Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 179: Pure Dad Live at MaxFunCon

Episode Date: June 14, 2011

Matt Besser, Josie Long and Greg Behrendt join Jesse and Jordan at a live recording at MaxFunCon 2011.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twidd recorded live on stage in Lake Arrowhead, California

at the third annual MaxFunCon. Let's go! This portion of the show is called Beverage Time. It lasts 80 minutes. Caffeine-free Dr. Pepper, the official unpaid sponsor of Max Funcon. Cock rings, the unofficial sexual aid of Max Funcon. Did we ever talk about...

We had this thing one time where this nice lady who worked at one of these branding agencies said she was a big Jordan Jesse Go fan and we could pitch anything. And she gave us a list of her clients and we spent so much...

We put so much effort into this. We gave this complicated pitch for Cheetos that was we were going to fill a swimming pool with Cheetos in fact it was going to be John Roderick's swimming pool

he has an empty swimming pool for some reason guess he doesn't like swimming we were going to fill a swimming pool with Cheetos and go swimming in it and make a video of that yeah I'm surprised that never materialized although I make a video of that. Yeah, I'm surprised

that never materialized. Although, I added a little caveat that I would fuck the Cheeto mascots at the end of the video, so maybe that was an issue.

It's called the money shot. Yeah. In viral marketing, that's called the money shot. But I would yell Cheetos as I was climaxing. That's actually just... Oh, and my dick

is also orange in that situation, too. The last two are just because of a separate deal you have with Cheetos. Yes, yeah, yeah. So it's great to be back at MaxFunCon. Yeah, is it ever? MaxFunCon audiences are the best audiences in the world. And, you know, I kind of feel like... I mean, I feel like this is a...

I feel very familiar here. I recognize old things. They have a very charming little restaurant attached to this thing called the Bear and Grill. Bear and Grill instead of Bar and Grill. And I think when they built this, Bear and Grill was meant to symbolize the UCLA mascots. Sure, the Bruin. Yeah, meant to make people think of the UCLA mascot. Sure, the Bruin. Yeah, meant to make people think of the UCLA mascot. Now, I think Bear and Grill makes you think of Bear Grills,

the TV host famous for piss drinking. So, I don't know if that's what you want associated with your restaurant, your eatery. I'm from San Francisco, so the Bear Grill in San Francisco is a whole different thing. Oh, okay. It's a whole other thing. That's where all the dudes have orange dicks, right?

I think you're going to have to learn a little bit more about gay subcultures, Jordan. Nah, I think I know all I need to know. I don't know if you've got it completely straight. Nope, not learning anymore. I do not know. Have you been enjoying... Let me ask you this. Have you been enjoying the conference so far? Yeah, I've been having a great time,

although a little bit of awkwardness or just, I don't know, there's something that I'm kind of having trouble. I'm kind of surprised to hear that. I mean, here at Max Runcom, there's almost no awkwardness. It's like people just accepting each other. Yeah, well, that's the thing. The first day when I arrived was. I feel like every person I talk to, like, gives me a hug.

Yeah, okay, that's kind of part of it, actually. When I arrived, you know, there's a lot of repeats, Max Fun Connors, and, you know, I'm, yeah, right? And, you know, I feel like I know everybody. I've spent a significant amount of time with everybody. So there was, the first day, a lot of hugging. There was a lot of hugging. Which is great, right? Yeah, I love it. Every hug

I've gotten has been like an orange dick in my ass. I was going to say beautiful snowflake, but then I changed my mind. They're roughly synonymous. Yeah, sure. Every orange dick is different, Jesse sure Every orange dick is different Jesse

Every orange dick is unique New York you know you need unique New York Good now I'm warmed up So But we're kind of in the middle of the second day And I have been getting There's been a drop off in hugs There's been kind of a hug

Steep decline And I think maybe it has something to do with technique. Really? It's weird. I know it's weird to think that you can hug wrong, but I don't know. It's basically the only thing that I have. It's the only thing I can think of. I have a question for you.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Could we, because I'm having a hard time picturing someone hugging wrong. I know, it's weird, and I'm probably just being paranoid, but like. That seems super crazy to me. Try it out, just maybe do just a little bit of hugging, and maybe you can just give me your gut reaction. Because I know you're like a big social graces guy, so I think maybe you would. Do we have just maybe three people who would be willing to just give me a hug and see if we're comfortable? Okay.

Yeah, let's have you there, sir. You there, sir. And oh, Rebecca wanted a pink sweater. Let's get up here. Come on up, guys. Yeah, give them a hand, please. And

thank you for bearing with me. I know this is just kind of a weird personal hang-up, but I appreciate you guys playing along. Okay. So first off, I guess Ken Roberts will go first. Yeah, Pat, I'll give you just a quick hug and just let me know. Okay. Okay.

Standard hug, right? Standard hug? I think it was a little too intimate. Was it? No, people give a little, they give a, mmm, when you hug. That's normal, right? It's affectionate. Jordan, I mean, I don't think that's the sound you made.

What sound did I, it sounded, mmm,, I don't think that's the sound you made. What sound did I... It sounded... Right? It was like that? It was more of like an... I think you're being paranoid. But let's get... Can I do one more?

Can I do a couple more? Okay. Try one more. And just, Jordan, if I ask one thing, do not make that creepy sound. You know what? I won't. I don't see it, but I'll stop, because you're right.

9-11 was an inside job. Standard hug, right? Standard hug? Jordan, that is not a standard hug. It started regular. You can't just say 9-11 was an in-time job to people. Hey, watch Loose Change. That's all I'm saying.

It's on On Demand. Just watch it. You should also watch Dan Aykroyd, Alien Anal Intruders. That's a different thing. But hey, I don't know. Jordan, you can't make your hugs dependent on your crazy political beliefs. You're right. I'm sorry.

Okay. Can I just do one more? No. You know what? I'm leaving politics out of it. This will be a non-partisan hug. Okay. Here's my rules for this.

Okay. You can hug hug. Okay, here's my rules for this. Okay. You can hug Rebecca. Okay. But Rebecca is one of our favorite listeners. Sure. One of our most long-standing supporters. So I do not want you to do any noises. Okay. I don't want you to say anything about Dan

Aykroyd or anyone. I won't. Any member of the original cast of Saturday Night Live. Okay. You know, Steve Martin was just a guest host. Wasn't in the cast. A lot of people think that he was in the cast. Was not in the cast.

You can't say anything about Jane Curtin. One more. One more. No noises at all. No noises. No politics. Okay. Fine.

Here we go. This one, he's going to get this one right. Standard hug, right? Standard hug. Thank you. Standard hug. Thank you. Standard hug. Jordan. Ken brought me a case of caffeine-free regular Dr. Pepper. Yeah, and I was thanking him for that nice gesture with a hug.

You just hit him in the face with a cooked hot dog. It's the same thing. No, you just rubbed a cooked hot dog on his face. No, here, listen. It even sounds the same. Hug. Hot dog. I think you're the one who's weird.

Jordan, I can't even deal with this hug stuff Okay, well let's just move on Let's share our stories, shall we? Let's share our stories I did something that was important for me last night Okay I was up at the Frontier Village Which, for anyone who's listening to this on the podcast

Is an actual thing they have here And I was hanging out I was talking to a couple of charming Max Funsters for anyone who's listening to this on the podcast is an actual thing they have here. And I was hanging out. I was talking to a couple of charming Max Funsters. You know, I thought that's where the weird gay subculture would be, Frontier Village. Frontier Village? I mean, shows how bad my radar for this stuff is. How great gay subculture.

It would be. Just a bunch of, sort of like a leather thing, only it's Old West themed. Yeah, one of the drinks could be the only it's Old West themed. Yeah. One of the drinks could be the covered wagon. Oh, this is great. I wish I was into dudes so I could start this. Yeah.

But just because you're not into dudes doesn't mean you can't be a gay club promoter. Okay, that's a good point. I thought you were going to say that I can't be in the subculture because the problem is if you're gay, it's a cool subculture but if you're straight it's just sad like ren fairs or something oh sorry sorry never mind i take it back i mean sad like sporting events right demo Last night, one of the presentations, somebody said, I mean, we're all nerds here, right? And everyone was going like, yeah, yeah.

And Glenn Washington just goes, oh, hell no! It's okay, Glenn. His session was called Rock a Funky Story, so... So you had a milestone. I had a milestone. What happened is I was standing there, and I see this guy wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, which I'm not going to lie to you guys,

it's not out of the realm of sartorial possibilities here at MaxFunCon. And I see this... Were they matching? This was a set. No. In your opinion, is it worse or better

to match the sweatpants, sweatshirt? It depends if you're Rocky. Okay. Was this Rocky? Dear God, no. It's this young man and he's sort of...

He has a kind of slouchy posture. His pants and shirt are a little bit dirty. He looks basically like a sort of teenage vagrant. Okay. And he goes in and he's sort of skirting the perimeter of the party. And I'm like, I don't recognize this guy. Jesse.

He's not wearing a badge. Might have been a raptor. That's their attack pattern. I don't think that's possible, Jordan, because there was a door that he had to go through. No, they can do that too. Dear God! Clever girls. Spared no expense.

These are all lines from Jurassic Park. And so... Hold on to your butts. I see him grabbing a couple of beers, and then I see him grabbing a couple of beers. And then I see him grabbing a couple more beers. Oh, is this going to end with you being a narc? You fucking narc. So I was like, you know what?

I fucking bought those beers. I paid for those beers. So I said, oh, hi, I said. Are you a registrar at the conference? And he said, yes, in a way that was the no, meant no. And I said, oh, because it seems like you've got a lot of beers there. And he said, yes. I was just going to take them down to my conference friends, is what he said.

I was just going to take them down to my conference friends, is what he said. And luckily, Chris Bowman, one of our wonderful volunteers, was there with me. He's also a large man. And he said, oh, you're not allowed to bring them down, so maybe you should just leave them here. Oh, I thought maybe this was going to be a situation where it was like Donald Duck teaching his kids not to smoke, where he's like, well, you can't take them down. You better just pound those all right now, 16-year-old. And anyway, the guy put down the beers.

And I think he might have kept a couple beers in his pants, and I wasn't going to, you know. You're about to go into a 16-year-old's pants. No. And so I feel like it brings up a lot of issues. Like, I may have just had my first moment of pure dad. Yeah. If it was actually a dad, if it was a... Well, I was going to say, this is probably more of an uncle move

to just give him a little sip of the beer just so he can see what it's like. Well, what surprised me about it is this teen, like he genuinely... Number one, where did he come from? Because... Jesse, the woods. It's where teens live. He really looked like...

That's why we put all our food in a plastic bag and tie it in a tree. Because these woods are crawling with teens. He kind of seemed like maybe he was a teenager that lived in the woods off of conference marshmallows and graham crackers. A feral conference teen. And he could only drink beer because he knew it wouldn't have diseases in it like he was on a pirate ship. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. It was a really emotional experience for me afterwards. In the moment, I was protecting the beers that I bought at Costco because I remembered stacking those. So your dad feelings were towards the beers. So that was how you were feeling paternal. Yeah, I guess so.

I guess this was sort of like the sort of action equivalent of wearing a T-shirt that says, you know, International Bank of Dad. Yeah. Let me ask you this. This brings up another question. You've got a kid on the way. Thank you, by the way.

Thank you. I cannot have kids because I have an orange dick. I'll just put that. No, applaud it. Great, no condoms. Gross. So let me ask you this.

If you ask me, Jordan, this dick sounds flaming hot. It's more of a red dick. More red, those Cheetos. Very popular with Latino teens, though, so that's a good... Yeah, sure. That's good for you. My dick's like Budweiser and Clamato.

Also popular with Mexicans. It's popular with 50-year-old Latino guys in cowboy boots. Sure, yes. Let me ask you this. So you're having a kid on the way. You yourself are a non-drinker, non-drug user. That's true. Will you be the dad who's like,

all right, just give us your keys. You can drink here. Just be safe. Or are you going to just be hard line nothing? So in this scenario, my kid is just drinking in front of me? Yeah. Wait, wait. Didn't you just like every.

Anytime his glass gets empty, I just pour it and I say. No, no. I mean, didn't every like in high school,, every circle of friends had the one set of parents who were like, you guys can drink here, we just don't want you driving, it's okay to experiment, just be safe about it. Like, did you not have that growing up? Well, I went to arts high school.

Chelsea Knox was mine. That was my Knox family. I went to arts. See, the thing is, is I grew up in the city, and I think that people didn't do most of their drinking at people's houses. Okay. And it wasn't like you had to like...

They did it at gay subculture clubs. Power exchange. Gotcha. To be fair, that's open to all sexual orientations. No, I don't think that was a big thing. I think because of the sort of general libertine nature of people's parents. And I don't know.

I feel like the kind of like binge drinking party that you see in like a frat movie is something that happens, that maybe happens more in Mission Viejo than it does in San Francisco. Like this sort of pent up I need to pound beers energy. Sure, gotta chug. But do you same principle, like if kid 16, he comes home, he's clearly drunk, what's

Jesse Thorne's call? I'd probably kick him in the balls. Is that the right thing to do? Yeah. I got it from Dr. Spock, so I'm hoping I'm hoping it's not one of those outdated things If you're listening to Dr. Oz It's a two finger poke to the throat And then some blueberries

For the antioxidants It's a super food Let's table it I want to bring this up Because we're going to have a European guest On the program later So I want to get world opinions. But before we get to that, we have a really amazing guest for everyone.

You know, it's one thing, and later on in the show we'll have a guest from a whole other continent. But it's another thing to have a guest from a whole other world. It's another thing to have a guest from a whole other world. Someone with the power to smite. Someone with the power to... Transform. Transform. Someone with an attractive robe. Someone that subsists solely... I'm running out of stuff I know

about Greek mythology. I'm not going to lie to you, Jordan. It's okay. Please welcome to this stage, you know him as the god of thunder, the father of the gods, Zeus. Yo, what's up, everybody? I'm Zeus.

Zeus, it's great to have you on the program. Thank you so much for joining us. Great to be here. We don't wear robes anymore, by the way. Oh, I'm sorry. I see that you look like you're... What is that, a Raiders jersey? Yeah, I'm into the Raiders. Al Davis.

You're into Al Davis, specifically? Yeah. Not so much like a Charles Woodson or like a famous Raiders player past, but specifically the owner, Al Davis? Yeah, yeah, he's evil. Fair enough. Well, anyway, I mean, Zuzu, number one, it's great to have you on the show. Number two, I know you've been doing a lot of press lately. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm kind of doing the Charlie Sheen thing. Here's what it is. I'm going around telling people, well, this is what it is. I'm a sex addict. Wow. I'm addicted to fucking mortal maidens. How you doing, baby? And in particular, my fetish is transforming into objects and animals

to trick maidens into fucking me. Wow. And I've been doing it for thousands of years. I'm trying to get off that now, and I feel going on radio shows and talking about it helps me out. Was there something that prompted you wanting to make this change in your life? People are stopping believing in me, you know? And I think maybe part of the reason is they disrespect me. Like, you know, Anthony Weiner, you know, you got to get out

there and you just got to be honest at some point. You just got to share a little piece of what's inside you as opposed to just reacting to everything with violence. Yeah, gods and politicians, sports athletes. You've got to be honest at some point. Just say what you did. You've got to get it out on the table.

You know what I'm saying? Is there a particular instance that you really regret? Like something that maybe got a little too public that you... There's been so many, Jordan. The first one was the Queen of Sparta. I came to her in the form of a swan,

and she fucked me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, what I did was wrong. But think about it. She's nasty. She fucked a swan. Am I right? I mean, I'll be talking to guys sometimes who are like, my girlfriend's nasty. She fucked a swan. Am I right? I mean, I'll be talking to guys sometimes.

They're like, my girlfriend's nasty. She lets me do anal and shit. I'm like, fuck Queen of Sparta. She fucks swans. Swan fucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's Persephone. You remember her?

Sure, sure. Persephone, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She fucked me in the form of a flower with a hundred blossoms. And then later she was playing it off. She was like, oh, it was his fragrance. That's bullshit. How many ladies in here have fucked someone because of how they smell?

Huh? How many people, right? No. Right? I don't hear anything. No hands went up. This guy would be engaged to a box of donuts if that was the case. They are fragrant. Donuts are fragrant. Who would you fuck? Based on smell?

Yeah, if that was the case. Oh, uh, Carl's Jr. parking lot. I always, like, I get there. Hamburgers and urine? No, yes, yes. I never like the food there, but when I'm walking past, I'm like, smells great in there. So I would just fuck the parking lot. Yeah, but that's bullshit.

You know that. I'd probably like Wrigley Field, like freshly mowed Wrigley Field. Really? They say freshly mowed grass smells like splooge, so I don't know about that. It's true. Think about it. Maybe I'd fuck splooge. I don't know.

Well, I don't know what you'd do. Seems inconvenient. On the other hand, it's pretty inconvenient to fuck Wrigley Field, too. Yeah. The Cubs have been doing it for years. Am I right, folks? Yes! Yeah, you know, but back in the day, back in the day, I was the excuse

that ladies used every time they got caught masturbating. Like, Jordan, pretend that you're my husband and I'm the wife and you walked in the door and you see me with a cucumber. Yeah, this is another time. That's unacceptable.

Oh. This isn't... This is Zeus. This isn't Zeus, that nasty rascal. Oh, I wouldn't want to upset him and his thunderbolts. Great excuse. See, that works. Great excuse.

Try it, ladies. I was impressed. Now, did you ever actually transform yourself into a fruit or vegetable? Well, I told you the hundred blossoms. Let me think. Fruit or vegetable. A pile of golden coins once. Here's a story.

Well, have you seen that show, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant? Yes. Yeah, sure, sure. I knocked up half the girls on that show. Oh, wow. They didn't realize you could get pregnant from fucking a pile of gold coins. I feel like I recognize you. Did I come to you in the form

of an alpaca in Malibu? Is that possible? Wait, wait, wait. You kidding me? Don't kid me. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Did you have a pet growing up? Did you have a pet growing up?

Swimmy? What kind of animal was it? I assume a goldfish. Because if it was a dog, it didn't last too long. I remember you. It's been a long time. Swimmy. I always thought, not very good with names,

but good in the sack. Zeus, now you mentioned Charlie Sheen up top. It seems like he's taken this problem and he's kind of owning it a little bit. Now there's t-shirts and a tour. Yeah, coming out with words and stuff. Yeah, Tiger's Blood. I mean, did you ever think about going that way? I mean, you seem apologetic, but have you ever thought about just fucking owning it?

Yeah, what would that be? What would that be? Transforming. What would that be? What would that be? Transforming. What would it be? What would it be? I'm a rapist. Well, what's my most famous one? You guys know?

Yeah, Europa. The rape of Europa. The rape of Europa. And that's kind of a harsh name for a painting, the rape of Europa. And that kind of tells her side of the story. It is. So let me tell my side of the story, if you don't mind. So, Europa

was fine, guys. She was good looking. Now, she had the fairest of the fair skin. Any guys into fair skin in here? Like a lot of guys are tits and ass men. Fair skin, underrated.

You got to try it out. Anyway, so one day, I'm leaning against an olive tree, playing my lute, you know, hanging out. And I notice down in the river mouth, I see Europa bathing her fair skin in the river mouth. And I'm like, she is looking fine. I'm gonna get on that. So, you know,

I get my boy Cupid, I get some of his arrows, and I roofie her shit up, you know what I'm saying? You mean you shoot her with arrows? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send her over some ambrosia and nectar shots, you know, get her loose. Okay, sure.

And then I come down to her in the form of a bull. Right, right, right. And I come down there. You see, this is documented. I come down there as the bull, and she's like, oh, look at this handsome bull. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, jump on my back. And she gets on my back, and I start galloping.

And what do I do? Not yet. You gotta warm her up. I started galloping over the ocean so she couldn't get off my back. That's the rapey part, maybe. Okay? It feels wrong. But she was into it.

She was into it. She's like, oh, my God, this bull can gallop on waves. Check it out. And I was trying to impress to the left of me. I had sea nymphs riding on dolphins. To the right of me, I had tritons blowing on conch shells. I called my boy Poseidon over, aka Neptune. She's like, oh my god, you know the god of the sea? That's so cool. I'm like, yeah, boy. And then boom, guess what happens? What happened?

Then you fucked her? No. My fucking wife comes around. Oh boy. Harrow transforms her into a diet soda. I don't remember. I guess I don't remember that part. Yeah, they believe that out of the mythology. First Diet Coke that day was invented.

And I hate diet soda. How many people are married in here? Who's married in here? You guys are married right there? What's your wife do, sir? Your wife's a blogger? Now that's fun. My wife, she was the protector of marriage.

That is the lamest job for your wife to have. Yeah, maybe not a lot of, kind of eliminates all chances of like a three-way or some swinging. Oh, hell yeah. That's probably right out. Anytime she saw the woman, she transforms them into a bear or a goat or something.

Here's a trick though, guys. If you ever get caught, if you ever think your wife's coming in, what you do right before she walks in the room wherever you're doing her, you get your girlfriend and you throw her up in the air and turn her into a constellation. Good.

That is a good trick. I gotta remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can be with your boys later and be like, see that galaxy? I fucked that shit. Wow. Well, that could have saved a lot of marriages. That's good.

That's good advice. Yeah, try that, guys. I guess you don't seem as contrite as I expected. Yeah, it comes off kind of braggy, I guess. They are good stories, though, you know. Well, have you guys ever got caught cheating? No, I mean, I guess. They are good stories, though. Have you guys ever got caught cheating? No, I'm not. I can't transform.

Have you ever been the cheater? No, I've been a one-woman guy. Yeah. Have you ever transformed anything to try to get a girl? I can. I'm immortal, so I can't. You can pretend to be somebody you're not, though. Yeah, I might wear nicer clothes than I usually would or something.

Same thing. It's not exactly the same thing. Oh, yeah. It's the same thing. Just pretend to be something you're not. Yeah, I might drive my crappy car and park it around the corner to the bar so nobody sees it, something like that. That's kind of like transforming into a bull.

You never brag, come up with a lie to try to impress? Neither one of you? Come on. You never exaggerate it a little? Okay, you know, I'll say this, Zeus. I'm not proud of it. My job title now is associate segment producer.

I once said I was a segment producer. You took off the associate to get grown a segment producer. You took off the associate to get grown? I did. I took off the associate in order to try and get laid. Did that close the deal? It did not. I should have said executive, but then I couldn't have lived with myself.

Or turn into a swan. You should try that shit. Yeah. No, you're right. You're right. Well, Zeus, I sure appreciate you taking the time to be here with us. Yeah, well, thanks for having me. Check out an app I'm selling right now. It's Animal DTF. It's for you ladies.

You can see what animal you might be down to fuck on your cell phone. Anyway, thanks a lot. I'm Zeus. Zeus, ladies and gentlemen. Zeus. That was a really powerful experience. Sure. I'm surprised he just jogged out. I would have thought maybe

a thunderbolt would have taken him back up. Yeah. But I guess I was surprised. I remember it seemed like David Duchovny felt bad about it when he went on his press tour. Yeah. But he's trying. It's hard for him.

It's hard for him to humble himself. He is, like, all-powerful. I know. He was on the X-Files for one thing. Oh, it's true. People love the X-Files. It's hit and miss, though, frankly. Yeah.

I don't know why my tactic today is just insulting nerd things. No, I think it's safe to say X-Files is hit and miss. Everybody agrees.

Let's all just be honest with ourselves. X-Files is hit and miss, right? And nobody actually likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You have to force yourself to say it.

No, I wouldn't go there. Oh, boy. No, no. Over the line. Over the line. Even I know not't go there. Oh, boy. No, no, over the line. Over the line. Even I know not to go there. Jordan, there's only one way I can redeem myself. Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, we live inside of a moral gray area. Choices present themselves to us a thousand times a day luckily there is a man here who will lead us into a world of black and white a world of right and wrong a world where things can hang it up and where things can keep it up, and where things can keep it up. It's the Max FunCon themed Hang It Up, Keep It Up. First, we're going to hang it up. Hang it up, Frontier Village. If it was a real Frontier Village, there'd be a lot more bees. Hang it up, Frontier Village.

Dot move files. Oh, dot MOV files. File type not recognized, eh? Well, I say fuck you. Hang it up,.mov files. Grocery store bagels. Oh, nobody likes grocery store bagels. They're not even bagels. They might as well just be called whole bread.

Hang it up, grocery store bagels. Canoes. There's no canoes here So far But I'm getting a bad canoe-y feeling Hang it up, canoes Wrong turns Look

I love hanging out with John Roderick But I don't love hanging out with John Roderick That much Hang it up, wrong turns. Every alpha has an omega. Every Natalie Portman has a Mila Kunis. And so hang it up has keep it up. Keep it up.

Romance. I haven't seen any romance firsthand, but I'm pretty confident it's going on. Keep it up, romance. Autumn leaves. God, aren't the autumn leaves beautiful outside? I'm from the city, so I might be misunderstanding what autumn leaves are. Bear attacks. As long as no one dies. Keep it up, bear attacks! Maming's on a case-by-case basis. Mountain passes. It's a great place for cannibalism.

Keep it up, mountain passes. Friendship. That's why I cry every time I watch Monsters, Inc. Keep it up friendship that was hang it up keep it up oh my god Jordan guess what time it is enjoy a film you got it my friend

ladies and gentlemen we have a special video presentation for you. Enjoy it. It's called Mind Your Manners. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. That was a fun film. We love you all. That was a fun film.

Yeah. What happens is, every time we watch one of those videos, and you think we're going to write some jokes about it, all I can think about is, all of these people are racist. Like, I'm just looking at them like, that guy's racist, she's racist, he's less racist than the others, but still way too racist. Like, it's the only thing I can think of. Sometimes homophobic, sometimes I'll remember that they probably hate homosexuals.

Right. That's a fun way to, can you not watch any black and white movie because of that? Can you not watch any movie made before 1979? No, it's more something where the tone is supposed to be. When racism ended? You know. The end of racism. This is supposed to be a movie about being nice. I think that's ultimately what it is.

And you're like, okay. That's what I have to say about it. Sure, yeah. Those people are all concerned with manners And, you know, social graces But they've all been in some sort of pickup truck mob before Yes Exactly

Some sort of pickup truck based mob Exactly, okay Well, we have a really special guest on our program She's flown here to be with us all the way From a little town called London, England. She's one of the UK's most acclaimed stand-up comedians. Please welcome to the stage Miss Josie Long. Hi Josie, how are you doing?

I'm so well. I'm enjoying this so much. I feel like the luckiest nerd in the world. I feel like I've won a competition where you'd have to write in your favourite essay. And the prize is you get to fly 6,000 miles and work for free. It's my dream. It's every immigrant's dream. And listen to me, when I have paid back the debt that I owe you for smuggling me here,

I'm going to set up my own diner. Well, it is really wonderful to have you here josie had you had you been to southern california before um yes i've been to san francisco and los angeles san francisco's in northern california but i'm gonna let that slide and i want you to know that just don't talk about differences between burritos he will claw your eyes out. I'm so sorry. I, a very kind listener earlier, handed me some baseball cards that he dumpster dived.

He didn't say the dumpster dive. Why didn't I get anything out of the garbage? Give Jesse everything. And it was like one of the nicest things that anyone could do for me. And he said, there's a Willie McCovey card in there and all I could think in my head was Willie McCovey

asshole Willie McCovey he's in the hall of fame but can I ask why like dumpster diving is for sort of just out of date food like baseball cards are not going to go out of date they're not going to be like oh these are all short dateddated, these ones. They've gone bad.

Yeah. I don't know why one would throw away baseball. I guess you just don't recognize that they have potential value. Maybe it's just somebody who was cleaning out the attic or something. They're probably valueless. The reality is that almost all baseball cards are valueless. Well, there's certainly value in memorizing the

statistics on the back. As I learned from ages 7 to 14. Yeah, Josie, I guess it's, do you guys, okay, I associate dumpster diving with like someone who is punk

rock and kind of homeless by choice. Like someone who, like someone who has a nice family but has chosen a life of begging and maybe playing a ukulele while wearing overalls? Does England have that? Does England have that culture of fuck it? Is that something? Oh my god, yes.

We have so many freeloaders. You have squatters, right? Isn't squatting a thing? Yeah, but they're a bit cooler. Yeah. I think we all have to admit that squatters are pretty cool. No, they're pretty cool. It's like dudes on motorcycles. Like, I wouldn't get on a motorcycle.

It's too dangerous, but I got to admit, he looks pretty cool up there. Because with squatters, I'm always like, but what do you do with all your cumbersome books? Like, if you have to move out of the squat at 30 minutes, no. It's like, I have loads of books sort of spare so that if I break my hip I'll be alright. I don't know what I'd do with them.

I wouldn't be able to transport them all within... I feel the same way about motorcycles. Those freeloaders all get e-readers. That's how they do it. They all get...

Kindles. Nooks. Mostly nooks. A lot of their Nook fans. Yeah, they haven't got that Kindle money. I just would like to point out that someone booed our choice of e-reader reference. If for some reason you didn't know what kind of crowd this was, we mentioned a particular e-reader someone booed it.

That guy has really specific tastes in mobile technology. He's a Sony Watchman guy. Yeah. Josie, now... He's a Sony Watchman guy. Josie, now, speaking of... Television was not meant to be portable! Speaking of... How are we going to continue doing this show if this PowerPoint keeps going out?

This is the framework on which this whole show is built. if this PowerPoint keeps going out. This is the framework on which this whole show is built. Without this PowerPoint explanation, no one would even know what segment we're doing. I think it'll be fine. Josie, now, speaking of the demographic

here at MaxFunCon, I'm sure a lot of people know you from comedy, but I'm guessing maybe you've gotten as many people come up to you for your appearance on the Doctor Who DVD special features. Well, one person clapped that. No, nobody has, which I'm kind of disappointed. Guys, really?

Out of every DVD of Doctor Who, the entire series, I'm in two. It's not many. And to be honest, I don't really say anything coherent because there's two writers who've kind of written on the show. And so all the questions are like... So you're brought in to provide like commentary from a fan's point of view, right?

A fun comedy perspective. But if by fun comedy perspective you mean someone going... Then I really nailed it. Like I nailed it. Yeah, I did do that. I'm so chuffed. I really loved it. Like, I nailed it. Yeah, I did do that. I'm so chuffed. I really loved it.

But I sort of... If you want another applause break, just show them your Slater Kenny T-shirts, which you are wearing. A lot of easier applause breaks with these. But then it's weird because I've been really challenged so far this weekend of what people do and don't know. The fact that you, Jessie, like rap music,

but you don't know who Tinchy Strider is, it cuts me in the heart. Now, Josie, when we were driving back from, when I was driving Josie back from the airport, she went into this whole monologue about her favorite rapper. Hang on, monologue makes it seem like I have no social skills.

Chinchie, this rap guy, Chinchie Stride on. Number one, he's not my favorite. Number two, he's UK. You're in love with him.

Why do you keep talking about him? Your love affair with Chinchie Stride, man, is continues unabated. That sounds like a Sega Genesis game I would have bought in 1993.

I don't mean to pander. It does. They had weird names. Genesis games had weird names. Here's the thing. Josie and I shared a car ride in which I had to explain to her that everything that's famous in England

no one has ever heard of in America. Except the Beatles. I couldn't accept that no one knows who Tiny Temper is and that you don't care about Cheryl Cole. What is wrong with... The cold silence you just

revealed I hope that has taught you a lesson next thing you know you guys are going to tell us you prefer Justin Timberlake to Robbie Williams okay fine I hate Robbie Williams, Robbie Williams is an idiot there was no way he was ever going to crack

the states and I'm glad he never did fuck you Robbie Williams. Yeah. Fuck you. I feel the same way about former Prime Minister John Major. Me too. That guy thought he was going to cross the pond. No such luck.

What did he try and do? No, he didn't try and do anything. That would be absurd. Josie, if you could turn the Americans listening on to one British thing that for some reason we're just not getting, what would it be? Besides Josie Long, because they're already turned on to that. Oh, thank you. One British thing. Oh, jeez, there's just so many things.

We have such a rich and varied culture. Number one, you got blood pudding oh no oh god black pudding is the most wonderful thing that has a kind of 2% consensus at the moment I think everyone else is just worried that it's racist

I think the people not clapping they maybe don't know what it is but also are afraid that it's racist I had a really shocking thing last night because I said, like, we were talking about football games or something, and I went, oh, like a Mexican wave. And everyone turned to me like, I'm sorry. And I was like... And you're like, that's just a thing where they take a nap under a saguaro cactus. You guys should get more into proper fried breakfasts. That's what you should get more into

proper fried breakfasts I think we're doing pretty good with fried breakfasts in America Have you heard of the McGriddle? That fucking kicks your beans and hot dogs ass any day You guys eat little hot dogs for breakfast I will give you this

Black pudding is one of the top coagulated proteins. I'm happy to take that. I'm happy. Can I say, can I please say on behalf of my fine nation, I would like to thank you guys for the McRib. Oh. Is it seasonal for you guys too?

Yeah, it is. And then they have adverts that are like, and I haven't eaten McDonald's for like eight years, so I don't know why I still remember it so fondly. But the adverts are like, the McRib is back. It's actually, here in America, you get off school. And it's like a legit holiday. It's called a snow day. Yeah. Well, listen, I happen to have this quiz here.

This issue of cross-cultural issues has come up on this program. And I happen to have a quiz here that I think can help determine who is more cross-culturally literate, Americans or Britons. Sure. Like our friend Josie. The thing is, is I will need an American up here to compete in this quiz

with Josie. Yeah. Now, raise your hands if you like, but be advised that I will be selecting a professional comedian.

So... And it will not be you, John Panette. He's not in the audience. He's at the buffet. Why do I know that? Fun.

Please welcome to the stage, he's the headliner of tonight's stand-up comedy show. He's one of the funniest stand-up comics here in God's United States of America. USA! USA! USA! USA! Greg Barrett!

Greg Barrett! Let's do this shit, USA! Let's do this shit! Don't tread on me. Fuck yeah, you know that shit. Okay. If the answer to the question is not Vivian Westwood, we are fucked.

Because I don't know. How are you? I got a lot of pride. Here's how this quiz is going to work. Here's how this quiz is going to work. I'm going to be asking Josie... You know what? Fuck this.

Fuck this. I'm going to be asking Josie... You know what? Fuck this. Fuck this. For those of you listening to the podcast at home, there was just some hilarious projector comedy that happened. We all saw the Windows logo, and it was a lot of fun.

Now, finally, we're addressing our real secret sponsor, NEC. Makers of the TurboGrafx-16. Now packaged with Keith Courage and the AlphaZone. It's all right. I thought that would have gone better. You probably should have gone Bonk's Adventure.

I should have said Bonk's Adventure. But it's not packaged with Bonk's Adventure. Sorry. That's what makes it funny, Jordan. No, you're right. Everyone knows what game it's packaged with, so you're throwing them a curveball. That's what comedy is, Jordan. Okay, here's how this quiz

is going to work. We have one representative of Great Britain, and specifically the England part thereof. Thank you. It's my pleasure to be here. I'm enjoying your freedom. It's the freedom we provide. Yeah.

How's your empire now? Josie. Doesn't even make sense what I said. I have three words. The Falkland Islands. Josie. While you're here, allow me to invite you to enjoy our two chief freedoms

say whatever you want and shoot whatever you want representing America will be our friend Greg Barron who we will be asking questions about England that is fucking hard. Already hard.

I imagine you've been to the United Kingdom before. I have been. Have you ever performed stand-up comedy there? I have not. Okay. What were your general experiences? Was it just to visit Vivian Westwood? I went, stood outside of her house,

and then I don't remember a whole lot after that. I was tasered. Your police don't have guns. Good, good. I went there, oddly enough, and saw an American band play a concert, so that was great. I saw Green Day play at Brixton. Jordan, didn't you go to Zurich once to see Green Day? I went to Switzerland once to see Green Day.

They're better out. They're better. You bring the A game. What I like to do is... You have not seen Trey Kool drum until you have seen him drum on the other side of the park. I was 14. What essentially they do is they go to other countries and they fucking win.

And you root them on because they're Americans. What's amazing to me is you went to England to see Green Day. You went to Switzerland to see Green Day. I was 14 at Green Day's peak, living in San Francisco, and I couldn't even be bothered to go to Berkeley to see Green Day. They would have fucking sucked, man. They would have fucking sucked.

You gotta go overseas. I actually also saw Green Day in Brixton in 1997. Were you there in 1997, Greg? No, it wasn't. It was 2006. This is a much more embarrassing story. You said 2000, and it seems like you were looking for a less embarrassing number in the 2000s.

Anything in the 2000s seeing Green Day is embarrassing. Mine was too. Okay. I'm going to assume, Josie is our guest. I feel like she has the right to go first here in our quiz, right? Yeah, sure Here's our first question, Josie Which of the following is a real branch

Of the United States federal government? There are three branches Which of these is one of the branches? A, the executive branch B, the elocutive branch C, the transitive branch for D, the ineffective. No, because maybe it's a trick. Oh God, I'm so alone here.

Like, nobody is going to help me. There's like one Australian and they don't really like us. Just close your eyes and think, what would Russell Brand do? I don't want to do that! He would have sex with every woman in here in a cold, dead way. Yeah. But I do like him and he's very charming. He'd fuck a day-old piece of pie.

And I mean that as a compliment. Oh, God, I'm going to go for D, even though it's probably a trick. Yeah, that is incorrect. It is not the ineffective branch. Yes. I am already winning. I want to make it clear that, again,

on this self-same thing where she was talking about chinchy slap man, she was bragging about how great she is at quizzes. She said, oh, no problem. I'm tremendous. She probably said brilliant. I think she said she was brilliant at sodding quizzes. May I please defend myself?

I'm sorry. May I defend myself? I was lying. No, I'm good at quizzes, but what you have to understand is, even though we seem similar, I sound slightly more 18th century than you guys, right? We seem similar.

Also, you're wearing that white curly wig. It helps me think. It's your quizzen wig. The thinking wig. But it's like, you have a whole other culture to me, and so I, it's like when you watch The Simpsons. Well, that's why we're turning against you. But it's like

in The Simpsons, they'll make a reference to kind of someone who ran for political office who didn't get in, or like, a sport that we don't have. Or Kathy Gifford. And I'll be like, I don't know what that is. Well, you're in for a long road, sister. Greg. I think you just sort of broke down what a quiz is.

On some level. It helps at all, Josie. I didn't know the answer to the last question either, so let's party. Let's party. Let's do this thing. Greg, here's a question about England. Just like your favorite sports, soccer, this will end in a 0-0 tie. I mean football.

Okay, here's a question about England for you, Greg. Which of the following is not a real English prime minister? Amazingly, three of these are the real names of real English prime ministers. Okay. A, William Pitt the Younger. B, the Marquess of Salisbury. C, Andrew Boner Law. C. Andrew Boner Law.

D. Simpson Baldwin McDonald's. Again, three of those are real. I only made up one of them. I mean, I know which ones I want to be real. I mean, I want to definitely meet and hang out with Simpson. I'm going to go with, I'm going to say B. You're going to say B, the Marquess of Salisbury? Idiot!

No. I mean, that was just fucking hostile. And that's why we fucking left. You're incorrect. How about that? Not only is the Marquess of Salisbury real, so is William Pitt the Younger, and so is Andrew Bonerlaw.

Simpson, Baldwin, McDonald's is just three words I put together. I love it. It's actually back to you on this one, Josie. You can steal a point here. Which of the following is a real United States president? Branson, Missouri Davis, A. B, James Fenimore Cooper. C, Millard Fillmore.

Or D, Charles Nelson Reilly. Or D, Charles Nelson Reilly? I don't know why any of that was funny. Yeah. I'm going to go for Millard... Millard Fillmore. Absolutely correct! Yeah! Don't applaud that shit.

Hey, you fucking traitors. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, where are you? Come on, where are we? Jesus, let's get some nationalism up in this bitch. Josie, I know you didn't find it humorous, but if it makes you feel any better, I don't understand are you being served.

So. For some reason, only public television program directors understand that program. Okay, back to you, Greg. Faulty Towers. I don't really care for that. Which of the following is a real county in England? I made up three of these, and one of them is real. A. South Humberside. B.

Sopton. C. Schroppinger Station. Or D. Thomas the Tank Engine. Which of them is real? Greg Barrett representing the United States. One of those is real. Can I have the first two again?

South Humberside and Sopton. It's real. And the third one was? Shroppingshire Station that feels like a lie that feels it feels right and like a lie

the first one I don't remember again South because I've had a lot of Diet Coke I'm gonna and I feel like Soapington feels

fake enough to be nah I might be a sucker and I think my hat will attest to that, but I'm going to go with Soapington. Incorrect! The correct answer is South Humberside. Inktonshire. Okay, Josie, it's back to you.

Which of the following is a real United States state capital? Lily Valley, Ohio, Farmington, Delaware, Carson City, Nevada, or Prince of Persia, North Dakota? Prince of Persia. Which of these is real? One's real. Oh, and I know which one. Could you please tell me the second one again?

Farmington, Delaware. That's right. Incorrect. Oh, my God. All right, this is my chance to fucking tie it. I got to get my shit together. It's Carson City, Nevada, named, of course, after Johnny Carson. Named after Johnny City.

This one, Greg, this one is truly amazing. Which of the following is one of the UK Guardian's 50 greatest television dramas of all time? This is not only a real television program, it is one of the 50 greatest ever, according to one of the most important newspapers in the United Kingdom, and this list included American television programs.

Okay. A, Sir Wellington's mustache. B, the Queen of Carnaby Street. C, the monocled mutineer. Or D, Bronson Pinchot. Fuck. A. Sir Wellington's mustache. B. The Queen of Carnaby Street.

C. The Monocle Butaneer. D. Perfect Strangers star, Bronson Pin Show. Well, I know it's not D, although I wish it was. That'd be cool. I would love to see an English program called Bronson Pinchot

that didn't involve him but was oddly a biography of Adamant. Why aren't any of these questions about Adamant? I'm so steeped in that era of music. Just that period. The bad news is Bronson Pinchot is a real show.

It is about Bronson Pinchot. It stars French stewards. Oh, he's good in everything. Okay, so we got Sir Wellington's mustache, the Queen of Carnaby Street, the Monocled Mutineer, or Bronson Pinchot.

Real show. This is a real show. One of those is real. Again, let me restate this premise. I know, I get the premise. This astonishing premise. It is. I really, god damn it.

I'm looking at faces and I'm looking for answers. I'm looking deep inside and wondering why I said yes. In an email, two questions about a country I know nothing about. I'm going to go with the Monocle. The Monocle Mutineer is correct! USA! Hey Josie, Magna Carta my ass. Okay, let me tell you something.

We care so little about you guys that we don't even learn about that tea party thing that you had in our schools. Like, we don't even learn about it. Yeah, it's because you're super bummed. I don't want to make you cry. That was like the worst trash talk ever. It was like, I didn't even...

Oh, right. Okay, sorry. No. This is America. We can do a lot worse than that. At the end of the day, we'll probably just be going, faggot. Faggot.

Fake first. That's America. America is a nation of YouTube commenters Fuck Yes Our greatest humorist is MasterChief69 It's all tied up, Josie Your band fucking sucks, fuck you, faggot

It's a baby on a railroad track Fuck you, baby Did you see that guy help that baby on the railroad track? Fag What? Fag Railroad track. Fuck you, baby. Did you see that guy help that baby on the railroad track? What? Fag. What? Fag. Railroad track. Gay.

Baby. Gay. Fucker. Josie, it's all tied up. Which of the following is not a real thing that happens in the sport of baseball? Oh, God. A, squaring to bunt. B, going for the rosin.

C, calling the bullpen. Or D, twisting the pizzle. Oh, God. Why do I have to lose like this? Three of these are real. One of them is made up. Please, could I hear those options again? Absolutely.

Squaring to bunt. Sure. Going for the rosin. Calling the bullpen. Or twisting the pizzle. Okay. Going for the rosin. Incorrect.

That's what a pitcher does when his hands aren't tacky enough. Incorrect. Okay, Greg. There's somebody listening to this that is, wherever they listen to their podcasts, wherever they enjoy their entertainment through their ears,

and they're going, so is the premise they got the two dumbest people from each country? The two dumbest people? No, no, no. Just a regular, they're both in entertainment. Are you fucking kidding me? No.

No, they're real people. I think the premise of this is the world has funny words in it. And to be fair, if we wanted to find someone dumber in entertainment, we could have gotten Michael Bay. The correct answer is... Not enough blow. The correct answer on that last one was D, twisting the pizzle.

Oh, I thought that was too obvious. Pizzle is a dried up bull's penis. It's not used in baseball. Okay, Greg. Which of the following is not a real English football team? I looked up the list of English football teams on Wikipedia.

Three of these are real. One of them is made up. Okay. A. AFC Dunstable. B. Armthorpe Welfare. C, Pegasus Juniors. Or, I'm sorry, which one of these is a real English football team? D, Portals Down Canary United.

Which one of these is real? One of these is real. One of those is real. AFC Dunstable, Armthorpe Welfare, Pegasus Juniors, and Portals Down Canary United. Fucking jocks.

It's um um it's like oh my god did another English person just come in I just are we talking to Dick Van Dyke what type of holiday is it with Mary? Um, shit.

The, um... What was the second one? And I should be clear that I marked the right answer on most of these, but I didn't on this one, so it's possible I'll get it wrong. I actually know. Oh. All right, one more time. One more time, cheer through, possible I'll get it wrong. I actually know. Oh. Alright, one more time through. One more time through and I'll pick it at the end. AFC Dunstable, Armthorpe

Welfare, Pegasus Juniors, or Portals Down Canary United? Portals Down Canary United. Incorrect. Josie? AFC Dunstable.

That's absolutely correct. It is down to the wire. We've only got two questions left. If one of you guys doesn't get this wrong, no one's going to win. We're all going to lose. Okay. And this exercise has been pointless. Yeah.

Please, someone get it right so our time hasn't been wasted. Josie, which of the following is a real national park? A, Gunderson River National Park. B, Jellystone National Park. C, Grand Teton National Park, or D. Golden Stream National Park? Am I an idiot for saying Jellystone?

Is that the one that Yogi Bear went to? Okay, no, no, no, I take that back. Yes, you are, and yes, it is. That was speculative. That was just kind of like pre-question. You were just testing the no. I take that back. Yes, you are. I take it back. It is. That was speculative. That was just kind of like free question. You were just testing the waters. Free question.

Okay. Gundersen River, Grand Teton, Come on. Jellystone, or Golden Stream? Do you know what? It sounds improbable,

so I'm going to go for Golden Stream. Incorrect. The correct answer is Grand Teton. Okay. All right, Greg, you can win it here. You can win it for us. High stakes. I think Greg needs a little support here.

High tension. Smoking aces. I love it. I love it. All right, don't pander. Don't pander. Don't pander. Here we go. Come on. I love it. I love it. All right, don't pander. Don't pander. Don't pander. Here we go.

Come on. I got to knuckle down here. Shit's important. Here's a bunch of other words you will not understand in a group. Here we go. An American might say, you're talking baloney. An English person might say, you are talking A, Duffer B. Cod Swallow

C. Mutt's Nuts or D. Rumpy Pumpy Well I like Rumpy Pumpy and I love to say it Rumpy Pumpy Jason Statham? Rumpy Pumpy Kick me in the face I was going for Daniel Craig Rumpy Pumpy. Jason Statham?

Kick me in the face. I was going for Daniel Craig. Hello, Governor. I'm Serene McKenzie. Hello. How is everyone? Rumpy Pumpy. Have you got any Rumpy Pumpy on? And then what's the other one? I've got to say them. You've got Jaffer.

Jaffer. Cod Swallow. Cod Swallow. Mutt Nuts. Mutt Nuts. Or rumpy pumpy Which one is one And which one is not You are picking which one is correct

Which one is a synonym for the American slang word baloney Don't fucking whisper right there Don't do that to me Don't shame me with your knowledge While I'm sitting here without my hat on and my hair is all greased down. Mohawk's growing out. It's sad.

48. Swinging it. What's happening? I got a big set tonight. You're just sitting there with your answers and your face. Give me an answer. I'm going to whisper it. He's going to get it wrong. Yeah, he is going to get it wrong. He's going to get it real wrong. I'm going with Rumpy Pumpy.

That's incorrect. The correct answer was Cod Swallow. Oh, boy. It's all down to the lightning round. In this round, the first person to answer correctly wins the whole shebang.

Okay. Can I please ask, is there a prize? Absolutely not. You don't shame your nation. That's the prize. Okay. I'm doing this for Princess Diana. Wow.

Oh, what, too soon? I'm doing it for Princess William. Did I get that wrong? I'm telling you. Josie, I'm doing it for the Twin Towers. The first person to answer this question wins all the marbles. Name the Prime Minister of Italy.

Silvio Berlusconi. Absolutely correct! Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. We've been joined by Jesse Goh. Thank you. Berlusconi. Bella Scionic. The way you got me playing the field So baby give me that And let me give you that Running her hands through my throat Bouncing on 24s While they say on the radio

It's boring next to me