Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 173: Enos with Mary Roach

Episode Date: May 2, 2011

Author Mary Roach joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about Thor and other subjects.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We discuss major life transitions, major directors, and of course, space boners. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles. Beautiful late afternoon. Sun-dappled

windows. Am I sun-dappled right now? I mean, there's some light dappling. I like that. I like to have a little dappling when I'm podcasting. You don't want severe dappling because your concern is, of course, cancer. Yeah. And you don't want to get cancer. But hey,

just regulate your dappling. And you're going to be Robert Redford. Dapple smart. When you're 80, you're going to be Redford. Sure. Joining us this week on Jordan Jesse Go, of course, one of America's most beloved authoresses.

She has written best-selling books, including but not limited to the recent Packing for Mars, which is just out in paperback. Bonk, about sex. Stiff, about what happens after you're dead in the world, not in the other world.

Mary Roach, joining us., in Mary Roach joining us. Mary, thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me on. Mary Roach is over there like, what have I gotten myself involved with? I've never heard the word authoress before. I like it. I also, when you said that, I thought maybe authoretrix. Don't female aviators get to be aviatrix?

Sure. Yeah. I want the tricks suffix, please. Listen, as long... Okay, I will refer to you as an authortrix as soon as you get a leather helmet and some goggles. It's out there. Great. And I will refer to you as an authortrix as soon as you refer to me by my preferred title, which is Archaeopteryx.

The link between birds and dinosaurs. And I'll be, oh, I don't know, King Shlong. There you go. Great. We all have some more. We all have new nicknames. We all have new nicknames. This is just a sort of opening salvo question, an issue that's been on my mind since we were on our little Midwest jaunt to Chicago and Ann Arbor. I took the train from Chicago to Ann Arbor for our Ann Arbor show. And at some point, it went past an airport. Or maybe I drove past an airport. At some point, I was passing an airport or maybe I drove past an airport. At some point I was passing an airport and I was sort of looking over into the airfield where all the airplanes were.

Is this a question about the Gene Buttman sign? No, that's all you care about, about Ann Arbor. Mary, for your benefit, I saw a sign in Ann Arbor for a ford dealership called gene buttman ford anyway we should clarify it won't benefit you very much no that you know this information but uh i don't know jesse what were you yammering about that was non-gene buttman related i i was checking out the airplanes you know like i like to check out their uh I like to check out their designs and graphics on there. I noticed an airplane and it was labeled,

the tail was labeled USA 3000. Yeah, I mean that definitely sounds like a foreign knockoff airplane. What is that? That is below, that is like the dollar store airplane. Like if you go, you get a good airplane at Boeing, but if you only got 20 bucks, you

hit up USA 3000 in Waco, Texas. Okay, what I want to know, on the plane, it's some Alaskan airline. It might be Alaskan Airlines. Who's the guy with the fur hood? Is this a famous Alaskan? Is it just some guy? That's Sarah Palin. Is it Johnny Cash?

You know the guy. Is Johnny Cash Alaskan? No, but... He may have sung north to Alaska at some point. If you put a fur-lined parka on Johnny Cash, he kind of looks like the guy. Oh, I didn't notice that. Well, now that's all I'll be able to think about when flying Alaska Air.

That guy is famous. I would say he's probably an Inuit guy, famous for his contributions to Alaska Airlines' tail fin, and he then used his celebrity to battle fetal alcohol syndrome. So I take my hat off to him, which is a big problem in the Inuit community. Well, here's the thing, though. If he's not

famous, if that is just a generic painting of an Inuit man, does that apply to the same, like, the same accusations of racism as, like, the Cleveland Indians logo? No, no, because if you've seen his eyes,

he's not Inuit. He's not Inuit. He's got, I mean, part, you know, this sounds... You don't think the Alaska Airlines guy is Inuit? Shall we say narrower eyes? He doesn't have an eye corner fold? Because an Inuit will have the corner fold in the eye. Canthus. Wow.

Yes, thank you. Science author Mary Roach, ladies and gentlemen. 25 points, please. Canthus. Mary, I'm sorry if someone told you this was a game show. It is not. This is not. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

I apologize. I know Jesse sometimes tells people that to get them in here. You mean there's no gift pack of turtle wax? No. No. We do have a washer dryer, though. You don't get to keep it. I just have a washer dryer. I'm just excited because I don't get to keep it. I just have a washer-dryer.

I'm just excited because I can do laundry at home. I'm looking at him. Can I say a word about laundry? Yeah, of course. Yes, you can do your laundry here, Jordan. Yeah, right. Unlike Jesse, I'm not blessed with a washer-dryer in the home. I have a, just like out back behind my apartment complex, there's a communal washer-dryer.

It's coin operated. Luckily, you don't have to do laundry because you just get a free shipment of new promotional clothing every week. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, just, you know, whatever movie I happen to have covered. Oh, I got a sweet Bastard Furious 5 t-shirt that's in Portuguese. And it says like, it's like Rapido e Furioso 5. Wait, laundry. What happened to laundry? Oh, laundry, yes.

Laundry. I'm sorry. So... Your host for this evening, Mary Roach. Keeping shit on track since a few minutes ago. I always feel a little bit of anxiety but I've kind of gotten over it. Like if you need to use the dryer, like taking somebody's things out of the dryer.

Like, it's always, you know, I'm like, you know, especially if there's like lady things in there, I always feel a little bit bad about it. But it's something I've gotten over and I, you know, I feel like I've been a laundry doormat for a long time. I'm like, well, I'll just do it later. And I wait. But no, I feel like I've gotten a little bit bold and I little bit bold, and it hasn't caused any trouble for me. To be fair, you were in large part a laundry doormat because in the apartment complex that you lived in for four years or so, there was an insane woman who would scream at you about doing your laundry. Sure. Yes, absolutely.

Who had homemade Barack Obama jewelry. And whose name was Peaches. Her name was Peaches. There's always an insane person in the laundry. Yeah. Every laundromat has one of mine. On Haight Street was Shelly. Oh, what was Shelly's deal?

Well, Shelly would use... She was really into laundry, for one thing. Well, no, sadly, not very, very into laundry. But she, no, one time there was a, there's a communal wastebasket for the lint and other, you know, the empty, small, bright boxes. Sure. The single use. Yeah.

Which you would throw away. And she was using it as a toilet once. Oh, my. I have a traumatic laundry, laundrette association. I was doing some laundry this afternoon. I was doing some laundry this afternoon And the situation happened Where there was some wet laundry Someone else's wet laundry

In the washing machine And I needed to use it So I'm like, well, I'll just take it out And put it in the dryer That's what they would have done anyways And I was taking the things out And nothing too embarrassing And there was some shirts

And some cloth napkins But then there was a stuffed horse in the washing machine. There are no children in my apartment complex, as far as I can tell. Maybe there might be one chained up and maybe that's whose horse this is. But to me, for some reason, moving that stuffed horse out of the washer and into the dryer seemed so much more intimate than touching someone's underwear to me it was weird and creepy and i had so much anxiety like i had to stand back and really consider if i was going to move this stuffed horse is that just because you were sexually excited or were they unrelated there was a lot of feelings going on

one of them was sexual a lot of confusion pretty hot horse. So yeah, I don't know why that bothered me so much. A, it seemed creepy that an adult owns and regularly washes a stuffed horse. But also, it seemed like I wasn't supposed to see that. I have a creepy laundry question. And my

husband, who was not at the time my husband, really had some second thoughts about being with me. I told him this story, and you may feel the same way. I'm going to share this with you. Don't worry. It's just us.

I used to frequent a laundromat on Russian Hill in San Francisco. This is a fairly nice neighborhood. And on the floor, right outside the laundromat, was a rather nice pair of women's panties. Kind of nice. Looked like my size. Coming, and obviously on the way out, after having cleaned them, dropped them. These weren't just like a jockey for her six-pack.

No, they were lovely. They were kind of, you know, a pale orange with a little bit of lace. For an occasion. Yes, it was occasion underwear maybe. So I kept them and I picked, I thought some, hey, I found some nice underwear,

panties. Sure, on the street. Well, but coming, obviously coming out of the laundromat, dropped them freshly laundered. I see. I just, my association was, these are clean.

They've been fresh. Apart from having been on the ground for a bit. Well, okay, but. And having been on a lady's private parts that wasn't yours. Sure. But then washed and then washed again. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, okay. Well, let me ask you this. I mean, this might affect how I feel about this. And maybe it's embarrassing that I don't know this. But what does a pair of ladies' occasion underwear cost? Like, how much money were you saving by? Okay.

The only situation Jordan buys something like that, it's like for his mom for Mother's Day. Sure. This was probably between $15 and... I'd say it was about a $15 pair. It was a nice pair. So you would pick up a $15 bill on the street if you saw it, right? Yeah. If they had them.

Yeah, sure. I mean, I would be disappointed that it was just a screed for marijuana legalization. Right. But yeah, I probably would. Or it could be a collector's item. Yeah. You could be looking at a collector's item I wonder if that's Apparently this is the answer

To my question Which is, sometimes I do a lot of thrift store shopping And sometimes I'll be at the thrift store Even one of my favorite Thrift stores, it has this chest of drawers And in these drawers Is like suspenders

And You know pocket handkerchiefs That kind of thing But then one of the drawers you open it And it's socks And just jockey underwear Just tighty whities What is

Who is going into this drawer Who is the person who's like Jesse here's the thing Here's the thing I think you don't know Yeah If you go underneath The socks and the jockeys That's where dad hides his playboys

So I think you were duped my friend You played right into dad's hands You didn't get to see the Playboys. Mary Roach is our guest on Jordan, Jesse, Go. We'll be back with more in just a second. Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Me, Mary Roach, author tricks. Yes, author tricks, Mary Roach. Mary was a guest on The Sound of Young America to talk about her recent book, Packing for Mars. It was such a delight that I asked her publicist, if she comes back to Los Angeles, I hope that she'll come be on Jordan Jesse Go. That's how delightful she is. Delightful.

In her book. Nice. I felt like I should... That's the kind of behind-the-curtains insider talk that people listen to this podcast for. They wonder how it happens. Yeah. How do podcasts get guests? And it's fascinating.

That's how. Yeah. Mary Ro podcasts get guests? And it's fascinating. That's how. Yeah. Mary Roach joining us. You're about to go. You're just in the middle of your book tour, right? I am in my book tour. Your second book tour. My second.

That's good, though. That's the sign that you're a successful writer when you get a second book tour when the book comes out in paperback. The paperback. The fact that it just made it to paperback is always good. They don't always. When you're on a book tour, where are like your hotbeds? Where do people just go apeshit for you? Like a Powell's?

Powell's in Portland? Powell's is always good. In your case, it's people going apeshit for a unique combination of interesting science information and witticisms. Precisely. They love that at Powell's. Powell's was good. I was in Houston last week. I've never done an event in Houston,

so that was interesting. Did you get a good crowd? It was good. Up front, I said, is there anyone here from the Johnson Space Center Public Affairs Office? Okay, good. Nobody's here. That's good.

I feel like what we would do on this, Jordan, Jesse, go is just ask Mary Roach all of the sex and space questions that we couldn't ask her on The Sound of Young America, except that I did that for like 15 or 20

minutes after we finished The Sound of Young America interview and put it into the podcast, which I highly recommend people listen to our interview with Mary Roach. We could do the chimp sex questions. Chimp sex? We didn't do the chimp sex questions.

Are there some lingering chimp sex issues you feel like you guys didn't get to? Space chimp sex questions. Wait, this space, do the space chimps have any sexual activity that was recorded? Well, there was a rumor, and I traced, I tracked this rumor down. Enos, remember Enos the penis? Yeah.

I'm not familiar with this particular space, I'm familiar with the film Space Chimps. You did see a movie once called Enos the penis, but it wasn't about space chimps. These are two different things. So you can see why I'm a little confused movie once called Enos the Penis, but it wasn't about space chimps. These are two different things. So you can see why I'm a little confused. Enos was the second space chimp.

The one who went up before John Glenn. The first one was Ham. Everybody knows Ham. It was the cover of Life magazine. And you can still to this day buy Life magazines with him on the cover with the little monkey paw print, which in fact his handler admitted to me after a while it wasn't ham because they thought they were going to wear out his little paw. So it's just any monkey. Oh, so just a random. Random handy monkey.

Non-space, non-remarkable. Non, yeah. So what was the Enos the penis rumor? Okay, Enos, well, there's the... And by the way, you only name something Enos if you're going to eventually call it Enos. Like, there's no reason, like, what's named Enos? Wasn't the guy, wasn't there someone on Dukes of Hazzard? Oh, I don't know.

No, the character... The police chief? He was named Magina. You just made me snort. Anyway, Enos the penis, what was the rumors? All right, well, Enos, his official name was Enos. But he was known as Enos the Penis, and there were all these books saying that the reason he was called Enos the Penis

is because he had a fairly intense masturbation habit. So much so that this is is one rumor, that he had to be... Shouldn't they have called him Yakov then? I don't know. Anyway. Apparently he was, when he orbited the Earth, apparently he was supposedly

doing it while he was up there. And I was... I thought this was great because that would be that would be the first uh you know human-like organ creature that had had sex and so there would be sex in space because people are saying has anybody had sex in space and i was like there we go but you know what like if you're like if you're a human astronaut and like that first moment where you get to look at earth and you know you get to see the you to see the seas and the Alps all at once.

I bet they just jack off. Houston? The world looks so tiny below me. I'm so fucking hard right now. They should have sent a poet because I'm just going to jack off. Overwhelmed by my power. Scientific and sexual.

Over. If I lead my head correctly, it looks like my dick is bigger than the world. May I interject a sober scientific fact here? Of course. Okay. May I interject a sober scientific fact here? Of course. Okay.

There's been some discussion as to whether being weightless makes erections harder or softer. And I have the scientific answer. What is it? It has to do with, you know, your blood, you've got more blood on the upper half of the body. And the dividing line is right around the navel. So everything below that has less fluid to work with. So less activity. Softer erections.

See, this is the kind of important information that they didn't tell me on Nova Science Now with Neil deGrasse Tyson, how smart are animals. So there's probably less space sex and more space cuddling then. Yes, there would be cuddling in the little sleeping sack that they attach to the wall. Sure. The little sleeping sack. They have to bring everything into the special airplane, Jordan, because otherwise they don't know whether it will work in zero gravity and what's a good place to put some Velcro on it so it doesn't just float around and hit people in the face. Sure.

You can be woken up by your own M&Ms. Hitting you. Hitting you in the face. Or your own hands hitting you in the face. I'm glad the subject of companion animals was brought up because I was responding to an advertisement on craigslist uh i was looking for a masturbating chimpanzee no i was looking for uh some bar stools sure and i went to this house and it was sort of like the it was sort of a back house it was like

a little bungalow um off the street a little bit and it had a front porch uh a sort of a back house. It was like a little bungalow off the street a little bit. And it had a front porch, a sort of small front porch with side stairs. And I went up the side stairs and I nearly hit my head on what at first I thought was a clothesline. But then I was like, that's not a clothesline. A clothesline would be covered in vinyl and it would be bigger. It was sort of like, it was just sort of a thin cable that was running from about six feet off the ground, right to the left of the front door of this house, down to a building that was maybe 12 feet away. And I'm trying to figure out

what is this weird thing? And then I'm looking at it and I notice that there's a carabiner attached to it. And there is just another cable hanging down off of it. And I'm thinking like, is this...

The best I can think of is maybe it's some kind of like a shortwave antenna or something like that. Like it's for... Zip line. Yeah, or some kind of zip line. Like I'm trying to figure out what is going on here

because it's not thick enough to support a zip. It's not thick enough for any zipping. It doesn't really... It's not really screwed into the wall well enough to actually do anything. Like it couldn't support anything. I'm trying to figure out what is this fucking thing. So I ring the doorbell.

The guy comes out. He's really nice. He's got these bar stools. The bar stools look great. They're going to be perfect for our kitchen counter. And while I'm getting, while I'm about to pay him, this elderly cat sort of flomps out onto the patio. And I'm like, oh, what a sweet elderly cat. And the man reaches down, grabs the cable that was lying down on the ground,

clips that to a carabiner, and then clips that to the cat's collar. It was like some kind of crazy cat run. Wow. So this cat is like walking out. The cat doesn't leave the ground. No. Oh, okay. Well, that sounds funnier. He should do that.

But it is essentially a zip line only without leaving the ground and it's for a cat. Is it because he can't walk? It was because the guy had seen a lot of coyotes in the neighborhood recently and he knew his cat was old and couldn't get away from a coyote. So this is presuming the coyote can't get over the fence into the yard because otherwise that would just

sort of hold the cat steady for the coyote yeah i know it would it would uh it would reduce by one dimension uh the number of directions the cat could run from the coyote back and forth up and down that string anyway Anyway, I thought that was just such a marvelous example of human ingenuity and also kind of weird and sad. I wonder if it was just to help him be upright like George was saying.

It was a mobility aid. Like a support? Yeah. I would buy that if he had been wearing one of those like harnesses. Like you take a bunny for a walk. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, right. Over the chest. Yeah. One of those bunny for a walk type situations. Just by the neck would be uncomfortable.

Oh. Jordan. On the subject of animals. And specifically bunnies. I should explain to Mary sometimes my wife for Christmas every year, buys me a calendar featuring some of my favorite animals.

My favorite animal, of course, is bunny rabbits. I think they're probably the cutest animal. I used to have a bunny rabbit named Miss Bunny when I was a little kid. Anyway, every year my wife buys me one of these calendars, and every year, every month, on the first of the month, we have what's called in our household New Bunny Day, which is where I close my eyes and my wife turns the page of the calendar, and then I get to see what the new bunny is.

Anyway, Jordan. Yeah, so you think the cat harness is weird and sad? The cat harness. So the thing of it is. This bunny. It's great. Eye covering peekaboo. It's like a little holiday.

It's like getting your own holiday. A cat on a harness. That's weird and sad. Okay. All right. I understand. Anyway. Calendar.

Yeah. Look, it's number one. I'll just say this, Jordan. Maybe it was sad when it was just bunnies, but this year it's bunnies and their baby animal friends. So this month, I just want to tell Mary what it was this month. It's so adorable. No, you don't have to listen to me.

Okay, the April bunny. I'm going to start with the April bunny. April bunny should be good. It's Easter. It was like a April bunny. April bunny should be good. It's Easter. It was like a tan bunny. It has to be good. It was a little tan bunny. This is ridiculous.

You have some sort of brain disease. The fact that you like this. Next to the tan bunny was a duckling, Mary. And they matched because they were both golden colored. Oh, but this month's bunny, in honor of May. Oh, my gosh. Just imagine this. I weep for your future child.

He might as well be in some sort of weird orphanage. This is so bizarre. It is a snow white bunny, just as fresh and pure as the driven snow. I am going to call social services as soon as that baby is born, so bizarre. It is a snow white bunny, just as fresh and pure as the driven snow. I am going to call social services because you are unhealthy. With it. Just imagine

the whitest little kitty you've ever seen in your entire life. Do you remember those maybe they don't have, you guys are young, but there used to be these Easter They spun sugar eggs and you would look you put your little child eye Those, maybe they don't have, you guys are young, but there used to be these Easter. You don't have to humor him, Mary. You don't have to humor him. They spun sugar eggs and you would look, you put your little child eye up to the little orifice.

And then inside would be the little tiny bunny scene. Oh, that is so sweet, Mary. What is going on here? These look as sweet. Because I was a little late. Did you plan something that would upset me? I was a little late, so you guys something that would upset me? I was a little late. So you guys conspired something.

These look as sweet. It would make me want to put a gun in my sugar spun mouth for Easter. Pull the trigger. Oh, I long for the sweet taste of gun metal. Anyway, it was a great new bunny day. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Mary Roach, author of tricks. Author of Packing for Mars, about the space program. Lots of cool stuff about space sex in there, just space food, astronaut ice cream, the whole nine yards, basically everything you need to know about that information. I like, Mary, I'm going to tell you, I like that your books are actual books

and also about things like chimpanzees masturbating in space. Like the combination of those two things is really... Because usually it would just be like... It would just be a point-of-sale impulse-buy type situation. 12 chimpanzees that have masturbated in space. Something you buy at Urban Outfitters. Yeah. The masturbating chimpanzee calendar.

Yeah. So you're covering the important issues, including important issues like? Masturbating chimpanzees. Exactly. Oh, speaking of important issues. Yes. I think we've talked a fair amount about Werner Herzog on this program. We have.

We've talked about the time he did an interview and got shot in the middle and didn't want to stop. We've talked about the time that he had a bet with Errol Morris that if Errol Morris put out a feature film, he would eat his hat. His shoe. Shoe. And he did. We've talked about a lot of great Werner Herzog stuff. Of course, we've talked Port of Call.

What's that called? Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans pretty much to death. I met Werner Herzog this week. Pretty good. It was so wonderful. It was so exciting to get to hear that ridiculous voice coming out of a real person. Do Germans listen to him and go, wow, that's a ridiculous voice? Or is that just what guys sound like?

It's not just his accent, though. I think it's his combination of sort of poetic vision, grand eloquence, accent, and good humor. And a little bit of nuts. And a little bit of craziness. It's funny because I watched his new movie, which is called The Cave of Forgotten Dreams, and it's a 3D documentary about the oldest cave paintings in the world.

And I say this right now, right here, to every Jordan Jesse Goh listener, go see it now in 3D. It's fucking amazing. It's so amazing. You want to see it in 3D because the 3D so enhances it. The stuff is...

Have you already seen it? No. I heard him on Terry Gross. She was calling him Werner. Yes, she did. Come on. I noticed that she called him Werner. I know you're American, but can't you say Werner?

Yeah. Well, I mean, you'd think that being in public radio, she would relish in the chance to over-pronounce a foreign name. It is true. She's like, here's where I shine. It made me think that maybe he prefers Werner. Because she's got producers that check on that kind of thing. Anyway. I think she's to the point now where she just says, fuck it to producers.

She does what she wants to. Does she say, come to der Wienerschnitzel? No, it's Wienerschnitzel. Yeah. You can even add a der in front of there. Der Wienerschnitzel? No, it's Wienerschnitzel. Yeah. I would even, you can even add a der in front of there. Der Wienerschnitzel.

Der Wienerschnitzel. It is technically der, isn't it? Yeah. They won't correct you. But one of the things about this movie is it's in this cave of these cave paintings

that are literally, the thing that blew my mind was the point that I read in something about this cave, that it has been, since the dawn of recorded history, you know, a few thousand years, it's been a couple of hundred generations of human beings, the 300 or something like that. And this is a couple of thousand generations before that. So these are human beings, but on a scale that we cannot even manage to comprehend. And these things are so beautiful. Okay, what I don't understand, and I listened to the Terry Gross, what is in, what does the 3D do? These are paintings on a wall.

They're not on, see, the thing is thing is cave walls are not two-dimensional. So they're not... It's not like a painting on the... It's not like a fresco on the roof of the Sistine Chapel or whatever. The cave walls are very angular and jutting, and the actual paintings are painted so essentially that the shapes of the walls are part of the composition of the painting um which i didn't expect but it's amazing and also just caves are really cool to look at in 3d and he narrates it too right and that's what it is

is his voice like he makes these crazy claims and as he put it when i interviewed him he said that he prefers not to be he prefers not to uh present an accountant's version of the truth but rather a poet's version of the truth and um and his he is able to sell that including the epilogue that features some albino alligators um and speculation about whether these radioactive albino alligators could escape and what in tens of thousands of years when they've escaped and developed cognition or something, what they would think of these cave paintings. All of that is sold by Werner Herzog, 10 out of 10. I would buy it from Werner Herzog seven days a week and twice on Sunday.

And I cannot imagine, not even like Patrick Stewart or Sir Ian McKellen or something could intone those ridiculous things that Werner Herzog is saying and me just accept them so enthusiastically and wholeheartedly from any other person.

Any other person. I don't care if it's Frasier from this show, Frasier. I feel like they should start casting him in narrative films as things. Like just little parts. Yeah, like the way they started throwing Ricky Jay into things. Yeah, sure. When Kevin Smith turns up in something, but like a good version of that. Just because people just love him.

They just want to throw him in a movie. He should be in more. Yeah. Well, and Werner Herzog also is coincidentally the only other person in the world who can kill a man with a thrown playing card. So they both have that. But speaking of...

But you met him. I met him. I interviewed him for The Sound of Young America. I had to go to his hotel suite and interview him. Our interview got cut without explanation from 45 minutes to 20 minutes. So you will be hearing it in its entirety on The Sound of Young America. Including when someone asked you to stop. Yeah, exactly. No, that's such a weird, like the one, the main, the biggest reason that I hate going somewhere to do an interview for the Sound of Young America, which, you know, the equipment is a hassle and that going somewhere is a hassle and it's, it's less comfortable for me to do it in someone else's territory in a random hotel. But the real reason is the publicist will just open the door in the middle of the interview and be like, we got two minutes left. You know, this isn't a print interview, right? You know these are live microphones recording our... But anyway, it was totally amazing. They did an interview with him in GQ recently,

and it's just kind of this little throwaway fact, but the writer said he insisted on doing the interview inside the Museum of Jurassic Technology. Cool. God bless him. If I had, I had time. I wanted to ask him whether he knew about the Museum of Jurassic Technology

He apparently insists on doing magazine interviews there Oh God bless him there's a tea room there now This is the best thing in Los Angeles For those of you out there who are listening And might come and visit Los Angeles But Jordan you also met an eminent director Yeah and it's Not a particularly interesting subject

But I feel like we talked it to death The other day so I day, so we should at least offer an epilogue a little bit. Mary, we were talking about the movie Thor and how weird it is that Kenneth Branagh is directing it. You know, the director of Much Ado About Nothing. Sure, yeah. For our Hamlet. Yeah. I got to see an advanced screening of Thor in order to work at the press junket of it.

And, uh, it's pretty good. It is pretty good. And the- Wait, who plays Thor? Uh, this guy named- Kenneth Branagh. Kenneth Branagh. Is he?

Really? Yes. Interestingly, Denzel Washington. Yeah. From Much Ado About Nothing. Um, this guy named Chris Hemsworth, and I don't really know much about his credits, uh, before playing Thor. I think, oh, you know much about his credits uh before playing thor i think oh you know maybe his thing was i think he was in that star trek reboot as anyway um but he is great

and the movie is pretty good the thor is pretty good and and the action stuff works doesn't seem like kenneth branagh doesn't know how to do crazy cgi action battles They're pretty good. And the funny stuff is funny. And that was the weirdest part to me. Wait, there's funny stuff in Thor? I can't even think of the plot line of Thor. Thor is the god of... Doesn't he throw thunderbolts down from somewhere? Yeah, and here's the thing.

They've had to kind of alter the comic book plot of Thor for... I think they didn't want to suggest that, you know, Roman gods are real because maybe the, you know, same people who burn Harry Potter books would come out against Thor. So, so in this version, he is an alien and they've kind of alluded to the fact that his race came to Earth and that's who the Norsemen worshipped. Oh. Norsemen worshipped.

Uh-huh. But anyway, so he comes to Earth and they banish him to Earth and they get rid of his powers for kind of the middle chunk of the movie. So the middle chunk of the movie, there's a fair amount of fish-out-of-water humor. Sort of like Star Trek 4. Yeah, sure. Sort of like

Star Trek 4 when Chekhov talks to the computer. There's a lot of that. And you know what? It's actually pretty funny. It's pretty funny. Hello, computer. It's pretty funny and charming.

And the action stuff works. And I got to talk to Kenneth Branagh at the Junket, and he was really nice and had a good sense of humor. Oh, that's great. And I got to tell him about this memory that I kind of even forgot I had before I went in there about when I was in high school. I was, you know, I was a drama kid and super, like, super into it. You kind of look like you could be his cuter little nephew.

Oh, Kenneth Branagh? Yeah. That would be fun. I would like to be Kenneth Branagh's cute little nephew. I was thinking Denzel Washington, but I think we're both on the same. And I got, before the cameras turned on, I'm like, oh, hey, I just remembered this. When I was super into drama class in high school, I think after, like, Homecoming Dance one year,

we all went in our tuxes and formal wear to see a midnight version of his four-hour Hamlet to just feel like fucking big shots. Anyways, super magical memory that I just, like, and he, yeah, he seemed to appreciate that. So way to go, Kenneth Branagh. Way to go, Thor movie. Well, that's great.

I'm happy to hear that it's good. That's something that, I mean, look, I'll put it this way. I'm not a big fan of the Star Trek. I don't really care about the Star Trek. I'm sure there's fans of the Star Trek out there. Despite talking about Star Trek 4 basically every other podcast. But I do love Star Trek 4 Sure

And so I'm not against Taking a beloved nerd thing And then turning it into a fish out of water comedy I thought about beloved nerd thing This was kind of a weird thing And I maybe No one actually loves Thor Yeah that's

Okay Yes that is an issue But I think people I never knew Thor was a comic I never knew it was a comic Really? Yeah yeah actually loves Thor. Yeah, that's... Okay. Yes, that is an issue. I never knew Thor was a comic book. I never knew it was a comic book. Really? Yeah, yeah. He's in the Avengers, right?

Isn't he in the Avengers? Well, here's the thing. No. The original Avengers? Yeah, I think he's one of the Avengers. But here's the thing. They're trying to assemble

this Avengers movie. Wait, Diana Rigg and Dude with Bowler? That Avengers? No, not that Avengers. The comic book Avengers. The Marvel super team. They already made a movie of that.

Captain America and stuff. I'll go stand outside the door until you're done with this particular... Well, you know, actually, this little misunderstanding kind of sets up this weird moment that I had. Hard to find people to talk to at these press junkets

who aren't totally obnoxious. So, you know, I feel like I kind of— These are entertainment pseudo-journalists. Yes. Yeah. And bad people, for the most part. And so I really, like, glom on to the people that I found I like. And there's this guy from the website FearNet who's just this kind of nice, nerdy guy,

and we get along real well, and we can kind of sit together and gab before we have our interview turns. And I was talking to him. We were talking about Thor and the kind of the ways that they're setting up this avengers movie and we were talking about oh did you see this this is probably this um and there was this kind of girl sitting behind us from mtv who is you know very much the uh uh what you would think a entertainment reporter girl would be just very cute you know very hipply dressed bubbly nice uh and she says she just kind of chimes into this conversation she's like hey when they mentioned uh gamma radiation in the movie were they talking about green lantern uh my nerd buddy i was talking

to whipped around immediately and told her no no, they were talking about the Hulk. Green Lantern is from the DC universe. So this girl who's just kind of trying to nicely join the conversation, he shuts her down. Now, in the real world, who's the jerk in that situation? My friend. He's the jerk in that situation. That's a shitty thing to do.

But she was so embarrassed that she started to uh frantically rattle off her nerd credentials she's like no i mean i just never read thor as a kid so i don't know um but and then like and we tried to return to the conversation but she would always chime in with like i play guitar hero or like i played a lot of video games as a kid or i mainly read the x-men comics like she was so she felt so embarrassed that she got this nerd thing wrong that she felt the need to kind of rudely badger us so that we would think that she was a nerd, and it's weird because there's this kind of new character in media these days, I feel like, maybe not new, but it's more of a thing, is the kind of girl tomboy but for nerd stuff uh and i feel like that's what every

kind of female personality wants to be you know they want to be the girl who can drink a beer and play video games with you and can talk star wars but i as a guy who likes that stuff like i don't fucking care like i've never wanted my girlfriends to be in the nerd space with me I don't know I agree no but if they're there naturally yeah no no absolutely I mean and I've absolutely appreciated when I've had girlfriends and we can like bond

we do have a similar interest but it's not like I don't need that desperate attempt to kind of you know I think there are people I think there are dudes whose world is so wrapped up in that that there aren't other outside influences. And that has been become, I think in the age of the internet, that has become sort of self-reinforcing. Yeah, yeah, sure.

In that you don't get beat up every day. Right. You just get beat up every day for a while, and then you just get in this fun feedback loop. But then you could be the king of a message board. Yeah, exactly. And look, as the king of a couple of message boards, I'm not putting this down. Sure. But I think that that just kind of panders to that thing.

Yeah. And I think it's more, frankly, it's more of a sad commentary on the dudes than it is on the ladies. I mean, honestly, like there's all this controversy. I think an example of this kind of person might be Olivia Munn. Yeah. Whetherivia munn from the daily show is for sure she's the top one of this thing and like there's all this kind of like is she a real geek or is she just pandering or whatever like who gives a shit does is is uh chuck woolery really into relationships like she's a television host you know her job is to be fun and uh be knowledgeable enough about something to she's a television host, you know? Her job is to be fun and be knowledgeable enough about something to... She's supposed to be a geek, Olivia Munn?

Yeah, she's supposed to be a geek. Yeah, she got her start on G4, commentating about video games and the like. And yeah, and I think her... But that's why she got famous, because she is that kind of nerd tomboy. But her credentials are often called into question. But I know exactly the part that I know what you mean about is the part where it's the same

thing as that sexy race car driver whose name I can't think of. Danica. Danica Patrick. Danica Patrick. It's sort of like... Oh man, okay, hold on. Fucking Danica Patrick. There's one of those GoDaddy ads with danica patrick that are supposed to be so sexy and they tell you to like go online to see the whole thing

and there's this one where she's stopped by a cop she stopped by a sexy lady cop and danica patrick says to the cop you look like you could be a go daddy girl and the lady cop says you know like i've always wanted to let's roll and she grabs her lady cop blouse i don't know and she rips it open in this sexy way and there's like this music sting but she's just wearing a full sleeve t-shirt underneath it like wow i don't know you think there would be like a lacy bra or a bikini top on it with the way that she rips, but it's just this t-shirt. I don't know. And it's like, why did that happen? Anyway.

I have a Danica Patrick footnote in one of my books. Really? I can't remember which book. The sex one, the space one, or the death one. Let me see. She was being interviewed somewhere about – I think it's the space one because it was – she was talking about how if you're in a race and you've got to go to the bathroom, you just go. But they don't – unlike the astronauts, they don't wear the adult pull-up diapers. So you just – I mean some of them do, some of them don't.

And she described how difficult it had been for her and she was thinking to herself, just do it. And then I thought, yeah, no Nike sponsorship for you. Maybe that's the extended GoDaddy ad you see if you go on the internet. The female cop says, let's roll. But the Danica Patrick says, I have to change my pants first because they're full of shit.

The original Sound of Youngica co-host matt dobbs the guy who hosted the sound of young america with me for the first week that the sound of young america existed before his class schedule changed and we brought jordan on uh he at at home his father ran an import export business and so matt was always annoyed because he had to answer the phone at his house like dobbs import export um and then like put someone on hold if it was someone for mr dobbs which is what mr dobbs like to be called and uh it started out like importing like central american stuff like pan flutes or something uh but then uh inexplicably, this was in the age, the early age of the internet

when things were very flexible. He started selling a product called the Sneak-A-Leek. That was some sort of penis bag. Like the astronauts. Yeah, like the astronauts used for like truck drivers or something like that.

Condom attachment, a little tubing and a little... Yeah. And so poor Matt Dobbs. Poor Matt Dobbs at home as like a 17-year-old would have to answer the phone like, Hello, you know, Dobbs Import Exports. And then... Almost the sneak-a-leak.

Yeah, the sneak-a-leak when a girl called or whatever. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying about the girl-boy thing is that it's sort of like, look, I think that it's awesome if a lady is into a traditionally dude thing. Sure. You know, look, I'm into outfits. I do some sewing from time to time. do some sewing from time to time um but there's something sad about there's something there's something a little bit below that that's about like um that's about it's sort of like according to jim or something it's sort of like yeah finally someone who gets me for who i am someone who hates women yeah finally a woman who hates women too yeah yeah and

there is that thing it's like if you if you had to these these these these women who want to be these nerd tomboys like the fact that they've had to bone up you know that they've had to like kind of artificially acquire all of this knowledge like Like, really, in your heart of hearts, you think this is dumb. It's sad. It's like the scene in Isn't It Diner where Barry Levinson makes... No, no. One of the characters makes the girlfriend remember all the baseball statistics in order to get married, and it's sad.

Yes. And I think, yes. And I think in this situation, the baseball statistics are replaced with facts about Zelda continuity, branching paths, alternate histories. In my marriage, the baseball statistics are replaced with baseball statistics. Sure. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mary Roach, author of Packing for Mars. That's not even really a nickname. That's just a plug for your book. Oh, no. Well, I said author of tricks. I thought the tricks thing was wearing thin. That's true, but I mean

let's be honest. This is the Jordan Jesse Goh philosophy on comedy. Just keep doing it. Yeah. This is Mary Roach. Author of tricks. Yay! We're delighted. I've been saying Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart against my better judgment

for more than 10 years now since I was 19 years old. So your third time out with Authoretrix is nothing. Okay, so here on Jordan, Jesse, Go! we have a little Jumbotron-style sponsorship system. $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message, and we will share it with our audience of thousands.

Here's what we've got this week a listener named Greg Galchick who is known online as Spin with two N's that's his pen name his nom de plume de internet and he has

a he has a website, a webcomic, specifically called Scribs, which is online at scribs.us, a popular webcomic. He wants everyone to know that as of right now, it's on hiatus. So that's always the best time to focus your marketing efforts. Well, you can get in there and catch up now for the new people. I think that's the strategic reason for this publicity blitz that we're a part of.

Exactly. He says that at one point he ran a website called Dysfunctional Family Circus that got him Bill Keen's home telephone number. And he's also the webmaster of abevagoda.com. So he's really on top of basically all of your major internet phenomena. Abe's still going, right? I don't know. You have to log into abevagoda.com to find out. Yes, he's alive.

That's all abevagoda.com to find out. Yes, he's alive. That's all abevagoda.com is, by the way. It's a status thing that says whether he's alive or dead. Anyway. So is Scribs, is this a play on Scrubs? It sounds like sort of a combination of medical student and writer. Oh, yeah. Scribs? It's some of these little guys, different webcomics guys, short-sleeve guys, that kind of thing.

I'm looking at the website right now. Short-sleeve guys. Yeah, you know, these type of guys wear these short-sleeve dress shirts. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about. You wrote that space book. Yeah, I know. Anyway, it's online at Scribs.us.

I hope that you will visit it. Check out the webcomic. I know there are a lot of webcomic fans out there. I met several of them. I did our friend David Malky, the creator of Wonder Mark, which you can also find in the AV Club these days, invited me to do a live reading at his book party here in Los Angeles. I did a book party.

I met several Jordan Jesse Goh fans there. And I was also gratified that there is a crowd nerdier than at several Jordan Jesse Goh fans there. And I was also gratified that there is a crowd nerdier than at a Jordan Jesse Goh show. At a webcomics reading. Yeah, at a webcomics reading. Also, here is a personal message. Courtney

offering congratulations for her husband, Whit, who is on his last final and gets his law degree from Wake Forest University School of Law on the 15th. Our congratulations and condolences to Hwitt, who has made probably the worst mistake of his life. But he made it four years ago and he's stuck through. And, you know, from personal experience, I can say, great. You know, in six months, hopefully you'll be able to go work for your spouse.

No, I'm just kidding. Probably Witt actually will like being a lawyer. And he actually has a job, apparently, which is very rare for someone graduating law school the last year or two. And so the message she asked me to deliver to Witt specifically was, keep it up, Witt. So keep it up, Witt. Good work. If you want to have a message on Jordan, Jesse, go or any of our podcasts, stop podcasting yourself, my brother, my brother and me, just email Teresa, T-H-E-R-E-S-A, at MaximumFun.org.

It's fun and affordable. Sure. Jordan, Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Jordan, Jesse Goe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective.

Mary Roach, Author of Tricks. See? Still fun. Yeah. Said with commitment, it can still be fun. I haven't gotten an email that says you're not actually America's Radio Sweetheart in a long time. Yeah. It's nice.

Yeah, that should be nice. Do people nominate someone other than you? Usually Ira Glass and then I'm usually forced to agree with them. Ira Glass is great. He's much more talented and skilled than I am. There's no doubt about that. That's fine. There's room for Ira Glass and me. He's not a sweetheart. I don't know. Tell that to...

Tell that to the ladies of Williamsburg. The square glass, the Tell that to the ladies of Williamsburg. The square eyeglass ladies of Williamsburg. He's graying very well, too, I've noticed. He's a handsome man. I've never seen a picture of Barber Glass. Yeah, well, he's going a little gray and it suits him. No, he's a winner.

There's no doubt about that. Look, when somebody sends me that email, I just have to send them back an email. Yes, only when I say it, it's a joke. That's the only about that. Look, when somebody sends me that email, I just have to send them back an email, yes, only when I say it, it's a joke. That's the only thing I can say in response to that. Speaking of graying, by the way, Jordan, last week on Jordan Jesse Go, we talked about the fact that last week was my 30th birthday. My wife is going to birth a child. We have a backyard. Sure.

With a grill, a gas grill. Several dogs. We have several dogs. I have essentially, I have fully transitioned into adult life at the age of 30. Sure. And so we talked a little bit about how it's odd that because I spent all of my 20s building a podcast and building a minor media empire, I feel embarrassed that I never did anything that I should look back on with regret and laugh about because I was just busy podcasting the whole time um and so we asked uh we asked listeners for their thoughts and advice uh as an action item uh brian the former intern is screening our calls this month a special guest call screener uh brian fernandez thanks to brian

so uh wouldn't it be cool if we had a celebrity guest call screener who like didn't like but was like like like super famous can we just claim that from here on out? Please call, yeah. This week's celebrity guest call screener, John Ratzenberger. Sure. Cliff from Cheers. Okay, let's see what these telephone calls are.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse. I'm calling in response to... Jesse, it seems like you're considering having a midlife crisis. I'm going to say don't. I'm going to say you're probably one of the most well-grounded people that I've ever heard of. And go on and be a dad, man. I think that's fantastic. And I think you're going to make a great father. In fact, I wish you were my father.

And Jordan can be my brother. And we can go play ball or something. Okay, anyway, and Jordan, to you, I think you're not fucking up girls. I think that's your problem, man. I think you need to get out there and play ball. All right, then. Goodbye. We didn't ask what Jordan's problem was, number one.

Actually, I did pose in my last year of 20 is what I should do. Oh, you should fuck more girls? They don't know much about your... Yeah, you don't know how many girls I fucked, dude. But you're probably... Yeah, right. Yeah, I probably should. You're right.

I'm insulted that you made that snap judgment. Jordan, did you hear this week's Judge John Hodgman that was all about Mega Man X? No, you know, I haven't listened to a Judge John Hodgman. I'm sorry. Armored Armadillo came up a lot. Oh, sure. I thought that's something you could talk about in the future on Jordan, Jessica, go. Yeah, I do have some thoughts about the Mega Man X franchise.

What are your thoughts about the Mega Man X franchise? It's really fun. Is it? Yeah, it's totally fun. The way they described it on Judge John Hodgman, it sounded like it was one of those things where you have to do this, you have to do each thing in order, and there's totally fun. The way they described it on Judge John Hodgman, it sounded like it was one of those things where you have to do this, you have to do each thing in order, and there's no clues. You just have to randomly do stuff until something works.

Yeah, that's kind of the world of Mega Man bosses, is that you can beat them with your normal weapons, but there are other weapons you get throughout the game that make it easier. So if you do it in order, you can kill the bosses really easily. I'm sorry. I'm with video game celebrity Morgan Webb, who was our special guest on this one.

She said it was bullshit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she said the Mega Man X games are kind of bullshit. So I'm with her. Well, I'm fine. Sorry. What's your position on this? Mary Roach, Mega Man X. It takes place in an alternate timeline.

Okay, so I'm just going to rewind the tape just a little bit, Jordan. I have a question for you. Not that I'm skipping Mega Man X, because I have a lot to say about Mega Man X. A lot. A question for you. So, okay, now that nerddom is hip, I mean, you've got Seth Rogen and Zach Galifianakis

and huge, huge male kind of nerd sex symbols. Is it a lot easier for the nerd to get laid? I mean, is it now... I mean, is this in a sea change, as they say? Yeah, no, it is. Well, Jordan is, I mean, sexual catnip. Yeah, I mean, I give off a certain musk,

and I don't know if that's just because... Of the Cheeto dust, or... Yeah, or, you you know i can't say the fact that i um play a lot of mortal kombat has anything to do with that musk right um maybe the musk would be stronger if i didn't uh-huh or maybe it would be weaker i don't know but i all i know is that i'm just gonna keep excreting it and it's hard to analyze it's hard to separate out which is that which is the sort of seth rogan run over and which is just what you would guess we could get because of your natural must sure uh i might seriously say i think that i do not think the fact that that there are

nerd celebrities is changing the kinds of men that women are attracted to. I don't really think so. Yeah, I think that the women who are going to be attracted to nerds probably would be if, you know, Seth Rogen had never become famous. And I think that the, even, you know, the women who would be attracted to, you know, well put together, handsome men will probably still be attracted to them, even though they really, really enjoy Knocked Up. I would guess they've got a certain cachet now. Yeah?

I don't know. I don't think it would turn things upside down for a lot of the population. Yeah. I don't think... I think Mary Roach is hitting on you, Jordan. I'm going to do what I usually do and pretend to fall asleep.

Okay, let's take another telephone call here. Hi, yes, this is for the action item of what Jesse needs to do before he's a father. Okay, now Jesse has built an empire out of nothing, and he is like a spectacular dresser. Some would argue that I had some talent. No, no, just pure. This is a Big Bang situation. And Jordan, you've been there since the beginning. I at least had you.

Sure. Matt Dobbs. I'm insulted for me and the creator of the pee pouch. What is that thing? Sneakily. Sneakily, yeah. Pee pouch. And finds awesome talent.

So basically, Jesse is too good. See, the problem is that Jesse can't teach his child about the mistakes that he's learned. So what you have to do, just for starters, is you need to start a grunge band and you refuse to play anything but

and they get very angry why you haven't made it successful in a weekend. I'm not saying have a one-night stand, but you've got to come as close as you're morally possible. Just saying, not because, you know, you need to get your, quote-unquote, rocks off before you have time. What is this guy talking about?

There was this one time I was at a bar, etc., etc. You just got to make a bunch of mistakes so that you're not too good. Because nobody, what child can live up to the expectations of Jesse Thorne? I want to clarify something here. That was a great combination of fawning and nonsensical. First of all, thank you very much to that guy for your kind words sure i uh i did not pick that brian fernandez picked it sure it was nice of him to pick that i know that brian fernandez exists sorry uh it's not john ratzenberger pick that

you know of course from his roles in the pix Pixar films and as Cliff on Cheers. I don't know. Well, actually, you know, I think this brings up that those odd ramblings bring up a question that maybe is valid. And that's, you know, as a guy who, you know, like you talk a lot about your dad's kind of cautionary tales of psychedelics and alcohol and... And my mom's tales, which are not intended as cautionary tales, but function as cautionary tales.

Sure. And that is, like, when, you know, like, your kid won't have those versions from you. Right. You know. That's a concern to me. That's a genuine concern because I know. Teresa doesn't seem like, she seems like she's maybe had a similar life of, you know, non-mistake. Yeah. She did spend some time in Cuba, I guess, but I don't know what she.

We'll have to bring in, we'll have to bring in aunts and uncles on that one. We do have some firepower in that department. Sure. Jean. You just bring Gene. Yeah, I think between me and Gene, we could probably offer some what not to do's. I don't think you learn. You don't necessarily learn from the mistakes.

In my case, I would try to imitate. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's so cool. I think we talked last week about my mom's friend Prickles and climbing the RKO Tower in Washington, D.C. So my family, there's a long history of sort of surprising revelations of just completely batshit insane stuff happening in their lives. Like, oh, like my mom's like, oh, I was at the, I was a jury duty. And they said, have you and they said have you ever been uh have you ever been arrested for a felony and i said arrested or convicted

and like stuff like that that just sort of is casually mentioned to me um but yeah i've never really i've never really like uh i've never done i mean i am a colorful eccentric so i have that going on sure um but besides that yeah i feel like i need to there i maybe i need to make errors so that my children will know what not to do but on hand, I mean, my wife's parents are very upstanding citizens and my wife followed in their footsteps. So you just never know how it's going to go.

Are they going to rebel? Are they going to imitate? You never know. That's the thing. I think my children are... There's this part of me that is concerned about having a child

because all I can think about is the period of time where they're going to hate me. It seems like such a bummer. It's so far away. Yeah, but I don't think that's... I never disliked my parents. Really?

Yeah, absolutely not. I never had that like... I never did either. Yeah, I never had that fuck you mom, dad. No, my parents were ancient. My dad was 65 when I was born. He was a geezer.

He was an old guy. He had missing teeth. He fell asleep in front of the TV with his mouth hanging open. I never made fun of him. I never imitated him. That's all we ever did at my house was make fun of my dad. That was the sole source of entertainment. What was your, did you have a rebellious phase?

No, in high school i was now as a nerd i just i i had no social life i just did my homework no i was a really then when i got to college maybe after nice when you wanted a little excitement you just read up on chimp masturbation it was a friday night um but yeah no i don't think that's a i mean i think i think, yeah, I think you're... Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you had a real fuck you mom dad phase in life, but I don't think everybody does. And I mean, I definitely had a dad

who probably should have been said fuck you too. Yeah. But I always just thought he was nice, you know. Just because he was nice. Yeah. I mean, that's because the funny thing is is most people who have a fuck you mom and dad period in their lives like even when i was getting along very well with my parents i i never misbehaved in any dramatic way uh except that i never did

my homework and i just never did my homework all the way through college essentially um i mean i college it's a lot easier to do well in school without doing homework because they don't give you stupid homework assignments. But I essentially never did any homework through my entire academic career. And there were periods where my parents would fight with me over that and periods where they wouldn't. But I never, my fuck you period was never like i never was like fuck you i'm getting drunk and buying a motorcycle and riding around town on it yeah you know my and my little sister at the kind of and she's as upstanding a teetotaler as exists in the world um yeah but she i mean she definitely went through that kind of fighty period it's like

there's the kids who rebel by you you know, by pot and motorcycles, but then there's just like the general door slamming and tone of voice rebellion, which I think is maybe more what you're worried about, is that there'll be that door slammy... The frostiness. Yeah, exactly. The disdain. But what if there's another thing that happens like uh

one of my brothers went through a period where he would like disappear in berkeley for days at a time and just come back and i'd later hear some story about you know some guy with a gun coming up to a basement window or something like and he's literally the nicest person in the world. I'm realizing, I'm remembering now that he listens to this show now, so I don't know what bearing that affects. I'm really having to recalibrate my whole thing to the fact that some people who are in my family now actually listen to Jordan Jesse Go, specifically my two younger brothers. So my wife has written it off. My parents would never listen to Jordan Jesse go, specifically my two younger brothers. So my wife has written it off. My parents would never listen to it. But, you know, he went through a troubled period that involved hanging out with weird people that owned guns.

And he's really sweet. So I'm a little worried about, like, what if my son has a sullen rebellion? Yeah. I don't know. Mopiness. I don't know. I'll just focus on, you know. Yeah, I think it's equally likely that it won't happen.

But also, even if it does, it won't last unless you turn into some sort of actual asshole, you know? It'll be fun because no matter what, he's going to go through a period where he thinks it's funny when I do a dance. Sure. And that's what's important, right? Between two and three, man. Especially since Jim Royale, the master of Would You Rather, lives so far away these days. And so I can't do a little dance with him. Yeah.

I'll be able to do it with my son. my uh my son um yeah i i uh adam carolla mentions a pretty pretty sweet philosophy especially for him a lot where he talks about like he feels really gay doing it and he's a man known for his sweetness sure i know he's even though he feels in quotation marks gay doing it he feels like he's like it's the you know it's the number one thing you can do for your kids. Just turn on a Black Eyed Peas song and pick them up and dance with them, even though it's against every fiber in your body to do so. You just have to do it. Yeah, I think you're going to get it no matter what. I have two stepkids who are grown now.

And their mom is just the greatest mom, just really supportive and loving, et cetera, et cetera. And that meant that they went through sort of a delayed but sort of extremely violent period of rebellion because it was so hard to. By violence, you mean nunchucks. Well, they learned Gymkata, Jordan. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Well, they learned Jim Cotta, Jordan. But it made it harder to push away. So it almost made it more extreme. Yeah. That's what I'm scared about. They just became so mean to her. And I thought, this is the world's greatest mother. She was so sweet.

And how can you do this to her? But it was necessary to get away, because otherwise it was just so nice to be all the time with her and never grow up. We'll see how it unfolds. You're going to get it no matter what. But it's brief. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.

I'll think of it that way. Just like life, in that sense. Sure. Well, that's when you just buy a Lambo and get super into speedboats. Wait when you you know that's when you just buy a buy a lambo and get super into speed boats and wait so you know it's a boy yeah i know it's a boy boys don't do it boys are easier is it yeah i get that i don't have that combative that kind of tone that frosty bitchy everything you do is so embarrassing please drop me off a block from school i cannot

be seen with you yeah or a block from block from the whatever, the dance, whatever the hell it is. The dance. The dance. Do they have those anymore? Who knows? Drop me off a block from Makeout Point. From the sexting party. Yes, exactly.

Or whatever it is you kids are up to these days. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mary Roach, author tricks. Author of Packing for Mars, now out in paperback.

A delightful read, Bonk, which I read on a cruise ship. Actually, I went on a cruise ship. My wife and I went on a cruise with Adam Lissagor just after and his charming girlfriend, Roxanna, just after the economy collapsed. I was thinking, like, I wonder what this does to cruise ships. We went on

like a three-day, two-night cruise for like $150 a piece. Something, maybe it was even less. It might have been $125 a piece. It was $60 less. It might have been 125 a piece. It was $60 a night or something. We did that. My husband's family, too. Yeah, we got really cheap.

Three days. There's no old people anymore. It's just really, really poor people. Yeah, and just drunk. It's cheaper than a night at the motel sex. Yeah. And drunks. Don't you have to...

Is the booze free? No, it's not. You have to pay for the booze. That's the only thing you have to pay for. They don And drunks. Don't you have to... Is the booze free? No, it's not. You have to pay for the booze. That's the only thing you have to pay for. They don't mention that. So if you're a drunk, stupid person and you don't look into it, you go, hey, 150 bucks, it's all, everything's paid. It's not really that bad.

I mean, it's not good, but in the restaurant at dinner, it's fair. It's totally passable. And then you get to eat all the soft ice cream you want for lunch. passable and then you get to eat all the soft ice cream you want for lunch um it's a it's i wouldn't recommend it necessarily but i'm happy that i spent that 125 dollars on it well worth 125 for three days and it was a great opportunity to read a delightful and fascinating book by our guest mary roach um when something important happens in your lives, we ask that you give us a call at 206-984-4FUN to tell us about it. Something not just important, but as we like to call it, momentous. Specifically, a momentous occasion.

That was a really awkward intro. I feel like I saved it to some extent with intonation, but it was constructed very, very poorly. Okay, let's take a listen to some momentous occasions, shall we? Hi, Jordan, Jesse Guest. This is Colin in Park Slope, Brooklyn, home of celebrity judge John Hodgman. I just had a momentous occasion. I heard a Park Slope dad say to his four-year-old son, I'll buy you the first or the second Black Eyed Peas album because those are the good ones.

I just wanted to share that with you guys. That is a very fine distinction. I just imagine if my parents had been like really specific about like, you may want the Pointer Sisters album with Jump For My Love on it, which was my favorite song when I was a little kid. But we're going to get you that one where they're all dressed as flappers on the cover and they're doing a weird kind of uh swing uh disco hybrid this is weird i can't decide whether i think this is responsible parenting or not it seems because it's like okay number one but here's the thing the as someone who owns the first black eyed peas album sure um i will say while it is the good Black Eyed Peas album, the second album is not.

