Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 172: Face/Off

Episode Date: April 25, 2011

Jesse and Jordan talk about Jesse's 30th birthday, missed opportunities, and of course crazy Travolta.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twidoff or 30 years of exemplary customer service.

Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. No guest this week, Jordan. Zero guest. You asked for it. A guest forgot which date he was supposed to be coming in.

We delivered it. Sure. Yeah, against our own wishes. And our better judgment. Oh yeah, that too. So yeah, no, I mean, this is truly seat of our pants. I mean, I didn't have really anything prepared.

I mean, and the guest we were going to have in, I guess we won't spoil it because we hope to have them back. Right. And it was not a Rutger Hauer situation. No. It was a questionable excuse. Yeah. It was a mistake.

Sure. That happened. Mistakes happen. You know, and the guest is a great guy, very prestigious career, famous for being kind of a chatterbox. So I purposefully kind of mentally coasted leading up to the podcast. The guest was Mario Lopez. It was Mario Lopez.

I mean, you know, first 30 minutes, Dancing with the Stars. Right. Second 30 minutes, America's Best Dance Crew. I don't even know if we would get to access Hollywood before our time was up. Yeah. That's how much material Lopez brings to the table. Holy shit. I just forgot he was on saved by the bell

yeah we're gonna have to talk about that there was a character named jesse on that i'm gonna want to ask him about that right if it's weird to talk to me when he worked on a show with i know they were romantically linked on the show too and now that me and mario lopez are romantically linked is this weird man i mean this is gonna have to be a two-parter when we finally lay it down, I think. Can I ask you a question, Jordan? You may. You probably meet people who aspire to be Mario Lopez in your career as a pseudo-entertainment journalist. Yes, this is the main kind of colleague that I have. This is the single career in the world that is the least a thing.

Yes. I think, I mean, and I may have said this on the show before, but I think the best way to describe these people, the aspiring Mario Lopez's and, oh God, who's his female equivalent? I don't know. Mary Hart? Mary Hart, sure. The aspiring Mario Lopez's and Mary Hart's and Mark McGrath's of the world.

Think of an L.A. actor. Think of all the bad qualities you associate with L.A. actor. Now take away any concern with creativity. This is the interesting thing to me about it. Because I feel like if you are Mark McGrath, you're in the band Sugar Ray, sure. You want a lot of money for a charity on Celebrity Jeopardy, yes. Somebody just, you don't necessarily pursue that job. Yeah.

No, no, no. I mean, I think Mark McGrath was probably dropped into his lap. And I have met Mark McGrath on a few occasions. Seems like a nice guy. Seems to have a sense of humor about himself. Yeah, and hey, look, as anyone who you just met at a party will tell you, he did great on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Right, absolutely. But no, so maybe I'm wrong to include Mark McGrath in with those. No, but I mean, and probably that's what happened with Mario Lopez too, right? No, you're right. You're probably right about that.

Yeah, maybe he was on. But there are people who aspire to this as their career. Right, sure. Without trying to defame McGrath or Lopez, yes, there are assholes who want nothing more than to Because I'm not going to lie to you.

Gap inanely with celebrities. If somebody offered me, you know, $180,000 a year to be Mario Lopez, I mean, I'd probably do it. I'd probably take that job. I'm not going to turn down that job. It's probably fun. But the question is, I think, who is the person who pursues that job as a life goal? Yeah.

Like Mary Hart. That is a person, yeah, a person who likes movies but not art. You know, but doesn't see that there's a link between them. I feel like that is, I feel like in Los Angeles, there is this whole group of people that I didn't know before who are absolutely passionate about film but hate art. Oh, yeah. Oh, but like visual art? What's the...

No, no. Hate film as an art form. Oh, sure. Yeah. No, I mean, that seems to be the entertainment reporters of the world. That is such a strange... Like, who is like so... Like, it's one thing to be really passionate about, I don't know, E.T. or something. Something that is like so like it's one thing to be really passionate about i don't know uh et or something

something that is like mainstream yeah but meritorious but i feel like there there are a lot i feel like i see on television or interact with people who are really passionate about the entertainment business really passionate about film and television and really passionate about, like, outsourced. Sure. I mean, is this maybe the same kind of instinct that leads someone to be passionate about, like, baseball but not athletics? I don't know. Like, someone who just loves the numbers of baseball.

I don't know Like someone who just loves the numbers of baseball Like someone who collects the stats in their head But isn't But doesn't love running I don't know Because here's the thing That is what I imagined What I imagined was

Before I moved to Los Angeles What I imagined was that people who worked in the entertainment industry All the people who were in comedy Aspired to be Woody Allen Or Albert Brooks And all the people who are in comedy aspire to be Woody Allen or Albert Brooks. And all the people who were in dramatic film all aspire to be whatever, Fassbinder or something.

Sure. And there are people like that. Sure. I want to make it clear. This is not everyone. Yeah. But I did not know that there was a category of person for whom their dream is to create Back to the Future.

And that's not against Back to the Future. I even want to draw more of a distinction between this kind of person and the entertainment reporter. Because I feel like you talk to, you know, think about douchebag actor 27B. You know, he's got an outrageous shirt on. He's 32. He's got on an outrageous shirt from Urban Outfitters that says, I don't know, Kentucky is for lovers. Virginia is for lovers. Right.

He's 32. That is pretty outrageous, by the way. He's very good looking. I'm literally holding my hat on right now because you almost blew it off with the outrageousness of that example. Think about that slogan. Yeah, so there's this guy, and he sucks. Yes. But if for some reason you're in a room and you have to talk to him long enough, which I often do.

Right. often do right this is a guy who's been to like a lot of acting classes and has maybe been in not by choice or necessarily but has been in a david mamet play or had to do some shakespeare in college so this guy sucks and would like nothing more than to be in the next transformers movie but is kind of aware that like acting is art, and there's a technique to it, and that there are non-Transformers movies out there. And I think that, like, and, you know, maybe, like, took an elementary film theory class or something like that. And, like, if you can find that level, like, if you have to talk with this guy, you can

find that level to connect with him on. And, you know, he's probably, you know, maybe likes Woody Allen movies or something, just because he needs a fallback, smart guy thing to be interested in, in case he ever has to talk about it. But yes, and I think when you do, that's where this guy is different from the entertainment reporters, is that those guys don't even give a fuck about that stuff. Like, they just want, you know,

they just assume that Kate Hudson is great. Well, here's the thing. Our friend Adam Lissagor, Lonely Sandwich, from the You Look Nice Today podcast, worked, you know, these days he works independently. He makes his own short films and so forth. Sure. But there was a time when he worked in the movie industry,

and he worked on this movie called Torqued. Yes. Starring Adam Scott, the wonderful Adam Scott. Lawrence Fishburne, too, right? No, Ice Cube. Oh, racist. Yeah.

I just, the careers of Lawrence Fishburne and Ice Cube are relatively parallel, aren't they? Sure. Well, they both rose to prominence with their politically incendiary lyrics. Sure. Of course, as... Wait, hold on. Let's Google Torch.

Teenagers, they were both in Apocalypse Now. Sure. Why are we Googling Torch? I don't know. I feel like maybe Lawrence Fishburne's in it. Lawrence Fishburne was not in it because I saw it in a screening here in Los Angeles. Okay. Frankly, it's not even that bad.

It's monumentally Angeles. Okay. Frankly, it's not even that bad. It's monumentally stupid. Yeah. But Adam Scott is actually kind of great in it. And Ice Cube, I just like Ice Cube. Sure. I'm not going to lie to you, Jordan. No, yeah. I just like Ice Cube.

