Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep 182: Luna Park with David Malki!

Episode Date: July 4, 2011

David Malki!, creator of Wondermark, joins Jesse and Jordan for further discussion of music festivals, making Brita tea and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddly, dum a man with an inflatable rubber suit.

Plus David Malky. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, known as America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy go. I'm Jesse Thorne known as America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm melting. I'm literally physically melting.

It's a hot one. Holy mackerel. I think after one of the, there, I love being from San Francisco. As you know, I'm very happy and proud to be from San Francisco. As you know, I'm very happy and proud to be from San Francisco. One of the few downsides of being from San Francisco is that once it goes over 80, I get real crabby.

And once it goes over 90, I get real melty. Here's how I'm beating the heat. Uh-huh. Throw a couple teabags in the Brita filter. No. Yeah. Right in the Brita filter? Yeah, put them in there. Not in the top. I have a question. I have a question. Is it about which segment of the Brita filter. No. Yeah. Right in the Brita filter? Yeah, put them in there.

I have a question. Is it about which segment of the Brita filter? Doesn't the filter just filter out the tea? Oh, no, no. You put it in the bottom. And you just end up with pure, clean water. Yeah. No, it's called a... It seems like a waste of tea bag. Well, I like to push my Brita.

So it's, you know, so it's not a pussy. Are you describing... I'm like, well, you could filter out tap water imperfections, but can you... Is this a Brita or a French press? This is a Brita. Because you push a French press. No, I'm talking about pushing it to its limits.

Oh, like in a metaphysical sense. Yeah, like... You like to take it to the max. Like in a P90X kind of way. Like, here's what I say. You've been getting complacent, Britta, filtering out tap water imperfections. See if you can work your magic on these tea leaves. Well...

Jesse, I'm putting it in the bottom. Speak... Tap water goes in the top. Tea bag in the bottom. Speaking of P90X, our guest this week comes to us from the world of webcomics. The most yoked man in webcomics. The most yoked man in webcomics.

It's a powerful medium. You know him as the creator of Wonder Mark, which runs on internet, including in AV Club.

You know him as the creator of many best-selling t-shirts. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of them. That's the way to make money in

webcomics, guys. He is the co-author and editor of the Machine of Death book. That's also very good. Very good book. Creator of my The Revolution Will Not Be Telegraphed t-shirt that has an old-time guy on it. Yeah, that's one of the t-shirts I made. Please welcome to the program Mr. David Malky. Hello.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. You might actually be the most yoked man in webcomics. It's possible. I mean, I wear baggy shirts because I don't want to intimidate people. And it's also a wand distinction. Yeah. Are you more yoked than the guy who does VG Cats?

That guy is... I don't want to say he's ripped because that word is on its way out. It's more like... And you like to stay with the contemporary idiom. I don't want to say he's ripped because that word is on its way out. It's more like... And you like to stay with the contemporary idiom. Every new bodybuilding culture has a more violent idiom. So he is flayed. Flayed to the bone. Past muscle down to bone.

It comes out in the comic. Yeah. Like how strong and powerful this guy is really comes out in the comic. There's a vibration from his hand moving the tablet. You can see sort of a wiggly line. Have you ever met like a guy that is both really, I'm going to say ripped, torn asunder, and also geeky? And then he wants to tell you about some really weird workout he does. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, definitely some of the hardest people to deal with are nerds that have recently become ripped. Our friend Bucky Sinister, who I won't say is a nerd because he's also kind of a punk rock kind of guy. Yeah. A past guest on this program. Bucky and I got into this conversation at the Radiohead Live show that we did a few months ago in San Francisco about his new fitness interest, which is kettlebells.

Like 19th century. Right. Yeah. They work the whole body. It's like getting into medicine balls. Wait, wait. So can you describe these? I can't picture it It's like if you imagine

If you imagine like a dome of iron Cast iron, black like you'd make a fence from Yeah, and it has a handle on the top Like a teapot It sort of looks like a teapot Only like an elongated, taller version of a teapot And much heavier than a teapot And it like an elongated, taller version of a teapot. And much heavier than a teapot. And it's made out of cast iron, solid cast iron.

Wow. You know what I'm talking about now? Like an old-timey... Yeah, that would be something someone calls a gymnasium. Yeah, it's like the hand weight equivalent... Yeah, where there's a reducing machine. Of a barbell with two round balls of iron on either end. Right, you have to wear a tank top with stripes on it okay in order to operate so i don't know i guess i get you know shaving with a straight razor right or

you know waxing your mustache or one of those other kind of cute anachronistic things woolen bathing suits yeah but but but how does is is this actually more practical is this actually better for you or is it just another thing in the line of like – Well, I think it's – the idea is it's a whole body workout that requires only the kettlebell itself. Not a giant bench or apparatus or elastic bands or whatever else. You wouldn't have in Russia, which I think is where it's from. Sure. And so the Russian farmers who were moving like axes and sledgehammers and so on were very strong.

And I think the kettlebell is designed to mimic some of that same motions. It's just like being a Russian peasant farmer. Right. Known for their fitness. Who were very fuckable. Are you sick and tired of being a member of the bourgeoisie? Yeah. And the thing is, Stalin could still kill those guys.

Yeah. So it's not that that prevents a... It doesn't save you from danger in an abstract sense. It just makes you able to outrun a bear. Right. It can't make you fight government-imposed starvation. It doesn't give you confidence to to rise up With your fellow Peasants Do you long for

Return to A subsistence Agrarian society Are you Well I think We're all overwhelmed By the first world And its challenges

Right That's a good point It is There's a lot of people Who are deliberately Trying to go back To a more Aesthetic way

Of living There are people Who want to work out And they will work out With a sledgehammer they bought at the home depot wrapped in a towel right right rather that's a thing rather than the the weight set you could get for half the price at the thrift store yeah but that's the right thing so we can't use that thing sure it's a genuinely bizarre and terrifying world but what what it is is i mean

ultimately no one wants to work out because it's very unpleasant. Yeah. Well, I feel like those people that we were discussing who are super ripped, they must find some physical reward from that that I have never, ever, ever been able to identify. Yeah. You know what? I was just talking with my wife about this. We saw a dude who was just super ripped just walking around and i told her that i didn't trust people like that and she asked me why it was and uh and i thought about it for a minute i think the reason that i don't trust them is why are they doing that with their time like what are they getting from that and i don't mean a healthy like athletic person i mean a muscly person right and i guess i guess i guess i might what i might theorize when when

you know when people when people are getting ripped it's like is it a more sex thing like is it like but i guess maybe maybe maybe there is a certain kind of woman and that and i will talk a little bit about this kind of a similar topic later but like maybe it's like being a rockabilly guy like there is a rockabilly girl unless you have a pompadour and cuffed jeans and a sparrow tattoo swallow tattoo sure either or uh You just don't have a chance. Something that might circle Br'er Rabbit's head after he gets conked on the head with a fry pan. Sure. Maybe there is a kind of woman that only dates bodybuilders.

I cannot picture this woman. I guess maybe it's a female bodybuilder. Well, I did have two hotel stays that coincided with female bodybuilder conventions. Who were they fucking? They were fucking little mousy guys that followed them around with a towel. Really? Well, either they were fucking them or they were using them. Well, I mean, you guys can correct me, but I've been to Venice Beach before,

and I've seen the muscly guys, and I have not seen women around that, like, muscle beach area. Yeah. Well, there's plenty of gay muscle dudes. Sure. I kind of feel like it's fine with me if it's gay. There's something about, do you think that my whole antipathy is just based on me being

concerned that they'd beat me up and steal my women? Yeah. I mean, if they're after the kind of women that is attracted to you, then maybe they're going about it the wrong way.

I think maybe if you're gay, you have more time for hobbies. Especially if you don't have a family like you're an old-timey gay. I suppose so,

but I feel like there are more people who are muscly than who are old-timey gay. Okay, that's true. Old-timey gay is a subset. That's true. So, I mean, in that Venn diagram, there's some overlap.

