Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 185: Jumpers with Nick Adams

Episode Date: July 25, 2011

Nick Adams joins Jesse to discuss the party habits of Highland Park children, the challenges of being a dad and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pretty, lovely, Jesse, go.

I'm joined by the great Nick Adams. It's a for dads only edition of the program. Not actually, but if it was actually, we'd spell dads with a Z. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, known colloquially as America's Radio Sweetheart. I'm Nick, repeat Adam, sitting in for Jordan Morris. I went to the Superior this morning.

Had to purchase some celery so I can make a chicken salad. And after that, I went over to the St. Vincent de Paul, the thrift store here in the neighborhood. Got it. I went to the halfway house to store some junk. Picked up a baby. I went to the St. Vincent de Paul. And outside the St. Vincent de Paul, there was a real classic cholo dad. Like a pure cholo dad.

Just homeboy through and through. Yeah, absolutely. 40 years old, neck tattoos, you know, Adidas shower shoes. Which the neck tattoo is when you cross over into, you know, you're really limiting your job options when you get a neck tattoo. Pretty much the only job that you can get with a neck tattoo is beating a Giants fan to a pulp outside of a doctor's game. No, no. You got your mixologist, which I call a fucking bartender. You got your hipster hairstylist, maybe at a Rudy's. Sure.

NBA basketball player, obviously. Yeah. That might be the only three that you can do with a neck tattoo. So this guy is standing outside there, and he's talking to the uh security guard outside of the saint vincent de paul and he goes first of all security guard at a thrift store huge huge red flag so he said he he says to the security guard he goes man, check this shit out. And he's holding in his hand this big package, like a yard long and nine inches wide. I have no idea what this is, right?

He looks here. Hey, man, check this shit out. And I'm like, what is this? What am I witnessing here? What is he going to say to the security guard? What does he have that should be checked out? Hey, man, check this shit out. I fucking love kites.

It's brand new, man. A new kite. He was that excited about it. He was so excited about the kite he just bought brand new at the thrift store okay well it was at the thrift store so he probably got like a great deal which you know yeah he did you would be excited about if you got a great deal on the kite but uh i don't think i could i don't think there's anything about kites that would ever inspire me to swear like i don't i can't imagine like this fucking kite is awesome

no shit i like flying kites. He got that excited. Okay, first thing, if you don't mind me commenting on these activities, I'm 38. Yeah. You approximated that guy as, like, at 40, right? Right. I'm trying to think of what could possibly happen to me in my day-to-day life that would cause me to exclaim, hey, man, check this shit out. Right. I can't think of anything right that's like such an eight-year-old purely enthusiastic response a profane eight-year-old

but yeah which you know kind of redundant but um hey man check this shit out like maybe i'm trying to think maybe if like i can't think what if there was a really cool bug in your bathroom check this out hey man check this shit out hey man hey man it flies it's kind of cool something happened like your brother is there yeah hey man hey homeboy check it out like no a kite you can't say hey, and then go into a kite riff. I love this fucking kite, man. It's a fucking amazing kite, man. Kite enthusiast, cheap father.

Why was he so excited? It was a beautiful moment. It was just wonderful. It really touched my heart i think the only thing that could have topped it is if he had finished that off by reaching into his pocket slipping one of those flat finger combs over his finger and like doing one of those cool like slick back the hair moves how much was it do you know yeah i went up and asked him how much it was, Nick I went and checked in First of all, I found out what set he was repping

That informs the story It's not... If it was like a brand new kite And he has like an 8-year-old And it was like $3 I think $3.98 That's what I'm going to say That might be worth it

That might be... If that happened to you, you'd be... And I don't know if these guys knew each other. Total stranger. It's conceivable that he knew the guy. I mean, I'm not going to put it past him, but there was a little bit of distance between them, physical distance. And I think he was just so fucking no that he found a kite in the packaging at the thrift store and let's not forget about this guy we don't know that much about him besides

his sartorial inclinations his choice of volumes at which he speaks right i was halfway across the parking lot by the way and uh and that he fucking loves kites. I fucking love kites, man. It has to be a stranger for you to say, hey, man, check this shit out, like that. I think it has to be just a random person. It was amazing. It was an amazing moment in my life, something that I would love to trap in amber

and keep forever. Now, this is the St. Vincent, you said? The St. Vincent de Paul, yeah. Is that on the other side of the street from the Superior? You're talking about the other direction on Figueroa here in Highland Park, Mount Washington. So it's not near the classiest jack-in-the-box that I've ever seen?

Wait, what? It looks like a craftsman home in Pasadena. You know what I'm talking about? It's amazing. I kind of want to rent that jack-in-the-box out. I'll give those guys $1,500 a month. For parties? No, to live in it.

$1,500 a month to live in that jack-in-the-box. It's too bad it's not for parties, because I think that here in Highland Park, everything is rentable for parties. The whole economy of my neighborhood revolves around party rentals. All you need is the castle, right? All you need is the bouncy house. There are more yumper purveyors. You can rent more jumpers, a.k.a. yumpers, in my neighborhood.

There are more of those than there are drug stores. That is the number one most frequently spotted business. I want to say something. Someone listening to it might think, he's taking shots or whatever. He's taking the piss out. Now I'm British all of a sudden. But I'm not. And I like to talk about race.

So I'm just going to say it. Mexican people party and they love it. And it's such a big part of their culture. Like, what is it? I don't know. It's fucking Tuesday, man. Let's just hang out. I drove past. It's such a big part of their culture. Like, what is it? I don't know. It's fucking Tuesday, man. Let's just hang out. I drove past.

It's wonderful. And in fact, I am so excited to be having a kid in this neighborhood. Because bounce houses were not part of the neighborhood that I grew up in. Because there's nowhere to put a bounce house in the neighborhood that I grew up in. But here, it's like the central element of the culture. And I didn't know you could just put them up anywhere. Like, they just take them to a random park on a Saturday and blow up a house. So, down the other direction on Figueroa Boulevard, a little bit past the Superior,

there's a big park. And it sort of runs parallel to the road. It runs in between Figueroa Boulevard and the Arroyo Seco. Yeah, the historic Arroyo Seco. And this park is, I don't know, how long would you estimate it is? Three football fields, maybe long? Yeah, sure. Something like that, somewhere in there.

We'll call it 300 yards. It's a big, long, narrow park. It's great. My wife and I, driving to the $5 movie theater this past weekend, drove past five jumpers in that park. Five different parties, each with their own jumper. How much are those things? Because I have a theory. Well, that's the thing. One of the things

about the party rental business, at least as it is practiced in Highland Park, Los Angeles, California, is that your prices are painted on the front of your store. Okay.

That's good business. That's just smart advertising. I think typically you're looking at a package typically You're looking at a package You're looking at a package rate Tables Chairs Jumper

Oh so it's all inclusive This is all inclusive Gotcha Piñata Piñata candy pack Gotta put something in there $79 See

That's great That's great. That's great. Like, when you think about, like, the kids are entertained. Like, all of the kids that will show up at the party, they're taken care of. They can't ask for any, they're gonna get candy, they're gonna jump around. Maybe you might want to throw in some wipes, because somebody's gonna throw up in that

fucking house. Sure. Throw in some wipes if you want to be, you know. It's gonna have to be a large wipe. I mean, like a packet. You a whole no mini wipes because it'd take a long time to clean up the barf with the mini wipes that's a whole other business plan big uh paper towel sized jumbo paper towel mega wipes for yumpers um that's pretty good so the kids are taken care of right right out of the bat i am so fucking excited about this, Nick. I can't begin to tell you because I think, number one, the highlight of any child's life is jumping in a jumper. There is absolutely things that are on par with that that I can remember from my own childhood.

In Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, there is one of those cement slides that you slide down on a cardboard box, and it is very, very tall. That was almost, but not quite, as good as a jumper. And I think that in my childhood, I maybe went into a jumper three times,

two times maybe. Not a lot of fun fairs in inner city San Francisco. It definitely, when you're a little kid, pretty much the only thing, you want to run around just with abandon. Not with any sort of intent or purpose, just running circles and you want to jump up and down. Right. On a bed, on a mattress. So yeah, I i mean it's got to be pretty high up on the list of things kids want but i was gonna say this this shows

you my inclinations i thought you were gonna candy like when i was a kid that's all i wanted was candy i just wanted more fucking candy and the first time i saw a piñata in real life i thought i had died and gone to heaven. I was already like 24, but I still think that's one of the most amazing things. Do you think that because my child is... I mean, your child, you had a child recently. Yes. Also your

first kid, a daughter. Yes. And my child will be hot on her heels, you know, two months behind, a month and a half behind, something like that. And my kid is going to grow up in a world that is soaked in jumpers. It is wall-to-wall jumpers. And so my question for you, Nick, as someone who's going to raise this child probably in

mid-city Los Angeles, where there are a lot less jumpers, they're not completely missing. They're around. You see them, but it's not. But I don't think this would be a problem that you would have, is will my child, because of the surfeit of jumpers, get like a gambling addiction type situation where with each successive jumper, the thrill is less and less, but the need remains there

until it's just my kid alone in a jumper at nine o'clock. The party ended at seven. Jumping up and down inside this and just fucking crying. Just bawling. Just bawling and throwing up on himself. If you grow up in that world, I think then you're less likely to fall. It's like when you're in Italy, you don't see a bunch of 18-year-olds running around the park drinking themselves to death and throwing up.

Because they have been allowed to drink table wine since they were 14 years old so you just bring them along gradually so it doesn't become like a habit right your kid will every now and then there will just always be a jumper so he'll get used to it he won't he won't turn 18 and run off and go on a jumper binge do you think that he'll do you think that he'll uh do you think that he'll be like an adult jumper? Do those exist? Yeah, they want to get in there. They're pissed at the kids because they want to get up inside that jumper. No, what happens is, I think after maybe a few tecates or four,

possibly some beer and Clamato. Yeah. What is that called? Michelada. Michelada? That was awful. That was very bad. Yeah, whatever.

Speak English. America for Americans. That's our point here. They took our jobs. First they took our jobs. Then they took our folding tables. Then they's our point here. They took our jobs. No, I'm saying... First they took our jobs. Then they took our... Then they took our folding tables. Then they took our jumpers.

You know someone gets drunk and goes in that house is all I'm trying to say. You know somebody gets drunk and goes, staggers into that house and ruins the whole thing. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Nick, repeat Adams. Nick, what are you drinking there? What happened to the stein I gave you yesterday, last week? I didn't want to travel with that.

It's too delicate. Nick, you... Okay, so last week on the program, for anyone who skipped a week, Nick came in here with a 24-ounce can of Sapporo and a plastic novelty Stein. I don't know why you keep disrespecting my... Okay, so that went down last week. That heavy action went down, man. I gave Nick an IFC promotional stein.

It's lovely. That was burning a hole through my Goodwill pile. And Nick was so excited about it, he tweeted about it. Yep. He left the plastic novelty stein at my house. Nick shows up this week, not with the Stein I gave him, not with the Stein that he left at my house,

but with a new plastic novelty Stein that he bought at the supermarket. So you have now bought two plastic novelty Stein, despite the fact that it's entirely possible to drink beer out of, say, one of the many glasses at my home. Or the bottle. Or the other steins you have.

I like to come all-inclusive. I don't know. Maybe... You like to be a self-contained unit. Maybe you guys had a big dinner party last night. You guys haven't gotten around to doing the dishes. I come in, hey, give me a glass. You gotta wash a glass. This way,

El Superior gets more money in their coffers, and I come all, you guys don't have to be put out. Something, um, something happened to me at the urgent care. Oh. The urgent care is just never a happy place. There is nothing sadder than

the waiting room at the urgent care. I also love the fact that they've said, hey, hey, all of this emergency room shit, everybody just settle down. This isn't an emergency. Everybody just relax. If you urgently need to see a doctor, come over here, but let's just stop calling everything an emergency.

The waiting room at the urgent care is like a grizzled construction worker guy room at the urgent care is like there's it's like a grizzled it's like a grizzled uh construction worker guy with like a with like the deepest like tommy lee jones level furrowed brow maybe you can tell he's just like fuck doctors man maybe he's got a homemade tourniquet on something yeah like he he wouldn't be like he had some kind of he had some kind of bacterial infection, and he wouldn't go to the doctor until it went full-on Wrath of Khan, underneath the skin, popping out alien-style. And he's still only taking like a half day. Yeah, exactly.

And I was there to get... I was in a car accident a couple years ago, a year and a half or so ago, and had some back problems. And so I was there to get my medical records from when I went there after the car accident. And number one, it was like two pieces of paper from my file. They made me sign in and wait to have them print out these pieces of paper. So I literally had to sit there for 40 minutes waiting for my turn to see the doctor in order to get them to print out these two pieces of paper so i literally had to sit there for 40 minutes waiting for my turn to see the doctor in order to get them to print out these two pieces of paper so i was not entirely happy in this place obama and that guy yeah i definitely blame obama there's this woman standing

there there it's just look everybody has to go to the urgent care from time to time. You know, something happened, the doctor's office is closed. It's not an emergency. Your finger's not falling off, but you do got to see somebody to make sure you don't have strep throat or whatever.

But, that having been said, the quality of clientele was low. It was like riding a muni bus in San Francisco late at night. Just a lot of questionable characters. Well, also, even if you are normally of high moral fiber, you're not going to be putting your best foot forward at the urgent care, Jesse. No. You're not going to be on your A-game

at the urgent care facility. Who is this, Kaiser? This is Glendale Memorial Hospital. I probably look like I was about to boil over myself. I probably looked like... What's the guy from Taxi that's always having a bad acid trip? Oh, Jim?

You made a height thing to indicate Danny DeVito. You knew who I was talking about. Yeah, Jim. Jim from Taxi. I probably look like Jim from Taxi. Right. But I saw something that is so... I don't know.

I mean, I... It's very... I want to prepare people for this. There's an element of sadness to it. Like, genuine sadness. You were in Glendale, so... Yes. It goes without saying.

Well, you're going to get sadness and you're going to get yogurt sauce. These are the two things you'll get in Glendale, California. going to get sadness and you're going to get yogurt sauce these are the two things you'll get in glendale california um there are a lot of persians and armenians in glendale they like they like yogurt sauces um so this is a scene there's a lot of neck tattoos in here and there's a woman who i would guesstimate her age at 40 going on 93 who has this huge leg tattoo. Okay. Big one-piece leg tattoo.

It's inscribed at the bottom, Mommy, in huge letters. I'm talking about four-inch high letters. Script. Did the baby do it, you think? Underneath that... How did this baby get this jailhouse tattoo kit? He's right down there on the calf. And these local anesthetics.

Just bangs it out. So there's huge letters that say mommy. And there's a date underneath and i think that it is a memorial tattoo now i feel like a dick i know this is what this is the sad part of it is that it's a memorial tattoo and i'm not gonna soft pedal the fact that this whole thing is sad but it's so amazing that i felt like i couldn't not talk about it on the show i felt like i would be cheating the audience if i didn't talk it's like dancer in the dark you know it's going to be awful but you have to see it because everyone says that you should see it well you have

to see it because you're in love with bjork also i'm in love with amazing cinematic performances by once in a lifetime talent-lifetime talent. If you like that, then, you know, go see Dancer in the Dark. If not, maybe don't thumb your nose at Bjork so much. So, there's a graphic that accompanies this memorial message. Wait, so there's the tattoo

with the date, and then what is it? Like a footnote on this tattoo? So, the tattoo, the date and then what is it? Like a footnote on this tattoo? So the tattoo, the date and these are at the bottom but near the ankle. And then above that is a full calf graphic of

Betty Boop with angel wings. Okay. My mind is going in a hundred different directions There's so many things that are happening She's You're kind of sexualizing your daughter By comparing her to Betty Boop Mother

That's even grosser Yes That's even grosser Okay so this is a memorial tattoo Wait maybe Betty Did Betty Boop just die? In which the person's mother is represented by an angel version. Of the most sexualized character maybe in female mainstream animation history? Maybe?

No, Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit is more sexualized than Betty Boop. I'm just trying to imagine a world in which my father dies. I try, I decide to memorialize him with a tattoo that says, Dad died 2027. No, all right. Rest in peace. You wouldn't say Dad died on the tattoo. Rest in peace, 2027.

And it's just Popeye with angel wings. Rest in peace? You wouldn't say dad died on the tattoo. Rest in peace, 2027. And it's just Popeye with angel wings. Or the Tasmanian devil with angel wings. I could choose. It's Calvin pissing on the world from heaven with angel wings. But if you have a tattoo artist of that caliber to do a good Betty Boop, then you're in that level where they're doing someone's face. So then you can just put mom.

Do you think, is it possible that she had a tattoo of Betty Boop on her calf? And then Betty Boop died? Then her mom died. And she had been trying to think of something that she could do with that Betty Boop tattoo. She was ready to take that to the next level. And she said, well, let's throw some wings on Bee Boop. Let's put the memorial message underneath there. I mean... I'm going to give her an out.

If her mom's name was Betty, then that's sort of like, we call my mom Betty Boop just as like a nickname. Maybe. No. Probably not. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. it is like the single most undignified well it's permanent on your body there are about five dignified tattoos in the world what about like a

flower or something i feel like if i was someone's mom Maybe her mom was hot Maybe her mom was just really hot If I was someone's mom And I was looking down from heaven At them getting a tattoo I would prefer to be represented By a skull and crossbones Than by Betty Boop with angel wings

I would rather be represented by By Bugs Bunny dressed as be represented by Bugs Bunny dressed as a lady. Lady Bugs was pretty funny, I have to say. Lady Bugs is funny, and that's what I... And Betty Boop is not funny.

It's just... Betty Boop is not anything. No one actually likes Betty Boop. They just like to... Oh, no. I beg to differ. I think... Well, finish your thought.

It's just... It's like Hello Kitty. It's like a thing. It's just, it's like Hello Kitty. It's like a thing. It's just like a graphic thing that means nothing that you could easily put on a t-shirt that says, you know, one tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor or something. Betty Boop is the animated Marilyn Monroe. Like, no one gives a shit about any of Marilyn Monroe's performances. I tried to watch Seven Year Itch and I wanted to gouge out my fucking eyeballs. It's an awful movie. Like, but she has that one iconic pose and she you know whatever it's the same thing it's

just imagery it's like black people black like hip-hop you know acts and scarface that's a shitty shitty movie like does anyone ever watch scarface is an awful movie not only is scarface bad al pacino should really apologize to the entire nation of Cuba. He really, really should. It's that fucking bad. And also, there's like a dozen Cuban roles, you know, people that are playing Cubans, and it's all white

people. It's like Italians and everything else. It's the worst fucking movie ever made. They're largely swarthy whites. They're swarthy whites. Stanley Tucci types. Stanley Tucci types Stanley Tucci but it's the fucking worst movie ever made and people just

adopt it because it's I don't know whatever that's what she's doing with Betty Boop man she's like the she's Tupac in that shit this is like a Black Bart Simpson

type situation very much so what if she had just put Black Bart what about if it was Rasta Bart now that would be fun Rasta Bart was

definitely the best Bart if it was Rasta Bart? Now that would be fun. Rasta Bart was definitely the best Bart. If it was Rasta Bart, then I think it's a great tattoo. I say go for it. Mom loved getting high. She loved Lover's Rock reggae. She loved bootleg t-shirts that Al Groening sees no proceeds from. Matt Groening.

Al Groening. i think we found a solution to this problem i'm gonna write this woman a letter change your tattoo oh i thought of another job you can have if you have a neck tattoo okay sustainable meat sustainable butcher lindy lindy and grundy on fairfax check them out we'll be back in just a second i joined jessica in Fairfax. Check him out. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Nick, repeat Adams. It's hot up here, isn't it? It's warm. It's hot in

Maximum Fun World Headquarters Inner Sanctum You have a man attic And it's pretty, pretty sweet Here's what happened, Nick Our friend and fellow Max Fun personality John Hodgman Known popularly as Judge John Hodgman Was in Los Angeles for something or other.

I don't remember what. And he was coming, he was over at the house. We were hanging out. And he took a tour of the house. And he sort of took me aside and said, Jesse, you work from home, do you not? And I said, yes, I do. And so does my wife and Juliaia works here as well our intern

paulo and he said jesse this isn't gonna work he said this is not gonna work you need to find a place where you can escape from all these people and your child. I hear what he's saying. Now, Hodgman happens, you know, Hodgman has long-running national commercial campaign money on hand. And so his solution to this... Daily show contributor supplemental money. ...was to buy a small condominium across the street from where he lives. Where does he live? In Park Slope, Brooklyn.

So Hodgman's solution is he lives in a nice apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn with his wife and his children. And when he has to work, he goes over to this very small, like sort of junior one bedroom type condominium, sort of three room condominium. So sweet. And that's not really in the cards for Jesse. Maybe one day I'll be cast as a beloved character in a beloved

series of television commercials. But it seems unlikely. Maybe you'll bang out a role on an HBO series. You never know. Yeah, who knows? I look forward to the opportunity. Maybe I'll be friends with Ricky Gervais. In the meantime, the solutions that we came up with.

Well, first of all, the first thing I wanted to do was buy one of those. Hodgman was pushing for this very hard. Was buy one of those Dwell Magazine. Yes. Prefab. Yes. Office building, outbuilding shed things. I don't have anything approaching a backyard, and I haven't ever as an adult, and I want one of those so bad it's not even funny.

They seem so great, right? Yeah. And I can even see myself spending the $15,000 or $20,000 that they cost if it weren't for the fact that I don't own this place. Right. So I think— You can take that with you when you leave. Maybe somehow. I don't know.

I don't think you can. So then I was like, well, what if we came up with a system that would allow me to take it with me when I leave? So then I'm like, great. I'm buying a sweet camper and I'm going to put it up there. Because in our backyard goes up a pretty steep hill, but there's a lot of space. Yeah, it's really huge. Especially up at the top, there's a lot of space,

so you really could put a camper up there without even bothering the neighbors. Sure. But then I realized that if I put a camper up there, what am I going to tow it with? My two-seat Roadster or my wife's 94-horsepower Scion XB? I think both of those would haul an Airstream, right? Neither of them would haul an Airstream, right? Neither of them would haul an Airstream. I did research on the internet.

It involved some very shady, it would involve some very, very questionable mechanic work to get them tow hitched appropriately. If you guys both together could pull an Airstream? I think we both could together, yes. I fixed it. So, I gave up on that. And that was also,

that one was good because that was also my plan for a place for the parents to sleep when they come to visit the baby. Right. Let them hike up into the backyard. Hike up into the backyard. They sleep in a little cute little teardrop trailer or something. That didn't work out. So the situation that finally did work out was I moved my office into the master bedroom and i'm living large up here i'm not gonna deny it it wasn't like this the first time we came here was it no we were

downstairs yeah we i was in i was in a small regular bedroom um but what we ended up having to do was basically the common areas of our home uh are now essentially what you would would call if you were being generous you might call it a dining room generally i think you would call it a foyer that's a dining room that's an official a walk-in a walk-in space that is a common area everything else is work you got to put the positive spin on this so our whole living room you know with our beautiful fireplace and our giant formerly dining table, now conference table, are all office space. But when you have an empire, that's what you have to do. Your home is the nerve center.

This is the nerve center. If I say jump, my brother, my brother, and me say how high. Jesse, I got a question to ask you. Yeah, what's that? Are you familiar with the term push present push present push present is this is this when you give someone the gift of the beloved internet technology of the early 2000s that turned out to be a failure it's it involves jesse jackson and the rainbow Coalition. I once wrote a letter to... I had a school assignment when I was in, I'm going to say fourth grade, that you had to write a letter to your hero.

So I wrote a letter to the Reverend Jesse Jackson, who I admired tremendously. And I had met in real life. And my father, during his 1988 campaign, was lucky enough to write some talking points for the Reverend Jackson on the subject of disability rights, which he was working on. Okay, I was about to be really shocked that someone had to write any talking points for Jeffrey Jackson until you said disability rights. And I was like, all right, well, he doesn't know a ton about that. Yeah, I think the Reverend Jackson has a two-hour speech prepared on the topic of deciduous plans. So I wrote a letter to the Reverend Jackson, a beautiful letter for a nine-year-old. I'm not, this is mere puffery. This was an excellent letter.

I didn't hear anything back. While everyone else in my class was getting letters back from the people that they wrote to and sharing them in class. I was getting progressively sadder and sadder until one day, I'm going to say 15 months later, I get an envelope in the mail from the Rainbow Push Coalition. I am like, holy shit. Wow. The Reverend Jesse Jackson wrote me a fucking letter this was amazing i mean no one can support progressive causes and rhyme and possibly be slightly anti-semitic like the jesse jackson not possibly in night's life um and so i was over the moon and i ran into my room from where the mail fell in the you know fell in through the slot and opened it up and it was just a fundraiser it was just a fundraising letter so i wrote a letter about how i was a nine-year-old they and jesse jackson was

my hero they're like okay uh burn it but first put him on the fundraising mailing list the harsh realities of politics i will i will say that the only other hero letter i ever wrote as a small kid was to san francisco giants pitcher dave dravecki uh dave dravecki was famous for um uh was famous for he had a degenerative arm condition uh that led his arm to break and um he essentially he he ended up uh he ended up having an arm uh amputated and it was a whole thing it was a very big deal in in san francisco at the time pretty sad and i wrote him a letter and he wrote me back no less than two years later and it was a really nice note that said that i should read the bible

which was a bummer of a message jesse jackson response but it was nice of him he actually was handwritten it was like on a little card I prefer the Jesse Jackson response Hey kid we can't read all these letters Send us 20 bucks if you get a chance So I can hire someone to write fake response letters On my behalf Here's the difference in you and I When I was that age if I had to write a letter

To one of my heroes I would have written it to Eddie Murphy For playing Jesse Jackson In the Hymie Town sketch on SNL. That, to me, that might be the pinnacle of television comedy in America. If I had had a third letter to write, I might have sent it to Black Bart Simpson. Rasta Bart? Yeah. Well, this would be Air Bart, probably.

I was a much bigger fan of Air Bart than I was Rasta Bart. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So push presents the push present is a present that a man buys for his lady after she gives birth oh push present it's as vulgar as you think it is so So when you said man buys for his lady, I was picturing that episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball that says Homer on it. That was what I was like. Oh, no. It's something for her. You're not trying to turn it around back on yourself.

It's just like, hey, thank you for my child. Did you buy your beautiful and charming wife one of these presents? Or were you pressured to buy your wife one of these presents? Here's the thing. Up until like eight months ago, I had never even heard of this thing. So I didn't even know that it existed. And then it wasn't even that I was getting pressure. Right now we're talking about the clitoris.

That and the G-spot. And then I found out about the push present. Right. No, what happens is Women don't They're all in a special pamphlet When you take the birthing class Sent out by the good folks

At Babes in Toyland in New York City When you take the birthing class They talk to you about all this stuff And then they get down to the push present And the G-spot Yeah No, I mean Women don't even say

You have to You know You should get her a push It's just like You know about the push present, right? Like it's like Understood Like if you're a proper It's like an a push. It's just like, you know about the push present, right? Like, it's like understood. Like, if you're a proper.

It's like an engagement ring. Like, it's just something you should know about. Almost. Almost. I mean, every woman that I talked to was like, this is a thing and you have to do it and don't question it. And I was like, I don't know if I have to or if it is a thing. Is this like buying liquor for your mailman? No, no.

It's much more legit than that. You know, it's not like tipping everybody at the fucking hotel when you leave. It's just it's real and you have to do it. Really? Yeah. Oh, geez. Well, and then I thought I was like, this is some sort of scam. But then I thought, you know what?

My wife pushed an eight pound, nine ounce being out of her vagina. She deserves a fucking bracelet. You know? Yeah, that's fair. She deserves a fucking bracelet. You know? Yeah, that's fair. She should get a bracelet. I mean, the reality is that the reality is that the feat of giving birth

is so mind-bendingly amazing. Yes. It is so... And you and I will never comprehend it. And it's a reason why your mother always has a trump card over you. Always.

That's why you always, you know, bow in servitude to your mother. Because she squeezed you out of a very small opening. There's no number of diapers that I can change that could ever be anything like pushing a baby out of my special parts. Nope. So, you know, buy some earrings and keep it moving. So did you get on board for this activity? I got on board. I figured, you know, she deserves an extra something special.

How is it going, by the way? How old is your daughter now? Seven weeks as of yesterday. I was seven weeks old. So you're a veteran at this point um we are sliding into some semblance of normalcy okay like that in week seven it's a new normalcy it's not the old normal but it's uh we got a routine now and you've been you've been working have you And you've been working. Have you been working that whole time? I started on a Wednesday, and my daughter was born on a Saturday. So, yes.

Yes. And I took that subsequent week. They gave me that week off. But then I went back to work. And Zooey Deschanel, she doesn't take any shit from anybody. She cracks a whip. She took me aside, and she said, listen, pal. She took down local public radio personality Pat Morrison recently.

She put that wench in her place. And deservedly so. She did. She put the smack down on that chick. She took her down. So you have to go to the office every day. Yeah. Is your wife, is she staying home?

I mean, she's a professional blogger. She runs a web enterprise is what she runs, mondet.com. Yeah, she's at home, and my mother-in-law is here and helping out, which is great. What did you do? See, I have to ask you a lot of baby stuff because I don't know anyone. In Los Angeles, I think the median age for a first child is 44. It's getting up there. It's getting up there.

And let's be honest. What are the chances that Jordan is going to make it to the baby fathering part of his life, anything other than accidentally? You never know, man. I think he's sensible enough to be good with birth control and sensible enough to understand it's going to be a minute before he's ready for that particular step in his life but um i have to ask so i have to ask you these things fire it up because you're you're the you're the baby dad that i know you're my peer that that is a baby dad i'll be one that's eight years older than I. So,

I don't even know where to begin. I'm like so overwhelmed by the whole thing. It's not even, I mean, it is overwhelming, but like, it's weird because you come home and you know that the baby is healthy. You've taken a class, so you know you're supposed to feed them,

you know, and change them. And pretty much if anything happens out of the regular, you call your doctor and that's it. Like you start from that place of not knowing. You know, you know how to do the basics. And then you just sort of like you get better at that stuff. Something pops up. You read a book. You, you know, look on the Internet and you figure it out.

I mean, it's kind of scary. We're lucky to live in the internet era where if, you know, the baby has some kind of butt inflammation, which is something that comes up with their babies, butt inflammations. And then the next thing you know, maybe you're rubbing a little Dr. Boudreaux's on their backside and it's fine. How about that? We already got some of that butt stuff. That stuff's good, man. Is it?

Yeah. Like as a dessert topping? Well, like a pate sure put it on like a spear of sourdough yeah were you did you did you feel emotionally ready for it before it happened i've known that i wanted to have kids since i was like 22 or 23 like but you and your wife have been together for quite some time yeah yeah and i mean i i knew i wanted to have kids when i met my wife i knew i wanted to have kids with her and yeah i mean i've been more than ready for some time so you were like you were good to go yeah yeah it's like in terms of like getting

on board and like no i was like i was like all about it what were you waiting for were you waiting because you wanted to be uh you wanted to first become a responsible member of society still waiting for that but yeah i mean you, you know, it's a daunting... If you want to live in, you know, the city and, you know, have a hardscrabble existence as a single person, you can do that. If you want to be with someone else, you have to immediately think, I want to have a little more comfort. I want my woman to feel like we can go out to eat or whatever.

Get a push present from time to time. Yeah. Once you start to talk about having a kid, it's, I don't know, it's just scary because I can always eat ramen noodles. And I know my wife can eat ramen noodles because she's assuming things are going to eventually get better. But once you have a kid, like there's corners that can't be cut. Or I didn't, I never wanted to have to. That's interesting. I actually have sort of a different perspective.

And I'm in the same boat as you. Like, I never didn't want to have kids. And I never didn't want to have kids with my wife, Teresa. And, you know, we've been together since we were 17. Wow. But I don't think that I ever felt like I had to get to a certain place in my life financially before I could have kids. had to get to a certain place in my life financially before i could have kids maybe because my parents despite being somewhat older than i am now when i was born having been somewhat older than i am now when i was born no okay let's they were older parents they are older parents than i

am um but they did not have their lives together financially. And they only, as time went on, they only got their lives together less. Like my dad, I mean, I guess my dad,

you know, when I was born, he was sort of like an alcoholic and he like went into recovery when I was a little kid. So that's a big step forward. But my mom, like my mom mom quit her steady, if low-paid job at a store to go to graduate school when I was, like, eight.

And my dad went to graduate school when I was, like, 11. So both of them were, you know, both of them, there was no point until I was 15 or 16 where it was like, hey, my parents are members of the middle class consistently. But that's like they're taking a step back financially to take a big step forward. And they're showing their young child, impressionable young child, how important education is. And the fact that by the time that I was out of college, they had taken a step forward financially. But yeah, so, but I never, as a kid, I never was, I never felt poor in the sense that I never worried about whether I had things that other kids had.

Right, but your parents were. I'm sure they were. I'm sure they were i'm sure they were and also i know but i know because of that i feel like i know that it will be okay right no matter what goes on but now here's the other side of it i have only recently attained middle classness like i was you know there were from ages 18 to 27, I don't think I made more than $18,000 in a year. Right. Right.

So I was, we were just barely, barely, barely making it. Right. And then, you know, over the past three years, I have joined the middle class, you know, as Maximum Fund has grown. And it's like, oh, like I can actually afford to pay myself a reasonable amount of money. Right. And I was like, I think when we were 27 or 28, we were just getting there, you know. Teresa was like, well, let's have kids. I was like, hold on.

I'm going to be a rich guy first for a minute. Like, I've never had that before. I want to feel what it's like to just go into a store and buy something. Right. You know what I mean? Like just be like, hey, let's go away for the weekend to Santa Barbara. Yeah. Not like $10,000 thing.

Right, right. But like just be able to do like a $600 thing. No, I mean I'm 38 and I got to that place like last year. Right, exactly. I mean, I'm 38 and I got to that place like last year. Exactly. So, I mean, I totally understand. And I never wanted to be like a rich guy first. But I was always in a position where things were kind of getting better.

And I wanted to wait for things to get good. And then once we started to actively try to get pregnant, it took us a while. And then by the time... It ended up being more successful for her than for you.'s that more successful they're getting pregnant she was the one who ended up getting pregnant yes yes but you know uh i i helped i was i contributed something to that but she she got pregnant and i was at that point getting to a place in my career where things were getting good where i didn't feel freaked out or i could go into a store like you said and not you know look at the price on everything but you know i mean i can't remember what the term is one of the writers on uh perfect couples used this term and he was talking about how

he was broke and that you know his wife was pregnant and he he ended up you know writing a selling a script or something and you know it's that theory of like when you have to absolutely get your shit together in order to be a, you know, responsible parent, you can somehow miraculously figure that out. So what has been, what has been your biggest unexpected challenge since this baby was born? I mean, I. By the way, this week on, this week on Jordan, Jesse go daddy talk for dads only.

Yeah. Daddy talk. Um, I don't, I mean, I think everything's been expected. You just don't know how it's going to make you feel like hearing your newborn child scream bloody murder for 10 or 15 minutes in a row and you know in your gut that there's

nothing wrong is pretty pretty painful like they're fed they're changed they're safe they're warm you know there's no scratches or cuts or they're not teething, and they've decided to just scream for no fucking reason. It's a nightmare. There's not a ton of that, but when it happens, you're just sort of like, why are you doing this? Why would you ever just scream for no fucking reason? It's kind of amazing. The other thing I would say is just, I mean, you know, like you're going to be changing a lot of diapers, but just the, you literally just changed the diaper. And as you're walking away, the baby pees and you're, I just like, as you're changing a diaper, the baby pees on itself.

Or like, it's just, it's all you do. It's like every 10 minutes. I was reading the like, so you're going to be a parent newspaper that they hand you when you walk in for a baby appointment at Kaiser Permanente, my health insurer. And there was something about... News Corporation paper, I think. There was something about curdled feces. Whoa, whoa. And I was like, wow. I changed a fair number of diapers in my day.

Like, my younger brothers are 8 and 14 years younger than I am. So, you know, I changed their diapers a fair amount. But I wasn't prepared for that one. What is that curdle? I don't know. You just haven't changed it? I do not know. And it's already started to...

I do not. Let's not get too far into it. Wait till you see some meconium, my friend. Let's not get too far into it, as I said. But the thing that I have felt so far, I've just been genuinely terrified. Just genuinely terrified all the time. You guys are going to be fine. I think we are.

And that's what's weird about it. Because I know that we're going to be fine. Because I've taken care of babies and little kids. And my wife has too. My wife is much older than her youngest sibling and was his caretaker when she was 12 to 18. And they lived in an abandoned boxcar. No, she babysat a lot. And so I think we both are comfortable with babies and

you know like it's gonna be okay yeah right but i'm still terrified and the only thing that has made me feel better was when i bought a crib and a changing table at ikea and put it together and i think that my terror is not so much a sort of rational terror about the unknown and because I actually feel okay about my ability to handle the situation. Like I'm like, yeah, I think it'll be okay. You know, I genuinely feel that way. But it's more just there is a part of me that needs to solve a problem. And right now the problem is that we have to get a healthy baby out of my wife or something.

And there is no, I can make no contribution to that besides just being pleasant to her. Which, I mean, and that continues for, you know, it's like that in the delivery room. You can just sort of help them and massage them and make sure they eat ice chips. And then they're trying to breastfeed and you're like, I can, what can, you're just sort of help them and massage them and make sure they eat ice chips and then they're trying to breastfeed and you're like i can what can you just standing there you like as a young father and expectant father you spend a great deal of time just fucking standing around and then there's the other thing of like all this stuff that you're ready for that you've done um you know that scene in glory where they're training the the black troops you know with the musket and they're trying to help them you know change, you know, with the musket. And they're trying to help them, you know, change the...

Because, you know, with the musket, you got to put the gunpowder and do that whole thing. Yeah, put the ball in. You got to tamp it down. You got to tamp it down. So they're trying to get them to do that faster and faster. And the one guy's doing it, and he's thinking he's got it down. And they start shooting right behind him and screaming faster, faster. You think you can change a fucking diaper.

faster, faster. You think you can change a fucking diaper, but when it's four in the morning and your baby is screaming like a blood-curdling scream for just non-stop, non-stop, non-stop, there's a big pile of shit in their diaper and you're trying to change it and you got the, you guys are going to be doing the cloth diapers too, so you got the snappies and you're, and they're fucking, and your hands are shaking. Like that, that's the true test like if you don't lose your shit then like here's what they tell you at the birthing class and in all the books there's like a bold like at a certain point in safety or like how to handle newborns there's a little extra chapter or whatever and in bold letters it says never shake your baby the last thing they tell expecting parents is no matter how fucking crazy it gets you really shouldn't shake your baby right before

you leave the hospital they should pull you aside and go all right good luck don't shake your baby because you're gonna want to shake your baby it's's in every book. It's in every class. It's in every video. Don't snap and shake your baby. I was just going to rent my baby a jumper. Is that cool? Just toss them in there. They should make a little baby one of those.

That would be fucking perfect. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Nick, repeat Adams. We really say the nicknames a lot. I think maybe we better stop. At this point, you have to just own it

and make it your thing. Like you got to lean right into it if you're going to do it anymore at all. I think that we get a lot of complaints, like a lot of complaints like a lot of like your negative itunes reviews and stuff say jordan jesse go is too twee and adorable it's like really we have a we have a we do have a twee theme song and it is twee that we have stupid made up nicknames slightly ironic though but all all the rest all the rest of the show is Dick Johnson.

And also, you can't... There's no other twee parts of the show. Neither you nor Jordan Moore as Boy Detective are slight of build or frame. You are both stout lads. Yeah, we're strapping young men. Yeah, so it's not twee at all. And also, you wouldn't want to do a show that didn't get at least one negative, one or two negative comments. If someone hates your show, that means you're doing it right.

Like, no one, everyone shouldn't like your show. So fuck that person. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. Good work, Nick. You have a winning attitude. Well, I don't. I got so many.

I've gotten three. I got three complaints this weekend from public radio listeners about The Sound of Young America. That is like an all-time high. No, no. weekend from public radio listeners about the sound of young america that is like an all-time high no no mp like public radio listeners probably complain way more than the average joe i can i presume they do but they got stationary i think i think people complain less i think here's the thing i give out my email address on the show but i think people complain less when they know that it's actually going to the person that they're complaining about right and also i mean look if you're talking about if you if you're tuning in to some big corporate behemoth or whatever yeah complain rip them a new asshole because they're trying to make mass marketed content for millions and millions of people when you're talking about public radio

when you're talking about podcasting, what you're doing is saying, hey, if you are one of the small percentage of people who dig what I have to say, check this out. If not, fucking move on, man. It's okay. Go listen to this podcast. I won't hold it against you.

Move on, man. Kevin Smith's got a lot to say. You're more than entitled to have your opinion, but if you don't like this And you think it's too twee or whatever Just move on to the next podcast Well speaking of things that we do And don't like

Yeah How about that for an introduction Professional communicator We do have a sponsor on this week's program Our friends at Fuley.com F-U-E-L-L-Y.com. This is a website where you can go and track your gas, gasoline mileage. I found out everyone is getting better gasoline mileage than I am in my car.

But you drive like a sporty sports car. I do drive a sports car. What do you drive? I drive a very fast car. Let's just leave it at that. I have a sporty very fast car. Let's just leave it at that. I have a sporty, fast car. And it does not get great gas mileage, but I don't drive it anywhere. You know, I don't go anywhere in it.

That's what I'm saying. Because you've got the nerve center right here. Yeah, I've got the whole nerve center is right here. Exactly, Nick. You don't need to go anywhere. Anyway. Shit comes to you. So, Fuelie.com is a website where you go and you type in what kind of car you have.

Stutz Bearcat? Exactly. International Harvester Scout. And you Hudson Hornet. Are we just saying old-timey cars? Maybe an Opel? Nash Metropolitan. A Sunbeam?

One Geo Metro and one DeLorean. Geo Metro. With the garage down the street from my house. So you go in and you type in your fuel numbers when you buy gas, and it tracks your gas mileage. You can compare it to other people's gas mileage that have the same kind of car, and you can adjust your driving to get better gas mileage and save yourself money. Would you slow down?

You speed up? You keep your tires? You keep your tires at the proper inflation. You try not to use that accelerator too much. You slow down a little bit. Try and keep off the brake. You try and coast more. Keep a constant speed, constant rate of speed.

Anyway, Fuel.ly.com. We have no Jumbotrons this week, but if you want to get on the jordan jesse go jumbotron just go to maximum fun.org slash jumbotron and we will share any message you

like commercial or personal not quite any message you like no political messages but any personal commercial message

you want maximum fun.org slash jumbotron it's cheap affordable we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go

love you love you love you love you love you love you slash jumbotron it's cheap affordable we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i am jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart Love you, love you, love you wallet today, and I remembered where it might have been found, and so I called this establishment, and I was surprised that they said that my wallet belonged to Dave, because everything in my wallet says David. And when I picked the wallet up, I looked inside, and I realized they had called me Dave because the first thing they had seen was my Maximum Fun Club card, and that I'm committed to being more awesome in all matters public and private. So, Jordan and Jeffy, your card helped get my wallet back to me. Thanks so much for all you do. Bye-bye. We're changing lives one Max Fun Club card at a time, Nick. Touching.

It's a beautiful moment. I do love the fact that that guy is such a fan of you and all of your endeavors that instead of admitting that it's a reasonable thing to do to call someone named David Dave, he just went ahead and attributed to maximum fun. Yeah, absolutely. Because he knows what's important. He knows what is important. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm calling it for a momentous occasion. I just told my parents that I'm a gay and stuff.

Yeah. All right, then. Bye. Yes. A gay. I didn't catch the second part. He said gay and stuff. Oh.

On the one hand, there is a part of me that wishes it was more declarative. Yes, it would have been a lot stronger of a moment. But it's a tough thing to do. Sure. And I fucking admire you for it. And maybe there were some other things that he admitted to his parents that he didn't want to go into with us. Maybe it was just like, look, I'm gay. And I'm also... While I'm at it,

I've been borrowing the car without asking. Right. I'm going to get a PhD in romance languages. You know, whatever. He just dropped some shit that he needed. So he's like, as long as I'm dropping shit on my parents, as long as I'm telling them important stuff that I've been holding back, that I voted for, you know, just just so you guys know, I've decided to register with the Green Party.

Yeah, I love Entourage. I just love it. Not ironically. I think it's a good show. Anyway, fucking a congratulations, man. Good for that guy. That is such a beautiful, you know, I think it's such a beautiful and brave thing to do. No matter what your parents' position on, you know, homosexuality is. Hopefully they're accepting, but either way, regardless, it's a hard thing to have to do.

