But we went out to Eaton Canyon. If you take the 134 freeway and you go off, I believe you're on the 210. You take Altadena Drive. This is for any municipality. Just start on the 210. Start on the 210. Doesn't matter if you're in municipalities. Just start on the 210. Start on the 210. Doesn't matter if you're in Connecticut.

Just get on the 210. Get the 210. If you're in the Los Angeles area, just out past Pasadena is a community up in it nestled in the hillside called Altadena. Altadena. Right above the Rose Bowl, just a little bit northeast of the Rose Bowl. This is like Pasadena is like a slightly fancy small town slash suburb. Now, that's the reputation that it has, and there are a lot of wealthy people in Pasadena, but there's also a lot of gangs, and there's a lot of bad neighborhoods.

As you move eastward, things get more and more working class. Sure. And then there are some mixed in with nicer communities. Anyway, there's a lot of cholos in pasadena that are taking this hike so we drive like the rose bowl flea market you do that first it's a whole day for them yeah sure do some antiquing i love distressed furniture bro hey man i'm more into i'm more i'm more into industrial these days, man. I can't get enough, bro. If it looks like it was in a warehouse, it's for me. Keep it masculine for my loft.

Dude, I get everything from my whole place here, bro. Beautiful. French colonial, bro. Shabby chic, man. So we go up there and we take the kids now. Because of our recent rains that we've had in Southern California, a lot of water. Sure. But I actually just put up some, I think I was putting up on my Twitter, I tweeted these pictures.

You're at Al Madrigal. Al Madrigal, at Al Madrigal, and I just put some pictures up. But cholo heavy today. Just, I mean, a ridiculous amount of gangsters. Can I cut in? This is something I've seen as an occasional hiker. I always see a cholo group while hiking. They don't seem to be dressed differently for hikes than they are for walking around.

They're not called REI. There's no Patagonia on there. Denim shorts, Adidas, button-up wool shirt. I would not be that surprised to see a cholo hiker wearing basketball shorts, tube socks, and Adidas flip-flops. A lot of that today. Again, I have some of these photos. But it's just the outfits don't change.

A lot of wife beaters. Yeah. Yeah, standard. But with the flannel shirt tucked into the back, like we went there. Yeah, yeah. We were going to try to pull off the flannel, but I got too misty, bro. So water bottles, and then they tagged up the whole thing. That's another thing.

They were just, were they tagging or piecing? They're just tagging. They're just throwing up the whole thing. That's another thing you said. They were just, were they tagging or piecing? They're just tagging. They're just throwing up some, yeah. Yeah, just a lot of tagging on rocks right by the waterfall, too. That's something that I, that is always perplexing to me when you see a tag on a nature thing. It's ridiculous. I just said it. It's baffling.

I was really trying to get into the mindset. I was like, I want somebody to look at this waterfall, bro, and be like, oh, that's a beautiful waterfall, but I also want them to know that Chucho was here. Anything with a cholo in it, you take any cholo out of his element, and it's going to be funnier. It's sort of like putting the American flag up

on the surface of the moon. Yeah, they're doing the same thing. And there are similar legal ramifications, a lot of legal ramifications there. There was discussion of putting up tiny flags of every country there, a lot of talk. And it almost goes through the same thing because you've got to address,

is this Serrano or Norteño territory? Sure. East side locos claim this. Sure, MS-13, world's most dangerous gang. Sure, I saw the National Geographic on the MS-13. Absolutely. It's terrifying. We have some friends who were just assigned to

consular work. They just were entered into the Foreign Service. They're in their training right now. They just got their assignment. They were assigned to Juarez. Juarez, Mexico. Worst assignment. It is literally the worst assignment in the world. Because in places where there are actual wars going on,

they pull the consular employees out. So like if you're in, you know, there aren't consular employees in the midst of the war in the Sudan or whatever. You know, there aren't consular employees running around Darfur. But you can't just pull the consular employees out of mexico that's the country next to us sure but uh certainly you can abandon some towns where there's beheadings on regular beheadings regular beheading where there are where where a normal thing is to see someone's head on a stick yeah a head on a stick is not a good look for a consular employee but what from what i understand if you go to juarez like the uh the second assignment you have to go somewhere for two

years the second assignment for the people who are leaving juarez this year the core of the earth london paris and budapest that's how you got to do your war as time oh yeah and then you get all the good stuff once you do war as then it's all paris from there on out yeah gay paris you survive this two years yeah boom berlin let's go there yeah well al it has been a joy to have you here with us it's uh always great to come back you guys and i'm sorry i didn't get to flex my voice talent as much as I did last time. No, we heard two different cholos. That antiquing one and then the tagging one.

Can we talk to Snagglepuss for a moment? Oh, yeah. I believe you can. Right there. Boom. Wow. And you even knew we were talking about gay snagglepuss, even though we didn't explicitly say it.

Gay African-American snagglepuss. Yeah. I believe you can talk to snagglepuss. There it is. Nice. Laying it down. Well, Al, thank you so much. The great Al Madrigal.

Thank you. Al, your new compact disc is going to come out soon. Are you actually pulling it back? I'm really going to pull it back. I ordered a bunch. It's called Cholos on a Moped. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go home.

I'm just going to completely discount it. If somebody wants to buy it for $3. Just get at Al Madrigal on Twitter, right? At Al Madrigal on Twitter. $3. Let's do this. Three bucks. You've got to come over to Al's house and pick it up.

He's not going to pay a postage on that. No. You know what? You can download it off almadrigal.com, and I will lower the price down to $3. Let's just make it happen. Making it happen. That's what we're doing. Al, thank you very much.

All right. And get your friends to sign up. This is when you send out an email to a buddy and say, you should be listening to this. Maximumfund.org slash donate. They need $10. Send out your tweets and whatnot. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Bye guys. Yes. How are you feeling Jordan? Great. Positive.

Now that we're looking at an hour in, I'm fading. Yeah. I haven't got a lot of gas left in the tank Jordan. Yeah, time for the C performance. Yeah. I haven't got a lot of gas left in the tank, Jordan. Yeah, time for the sea performance. Yeah, exactly. Luckily, we have a breath of fresh air about to join us on the program. A beautiful woman who I love very much. A woman known the world over for her intelligence, her grace.

Sure. Her good looks. For growing my child inside of her. My beautiful wife, Teresa. Teresa, welcome to the program. Yes. Hi, my beautiful wife, Teresa. Teresa, welcome to the program. Yes. Hi, guys. Hi, Teresa.

It does not get any better than my wife, Teresa. Teresa, of course, is the development director for MaximumFun.org, so she knows what the deal is. She knows what's going on. She's been running the whole MaxFunDrive. She's been working morning, noon, and night. Anytime she wasn't having someone squirt a weird gel onto her belly and then push on it with a weird ultrasound wand

she was in here working on the max fun drive that's true sorry i didn't know that it would upset you if i said weird gel on your belly it's all right it surprised me it didn't really upset me okay good it does come from, you know how like at the barber, there's like a thing that the Barbasol sits in or whatever that like warms it up and then they spray that on you? It did seem to

come from a weird gel warmer in the hospital. Yeah, and it was hot. It was hot? Yeah, the gel was hot. Actually hot. Yeah, and it was so hot when they first put it on, I actually said something about it because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't having a weird reaction to it or something

and it was going to burn me or something. You did a, hey, hot gel. Yeah, I was like, oh, this is warm. And they were like, oh, yeah, we use warm gel in here. How much do you think it costs Kaiser, our friends at Kaiser Permanente, to buy a gel warmer? I say a gel warmer is a $300 device. I think the gel is like that special KY self-heating. Warming gel?

