Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 170: The Bible Guarantees It with Trevor Moore

Episode Date: April 11, 2011

Trevor Moore of The Whitest Kids U Know joins Jesse and Jordan to talk biblical prophecy and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddly, Moore from the whitest kids, you know, joins us to talk about what the Bible has prophesied.

Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris,, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful afternoon here at the brand new MaxFun World Headquarters, freshly minted. Have you gotten a lot of comments about, oh, the show sounds different now that we're in this different space. Are there like audio nerds who are paying attention to like echo and timber? A couple of people have said that it sounds sexier,

but that's just me. Timber? Is that right? Tambor? Yeah. I believe it's pronounced Tambor. Jeffrey Tambor. Yeah, Jeffrey Tambor. They've noticed that I sound more like Jeffrey Tambor.

That's because I've been editing in Jeffrey Tambor in your place. You know, I was surprised to hear that, like, I listened to Howard Stern a bit uh near his end on terrestrial radio yeah and he had a drop that was jeffrey tambor saying hey now from the mary sanders show i always thought that like spoke highly of howard stern that he would play that does well i mean it's the okay i don't know if he still does it but we'll talk about jeffrey tambor in a second because he was on The Sound of Young America and it was wonderful. But let's introduce our guest.

He has been a show business professional since his teenage years. He is the head writer and among the cast members of The Whitest Kids You Know. He's also on a brand new television program, which I've already forgotten the name of. It's called Cuffs.

Trevor Moore of The Whitest Kids You Know know welcome to the program thanks for having me oh it's a pleasure and a delight to have you now we have already off air threatened to make this whole program about one whitest kids you know sketch that we've watched over and over now look i've watched all of the first two two or three see what are we at three five five we're in the fifth we're about to start the fifth i've watched all of the first two or three. What are we at? Three? Five. Five? We're in the fifth. We're about to start the fifth. I've watched many episodes of The Whitest Kids You Know from the DVDs that our friends at the Independent Film Channel sent us. Our estranged friends at the Independent Film Channel sent us.

They're all on the Netflix streaming now. Yeah, and also on the Netflix streaming, I was about to say. If I'm sitting around, I don't know what to watch. I'll watch The Whitest Kids You Know on the Netflix streaming, I was about to say. If I'm sitting around, I don't know what to watch. I'll watch The Whitest Kids You Know on the Netflix streaming. I always enjoy it. But there is this one sketch in which Trevor plays a doctor. His castmate, Timmy, who, no offense to you, Trevor, but is both my and Jordan's favorite, is his patient. And the premise of this sketch, if I could describe it,

and you can correct me if I'm wrong, is that Timmy is having a sit-down with his doctor, and he eats a lot of hot dogs over the course of the day, but doesn't realize how many he eats. And the doctor has to draw it out of him. Yeah. For anyone who hasn't seen the show, which is a lot of people, Timmy is a heavy guy.

Yeah. Well, he's not fat, but he has the round face that reads as fat on television. He was pretty fat. He's not fat now. He's lost a lot of weight. Right. But he was pretty big. And it was kind of at his biggest that I think this sketch, we did this sketch.

And I was just driving around in my car and i was just thinking about like what timmy eats and i just started the actual guy yeah i was like i was like what does he eat like you know it was like and then i just started laughing and like kind of wrote this sketch and then i called him and it was like a weird phone call i had to be like hey timmy i wrote a sketch but uh you know um i think's really funny, but it's kind of about how you're fat. It's only about your weight. Exclusively about how you're fat and you have bad eating habits. But Timmy's a great sport, and he thought it was funny, and so we did it. It's so funny because he's sitting there, and his belly is just so big in that sketch.

He shirtless through the whole thing. He shirtless through it. As one might be at a doctor's appointment. Sure. And Timmy's not like genetically a fat guy. It's his doing. It was his diet. It was beer and pizza and stuff like that.

So you're saying he's a bad person. No, not a bad person. It sounds to me like you're saying that your colleague of many years is a bad person. No, I'm saying... It sounds like you're negatively that your colleague of many years is a bad person. No, I'm saying... It sounds like you're negatively judging your colleague of many years. He indulges in the deadly sin of sloth. Gluttony, I believe would be that. Combined with sloth. Not sloth also?

There's a little bit of sloth in there. He's got two of the seven now. A mild amount of sloth. But he's lost all the weight now. Weirdly, a few false idols. Just an occasional golden calf. He covets his neighbor's wife a lot. That's a Ten Commandments.

Yeah, that's one of the commandments. We're mixing up all these things. All our Bible stuff. But yeah, so he's lost all the weight now, and I'm glad that sketch exists because it's almost like a... Yeah. It's for posterity like you know they're like wow look how fat he was and now you can show it to his kids it's a sort of cautionary tale yeah how delightful it would be if they became obese yeah what was what was timmy's

weight loss loss regimen not to make this whole show about timmy oh we can make i'm very interested in timmy yeah and i think we may be a guy. We may be overselling his level of obesity, even at his most obese. I've seen the man on television with his shirt off in this sketch that you say was the height of his obesity. He's definitely overweight, but he's not like a fat guy. No,

see, I mean, he's not like, you know, I have to wipe with a string and a cloth, but, but, uh,

but I just, how, if you open a dictionary and look up that it says noun or adjective one who wipes with a string in a cloth but you know i think i think you'd be like you know if you were going to describe somebody real quick you'd be like yeah he's a fat guy you know like right not anymore he's thin now and he looks great but like you know when we did that he's a fat guy. Okay. Fair enough. Look.

But now he lives... Look. Now this young man lives on a farm in Oregon. I know. Flies to New York City to record his hit television program. He's got his life together now. Yeah. That's all you need, really, Jordan.

That's all you need. Oh. He's not fat, but he's living large. He's got a baby that's about to come. Oh, my gosh. Really? Lil Timmy. In May? Yeah. He's supposed to have a baby. Oh, but he's living large. He's got a baby that's about to come. Oh, my gosh. Lil Timmy. In May. Yeah, he's supposed to have a baby.

Oh, that sounds fantastic. Yeah, so he's a whole different guy now. He's going to raise that kid right on the farm, slopping the hogs. Yeah. Not eating hot dogs all day. Not eating hot dogs all day. Only when the slaughter comes in. You need something to do with the trotters and so forth.

You want to eat 27 hot dogs a day, kid? You're going to have to go out and kill all those animals yourself. You'll have to grind the snout yourself. Yeah, you've got to kill pigs, donkeys, chickens, whatever goes into those things. There's one thing he's missing. This is something that's really important that I've had some concerns about that we have not yet addressed here on Jordan Desico. And I'm glad you're here, Trevor, because I know that you've

been the head writer of some television programs. You're a man with a head on your shoulders. Are you aware that on May 12th, 2011... The world will end. The world will end. Thank God you know about this.

I feel like no one knows about this. It's going to end then, or it's going to end December 21st, 2012. That's the other one coming up. So even if we get out of this one, there's a whole other one. We'll see. It's a whole other apocalypse. Across the city of Los Angeles, there are billboards advertising the coming end of the world.

I saw these in Vegas, too. Really? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so they are advertisements. It's a national movement. They are advertisements for an AM radio show. That's number one. Let's be movement. They are advertisements for an AM radio show. That's number one. Let's be clear.

They're advertisements for an AM radio show. Brilliant advertisements for an AM radio show. Because you want stakes if you get into advertising, especially outdoor. It's the first rule of hot talk. Yeah. So across Los Angeles, apparently Las Vegas as well, and I'm interested to hear on our forum if you've seen them where you are. There are these forums that say the world will end, specifically May 12, 2011. And then what I like about it is it has a Bible quotation that is like, I believe it is, cry mightily unto the Lord, which is to say that you should seek forgiveness from

God because the end of the world is coming. And then that's sort of the background of this billboard is like a family praying or suffering in silhouette. And then it says the end of the world will happen. I think I've seen one where a guy is climbing a mountain. That's possible also. He's climbing a mountain to kind of a... Is that a way to get out of the end of the world will happen. I think I've seen one where a guy is climbing a mountain. That's possible also. He's climbing a mountain to kind of a... Is that a way to get out of the end of the world?

Yeah, maybe if you're just high enough. It's a very modest flood that's going to kill everybody. Yeah. The problem, the thing is, is like a lot of people keep a lot of their food in the basement. And so if there's even a minor flood, there's going to be a lot of trouble. See, who's thinking of putting their foot on a mountain? I know. Well, this guy in the billboard, that's who, the silhouette fella.

So anyway, it says that front and center. The end of the world is coming. To the right, there's the Bible quotation, cry mightily unto the Lord. I saw this in Spanish in my neighborhood recently, by the way. Cry mightily unto the Lord, the Bible quotation. my neighborhood recently, by the way. Cry mightily unto the Lord, the Bible quotation. And then on the left, there's one of those kind of gold starburst graphics that symbolizes like a badge or a new and improved or something like that.