And I think most people's parents, even people's parents who aren't accepting, will go on to realize that they love their kids more than they are uncomfortable with homosexuality they'll stop being assholes is what you're saying yeah but i think one way or the other i just think it is such a brave and an admirable thing to to get to that point in your life where you where you're gonna be yourself publicly and just fucking do it and an awkward uh place to be in if you're a parent. You know, like if your kid is, are you supposed to act surprised? Even if you've already known, are you, oh, what?

Oh, okay, we love you anyway. Or are you going to go, yeah, of course you're gay. We've known that since you were 12. We've talked on this. Me and Jordan and I have talked about this on the program. But my mom, I would say between when I was about nine or 10 and when I was about 13 or 14 and I started dating girls, frequently made clear that she was giving me the opportunity to come out if I needed to.

If you want to go out to the parade, Jesse, go ahead. I don't mind. If you want to go out to the parade, Jesse, go ahead. I don't mind. She just wanted me to know that if that's what was up, that it would be okay. That's sweet and progressive of your mom. My mom's a nice lady. She was maybe a little disappointed that I was straight.

She loved me very much the whole time. I've made that joke before. I've said that before, and my mom has been upset with me because she wants me to know that she would have loved me however I was. Sure. But that's why she was telling you that. Yeah. But let's just say she didn't have a happy relationship with my dad. She didn't have the highest opinion of straight men in general.

I got you. I got you. But then why would she send you into a relationship with a man? Oh, that's a good point. I just flipped it. You see what man? Oh, that's a good point. Ah, I just flipped it. You see what I just did? That's a good point. But not a straight man. Maybe it's a wormhole.

We can go down that wormhole. She was, hey, listen. This is what's important. She loves me a lot. Yep. And when I started dating ladies, she was really nice about it. Yeah.

Good on you, Mom. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, Mom. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Nick Adams sitting in for Jordan Morris. So how did that, what do you got there, a Pacifico?

El Pacifico. How'd the Pacifico clatter go for you? It went pretty well. I have a desperate need to urinate, everything worked out okay great that's how you know if a beer was good if you really have to piss after drinking a pint of it then it was effective that bottle does appear to be empty it looks like it has done its work and you my friend have another uh plastic god you have to take the other one with you i'll take i don't want these i'm not them. I don't want these. I'm not hosting any... I don't... I'm not running a

beer garden. I'll take them. A beer garden and a music festival where you're not allowed to have glass. Is this recyclable? Oh, no. How much did that cost? Hey, Jesse, I'm rolling the News Corp dollars. I don't look at the label on... You got that Zooey Deschanel

money. Insignificant tchotchkes? Like, I don't look at the label on... You got that Zooey Deschanel money. Insignificant tchotchkes? Like, I don't... Nah, it's a couple bucks. No, I don't know. Maybe a dollar or something like that. Jesus Christ, Nick. I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be...

To live in your world. Your elevated world where the streets are paved with gold doubloons. The elevated world of two-bedroom apartments. Novelty plastic. Two-bedroom apartments and Honda Civics and the like. This is a world that I'll never understand. Well, Nick, once again, thank you for filling in on Jordan Jesse Go. It's always a pleasure, man.

Comedian Nick Adams, he's writing for the upcoming television program Zoe Deschanel. You could call it New Girl. This fall on Fox after Glee on the fox program um you can just call it zoe de chanel maybe we'll start that online at nickadamsweb.com yep um and the author of the book making friends with black people yep um which my brother last week said He's planning to read I gave him a copy of this book How long ago did your book come out? Five years ago? Six years ago?

Yeah And he was sincere too That was what was amazing about it I appreciate it My brother's not an insincere guy I appreciate it As long as he takes it with a grain of salt When I announce that we will never have a black president.

Making Friends with Black People is Nick's book. He's Nick Adamsweb on Twitter, nickadamsweb.com. Google? Google Plus? If you want to give us a telephone call, 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN. And I will be out next week

Because Roughly one week From the recording End of this program Is when my wife is Due to Have a few Pre-push present activities

Yeah So Baby it up Hopefully The next time I speak into this microphone I will be announcing A Healthy bouncing baby boy Atticus Thorne the next time I speak into this microphone, I will be announcing a,

uh, healthy bouncing baby boy. Atticus Thorn. Um, Atticus Coleridge. I think we got it. I think we got it. Yeah.

Did I ever tell you about my dream plan to convert to Judaism so I could give my baby some like really cool, super Old Testament-y, excuse me, Hebrew Bible-y. Shlomo. Shlomo Herschel. Herschel's a cool name. Yeah, it is. Herschel's a cool name. Shlomo is a good one too.

I like Shlomo. Shlomo is one of those names where it's going to suck all the way through high school. If he's hip enough, he can start pulling it off in college with his buddies and with some certain nerdy type girls, and then it'll be fine and a conversation will start. But the first 20 years of his life are going to be brutal. That's true. But there's other good ones.

There's other good ones. But anyway, that's not what it's going to be. We'll talk to you in two weeks right here on Jordan Jesse Go. 206-9844-FUN. JJGO at MaximumFun.org. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. If you want to sponsor an episode of the show, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want to get on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Hey, guess what?

It's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Hey, guess what? If you want your own Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt, jump on the fucking internet. MaxFunStore.com. Take care of business. Let's buy some fucking t-shirts out there. I just did it, gang. You did? Yeah.

I paid you to guest host this program last week, and then you just sent the money back to me. I told you I was going to reinvest. Well, I appreciate that, Nick. My t-shirt game was needing some help, so I decided to stepvest. Well, I appreciate that, Nick. My t-shirt game was needing some help, so I decided to step up. Well, I appreciate that. Be like Nick Adams. Be like beloved Jordan Jesse Go Guess Nick Adams. Visit maxfundstore.com.

If you ever need the URL of one of our sponsors, it's in the forum. And I hope you'll comment in the forum at forum.maximumfund.org. That's probably enough shit. That's H-T-T-P. Colon. Colon. Forward slash. Forward slash.

If you backslash, the whole thing will go shithouse. Forward slash. My whole monitor is covered with whiteout. Okay, look. I gotta go have a human being that's half me. We'll talk to you in two weeks. Yeah, half of the DNA oh right I thought you meant

like in length oh no Jesus Christ yeah it's three feet one and a half inches it's a new world record 101 pounds

good news and bad news you're gonna have to buy a hell of a push present yeah yeah okay we'll talk to you next time I'm Jordan Jessica

bye