Both Cube and T, I think, are fun to watch on screen. There's this... I personally have, I think, a very deep reservoir of positive emotions based on the film Three Kings for both Ice Cube and Marky Mark. Sure. Both of them. I mean, I'm careful to avoid the terrible things they do. However, I have a lot of positive feelings for them based on that. Yeah. No, no.

I think if you do... Yeah, I think you can have positive feelings about a performer or artist just based on a good thing. If you are careful to sidestep all of their bad things. And especially because Ice Cube also is one of the greatest rappers of all time So that also helps with Ice Cube Marky Mark, less so Less achievement Top ten though, certainly

Yeah, sure Top ten rappers of all time? Top ten rappers slash underwear models Is what he did considered rapping? He rapped Was he a new kid or was that his brother? His brother was in the new kids. Unclear.

He was in Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, which they did rap. He did rap. Funky Bunch. Yeah. Was the Funky Bunch his band or what constituted the Funky Bunch? It was his gang of handsome boys. Okay. Then they rapped or did they just hang around him?

I think, look, this is, we'd have to get our friend matt belknap on the phone because he's really the expert being from massachusetts and a fan of hip-hop music from 1986 to 1989 um but i think that only marky mark rapped and the funky bunch were dancers or something okay um but i might be wrong and they might have all danced no they might have all rapped okay Okay. They definitely all danced. But rapping, like it wasn't an R&B thing. Like he rapped. Yeah, it was definitely a rapping.

So anyway, Adam worked on this movie called Torked. And the guy who directed this movie, Torked, I don't recall this guy's name. He got this gig because he had directed a bunch of really high budget britney spears videos sure and i don't mean literally britney spears videos at least one of them was a britney spears video but like maybe he directed that backstreet like that in sync video where they're all marionettes okay um so i don't know if he conceived of that powerful metaphor but um he at least executed it. It's a cutting critique of the music industry.

And when I was talking to Adam about what it was like to be on the set of this film, he said that... What did he do on it? What was his job? You know, he was like a second camera something or... A loader, maybe? Yeah, I don't know what he was. Something like that. Or he did post-production on it or... I don't know know he did something and he was on the set of this film um i know that when adam scott was on the sound of young america uh adam lissagor asked me to convey his fond regards and tell him how great he was in torqued sure which i confirmed after watching it um and he said that

basically the guy who directed this movie there were a few things that he wanted to do in this movie. He had a few ideas. He had this idea for a thing where they're riding motorcycles on top of a train. He had like a couple of set pieces in mind. And Adam said that he was essentially openly contemptuous of the actors and of the script. essentially openly contemptuous of the actors and of the script so basically this was a guy who was directing a feature film not because he ever aspired to be a great filmmaker his only interest was directing britney spears videos you know what i mean like there was no he wasn't directing he wasn't like spike jze Directing music videos

Because he wants a great place Where he can really stretch his wings creatively And so on and so forth This was a guy who got Tens of millions of dollars Right With no ambition To do anything with it at all

Although isn't like Isn't there something to be said for like I mean and not And obviously this isn't How you want people making movies, but, like, I don't know. I feel like I have met these guys that are just obsessed with, like, After Effects and, like, guys who do just want to make the craziest possible train stunt possible. At least that's something. Right. that's something. And I get like, and yes, obviously, you know, like you know, that's what

makes, it's what defines like a classic action movie like Die Hard from, you know, just whatever it is Nicolas Cage happens to be in at the moment. But yeah, I don't know. And I feel like I have met this type of guy a lot. Just the guy who is obsessed with like lenses

and shutter speeds and like then yes, this type of guy a lot just the guy who is obsessed with like lenses and shutter speeds and like then yes doesn't know what a person is like and maybe is a little bit autistic but like i don't know i'm kind of impressed by that a little bit shouldn't that person be in charge of lenses and shutter shutter speeds and not directing absolutely and i think and i think it is a budgetary concern why you put asperger's shutter speed guy in charge of the whole movie. It's probably because a real director will want some money. But yes, but I do think that that is a necessary thing and it is cool. But yes, also don't let that guy direct the movie. Anyway.

I mean, that's the thing, because there are certainly people who aspire to to be the greatest key grip sure in the world there are crafts people who want and there's people who want to be to stage the coolest action scenes of all time or whatever um and i don't really have any problem with that i don't even think like like i don't have any problem with someone who aspires to make action movies that are as great as like the greatest Jackie Chan movies or something. You know, like the most elegant action movies of all time. It's just amazing to me. I was just surprised that people could make it to the top of show business or just become successful with no artistic ambition at all.

Sure. I figured that people who were there had a lot of talent and had compromised their ambition. Yeah, yeah. But actually, no. Hollywood, in part, is looking for people who are at least somewhat talented and also have no ambition to just do... Yeah, who will do what they say and then also ask not... You know, and I think when you do get into that low-budget action movie world, the world of the Torques and the Aliens vs. Predators, Requiems, and other movies Adam's worked on, and Skyline or something like that.

When you do get into that, like, well, we've got to make this for $20 million just so we can sell it in Germany. I think the company that Adam used to work for made Skyline. Yeah. Yes. skyline yeah i i i yes i am thinking specifically about the guys who directed aliens versus predator requiem and skyline yeah are the two that's who adam two brothers who are just asperger's shutter speed guys um yeah and and yes and i think that that like when you are in that low budget action movie zone like you do just have to get a guy who was in charge of post-production for james cameron somewhere down the line and say want to make a movie sort of like how they hired the guy who

like ran the second team on i don't know my filmmaking terms i think it's called the second team second unit maybe the red shirt the red shirt quarterback of uh star wars episode one right to make Battlefield Earth. Yeah, yeah. That's a good example for sure. Did you ever watch Battlefield Earth? I did. I watched it in the theaters.

I definitely... Battlefield Earth came out... Did we watch it together in the theater? No, it came out when we were in high school. Did it? Yeah, yeah. I definitely saw it in the theater in Santa Cruz. Okay.

But I am a year older than you, so it might have been when I was 18 and you were 17. Yeah, late into high school was definitely when I was as obsessed with Mystery Science Theater 3000 as I've ever been. And I definitely had, like,

two buddies who were also obsessed and we would go see bad movies on purpose. I remember that I went to see that. I do not... I've never... I don't think I've ever gone

to another bad movie on purpose. Sure. Besides Battlefield. It was like... I mean, it was like one of those things that was famous for being bad before it even came out you know like it wasn't it didn't like gather this cult following or something no it was legendary by the time it hit theaters gonna be bad yeah and i remember that i wanted I had heard that Norm Macdonald's movie Screwed was horrible. But I wanted to do something to encourage Hollywood to let Norm Macdonald make

more movies because I like dirty work so much. And I kind of wanted to know what Battlefield Earth was. But I didn't want to give it any money. And I think me and Tyler McNiven, sometime Jordan Jesse Goh guest, and was yeah but i didn't want to give it any money and i i think me and uh tyler mcniven uh uh sometime jordan jesse go guest and uh famous battle what's that thing called that he won

battlefield earth yes no battlefield race amazing race amazing race um amazing race winner tyler i think me and tyler uh uh decided to spend eight dollars maybe even, big time Gene O'Neill went with us, spend $8 on Screwed and go see Battlefield Earth. I remember just a lot of weird wipes. Yeah, sure, a lot of mid-wipes. Just a lot of just... Well, yeah, that seems to be the thing. They did get the guy from the second unit of Star Wars to direct it.

It seems like that's one of the things they got from Star Wars was that it's wipe style. Center out scene transitions. For sure. And also people running through debris. That's the two things I remember from Battlefield. And that was definitely at the height of crazy acting John Travolta. He was off of Face Off and Broken Arrow where he was just acting like

a nut. Like a madman. Yeah. And this is the movie that all culminated in. I have important news, Jordan. Sure, thank you. Today, as we record this program, it is my 30th birthday. Oh, well, happy birthday. I mean, I know

this is around the time of your birthday. I don't know the exact date of your birthday because I'm a bad friend in person. Sure. I'm not going to lie to you, Jordan. I would only know your birthday because Teresa found out all the birthdays of my closest friends and put them in my Google calendar for perpetuity. Oh, wow. That's a nice wife move. It was a really nice wife move.

I mean, that's why you get yourself a wife. I got a great wife, Jordan. I mean, yeah. It's like convenience stuff. Like, I'm sure there's like sex reasons to get a wife. Right. And like food reasons. Sure.

But like, it's probably just those little life things that like really let you know you made a good call. I have a name for this week's program. Normally, I pick a name after we've recorded the show in just a desperate headlong attempt to remember one thing that happened during the course of the program so that I can name the episode that. Sounds like you're a little too panicky about it. No, I just genuinely... You just calm down. I just genuinely. Just calm down. I'm sure that you have this experience.

When I'm done recording Jordan, Jesse, go. I don't remember anything that we discussed. Yeah. Nothing. I often will. I will often sincerely not be able to remember something to name the show and have to make the intern listen to the show until something funny happens and then tell me that we should name the show that.

Gotcha. But this week, I think I'm going to name it ahead of time in honor of my 30th birthday. Oh, wow. All right. Are you afraid that'll affect the content? I think it's only going to affect the content positively, Jordan. Okay. It's going to be called 30 Years of Exemplary Customer Service.

Oh, referring to you. Yeah. Well, I'm 30 years old. Can't we just name it Face Off? Face slash off? That's better. Think about it. Think about it.

I mean, it's your call, ultimately. You're the one posting it. Certainly the flock of doves I'm planning to release later works better with the name Face Off than it does with 30 Years of Exemplary Customer Service. It does. It does fit into the whole John Woo thing a little bit better. Okay, we've got

lots more to come. Okay, did you want to talk about being 30? Yeah, we were going to talk about it on the other side of the break. Okay. I gotta pee, honestly, Jordan. Okay, because I mean, I have lots more mid-90s John Travolta things I'd like to talk about. We'll be back in just a second.

I'm Jordan Jesse Gow. Jordan Jesse Gow. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. A beautiful day here in Mount Washington. Mm-hmm. One of Los Angeles' original suburban developments, just northeast of, what's that called?

Dodger Stadium. Absolutely, sure. Within walking distance from a Mexican restaurant with the Three Stooges painted on the side. Oh, it's a Mexican version of the Three Stooges painted on the side. It's a Mexican version of the Three Stooges, Jordan. Oh, is it? Look, they look Latino to me. Oh, I've only driven past it.

I was checking it out. Well, I hadn't thought about it a lot, and then you were talking about it, because I think last week or two weeks ago, you got lost, and you said it was because you missed your key landmark, Mexican Three Stooges. Right. I checked them out. I think it is a Latino version of the Three Stooges. Even better.

I might be mistaken. Even better. But I believe that is what it is. Have you been in this restaurant, and are you planning on going inside? I am planning on going inside. Absolutely. Okay. I have not yet, though.

I've been focusing on tacos. Okay. Tostadas. Absolutely. Okay. I have not yet, though. I've been focusing on tacos. Okay. Tostadas. Sure. And, no, just tacos and tostadas so far. Sure. But this is a place where you can get them, presumably, right? Mariscos.

Sure. Tacos, tostadas, and mariscos. Well, let me know. As soon as you go into the Mexican Three Stooges restaurant, please. Okay. Full report. Okay, let's talk about me turning 30. Yeah, sure.

This is important. It's good that we're guestless on a show when something genuinely important has happened. Yeah. For the first time in years. You're right. I know. Yes. We do not lead important lives.

No. We're not sitting on the nuclear button We're not in the midst of the Cuban Missile Crisis Hell, I'm trying not to have feelings Yeah So I won't even watch dramatic television programs I'm afraid of them I've recently taken up watching the british version of the antiques

roadshow in my in my effort to completely avoid feelings real or simulated um but i am turning i am turning 30 my dad uh my dad was giving me advice on well i've i had two conversations about my birthday with my dad sure one was this he called me over the weekend uh and left me a message uh and said hey jesse it's your dad i've got some i've got some really good news give me a call so i said okay awesome sounds like something great's going down brendan's pregnant um so i I called him back Maybe 20 minutes later And he said

So are you in town? I should clarify My dad lives in San Francisco I live in Los Angeles I said And I thought about it I figured Well he probably means

Am I in That he's visiting Los Angeles And he wants to make sure that I'm in Los Angeles. I said, I'm in Los Angeles, if that's what you mean. And he said, oh, no. So you're not up here. You're not going to be up here this weekend at all. And I said, no. And he said, oh, because I got Giants tickets.

That's why he called me. He called me to tell me he got Giants tickets. And he assumed that you knew that and were coming to get them? I don't know what he assumed. That's what's so crazy about it. Do you usually spend your birthday up with your family? Okay. No.

And I don't usually go to Giants games with my dad either. Wow. I don't usually go to giants games with my dad either wow i don't know what i think my dad just got so excited that he got giants tickets i mean somebody must have given him giants tickets i can't imagine my dad buying giants tickets but somebody must have any and that excitement sort of overloaded the part of his brain right that remembers that I live in a different city. Or remembers what he's done and not done. Yeah. It was really... And then what was sad about that conversation was he sort of tried to cover for himself

after that and act like he had actually called me to tell me he loved me and happy birthday. Right. When obviously he had called me... He had some sort of assumption about going to a Giants game. That I was going to go to the Giants game with him. Yeah. Anyway, the other conversation was when he decided to give me advice about turning 30. And he said, it's not really a big deal, Jesse.

And I said, thanks, Dad. I'm not sure it's really a big deal either. And then he said I mean physically you know You'll feel better You'll feel about the same when you turn 30 As you did when you were 29 Yeah Psychologically though I guess it's a pretty big deal

And he said Well anyway Love ya talk to you later Didn't even No No clarification after that, though. Number one, obviously it's not a big deal on a day to day basis. Sure.

Nothing changes in the day that you turn 30. You don't have to you don't like get out of bed and just grab a walker that's magically appeared at the side of your bed. appear at the side of your bed um but yeah i don't i i feel like i feel like my my parents i can't go for advice on this kind of issue to my parents because i think on the i'm turning 30 and i'm having feelings about it issue yeah because um both of my parents when they were turning 30 were, as far as I can tell, like still deeply involved in their teenage years. Sure. Like my dad was like a crazy, you know, he was working in the veterans peace movement. Yeah.

Which I think just involved just a lot of drinking and weird sit-ins. Sure. And stuff. Pet snakes. I know that at one point he painted the inside of his bathroom to look like a serviceman's coffin. Right. While listening to Paint It Black over and over and over on a 45 RPM record player. Great.

This was around 30. This was right around 30 this is things this is under the category okay things my parents did when they were about 30 my mom's friend uh my mom's friend crackle was climbing the rko tower in washington dc because he believed himself to be king kong sure also your mom was friends with someone named Crackle. Yes. Another way in which maybe she was a bit behind the curve. You know, now that I think about it,

it might have been Pickle or possibly Pickles. Okay. That was her friend that climbed the RKO tower. Well, I mean, you know. We're splitting hairs here at this point.

I just feel like my parents' anecdotes about their young adulthoods are so unrelatable to me. They come from this crazy alternate universe. You know what I mean? Like, any time my... I only found out...

My dad was sitting at the family dinner table when I was like 16 with, you know, my brother. My brother John was sitting there. He was maybe eight. And my brother Brendan was there. He was a two-year-old. My stepmother was there. He made some offhand remark. He said, well, when I was married to Lorraine,

not one of us had ever heard of Lorraine. Yeah. Right. Like what? When you were married to who? And so my parents' lives in their, like, through, I basically think through when I was born

or through when they got together, which was, you know, I kind of nine months before I was born. Sure. Ish. was you know i kind of nine months before i was born sure ish um i it is this thing that i do not understand it i have never had any single experience like it um and it may just be because i don't know like because i never drank yeah well i mean i'm like i think that's probably a bigger part of it i mean it seems like it seems like substances were a big part of your parents young adulthood

well i think my parents cultures that went along with substance you know like a cult subcultures where substances were were par for the course my parents were both i mean they were both born in the early 1940s um i want to say 42 and 43 or 43 and 44 something like that and um i think that they both they both really really lived the their generational experiences just 10 out Just 10 out of 10. Like all these guys, you know, running vintage guitar stores have nothing on my parents. Right. And my parents only even began

to get their acts together in their mid-30s. Like I was born when my parents were like 35-ish, 36-ish, something like that. 36 and 37, 36 and 35, something like that. And there is some reason for me to believe that my mom just tricked my dad into impregnating her. Sure. That's not confirmed. I want to make that clear.

Right. I don't want to get any emails from my mom about this. I want to make that clear. Right. I don't want to get any emails from my mom about this. But I don't know, like, what would I say to them about what it's like, you know? But I know that once Teresa has a baby, I can talk to them about what it's like to have a baby. I know that they can relate to that. But they definitely didn't spend their 20s building a podcast empire.

Right. You know what I mean? Sure. Yes. No, no. And I definitely, like having two parents who aren't creative definitely feel or that, like, reality that a creative person has of not knowing where their next job is going to come from is a big thing with talking to my mom. She's a nurse. She's been a nurse all her life.

And just, like, this idea of, you know, I think she just thinks that I, you know, have a job and will have it, too, when I don't want it anymore. you know have a job and will have it too when i don't want it anymore but yeah and that's definitely a thing that i feel like is just impossible to have a conversation with her about yeah i do have to say that my parents are they they have always been very understanding about uh my the vow of poverty that i took when i decided to become a podcaster um and or public radio host or whatever because neither of my parents had a real job job i don't think actually now that i think about it my dad has barely had a real job job in his entire life sure for a while he was an associate professor at the University of San Francisco Business School, but he was only teaching one or two classes.

But I remember when my mom got, when my mom got, my mom went to grad school when I was like eight or 10. I remember when she got a, when she got her first full-time teaching job, what the difference in our life was for her, because she had worked in a store before that when I was a kid. Yeah. Like the difference in our life when she just had a real job. And so they definitely have never been like negatively judgmental

about me not having a real job. Do they both have master's degrees? Yes. My dad has a master's in business administration. He also apparently has like three dad has a master's in business administration. He also apparently has like three quarters of a master's, like an all but, you know, getting approval on his dissertation or something in Asian studies, which is another thing that I found out when I was 19, that my dad was in a master's program for Asian studies at UC Berkeley for two and a half years. Also that he

worked as an urban planner for a while. Hey. I had no idea. I'm always blown away by these people who have had all these different jobs. I'm like, I have trouble getting a job. Like, you know, like, and also, how long do you have to have a job before you can start saying that you had it? Like, was this two weeks?

Like, you know. My dad, yeah, it's a completely perplexing world. But I do know that my mom is confused. Now that I do have a real job, my mom is confused about why I have what amounts to a normal middle class person's income. Sure. I have what amounts to a normal middle class person's income. Sure. My dad once gave me some advice when I was super, super broke,

like a year after I got out of college. And I was, I had moved, Teresa and I had moved in together in San Francisco. And I was, Teresa had a job and I was desperately trying to find a job, any kind of job, just applying for job after job after job and not getting any of them. And I had been unemployed for like three months of like really hard search, searching for a job, maybe six months even. I called my dad because I needed some money. And I had never like,

I know that there are some people who it was a thing for them to ask their parents for money. But my parents, I mean, I'm sure it wasn't in your family, right? Like, Oh yeah,

no, I've never, I've never. Yeah. Like, you know how you meet some people and they're like, yeah, I got to call my parents and ask them to send me some money.

no. And, and yes, absolutely. I am aware of this kind. And yes, that is baff like i yeah baffling so confusing right you're like your parents just send you money yeah um but anyway i we were like i you know and it's and they do say it with that tone that's like

i dinged the car you know like well i took out dad's station wagon and i hit a you know i opened the door into a light post. They say it with that kind of gee whiz. Yeah. They're sure going to be sore about this. Like, anyways. So I had literally never asked my parents for money for anything. And my mom did, when I got my driver's license when I was 20, 21 possibly possibly. My mom did pay for half of the $1,700

that I spent on my first El Camino. Sure. But I never asked my parents for money, and I asked my dad for money, and he told me this story. Well, I'll load you the money, but you have to listen to a story first. He told me this story about how, I think it was when he was married to Lorraine.

And he and Lorraine... Lorraine Newman, Saturday Night Live. Yeah. He and Lorraine were so broke that they were about to get evicted from their apartment or something. And my dad asked his parents for money. And my dad's parents were comfortably middle class. Like my dad's dad was a successful accountant. And my dad's mom was a mom, a school nurse for a while, but then a full-time mom. And so he told me this story about asking his parents for

money when they literally he said they didn't have money to buy food he said they needed money to buy food and um and they wouldn't give it to him because they thought it would build his character yeah and he said and that was like one of the worst things that ever happened to me anyway i can't give you any money right the worst thing that ever happened to me and he just said he didn't give me he just didn't give me any money i mean i presume he didn't have any money to give sure yeah but it was really But it was really funny. Like, Teresa had a job, though, so you guys, you know, you could at least... I mean, obviously, it's not a good feeling to be jobless when you're... Yeah, definitely.

Two people living on one, you know, $12 an hour income was tight. Things were tight. Sure. But yeah, no, we had means to eat. Yeah. But yeah, no, we had means to eat. But it was just funny to me that he told me the story of when his parents didn't give him any money to illustrate the saddest thing that ever happened to me. Right.

To drive home the point, I guess, that he wasn't going to give me any money. Right. It was the saddest thing that ever happened to me, and I am passing that sadness on to you. Anyway, my parents didn't do... I mean, it's funny, because they both... My dad helped found this really important peace organization that later John Kerry ran for president from, out of. And that's a monumental accomplishment, but I think that his life was just a total disaster in almost every way until he was 37.

Yeah, it seems like that's definitely a kind of person who works in the nonprofit space, as someone who is building this amazing thing, you know, with total disregard for their own comfort, but also their shit's a mess. Yeah. I mean, my dad, like, there's always a secret coming out of his past. I remember I read this book called Hackers, which is a great book by Steve.

I've seen the movie. Jesse, I've seen the movie Hackers with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller. It's the novelization of that film. Oh, okay. This came after the movie. Yeah. Okay. No. If it's as good as the novelization of Home Alone,

I'm there. It's this movie, it's this book about sort of the people who created, who invented computers, like personal computers in the 60s and 70s. And a great book.

And I was talking to my dad about how much I was enjoying that book. And he said, let me look at that book. And he just pointed out like six people that were like his friends. Oh, funny. He like lived in weird communes with or whatever. My mom still has friends that live in weird communes. Yeah, I think. Yeah, sure.

It seems like that generation of people, some people are still doing that. She's got some friends who live in this commune. It's funded by money that came in from one of the guys who lives in the commune, invented the chip that plays music when you open a greeting card. Oh, wow. They're just coasting off that, huh? They're just coasting off that. Sure.

They're probably growing pot. I don't know. Yeah, pot. Probably those two things. But they may just be growing pot just to defray their pot buying costs. Absolutely, yeah. It gets to a certain point. You gotta look at your pot intake. Anyway, I don't know

what to make of the fact. I mean, it's weird because, you know, here I am. I'm 30 now. As of today. Currently. And, you know, Ray Romano was on an upcoming episode of The Sound of Young America He was kind enough to point out that Given my receding hairline and my penchant for wearing neckties

I would probably age well He said that in a nice way And certainly, have I always had dad-like qualities? Yes There's no doubt about that. Yeah. But now I'm like, well, why didn't I climb an RKO tower or something? Oh, yeah, sure.

Why was I so busy trying to avoid the nightmarish unevenness of my own early years by building a financial and work and family foundation, a stable foundation for my future life before I had children. Yeah, what do you think? I mean, what's the number one? What's the number one? Or you can have a top three if you want to. What's the number one or top three things that you feel like you just cannot do

now that you're 30, like that you would have wanted to? Fuck a model. Sure. Fuck two models yeah model three-way and fuck just a whole bunch of models just like a whole bunch of different different model trains yeah absolutely oh man different scales when i say different models i mean different scales so like an ho an o an O. Yeah. You classify trade models?

I don't know anything about them. Yeah. Huh. I think I learned that from Hackers, the book Hackers. Did you know that the early hackers were, they learned to create computers from building really complicated model train setups? I did not. It's true at MIT.

Wait, so are all of your regrets fuck-related? No, very few of them are fuck-related. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's funny because I don't know if I really have regrets. Sure. Like, I don't know what it is that I would have done, but there's just this nagging sense that there must be something. Sure.

You know what I mean? Like, I've pretty much, you know, like, I wanted to become a broadcaster. That seemed really fun to me. I did it. Now I'm a success. Sure. You know, so that's great. You know, I fell in love with my wife when I was 17.

Pretty much stayed in love with her. Sure. Eventually married her. Mm-hmm. Very happy with that. Good. Like, I have no, like, feelings like, God, why did I get married? I wasn't sure if I should adopt dogs.

But I got one and it worked out really well. And then I got another one. I liked that one practically nearly as much as I liked the first one. However. However. That having been said, I feel i you know driving forward so fast who knows what i missed yeah you know what i mean sure do you maybe is there maybe would you like to have spent time in a foreign country is that something you wish i haven't spent much time in

foreign countries i feel like i i spent all this time in foreign countries when I was a kid with my mom. Yeah. And so my mom's quite the traveler. Yeah. And I have hardly stepped foot in a foreign country since I have been an adult. I went to Laos for a few weeks to work. And I've spent a few weeks here and there in Mexico. But I have hardly been out of the country in 10 years. I feel like one of those people that isn't,

that's not a thing they do. Except that, yeah, it totally is a thing I do. I just have that inconvenient, that inconvenient combination of both being broke and having a lot of responsibilities. Sure, yeah. And I, yeah, it seems like that's a kind, I don't know. And I look at the kinds of people that do this, and I really envy it, but see no way

of doing it for myself. Those people who, like, when they finish a job, or when they lose a job, or, you know, kind of when there's some sort of break in their career, they just go and live in a foreign country for a few months. And I know that's a really, I mean, it's a really popular post-college thing to do. And maybe that's just the ideal time to do it. But I, it seems fun to me. You know, it seems really cool.

I'd like to be one of those people who said like, oh yeah, like, you know, sure, I lived in South America for a month, you know. I'll tell you. I attended bar or something, but I don't, like, my brain can't fathom how you do that and not die. Like, how do you, like, where do you get the money for that? What do you do? How do you get back? What do you do when you come back?

My friend, one of my best friends, Adam Katzatz who we actually saw when we were in ann arbor he happened to be in in ann arbor when we were there um he went to columbia law school graduated from columbia law school had a job offer yeah job offer got postponed i don't know if you've heard about this law school situation but it's a real fuck fest for everybody um uh That's the wrong word. Not fuck fest. A bad kind of fuck fest. Yeah, a bad kind of fuck. A negative fuck fest where there's not enough mattresses and everybody is annoying.

Yeah. And so he went and lived in Australia for a few months. Yeah, no, I definitely remember us having that conversation with him and also thinking that, like, how the fuck did you do that? Like, a plane ticket. Like, a plane ticket would, like, be most of the money I have. Yeah, and what's funny about it is it's like, then you're like, well, he's just a rich kid. And then I'm like, wait a minute, no.

We've been friends since I was 10. I know his parents. He's not a rich kid. Not at all. Just some people have a greater sense of possibility than i do yeah no and maybe that is and maybe it is just that like you know being willing to take your bank account down to zero yeah and then just seeing what happens and maybe that is just a personality trait that i don't possess and i think that's what it is i mean i think the part of me

just assumes when everyone is telling me that i took a month off to go to Brazil story is I always think, oh, your parents just gave you $5,000. Right. And that's what got it started. Well, I assume that, too. I mean, that's my, I think the byproduct of me having spent my middle school years in an incredibly fancy private school on scholarship is that I just assume that anything good that happens to anyone else is because their parents gave them $5,000. Sure. That's why they have a Lynx and a Game Gear.

Oh, man. That's why they've got Warrior season tickets, whatever. Yeah, but no, I mean, but maybe it is more than that. Maybe it is just that willingness to say, like, well, when I come back from this, I will have zero dollars in my bank. But I'll tell you what, though. And I'm attractive. Usually they're attractive. Yeah. I think that those two things

are related, though. Sure. I think that when you're a rich kid, Yeah. You... Excuse me. It's okay. I do think that those two things are related, though. I think that when you are a rich kid, you have a sense that if anything goes wrong, you can always ask your parents for money. Sure. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, even if you can't actually. Yeah, right. Like, even if your parents have told you they'll never give you any money because you have to learn to support yourself. Yeah, just maybe that idea of money always exists. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas if you've actually paid for your doctor visit with a sticker from the state of california um then or dressed

your own wound with things you find in a dumpster like i have that's a that's one of the things they don't talk a lot about when when you talk about the dumpster diving diving hobby yeah right is wound dressing its advantages for wound dressing you can find an old banana, for example. It makes a great poultice. Absolutely. A natural adhesive, too. It has a natural. It has its own little adhesive. And it's wonderful if you get in an argument with somebody who believes in evolution.

You can just demonstrate it's got a natural handle. And only an intelligent designer could have created that. Sure, would have banana-ed. Anyway, I don't know. I don't know about what... It's funny because I am of two minds. One is that as I become a grown-up, I think, oh, well, it'll be fine.

Like, I took care of my... You know, I'm going to have a baby, but, you know, I helped take care of both of my brothers when they were babies. You know, I babysat from when they were little babies and changed their diapers and so on and so forth. And so I'm not that scared about that. And I've always been a dad, so I'm not giving up any carousing that I was doing before. Sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it seems like the guys who are uncomfortable when it comes time to settle down

are guys who have had a wild past, but... But on the other hand... I might argue that you are wilder now than you have ever been. Yeah, I think that's probably... Because you, like, stay up a little later or something. Yeah, well, that's because of these new migraine pills I've been taking. Hey. That's pretty great.

Have I even mentioned that on Jordan Dursley Go? I don't know. Are migraine pills a good topic for conversation? No, but I feel like I should say that I have been taking a new kind of migraine pill that seemed like maybe they're working. Sure. So that's great. And it's allowing you to carouse more than you would.

Yeah, at least stay up till midnight like a normal fucking human being. Yeah, I don't know. Stay up to see the end of Nightline. So here's an action item for this. Suggestions for things I should do in the next three months. So between now and three months from now.

That, by the way, a birthday message from my mother-in-law. Oh, nice. That you may have just heard off microphone. Very sweet. Things I should do between now and when my child is born in the first three months of my 30s that we're going to count as the last three months of my 20s. Okay. Well, I still can.

We'll see. Maybe I'll even do one of them. Okay. Doesn't seem likely. Well, I mean, first, before the baby comes You should probably plug up all these electrical sockets Because they get in there Is that the kind of thing we're thinking of? No, they get, yeah I mean, it's not outrageous, but it's practical

No, you mean I should buy some forks for my baby Yes, exactly For my baby to play with Buy some play forks Yes Sure, you have your eaten forks Sure But then you have the baby's play forks

Some little play forks. Yeah. They're for babies because they're smaller. That way they can get in stuff. Right, exactly. They're for their little hands. Plus, I got to sharpen the corners of my coffee table. Oh, sure, yeah.

Because otherwise, you know. It's just gauche if you have dull edges on your coffee table. I mean, I'm no interior designer, but... So if you have an idea, or you have some relevant experience to share, 206-9844-FUN is the number to call. I mean, I guess I'm turning 29 in a few days. I guess maybe I'll even take some

last year of 20s suggestions from people. And here's one more thing. If you have a suggestion for when we should change our iTunes description so it doesn't say two guys in their mid-20s, let me know. Does that say what it says on our podcast? I have not changed the description of our show since we started our show. Right. Yeah, mainly what it was.

Sure. Okay. Somebody emailed me to complain about, they said, who wrote your bio on the WNYC website that said I was like a 23-year-old receptionist? Funny. I was like, I gotta be honest with you. I wrote it. Now, did I write it six years ago?

Yes. Certainly I did. Maybe it should just be two assholes. Yeah. Instead of two guys in their mid-20s. Two assholes talk about what it's like to go through life. As a real piece of work. Real fucknuts.

Yeah. 206-9844-FUN. You can email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Yes and Go. at jjgoe at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Let's do a few commercial and personal messages here. Why not? Let's do that. Let's start with Black Wolf. He is a nerd rapper, self-described nerd rapper. You can find him online at herecomesthethunder.com. Sure.

There you go. I don't know. I'm not convinced. You're not convinced that's real? That's a real URL? Eh, I mean, number one, I don't think Blackwolf is the real name of a real nerd rapper. And the fact that I've seen this website does not convince me otherwise. Oh, yeah. I mean, sure.

Have I seen the website? Does it have a music video with surprisingly high production values? Yes. Do I still think that there's a nerd rapper named Black Wolf? Probably not. Yeah. You think this is just a ruse? You think this is like a viral marketing thing for like Axe Body Spray?

I'm still not convinced that nerd rap even exists. Sure. Don't send me links to nerd rap videos. P.S. Don't send me links to nerd rap videos. He does. No, it's sweet. He's got a cool music video you can watch there.

He's really rapping. He's got a beard. Sure. He's got his own webcomic there. And then you send in links to your favorite Axe moments. I don't know. You can download his records for free. It's all online.

Here comes the thunder.com. Our hats off are to Black Goat to Black Wolf. Yes. He's one of the top wolf rappers. I'd say he's second to Yellow Wolf, who's an actual rapper who I actually really enjoy. He's closing in then, though. Yeah, but he's doing all right.

All it takes is one slip up from Yellow Wolf, and Black Wolf is going to pounce like a jackal. Or a wolf. Here we go. Here's another one. Masters of None, the podcast. This is a comedy podcast that they say doesn't suck. That's how they describe it.

Okay. That is no... I should warn the people behind the podcast, Masters of None, that that is no longer a qualification. Sure. Not sucking is how we rose to fame absolutely uh we came we came we we started this in an era where shit just sucked yeah everything sucked we we started in in what i would call the ham radio era of podcasting where it was primarily about getting your calling cards

out there uh and making sure people seeing how far you could get your handle. Yeah. You know? Sure. Oh, yeah, I handled a calling card with somebody from Australia today is what a podcaster might say. I don't know a lot about ham radio,

and so I'm probably not doing the allusions to ham radio stuff. I know they write their handles on cards and then mail them to people that they've talked to on ham radio to prove that they've talked to somebody far away. Sure. That's the extent of my knowledge about ham radio. Anyway, past guests on the Masters of None podcast

include Chris Hardwick, our good friend Chris Hardwick, the nerdist, has his own very funny podcast, Penn Jillette, the belligerent libertarian. Sure. I was going to say the voice of Comedy Central in 1995, but I mean, we each remember him for different things, clearly. And Christopher Lloyd. Wow. That's pretty good.

Who's still alive and kicking. Absolutely. Oh, my God. Speaking of Christopher Lloyd, I need to tell you something really important that's going on in my neighborhood right now. Okay. There is a garage underneath a building in my neighborhood. It is a single-family dwelling, a two-car garage. It's one of those open garages where you can see.

It has two cars in it. They are a DeLorean and a Geo see. No. It has two cars in it. Mm-hmm. They are a DeLorean. Yeah. And a Geo Metro. Wow. Are you planning to engage these people at all? Are you going to bring over a casserole and just say we're new in the neighborhood?

Oh, my God. I have to know these people, right? Yeah. No, they sound great. Oh, boy. Okay, so you can... I think if you were, you know, and I don't know what you and Teresa do behind closed doors,

but if you were angling to get invited to some sort of orgy, these people could probably help. The people with the Geo Metro and the DeLorean? The DeLorean, yes. Yeah. I'm guessing. I mentioned to someone offhand that they had a cover on the DeLorean. And that person pointed out to me that the truly remarkable thing is that there are DeLorean-branded car covers.

Yeah. There's enough of a market, the 1,500 DeLoreans that were sold in the world or whatever, that they need to make custom car covers for them. You know, I think they just know their audience. Like, if you're a person who buys a DeLorean, you're going to buy shit for that DeLorean. Well, you're going to buy a cover for it because you're not going to drive it around. It's non-functional, almost certainly.

Right. We're talking about a car that was made in Belfast, Northern Ireland, that hotbed of the automotive industry. Okay, so Masters... The Detroit of Europe. Mastersofnone.com. They recommend that you try listening to their Podcast Soup episode. Okay.

I'm guessing that might be where they listen to podcasts and then make fun of them. They're probably going to play a clip from this podcast of us. Yeah. Oh, geez. Ripped a new one. Well, probably going to play a clip from this podcast of us. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Ripped a new one. Well, anyway, thanks to the Masters of None podcast. And loyal listeners Mo, Kate, and Julia would like to wish fellow listener Rachel a happy 30th birthday.

Oh, how appropriate. Her birthday was Friday, April 22nd. Their first choice of gift was to get David Rakoff to pop out of a birthday cake. Unfortunately, David Rakoff is a successful professional writer and was unwilling to do this, and so they thought,

well, maybe Jordan could sing her Three Times a Lady by Lionel Richie. I don't know Three Times a Lady by Lionel Richie. Could you just, could you maybe make... Although I'm a little insulted I was not asked to pop out of a cake. That's a good point.

I don't have a chiseled bod like David Rakoff, and maybe I don't have his, you know, scathing wit. That's true. I could be enthusiastic about it, though. And you're irreverent. Sure, absolutely. Like him. Like Rakoff. Yeah. about it though you and you're irreverent sure absolutely like him like rack off yeah and oftentimes i'm too mannered for the situations i'm put in no not really but yeah i don't know

i mean i would like to sing a song but i'm also a little insulted that i was not asked to pop out of a cake i mean i'm doing these people's wedding in a couple of months i'm officiating some listeners wedding it's fucking montana or some months i'm officiating some listeners wedding it's fucking montana or some shit i'm absolutely doing that so i don't know why you wouldn't have at least tried to hash out the details with me to pop out of this cake especially because this rachel sounds cute i know sounds like kind of a babe sounds like maybe she would appreciate a sexy guy like you well i was gonna say a pasty but enthusiastic dance um mo kate and julia say happy birthday to number four from numbers one two and five

and also they're just a fan of the i am number four book and movie series they all what is that oh never man that doesn't anyway i had to see that for. What is that? Oh, man, that doesn't... Anyway, I had to see that for work. Anyways, in the world of I Am Number Four, these are special powered aliens that are all numbered and they have to be killed in order. Oh. What about the prisoner?

Doesn't that have numbers in it? Don't know. They also say, Rachel Ann Comerford, you're the breast. Oh, that's cute. Isn't that cute? It's very cute. It's a fun thing to say. Oh, I should think of a song to sing, though.

I know I'm mad at them, but... These people are named Mo, Kate, and Julia. I think they're all girls. I think this is a group of young women that enjoy our podcast. No, that's not real. These are all just male computer programmers in cargo shorts who have given each other girl names. On AOL. They gave each other girl names on AOL in the early 90s.

Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Listen, if you want to get your message... Wait, what song can I sing? Oh. I don't know any songs. Sure.

I was going to suggest that you maybe just make a clay bust of your head and mail that to her, Lionel Richie style. Let's do that. Okay. Okay. No, you should sing a song. Let's do that. Okay. Okay. No, you should sing a song. Yeah, what do I know? It's a beautiful, I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston.

I don't know that. Originally written by Dolly Parton. I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly. Yeah. Ignition Remix by R. Kelly. Yeah. Step in the Name of Loves by R. Kelly. Love Planet by R. Kelly. I guess I'm kind of in by R. Kelly. Love Planet by R. Kelly.

I guess I'm kind of in a rut here. Not really, yeah. I mean, I'm clearly just out of touch because I don't know all these popular songs. I should be suggesting

NoFX songs. Yeah. What's that? Okay. Maneater by Hall & Oates. Yeah, right. What about Rich Girl by Hall & Oates? That's my favorite Hall & Oates song.

That's a great song. What's that one? She's a rich girl. I'll just sing. Here's just the last part of a song that I'm thinking of. Okay. Bring a tear of joy to my eyes and everything it's gonna be all right there you go that goes out to you rachel teresa at maximum fun.org if you

want to share your commercial or personal message two hundred dollars for a commercial message a hundred dollars for a person they will all be as good as that Yeah, look If those fucking My Brother, My Brother and Me's Will write little songs About each of these fucking things We'll sing Lionel Richie songs For every fucking one Sure

That's it It's settled Done I don't know any Lionel Richie songs myself I know some Commodore songs Yeah, we'll figure it out We'll work it out

We'll figure it out Okay, we'll be back In just a second I'm Jordan Disico Figure it out. We'll work it out. We'll figure it out. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Love you, love you, love you Your problems. Number one, I want to clarify something about this segment. Yes. We're about to answer questions from our audience. I want to point out that we've been doing this long before that bullshit, my brother, my brother, and me show was even a glimmer in the eyes of a certain three McElroy boys. You mean Johnny and Johnny and Johnny come lately?

Sure. Yeah, those so-and-sos. Anyway, you should listen. It's a great show. It is very funny. They were great. They really destroyed in our Chicago show. Thank you to everyone who came out to our Chicago and Ann Arbor programs. It was really a blast.

Okay. I'm going to turn my microphone so I can read off the computer screen, and let's see what we got. Okay. Number one, Jamie emails and says her boyfriend loves video games, and she thinks she might too, but her poor controller skills frustrate her before she can get very far. She tried playing something called Portal, but got so frustrated by the effort that walking and turning her head took that she just couldn't enjoy the game.

Do you, Jordan, have any recommendations for a game she could try that she might not hate? Oh, geez. Okay, let's see. And it may be might not hate? Oh, geez. Okay, let's see. And it may be something that is good for couples, too. Yeah, Xbox and PS3. Can I recommend Katamari? You may, yes. I would also, I'll also throw my weight behind Katamari. There's one for the Xbox called Beautiful Katamari, and there's also one for the PS3 that I forget what the name is, but it's... That's a lot of fun. And it's not too hard to learn the controls of. Yeah, absolutely. I bought Lego Star Wars with the idea that this would be something my wife would enjoy

because I just heard it was something that wives and small children liked. Sure. That they could... That grown-ups liked too. That came out worse than I intended. But the... She hated it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Basically, all video games, the buttons are too complicated unless you played hundreds and hundreds of hours of Nintendo as a small child. Yeah, and I think that's why the Wii is so popular with people who haven't played games in a long time

is that it is easy to pick up despite not being able to use a controller with analog sticks and shoulder buttons. Um, but yeah, no, let's see. Um, yeah, the Katamari games are great. Um, but, but, but, but, but yeah, God, what can you play on the Xbox 360? And Oh, uh, for the Xbox, uh, you're going to want to check out the Viva Pinataata series oh viva piñata that's a lot of fun you're gonna want to gather some different fruits yeah no i'm thinking of a different thing yeah sure no no there's fruit gathering you're you have to grow piñatas right yeah absolutely and uh it is uh it is kind of simple and even relaxing, I might say.

Yeah. But it is kind of like complex and stat-based enough to maybe where your boyfriend would like it, too, if he's a video game guy. I know I'm a video game guy and enjoy it, and I think that non-gamers would play as well. Somebody wants to hear our classic party stories that we thought we told a million times on Drew and Jesse Go and then everybody said that we didn't, but we don't have time. Yeah. Okay. Sure. So you're just going to have to wait.

We're saving those for a situation even more dire than this one. Um, what animals could we beat in a fight pound for pound? Um. What does that mean? Like something that weighs the same as us? Well, like I weigh about 200 pounds. So what amount of animals? So that would be like, I think what he's saying is that would be like 10, 20 pound dogs or a young walrus. Okay.

That's his ideas. Yeah. Geez. I don't think there is almost any animal that I could beat in a fight pound for pound. I think I would feel pretty good about throttling three flamingos. I don't know. They'd probably start flapping in my face and I'd freak out. No, the flapping is okay.

But I feel like when I... I'd fall down and then they'd get to climb. And this is going to make me seem cold and heartless, I realize. then they get declined and this is gonna make me seem cold and heartless i realize but i feel like when i see the flamingos at the zoo you know it's like kind of their silhouettes and kind of from a distance they look beautiful yeah but when you get close they smell and they have dead eyes like you know they forget who their children are as soon as the children are born and maybe step on them accidentally. And I really have thought to myself on a few occasions, I could kill a flamingo and not feel too bad about it.

So I'm going to say flamingos. Jeff says, what improv class should he take? Well, of course, in Los Angeles or New York. He says he's in Seattle. I've heard good things about Jet City. Yeah, I haven't heard anything about it. People seem to like doing Jet. I feel like there were some Max Funsters that were doing that.

Okay. In the Bay Area, you're going to want to try Bay Area Theater Sports. A lot of people send me an email asking about that. And you can get your UCB in your New York and Los Angeles, along with your IOs. Sure. IO is highly recommendable. You could also do that in Chicago. You're the pit.

Sure. People love that pit there in New York. There's a lot of good choices. sure i always highly recommendable you could also do that in chicago you're the pit sure people love that pit there in new york there's a lot of good choices um can we do a hang it up keep it up no that requires advanced preparation yeah that's not what we're about today we're about phoning it in absolutely um okay here's one from uh Jonah. He wants to know when I started being fancy all the time and how hard is the upkeep? And he capitalized the U in upkeep. Because you weren't fancy in college. No, but I...

I mean, fancier than your typical college guy. Yeah, I mean... In the fact that you didn't wear a college sweatshirt. I think I mean... blackalicious t-shirt when i was in college sure um but i pretty much there were times when fancy jesse fancy jesse had a couple of different runs in college and then fancy jesse you sort of got started getting worked into the rotation after college and i really committed to fancy jesse in my mid-20s when i had a job where i was working for myself i now you know i i dress pretty well for my first office job too but you know it was a environmental non-profit so you know i

couldn't couldn't go over the top uh but now that i work from home and people are coming over and i want them to not feel creeped out i try and dress nicely so they feel like oh this guy's like a professional you know what i mean this guy's like a professional. You know what I mean? This guy's taking shit seriously. Somebody said, is there a way to ask a lady if she's pregnant without getting hit if you're wrong? Yeah, be fast. Bob and weave. Yeah. Bob and weave.

That's my recommendation. No, I think just don't. Find something else to talk about. Yeah. Hey, somebody pointed out it's our friend Nathan Rabin from the AV Club's birthday. Oh. Happy birthday, Nathan Rabin from the AV Club's birthday. Oh. Happy birthday, Nathan Rabin. Let's see. What else have we got here?

Co-worker non-grandma's asking personal questions. Stonewalling makes it worse. What? This is from M. Wait, start again? Co-worker's non-grandma? I gotta address this whole... I gotta read the whole thing because it only gets better from here. Okay.

Coworker non-grandmas asking personal questions. Stonewalling makes it worse. How me stoppa? I don't know. I'm just... First, I would probably wait for the mushrooms to wear off that you've obviously taken. Hire Nem Shatas. To lick shots.

What's that? At Nem Question Ask Us. I don't know what any of this is. Oh, I think that her whole thing is that she is a Jamaican reggae toaster. Oh, okay. And her sound system is doing poorly against another sound system called the co-worker non-grandma. Okay.

Yeah, I think that's the challenge that she's facing right there. Oney Davin, our old friend Oney Davin, asks, when the new Thorne Family Edition arrives, how much of Jordan Jesse Goh will involve my new dadhood? Roughly 50%, right? Sure. It will be the only thing happening in my life. All the Jesse parts of it.

Yeah. And then Jordan will continue to contribute probably some thoughts about the new Mortal Kombat game. I've got him. It's coming out. It's out. I've got it. Oh, it's out already?

I've spent some significant time with it. What do you think? I think it's great. Yeah? It's terrific. A lot of cool out already? I've spent some significant time with it. What do you think? It's great. Yeah? It's terrific. A lot of cool fatalities. Lots of good fatalities. I have to say that I did not play a lot of Mortal Kombat as a 12-year-old when Mortal Kombat was at the height of its popularity.

I did play a lot of a game called Pong Kombat that was a shareware game for the PC that was Pong with fatalities. Oh, cool. Yeah. The paddles would fatality each other? Yeah, they would fatality Fatalities. Oh, cool. Yeah. The paddles would fatality each other? Yeah, they would fatality each other. Oh, that's clever. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, we've just meandered through a solid 279 minutes of unplanned Jordan Jesse Goh. Yeah. Enjoy it. By the way, our guest actually tweeted that he felt bad that he had accidentally stood us up and that people should send us questions yeah so we may have just been asking uh we we may have just been answering uh questions from people who aren't fans of ours at all but rather we're fans of our

guest who accidentally stood us up yeah our guest was mario lopez i don't want it to be a mystery any longer no i know you can you know It was going to be Mario Lopez Anyway So many giant thank yous to all the people Who came out to our tour dates What a fucking blast Yeah no I think Jesse and I both love love love Being able to do those live shows

So thank you for coming to them And you know what was great was It was so fun To get to do that show in Chicago With my brother, my brother, and me. Their first ever live show. I think we can both agree that they fucking killed it. Absolutely. Just nary a misstep in their great work.

And it was really fun. It was really great. And some talk about the Alf cartoon series. Yeah. So. talk about the ALF cartoon series. Yeah. So.

They said to me, you know, ALF was from the planet Melmac, and that's where the cartoon series took place. It's a prequel of sorts. Yeah. And I said, oh, Melmac, like the dishware. And they did not know that that was a thing. Yeah. dishware and they did not know that that was a thing yeah so what we've learned is my brother my brother and me know about the cartoon that predated that that was a prequel of sorts to alf and i know about collectible plastic dishware from the 1950s and 60s but yet you guys are still

the best of friends yeah anyway um it was great great. We had two totally packed shows at the Second City and a huge packed show in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Yeah. At a public library, of all places. People fucking drove from Canada and stuff. Sure. Thank you very much to everyone who came out. Canada, Ohio, all of Ann Arbor's hated rifles. So thank you everyone who came out.

Yes, it warms the heart, for sure. And as usual, look, if you have ideas for things I should do before my child is born or things Jordan should do before he turns 30, 206-984-4FUN, the number to call. You can email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We highly recommend their Best Of CD, Kites Are Fun. And some people think that that's not a real thing when I say it, because it sounds like it might not be a real thing. It does.

It is a real thing. It's just that amazing. It is so great. That it sounds like it might not be a real thing. It does. It is a real thing. It's just that amazing. It is so great. That it sounds unreal. You will be entering the realms of the unreal, just like outsider artist Henry Dargis, or the film, apparently based on his works, Sucker Punch. Do all the chicks have penises in Sucker Punch? I presume that all the chicks have penises in Sucker Punch. I presume that all the chicks have penises in Sucker Punch

I don't think they show their junk I think that's why they don't show their junk Because you're not allowed to show that many dicks in one movie Okay, anyway 206-984-4FUN JJGO at MaximumFun.org We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica