Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 175: The Hare Krishna Gang with Tig Notaro

Episode Date: May 16, 2011

Comic Tig Notaro of the Professor Blastoff podcast joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss late-night smoke alarm searches, gangs of hare krishnas and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We confront roving bands of Hare Krishnas with Tig Notaro. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful afternoon here in Los Angeles. I actually spent my morning... Last night I attended your birthday celebration, Jordan. Happy birthday. Yes, thank you. It was lovely that you showed up.

Oh, well, it was lovely of you to invite me. I guess we're both pretty lovely guys overall. It's true. both pretty lovely guys overall it's true um i had been cooking last night and here in uh my home in mount washington uh there is not very good i guess duct work um and the sucking power of my range hood is what i would describe as minimal oh, I really don't know what any of that is. Okay, so basically anytime I cook anything, all my smoke alarms go off. Okay. And so I have to go around the house collecting, pulling smoke alarms off of the ceiling. One or two of them have a button that you can push, but one or two of them don't.

So I have to collect smoke alarms off of the ceiling and bring them outside. We should make a little game out of it. That's a good idea. Yeah. Like a ring around the rosies type situation. Sure. Just, you know, see. All around the mulberry bush.

Have Teresa time you. Right. See if I can set a personal best. Yeah. And then she can toss water balloons into your clown pants. And then you live inside Double Dare. And I forgot to bring in my smoke alarm last night. Got home late from your party.

Of course, I was pretty wasted. Yeah. I don't need to tell you that I... I don't know if you remember, but I had to ask you to leave. And I forgot to bring it in. It started raining early this morning. It turns out that smoke alarms are good at detecting both smoke and rain falling on them. And so at like five o'clock this morning, I had to go outside in my underpants into my backyard and find this smoke alarm that I had left outside under a bush

and pull it inside because it was going off. Why did you hurl it in a bush? Didn't you put it somewhere where it was easy to get to? I just put it... My view of it was obscured. My mind was cloudy because it was 5 o'clock in the morning. I'd gone to bed

Three hours earlier And also a smoke alarm Was going off I get it That combination of factors And I feel like I'm still Fighting through the haze But

Jordan That having been said I'm lucky To be fighting through the haze With a beautiful, charming guest like the one we have on this week's program. You know her, not only as one of the best-looking

stand-up comics in America, also one of the most hilarious stand-up comics in America, one of the most beloved slash divisive guests in Jordan and Jesse Go history. She's got a brand new stand-up comedy CD just about to drop on the secretly Canadian label, very high credibility record label called Good One.

She's also the host of a brand new podcast called Professor Blast Off. Please welcome to the program, Miss Tig Notaro. Hi, guys. Thanks for having me Looking good might I say Thanks for pulling out all the stops The tiara's a bit much I understand that every girl Wants to be a princess for a day

You know I like to clean myself up And come do a podcast I know a lot of people are watching this You're a professional Tig If nothing else You know, I like to clean myself up and come do a podcast. I know a lot of people are watching this. Well, you're a professional, Tig. Yeah. If nothing else, you're a professional.

Yeah, if nothing else. If there's not one other thing that you are. Could I ask you, could I just ask you? How long does this take? I'm going to ask you to not sit so provocatively. That's actually bothering me a little bit. Sorry about that. Your dress is revealing. Your bod is tight.

We're in the midst of a hypersensual situation. You guys are making me very uncomfortable. I appreciate that you think that I look nice today. You look great. Thank you. You look like a million dollars. I'm happy to be back. I have to say, when you were saying that I was a divisive guest,

I'm going to guess that means a lot of people didn't like me and some liked me. No, no, that means they loved it so much, they put the podcast into their mobile device. Yeah. You were very... You know, it's funny. How long ago did I do this show? It was a couple years ago now.

Do you want to know a little secret? Two years ago. What's that? I didn't know what a podcast was when I came on here. Really? Was this the first one you were ever on? Yeah. Okay.

Here's the thing. I think I was going to do an interview on a radio show. I'm a little bit... I'm more in touch now, but I was way out of touch then. I've never seen... What were you into? Magazines? Just things that were existing in front of me. Billboard. Corporeal things. If it happened to be there, I could see it and I knew about it.

But yeah, I was really... I didn't have a computer. Not any cable television. You literally didn't own a computer. Sure. Not any cable television. You literally didn't own a computer? Literally. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome.

I know. I got one up and running. I have one in my place now. Sure. Got yourself a web TV. I have a computer for the past six to nine months or so. So you were maybe expecting the experience to be kind of more of a traditional interview, and then maybe we were having some sort of poop quiz, and you were a little taken aback.

Yeah, I was like, what's happening? And now, yeah, it's funny. I've come back a couple years later. I have a podcast, and now I'm like, oh, I get it. We're talking about podcasts. Little did you know, this is basically what all podcasts are like. Had no idea. Because they're patterned after our podcast.

Right. Yes. We were the first to do this. Yeah. Absolutely. And I'm second. Yeah. There are now two of these.

We invented jibber-jabbering aimlessly. Sure. And you do it well. Oh, thank you. That's very nice of you, Kate. I've since listened to your podcast and podcasts. So anyway, I thought I'd give you a little insight when you say that I was divisive. That's interesting.

Yeah. You were, how would you describe Tig's tone on the last time she was on the program? I would say. Did I take a tone? Charmingly confrontational. Really? Like in like a fun Don Rickles kind of way. Oh, okay. I mean, I do definitely

get a little Don Rickley. You do have the reputation as being the latter day Don Rickles. Sure. Not based on how I look. But foxy. Like way foxy. Like a really foxy Rickles. A doable Rickles.

Absolutely. Well, I consider Rickles doable. I mean, I do Rickles for the story. I want to be known as the doable Rickles. I hear he's a real bulldog in the sack. Sure. I hear he has a sack. You've titled your upcoming comedy album, right? It's too late to call it doable Rickles?

Yeah. Okay. I think I just want people to know me as that, you know? Yeah. Well, that's fair. I mean, just want people to know me as that, you know? Yeah. Well, that's fair. I mean, once you've already... I like to be fair. Have you already sent in the paperwork on, say, the liner notes of the CD?

I signed all the contracts, sent in all the faxes. I told you, I got a little more high tech. Do you think you... Had I not, things probably still would be at my place not quite out into the mail box yet right um i'm so high i don't even know if i have in a mailbox i've yeah you don't even know so you're so high tech that you've shunned i don't even know yeah don't even know if i have a mailbox you're like snail mail what's that yeah what are snails right that's the main question i've been asking lately you're so high indeed our snails that you live

in a perpetual state of bafflement just pure confusion i go from knowing what snails are to having a computer in my house to now not knowing what a snail is your landline rang and you shot it with your laser gun exactly that's how i but the reality is that a computer can't replace the human mind i mean when you talk about talk about the touring test sure jordan which of course is the famous test where you try and converse with a computer and if it can convince you that it can go in its underpants out into the backyard when it's raining and find a smoke detector, then you know

that it really has reached a human-like state. That's the only way to know? As far as I know. If your computer's waddling out into the backyard in underpants? That's my understanding, Tate. I'm not... Now. Sounds like you're really in the future. I'm a futur Now. Sounds like you're really in the future.

I'm a futurist. I'm a professional futurist, yes. Wasn't that the name of Robert Dowdy Jr.'s album that he put out? The Futurist? He had an album? This was kind of before his comeback. Before Iron Man. Was it a photo album? No, I think

it was an album of jazz standards. I'm going to go home and name all of my photo albums. I think the key issue with the Robert Downey Jr. album was that it was before his big comeback, but shortly

before his big comeback. I think he figured... Is he back? In a big way. I'm still catching up. Type his name into your computer when you get home. See what comes in, Tig. Type his name into your Hotmail. Okay.

You have photo albums, Tig? I find that hard to believe. It seems like you would just have a Flickr account. I'm slowly... Yeah, I'm catching up. I have little photo albums that sit out. What kind of photographs are we looking at there? Are we talking about nieces, nephews?

No, no, no. Me with a bowl haircut as a child. Just different funny haircuts. Me with a bowl haircut now. With a tiara on. When you go to the hairdresser and you flip through the book of all the different haircuts. And I'm like, give me this bowl haircut. And he says, I know we do this every time, Tick.

You always point at the same bowl haircut. And you're like, to be clear, it's a different photograph of roughly the same haircut. Yes. It's a different photo of a different 70s heartthrob that I'm pointing at. What you thought the issue, the main issue is that you thought that what people were pointing at when they pointed at one of those photographs was the lighting conditions they'd like to be photographed in. That's correct.

Yeah. It's tricky. I mean, I can understand that. It's tricky. Our voices are going a little high there. Yeah, they are. I'll be honest. You're right.

People think they're not. Well, they're not listening. honest. People think they're not. Well, they're not listening. Tick Matar, I'll tell you this. If you want to be a broadcaster, you've got to emphasize your dynamic range. No thanks.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Tig.

Oh, it's great to have Tig Notaro here, huh? Mm-hmm. It is. Lighting up the room. Mm-hmm. Delighting us all. As she does on her hit podcast, Professor Blastoff. Yep.

Let's talk for a second about your new audio podcast. Let's talk about this new haircut. This is new for you. No, it's not. It's the same old bowl haircut I've had. The same one. I guess the lighting's different. Yeah, yeah.

I'm looking at you. Yeah, it's the lighting. I guess the lighting's different. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at you. Yeah. It's the lighting. I'm open to talking about the podcast. Oh, yeah? So you got three hosts on this program. Mm-hmm. Yourself.

That's right. Got Kyle Donegan. Yep. He's my writing partner. He's your writing partner. My life partner. Partner in crime. Mm-hmm.

And you got a third person. Partner in crime. Life partner in crime. Yeah. That's nice. Because you've made crime your life? Mm-hmm. And you got a third person. He's my life partner in crime. Life partner in crime. Yeah. That's nice. Because you've made crime your life? Mm-hmm. You've chosen a criminal lifestyle?

No, I've just, no, I didn't choose anything. It just all kind of happened. Would you say that you're infamous thugs? We're pretty infamous, yeah. Right. Yeah. I understand that. We're podcast thieves.

Sure. You're teaching young people something. You're like, you know, if I could compare you in the world of podcasting. Impossible, but true. You're like Ira Flato, the host of Science Friday on Talk of the Nation. Yeah, that's basically what we're doing. Would you call what you're doing Flato-esque? Pretty much, yeah.

Would you say you're a practitioner of flatology? Anything we do should have an S on the end. But yeah, we have a third host, David Huntsberger. Tell me about David Huntsberger, because I don't know anything about David Huntsberger. We don't either. Really? No, he's a stand-up comedian. And I've toured a bunch with him.

He's open for me. And a lot of his comedy has to do with science, religion, math-type stuff. He's a bright guy. Real yuckable topics. Sure. But yeah, he makes them interesting and funny. And these are topics that I typically, hanging out with David on the road or writing with Kyle, these topics seem to come up between Kyle and David, and I'm always interested in them. And we just end up talking and kind of laughing.

Do you have to learn something about these topics in order to credibly host this podcast? Yeah, sure. A little bit. I mean, we're not, you know. You don't want to get weighed down. I mean, we. Well, with your new computer, you can access the Encyclopedia Britannica website. Uh-huh. And, I mean, you can learn

about any topic, basically. Jordan, if I might make a suggestion. Sure. Microsoft Encarta Multimedia Encyclopedia. Oh, well. You get it on... Maybe I'll make the switch. You get it on a compact disc, like you might find in a high-end home stereo. It was fun hearing Multimedia Encyclopedia.

It is. It's fun to say. That it sounded really cool it's really a blast but yeah we we'll pick a topic and we'll um you know we'll research a bit and kind of chat about it a bit and then we just uh start recording and here and there we'll have celebrity and um and uh experts on but mainly we're doing it on Earwolf, that network, and they're mainly wanting us to just kind of be the three of us and every now and then bring somebody in. Just every once in a while. Every once in a while. Just check in with somebody.

Yeah. What kind of guests are we talking about? Certainly Sir David Attenborough will make an appearance at some point. Every episode. You have every episode you got attenborough sounds like you're flying in the flying in the face of that direction you were given yeah sounds like you're just saying fuck you to those guys that's right good no we had nick offerman from parks and recreation excellent he's a gifted woodworker he is he made he built my bed really wow that I... You got an offerman in the house? Yeah, I got an offerman in the house.

Yeah. So yeah, Nick was on our second episode. I'd love to make a canoe with that man. He knows how to make a canoe, Jordan. That's great. He makes a lot of canoes. Really? And they're beautiful.

His woodworking shop is just amazing. How many canoes do you need and can you sell, I wonder? I mean, it's probably more of a question for him. Two. Well, Los Angeles is certainly canoe country. I think we can start with that assumption. Welcome to canoe country. You can just put your DVDs in there, I guess.

If you're not rowing it, you can just... You know what the big top seller at the flea market these days is? Giant airplane propeller? Yeah. I feel like I cannot... I go to the flea market sometimes to entertain myself, purchase items of home decor and so forth. And I swear to God, every third booth has a giant aircraft propeller. Yeah.

You just stick that up on the wall and make your home just a little bit more like a TGI Fridays. Do you know if any of them are from because of plane crashes? Yeah, that's the main thing. They get them and they clean them up. I don't like plane crashes. No. Oh, I love them. I do not. Oh, they delight me. I can't watch. Kyle watches specials on plane crashes because he's so scared of crashing whereas yeah i don't want to see anything that hints around to that i can't well i can't i seriously cannot emotionally go through anything wow from media media with any feelings in it

upsets me to the point of tears. I watch this documentary. I watch an American experience. I do like to watch the American experience. That is a lot of fun. And I watch an American experience about, it's a PBS series about American history. Okay. And I watched this episode that people can watch on Netflix instant about

whaling. And I think, oh, this is going to be about whaling. It's going to be about, you know, to be about whaling it's going to be about you know if anything horrible happens it's going to happen to a whale and you know they've got tiny eyes so i won't feel that bad you can't read emotion onto the face of a whale right exactly and and really i'm just going to learn a lot about different uses for that goop that was inside their

brains that was really good for making candles and so on and so forth. Actually, what this thing turns out to be about is this group of whalers who basically, as the whales started disappearing, they started moving, the whalers started going further and further west. So they would go around the Cape of South America and they'd come back up and they'd go out into like Polynesia and stuff in search of whales. And these whalers get attacked by a whale. A whale fucking bites their boat in half. Ship. Their ship in half. There's no Offerman kayak. I mean, I understand that this is kayak country. That's the first thing that your

minds are going to go to because we're here in Los Angeles. But this is out in the seas of the Pacific. This is a serious ship that gets bitten in half by a whale. Where were all their DVDs? Right. Well, I mean, this is before the era of DVDs. Right. So they knew mostly shanties that they would keep in their minds and in their hearts. The whale bites the boat in half. They escape on offerman-like canoes.

With no DVDs. Right, no DVDs at all. Only shanties in their minds. And heart. But, I mean, they had DVDs. It's just, you mean they didn't... You mean they had those old DVDs that were clear, and then on one side had widescreen,

and one side had fullscreen? You mean they had those, right? No. Like the older DVDs? No, I don't even know if they had video discs. Hmm. The size of an LP, you have to take it out of the machine and turn it over.

Put it back in. Laser disc. No, I'm talking about video disc. Discus. Discus. Yeah, I think they had discus on board the ships. Okay. Laser disc.