Sure. You know what I'm talking about? Like would be on the front of... Now with something. Yeah. Like a Martinelli sparkling cider. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

And so it's that, and it just says, the Bible guarantees it. of like a Martinelli sparkling cider. You know what I'm saying? And so it's that, and it just says, the Bible guarantees it. That's a guarantee you can take to the bank. Or to the top of a mountain. Sure. Yeah, I'm wondering all these, I mean, because it seems like every, you know, every so often you hear about a preacher type who issues this decree that they know when the end of the world is going to happen.

When it doesn't happen, do these guys all issue apologies or do they just, you know, forget that they even said that? Do they have to double down like Waco style? Yeah. Kill themselves? Yeah. Just look, as the day gets closer and closer, they realize that if they want to really, they're either going to have to deal with the consequences or they're going to have to do something that takes out everyone that believes them before the date happens. Well, that's usually the FBI's job, isn't it? Yes, that's true.

I mean, honestly. A couple of firebombs here and there. Just a firebomb. Possibly a few firebombs. But yeah, what is the day after like for those guys? What's amazing to me is what is the budget like for those guys? Yeah, I don't, well, do you know, what is the, is the AM show on now? Does it come out on the end of the world?

Because that doesn't make sense. When they say the end of the world, they just mean that all broadcasting will be in mono. Right, right. So it's really, really it's a does it end at midnight it's a world that ends for stereo files if you will if you've got a macintosh receiver you're going to be disappointed because you won't be able to get a sense of the stereo landscape especially on like back in the ussr a song where there's there's like a lot of stereo stuff happening. Maybe it's just a promotion. What do they mean? It's the end of the world

that doesn't have compelling religious radio programming. That might be it. Do you think that's how they spin it afterwards? Well, I don't know. Maybe they... It'd be really interesting to see what they're talking about on the show now. Leading up to this, do they care?

Are they telling people to keep listening? Well, there's... Just in case this doesn't go down, we'll still be here. Do you run promos? Are they scheduling guests for the next week? Sure, yeah. What are they telling their advertisers? Exactly. that's a

hard sell yeah if if they get let's just say that kroger's calls them and or the piggly wiggly calls them and says we want to run some produce specials on this week's advertisements we want you to talk about kumquats yeah because they're going to be on special may 16th what do they say i'm sorry we cannot responsibly accept that advertisement there will be no kumquats only the all-consuming fires of hell right if they believe in what they were saying they as yeah they shouldn't accept like it'd be interesting to like contact them from a movie or something that's coming out yeah like a week later oh yeah you want to buy a sponsor. Sure.

We're from Thor. Yeah. We think that the apocalyptic Christians are the right audience for our movie. Yeah. Kenneth Branagh could call in personally. Right. And also, maybe they could explain

why Kenneth Branagh is in charge of that movie. No one could explain that. No. That's just a random... That was a dartboard situation, I bet. I feel like... I wonder if we should be doing things to prepare in case shit goes down on May 11th or May 12th.

Yeah. I just want to know by, like, what they mean. Like, I wish... They've got to have a website or something. We can, like... What are we going to Google? Cry mightily unto the Lord? I think it's familyradio.org.

It is. Is it? Yeah. It is. Okay. That's what it's called, Family Radio. Yeah, yeah. And it's May 12th.

We could probably just put in May 12th, 2011. Yeah, yeah. And see what, you know. But I want to know what is going to end the world. Like what is... Are we talking like a fire situation? Yeah, I was wondering specifically. My money's on dragons.

Dragons? I figure dragons. Or does just, you know, does just existence cease? Is it just like... I like that. Is it like turning off a light switch? Ooh, I like that. Yeah, yeah.

Or is there going to be some sort of demon charge? Aren't there horsemen? Yeah, horsemen trumpets. There's a rapture. Sure. Right? People go to heaven and then their cars keep

driving and they crash into other people's cars that were sinners or didn't cry mightily unto the Lord. But then that doesn't mean the world. They're saying the world is ending. Yeah. So you think this doesn't mean the rapture? You think that this means from their billboard, a more

cataclysmic than The Rapture. I would say they should say The Rapture is happening on May 12th, but they're saying the world is ending. People might think that the band The Rapture is just coming to town and they're going to go buy tickets. Right. That could get confusing. Everyone loves The Rapture.

They're great. It's a fantastic band. They've got all the cool fashion styles. Not stale at all. No, not even a little. Look, we're going to go on the internet and look at familyradio.org, see if we can do a little research, and we'll be back in just a second with that information. Thanks to the magic of podcasting. You do realize, though, that if this does happen, like if you were going to make this movie about the world ending on May 12th, we're like the jerks who are like,

Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck, joking about it on the radio. A bunch of crazy people out there think the world's going to end. Here's Bear with the weather. Yeah, sure. Hey, assholes. Yeah, sure. Guy in Independence Day who got visited by aliens

and then everyone didn't believe him and then the aliens came. Randy Quaid. Randy Quaid. There you go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Oh, yeah. We're back.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Trevor Moore. Yeah. I didn't tell him he had to make up. No, you don't have to. Oh, you have to

make a nickname? Yeah, sure. That's how we embarrass our guests. Oh, man. Get them on our level. Let me do it again. We'll start over. What do you think? Okay, here we go Here we go Oh yeah We're back

Good Reset I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris Boy detective And Trevor Moore Captain guest

Captain guest Great Great How's that for a nickname? I think it's fantastic I've spent some time With familyradio.org While you guys were

Refreshing your beverages And using the restroom I hopped on something Called the worldwide fantastic i've spent some time with family radio.org um while you guys were refreshing your beverages and using the restroom i hopped on something called the worldwide uh internet and click some links uh read some pdfs um as i understand it it will be a fire okay okay um there's a lot of math involved and i'm going be honest, I did not quite follow why the math was happening. I followed the math. The math is predicated. Math is sound. Here's the premise of this thing.

So in their scenario, the Bible happened 4,990 years ago. No, 4,990 BC. Which part of the Bible? Some part of the Old Testament. Okay. Possibly the flood. I had a hard time following this. Okay.

There's also a part of, I think, Paul, where they say that for the Lord, one day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day. Which is to say, obviously, that it's a metaphor that God is all-knowing. Sure. Timeless. No, no, no. That's literal. Okay. Jesse, please. Then they say something was supposed to be seven days, which they then did the math on and said, well, that's seven God days is 7,000 Earth years.

Then they added 7,000 Earth years to 4990 BC and came up with 2011. Checks out so far. Now, I've got some good news for you guys. Okay. I misremembered the billboard. I just bought you nine days on planet Earth because it's not happening until May 21st.

Oh, well, that's great. But that's the more interesting thing to me is where the May 21st. Oh, well, that's great. But that's the more interesting thing to me is where the May 21st comes in. Okay, so this involves biblical months and days. It's the 17th day of the 17th month. Doesn't this, cubits are involved in this? All of this is cubit-based. I want to make that clear.

There's a few shekel instances that's primarily cubit stuff. No. So what we really wanted to do, frankly, was see a picture of the hosts. I mean, we can learn why gay pride is a symbol of the apocalypse anywhere. There's literally thousands of websites. That's just kind of given, right? I know.

That's the kind of thing that we will just take that as read. That's one of the signs? Yeah, that's one of the things. That's like their of thing that we will just take that as read. That's one of the signs? Yeah, that's one of the things. That's like their number four issue. So has gay pride hit a level that is a danger sign? Well, what it is is they did the math. So they know. But then the whole gay pride thing, it just fits in with their math.

That's a cherry on top. They knew that gay pride would be at a certain boiling point by this date x equals buttless chat parade that's the math that they did all right they solved for x they came up with buttless chat parade sure um we wanted to see a picture of the people that host this show yeah that was what i was interested in no did they have one if they only have a spanish language billboard they only have a Spanish language billboard If they have Spanish language billboards Why is the show in English What's up with that too

That's another concern I have That's kind of just rubbing it in It's like hey They type in the website and they're like wait Where's the Spanish website Want to learn how to not die in the fire Too bad learn some English Suck on this

I'm going to be honest with you guys Want to learn how to not die in the fire? Too bad. Learn some English. Yeah. Suck on this. Yeah, you know, I'm going to be honest with you guys. We've had a lot of fun talking about this. I'm not sure I put too much credence in it. I'm not 100% certain that I believe it. I'm 50-50. Jordan, what relative percentages would you choose? Take it or leave it?

Okay, fine. I'm mono a mono. I don't like the fire thing. How would you prefer the world? Oh, I like that whole just existence going out thing. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah, me too. That's a little too physicist-y. Okay.