There has to be. There's a segment. But there are too many muscly guys. Yeah, so my theory is that there's some kind of an endorphin brain switch that gets triggered. It's like you hear about the runner's high and that sort of thing. They get the workout high that maybe is really great and i just i don't know what it is so you know what you know what happens this is what happens we have to trick ourselves into exercising and these nerds that do this thing uh they've already committed to not having an

interest in sports sports is the number one way to trick yourself into becoming healthy because it's a game that's the whole premise of the thing it's a game but some but a nerd who got picked last in softball or whatever they've already taken that off the table and so now all they have is distance running maybe you've got a bad personality

maybe you're trying to prove something to the people who picked on you before like I can finally at the age of 25 Once I finally gain some self esteem I can go to the gym for the first time And discover this new part of me That I was always able to do but ashamed to do Because of the people who were there in the gym

Talking about the dick Yeah I mean I feel like when you're 24 25 you know your sexuality You find something in there That can generate a positive feeling. Right. It's like you realize it tickles. Something sensual.

There's a feeling you couldn't identify. This is maybe the brain thing I was telling you about. I'm just thinking about masturbation. Just identifying it at a late stage where it's like that actually kind of tickles a little bit. So I think think if i can summarize all bodybuilders are just late masturbators i think or maybe they just for for

whatever reason have not figured it out and the time that you know normies spend jerking it they just go hours a day hours a day and they're you know they have this natural rage that they don't know where it's coming from well look this look, this is Jordan. I'm Jesse. We've got live shows all over the country. We love to talk to bodybuilders and find out what it is. Are you gay? Do you jerk it too much? Or no.

Come to our shows. Later we'll be at the beach if you want to ruin our sandcastles. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse. Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

David Malky. Do I get a nickname or no? Yeah, totally. Okay. Here's, here's, I was thinking about this a little bit Because I was hoping it would come up Not too much I hope Yeah don't overthink it No I know But I realized that

America's Radio Sweetheart And Boy Detective Are different types of nicknames Right One is a attribute One is a title Yes And so

America's Radio Sweetheart Is sort of like Batman the world's greatest detective Right It could only be you. Boy Detective is more like Walker, Texas Ranger. It's a guy who is a thing. And so I realized...

Specifically a Texas Ranger. In that particular case. It implies that Jordan is a Texas Ranger. It implies that Jordan is, yeah. Am I understanding this correctly? Yes, 100%. So depending on what you are hoping to gain by the nickname, I feel like you could approach it in different ways. And so I was thinking about what would I want a nickname to be?

And I think I could sidetap the whole issue by simply going with David Malky, person of some note. Okay, great. Person of some note. Yes, and you arrived at that in a very reasonable way. Thank you. Thank you, yeah. I think it's great. We ask nothing.

Speaking of reasonableness, I want to take this opportunity to point one thing about reasonableness. Last week, of course, on the program, we talked a little bit about the gathering of the Juggalos. Within the Gathering of the Juggalos, the gathering of the incredibly high credibility rappers that Jesse really loves that are for some reason performing at the Gathering of the Juggalos. We basically went through the lineup of the Gathering of the Juggalos, the music lineup, and divided them into essentially high credibility rappers and clown rappers. All fine so far, except I have been contacted via Twitter. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this technology. You might have seen it on the Today Show. I have been contacted by rapper The Psycho Jesus.

Now, I wasn't familiar with the Psycho Jesus' music, I have to admit. And it was my... You're familiar with his cookbook. Yes. You know, locale recipes that your kids won't... Never mind. And his work in ancient Israel.

Yeah. Oh, no, you're thinking of the regular Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. You're thinking of standard Jesus. This is before... This is a different Jesus entirely. I thought he came back as a more gritty version, though. You did.

Oh, they did reboot him. They did reboot Jesus. You're thinking... You're about to say that Jesus reboot. Okay, so, uh, rapper the Psycho Jesus, who, uh, is at the Psych the psycho Jesus was kind enough to send me a quick message and on Twitter. And he let me know, uh,

LOL. He said, thanks for the shout out, but me and little whitey are not clown rappers. Oh, so I just want to apologize. No, no,

it's good. It's good that we're... I painted the psycho Jesus with a broad brush. I assumed, and you know what happens when you assume, you make an ass out of the psycho Jesus. Mm-hmm. So my sincere apologies... Does he rap about clown issues?

You mean, like, is that part of his palette of musical colors? Is that what you're suggesting? I'm guessing is anything about him clown based? I guess why would he? Is his face unadorned on his album cover? Yeah. Or is there some pancake makeup in evidence? That's typically the tip off. Well it's very it's tough to see he's got only got a little tiny amount of face showing in this picture here i don't even know if this is a picture of him what is his position on magnets does he or does he not know how they work yeah um yeah but i honestly i just i feel like it's it was nice of this guy to drop such a nice line. No, no, sure. Absolutely. Sure. Now, did two different people send me streams of literally dozens of profanity-laced, insane clown posse-themed at-messages?

Yes. Sure. Yeah, I mean, naturally. But they were not, and I want to make that clear, the psycho Jesus. Who seems reasonable. Despite his somewhat unreasonable nom de rap, he seems to be a very reasonable man, and I'm

going to assume that Lil Whitey is also, could be pronounced Lil White, is also a reasonable man because he's friends with Psycho Jesus, the Psycho Jesus. Do you know for a fact that it's the Psycho Jesus and not the Psycho Jesus? I do not know that.

He does not, in this photograph, he does not look Latino, but that's presumptive, I was about to say. Yeah, I mean, there are certainly mestizos. There are people of all different ethnic backgrounds. And even in South America, you have a lot of Hispanic cultures that don't look what we would call in America as a Latino that's a really good point so

I guess the Psycho Jesus I just owe an apology to both for making assumptions about his ethnicity which is so typical I mean typical of white people to do and for making assumptions about his

degree of identification with the world of clown rap. Because perhaps in Europe, the clowning tradition is much more revered. Would you, are you suggesting that he's a... Maybe he's a new rapping harlequin. He's a Comedia dell'arte rapper? Well, I'm suggesting that we can't rule it out from our limited information. Again,

we don't want to make further assumptions that are going to be proven wrong by further Twitter messages in the future. What character do you think inspires him? Arlecchino? Il Dottore? I can only imagine that at this late date, the only way to progress in the art form is to create a fusion of the two. Oh, interesting. Sure. So he's what you might call a commedia dell'arte fusion rapper. Absolutely. I think that would be the only safe assumption to make thus far.

Well, our apologies to... His latest album is The Emboldened Servant. What about The Randy Old Rich Man? Sure. Well, anyway, I just wanted to get that out of the way and i also wanted to mention our friend colt cabana a professional wrestler slash comedian uh past guest on the sound of young america is going to be at the uh gathering of the juggalos he said he performed at a juggalo event recently and he said Everyone couldn't have been nicer

Well were you expecting That the gathering of the Juggalo And I apologize I didn't hear this episode So I don't know where you came down on the issue Were you expecting it was going to be a Like negatively themed event Or it was going to be a bad environment I would say that I expected it to be

A murder clown themed event Which I think is actually true. But you can be an enthusiast of clown murder without being a clown murderer or a clownish murderer. Don't you think that's fair? Number one, there's no such thing as a clownish murderer. Murder is very serious business.

Right. So if you're wearing makeup and are a murderer or murder enthusiast, you can't attribute a clownish attribute to that? Well, I guess if you were wearing really big shoes. I guess it depends on if you're bounding about as you do it. Yeah, or if you had a horn instead of talking. Yeah.

Honk, honk, honk, honk, stab, stab. Maybe a strategic fart while you're murdering. If your daisy shoots not water, but a caustic substance. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so I just want to say and uh we had a few other juggalo defenders in the max fun forums um and they were very reasonable about it sure um we didn't have any actual juggalos but people who defended the juggalos and i will say

that i do genuinely respect and i, I did take some inspiration from the Gathering of the Juggalos when I created Max Funcon. Number one, that is God's own truth. That's not a joke. I did indeed. And I do really like the fact that these, and I'm not going to back down from my assertion that these men are terrible rappers because they are. But the fact that they

decided to use their thing to pick great rappers and have them perform, God bless them. God bless them for it. Where do you stand on dick stabbings? Either stabbing in the dick or stabbing with a dick. Has your opinion changed on that? Well, it depends on where the fart

sounds are in the process. And you're saying you did not hear from any actual juggalos on the forum? No, not on the forum A few juggalos were kind enough to contact me via Twitter Repeatedly and profanely I was going to say, those motherfuckers don't know how to fucking type Well, they did I mean, they know a limited subset of words

Do you think in our audience Let's go back to the Venn diagram again Do you think in our audience, let's go back to the Venn diagram again. Do you think in our audience there are more juggalos or furries? Furries by an order of magnitude. It's got to be furries. Really? Absolutely. Because we also got a call from someone outside the furry convention and someone did post in the forum a picture of them at the furry convention high-fiving something called bronies.

Oh, I'm familiar with this. There was an article in wired about this. Really? Yes. Uh, these are men, I guess they,

speaking of reboots, uh, they have recently rebooted my little pony. Um, sure. Popular eighties cartoon, my little pony. Uh,

and from what I can tell It's not Dark or edgy And it's not like And it's not like You know Rebooting Scooby-Doo

Where they all smoke pot Or something It's not It is meant for It's not for the people Who were young the first time And who are older now No no yeah

I think it is actually For little girls From what I can tell Right And I'm sorry Jesse If I'm inviting you lots of brony at replies. Right. Profane brony at replies.

But I think it is actually for little girls. But there is a community of grown men. Who just found out they're real princesses. Right. Yes. And I guess there is a lot of, like, YouTube mashup videos that they make. Well, the best children's entertainment works on multiple levels. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

And I have not watched this My Little Pony reboot, so maybe to tease them would be... From the information that you gleaned from this one magazine article that you probably didn't read all of, are the bronies themselves male, or is there a gender play element to it as well? No. Like, do they have dicks on their costumes, I guess is what I'm asking. Well, he, well, actually what I, the article I read, I don't think they necessarily dress up as them. They're just fans of it. Oh, well, the ones that I saw on the internet were dressed up as that.

Yeah. Um, and I don't remember junk, but it might be hard to get a suit that has junk on it. I feel like that has to be a custom suit regardless. Well, isn't it just for your own? Do you have, when you're a furry, do you have felt junk? Or isn't there just a hole in your suit for your human junk? Regular junk to come out of? I don't think the human junk is hanging out when you're at the convention.

Seriously. You have to cheat that somehow. If you're going to intercourse with, let's say you're a dude, My Little Pony. Sure. And there's a hot chick My Little Pony there. Yeah. And you take out a human. Keep in mind you're both dressed as hot chicks in the world of My Little Pony.

I think it is an entirely female world, isn't it? Aren't all My Little Ponies female? I don't know how they reproduce though, asexually? They divide Rainbow based It's a rainbow based method of reproduction They piss on a rainbow But I would think that if you wanted to get intimate

With a lady My Little Pony And you took out a human's junk The lady My Little Pony would be like Yeah, F minus But do you pony and you took out a human's junk, the lady My Little Pony would be like, yeah, F minus. Wait, so do you have, wait, so she has a felt vagina, you have a felt penis and do you just like jerk off at home later

thinking about how great that fake felt sex was? I'm not going to claim to be a furry expert, but I feel like when the furries have sex, they can take off the costume. It's to bond as the people in the costumes, isn't it? The amazing thing that this nice woman who posted the picture from the furry convention,

and I'm not entirely sure she was a paid attendee. I think she may have met some furries. But she was high-fiving. She was high-fiving a couple of bronies and seemed to be having a grand time. Oh, I think maybe she was exhibiting something. I think at the furry convention, you just have... False felt penises. She makes them, and that's one of the...

Well, I think there's a false felt penis section, and then there's just miscellaneous things that... Let's be honest. If you're into furry stuff, you probably want Game of Thrones collector's plates. I was going to say replica Firefly weaponry. Exactly. You also want the bootleg DVD of the Star Wars Christmas special.

So, she posted this picture and she mentioned that it was also the Boston Red Sox were in town. This event was held in Pittsburgh. And the Boston Red Sox were in town in Pittsburgh. And so the town of Pittsburgh was full of Boston Red Sox were in town in Pittsburgh. And so the town of Pittsburgh was full of Boston Red Sox fans

because it almost never, it's a rare interleague play event for Boston to play in Pittsburgh. So, you know, everybody who's got family in Pittsburgh that's a Red Sox fan or they live in Pittsburgh, they're a Red Sox fan. So it was like Red Sox mania there in Pittsburgh for this weekend. So it was like Red Sox mania there in Pittsburgh for this weekend. And she said that she did spot one lady at the Red Sox Pirates game who was wearing a Red Sox jersey, hat, and ears and a tail. And she thought that it was like the perfect intersection.

And she just felt so happy that this woman's two favorite things could come together in one incredibly unlikely weekend. And then it'd be funny if she looked at it and she was also just carving a pumpkin. I like three things. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, about music festivals a week ago as a perspective thing. But you have actually had the opportunity to visit a few of these music festivals, these rock and roll festivals. Yes, I have been to two music festivals since last we podcasted.

North Sea Jazz. And the Playboy Jazz Festival. Excellent. Excellent. Cannonball Adderley, was it both? Sounds great. No, I went to the Warped Tour, which is kind of a yearly thing for me. I think people who have been listening a while probably have heard several Warped Tour descriptions from me.

Yeah, sure. But this is, you know... That is both personal and professional. Is that the Vans Warped Tour? This is still the Vans Warped Tour, yes. Okay, all right. Is that because there are vans, like physical cargo vans? They're both kinds. Vans, the shoes, and vans, like physical cargo vans? They're both kinds.

Vans, the shoes, and vans, the transportation device. But I don't think people want you to go to Warped Tour and then come out of it wanting to buy an Astro van. I think they want you to buy a pair of shoes. So if you are a fan of the vehicle, it's not really the show for you. You'll get to see some vans. I made that mistake once i went to the warp tour the year andrew our friend andrew wk was there yeah and i left and i bought a full

size cargo van yeah um and i still handicap lift too as i remember i did i got a lift and i actually got the inside decorated yeah um and i do not know what to do with this thing. It has been on blocks. They're very long. They're hard to park. It doesn't fit in my garage. They're difficult. I just got it out on the front lawn.

I mean, I'm just hoping, hoping against hope that I at some point start a delivery business of some kind. Can you rent it out to 70s teens to have sex in? No, because here's the thing. You decorated it with spikes. I spent the money on the extra length, the super length, that I should have spent on the airbrush. So it's just blank. Yeah, it's just blank.

Well, I drew a wizard on there with a Sharpie. Yeah. Yeah. It's in the sun, though. California sun. But he doesn't look that cool. And also, I tried to make the Led Zeppelin logo the Zuzu thing. But I did a shitty job, and it says Zartar.

Yeah. I just misspelled it. Here's the secret. You put that on a transparency, and you shine that on the van, and you can trace it. If you try and freehand it, you're going to start big and run out of room. Well, that's why Dave is a professional artist This is a secret of internet comics So at the Warped Tour

So yeah I think The remembrances of middle school's past tour Well Yes and no Definitely when I was in When I was in middle school, high school The Warped Tour Was very important

All of my favorite bands were there. You got Rancid. You got Green Day. I did not care for Blink-182 growing up. All right. But similar music. And yes, they certainly were there. And now it is, now it's,

but I think the Warped Tour, instead of being a punk rock festival, just kind of shifts based on whatever 15-year-olds are into. Here's what I can glean 15-year-olds are into. The band where a guy sings in a whiny voice and another guy screams like a monster, still very popular. Yeah, that's perpetual. Now there is another kind of band where there is dance music, very hard, intense dance music, and a guy screams like a monster. There's a lot of goofy, white, and Asian guy rap acts. Oh, yeah, very popular.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that was a thing now at all. Yeah, there's a couple of those. This is in the tradition of Linkin Park? I might say those are more similar to the dance music scream bands. These ones are maybe more like do you know what 303 is? Area code. Yes, 30H! Oh, no. That is something. They have some sort of goofy

song that's kind of like Pizza Hut Taco Bell But not really Can you tell me what LMFAO is That is the same thing That is this Because I've only seen their one song and it has Lil Jon in it Which I don't understand Because he's from 6 or 7 years ago now

Um yeah But this is like white person Slash Asian person Rapping but it's kind of clever And kind of hip ironic I didn't get a sense of the lyrical Content of it In the song with in the Lil Jon song

Of LMFAO They're not They're not even really rapping Sure It's rap like Structure is rap like, like the structure of the songs, but there are no wrapped verses really,

just different stuff. They're yelling as though it was the chorus of a rap song. Yeah. That, that is, that's I think a good way to describe what was going on. This is not the rapping where it's about trivial subjects for humor's sake. Couldn't tell you.

Didn't, again, did not get a good sense of the lyrical content. If I were to guess, I would probably say yes. You have to understand, Jordan, that David Malky, as I know from having tried to book him for some time on this program, lives most of his life at events with the suffix con. And so he sees the world through a con prism.

I think everything is nerdcore. Yes. Ah, sure. I don't think anyone is rapping about Boba Fettcore. Yes. Ah, sure. I think this is not, like, I don't think anyone is rapping about Boba Fett or Linux. Right, yeah. And I think also part of it is maybe they're rapping about, like, party time rap subjects but they're goofy white guys. Yeah. So that's fun.

I think there's also, like, a Lonely Island kind of thing where it's like, we're rapping but it's about tea. Yeah, yeah. I know that's a thing. Sure, I think it's maybe that with less jokes. Okay jokes is how I would guess. But there was one thing that I did recognize there that I was very excited to see, and that was Less Than Jake, who is a popular kind of punk ska band from my youth. Jake couldn't make it. No, yeah.

Second choice. Right. Jake, very good. Less Than Jake, eh, B minus. Second choice. Right. Jake, very good. Less than Jake, B minus.

So I was kind of excited to see how they sounded, if they were playing the hits, and if this kind of group of mainly 13-year-olds would show up to see it. Oh, also kind of aside, there's a beer garden at all these Warped Tours that is this little fenced-off area that you have to be 21 to get into, and it just gets smaller every year. And now I feel it's like two picnic tables and it's like this weird enclosure where children can see what adults behave like in the wild it's sort of like it's sort of like at um uh it's sort of like at coney island uh at luna park how they would have uh small groups of people from all over the world living their lives like in a zoo exhibition.

Sure, yes. Like, here's what an Inuit is like. Yeah, I think, right, yeah. But I think this is what people who work in automotive repair are like. Well, this is really interesting because, as Jesse said, I go to a lot of cons, specifically comic cons, and what I see are people that were at a comic con when they were young and nerdy and now they're old and nerdy and still coming to the comic con and it the con is shifting to accommodate the

taste of the the aging demographic whereas the warp tour from your description sounds like the age stays the same and the people grow through it they they come into it and then they go out of it yeah and and there are some there are some some concessions made for the oldsters. You're less than Jake's. And they'll have one or two kind of crusty old punk bands on there. But for the most part. They have something to appeal to an older demographic. Sure.

Gerald Levert. Right. The Whispers. The Four Tops. Yeah. Someone playing big band music as but the four tops. Yeah. Someone playing big band music as in the forties. Mm. Hmm.

Um, grandpa Joe and his good old Mountain Dew. That's something from he, ha. Ah, gotcha. Anyway, um,

Scott Joplin, sure. The Carmina Barana, the sound of rain on the roof of your cave. Have we gone back as far as we can go? Something from the Internet Archive. Okay. Fair enough.

That's good. So, you know, at the risk of sounding like a self-parody, I really, really enjoyed the first part of Less Than Jake. They did. I think they did great. They had a lot of, like, there was a great mix of kind of, like, sad oldsters, but then I thought there were enough kids to make it seem like this was actually something that a kid could be interested in.

And, you know, that mid-'90s scog, it's such a bad rap for being kind of goofy and contentless. But, you know, they were kind of playing their hits and i'm like you know some of these are legitimately great songs like these are good songs that could stand up there with like the good songs of like green day and bad religion that you know i think our greatest songwriters right our generation's greatest songwriters uh but you know that like people that that like rock music critics would would agree are good songs like some of these are i I would say, as good as that. And I was just kind of appreciating it.

And I'm like, you know, good for you guys staying relevant. And then, boom, they slowed it down with a medley of cartoon theme songs. Oh, wow. And then I felt like I had to leave. Then I felt I was so sad I didn't know what to do. You were really moted. I watched Lauren Hale on the Jimmy Fallon program recently. I think this is the secret.

I don't know if you guys have followed Lauren Hill's career. I can encapsulate it for you a little bit. She was in Sister Act 2. Back in the habit. Then she was in the Fugees who made one bad album and one good album. Wait, so Sister Act was her breakout? That was the first thing she did? Yeah, she was like 16 or 17

when she was in Sister Act 2. Why did... Did anyone remember the plot of Sister Act 2? Why did Whoopi Goldberg have to go back to being a nun? Back into the habit. Yeah, why did she have

to get back into the habit? Because of the pun. Because for a second time... The pun demanded it. If she didn't do it, they couldn't call the movie that. Yeah. A second time,

they couldn't get Bette Midler. That's why. So Lauryn Hill was in... made one one bad album one good album with the fujis made one close to great album great-ish album as herself and then she married a marley uh disappeared rough for roughly 10 years uh during which time she released one two-disc unplugged album that did feature a few new songs and a lot of weird crying and stuff. Just a quick aside when you say a Marley, and maybe you guys don't know this, but I'll pose it as a question.

Maybe somebody in the audience knows. A lot of times in my job, I will run across the work of an illegitimate Bob Marley child. Is there one that's the good one? Or are they all equally relevant or equally ridiculous or what? She is married, if I remember correctly, to Rowan Marley. Okay. Who is not, I think Damian Marley, Damian Jr. Gong Marley is the most legitimate Marley. And then Ziggy Marley also

had some hit records but he's a little bit older okay Ziggy Marley is the one that I would think of as a Marley because I recently saw him on G4's uh the talk show on that show pitching his comic book about marijuana now is it a superhero who gets his power from marijuana? Of course. Okay. What other type is there? I'm sorry. What's his power? Being super high? I think it's when he smokes pot, he becomes basically Superman with a pot leaf on his chest. Okay. Oh, that sounds really cool.

And he blows villains' minds with his 9-11 conspiracy theories. He's trying to save the pot fields from the corporate developers. I mean, he didn't get into the plot much on the interview. Yeah, well, you know, this is a work in progress. This isn't something that's coming out. No, it's out.

It is already out. They had a copy of it, a physical, and I've seen it in a comic store, actually. I didn't read it, though. Is it him? Is it like an alternate reality where is he the superhero or is it just... I don't think it's supposed to be Him but of course Every thing you write Has something of yourself in it

Oh sure Sure But it's not like Mr. T and the T-Force No no It's not a branded property In that way Oh so you know

I think I actually think We just answered my question Clearly that one Is the most legitimate Marley Because he's doing The pot comic book Right yeah

And comic books Are difficult to make As you know so So does it star Ziggy? From the comic strip, Ziggy. Yes. Okay. Do they team up?

Well, Ziggy Marley, I mean, that is, I always figured that was him, right? Because we never learned his last name in the comic strip, but I thought it was just for privacy reasons. Probably Ziggy Marley. It's kind of like how in the family circus, Bill, Jeff, Keen, those are all real people. Right. Jeffy and Dolly and all those. Right. Oh, I didn't know that about the family circus, Bill, Jeff, Keene, those are all real people. Right. Jeffy and Dolly and all those.

Right. Oh, I didn't know that about the family circus. Oh, yeah. Well, Bill Keene from the family circus, his son, Jeff Keene, who now does the comic,

is Jeffy in the comic. And so if you read the comic, he's essentially writing the adventures of five-year-old himself. Let me ask you this question. Is the wife as fuckable in real life? Because, holy cow.

The little haircut? Well, here's the crazy thing that you may not have known. Do you know the name Glen Keane? I do not. He's the lead animator behind Beauty and the Beast and a lot of Disney's famous hits of the 90s. Okay. He is Bill Keane's son.

And he is essentially Billy in the Family Circus. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. That's a lot of fun. Famous animator, Glenn Keen. What's the mom up to? Dead. Long dead. Still fuckable. Yeah. That's my next question. What's the quality of the corpse? You were

saying about Lauren Hill, Jesse. So, she... There's a couple new developments with Lauren Hill. One is, you have to call her Miss Hill or Miss Lauryn Hill. Does either of these depend on whether or not you're nasty? Does how nasty you are play into this? You are not allowed to make eye contact with Miss Lauryn Hill. Really?

But she has been, after years of like falling apart in the middle of the occasional concert every four years, she has actually been on tour, and she went on the Jimmy Fallon program. And the word on the street was, Lauren's back. Everybody get out to rock the bell so you can see Lauren Hill. She's performing all of Miseducation, which I do have to say this one thing about that. Sure. Which is this trend. I'm not against this trend of artists playing one of their iconic albums in its entirety.

Yeah. Like a festival show. At that last rock the bells, maybe Wu-Tang Clan did that. Yeah. I would, however, say that there may be some issues with using that as your gimmick if you only have one album. Right. Well, do you expect people are going to come out to see the new stuff, though?