So anyway, this documentary that I think is going to be about whales and whaling and sea shanties and scrimshaw. I'm expecting at least 20 minutes of scrimshaw material. Turns into the most nightmarish tale of survival. Gripping, but this would give Vincent Price nightmares. How horrifying this story is of these men go trying to find something in the like they think that they can't go west they're in the middle of the pacific sort of halfway between south america and polynesia they think they can't go west because they just assume that all

polynesians are cannibals they don't know which ones are or aren't cannibals. And so they just figure, to be safe, we just got to say they're all cannibals. So they have to go the long way, which is east, and it's like against the currents or something like that. Sure. And so they're just, it's just this, these people, it's just the story of them dying one by one of like sea madness right you know they should have called it sea madness they like capture a crow out of the sky and drive it through their own heart wow you know like that's yeah the title should have been an upsetting tale

of sea madness yes oh god it made me want to cry. I almost cried in Bridesmaids. Really? I was close. Why, because it was so touching? Mm-hmm. Because you were crying with laughter. I did come to near tears from laughter.

It was good? It's terrific. Yeah, it's great. It's really funny. Way better than you think it's going to be. And I thought it was Gonna be good So

Yeah No no there's just this Like getting your life Together montage And Kristen Wiig Like just goes Just goes up behind her mom And gives her like a hug

And the mom's like What's that for And she's like No reason That I was real I was closer to crying there Than I've been To crying in a movie

In a long time You know what I think all movies If you ask me I mean look There's a, look, there's a lot of good things. Are we coming off like pussies? Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not an unreasonable description. Yeah.

And pussies are, as we learned from our listeners just in this email, strong, powerful parts of the body. That cry in movies. Yeah. Strong, powerful parts of the body. That cry in movies. Yeah. I think, you know, I literally started crying. I watched this documentary that Michael Rapaport directed about A Tribe Called Quest.

I think it comes out sometime this summer. I think it comes out sometime this summer. And I realized that you only have to get to about a 7 out of 10 to make me cry, if it's about friendship. Oh, I thought maybe you were crying just because Rappaport's been out of the public eye for so long. Yeah. And this reminded you how talented he was. Yeah.

How good he was in the City is Mine Jay-Z video. tig what's the last uh laser disc that made you cry laser discus yeah uh you mean a movie like a motion picture type i'm sorry we're talking about dvds yeah what's the last dvd that made you cry a digital video discuscus. Yeah. Yeah. Digital versatile discus. Yes. Oh, okay. You know, I haven't seen a lot of movies. You haven't even seen Monsters, Inc.? I haven't even seen that.

I haven't seen Footloose. Good emphasis, by the way i don't know how to explain like how i'm trying to get more in touch and uh but as far you know what made me cry what really touched me what was the uh share movie mask okay i really liked that movie i I haven't seen the Cher Movie Mask. I don't think that's what it's called, the Cher Movie Mask. But you know when the kid has the big head and the orange hair and

I don't want to ruin it, but something sad happens? Do you know that movie? It sounds pretty sad. Are you talking about the mask that Cher puts on before she appears in movies? No, no, no. Do you not know the Cher movie mask? I don't know the Cher movie mask. Oh, it's so great.

Yeah. She has this kid that has this medical condition. This was like in the 80s. Okay. So I'm totally like Grease, Star Wars, Cher movie mask, breaking away. The big stuff. Yeah, yeah. Where people have feathered hair also

um just from absolute joy yeah you know like just you were enraptured sandy yeah like i loved it and um but yeah the share movie mask it's just mask that's what it's called i um but there's a part where we're there's this part where There's this part where Cher Her son goes off to camp And Cher misses him And she's trying to write him a letter And she breaks down And I just go

Oh, I'm going to have a little tear That's how I get all my crying started Oh, I'm going to have a little tear You'd like to announce to the room Oh, I'm going to have a little tear. You'd like to announce to the room. Oh, I'm having a little tear. So you actually cried from the friendship parts of Bridesmaids? From the family.

I was close. Because you were thinking about how you love your own mom. Yeah. And you've hugged your mom for no apparent reason. Yeah, I like to do that every now and then. Yeah, sure. Give mom a hug. That Bridesmaids really is a winner.

Yeah, it's great. It's really a delightful movie. You know what? Let's make more of those, huh? Yeah. Show business. More movies. You know, I looked, it made a lot of money, so they're gonna.

It did? It did, yeah. It made a good amount of money. Everyone seems to be talking about that movie. Well, because it's real funny. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. It's a lot of money, so they're going to. It did? It did, yeah. It made a good amount of money. Everyone seems to be talking about that movie. Well, because it's real funny. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great success. I'm just happy that Kristen Wiig is a great success, because I know that people might

get annoyed with her because she does some broad characters on Saturday Night Live that have been repeated too many times. Sure. But A, that is not her fault, and B, she is fucking funny. Mm-hmm. She is super funny. Yeah.

And blaming her for having a couple broad characters on Saturday Night Live that get repeated too many times. Look, she's just trying to feed her children. Right. Baby needs shoes. She has a lot of kids. She's got so many kids. She has so many Baby needs shoes. She has a lot of kids. She's got so many kids. She has so many kids without shoes.

And she's really good at hiding her pregnancies. That's another thing that's good about her. Chris Kattan didn't have any kids. He was doing Mango out of spite. Yeah, just out of sheer hatefulness. There's no practical reason to be doing Mango. For the viewing public, just utter contempt for everything in the world. Anyway, I'm happy for her.

I'm happy for that lady from the Gilmore Girls. Happy for her success. She was great in that Bridesmaids. Lady from the Gilmore Girls, don't you think? You know, I've never seen Gilmore Girls before. Oh, that one lady's from the Gilmore Girls. She did a great job. Okay.

That Ellie Kemper is very funny. Sure. She had a great role in that. What a brilliant performance. It's just a whole ball of great performances. That guy from IT Crowd was just so winning. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's what he's from.

Oh, I saw The Fighter. Oh, yeah. Did that make you cry? I don't think so, but it was a great movie. How do you feel about Marky Mark in general? I love Marky Mark in general. Yeah, me too. And specifically.

I fucking love Marky Mark. Yesterday, Kyle and I were driving around blaring good vibrate, like, Donnie D's on the backup. Drug free, so put the crack up. No need for speed, I'm anti-D-I-U-G-G-I-E. My body's healthy. My rhymes make me wealthy.

And the funky bunch helps me. He rapped? He did no drug raps? Wait, are you not good, Fabricio? No. Come on, come on. Yeah. Feel it.

You don't know that? I'm kind of aware of that, but I didn't know that it was about not doing drugs. Oh, I thought the shock on your face was you were so happy to be hearing that. No, I mean, I didn't know. I would have. Swing it, swing it. That's a that song. No, I mean, I didn't know. I would have... Swing it, swing it. That's a good song. His celebrity comes from having been a famous underwear model and white pop rapper.

And then happens to just be a phenomenal actor. So great. You know what? Anybody who talks shit about Marky Mark around me... They have no business on this podcast. Now, come on. Let's get out of here, guys. Go stick a finger in a pie, that's what I say.

That's so low, Jesse. We kicked Flato out of here for that very reason. Yeah, we had the Ira Flato. The one from not just Talk of the Nation Science Friday, but also the hit PBS Science series, Newton's Apple.

Sure, and we had 45 minutes already in the can. It was going great. He was telling a lot of crazy Coke stories. Yeah. But then, just out of nowhere, you know who I don't care for? Mark Wahlberg. And we kicked his ass out. We sent him out of here.

And he ended up making a really mean cartoon about us. But it was worth it. It was worth it. Saying that he was telling some crazy Coke stories could easily also be telling some pretty normal Coke stories, I bet. Right. No, no. Because rarely do you hear, like, every Coke story is crazy, so that makes it normal.

Yeah. Well, I mean, you know. These were, I mean, these were crazy. There's no way you're having just. He was opening up, like, he was doing occult shit on coke. I think that's what happens. This wasn't just like I crashed my car. Really?

You do satanic rituals? Yeah, sure. To try and summon a demon? I think that's what drugs, that's what happens when you do drugs. Now, who have you run this by? Is it just Donnie Wahlberg that you've talked to about this? Come on, come on, come on. Social good fun version.

Now, okay, maybe you're right. Maybe not everybody joins satanic cults and crashes. I mean, that's vintage Plato. But it's all reasonable. It's all reasonable under the whole drug umbrella. Whether you crash your car. But you do occasionally hear a story

like you'll be at brunch on Sunday morning and one of your brunch companions will be like, yeah, I got into some blow last night. And you'll be like, sounds pretty fucking crazy. And they'll be like, yeah, I made an amazing pound cake. And you're like, that's not that crazy. It's just helped them

focus on the task at hand. I watched Spider-Man 1 and 3. I skipped right over 2, which might have been better than Spider-Man 1. They were so much on Coke that they just, so fast. I gotta get to the end. Yeah, sure. Gotta get to 3. Gotta see what happens to Spidey.

Who cares about 2? Who am I? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tig.

That's all. Great to have Tig here, huh? Absolutely. It's good to be here. Very nice. Lighting up the room like a fucking Klieg lamp. Is that something? Klieg lamp?

Oh, I don't know. Klieg light? It sounds like an Ikea. Ellen Klieg lamp. Mm-hmm. Is that something? Klieg lamp? Oh, I don't know. Klieg light? It sounds like an Ikea product. Ellen Klieg horn. Ellen K-horn. Like Ellen Klieg horn. Klieg. As we would love, we've tried to get Klieg horn so many times. All we do is just, I seriously have Ellen Klieg horn's agent on speed dial.

I just press that button. He's like, hi, Jesse, not this week. I say, ah. And you say, thanks, Phil. She's booked. Every week she's booked. She's booking so much fucking work. She's doing Professor Blastoff next week.

What? Yeah, you heard me. You got Klieghorn? Yeah, I got Klieg on the horn. You got Klieg horn? Yeah, I got Klieg on the horn. You got Klieg horn on the horn. Oh, jeebus. Well, what are you going to do? Jordan, what have you been up to lately?

Well, Jesse, yesterday I took a trip to the Renaissance Fair. Oh, the Renaissance Fair. Yeah, I did. This was for work. We were goofing around at the Renaissance Fair for Fuel TV. It was a popular place to goof around. Absolutely. Get a giant turkey leg.

Mm-hmm. Flagging of mead. I had fish and chips. Oh, fish and chips. That's nice. Have they made tofu or tofurkey legs available yet? No, not a vegetarian-friendly place. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it.

Yeah, no one's molded any seitan to look like a mutton chop or something. You know, that C-10 is gross. That's some gross stuff. No, yeah. Fatso's only. That sounds fair. All right, all right. That's a whole organization set up for the entertainment of Fatso's.

A couple of things. Scraggle beards. Sure. Fat sows with scrabble beards. Scrabble beards. Scrabble beards. Triple beard score. And that's men and women, right?

Male and female fat sows, scrabble beards. Yeah, sure. And a couple of things. Before I went, I was in this kind of press line situation for work where, you know, it's just a bunch of like photographers and stuff crammed around each other. And, you know, kind of while we were waiting. This is because there's so many people trying to buy. To interview Ellen Cleghorn.

To get into the Renaissance Fair. No, no. This is actually separate. This was like a week before I went. I was just kind of shooting the shit with the camera guy I was with. He's like, oh, so what are you doing for Fuel TV? Anything cool coming up? And I'm like, oh, I'm going to the Renaissance Fair next week.

And this photographer, he's kind of like, maybe 55 or something, pipes up. And, you know, he's like a super dad he you know like cargo shorts he looks like he's maybe like you know been to a few grateful dead concerts in his day um he pipes up and he's like renaissance fair man that shit is the best and he's like i went to that shit uh all the time i grew up in malibu i went all the time as a kid. You go up there, you tell them, I'll have the cheese and mushroom pie, right, and they give you a pie with shrooms in it. You trip all day, you go to the Kissing Bridge, you

mack on chicks, the Renaissance Fair is the fucking best. And then I said, I'm like, oh yeah, no, I love it too. I have a good time every time I go. I'm like, I think it's the... Was he fatso? Yeah, you know, just stocky. Sure. He's like, and I'm like, oh yeah, I think it's the... Was he fatso? Yeah, you know, just stocky. Sure. He's like, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I think it's definitely my favorite nerd event of the year.

And he said, nerd event? No idea. He had no idea. No idea, yeah. He thought he was getting down with his bros. Sure. But I guess, like, maybe in the 70s or whenever he did do it, it had a different cultural affiliation.

No, it's probably still. No, no, no. There's no. I was running around in the 70s and people, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You know. There was an article about the guy who created Game of Thrones, the guy who wrote the Game

of Thrones books in the New Yorker a month or so ago. Sure. Thrones, the guy who wrote the Game of Thrones books in the New Yorker a month or so ago. Sure. And one of the revelations in it is he proudly, boldly, almost defiantly says in the article that every woman he's ever dated he met at a fan event. That's great. Yeah. Does that mean they all had capes?

Yes, I believe that's what that means Beards and capes I was trying to think of some sort of funny play on like No glove, no love, but for capes All I could think of was no cape, no rape But that's not appealing It's kind of appealing It's a little appealing

Sorry, babe, no cape What about no head, no backstage of panel of voice actors pass? Yes, sure. And when I got there, a couple funny things happened. So, you know, like everybody there is like, and definitely most people attending, but also everybody who works there has to be like in character. Right. So like if something anachronistic happens, they have to have like a cute explanation or like reaction to it. So we're there and the camera guy has this kind of big camera.

And one of the women working at the booth said, is thou some sort of robot? Which if you don't know what a camera is, why do you know what a robot is? That, to me, seemed a little off the mark. Did they not have robots? No, no, no, no. The first robot was invented in 1982. Really? Yeah.

Wow. What's Charlton Heston? Cyborg. Gotcha. He was injured and had most of his guts replaced. With clockwork. Clockwork. Gotcha.

With Clegg horns. With Clegg horns. So that was pretty funny, I thought. And then also I went to, speaking of shanties, I went to, I sat in, or I watched one of the shows, and it was this kind of all-female singing group, and they did kind of like naughty sea shanties. They all were like, you know, had on bodices and were very bosomy, and they kind of sang these kind of innuendo-filled shanties, you know, like, a Dutchman loves his long boat,

and then everybody would laugh. Thank you for the example. Yeah, no problem. It was really fun. Yeah, they were called the Merry Wives of Windsor. And, you know, having a good time, lots of innuendos. And I was going to say,

20 minutes into this show, 20 minutes, so this has been going on at this pace and with this tone for about 20 minutes. This filth. Yes. Yes, this is pure. Yeah. The guy, so somebody says something about like, she wants it in her poop deck.

And the guy next to me yells, that's what she said. Yeah, dude. This whole show is that's what she, oh, I'm sorry. I yelled. That's all right. Because I was mad at the guy who I talked to. That's all right. I apologize.

That is the premise. I got a book. That's the whole show is mad at the guy Who I talked to That's alright I apologize That is the The premise I got a book That's the whole show That's what she said I got a book Called That's what she said

In the mail Hmm That's what she said And it said As As popularized By Michael Scott On The Office

What's the book about? Is it just It's just That's what she said Things that she said So It's just... That's what she said. Things that she said? So it's just... Things... I think it must have been somebody's Tumblr or something.

Have you... Oh, go ahead. It's just a list of things where someone said something to someone and then they said back, that's what she said. Are they... Did they have to actually happen? Is that the supposition? It's like, here's some times this has actually happened to me

I guess they actually happened Not that it matters at all They don't seem to have the perspective on it That say the writers of The Office did When they made Michael Scott do it As a sign of how contemptible he is Or pitiable That's what she said

Resurgence Has the same thing yeah no the or pitiable i think right yeah that's what she said um you know resurgence kind of has the kind of same thing as like the actual popularity of like kim kardashian it's like guys this is a joke like this is not real don't actually like this absolute there's a video did you see it on funny or die with megan mullally no where she's acting like the person she's the person mrs nick offerman mrs nick offerman yeah she it's she's acting like the person. She's the person. You mean Mrs. Nick Offerman. Mrs. Nick Offerman. Yeah. It's really pretty funny.

The canoe queen of Southern California. That's correct. But the video is of her being the person that everyone's. She's the she. She's the she. Oh, yes. And it's really pretty funny. She's a funny lady.

Megan Mullally. Tremendously funny. She's a very funny lady. I happen to be on a sitcom with her. And here's a final thought about the Renaissance. Can I guess? Dharma and Greg. That's correct.

Yes! Fuck yeah. She was Greg. My second guess was Herman's head. Go ahead, Jordan. Drexel's class. Now I'm not Jesse you know me Tig we're close

You look vaguely familiar You guys know I'm not an egomaniac Right no I think you're not even a vain man I just want to make this next statement You know You're a simple man I want everyone to know that I'm not an egomaniac You're a simple man in fact I would characterize you as self effacing

Sure I would say you resemble self-effacing. Sure. I would say you resemble a hobo. Thank you. Well, it's because if you saw him without the bindle, I don't know if you would say that. Well, and I dressed up a bit today. Sure. You are looking good.

Yeah. An egomaniac would have probably pulled it together a little more. Sure. Fair enough. Jesse, you'll back me up on this. Feels great to get recognized for the podcast. Absolutely. For anything you do. But because we're really proud of our work here.

Sure, absolutely. I mean, Tig, I imagine it feels good when you get a random fan introduction on the street. I bet that feels nice. It's never happened. Really? No. I mean, if somebody... Let me tell

you it's gonna be awesome i guess what i guess what we're saying is like if you think of how good you feel when someone recognizes you for your stand-up rather than when someone recognizes you from say fish police sure so if they recognize you were the voice i just can't yeah sure i commander salmon yeah i did if i sure i had a part in fish police um so yeah so you know feels good obviously you know the podcast is very personal we're in kind of a crowded marketplace so it's nice to know that people are paying attention right um so you know i don't i don't fish for those sorts of things but it's great when it happens uh that being said why didn't no one fucking recognize me at the Renaissance Fair?

Those are our people! I don't know. I was having a conversation last night at your birthday party. I shan't say with whom. Shant? Have you been hanging out at Renaissance Fairs? What are these? Some type of robot? And

someone said, I said, well, the listeners of such and such are maybe a little bit nerdier than our listeners and uh the person as an explanation for uh actually a positive thing about this other show i was talking about and um uh this other person i was talking to said oh i didn't know there was anything nerdier than Jordan Jesse Go listeners. Not as a put-down, as a sincere expression of confusion.

There are. But not really. Not too many. I mean, our listeners enjoy the arts. Sure, absolutely. You know what I mean? It's not all anime all the time. No. I guess that's what I'm saying. They have interest outside of anime. Oh, absolutely. You know what I mean? It's not all anime all the time.

I guess that's what I'm saying. They have interests outside of anime. Oh my god, speaking of interests outside of anime. I saw the coolest anime. I think we're all interested in, here on Jordan Jesse Go, we're all interested in the work of a certain

German filmmaker. I happen to have, um, I happen to have one Rudolph Herzog on the sound of young America this week. Um, he is a filmmaker himself, a documentarian, uh, and he is the author of a very interesting book, uh, called dead funny humor in Hitler's Germany. It's about, uh, the roles, uh, the, what humor was like in Germany on all sides of what was going on there

during World War II. He rang my doorbell. As you know, as you learned today, Tig, there's a long ascent from my gate to my front door. Loud dog barking, too. There's a loud dog barking that may become an issue in the future. Not my dog. Didn't recognize me. gate to my front door. Loud dog barking, too. It's a loud dog barking that may become an issue in the future.

Not my dog. Didn't recognize me from any podcast. No, did not. Not a Dharma and Greg fan. And I walked down to greet Rudolf Herzog, who's standing behind him, Mr. Werner Herzog. His dad?

His father. That's great. Did he recognize you from the interview you did behind him? Mr. Werner Herzog. His dad? His father. That's great. Did he recognize you from the interview you did with him? I don't think that he did. I do not think that he did. You know, like, I can see how you might take that as a slight, but, like, fucking who's got more going on than Werner Herzog? I know.

If not, like, practically, just mentally. Like, who has more going on than he needs to concentrate on? I like to think that we made friends. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I can't say that for sure. You know, like, I should have asked him to come be on Jordan, Jesse, go. I didn't.

I kind of chickened out. Yeah. But he did. What was... If you think it's, like, nerve-wracking to interview someone under any circumstances which i do sometimes you know it makes me nervous and interview someone about something as serious as the holocaust certainly you're going to be a little nervous because what if you get it wrong what if you what if you accidentally take the wrong side i guess is

what i'm saying sure um but But Jordan, Rudolf Herzog... So what do we need to do to get this thing going again? Rudolf Herzog sat down in the chair that you are sitting in right now, in the place that you are sitting in right now. And Werner Herzog during the interview sat where our friend Tig Notaro is sitting right now.

Wow. Was it hard to just not ask questions about Bad Lieutenant Port of Call, New Orleans? Yes. It was so hard. Your son's book sounds interesting and all, but... Real quick. Why did that guy start breakdancing?

Over to you, Werner. Remember in Bad Lieutenant Port of Call, New Orleans when dot, dot, dot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, remember in Little Dieter Needs to Fly? Anyway, the fact that Werner Herzog just came over out of the blue was so stunning to me. I don't know what to make of it. So you're still a little freaked out. A little freaked out.

Seems like you're a little freaked out. Still trying to pull my shit back together, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Sure. like you're a little freaked out still trying to pull my shit back together i guess is what i'm trying to say sure i'm hoping on your next podcast that you're gonna be like i invited tig on the show and she rang the bell and she she came over i was so and she sat right where you're sitting right now jeff goldblum yeah yeah that're going to take a moment to really be like, we didn't think she would really come over. And Goldblum's going to be like,

wait, Tig Notaro from Dharma and Greg? Why am I still famous? He'll say after that. Is he? He's not really. Yeah, he's on a CSI or something. Is he? Or a Law and Order.

He's on either a Law and Order or a CSI. Good for him. He's the lead on one of those. Jeff Goldblum. Really? Hmm. All I know is he looks a law and order he's on either a law and order or csi i'm good for him he's the lead on one of those jeff goldblum really recently he looks like nick kroll he does look a little bit like that yeah that's true he's a he's a sort of he's a more lanky jangly type of nick kroll oh he's more of a compact man are you calling him fat yeah absolutely all right hey nick kroll i'm calling you out. You know how you're always nice to me when we interact and I think you're a brilliant comic? Well, you're fat!

That's so... Hey, speaking of celebrity lookalikes, I, someone, this is something that's come up on the show before, people will tell me I look like various celebrities and it always seems like an insult to me because the celebrity that they say I look like is usually famous for being ugly or weird

looking. If I was going to say, take what celebrity you look like, the first one that comes to mind is Princess Grace of Monaco. A Rose Byrne. Sure. Sure, Rose Byrne, absolutely. It's just like classic Hollywood.

Not like a bombshell But like just Classic Sure Elegance is the word Elizabeth Taylor Yeah Liz

All the most Divisive Female celebrities But actually Someone told I got some One the other day That didn't seem

Like an insult But I have not Looked up a picture of the guy. I thought we could all do it together, and you guys can tell me whether or not I should be insulted. This seems like trouble. I know. This can only go badly. This guy is called Ben Gibbard.

He's in the band Death Cab for Cutie. Okay. Oh, I know Ben. Do you? Yeah. Is he a handsome guy? No. Oh.

No, he's cute. He's trimmed down a lot. Okay. Oh, he used to be a fatso. Yeah, he used to be a fatso. He used to be running around Renaissance fairs. Sure. But then he got his band together, and then he married Zoe.

Yeah, he is married to Zoe Deschanel, which points in his favor. I tried to convince Zoe Deschanel to come to Max FunCon over Twitter the other day. How'd it go? She Twittered me back, but she didn't agree. Well. That's as good as it gets, though. Can we look up the guy? I want to see if I can find him.

Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Beauty. Who else do you hear? I get Jack Osborne pretty constantly. Mm-hmm. And Patton Oswalt, who I couldn't be a bigger fan of in the comedy space. But maybe not somebody I want to necessarily look like. You wouldn't describe him as sensual. No, no, no.

He's no doable Rickles. And you have a similar kind of voice and cadence to Patton, I think. Yeah, I think maybe that comes across sometimes, and I think that's maybe why people say it. He's not a bad-looking guy at all. That's what I said. He's cute. Yeah, he's a handsome guy. Yeah, I mean, that's funny that the photo of him that you pulled up

is a split screen with him and Zooey Deschanel. Is that to show the attractiveness discrepancy? Is he the one on the right? No, he's not the one with piercing blue eyes. No, that's not. Okay, sorry blue eyes. No, that's not. Okay, sorry. Here, Tig, I'm going to turn this towards you here. It's Ben.

Yeah, I'm fine looking like that, I guess. You've got to grow your hair out. Straighten your curls. He's really not a bad looking fella at all. No, no, that's good. But yeah, I'm actually surprised to see him that he doesn't have curly hair. Usually I figure

a lot of times when I get a celebrity, it's just a hair thing that people are reacting to. See, I used to get before I kind of dolled myself up, I'd get Mowgli a lot. The wolf child from the Jungle Book? Yeah. I used to get Baloo

a lot. Did you? Yeah, I got Mowgli. That's when you guys were cavorting a lot together. Yeah, that's true. For the woods. In the woods. Or that orangutan. Yeah. Sure. Well, you know. I think that's a

handsome man, Jordan, and you have nothing to worry about. I'm okay. I can look like that. Here's the thing. Definitely being married to Zooey Deschanel doesn can look like that. Here's the thing. Yeah, definitely being married to Zooey Deschanel doesn't hurt his points. Ben's doing fine. Dude's doing all right. Yeah.

That guy's not sweating it. No. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Jordan, Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, bully detective. And Tig Notaro. Here's how it works on Jordan, Jesse Goh. We have a sort of Jumbotron-like service where we allow our listeners to sponsor an episode of Jordan Jesse Go. We share their announcement, be it personal or commercial,

with our audience for a low, low price. We have two sponsors this week, Jordan. First of all, the return of Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Our good friends at Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Handsome t-shirts and collectibles. I actually got a, they were nice

enough to send over some stuff. I have a nice Fuzzy Balls Apparel t-shirt. It's a dinosaur with a robot head. And I get a lot of compliments on it. People say that looks nice. You look like Jack Osborne in that shirt. Right. But a doable Osborne. Like a doable Hans.

You know what? It's really not. I think, Jordan, I think that there's nothing wrong with being a handsomer version of a celebrity. Yeah. I think that's what you're working. I don't know. I just don't want, I don't want some, I don't know. It's fine. I'm being, I'm a baby about it. I probably complain about it too much. You are adorable. Thanks, Tig. You're adorable. And you're striking. You are adorable.

Thank you. You're adorable. Thanks. Now it's seeming sarcastic. No. No. Jordan, you are adorable. Thank you.

I'm not being that. I'm being genuine. Thank you. I know. I appreciate it. I know. I'm not a self-conscious guy. I am an egomaniac.

Yeah, certainly. Dressed down. Sure. Okay, look. Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Their world-famous slogan, cute and creepy t-shirts and things. Online at fuzzyballsapparel.com. Of course, you get a special gift if you use the JJGO code in your comments on your order.

They will include a special Jordan Jesse Go gift. Who knows what it might be? Might be a Jack Osborne bobblehead. Sure. Who knows what it could be? Who knows, Jordan? Could be a Death Cab for Cutie CD. Maybe.

Could be a... Probably won't be, but... Pair of printed underpants. Sure. Okay. Our other sponsor this week is Abundatrade.com. Tracy and her boyfriend have been Sound of Young America listeners since Santa Cruz. Wow.

It's been a while since I've heard from a since Santa Cruz listener. It's deep. Just deep into our catalog. That's our roots, Jordan. You cannot ever forget your roots. We cannot ever forget that we came from Santa Cruz, a city with a dream. A lighthouse. Several bong stores.

It's AbundantTrade.com. This is a website that pays you cash for your used books cds dvds etc so what you can do is you can you can either just send them a huge box of crap or just mail the whole canoe or you can type in the isbns and whatnot on the upcs and find out what you're going to get paid for them and if it is an order of more than $50 worth of CDs, DVDs, or video games, they will actually pay for you to ship the stuff to them.

So it is a very nice service. They like to keep the objects in circulation, recycle rather than make more, and so on and so forth. Very Santa Cruz-y values that won them the 2011 Outstanding Waste

Reduction and Recycling Award from the state of South Carolina, which I think is pretty impressive. Pretty, because we put in for that award, and we did not win. We did. Yeah, every year. This podcast is wasteful, though. Again. We are the Susan Lucci of that.

Yeah. You know what? We should stop powering this podcast with coal. Right. Just lump coal. Well, I mean, you should at least start paying the immigrants who shovel it into the furnace more. Yeah.

I'm thinking about switching to compressed natural gas, CNG. Hmm. Or just canola oil. Oh, it's a nice idea. It would make the whole podcast smell like french fries, though. That's what I've heard. It's a nice idea. It would make the whole podcast smell like French fries, though.

That's what I've heard. Anyway, Abundatrade.com. A-B-U-N-D-A-T-R-A-D-E.com. And guess what? If you put in JJ Go in the how did you hear about us when you submit your list, you get an extra 15% added to your cash value of the stuff that you're sending in. Or 25% for trade. So not a bad deal if you ask me. Abundantrade.com. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan Jesse Go or any of our MaximumFun.org podcast,

I shouldn't say that, or one of several of our MaximumFun.org podcast, just email our development director and my beautiful wife, Teresa, Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Tig Notaro. Tig Notaro, of course. Her brand new album, Good One, due in August from the Secretly Canadian label. Right now you can download a free track from the album. Am I mistaken in thinking that? No, it's completely correct. The album comes out on August 2nd.

It's going to be, you can download it. It's going to be on vinyl. Vinyl? You can buy an actual CD. Sure. Is there a sound quality that you as the artist prefer? Is there one of those? Don't care.

Okay. But yeah, it comes out August 2nd. And right now leading up to the release you can get you can go to my website which is tignotaro.com and get a free download of the track and uh check it out seems it seems like a good idea to me to me it seems like a good idea to go to tignotaro.com and download a track i uh did that uh on the recommendation of onions av club it's very funny everyone should do it yeah it's right there's actually instructions and download a track. I did that on the recommendation of Onion's AV Club. It's very funny.

Everyone should do it. Yeah, there's actually instructions right now on MaximumFun.org. So if you just forget to visit Tig Notaro.com, right on the homepage of MaximumFun.org on the blog there, you will find a post instructing you how to do that. Well, thank you. It's not that complicated. No, it's pretty simple.

It's not that complicated. Anybody with any access to the... I forgot what those encyclopedias are called. Encyclopedia Britannica website. There you go. Microsoft Encarta CD-ROM. Oh, yeah. Multimedia encyclopedia. Multimedia

encyclopedia. On the program, we've been talking about odd revelations that have come from our parents revelations of secret lives that we had no idea they had this is just an absolute leitmotif in my relationship with my parents

they were in their late 30s when I was born and had just lived insane lives before I was born and had just lived insane lives before I was born. Insane? Like... Just every story is about getting arrested for having 100 pounds of LSD or something. Okay. And, you know, they come in those little pieces of blotter paper.

So that's like a lot. A lot of, yeah. It's a flat. And you didn't know that was going on. I had no idea that any of that stuff was going on. I mean, at this point, I have a basic understanding that my parents were living crazy lives at the time. But you did not know that up until recently. Until I was a teenager.

And they started just dropping random. I didn't know that my father had a first wife until I was like 16, and he casually mentioned it as though everyone knew that. Oh, okay. But we asked our listeners to give us a call and share some of these stories with us. We've got a couple now, so let's take a listen. Hey, I'm calling JJ Go.

This is Zach in Manhattan. I'm calling about the action item regarding parental revelations later in Manhattan. I'm calling about the action item regarding parental revelations later in life. I grew up in a fairly mundane life in suburban Chicago. I now live in New York, but I was living in Chicago right after college, and I went back to visit my parents in my hometown, and I had some sort of, you know, general chit chat about how I ran into Hari Krishnas in Chicago and discovered an amazing thing about my father's misspent, misguided youth. I knew my old man had kind of a wild youth. He had an alcoholic mother and a father who just wasn't paying much attention.

So I knew, like in his teenage years, he hitchhiked back and forth across the country. But I mentioned these Hare Krishnas while having a discussion on the back porch with my parents. And my father got this look in his eye and he goes, oh, Hare Krishnas. I had an interesting altercation with Hare Krishnas. So of course, my mother and, my mother and I kind of looked at him and said, well, when I was, I don't know, about 19 and I was homeless and I was living in Berkeley at this point, neither my mother nor I knew my father was homeless at any point. Selling newspapers for spare change

and then a band of Hare Krishnas beat the shit out of me and robbed me and took all my money. See, this is the kind of stuff that I need to know about my dad. My dad was homeless for a while, too. I didn't know that until I was a teenager. I, you know, I don't even really know what a Hare Krishna is. I've only known them as joke punchlines.

There was a time when they would assault you in the airport and try and get you to put a quarter in a jar. But not beat you. No, not a physical assault. Not that sort of assault. But yeah, this guy seemed like maybe these were false Hare Krishnas or something. I think maybe people were dressed up to... Like as a distraction.

Yeah. So it's a band of thugs who dressed as Hare Krishnas and then people would say... After those Hare Krishnas, they would take off their robes put on normal clothes and be like i don't know i'm just a regular guy with a weird ponytail that starts at the top of my head and comes down as you can see by the fact that i'm not wearing saffron colored robes and you count your money that you stole. Yeah, that's a pretty good plan. Yeah.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Ryan calling from Pennsylvania. This is a response to the action item Crazy Parent Revelations. One time when I was visiting my mother in Albuquerque, maybe when I was about 16, I was trying to fall asleep on her futon, and she comes out in a slightly drunken haze and decides she wants to watch the movie Ray. And I believe there's a scene in the movie

where Ray does heroin, and at that point she decides to tell me about the first time she does heroin, and apparently the only time, and she rolls up her sleeve and shows me a little mark on her arm. And I thought that would be the craziest revelation of the night. Tried to go back to sleep. She continued to watch the movie.

The movie ended. Then there were late-night commercials on the television, and there was one, and it was an anti-abortion commercial and she proceeded to tell me how she was pro-life and how that when she was 18 she had a baby and gave him up for adoption so I found out that night about the first time my mom did heroin and that I have a 30 year old half brother. Thanks. Love the show.

Bye. I think that if your mother has a futon still. Yeah. There's something. She's got something. She should at least get a sleeper. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If mom has a futon. Yeah, well, I don't know. Who wants to get drunk and watch the movie Ray? A heroin addict. Yeah, no, I guess so. I guess that is the only kind of person. A pro-life heroin addict.

But so she's, I guess the heroin doing was in her youth. Why did she still have a mark from it if it was just once? I don't understand that. I think that she's just a drunk person that that is confused because i've never done heroin and um i am not a drug person but i have given blood and i have little marks that i could maybe if i drank too much i could start to tell you that You would confuse your personal history with that of Ray Charles. Me giving blood to people in need.

The fact that she claimed to have arguably invented soul music, I think is kind of like a point against the veracity of her, you know. And her saying, I don't know if you know this, I've been blind your whole life. Yeah. And also maybe a little suspect.

Yeah. Although, she did play some tracks from her late career hit country album. Hmm. Did that happen? Did Ray Charles have a country album? Yes.

Yeah, absolutely. In the 60s. Interesting. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest with amazing nickname. I'm calling in. I am a recent Blondie Brigade donor, and I was taking the F train back home. I live in New York City and a very attractive and probably very smart.

We didn't have that much of a conversation. But since she recognized the JJ Go tote bag I had with me, I assume that she's of an upstanding education and of good mind. That was my momentous occasion, that she recognized my tote bag and we took up a conversation. I didn't really have the confidence, though, to ask for a phone number or anything, but then I asked if she was on Twitter because that's what a nerd like me does. I was going to say, I'll follow you, and you can follow me, and maybe that. But then she didn't.

See, she's not on Twitter. So. I had to cut it off. I had to cut it off. But she's going to hear that. This, it got too, I got too, I started having. We didn't get nearly enough information. Well, I think the moral of the story is that no matter how incoherent you may be, or no matter how much you may think that Twitter is a viable place to meet a girl, you can still use a jordan jesse go tote bag to meet chicks right or your mouth i like how the guy i like the expression taking the f train maybe if he plays

his cards right yeah maybe um probably not though yeah it seems unlikely that he would make a misplay right i yeah i would like to hear a, though, where it actually did lead to a phone number or a little bone in down. Yeah, I was really disappointed. I met a good looking young, what I presume to be couple at one of our San Francisco shows some years ago. And they were telling me that they recognized each other because one of them was out mowing his front lawn while he was wearing a Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt and the lady was walking her dogs in the neighborhood and saw the Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt and they struck up a friendship and then they came to our show together and I was like, and now you're in love.

And they're like, no, we're just friends. And I was so disappointed. Yeah. I would, yeah, I would hope that the show generates more sex than it does. Anyway. Well, it's super. Come on people, start boning down. Yeah. I would hope that this show generates more sex than it does. Anyway. Well, it's super... Come on, people. Start boning down. Let's take care of business, ladies and gentlemen. Get on the F train. Come on.

Hey, JJ Go. This is Ben in Omaha. I've got a momentous occasion for you. I was driving down the street and I saw an old homeless man using two fencing swords as canes on each hand, walking up the street,

using them as canes. Thought of you. Bye. On guard. Mm-hmm. See, now that's the kind of little magical moment that the whole

momentous occasions operation is dedicated to promoting. A homeless man using... They would make terrible canes. Absolutely. And they're called foils. They're too bendy. Well, they could have been sabers.

Oh, maybe. Maybe that explains it. Maybe. Maybe we're just assuming that they're foils, but they were actually sabers. Which are a little more... Which are a little sturdier because they're for slashing rather than poking. How do you know it wasn't Ben Kenobi? He looks kind of homeless

Yeah Might have been Might have been The world's greatest Jedi Could have been Ben Kenobi Did When he was walking And using the canes

Was he slicing into the ground? Like deep into the ground Was there a Vroom Noise Whenever he went Vroom Was there any kind of

Vroom Vroom Just let us know. Just bring us up to date on that situation. Tweeter us. 206-984-4FUN the telephone number to call if something momentous happens to you. We'll talk to you in just a

second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tig Notaro, comedian. Tig Notaro's here. She's got a brand new CD. Look.

Jordan, I'm going to put it all out on the line. You enjoy comedy recordings, you're going to enjoy Tig Notaro's comedy recordings. She's one of the best in the business. You're going to laugh your little rear off. That's my quote. Put that on the cover. I don't know if you sent in the paperwork yet.

But put that on the cover. You're going to laugh your little rear off. Jesse Thorne, Public Radio International. Should I put that over my face? Jesse Thorne, former IFC. Jesse Thorne recently wrote an afterword for a book collection of photographs of things that you got by sending away in ads in comic books. I think my label's going to like that. Yeah.

It's a little wordy, but... All of those different... No, it's very punchy. It's not nearly enough information. You're going to laugh your little rear off. Maybe we will have the guy that was calling about his mom. Yeah, that guy. Maybe we could have him write something to cover up my face. Maybe we could have that guy, the smooth ladies man, that called in.

Yeah. Oh, that's what I meant. That's what I meant. Old F-Train. Yeah, old F-Train. I got confused. Let's have F-Train give us a call. Hey, dude, we just gave you a sweet new nickname.

You're not boning down after getting the nickname F-Train. Hey, I'm F-Train. My friends call me F-Train. Want a ride? You'll say. Got your transfer. That's a bus. Okay, look, Jordan.

What? Last week on the program, I discussed something called a friendship war. I was disappointed that our friends at My Brother, My Brother and Me were getting a lot more action, so to speak, on Twitter than we were. Sure. More hashtag-related action. More hashtag-related action. I noticed that if you search for their hashtag, MBMBAM, you were getting literally hundreds of

replies. Sure. Or search results. If you were searching for hashtag JJGo for JordanJesseGo, you would get four, five, six. Well, I did something about it, Jordan. Yeah. I brought the power to the people

and the pedal to the metal. What happened? I took the fight to the enemy and to our friends, my brother, my brother, and me. Who are our enemies in this situation? I asked that our listeners tweet with the hashtag JJGo.

And I specifically said that while we really appreciate you tweeting about Jordan Jesse Go, just using the hashtag is enough. Sure. Absolutely. It could just be the hashtag. It doesn't even have to be preceded by a sentence. Which some people did do. Some people did do that. That's fine. We just

want to win. What I didn't realize at the time is that it's complicated and difficult to count who wins a hashtag war. I just assumed that there were websites for that. There's this one website called Hashtag Battle. And I use this website and it claims to do what we wanted it to do. But it says that we only got 20 points, hashtag points. And then I just went and counted and I got like 25 in the last two or three days. So this one, I'm kicking this one out.

Yeah. Sorry, hashtag battle. Also because it said we lost. Yeah. Which renders it null and void. Absolutely. So then I looked on this thing called tweet tags. And I've got good news, Jordan.

Okay. According to the website tweet tags, Jordan Jesse Go. And not that other one. Has had 158 mentions. Destroying MBAM's 118 mentions. Moral of the story, just keep checking different websites to get the results

you want. This is, look, if you did not learn anything from the episode of Sports Night, where Jeremy rigged the poll about who was the handsomest, the coolest host of Sports Night. Anyway.

Yeah. I think we won. It's open to discussion. I'm going to leave it open until next week to decide whether that means that we won. Well, that'll just give us more time to embarrass them. Mugabe. Yeah, sure. To mugabe the situation. Right.

That's a verb meaning to... Sure, you don't have to explain it to me. Okay, great. I would like to make a little bit of an announcement. What's that, Jordan? This has been kind of... Congrats, first of all. Thank you. Am I showing? We've been mentioning

this a little bit on the forums But I think I can make it official now We're going to have a London meetup I think it'll be our first ever international meetup I'll be there hosting it Well, no, it will not be Because I hosted a meetup in Calgary, Alberta Oh, okay

But this will be our first overseas meetup. Sure. Our first other continent. Yeah. Other continental meetup. Ooh, that's what we should call it. The other continental meetup. That's catchy. Actually, forget where we decided to do it. Jesse, you have the form open there. Maybe you can say. I've got your

are we going with, looks like there's Porter House and Monarch Bar. Oh, I think it's Porterhouse. Porterhouse. Okay, Porterhouse. Porterhouse it is. The date is...

The 23rd. May 23rd. May 23rd. And you guys go out there and hang out? We do, yeah. Press the flesh. Kiss some babies. How many people do you think you're going to get in London?

I don't know. Good question. There would seem to be palpable enthusiasm I don't know. Good question. There seemed to be palpable enthusiasm about it on the forum. Right. So yeah, we'll see. What's your guess? What's your guess of how many? Because this is going to be

a head-to-head situation, Jordan. I hate to tell you, but I'm headed to London in November. I'm going to be visiting some family in Belfast,ireland with my wife and uh newborn child and we're gonna be spending a few days in london and no see here's the thing your thing you'll you'll be in there in november right right people will still be getting over their hangovers from my meetup really they won't want to leave the house

they'll be too fucking partied out. Wait, let's go back. How many people do you think are going to be there? I'm going to say... I'm so curious. I'm going to say... For serious? For serious.

I want to see 40. 40. That's a good number. That's a good number. I think you can do it, Jordan. I think so, too. You're going to need the help of the United Kingdom, though.

So you're both... You're each going to have a meetup? Yeah. Jordan's doing it... Jordan's doing it in May 23rd at Porterhouse. Yes. I'm going to do a meetup? Yeah. Jordan's doing it in May 23rd at Porterhouse. Yes. I'm going to do it

in November. Location, TBD. But yeah. I think you should do it at Porterhouse just to make it fair. Just to make it like all things equal.

I don't fight fair. I fight to win. All right. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to move Gabi in this situation if need be. You're going to go over there? I'm going to go over there. I'm going to Mugabe the situation if need be. You're going to go over there? I'm going to go over there, and I'm going to do a meetup based on this episode.

Oh. Excellent. And I will let you guys know how it goes. I'm going over to Dublin. Oh, okay. Dublin. I don't know why I added two Ds on the end of that. But yeah, I'll be in Dublin in July, I think.

Okay. So maybe I'll just swing over, set up a little Jordan-Jesse-Go meetup. This will be a three-way meetup battle. And I'm going to win this thing, you guys. Okay, well. May the best meetup win. The gauntlet has been thrown. May the 23rd win.

Okay. If you're within, I'm going to say short flying distance. If you're in fucking Gibraltar, I want to see you out there at Jordan's Meetup on the 23rd. Let's see some Welshies. If you're from the Outer Hebrides. If you're from the Isle of Lewis. Stonehenge. If you're a druid from Stonehenge. If you're a druid from Stonehenge.

I want to see Northern Europeans there. I want to see a Swede. I want to see a Norseman. Thor. We want Thor there. I don't care. The guy who played Thor. I don't care if you're Anglo or Saxon.

I want to see you at Jordan's meetup. Celts, you too. Yeah. May 23rd at Poor House. No Moors, though. Yeah, please. No Moors. Not racist.

Yeah. No, we're not actually racist. Not racist. 206-9844-FUN is our telephone number. Teresa at MaximumFun.org. The email if you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan Jesse. Also, if you know how to get a hold of Thor. Like if anybody has any contact info for Thor.

Join us on the forum at MaximumFun.org where you can argue with me about whether rap music is poetry. I say that it's not. Jesse, it rhymes. Has anyone brought up that? Has that been an argument yet? Dotty D on the backup. Drug free. So put the crack up. Well, that's a pretty good example. Has anyone brought up that? Has that been an argument yet? Donnie D on the backup. Drug free.

So put the crack up. Well, that's a pretty good example. Put the crack up. Put it up on a shelf. We should probably not have the crack. You should probably throw it away. No, it's like a concert thing. If you have some crack, they want you to pump it.

Oh, like wave your crack in the air. Yeah, sure. No, I think they say put it on a high shelf. Oh, yeah. So babies can't get it. Yeah, you don't want the baby getting into the crack. He'll just eat it. Yeah.

He won't go to smoke it. Or she. Or she. Some babies are female, to be fair. Some are born with both. So get the crack out of the way of the he. Intersexed. Including intersexed.

Don't let the intersexed babies smoke your crack. Some are genderqueer. They're not interested in your false binary. Get the crack away. Yeah. 206-984-4FUN JJ Goat MaximumFun.org

Our theme music Love You by The Free Design. Join us on the forum at forum.maximumfun.org and be sure and run out and download

that free track from our friend Tig Notaro's CD at tignotaro.com and check out her podcast Professor Blastoff. Yeah.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. I love you.