That's a little too Schroediger's cat. Yeah, yeah. Put a cat in a box and then there's fire. Yeah. You know that whole Schroediger's cat? Yeah, a cat in a box and then there's fire yeah you know that whole schroediger's cat yeah yeah maybe maybe it's not putting a cat in a box and then there's a fire yeah that was the that was the experiment is the cat the only one who survives because the box is fireproof no this is how he doesn't this is how they invented those uh this is how they invented those sprinklers they instead of spraying water they spray foam this is what physicists do all day they think about big important shit like spraying foam instead of spraying water, they spray foam. This is what physicists do all day. They think about big

important shit like spraying foam instead of water. You know what's a real scam about physicists? They can make up all these experiments they don't even have to do. They never did that cat experiment. He was like, I have an idea for an experiment. In this experiment

we take a dog and we put him in a box and this dog all of a sudden goes into three different dimensions. That's my experiment. I'm just going to coast on that for the rest of my life. Collect those residual checks. So you're against thought experiments? No, I'm for it. I just want to get on

I just want to get in. I just want to get on the game with it. Oh, you want, and I'm guessing, this is a guess from me. I'm guessing that you would like yours to be sensual. My experiment? Your thought experiment. My thought experiment?

I just want some of that Schrodinger's cat money. Yeah, right? Yeah. Some of Schrodinger's residual checks. Schrodinger? I don't think either of us is pronouncing it right. Here's something I'm thinking about, about this apocalypse situation. Yep.

My wife is due at the end of july if the world is going to end at the end of may should we take him out of there so he can experience the world before it all ends it's all fire though or how about this should we leave him in there to make sure that he can't sin before shit goes down? I think that's the more responsible thing. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Well, you don't know what he's doing in there. Oh, but he could... He can do a lot. Yeah. What if he... He can jack off. What if he... He could be...

That's basically, like, the number one sin. I've heard that's all the babies do, though, while they're in utero. Yeah. What if... But I feel like I'm then giving him a life where he's never even been to the DQ and had a Dilly Bar. He's never been anywhere. He hasn't even been to Foster's Freeze. You can't give a preemie baby a Dilly Bar.

Yeah, you can. He'll gum it. I don't know if he'll gum it. I think he'll be too sick. The baby's going to gum it. Are people giving you baby stuff? Yes. You should just return it all.

That is a good... Except some of this stuff... Okay. Get the money. I'm glad that you brought that up because a few people have given me some things. I'm going to grab them here. I've got this pile of stuff

that people have sent me for the baby. So first of all, we did this radio lab event in San Francisco the other day. this pile of stuff that people have sent me for the baby. So first of all, uh, one of the, we did this radio lab event in San Francisco the other day. And, um, uh, I was the host of this radio lab event.

And, um, uh, we had volunteers from the San Francisco Bay area, max fun listeners, not radio lab, listen, probably both,

but, um, radio lab is better than any shows that we make. Sure. But, uh, we had these volunteers there and one of these volunteers sends me, hands me this nice, um, uh, this nice note and it says, uh, hey guys, just excited for you and amused

at your notion that a new baby won't change much. Ha ha ha. Okay. So we did say that we've been getting emails about it ever since. We didn't mean it literally. Okay. I'm not going to get into that. You can, you can, I mean, literally okay i'm not gonna get into that you can you can i mean it is possible to not have your baby change your life at all it's just bad

give it up for adoption yeah okay wait i'm i'm here we go okay um here's a different one i was reading i was reading from the wrong way this guy and andrea lady this lady andrea sent me a lovely baby rattle thank you andrea okay. Do babies still use rattles? That seems like something from the 50s. Or before the 50s. Not even from the 50s. Television was invented by the 50s. That's the rattle of the future.

Now they just plug straight into the net. Right? Then they can fuck Sandra Bullock, as I understand it. It's like giving your baby a hoop and a stick. You're a devilish man. Am I? Yeah. Okay, I couldn't quite get the logo to make the transfer to screen printing properly.

I'll get to that in a minute. But after two attempts, I remembered that they would be worn by someone. These are onesies. Someone without object permanence would immediately cover them in urine, feces, and vomit. So perhaps I didn't need to be so picky. Anyway, I was hoping that you, I hope you can get some use out of them. Ad Astra from Andrew.

Get a load of this, Jordan. Not these, not these chud t-shirts. We'll get to that in a second. It's onesies that say Max Fun Child. Isn't that lovely? And look at this. Our pal Rebecca, you probably remember Rebecca from MaxFunCon

She sent us onesies With the Rocket Chip logo That say Ad Astra on them Just to bring you in And any new listeners who are wondering what Ad Astra is Trevor I'm the leader of a group of Leadership

Minded young people Called the Boner Society. Mm-hmm. Yep. Now, a lot of people hear that name and they immediately think it's going to be something vulgar, but it's not. Oh, I just got the vulgar thing.

No. It is the least vulgar thing you can imagine. We look at the boner as a kind of symbol. It's like the fraternal order of the Elks. Mm-hmm. You know, when I say the fraternal order of the Elks, this isn't a club of Elks meeting together. The Elk is a symbol of friendship and fraternity and good deeds. The Boner Society uses the boner as a symbol of being all that you can be. the boner as a symbol of being all that you can be filling yourself with metaphorical blood so that you can essentially live the life that you,

that you were destined to live. Um, and that's why our slogan is ad Astra, uh, which is Latin for ever skyward. Um, so that, that just brings you in on what the Boner Society is.

I see. So thank you so much to Andrew, to Andrea, and to Rebecca, who all sent us those lovely baby gifts. Thank you very much. And I mentioned... Jesse, babies can't get boners. Oh, they can. Not with that attitude, they can.

Yeah, exactly. Right? You're a baby and you want to get a boner think positively um we also received this gift from uh rob campbell who points out he's senator pancake on our forum uh he is also he he has this operation called campbell and brown's T-shirt town. And he apparently, apparently what this operation does is print these. Chud T-shirts in the style of Shepard Fairey. Oh, wow. Wow.

After Shepard Fairey, it's a picture. It's a red, white and blue photograph of, I presume that is the Chud. You know, I've never seen Chud. Have you ever seen Chud? I've never seen Chud. I know that it stands for cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. Yeah. And that is what that creature looks like.

Sure. If I was going to take a guess as to what that creature was, I would probably guess that it was a Chud. I'm sure that's a Chud, yeah. I would like to thank, by the way, Rob for realizing that I would never wear a Chud t-shirt. Now, Jordan has demonstrated pretty conclusively that he'll wear anything that he gets for free. Sure. So he gets a Chud t-shirt.

Yes. I'm going to guess, Trevor, you're about my size. I'm guessing a large. Oh, thank you. Chud t-shirt for Trevor. I will wear this when I watch the movie for the first time. The only bad news is that Gene, whose father, our friend Big Time Gene O'Neill,

sometime a guest on this program, former co-host of The Sound of Young America. His father was actually in the movie Chud. Oh, wow. And he will receive this size extra large T-shirt, which will dwarf his thin but sinuous frame. Did he get eaten by a Chud in the movie or does he live? He is destroyed by Chuds. I believe in both chud and the stuff

No, Gene's dad doesn't die in the stuff He doesn't die in the stuff? Yeah, he's fine Have you seen the stuff? I have seen the stuff The stuff is good Yeah? The stuff is really cool, yeah

It's a great like 70s horror movie Okay About zombie yogurt Trevor, have you ever seen the stuff? I haven't Okay Have you ever seen Shockma? No, that sounds good though Oh, it you ever seen this stuff? I haven't. Have you ever seen Shokma? No, that sounds good, though.

Oh, it's about a baboon. Sure. That's a terrifying creature. It goes crazy and it kills a whole hospital full of nerds. That's the movie. That's good. Wait, a hospital full of nerds? Yeah.

Where are all those nerds in the hospital? It's for the kids. They like the candy. It's like a D&D group that are all uh and it's filmed with a real baboon and and it's uh it's you should check it out shockma youtube it all right what is this was it like a cautionary tale was it like a reefer madness for dnd i just think someone had a monkey okay yeah and they were like i need to make a movie i got a monkey all right let's be specific It kills a bunch of nerds Trevor, it's an ape

A baboon is an ape Isn't a baboon an ape? There's no tail on a baboon, is there? It has no tail, Shachma If it doesn't have a tail, then it's an ape No, wait, wait, wait, maybe it does It's one of the baboons that look like they don't have hair on their butt Yeah, does it have a red butt?

It's a baboon I think that's an ape, I might be wrong It might have a tail jordan you're gonna weigh in on this 50 50 if you pulled it up i'm pretty sure you would look at that and you would be like that's a baboon mano a mano is what i say okay let's i'm gonna type baboon into the internet we're gonna settle this one and for for once and for. Not because it makes for good radio. But because we want to. No, because I don't want to get emails about it. Oh, sure.

That boon is a monkey. I see a tail right there above that pink, pink butt. Okay, but now look up Shachma. What the hell is Shachma spelled? S-H-A-K-M-A. Is that the name of the baboon? Yeah, Shachma. Shachma, 1990. And it's going to come up and it's...

Is he haunted or superpowered in any way, or is he just on range? He's just crazy. Okay. I think he's just crazy. Actually, I think they... I don't know. I've never seen the entire thing. I've just seen clips of it.

Sure. It does look like a baboon to me. It's some kind of monkey anyway. He's a creepy monkey. I'm not going to lie to you guys I think of apes like King Kong That's an ape Oh I gotcha

I guess that was my confusion I was thinking of King Kong The whole time I was thinking of Coco the gorilla Yeah Who like crushed it's cat And then it like signed I'm sorry or something. Sure.

What was the story of that? Something like that. Ball Ball. Ball Ball was the first cat. Yeah. I feel so... I think that's the story of Frankenstein. I just mixed those two.

That's actually what they based the story of Coco the gorilla on. Coco never happened. Yeah. Coco's a myth. Frankenstein happened. Yeah. That's real. That's that whole propaganda to try to get us to like animals.

Yeah. Animals are jerks. Sure. They've always been. Monkeys, bears, sharks, all they want to do is kill you. Yeah. And we try to humanize them. These things are sour-tempered, is what you're saying.

Animals? Sour-tempered and possibly deadly. They're poor neighbors. Poor neighbors. They are poor neighbors. On this village we call Earth, they don't pull their weight. This blue marble in the sky. Yeah.

And animals are... Only... Well, I mean, elephants make beautiful paintings for us sometimes. They do. I like that. Do you think that's... I like that video. I like elephants.

I have no problem with elephants. I have problems with bees. Okay. I don't like them. I don't like sharks. I don't like bears. I don't like... I was reading this book and they were talking about like uh how they have to preserve uh the great

white population uh-huh because they were like if you know we there's so few you need to build a deadly super creature yeah what brain are we gonna use what crazy brain are we gonna put in it they're saying like if we didn't like protect these sharks like you know they could probably be extinct within two years just because there's so few of them. And I was like, that's terrific. We don't need them. Later for you.

I don't. Later for you, chompers. Yeah, gosh, yeah. What's the first guy who's going to die of great white eating who's just like, well, I'm glad we fucking went through all that trouble. I'm glad we set up that foundation. Yeah.

What do you mean? I won't go into the ocean past my waist because of like Jaws and those movies. That's just your overall standard. Yeah. I would love to not worry about sharks. Go to the beach. Just swim around. Not care. That'd be amazing. I'm more afraid of stepping on

a stingray. That's my main concern. Oh, I don't like them either. Yeah. I'm afraid of having to spend time at the beach. Yeah. Because of sharks i'm each of my each of my moves here in los angeles has been to get myself further from the possibility that i might have to go to the beach to me you know what the you know what the beach is to me what you look out over that infinite expanse of water and all i can think is oh fuck i'm gonna die oh fuck one day i'm gonna die sure this is much more infinite than i am really i'm just gonna die there you go this is infinite fuck may 21st is coming up yep that's it that's all the beach makes me think that's

interesting it just reminds me of my mortality wow you don't think of babes and brews, good times, best buds? I think, well, let's say 90% mortality, 10% volleyball. I just think... Ah, 5%, those like... Velcro catch mitts. Those Velcro catch mitts, yeah, with the Dayglo tennis ball. That don't work, yeah. They work okay. I just think how many sharks...

You just don't know how to catch anything. I can't, yeah. How many angry sharks are out there? Yeah. No. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Trevor Moore, captain guest. Oh, it's great to have Trevor Moore here, huh? You know what? I don't know if you knew this, Jordan. I do know that you do know this. Not only is Trevor one of the members of The Whitest Kids You Know,

which, by the way, season premiere on Friday on the Independent Film Channel. Are they doing the same rollout where they put him on Netflix the day after? The first episode, I believe so. I don't know. The first episode's on Hulu right now. They put it up a week before the premiere. Now, what's Hulu? Hulu is a website.

I'm sorry. It's an internet destination that plays television for free. You're talking about a gopher site, correct? University of Minnesota gopher. It's about a gopher site, correct? University of Minnesota gopher. It's a tree hierarchical system for organizing information on the internet. Oh, is that?

Yes. Okay. That's what it is. Fantastic. Not only is he on that, he's also on the new Fox television program, Breaking In. Yep. From the creators of Breaking Bad and Breaking Away. The Breaking Brothers. I guess. John and Steve Breaking. Yeah, the fabulous. Here Bad and Breaking Away. The Breaking Brothers.

I guess so. John and Steve Breaking. Yeah, the fabulous. Here's what happened. We booked. We were so excited. We talked to IFC about the new season of The Whitest Kids You Know. Now, several of Trevor's colleagues were recently on The Sound of Young America for the last season of The Whitest Kids You Know. Yes.

So I didn't want to just repeat that. You know, I don't want to just do the same thing over. So I said, well, why don't we have him on Jordan Jesse Go? Now, that's where it ended for me. I look, of course, I spend some time on the Internet. I loaded up some great Gopher sites. And I found out some things aboutvor that i didn't know before i didn't know he had a television show on pax for example i did there was a very short amount of

time which makes him the uh uh donnie walberg of sketch comedy i think he had a show on pax i think he was the big star of pax i wasn't on a national level I was like regional You were a regional Pax person Regional, yeah That's impressive Yeah But what I didn't find out for some reason Is that you're on this network television program But anyway, we're excited that you're on a network television program

Yeah, it's cool It's great Got to film with Alyssa Milano Not bad Not bad Is she looking good? She does She's very pregnant.

She still looks good. She's a beautiful woman. It's not one of the reasons she became a celebrity. Would you say she was fuckably pregnant? It's Alyssa Milano. Yeah, you're right. No, sure. Pregnant or not.

Absolutely. Sure. Anyway, it's wonderful to have you here, Trevor. Nice to be here. Thank you. I was excited to hear about these minor stars who have appeared on your television program, Trevor, because I know that Jordan just went to something called, what is it called? I was, before we came here, I was at the Reality Rocks Expo downtown. What is that?

This is, and I was doing a thing on it for Fuel TV. This is like, it seems like it is trying to be kind of the Comic-Con of reality shows. There are, you know, kind of booths where you can get autographs from your favorite stars. And then there are like performances from, you know, like America's Best Dance Crew crews. There's audition spaces. I'm not going to lie to you, Jordan. That sounds kind of fun.

Yeah. Did you go to that? I did go to that. Was it fun? No, yeah. No, I went to a taping of the America's Best Dance Crew once. That shit's cool. That shit's really cool.

It seems like it'd be really cool. And I like how they're either Canadian or Asian. I don't really want to watch it on television, but it does sound like something I would really enjoy if I saw it at a reality rocks con. And then there are also seminars, stuff on pitching reality shows, or can you find love on a reality show? So do they aspire to also be a reality show industry conference? It's both. It's kind of a mess. So it is kind of midway between industry trade show and fan event.

That sounds so weird. So were there like autograph booths? There were autograph booths, yes. Was Richard Hatch there? No, I didn't see Richard Hatch. Why would you even do it if you couldn't book him? That's the kind of thing where if he said, I'm busy that weekend, you would book the convention center for a different weekend. Whenever he's not in jail.

Yeah. You're like, when did he get out? And Omarosa, whatever that is. Oh, yeah. Omarosa. Hard to say. Whatever Omarosa is, you'll want that. That's like a biblical mineral. I think it's a Omarosa. Hard to say. Whatever Omarosa is, you'll want that. I think it's like a biblical mineral. I think it's a blood disease?

Hard to say. But I will say this. I was really really pleased at how poorly attended it was. It was a fucking ghost town. Really? And I think that speaks pretty highly of you know, good for us. Where America is with its

relationship to reality shows. That at this point, the reality show boom, which seems to be continuing unabated, is driven almost exclusively by the fact that you barely have to pay anyone to make one of them. Sure. It seems like it. Yes, there were a lot of, like, overweight Southern women. Uh-huh. Like, permed, jewel-reed, jumpsu of like overweight Southern women. Uh-huh. Like permed, jewel-reed, jump-suited, overweight Southern women. And you're confident these women weren't just from like Orange County, like southeastern Orange County?

Yes, like these were people, like they were coming up to us and speaking to us in thick Southern accents, asking if we were anybody they should be wanting a picture with. Like a down-market Food Network host type situation? Yeah, maybe I was someone who travels around and eats challenge food. There's so many of those shows that there's no way that you could be up on all of it. Right.

So yeah, you could just walk around and have some people filming you, and they're going to think that you're from one of the... Yeah, absolutely. Oxygen, maybe. Where was it? This was at the LA Convention Center. This is where they have Star Wars conventions

and E3 and stuff like that. It's a big space, and it was really, really apparent that no one fucking came to this thing. That's the thing they almost blow up in the movie Face Off. Oh, yeah, for sure. And then there's a speedboat fight Yeah though that happens in a different country Oh does it?

Yeah It's been a while since I've seen Face Off It's great I'm curious to see if Face Off holds up I remember seeing it in the theaters as a child and being super pumped But anyway It's also funny how I also Would be interested to see now what Cage's take on Travolta and Travolta's take on Cage.

Oh, that's brilliant. They do like impressions of each other. They should do a remake. Yeah, for sure. Or just a sequel now. And they have to change faces again. I bet if we – And put Shia LaBeouf in it too so like the kids will watch it.

Yeah, sure. He's Nicolas Cage's son. If we leave out LaBeouf, I bet we could come up with the money to make this thing with Cage and Travolta. If you're going to make, there's a window on sequels, and if ten years have passed before you're going to make the sequel, you have to put Shia LaBeouf in it. Or the kids won't watch it. That's Wall Street, Indiana Jones. Could we just put Corey Feldman in it? Kids like that, right?

I don't think kids do like that. I've been reading about him on the Gopher. Yeah. One of the, there's two things that happened that were noteworthy. One, we interviewed this pair from The Amazing Race. And we should say, we support pairs from The Amazing Race. Yes. Because our friend Tyler,

who's been a guest on this program, won half a million dollars on The Amazing Race. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And from what I understand, that's kind of a fun show that's not trashy on purpose. That's the best one. Definitely.

That wins the Emmy every year. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. It definitely still made me uncomfortable when I tried to watch it because one of my best friends was on it. But yes, it definitely seems to be relatively classy. They're this pair called Kent and Vixen. And they are a male and female pair.

They are both very, very goth. Who's male? Kent? Kent is male. Oh, Kent. Kent. I thought you said Kint. Kent. male? Kent? Kent is male. Oh, Kent. Kent. I thought you said kint. Kent.

Kunt? Kunt is male. Okay. Schwong is female. Gotcha. And she is like a kind of a, she's like a pinup model type. She has kind of giant prominent boobs and like long pink hair. And he is a... That's not goth then, is it?

Pink hair? Yeah, they have a pink and black color scheme. So it's kind of a cute, cuddly goth. It's not like a Marilyn Manson goth. It's like a Hot Topic goth. I think you even think specifically they're sponsored by Hot Topic. It's kind of like anime goth.

Yeah, I think she even had a Hello Kitty backpack. There you go. And he is a tiny gay guy. And they are friends. And they do the Amazing Race together. And they were fucking awesome. Like, definitely, like, you know, not a lot of talent

reality. You can tell that, you know, if they weren't doing this, they would be managing a bong store or something. Right. But, like, super nice. Like, funny for people who aren't funny and like great attitudes and like had a thing and like you know like it was important to them to be performers and like i really like without having a performing skill they it was important to them to like be cool and interesting and compelling without you know whipping their dicks out or

taking a shit in public and also um we just want a lot of people that you interview just fall back on sure yeah you know bong store would be a great reality show that would yeah okay like the like la inc or something there's like there's like a grizzled peter familias yeah sure who's uh who's run the bong store Since they used to sell our crumb comics In 1967 And there's a young hotshot Who loves vaporizers Wants to mix up the market Yeah

And he is very very gay To even to the point after As part of our interview He kissed me on the mouth To be outrageously gay And it's funny. They went to the bathroom kind of midway through, and these old Southern women came up to us, and they're like, is that the two from The Amazing Race?

I'm like, oh, yeah, that's him over there. She's like, oh, where's his girlfriend? It was definitely like a Liberace situation where they just were old Southern women who didn't know. Who didn't understand the reality of the reality situation. That's right. And the other noteworthy situation was there was a – and the panels at this thing just happen out in the open. Like they're just randomly placed throughout the convention center. They're not in like meeting rooms.

And there was a panel that had Ron Jeremy and Ray J. Now, who is Ray J? Ray J is Brandy's brother. Brandy, famous murderer. He's famous for a few different things. I've heard the name. He was and I think still is an R&B singer. And he was and I think still is an R&B singer.

And he was famous for being controversial because Brandy's image was very clean. She was a very wholesome R&B singer and she had come out as a teenager. He came out as an R&B thug when this was a relatively new phenomenon. I mean, this was 15 years ago. Okay. He was a teenager, I think. And he was an R&B thug and essentially adopted a purely hip-hop persona, but he happened to be singing R&B songs. Okay. Sort of like R. Kelly, but more so.

Okay. And he's also famous for having made a sex tape with Kim Kardashian. That's where I've heard him from. And he, in the sex tape is seen to have a large penis. A prominent member. Okay.

And that would be the reality star quotient. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's why he's a reality star and not just a second tier musician. Ironically, when you interviewed him, he was taking a shit on the floor. Right, and not whipping out his schlong, which is a plate of your strengths, man. I know. See that?

He wants to broaden his space. Wait, I didn't mean it like that. And Ray J is, in the little time I spent in front of him – well, I didn't interview him. We just watched him do this panel thing. He is awful. And just these guys are kind of trying to have this dialogue about like what makes a compelling reality show moment. And he's just kind of rattling off these kind of cliches. And at the end of everything he says, swag.

kind of rattling off these kind of cliches and at the end of everything he says, SWAG! And even and I'm not making this up, sometimes while someone else was talking he would just yell SWAG! Because attention was not on him for a few seconds. He would just yell SWAG!

That's his catchphrase? I guess so. This is not Ray J's catchphrase. Where does this come from? I had not heard anybody use swag this ambiguously before. So swag has this long etymology. I would say that the people who invented swag would probably be the Dipset. Okay. I don't know if they literally invented it, but they certainly popularized the idea of swag.

When they were, this is Cameron and Jim Jones and company, when they were in their period where they were switching colors, for a while everything was purple, for a while everything was pink, and then they switched to purple, that was their swag, they were swagged out. And their swagger was a big part of their appeal right but this was a long time ago now and reese more recently uh you will find swag just punctuating thing it still means the same thing that kind of like je ne sais quoi sure you know that kind of uh that kind of hip-hop attitude of you know being able to pull things off that are ridiculous, but it was also just a punctuation, especially if you ever listen to, I think you would enjoy this, Jordan,

the music of Lil B. Okay. Lil B is a rapper who was in this group called The Pack, who had the song Vans. I'm sure you remember the song Vans. Sure. And now he's in Berkeley, and he seems to be a little bit crazy. And he makes kind of hip hop dance records with very stream of consciousness raps. And he has a whole series of raps where he essentially like he talks, he sets it up as women love him because he looks like so-and-so.

And the people, I think at the beginning it was handsome people, but then it was just like Kelsey Grammer, Ellen DeGeneres, just miscellaneous celebrities. Ellen DeGeneres is one of my favorite songs, and the chorus of Ellen DeGeneres just goes, Ellen DeGeneres, swag. Ellen DeGeneres, swag. Ellen DeGeneres, swag. So at this point, it's really come to the point where it's just a punctuation.

Ah. This makes sense. But Ray J's a real dipshit. There's no doubt about that. And kind of the fun button on this presentation was they called up audience members and they're like we're gonna create

a reality show moment right here on stage and they had like a camera crew filming these people and it was you know projected behind them

and they were kind of going through this reality show scenario and they brought people up on stage and one was this kind of like you know

kind of kind of mid-twenties kind of good looking black lady and she was like super excited to be there and kind of like, you know, kind of kind of mid 20s, kind of good looking black lady. And she was like super excited to be there and kind of jumping all over the stage. And when the camera got in her face, she looked at the camera and said, hey, hey, hey. And Ray J grabbed her by the shoulder and took her aside. He's like, hey, you don't need the hey, hey, hey. Just be yourself.

Swag. Swag. Yeah. Don't just yell a catchphrase. Look, I'm not I'm not one to go around Calling celebrities I don't know dipshits But I think the evidence is The jury is in

On Ray J Real dipshit Is he on a reality show? That's when you meet somebody and they're like No I met him he's a really nice guy Yeah I feel like every time I, oh, no, I met him. He's a really, really nice guy. Yeah. I feel like any time I talk about anybody, everyone's like, oh, no, I met really nice. Has that happened?

I don't want to force you to talk out of school. No, no, but don't you ever? I mean, just like living in L.A., you run into people who are like, actually, I met that person. Super nice. Fair. You wouldn't think so. Super nice. There is that thing that you have to accept when you work in the entertainment.

I mean, obviously, I'm basically running the entertainment industry. Yes. And, of course, Jordan. Out of this murder shack in the mountains, yes. You're making the entertainment industry dance like some kind of maddened puppet master from your post at Fuel TV. Yep. And, of course, you're on Breaking In. Uh-huh. And from the television program Whitey's Kids You Know.

So you know about this. You're deep in the entertainment industry. There's this moment when you realize that because you work in the entertainment industry, you have to think of famous people as human beings. But they're not. Yeah. They they're not yeah they're so nice they're so nice so super nice so nice like the worst guy you can think of who's like the word like you're like i just met yeah who seems awful kiefer southern make an oj joke because i'm gonna be like actually i hung i hung him super nice guy yeah he really, a lot of that's an act. He didn't even murder.

The L.O.J. shtick. This stabbing, so few and far between at the party I was at. I can only speak from my personal direct experience. And there were a few single stabbings, but no multiple stabbings. It was a long time ago. Injuries, not deaths. He was in a weird place. It was the 90s. We were all crazy in the 90s.

Remember Leg Warmers? That was the 80s. That was the 80s fictional construct. But it was really good for him in a way because he was famous, but then he was like famous. Like an icon. The icon of stabbing. I have a dick-related thing I have a dick-related thing I have to talk about

for a second. You'll be shocked to learn, George. R.E. Ray J's giant dick. So Ray J does have a giant dick, but that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about my murder shack in the mountains where I now live. I live in Highland Park, California, which is

essentially this sort of mountain-y part in Highland Park, California, which is, uh, uh, essentially, uh, the sort of mountainy part of Highland Park, California, which is a predominantly Latino neighborhood. And coyotes. And there's also coyotes. Uh, there's both.

Latino coyotes. There's both coyotes and coyotes, uh, whose job it is to ferry people across the border. Um, there are a lot of, uh, there are a lot of kind of uh predominantly latino neighborhood

businesses around um and i i'm familiar with these businesses i grew up in a predominantly latino neighborhood um it reminds me of mission street when i was growing up in san francisco but there are two within uh within a five minute drive my house, there are two stores that seem to sell exclusively Spanish-language dick pills. Really? Their outdoor signage is exclusively dick pill related. What's Spanish for, how do you know? I don't remember what it is, but there's enough cognates in there, and I have enough Spanish language skill to recognize a dick pill vending establishment. Here's my question about this.

Is their website only in English, too? Yeah, right. Do Spanish speakers not yet know that there are now real dick pills? That they have invented dick pills that make your dick hard? Do you think these are counterfeit? Well, these are not Viagra dick pills. Oh, this is like stuff you buy at 7-Eleven. These are stuff you buy at 7-Eleven dick pills.

And also, do 7-Eleven shoppers not know that there are now real dick pills? Have you ever tried the 7-Eleven pills? I have not. That's a good point. Do you think they might work even better? I don't know. I've never tried them. It seems like an easy enough experiment.

It's not like that nonsense with the cat in the box. You can actually do this one. That's not a theoretical boner. The boner can exist. Get the pills. See if it works. How about this? I bet that there are people out there who have bought 7-Eleven dick pills in our audience.

We have tens of thousands of people listening right now. There's also dick shots. Wait, dick shots? There's like a five-hour energy. I am not going to put a fucking needle in my dick. There's not a needle in your dick, because you wouldn't be able to tell them apart, right, Jesse? Oh.

Yes. Slam. Swag. You should just end the show right there. Yeah, right. You got it. Guys, you got it. Cut and print.

There's also like a five-hour energy, a little vial, a little multicolored vial that is also dick-based. You don't have to give us your full name. 206-984-4FUN. Oh, here's my experience with those. Okay. I went to, for work one time the porno convention in las vegas i think i talked about that yeah uh and the dick pill and shot samples were everywhere rampant uh and i'm like this this will be fun let's give this a go so i i got a bag full of them and i had

them in my car you know just kind of waiting for an opportunity to use one. It didn't come along, but I was— Hey, there's a big surprise. Swag! Swag! Tie game. One-one. But I had them just kind of in the door cubby of my car.

But I had them just kind of like in the door cubby of my car. And once I had some – I just had a random passenger in the car. I think it was a work-related passenger. And I opened up the door and they spilled out into the parking garage. I don't think that person saw. I quickly collected them and threw them all away. But it was just like – Vitamins. They're my vitamins.

Vitamins. I'm throwing them away now because I decided I don't need them. And you never tried one? No. Uh- one no uh shit so i had a whole bag full of this 206-9844-FUN we have tens of thousands of listeners i'm sure that there are people out there who have taken dick pills someone's buying this stuff if if you want to talk don't talk in a funny voice i was going to say if you want to talk in a weird voice to disguise your no because our listeners will fucking do that and it'll be horrible ladies too I was going to say if you want to talk in a weird voice to disguise your... No, because our listeners will fucking do that and it'll be horrible.

Ladies, too. You know, if you've had it... Take in your box pills. Yeah, sure. They have them for ladies. Moist box pill. No, they do, don't they? Because they have...

What's the one with the guy with the big smile that's on the commercial all the time? Is that Extends? It's the only one I know. I don't know. Yeah, something like that.

At the 7-Eleven, they sell blue pills and they sell pink pills. And the pink pills are for ladies. They make a lady's dick bigger. Yeah, I don't know what it does, but it does something. It deepens the vagina. It makes you forget about all the dirty socks in the bathroom, right? Yeah.

Because that's why ladies don't like to have sex. 206-984-4FUN, the number to call. That's your action item for this week. Tell us about your experiences with dick pills. Or dick shots. Or dick shots. Or box pills. There's horny goat weed, which is like the old, that's been there forever.

Yeah, that's like the first guy on the scene. I mean, I remember that in high school, that being something that you got at a weird Mexican liquor store. But I don't think that was supposed to give you a boner. I think that was just supposed to make you horny, I guess. I don't know why you would buy, like, I guess somebody's just like, I'm never horny. Yeah, I don't know why you would need to feel hornier. Because you probably wouldn't care about feeling horny if you never felt horny. Yeah.

You probably wouldn't care about feeling horny if you never felt horny. Yeah. And would you be so horny that you wouldn't wait to have sex? You would just, like, jack off on the way home or something. Anyway. Lots of questions these things bring up. Lots of questions. You know that most people don't keep these pills in their passenger door of their car, right? Yeah.

It's not the traditional place to keep them. It was a mistake. Just in case you get pulled over 206-984-206-984-4 fun we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go the podcast program is Jordan Jesse Go. I, of course, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Trevor Moore, captain guest.

Great to have Trevor Moore here from the whitest kids you know, Friday nights on the Independent Film Channel. Always on, slightly off. IFC, always on Slightly off Yep We're actually All the way off IFC

Well the show we worked for Yeah The show we Yeah The show I hosted And you were the regular Field correspondent for Is now no longer

Permanently off Extant Yeah No longer Are you guys doing Are you guys going back To half an hour Or are you sticking with 15

Half hour No we only did 15 For season 3 Like we're Last season was half an hour or are you sticking with 15? Half hour. No, we only did 15 for season 3. Like, last season was half an hour. I've really watched a lot of this program for just apparently not understanding basic facts about it. No, it's confusing.

It switches around. It was on Fuse, then it's on IFC. It was 15 minutes, then it was a half hour. Yeah, it's a good move up. It's a little gypsy show. You've been moving up. You've been moving up. You had Regional Pax. Then you had Imagination. Then you went to Fuse. Now you're on IFC.

There you go. Some people have heard of IFC. Yep. So you're making it happen, Trevor. You are making it happen. IFC has a website 24 hours a day. Making it happen. IFC has a website 24 hours a day. Look, on Jordan, Jesse, go.

And now all of the MaxFunChat shows, we have a segment where we sort of open things up to our audience, Jumbotron style. And for $100 for a personal message or $200 for a commercial message, we will share your wisdom with the world. First of all this week, Fuzzy Balls Apparel, returning. They're going to be sponsoring us through June. Yeah. Thanks, Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Many thanks to Fuzzy Balls Apparel. They've got all kinds of cool t-shirts, little men that come in eggs.

Well, the eggs are the men. There's no man inside the eggs. I thought that you take the egg off of the... Am I misremembering that? You might be remembering different... Maybe they have two different egg products. I thought they had the kind of thing where it's a toy that comes in an egg and you open it up. The egg product I received was just an attractive hand-painted egg.

That is a lucky guy. Wait a minute. No. Are you thinking of Fuzzy Balls Apparel or are you thinking of Fabergé? I'm thinking of the movie Hop. Okay. That looks really funny. Anyway, put JJ Go in the notes when you make an order at FuzzyBallsApparel.com.

They will give you a special free gift, as they say, just for listening to your favorite podcast. Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Cute and creepy t-shirts and things. That's their slogan. They wanted me to read their slogan but then I couldn't find it in the thing so it seemed like a really pregnant pause and I sort of didn't sell it as well as I could have. I thought it made it more

intense. Yeah. We were waiting for it. Here's a message from our friend Andreas Deuce Pape. This is good already right yeah um the lion in tweed podcast is his podcast uh it's the story of a college professor of economics and sound studies who plays folk music on the side who is also a lion um so this is like i I think this podcast, he's a folk musician. And I think this podcast is like, it's like his version of a podcast novel, only it's from being a folk musician. So each episode has music performance in it. And then it has some, a little bit of other stuff, you know, that's a little bit dramatic.

It mixed in with the folk music portion of it. And he's a lion. And he's also a lion. Andres Deuce Pa he's a lion. And he's also a lion. The man, the Andres deus pape, deus pape is a lion. So it's like, like a Peter and the wolf kind of thing.

Yeah. I mean, the moral of this story is that if you keep saying lion, eventually they're just going to leave you to die. Thelionandtweed.com, at thelionandtweed on Twitter, or you can find it in iTunes, thelionandtweed.com at thelionandtweed on Twitter or you can find it in iTunes thelionandtweed

oh man this is a we're raking it in yeah sure thanks guys you like to listen my only disappointment is my brother my brother and me one of the McElroy brothers

he writes a little song for each one of these we don't have any talent so we can't do that probably advertise with those guys all I got is these golden pipes. Humanitarian Notes is a non-profit organization

that works with musicians to record music that promotes social change and empowerment. Hey! I'm very happy to hear about this. They especially work on music that educates, empowers, and raises HIV AIDS awareness in Africa. That's a really cool project.

Absolutely. Anyway, you can hear the music. You can get involved. You can get regular updates on all this stuff and the adventures that these people are going on across the world making this music at humanitariannotes.org, humanitariannotes.org, or again, on Twitter. It's at changewithmusic.

So that's lovely. Absolutely. And, or again, on Twitter, it's at changewithmusic. So that's lovely. Absolutely. And finally, oh, God, Fantasy Magic Camp. Yes. It's a fun summer day camp for children ages 5 to 12 in Austin, Texas, and the surrounding area. They teach magic, juggling, and and puppetry including balloon twisting unicycling and all sorts of fun stuff that will get you kicked in the balls unfortunately it's right next to bully camp

why would parents send kids there? Bully camp. Jeez Louise. Oh gosh. Every day they have a professional performer give a show to the kids and there's lots of different cool stuff. He said they've had ventriloquists, magicians, even a real Ringling Brothers clown come to the camp. Each of these people has left with one of the children.

But the odds are... The odds are it won't be your child. That's editorial. That's not in the copy that they provided. I want to make that clear. So anyway, you can, in addition to just sending your kid to this camp, also if you have like a school or a camp or something, they do do days where you can bring your kid bring a group of children to the thing and they'll have you know a day of activities of learning to get beat up later in life

of learning to have things to do on saturday night um i don't know austin is kind of like austin's like kind of hippy dippy for texas like i bet yeah there are probably girls yeah no i i bet for a kid in i mean i could see you know a kid in you know i don't know missoula or butte places in montana i bet it would be that would be kind of awesome this is gonna fly suicide no i think so yeah i think if you're in an austin or a portland or something like that you can nothing fartsy nothing will get a 13 year old boy laid like tie-dyed pantaloons. Which I assume, again, that's not in the copy, but I assume they are issued tie-dyed pantaloons.

I don't know. Magic, dude. You read the game, right? Magic gets you fucked. It's magiccamp.com. Wow, they got magiccamp.com. This is pretty serious. They took it away from a jam band.

This is what they say. This is the thing that he wants us to promote, this listener, Aaron, who runs this camp. He says that at magiccamp.com, they have a video of one of their campers who, as he says, had a hard time saying anything other than exactly what was on her mind.

He leaves it cryptic beyond that. But I'm interested to see this video now at magiccamp.com. So, yeah, so thanks to that. If you want to have a commercial or personal message on Jordan, Jesse, go, or stop podcasting yourself from my brother, my brother, and me, just send our development director, Teresa, an email. Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second with more of Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you

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Love you, love you Love you, love you Love you, love you Love you, love you Love you, love you Love you, Graham, the whitest kids you know. On the IFC channel. Always on, slightly off. Watch The Grid Thursdays at 6.45. When were we on? 7.45. For one more week.

For one final week. What if we just had just a crazy rating spike in the last week of The Grid? Last week that The Grid aired, we got like, what if we had a second life on DVD like the family guy? Could be. Yeah. Can they come crawling back on their knees?

Yeah. Can't wait for that. Got to start making those lowest, well, we don't have to really start making lowest common denominator jokes. Yeah, it's pretty much the MO of our television program. Sure. Our short-lived television program. Okay.

When something momentous happens to one of our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for a segment called Momentous Occasions. We've got a few momentous happens to one of our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for a segment called Momentous Occasions. We've got a few momentous occasions here. Let's see what our audience has to say. Hey, Director Jesse. Momentous Occasions. Just saw two pigeons having sex.

And, uh... That'll do it There we go See, this is the kind of important stuff that you need to be experiencing and calling in if this guy didn't have 206-9844-FUN in his cell phone number he wouldn't even have been able to call you what's that number what's that name so put it in your cell phone so when shit goes down you're ready because otherwise you're calling 9-1-1 telling them that they're coming and they're arresting you you're calling 6-1-1 they're arresting you. You're calling 611.

They're just offering to send out the water department. This is not a pipe issue. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Elizabeth from Los Angeles. I'm calling in with a moment of shame. I just honked at a nun. She was driving very slowly and pulled out right in front of me, and when I passed her, it was a nun.

Oh, boy. I like to have some emotion in these calls, too. Yeah, she seemed upset. This woman is genuinely horrified that she just honked at this nun. Sure. Sounds like the nun had it coming to her. Yeah, I mean, you don't get a pass for driving poorly. You know what this nun needs?

A sassy African-American nun to shake things up a little bit. Yeah. And if that nun is not even a nun, all the better. That's a movie

they should bring back. They should. They should let Shia LaBeouf have a crack at that. Okay, we got one more. Jordan and Jesse, I just threw up in the Mississippi River for the first time in my life. Later.

Do you think that's part of living in the South is that you throw up in the Mississippi River? Have you ever thrown up in the Mississippi River? No? Well, there's a first time for everything, right? For the first time in my life, the inflection was that it was great. Finally. It was like, this is what it's going to be like from now on. I'm throwing up in rivers.

I finally got my motorcycle license, and I threw up in the Mississippi River. I got to buy a lottery ticket today. 206-984-4FUN, the number to call. Okay, we have one more call, and it says, Lindsay, our intern, was sitting at this desk right behind where Trevor is sitting right now, for those of you listening on your televisions. And she was screening calls, and she said, Is there a Brendan Thorne in your family?

I said, Yeah, well, my younger brother's name is Brendan Thorne. And just last week, we had been talking about how I recently went home and found out that my family have discovered Jordan Jesse Go now in year five, or however long we've been doing this program. And so my two younger brothers, one of whom is in his early 20s and one of whom is in his teenage years, have started listening to the program. One of them is Brendan, my youngest brother. And I don't know what this call is, but he called and I said, well, we should probably play on the show, because otherwise I'm going to get in trouble with my dad and my stepmom, you know.

I don't want that. They're going to disinherit me. Come Christmas. They don't have anything to inherit to me. There's no estate. Hello, Jordan and Tosico. This is Brandon Thorne. I just want to let you know some news when I was at your wedding.

I couldn't think of any other way to say this to Jordan directly, but I remember distinctly you throwing chili beans at me when you were drunk, and I thought you should know. Oh, geez. You know, it hurt a little, but I'm you should know. Oh, geez. You know, it hurt a little, but I'm over it now. Oh, geez, Jordan. I'll see you later. Bye. What the fuck, Morris?

I don't know what to say. What the fuck? Is this what you do at weddings? It's a dark period for me. Do you get drunk and throw jelly beans at groomsmen? Child groomsmen? 14-year beans at groomsmen? Child groomsmen? 14-year-old groomsmen? I'm fun.

Why were there jelly beans at the wedding? It was a hop-themed wedding. Hop had just been optioned. Yeah. You might as well ask me why were there rings at the wedding. It was a wedding okay not only did you throw jelly beans at my 14 year old brother but this 14 year old brother was homeschooled and all he knows all he knows is punk rock music sure he could obviously couldn't defend himself

i'm just gonna brendan i'm sorry that, but pretty soon you're going to be of drinking age, and you're going to learn about the simple joys of getting wasted and hurling things at a child. It's part of what makes life worth living, and I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of it, but just fucking get ready to dole some of it out yourself. It's going to be magic. Am I supposed to fight you? Me? Yeah, I think maybe I I supposed to fight you? Me? Yeah, I think maybe I'm supposed to fight you. Is your younger brother?

This is my much younger brother. Younger brother? This brother is 14 years younger than I am. Okay. Tell you what, just whip a Reese's cup at my head and we'll call it even. Got a Reese's cup. Let me see what I got over here. Got some onesies.

Got some velcro ties. Chud shirt. Do you think chud shirt is at the best? Yeah, throw a chud shirt. Okay. And we're even. Even, Steven. We'll be back in just a second. Water under the bridge. 2-2. We'll be back in just a second.

I'm Jordan Jesse. Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Trevor Moore, captain guest. Trevor, it has been an absolute joy and delight to have you on the program. Thank you for having me. It's been fun.

Oh, thank you so much for coming on. And I was saying this to you off the air, but I will say it to you on the air. It's so great that The Whitest Kids You Know now in its fifth year, it's just a pleasure to have a funny sketch comedy series that's a success on television. Thank you. There aren't any other television sketch comedy. Like, this is the first show, sketch comedy series that has had, like, new seasons since Chappelle's show, right?

Something like that, yeah. Sarah and I are still pretty doing good. What's the show now? Sarah and I are still pretty good. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it. It comes on...

Send me the gopher address. Okay, yeah. Hey, listen. Jordan and I are hitting the road. Yeah. As we record this, we're probably already packing our bags.

I'm already thinking about outfits. Yeah, I know. I'm already thinking about outfits. Yeah, I know. I'm already packed. We are going to Chicago and Ann Arbor on Wednesday the 13th. I am in Chicago doing The Sound of Young America at the Second City with special guests. Peter Sagal from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Awesome.

Just a super awesome guy. I would love to meet Sagal. I hope he comes to our Jordan and Jesse Go show. He probably won't. Yeah, he's not going to. If he did, I would love to meet Sagal. I hope he comes to our Jordan and Jesse Go show. He probably won't, but if he did, I would like to meet Sagal. I don't think Sagal's going to come. Sagal does a great job on that program. Absolutely. And a big Sound of Young America fan, too.

Oh, good. He emailed me one time and said, if you ever want to have me on the Sound of Young America, I'd be happy to do it. And I told him, let's wait until I do a Chicago show, because I know I'm going to have a hard time booking guests. And he was kind enough to agree to that. And then when the time came, he was there for me.

That's Peter Sagal for you. That's Peter Sagal. Oh, dependable Sagal. Super nice. Super nice. Super nice. No, I know. I know what you've heard about Sagal. Really, really nice.

I know. Now, Roy Blunt Jr., on the other hand, that guy is a real twat. Tom Bodette. I'll kill you just as soon as I look at you. I also, Colt Cabana, professional wrestler slash comedian, Colt Cabana, who emailed me, and I just seem like I should not miss the opportunity to interview a man who is both a professional comedian and an actual professional wrestler. I checked in with some wrestling nerds. They verified that this is a real professional wrestler and the champion of an actual professional wrestling league.

He is also, and he sent me some pins. I just got some pins from Colt Cabana. His pins are blue and they say, I, star of David, Colt. Because he's basically the Jewish wrestler. Yeah, not a big Jewish wrestling community. then we're going to be in Ann Arbor on Friday night, the 15th, doing Jordan Jesse Go Live

at the Ann Arbor District Library at the invitation of the Ann Arbor District Library. That's the impetus for this whole trip. On Saturday, Jordan is going to be teaching an improv class. I'm going to be giving my brilliant educational seminar, Make Your Thing, that is all about creating independent media and making a living from it

and how to make something that's worth being enjoyed and so on and so forth. Then we're going back to Chicago Sunday night, April 17th. We're at the Second City and it's not just us. It's also Jordan. It's also my brother, my brother and me and special host Dan Telfer. I think there was some nasty rumors going around. Not

nasty, but rumors going around that it was sold out. Not the case. Not the case at all. There are still tickets. Many tickets available. Here's the reality of the situation, Jordan. I'm just going to put it out on the table for the listeners out there. If you live in Chicago and you listen to this shit, and you don't have tickets for both of these shows,

what the fuck? Yeah, right? I'm getting on a fucking airplane to come visit you. A fucking airplane, Jordan. Here's what I'm doing. You ready for this? Yeah. I am coming back two days early from a free work trip to Rio de Janeiro to do this. That's the kind of shit. I could have two

relaxing work-free days in Rio de Janeiro, but I love you guys and performing for you so much that I'm coming back early. And you know what? People have been emailing me, come to Chicago, come to Chicago, come to Chicago. Look, we're coming to Chicago. Yeah. We're going to be there. If you don't show up, you're going to look like a real shithead. I'm looking at you, Claire Zolke. Yeah, Zolke. Come on, Zolke. What's your thing, Keith Phipps?

Sure. Keith Phipps, where are you? Oh, yeah, let's see. I both chose Phipps. Both chose Rabin. Zolke and Phipps. Nathan Rabin, I'm calling you out. What about you, peepums?

What about you? That's what you call all of the myin. I'm calling you out. What about you, peepums? What about you? That's what you call all of the my brother and my brother and you guys. You call them all peepums. See you there, peepums. What about you, Alfonso Soriano? What about you, Jerome Walton? 1989 National League Rugby of the Year, Jerome Walton. What about you,

staff of the racist hot dog place? That's all I got. It's all going down Chicago, Ann Arbor. Maximumfun.org is where you can find all the information. Of course, Trevor's brilliant

sketch comedy program. You can watch the first four seasons on your Netflix Instant, your Netflix, your digital versatile discs. I encourage you to do that. And tune into your television boxes in the independent film channel, IFC, always on,

slightly off, to see season five with his delightful compatriots. This Friday. This Friday. If you're listening to this in real time, which you're probably not. It's probably already passed. Look, here's the thing.

If the time has passed, if you're probably not. It's probably already passed. Look, here's the thing. If the time has passed, if you missed Friday, just fuck it. You're not going to be able to catch up. This is the first purely serial sketch comedy series, and this thing is so plot heavy. Like, if you thought Lost was plot heavy, if you missed that first episode, you are F-U-C-K-E-D. And if you think you can just watch it on Netflix Instant, no.

Because there are secret messages in between the commercials that they cut out for Netflix Instant. You're going to be fucking lost. Do not watch it. Do not watch it. I guess what I'm saying is, no matter what, do not watch The Whitest Kid You Know. It's a funny show, but all you're going to do is laugh and enjoy it. It's a waste of your time. And Breaking In is on the Fox network.

This show is from two Hollywood superstars. The guy behind How to Train Your Dragon, which is an animated film that I heard nothing but spectacular things about. It's great. It's really great. This movie and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs are the two films that people are constantly sending me emails. You have to go watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in How to Train Your Dragon.

And the guy who made The King of Kong. It was one of the best documentaries ever. It's right up there. What you got? You got your Hoop Dreams. Of course, you have Salesman, which invented the fly-on-the-wall style. Vernon, Florida.

Yeah, Vernon, Florida. American movie. The part where the guy calls his birds gators. Vernon, Florida. So you can't top that, really. King of Kong's in there. King of Kong is up in there. Spellbound, of course, because it's got that part where the little kid goes,

Do I sound like a musical robot? These are all things in documentaries. I have a quick question. This is just going to wrap things up. This is going to put a bow on things completely. Andy Blitz, legendary comedy writer, writer and performer on The Conan Show. Did you know that he is brothers with Jeffrey Blitz, the director of Spellbound? No.

I met him backstage at a Risk show, and he said, oh, I think my brother has been on your show. And even after he said that, I did not put two and two together and think, oh, and Jeffrey Blitz, one of my favorite Sound of Young America guests ever, been on the show twice,

absolute favorite of mine. They're brothers. You're thinking of the cheese blintz you ate that's true the whole time i'm thinking blintz blintz blintz blintz blintz okay look uh breaking in is on the fox network you'll find whitest kids you know on the ifc always on slightly off um that's channel 692 um you of course know it it well because that's the channel that you knew to avoid because me and Jordan had a show on it. And, of course,

206-9844-FUN JJGO at MaximumFun.org if you want to send us an email. You want to place an advertisement, it's Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We will see you in the Middle West, and you know, there won't be a new Jordan Jesse Go next week because we're going to be out live. Yeah. So, you know, you'll have to wait two weeks, but, you know, there won't be a new Jordan Jesse Go next week because we're going to be out live.

So, you know, you'll have to wait two weeks. But, you know, you can just, in the meantime, you can fill the time with, you've already probably Googled Ray J's dick. But besides that, you can just watch The Whitest Kids You Know, you know. Okay, we'll see you next time. Jordan Jesse Go. Swag!