Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 186: Who Broke My Window?

Episode Date: August 1, 2011

Jesse and Jordan steal a moment from pre-baby preparations to discuss Mormon commercials, billboards, Captain America and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go.

My baby isn't born yet. So we better talk about Captain America, I guess. Let's go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Cute little microphone stand you got there, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Cute little microphone stand you got there, Jordan. Yeah, it's just for those of you who aren't here, which is most of you.

Jordan, I wouldn't be so sure. For half of you guys, for the half of you guys that are watching this on the closed circuit TV from Jesse's living room. Because if you're doing the numbers, it's the two of us and our two listeners. So 50% of our audience is not here, but 50% is here. Well, for you guys, Beth and Steve, Jesse has a lot of new equipment here at the home office. One of these equipment pieces

is an adorable little mic stand for me. It has three little legs, and it looks like it could be animated by the Pixar people to have human-like qualities. I have to say that Julia, because I'm on paternity leave, Julia took the equipment to go record an interview for The Sound of Young America with our pal Shani Jarden and Robert Popper from Look Around You.

I was going to say Blues Traveler. Yes. And so we... That's Robert Pattinson, though, who is in Blues Traveler, right? Absolutely. Sure. James Patterson. James Patterson.

Is in Blues Traveler. Sure. And so we really have the dregs of the studio equipment Set up right now Speaking of I guess I can't hear in my headphones I don't know if that's There you go great Did that do anything?

It did Well you know we're really down to the last pieces of stuff That we have here at the studio You know what though These fucking people are lucky they're even getting a Jordan Jesse Go this week. I know. Now, maybe if you could describe the situation that you're in, maybe that would make them wipe that shitty look off their face.

Well, as many members of our audience know, I'm expecting a child. It is the only thing that's happened in my life in roughly the past 18 months. And this child was due. You saw Fast Five. Oh, that's true. So the two top two things. Well, it remains to be seen which of those will end up in the number one slot on the top 10 things of the year list for Jesse Thorne. Sure.

But I'd say right now they're neck and neck. Jockeying for first. Sure. Well, I mean, Fast Five gets a lot of bonus points for being a lot of fun and having a lot of great action scenes. But on the other hand, it also had that weird scene where when they were so broke, they didn't even have food. Then right after they did something, they had a secret safe house full of beer and they talked about their fathers. Yeah. they had a secret safe house full of beer and they talked about their fathers. Yeah.

Anyway, this baby that is inside my wife was due to come out yesterday. Sure. And could come out at any moment. In fact, my wife went for a walk with the doula. Which is a big thing you do if you got a doula. Is it a spiritual walk? Is sage burned? Yeah, she was walking a labyrinth.

Oh, okay. On the floor of a Celtic church. Sure. It was, and the doula said she thinks it'll come tonight. Jesse, can I, I have maybe two theories as to why the baby has not come out yet. And just let me know if you think either of these is plausible. Sure. Theory one, your wife is not really pregnant.

Uh-huh. Does that make sense? I mean, she had a longstanding career in film prosthetics before I met her. I didn't think that that would ever come up since she decided to, you know, go to law school and eventually go on to work for MaximumFun.org. But now that you mention it, she may also not be a Klingon. Oh, wow. I mean, sorry if this opens up a huge can of worms. I didn't come here to destroy your marriage,

but I just, you know, wanted a theory too. If she's not a Klingon, how am I going to get boners in the future? I don't know. I guess you'll have to meet a nice Ferengi on the side. Maybe go to AshleyMadison meet a nice Ferengi on the side. Are there... Maybe go to... Are there lady... AshleyMadison.com slash Ferengi.

Are there lady Klingons? Yeah, I think so. No, oh yeah. It's not just Worf. I seem to remember... Worf is the only Klingon I know. I seem to remember someone telling me the fact that Klingons have really rough sex, have like battle sex. Oh.

So, yes. Sure. Theory two. Oh. So, yes. Sure. Theory two. Okay. The baby was already born, but it just went to college. So it just went straight to college. Straight to college.

Well, he's really smart. I mean, I'll tell you, we've been talking to the pediatrician, and he's a really smart kid. I mean, this kid is off the charts. His development stages are really tremendous. Wow. So he stages are really tremendous. So he probably is at college. I mean, I just hope, I mean, if not an Ivy, at least like a junior Ivy,

I mean, I'd like to see him at least at, you know, Wesleyan or something. Sure. You know, I did, funny you should mention this, a couple months ago, we did send him to philip's exeter the esteemed private boarding school on the east coast yeah um and with an eye towards sending him to college when he eventually emerged so i mean that maybe that's it yeah it's tough to say i mean in the second one you have to figure if he has been born and has gone to college, my wife is suffering from some kind of bloating, and she's masking what must be astonishing pain tremendously well. Although she has been a little bit irritable.

That was probably her being in labor. Okay. I guess the pieces are really falling into place. Yeah. I mean, I remember you telling me that she had kind of snapped at you the other day for adjusting the thermostat. That was probably her giving birth. Okay. And when I bought those stamps, was that a plane ticket to an Ivy League university?

It was, yes. I just assumed that the baby hadn't come out yet because it knew that if it came out too soon, my wife and I wouldn't be able to go see Captain America at the movie theater on Figueroa Boulevard. Oh, did you do that? I did, yeah. How'd you like that? I got, you know, I got out of it what I put into it. Sure.

That sounds about right. That's also my assessment of Captain America. Although I did not pay any money to into it. Sure. That sounds about right. That's also my assessment of Captain America. Although I did not pay any money to see it. The people in Captain America, I thought, did an admirable job. Sure. Including Captain America himself. I thought he did quite a nice job with a very thankless task to portray a character that has no characterization.

But, you know, he seemed humane, humane decent and brave sure um good with a good with a quip and uh you know i thought god when i was watching tommy lee tommy lee jones comes in on that movie he plays like an army colonel or something yeah and he just starts saying stuff that army colonels say in movies and it was just such a vivid illustration of how wonderful Tommy Lee Jones is. Sure. Like I was like laughing at things. Yeah. And it was just purely on the strength

of Tommy Lee Jones's ability to just say colonel-y stuff. Right. You know, I had a similar, and I imagine you have not made it out to see Cowboys and Aliens yet. No. But I had a similar...

Not yet, Jordan. Not yet. Wait a minute. So you out to see Cowboys and Aliens yet. No. But I had a similar... Not yet, Jordan. Not yet. Wait a minute. So you scoff at Cowboys and Aliens as if it's a lower quality film than Captain America. I don't know. Yeah. I have similar experience with Harrison Ford. He just says some grizzled things.

And based on his ability to be grizzled, they're really successful. Yeah. Here's the thing about Harrison Ford, though, was never roommates with Al Gore. That's true. I mean, that's a big downside. That's absolutely true. But the thing that struck me about, and I thought that Captain America was really, you know, like I thought I was done with the whole kind of faux deco, kind of what if deco was also the future?

Sure. Aesthetic. A sort of post-steampunk aesthetic, a deco-punk aesthetic, if you will. A kind of laser Nazi. Yeah. But I actually really enjoyed that. I thought, good work hiring the Rocketeer guy.

Sure. It's right in his wheelhouse. good work hiring the rocketeer guy sure it's right in his wheelhouse and um i also thought it was one of the dumbest films i've ever seen in my entire life like the things that people said in the film were so dumb it was as though the dialogue was written by a story editor from The Real Housewives. Right. Yeah, yeah. Especially that first half of the movie where the conflict is Guy wants to join the army but can't. Yeah.

Well, just anything that happens in the movie, they will have three different people say it one after another. I think this is what has become of America thanks to the growth of reality television. Because if you watch a reality television program, you notice that every plot point is just stated out loud by three different characters in a row. It's said in real time, and then it is reiterated by two talking heads yeah and some pronouns are changed and that was essentially what happened in captain america and another odd thing about the film was most of the exciting parts were relegated to montages yeah right i know i you know and i i really i i was kind of prepared two-thirds of the way through to call it to call it a failure kind of even specifically because of that.

I'm like, well, all of our cool parts are raids on laser Nazi camps, as well as our gala war bond shows, evolving montage. Those are things that I want to see in full. Of course. I want to see them raid the laser Nazi compound. And you want to see Captain America sing and dance. I do. Yes, with his chorus line of Rockettes. But all of those were montage.

But I thought that third act with them breaking into the, you know, kind of giant space Nazi plane and stuff was cool enough to where I felt like I could say that I enjoyed the movie. I was kind of sleepy and bored. But I have to say that I really tried to appreciate it because I realized that I'm at that point in my life where for the next, whatever time passes between now and when this baby is born are the last days of me not having a child. Sure. Like, when the child comes, that is a permanent situation. We're not going to give it up for adoption. And God help us, it's not going to die before we do. So that means that as soon as the baby comes out, I have a baby forever.

Yeah. So, you know, Teresa's righta's baby will go on vacations i don't know solo child vacations sure i mean uh certainly we'll these are in folks jesse have you read have you read this week's news week it's been wanting solo child vacation it's been wanting to visit bohemia um to try out some Hefeweizens. But that is really pressing on me right now. The idea that as soon as the baby is born, I will have a child forever. Sure.

I don't think I have ever done anything that is so permanent. You know what I mean? Like, even getting married, you know, it could all go wrong and I get a divorce or something. Sure. But the permanence of this is just overwhelming to me. Yeah. You should get, like,

just to coincide with it, you should get a sweet back tat. Oh, that's a really good idea. Just so you have this other thing to, like, if you're worrying about permanence. What should I get? Captain America? No. how about that sweet uh you remember when the german spy got into like the space submarine yeah but then but then captain america can swim as fast as a space submarine so it didn't matter yeah he just he shouldn't have gotten in the space submarine

because he just punched through the window it's just like getting into your own death yeah if captain america is chasing you. Absolutely. I think I'll probably get Captain America's punching through the window. What about this? Yeah. Just a montage of the summer blockbusters of 2011. So what do we... To commemorate that kind of last carefree summer of your life. Cowboys and aliens.

Cowboys and aliens. Well, I mean, you should see it first and decide whether it warrants a place on the back tat okay i mean so cowboys and aliens yeah no strings attached no strings attached you should get both the friend fucking movies i know the other one came out a little benefits also yeah okay what if i just get a picture of Justin Timberlake sucking Captain America's dick? Yep, that'll do it. Because it's sort of like the spirit of summer blockbusters. Yeah, sure. It's an expression of the spirit, like what you really believe in.

And then he is thinking, you see, okay, so Justin Timberlake is sucking Captain America's dick. Right. And you see like a thought bubble, and it just says the words Vin Diesel. That should do it, right? We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. Can I ask you a question? Oh, it's Jordan Jessico.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Suite. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Yes, ask away. You're familiar with the cellular telephone brand T-Mobile? Mm-hmm. Deutsche Telekom? Sure. So I was driving down the street the other day,

and I was looking at a T-Mobile billboard. Yes. And I noticed something that I don't think has been a big part of the public discourse, but probably should be. Okay. Which is when our friends at Deutsche Telekom made a big marketing push here in the United States for their T-Mobile mobile telephone service, they hired one of America and and wales's favorite actresses

to be their spokesperson catherine zeta jones sure and of course we all love cat everybody loves catherine zeta jones anybody who's seen that zorro movie she was in intolerable cruelty these are the only these are the only two that i've seen. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Oh, Sean Connery Jewel Heist as well. And I saw the preview for that, but it seared itself in my mind. Sure. I think any 15-year-old boy who saw that preview had that image seared in their mind. Yeah. So they hired Catherine Zeta-Jones, and it was one of those things where you're like, well, you know.

Does she still, I don't, I'm not familiar with what T-Mobile is up to these days. Okay, so here's the thing. Okay. So Catherine Zeta-Jones, you got to figure she still? I don't. I'm not familiar with what T-Mobile is up to these days. So here's the thing. Okay. So Catherine Zeta-Jones, you got to figure she was getting, what do you think? $25 million a year? $50 million a year to be the spokeswoman for T-Mobile? Yeah. That sounds correct.

Sure. When you're a movie star, you get a lot of money to be the spokesperson for something. So I was looking at the ad and I thought, Catherine Zeta-Jones looks pretty good. Like, she's got to be in her mid-40s by now. Now, is this a new ad or is this just a... This is a brand new ad. It was up on the wall. It was saying, Catherine Zeta-Jones looks great. And I looked up there and I thought, wait a minute.

That's just a lady that looks exactly like Catherine Zeta-Jones But it's not Catherine Zeta-Jones Okay Did T-Mobile think that we won't notice I mean Yeah I don't know Apparently they have just at some point They just fired Catherine Zeta-Jones And they're just like oh we'll just get a lady that looks

Kind of like Catherine Zeta-Jones Yeah This is interesting Who has the ads that have that that looks kind of like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Yeah. This is interesting. Who has the ads that have that kind of Anne Hathaway-looking woman in the pink dress? Is that also T-Mobile? I think that may also be T-Mobile.

Hmm. Anyways. Just a dark-haired pretty lady in a dress. Can we boot up on the computer most recent T-Mobile ad? I would actually like to see this for myself. Okay. I'm just going to try looking for T-Mobile billboard maybe.

T-Mobile fuckable billboard. See, now, here is this woman here. Yeah. We're looking at a picture of the billboard. And as you can see see it is sort of meant don't you think this is meant to imply Catherine Zeta-Jones yeah I do I if this is if we're thinking of the same

woman this woman to me maybe implies more Anne Hathaway is trying she's trying to get a get some of that action I don't know. Well, my heart belongs to Flo, the progressive insurance lady, so... I don't know. I just... I mean, it's not serious.

I mean, it's not a serious betrayal in the way that the Girl Scouts, say, do on their billboards. The what? The Girl Scouts. Well, I've had beef in the past with Jill the Girl Scouts, say, do on their billboards. The what? The Girl Scouts. What about... Well, I've had beef in the past with Girl Scout billboards. Okay, this is not to that level.

No. You're just a little bit annoyed that you think this woman looks a little too much like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Well, for a company that hired... All I'm saying is, if I was Catherine Zeta-Jones... Sure. And they just hired a lady who looked basically like a 25 year old me and just

dumped me, I feel like it's a copyright infringement or something. Here's the thing, and I'm just looking at this right now, I think that what is setting... To me, if this came up in court or something, because I know that I guess Kim Kardashian has

kind of a similar thing going on right now with, like, The Gap, in that they hired a woman who looks a lot like her, and then she has a clothing company, and they're trying to take down The Gap because they think this implies Kim Kardashian or something. I think their legal leg to stand on is this woman I'm looking at right now does not have giant jugs.

Oh. So I think that's probably the key. Is the jugs defense. Sure. You'd say they would use the jugs defense. Right. Yes. J-U-G-G-Z.

Sure. It's the old Supreme Court precedent of jugs versus Board of Education. Named after, of course, the legendary barrister Edmund Jugs. Yes. Yeah, you know, that's fair. Have you seen it? By the way, have you seen all of my anecdotes this week? Billboard based.

Yeah. Have you noticed this new billboard for the Girl Scouts that says... Oh, I got one too. That says, invest in a girl. I have not seen those, no. That seems more like an advertisement for... Like a child prostitution. Yeah, pimping type situation.

You know, I think the Girl Scouts had a similar situation where their old slogan was, the girl comes first in scouting. And I think it was changed to, the girl is first in scouting. And I think it was changed to the girl is first in scouting. So I think you would think they would be very, very sensitive about any sexual innuendo that's in their slogan. Like they would have a guy that they ran it past. Yeah, sure. Sort of.

Or just a group of 15 year olds and you say it in front of them and do they giggle. I always feel that way about businesses with signs in English where clearly the owner's first language is not English and there's something really weird wrong. Yeah, it's like someone should have said that doesn't make sense. That's the part that I don't... It's not that I don't understand how someone could not speak English that well. Sure. That makes perfect sense. And I'm glad, you know...

It's a difficult language. This is America. Everyone should, you know, be able to start a business and prosper and so forth. should you know be able to start a business and prosper and so forth my question is does this person who doesn't does he just he doesn't it's not even that he doesn't know anyone he can't even just take it down to the post office and be like does this look right to you right you know what i mean this makes sense the folks at the post office are nice. They're not doing anything. They're not helping customers. Speaking of potentially incendiary billboard slogans, have you seen the McDonald's billboard advertising their new Asian chicken salad?

No, what does it say? This is a chicken... Ching, ching chong it's salad time well uh so okay so this is a salad with like mandarin oranges in it right uh and the slogan is i'm still by the way i i am uncomfortable i am ethnically uncomfortable anytime i see chinese chicken salad anywhere sure because the chinese do not eat this salad sure um so the um the slogan is delicious harmony made for you and i'm like well is this racist i guess i'm just saying it in my head with the voice delicious harmony made for you so i'm like maybe they're not intending me

to read it in that offensive voice, and I'm the one being offensive. So you're saying that society has conditioned you to offensive-ize any billboard that involves an Asian theme. But then I actually drove past one the other day, and somebody had graffitied racist on the sign. So I'm like, oh, I'm right.

I'm right. That other guy thought it too and wrote it. Does it also, every time you see one of those billboards, does it open and close with a gong? Yeah, right. Yes, it does. Every time you look up at it, a gong happens. Just like an Asian character entering in an 80s movie. in an 80s movie do you remember when we when we were in santa cruz um there was uh there was this television advertisement recurring local television advertisement for mr chow's chinese fast food

i don't think so i don't think i remember this it was so it would be like it it would it was just like a regular commercial for a local shitty restaurant, you know, just like still photographs of food being panned and scanned with like a generic lady's voice saying $4.99 or whatever. But then they had this graphic that obviously at some point they had just bought this animated sequence and they just reused it at the end of every one. And it had a song and the song went, Mr. Chow, Mr. Chow, Mr. Chow, Chinese fast food. And then Mr. Chow would bounce into the thing. And he seriously, Mr. Chow, the character, seriously looked like he was, you know, a World War II drawing of a Japanese guy. Sure. you know a world war ii drawing of a japanese guy sure like or or you know a world war one era drawing of a chinese guy like just full-on just like it only feature on his face is is uh straight

line eyes sure and then he would say something in that voice and it would always be like it would always be like, it would be on during a sporting event or something. And he would bounce on and he would have like a baseball bat or something. But it would be during a football game. Oh, Mr. Chow. And then Mr. Chow would say like, why holding bat in football season? No. Yes. This didn't happen.

This really happened. Really? Oh, that's great in santa cruz yeah in 2003 sure every time it every time it came on television i just thought the only explanation i could come up with in my head yeah was that the name wasn't just a silly pun. There was a real Mr. Chow who really was a Chinese-American. Sure. And that was really his voice. Yeah. Because that's the only, because no one could say to him,

like, sir, you're a little racist. Yeah, you're kind of a character of yourself. And he must have drawn the picture himself. Yeah. There's no other explanation for how this could get on television. It was so horrible. Yeah, especially since I feel like Santa Cruz has such a high bar for, you know, they're so... Seriously, if you stereotype disc golf players in Santa Cruz, there's a protest.

Right. I think I, back on our college radio station, I had a show for a while where I played old comedy records. And I think I remember playing an old Smothers Brothers routine where they pretended to be Indians and was flooded with were offended calls. Wow. So. Yeah. I would think they would be outside Mr. Chow's with pitchforks and torches. People would be up in the mall in Aptos, Capitola Mall.

Sure. Doing a protest. Anyway. On the subject of advertisements. Yeah, sure. Are you aware of this kind of new campaign that the Mormon Church has? Yeah, it goes, you broke my window. I think that's a local pane glass installer.

No. That was a Mormon television commercial. Was it? It's not part of your childhood? No. I think that's a local pane glass installer. That was a Mormon television commercial. Was it? That's not part of your childhood? No. Right now, 40 people are getting ready to post on the forum about how important the You Broke My Window commercial was to them in their childhood. This was sponsored by... Well, do you remember the television commercials that the Mormons used to do to support morality that used to run during cartoon shows? No.

You know, only thing I remember was the, like, Jesus Christ Church of Latter-day Saints commercial where it's like some kind of well-dressed guy. And he's like, did you know that Jesus appeared to the Indians in the 1800s? And there were these kind of, you know, watercolor drawings of Jesus floating above some Indians. I don't remember that one, but the one that I remember best, and I think there were several morality ones, was like a kid who hit a ball and broke a shopkeeper's window. And he came and said, who broke my window? And then the kid was like, I haven't watched this since I was five years old So I'm getting the melody wrong

Please hold your emails And he goes like I did it, I'm sorry, I did it, my baseball Or something like that And then the lesson of it was And then the guy said Well, thank you for admitting it And gave him some candy or something

And the lesson was that you should be truthful You should be truthful and take responsibility for your mistakes and then it would say a message from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Oh, huh. Well, that's nice. Yeah, there's nothing about Jesus appearing to the Indians or brown people not going to heaven. Gotcha.

Well, it seems like there's this new commercial I've been seeing around and they're encouraging you to go to mormon.org and it's this montage of people who you do not associate

with Mormonism looking into the camera and saying I'm a Mormon. Like Filipinos? Mostly Filipinos? Yeah, some Filipinos. There's some African Americans, like an African American woman with dreadlocks and there's like a kid and then there's just some other people who aren't saying I'm a Mormon but they're showing them. There's literally a kid uh and you know then there's some just some other people who aren't saying i'm a mormon but they're showing them there's literally a kid doing a skateboard

jump um is he wearing like knee pads and elbow pads and like a solid block color shirt no yeah no yeah he's not quite breakfast cereal yeah he's not quite a an early 90s um breakfast cereal commercial but he may as well be. So anyway, so it's this montage of people saying, I'm a Mormon, I'm a Mormon. And then there's this kind of final montage of people. And one of the people in the montage is a white haired old man with a falcon perched on his arm. So it's like, so to me, so I'm like, like okay well mormons don't have a great track record with minorities right right now they're they had a troubled history they had maybe in the past

and people have said some things about black people not being able to go to heaven yeah there there are certain interpretations of the works of the early Mormons that would suggest that mud people don't get to go to heaven. To be fair, they changed in, I believe, the late 70s. Sure. So I imagine them including so many African Americans in it saying, hey, it's okay. Did Mormons come out against falconry at some point? Are they making amends for that now by including this falconry enthusiast? You haven't heard about this?

I didn't know. Jordan, I guess you don't watch a lot of Newt Gingrich in the debates or on various Sunday morning talk shows. Yeah. I mean, that's all he can talk about is Mitt Romney and his anti-falconry stances. I guess so.

Yeah, I mean, it is incredibly controversial. Well, I mean, the Falconry lobby is small, but they're very influential. Yeah. I mean, they donate. They're very powerful, and they've got the bequest from the estate of George Plimpton. So this is serious stuff, Jordan. Yeah, but I guess to all the Falconers out there. Watch out.

Yeah, watch out. The Mormons are coming for you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Why is my stomach all nervous and queasy? We just watched the aforementioned Mormon commercial, and it was great. Telling the truth isn't gonna be easy. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like, so the, seems like, with the look of that in the, you know, early 80s,

the Mormons kind of wanted to hip up their image, appeal to young kids. So they did it the best way they knew how, with an operetta. Well, their founder, Gilbert. Mm-hmm. Sure, and their co-founder, Sullivan. Yeah, yeah. I told the truth. That's what the kid says at the end. Nice. I'm very proud of him. No, me too.

And he was ethnic looking. Yeah, he was. I mean, I think the lesson that they wanted to learn is, young blacks, if you're out there you have nothing to fear from stern old whites they're just here to teach you right from wrong sure they'll they'll appear threatening at first yeah you may be tempted to run from their baso profundo voice right oh that was fun i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart by the way boy detective um so jordan i have a question for you yes please which is that you and you

didn't explain this to me fully but like you were going to be off two weeks from jordan jesse because you were going to go shoot a film yes and so i so I booked the great Nick Adams to guest co-host while you were shooting this film. But that didn't actually, you came back the second week. Yeah. And one of the weeks you were at Comic-Con.

Yes. This movie that I was supposed to be in kind of didn't happen. It was this very cool, this very cool monster movie. We were going to shoot it in Utah. Teen Wolf 2. Teen Wolf 2.

It's called Teen Wolf 2. There was a monster was built, or it was in the kind of late stages of being built. Very, very cool looking. Did they take you down to the monster warehouse? Yeah, we totally went to the monster warehouse And it was a legit monster warehouse And the monster seemed very legit

But as often happens with indie films From what I understand They lost their funding So I think they're putting it on hold I hope they get it together If they get it together I think it'll be really cool Well, hopefully monster movies will heat up I think they're putting it on hold. I hope they get it together. If they get it together, I think it'll be really cool. Well, hopefully monster movies will heat up.

Yeah. And then they can get this thing made. Right, I know. And actually, JJ Go listeners might be excited to know that also cast in this movie was Drew Droege. Past guest, Drew Droege. Were they just sifting through the best of the late 20-something Los Angeles alternative comedy scene? I think they were. Okay.

And really funny, we had to leave kind of abruptly. It kind of happened suddenly. And everybody was really bummed. I mean, the filmmakers in particular, but the cast was as well. And it was kind of a tough van ride to the airport and wait so you've actually flew yeah we were in utah we went to oh my god yeah yeah so um so you know we were only there for two days and had to come back and found out you were mud people right i know sorry um they found my stash of caffeine i have no i have no animus towards the church of j Christ of Latter-day Saints.

No. Nice folks. Yeah. Good folks. Uh, I remember in high school, all the Mormon girls were really hot. Yeah.

So, so there you go. Kept, kept in shape. Sure. There's some sort of commandment about keeping toned buns. I would not be surprised. Um,

and, uh, anyway, so so so we're walking we're walking through the airport kind of you know kind of feeling a little bit bummed and uh past jj go guess drew drogy turned to me he's like hey jordan i just want you my condolences to the filmmakers and i really i really hope they get it together because i think it'll be a cool thing um but i did have to take a plane ride which even if you know the the whole experience was worth it for this. I was sitting next to a very standard dad type, very standard, large dad. And I fell asleep pretty much as soon as I sat down. But I woke up, and standard dad had his iPad out.

And he was watching lesbian pornography on his iPad. This is a full flight, too. I'm not like a seat over from him. I'm in the middle seat, and he's on the aisle seat. And this wasn't because I've been, I was just, a couple months ago, I was on an airplane, and my wife and I were watching on my laptop an episode of Boardwalk Empire that had some nudity. And I was like, oh, geez, there's some nudity in this.

What do I do? Well, here's the thing. This looked like the production values of pornography. And also, I should probably say this looked like two women, not necessarily pornography for lesbians, but it was two women. And he noticed me looking very efficiently, but very calmly, clicked on another window that was behind the porno window, as you might do at the office when you're looking at cat videos. And there's a spreadsheet behind it, in know, in case the boss walks in, you have that spreadsheet that's just a click away.

You watch cat porn at the office? Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. I like to jerk it to barbed penises. Sure. So anyway, so he had this window ready. Right.

So he clicked off of this lesbian porn to an episode of Soap. The late 70s? Yeah, early 80s. Early 80s show where Billy Crystal was like the TV's first gay man or something? Yeah. Anyways, and then he proceeded to just watch episodes of Soap for the rest of the plane ride. Wow.

Isn't that weird? wow isn't that but he wasn't like it wasn't like he was in like sweatpants and he was watching porn like with his hand in his pocket like he was just sitting he was in slacks and he was just sitting kind of cross-armed on the airplane i'm always i'm always surprised by people who watch pornography in a non-masturbatory context. Me too. Why would you do... I mean, this is the only instance I've seen of someone doing that. I mean, I guess like, you know, when you're a kid and you're with some friends

and you're like, oh, check out my dad's, you know, Playboy Girls of the Pac-10 video. And then I guess you don't have to necessarily jerk your friends off. Right. But yeah, but just someone casually watching porn, especially on an airplane, it is weird to me. It's such a bizarre thing that exists in the world. Yeah.

People who just watch porn for entertainment? Yeah, I guess, you know, and I guess the only other instance I can think of is in American Psycho, where Christian Bale just has on porn, like, while he's doing his workout, and it seems like that is a, you know, a character trait of a psychopath, like someone who just has no feeling.

That's on the psychopath list. Yeah, someone who casually watches porn. Does he watch pornography while exercising? Right. But, yeah, it's very weird. I can't explain it at all. That is really something. And he knew, like, if I get caught, I'm going to have to just tough it out with these soap episodes.

What do you do even when nudity comes up? What do you do then? Do you just keep watching it? If it's a real show, are you allowed to watch a show with nudity? Yeah, you know, it's funny, because I guess, like, a lot of on planes now who have that on-demand service, there's a real show, are you allowed to watch a show with nudity? Yeah, you know, it's funny, because I guess, like, a lot of on planes now who have that on-demand service, there's a lot of HBO stuff, so if you're watching

an episode of Entourage, and, you know, the once or twice an episode Entourage fuck scene comes on, yeah, I guess they're okay with it. I guess planes are okay with it, I guess. By the way, the way that I feel about people watching pornography in non-masturbatory

context, same as entourage. Yeah. Yeah. These people, these people are equally troubled. Why are you watching that? What are you getting out of that?

If you were jerking it, I can understand if, yeah, at least how to make it in America has Luis Guzman. Sure. Right. Um, yeah,

I don't, I felt, I felt trapped when the nudity happened in Boardwalk Empire. Yeah. Does that have a lot of nudity? It's got a fair amount of nudity. Okay. It's got a standard HBO level of nudity.

Okay. But it made me wonder, like, well, what if in the future I want to watch Game of Thrones? Sure. And there's a weird rape scene going on. Yeah. Like a rape scene that they seem to be enjoying a little bit too much from the camera's point of view. Like, then what am I supposed to do on the airplane? I like that show.

I want to watch it. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, my bashfulness might cause me just to stay away from any material that would have nudity in it. But, yeah. The other day, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law were visiting. And my brother-in-law is 17. My mother-in-law's mother-in-law aged.

And we... Here's the thing. We don't have cable television. We only have shows that I've downloaded from the internet or shows that are on downloaded from the internet or shows they're on netflix instant sure so that's great i mean usually that works out great because it means that we don't really watch any tv that's stupid sure um we only watch tvs that we that we actually want to watch you know so if i want to watch a dumb show i'm usually watching cheers

cheers is great cheers a really good show so we were sort of at the bottom of the barrel. And it's been the summer season. There's just not a lot of shows on right now that I'm really excited about. Sure. So the main show that I'm excited to watch is Louie. Like when there's a new Louie, I'm rushed to download it, you know, so I can watch it. I gotta get that on my Hulu Plus or whatever.

I'm just gonna act like I watch it on Hulu Plus. Yes, like you're paying the Hulu Plus eight bucks. I get excited to watch the new episode of Louie. So we had a new episode, and it's one of Teresa's favorites, too. And Teresa's mom is a really nice lady and very what you might call enlightened. But she's also, she also grew up in a very strict Catholic household and thus is not big on things that are inappropriate. Sure.

And uncomfortable with like swearing and nudity and TV shows and that kind of thing. So she's an interesting mix of those two qualities. But I was like, well, I was like, Teresa, we could watch Louie. And Teresa was so excited about it. And she's usually the one who reminds me, oh, this isn't something we should watch with my parents around or whatever. And, you you know we're adults theresa's brother is essentially an adult theresa's mom's an adult so we watch this louis

and it was an all sex episode of louis it was just wall to wall yeah they like the theme of the episode is louis has sad uncomfortable sex yeah it was 30 minutes of that that show really knows how to do sad uncomfortable sex too like they're they're very good at it i have never been so mortified to sit with someone and then you know the next week was just about some crazy stuff happening or family or sure all of those things would have been fine but it's just the one episode that came up was the one that was exclusively just the skin crawling is most uncomfortable uh you know explicit sex things happening yeah so i guess is it more uncomfortable toughing it out or being the one who's like hey i'm i'm weird

watching this around family like we all we all just toughed it out. We toughed it out. I mean, because here's the thing. Did anyone laugh? Did anyone have the audacity to laugh? I mean, here's the thing. Like, I don't care that much. You know what I mean? It's not my parents or brother or whatever. And and so it's got to be theresa's call

you're saying yeah it's got to be theresa's call and theresa genuinely was really excited to watch it sure and so we just ended up watching the whole thing and just there was just no comment was passed you know what i mean it was just it just settled down and just hunkered in and 23 minutes later it was all over. And you had watched it. Yeah. I was a little, I was watching an episode

of, I was visiting my mom and I was watching it. She has a nice cable package where it has kind of a list of stuff on demand and I was a little uncomfortable because I was watching an episode of Parks and Rec but it was just because my mom didn't think it was demand. And I was a little uncomfortable because I was watching an episode of Parks and Rec, but it was just because my mom didn't think it was funny. So that was a little bit uncomfortable. To be fair, sometimes it isn't.

Sure. Sometimes it's great. No, most of the time it is. This one was funny, and my mom just did not find it funny. Oh, yeah. Well, I can understand that. Sure. You know.

It's mom's for you. Yeah. You know what? My mom... Mom likes a bachelor. It's mom's for you. Yeah. You know what?

My mom... Mom likes a bachelor. My mom really only likes to watch really intense Spanish language documentaries and stuff. Like really, really intense, serious shit and say yes to the dress. Nice. My mom will call me and tell me about something she saw because my mom never had cable. Yeah, yeah. My mom never really watched television until I was out of the house and she sort of figured what was she going to do with herself, I think.

And so now she just watches Say Yes to the Dress. I don't even know what happens on Say Yes to the Dress. What are the plot points? I think it revolves around bridezillas. I think that's the fun of Say Yes to the Dress, is that the women who are trying to find the dress are very unpleasant. Oh, so this is one of those hate shows. Yeah, yeah.

This is like a Real Housewife or Jersey Shore or something like that. The same principle. There was a big article in the New York Times style section, which here's a pro tip for all you young people out there looking to become better people. Don't read the New York Times style section. It is just the worst of all worlds. The New York... Oh, God, it is just brutal. It is brutal, Jordan. They're just six months behind on everything? Well, that's the thing.

I mean, it is as well written as the New York Times is generally. Sure. But it is about nothing. Nothing. Yeah. And it is also behind. Yeah, yeah. So it is just this horrible combination of wrongnesses.

Sure. And I say this is the only time I've made an appearance in the New York Times was in the style section on the wedding page, which may be the worst offender. But there was this article in there about this television show on the Logo Network called The A-List.

Oh, sure. This is like the gay housewives. Yes, this is the gay housewives show. Is A for anus? Sure. Okay. Why not? Yeah.

Sounds fun. Yeah. You know? Sure. And basically, the whole article was about how it was sort of like what i don't know who pitched this article like maybe an editor assigned it to someone who was uncomfortable reporting on it yeah but ultimately the theme of this article ended up being that it was it was like a non-aspirational version of the real housewives because they couldn't get anyone who actually was rich to agree to be on the show right so like they're

like the rich i guess just the rich the rich gay horrible person list yeah it's just too short because you've just got too many you're cutting the pie too many times. Sure. As opposed to just the horrible rich women list where you've got your... Sure. There's a...

Just ask who's been married to Kelsey Grammer before. Exactly. Apparently it's what you do. Exactly. You have a good jumping off point. And so they, so the whole article

is about, basically the producers say, yeah, it turned out that we had a really hard time finding anyone aspirational lifestyle wise that would come on our show. Which is so sad when you've discovered that your show is like the less classy version of the Real Housewives series. is like the less classy version of the real housewife series and also if you're gay you only have like four shows sure there are only like four gay shows yeah you know like shows that are i mean there are certainly shows with a lot of gay audience or whatever but shows that are like that feature gay gay characters made by gay people for gay people. Sure. And you're just stuck with the world's shittiest... I mean, you can say what you will. You can say what you will about reality shows on PET or something.

Many of the same problems crop up, I'm sure. But if your only choice is, yeah, it's like The Real Housewives, but it makes you feel a little worse after you watch it. Right. You know, I've heard good things about RuPaul's Drag Race. I've also heard good things about that. I hear that that is maybe the good version of that kind of programming. But it is actually fun.

RuPaul is great. And it's like an exciting competition show like A Top Chef or something like that. Definitely RuPaul is great and it's like an exciting competition show like you know a Top Chef or something like that definitely RuPaul is great I mean the thing about RuPaul is RuPaul broke through the glass ceiling when to be a successful entertainer

that was also that was also is RuPaul is RuPaul actually does RuPaul identify as a woman or is he just a drag performer? I think he's just a drag performer, right? Yeah. You know, I'm trying to remember his or her recent appearance on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and using that as my litmus test because I'm sure Peter Sagal isn't getting that wrong but uh i can't think of anything but uh yeah when rupaul busted when rupaul busted through in 1988 sure you had to

have some serious chops to get to the top of it to get into the break into the mainstream entertainment as a drag performer sure you had to have some serious fucking chops there was no there was no short route to success and to mainstream success in drag performing ned rupaul's a charmer sure the tremendous the tremendous performer yeah we tried to get rupaul in the san diego america actually oh yeah you know what happens a lot i'll hear somebody on one of the uh silly celebrity guest segments on wait wait don't tell me sure i'll be like fuck i tried really hard to do a serious public radio interview with that person yeah they're just uh they're just on the

old wait wait hanging with sagal answering questions about the stanley cup yeah to be fair on wait wait you do have to do a lot less for a big round of applause totally and you can just you can you can call in too yeah i think most people just call in just call in it's easier they're in chicago and you get to talk to paula poundstone yeah which is fun yeah who knows maybe she's drunk yeah i'm just kidding i actually i think paula poundstone is a very gifted comedian so i shouldn't be making fun of the time that she went to the ice cream store with seven children and she was too drunk to drive yeah she's great anyway paula poundstone is great One time she was on The Sound of Young America a long time ago.

Yeah. I did not even need to be there. Oh, sure. That's my memory of Paula Poundstone. Poundstone interviews herself. Poundstone just basically just introduced new topics over the course of 40 or so minutes herself. And every so often I would pretend pretend that I was asking a question. Great.

Anyway, I like Paula Poundstone. Yeah, me too. You were watching an old Paula Poundstone special? Yeah, no, I mean... I remember watching some in high school. Yeah, I mean, definitely the height of my Comedy Central viewing was in high school when it was Mystery Science Theater.

It was just a lot of HBO specials, a lot of bleeped HBO specials from like the late 80s yeah and that's when you see like monty python real early in the morning and you'd see paula poundstone live at harvard or whatever yeah sure no i remember loving those for sure i don't know if they would hold up but um and and yeah and like you know we didn't have hbo growing up so my that was like some of my first experience with just seeing stand-up comedy was like you know when comedy central first first became available so yeah no i i really loved all that stuff paula poundstone included well we'll be back in just a second on the paula

poundstone show Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. This is your home for talk about Paula Poundstone and vague memories of her comedy specials when we were in high school. And that illegal thing she did one time. Vague memories of both of those things. Congratulations on downloading this podcast we know you have a lot of options when it comes to podcast entertainment thank you for choosing the one that has vague memories of paula poundstone um you want to share some sponsorship messages i would love to by the way we are sponsored this week by paula

poundstone's 1988 special paulaoundstone live at Harvard sure um available in some format we're we're sponsored this week's program is brought to you by Paula Poundstone's shoulder pads and such um okay uh sponsors Well, back again, fueli.com. This is F-U-E-L-L-Y.com. This is a website run by our pal Matt Howey that does, it essentially calculates your MPG for you and makes it into nice little pictures and graphs and lets you compare it to people and so on and so forth so that you can encourage yourself to get better gas mileage and do a lot of drafting behind semis probably. You think Matt Howey's up there in Oregon drafting semis? I hope so. You think he's got a CB? I like to think about it. Somebody said on the forum, I'm going to assume that it was Ronnie, even though it wasn't.

Ronnie's one of our forum members who likes to build cars that do wheelies. who likes to build cars that do wheelies. He's got a CB radio in his car, and he always asks permission before he drafts behind a semi. Yes. Good. That is great. That's absolutely great. 10-4.

I liked, did you see the movie Super 8? No. A lot of fun ham radio stuff in that movie. Really? Yeah, if you like ham radio-related plot points. Wait, wasn't that a movie where Nick Cage gets involved in a assorted world of amateur pornography? You think of 8mm. This is a J.J. Abrams movie starring children.

Oh, gotcha. Yeah, and I was going to go see that, and then it wasn't in the $6 movie theater anymore, and that was the end of that. That's good. I liked it a J.J. Abrams movie starring children. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, and I was going to go see that, and then it wasn't in the $6 movie theater anymore, and that was the end of that. That's good. I liked it a lot. We have one more. We have one message on the Jumbotron this week, Jordan. That is InterventionCon.

InterventionCon, which is a it is like a fun internet culture and geeky party in rockville maryland wow and why wouldn't it be in rockville yeah right after all sounds fun you want to have you want to make sure you have easy access to silver spring maryland oh sure um it's in uh let's see september mid-september, September 16th through 18th. Um, all the, he says you can talk with, learn from, and party with the people you see online

every day at your favorite blogs, comics, and video sites. We were not invited to this. Yeah, I was going to say, we're on the internet. Come on, get us out to Rockville. Yeah, I, hey, I'm going to be busy. I'm, I got to go to Belfast. I'm going to a conference in Belfast, Jordan. Look, we are available. we are available as conference speakers.

If you're interested in having us speak at your conference. Yes. We are knowledgeable on two or three topics. Let's say you're an internet culture enthusiast, but you don't like Jordan Jesse Go. They talk too much about Paula Poundstone. Sure. Well, then you should probably go. That's a legitimate concern.

To interventioncon.com to find out more about this. If you want to put your message on an upcoming Jordan, Jesse, go. It's maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. If you want to have your product or service somehow connected with Paula Poundstone in the minds of listeners. Absolutely. Let's say that you run a competing shoulder pad company. Sure. You run a competing shoulder pad company.

Sure. And you, but you offer both shoulder pads and the primary color suits that they fit into. And you want to sort of do a kind of fake Anne Hathaway, Catherine Zeta-Jones switcheroo on people. A bosomless, a kind of a bosomless poundstone. You want to pull the old bosomless poundstone. Maximumfun.org slash jumbotron or if you want to advertise for real uh email theresa at maximumfund.org we'll be back in just a second jordan jesse go It's Jordan, Jesse Goehm, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Jordan, we don't have this week any momentous occasion calls because we sort of threw this thing together at the last minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were figuring, well, probably the baby will be here, but then we weren't doing anything. Jesse will be in a waiting room drinking scotch and smoking cigars with the other dads. The birthing room is so huge at this nice Kaiser Hospital that they just rebuilt all the birthing rooms that I feel so bad that we definitely don't want any of our family members in there.

So it's made to accommodate like giant... Several guests. Yeah, like there are comfortable chairs for three or four people. Splay out, you know? It's a good idea. When you get there, splay out. You know what I'm going to do? Teresa will be laboring.

Yeah. And I'll just be sitting back with like a stalk of grass between my teeth, relaxing like I was fucking Huckleberry Finn. Sure. You should have a fishing line tied to your foot. I will have tricked the doula into painting my fence. And Teresa's just going to be going, oh, oh, and I'm just going to be going. Sure.

Training your famous jumping frog. Absolutely. Okay. Look, Jordan, we've learned a lot in our over 50 years of combined life experience. I know where babies come from. You've met Bruce Campbell. We're powerhouses of insight. Sure. That's why we have this segment on the program, Straight Talk for Teens.

Let's go straight to the teens. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, this is Guy Frenderson from somewhere in what you guys lovingly refer to as the flyover state. What do we, okay. Number one, I don't think that's his real name. Yeah. That's number one. Just right off the bat, I don't think it's his real name. I was fooled once by a Mr. Fake Fakesley. Although, if his real name is Guy Friendly, it's possible he had to change it to Guy Frenderson because of a SAG dispute with the guy from Sesame Street, the game show host from Sesame Street. Guys, this guy's smiley.

Yeah. Oh, is that guy smiley? This guy's smiley. Okay, so they ask no excuse. You're fine. Well, he's fine in the union, but I don't buy it. He's fine union-wise. Sure.

As long as his dues are paid. Anyway, what I have for you guys is some straight talk for teens. I am not a teen. I am almost... Whoa! Wait a minute. Were we not clear about this, Jordan? We're the ones who...

Is he wanting to give teens straight talk? Does he want to horn in on our racket? I don't know. Let's listen. I'm 30 years old, but a huge part of me feels like it has not grown up yet. So, do you guys have any advice on what the fuck am I doing with myself? I don't know what I'm doing here.

You're fucking impersonating a teenager. Yeah, I know. You're calling into a teen-centric segment on our program. Jeez. What do you think? You're going to nominate yourself for a Teen Choice Award? Yeah. What the fuck is this?

I know. You're not getting that coveted surfboard, my friend. You're going to try and... for a Teen Choice Award? Yeah. What the fuck is this? I know. You're not getting that coveted surfboard, my friend. You're going to try and... That's going to miss Taylor Swift. You're going to try and play in the Junior World Cup? Yeah. I don't think so, Ace. Are you going to try and win on Teen Jeopardy?

I would love to try and win. That would be really fun. How fun would it be? Just crush those little shitheads. Just fucking destroy them. Just destroy them. Just get your hands around their neck and just squeeze until you hear a crack about geography sound like that bring the life out of them just just get up in there then and then it's fucking on from there once you do teen jeopardy

here i come carmen san diego i'm gonna fuck your shit up. Sure. And then Double Dare. How about this? You're one of the fifth graders on Am I Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. You're making big fucking money. Bank. You're making that Foxworthy dough. Sure. Anyway, what does this guy want?

You want to know how he can grow the fuck up. Hmm. Oh, fuck. Well, I don't know. Do we throw him a bone? We're kind of in a tight spot here. I mean, we already played much of his call. Well, I'll just play the rest.

Okay. Do we have to? I guess. I'm 20 years old, and I need to get a real job or just do something. I need to motivate and get focused on life. So I respect very much both of your opinions, and I would like to hear what you both have to say about it. Okay, thanks. Bye.

Number one, you're a fucking dipshit. Sure, call it into this teen segment. Number one, quit bullshitting around. Yeah. You know what this guy needs? Hmm? Fucking tough love. Yeah.

This guy needs tough love. You're not going to win that coveted teen choice surfboard sitting around your house moping. You know what I think we should do? How did Robert Pattinson win it? Hard work. We should send this guy to one of those teenage work camps that Montel sends people to. Oh, yeah, sure. We should send him to some sort of boot camp.

You got Montel's number? Yeah, well, Montel only communicates by smoke signal i did not know that about montel i had heard he also communicates by telephone and semaphore that was the sound that was the semaphore trying to get the attention of montel. Who's on his battle cruiser. Shit, man. You just got to back yourself into a corner and start fucking taking care of business.

Yeah, right. I've never done anything. I'm so lazy, Jordan. Sure. I am so lazy. I don't think... I think people out there think that I'm some magical,

motivated type A personality. I am spectacularly lazy. And I don't know if this is the case. You do a pretty good job of taking care of business, Jordan. But I know that for me, the only way that I have ever achieved anything is by forcing myself into a position where my only choice was to try. Because otherwise, what I'll just do is think about everything that's not going to work, and then I just won't do it so i recommend investing twenty thousand dollars into something um just doing some shit that will make you take your shit seriously right yeah i like that that's good i was yeah sure or you could just work construction well fucking they don't take any shit yeah right we're gonna fucking you know

try and how about this we're gonna i i just read're going to fucking, you know, try and, how about this? We're going to, I just read that Kitchen Confidential. Turns out, you know, you can do all kinds of crazy shit, but you really have to take care of business if you work in the kitchen of Le Hall. Sure. Le Hall. With Anthony Bourdain. He doesn't take any shit. Yeah. You can do a lot of cocaine and get an apprenticeship with Bourdain. Call everybody, call everybody a butt fucking faggot, but you have to chop those vegetables, my friend. That's what I say. You just got to find a way

to fucking back yourself into a corner, and then you just got to take care of business. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, get rid of whatever this thing is that's making you

too comfortable to achieve. You know what it is? Maybe quit your job like installing car stereos or whatever. You think that's what it's about? I'm thinking of like, I'm just thinking of

a quintessential job that's like, oh, well, this is comfortable, but it's not getting me anywhere. You think that's what his job is? I'm thinking of like, I'm just thinking of a quintessential job that's like, oh, well, this is comfortable, but it's not getting me anywhere. Like it's, but. I don't know how comfortable it is to have a job. Maybe he could be like a,

he could be a waiter at a mid-priced restaurant. Yeah, sure. How about that? Then again, okay. Something that pays, something where you're earning 40 grand a year,

but you're not doing anything. Sure. How about that? Yeah say i say either do something that you can't afford to not work hard on or work construction and they'll kick your fucking ass sure you just get fired a couple times and then you know you always can go to a new work site because they're always hiring laborers that's what i say. Start a business. How about that? Yeah, that's good advice too.

You know what? Our friend... Well, my plan here is to give him a variety of different advice. Sure, these are all options. I haven't really refined my advice-giving persona yet. Yeah. I feel like I need a stronger point of view. Sure. How crotchety do you want to be?

Is that what you're working out? And just sort of where I'm coming from Am I like a former marine drill sergeant? That doesn't take any guff? Am I like an etiquette expert? Are you a Judge Judy or a Judge Alex? Is what you're asking yourself Or a Judge Joe Brown

Or a Judge Dredd Which of these judges am I? We can only hope. Yeah, this guy sounds like he's more of a Judge Reinhold, am I right? Yeah, boy. Oh, we're having a lot of fun saying Judge. Sure. It is fun to say Judge.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse. I need some advice from you guys. I just broke up with a guy for the first time, and I work with him, and we'll be taking a class with him come September. My first instinct is to make myself unattractive and appear unhappy so as not to hurt his feelings more. What do you think I should do?

I appreciate your help. Thank you. Bye-bye. Ooh, somebody's pen was in the company ink. Yeah. Oh, wait. Somebody's inkwell was penetrated by the company pen. I'm sorry.

I was confusing men and women. Okay, well... Number one, congratulations on being an actual teen. Sure. I offer you my hearty and enthusiastic support on that basis alone. I don't know if you've heard, but a lot of charlatans have been calling into this program, pretending to be teenagers. A lot of Latin American baseball player types who are falsifying their birth certificates so they can get a better signing bonus.

Yeah, boy, this sounds like the kind of situation where you can't, you know, like there are those breakups where you can just kind of not see the person for a while until everybody's all healed up. But it sounds like no choice in this regard. You got to rub his face in it. Yeah, right? That's my, I mean, at the end of the day, both of you are going to gonna you got to be in this class sure and you got to be at this job just get a bitch and boob job start start toning your glutes let your hair down take off your glasses sure

no it look the the thing of it is is that it's gonna be fine this happens sure you know it's just but you have to you have to be on to the next thing yeah you can't get you can't go back and then that's when the trouble starts when you start trying to be like oh but i gotta be extra nice to him because of you know blah blah blah blah blah blah like oh no just straight ahead no bullshit get yourself a hot boyfriend i suggest fabio yeah oh yeah he's great um yeah you know and i might say say like oh well yeah it's like you have those there's those weird like um you know post-breakup hangouts the that can be super weird if one person is super into it and the other person is not because, you know, I think it can be easily interpreted as like, oh, this is us getting back

together. So, yeah, I might say if you definitely don't want to get back together, don't do those. Like, don't go to dinner with him, just the two of you. Like, I mean, certainly, I think, you know, if you do have friends then you know you should learn how to hang out together but uh yeah i would say i would say keep it keep in the group setting for a while you want to you know don't go to any movies don't you want to have it in the kind of situation you want to treat this person like someone that you work with and have a class with but definitely don't want to date sure like that's it maybe you can think of one or two other examples of that kind of person in your life you can be decent to him but you just don't want to date. Sure. Like, that's it. Maybe you can think of one or two other examples of that kind of person in your life.

You can be decent to him, but you just don't do anything that, it sounds like he was the one that was bummed about it the most. Yeah. But just don't do anything

that is going to give him the false impression that something's going to happen and, you know, just be clear and straightforward and treat him like a decent human being

and, you know, the two of you will have many instances like this in your life. Sure. Totally. And, yeah, definitely think before you do something. Can he interpret this as I want to get back together? If it seems like it could have that connotation, don't do it. Like if you have a fountain pen that says the name of the company you work at.

Sure. Or if it has a picture of his dick, my man. Putting it into and out of your inkwell. Yeah, sure. Well, pointing at it and raising your eyebrows. Sure, and if you're steadying the inkwell between your legs, definitely don't do that. I am so glad that a real teen called in.

Oh, me too. That's a real teen problem, too. Like, that's a nice, legit teen problem. You know, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of teens out there in our audience who need our kind of straight talk that only we can provide. Sure. I mean, there are a lot of other people pretending to give, but they're patronizing teens, you know, or they just don't have the bona fides to impress a teen. They don't have over 50 years of combined experience.

Jordan, in your experience, you've spent a lot of time with Tony Hawk. Absolutely. In my experience... Who knows more about teens than Tony Hawk? I talked on the phone for half an hour with Paula Poundstone. I mean, these are the kind of things that are currency, powerful cultural currency that makes us the role models that we are. You know who doesn't have that kind of real world experience? Twilight author Stephanie Myers. No, she's just some elderly hag who works at a Bennigan's.

Yeah, and then she goes home to her lonely one bedroom and does crank take that twilight yeah if you have if you need some advice and you're a teen and you want to be on straight talk with teens it's 206-984-UN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. That was fun, huh? Yes.

Having some fun, sweating up here in the top floor. Oh, yeah, sure, the sweat lodge. Hot. It's hot up here. Hot. Masculine. It's a masculine heat. Yeah, it is.

It's a masculine heat. It is. Yeah. I got a lot of pens up here. I know. A lot of pens. Not a lot of inkwells. Did you see my new friend Roosevelt? No. Is that the stuffed goat? He's a ram. I'd say he's a ram, probably. I would describe him as a ram. He's got horns. He's not

a goat. His name's Roosevelt. You can call him Rosie or El Presidente. Okay. He's a ram. He's got horns. He's not a goat. No. His name's Roosevelt. Okay. You can call him Rosie or El Presidente. Okay. He's pretty cute, huh? Yeah. Pretty good. Where'd you get him?

I got him on the electronic bay. Oh, nice. Jesse, can I just ask you a quick question about rap music? I know we're trying to wrap it up, but I was figuring... As long as we're wrapping it up. I was figuring if this baby thing happens, we might not do one of these for a while. This has kind of been on my mind and on my heart. Sure. So,

you know the convention, like when, like we talked about the padded up skateboarder in 90s serial commercials. Right. Like, it seems like there was a rap equivalent of that, where, like, the characters in serial commercials would rap, and they would always start with,

my name is blank and I'm here to say. You're familiar, this rings a bell, right? Yeah, sure. Is there any precedent for that in the world of rap? Like, at any point, does that come from somewhere? I think it does. I think it comes from in 1978, you know, when Busy B was rapping mc busy b he would the rappers would often

say who they were okay i don't think they would now here's the real question okay my name is blank and i'm here to say i love shoulder pads for the usa sure um. That's from MC Paula P. Yeah. Like that part of it, I'm not sure. I have to throw that out to the audience. Oh, wow. If there are legitimate examples of that in the vectors of breakfast cereal commercial and rap music is the Honeycomb Hideout. Okay.

I don't know if you remember the Honeycomb Hideout. I'm familiar that it exists, but I don't really know any details about it. It's where kids went to the honeycomb hideout not i mean i'm familiar that it exists but i don't really know any details about it it's where kids went to eat honeycomb okay and it has appeared in more rap lyrics yeah i mean there are seriously 10 or 12 songs that that feature a discussion of the honeycomb hideout in some form or other i like and i also like the the advertising strategy like encourage kids to eat it in secret like encourage kids to steal away with a box of cereal and just eat by yourself anyway i it in the honeycomb if somebody wants i'm sure somebody will on the forum find there's been a few blogs have looked into the connection between hip hop and the honeycomb hideout where they've really taken apart all of the illusions. I think maybe our friend Andrew Nas from Cocaine Blunts, a regular guest on the Sound of Young America, did at one point. It is truly majestic the number of honeycomb hideout appearances that have appeared in the world of hip hop.

It's like no other odd thing that happened once in a television commercial. Did the honeycomb bear ever say, my name is blank and I'm here to say? Do you think he ever said that? Honeycombs are best for the USA? Yeah. It's basically only USA or today, right? Yeah.

Or I think I always associate it with with and i'm into something in a major way in a major way like and i do this in a major way i do science in a major way yeah yeah it's like it would be like science maybe like fruity pebbles are here to stay sure here to stay but here to say and here to stay they would rhyme those what are they come on what are they noriega where are they nori n-o-r-e you know about this rap lyric from noriega no where he goes where he goes goes um uh swim swim laps across the english channel neptunes i gotta conquer spaniel i know that sounds pretty good oh man that's such a great lyric from a hit record too okay just saying different stuff stuff okay look 206-9844 fun our telephone number jj go at maximum fun.org we are we almost have a thousand reviews now in itunes pretty good we've like tripled our itunes review base so thank you

and if you haven't reviewed our show in itunes do it so we can get to a thousand so i can finally put this thing to bed right that's the only thing that's keeping me from putting this to bed i guess in this scenario a thousand yeah anyway we have gotten some very nice placement on the zoom marketplace lately yeah thank you zoom marketplace absolutely good looking out zoom marketplace yeah you know what side of the bread your butter is on you know who your social media influences influencers are us jordan might get a windows phone i already got a windows phone yeah i i think yeah i mean you got one for free. I don't know why they're depriving their greatest champion of a Windows phone.

So you would say that you're their greatest champion? Yes, absolutely. Not me? No. I was quoted in the New York Times, Jordan. Yeah, well, you ditched the Zune when the heat came down. Yeah. When the heat came down. Yeah. When the heat came down?

Yeah. When the jackbooted thugs were going home to home looking for Zunes? You got, yeah. No, it's just a... I stood firm. It's just an iPhone with a square cover. Yep. I don't know.

I don't know where your priorities are windows or organization and also zune max maximum fun.org jumbo tron or email theresa at maximum fun.org if you want to advertise on one of our shows um we'll see you on the forum at forum.maximumfun.org on twitter, where our hashtag has been doing quite well lately. I really enjoy... Thank you for hashtagging us. When you write something about Jordan Jesse Goh on Twitter and you hashtag it JJ Goh, we do look at it. I enjoy seeing the different stuff that people enjoy.

And I also like... You know, there's this thread on the forum called Great Jesse Laugh Moments or something like that. And they're about different stuff that I've laughed really long and hard at on Jordan Jesse Go. Okay. And what I like about that thread and about the hashtag JJ Go on Twitter is that usually

by the time we've recorded, I can't even remember a single phrase that happened in the show to name the show, much less jokes or just anything. Like right now, I'm thinking about what I'm going to name the show. I have no idea what we talked going to name the show. I have no idea what we talked about for the last 90 minutes. So it's fun for me. It's like reliving. It's mainly about Catherine Zeta-Jones' jugs.

So just play in that space. You know, play around there. Anyway, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll see you at forum.maximumfun.org and we'll see you on Twitter and we'll see you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll see you at forum.maximumfun.org, and we'll see you on Twitter, and we'll see you on the Facebook and iTunes reviews and all that shit. We'll be back next time.

Probably, maybe next week. I don't know. We'll see when this baby comes. Yeah, hard to say. And I will... Okay. People also... People have been emailing me a lot, is the baby born, is the baby born?

I promise I'll put it up on Twitter and on the forum. Sure. It's when the baby's born. Yeah. Okay. You will take a picture of theresa's dilated cervix and why wouldn't i yeah right cha-ching you gotta have something to look at on airplanes yeah right or an episode of soap one of the two we'll talk right is it correct to say dilated cervix? I don't remember. Okay. I think it's fine. Sure. I mean, at the point across. Yeah.

Yeah. I just wanted to say something that wasn't vagina. We'll be back next time on Jordan Jessica. Ah, who broke my window? Telling the truth isn't gonna be easy Glass everywhere you look Who broke my window? Why's my stomach all nervous and queasy? Uh-huh, some kid's fault

Who did the little culprit be? Who threw this board? Did someone see? He's so mad, I'm really scared. Our kids these days, they don't care. Mr. Robertson, Mr. Robertson. What a horrible mess. I broke your window with my ball. You?

And I've come to confess. You knew I'd be angry. Yes. Aren't you afraid? Yes. You'll have to pay for this mess you've made, but I'm proud of you, child, for you have displayed honor. The stuff from which heroes are made. I told the

truth. From the Mormons, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.