I don't think there is new stuff. Yeah. What did she play when she was on Jimmy Fallon? She played that thing. Okay. And for some reason, here's the thing. Everyone was talking about how great it is because she's not collapsing into tears in the middle of the first song, which is sort of what had been going on in past Lauryn Hill concerts, as far as I can tell.

For success. It's sort of like if Amy Winehouse completed a concert right now, everybody would be like, oh, Amy Winehouse is back. But she speeds everything up really fast so her doing that thing it was twice one and a half to two times as fast as that song was on the recording and it was too fast she couldn't say the words fast enough And so it was just sort of It was just sort of like It's something in a situation I'm not in the mood It was like a karaoke person

That kept dropping a line And then trying to get back into it Was this so it could fit in before a commercial? It was because This is her thing now She speeds every one of her songs up And I do not know why, but every review of a concert I hear, it's always like,

Lauren Hill's back, but for some reason she's decided to double the speed of all of her songs. Well, maybe it's a stamina thing. She's got somewhere to be that night. Yeah, it's a stamina thing where she's only got an hour's worth of energy. So we've got to get through the whole set. Right, yeah. Well, she doesn't have an hour's worth of songs, so there's that. Well, that's when she goes into the cartoon theme songs. Right, yeah, that's she doesn't have an hour's worth of songs, so there's that. Well, that's when she goes into the cartoon theme

songs. Right, yeah, that's when the medley of cartoon theme songs. But you are playing a dangerous game, I think, when you try and dip your toe back into your adolescent memories. Sure. The second music festival I went to was this

thing called The Hootenanny, which is kind of like a, uh, rockabilly kind of, kind of, it's still kind of punk, but, but you know,

it's got a rockabilly kind of edge to it. Um, and, uh, as I kind of, kind of theorized last week, the warp tour made me feel very old and this made me feel very young. I felt very like with it and successful like you

know what i've got so many possibilities being at this thing both of these in orange county by the way i should probably say sure yeah um because these the people at the warp tour are 15 year olds who aspire to get a driver's license the people at the hootenanny are 40 year olds who aspire to have their own brill cream distributor ship was going to say to get their driver's license back. Right. I haven't reinstated it. It has been taken away. They are bumming rides.

So this was weird. And I definitely like, definitely like growing up in Orange County, like the girl with the rockabilly look was a super, super coveted creature. Bones on. I went to school in Orange. Oh, okay. So you are kind of familiar with this. I was there a couple years. The girl with the rockabilly look was a super, super coveted creature. I went to school in Orange.

Oh, okay. So you are kind of familiar with this. I was there a couple years. Yeah, and I definitely got kind of launched back into that high school headspace where just everyone who was carrying around a paper Chinese umbrella was... Anything slightly off the mainstream is kind of super exotic well you know and i i that's something i kind of wanted to to bring up is that that you know as a guy who doesn't really adhere to a particular subculture like those subcultury girls are super alluring but here's the thing about that rockabilly thing i don't get it like that's why maybe why it's so

so alluring is because i don't, like, I understand being punk rock. I understand, like, maybe, like an indie rock girl, I can maybe, you know, peg a few things that she's into. What's the deal with, like, what is that? Is there an ethos? Are they religious? As you know, Jordan, I love to go to the flea market as a hobby. So I go to the flea market on weekends. So I go to the flea market on weekends and at the flea market here in Los Angeles, if you go, you will find the kind of people largely that you would expect to find at flea markets, which is to say sort of like middle aged gay antique dealers and decorators, you know, sort of scruffy junker guys.

And then six swing people. Yeah people And they do not look good I mean time has not Treated the swing folk Kindly These are definitely There's no doubt that these are the same swing people From before These aren't new swing people

And judging from this thing That I was at No it does not appear that there are new of these people But what boggles my mind Is that they always come in sets And they're dressed for the Fucking flea market It is 8am on a Sunday

And Women are wearing crinolines under their skirts Sure Is this like a pinstriped suit kind of a look? Yeah, the whole thing. I mean, here in Southern California, I think you will often find the kind of gabardine pants paired with a loha shirt on the guy.

Sure. But the woman will often be wearing something that just looks unpleasant to wear when it's hot outside and 8 a.m. and it's Sunday. I'm trying to think about... I feel like there's a thin line between that rockabilly kind of look and roller derby. Yeah, sure. Those are close. And I feel like the roller derby is at least something I can hang a hat on in terms of, this is a girl who values a certain assertiveness.

Yeah. And there's a, like, I'm going to get rough and tumble and that's fun for me and I'm not afraid of things. And there's, I can see that there's a bit of a morality like underlying that. If you're a rockabilly guy, I will say this,

you can be into cars. Sure. So a dude who's into cars could just become a rock. And I think that there is a relationship, especially here in Southern California, cars could just become a rock. And I think that there is a relationship, especially here in Southern California, between Latino rocket rockabilly guys and low rider culture. Sure.

It's not a total overlap, but there is, there is an overlap. There is a interrelationship between those two subcultural communities. And so I think that if you're a dude who's into cars and then you get into aesthetics of the cars then you just see some rockabilly chicks and you wonder how you can fuck them sure yeah well and and i think that there's a maybe a james dean kind of feeling of like i'm kind of a rebel i i just want to drive a car that that burns gas and i don't care that it burns gas

yeah yeah it is a little bit sure there is a little bit of a fuck you attitude to it but not I just want to drive a car that burns gas and I don't care that it burns gas. Yeah, yeah. Sure, there is a little bit of a fuck you attitude to it, but not toward anything in particular. Right, just sort of toward the system of the 50s, which was sort of repressing you. Is it an actual love of the 50s? Do they? I think there is a lot of that. Do you actually watch old tapes of Leave It to Beaver or something? And do you, like, make everything in a or something and do you like i don't know about

make everything in a crock pot like i don't uh you have one of those tvs that's a big cabinet but the picture is very small in the center there's also there's also the element of the fact that this is all going on in orange county so like where are you doing this at the outdoor mall the irvine spectrum at the glow-in-the-dark stuff store? Yes, where do you guys stick it to the band? Like, I understand that you once used to drive your hot rods through the orange fields of Orange County. Right. Or whatever. Disneyland has a day for you people, doesn't it? But they're always, I think the point is, they're always paired up.

Oh, sure. They're always paired up. No, you don't, yeah, you don't. And that is kind of like, that is kind of one of the things that, and again, that just makes the whole thing so much more mind blowing for a guy who's kind of, kind of attracted to these girls is that there's not just a group of single rockabilly girls walking around. They always have giant angry men with them. I think ultimately it's a dating club. It's like being a goth.

Like, do you remember goth kids in high school? Like, they all get together so that they can smoke cloves and date each other. Yeah. But, you know, even with like with gothness, I can kind of understand that there's an ethos that goes with that. Like, I can maybe even kind of predict what it might be, although I probably don't actually understand it. But I could probably, you know, say some things that went along with it.

But I mean, with Rockabilly, you have your 50s inspired punk rock music. Sure. And you have cars. And you get to get your haircuts at Floyd's. Yeah, right. And with swing dance, with the swingers, you got dancing clubs. Yeah. With Bill Nye the Science Guy goes to them, I learned on NPR.

Oh, that's fun. I heard a story on Weekend Edition, I think it was, about, well, first I heard it on local public radio here in L.A. This was what made it truly majestic. One of my hobbies is listening to public radio news programs and then getting upset about the subjects of the feature pieces. Sure. That's a fun hobby. Yeah. It was on one of the local shows that tends to, if I want to get upset

about the subjects of feature pieces, is a good place to turn. This is the kind of place where they'll teach you about what a mashup is in 2011. I think I'm familiar

with this program. So I tuned into it and there was this story about can you believe that people love swing dancing? It literally started. Remember those gap ads in the late 1990s?

Oh, that's so funny. And then it was just a purely positive, no investigation of why people would still be doing this in 2011, no second layer story just about, it was the same story that you would

have done in 1998 only 13 years later. Right. You want it to be about the seedy underbelly of swing dancing. You wanted to point out the pun in Cherry Poppin' Daddy. I just wanted to at least address the fact that it's unusual that these people are still doing this 13

years later. There must be some kind of reason. Sure. But it just was like, isn't this adorable? And Bill Nye the Science Guy was involved. And Bill Nye the Science Guy was in it. And I was like, oh my God. That's their hook for this thing, that they got to interview Bill Nye the Science Guy, who is also from 1998.

Like nothing against Bill Nye the Science Guy, who I bet is a great guy. Or 1998. We all had a lot of fun. But it was unbelievable and i was like i can't believe that this show would do that and then on and then i told theresa about it i'm like i heard this fucking story on such and such local public radio program i couldn't believe that they were covering this like and not even with any angle just a gee whiz

story about swing dancing and uh then the next weekend, she said she was in the kitchen and I was in like the living room. And it was a weekend morning. And she said, Jesse, come here. Then she said, wait, no, maybe you shouldn't come here. Then she's like, oh, fuck it. That's swing dancing stories on weekend edition. Oh, funny. Well, I mean, if you picked They picked it up. It went national.

Sure. If you paid for a Zoot suit... They didn't run with it back in, you know, 98. Yeah. You're not going to let that mold her. Sure. No, you can't unpeg those pants, my friend. You've got to air that out.

Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. David Malky, person of some note. Here's how it works here on Jordan, Jesse Goh. If you've got a message you'd like us to share,

you can sign up for our Jumbotron program. Give us $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message, and we will share it with our listeners. All you got to do is email our development director, Teresa, at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We have two messages this week, Jordan. Coming first from Alan Holm. Alan Holm is a gentleman who is looking for a job in the San Francisco Bay Area. Looking for a job in the San Francisco Bay Area in desktop support, application support, or project management.

He says that he thinks that anyone who listens to Jordan Jesse Go and is hiring is probably a cool employer, which is probably true. Yeah, that's a high praise from him. We happen to know for a fact, for example, that there are some ladies at Good Vibrations in San Francisco who are hiring. Wait, we don't know that they're hiring. No. We know that they listen to Jordan Jesse go. Maybe they need project management at Good Vibrations. Is project management one of those things that's a term in an industry? Because it seems very broad.

Yeah, I think it means that you're, it's like administrator. It's like you handle some kind of software. I think it's specific. I think it can be anything. I think it's like you're the person who's in charge of making, of delivering the goods. Because a project can, you know, be anything. You could build a mall and that's a project. Yeah, and it needs a project manager.

Sure. So if he's qualified for that, then that opens up his options considerably. Well, alanhome.com is where you can find information to find out if he's qualified for one of your jobs and you can get in touch with him there. He has insisted that we include his slogan, there's no I in home. alanhome.com.

That's great. Of course, all these links you can also find in our forum We also have a new one This one comes to us from our friend Matt Howey From Metafilter Long time Maximum Fund supporter He's got a new website It's called Fuelie.com

F-U-E-L-L-Y Dot com This website is a website for Fuel economy nerds This is like You type it into the website This website is a website for fuel economy nerds. Oh. This is like you type it into the website when you buy gas and your mileage, and it calculates your mileage and tracks your mileage for you so you can figure out what kind of mileage you get when you do what kind of driving and so on. And you can also essentially compete in competitions with other people who have the same kind of car as you.

Who can be the most fuel efficient. But this is a real thing. This is when people like. Or can waste the most. They get behind a semi-truck on the freeway so that they decrease their wind resistance. There's a lot of details. Yeah, a lot of drafting. Oh, I had no idea.

This is a big thing. You've got to have a kettlebell. A medicine ball. Right. And your van can go farther, you know, farther than you ever thought possible. Well, anyway, I, uh, Matt suggested it for Jordan just because he knows that Jordan is a miser.

Sure. So this is perfect for your, uh, for your miser on the go. Something else to obsess about. Right. It's also cool because you can actually... I'll stick with eating out of the garbage. Thank you very much. You can actually use I'll stick with eating out of the garbage. Thank you very much. You can actually use it to find out what kind of gas mileage a car actually gets if you're in the market to buy a car because it's based on reports from actual people.

But reports from people who use the site and are therefore driving in a more efficient manner than the layman? Possibly, but if you're already going onto the site, you probably aspire to be that person. Good point. Anyway, it's all online at Fuley.com. You can find all these links in our forum at forum.maximumfund.org. And if you want to sponsor an episode, email Teresa at maximumfund.org. You can also, by the way, Jordan, email Teresa if you want to sponsor multiple episodes, which I think Fuley is going to come back.

We've had a lot of longer- term... Multi-episode run. A lot more long-term sponsors lately. It's a whole different thing. We can put together a whole program for you. Just email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. Oh, I want to say one more thing, which is, Jordan, you've met our friend

Davin on the forums. Davin, he's also come to MaxFunCon a couple of times, a longtime Max Funster. He has, unfortunately, a close family friend who was recently in a car accident. It was a very unfortunate situation. She was in the car with her family. She is pregnant. It was a very bad traffic accident.

And she and several of her kids are in the hospital. And so Davin has come to the MaxFun community. They're trying to just put together a little fund to help take care of her medical bills. And so they're basically, I mean, their goal, their stated goal, Dave and, and, and his, uh, wife, I think, girlfriend, girlfriend or wife, uh, are trying to, uh, just put together something so that these, so that when the, uh, when this woman is in the hospital, she doesn't have to worry about the medical bills and medical bills for her kids. She just has to worry about getting better and, and so on and so forth.

So, um, we've got that online. We've got the link to the donation page, and I made a donation. You can make a small donation or whatever, something that doesn't crimp your style. But bit.ly, B-I-T dot L-Y slash MaxFunHelpers. I set that up. It goes to the forum. There's also a thread in the forum at maximumfund.org so you can make a you know I just I just think we have we have so many listeners here and um I know that there's plenty of folks out there who you know could give up five bucks or ten bucks or something

like that 20 bucks um and it wouldn't change their lifestyle so you know you help this lady out David's been uh David and his wife uh Lindsay, have been such huge parts of the MaxFun community for so long that I thought this might be a good thing to bring out to our audience. So, bit.ly slash MaxFunHelpers. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,. David Malky, of course, the creator of the webcomic Wonder Mark. That's true. A delightful, very funny webcomic. Oh, thank you. That's what I like about it.

If I was going to list the things that I like about it, number one would be it's very funny. That's the goal. Yeah, it's a very funny webcomic. Have you ever seen the American Experience episode about... And look, not every Jordan Jesse Go has to be about an American Experience episode that I saw. But if it's not 50-50, I'm doing something wrong. I was going to stop you right there because, of course. Yeah, this is the place you come for American Experience recaps.

About Coney Island? No, I haven't. Oh, God, this thing is so wonderful. So I'm watching this thing and i'll tell you about it how wonderful it is uh it may be in just a second i'm watching it at the end guess who directed it mr rick burns the director of a terrifying tale of sea madness wow the popular american experience documentary that i saw just a couple months ago wow there you go he'd done more than one he's their in-house guy it sounds like he's directed my two faves sure he's on these are my top two

favorites wow grandpa al lewis grandpa munster oh that's he's in this thing he does his uh he does his carnival barking from when he used to work in coney island in the 30s he was also on car 54 where are you um and the movie version playing the same character. He is so awesome. You basically see him and you understand why the Green Party ran him for governor of New York in the late 1990s. You're like, this is like the greatest guy in the history of the world. That's all you can think. Oh, here's another important thing.

I mention this just because it seems like something David Malky needs to know for his comic strip wonder mark absolutely uh the guy who founded one of the three big uh parks at coney island you know coney island was uh uh this group of competing parks sure sort of like east berlin yes uh the guy who created uh the guy who created one of them made his money by making an inflatable rubber suit and paddling the rivers of the world. Good. Yes, yes. Good. Yeah, that's the most

turn-of-the-century thing in history. Yeah, there's absolutely, I love stories of adventurers who, especially when they end with, on his final attempt, he perished. Right, sure. Those are my favorites. There favorite there was i took when i was in college i took this 19th century american popular culture class um or it was american popular culture through world war one and american popular culture was a little bit boring at the beginning of the 19th century and the end of the 18th century

but oh man it ramps up fast once you get to the machine age. Shit gets crazy. Well, that's also the birth of popular media. Yeah, absolutely. Now you've got magazines going nationwide. And you've got your P.T. Barnum's, all kinds of shit. What's great about that period of entertainment is that they've become interested in science and learning about the world and so forth.

And amazing feats of discovery. But not in things that are real. Yes, exactly. They still haven't figured out that you should care whether something is true or not. And so you just have this amazing, magical world of... I remember that liminality was a big theme in in the like essays that i wrote uh which means the the lemon is like the border area between two things and so um it's everything everything in like 1893 america was liminal like everything was

half truth half lie half machine half pre-machine Like everything in the most amazing, wonderful ways Yeah, it was a machine, but it had a midget inside Right Dealing cards Just the most legendary, some of the most legendary stuff at Coney Island And I really think people should rent this DVD of this Coney Island American Experience Because it's one of my favorite things ever. Number one, try this on for size.

How about a hotel shaped like an elephant? You can stay anywhere in there. Yeah, just fucking stick that in your pipe and smoke it. I remember seeing pictures of when they discovered the first dinosaur fossil. And this was around the same time. They built a restaurant based on what they thought the dinosaur looked like, and everyone went inside and ate it. Yeah.

Wow. I mean, this thing is so, I can't even begin to, and we've got to do momentous occasions in a second, because that's what we started up this segment to do, but I can't even begin to tell you the wonders that are contained within this one hour of Coney Island, including quotes read by, among other people, Mr. George Plimpton. Oh.

But this thing is just so full of magical learning about crazy-ass shit that went down in 1905. I mean, just 1905 in America was just a time. Anything goes. Yeah. I mean, and not just like Inuits in cages. Like, not just that. That's where you started.

That's where you start, and you go out from there. Like, you'd watch people riding. The steeplechase was the most famous ride in Coney Island. And it was essentially these literal iron horses that you got up on top of and just and just go over these hills these iron hills on this track and you do jumps on a track it's completely insane and you can just see just you all you can see as you as you see the footage of it is just all you can picture is just brains just brains spilling out everywhere as people crash between these horrible iron horses ah it's just tremendous

and then they sing the little songs that the italian families would sing on the beach contemporary litigious culture has ruined all of entertainment oh my god it's so great okay well speaking of things that uh contemporary litigious culture ruin uh how about we go to the tape for a little bit of the old momentous occasions? Hi, Jordan, Jesse Goh. This is Hal in Alexandria, Virginia. I was just listening to momentous occasions and had one of my own. I drove by a lone man walking on the sidewalk playing a sousaphone. And attached to the sousaphone were several small American flags

and a three-foot-wide airplane propeller. He was just walking down the sidewalk playing a sousaphone. So that was pretty awesome. God bless America. Strongly in favor of this. Hooray for America's birthday. Yeah. Wait, did he say a three-foot-wide airplane umbrella?

Airplane propeller. Yeah, I think he did say that. Three foot, so... I mean, that's for like a kit plane. Yeah. Or an ultralight. But that's a still... Nonetheless, that's a serious propeller.

It depends on whether it's mounted by the hub or just strapped to the thing laterally. Oh, that's a good point. If it can rotate, it's significantly more dangerous. Otherwise, it's just decorative. Did you know that John Philip Sousa invented the sousaphone? That's why it's called the sousaphone? I did know that.

He invented it because he had songs that he wanted to have a part in, and he had to invent a way to make this horn be something that a guy could carry around, since he only wrote for bands that carried their instruments around, a.k.a. marching bands. That's what they're called. I just, I find the purity of his commitment to marching music so beautiful, right? Like, he's like, look, he's like, look,

I could just write this thing for a group of sitting musicians. It's been done. Sure, but how will they get to the gazebo? Right, how will they get to Independence Hallbo Right how will they get to Independence Hall I mean speaking of this time period How will they get to the fucking hotel That's shaped like an elephant

Sure Hey Jordan Hey Jesse This is Jill from the Midwest And I just gave my first blowjob Yeah Like I'm going to have to talk really quietly because I'm in the bathroom right now. Okay.

Love the show, guys. Bye. We love you, too. This is why we created Momentous Occasions. God bless you. Was that Bill? Bill? I don't know.

Lil? Didn't hear it. Hard to say It was a high enough voice That it could have been a lady or a fella Let's keep her anonymity too for her dignity Yeah absolutely The Midwest

Yeah or his dignity Well but let's not make it all about his feelings I think it's cooler if it's a dude Well You know I don't know dude. Well. You know, I don't know. It's just like, you know. This was a girl

that called. What's cooler, a billion bucks or a trillion bucks? Yeah, that's a good point. It's all just too much money. It just feels like,

it just feels like, like, I feel like if it, if it's a dude and it's his first blow, it's the first blow job he's given, it's kind of like more of an accomplishment. You know what I mean? Because it's, it's the first blowjob he's given, it's kind of like more of an accomplishment.

You know what I mean? Because it's sort of like a combination of coming to terms with something about yourself that society may or may not be supportive of and learning to celebrate it because it's great. There's no doubt that blowjobs are great no matter who's given them to who. Yeah.

Well, if the person doesn't want the blowjob. I guess what I'm saying is that no doubt that blowjobs are great no matter who's giving them to who yeah yeah well if they're not good the blowjob i guess what i'm saying is is that in it that there is an added element of triumph sure if it's a dude now if it's a lady you have the advantage of you know uh uh for one thing ladies are prettier sure, sure And although there Do you think there is an element of inevitability here? Because this lady, if it is a lady Is probably going to give a blowjob at some point in her life It just happened to be now

It's par for the course these days Right, with ladies In the Midwest Or anywhere Anywhere in the West Forget the mid Sure I mean, on the other hand

I was making an argument for a dude But now I'm thinking about it for a lady. And there's an element of sort of like seizing the power of your own sexuality. Sure. That's a pretty great triumph, too, for a lady. Where do you think this call falls in the overall canon of hushed calls made from bathrooms? Oh, wow. This was one of our top. Yeah.

I don't know. I, yeah, I'm just wondering about the blowjob recipient at this point. Is he like languishing? He's got a few minutes before he cares. I wonder if it was his, I wonder if it was his first blowjob.

It's hard to say. That would be really nice if it was. Right. But it's really sweet. But if it is his first blowjob and she now left him to go into the bathroom, I mean, was she like rinsing out her mouth? Is it that sort of thing where there's an implication that she's done something dirty? I think it was a he named Bill.

Really? It could have been a she named Lil. Yeah, either. I wonder how you get your... I'm wondering how you go with your cell phone into the bathroom. I guess maybe I'm assuming that you were nude when you were giving the blowjob.

But you don't have to be, I guess. Yeah, I kept her pants on. She has the phone in her pocket. A lot of houses these days have a variety of different bathrooms. You think that could be on a different level where a purse might be. Or you might have to grab your purse To freshen up

No sure How about that Try that on for size Do you think there's A phone extension In the bathroom Is this the house Of a millionaire

Yeah Is this person Who called in a millionaire That's why they have This devil make care attitude Sure But also had to keep Their name sort of

Hushed and mumbled So that the press Wouldn't find out Oh yeah You know what This is one of the All time great Momentous occasions,

and I want to thank Dil for sharing this with us. I feel so... I genuinely, Jordan, this is going to sound ridiculous. Okay. I feel honored to have shared that. Sure, it is an honor. It is an honor. I don't mean to queer this moment such as it was,

but if it is a gentleman caller, is it possible that this person is in the bathroom because they have simply folded in half? Oh. I'm confused. How do you mean? And autophelated. David.

Oh, I've given my first blowjob. Yeah. And we're assuming it's to another person. Sort of a euphemism. But why do you have to be quiet? Well, I guess. Because mom will hear. Mom's upstairs.

This is up there with the all-timers. This was up with the guy. Remember the fellow who called in that said he just went to his first cross-dressing night at a bar? Mm-hmm. I remember that. This is the kind of thing where it's a real special... They're letting us in on a real special moment that not a lot of people are going to get. Well, now a lot of people are let into it.

Yeah. Tons. Tens of thousands. Most of them are furries and juggalos, too. I would like to know. I mean, not, you know, not, this is,

I guess this is maybe a little bit of an embarrassing call to make. I mean, I obviously had to do it from the bathroom. I'm curious if it was reciprocated.

I'm curious if this was a two-way street. You know what else I want to say? Hey, if you're a teen out there and you're thinking about losing your virginity,

do it with someone you love. It's nice. Isn't that nice? I mean, that's not the kind of message they learn on their Teen Wolf reboots. No. So it's nice that they're hearing that from someone who they trust. Teen Wolf? Because mainly, who do teens have to talk to? They have us.

Yeah. And they have the Teen Wolf reboot. Absolutely. And they're friends at the Warped Tour. Yeah. And they have the teen Wolf Reboot. Absolutely. And they're friends at the Warped Tour. Yeah, and all the other kids at the Warped Tour. Well, they can yell something

through the chains at the adults in the beer garden. If they're looking for advice from adults. I have some questions about blowjobs. But if you're a teen

and you have something on your chest, so to speak, that you want to share with your peers but you feel embarrassed about, what better chance to do that than at the Warped Tour when, it's possible that you won't be heard

because of the power chords being played by Green Day. Jordan, I've got a great action item. Okay. I know there's a lot of teens out there listening to this program. Sure. There probably should not be, but go ahead. If there's one thing that teens... No, they can listen to it.

That's fine. If there's one thing that teens are hungry for, Jordan it That's fine If there's one thing that teens Are hungry for Jordan It's straight talk It's cum Apparently If there's one thing that teens crave Oh and straight talk Straight talk Jordan

That's what teens are out there Are looking for Because they're getting They're getting They're getting blasted with messages From every side. Jordan, you're ruining my action item. I'm not.

Look, Jordan, don't jizz this out. They're getting media in their hair. Jordan, you suck. Continue. Here we go. Teens are getting messages from every angle. Up, down, left, right. Up their ass.

Nowadays. It doesn't count. You got parents. You got teachers. You got religious leaders. If there's one thing that I've learned in my 30 years on the planet is that there's no one worse to trust than parents, teachers, and religious leaders. Sure. If there's one thing that I've learned in my 30 years on the planet is that there's no one worse to trust than parents, teachers,

and religious leaders. Police officers, they just want to arrest you. Yeah. Hell yeah. Or shoot you. So there's only one real place to go for straight talk. That's me and Jordan.

Yeah. So if you're a teenager. We've lived it. If you're out there, if you're hurting, if you need advice, if you're a teenager. We've lived it. If you're out there, if you're hurting, if you need advice, if you need guidance, if you need us to explain something to you about

the world of adults. Questions you're afraid to ask. Just don't give us your full name. Just give us an initial and where you're calling from. Call us at 206-984-4FUN. That's our straight talk hotline. And next week we will select a few calls and deliver a little bit of straight talk.

So if you're out there. For teens. If you're out there, you're a teen. Are you thinking about trying drugs? Are you considering trying a new type of intercourse? Sure. Are you thinking about what movie you should go see this weekend? Is the Teen Wolf reboot worth your time?

Is suicide real? Whatever it is that you need guidance on. And really, what kind of car should you buy? Should you opt for performance or safety? 10-year or 30-year mortgage, fixed or adjustable. Yeah, exactly. Is it a bad time to get into an arm? I will, in turn, ask that you explain what dubstep is to me.

206-9844-FUN. That's our action item this week, Straight Talk for Teens. I'm really excited. I think we're really going to make a difference in some kids' lives, Jordan. This is going to be the biggest thing since we started that inner-city softball league. We taught them all to make salsa. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan

Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, bully detective. David Malky, person of some note. David Malky, it's been a delight to have you here. I'm sure all of our listeners are busy right now rushing to Amazon.com to purchase Machine of Death. As they should, and as many of them have.

You got some Dark Horse Comics compilations of your Wonder Marks as well, right? There's three of them, absolutely. These things are very funny. You can get all three of them at once on Amazon, and you probably don't have to pay shipping or sales tax. I think people are going to enjoy these Wonder Marks, Jordan. Customers who enjoy that, what will they also enjoy?

They'll also enjoy, well, we could check it out. It's probably going to be like exercisers. There was actually one very interesting uh thing that i saw which was a uh tablet for your car office you this is for people who are professionals on the go yeah and they want to have their uh their laptop with them everything is handy and this was one that fit right over their steering wheel oh so this is so this is to more effectively kill yourself on the road. That's the implication. I think you're supposed to use

it when the car is stopped only. But this was something that did show up on Machine of Death at one point as customers who like this also might like to read a document while on the freeway. Did you know that people who like your books also like other books or webcomics? Do they really? How surprising.

But they like that Linda Barry book that Linda Barry was talking about on the San Diego America recently. Good for her.

What is that book? I don't even know it. It's called The Nearsighted Monkey. Oh, these Linda Barry books, I cannot recommend these two.

She wrote these two creativity books, one about writing, one about making art. And they are so inspirational. That's great. And they are so inspirational. That's great. Like,

outrageously inspirational. I love getting inspired by reading books. I'm not shitting you here. I wouldn't imagine If you think I'm shitting you, I'm not shitting you. I didn't think you were shitting me.

He's not. Why would he be shitting me? I'm a guest in his house. I recorded a podcast for your program. Is that ever going to happen? It's going to go out in two weeks.

In two weeks on the Machine of Death podcast. It is. The Machine of Death podcast, which is free on iTunes, is short stories from our book being read by the authors or other fine people like Jesse. And you know, I met a couple of people at MaxFunCon who are working on

submissions for the sequel to Machine of Death. Machine of Death 2, which is still open for submissions for only two more weeks. This is like a crowdsourced compilation of writing and stuff like that. It is short stories that all revolve around a shared premise. The premise being, what if there was a machine that could tell you how, but not when, you will die? And you have famous people writing these things, at least famous people from this world.

For certain definitions of famous, yes. Yeah, and you have also, and you have... There are illustrations by legitimately famous people from the world of comics. And our first book had 34 stories, 36 illustrations. It went to number one on Amazon. When you say legitimately famous people from the world of comics, you're talking about Superman? I'm talking about... Ziggy. I'm talking about your Ziggy's. And marijuana Ziggy.

I'm talking about... We go from Ziggy to marijuana Ziggy. The whole spectrum. Both Ziggy's. All the Ziggy's. And of course you can find the webcomic in the AV Club and at wondermark.com. That's right.

It's a lot of fun. Jordan, we got one more program and then you're going out of town for a couple weeks. I am, yeah. So something will happen. I've got good news for you, Jordan. I found an able fill-in. Oh, good. Our friend Nick Adams.

Okay. Repeat's going to be stopping in, filling in for Jordan. Nice. We've got great guests in the coming weeks, and we got a great action item this week, straight talk for teens. Now, if you're not a teen but still want straight talk, can you call, or is it limited to people 19 or under? I mean, we're not checking ID.

What if they assume sort of a high voice when they call? Then I'll know that they're not a teen. Okay. So don't do that. Don't ever do that. Don't do a fake voice. You'll spot it. I know, look,

I know there are real teens out there with real problems. Yeah. Drugs, alcohol, incontinence. Teen Wolf reboot. Monster voice bands.

Whether to use a real dick in My Little Pony costume or a felt one. Yeah, or a false felt dick. Monster voice bands Whether to use a real dick in my little pony costume Or a felt one Yeah, or a false felt dick We'll give you straight talk on any subject But here's the thing It is going to be straight, unalloyed, unvarnished Hard as a rock

You might not like the answer But you're going to love the questions On Straight Talk with Teens With Jordan and Jesse. Okay. 206-9844-FUND, the number to call, jjgoe at MaximumFund.org. Our email address, hashtag it on Twitter, JJ Goe. I ask that people review our podcast on iTunes.

We got a flood of reviews. That's great. Please. If you have not reviewed the podcast on iTunes please do so. It makes a huge difference in the iTunes ranking. Absolutely. It makes a huge difference in how people see the program. We really appreciate everybody who's taking the time to do that. That was really great. I mean like

it was literally hundreds of people did it. And it was really very touching that those people did that. So thank you very much to all those folks. And thank you to all of you who are about to go out and do it right now. And if you've already done it, you can search Machine of Death in iTunes. And that's just as good. Give me a fucking break.

Malky, was that fucking Plugfest we just gave you? How about this? Everything that I said about... Every single thing that I said about children's hospital a few weeks ago when rob cordy was on this program take that and reverse it for machine of death wait did you say did you say bad things that's too confusing if you love to go back and listen i don't know if you enjoy if you enjoy machine more direct with your... If you enjoy Machine of Death, you're a real dipshit. I hate you. No, that's better.

If you buy it, you're out. You're out on the street. You know why? Because Malky thinks he can come back here and get plug after plug after I already spent five minutes plugging his fucking book. Okay, that's not fair.

I went out and did a fucking book reading show where I stood in front of an audience at the fake gallery in Hollywood and read this fucking short story that was 45 minutes long to an audience of people who didn't know who I was and was complaining about the fact that I was wearing a necktie on Twitter. I did all of that shit for David Malky. He comes in here throwing in extra plugs on top of the plugs I already gave him. Do you think that blowjob guy was a guy or a girl?

I think it was a girl. I think it was a girl. I personally think it was a girl. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design courtesy of The Free Design

and Light in the Attic Records. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica.