Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 174: Black Bart Simpson

Episode Date: May 11, 2011

Dominic Dierkes of Derrick Comedy joins Jesse and Jordan for a discussion of Snoop Dogg, sports-loving children, arcade obsessions and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go. We're joined by Dominic Durkis of Derek Comedy to talk about the Simpsons arcade game and

Tecmo football and some other things that aren't quite so nerdy. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective A beautiful evening in Los Angeles This week's episode a little bit late Our apologies

Shit hit the fan Jordan's got kids to feed I do Gotta buy shoes for his babies I do yes my shoeless babies Were getting a lot of tetanus. Jordan, I know that you don't listen to a lot of rap music, but that's why everyone does every crime. Baby shoes.

Baby needs shoes. Oh, wow. My baby needs shoes. Now, they do mean literal babies, or just do they mean like their girlfriends? Like babies? No, no, not like Christian Laboutins. Right. No, their children need shoes.

They don't have shoes, apparently. Do babies really need shoes, though? They don't. That's the thing. Aren't they in cribs most of the time? Babies don't even know how to walk. I'm starting to think these rap guys just like doing crimes. Now, if you said baby needs woolly socks, certainly, because it's cold out.

Sure. You don't want your baby to get cold toesies. Baby needs a num-num. Yeah. Certainly, baby needs a num- certainly baby needs a num num babies love their numbers yeah anyway but that's i mean i guess in the context of rap music it's a little tough to say num num i still you know i'll talk to i'll talk in a second about uh my interview with hip-hop legend prodigy the other day um it was truly he wouldn wouldn't take his num-num out of his mouth.

That was the problem. Hard to understand. He's gone into electronica. Right, sure. Now he smells of Hall's mentholiptus. Joining us on this week's Jordan Jesse Go, you know him as one of the members of Derek Comedy. You know him

from his own award-winning stage show. I don't know. I presume you haven't won any awards. Dominic Dirkus. Dominic, welcome to the program. I've won awards before for stuff, for instance. What awards have you won, Dominic? I won, along with this, I've won with two different sketch groups

the Emerging Comic of New York Award the ECNY's that's right and that's it so you won with one group and then you won

again with a second group is it fair to say that that first group didn't emerge like they had they had hoped I think what's fair to say is that I carry

sketch groups just on my back and when you leave their ability to emerge just goes right out the window. Yeah, they're no longer. Well, and the cool thing about me is I never get there. I'm always emerging. Right.

I'm never arriving. There's no arriving. So it's kind of like a comedy whack-a-mole. You emerge very slightly. That's right. Then you recede. Right. As the hammer falls.

Right. And then eight tickets. Right. With which you then eight tickets. Right. With which you buy a pencil topper. I tell you what, I would spend a million dollars in those things if I could. Like, just playing carnival games take my money. That's like your weakness? It's one of them.

Is it the promise of a giant stuffed animal, or is it just the challenge of the ring toss? You know, I don't entirely know what it is. I suspect a lot of it has to do with pride. Like, I feel like my pride feels attacked that someone thinks I can't do this carnival game. That you can't win Giants. You know, Mexican Bart Simpson. That's right. You don't say that to a Dirkus.

No, no, no. I'm taking that blinged out Taz. I'm going to win it. That framed picture of guns and roses That's right Man, I was thinking about a framed picture of guns and roses I was gonna bring up when I was in summer camp Yeah, that's the ultimate carnival gift

I went to the summer camp I went to St. Dorothy's Rest in Northern California Had different sessions And I went to the I went to the, whatever you call that, county fair session, where you go at the end of the week of summer camp, you go to the county fair. And I remember someone who really wanted to win a Guns N' Roses poster that was in a frame. I feel like those weren't even, like, you know, you think about the poster a kid has

on his wall. This was significantly smaller. This was like an 8x10. Yeah, I wonder about those. I wonder about when you walk, something like that where they have an 8x10, like Orlando Magic, you know, guy dunking a basketball, and you're just

like, who prints these? Where does this come from? Anthony Hardaway prints them. Oh, I mean, he's near and dear to my heart. I'm from Memphis. Penny Hardaway runs the whole Orlando Magic concession. Can I go back to the conceit of the blinged out Taz? Yeah, that's right. Dominic, I don't know where you grew up.

You mentioned the South? Memphis, Tennessee. That's where I'm from. And Jesse, you can weigh in on this too, having grown up in the Bay Area. I definitely remember a time, this is maybe seventh grade for me, eighth grade, where the in vogue thing to wear was a giant T-shirt with a picture of kind of a hip hop Looney Tune on it. A Taz, a Bugs Bunny, etc. Like Tweety Bird with his hat cocked to the side. A lot of Tweety Birds.

His pants sagging around his ankles. Yeah, yeah. A, did you guys have that where you were growing up? And B, do you think those were Warner Brothers approved? Iceberg. Iceberg jeans had the license to create Looney Tunes apparel, as I recall. Okay. And I look.

I didn't know that. I'm not the number one expert at remembering the difference between Iceberg and, say, Carl Connie. No. Certainly, do I know for whom and by whom FUBU is? Yes. Us. Where does Janko enter into all of this?

Them and Airwalks are off in the sad corner of skater apparel. Airwalks were the biggest deal. I think you're more likely to find those in Orange County than you were in my neighborhood. Yes. Dominic, did you see these?

Was this a thing when you were growing up, the sagging Looney Tunes character? Sagging? What I would – I didn't see it so much on big t-shirts like in my – it was a bunch of like preppy white kids. But I saw that image a lot. Like people had that bumper sticker. People had that like Marvin the Martian like saying something like, welcome to Earth, bitch, or something. You know, like that's it.

God, you know in a drawer somewhere in Warner Brothers, there is a pilot for Urban Looney Tunes. I feel like they've revamped the Looney Tunes so many different ways. Like someone wrote it. What they had on there, they had that script, and they had a countdown on their wall until that script was too racist to produce and they kept trying to push it down and then it hit zero one day and they just sat they'd set it in a in a sad drawer right sure they black superman they eventually had they eventually had to decide do we want to go urban with looney tunes

yeah or do we want to associate it with michael Tunes? Yeah. Or do we want to associate it with Michael Jordan? That's right. Those were their two choices. Yeah, no, I guess maybe like Space Jam, maybe put an end to that. But here's the thing. I was an American Studies major in college. Had I not gone on to a career as a... So therefore, you've watched Space Jam several times in an academic context.

What is this about to qualify? That's not about the fact that I've watched Space Jam. That's about I've watched Space Jam several times in an academic context. What is this about to qualify? That's not about the fact that I've watched Space Jam. That's about I've watched Space Jam because I believe I can fly. Right, sure. And you like sad period Bill Murray. I feel like I'm reasonably familiar with the popular culture studies literature and just sort of the general things that have been explored. And I feel like there is this rich, deep, deep, powerful vein of theory

that could be developed around Black Bart Simpson. I think there is no thing in popular culture that I am aware of that is a more untapped reserve of powerful culture studies theories than Black Bart Simpson. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I agree. Black Bart Simpson as griot. Black Bart Simpson as organic intellectual as formulated by Antonio Gramsci. You know, I haven't seen that many Black Bart Simpsons.

I've more heard about it. It's been a while since Black Bart Simpson. Well, you're 26 or 27. I just turned 27 in March. Yeah. So I just turned 30. So Black Bart Simpson, I think we can agree is... And Jordan, you're a Simpsons fanatic. So I think you may have been plugged into this. Black Bart Simpson is a phenomenon of the early days of the Simpsons when the program was built around Bart Simpson. Right, and this is kind of when the Bart Simpson t-shirt was just kind of everywhere. The Bart man saying, evil doers beware. Yeah, cowabunga dude.

Cowabunga dude. Eat my shorts. Yeah, and maybe you would see Homer pop up on something strangling Bart. Yeah. But that's the only other time you would see another Simpsons character. Maybe, I've maybe even thought of, maybe they made a ploy for Lisa that's saying something, you know, intellectual. But yeah, this was mainly when Bart Simpson was the center. You have Black Bart Simpson. You have

specific offshoots of Black Bart Simpson. Rasta Bart. I was about to bring up Rasta Bart. Yeah, and these were knockoff things sold largely at swap meets. Like mainly swap meets. And God, yeah, what I would not give for

a nice, just thin, vintage Rasta Bart t-shirt. That would, I don't know, that'd be fantastic. The Simpsons stand-up arcade game. Oh, well. I'm hunkering down because we're about to have a convo. I don't know, maybe. Well, because on some vacation, my mom watched me spend $40. Yeah.

Because she talks about it as this big lesson, but she goes – I'd come upstairs and get another $20 in my wallet. And I spent, like, $40 in a world where I had 50. Right. Sure, sure, sure. And the most I'd ever had was 80 or something. You gotta – I was like – You gotta defeat the Mr. Burns robot.

Yeah, at the end. Which is the same carnival thing where – I'm feeling like a degenerate. I came here from playing, like, a poker game. I feel like I'm a degenerate gambler right now. Right. So I sank like 30 bucks into that thing before I beat it. I did beat it. Yeah.

But it was a lot of money. I have also beat the Simpsons stand-up arcade game. I forget where it went. How do you even beat a stand-up arcade game? Doesn't it take like 12 hours to beat a video game? It was like an afternoon, I think. I mean, it was a long time I played. Yeah.

Well, the thing with with those and kind of that similar game is there's only five levels five ish levels i know i'm gonna get some emails saying specifically how many levels i believe there's more than five and do you count the bonus levels where they're blowing up balloons no i don't um well don't condescend write write jordan email no please oh god and let him know how many levels. I would love to read that. But it just gets pornographically hard toward the end. So the time spent is less about the amount of levels and just like you will just start to die every minute. When you say pornographically hard, you mean as hard as the penis in a pornographic film? Yes, I'm saying it's so hard that if you had a fetish

regarding difficult video games, you'd start jerking it. Oh, I gotcha. It's like Battletoads hard. Oh, God, yeah. Battletoads, lightspeeder level hard. That's right. Jesus Christ.

It's supposed to be like the hardest video game level. Yeah, I have heard that and would agree. I don't think I ever made it past that. Can I ask you guys a question? You may. On a recent episode of... This is about that. Can I ask you guys a question? You may. Is this about Battletoads?

It's not that far. Okay. That's what I'm into talking about right now. On a recent episode of Judge John Hodgman, this was the case. It was two, we'll call them enthusiastic gamers, who were playing a game called Mega Man X. Sure.

Absolutely. We touched briefly on this last episode. Okay. We did mention Mega Man X. Sorry. So the question of the episode was, is it cheating to check a strategy guide when you're playing Mega Man X? Have you cheated?

If you look at a strategy guide, mentally, I just got done doing Portal 2. Sure. And I had to check on one level for one thing to see what to do. Is that the one that Jonathan Coulton sings a song for? Yeah, he sang a song for Portal 1. I don't know if he has music.

Does he have a song in Portal 2? I'm not sure, but there is a song in Portal 2 and I would imagine they got the same person. But anyway, so I view it as cheating. I think it is. Not like, it's just cheap. You're not,

you have to go outside for help, so I view it as cheating. You're more of a pussy. You're more of a pussy. You're not a tough guy like you. No, no, I looked. I looked at the thing and when I did it,

I was like, I am cheating right now. This is not, I should be able to do it. You would not, if this was a carnival, you would not win a giant inflatable mallet. That's right.

It's a carnival equivalent of taking a ring and setting it on top of a wine bottle. Coke bottle and going, I guess I win. Yeah. The argument was that you still accomplish the physical task of beating the game. Well, here's, I guess, the questions that I would ask. I have not heard the episode, but here's what I would ask. Are you competing with someone? Was these two guys saying who can beat the game first?

No, but one of them did actually beat it without the strategy guide. Sure. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just a personal preference thing, because let's face it, you shouldn't brag about beating a video game anyways. you shouldn't brag about beating a video game anyways. So, you know, if you're bragging about beating a video game, whether or not you did it with a strategy guide is irrelevant because it's kind of sad. Right.

If you're competing, yes, I would say don't use the strategy guide. And I'm hesitant to mention our old foes, but I think something interesting I read in the Penny Arcade once. I don't know. I know. I don't even know. Was that he was talking about he realized at some point the two Penny Arcade guys, one of them played games to beat them and one of them played games to see them. So I think a lot of people do just kind of like enjoying the world of the video game

and if something's hard and it's preventing them from seeing the rest of the game, it detracts from their enjoyment. So I think if you're one of those people who just wants to see the whole world of the game, yeah, I say go ahead and use a strategy guide. Wow. That is a very thoughtful... I'm somebody who wants to beat the game. Yeah.

That's my thing. When I beat the video game that I beat, which was one of the Grand Theft Autos, I do think that I looked in the strategy guide a couple times because I just got bored of doing something shitty over and over. Oh, yeah. I mean, I look. I'm not too good to like – like there is a point where it's like it's no longer fun for me. I'm either going to give up on this game or go online and get over this hump. Sure. And, yeah, but I think definitely, you know, when you are, you know, prime video game playing age, when you're 13 or something like that and don't have non-video game responsibilities, yeah, it's a little more kind of usual to just sit there and toil over something.

a little more kind of usual to just sit there and toil over something. But yes, when you are a fellow with a job and maybe a pet that needs tending to, yeah, you know, go ahead and cheat a little bit. It also depends on how many kids you have. Yeah, if you've got a bunch of kids and they all need stuff done for them. Right, if you are neglecting your children. Check the strategy guide, man. Do whatever you've got to do. Go ahead and go to Game Facts.

When you say check the strategy guide, do you mean like a Dr. Spock's or? Sure. Why is my child crying? Yeah. I've tried shaking it. I need a kid walk through. I've tried smearing more of its poop on him. He seems to enjoy it.

This is going to be a nerdy thing that I did recently, but I went on Facebook. I got so similar where someone posted one chapter of, do you ever play King's Quest 6? I poked around with a King's Quest game, but not enough to know what they're about. I played a little bit of Space Quest 3. Okay. Return to Zork, anyone. Space Quest 3, Return to Zork.

Is that the name of it? That's a similar kind of text-based adventure game. I was an ace detective in Carmen Sandiego. Does that count? It does. It counts for everything. We're all winners here. Aren't we, though?

I think it's very clear, this last bit of conversation. But in King's Quest VI, they have on... It has cleared that... People were wondering whether or not we were winners. Oh, were you guys wondering where the winners were? They're in this fucking room. They're right here. Talking about their accomplishments.

What's that smell? Oh, yeah. Victory. Yeah, right? King's Quest 6 has in like 25... As Charlie Sheen would say, we're great. We're great. Wait.

Since we're talking about King's Quest 6, we're going to hear your story. Oh, yes. Right. And since we're talking about what winners we are, I did used to get as a child a magazine from Sierra Online, the company that made uh the company that made king's quest 6 and i would get uh frequent updates as to the status of the king's quest series from said magazine well king's quest 6 i believe is supposed to be very like one of the better ones uh in terms and that's when i played i played it for like an entire summer when i was

like a kid and then they have on YouTube the entire walkthrough. They have someone who just screen – God bless this person. Yeah. They screen captured – they captured their screen and just played through the entire game going from thing to thing. Wow, so you can watch it. And so I'm like watching it and it's like just setting off all these weird synapse in my brain where I'm like, that fucking guy with the peppermint. And you just like remember. It was very, very emotional for me i would probably how i want to ask how long was the video

and how much of it did you watch it was like there are there were 20 something parts i believe online and i made it through like 17 wow well might as well just fucking finish the 20 at that point that's a dangerous see that's a that's a dangerous I have to fold that 17 though that's I'm guessing 17 10 minute videos oh I don't know how long they were 170 minutes of King's Quest

maybe I fell asleep doing it I don't know man it's hard to remember I understand I get that same feeling when I watch a walkthrough for front page sports football. That's right. When I see a Tecmo Bowl walkthrough, I just want to watch it. Great season of Tecmo Bowl. Hail Mary Wright.

Hail Mary Wright. Bo Jackson, Marcus Allen. Bo Jackson, Marcus Allen. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. Marcus Allen. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Dominic Dirkus, guest. It's great to have Dominic Dirkus here. Absolutely. Dominic, what's the name of your talk to have Dominic Dirkus here Absolutely Yeah Dominic what's the name Of your talk show again The Anytime Show The Anytime Show This is a delightful program

I went on this program With Dominic It was at the Smod Castle Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Upwards of three people In the audience That's right

One of whom was my wife Yes One of whom was my wife's pal Uh-huh God bless him The other was a drifter No there was a couple there other was a drifter. No, there was a couple there.

There was a couple there that looked like normal people, the Kevin Smith fans. There was a couple there that, yeah, wanted me to be Kevin Smith so badly. Yeah, they were so disappointed. And I couldn't give them

what they wanted. Yeah. I have nothing that will give you Kevin Smith. Well, because, I mean, how long can you talk about Kevin Smith for? Probably not that long.

Well, Kevin Smith is taking a run at the all-time record. The thing is, there's only so many words in a given day that can be said about Kevin Smith, and he monopolizes all of them. Sure, right. He uses it up. So there's really very little left for you to say. Right.

And I see the bind you're in in that situation. That's right. Let's be clear, too. I have nothing against Kevin Smith. I think he's quite charming. Sure. No, I have nothing against Kevin Smith. I think he's quite charming. Sure. No, I have nothing. I am very into the idea of somebody having a very devoted fan base in a kind of niche way.

I think that's cool. It was a magical place, too. Smod Castle has now merged with the John Lovitz Comedy Club. That's right. Naturally. It's a natural marriage. It's a perfect fit. Yeah, I mean, I remember when I saw Clerks, I went, him and the guy from SNL should get together.

Yeah. Yeah. Him and the pathological liar from SNL should have a Hawaiian-themed comedy club at a super mall in Burbank. Yeah. Yeah. Which they do now. The thing is, is I don't know if this new club has – and now you're doing the Anytime Show at a new theater. That's right.

But this new Smodcastle club, I wonder if it is as much of a perfect slash sad tribute to Kevin Smith as the previous Smodcastle was. In that the previous Smodcastle literally had New Jersey Devils carpeting. That's right. New Jersey Devils carpeting. That's right. New Jersey Devils carpeting. Any picture you drew of him that you mailed to him was on that wall. Yeah. So many pictures of him on the wall. And again, I kind of like Kevin Smith.

I mean, I think Kevin Smith's a funny guy, and I don't mean to seem like I'm putting him down. It was just an amazing place. Because it was clearly just the stuff and backstage was no different and it was it was like stuff that like our geeky guy who had become rich would have left over from his house that maybe he was a little too embarrassed to put in his house even though he's not he's difficult to embarrass yeah just like fan portraits of him and uh as i recall a lot of halo 2 action figures halo 2 action figure i mean my thing well and i

like i'm the same way i have nothing against it but i'm just like if i had a comedy theater i would be very weirded out by images of me everywhere yeah and i guess that's balls or that's something that makes you go like, well, it's my theater. Every image I have and every image and... It's just going to be the things I like. Yeah.

And what I like is me. Well, he said in... It's a place of Kevin's own. He said, I'm the biggest Kevin Smith fan. And he fully behaves that way. Sure. So it's like,

I suppose he's in control of it and seems harmless enough. Do you know where your new home base is going to be for your show? Yeah, we've been doing it there for like a month and a half. It's at a place called the Underground Annex Theater over on Wilton. Not that you've been paying attention. On Wilton near Fountain.

I'm sorry. Jordan. I'm sorry. It's on the Twitter. It's on the, I don't know, man. It's whatever. It's a great show. Dominic is a fantastic host. host i was i gotta say uh a lot of laughs were had in a four-person audience which is no mean feat

uh at that show well it's it's i i because i started off doing stand-up on the road and stuff and and sometimes especially with these like wednesday thursday shows when you're doing that it would be like very small crowds of people and i kept getting the advice or there was one comic who always gave me the advice of like if you have four people show up like they paid to see a show and if you don't like if you penalize them for the people who didn't show up it's just like yeah it's just like what who wins sure so i'm at least going to pretend like it's a show even though the audience knows it's not because there's four of them i'm talking into a microphone everyone's like this is unnecessary but you know might as well have fun it was a great it was a great night out i really recommend it i don't i

imagine your audiences are continuing to grow because you're doing such a great job uh i appreciate yeah there's been there's there's kind of a core group that comes most weeks and then it's you know depending on the guest mom your sister what's that your mom and your sister my mom my sister kevin smith of course. Kevin Smith, his mom, his sister. That guy who's in all the Kevin Smith movies that's friends with Kevin Smith. Sure. You mean the cast of Kevin Smith movies? Yes.

The cast? Yeah. Now, you guys, you also made, this is something I noticed recently, the movie you made with your comedy group Mystery Team. That's right. That movie is now on the Netflix Instant. Yes, that's right. That happened a couple months ago.

Have you seen just a huge deluge of, oh my god, I've seen your movie notices? I've gotten a lot more tweets about it. Pretty much as soon as it went up on Watch Instantly, I've had a few people tweet at me every period of time. It hasn't been an overwhelming amount, but an amount of people are tweeting like, oh, watching this movie. It's great. And like tagging any combination of me, Donald, and DC and just hashtagging mystery team or something. So that's cool.

So I figure if that percentage of people are tweeting at me about it, there must be a decent amount of people seeing it. I saw it at the Redbox at my 7-Eleven. I love that. I love that you got it out of a Redbox. Of that buck that you cost to rent the Redbox movie, how much do you see personally?

Oh, me? Like 10 bucks. Pretty good. Wow. Amazing those things aren't out of business. That's economics. That's Keynesian economics.

You put some money into the system and it generates more money. With every rental, 7-Eleven just mails you a Go-Go taquito. Well, I should specify I have a lawsuit

against 7-Eleven. They, you know, I burned myself on a hot dog there so they've paid me ten dollars for every red box so that was the settlement we came to well okay and it's not just he should be clear he gets ten dollars for every red box rental that's right whether or not it's mystery team mystery team whether it's straight to dvd lost boys sequel That's right. A new Steven Seagal movie. Right. He and a rapper team up. Yeah. Kevin Ja Rule.

This is a, I mean, we talked about this when DC was on, so I don't feel like we need to beat this dead horse. But the Mystery Team movie is really funny. It's really worth your time. It's really a blast. I mean, it's sort of like Wet Hot American Summer in that it's a real handmade film That some people just got together and made

And it turned out great So people should watch that Also MacGruber People should also watch MacGruber Yeah MacGruber's great I saw MacGruber for the first time like a few weeks ago Will Forte's writer Sorry he's a voice in this animated show

That I'm a staff writer for And so I was like I should watch MacGruber. And I did. And I was like, this is so much better. MacGruber is hilarious. It's like four times as good as it had to be. It could have been. Right.

No, and that's a great point. That MacGruber, to have been considered an artistic success, MacGruber could have been way less funny than that. That's right. And then it was way more funny. MacGruber, as far as I'm concerned, MacGruber is the new Stuart Saves His Family. Yeah. It is.

I haven't seen that. Much better than it needed to be and actually kind of good. Yeah. No, and I... I'm not a big re-watcher of movies. I don't buy a lot of movies to have around the house.

But I bought MacGruber just out of support for MacGruber, like wanting MacGruber to have some money. You wanted MacGruber himself. I wanted MacGruber, the character, to have some money. You actually – initially you just put a $5 bill in an envelope and wrote MacGruber, North Pole. I love you. Care of Broadway video. Right, sure.

Care of Lord Michaels. care of Broadway video. Right, sure. Care of Lord Michaels. And I do find myself really just like putting it on as kind of one of those you know, cleaning the house, I'm doing other work kinds of movies and it's been so valuable for that kind of thing.

Anyways, MacGruber's great. I don't mean to get off of the topic of underappreciated comic films, but there's something that I feel like has really been really important, has really been weighing on me for quite some time that I haven't had a chance to talk about on Jordan Jesse Go, that I feel like I need to air.

I need to let it out. As you guys probably know, recently the rapper, well, hip-hop singer, Nate Dogg, passed away. Now, number one... Can you remind me what Nate Dogg was famous for? The hook on every G-Funk record ever

Do you know Regulators? No, no, gosh The early 90s hip-hop I just don't know anything about Not even like Regulate? I mean, I kind of On the Lower East Side of the LBC On a mission to find Mr. Warren G.

Sounds familiar. Yeah. I know some things about bombastic. Is that Shaggy? Yes. No. Yeah. No, but that is...

I just don't even... What's Shaggy doing? Okay. Well, he... Do you remember Area Codes by Ludacris? Nope. I got hoes. Oh, wait.

I do remember that. Yeah. What about... Hey, hey, hey, hey, smoke weed every day. That's him. I do remember. You must have heard someone say that. I do, yes.

I mean, I have had smoke weed every day said and yelled at me. You're a person in this world. I went to UC Santa Cruz for college, and that was yelled at me from moving cars. that was Yelled at Me from Moving Cars. I think the point is that almost every hip-hop hit record from like 1992 to 2002 had Nate Dogg on the hook. A great singer. And also, for those out there who are music fans, made a great solo album.

He made one, not that great solo album, but I really like his second solo album. It's got some great tunes on it. It's called Music and Me. I really recommend it. You can probably get's got some great tunes on it. It's called Music and Me. I really recommend it. You can probably get it for 99 cents from your Amazon.com. But he passed away recently. It was a very sad occasion for people in hip-hop.

Not least, his good friend Snoop Doggy Dogg. They had grown up together in Long Beach. Nate Dogg was somebody's cousin. I didn't know they were childhood friends. Yeah, I think they were childhood friends. Was the fact fact that their names had dog it was that were that a coincidence i was holding back on asking that question but i'd like to know that too yeah i wonder well i mean snoop doggie dog was called that definitely because his mom called him snoopy like snoopy was his like childhood nickname um I don't know about Nate, though.

I mean, there were a lot of dogs at the time. Yeah. Short dog, too short. It's the Smith of rapper names. Sure. Yeah. And I think it was a very sweet tribute that Snoop Doggy Dog got a huge tattoo of Nate Dog

immediately after Nate Dog died. And it was really lovely. It's a picture of Nate Dog immediately after Nate Dog died. And it was really lovely. It's a picture of Nate Dog, a big picture of Nate Dog, and it's a nice picture of Nate Dog. I mean, to the extent that a picture in tattoo form can be nice. And I thought that was really sweet, but there was something about it that was unusual to me. Underneath it said, Nate Dog, you know, 1964 to 2011 or whenever, however old he was. And then underneath that, in Old English script, you know. Sure, standard someone died tattoo font. Yeah.

It said, all dogs go to heaven Is it possible That these were two separate tattoos Yes One was about Nate Dogg And one was just about His favorite Don Bluth film Is it possible that maybe Snoop Dogg

Is going to get a series of Don Bluth tattoos I'm very impressed That you could put a name to All Dogs Go to Heaven, the movie. Yes. I just know it's an animated Disney movie. Kind of a non... Yeah, I don't know too much about him, but he's a French guy who made the kind of knockoff Disney movies.

Well, Jordan, I mean, it's not impossible. I mean, Snoop Dogg does have that Fievel Goes West tattoo. Yeah, is there a Land Before Time tattoo on him somewhere we haven't seen? He does have a Cool World tattoo. I don't know if that's the same. Do you think Snoop Dogg, before he got the All Dogs Go to Heaven under the thing, he said, it's not tacky enough yet. Yeah, what could I do? This seems like just a touching tribute. It needs to be tacky. It's a slightly weird thing to say, but to immortalize on your flesh.

Right. To permanently, and I should clarify that all dogs, the dog is spelled with two Gs. If it hadn't, if it wasn't, I would be with Jordan. I would be like, then it was about the movie first. wasn't i would be with jordan i would be like then it was about the movie at first and it's also presumptuous i think because a nate dog if i recall correctly was a convicted second degree murderer and he hated women he he was like like you know there's a lot going on for women not a fan of women and i'm don't don't don't quote me on the degree of the murder, but I know that at some point he shot someone.

There was a murder rap. Yeah, there was a murder rap. And also, I kind of feel like it's one of those things where it's as though Prince Charles, after Princess Diana died, said, people will always remember the couple, Princess Diana and me. Because Snoop Doggy Dog himself is a dog. Oh, so yeah. So maybe the tattoo was like, it's also saying, I'm also going to heaven and it's going to

be awesome. He's like trying to ride. He's trying to use that. By the way, let's not forget, also an accused he's a quitted murderer yeah an accused murderer um he's trying to like just slide in on the goodwill generated by the death of his friend i think with the tattoo yeah yeah i think i think he got something i think he thinks that a tattoo is a binding contract with god yeah yeah does he he have a tattoo of pimped out Taz at all? He does have black Bart Simpson.