Yeah, that's what I think. Warming lube? Yeah. What if they just ran out ofming gel? Yeah, that's what I think. Warming lube? Yeah. What if they just ran out of the gel? For mutual pleasure. Yeah. For your pleasure, for the ultrasound machine's pleasure.

They're like, I don't know, some of them have warming lube, a couple of them got icy hot. Yeah. This one's got tiger balm. Yeah. Yeah, this one's just got grape jelly. So we gave away a couple of, while you were gone,

we gave away a couple of copies of Gears of War. I don't remember. Oh, good. What do we have, six? Yeah, we have six to give away. Okay, so we gave away two. We gave one to Zenak and one to Anurge. Cool.

Here, why don't you give those to me? Okay, I'm going to give those to you. Those people should email Teresa at MaximumFun.org, T-H-E-R-E-S-A and claim your prizes. Send your address and everything. I have an answer on the phone. Oh, good, good. Okay, so Elliot Hochberg

who's running our video from IndieHD.com who's putting his thumb in. He's continuing his classic tradition of speaking up when he shouldn't and trying to talk on a live show when he's off microphone how much does how much does uh an ultrasound gel warming device cost according to this 232.94 232.94 so i really did a pretty good job you did i'm i'm gonna give myself a pat on

the back second grade style very impressive um so where impressive. So where are we at in terms of donors right now? Oh, well, I gave you the most recent update. So that was 1230. Yeah, 1230. 1230 is the most recent update. So we're looking pretty good. We're looking great. People out there are stepping up to the plate.

Yeah, I think we're all overjoyed, totally surprised and happy. And people have really gone out of their way to show their support and tweet about their support. And we've also had a lot of current donors increasing their donation, which is awesome. And we don't count that in our number. We don't count that in our goal. But it's so helpful and hugely important

and hugely appreciated. And apparently, they're doing it with the stipulation that Jesse shoved things up his butt. I don't know if you knew that, Teresa. No, I did know that. That's part of it. So Jesse will be... I hope that that's...

No, I'm pretty much down for whatever. Okay. Live butt shoving later on in the show. I'm not going to do it live on the show, Jordan. Isn't that part of the deal, Teresa? Don't they want to see it? This isn't some sick cam act. No, you're right.

Okay. I'm talking to the camera, you guys. But we can also see, like, you know that there's not some sort of funnel to the camera that we can't see. Jordan, can you, hold on, I've got to address the camera. We can see it. You said, I'll do it, I'll put it up my butt, and now you're making a motion. Yeah, I can see it. You said, I'll do it. I'll put it up my butt, and now you're making a motion. Yeah, I can see it. It's not working like you think it is.

What? It's not working like you think it is. No, I'm doing it for the camera, for the folks at home, Jordan. So far, I think this pledge break has probably been really successful in getting us a lot of new pledges. Yeah, so, okay, so here's the moral of the story. People across the world have been supporting MaximumFun.org the past two weeks. And I personally, you know, I've been hectoring everyone in every possible way that I can.

And I want to thank all those people who came through for us. Came through not just for me and for Teresa, but also for Jordan and Julia and Nick White and the My Brother, My Brother and Me guys. Everybody except Hodgman. Hodgman's not taking any money from this operation. Everybody except Hodgman has really benefited from this. And there's going to be, I mean, stuff that we couldn't do without your support. And the pledges keep coming in, and we encourage you to keep bringing them in at MaximumFun.org. Yeah, the more we make, the more cool things we can do.

You know, if we didn't have a little bit of wiggle room in the budget, I couldn't have hired Julia out of my pocket full-time the last couple months to try what it would be like if Julia was working full-time. I couldn't have brought my brother, my brother, and me online. You know, I mean, when we bring in a new

show, I want to show them that they can get some money from being part of this even before we bring in any extra pledges because they're part of it. So, you know, we've been sending them money and that comes from that that comes from that that budget that you give us so that we can grow this operation, essentially. Definitely, definitely. And I think, you know, when we did decide to bring Julia on full time, at least temporarily, it was exciting, but it was a little bit scary because we're a little bit worried that we wouldn't be able to keep her on at that level. But, you know, the MaxFun listeners have really come through for us. And that's so amazing and so wonderful. I kind of took a step off of the cliff. And I should point out that if you hear any growling sounds, that's our dogs in an elaborate wrestling match going on an inch from the microphones.

It's pretty cute, guys. It is pretty cute. It's fucking adorable. You know, we sort of just took a step off the cliff and said, look, you know, if we want to make this happen with Julia, we knew that Julia couldn't work forever part-time

on the money that we're able to pay her. And we said, you know what, Julia, you're doing such wonderful work. Elliot can't keep his act together because he's so delighted with these dogs wrestling. Teresa, can you talk for a second second I'm going to pick up a dog sure

oh uh okay there it is sorry it was just so fast I didn't know where you were going with so um we sort of took a step off of the cliff and just said Julia look do you think stuff like this ever happened on the set of Rock Live?

Do you think this is the kind of stuff, this is why you go live with Rock Show? Fun, spontaneous moments. We took a sort of step off the cliff and said, Julia, if you can, you give us three months. We'll give you three months of full time, and we just have to see how the MaxFunDrive goes. We can't afford to send it past that and the people out there have responded by going to maximumfund.org slash donating and putting it putting their money where their mouth is or in this case where their ears are and supported it and now you know i think i'm i'm ready to commit right here live on air to making julia's full-time status permanent that's's really cool. Isn't that great? Yeah.

I hope Julia heard that in the other room. Yeah, I don't know. Is she listening? I think her and Al are out there having a wrestling match. Is Al choking Julia? That's where all that growling is, yeah. Drag her into your guys' pool room. Billiard room, excuse me. That's really, really exciting.

That's something we've been working towards for a really long time. To have a full-time producer on The Sound of Young America is basically a lifelong dream for me. It's so wonderful. And we've already seen the fruits of her labor. I mean, we've already seen these amazing guests that she's been able to book the past couple of months. You know, people like Dick Cavett and Mavis Staples,

who are people that I've always wanted to have on The Sound of Young America and never been able to without someone who could essentially spend a lot of time harassing publicists. At the end of the day, that's how you get people booked. What do you got on the slips of paper there, sweetie? I have a few more tweets. Do you want to read them? Yeah, sure. Okay.

Why don't I take, I'll take two. I'll give two to Jordan over there. Okay. Cool. This one is from Sigma Factor. Just popped a donor boner. Max Fun Drive, 1230. I like donor boners.

That's fun. I'm playing video games and watching Max Fun Drive. This is a regular Boof Bonzer of a Sunday night. That's from KVN Bolger. What do you think about that? There's a good Boof Bonzer reference. That guy is an old school Jordan Jesse Goh listener.

You know about our enthusiasm. Or he just listened to a bunch of them in a row. Boof Bonzer. Okay, JN May says, really hope Jordan flashes the back of his knees. Are you down, Jordan? I know this isn't some kind of sick cam show. I know. I know we didn't want to get a cam show, but if we get to 1300, I'll flash the backs. Oh yeah, Jordan? I know this isn't some kind of sick cam show. I know. I know we didn't want to get a cam show, but

if we get to 1,300, I'll flash the backs. Oh, yeah? 1,300? Yeah. If we get to 1,300, I'm flashing the backs. I think we can do that. Everybody heard that. Yeah. Maximumfund.org slash donate. I think we can do that. I think we can make the backs of Jordan please happen. I mean, talk about donor boners. I know. I know.

Let me address the camera real quick. Talk about donor boners. Again, I can see it. We can see it. What? Never mind. S.J. Brote says... No, that's not... This is for the camera, Teresa. This is for the camera. Let's get back to Jordan's tweet. S.J. Brote

says, can any Max FunDrive donors make an animated gif of the thermoboner erupting? I think somebody can. Thermoboner. I think we can get an animated gif going of the thermoboner erupting. I think somebody can. Thermoboner. I think we can get an animated gif going of the thermoboner erupting. I see no possibility that that won't work out. Make it erupting on a picture of Jesse's face. Great.

I'm down for that. That sounds fantastic to me. Animated gif. Okay, you have to make that and tag it MaxFunDrive, pound MaxFunDrive on Twitter. Put it up on your TwitPix or what have you. Hashtag it MaxFunDrive. Teresa and Julia will be looking through all the boner explosions onto my face.

They'll pick out the best one. That has to be my job. Well, I'm not going to do it. I'm trying to host a live program here. I'm trying to address the camera. I'm trying to bring people in. I'm trying to be hosty, enthusiastic, warm. Smile

at the end of your sentences. Smile. That's what a host does, Teresa. Alright, final look at the pictures. Hey, Teresa, we haven't talked about this on JordanJesseGo yet, but the baby's going to be a boy. Yeah. Isn't that cool? Yeah, it's really cool. The psychic... We're going to call him

Jesse Jr. JJ Fad, for short sure um i thought what about coco jr um so that means the dog is better than the kid yeah like by that dog is the original dog is yeah the kid anyway i kind of okay so, okay, so Jordan, Jesse, you listeners know that a few weeks ago I went to this strange A-frame house in the Hollywood Hills

and bought $750 worth of neckties from a woman on Craigslist. And this woman told me To sell. To sell. And to sell some,

I kept some of them sold. I sold enough to cover the cost of buying them. You don't want it to be in the middle of a pledge drive. Right, exactly. It's like, everyone, this is what I spent my money on. Yeah, I needed to make that clear. Yeah, no, it was a clever play that involved a lot of work on eBay on my part.

Sure. So this nice woman informed me several times that she was a psychic. I was at my weekly visit with the midget dominatrix. Really? That's what you're... Okay. It's only 200 bucks an hour. It's half the price of a regular dominatrix.

This woman was so nice, and she told me that it was going to be a girl because she was psychic. And for one thing, from that point forward, I just assumed it was going to be a girl because she was psychic. And for one thing, from that point forward, I just assumed it was going to be a girl. Not because I believe in psychics. I actually don't at all. But because there just wasn't anything... That was the single most compelling piece of evidence that I had. In the absence of other evidence,

the fact that this woman who said she was psychic said it was a girl, well, you've got to figure she's right because I don't see anybody telling me it's a boy is there like is there is there is there a i always said there's like a physical element to like oh if it's a boy you're carrying low does that exist or is that fake they say that but i think that only really comes into play if you don't find out and you're like you're like much farther along in your pregnancy then then people could start speculating based on how you looked, but like you've been asked for baseball cards or yeah.

So I didn't know eating a lot of baseball cards. Baby wants them. I don't know. Ice cream, pickles and 1992 Fleer. Um, there's a type of baseball card. Um,

Ellie Hochberg knows what I'm talking about he's got the big nod on don russ don russ you got it um score foil pack absolutely hologram um pokemon now you're getting it now you're starting to get into your comic book cards your pokemon cards um so i i have to be honest with you i hate the idea of someone being a fake psychic and i don't believe in psychics so in my mind anyone who says they're a psychic is a fake psychic and i hate that however this lady was such a nice lady that i did want her to be right yeah i still wanted to but i didn't want to if she was right then i would have to be like well maybe there's something to this psychic stuff which i did not want but i did want her to be right so that i could kind of feel good about the whole thing right yeah is that crazy no i i think when you're dealing with such a such a distinct

50 50 situation you can't help but have split feelings about it yeah it was very split feelings anyway we've got all kinds of great pledge levels jordan has promised if we make it to 1300 he's going to show the back of his knees so i mean it's getting a little bit on the light side on the east coast so you know drop trow and take care of business once we hit 1300 is what I'm saying. Sure. Yeah. Let's see. Well, I mean, let's go to 1300.

You'll immediately break in no matter what we're doing if we get to 1300. Do you want me to? Yeah, absolutely. No matter if it's inappropriate? It doesn't matter if we're talking to the Queen Mother herself. Wow. The Queen Mom could be speaking to us from beyond the grave. Okay.

She is dead. Sure. All right. You promise, Teresa? Yeah, I'll do that. Okay, if people want to donate, what do they do? Go to MaximumFun.org and click on Donate. And I think everybody who's listening probably has at least visited the page

and knows what the gifts are at the various levels. But if you haven't done that, you should definitely do that because there's a lot of really, really awesome stuff on there. Yeah, the gifts are legitimately great. As someone who donates to public radio and is usually kind of disappointed with my gift. You do like your KCRW fringe benefits card.

I do like my KCRW fringe benefits card. I appreciate it every time I buy Indian food and nothing else. But yeah, I mean, usually gifts for donating to something are shitty. They're like dumb. Yeah, it's a shitty mug or something. But these are really legitimately great gifts. And if you don't know about them, go to the website and look at them. They're fantastic.

It's all at MaximumFun.org slash donate. And we're still taking tweets. We should give away at least one. I feel like back of the knees. That earned a call of duty, right? Yeah, sure. Gears of War. Gears of War, Dad. Oh, wait. No, I got that one. Okay, here we go. So congratulations, JN May.

Email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. And we'll hang on to the rest of these in case we need them. And thank you very much for joining us, Teresa. Thank you, guys. Have fun. Bye.

Get Eugene for us. Okay. So, man, things are going great, I think. Yeah, I think so, too. Sissy was sitting on my lap, my dog Sissy, and she just followed Teresa out of the room. Sure. She's just waiting for the baby to drop so she can eat the placenta. Do you think that's

what dogs want is that how that works yeah they know when someone is pregnant they're like wiccans they're like wiccans in that sense exactly just waiting for that baby to come out my aunt who uh my aunt uh who is a a doula i think she's a doula i think it's a doula that she is she apparently she sent me an email and said congratulations I heard the baby's a boy that's all your mother will allow me to say which I interpret that to mean that there was an extended conversation

between my aunt and my mother about hiring a doula and my mother had to draw a line in the sand you're allowed to congratulate on the sand. You're allowed to congratulate on the gender. You're not allowed to say the D word. Dick. Gotcha. Baby Dick.

Big Time Gene O'Neill is here. Welcome, Eugene. Yeah, thank you. Oh, of course, those of you out there who are Jordan Jesse Goh fans will know Big Time Gene O'Neill as a regular guest on the program, an original co-host of The Sound of Young America, which Jordan, by the way, is not.

Jordan is not an original co-host of The Sound of Young America because we did that we did like two weeks with Matt. Right, so there's a lot of tension between Jordan and I for that reason. Yeah, absolutely. Fuck you, Jordan. Wow. Man, I feel like I'm the ghost of the

first guy from ACDC.c dude jordan you're like a few more weeks from jesse turning you in for a new model he's gonna have another crisis he's gonna want to go younger again he did it to matt he did it to me he's gonna do it to you um i okay so i have i have seen a jonas brother hanging around the house i can only assume he's to be my replacement I do occasionally When I'm bored And feeling solipsistic I will google I will type Jesse Thorne into the twitter box

And I'll type other Maximum Fun related things I'll type my brother my brother and me Or whatever just to kind of see what people Are saying about what's going on In Maximum Fun And this week I got I noticed or earlier today, I noticed this tweet from someone named Peggy.

I'm not going to give her full Twitter name, but, you know, you can always type Jesse Thorne into the search box and find her. And she says, why is Jesse... Ruin her life, Internet minions. Destroy her. She posted, why is Jesse Thorne beloved? I don't understand.

Do you know that's about you? There aren't any other Jesse Thorns to speak of. It could be just somebody at her school or something. Weren't you in a stage production of Toni Morrison's Beloved? Maybe that's what she meant. And it seemed weird because I'm white. Yeah. And I was playing Beloved.

Right. Yeah, no, that makes sense. You know what the thing is? A lot of people get it confused. I was actually in a stage production of The Bluest Eye. Oh, okay. So that's the whole thing. I make that mistake all the time.

Anyway, I was worried the people out there don't know why. And of course I am Beloved. There's no doubt about that. I'm one of the most beloved figures in all of broadcasting. I'm like Regis Philbin or someone else that everyone likes. Yeah, you incorporate it into your nickname. Like a prick.

Who do people like? Who do people like besides Regis? Pat Sajak? Do people like Pat Sajak? Al Roker? Al Roker. That's a perfect one. Everybody loves Al Roker, right? I thought mine was pretty good. It's as good as Pat Sajak, I think. Do people love Pat Sajak? Have you been to a taping of Wheel of Fortune? They go nuts when he comes out. Do you dislike Pat Sajak? It you been to a taping of Wheel of Fortune? They go nuts when he comes out.

Oh, yeah, really? Do you dislike Pat Sajak? It sounds like you dislike him. They have to put him in a glass case now. When we were... Like the Pope. The bulletproof car. Everyone wants to kill him.

Because they love him so much. They can't have him. They need his strength. When we were RAs, our RA boss was a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. And I think he won like a washer-dryer or something. And he got us all together to watch a video. I don't know if this was when you were an RA. I made an excuse to not go to that.

It makes sense, yeah. It was not something one wanted to go to. He was a sweet guy. So we got us together to watch a video of his appearance on Wheel of Fortune, and there was a moment where Pat Sajak threw to the the announcer do either of you guys know what the announcer's name is what does throw to mean you know he like he like went to him like okay elliot hochberg is gonna is gonna look up what the announced elliot's so excited because he works regularly on our podcast never not funny and uh they have an intern who does a terrible job of looking everything up so elliot is like yeah i can be i can change cameras and look stuff up at the same time

do you have it on his sidekick oh my god try binging it yeah are you considered have you considered banging it you mean getting google results yeah yeah okay so here's the wow slam slam on bing you've got you've got as many harsh feelings about bing as jesse does about pat sajak it sounds like charlie o'donnell charlie o'donnell and he's and so when he's when he's ready to throw to the which is broadcasting speak for kind of give the introduction to charlie o'donnell's announcements of like what that evening's prizes were pat sajak said this and it was amazing it was like a magical beautiful moment he said and now a man i love more than a man should love another man charlie o'donnell and i just pictured pat sajak because they tape like eight in a row you know they'll take they'll just tape all day long

he's in episode eight he's just seeing things that aren't there he keeps trying to catch catch birds that are flying around his head and then he remembers he's in a television studio and he just starts saying shit like and now a man i love more than a man should love another man yeah you see what i mean yeah okay so i made for people who don't know why i'm beloved or beloved i made this list of 10 reasons that i'm beloved uh number 10 is uh i have great feedback on ebay uh 442 positive feedback zero negative feedback which is a hundred percent how is that possible i hey i'm an honest dealer gene and i pay promptly when i buy something if i sell you something you can depend that the description was

fair and accurate eugene 100 all right fine don't have to browbeat me 442 people uh number nine is i have narrow feet uh it's one of the reasons i'm beloved this is especially it's like that one is actually mostly applies to people who are also a size 12 but they bought shoes that are too narrow for them and they're hoping that they have a friend that they can give them to okay like if they bought a 12b and they're actually a 12d that's why they love me for that one uh i hope you can count on me to dress appropriately for important events. So if you have a wedding or a funeral or whatever, people love me for that. Okay. Still don't see how people love you for number two, but all right.

Look, at one point I had over 300 Mark Grace baseball cards. That one is also kind of specific, though. That one's mostly for the guy that ran the baseball card store near my house when I was 11. Yeah, I don't know. I'm starting to go with peggy on this one i'm very how many more of these it feels like we're scraping the barrel already yeah right i'm very magnanimous is one of is one of the list items i typed this i type list you can't just use like a rough synonym for beloved and use that for a reason that you're beloved uh how about this i'm familiar with the concept of tautologies i don't even know what that is is that like a warm alcoholic drink uh because i watched a lot

of episodes of the television program survivor man I have a rough understanding of how to kill a rodent using only a twig and a rock. Man, remember when he hollowed out a cow and he spent the night in it? Wait, he spent the night inside a cow? I think it was a cow. You're thinking of The Empire Strikes Back, and instead of not Survivor Man, you're thinking of Han Solo. And not a cow, you're thinking of a Tauntaun. Yeah, that was the episode, right? And then Luke drank Leia's piss.

I am balding. That's another reason I'm beloved because... Well, that one works. I do love the balding. Given all the other things that are so wonderful about me, the balding makes me more relatable. Like Paul Schaefer. Exactly, like Paul Schaefer.ding makes me more relatable like paul schaefer exactly like paul schaefer who could be more relatable than paul schaefer be careful though the opposite effect

happened to nicholas cage he is completely unrelatable yeah no one in the world can relate to him and that is only because of his hair. Not his collection of shrunken heads. Where his son is named Jor-El. I smell really good. Sort of like honeysuckles but more masculine than that sounds. Alright, I can get behind that one. You smell great, dude. Thanks. Thank you very much, Eugene.

I'm great with kids. Especially Latino kids. I don't know if it's a race thing or a cultural thing or whatever, but they just love me. Okay. Above all, though, it's because I'm such a great singer. Although technically I would say that I'm a triple threat,

singing, dancing, and acting. You totally put Peggy in her place. Yeah. Take that, Peggy. Yeah. I just threw it at the screen, which is where she lives. She lives inside the computer. Yeah.

How are you doing, Gene? I'm doing great. I think we can all agree that my 10 reasons I'm beloved bit went over fantastic. Yeah, I hate following that. Yeah, we should probably all just relax and think about how funny that was. I'm just going to sit back, relax, and address the camera. And remember our favorite list items. You guys don't even need me.

