Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 189: Dr. Bongload with June Diane Raphael

Episode Date: August 29, 2011

June Diane Raphael from NTSF:SD:SUV:: and How Did This Get Made joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss childbirth, medical marijuana, and other important stuff.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddly, dumby, we're joined by June Diane Rayfield to talk about some of the most important experiences in our lives.

Childbirth, getting a medical marijuana license. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm your host, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Jesse Go. I'm your host, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. 103 degrees today, Jordan. It was here in Los Angeles. Hey, all those people out on the East Coast are glad they're not here, huh? Yeah. Horrible weather.

Sure. I had a hurricane. 103 sexy degrees. I had a hurricane. Each degree sexier than the last. I said something about The Hurricane starring America's favorite actor, Denzel Washington. Sure. My wife asked me if that was good, and I did not know. Yeah, I didn't see that either.

I love Denzel Washington. He's great. God, that guy's amazing. Sure. He's tremendous. He is 103 degrees of sexuality. Let's introduce our guest. You know her, of course, as a celebrated film and television actress.

You know her as one of the hosts of the smash hit podcast, How Did This Get Made? You know her as the other half of regular Jordan Jesse Go guest Paul Scheer. You know her as probably the best smelling guest ever on Jordan Jesse Go. Up there. Although that's a modest distinction. Sure. I will admit. Kindler reeked.

Sure. Kindler reeked. June. Kindler reeked. June Diane Raphael, welcome to the program. I'm so honored to be here. I love that intro. It's an honor to have you. I am freshly showered and freshly perfumed, so you are getting the very best of me. We appreciate it.

Yeah, this is, I haven't lost my sparkle yet. We do request. Now, you know, around the, you know, sixth or seventh month, we're podcasting together, then you're coming in sweats. Exactly. I feel overly dressed. I know it's strange to be in this dress.

I'm wearing right now a long black dress with a lot of... What's pathetic about it is that in any ordinary Jordan Jesse go... I mean, Jordan's going to be, Jordan's wearing flip-flops and a, you know, a t-shirt for a brand that he has no affiliation with and so on and so forth. Shants, also wearing shants. I don't think you'll find Jordan in a different outfit.

Well, but I'll tell you this much. When Jordan and I did How Did This Get Made Together, you saw me in what has become a Sunday uniform. You saw me in shorts and a t-shirt and a hat. I think you were wearing an Adult Swim promotional t-shirt. Yes, I was. Yes, I was. What happened today before, and I had to shower before I came here,

so I went for a run. And Sundays around this time are not, it's just a strange, I usually don't take myself to the people on like a Sunday at five. You know what I mean? Like that's a time. You don't go out on your balcony and wait. Right. Like Evita.

I don't show the good people. Sure. Yes. So I was really nervous about having to interact and really present myself because it's a strange time of day. Well, here's the thing. and really present myself because it's a strange time of day. Well, here's the thing. I think that on an ordinary Sunday,

one might reasonably expect me, a man known for my manner of dress, my slightly self-parodic manner of dress, to be dressed up to the extent that you would not feel self-conscious in a nice cotton jersey dress. Sure. You know what I mean? Something that can go from day to night, like what you're wearing.

I'm showing a lot of arm. You are. I'm showing a lot of arm right now. You could dress that up or dress it down. It depends on what kind of bangles you're wearing, I'd say. But I have disappointed you. I am wearing 103 degrees outside i have my wife just had a baby clothes as you should be i've got should be i've got shorts and a t you're lucky that this

t-shirt has a pocket in it i'm surprised i gotta say when men say and and this isn't a criticism but my wife just had a baby as though you had no part in that. Well, the thing is, is you don't want to take credit for it. No, I appreciate that. Look, was it difficult for, you know, my wife went into labor at midnight. Jesse, you had to sit in the waiting room and smoke all those cigars and drink all that bourbon. I know, and I don't smoke and drink, so that was that fair share. So it was both your first drink and your first cigar. Yeah, my second cigar and my third cigar.

You didn't feel well at all. 25 hours of pleasure. A lot of vomiting, Jesse's part. My face turned green, cartoon style. But you know what? I mean, it is a touchy thing. I haven't figured out how to handle it because I was there for the... She went into labor at midnight.

She woke me up at like 6 or 7 a.m. So I already missed like the first six hours. So she was, God bless her. She was just taking that on by one day. I think she knew that she would need my help later. So she was just conserving you. Yeah. And you know, I mean, she had, when you're late're late in your pregnancy, you get contractions from time to time.

Okay. And so she was getting them once every so often, you know, once every 15 or 20 minutes. And they last for a minute or two. And they're uncomfortable at the beginning. But it's not something where you need someone holding you up. Right. And so she thought, better for him to get a reasonable hours of sleep because I'm going to need some help later.

Later on. And then, you know, she labored for a further six, 18 hours. Whoa. And the baby was born at one o'clock in the morning. And like, I was more involved than Don Draper. It wasn't just a matter of medical technology i didn't just drop her off with the doctor and have him take it out right

um i was there and uh i became delirious after a while myself i exerted myself enough to reach just to be a slightly better husband than don draper the bar bar is pretty low. You're like, I'm only cheating on you occasionally. Look, I don't want to be 1956 racist. I'm shooting for more of a 1974 racism. Sure. I know this is a weird worry or concern, but

when I hear about long labors like that, and of course women get tired and women have to be up for a really long time. I'm genuinely concerned that I will like fall asleep, that I will simply not be able to stay up for that amount of time. And then you'll wake up and the baby will be a couple days old. Exactly. I've missed all that. Well, there's this madness that creeps into the eyes after about 12 or 15 hours. I mean, there was a, at the beginning, it was crazy for us because they started coming faster and faster in the morning,

and we thought we were just going to have to go to the hospital at 7 o'clock in the morning. And we didn't end up going to the hospital until like 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You had to at least wait until the view was over. Exactly. Teresa insisted. Yeah. At least until the end of Hot Topics. The end before Hot Topics. Hey, She's got to know what Whoopi thinks

It's always been that way Even before Whoopi was on the view Dominic Strauss Khan What do they talk about? I don't know what they talk about Is that too high minded for them to talk about? They might because it's got Some rape in there

So there's feelings around that Okay continue The one blonde lady Who was on Survivor or whatever It's got some rape in there. Yeah. You know, so there's feelings around that. Okay. Continue. The one blonde lady who was on Survivor or whatever, she was in support of the rape. Right. She's the very worst. She is the very worst. She seems like a very unpleasant person. But anyway, it was a long, it was this long process.

And after, because they started coming fast at the beginning and then they slowed down for a while. And after a long time. You're talking about the contractions, not the hot topics. Exactly. They cooled off. Yeah, they weren't so hot. At the end, it was just like, you know, how do you like. Summer grilling.

Yes, summer grilling. Dancing with the stars. There was a moment when we first went to the hospital where I was like, okay, I think we can do this. Like, yeah, this is good. And then that lasted a couple of hours. And it seemed like, oh, wait, it's a couple of hours later. And we seem to be in roughly

the same place we were before like i just you just kind of you just expect the each thing to come as soon as you've done the last thing and it doesn't work that way you have to sometimes you have to do the thing for five hours or something you know you're in the middle lateral moves is it just because theresa's lazy yeah well i mean it's i'm not gonna say exclusively because theres Teresa's lazy? Well, I mean, it's, I'm not going to say exclusively because Teresa's lazy. I mean, Simon is lazy as well. Sure. Simon is your son. Yeah.

It turned out, I mean, even once the, once they called the doctors in to say like, oh, it's on now. Like the nurse is usually the one who's there almost the whole time. And when the doctor comes in, it's just sort of like to catch the baby right and you know just to cauterize any wounds that open or whatever and um that i think they expect to take 15 minutes or something and that ended up taking several hours and it turned out it was because the baby was wrapped up in the umbilical cord so like every time he went out he'd just get pulled back in right um so it was really really rough and and so i don't and my wife my wife was like a fucking superhero i mean i've never seen

someone do anything i mean it it don't you find it like unbelievable that we think of i i'm not going to get on this rant right now but like as men... That people wear Crocs in public. Exactly. I had to get to it. It was a long way around. All right, Dennis Miller. People think it's okay to wear those shoes with toes. We understand men as being strong or like, you know, they have more upper body strength than women. Sure. Women give birth to human beings through a tiny hole. Well, maybe if they can use that tiny hole to open up their own jar of

olives here we go we would start again with the jars the other the other day jordan jordan and i were talking to our close personal friend mr adam carolla on the adam carolla podcast and i was trying to explain how awe-inspiring it was to be part of. And he doesn't, you'll be shocked to hear that he didn't get it. And I think that there's just, I just, I've never seen something like that. And I had seen both of, I have two much younger brothers, and I had seen both of them be born, like come out. But I wasn't there for the whole thing. And the whole thing was what, it was so far beyond running a marathon or an Ironman or

anything. And I know that because there was a point where I almost fell over. I was just standing next to the bed and I just got dizzy and almost fell over. And it wasn't because of the blood or anything. It was just from the intensity and exertion and so on. And I was like, if I had to catch myself to keep from falling on the ground, well, my job has just been to encourage Teresa. Like, holy shit.

Yeah, it's crazy. Holy shit. Have you seen the documentary that Rookie Lake made called The Business of Being Born? Did you guys watch that? No, I didn't know Rikki Lake was a documentarian. Yes, it's actually a wonderful documentary. Really? Wow.

Yeah, and it's all about natural childbirth. And more than that, actually, it's all about home births. Okay. And she's a big advocate of home birthing and midwifery and um and natural child birth and she they show two of her home births on screen ricky lakes ricky lakes wow so i've seen it all i've seen every inch of it um what's so in ricky lakes opinion what are the advantages of the home birth quite a a few, actually. I mean, first of all, there's a lot of infections that take place in the hospital.

And so you're actually, your baby is technically, statistically safer being born at home. The other thing, too, is, you know, a lot of the midwives, I mean, there are a lot of places in L.A. and stuff that will do it out of birthing centers that are attached to the hospital, so you can kind of be right there. But they've done studies with New York hospitals where they found out that most C-sections were happening at 4 p.m. and 10 p.m. Which is the shift changes. Well, yeah, it's when the doctors realize, like, oh, I'm going to miss dinner or I'm going to be here all night. Oh, wow. And when you're a woman and you're in labor and a doctor saying to you,

like, how about a C-section? It is. I mean, we had, I am, I'm not personally a home birthing advocate. Again, you'll be surprised to hear. I think Teresa did watch that movie and we did some other stuff and, you know, and we were lucky that the hospital that we had the baby in is has one of the lowest c-section rates in the country and a great hospital and was really we did have a doula there which i i made fun of the doula because she's hilarious um she brought us some kind of different for midwives okay so a midwife a midwife is the person who delivers the child the baby okay and then the doula is sort of like a consultant for the mother who like works with the mother throughout the pregnancy and then a little bit after the baby's born and in in our

case since the baby was delivered by doctors and nurses uh she was She's just there through the whole thing. Yeah. And is she sort of advocating for your point? Yeah, exactly. So she's sort of, because you're right. I mean, one thing is really true that the doctors get in there and they're, and, you know, I think it depends to some extent on who your nurses are, whether they're like this as well, but the doctors get in there and, you know, they've got a lot of

work to do. They've done this many times before and they just kind of are there to take care of business. And, you know, our whole, all the medical staff was women, so I don't want it to be like a gender thing, but it was, you know, the doctors were there to take care of business. And so you're not really in a position when you're giving birth or you're a dad and you're delirious and you don't know anything about it to be like, hold on. I don't want this. I do want this. Yeah, exactly. And we had no problems with that at all.

Again, a great place. You know, we made a birth plan and they totally were great about it. But part of what the doula does is, yeah, look out for the interest of the mom just in case something comes up but but i cannot having done this now i can't imagine doing without a doula as as silly as the i mean she brought us some kind of weird spelt dish probably just the word doula i think if they just changed the word i think maybe then well you may remember like just being in charge of the placenta. I'm here to cook it. I'm here to prepare. I'm here to serve it.

Some doulas do do that. I will bless the placenta before I serve it. I mean, it's stuff like that that makes you feel a little bit ridiculous about the whole thing. But what was great is it's just as I was there, I was so glad that she didn't, that she was there. So it wasn't my responsibility to know what the fuck was going on. Like that was the one thing. How crazy is it that you're having to make these decisions after 18 hours of no sleep and just being awake? And it's insane.

And she knows how to like do like a rub, rub a lower back with a tennis ball and pull on one thing and push on the other thing and some of them do things with rebozos which is a kind of Central American tech style. I just, you know, when the day comes for me, I just would like my wife to give birth in

maybe some sort of area attached to a Whole Foods. Sure. So that way we can get like... You need a food court nearby. Yes, I need to get a scoop of mashed potatoes from the hot bar and a coconut water. I want to have access to that at all times. Yeah, it was...

Actually, I ran into that problem at the hospital, specifically the coconut water problem, which was that there was this point where... And another time I was really glad to have the doula there, was at one point the doula just said, Jesse, and I was like, what? And she's like, go eat dinner. And I was like, no, I can't.

I have to be here with Teresa. And she's like, go eat dinner now, because you don't want to be eating dinner later. You don't want to have not eaten. I want a doula for life, just for. I love this woman. You don't want to have not eaten. I want a doula for life, just for. Yes. Just for. Just this lady on hand, when shit's going bad, she knows exactly the right thing to

push a tennis ball into. Apply a tennis ball, yeah. She's got a cloth that can get stuff out of you. And I feel like when she tells you to do something, there's no option, no choice. Yeah, exactly. Sure. That's what's happening. You don't defy the doula.

No, you don't. She's been to conferences with elderly Central American women at them. I mean, this is serious stuff. So I went to get my dinner. And I remembered then that the hospital had banned sugary drinks. And all I wanted in the world was a soda. had banned sugary drinks and like all i wanted in the world was a soda like i was and my only choices were uh diet seven up because i can't have caffeine so i couldn't have diet coke so it was diet seven up and uh coconut water and i ended up drinking coconut water again despite the fact that

i talked about how it just tastes like water with gym socks in it and doesn't taste like coconut. It makes me so upset. It's a real frustration. But anyway, it was totally, the thing about the whole experience was that I'm, you know, my wife ran a half marathon and that was really impressive. And I think if she had wanted, I don't think she wanted to, but if she had wanted to, she could have run a full marathon, you know, with a couple extra months of training. And that was cool and impressive. Um, but this was something I could never do something like this. And not just because I lack the anatomy, but I just could never, I could never have any physical accomplishment like this. I've never tried, I've never tried that hard to do anything in my life, and I never will.

Unless I'm stuck in a war zone and someone's trying to kill my child or something. I also imagine that for men, and maybe I'm wrong about this, but for the first, the early part of their child's existence, the woman is giving birth to the child and using her body. And then, and I don't know if your wife is breastfeeding, but then like the child is feeding off of her body. It's like, if I feel like if I were a man. Yeah. The dad is useless until the kid needs a sip of beer at Thanksgiving. That's the first time that a father becomes. Kicks in. Right. Here, don't tell your mom, have a sip of my beer. June, you really, you really couldn't be more correct i mean i've been i've been on paternity leave for about a month now and uh maybe a little a little less than a

month now and i am in on the one hand i'm invaluable like i need to be there because I cook the meals and I pick something up off the table and hand it to my wife and so on and so forth. All of these things are things that if there wasn't someone else, it wouldn't happen. My wife and child would die. But on the other hand, I am so useless. Like I am so deeply, profoundly useless to my child right now. The time that I can hold my baby is right in that 10-minute stretch in between when he's eaten and he's decided he's definitely done and he needs enough comfort to get to sleep.

Right in that little window, I can hold him. And as long as I keep moving, he doesn't complain too much. But that's it. That's all I have to offer is like I can hold him in that window so my wife can take a shower or go to the bathroom. And that's the way things are set up, though. It's like you can't do it for a while. For a while it's going to be like that. Yeah, for months.

For months. I mean, at some point, luckily, breast pump technology exists. And so at some point I'll be able to give the baby a bottle and then I'll be on it. But, like, all I can do is just, you know, change a diaper from time to time. And, frankly, I think at this point my wife just thinks it's more hassle to have me change the diaper than to just do it. And so I'm just sitting around here. On the one hand, I can't really work. On the other hand, I'm totally useless. And I'm like, my wife is getting up in the middle of the night to feed the baby.

And I'm just getting migraines every day. And it's just, it's insane. Like the level of insanity that's going on. It's crazy. We just, we ended up, my mother-in-law is here right now. And you may meet her on the way out. Is there a baby among us right now? Yeah, there's a baby among us right now. I think she was probably.

Oh God, he's coming for me. He'll latch onto your face and lay his eggs in your out! He's coming for me! He'll latch onto your face and lay his eggs in your chest. He's got teeth. He... Shh, shh. I'm thinking of Jason. Confused with the baby and Jason.

And we were just like on maybe Wednesday of this week, I just said to Teresa, Hey, Teresa, do you want to buy your mom a plane ticket so she can come down this weekend? Because we were both like so afraid and insane. Like we were really like just crying for no reason and just, you know. What's lack of sleep? I mean, is Simon sleeping through the night?

No, not at all. Yeah. He's only a few weeks old. Yeah. And so, and so we just like Teresa's mom has a job at everything, but we just bought her a plane ticket on the, you know, on the, from, from San Francisco to LA on the Friday night plane and went back on the Monday morning plane and just said, please, please help us. Intense. And they say too, I feel like I've spent a lot of time in my therapist's office talking about the circumstances around my birth, the first year. I mean, these are pivotal. These are pivotal times that your child will look back on in psychotherapy years from now.

I finally asked my parents like, so what exactly? Because I had heard crazy stories about a blizzard and my father not being there. And basically what I've come to find out is there was a massive blizzard in New York on the day that I was born. And my dad, what we had no money. And so my dad was with my mom for a couple hours and then left because he wanted to get a half day at the construction site. He was working at my mother went home and this is when women didn't breastfeed like it just wasn't the thing my mother went home there was no milk i mean it sounded like this is how i approached the world so it's it's a very these early days and the first year are so important.

They had to warm you by a garbage can fire. No, it sounded... I mean, this is in Rockville Center, Long Island, which is a very nice place to live. A beautiful home. But it sounded like Little House on the Prairie style. Well, I really... I mean, my mom has often told me about how colicky I was as a baby. has often told me about how colicky I was as a baby.

And both my mom and dad lived far away from their families. My mom's mother lived in Washington, D.C., and this was in San Francisco. And my dad's family, my dad's parents lived in L.A. and weren't particularly nurturing. My dad's parents lived in L.A. and weren't particularly nurturing. And I was colicky until I was like five months old or something. I would just cry all the time. And Simon, my baby, really couldn't have a better attitude.

I mean, he doesn't sleep through the night or anything. Let's not get crazy. Right. But, you know, when he's crying it seems to almost always be for a reason. You know, he either needs his diaper changed or he's hungry.

And that's the only way he can express himself. Yeah, I know. And I can't... And he'll go to see the movie the group wants to see even if he's already

seen it. He's just that type of guy. He's like, yeah, I can see Planet of the Apes again. Yeah. You guys, seriously, it's okay again Yeah You guys seriously It's okay Yeah yeah it's fine

No no I liked it It was good It was good No no this is fun It's fine It's a I don't understand This is very accommodating

I don't understand How anyone could Deal with a newborn baby In adverse circumstances Is what I'm saying Like here I am My wife and I Are both on paternity leave

Like I run I own this business You have time So I can put us On paternity leave You know And run, I own this business so I can put us on paternity leave, you know, and, um,

you know, we don't make widgets so I can have guest hosts on the show for a few weeks and do just do Jordan, Jesse go once a week. And I cannot imagine, I can't, I like the idea of anyone not living in a first world socialist, uh, democracy like Sweden or something and trying to raise a baby seems insane to me.

Did you see the documentary Babies? No, I didn't. I saw the trailer. Very cute. The trailers were adorable. It's two hours of Babies. It's the best thing I've ever seen. I think the main thing is just like if you – I think the big difference is – and the tragedy of the developed world is that if you have a very strong family slash community base, then – because I know what the difference is between me and my wife and the baby being here. Me and my wife and the baby and one of our parents being here.

And so if they just lived next door, and they were bringing us a casserole every other day, I think that would make a pretty monstrous difference. Oh, speaking of bringing us a casserole. So last week on the program, I was complaining. I don't know if you're familiar with this thing called an ergo baby carrier. This is some kind of highly rated baby carrier. My wife did the research. So through a series of combination generosities, thoughtlessnesses, my wife's family got together and bought us one of these ergos that we wanted. It was on our baby registry or whatever. You know, it was very kind of them.

But they got it from a website where there was only one color available. And the color is sort of a salmony orange with like embroidery on it, like same colored embroidery and sort of flowers and butterflies. All right. And also just stripes, like sort of Central American butterflies all right and also just stripes like sort of central american inspired stripes and go on and so and so last week on the program i get i like it is there a beaded giraffe i brought i brought up the question of whether it was disgusting for me to consider buying and i of the other side of this is the one thing that I'm good at it with this baby

is carrying him around in this thing. So like if we walk the dogs or something, I can put them in there and carry him. And I fucking love it. And I've been looking forward to it for, since I was, you know, can I turn to you?

When you say when you're good at it, that you're good, there's no skills, but I mean, I can, you don't fall forward does it mean to you? Well, there's no scales involved. But I mean, I can do it. You don't fall forward onto your face regularly. It stays on? Yeah, sure.

But you don't jump into the pool. At the same time, though, I really do get 10 out of 10, which is the same score my wife would get. And this is the only category where I get the same score my wife would get. So, and I love doing it. You don't step in front of the pitching machine at the batting cage. I do go to the batting cage, though. Right. Well, you know, you got to take some swings. And they do have tiny helmets.

I mean, to their credit. They're very cute. Yeah. Just, you know, hit a couple balls, play some skee-ball. I mean, if I go to the batting cages, I do softball, not hardball. Right. You have to challenge yourself. You have to pick softball.

Sure. But so I love having it, but it's pretty embarrassing. And I know that I'm going to have to be running this baby around in this thing for a year or two. And I was not sure whether I could sustain having this really embarrassing thing. And I asked the audience whether it was crazy for me to be thinking about spending $140 or however much this thing costs to buy one in just plain navy blue. What was the feedback? Well, I expected people to be like, how dare you consider that? You know, you privileged fuck, whatever.

Actually, not only was the feedback emphatically positive that I should go out and get the right one. But the other day I walked down my stairs to grab my mail. There's a package there from Amazon.com. I'm thinking I did not buy anything from Amazon.com. What's going on here? This is, it was addressed to Papa Jesse Thorne, care of Coco the dog. That's one of my dogs. And it had a note inside that said,

Please stop embarrassing your fellow fathers in Los Angeles. Most importantly, stop embarrassing Simon. Think how he'll feel about photos of his childhood with you wearing that other version. Good luck, Michael, a.k.a. Cruft Box. That's his name on the forum, Cruft Box. Inside the box was a navy blue baby carrier. So that was very sweet. So that was very sweet. It was, I'm going to, I'm going to put it, uh, I'm going to put it tied with, uh, uh,

our listener who made us, uh, um, maximum fun themed baby quilt. Um, but one of the nicest things a listener has ever done. So how, how nice and very ridiculous and unnecessary. Was it that you wanted something that was more gender neutral? Or was it just that it was salmon? It sounds like you got the blue one and the other one was pink. Okay, just imagine a guy who goes to the Andes and he buys an indigenous hat. And then he wears it to the farmer's market.

Okay, so that hat is what this thing looks like. Okay, all right. Which is to say, because it's in the form of a baby carrier, I think my wife could pull it off, but I can't pull it off. Got it, got it. I really, I mean,

you automatically look a little bit like an asshole when you're carrying a baby around in one of those things. And this really, and we happen to have picked one that is a little bit more ridiculous because it's made of organic cotton or some shit instead of ripstop nylon. So it was really, it was overwhelming me. It is such a, it is a strange image seeing men with the babies right there because they

sort of look a little pregnant. It's just a little bit of a jarring visual. And Jesse, you keep the baby under the clothes, right? You put the thing on first and then dress. Oh, that's part of the whole deal. It's like underwear. It's like a truss. It's like one of those, well, the conception of it is that it's slimming. It's like a money belt for travel where there's a zipper on the inside and you put your money in there. So the whole idea of this is if you get stuck up, they're not going to steal your baby.

Right. That's the whole thing. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second. Jordan and Jesse go. Jordan and Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Joining us this week on the program, June Diane Raphael. You can make up a nickname for future segments.

We'll give you some time to think about it. I have seen a couple of really tremendous things on Netflix instant that I feel like I need to describe. Number one, I don't know. You ever watch these Michael Palin programs? No, although I am a big fan of Monty Python cast member post Monty Python projects. You watch a lot of Terry Jones history documentaries, right? I do, yes. I've watched most of the Terry Jones history documentaries.

Did you watch that John Cleese thing about faces from PBS? Yep. Oh, I haven't seen that. I really, well, number one, Michael. Oh, I should point out, yes, I did say that I did like post-Monty Python projects. I hate Fawlty Towers. Really? Oh, yeah.

No, not funny. I thought I hated it, and then I revisited it recently, and it turns out I like it. I started a hotel actually a few months ago and I loved it. I don't know where I was, what spot in my life I landed on it, but I was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen. I definitely decided I hated it in high school, so maybe it's time to give it another shot.

It seems like an odd place to be running Fawlty Towers. Was there a channel just dedicated to hotel-themed entertainment? That's a great idea. Only Fawlty Towers and Dunstan Checks In. Over and over on a loop. The Bob Newhart Show. Oh, sure.

Right? The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Yeah. I thought The Suite Life was on a cruise ship. Is it? Oh, it might be. It might be. Anyway, I was watching this.

It is about the hospitality industry though my my favorite thing my favorite michael palin thing is his first thing around the world in 80 days which you should really get because it is fucking great it's so great but um his later ones sometimes i here's the thing i like travel shows about going and doing stuff in cities of the world, but I get kind of bored by nature. And so his later shows have a lot more nature relative to the amount of like hustle and bustle. And so I get pretty, I can have stretches of boredom. But I was watching one called Himalaya, which is just a couple of years old. And there's this segment of this show that's on the border between India and Pakistan. And we, of course, know from our program a couple of weeks ago with Pakistani native Kumail Nanjiani that these two nations are at each other's throats.

We may also know that from reading the newspaper over the past 15 to 20 years. Also cricket rivalry, too. It extends into the world of cricket. These two nations are not nuts about each other. Not loving each other. They have this gate in the border, and I don't know exactly,

I don't remember what city this is in, but there is this flag lowering ceremony so at the end of each day each of the nations lowers their flag from this border gate right so they got the pakistani flag on one side and the indian flag on the other side now crowds of thousands they have grandstands, surround these gates, literally thousands of people, each of them rooting for their own team of soldiers and yelling out warlike, good in local languages about the opposing nation. And the soldiers are sort of like, if you imagine like a beef eater, you know, guarding the gates of,

guarding the gates of the palace or whatever. If you imagine that, but it's either Indian or Pakistani, it has a crazy feather headdress, like a splay of feathers across the top of the head. And just lots of crazy brocade ropes everywhere and kind of Russian style poofy pants tucked into giant boots. tucked into giant boots. And just every crazy, like if you just take one, the craziest element of every crazy historical military uniform you can think of and just put them into two sets of uniforms, that's what these men wear. And they do this maneuver, I guess you would call it. I guess you would call it, it's like when you see soldiers doing like goose stepping or something like that.

You know, like a weird synchronized marching exercise. I love watching that. There's something so pleasing to the eye about that. Only it's sort of like, what if that had been designed by like Ice tea circa breaking oh my god like it has a lot of like it has a lot of like type gestures like like urban step dancing it is like it is like stepping it is like it is as though but they're soldiers and they're doing it in sync and it's a lot of like knee and all that stuff. Well, there's no ham bone involved. Okay.

There's no ham bone. And it's arrhythmic also. But there are a lot of... Do you think they have a romantic movie for teens where a well-trained paramilitary goose stepper falls in love with someone who paramilitary goose steps just on the streets. In the style of the streets. Yeah. And then they learn about each other. That's like the most socially responsible

movie ever. Step Up 3D. Take it to the streets. There's this move in fencing called a balestrapunto, and it involves sort of, you know, fencing kind of goes on a straight line. It involves sort of like jumping to the side with your feet together, forward jumping to the side with your feet together,

forward and to the side with your feet together, and then lunging forward. And if you can imagine that, like that's sort of the kind of move that these guys are doing. But it all has overall the tone of like a 1986 black American gay man in a Paris nightclub doing like two snaps and a twist. It is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. Wait, and there's no rhythm.

You can't catch a beat to this. No. You can't follow along. But they're doing it in sync. And it is insane. And they have to lower. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Big time, Jordan. And they have to lower the flags. They do it like. And they have to do it at exactly the same rate. So the flags go down exactly the same rate. So no one launches any nukes. Wow.

It is the craziest thing I've ever seen on a screen. I know this is maybe just obvious. Seems impractical. Oh, profoundly. I mean, you gotta start with... This isn't pragmatic.

You gotta start with setting up the grandstands. I mean, you could save some money by not putting in grandstands and how long does this routine go on for it was a solid 10 minutes of the michael palin show so i it's got to be a 20 20 or 30 minute operation i mean you got to figure if people are going to go sit down grandstands and get some popcorn get themselves a nice pakistani soda came to see a show yeah get themselves a lingonberry drink so i presume they drink swedish sodas in pakistan i guess but they it is insane it's in the second episode of this himalaya thing

i it made me want to join the pakistani or indian army i look i got no horse in this race i just want to do that i want to wear that crazy outfit And do that crazy dance It seems like a mixture between Dancing and Robotting That there was some sort of I don't know There were so many

Elbow out, hand in front of sternum Snap, flip Moves and shit It seems real sassy It is so sassy. That's what's great. It's like it's got a bit of an attitude. And the guys are making like,

the guys are making faces. Just a toad. Sorry. The guys are making sass faces at each other. Do they kiss? Is there kissing? It's sort of like a kabuki dance or something. Like a kabuki theater,

like it's highly ritualized. The faces are kind of saying like, what you going to do about this? Yes. Yes. Every single move they do, they're making that. What are you going to do about this face? Do you think if they just got their shit together and flew a bunch of these guys down to Hollywood,

they would be competitive in America's next best dance crew? Absolutely. Well, I'm really surprised that there's facial expressions because I feel like usually with this military stuff, no matter what's going on with the bod, there's a real stoic. But I want you to know that the facial expressions are every bit as ritualized as the dance moves. They're synchronized.

They're all doing the same one. And so they're doing like a, you know, one eyebrow up, like big scowl. Like with each other at the other side while the other side is doing their own like oh no you didn't like amazing it is pure fucking madness i i'm it brought so much happiness happiness in my life that i wanted to share it with the world or at least those tens of thousands that listen to jordan jesse it's crazy.

I mean, it's so aggressive, this ritual, and yet it seems like there's no bravado to this dance at all. Well, the whole thing surrounds raising and lowering flags. That's the action there. Yeah, that's ultimately at the beginning, middle, and end of that ceremony. The beginning, middle, and end of that ceremony. Also, another amazing thing about this is, apparently in this border city between Pakistan and India, the thing to do is go watch the soldiers do their crazy war dance.

Like, that's what they do for fun. It's like little kids in the audience, like, cheering. I mean, I would watch this from what you've described. Yeah, that's true. I would bring opera glasses. I would recommend bringing opera glasses. Would you watch one of the Step Up movies on Netflix Instant? I have watched one of the Step Up movies

on Netflix Instant. The dancing in Step Up, the movies are horrible, of course, but the dancing is quite good. I remember your husband once tearing into me on the subject of how great Step Up 3D was. He loves it.

We watched it together. He's seen it probably about three times. I'm pretty bummed that I didn't get to see that in 3D. I feel like now if I watch it, I won't be getting the full experience. Is it worth watching in 2D, June? I don't know. I've seen it in 2D and I think it is worth watching. I'm not sure what happens

with the third dimension, what you get from the third dimension. I think the dancing just comes toward you. I don't think there's not a lot. Right, they don't have throwing stars. There's not shurikens. The first two dimensions are, you know, up, down, and left, right, or X and Y.

And the third dimension is twoed. Sure. Sure. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessie Go. It's Jordan and Jessie Go. I'm Jessie Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. That's your cue, June.

You're looking away. Sorry I was staring at your books. June Diane Rayfield, love bug. Oh, that's a cute one. Are you named after hip- Pioneer Lovebug Starsky? Yes, I am. I was looking at all of your whole collection. I didn't get to see it before.

I do have a bookshelf over there. You do. I've noticed that in L.A. a lot of people don't have bookshelves. I always notice that myself. We're really upset. Or maybe they have a bookshelf, but there's DVDs on it. Yeah, exactly. We went to an open house the other day and saw, oh, so upsetting.

I look at this guy's bookshelf and there are all these frames, but like a crazy amount of frames. Like, that's so weird. They're stacked up. You almost can't see any of them because there's so many. I look behind them. There's a collection of gay porn. Clearly the realtor had just redesigned his whole shop to hide that. Oh, that's tremendous.

That's upsetting. You were actually looking for it. VHS gay porn or DVD gay porn? There were some DVDs and there were some VHS tapes. Oh, that's nice. He's got a dual deck player. Oh, good. Blu-ray?

I don't know. I can't speak to that. I can't speak to that. What happened? Wasn't one of the big revelations of the digital versatile disc format supposed to be multiple camera angles in your pornography? Yeah, I mean, I think the window for DVD being the preferred pornography method has closed a long time ago.

Well, shouldn't they be making the multiple camera angle thing so that the can, so that they have, so the DVD has a leg up? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know if that's enough reason to go back. Your web streaming pornography doesn't have any multiple camera angles. No, it's true.

Are people still buying DVDs of pornography? Well, they would if there was multiple camera angles. This is a killer app. Oh, you know, I was, and I meant to mention this at the top of the show, but in this vein, you know, we've been doing the show, Jordan and Jessica, for a whole month, and we haven't acknowledged that it's kind of a special month. I was driving by the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood today.

You still look right around the block from it. Apparently it's Analogist. Oh my gosh. Happy Analogist, guys. Happy Analogist. Happy Analogist, Jesse. Wow. I quickly shoved something up my ass.

Sure. It was my thermos. I believe the traditional... Whatever was in the car. Are you going to be celebrating with a turducken? Yes, yes. Anything where something else is up something else's ass is the traditional. That's really lovely.

I celebrate Analogous the same way John Madden celebrates Thanksgiving. Sure. And I do it on a bus, too. I will not get on a plane to celebrate Analogous. Isn't the pleasure chest, though, and it doesn't mean that they can't celebrate Analogous. They probably do. But I thought the pleasure chest was just for women, like that it was lesbian-owned and sort of...

Am I wrong about that? Yes. I mean, I think that is its goal. But I think if you are a porno store in West Hollywood and you're not offering, you know, at least... Any of the butt material. Yeah, you're probably, you know, you're cutting off a lifeline. Sure, sure, sure.

It's in your best interest. Jordan, you actually recently had an adventure in the shadow economy? Yeah, I did. I, today, just before I Yeah, I did. I, today, just before I came right here from doing this, I got my... You've been exporting Levi's to Eastern Europe, right? I have, yes. I will soon turn up dead. I got my medical marijuana license today.

Congratulations, George. Thank you. I guess I should say... I know you're gabbing about your baby. I guess I should say get well soon. Rightbing about your baby I guess I should say get well soon Right, I know, soon I'll cure this anxiety But you know, and I got it I decided that this weekend was the weekend

For two reasons One, next week I have to go see Kind of an advanced screening June For you, but my day job Is I do kind of goofy Movie coverage for Fuel tv so i will often have to go see press screenings of movies i'm told this is this is something you've done

before in the past have you done a goofy interview before no okay never mind no um but i have to go see uh nick swartzen's upcoming movie, Bucky Larson, Born to be a Star. And I think we can all agree that Nick Swartzen is probably one of the five funniest people in the world. A very, very funny man, yeah. But this particular film looks like it will probably... Be terrible. I was going to say, I will help my enjoyment of it Absolutely Of being really, really high Because I was on the Sony lot

The other week Yeah, yeah And I just saw a poster for it Like, it was so hidden It was like next to the men's room In this dark alley I was like, oh, this movie's Coming out in like two weeks or something

Yes, in this movie Nick Swartzen plays a porn star With a small penis Age old. So I'm like, you know what? That four quadrant. Yeah, that old,

yeah, you get the daters. You get the dudes night out. You get the girls night out. Older folks, younger folks. Sure. Yeah, classic four quadrant. So yeah, I'm like,

well, I've got this. Folks who remember the classic radio serial. Right. Yes, yeah, exactly. Worked for the shadow. That's funny because I remember Sethh morris did a funny or die video yeah he did i don't know if there's a well it's a tough it's a tough premise to come up with to be fair to these these two funny guys i mean it is astonishing

that either of them would come up with this um and, right, right. And it's funny, because I was thinking about the pros and cons of this, and I did kind of maybe convince myself that there would be, I mean, I don't want to say a health benefit, because that's ridiculous, but I have definitely been feeling more anxiety these days than I usually do, and I've been really feeling a potent sense of like... Mortality. Yeah, mortality. And I'll probably die alone in my house

and my cat will eat me and no one will know. And my legacy will be a few internet videos and a kind of funny Twitter feed. And I definitely feel like in... Hey, how about a pretty funny Twitter feed? A pretty funny Twitter feed. Yeah. It's kind of funny.

That's false modesty. Sure. And I usually feel like I do a good job of balancing this feeling, letting that kind of feeling push me to work harder, but now I honestly feel like it's been keeping me up lately. I've been not sleeping great and I have been maybe letting it sneak into my enjoyment time. So I definitely thought maybe, maybe honestly, when I'm done with my work for the day, smoking a little pot would

probably be good for my mental health. I'm not a marijuana user, Jordan. Sure. But my understanding is that there are some people who have quite the opposite reaction when they use pot when already anxious. Well, I'll say I actually think it's a good idea to get a medical marijuana prescription if you're going to use pot for that reason. Because I have found that smoking pot that's not that great is when the demons come out and I find myself in a corner at a party, like, questioning everything that I have. Right, curled into a ball. And yeah, and before my— Just stabbing, stabbing, stabbing. Exactly, you can't stop stabbing people.

Shrieking yourself. It's the worst. Until, yes, until Satan says it's okay to stop. But, you know, and I do have a kind of a semi-regular pot smoking date with a buddy of mine. We'll smoke some pot and we'll play some Left 4 Dead. We'll watch a Sylvester Stallone movie. I have

not been doing that lately because he's got a girlfriend now. What a loser, huh? What kind of 30-year-old gets a girlfriend? I know! What's he looking to do? Live a little, buddy. Jeez, come on, man. Don't get that ball and chain tied to your ankle.

Have some fun. Fucking smoke pot with your old buddy Jordan. Play Gears of War. What are you going to do next? Get a job? Jeez Louise. But yeah, in my pot experience in my life, which has been, you know, I've never done it regularly.

Yeah, you've never been close to being a pothead. No, no, no. But yeah, I've never had a bad experience. I've never freaked out. I've never felt like, you know, I couldn't go to sleep until I, you know, scrubbed the bathroom. That's meth. See, that's how little experience I've had is I sometimes confuse it with meth. You've never just screamed and jumped through a window and fallen to your death.

Right. Yes. That's the lady from Mad About You, if I'm not mistaken. I feel it. How has every single person seen that? Yeah. You know what? It's weird.

That's a reference. We've all seen that. Every person I've met has seen that somewhere. She played it on Saturday Night Live. Yeah, she hosted Saturday Night Live. I just remember seeing her. Is that Helen Hunt? Yeah, that's Helen Hunt.

Yeah. When she was like 18. I think it's YouTubable. I feel like I've rewatched it on YouTube. Oh, okay. Very funny. I wish I did something like that when I was 18. God, what a great thing to have been in.

And I realize that a big part of my anxiety lately is coming from maybe feeling like I'm kind of stagnant. Like I've had a kind of a comfortable, modestly successful life for a while, but it kind of hasn't gone anywhere. And I realized like, hey, what do you do about a stagnant life? Start smoking pot. So I hope that it doesn't, I hope that it doesn't do the opposite of just destroy my mind.

But I don't think it will. I think it absolutely will. Yeah, it might. It probably will. I might just... This is a recipe for disaster. I might just lapse into a lifestyle of video games and chips. I think you reach an age in your life where you realize that every time you're

doing something, you're not doing something else because you're going to die. Sure. Right? Well, I actually think in LA, though, there's... Because the weather's the same every day, there's... You don't have any signifiers. Like, in New York, you can, you feel yourself aging more, I think. Yeah, yeah. You remember things, and you're like, oh, I was, I was wearing a sweater.

It was wintertime. I was here. That was that time that bum pissed on me. Yeah, got it. That was in the summer. I was wearing shorts. It went right on my leg. It went right on my leg, of course, and all over my flip flops.

Yeah. Here, when every day feels like the last, it's really when you think of things. It could just be yesterday. Yeah. That could have happened yesterday or two years ago. I have no idea. I have no. I don't see things living and dying.

Which facelift was the last one that I had gotten done. So that's your marker. Yeah. But here was how I got it. And it was so easy. So that's your marker. Yeah. Um, but, but here, here was how I got it. And it was so easy. It was comically easy. Um,

and I, I was, there's a, there's a, there's two places within walking distance from my house and one, and there's kind of two kinds of, uh, dispensaries in LA.

I find there's like the one that is trying to at least be a little bit legitimate. It's like, they're always called something like compassionate caregivers and they like sell other stuff. They sell like massage oils and hemp flip flops. So you can just you like I'm not in here for the pot. Like you could at least there's at least a little dignity to it. Right.

Sure. And then there's a place that's just like Dr. Bong loads blaze a torium and it like, Dr. Bong loads blazatorium, and it has a fucking happy face with a jester hat and a neon marijuana leaf. So I have these two places that are literally across the street from each other on my corner.

There's the... The one that you can go into and just say, oh, I'm just here to buy a rascal scooter. Sure, right, yes. There's that, there's the the one that you can go into and just say, oh, I'm just here to buy a rascal scooter. Sure. Right. Yes. There's that. There's a hospital caregivers. And then there's Dr. Bong loads. So I went into the compassionate caregivers. Sure. And they're like, OK, well, you need a letter of recommendation. It's here are here's a list of some doctors that are also within walking distance that you can get this recommendation from. And I kind of thought like, oh, there will be a two week waiting period and it's a Sunday. some doctors that are also within walking distance that you can get this recommendation from and uh

i kind of thought like oh there will be a two-week waiting period and it's a sunday and i'm like well i'll do this next week sometime and they're all just open till 10 o'clock at night seven days a week uh so i just walk you know half a mile down to the doctor's office and the doctor's office is called like the Medical Clinic, and their logo is a smiley face with a green nurse's hat on. I also love that it's called a letter of recommendation and not a referral from a doctor.

Sure. I'm applying for a job as a stoner. We gotta know if you're cool. And so this is on, and so the doctor's office is right on Melrose. Like right in the, you know, kind of, you know, where you would go to buy a distressed rock and roll t-shirt for a hundred bucks or, you know, a $15 burger. Like right in the middle of Melrose. And I go in and seriously, the waiting room filled with Cholos.

And only Cholos. Like, and not just, I'm not just saying like, oh, it's Mexican guys, but they all had like Dickies,

shorts. Press Dickie, like with, with striped socks up to their knees, shower shoes, Pendleton shirts with only the top button.

All these guys. It's only these guys. Hairnets. So I, I wait my turn. I go into the doctor's office. The doctor is a very, very good looking woman of Middle Eastern descent. Wait, is this the famous lady that's on all the...

Here's the thing. It's not. In LA, June, you probably know this. I've seen her, yeah. There's a very sexy Middle Eastern woman who they have a billboard. I think she's Armenian. Yeah. She's called like Dr. Pot or something. Dr. Pottsburg.

Yeah. She does have a humorous name, but this is like, this is like the Bill Paxton to her Bill Pullman. Not her, but like, oh, she could,

they could both, if one is unavailable. They're both going to work. Right. Same, same thing. And the doctors, her doctor's office, and i'm making quotation marks is

was appointed like the doctor's office in a porno movie that's set in a doctor's office like there's just some random okay there was an eye chart on one wall an eye chart but her desk was on the other side of the room so there's no place to stand to read the eye chart. If you needed to. You would have to move all of the furniture to use this eye chart. She has one of those desk nameplates, but it just says doctor on it. Yeah, right. Yeah, Dr. Smith.

Yeah, and you know, there was just a form. She asked me what my problem was. I said anxiety and headaches. And what was she wearing? I'm curious. A lab coat and then just kind of a tasteful sundress. She was wearing a dress. Yeah, I was wearing a dress. I've always felt a little bit odd not doing this as the possessor of a genuine chronic condition for which marijuana is one of the legitimate treatments, semi-legitimate treatments.

I always felt kind of like a dick for not doing it. Yeah. It's kind of fun. So I got my paperwork. It cost $45. And then I drove back to... So that was your recommendation? Yes.

And so it's just a piece of paper where she... Yeah. I also bought a card, which I was later told is kind of a sucker move as they just sell that to you to make money. But I have a card. Actually, here, I'll show you the card even.

I put it in my wallet. And so what was her exam? Did she say, why do you need this? Here, I'll just toss this over. Yeah, she just... I actually wrote down on the form.

You'll see the happy face with the nurse's hat is on the card. Although I gotta say, the weird thing about this image, the happy face looks male to me. I don't know why I'm registering it. It's because of the Adam's apple.

Yes, he's a cross-dressing, candy striper, drag queen happy face. It does look like a male happy face. It does. That's hilarious. Now this is, I'm looking at the other side and kind of holding it up to light. This is just a Vons card that they've written on top of. Sure, yes. They've just laser printed light. This is just a Vons card that they've written on top of. Sure, yes. They've just laser printed

some shit on top of a Vons card. Yeah, I can also get a discount on cheese at the deli counter with this thing. I'm surprised it's like laminated though and it's not, I mean not laminated, but it's sturdier

than I would have expected. It is very sturdy. You could break into a closet with this. So I go back to compassionate caregivers and I i actually i don't have uh i'm waiting on my new driver's license so i only had my temp license and he's like hey i'm sorry uh we can't sell to you with this temp license uh he's like please come back when you get your other one and then just quietly under his breath he said just go across the street

uh to dr ball and he's like it's the place with the neon pot sign in the window. So I go across the streets to this neon window pot place. And they buzz you in. It's like a pawn shop in a CD movie. They buzz you in. And they didn't care that I didn't have my license. And the woman at the counter introduced herself as Gaia.

Perfect. Right as rain. Swear to God. And to continue with the porno motif, she looked like a porno actress who was in a porno movie about like a Grateful Dead concert. She had a

very hippie kind of dress on, but just enormous fake breasts and huge nails. And I didn't, you know, she pointed out the different strains. I bought something called Skywalker. And yeah, and I paid, and because I was a first timer, they gave me a free joint.

So yeah, anyway, so that was the whole thing. I've got it. Do you think that the industry really, like, do you think this is something that they're doing, trying to get attractive women to sell and push the products? Would you describe the woman as attractive? No, I mean, she was definitely tore up a little bit. I mean, you know, I think in some sort of foggy blacklight scenario. Yes.

But yes, but definitely sexual. Definitely sexual. That's what I'm saying, yeah. Like she was, you know, as was the... She was belly dancing. Sure, yeah. She had a giant python draped around her shoulders. So yeah, but I was not prepared for there to be that much sex appeal in the whole thing.

That's what I'm really surprised about. Can I ask, why did you, because you had been smoking pot before, did you want to just get it easier, get better marijuana? Did you just want to visit our friend seth from a yeah dude at his dispensary and like you know a reason to be there he was at that was the first one i went to um and uh yeah you know i i you know i i had whenever i smoked it i bought it a couple of times but mainly i just smoked it at buddy's houses, this one buddy in particular. And, yeah, and I just kind of like, well, this little experiment I'm doing is I'm just going to have it around the house for those times when I do feel that weird anxiety creep in.

So I should probably just have it on hand and I don't need to, you know, call my buddy from Venice and go over to his house or something. They're selling a lot of the food items now at those places. Yeah. The Jolly Ranchers, the little cakes and the little... The lollipop. Everything you can imagine. There was sodas. There was bottled sodas. Well, that's the kind of thing. I mean, if I was going to get it for legitimate medical purposes

because I don't really have any interest. I've never smoked and so I don't have any interest in starting smoking. I would probably want to suck on a Jolly Rancher or have a nice Mountain Dew. Sure. Or are we talking about a Mountain Dew Code Red? Oh, you know, I didn't look at them, but I'm sure they have some sort of Code Red-esque. They have a Mr. Pibb like knockoff.

I don't know if Paul talked about this when he was on the show but we have a bunch of Jolly Ranchers in our house right now and Paul had eaten one on our way to see a show at the Groundlings or sucked on one for it. We weren't quite sure like how long and that's the problem with these food items is you really can't

gauge what you're ingesting. Yeah. And he had sucked on it for about five minutes which is an incredibly long time okay we would come to find out and you know these groundlings sunday shows are all i mean they're like four hours long they are there's an intermission they're a sketch comedy show with an intermission thing ever it's so very long and so we sit there and some of the skit the performers were great some of the sketches sketch comedy show with an intermission. It's the craziest thing ever. Yes. It's so very long. And so we sit there and some of the – the performers were great. Some of the sketches were better than others.

Sure. But it was a sketch comedy show. You know, they're all tough in their own way. Right. And I look over, but I'm enjoying myself just fine. I know it's going to be a long show. It's one of those things where they give you the program so you know how many are left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think is such a bad idea.

Paul is laughing hysterically. Tears are streaming down his face. He's crying. He's laughing so hard. Wow. He turns to me at intermission. There's a woman singing Amazing Grace on the stage. What was going on?

It turns out you're at a funeral, a military funeral. He turns to me at intermission and he's like. Is this the best thing you've ever seen? He's like, no, I'm serious. Is this the best thing you've ever seen? I go, it's all right. They're doing great. He's like, I don't understand these people. They're so good.

Wow. I'm quitting showbiz. He was blown away. Jordan, I really hope you have some good luck with that. Yeah, I'll keep everyone posted. The card doesn't really have any legal standing.

It seems like something that you would be more likely to be arrested for having than to escape arrest. The card is more incriminating than... Yeah, this illegal document doesn't have a winking smiley face on it. Typically, if you wanted to lend some legitimacy to your document, probably don't put your winking smiley face logo.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Woman. W-O-M-Y-N. Thank you very much. You know, more and more, Jordan, liberated women. Good segue. Are trying to figure out what kind of gas mileage they're getting in their biofuel Mercedes diesel. No, not Mercedes diesel. Volvo diesel. Excuse me. Please.

Their early 1980s Volvo Turbo Diesel. And I would recommend that if they're interested in doing that, they should visit Fuellead.com. There you go. F-U-E-L-L-Y.com. This is a website where you visit it, you type in how much gas you bought and your mileage, and it tracks your mileage over time so that you can adjust your driving pattern so you can get better gas mileage and sort of make a little game out of it.

This gamification is a big buzzword in the worlds of business and internet culture, sort of making something into a game so people do better at it. And I think this is sort of like, what if we made saving the earth by getting better gas mileage into a little game? Or like wearing your baby Bjorn. Exactly. You can compare your mileage to other people who have the same car. You can compare your mileage to yourself over time. See how it's ebbed and flowed over time. And it's all online at Fuel.ly.com. The Jumbotron this week is empty, by

the way, Jordan, which I'm kind of bummed about. I know. Hey, get at us. Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron if you want to share your message on the program. It's $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message. And we'll blast it out there

to the tens of thousands of people listening as though we were putting it up on the Jumbotron at the Los Angeles Clippers game. Well, that would be to the dozens of people listening as though we were putting it up on the jumbotron at the los angeles clippers game well that would be to the dozens of people i think slam the clippers are a failure as a basketball team am i wrong about that are they still a failure i said to jordan as though he knew as though he could fill me in on the sports thing nope um i just find their name so uninspired. It is really uninspired. It seems like an odd name for Los Angeles too. Los Angeles isn't

a city that you associate with 19th century sea commerce. But anyway, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to advertise on Jordan Jesse, go properly or across the MaximumFun network. If you want us to slam your least favorite sports team. You can email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. June Diane Raphael, wallet owner. Can you guys... Congratulations, by the way. Thank you, you guys. It's beenel, wallet owner. Can you guys... Congratulations, by the way. Thank you, you guys.

It's been a long road. It's been a long road. Well, after a while, you just get tired of throwing money down that rent hole. You really do. Can you guys help me with something real quick? Please. I'm trying to pick a tweet of the week, and they're both Baby Bjorn themed. Sure.

Both of the options are Baby Bjorn themed. And they're both, I want to make this clear, they're both very, very stupid. But one of them is from a listener named Julia at Handclaps, which I like because you can never have too many handclaps. If Jesse Thorne ever forms a band, it's got to be called Jesse Thorne and the Baby Bjorns.

She hashtagged it JJ Go. That's the first one. The other one is from Jim. It's great hashtag JJ Go this week, especially listening to Jesse Thorne trying to figure out his Bjorn identity. Oh, I like that one. Yeah, me too. I was ready to call the other one a winner But Bjorn Identity really did it for me Okay what about this guy Colin

Who said I need to thank Jesse Thorne for referencing The rapper Papoose in the latest Jordan Jesse Go Only a reference to true life could make me laugh more That wasn't really a good one I just wanted to read it To point out to the 99% of our audience Who had no idea who Papoose was

That there was a guy out there Who it really meant a lot to when I talked about New York mixtape rapper Pat Poose. Next time, by next week on the program,

by the way, I'm going to be talking all about Uncle Murder, New York mixtape rapper Uncle Murder. Okay, so, well, Jim is the winner then. Yeah.

I think so. Jim, email our intern Paolo at paoloatmaximumfun.org and tell him what your t-shirt size is and your address and we will send you a t-shirt. The new thing. It's fun, right? That's very fun.

I'm having fun with that. How fun is it? It's not as fun as having June Diane Raphael here. Of course not. Let's all get our minds right. Let's not freak out here. Everybody calm down. June can be heard via the medium of podcasting

on the podcast How Did This Get Made where she and a bevy of hilarious people including Jordan last week investigate how terrible but major films get made.

Yes. Although I feel like the title is a little bit misleading. It's not necessarily about how they did get made. It's not a historical podcast. That's what you say to yourself while you're watching these movies. It's more of an exclamation. You've got your favorite moments. You've got your most inexplicable things that happen.

And you're talking about major films. You're talking about your... Studio releases. Yes. Your John Travolta movies, primarily. Your Nick Cage movies, primarily. Mostly, yes. You guys kind of have a big, big job.

The most recent episode coming up, you're doing Gigli? Gigli. Do I have my... How did this get made? Timeline correct? Yeah, we are. I didn't know it was pronounced Gigli until very recently. I knew it was pronounced Gigli. Yeah, of course. And then I found out that's a big

that's a runner in the movie. That sounds like that sounds like a Web 2.0 company for bands that want to book appearances. Or a baby Bjorn maker. Yeah. Jiggly's Bjorns.

But that's sort of something that you've been building up to. I mean, you've covered Battlefield Earth. I remember listening to the Battlefield Earth episode. Once you've done that, you really got your gili left. I know, and I guess I do worry that there's not enough that there's... Maybe we should practice some showmanship. Well, Kevin Smith has made other movies. You're right, yes.

Just kidding. Gigli is pretty... It's an amazing watch. The thing is that some of these movies have been, despite being pretty terrible, fun to watch. Sure. Others have just been... I remember a lot of positive reaction to Burlesque. Burlesque was a great time.

I mean, I would say the same thing about Step Up 3D, which we haven't done, but it's... Could you do Step Up 3D? Is that in the pantheon of how did this get made? I would think so, yes. I would absolutely think so. What about Captain EO? Old dogs.

Captain EO we just saw at Disney for... I saw it for the first time, Paul. It's in a gazillion times. It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing. I loved it. It was a serious emotional touchstone for me as a child. Really?

It was. I will, because my grandparents lived like Jordan in Mission Viejo, California. And so we would go to Disneyland once every couple of years. And I've liked Disneyland fine, but I didn't really care. I never have been a guy, I've never been into rides, and I've never been into Disney. And so it wasn't that significant to me except for the Michael Jackson thing

because I loved Michael Jackson. I had a Michael Jackson doll. I think of him often. So do I. I found myself, no, honestly. No, I'm a Michael Jackson doll. I think of him often. So do I. No, honestly. No, I'm right there with you. Really? This life is going to go on

without him? I think about him often. I'm right there with you, June, and I'm not making fun. Neither am I. That was quite a loss. June Diane Raphael, also one of the stars of the very, very hilarious

NCSI Nope. No. NTSF NTSF colon SD colon SUV colon colon. That's correct. Which also features past Jordan Jesse Go guest

Paul Scheer. Curtis Gwynn who was the head writer of the television program, our short-lived television program, is also one of the writers and producers of this program. Just tons of brilliant people. The lady from Star Trek, Voyager. Jeff Goldblum. Kate Mulgrew.

You know, I saw that Kate, I don't know if you've seen, have you seen Kate Mulgrew's Cheers arc? No. It came up on Cheers recently. I've been watching Cheers just with great delight over the past few months because there's so many of them and it is so good. Cheers is really, really good.

I mean, it's a little bit dumb and predictable But it is good It's dark Because I saw a recent episode Well, actually it wasn't that recently But I watched it when I was little And then having seen it now It's like, God, all these people could not exist outside this bar

Yeah There's a darkness All of their lives are falling apart And they're sitting here together while that's happening in the outside world it's so dark but they're just supporting each other because they love friendship yeah you're right that's what's important and so anyway i've been watching a lot of cheers lately and kate mulgrew had a multi-episode arc i think maybe three or four episodes that led up to a season finale where she was a Boston City Councilwoman who started dating Sam as a sort of way to get in with working

class Bostonites, but then ended up falling in love with him and wanting to marry him. And I won't tell you what happens. Please don't. You may remember, of course, that she was on the show as his wife for many years thereafter. You can't tell me America's favorite bachelor is settling down. But she is. I mean, I was remembering when Paul was on The Sound of Young America, I think, with Jordan, he was talking about how they had thought of Kate to be on NTSF because of her, you know, because I think Curtis suggested her because of her work on Star Trek and stuff.

They knew that she could be that classic, stern, no-nonsense, ass-kicker, take-care-of-business type. And she's a little bit like that on this show, but hilarious. A, she's really funny. And B, dear God, is she attractive on this program. I mean, attractive on your program as well. But I was almost made uncomfortable by how attracted I was to this character on a sitcom. Maybe I have a Patricia Boston woman fetish

that I didn't know about before. Well, I'll tell you what. I think the kind of sex appeal that Kate Mulgrew had and still has, you also don't see that often anymore. Yeah. You know, there aren't examples of women in their 30s even who are working, who have that sort of tougher, edged, like in their body sex appeal that's oozing out of them.

The sex appeal now is very feminine. It's very, we just don't see that. Usually you see it either oozing or in the body. Yes. But to get both, to have a big enough reservoir. Really something. Yeah. It's something amazing.

This weekend I've been slightly working. I've been gradually working on a writing packet for a new TV show. And the assignment was to do pop culture-related sketches. So I've been going through a lot of... You've been writing a lot of Kate Mulgrew stuff. Yeah, well, I was going to say, I've been catching up on reality shows that I didn't know anything about,

trying to kind of find the sketch in them, and I watched a bunch of Say Yes to the Dress on Netflix Instant. I was real attracted to some of the brides. I'm like, do I have a wedding thing? I think they probably just pick attractive women.

I gotta say, I feel like some of the episodes I've seen of Say Yes to the Dress, I feel like a lot of those girls are bigger gals. Hey, you know? I feel like they're bigger gals. You know what they say

about the cushion and its relationship to the pushin'? They rhyme, right? Yes, that's what they say. Those two words rhyme. to the push-in? They rhyme, right? Yes, that's what they say. Those two words rhyme. I'm changing the subject. Put together very easily.

Whatever they're doing. You know, keep it up, ladies. 206-984-4FUN. If it doesn't work out with what's-his-name, give me a call. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call if you've got a momentous occasion or a question for us, or you're a teen who needs some straight talk, or you have a moment of shame to share with us. Whatever. We'll be back to calls next week.

Our intern was out on a little break there, so he couldn't screen the calls, and I was taking care of a baby, so, you know, fuck him. But 206-984-4FUN, jjgoe at maximumfun.org, our email address. That hashtag, hashtag JJGo. And who knows? You might get a T-shirt if you run a club where Jordan gets a go.

And don't just tweet something and write hashtag JJGo at the end of it. That's not how it works. It has to be about Jordan Jesse Go. You can't just be like, man, that was a great

egg salad sandwich. Are people doing that? Yes, people are doing that. That's hilarious. They're trying to game the system. They're trying to game the system. They're trying to beat the system. I don't even know what, there was no prize before, so I don't know what system

they're trying to beat. Let's see. Oh, hey. Shit. There was something else I wanted to say. I don't know. Jordan, you were on their podcast, so people should run out and listen to that. It was a know. Jordan, you were on their podcast. I was, yes. So people should run out and listen to that.

It was a blast. Yes, we did Skyline. We did Skyline, which is a modern bad movie classic. And I give an in-depth account of my appearance in All About Steve, which I've only hinted at on this program. Our friend and actually Paul's friend, probably June's friend as well, has a new podcast on the Smodcast network, Jensen Karp, called Get Up On This. And I went on there and analyzed the new Kanye Jay-Z album for literally two hours with him. for literally two hours with him.

We had hip-hop producer 88 Keys, who produced one of the tracks on the record, and also genuine hip-hop legend Bun B of UGK was on the show, who's one of the funniest, brightest guys. And I say that only because he told me that he had enjoyed my interview with Michael Rapaport. He's a visionary. A genuine... A genius!

No, but like a real... One of the greatest rappers of all time, arguably the greatest Southern rapper of all time, Bun B. And he's a really funny, like cool guy as well. So that's a lot of fun. You should check that out. And oh shit, I remember what it was. So we have a new blog editor at MaximumFun.org, Rebecca, and she is completely revivified the Maximum fun blog,

which had devolved to the point where it was just every three days I would post a rap video in addition to the shows. Um, and Rebecca has absolutely taken it into the sky. There are lots of new posts every day. I've been inspired. Other max fund hosts are, uh, blogging at maximum fund.org.

So do visit the site. You know, there's new crap up every day and not just shows. So, you know, lots of cool comedy stuff. And, in fact, a blog post that Rebecca posted reminded me to watch the movie Lost in America before it expired from Netflix Instant. So, you know, this is a tremendous new development at MaximumFun.org. So, you know, this is a tremendous new development at MaximumFun.org. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records.

That's it. We'll talk to you guys next time. Our thanks to June Diane Rayfield. Thanks for having me.