Well, it's just a regular Bart Simpson, but on his skin it's black Bart Simpson. Oddly enough, he does have a tattoo of a framed picture of Guns N' Roses. It's not just an Axl Rose tattoo. It is a frame. Framed picture. It is exactly 8x10. I think his most beautiful tattoo, though, is his tattoo of an extensive discussion

of underappreciated comedy films of the last two years or so. Yeah, three kind of clever white dudes sitting around a card table. Three moderately clever white dudes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dominic Dirkus, guest. Other people have used guest. I want you to know that. I figured, but I don't. You don't want to embarrass yourself. Anything else would be bragging or feel weird like, oh, this is the part where I give my credits or how people would know me.

No, no. Just make up a funny nickname for yourself. Oh. Just think about it. Crackles. Yep. That's my nickname. We'll take it.

Crackles. Run with that. Crackles. Hey, let's talk about sponsors for this week's program. Please. We got a couple of them. Number one, our friends at Fuzzy Ball Apparel. Yes. Look, if you're looking for a fun character piece,

not for a monologue for an audition, for a t-shirt or a little guy that lives inside an egg. Yeah. If you're looking for a fun ceramic figure, hand-painted, hand-crafted, a funny t-shirt with some funny characters and nerd slogans,

Fuzzy Ball's Apparel. Their slogan, cute and creepy t-shirts with some funny characters and nerd slogans. Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Their slogan, cute and creepy t-shirts and things. Cute and creepy t-shirts and things. FuzzyBallsApparel.com, and there is a special podcast quality gift. I don't know what podcast quality means. Podcast quality gift? Lower bit rate, possibly. Mono instead of stereo?

Low quality? Yeah. Anyway, all you have to do is when you place your order, put JJ Go in the notes for your order there at fuzzyballsapparel.com. Also, the folks from the podcast of the online magazine Jacket 2 from the University of Pennsylvania. It's called Jacket 2. I don don't understand what's that a reference to well it's just what you were jacket two oh okay oh they want you to jack it no they don't because it's the universe it's actually a series of readings interviews with poets from across the united states and canada male jacket to that okay billy collins involved jacket to keats um the host of this show whose name is steve mclaughlin uh traveled by greyhound bus for six

weeks uh collecting a thorough cross-section of contemporary poetry culture um from this most experimental poetry you can imagine to, uh, sea shanties. Wow. Great. It sounds fantastic, right? A nice, a nice,

uh, show that's called into the field. Um, their other show is called poem talk, which is a talk show about poetry. Um, nice to hear some nice poetry podcasts. Absolutely.

Right. Uh, if you're a poetry fan or would like to become one, uh, it's at jacket to J a C K it's at jacket2.com slash podcasts. Jacket2.com slash podcasts. And finally, this guy Colin and his lovely graphic novel called Amy in the Spring of 1990. Jordan is holding it for the whole podcast audience to hear.

It's very handsome. It looks to be kind of a serious comic about growing up and emotions. Yeah, it's a lovely love story set in the world of a middle school student, a middle school version of Colin, I think. And it's really sweet. I read it. It's really sweet and charming and very good looking, very handsome and attractive.

Absolutely. And it'll... Nice on your shelf. Yeah. And it also features at the very end, or at least our copy does, an actual wallet size photo of the author from when he was in middle school.

Wearing a sweet Quicksilver t-shirt. Yeah, that's the good stuff. And it's also set in the Bay Area, which I like. Sure. I support that. I'm guessing the bowling alley they visit in there. I'm going to guess Sarah Bowl. Is that the bowling alley?

Yeah, it could be Haight Street Bowl. Okay. The Rockin' Bowl. That's a good guess. Hard to say, but I'm going to say Cerebol, because you've got more league games there and so on. So there's a good venue for that. Is Cerebol like a play on cerebral?

S-E-R-R-A, like Junipero Cera. Oh, okay. Junipero Cera. Yeah, it's not Cerebol. Okay, I get it. Like cerebral palsy. That's right. They're not trying to invoke that, are they?

No, yeah. They're just trying to remind you how shitty you look when you're bowling. That's right They're not trying to invoke that They're just trying to remind you How shitty you look when you're bowling That's over at palsy Ungraceful Ungracebowl Which our sign only works if you say it a specific way Anyway If you want to check out this

If you want to check out this little Adorable graphic novel It's am amy in the spring.com amy in the spring.com i know there's a lot of folks out there who like to support an independent writer artist team amy in the spring.com is the place to do it if you want to sponsor a future jordan jesse go program for 100 for your personal message 200 for your commercial message, just like the Jumbotron at the ballpark. Email Teresa at MaximumFun.org, T-H-E-R-E-S-A at MaximumFun.org, our development director and my beautiful wife, and she will help you set it up.

It's just that easy, Jordan. Wow, it sounds pretty easy. Dominic, I think think look, I know that I don't mean to be rude but I know that Mystery Team was not a smash hit in the theaters. Okay, no that's fine. That's not rude.

And it seems like in retrospect maybe you should have dropped the $200 to get a commercial message on Jordan Jesse Go. Oh, that's where this was headed? Yeah. I mean, we, at the time, we had the $200 in our hand. Sure. And we were like, are we going to walk it down there?

You know, are we going to walk it down to the tower office that you have? Like, you've got this giant office in downtown Los Angeles. It's very intimidating. Yeah. You ended up giving it to Bobby Moynihan from Saturday Night Live. You gave it to Bobby Moynihan for gas money to get to New Hampshire. Yeah. You're saying

you could have had a Fast Five on your hands? Yes. I could have had a Fast Five. Let's talk about Fast Five in a second. That's how much money

we would have made you. Five dollars. I saw Fast Five. I want to thank Xena who sent me an adorable onesie with a bow tie printed on it

for my upcoming child. Wow. Very nice. Thank you very much, Xena. We're printed on it for my upcoming child. Wow. Very nice. Thank you very much, Zena. We're all looking forward to the upcoming child. Yes, we are. That's a fun way to say it. Oh, okay.

Well, you said it sarcastically. I was like, what's his angle? No, it's just kind of a fun way to say it. We're all looking forward to the upcoming child. I've been buying advertisements in movie pre-roll trivia contest type things. Is that bad? I heard that's a good place to get the word out about

upcoming releases. And upcoming babies, similarly. Gotta get the word out. The hot new baby that's got Hollywood talking. Whenever I have a baby, I'm gonna want everyone to know that baby's coming up next. You gotta create buzz. You gotta take the baby to Comic-Con. You gotta have. You've got to take the baby to Comic-Con.

You've got to have a pre-screening of the baby at Comic-Con. What are bloggers saying about the baby? What's the internet? What are the kids saying? What about the Twitterverse? Hashtag new baby. Oh, let's do a hashtag update. Okay.

Here's the thing. Last week on this program, we complained about the fact that our friends at My Brother, My Brother and Me, We complained about the fact that our friends at My Brother, My Brother and Me, our frenemies, if you will, have been so much more successful on Twitter than we have. They have a hashtag, MBMBAM, for My Brother, My Brother and Me. And in a given week, there will be literally hundreds of tweeters about the hashtag MBMBAM. Now, we decided that given our, number one, our larger audience. Our shorter title. Number two, our good looks and charisma.

Yeah. Number three, these golden pipes. Mm-hmm. We could motivate our audience to dominate their audience. I like this. In what we ended up calling a friendship war. Hashtag-based friendship war. Now, what happened is this. The war went on, and in some ways it was a great success.

We introduced the hashtag, pound Jesse, Jesse, go. JJ, go. Pound JJ, go. success we introduced the hashtag pound jesse jesse go jj go pound jj go and it was uh you know we were we were really happy to see lots of tweeters about it however i don't know how to count tweeters against each other and i realized that that was a sure that'll be an essential sort of central flaw in my plan, in my Twitter plan. I have an idea. Yeah. Please.

Maybe they could hashtag JJ Go and then like one, two, three, like in the order in which they're hashtagging it. So that way the last person to hashtag it, the number that's at the end is the total number. I don't think people want to do research. So they're asking people to do research. But we got some... Oh, come on. We got some great tweets. I mean, I just searched it do research. They're asking people to do research. Oh, come on.

We got some great tweets. I mean, I just searched it right now as we're recording this. Lucas, for example, has tweeted, who is at I Make Nice Stuff. He tweeted, sometimes you have more gooseberry jam than you know what to do with. He hashtagged that. JJ Go. Again, does not have to be about the show. We just want to win.

We love it if you do want to tag something that is about the show. I mean, here's somebody who the next one down is this guy whose name is Sheep Lover. Oh, come on. Come on. Have some class. Sheep Fucker. Yeah, Sheep Fucker is the classy way to be. He said, just spotted a Jordan Jesse go tote bag at the Donald Glover show in New York City.

Your Derek comedy comedy. It's nice. That's great. There are lots and lots of. Look, how about this? Here's something from Transgender World News. I wonder how Cher feels that Chaz Bono is transgender and Cher is still the biggest freak in the family. That's hashtag to you guys?

It's hashtag JJ Go. We'll take it. You know what? Sure. That's explicitly what you asked for, Jordan. Isn't it confusing? A lot of it's confusing. I don't know how to feel about that.

Yeah. Here's someone named Katie who was possibly upset that some policemen were laughing at her because she was laughing at Mary Roach on last week's Pound at JJ Go. There's also a German woman named Janine who is at JJ Go. We don't recommend that you tweet at JJ Go because she will be confused. We do not know if she speaks English. Hard to say. What was the previous one? The previous tweet?

The one about Chaz Bono? Yeah, what is that? No, the one about the police officers. The one about the police officers. This is KatieTaylor09. She wrote, Just saw two cops laughing at me as I cracked up to Mary Roach on Pound JJ Go. Oh, okay, okay.

I thought she was worried the cops knew she was listening to you guys and stuff. I didn't know what was... Oh, like she was afraid of repercussions. Yeah, cops can't know I'm listening to you guys. I didn't know what was... She was afraid of repercussions. Cops can't know I'm listening to Jordan and Jesse go. It's a secret podcast. We talk about some pretty serious shit on this show. Have you heard of a movie called Loose Change? Oh, yeah.

9-11. It's all on Watch Instantly. Just like Mystery Team. They're both movies. You have a choice. You have a choice. You're watching Instantly. You go on Netflix.

You're either a Loose Change guy or a Mystery Team guy. You cannot be both. Can't be both. No, no. You can't watch mystery team, then watch the 9-11. No, I watched loose change and it suggested mystery team. That's how I watched it. That's right.

You liked loose change. You might also like. That's right. We wanted to be, we made sure our keywords were similar. And also we met those guys, you saw those guys around at festivals. Nice guy. Yeah, they're great. Good guys.

A lot of good ideas. I mean,. Good guys. A lot of good ideas. I mean, people will, but a lot of good ideas. Like, I don't know if I agree with everything they say. Yeah. But it's food for thought. Makes you think. And it's like some of the evidence, yeah, whatever. It's like not real or something like that.

But like what the points they're bringing up are still good. Sure. It's still important points. Fluoride in the water supply. Sure. Yeah. Chemtrails, people. What are they?

I don't know. Declassified documents about landing a plane in Cuba, unloading the passengers, pretending it crashed, you know? Yeah. Lyndon LaRouche. That's right. And finally, Lyndon LaRouche. Anyway, so I don't know.

If somebody out there knows how to count, someone suggested on the MaxFunForum that the prize for this in the friendship war should be that the winner should have to play a segment from the other show and then talk about what they learned from listening to it, which I think is a pretty solid idea. Yeah, that's fine. That's appropriately humiliating for either party. But also friendly. But also pretty solid idea. Yeah, that's fine. That's appropriately, you know, humiliating for either party. But also friendly. But also friendly and fun.

Yeah. It's a lot of respect. But we need to figure out a way to count these. So while we're at it, please continue to hashtag JJ Go. We love it if it's about the show. It doesn't have to be. You know, we're just doing what we can. You know, at the end of the day, Jordan, we're just doing what we can.

Right. Somebody said nobody Twitters because they don't know what our Twitters are. Jordan is Jordan underscore Morris. I'm young American. I feel like people can, I feel like we can win this thing whether or not there's an official count.

I feel like we can win it by saying we won it. No matter what the count is, I feel like we can Mugabe our way to victory. That's going to be our slogan. Mug we can Mugabe our way to victory. That's going to be our slogan, Mugabeing our way to victory. So we can strong arm our way to victory? Yeah, well, we can have an election, lose it, call a second election, lose it, and then declare elections invalid. Is that what he did? Yeah, I think that's pretty sure that's a fair description.

Oh, wow. Yeah, the third time, you know you can't do another election because you're at best two out of three. You'd have to win three more. Yeah. So you're like, you know what? No more elections. The elections are over. Yeah, we're switching to who's been president longest. Yeah, you have to win the president.

As the method of determining who's the... We're going with who has the keys to the guns. Who has the keys to the gun closet. I'm the guy with the keys to the guns. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Thorn America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dominic Dirkus, crackle. It's great to have you on the program, Dominic. Thank you. Last week on the show, you weren't here.

I'll fill you in. We were talking about amazing revelations from our parents. My whole life has been a long series of revelations of crazy things that my parents have done in their lives. revelations of crazy things that my parents have done in their lives. And I feel very inadequate because I have basically lived my entire life avoiding crazy things. And so I've essentially have no, nothing to spring on my kids when they're 11 or 13 or 15 or whatever. I don't know what your family is like, Dominic.

I wouldn't presume. Well, my parents are very kind of conservative, normal. They're very, like, not extreme people. Like, they never really drank much. So there was no level of, like, your dad was never like, hey, you know, I was married to a stripper for five days and got it annulled. Yeah, don't tell your mother I told you this, but we actually met this way. There's none of that.

It was all very up and up. I've been in some weird stage shows at the New York UCB Theater that if I ever had to explain to my kids why I was there doing what I was doing, I'd be like, well, this is very difficult. These are maybe some after-midnight Del Close marathon kinds of things.

I saw a show at the UCB Theater in New York that culminated with an Amel Nitrate Poppers contest. Oh, sure. Was that the marathon? This was at the Sketchfest NYC. Okay. Yeah, the Del Close Marathon late at night. Sometimes people are doing whippets on stage. Yeah.

You can catch that. Whippet contest. Sure. It's a good time. So many whippets. Isn't there an Catch that. Whippet contest. Sure. It's a good time. So many whippets. Isn't there a improv show where everyone is Andrew Dice Clay? That's a show I was in called The Dicemen, where everyone was a version of Andrew Dice Clay.

Like, John Gemberling was Andrew Rice Clay, and he threw rice at the audience the whole time. Great. And what's fun about that show is the introduction of 30 Andrew Dice Clay puns. I was Andrew Dice Clay Aiken. Everyone was something. Everyone was something. And Brett Gellman was Andrew Dice Hitler.

There was a whole parade of them. And then once we're all out there. I hear the pun there. And it was a half hour show. And so then there's 15 minutes of all of us being introduced. The audience is laughing because we're all dressed in varying degrees of shoddy. Andrew Dice Clay. But then everyone's introduced

and then for 15 minutes that mass of 40 people has to improvise. And that is not fun. That's unpleasant to watch. There is nothing funny about it. Nothing that any of those characters have to say to each other.

Nothing to improvise about. So then it was 15 minutes of us wandering around the stage. Me basically just standing there and then it being done. And now all of those bit shows late at night are 15 minutes of us wandering around the stage, me basically just standing there, and then it being done. And now all of those bit shows late at night are 15 minutes long. Yeah. Because of the Dicemen. Because of the things like the Dicemen.

Okay, so we asked our audience to contribute there. Oh, yeah. They're Andrew Dice Clay puns? Oh, you really saw me coming, huh? Yeah. And we got some doozies. Brian Fernandez was screening our calls this week, and he sent us some that I think we'll enjoy. Hi, Jordan and Jesse.

This is a response to the action item this week, shocking parent revelations. And I'll try to keep it concise because it was a revelation full of many wonderful details. But when my dad found out that I smoked pot when I was 16, he sat me down and told me this incredible story about a trip to Mexico that he took. He met a man, a one-legged man on a train. This man offered him a beer and told him the story of being raised as a woman, as a girl, by his mother and taught to dance and entered in dance competitions all over the world. I'm sorry, all over Mexico, which he won and was a champion dancer until an elevator cut off his leg, and he became just a strange obese man. After the train ride, he took my father and a cast of other characters back to his mother's house.

His mother was a fortune teller, and they sat in her parlor, her fortune-telling parlor, and my dad smoked his first joint and they gave him two more joints to smoke on his way home. And my dad, who's a very proper Southern soft-spoken gentleman, Southern gentleman told me, I smoked that joint and I went down to the market and I could always, uh, only just stare at these melons for 20 or 30 minutes, staring at these melons. And that was the end of his story about the first time he smoked a joint. Thanks. See, that's the kind of sit-down talk you want your parents to have with you.

The joint is the least important part of that story. Yeah, right? By far. Of course you got a joint from these people. It's like the eighth most unusual thing in that story. It's like, Of course. By far. Of course you got a joint from these people. It's like the eighth most, it's like the eighth most unusual thing in that story. Right.

It's like, oh, and they handed me a joint. It's like, I would have been surprised if they hadn't. If it was, if our caller had said, well, the first time my dad caught me

sleeping with a one-legged genderqueer dancer. First time my dad caught me staring at melons for a half hour. he told me this story it's a it's truly magical okay here's here's another one hi jesse and jordan this is xena calling from seattle i have a surprising parent revelation

for you um my parents got divorced when i was a baby and i've known for a long time that their divorce was a result of my mom's embrace of 70s-style free love. But it wasn't until last year, at a dinner at my grandparents' house, my dad told us all my mother had slept with a famous blues musician, Taj Mahal. So then I finally understood the significance of the Taj Mahal backstage pass in my baby photo album. All right. You guys are great. I'll look forward to the next podcast. Bye.

Oh, jeebus. Yowza. What I like about these stories is in neither one do I have any idea where it's headed. Yeah. When it gets there, look, and that's why the Taj Mahal ticket is in my baby book. I don't know who Taj Mahal is. Is that, I mean, obviously the famous blues musician. He's a blues legend.

I mean, he was one of the biggest stars of the blues revival in the late 1960s and 1970s. But he was already a middle-aged man by then. It was him and B.D. King were the big kings of the blues revival in the 70s, the sort of Bill Graham-driven. He just didn't open a restaurant. Gotcha, sure. That's the only reason he... Named after him.

B.B. King knew what would make him immortal. He did open a very gaudy building in India, though. That's right. Very tacky. Taj Mahal. We build this as a tribute to blues singer Taj Mahal. If that's not a restaurant, then what is it, though? What, Taj Mahal? Yeah, the Taj Mahal We build this as a tribute To blues singer Tash Mahal If that's not a restaurant Then what is it though?

What? Tash Mahal? Yeah the Tash Mahal It's a rotating restaurant It's a rotating restaurant And all their food has waffles Oh okay It's all waffles

That sounds pretty good It sounds really fun People line up for it You can see the line outside People are lined up For those fucking waffles They're great Just the image of it's everywhere

Yeah Absolutely for those fucking waffles. They're great. Just the image of it's everywhere. Yeah. Absolutely. JJ Go, this is Utah from Ohio calling into action. I know about crazy parental revelations. And I don't know. I'll give you three. You can pick one. Thanks.

My father shot a man in the foot. He was out of the apartment that he was sharing with a bunch of people in New York when they got raided for selling drugs, and so everyone got arrested except him. And when he first moved to New York, this was back when you could write. You could just open a bank account and they'd give you a bunch of checks. But the whole thing wasn't worked out yet. So they went all over town writing enormous bad checks. And he seems like he's a, I mean, I guess I hadn't really had much of a sense he was such a criminal. So that's it.

A committed criminal. Yeah. An incredibly committed criminal. Shot a man in the foot. Yeah, I might have liked to have heard the particulars of that other than the fact that he was a check forger. Well, this fella he shot in the foot was an obese mexican dancer right he shot him in a foot in the foot so hard his foot flew into an elevator where it was chopped oh yeah that's something i forgot to because he's an elevator sliced his foot off how did he i've never heard

of an elevator slicing anything maybe this is some crazy kind of hydraulic mexican elevator safety standards are not the same you know how much cheaper it is to make an elevator out of razors. You think they aren't going to? No. You're right. You're kidding yourself. So much cheaper. There's not elevator regulation.

You're going to make that thing out of razors and machetes. Because those are the things that are abound in nature. Right. You're talking about people who put cinnamon in their chocolate. Anything can happen there. Nothing is sacred. Anything can happen. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, Go.

This is Matt from Cincinnati, and I just wanted to bring up an action item that you had brought up last week. It was about a revelation a parent brought up, and here is my story. My mother and father were separated before I was even born. So my mom was driving me back to my dad's after a visit. And we were sitting there chatting as per usual. And at one point, my mom, out of the blue, brings up the fact that my dad was a dancer. Take a beat.

My dad was a dancer? What, beat? My dad was a dancer? What, you mean like a ballerina? She looks at me with a puzzled look and says, he didn't tell you? I look back and say, no. What do you mean? She says, well, back in a little bit after high school,

you and your Uncle Bud were male dancers. Strippers, Matt. They were strippers. And that was the day I realized, hey, my dad was a stripper when he was younger. We had a conversation after that, and I realized there's a lot about my dad I didn't know. So that was my story. Now, you mentioned earlier that you think the thing that links these calls together

is not knowing where they're going. Yes. I kind of knew exactly where this was going. I'm like, if this is something other than stripper dad,

I'm surprised. I almost thought it was weird that he guessed ballet. Yeah, right? I would have guessed male stripper. When your dad was a dancer,

I'd go, stripper? I immediately assume, I assume most interesting is what i try to do gigolo thick dicks gigolo it's amazing the the stuff that can lurk in the past i mentioned prodigy the rapper prodigy um prodigy's father was in a uh he's on he's on an upcoming episode of the sound of young america his father was in a doo-wop group, a moderately successful doo-wop group, but then became a junkie and became a criminal. And I was talking to Prodigy about how, you know, I think a lot of so-called gangsta hip-hop is kind of fantastical.

Like, it comes from a world where it's like the Goodfellas or something. It's inspired by someone's experience, certainly, but it's not about stuff that they're actually advocating or has actually happened or whatever. And Prodigy pointed out that

his dad would... If something bad happened to Prodigy, Prodigy's dad would send Prodigy back out and say, don't come home until you've beat that person up. Here, take a knife in case you need it and stab the motherfucker if you have

to. That was the advice. When he was like 10. Whoa. When he was like a 9, 10-year-old kid. Wow. They shouldn't have knives. Yeah. Yeah, yeah yeah you gotta have num nums you gotta get a num num and some vapo rub yeah that is uh has anyone sent you a knife for your baby yet i have not gotten a baby bow tie onesie a widow baby knife you're gonna send your baby out in a bow tie onesie with the knife and say settle it he comes home with any disputes

who called your onesie gay settle it your dad your dad had to learn to be a faggot in the ghetto you're gonna have to learn too oh man i think you just found the title from your memoir becoming faggot in the ghetto yeah the jesse thorne story hey that's it it's not a bad title no it's all right faggot in the ghetto faggot in the ghetto yeah the jesse thorne story hey that's it it's not a bad title no it's all right faggot in the ghetto solid i mean i mean i would if i saw that book at barnes and noble i would open it up i would be like what is this yeah i got probably more cracker or white boy than faggot yeah but didn't 60 40 it only and you it only constitute 60 if you call white boy and Cracker two sides of the same thing. If you split it three ways, then probably Faggot wins.

Yeah, here's the concern. Obviously, this is something you're going to want to option. Right. You want to option the screenplay. You're going to have to change the title to Faggot in the City. Oh, this hotel's fancy. It's like Crocodile Dundee bits. That's not a faggot.

You see this as a fish-out-of-water story. That's what I see. Faggot in the city. He's got a suitcase. Baby me. Country faggot and city faggot. Country faggot and city faggot. Baby me has grown up as the victim of various slurs in a small country town.

That's right. And I travel to the city to meet some cholos who do the same slurs. That's right. Some different cholos. Did you guys see, you know, I love Stefan on Saturday Night Live. There was a new Stefan recently on Saturday Night Live. There was a new Stefan recently on Saturday Night Live. And one of the lists featured, you know, this is just essentially Stefan is just a list joke. Yeah, that's right. Here's a thousand different crazy things.

It's my favorite thing in the world. I'm not going to lie to you. One hater is so precise with that character. Hater is so amazing. And our friend John Mulaney Helps, writes it with him And they're brilliant And one of the things in the list this week Was pachucos

And I thought that was like The most wonderful Second only to cholo dads Cholos Yeah, cholo dads I was just driving I was driving to get something from the Office Depot. I drove past the Little League Field.

Oh, yeah. And I've been thinking about, you know, now I see where I live in a new light because it's like, oh, this is where my kid might grow up, you know? I'm about to have a kid. And our friend Al Madrigal lives nearby. He lives in Eagle Rock. We live not far from him. lives nearby. He lives in Eagle Rock. We live not far from him.

And he's always talking about the Cholo dads that are the parents of kids on his kid's soccer team that he's afraid of. And I was checking out the Little League field, saw a couple of nice Cholo dads out there. Had some Adidas flip-flop, Adidas shower shoes with

striped gym socks pulled up to their knees and shorts. Dickies shorts. Yeah, crumpled up 20s in shorts pockets. Yeah, probably one of those combs that you slip over your middle finger. That's right. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah.

But you know what? I kind of like that. I kind of like... What's not to like about that? I like the idea I'm glad that my kid if I have the choice between my kid growing up on a on a little league baseball team

full of cholo dads children or a little league baseball team full of like Hollywood prop masters children or like costume designers children I'll take the cholo dads every time. All of Dustin Hoffman's kids.

Maybe you'll make friends with a family. You'll get to have a tamale Christmas somewhere. Yeah. Maybe we'll get a hotline to some empanadas. Hey. I was a youth soccer coach for like five years. Oh, really? Yeah, growing up.

And it's like the worst. Like those youth sports families and like people who care too much. Sure. People who for them it's not about their kid. It's like intense. And it was all scary southern rednecks is who I was dealing with. Oh, wow. But it's interesting that the scary southern redneck wanted their kid to play soccer.

I think that, yeah, that's it. Well, yeah, maybe what you end up with then is like really aggressive dads who the only sport their kid is capable of playing is soccer. And they're mad about it. Yeah, okay. So there's an underlying bitterness that they're even at a soccer game. That's right. I was 15 years old and I had a full-grown man, like a 40-year-old man, tell me in front of his wife and kids that he was going to fight me in the parking lot over an off-site. He said, I'm going to kick your ass in the parking lot and i was like oh no what did you do you were the you

were just the coach i was the linesman i was i flagged i i pointed which direction like who was in possession of the ball and then i called offsides too and i called an offsides call that i felt was correct sure he felt wasn't even if it wasn't correct even if i was way off he does not give him the right to fight me in the parking lot. Now, was there a mom in this situation? Mom was nowhere around. I think mom was embarrassed. Okay, that was going to be—

Those situations where they're just like, oh, isn't he so, and I'm like physically threatening? Yes, yes. Here's the thing. I grew up playing Park League baseball in the inner city. And, you know, most of the kids' parents on my team were great. And my parents never really came to my games. I was a very sort of independently driven kid. Like, my parents didn't have cars or anything, so they didn't need to give me a ride to the game.

I would take the bus to the game. And, you know, was uh it was fine and the reason that it was fine was the one kids one kid had a parent who came to every game um and it was this mom and the mom would come to every game and every she was just a tough woman like a bitten by life woman like i back, she probably was 35. I mean, but to me, she seemed 89 years old, but also like prison years. Right. Like a lot of bench presses.

Yeah. And she would come to every single game, and every single game, she would be so fucking drunk. Just so drunk, yelling obscenities at every player on the field. Wow. And our coach. Our coach was the sweetest guy ever. His name was Little Reggie.

Oh, come on. Little Reggie would get yelled at over just these horrible profanities. And the poor kid just had to sit there. And his mom would yell at him when he did something wrong. And these are games in the morning, right? Oh, jeez. I was drunk in the morning at a kid's soccer game? Exactly. Little league game, baseball game.

Yeah, I wasn't. Oh, look. No, I get it. No, come on. But I wasn't a faggot. That's in the foreword to your memoir. You didn't do anything European. God forbid.

You know what? I've been thinking about that lately. I've been thinking about my child and the relationship I hope he has to sports. And to Cholo Dads. And to Cholo Dads. I hope he has a friendly relationship with Cholo Dads. You'd like to have a Cholo Dad mentor. They have good barbecues.

They have good barbecues. You want to get in on that. Yeah. They have good barbecues. You want to get in on that. Yeah. But no, I really hope that I can do whatever it takes to trick my kid into liking sports. I don't know what you do to make a kid like sports. I grew up liking sports, and I know some...

I think it starts by throwing a ball in there, seeing what they do with that. Just throw... Just turn a ball in wherever they are and just see if they... Yeah. What you do is you just... In the crib, throw a Nerf ball in there. Yeah. And then throw some scrapbooking materials in there, too.

See which one they crawl over to. That's right. Do they start playing ball or do they start scrapbooking? Have a bunch of naturally occurring hoops in your house. You're right. I don't... Have pits. Have some pits.

See how they navigate the pits. The one thing that I don't want, though, it's important to me that my kid likes sports. And, you know, I mean, obviously, if he doesn't like sports, I'm not going to be crushed. But I would love it if he liked sports because I like sports and it's a good thing to have in life. You don't have to love sports or be good at sports. I mean, I was never especially good. But, you know, just to have that kind of fluency. You know what I mean?

And the interest. If the interest is there, you can hang out, talk about sports. Yeah, absolutely. You can talk about sports with practically, you know, 75% of the people of your gender. That's correct. And so I think that would be great. My only concern is that I don't want him to become an athletics enthusiast.

Because while it is healthy, I just don't know what happens to somebody who plays sports so... I just can't imagine a sadder thing than doing something that you start getting worse at when you're 24 and inexorably get worse at for the rest of your life yeah i mean i never i played soccer i played a bunch of sports like you know competitively and not but i was never in like a high school i wasn't that good yeah so i never was ever in the mindset of like maybe sports is my thing like i was never like i'm gonna go to college because of sports like it never really even seriously entered my mind and i feel like I run the risk. I mean, you know, I don't know. My wife is healthy and athletic, and I was not a horrible athlete.

I mean, I was no good, but I was... So the gene pool's there, you're saying. Yeah. So we got what it takes. But what if there's an anomaly and he turns out to be good, and then I got to deal with a kid that wants to go play sports all the time. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't want to have a 15-year-old in my house that wants a weight set. Right. Well, and also, then he might be, like, bigger and stronger than you. You can't have that. No, sir. No. No, you have to be physically intimidating to your kid at all times throughout his life. Yeah, absolutely.

Otherwise, what do you got? Yeah, he's just got to know that at any point he gets socked in the mouth. The key is to not give him any calcium. Oh, yeah. That's right. No calcium. As little protein as you can get away with. Sure.

You don't want him to have brittle, breakable bones. No. But if you can get light, flexible fish-type bones, that's ideal. Yeah. Well, are you worried that he'll learn to fly? Is that a concern? That maybe he'll have some sort of leathery kind of growth between his arm and his side? Then maybe his bones will be hollow.

Like if maybe some flying squirrel something is in there somehow. Yeah, you know, gliding. I should say, are you worried that he'll learn to glide? I don't think he will not learn to fly. Certainly that's some sort of mutant I'm describing. That's crazy. But he will be able to glide. He will, yes, glide from tree to tree.

The problem is that skin that runs between the elbow and the bottom of the rib cage runs in my family. Yeah. So if he has these weak bones, you got a glider on your hands. Yeah, you see him up in a tree, hop into another tree. I guess. You're going to go, how did he get the sweet nectar? I love sweet nectar. I guess the moral of the story is you can't control who your kid's going to grow up to be.

Yeah. That's right. That's right. He might be a sports enthusiast. He might be a squirrel man. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Jordan, Jesse, Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dominic Dirkus, Crackle, once again. The nickname Crackle. Don't feel dumb saying the nickname over and over again. It's part of the show. Well, you know, I just want people to know that I love it and chose it. You're all about it. That's it.

That's what I want. Okay, here we go. On our program from time to time, we ask that our listeners give us a call at 206-984-4FUN when something momentous happens to them for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Let's go to the tape. Hey, this is Eli from Pennsylvania calling with a momentous occasion. Today I was riding my bike down a very, very publicly used bicycle path. And I saw a couple off the side of the bicycle path having sex outside in fairly plain view

with both of their pants down. About 300 yards because I couldn't stop because I was afraid. About 300 yards down the path, I saw a nun dressed in her nun attire briskly walking in the opposite direction. Alright, thanks.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. That got good. As they have people fucking outdoors, All right, thanks. seen people fucking that weren't you people fuck yeah i mean i've opened doors and been like and it's i mean and you know who knows how far along things were but yeah it was definitely that was the road they were driving yeah i've seen some hefty roommate making out that was stopped as soon as i got there but no yeah i mean i've i feel like in at least a couple of parties i've opened doors and then been like i i saw some people fucking in a dorm room once that didn't close their blinds. Donald saw people fucking at a Bank of America ATM. Oh yeah.

He tweeted about it. I think I saw a live tweet. He tweeted about it. And the tweet's great because there, I mean, it's a, it's an ATM. So it's visible to the whole street.

It's on like Broadway. It's like the ATM I would go to every time in college. And there's just some guy on the like table where you're supposed to write out checks and stuff. In New York, this is more common. There's the ATMs that are in this enclosed space that you need your ATM card to get into. To swipe to get into so that homeless people don't just go in there and sleep because it's essentially 24-hour shelter. They get in there anyway. It's fine.

But this couple was just – like she has her back against the glass and he is just having sex with her. Yeah, they don't seem to – yeah. And then another – and then apparently a person walked in, withdrew money. And got money. Yeah, and got money and left. I saw – I saw not sex the other day, but I was coming home and I should describe my apartment complex. It's kind of – it's these two buildings and it's one story and they just – they're long. They go back several units and it's kind of like a gauntlet of apartment buildings.

And I'm walking in. It's really late at night, and I hear this bang, bang, bang that just caused me to whip around. And I look in my neighbor's window. It's, you know, 2 in the morning. His lights are on, and he is – the banging is him hanging a portrait in the nude. It was the most David Lynch-y thing that ever happened to me, and I was

fucking freaked out. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had turned his head to look at me, and he would have been wearing clown makeup. It was so fucking scary. I see this naked man with a hammer. You reached into your pocket, and you came out with a piece of apple pie. Right.

Sure. Yes, exactly. Highly symbolic. It was very symbolic. Although I can't say what the symbolism was. Hard to say. Symbols don't have to mean things. Nope.

Lesbians. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. This is Clayton in Los Angeles. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I wasn't able to call immediately when it happened because I was in a loud food court. But I was just sitting down to eat lunch, and a weird old Chinese man walked up and put down on the table what looked like a little keychain that was a combo bottle opener,

nail clipper, emery board, et cetera. And it had a little picture on it depicting the crucifixion of christ and there was a little card attached that said i am deaf these items help feed my family please donate two dollars or 250 for a good luck and i didn't touch it because i was in the middle of my burger and about a minute later the weird old Chinese guy came back. He looked at me like I had just wiped my ass with the thing. He picked it up off the table and walked away. So I'm pretty sure I've just had a curse put on me by Chinese Jesus,

and I just hope I get to hear one more episode of Jordan F. Kigo before my imminent violent death. Thanks, guys. That's jumping imminent violent death. Thanks guys. That's jumping to a conclusion. That happens. Yeah. It's a thing that happens. Chinese Jesus.

Yes. Chinese Jesus exists. Just in general, folks being super financially desperate who don't speak the language too well might just kind of in broken English half offer you something they hope you'll give them money for. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think it's that. I mean, obviously getting a dirty look is bizarre. That's not that weird, though. Those things happen. It's not technically a curse. Sure. Although most foreigners are trying to curse you. Well, sure. Or trick you. Old ones? Oh, hell yeah. They were alive back when

witches were alive. Yeah. Why are you so old? Magic. Yeah, yeah. How'd you get to be so old? Has magic helped? Just as an example, recently I was cursed by Robin Leach. Oh, yeah? Yeah, from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. It was actually kind of an honor.

He's fat now. Very fat. Very fat. He's still kicking around? What's he doing? Corpulent. I see him at stuff. Oh, really? Is he around?

I work a lot of press events, and he will just be wandering around. Being very fat fat what a great i think the last time i saw him at the mma awards i shit you not i mean still wearing like yachting clothes like open shirt with you know kind of wispy gray chest hair being very fat at the MMA Awards. Armbar! That's my Robin Leach impression. As many skull t-shirts as the eye can see. Everything's got skulls on it. Tap out. Don't be a pussy.

Hi, this is Jordan Jesse Go. I am Dylan. I live in Baltimore, Maryland, and I go to a public arts high school. And I just got home from school and checked my phone for messages, and my grandmother calls me at the voicemail saying that she wants me to be careful and quote on the lookout for John Waters who lives in Baltimore and likes to you know walk around and be friendly to everybody and you know give me the people and be just generally the nicest person on earth and to be on the lookout for mr john waters shows that i uh do not catch the gay the gay from him or as she put the homo itis yay i like the idea that john waters is kind of a

patient zero yeah it's kind of like a place that homosexuality started. Like, all the gayness spreads. And it's a proximity thing. Right. Yes, exactly. Wouldn't it be such an honor to catch homo-itis from John Waters? If you're gonna catch it, I mean, who else would you

like, where else would you go? Oh, sure. It's like getting turned by Dracula. By THE Dracula. You're not some dude who getting turned by Dracula. By the Dracula. The Dracula. You're not some dude who got bit by Dracula. You're fucking Dracula. Yeah. This is an honor.

Sure. You're the count himself. That's great. Yeah, I mean, just getting turned by some, you know, whatever, gay dude having brunch while wearing short shorts. I mean, that's one thing, but Mr. John Waters. I think that the only possible

I think that the only possible thing that would be better than the Dracula would be, like Count Dracula would be Count Von Count from Sesame Street. Sure. If he bit you and turned you into a Dracula. I like, I also like this kind of idea that's in there that like, you know, maybe

the reason, part of the reason that like older people are so homophobic is because they don't know a lot. Like, you know, there's just no gay people around them that they know of. So, you know, it's hard for them to be sympathetic or understanding. So like, I like this idea that the only gay people are the famous ones we know about. That's right. Like, there's a gay guy in Baltimore. I've seen him.

He directs movies. You know, like. You can't. He's there. Like, every gay person is accounted for because they are, you know, we've seen them in the media something else i i feel like is that john waters of all celebrity homosexuals is the one who would most enjoy giving someone homo i did sure like i feel like john john waters is who has been a guest on the sound of young america twice and one of my favorite sound of young america guests ever would really get a kick out of it if he had that power. That's right.

Yeah, he would probably abuse it. Yeah, absolutely. He would probably shoot gay rays from his fingertips. The reality is that it's a negative stereotype that all gay men, and especially all older gay men, are Lotharios. However, John Waters is definitely a Lothario. She's wrong about how being gay works, but she's right about how John Waters works. Yes, she may not

understand homosexuality, but and also, isn't that weird that someone who is so bigoted is familiar with John Waters, like a really countercultural figure. You're keeping tabs. Yeah, like how do you know who that is, but also you're bigoted? How does that work? The thing is,

ultimately, if you're in Baltimore, you only have like three famous people. You got John Waters, Cal Ripken Jr. And everyone who was in The Wire. The characters The Wire was based on. I was just gonna say, a crab.

Those are the three things you have. Oh, there's the baltimore crab that one crab yeah yeah you know i've heard about that crab oh i've tasted his delicious cakes sure i hear he's gay though yeah so oh man can do you think we could maybe get john waters in here to homos up a little bit uh hey sure oh that would be so fun. Especially given your new autobiography title. Yeah. I'd be happy to come. Oh, jeez.

Jesse and John Waters sitting in a tree. H-O-M-O-I-N-G. Home owning? Yes. You own a home together? Scared of the homo-itis. Yeah. I also like the good old-fashioned put-itis at the end of something.

It's a disease. Right, yes. That famous Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae bailout is actually headed by John Waters. Oh, okay. He is leading a lot of people to home ownership. John Waters is so great. Oh, man. There's this part in his book, which, by the way, members of the Judge Sean Hodgman post-apocalyptic justice squad got in their justice kits.

This is his new book, Role Models. There's this part about Johnny Mathis and just how John Waters is so loving towards Johnny Mathis. And he's so respectful of Johnny Mathis's particular band of Republican closeted homosexuality. It is just so touching. And you're just like, man, John Waters might be the greatest bon vivant in the world. Like, who could top him, right? Like, who's better than that? No, not me.

Our friend John Hodgman might make a play for it at some point, but he's got to become even more of a caricature of himself. What about Dracula? Yeah, Dracula's... Count Chocula, even. Sure, yeah. Count Chocula. Well, he gives you gingivitis What about Sam Malone from Cheers?

Ooh, yeah, man That's pretty good Can't keep Diane hanging on forever Yeah, yeah We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you

Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, it's been a pleasure to have you it's been fun it's not a Jordan Jesse go without unless a Dirkus is involved I always say is that true yeah I'm glad you've always said that and I'm glad to

christen the first episode episode of Jordan Jesse go ever Jordan Jesse go Don Dirkus the host of the

anytime show which is not only live here in Los Angeles but also available as a podcast yes it is it's on the iTunes you can enjoy it

in your iTunes and you can enjoy that mystery men on the mystery team mystery men how it in your itunes and you can enjoy that mystery men on the team mystery man how do you feel about the movie oh i'm sorry i interrupted your separate plug i apologize mystery man with uh janine garofalo and kel aka yes aka the greatest disappointment of jesse's life ages 0 to 16 oh mystery men was Men was? Oh, God. Yeah. I could not... When I was 14 years old, maybe 15 when that movie came out, I could not have loved Ben

Stiller, Jeanine Garofalo, William H. Macy. I feel like I saw that my senior year of high school. Fucking Pee Wee Herman was in that. 19 when that came out? No, I was not. Huh. I was definitely like 15. Anyway.

14 or 15. I have a skewed timeline that I was not. I was definitely like 15. Anyway. 14 or 15. I have a skewed timeline that I forget when I saw Mystery Men. Okay, but I mean, my point is that it basically was a movie

that brought together every person. Look at that. I was 18. 1999. Look who knows more about when Mystery Men came out.

Oh, well. Did you know that it was directed by the guy who directed the Erwin Burr commercial? Ooh. That was why it was so horrible. That was his big gig after that. Had a lot of funny jokes in the script,

a lot of gifted people in it. That Erwin Burr commercial was the biggest deal ever. Sure. I don't think I've ever experienced a commercial. That was the first funny commercial, I think. I believe so, yeah. I was having this, not to derail our outro too much but i was having this conversation today that you were you were recently trying to teach

the world to sing in perfect harmony right yeah um uh i uh like if you showed people in 1992 our commercials now they would be so freaked out about how all our commercials are weird. Like, they just have to be weird. Like the Skittles commercials. Messing with Sasquatch. Hamsters driving cars. Anyway. But I guess they had Big Mac tonight, then.

Yeah, we did have Big Mac tonight. But Big Mac tonight was not intended to be weird. We would seem to America in the 50s what Japan seems to us now. That's great. No, that's perfect. All of their culture and media is just like, how does that make sense to anybody? And it's like the Skittles thing where it's like, I turn everything into Skittles.

Eat Skittles. It's like, what the? And then my beard feeds me Skittles. That's right. I think you could show people of any era Little Richard, no matter what project he's pushed, product he's pushing, and they would be made uncomfortable by it. He's made people uncomfortable for 60 years now. Yeah, just the strangest type of charisma that man has. So much of it, too.

He's so amazing. He's so fantastic and great and so weird and upsetting. Yeah, yeah. And he always, he's constantly saying, makes my big toe shoot up in my boot, just over and over and over. Maybe that was that one time I saw his content. He used that joke like six times. Makes my big toe shoot up in my boot.

Am I right? What are you? I don't know. I'm not gay. No one asked you. Me and Johnny Mathis. You just yelled, I'm not gay. Me and Johnny Mathis, You just yelled, I'm not gay. Me and Johnny Mathis, not gay.

Oh, man. Yeah, what? Johnny Mathis clapping? Yeah, that's it. Good call. Okay. 206-9844-FUN, the number to call if you've got a momentous occasion for us or if you have a particularly amazing parental revelation.

Comment on the forums at forum.maximumfun.org on the show. Have a lively discussion or have a meet-up or what have you. Some nice non-Jesse and Jordan being there meet-ups. There's going to be one coming up in New York for our friends Never Not Funny in their live show. Tentative. Yeah. I will start a thread on the forum. Is there interest

in a London meet-up? Putting it out there. If there's interest, we could put something together. Who do you know in London? What access did you just gain to London? I'm not saying it's going to happen. I'm just saying if I were to host one in London, is there interest?

This feels like a trap. This feels like a weird trap. It is a trap. Yes, it is a trap. I wonder if we could get our pal Josie Long, English comedian Josie Long, to come to this meetup. I don't know. If it were to happen.

If there was interest. If it were to happen. If there was interest. You've got to show... They've got to show you something, you know? Yeah, I mean, there's got to be some... Yeah. Otherwise, I'll just go to the British Museum.

I once started a Facebook... I once started a Facebook... I'll just see the Rosetta Stone. Wait, you're going to... Oh, okay. I thought you meant you're going to do a Rosetta Stone DVD set to learn English or something. Oh, yes. I don't know where this goes.

Because I only speak Sanskrit right now. That's right. I'm speaking phonetically. We should clarify that. Yes, I'm speaking phonetically, but... Purely. I don't know what any of this means. Like Gerard Depardieu in My Stepfather the Hero.

That's right. Like that Kids in the Hall sketch. You have no idea what you're saying. Right. Okay. 206-944-FUN, the number to call. JJGO at MaximumFun.org, the email to email. If you want to sponsor an episode, Teresa at MaximumFun.org.

Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design from Kites Are Fun, the best of the free design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Dominic Dirkus, you can find on the tweeters where? At Dominic Dirkus, D-O-M-I-N-I-C-D-I-E-R-K-E-S. Dot org. No, wait. That was my Twitter. Is that Dominic Dirkus?

Yes. Oh, who were you supposed to be? Yeah, DominicDirkus.org. Yeah. Yes. I personally am a non-profit organization. Yes, and that is all a.edu because I am one of those publicly traded

universities. Publicly traded universities. I'm tired, you guys. Nighty night. Goodbye.