How's it going for you, pal? It's been a while. Yeah, it has. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you, sir. What are we looking at? March? March 13?

Is that where we're at? Just past. Are we coming up on the Ides? No, we're right around the corner from the Ides, I'd say. Beware of the Ides, Jesse. Whoa, shit. I know from theater class that I've got to take this seriously. That'd be great if Jesse just started firing a gun in the air when he said that.

You'll remember that Caesar read a top ten list dedicated to himself right before the Ides. Was that what he was doing when Rome was burning? Nah, that's Nero. Yeah. Uh-oh. That's it. No show. Here, I'm going to push that back over so you can use it.

I forgot that I need this to be the show. Hey, Gene, seen any movies lately? Yeah. I saw, what was it, the new Independence Day movie? Oh, yeah. You mean the new Skyline movie, Gene? Yes. Sorry.

I'm seriously blanking on the name. Battle of Los Angeles. Yeah. I think it's Battle colon Los Angeles. Oh. Oh, God. Okay. Sorry.

I have an Independence Day thing, but tell us how it was. No. I mean, all I was going to say is that you were watching it the whole time. You just wish it was Independence Day. There's no one-liners. There's no guy brashly welcoming an alien to Earth. By punching it. There's a great moment where it's like, this is where the Bill Pullman speech would be.

And they have nothing like that. And the Bill Pullman speech got a standing ovation when I saw Independence Day in the theater. I am not kidding. I saw Independence Day, like, I think four times in three nights when it came out. The first time I saw it, I was walking out of the theater, and I seriously was thinking, that is the greatest movie I've ever seen. Like, I experienced ego loss during that movie. It's like the most high I've ever been.

There were, like, three standing ovations for that movie. It's like the most high I've ever been. There were like three standing ovations for the movie. And I remember my friend and I were convinced that it was going to be the next Star Wars and we like, were trying to collect the plastic cups that they gave you. We're like, these are going to be worth money someday. Were you planning what you thought was going to

happen in the Independence Day sequels? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we covered that. Sequels and prequels. Of course they're gonna of course they're gonna have to rebuild society bill pullman is president of the new society yeah there'll just be a movie about how there's america society no aliens yet though that's labor day yeah and then uh the movie the sequel would be how they've been doing since we got rid of the aliens which is well well reasonably well there's the usual trouble of course after we got that irrigation going things have been going great yeah uh i i uh

for work had to um they had this weird press event for the movie paul yeah which a big part of this movie paul is um you know like ufo fan. You and I both enjoyed the film, Paul. Have you seen Paul yet, Gene? It's not out yet. Are you a member of the press? Apparently not. Didn't get invited to Paul. Well, it's great. See it with the great

unwashed when it comes out. I think you pay for it to go see it if you're not? Fuck if I know. I don't even know. Yeah, sorry. It's been so long. I don't even know. Oh, I just watch movies on the internet.

Okay, gotcha. Like everybody else. Yeah. And we, and they had like the interviews for it at one of these kind of obsessive UFO diners that are like, it was out in the middle of Nevada desert. We like flew into Las Vegas, got in these RVs, and then drove out to this crazy UFO-themed truck stop. And they had a monument, kind of this four-foot stone monument in the middle of the truck stop that said ID4. And it was a time capsule was planted there when ID4 came out.

And it said like, oh, in 2050 when extraterrestrial visitors are regulars on Earth, we will uncover this time capsule. And for some reason it was in the shape of the logo from Independence Day. Anyway, so that exists. Is it just a copy of Independence Day and aliens can watch that and take that as a warning for what might happen? Yeah, guys. Mind your P's and Q's. Did the movie Independence Day invent tricking us into calling a movie by something that's like its name but shorter and we're supposed to like better? Yes.

Independence Day basically invented modern marketing in cinema. Independence Day basically invented modern marketing in cinema also at this UFO themed diner the back wall was covered in conservative bumper stickers but it stopped at Clinton like the most current thing they had

was a picture of Bill and Hillary and it said dual airbags and like that is as far as they had gotten in their like conservative fanaticism did i ever talk about the time that when i i went on a trip with my dad when i was a kid through um uh through america through middle america and at one point we went past this farm and at this farm there were like three miles lining the road of crazy conservative whirly gigs i don't know what is a whirly it's the thing where you put it in the air and like

the arms spin or whatever like just incredibly elaborate whirly gigs how were they conservative about how well they were about how like hill, Hillary Clinton was a lesbian communist and stuff. Oh, okay, sure. And she was running the, but it was just like, it was like a Hillary Clinton with arms that were flapping in the breeze, and then it would say, like, Dyke Commie underneath. It was genuinely one of the strangest things that I've ever seen in my life. Wouldn't it be cool if one of them was fighting a Godzilla one? It's not about ideology, Jordan. Right.

When Godzilla comes, we're all Americans. Yeah, we're all Americans. Why did they not make an Independence Day 2, do you wonder? I've been wondering that ever since it came out. Yeah. Well, do you figure that there would have to be like a second battle with the aliens? I imagine it would probably, this time, we go to their planet right on a peace mission yeah and they misinterpret it or on a p mission like it's too far to get to mars yeah yeah to stop somewhere

you know speaking of ufos you know have you seen on netflix there's a uh this documentary quote unquote with dan akroyd it's called dan akroyd unplugged on ufos no wow it's like it looks like the production value has to be like ten dollars and it's this guy who's just filming a conversation he's having with dan akroyd about ufos with uh overladen with images of like the same five like grainy like you know supposed ufo like video like videos of ufos dan akroyd only believes in a couple things number one he believes that if he's going to be in a movie he should get paid and well that's the first thing he believes in the second thing he believes in is of course the crystal heads the third thing is ufos there's no way he got paid for this because

it's just the budget is so bad what now i i'm it seems like the word unplugged is just in there for no reason like what would the circumstances be where he would be plugged what would he normally be like this is novel he's unplugged guys like what is he usually plugged into well he's plugged into our hearts oh sure true he's got a direct line to our hearts and our groins yeah after crossroads he's not he's not hooked up to one of those uh what's his name the guy who like he doesn't have a vocoder hooked up to so that could maybe mean that could be unplugged like peter frampton he's just got a talk box yeah like frampton comes alive it's like him in like a really like

poor person's looking living room he's like smoking cigarettes the whole time and sweating like what year do you think this was no it's like this year it just came out yeah and uh i think does he talk about the connection between the ufos and yogi bear the movie you know what i didn't get that far. Okay. So I probably can't even properly remember. You didn't get to the Yogi Bear part. Yeah.

It seems like the times I hear from Dan Aykroyd, there's like an internet news item, you know, Dan Aykroyd reveals new details about Ghostbusters 3, and it's Dan Aykroyd saying a new plot point or like a casting idea he has for Ghostbusters 3, and then it goes down to another member of the Ghostbusters cast who says, Dan Aykroyd is crazy.

Because I was going to say the reason that this movie, this Ghostbusters movie isn't being made, like I don't think it's because Bill Murray says no. I think it's because everyone's worried about Dan Aykroyd and you can't safely put him on a movie set anymore because he's totally unhinged in this movie. Hey, guys, you guys want to do some Momentous Occasions?