Only the first one is all you want. They were always bad rappers. Sure. And Will.i.am was always a moderately talented to very talented producer. And they were always good dancers. They always put on a fun show. Well, quality of Black Eyed Peas,

it seems like, okay, I think, but this is a child. Like, does the child need to have, like, shouldn't the child just be able to listen to music that they like as long as it's not damaging in any way? Like, I honestly, I don't feel like the Black Eyed Peas are all that bad. I think the Black Eyed Peas are pretty much

the best case scenario of that kind of thing If you're a child too, you love that When I was a kid, this is how old I am When I was a kid, my parents, there were two I remember two LPs One of my earliest memories Enrico Caruso Crank it up

It was the entire oeuvre of Gilbert and Sullivan. And it was so big. It was a little box and you'd open up. It had a little clasp that you... And there were six LPs. And there was that. And next to that was my brother.

It was a Frank Zappa. So my choices were Frank Zappa and Gilbert and Sullivan. Wow. Yeah. So I turned away from music for a very long time. Not that there's anything wrong with Frank Zappa and Gilbert and Sullivan. Wow. Yeah. So I turned away from music for a very long time. Not that there's anything wrong with Frank Zappa, but as a six-year-old, it's really This is O'Dan calling with a momentous occasion. I just had my mind blown.

Sorry for that unusually long period of dead air there. This is O'Dan calling with a momentous occasion. I just had my mind blown. Long-time listener. Went to a show at the Ashby stage. Amazing show written by my friend, lead actor. Killed it. And it was Ashcon. It was amazing. I did not know.

I decided to actually play this one, in part because you live in the East Bay. But our friend Ashkahn has been in this show called Beardo. The Shotgun Players in Berkeley, California, right by the Ashby Bar Station. A very legitimate experimental theater group. Probably the top experimental theater group in the Bay Area. I know, right? Where that theater is.

It is a musical about Rasputin and Ashkahn plays Rasputin in it Jordan Jesse Goh favorite friend of the program Ashkahn I heard a rave review from a forum regular Janie of the show I know it just got extended

the run was through April 24th it got extended through the first which is when we're recording this it may get extended again but if it does go see Ashkahn as Rasputin in Beardo, Bay Area residence. I have a postcard on my office wall from somebody sent. It's Rasputin's. They have Rasputin's alleged penis in a glass jar.

There's a photograph of a guy looking through a microscope. And there's the penis in glass jar. There's a photograph of a guy looking through a microscope. And then there's the penis in the jar. And it's quite... It's an actual... It's in a museum. Okay. The Museum of Rasputin. Yeah.

It's in Siberia somewhere. It's in the Museum of Microscope Decks. So, yeah. Sorry. I think I just got cut off, so I'm going to repeat myself. Hi, Jordan and Jess. This is Sachi from Portland, Oregon.

I'm calling with a momentous occasion. So there's a swingers club in my neighborhood called Angels, and I was just walking by there, and a homeless man came bursting out of the door. He was wearing a Carhartt jacket and a pair of sweatpants with a large boner sticking up, I guess, protruding out of them. And he said to me, I'm Barbara Walters. That's it.

Thanks, guys. I love the show. Yay. We love you, too. Yay. Oh. It's weird that they let a homeless guy, or maybe he just barged into the swingers club.

I think she said singles club. Oh, I thought she said swingers club. I thought swingers club too, but then I convinced myself it was singles club. It sounds like Giles Brindley. You remember in Bonk, the guy who, the stuff was a precursor to Viagra? He demonstrated the audience by taking a dose and then going on stage wearing sweatpants and pulling them tight to say, see, see how effective it is.

And then he's like. And then he electrocuted an elephant. Then he's like, they're not getting it. So he pulls down the track pants. Oh, my God. And walks like out into the audience so that people could feel the tumescence. And like women in the front row screamed and ran. Wow.

But it started with a boner in a track suit. That's where he... How about it? That's what triggered the memory. Giles Brindley and his... It was papaverine. That was the drug. Anyway. Well, it is obviously a momentous occasion in the time you heard best-selling author

talk about uh best-selling author mary roach talk about the uh uh pre-viagra boner in the crowd don't call it in however do put it in your cell phone [phone]-fun so the next time something momentous happens you can give us a call we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mary Roach, authortrix. Listen, this book is out in paperback.

You're going to think this is a delightful book. That's what my dollars to donuts. You will think it's a delight. This is my way of getting donuts, by the way, Jordan. Yeah, please dollars to donuts. You will think it's a delight. This is my way of getting donuts, by the way. Yeah. Please mail Jesse donuts. Dollars to donuts just means mail me donuts, right?

Yeah. I'm not entirely sure how it works. Okay. Mary Roach's book is called Packing for Mars. I want to thank all the, we had volunteer day just the other day here. You were stopping, you were here signing 8x10s. Yeah, I did have to stop by to sign all of my 8x10s. And we sent out a whole bunch of thank you gifts from our pledge drive.

And the rest, everything at this point, except for a few international boxes, is in the mail. So it should be showing up to you. Things are coming in different boxes. Some people are emailing me like, oh, I got one of the things I was supposed to get and not all of them, but things are going out in the mail now. You'll get them within the next couple of weeks. And special thanks

to all of the folks who came out here and volunteered. I'd like to see some from the people who did get signed 8x10s. I would like to see pictures of them framed and mounted in your house. Send those in. JJGoAtMaximumFun.org. Send that shit in.

Speaking of things to send in, when we had the action item to give me advice on what I should do during my 30th year and you advice on what you should do during your 29th year, there was a lot of talk about surprising parent revelations. Like that subject really seems to have struck a chord. So I want to make that this week's action item. Give us a call at 206-9844-FUN and tell us the craziest thing that your parent ever revealed to you in an unexpected context. And I think we're going to get some good stuff. 206-9844-FUN, jjgoe at maximumfun.org.

Again, our guest has been Mary Roach. Her book is called Packing for Mars. It's all about space, the history of space travel and whether, with the grand vision of whether man can ever travel to Mars. But it's also about things like

astronaut ice cream and Tang and their connections purported or actual to the space program um our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of light in the attic records um we're online at maximum fun.org where we have a lively forum where people love to discuss this program very lively here's some shit i need to get off my chest, Jordan. Okay. I was just on tweeters. Sure. You've heard of this. I have. It's instant messaging technology for sexing skateboards or something.

Yeah. And I noticed that our friends at My Brother, My Brother and Me, who I hasten to point out have fewer listeners than we do. It's close. They're a very popular program. Fewer listeners than we do. Many more they're very popular program fewer listeners than we do many more tweets on their subject this week i want more tweets about jordan jesse go than there are about my brother my brother and me so i don't have to go to the people that i write a check to every month my employees if you will they're not legally my employees, but something like that. The people that are

supposed to be working under me, when I say jump, they're supposed to say how high. What's happening right now is if I call up the Mbimbams and I say jump, they say yeah, we have a lot more Twitter messages with our hashtag. Hashtag is JJGo.

Look, I don't care what you write. Sure, just hashtag it JJGo. It could be whatever you were twittering. Look, and Hashtag is JJ Go Okay Look I don't care what you write Sure Just hashtag it JJ Go Hashtag it JJ Go It could be whatever you were twittering Look And don't at message JJ Go Because at JJ Go is now a German lady

So don't send it She seems nice She seems like a nice German lady What is your at thing? I'm at Young American Jordan is at Jordan underscore Morris Eugene O'Neill Just recently signed up

Oh good for him Yeah I can't remember What his Twitter is Or I'd plug it But I'll put it in the forum How about that But hashtag JJ Go

Honestly I would love it If you recommended Jordan Jesse Go I would love it If you linked to a favorite episode Or said a favorite quotation Or you know

Said something momentous happened to you and hashtagged it JJ Go. But I'll take pretty much anything. Just hashtag it JJ Go. I want more messages hashtag JJ Go this week, this coming week, than the Mim Bams. Do you think we can do it?

I think we can do it. I hope we can do it. We got a fucking guy high-fived Yao Ming on our behalf. If we can get somebody to high-five Yao Ming. We can do basically anything. We can fucking beat somebody. We invented Twitter.

Sure. We explained Twitter to... At South by Southwest, we invented it. Hashtag JJGo. Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Thank you for being here, Mary. Thanks for having me.