Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 181: Knife Dick with Rob Delaney

Episode Date: June 27, 2011

Rob Delaney joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss the new inner sanctum of MaxFun World HQ, the sick appeal of the Gathering of the Juggalos and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We christened the new Max Fun World headquarters with a wonderful program featuring Mr. Rob Delaney. Oh, it's really vulgar, too. Let's go. The program is Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm the host of the show, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris,, go. I'm the host of the show, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Broadcasting live on tape this week from the all-new Sound of Young America Inner Sanctum here at MaxFun World Headquarters, the tower.

We just, I guess I should, I should, I should, I mean, not to demystify it. I know you're trying to, you know, kind of give this a, you know, kind of a fantastical air. Caw, caw, caw, caw. Jesse just moved the studio upstairs. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to take the wind out of the sails. Like, I know that, again, you've got an image. That was a mystical raven, though.

Oh, yeah. No, it was. Yeah. Caw, caw, caw, caw. We should chase it out with a broom. Joining us this week on the program, he's one of America's favorite entertainers. He has over 3 million Twitter followers because of his delightful tweets. He's a professional comedy writer and performer.

Oh, everyone's going to be so disappointed when you don't introduce Ashton Kutcher. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Rob Delaney. Hello, friends. Oh, it's great to have you here. I only wish that people in our podcasting audience could see how handsome you are. That's kind of you. I think that's common knowledge. I think Rob Delaney...

I think, I mean, just in general, when people talk about Rob Delaney, and they do, there's kind of, there's always the question, why is this handsome man so funny? Yeah, I think that's a good point, Jordan. Something they asked a lot when a young Ashton Kutcher broke onto the scene. The podcasting scene. Yeah. When Ashton Kutcher started podcasting.

Well, it's great to have you here, Rob Delaney. It is a genuine pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. Sorry we talked. Sorry if we made you uncomfortable. Yeah, I'll get over it. We brought it. We brought a real blush to your cheek. I did. I think I did produce physical blush. I didn't think he'd get more good looking, but that blush is really kicking it up a notch. Great to be here. It's over a thousand degrees inside the new Sound of Young America Intercent. Yes, we are now slightly closer to the sun. Yeah, geez, Louise.

I feel like the wax on our wings is about to melt. I was also thinking of an Icarus joke. We are overcome by our hubris. Yeah, right? Man, Jordan, right before we went on, you were saying that there is an outside possibility that for your work as a television broadcaster, you may be sent to the gathering of the Juggalos. Yes, it's in the pre-planning phases right now. A big part of my job, a big part of kind of an initiative this summer is to go to a lot of summer

music festivals. So next weekend I'm doing Warped Tour, as I usually do. Excellent. It's my yearly reminder of how old I am and how I'm going to die soon. For me, this feeling is mainly triggered by seeing a 15-year-old girl in short shorts with something written on the behind.

This, to me, just kind of triggers this sense of mortality. It's amazing to me that you can, with each passing year, return to the Warped Tour. It's as though every summer I was assigned to cover Smokin' Grooves. Sure, yes, absolutely. And then I will be going to something called Hootenanny, which is kind of a, maybe like a rockabilly version of the Warped Tour. Like, still kind of punk rock, but like,

you know, lots of... Girls with... Cherry dresses. Yeah, lots of cherry dresses, wingtips. We both have exactly the same go-to. Yeah, lots of cherry dresses, wingtips. We both have exactly the same go-to. Yeah. It's descriptive. This will make

me feel young and spry. I think this will make me feel like my life is just beginning. Because this is a subcultural phenomenon that peaked in 1989 rather than 1996. Sure. Can I say quickly, if there's a festival that you get excited about each year, you're a silly person. You know, okay, here's something that I maybe thought about bringing up last week, but it's still kind of a lingering feeling.

Coachella is a big thing for Southern California. Sure. It's this kind of three-day, you know. Monstrous. Formerly what you might call an indie rock festival. Yeah, but now it's like Paul McCartney

and Kanye West do it. Headlined by Kanye West, yeah. Yeah, anyways. And, you know, all the hip kids in Southern California, you know, go to it. Everybody talks about it.

Everybody comes back. Okay, first of all, did you go to Coachella? No. Oh my God, why? Nah, it doesn't seem like my thing. Did you have fun? No, it was awful.

Everyone has a uniform. I have never heard somebody come back from Coachella going, God, that was fun. They're like, it was hot. Everybody played for 10 minutes. Water was $90. I've never heard a good experience. Coachella and mushrooms, to me, are kind of the same. People try and get me to do it, but no one can ever relate a good experience. I actually went to Coachella and mushrooms, to me, are kind of the same. People try and get me to do it, but no one can ever relate a good experience.

I actually went to Coachella once. I'll never go again, even though I did enjoy it, and I'm going to contradict myself and reveal myself as a silly person. No, no, no. But I went to see the Pixies, because they said they were only going to play Coachella. So I thought, oh, this is my only chance to see them. You should have seen the fine print and then 90 other area shows. And then for a few more years, we'll play every other night. But no, I remember this too, and I remember thinking that might be my turn.

So I thought, oh, well, I better go. So I went, and I was actually surprised by how well run I thought Coachella was. It was 125 degrees, so that negated the fact that it was well run, and I don't care and would never go again. But it was astonishingly well run i saw the pixies it was one of the best experiences of my life for real it was so good that radiohead played after and i was like whatever and uh and then i went home but it was like a surgical strike i didn't even sleep over went and saw the pixies like caught a little radiohead and i was like let's roll and then drove back yeah you know maybe that's the secret is not not camping and, you know,

trying to fuck someone while on mushrooms. There's a hip-hop equivalent to this. I mean, in my world, the world of music that I enjoy, there is a traveling festival called Rock the Bells. Sure. And, like, this year it's headlined by Lauren Hill, who's performing her whole solo album. Wow.

In its entirety. She's still, she's more coherent than she used to be, but not 100% coherent from what I can see. I think that maybe, wasn't the last thing I heard from Lauren Hill some racist stuff? Isn't that maybe the last public thing she did was say some racist stuff? I think the saying some racist stuff was an urban legend. Oh, okay. Fair enough. But she is a little mental.

Okay. But, you know, God bless her. She's very talented. Sure. But this thing comes through Los Angeles, but the Los Angeles show,

quote unquote, because I almost, I wanted to go there for The Sound of Young America because there was all these artists that I wanted to interview for The Sound of Young America.

But the Los Angeles show is actually in San Bernardino. I don't know where that is. And yeah, it is a, it's on the way to Max FunCon. So that's why I know exactly where it is. It is a large town. I don't think I would get a lot of beef, even from San Bernardiners, which is what I presume a person to say.

They're called San Berdudus. It is a real shithole. I think the fact that you can call it San Berdus It's sole positive characteristic And it's also 170 degrees there all the time I just don't That sounds so horrible to me My warped tour next weekend

Is in Pomona Which is kind of San Berdus South Although to Pomona's credit It is the home of rapper sugar free okay well i'll make sure to bring that up yeah at some point sorry i i cut down your no no no oh no i i i was just saying that i that yes sometimes those big music festivals are in the world's worst places so i it's a really it's a rough thing i mean anytime you get a hundred thousand people

together for something like what even works in that? Honestly, I have to say that the only I have never seen a music performance In something bigger than an amphitheater type setting Like your 3,000 seat Concord Pavilion in the Bay Area I think I saw Al Green And I saw D'Angelo there one time

But anything bigger than that, even that was like not so cool. Yeah. And I kind of don't see how, I mean, I can understand like for something where you're just going to sit back and relax and drink a beer or whatever, how you would want to watch something in something that big. But even like a stadium, I don't know. What do you even do in a stadium to make it seem cool? Riot.

Yeah. Okay. True. Yeah, okay, true. Yeah, like if you feel like, yeah, if you're starting to feel bored, just pick up and throw a garbage can. When I was a sophomore in high school, I saw Guns N' Roses, Faith No More, and Metallica play at the Foxborough Stadium in Massachusetts. And that was when... Three of the biggest rock bands of our time. And that was when Axl Rose would famously come on whenever, you know, not when the show was scheduled. So Metallica played.

They were great. As a matter of fact, James Hetfield had just broken his arm on a skateboard on stage. So they had the guitarist from Metal Church playing for him, and they were awesome. And then Guns N' Roses decided to just wait a couple hours. So it turned into a full-scale riot, and all the police came in. I saw things I've never seen before. I saw human beings being thrown through the air like torpedoes at cops. Human missiles, sure.

I was very, very afraid, but I didn't die. I'm sure some people did, but I didn't. So that's one thing you can do. Did they eventually go on? Yeah, they did. Did the rioting stop, or did eventually go on? Yeah, they did. Okay. Did the rioting stop or did it get worse? I think it stopped.

They were like, yeah, we just wanted the music. And Axl was like, yeah, but I like a little rioting first. I'm surprised. I guess they probably got warmed up for the riot when the guy from Faith No More started making weird sounds. Mike Patton. Yeah, just going... They were, you know what? They were. Yeah. Mike Patton. Yeah, just going... They were... You know what? They were very good.

They were excellent, Faith No More. In fact, out of those three bands, Guns N' Roses, of course, well, they don't exist anymore. Metallica is actually good again. They were terrible for like 15 years minimum in their most recent album, Rick Rubin produced, so they're good again.

And Faith No More, I'd see any day of the week. Any day of the week. Any day of the week? Yeah. Even on Wednesday? Even on Wednesday. You got stuff to do on Thursday. It's almost Friday. You're gearing up.

I saw my morning jacket this last Wednesday, so I only say that to show you I will go to a concert on Wednesday. I'm not messing around. Jeez. Jordan, so you, okay, so we're talking about, you're going to go see, you're going to see this, what is this thing called? Warped Tour. Warped Tour. Rockabilly Club.

Yeah, Rockabilly Club, sure. The Great 88s. Yeah, that's right. Hootenanny, yes. Yes. Gene Cuff Club. Yeah, yeah, yes. Surprising amount of Mexicans, yes.

I'm going to see that. Are you going to go to the, what are you going to, Bonnaroo? No. Tennessee for Bonnaroo? Yeah, I think we will go to Rock the Bells. It's kind of a yearly fuel thing. I actually haven't gone. Every year they've done it.

They've sent somebody else, but I may go this year. I remember you emailing me a list of people that were going to be at Rock the Bells to mark which ones were a thing and which were not a thing. Yes. No, I've done that to you a couple of times. Yes, you're always very helpful in that regard. That's fun. Because, yes, they have me, whether I host it or not, they have me kind of do the pre-production

on it, and I have to schedule the interviews, and I don't... Oh, jeez. I don't know a rapper from a windshield wiper. You've got to call up Big Money Sean. It's like Yellow Wolf's manager. Sure. Try and talk to that guy.

He wants you to send him a page. Yeah. No, no. In dealing with rapper managers, and I do it once a year for Rock the Bells. It's to deal with these rapper managers. And half of the time, I would say of the 20 calls that I made, 10 of them were kind of lax about scheduling an interview with their guy, but then tried to pitch me some other product they were involved with.

It's like, hey, but yo, I got a premium tequila. Like, oh, yes, I would like to do a story on your premium tequila. Yes. Good point. So they all have some sort of other side thing that they're promoting. Anyway. But Gathering of the Juggalos, which for those few out there who still don't know what that is, this is a concert slash festival hosted by the Insane Clown Posse that features a

stand-up comedy stage, of course, which our friend Brian Posain is going to be performing on this year. Wow. and Posehn is going to be performing on this year. Wow. Along with like Rowdy Roddy Piper, I think. And a wrestling stage and a music stage. And our friend Colt Cabana,

who is a guest on a professional wrestler slash comedian, Colt Cabana, who was a guest on The Sound of Young America recently in Chicago, is going to be wrestling on the wrestling stage. And then the Insane Cl clown posse music stage, I guess the big headliners are ICP. They're going to do all their hit records. Sure. I guess like I'm the guy,

I'm the rapper with the clown makeup. That's one of the big hits. Knife dick. Yeah. And, but what's interesting, here's the thing about the, I really hope you do go to the Gathering of the Juggalos.

I do too. I mean, I would fear for your safety to some extent. Yeah, and I am a little bit concerned that maybe I seem like, I seem like good stabbing material. I'd stab you. It does feel like the kind of event where the security is handled by Hell's Angels. Oh yeah. Paid in beer.

No, they're handled by a group that thinks Hell's Angels are pussies. Yeah, yeah. Paid in beer. No, they're handled by a group that thinks Hells Angels are pussies. Yeah, probably. Whatever group this is. But I want to say something about the Gathering of the Juggalos because it was, you know, last year it was the source of much derision

because they made a laughable promotional video for it. And because they had this bizarro comedy stage that featured, like, J.J. Walker and Gallagher, too. And just the weirdest comedian list you could ever imagine. However, that having been said, this year it is as though the music lineup, specifically the music lineup. I have no taste in wrestlers outside of having met colt cabana and thinking he's a nice fella but the music lineup is essentially clown band clown band clown band and then everything below that jesse's coachella like just every hip-hop artist that i love in the world at least in the what you might call the non-alternative vein, is fucking performing at the Gathering of the Jug.

It is the greatest hip-hop concert in the history of... So you're saying that everyone who is not wearing clown makeup and who doesn't cook meth out in the desert in an RV is a credible rapper. This thing is completely insane. They've got a E40, as you know, one of my favorite Bay area rapper,

one of my favorites of all time, DJ quick, another one of my favorites of all time, Los Angeles rapper. They've got the lineup is insane. Like there are literally like there are 10 acts that I would love to see at the gathering of the juggalos. And that is not an exaggeration.

And so what I want to know is, how is it that I came to have the exact same taste in music as the Insane Clown Posse? That's fascinating. You've got to figure the Insane Clown Posse are the guys who pick these acts. Yeah, or someone close to them that kind of knows what the audience likes. I don't know. Yeah, what's your explanation for it? for it do you like what is it like are they trying to make gathering of

the juggalos more you know mainstream or well like what's what's what is going on one of the weird things about okay so they have their own special world and here's the thing about the the insane clown posse are terrible at making rap music. Very bad. And I say that as a fan of hip hop. If anyone out there is like a rock and roll fan and you're worried that you might be misjudging them because you don't know the aesthetics or something like that. No, they are genuinely horrible. However, they have built this world for themselves, right? Where like they have these fans that identify with them so strongly.

They wear the makeup, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I think that they think of themselves. Well, I will put this question to you. Do you think that they think of themselves as legitimate music artists? Or do you think that they are self-aware enough? And like, do you think that they are bringing in these people because they think of them as their peers? Or do you think they're bringing in these people because in their mind they're bringing in ringers? Like it's like putting a 16-year-old guy on the

Little League team. Okay. Or that episode of The Simpsons where all the professional baseball players had to work at the nuclear power plant. Yeah, exactly. So they could play on the softball team. Is E-40 a Steve Sachs-like figure? Yeah, I guess kind of the weird situation would be, okay, like an E-40, like if the insane clown posse are as universally reviled as you say they are, is he having to bite his tongue during this? That's another thing.

Okay, so I don't know. You know, our friend Andrew WK, who's been a guest on this program, been a guest on The Sound of Young America many times. He performed at the Gathering of the Juggalos two years ago, I think. And I watched a video of him performing at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Andrew WK is such a whirlwind of love and good vibes and party fun that he somehow manages to kind of laugh, have fun, and rock out while people are just throwing shit at him. And he kind of gets the crowd on his side. I watched this YouTube video.

It's really pretty amazing. It's a little bit boring, but also pretty amazing. Of him converting these people over the course of literally 15 minutes of performing but they are there is still a sizable portion of the crowd that is there to hurt him like i don't want to i don't want to soft pedal this and i don't know okay so there are these people like okay the top the top five artists here the top six artists here are the the insane clown posse Twiztid. Is there an apostrophe or a slash in there?

Dash? No. Blaze and ABK, who are both clown rappers. Boondocks, who I don't think started as a clown rapper. I think he started as a regular rapper. Not a well-regarded one, but a regular rapper and then turned into a clown rapper. I think he started as a regular rapper, not a well-regarded one, but a regular rapper and then turned into a clown rapper. Of course, psychopathic writers. Sure.

This is the top. And I want to be clear. This is the top listing. Dayton family, who are actually a very high credibility gangster rap group of the mid-1990s. And then below them, I want to again emphasize, listed below those seven or eight people, here's who we have. Busta Rhymes, Ice Cube,

George Clinton, DJ Quick, E-40, Exhibit, Hammer, Mystical, Paris, Juvenile,

Tech N9ne, and then you can start getting back into the Klon rappers. Wow. Then you start in with Psycho Jesus and Lil Whitey. But like, but that is like, like, it would be difficult for me to put together a lineup with musicians that I liked more than that list. Like, there are some that I like, okay, you know, like, I'm an exhibit fan, definitely, but I'm'm not like Wish that I could see an exhibit show Juvenile, Tech N9ne I mean these are like super high credibility

Hip hop acts and then Like but they are listed below The Twisted And above Kung Fu Vampire And then I don't know what Now here's the thing that I Gen genuinely made me not be able to understand it. So in my head, I'm thinking,

this is a group of rappers who want to put their weird world next to actual rappers and get some credibility. And even the non-famous like Paris, for example, like I bet there are a lot of non-hip hop fans out there who don't know who Paris is, but Paris was like the Bay area's answer to a public enemy in the early 1990s, this sort of incendiary black nationalist, um,

and brilliant and also a brilliant producer, uh, who after he quit hip-hop, went on to get a master's degree in finance, and then recently came back to hip-hop about maybe five or eight years ago and made a couple more really great records, and actually produced a whole Public Enemy record six years ago or so. Whoa. Which one? Do you happen to know?

I can't remember what it was called. It was a 2000s Public Enemy record. It was a good record, too. So I'm thinking like, oh, they're just trying to put their thing next to something super credible. And then, you know, and I mean, credible is relative. Like Mystical's a great rapper. He's also a convicted rapist. So like, you know, As much as I love

Bouncing Back I do feel bad About loving it Because of the rape Yeah That'll sour anything But here's the thing Here's the thing

Not only are The comedy headliners Jimmy J.J. Walker Brian Posehn And Harland Williams Wow Just some comedians They've heard of

I guess I don't know How do you come up With that lineup? I think Harlan Williams is probably there On the strength of Half-Baked Well, I'll tell you what You know, I mean, Brian Persain

Is a fantastic, nice guy And a very good comedian Hannibal Buress One of my favorite comedians Sure In the world Somebody who I pay attention to and study A comedian of my generation

Who I pay very close attention to Because everything that he does I think either i wish i had thought of that or oh i know i could never think of that you know either because i'm a not that funny or b i'm just not him so he's just somebody that i view as like a peer but that i very much admire and just i'm crazy about he did it a couple years ago and i think he might have done it like i have an ethic well where I will perform almost anywhere, you know, because I believe that you're not funny if you're only funny at the UCB. You're not funny if you're only funny at the Houston Improv.

You're funny if you're funny at both. And if you're not, then you're not funny. Hannibal Buress is funny anywhere. And I think he probably wanted to challenge himself because he's a hard worker and a super funny guy. Anyway. So there are all these credible acts. There are all these horrible acts. And then in between, there's Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

Unbelievable. The Reverend MC Hammer. That destroys any construct of who they're booking at this show that I could come up with. At first, I'm like, because this is like a carefully curated list of rappers and a carefully curated list of clown music men. But then right in between, it's just like, yeah, fuck it, let's book Hammer and Vanilla Ice too. You know what?

This is a good sort of cauldron. This would be in the introduction to the book about the reshaping of America, is these guys, because they're very stupid, right? Okay, but they're a stupid populism where they believe that they speak for a group of people,

and sadly, they really do. They do, and they're certainly brilliant marketers. But they talked about their Christian conversion with the magnets. Yeah, I've heard that, too. How do they work? That they're, yeah. So maybe they're trying to do a thing where like, you know, like it's just hard to, with

a lot of like tea party people and stuff to shake like the jingoistic aspirations and the racism and stuff like that. So maybe these guys are trying to get also different people of different colors and races and creeds together so that they can create some sort of horrible revolution. And maybe they're in some way smarter than your Michelle Bachman, for example. They're going to take down what they call the magnet understanding class.

Exactly. They're fucking book learning and shit. But I almost want to go. Like, they are just one less kind of murdery feeling. Yeah. And I would have bought tickets.

Exactly. You know, I don't know if this will change your mind. I mean, I've had to look into this a little bit to see the logistics of shooting there. You have to camp. You have to camp? You have to camp. Fuck that. Not a chance.

And I'm a camper. I camp and I backpack. Nope, I'm not camping in that shit hole of dream. You're not afraid of mountain lions, Rob. Correct. But yeah, no.

50,000 insane clown posse fans. You know, I don't want to go... But a methed out guy and then it's not going to suck itself t-shirt. Yeah, exactly. Here's the deal. When you are a president

and you declare a war and you send troops in, there's a tacit understanding that your troops that you send in are going to kill innocent people. They're also going to rape people. Okay.

Cause unfortunately that's a weapon of war, right? That that's just happens. So I can't go to a place where I know that there's going to be like a rape or two here and there, like, because there is at any big festival. So that's another reason I don't want to go to festivals.

It's because somewhere somebody's being raped and part of my ticket. You feel complicit in sexual assault. If you buy a ticket to a festival, you've pretty much raped someone. Well, we'll be back in just a second. On Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Delaney also in this room. Great. It's great to have Rob Delaney in this room. Isn't it a lot of fun? Absolutely. You know what else is a lot of fun? Rob's monthly column in Vice.

Is this monthly? Weekly. Every Thursday. Okay. It's very, very good. Thank you. I'm sure the Vice magazine. Thank you.

Yeah. It's called Take a Stroll with Rob Delaney, and I'm having a lot of fun writing it. Yeah, it's good. Vice magazine is one of those magical things in the world that you can't figure out what to make of. Oh, for sure. It is baffling.

Very upsetting. Absolutely. I don't know if you guys watched any of their VBS.TV content. Some of it has come on the Netflix Instant. It is both. It manages to perfectly capture what I guess may be something having to do with our generation or something. Just this combination of like amazing bravery, insight, adventure, et cetera, and just blithe disdain for everything in the world. I will say this.

They said to me some months ago, we're doing a comedy issue. Can you write a 2,000-word thing on anything? And I was like, oh, sure. So I did. And then after that, they invited me to write a weekly column. And they let me write whatever I want. And I suppose they must let everyone do that. And I think with that comes unspeakable horror and garbage and things you wish you had never seen, read or known.

And then also truly some really brave stuff like going into North Korea, you know, and things that other people just won't do. You know, because I think a lot of the people there are, you maybe have a have a more pronounced uh death wish than the rest of us and so they'll go and they'll get the story and they'll live the story that other folks want you know arms trading and stuff i mean they'll embed into things that people would not many people would want you know the it's funny the one that i watched most recently was about arms trading it was in afghanistan in this city that's dedicated to arms trading. They were shooting there. And I was like,

this is unbelievable. This is so amazing that they went to this place. And then after I watched it, I was like, I guess kind of the point of that is just that they went there. Like I was like, I don't feel like I got any insight out of that besides that this place exists, and it was insane of them to go there. Yeah, yeah.

It didn't remind you of a Nick Kristoff piece in those times? No, it did not. Not quite. Not quite. Anyway, I feel like the whole magazine, a nice man who used to work there and has since left, put me on the free subscription list. So I get it, and I enjoy it. In fact, the first episode, the first issue I got was that comedy issue

with a wonderful, that piece that you wrote was really wonderful. I think I emailed you about it because I thought it was so wonderful. And a lot of great stuff in that. But even within, like, I think their signature segment,

the do's and don'ts, at first you're like, this is really funny. And then you're like, oh, really funny, and then you're like, oh, my soul hurts. Exactly. Each issue could probably be 40% as thick as it is.

They could take out really just the hateful, disgusting garbage, and then you'd be left... What do they call baby's fags in pictures? Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I wanted actually to talk with you, Jordan, about something else that is not that far away from that combination of truly amazing and soul-hardy. Well, this is, okay, here's an issue that's something that I've been kind of thinking about nonstop since I saw it. I was browsing on a pornographic website. Have you heard of these sure anyways they exist and uh

we.com sure yes um and rob it's french gotcha yeah oh ui i read it i read it as a child yes there's a oh there's a it was a wonderful video of a woman doing an erotic oriental fan dance. Oh, my. So ribald. And, you know, kind of for the most part, you can, you know, you can, you don't have to see anything that upsets your sensibilities. But occasionally, something will creep into a banner ad, which is just kind of mind-blowing. And I saw this banner ad with a picture of Howard Stern's face, which is already a little bit jarring. Sure. And then to see this kind of recognizable...

That's the face you want to see to power up your boner. Sure, really. Well, here's the thing. And then the caption was, they had a quote attributed to Howard Stern. It says, the real porn that I like. And then the editorial from the banner ad people was, click here to see the real shit that Howard Stern likes. Which, is this the first ever celebrity porn endorsement? And who's like, fuck yeah, me and Stern jerking it to the same shit.

A lot of people. Who likes Stern in that way to where they want to jerk it to the same stuff? Juggalos? Yeah, right? I know. This is maybe all connected. People have a really powerful relationship with Howard Stern. Yeah, I guess so.

And I was also wondering if this was a legit endorsement by him. Like, if he actually said that. Well, you'd think that if it wasn't his endorsement... I don't... I was about to say, if you think it wasn't his endorsement, they would have used different diction, different word choice for their... Rather than just changing one word, they might have changed

the whole phrase. Yeah. But maybe they just only wanted to think of one phrase, and they're like, I'm going to use that for the quote and. Yeah. But maybe they just only wanted to think of one phrase, and they're like, I'm going to use that for the quote and the slogan. I was talking to a host of a popular late-night television show that I won't name, and he ordered a piece of exercise equipment recently,

and he just ordered it like in a... I think I know who it is. It's a Steve Allen story, if I've ever heard one. It's Steve Allen, yeah. I was going to guess Tom Snyder. He didn't say... He said nothing about it publicly, but just because he ordered it literally online,

they then started sending out spam emails to people saying, hey, this guy uses it. And he wrote them and he was like, you don't have to tell people that since you're not paying me to do that and I would never even take money from you to do that. And no one wants to buy the same equipment that Charlie Rose uses. Right?

Oh, he is yoked. Have you seen him lately? Jessica's Tavis Smiley bought it. Sure. But I was going to say... Hold on. I need a second to imagine a world in which Rob Delaney and Tavis Smiley are best pals.

Oh, I love him. Love him very much. Yeah. Okay. That was a lot of fun. That's going gonna be my happy place i'm gonna teach that to theresa for the birth so it's gonna i mean i guess so i guess i just started thinking about there is a world of people out there who who this works on who

love howard stern so intensely that they want to watch the same porn that he watches like that's such a weird relationship to a celebrity and i was thinking about like is would this is there anyone they could have put in this banner ad that would have worked on me we well we know here's the thing i i want to get into that but sure we know we know people i know because once i was quoted on howard stern news which is a real segment on the Howard Stern show. For those who don't listen, it's a segment where they talk about news relating to Howard Stern. Oh gosh.

There's a newsman that comes on and reads all the Howard news, Howard Stern news that's fit to read. And it's in classic commercial radio format. It's just gathered from other sources. It's not original news reporting on howard stern because they're in the same room it's just someone has mentioned howard stern and i once in an interview uh with the niman journalism lab at harvard mentioned howard stern and people's like relationship to howard stern and him going satellite. I don't even remember what. And I was mentioned on the Howard Stern news,

and I immediately got a congratulatory email from Paul Scheer and Rob Corddry. Yeah. Oh, Rob Corddry loves him. He posted one of the filthiest things I've ever seen in my life, a YouTube video of a woman riding a Sibian sex toy, which is, if you don't know what it is, it's this thing you sit on. It's a fuck machine. Yeah, it's a fuck machine,

and it's supposed to induce these insane orgasms. Anyway, and it was a woman sitting on one of those while some old man, like, said just filth to her, and Rob Courtney posted it. And I watched the whole thing, but I would never seek that out, but I sure did watch it, and I laughed a lot, and it kind of accessed a part of my sense of humor

that I didn't know that I had Really enjoyed it Might not ever see anything like that again And that's okay, but yeah, Rob Corddry loves him And they're not alone I mean, let's talk about your people Who are dedicated adherents Of the world of Howard Stern

I know in public radio, for example Both Terry Gross and Ira Glass Are devoted Howard Stern fans. In fact, Ira Glass's wife hates public radio and hates listening to public radio. And so they just listen to the Stern channel in their car. She told me one time. And Terry Gross, like, I don't know if you've ever heard Terry Gross's interview with Artie Lang. But it is like interviewing someone involved in six feet Under level of Terry Gross sycophancy.

Like, it is just epic scale, and obviously both of these people are among my favorite broadcasters in the world. I mean, no. And Stern is a genius broadcaster. I mean, I don't think you can take, whether or not you like him, and I personally I don't know really if I, I haven't spent

enough time, but he is a brilliant broadcaster. Like Rush Limbaugh, like you can just enough time, but he is a brilliant broadcaster. Like Rush Limbaugh. Like you can just... Rush Limbaugh is a brilliant broadcaster. Like he's a real twat. And I don't want to listen to his show. But I can listen to his show for half an hour and I can be like, shit. This guy knows what the fuck he is doing.

Like this guy knows his shit. I had a dream about him the other night. It was not terribly interesting. Just he would chase me through a building and then he hid in a bus. doing okay like this guy knows his shit i had a dream about him the other night it was uh not terribly interesting just he would chase me through a building and then he hid in a bus it was like a tag yeah a little bit okay i think it's sort of maybe maybe it's sort of like watching jay leno do the mon do the monologue on the tonight show like you're like i hate this but he really knows what he's doing with this thing. Like, this is not for me, but he's really, he's really taken it. He's really, he's got a craft. Well, it's kind of like Tom Cruise, for example, you know, like Tom Cruise, like you can, all

right, here's the deal. They are skilled at what they do. They do have an innate talent, but just like Michael Jordan practiced every day, you can get better. Tom Cruise, for example, started out not terribly interesting to watch. Now he's riveting. You know what I mean? Sure. You know, he's, you can't take your eyes off him. You like him. Don't tell me that you don't. So I think since these guys have been doing it for decades upon decades, you're going to get better.

And if you have a spark in there for real, then you're going to get great over that much time. I guess what? Malcolm Gladwell. I guess what? Any excuse to mention that? To make yourself sound smart. Sorry, what? I guess what we're trying to say, Jordan,

is that you would probably watch any porn that Rush Limbaugh told you to. Yeah, right? I mean, will we go in that direction to where... Any porn that's mentioned in Jay Leno's monologue, you will run out at it. You know, I was thinking, I'm like, who would be in that box that would make me click on that box?

I know. For me, it would be like a roller derby girl, like whatever she liked to watch. Or a speed skater. Some powerful woman. Oh, sure. Yeah. Broad shoulders. Maybe a colored streak in her hair.

I don't know what they want to watch. Maybe the Bride of Frankenstein. Now we're talking. Yeah, no, that would be just kind of like a're talking We're talking about the Bride of Frankenstein That's what you're describing, Jordan? But yeah, just like That might be kind of something to have A very specific social archetype

In that box, like a derby girl Or a, you know Like a guy I have to cut this off Number one, I think It's sweet of Rob to say Derby Girl, but it's a bullshit answer because he has to pick something

that's recommending the porn that he would not be interested in involving sexually in the sexual experience. What? So I think that's the baseline for me is that if you are picking the porn that a Derby girl recommends... Are you saying that some of these guys don't want Howard Stern to watch them jack off?

Like they don't want Howard Stern at the root? Because I think some of them probably do. Well... Are you saying because I want to have sex with a derby girl, I wouldn't want to watch the same thing? No, I'm saying that because you want to have sex with a derby girl, it's kind of a cop-out to say the porn that a derby girl wants me to watch. I guess, you know what I think I'm saying? I think you're half right.

I want to watch a derby girl masturbate. That's, I think, what I'm saying. Yes, exactly. And I think that's where... Okay. That'd be cool. That's where it goes... Because these dudes

don't want to watch Howard Stern masturbate. Do they? They're just willing... I bet there's a pocket. They're just willing to go there with Howard Stern because they believe in him. And just so they, yeah,

if they ever ran into him on the street, they would have something to talk about. Like, hey, I saw that real shit you like. I think to me, the celebrity in the box that would most cause me to click, and I say this only half joking, John Lovitz.

Think about, just because that voice to me is so enticing. Like, think about him reading the copy. Come on in! See the real shit that I like! Me, Lovitz! I thought about that

as a joke, and then I'm like, you know what? That's probably honestly the one that would work the most. Anyways. That's really beautiful, Jordan. Yeah. I'm really glad that you have that. So, I don't know. If Lovitz is listening, there is an audience if you want to endorse a certain kind of pornography.

In our audience right now, there are like, I would say, 10,000 people just thinking, Colbert, Colbert, Colbert, Colbert, Colbert. No, I think Colbert could pull that off. He could endorse a line of pornos. If you ever talk to a public radio person, and I think this is probably true in other parts of journalism, but it's

especially true in public radio since public radio is a little bit more granola-y. It's not very granola-y, but relative to other kinds of journalism. It's a little bit more granola-y. It's not very granola-y, but relative to other kinds of journalism. It's a little bit more liberal arts college-y. I think that you would get a 75% hit rate on would you watch the porn that Stephen Colbert recommended to you. The passionate relationship between these people and Stephen Colbert,

these people who, and I want to be clear, for the most part, have no interest in any other comedy at all. Sure, sure. These are not 30 Rock Watchers. There's just something magical about previously Jon Stewart, and still to some extent, but mostly Stephen Colbert.

He's a very handsome man. He is. Too handsome to be funny. He's a real Delaney type in that sense. Delaney-esque. How about you guys? Do you have a celebrity porn that you're like, okay, I'll go there with you.

I'll at least check this out. If you say this is the real shit. Oh, I don't know. I bet Dustin Hoffman likes some weird shit. Yeah. Yeah. He needs somewhere to put that big schnoz. For me,

it's got to be somebody from the Antiques Roadshow, but I'm trying to figure out who. Which one in particular? Well, for one thing, most of them would want me to watch gay porn.

Oh, yeah. Which, I mean, I might be willing to go there with them, but it's not my choice. Sure. It's not my preference. Yeah.

Just like, hey, guys, I just need to make sure the P in PBS stands for pussy, right? Can I tell you about a gay... They're like, yeah, but the B stands for butthole. Male butthole. Back when I used to use magazines printed on paper to pleasure myself,

what I found was always weird. How would you do that? Would you lube them up? Yeah, I would... Sorry, we're from the internet generation. I know. In the back of them, they would have ads for things, you know, pornos that you could order. But there would always be gay stuff in there, too, in the back of them, they would have ads for things, you know, pornos that you could order. But there would always be gay stuff in there, too, in the back of, like, a straight magazine.

Yeah, sure. There would always be gay stuff. And so I can remember as a kid masturbating and being like, I wonder if I'm gay. And I would, like, try to masturbate to, like, the gay stuff. Oh, well. Yeah. And I'd be like, no, I guess, no. But I'd be like, really try. And then I'd be like, yep, back to the ladies.

And I wanted people to know that. Oh, gee. Oh, nuts. I'll never be gay now. Yeah. I really like if, I don't know, like somebody on the road show has got to be straight, right? Like one of the dudes on the road show has got to be straight. One of these dudes that I, one of the dudes that i think is really cool like that maybe the scottish guy i'm gonna i'm

gonna pretend that the scottish guy who talks about paintings on the antiques road show yeah is straight maybe he would have a line to some busty redheads yeah the one thing that i would not want to know is what kind of what Mark L. Wahlberg wants me to watch. Yeah. Stay away from that. No, sir. Not interested. Not interested, Rob.

I do not want to know. I won't tell you. World's worst Mark Wahlberg. Oh, God. You saying that thing about the occasional ad for the gay stuff in the porno magazine reminded me of something kind of semi, not traumatic, but something like that I still remember from my kind of formative years of like exploring dad's closet. Sure. I, they, I found a VHS tape and it was something that was, it was just kind of porno scenes,

but in, under the guise of this being, like, an educational journey for lovers. Oh! Like, something like, it was like, this is, like, you know how they would kind of, like, show a nudist film in the 20s? It's like, this is just porno, but, like, no, it's a documentary about nudists. Like, it was just some porno scenes kind of strung together with this, like, oh, this is educational to, like, help your marriage, kind of, through line. Kind of them. Anyway, so, you're like, oh, this is educational to, like, help your marriage, kind of, through line.

Kind of them. Anyway, so, you're like, oh, this is, this is great. I'm 13. I'm enjoying this. And then there's a scene where the kind of doctor that's leading you through it comes on. He's like, now we will explore the male sexuality. We will show you film of a man masturbating, and even if you're not a homosexual, you should

be able to watch and enjoy this. And kind of with the thing of like, hey, straight dudes, like, watch this. And I never looked at the thing again because that was so jarring to me. Oh, it's so weird. And then I've always felt like maybe I have a little bit of homophobia because I wouldn't watch this jack-off scene. Like, I don't know. Like, I feel, you know, I live in the gay neighborhood. Sure. Well, Like, I don't know. Like, I feel, I, you know. I live in the gay neighborhood. Sure.

Well, hey, that's... I go to brunch. Well, you also don't want to... People's sex is for them, you know? I mean, really, honestly, I don't even want to watch people do it unless... If they know I'm watching.

I'll watch through a window, but... Sure. But somebody being like, hey, watch me masturbate. You cut little holes and put lenses in them. Yeah. I didn't know if I was supposed through a window, but somebody being like, hey, watch me masturbate. You cut little holes and put lenses in them. Yeah. I didn't know if I was supposed to passively watch.

I don't know. I was confused. I think it's kind of nice, though, that they have that in there. Because it's like the people who make this porno, they're like, look, some dudes are gay. And if they can't bring themselves to buy actual pornography, they almost certainly can't bring themselves to buy gay pornography. Good point. That's sweet. Yeah, I've also heard that stag films in the 20s

would have a little gay stuff in there just because there's not a specialized industry. Like, oh, you had one reel that you showed at your bachelor party, so there had to be a little something for everyone. So there was also... so yeah, I think this was probably on that same principle. There was also a film of a famous train crash. Right, and a cowboy shot a

gun at the lens and everyone ducked. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Delaney here as well. Man Alive. So, Rob, just so you know, on this program, we occasionally will share messages from our audience, sort of Jumbotron style.

It is an affordable advertising program. $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message at this point, I think. And we have two messages on this week's program. We've been booking these things up solid. This has just been booked solid. You got an email to reason. Get them while they're hot, people. Jiminy Christmas. Okay.

So, first of all, a commercial message, a long-time listener of ours, Samuel Hansen, a big booster of The Sound of Young America and Jordan D'Eesse go for many years uh and a podcaster he runs the acme science podcast uh has started a kickstarter project to do an eight episode podcast about the world of mathematics uh the idea is it's going to be called relatively prime it is like a uh it is a behind the scenes type situation it is it is he says not for math people i mean math people will probably like it sure right that's the kind of thing they like right podcast well that in math blaster yeah they fucking hate rita rabbit i'll

tell you that much you want to punch ma Beacon in her smug fucking face. But Math Blaster. These are computer games you would play in elementary school. So anyway, so he's trying to raise the money to make this eight episode podcast. It is at bit.ly slash rel prime. R-E-L prime. Bit. Bit.ly slash rel prime, R-E-L prime. Bitly slash rel prime for relatively prime.

And of course, we always have these links in our forum as well if anyone else has any concerns or issues. But, you know, he's kicking things off a little bit at a time.

He's already raised almost $2,500 towards his goal of $8,000. He gets all these cool prizes. I think it's a pretty nice thing that he8,000. He gets these, you get all these cool prizes. I think it's a pretty nice thing that he's doing this.

He's got some cool, he's got some cool logo action. He's got a cool video. It's a nice thing. Sure. A lot of Max Funsters already supporting it.

I see from the Facebook here. This is going to be great. It's going to be tremendous, Jordan. Why wouldn't it be? Very excited about this. Bit.ly slash relprime.

And also, we have a new personal ad this week. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Love is in the air, Jordan. Slow down there, my brother and me. You don't need to write a song for each one. Love is in the air, Jordan. Okay. Love is in the air for our friends.

Hot off the heels of the successful fuckfest that was last month's personal ad. Ian Brill. Yeah. Longtime friend of MaximumFun.org. The former PodThoughts columnist on MaximumFun.org. A really sweet guy. A very lovable guy, I would say. I've met him a few times.

He's a delight. Totally not crazy or weird at all. Super friendly and great. 28 years old. He is a single professional living in Los Angeles. That's in Southern California, for those of you keeping track regionally speaking. So if you are

listening from San Berdue, not an unreasonable drive. He writes and edits comic books. He writes the comic book series Darkwing Duck, which is a real comic book series based on the television show, the short-lived children's television show from the early 1990s that is actually astonishingly successful, at least in comic book terms, or so Ian Brill tells me.

He actually put Chip Dipson and Tip Dobson into Darkwing Duck once. He loves going to the repertory cinema houses of Los Angeles, such as the Cinefamily. He likes to discover new things, especially new restaurants. This is what he says. I think this is nice. He says,

a lot about living in Los Angeles can be stressful, so I figure why not make an effort to really enjoy the things that are special here oh if i had that attitude i'd be a much happier person i would be so much less resentful anyway he's uh looking for uh nice cool ladies to check out restaurants and stuff with um and i i will say i have actually met ian brill on a number of occasions and i will say that uh uh well i cannot on a number of occasions. And I will say that while I cannot guarantee a love connection, I can tell you I'll have a very pleasant time if you go discover a new restaurant with Ian Brill because he's a really pleasant guy.

I like his name, Ian Brill. I know, right? I could say that for a lifetime. Yeah. Brill. Well, are you writing Mrs. Rob Brill down on your notepad right now? A little bit. Anyway, you can email Ian at ibrill, B-R-I-L-L, like the Brill building, ibrill at gmail.com.

ibrill at gmail.com and bit.ly slash relprime for our other sponsor. If you want to sponsor an upcoming episode of Jordan, Jesse, go. Just email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. T-H-E-R-E-S-A. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart Jordan Morris, Boy Detective

Oh, Rob, your microphone is like three feet I brought it closer Closer, Rob Delaney Oh, great to have Rob Delaney on the show It is good Great to be up here in the new inner sanctum Surrounded by books of spells. Sure. A whirlpool that shows you what could have been.

Speaking of whirlpools that show you what could have been, why don't we listen to some momentous occasions? Yeah, sure. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jackie. This is Mike in Pittsburgh. So I'm waiting outside the local convention center for my bus home to D.C. for the weekend. And inside the convention center is apparently the world's

largest furry convention. So outside as well, there's tons of people in furry regalia walking around the street. And I saw a family let their kid hug one of these people in the full

furry regalia. And I just wonder if these parents know that this is the equivalent of letting their kid hug a dildo. Have a good day, guys. Talk to y'all later. Bye. That's magical. Yeah, no, I bet if you are a little kid and you're passing that, it's like, oh my god, Disneyland exploded, and here

it is, but... I wonder how long it took the guy to clean off the inside of his furry suit after he hugged that kid. Wow. Whole convention. There's gotta be, like, a discreet furry dry cleaner, like, somewhere where, like, you can bring your cum-soaked wolf outfit and not be judged.

Now, the last time, the last time that furries came up on Jordan, Jesse, go, I think it was when our pal Shani Jardin was on the show from boingboing.net. She's the best. She's awesome. She was so great. And she was careful to explain to us that furry is not just about sex. Sex is only one element of the furry subculture. Tell me more.

Well, it's about, it's sort of like a role-playing type thing. Okay. Again, it still sounds like sex. Yep. It's, it's like they each have their own guy that they pretend to be, and then they go, they go to these things to sort of prance about with each other, not just to They go to these things. To sort of prance about. With each other. Not just to fuck each other. Yeah.

What do you prance. What do you leave the house. You know. Like come. Yeah. Are you just saying. That leave. All.

The only. Your only reason to live. Is furry fucking. Yes. Exactly. Am I understanding this correctly? In hopes that I would meet another. Just.

That's why I attach the fox tail. To the back of my jeans. I would never say. It's not okay. To be a furry. But I am saying. That that if like shit got a little worse like globally you know like if it we forgot like if global median temperature went up like 12 degrees or if there was more of a nuclear threat that shit would just stop and people would be like okay i gotta do some real stuff here so you're saying that this is like you're you're looking at this from a sort

of a marxist perspective yeah yeah yeah yeah This is something that happens towards the end of a society. This is like capitalists. You're like all those capitalists in their outfit fucking. So decadent. So western. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Sarah from Chicago.

Actually, my husband just called a few minutes earlier about us being cash cabs. But later on on this walk, we were crossing a one-way, and all of a sudden, even though I had to ride away while crossing the road, a taxi driver turned into that street and yelled at me, called me a dummy. And then I got to yell back at him, you're going the wrong way, you dummy. And all of a sudden, the entire corner noticed that the taxi driver was going the wrong way on the one way and just heard that exchange with us and started screaming at him, yeah, dummy, you're going the wrong way, dummy. You're going the wrong way, dummy.

It's like a chanting started. And then the customers in the back seat of the taxi started screaming at him. And he just sat there. And I don't know what else happened because I had to continue to walk on that amazing event. I couldn't stick around.

But we love you, Jordan, and we love you, Jesse. Have a good show. That was really sweet. That really made me happy. That's a lot of fun. The universe comes around, doesn't it? Man, I am... I'm not a person who

gives somebody what for when I get bad service. I'll be a little cranky about it, but I won't like... I don't send back food and stuff like that. But when a cab driver tells me that they won't take a credit card because their machine is broken, that riles me up basically more than hearing about a genocide in the news. Yeah, yeah.

Sure. So yeah, I really enjoy... Especially because a lot of times it's like you have to pay with a credit card for business trip purposes or whatever. Well, that's mostly me anyways. And also they're lying. Yeah, right.

It is both things. For me, that is when I do a cab, is when I need to give a receipt back to my accounting, blah, blah, blah. And yes, also you're lying. Yeah. Like everything takes a credit card. Yeah, so no, I enjoyed...

I don't know why that upsets me more than, like, you know, when my dry cleaning isn't ready when they say it's going to be. It would be great if there was just an angry mob that was just around whenever you needed it. That would be great. What I'm most struck by is the use of only the word dummy. It never escalated beyond that. I want to live in a world where people are like, you dummy! That would make me feel What I'm most struck by is the use of only the word dummy. It never escalated beyond that.

I want to live in a world where people are like, you dummy. That would make me feel worse if somebody was like, you dummy. You really fought it on my cheesecake. Yeah. You know, not everything. Screwhead. Not everything in the world is happy, which is why we have this segment called Moments of Shame, where people call in when something really shameful happens to them, or just to share a story.

I understand, I think, that time is an important part of being able to share these stories. So it's okay to, while we ask momentous occasions, as soon as you can, you call in. Even during. We like a during momentous occasion. With Moments of Shame, it can have happened any time in your life, and we do have one this week.

Hi, Jordan and Jesse and probable guests. This is Andrew from San Diego. I'm calling with both a momentous occasion and a moment of shame. My friend from Seattle was just visiting me, and I took her to a nice sushi place. my friend from Seattle was just visiting me, and I took her to a nice sushi place. And as we were leaving, I had a fart coming, and I waited until she was, you know,

a good enough distance away from me, and she was wondering kind of why I was hanging back a little bit. And when I decided to just let it rip and just deal with the consequences, and I shat myself. So I had to explain to her that I just pooped the consequences. And I shat myself. So I had to explain to her that I just pooped my pants. And it smells really bad in the car right now.

I'm not saying anything. Oh, my God! Yeah. I didn't know it got that real. She was in the car at the time? Is that what's happening? I think they both had to drive home together. Oh, God.

Holy moly. Yeah. That is powerful. I don't have sympathy for him. I'm glad he shat his pants. And I frown on him. I'm surprised to hear that. Because he was eating ethnic food.

Yeah, that's the issue. He shouldn't have been. That's a good point. He shouldn't have been eating sushi. Yeah, if you don't want to poop your pants, don't hit the markets in Istanbul. Yeah, stick to biscuits and gravy. Something American. Or wherever it is that you get sushi at. I wouldn't know.

I wouldn't know where to get it. I don't even know how it's pronounced. Sure. Sushi, sushi. I know what you're saying. I understand the word you're trying to get at, but I don't know it either. Yeah. Right.

I've heard about it. I do like biscuits and gravy, though. Those are good. I've been making biscuits and gravy sometimes lately. Oh, nice. Oh, that's good. Sure. Rob.

Hey. That's good. Yeah, it is. That's good stuff. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Goe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Delaney, favorite guest, probably. Yeah, he sure is.

No, no, that's fine. Rob Delaney, favorite guest, probably. Yeah. No, no. He sure is. That's fine. Well, if there was a favorite guest that was other than Rob Delaney, it would probably be Dave Holmes. Sure.

And they're basically best buddies. They do a show together every month in Los Angeles. Right, we sure do. So it's tough for me to distinguish between them, I guess. Uh-huh, sure. And it's just because my eyes are just clouded with affection. I bet if there weren't the huge roadblocks

in the way of you being married and Dave Holmes being a homosexual, you guys could switch out on dates. Yeah, I think we probably could. Like a fun twins. For the novelty of it, I would do it anyway. I would do it now, the way things are, no matter what it would do to my marriage.

Just because, why not? Anecdotal value. It's fun to trick people, too. It really is. Let it roll. That's what I say. Always let it roll.

Anyway, Rob Delaney, our guest, I have to ask you one thing. Before we wrap this program up, which is this, I spent,

I spent the last two days being, doing, making dad preparations. I spent the last two days making dad preparations. We're up in this new place because we had to clear out a bedroom for the baby. I had to do dad type stuff like install a garage door opener.

I feel like I will never top this level of... I have never... I am at the current apex of my daddiness. Sure. We'll just wait until you start getting movie titles wrong. Boy.

Do a little bit of that in preparation. Good point. But you... I know this, Rob, because you... The last time we tried to have you on Jordan Jesse Go, you couldn't for the very reasonable reason that it was the day that your baby was due. Yeah.

So your baby is just a couple of months old now. Three months old, yeah. I wonder if you can offer me... Is this your first baby? It is, yeah. So I wonder if this will also be my first baby. We don't have another baby down in the basement. Sure, sure.

The sub-basement, I guess is what I'm saying. We're doing sort of a Casper Hauser thing with him. I wonder if you can give me any guidance. I would just say babies require very, very little in the beginning. They require a tremendous amount of attention, but physical things, like you could do, and I'm not kidding. Yeah, I mean, you could do almost nothing to prepare your home for it and you'd be okay and and your baby would kind of walk you through what it needed quite honestly just uh breathe it makes it does some yelping right oh yeah oh they make an amazing amount of noise in the beginning and not crying because

sure they'll they'll cry in the beginning but their breathing is incredibly loud because all their respiratory stuff is all smushed up like a pug in the beginning so so they're breathing so like at night you're like what is it near it's almost scary uh so i would just say you know i have certainly no original advice to offer other than i'm a man and you're a man and i I know some men, I'm not the man you are. Well, I'm half a man compared to you. Uh, but you know,

let's see who gets further in the P90X. A lot of guys will say that's a dick contest of some kind, right? Yeah. It's like a sword fight with dick. Yeah. P90X. A lot of guys will say like,

get sleep while you can because you're not gonna get any more and uh the next six months of your life are gonna be fucking garbage you know and men will say terrible things to each other and that's because in my experience that's not been true i love there's nothing i love more than my baby all i want to do is be near it and smell it it's a hymn i'll call him a hymn and podcast and podcast here and there like podcast but uh it's just it's so magnificent and magical uh so you know sleep when it sleeps is something they say that that really makes sense uh because you will be sleep deprived the best preparation for having a baby is if you've had been through any uh duress in your life like as someone that you love died

that's great preparation have you gone through real grief or difficulty have you gone through a time where you're like how am i gonna pay my rent and had to do something insane or crazy to make it happen any horrible stressful war war would be yeah soldiers make great fathers we we all know that so i certainly from personal experience i can tell you that that's definitely the case so it's it's it's the best thing ever times a million And just try to breathe and be present And hang out and just I almost forgot Speaking of babies

Our friend Ebeth One of our best listener supporters Ebeth from New Jersey Just had her first baby recently Oh cool Just about I'm going to say, three months ago now, maybe? Something like that, right around a Rob Delaney-type time frame. And they try and sync that up.

It's sort of like women in a women's prison whose periods all... Exactly. A lot of podcast listeners try to synchronize their births. And she was kind. She and her husband were kind enough to send us kind of a fun... She was sort of one of the organizers of the pen pal club. Yeah. Where all the Max Funsters sent each other packages full of fun stuff.

And she sent us sort of a baby-themed package full of fun stuff. Oh, cool. I think she was worried, Rob, that if she sent me and Teresa a big box full of baby stuff, maybe little brother would be jealous? Oh, yeah. Jordan would be upset. I understand. That makes sense. It happens with new babies.

Yeah. Because Jordan doesn't know any of his children. Sure, sure. Yeah. He's just not part of their lives. Well, they're all over the place. I mean, you'd almost need your own airline To see them all with an irregularity He does have his own airline

And I'm also not financially responsible Because any children you conceive At the gathering of the Juggalos Are officially part of the drive They're actually property of the Insane Clown Posse The Murder Kill Records family They just get handed off Hey, Clown Riders

Is that what they were called? The Clown Riders? Yeah, I think it was. The knife dicks. But she anticipated that Jordan might feel jealous. And so, Rob, if you could grab that gift that's right behind you there, right over your right shoulder. Oh, good. Okay, well, that is nice.

Very nice. She was nice enough to make this nice package that came in our box just for Jordan. Okay, I'll save the... I'll shake it a little bit. Any guesses? Blocks.

Blocks. Yeah, we were both thinking blocks. Oh, good. I'm glad. Jordan, read the card. Oh, Jesus Christ. What if it's personal? What kind of...

What if it's... Then definitely read it. Yeah, okay. What kind of boor are you? No, I'm sorry. I thought maybe the card. Are you worried it might be sexual? I don't know.

You have his marry. I hear those recently, women who have recently. It's a very romantic time right after you have your baby. I'll tell you that. Yeah, you want to just really male, male dudes some nasty notes. Dear Jordan, you're not having a baby, but you're still amazing. Consolation gift. But you are a baby.

Sure, yes. I am baby- amazing. Consolation gift. But you are a baby. Sure, yes. I am baby-like. Consolation gift for you. It's tough to not be in the spotlight while there are other people in it. It's true. I do love attention. And so I got a CNIT game based on The Simpsons. Right on.

That's like grown-up blocks. That's a very nice gift. I will fucking clean up at this too, by the way. My thanks to Ebeth, and I also want to thank everybody who launched a surprise

baby shower at MaxFunCon. Did I already thank these people last week, Jordan? No, you didn't. Go ahead. Thank them again. Do it. Do it.

Thank you. Especially Reese Dixon and her husband who organized the whole thing and Reese Dixon whose real name is Teresa was kind enough

to make us, make the baby a quilt with the MaxFun rocket ship on it. Oh, it's so cute. Which was really lovely. And everybody, like literally dozens of people at Max Fun Con got us little gifts of various kinds for the baby. That's very sweet.

It was a total surprise. It was right at the end of Max Fun Con. It was so great. They had to trick Julia, the producer of The Sound of Young America, had to trick Teresa into not going home early. Because Teresa was feeling real pregnant and lousy. And she was like, I'm just going to skip out before lunch. Which is the last event of MaxLimeCon. And Julia was like, oh, no. I need you to do something at lunch.

That's a good one. It was a surprise. I know. Remember that one. Very sly. I'll use I know Remember that one Very sly I'll use that Remember that one Just tell them you need them

To do something Remember that For the next time You get caught Cutting in on Dave Holmes' date But So thanks to all those Mac sponsors

How wonderful Wonderfully Nice is this And we're gonna try And I don't know I don't know how many Jordan Jesse goes We're gonna successfully record

Once the babies do At the end of July I don't Who knows what's gonna happen I really don't know how many Jordan Jesse goes we're going to successfully record once the babies do at the end of July. Who knows what's going to happen? I really don't. We've got some great guest hosts on the Sound of Young America lined up. And I think we're going to make Jordan Jesse goes. I mean, my feeling is that we're going to try not to not be working. But I think I might appreciate having the opportunity to do something like make a Jordan Jesse go when it happens. Yeah, I bet you will.

But I want to thank everybody who gave. That was really really sweet. That was really touching. I'm very touched right now. That's a euphemism for developmentally disabled. Sure. It was so

nice, it made me retarded. 206-9844-FUN, our telephone number, jjgoe at maximumfun.org, our email address. Follow Rob Delaney on the tweeters at Rob Delaney.

That's my name. And if you happen to be listening to this right when it goes up and you're in North Carolina, you got a gig on Wednesday, right? Yeah. Oh, and you know

who's joining me? John Worster. Oh, wow. How cool is that? That's very cool. What's he gig on Wednesday, right? Yeah. Oh, and you know who's joining me? John Worcester. Oh, wow. How cool is that? That's very cool. What's he going to do? Drum? Play the drum?

It's a secret. I don't want to say what he's going to do, but it won't be music. I'll tell you that much. And he's just a hero of mine. I'm very excited. So it's going to be super chunk. Yeah. No, it's not because they're music.

Remember? Do you see? I'm just joking'm just joking okay just joking um that's tremendous which is wednesday night wednesday night where is it at it's at the cat's cradle in carborough which is right next to chapel hill how do people find out this information uh you could go to my twitter or you could go to the cat's cradle website i think it might be like cat's cradle nc uh.com it's gonna be a hell of a show. Yeah, I'm excited. Is Worcester just in town? Are you flying him in?

No, he lives there. He lives there because Superchunk is based there, as are the Mountain Goats, and he plays drums for both of those Sons of Guns. He plays both of those. I, unfortunately, because we were moving, I had to miss the Mountain Goats on Thursday night. John Darnielle was kind enough to extend an invitation,

and we couldn't go. I know. We had to move first thing on Friday morning. We're like, we can't do it. I had my own show that I had, I had to do, or I so wanted to go.

I hate that I missed them. That guy's a winner. He's the best. Okay. Anyway, uh, JJ go at maximum fund.org. Our special thanks to the free design.

Love you by the free design is our theme music. Uh, you can find it on their album. Kites are fun. The best of the free design, courtesy of them and Light in the Attic Records. We'll talk to you next time

right here on Jordan, Jesse, God.