Sure. I got a computer full of Momentous Occasions here. Of course, when something momentous happens to one of our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN and we've got quite a few of them, courtesy of our able intern, Lindsay, who is not going to get fired. Don't worry.

She's doing a great job. What a pile. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Go. I just called in because I had a momentous occasion, such a moment of shame. I was walking down the street listening to an episode of Maria Bamford. What's amazing to me about this guy is what kind of boot was he wearing? What's amazing to me about this guy Is what kind of boot was he wearing

He was wearing one of those Ice man of Siberia boots Where it's just like some straw Attached to his foot With like bison hide or something Yeah he's gotta get down to boot warehouse How does he get

A screw all the way through his boot Yeah isn't there a reason why you wear boots To protect against that very potentiality? I don't know. I don't know. Hi there, Jacob. This is Andy from Grand Rapids calling in with a momentous occasion. I recently acquired some influenza

and I'm presently under the influence of various formulations of quill, both day and night. And I just woke up from a fever dream wherein the Jordan Morris Jesse Thorne ticket was elected to the presidency in 2012. And I was there at a meeting where you were announcing your cabinet. And here's what I heard from your cabinet selection. For the Secretary of Annunciation, you selected Lady Gaga because you, like, hilariously mispronounced your name.

Like Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, etc. You appointed me the Secretary of Fun. Good decision. And as your Secretary of Lunch, you appointed a Reuben Sandwich. Thanks. Have a great show. Well, that's a great... I mean, you can't argue with those choices, right?

Let me guess, Guy. When you woke up, your sheets were a mess. Sounds like a wet dream to me. Man, how did he get woke up, your sheets were a mess. Sounds like a wet dream to me. Man, how did he get quinine? His sheets were a mess, and it was Russian dressing. Yeah. He ate one of those sleep salads. Hi, Jordan and Jesse.

My name is Maggie, and I'm calling you from the airport in Chicago. Hi, Maggie. I was just standing at the desk at the gate checking in for a flight, and I overheard a uniformed airline employee say the words, I need to find the instructions for how to fly the plane. That's my flight. And the bargain I'm making with God is, if I survive, I will pledge to maximum funds. Wish me luck. Bye. You'd think they'd give them a piece of paper to write that down and just show it to their colleagues. Instead of saying it, do you think maybe also the PA system was open at the time that they said that?

I think it was just a joke. You want to loosen up the people in the cabin and your passengers. Yeah, because it's in the back of everybody's mind. Is the plane going to crash? Yeah, like, all right, the funny part. A little gallows humor, you know? It was probably one of those Southwest flights where they're always cracking the jokes. Oh, cracking the jokes.

Yeah, where they're always like, hey, can someone push in the back? Yeah. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guests. My name's Dave from Chicago, and I have a momentous occasion. I'm in law school, and I started listening to Jordan and Jesse go in November. I took my finals in December, and I made the Dean's List for the first time.

So I'm giving all the credit to Jordan and Jesse, and for that reason I just contributed to Maximum Fun for the first time. Thank you guys so much, and keep up the great work. Thank you, sir. Yeah. Thank you. He should know that making the Dean's List in law school is actually a horrible thing to have happen because it makes it more likely that you'll stay in law school.

Yeah, you don't want the dean after you. Get off that list. Yeah, man. You see, this is more of a... You've got to try and shut down your parties. You see, this is more of a Nixon's enemy list type situation. Well, that's what it is, right? Dean keeps a list of his rivals as political enemies.

He's going to get G. Gordon Liddy to take you out. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guest. I am calling in with a momentous occasion. This is the first time I've called in. This is John from Orlando. I am driving from my girlfriend's house back home. She lives in Jacksonville. And on my drive home, I kind of do a ritualistic thing where I listen to

Jordan and Jesse go, of course, on the way home. Cut off the head of a chicken. She gets to spend time with me. It's a little more comforting of a ride. And I was listening to last week's episode with a great guest, Maria Bamford, and I heard toward the end of the show that Jesse's birthday is on April 24th. And this is a momentous occasion for me because that is also my birthday.

I absolutely freaked out when I heard that Jesse has the same birthday as me because in the past the only person who I was aware shared my birthday was American Idol star Kelly Clarkson. And I've got to say, this is not nearly as exciting as going up to a friend and saying I share a birthday with just Jesse Thorne, America's Radio sweetheart.

I mean, that's a way bigger deal. Anyway. You're guaranteed a big reaction if you tell them that you share a birthday with Jesse Thorne, America's Radio sweetheart. People are going to flip out. They're going to say, the Jesse Thorne? The beloved Jesse Thorne? And then, who is Jesse Thorne? Immediately after that.

As someone who doesn't have a celebrity sharing their birthday, it's a really lonely feeling, so I'm happy for that guy. There's no celebrities that share your birthday? No, not that I recall. I think Barbra Streisand may share my birthday. I used to have this book at home when I was a little kid of sports birthdays, this sports birthday book.

It's why I know that Ricky Henderson's birthday is on Leap Day. And I think, I think, it might have, let me say this. Ricky Henderson's birthday might be new year's eve or new year's day so don't email me if i got it wrong and it's not leap day um i think the top sports guy who shares my birthday is uh howard emk or emky this guy who was a surprise starter in like the 1928 world series and won a game.

That's it. That's the only sports guy that I share a birthday with. Mine's Joan from Mad Men. Seriously? Yeah, totally. Do you think you could hit that? I mean, it's a great icebreaker if I ever meet her. Oh, God.

If you ever met her, do you think you could say words? No, I mean, it would be awful. It would be really hard, right? Yeah, I would just shoot myself. Yeah. I would, yeah. Ever since I first saw Mad Men, I started carrying a gun around with me in case I ever saw Joan on the street

because I need to blow my brains out. If she was in a movie and you had to do junk into that movie... Also, Pete Campbell's wife. This is Jon Hamm's character, right? I don't follow Mad Men. This is the pretty lady on the program. He plays a sexy transvestite.

And I feel like if they told you, Jordan, at Fuel, that you had to cover a junket that she was going to be at, you would pitch as your bit, you get tongue-tied, and then shoot yourself. Yeah, right? Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Goh. I have no idea if you're still doing momentous occasions um what would lead him to believe that we're we've done momentous occasions in nine out of ten episodes no this guy just doesn't want to like come off as a super this guy sounds

like he's on suicide watch yeah i'm a brand new listener and i'm still catching up on the ancient podcasts. But I'm a 41 or about to be 41 year old male who used to ride his bicycle quite a bit all over the place and I decided today I was going to ride it to my math class. What's going on here? Turning non-traditional students. So I'm going to math with people half my age. So I decided I was going to ride my bike all the way there. It's about probably a good 10 or 15 mile ride, and I made it about a half a mile.

And I just got home, and I'm in pain, and I think I'm going to go throw up now, so bye. You know, I saw a movie about this same situation. It was called Billy Madison, and it was fucking hilarious. And now I'm just bummed to know that the real-life version of that situation is a sad guy who can't even ride his bike and throws up. Wow, way to bum me out. Why aren't you being hilarious, Rodney Dangerfield in the film Back to School?

Sure. Can't get no respect? Yeah, man, the only thing that could disappoint me more if aliens came to Earth and people didn't have one-liners at the ready for when they crashed. I would be more disappointed just if aliens came to Earth

and Will Smith didn't take care of it. Right? Personally, yeah. He seems like he'd be on top of that. Okay, we got one more to go. Hi, Jordan and Jesse and Go. My name is Jonathan, and I'm a longtime listener. I'm calling in with a momentous occasion.

I work for an unnamed cell phone company who is called... They should pick a name. It's going to help with consumer identification. I'm coming out with a new phone with a 3D camera. And I got a rep stopped by the store today to show off the new 3D camera, and he was flipping through his pictures, and I saw a 3D dick pic. So I thought that was pretty momentous, and I had to give you a call because a man's dick pic just assaulted my face hole. Thanks, and I love this show. Bye. That is so, so, so very wonderful.

I mean, that's the first thing you do with a 3D camera, right? Yeah. Take a picture of your dick. Yeah. Now, you know James Cameron's got a whole submarine stuffed with just 3D pictures of his own dick that he projects on his personal IMAX. Hey, I have just been handed a piece of paper that if you want to see an erupting thermoboner, you go to metcalflovesyou.com slash thermoboner.gifif so metcalf is m-e-t-c-a-l-f

so metcalf loves you.com slash therma boner.gif is it therma boner or boner or thermo boner therma boner therma boner in fact i'm gonna type it into the computer right now so we can see it. Let's just stall. Hey, Gene, see any other movies? Yeah. Saw Hall Pass. How was that? That was actually pretty funny. I kind of wanted to see it.

I feel like Stephen Merchant said something funny in the trailer. I'm like, that's probably worth watching. Yeah, no, it's worthwhile just to see Stephen Merchant. And I have two quick things to say about that movie. One, I think one of my favorite new tropes in a comedy is when there's like a euphemism that obviously they made up for the movie like a sexual euphemism and then there'll be the scene where it's like oh you should give your husbands a hall pass like a hall pass what's a hall pass you guys don't know what a hall pass is and it's like 40 something people having this conversation oh you haven't been on Urban Dictionary lately?

Look at that thing blow up on my face. Look at it go. It's more gruesome and less sexual, though. It's kind of a thermoboner by David Cronenberg. My smiley face looks kind of skeletal. Creepily skeletal. Watch this.

Does that mean we win? That means we did good. Yeah. Creepily skeletal. Ugh! Watch this. Ugh! Does that mean we win? Yeah. That means we did good. Okay, let's take a look at some of these tweets. Jerwood says, I just found out I'm not a real princess, but I still donate to the Max Fund Drive.

That is a... Breaking up the, yeah, antiquated JJ Go references. That's great. The Evander says, Donating to Pound Max Fund Drive combats unemployment. Why aren't you donating? Do you hate America?

Donate. I like that one. It's a lot of fun. We got one that says, From Cave Child. Cave Child? That seems odd. Every time Big Time Gene O'Neill is on JJ Go,

an angel gets a boner. I like that one. Yeah. He's pro Big Time Gene O'Neill is on JJ Go and Angel gets a boner. I like that one. It's pro Big Time Gene O'Neill. Right now, Harbinger00 says, right now Jimmy Pardo of Never Not Funny is feeling an uncontrollable urge to yell at Elliot and he doesn't know why.

Elliot likes that one. Elliot's rolling over there. The Indigee says, I'm ready to match anything shoved up jesse's butt for the max fun drive that's worth a video game right yeah that is absolutely worth a video game the indigee email theresa at maximumfund.org man these are these are so wonderful theresa 1248 look we only have so much time left here we got to get 52 more donors or we're not going to see the back of Jordan's knees. Maximumfund.org slash donate.

Hey, listen, would it help you guys if I got some friends on the line with us? I mean, I guess. Are you talking to us? Yeah. Are we not good enough for you? Okay, here we go. Joining us from Vancouver Canada are our friends

from Stop Podcasting Yourself hey guys hello how are you Graham Dave wonderful to have you here yourself oh I'm fantastic we got big time Gene O'Neill here we got Jordan Morris here you guys are joining us hey guys

how are things north of the border so awesome hey I have a question this is an important question Hey guys How are things north of the border? So awesome Hey I have a question This is an important question Did you guys ever have Taco Bell commercials With Little Richard in them? Was Take a run for the border ever the slogan

Of Taco Bell in Canada? Yeah Did they have Taco Bells in Canada? Because I thought part of the appeal was that we're so close to Mexico, and this is a little bit of culture that made it over here. Yeah. Like if there's a whole country in the way, it doesn't work? Yeah.

Like they're too removed from the border border. Yeah. Oh. I thought that ruins all the fun. All you guys have is North Pole themed restaurants. Correct. Greenland. Yeah, make a run for the border for cheap drugs.

Prescription drugs. Yes. Prescription drugs. So Dave and Graham, how's the Max Fund Drive been going for you guys so far? Pretty good. Yeah, no sweat. Oh man, you guys aren't sweating it over there. Cool as cucumbers.

They've just been sleeping the whole time. Yeah. Are you guys wearing flip-flops and your feet are kicked up on your desk and you're wearing big sunglasses? It sounds like it. Why do you ask us about flip-flops? Yes, if we're wearing them and our feet are up on our desk.

Because you're not sweating it. I'm wearing Uggs. Do you want to know what we're wearing? Yeah, please. No. Yeah, I think, you

know, I was just twiddling some knobs. Okay, I thought something was wrong. Oh, I thought you hung up wrong. We can't hear Jordan or Gene.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, we can only hear Jet. Why do you think you guys can't hear Jordan or Gene. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, we can only hear Jesse. Why do you think you guys can't hear Jordan and Gene? This is ridiculous. Why do we think? We're north of the border. Yeah. I believe strongly in that.

I'm going to be frank with you guys. This is an outrage. Okay, Jordan. Well, Jesse will just relay everything I have to say to you. It'll be like a fun game of telephone. Really? It's fun. I can hear him now.

Oh, you can hear him now? Yeah. Okay, great. Then I fixed it. Congratulations, Jesse. You guys now. Oh, you can hear them now? Yeah. Okay, great. Then I fixed it. Congratulations, Jesse. Do you guys ever have those Can You Hear Me Now commercials? We do not have those.

Or Taco Bell. Yeah. And it's a guy talking into a taco and his friend's like, no, you eat it, stupid. Yeah, we got that one. It's that classic Canadian sense of humor.

Look, this is the closing minutes of our program and of the Max Fund Drive. Let's not waste it talking about Independence Day. Oh, boy. Did you guys fully understand that movie over there? I mean, it was so jingoistic. It was called Canada Day.

Oh, okay. Yeah, exactly. It's called Boxing Day. And Joe Flaherty played the Prime Minister. Oh, man. I interviewed Joe Flaherty once the Prime Minister. Oh, man. I interviewed Joe Flaherty once on The Sound of Young America, and he totally delivered in the Joe Flaherty-ness department. Before Will Smith punched the alien, he genuinely said,

Welcome to Earth. Like in a real nice, not in like a sarcastic way. Welcome to Earth. Do you feel like you guys have been getting feedback From a lot of new donors Who have come to you in the past year I've been retweeting like crazy You've been getting a lot of tweets, right?

Yeah, tons of tweets People are going tweet crazy Oh, it's the best Sounds pretty great From where I'm sitting It's as good as the Egyptian protest times Sounds pretty great. From where I'm sitting. It's as good as the Egyptian protest times a million. It is.

It's one million times better than the Egyptian, or one million times as good as. At least as good as. Okay, at least as good as the Egyptian protests. I have an important question for you guys. I'm willing to send you any of these thank you gifts do you want any of them is there anything i can send you north of the border xbox 360 no not the xbox not the xbox i don't know dave sounds like he called it those are the rules yeah as a guy who's been pushed out of shotgun situations with uh frightening regularity, I'm going to say I think you should give Dave the box.

I think that 50 people should donate to MaximumFun.org Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and donate so we can break $1,300 and show the back of Jordan's knees. Sure. Okay, you guys heard some of those tweets that we said during the course of the program. Did you guys have any favorites? Dave?

Yeah, you're assuming that we heard those tweets. Okay, well, you did hear the Independence Day talk. Yeah, that was five minutes ago. Oh, sure. We have this. We got up my donation, up yours. Up yours. We got every time Big Time Gene O'Neill is on Jordan Jesse Go, an angel gets a boner. We got I'm ready to match anything shoved up Jesse's butt for the Max Fun Drive.

I was talking about different stuff I could shove up my butt. That's my favorite so far. Yeah. It's a good challenge. This is an old school Jordan Jesse Go reference. I just found out I'm not a real princess

but I still donate to the Max Fund Drive. Somebody wrote Donor Boner so that was great. Yeah, I like that. Do you have any favorites, Jordan? I mean, I just like

the girl who said my haircut was cute. So that's going to be your favorite. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be hard to sway me from that one. Again, vanity prevails in this situation. Okay, so that's yeah i mean i'm i'm it's gonna be hard to sway me from that one we again uh vanity prevails in this situation okay so that one was zinnak said i love these curls whether short or

long and and uh tagged it girly tweet and max fun drive um i'm surprised you guys aren't all more enthusiastic about that one just imagine it was about your haircut okay and think how excited you would be and donate just as excited if somebody asked me to put things up my butt for magic. Donate every time someone says Boner on the live Jordan Jesse Go and the funding problem is solved. That's a pretty good one. Gene, what do you think? I like anyone that mentions me.

Yeah, we all like the one. Do we have four Xboxes? Five Xboxes. Sorry, you guys each the one. Do we have four Xboxes? Five Xboxes. Sorry, you guys each get to give out an Xbox. If we get the $1,300, I will fillet every angel boner that I cause. That's a promise. Man, you don't know how powerful angel semen is, though. It'll rocket right through the back

of your head. Maximumfund.org slash donate, by the way, is the place to go. Teresa, when you get the chance, can you bring us a current number on those donations? Current? Well, we're deciding who's getting this Xbox. Oh, man. I kind of, I like this boner one.

Which one? There's several boner ones. This is the one that just says donate every time someone says boner on the live Jordan Jesse Go. Problem solved. That's a pretty good one. I like the one about me. Yeah, the one about your butt. Yeah, the one about my butt specifically.

You guys are neutral. None of these are about you. Do you have a favorite among them? Switzerland. Switzerland is neutral. Canada's warlike. Dave, do you have any favorites? Let's see.

I like the Gene one. Yeah. Oh, Dave's going with the Gene one. All right. Okay. Graham, do you have a favorite? The challenge to stick things in your butt. So I think I feel like, Jordan, you're out because we've got two votes for Gene and two votes for Up My Butt.

Oh, can I switch that three votes for Up Your Butt? Jordan, you want to switch your vote? No, I'm sticking with it. I think my one is going to have a last-minute surge of enthusiasm. Jordan thinks a recount will vindicate him. Yeah, right? I think we've got a pretty... Just wait.

I gave you a chance to be on the winners. I gave you a chance to be on the winners. I gave you a chance to be on the winning team, but I think the Indigee, Indigee, I-N-D-I-G-E-I wins. Unpronounceable handles should be ineligible. I'm ready to match anything shoved up Jesse's butt for the Max Fund Drive. Congratulations, the Indigee. You just won yourself an Xbox 360. Now stick it up your butt.

Do it. Do it. $1,254 is the number. I don't know. Do you guys think we can make it to $1,300? It just depends how horny everybody is. How horny are you? Listening and

watching audience? Uh, Graham, Dave, do you guys, do you guys get these kinds of emails that I get that are, um, that are about sort of like how important your show is to people?

Uh, yeah. Say no more. It says it all. Tell tell me tell me a little bit about the about the reactions about how important this this work is that you're doing to people and you don't have to worry about being uh uh us thinking that you have a big head uh we know that it's canadian it's hard you're canadian it's hard for you to say something nice about yourself, but... We talked about how great it would be to have loaves of bread as slippers, and

one of our listeners worked at a bakery and made his own bread slippers and sent in photos. So that was pretty touching. That's the kind of thing that MaximumFun.org does for people. Well, listen, guys, thank you so much for joining us. It was a pleasure to have you. Thanks for letting us be part of Maximumfun.org does for people. Well, listen, guys, thank you so much for joining us.

It was a pleasure to have you. Thanks for letting us be part of Maximum Fun. Oh, thank you so much for agreeing to be part of Maximum Fun. Oh, get out of here. Gene, thank you so much for being part of Maximum Fun. Oh, is that what this was? Elliot, thank you so much for being part of Maximum Fun. Hey, listen, we're actually five minutes over,

so we're going to wrap things up. But look, there's still a few more hours where you can donate and get those awesome thank you gifts. Maximumfun.org slash donate is the place to go. Jordan, I hate to ask you, but I know you gave sort of an ultimatum. I think probably we're going to get a few dozen donations overnight.

Do you think we could close this thing out with the back of your knees? I don't know. I mean, one of them. One? Back of one knee? Yeah, what's the best way to shoot this? Elliot? Elliot, you're the pro.

Where do I hold the goods up to? Yeah, come on over here. Oh, okay. Do I have to lay on my back? No, no, no. Yeah, come on over here. Oh, okay. Do I have to lay on my back? Okay, I'll just stand over there. Yeah, well. Okay, here comes Jordan. Standing up. Jordan's wearing a little

bit of a tight pant. He might have to go top down on this. Which knee are you going to show? I'll show that one. Get really close to me. Okay. This is super sexy. Can we know where you're on the phone? Yeah, this is super sexy, you guys.

I bet you're wishing you were in the back of the knee-less pants. I hope you guys have your dicks out up there in Canada. Wow. And I'll shove your underwear. Yes. Maximumfund.org slash donate.

Please, if you haven't given yet, don't wait. Now is the time to do it. And for everyone, the more than 1,000 people who have given, I cannot thank you more. You are the people who are paying for my baby to be health insurance. And, you know, all of us at MaximumFun.org appreciate your support. So thank you so much. And we'll see you next year and on the podcast. Thanks to Elliot Hopard from IndieHD.com who shot the video.

And thanks to Julia and Teresa in the other room. And thanks to Al Madrigal and the great big time Gene O'Neill for joining us on the program. We'll see you online at MaximumFun.org slash donate. We had such a tremendous response to the Max Fund Drive. I want to thank every single person out there who donated, and especially all of the folks who've donated and supported us for years now. Your generosity with our little operation is what allows us to keep growing, and I could not appreciate it more.

And I think I speak for all of us at MaximumFund.org. Frankly, it's amazing to me that I can even say all of us at MaximumFun.org and not just mean myself. So thank you very much, donors.