Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 191: Lazer Buxx with Joshua Malina

Episode Date: September 12, 2011

Joshua Malina, star of The West Wing, Sportsnight and the hilarious web series Backwash, joins Jesse and Jordan to create a gymnasium for Hasidic teens and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pretty, lovely, Jesse, go.

We're joined by the great Joshua Molina, and we come up with a great business idea. It's a chain of gymnasiums for Hasidic Jewish teenage girls. You'll have to listen. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, you had a little prep emergency there just before you said that, Jordan.

Yes. Yeah, I did. It was almost a blooper. I mean, those pops could have been unfiltered. Mm-hmm. Given the situation that you were involved in over there, that's literally the moment before you leaned into that microphone jordan it's a good thing i have such nimble fingers and could uh could move the uh wind

screen in front of the microphone it's from all those years making afghani rugs in your childhood yeah um hey listen generally sticking my fingers and stuff Whatever. Let's introduce our guest, Jordan. You know him as a veteran actor from your television programs, including, what are we looking at? West Wing, of course, Sports Night. You know him from his hilarious and madcap. Yeah, I said it, Jordan. Yeah. and madcap.

Yeah, I said it, Jordan. Madcap. Perhaps even zany web comedy series backwash. Really, we just asked him here because we want to ask him about his character Jeremy from Sports Night and his character's love interest, Natalie.

We just want to know what it's like to kiss Natalie. Joshua Molina. Welcome to the program, Josh. Thank you. happy to be here It is a pleasure to have you here I don't think that I ever mentioned Our Jordan and my interest in the fictional character Natalie from Sports Night I did not know until this moment why I was here

Well, I mean, look We're both big fans of your work You're kind We both love your zany Mad madcap web series, Backwash. Madcap, yes. We love these things. I'm delighted. So we know that you can hold up your end of the program.

But it's sort of like if you're a car salesman, you have to hold one piece back so that you can close the deal when the time comes. And the fact that you've kissed Natalie is pretty much, I mean, that closes the deal. That is true. That is it. My career may have peaked when I kissed Natalie. Sure. Did you become more successful by most standard metrics?

Yes. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Did you go on to be on much more popular television programs in larger more significant roles yes did but natalie on those shows no she was on uh numbers i think this is the name of that show that she was on did i fulfill greater nerd fantasies no no that i've not got did you did you live the life that jordan and i dreamed of living when we were 16 and 15 years old, respectively?

No, there you go. No, you didn't. And frankly, had I been better looking, it wouldn't have worked either. Well, you're pretty. People would have been like, no, that's not that guy. But don't sell yourself short. You're a pretty handsome man, Joshua Molina. I feel average.

I'm comfortable with average. Look, maybe you're show business average. I'll give you show business average. I'm a disastrous show business average. I'll give you show business average. I'm a disastrous show business average. Your show business average, but I'm going to give you at least a solid eight across America, right? You're very kind. He's a handsome man. It might be the lighting in this room.

Josh, I kind of know the sliding show business scale you mentioned. The other day I auditioned for a role. The name of the role in the breakdown, or the kind of notice you get for the audition, was Unattractive Man. But you didn't get it, did you? I didn't get it. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, I wanted it.

You know what that means? You're a looker. Not a superhero. Just someone that... Oh, who was I bothering in line? I don't know. Oh, Burnett from How I Met Your Mother. I was bothering bothering in line? I don't know. Oh, the brunette from How I Met Your Mother. I was bothering her in line with my unattractiveness. Sure. Ain't that always the way?

But you were too good looking for role, ultimately. You know, that was probably it. I mean, I don't know what the casting people, I don't know what goes on behind those closed doors. I would assume. Too fuckable, they probably said, and wrote that across my headshot. Exactly.

They should have given it to you to keep. They just burned it right there on the spot. I wasn't allowed to audition for a play because I wasn't good-looking enough. And that's what they told my agent. And Paul Rudd got the role. Well, Paul Rudd is very good-looking. I am no Paul Rudd.

At least they put their money where their mouth was. I did feel better. I'm like, okay, I can see that. I mean, I think we're all pretty gay for Paul Rudd. Yes, exactly. But it's a play. I'm like, from the back can see that. I mean, I think we're all pretty gay for Paul Rudd. Yes, exactly. But it's a play. I'm like, from the back. Yeah, that was my thing.

Sit far enough back, sit far enough away, I look like Paul Rudd. It's a big theater. If they can make a 40-year-old look like an 85-year-old with a few lines of makeup and some rigid collodion, then they can make you look at least as good looking as Paul Rudd. I thought so. They did not. They can kick you as good looking as Paul Rudd. I thought so. They did not. They can kick you up from 8 to 9.5. I thought so. Was it just this one role, or did everyone in the play have to be

of a Rudd-esque quality? No. A Rudd-esque level of attractiveness. No, it was just this one role. And having read the play, I didn't particularly get that. It wasn't like the stud of Inishmore.

Henry Miller if I'm not mistaken. It was just a play. I felt like they were saying nobody wants to look at you for an entire play. Okay, the whole cast, did you see the play when it was produced?

No. It was an Alfred Urie play called The Last Night of Ballyhoo. That does not sound like a good looking play. And there wasn't like a descriptor that says a real, you know, like small and the kind of guy you'd want to be your friend, but also super handsome, a real Paul Rudd type. Nothing like that. Nothing like that at all. You see, this is bullshit.

I would have given it to Molina. Rudd's not sweating it. He had that thing on Cheers. He was on, wait, not Cheers. Friends. Friends, sure. I remember him on Friends. He was on Friends.

He had a very popular Super Nintendo commercial back in the day. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. If you go ahead and YouTube Paul Rudd's Super Nintendo commercial, it's delightful. And sadly, I will. Yeah, no, it's great. Everyone go ahead and youtube paul rudd super nintendo commercial it's delightful and sadly i will yeah no it's great everyone should he he he's in he's i think he's playing super nintendo in some sort of post-apocalyptic landscape he wins a game and and and thrusts his fist skyward apparently that's the first step of humanity sure rebuilding itself as paul rudd winning it i think f0 i want to say it was it an F-Zero commercial? Yeah, I think so.

I think I would have cast Melina in that one, too. Thank you. I would have gone Melina. That guy does not use Josh Melina. You'd have to be Rudd cute for that. No. Melina cute. Glasses cute.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. You do not. Smart cute. I guess we were talking about Sports Night. You wore glasses throughout that show. I did. When I've seen you in person, you have not had glasses.

I've made the horrible mistake of getting surgery done. Those were on Sports Night. I wore glasses and they were really mine, my prescription and all that. And sometime post-Sports Night, I both had the money and the inclination. You had laser bucks. Exactly. had the money and the inclination. You had laser bucks.

Exactly. That's just when you go to the Emmys in one of the gifting suites, somebody gives you a thousand laser bucks. Or there's the guy back there with a laser. We should also explain that laser bucks is the alternative currency that's used here in Hollywood. Sure. Oh, yeah.

I've gotten all sorts of things with laser bucks. Yeah, sure. You know, something was slightly wrong with my operation They're best for buying Pinkberry That's the number one thing you can buy That is true It's a shame, like a young kid comes to Hollywood He gets that first big commercial

And then those laser bucks just go right up his nose Were you worried when you got laser surgery Were you worried that you were destroying Your signature cute nerdiness? No, it's only now that I realize that that is in fact what I did. It's now that I don't work as much. I look in the mirror and my eyes... You thought you were improving your health.

Absolutely. And I wanted to... The commercials got me. I wanted to wake up and look at the clock without getting my glasses and be like, oh, it's 12 p.m. Have you thought about maybe getting a pair of cute girl who works at the comic book store fake glasses? I'm absolutely headed there. In fact, I'm convincing myself that despite having had the surgery that I think I need a slight correction. I'm a little bit embarrassed to just now get glasses whose only function is to cover my oldness and the lines in my eyes. I've been going through this myself Because a good friend of mine Is known for his signature

Eyewear and show business And got surgery Yes, Drew Carey My close personal friend Drew Carey From The Price is Right That's how he prefers to be referred to He prefers people to forget His 30 year stand up career

He's had his name I think legally changed To Drew Carey of The Price is Right The fact that he appeared on Carson No a friend of mine is known in show business for his signature eyewear and got that surgery and has decided to hang on

to his signature eyewear for show business purposes because he is because they're so distinctive but he also wants to be able to look at the clock without putting his eyeglasses on. And I have often looked forward to the time when my vision weakens enough for me to have signature eyeglasses because I'm hoping that it will make up for my receding hairline. I'm hoping that they will meet at some point, that one of my infirmities will cancel out

the other infirmity because I will have some kind of what you might loosely describe as architect glasses. Nice. Yes. And the kind that I'm thinking about, I'm just going to run this by you guys, is a subset of architect glasses that you might describe as elderly Jew glasses, which or also known as run DMC glasses. Those are the two demographic groups that wear these glasses. But a big, like Shelley Berman wears on Curb Your Enthusiasm, a big, a huge, heavy-rimmed, and mine would be tortoise, not black. I've thought this through really carefully. A lot of glasses fantasies.

Yeah, I do. And so I was talking to my wife about this, you know, my desire for a signature accessory. And she said, well, you should just get those glasses and just wear them. And she said, you're 30. Nobody's going to be like, so you need glasses now, huh? She's correct. But I can't bring myself to do that. I feel like I need to have the infirmity to wear the...

Because otherwise I'm just a dick, right? I don't think so. Really? Mainly I don't think so because I'm about to do that. Really speaking to myself. I wear a neck brace to bars just as a conversation starter. Well, bars and lawsuits. Sure.

Right. And whiplash trials. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Our guest, Joshua Molina. We'll be back in just a second with more. The program is Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Josh Molina, obscure actor. You're not very obscure. You've been on several popular television programs, and you cut a very distinctive figure, being an adorable nerd character. You're very kind. And you're much beloved. I mean, shit, even Natalie was in love with you

From Sports Night Oh, Natalie And that's basically the most attractive woman Sabrina Lloyd Let's put a name to it I mean, here's the thing I don't know Sabrina Lloyd But I do know Natalie from Sports Night

Sabrina Lloyd might be a real raving bitch For all I know I bet she's not And you know, actually, she's an accomplished blogger or blogette. Is she really? Yeah. Tell us more, but don't look at us while you're telling us. Can we look it up as we're doing it?

I think it's Red Dirt Lattes. Red Dirt Lattes? I may be making that up, but, yes, she writes a great travel blog. She's been all over the world and done all sorts of interesting things. When she travels to a place, does she take a picture of herself in the indigenous costume of that land? I think that would make you— That would be really cool. Yes.

Then I think she does. Yeah. I'd like to see her in a sari or— Sari. Wait, okay, so I need to ask you a question about your show, Backwash. Ah, yes. Now, we know— Madcap is what we were going for. Yes, Madcap

and Zany. Some antics are involved. Yes, hijinks occasionally. I think America knows you as a fast-talking Aaron Sorkin character. To the extent that America knows me, it is as such.

You're known as, I mean, you have played what might be described as serial comedy across our television sets, from Sports Night to Larry Sanders. I just saw you recently in an episode of Larry Sanders, the best television program ever. And, you know, you've played also, you've played serio-serious roles. That is true. As well. I think I know where you're headed with this.

So the question is, I don't think that people who have seen your acting in the past would think, you know what? I bet that guy's passion project is the thing he would do for $50 and a gumball machine. Well, he's always wanted it. Anyone would do anything for their own gumball machine. He's always wanted it. Anyone would do anything for their own gumball machine. I'm still waiting on it. My sister just for her last birthday got a gumball machine. Really? I covet it, yes.

Oh, man, that sounds sweet. One of these days. You get the laser bucks, then you get the gumball machine. Her fiance Jim got it for her. Yes, good gift. You can't buy that with real money. Hammocker Schlemmer will not sell it to you unless you have laser bucks. Hammock or Schlemmer will not sell it to you unless you have laser box.

But what they wouldn't imagine is that your passion project is basically more antic than the Three Stooges. That is true. That is true. And I think that's one of the reasons why I did it. I don't get cast in, I think, very frequently, the kind of stuff I would like to do. I consider myself a comic actor, first and foremost, but that's not really where my career has taken me. So you would like to essentially appear in a contemporary version of a fast action sequence from a Little Rascals cartoon? Yes, very much so. Only good. Your, very much so. Only good.

Your back watch is hilarious. But that is the energy that the program has. Yes, yes. No, I have no objection to any of it. Or did you just think you'd like to be cast in, say, Paul Rudd's role in My Idiot Brother? And so in order to get from... Always Paul Rudd.

In order to get from Aaron Sorkin, in order to get from lovable Aaron Sorkin nerd to Paul Rudd's role in My Idiot Brother, you have to overshoot it by an additional 100% so that if you split the difference, you end up as Paul Rudd. You know, I never broke it down. I think that's exactly what I've been trying to do. Yes. Because I don't mean to be flipping about it. Please do. Because I don't mean to be Flipping about it But there aren't as many Television programs or roles

As insane as your web series is That is true So if you're hoping to be cast in those kind of roles You might be shooting at the wrong target That's true, I may have overshot it In order to wheel back Just into comedy in general maybe It is like your thing, though, right?

It's you and a couple of collaborators doing the coal soup to nuts operation. You're not just a hired hand in this thing. No, no. I wrote the whole thing. It was something that I had started writing many, many years ago, thinking that I would... My friend Michael Paynes and I, I thought that I would write these two ridiculous Characters that have sort of a master-slave Knockabout, physical comedy Slapstick relationship

It's a real Comedia dell'arte type situation I hate to say that But I was weaned on We talk about Comedia dell'arte a fair amount on this show So if you're going to want to describe it in those terms I'm not I didn't say that first If you want to bring up Puccinella and Ildatore oh we can get into it okay no no harlechino no not my no not my thing

i would say more i was weaned on abedin costello and the marx brothers i was a big chaplain fan buster keaton uh it's very stoogean now that i look back at it but as a kid i wasn't as big a three stooges fan well it's much more it's much more verbal than the Three Stooges is, in addition to the action. Groucho was my hero, maybe, if I had to pick one from the arts. Groucho Marx has always been, I love the absurdity and the language and the ridiculous, the antics, if you will. You have a level of fame that while it may not get movies made, I would like to think might get web series made. So when you go into that meeting and you are like, hey, guess what? I'm going to make a comedy series and it's going to be completely insane.

Yeah, that didn't work. I cannot even launch a web series. And Sony was, I think, very candid about that because there came a time when they were like, okay, it's you and Michael Payne, and who's the other really famous person who will make this? Did they ask you to cast Paul Rudd? There will be no Rudd. No, I did come though i know that uh my greatest draw is as a conduit to actual celebrity i have a level of i don't really

have any level of fame i have a level of recognizability that leads to multi a day did we go to high schools i get a lot of that you look very familiar you also get a lot of that. You look very familiar to me. But you also have a lot of credibility. I mean, there are plenty of did-we-go-to-high-school guys in Hollywood that lack your gravitas. Ah, well, there you go. And gravitas and comedia dell'arte. Combine those two. Well, yes. And you get one.

Yes. And, well, I don't know. There was a time where they were like, well, who are the people? You know, Crackle was like, well, we cater to young males primarily. People kind of know who you are, but you're old. And Michael Payne, he seems great, but we don't really know who he is. Who else do you have? You got Jessica Biel over there?

Yeah, exactly. But Michael Ian Black was a big... He helped make the whole thing gel. And then eventually... They're like, get Ian Black or that Old Spice guy. Exactly. These are the only two people who kids know who they are. But I did also...

I super front-loaded it with a lot of... Calling in every favor I could. I got Jon Hamm and Sarah Silverman and Hank Azaria. And I got Alice and Janney DeLay-Hill from West Wing. I basically said, look, here's the material. They read the scripts and they were on board conceptually. And I said,

I'm going to bookend it with a celebrity every episode, introducing the episode kind of a la Masterpiece Theater. And so that was, you know, I know how these things work. So I understood that that would be part of the draw for them. And it was. I need to ask you a Jon Hamm question.

Yes. Now, I don't personally know Jon Hamm, although he's friends with many people who I would consider myself friends with. And I've never heard anything other than the kindest word in the world about Jon Hamm. However, there's this thing about Jon Hamm, which is I've been, he's done, like our friend Jimmy Pardo, he does his shows

regularly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. And so I've been in like in close proximity to Jon Hamm, right? We've been on Jimmy's marathon shows that Jon Hamm has been on. I get uncomfortable around Jon Hamm because he's too handsome. He is that. I kind of don't know what to do with myself. Like, I feel like I might fall. Yeah, I can understand that. Yeah. And Josh, I'm a little uncomfortable around you because you know Natalie in the same way.

I'm a little uncomfortable around Jon Hamm because he knows Joan. I understand that, yeah. Oh man, he sure does. You guys each have a cloud wafts off you that makes me want to hide. Well, yeah, he is a remarkably nice guy. He's otherworldly. He's just a handsome other species kind of guy. Josh, I think we've

established... Oh, sorry. On the kick of the bat, this will be very quick. Speaking of Joan. Yeah, speaking of Joan. Here are some things I think Joan smells like. Probably. I worked for Fuel TV at a

celebrity surf event. Easily the best surfer at it, John Slattery. Really? Yes. Like really good. Like really, really good surfing. He's really handsome, too. He is.

Geez, Louise, he's handsome. But since he has the silver fox thing, I feel like I could go to him to be my mentor in handsomeness somehow. Sure. You know what I mean? Whereas John Hamm would just punch me out. is how i punch by the way it's sort of a hammer type motion it's robotic but effective i'm guessing yeah well you guessed wrong you guessed correct that it's robotic i played poker with john ham once and and after the game, he swept up the floor of the apartment we were playing at. I was like, dude, you're already...

He said, hey, listen up, man. You're already making the rest of us look fucking bad just by being here. You have to fucking sweep up and make us look like complete ugly assholes. Here's a five-layer dip that I've made. We'll be back with more in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Josh Molina. Self-deprecating, not really obscure. No, he's not obscure at all. No, I'm not going to say it anymore. Well-known, popular, and beloved screen actor. And I might have gone to high school with you. Josh Molina. So I, to kind of, not, to borrow a segment from our sister podcast, Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Our friends in the MaximumFun.org network. They're the Canadian us, Josh. Gotcha. If you have not heard this program. I have a few overseens. I was going to say they're nicer than us, but then I realized that was encompassed within they're the Canadian us. Yes, that's, yes. It's like you guys with healthcare.

Sure. Sure. And beer brands I've never heard of. So I have a couple I feel like I saw just a bevy of weird things this week that I think will probably spark some conversation. If not, hopefully they'll just be

funny on their own. Which one of these do you guys want to hear? I have my iPhone. Which one do we want to hear? We don't know what they are, Jordan. Well, I'm going to tell you the note that I wrote down on my iPhone. You can tell me, yeah, which of these sounds more interesting. That's why I'm holding this super long, skinny microphone.

Oh, shoot. Charles Nelson Reilly. Sorry. Couldn't think of that. I was going to make a Charles Nelson Reilly joke. Could not think of it soon enough. I'm just going to move on. As opposed to get us to backtrack so I can say, wait, Jesse, say that thing again.

Wink Martindale. Yeah, that'll do it. Do you guys want to hear Fixed Gear Bike or Colorful Bird? I want to hear Fixed Gear Bike. I was going to go Bird. I don't know how we decide. Josh, you're the guest. I'm going to defer to Josh Molina.

The only person here who's kissed Natalie. Okay. Woo! So I have, I was just walking through a parking lot the other day, and I saw this car, and on the car's rear view mirror, this car was parked, on the car's rear view mirror was a beautiful parrot, like a beautiful colored bird, and the bird wasn't bird didn't seem to be tethered by anything and it was just sitting on the mirror of this parked car. This was like a

tiki room bird. Just very, you know, a million colors. Wait, this was an actual bird? A live bird, yes. Whoa! But wait, there's more. So I'm like, this... You just exploded the picture of this situation that I had in my mind. No, no, this was not like, yeah, there's more. This, so I'm like, this. You just exploded the picture of the situation that I had in my mind.

No, no, this was not like, yeah, somebody's cute, like, yeah, this wasn't, this wasn't a roller derby girl's car accessory. Jordan, you know, you know, like how at Tiki bars they have live, live birds all over everywhere? Yes. So, yes, so this is a living, breathing um which seems really i'm i'm worried that this thing will fly away or that it got had gotten like out it was in the car and got out um so i looked over and the driver okay and someone so someone approached the car window and when i got close enough to look at this bird car uh a drug deal was going on in the bird car.

A woman was... And it was like a comedy sketch about someone witnessing a drug deal. Like, there was the bag of pot and the stack of money, and both had their hands on each of them, ready to switch, and they both looked over at me,

looking at them and there was no way for me to say I don't care about the drug deal I just want to know what the deal with this bird is so I just turned around and kind of power walked away so you missed the bird eating the drugs? I don't, yeah, I don't know

maybe the drugs were for the bird or maybe it was just like a kind of bird seed that looked like drugs or is that how you know which car to buy drugs from? yeah, maybe the were for the bird. Or maybe it was just like a kind of bird seed that looked like drugs. Or is that how you know which car to buy drugs from? Yeah, maybe. The car of the bird. Oh, yeah. Maybe it is like a giant inflatable gorilla to a used car lot.

Exactly. Jordan, did you see this on stage at a comedy theater? No, no. This was in a parking lot. So it's like if you want your drug deal to be covert, why do you have the world's most brightly colored bird sitting on your car? I wonder. That is a reasonable question. Or maybe the bird can alert.

Oh, yeah, maybe it is, but it didn't alert them of me. Cop coming. Oh, yeah. Maybe it's only cops. Are you suggesting it's a personal defense bird of some kind? That is exactly what I'm suggesting. Maybe they could command it to scratch my eyes out if I looked like I was a snitch.

Attack. It's an alternative to mace that you don't have to get a license for. It's a non-lethal weapon. I'd like to see that. That's what I think I would enjoy seeing. A bird scratch my eyes out? A bird enforcer for a drug dealer. Oh, and then he maybe has a little hat on, too. Yeah, like the drug

dealer gets wronged and he just turns his head to the sky and goes, drug dealer oh and then he had maybe has a little hat on too yeah like the drug dealer like the drug dealer gets wronged and he just he just turns his head to the sky and goes and then the in comes this eagle to fuck up his enemies yeah or a flock of eagles that would be good what if what if all drug dealers had their own flock of eagles that they commanded he presented to actor Josh Molina as though it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Or an exaltation of larks. Sure. Just wanted to throw that out there.

I know my animal groupings. Sure. And why wouldn't you, Josh? Spent a lot of time on the blogs we learned earlier. There you go. You're going to learn about animal groupings, for example. I guess maybe it would kind of fit thematically if you had an evil murder of crows that you could command. Oh, dang.

That would be... I guess it never occurred to me that birds could go in cars. Yes. I mean, why would they? Is it insulting to them? They're like, oh, great, a car. This is fun. I can fly.

To some extent, you can control a bird, right? You can train a bird to a modest extent if it's a clever bird. You can teach it to... One can. I cannot. See? You can teach it to... Is that not...

It's not under special skills? Like magical... Horseback riding and fencing, yes. Hebrew and juggling was once literally On my resume Did that come up a lot? The Hebrew specifically? No That's why you didn't get the lead role in A Simple Man You're ugly and you can't juggle

I don't know So yeah Okay, but in all sincerity Because my concern About birds Being in cars Is that you can train a bird to sit on your shoulder, right? So I know that there are bird people that walk around with birds. These are people who, you know, they don't have much.

They've tried signature eyewear. Right. And it didn't cut it, you know. And so they decided to go ahead with putting a bird on their shoulder all the time. Right. As an accessory, you're suggesting. Yeah. They may have even already tried a more straightforward exotic pet like a chinchilla.

And the chinch wasn't cutting it. And so they went to bird on the shoulder. When they were leash walking their chinch, it the chinch wasn't cutting it and so they went to bird on the shoulder when they were when they were leash walking their chinch it didn't cut it and so i know that's something yeah but i guess it never occurred to me that those people transport their birds to the various places that you see them such as muscle beach right um parking lot drug deals. Parking lot drug deals. Through the medium of cars, that car must be full of bird shit, right? Is there any other way, thing that that car could be full of besides bird shit? Nope.

Bird shit and drugs. Yeah. And probably Taco Bell wrappers. It would be funny if the bird was trying to fly in the car and then you turn the air conditioner all the way up and it blows the bird around. That would be fun. Oh, Backwash Season 2. Yeah. That's what we're basically doing.

That would be madcap. We're just pitching weird things to happen. Jordan, you want to go to number two on your list here? Yeah, here we go to number two. I got a total of four. Maybe we won't get to them all. I can just save them. Hey.

Okay, so I was driving to work and saw a guy, a fixed-gear bike guy off of his fixed-gear bike, very classic fixed-gear bike guy, cut-off jeans. He has one of those hats with the brim that's turned up. A bike hat. Bike hat, tank top, fashionable kind of punk rock tank top. And he was yelling, like in the face, yelling of a guy, of a Vespa guy. So this guy was off of his Vespa, and he had on a Vespa-ing scarf. Sure.

And then they're yelling, they're yelling, they're yelling, and fixed-geared bike spits in the face of Vespa guy. Like loogie spits. Like I could see, from my car, I could see the spit globule go into the face of Vespa guy. I feel like people on fixed- fixed gear bicycles just need to get birds because they're doing way too much spitting. Yeah. I feel like not a day goes by that I don't hear a tale of someone or something getting

spit on by somebody with a fixed gear bicycle. No, you know, and I told this story at work and and there is a fixed-gear bike guy at my work who is also very much a fixed-gear bike guy. And he talked about having to spit on cars before. Having to. Yeah. You know what? I had no other option. Right.

But, I mean, I guess on a car is – but, like, in the face of a guy who's basically the same guy as you? Well, I mean, this guy wasn't on a moped. Right. I mean, here's the thing. Here's the thing. My position on having to hawk loogies when you're driving a fixed gear bike. I'm pro bicycle commuting

and I'm a former bicycle commuter myself. And, you know, I speak as someone who didn't learn to drive a car until he was in his early 20s. But I would say that if safety is a concern for you, my list of priorities would probably spit would be number three or four and probably at the top would be brakes. Like I would probably put brakes. You raise a good point. Having brakes above spitting on stuff that gets in your way.

Just throwing that out there. Just tossing it out there. Did you, have you noticed, have you noticed that here in Los Angeles, I don't, like, I knew, having grown up in San Francisco's handsome and historic Mission District, I knew fixed year bicycles as the thing that the assholes who were stealing my neighborhood rode. You know, I knew it as the official vehicle of the person with a really complicated coffee order and really tight pants.

So that has always been my vision of fixed-gear bicycles. And look, I understand why people have fixed-gear bicycles. They're quite lovely. They're very nice to to look at they're very simple to maintain i understand is a key part of why people have fixed gear bicycles i like the ones that have brakes more than the ones that don't because i'm always scared that i'm going to kill someone that doesn't have brakes on their bicycle but um you know i'm not against it in, but I always saw it as the kind of vehicle of the what you might call the yuppie hipster invader of the neighborhood that I grew up in. And I moved to Los Angeles, I guess, about five years ago now. And I started noticing I started noticing just an astonishing number of Latino teenagers on fixed gear bicycles.

There is a fixed gear bicycle store. It's theoretically, I'm sure they've got one or two geared bicycles, but it is fundamentally a fixed gear bicycle store down the block from my house. And you would think that this store would cater to what there certainly is in Highland Park and in Virens, which is to say, yuppie hyphen hipster invaders. But it does not. It caters exclusively to local teens.

Yes. Did you know that's a thing? Yeah, I kind of, I mean, it's, Josh, it's another topic that comes up a lot on the show is what are Latino teens doing? And why don't we understand it more? Latinagers. Yes. Morrissey is involved. That's about all we know.

Yeah, no, I know. It seems to me that that kind of overlap latino teen culture and hipster culture is that it exists it's an intro now here's the thing like there i have seen latino teens on fixed gear bicycles who are members of the um you know the the sort of uh rock and roll cool kid Latino teen subcultures, such as metal Latino teen, Morrissey enthusiast, kind of greaser-y Latino teen, et cetera. And that made sense to me because that is, you know, they're all going to the same punk rock shows, you know, with the, you know.

And I see everybody parks their fixed gear bicycle outside the punk rock show. It makes a lot of sense to me. shower shoes and like socks pulled up to, you know, athletic socks pulled up to the knee, creased Dickies shorts, like just the whole nine yards riding around on fixed gear bicycles. This is truly, we cannot use, I feel like that destroyed the possibility of using fixed gear bicycles as any kind of cultural shorthand. There's, it is no longer available to us. Now it's just a kind of bike. Yeah. Just like how, sad just like how you know uh how are we supposed to how are we supposed to make broad generalizations about an entire group now people just just like how people that buy music at barnes

and noble love the arcade fire um we we cannot it's just off the table. We have to find new stuff if we want to indicate a certain, you know, I mean, what's left? Maybe twirly mustache. Yeah, I guess goofy facial hair for the sake of it. Yeah. Yeah, I think probably a complicated coffee order can now be replaced with only a very short list of beers that I'll drink. Uh-huh. Sure. Oh, boy.

I was in – and this – I don't know if this story will seem funny unless you were at the restaurant, but it was to me when it was happening because I was at the restaurant. I was downtown, and I think downtown L.A. has kind of the same thing going on that this neighborhood, Jesse, has. Downtown L.A. has kind of the same thing going on that this neighborhood, Jesse, has. It has a lot of Latinos, but it also has the kind of invading force of, you know, et cetera. Well, I would say that downtown Los Angeles is very, very full of mooks. Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. But, yeah, there's also kind of a little loft community and there's the roller derby bars and stuff like that. Anyways, I was at a taco restaurant, mariachi band, menus not in English, fixed gear bike guy, although I know we know that's moot these days. But Fix Your Bike guy was yelling something at the bartender who I don't really think spoke English. Do you guys sell local beers here? So yeah, I think maybe we can, like someone who insists...

Bartender just poured him a michelada. Oh yeah, I had a michelada yesterday. Very tasty. Yeah, so maybe insistence upon craft beer we can use for that. See, Molina here. Well, I just got to get out more, clearly. He lives out by the ocean. I live way, way above.

I live in the cheap seats. the ocean i i live way way above the i live in the cheap sheets seats he's too busy he's too busy hanging out with ham and rud and all these gorgeous men i got one more okay uh okay so by my uh by my i live in west hollywood and by my house there is something called uh pink fitness pink and this is a a gym it's in a strip mall. It's all Kegels. Yeah, only Kegels. And the walls in this gym are painted pink, and it's only for women. Sure. And you could maybe kind of imagine the clientele that is at this place. It's women.

They have, you know. Vaginas. Vaginas. Sure. You know, and over those vaginas are shorts. Something is painted on the behind of those shorts. Sure. Something is painted on the behind of those shorts. Sure. Something is written on the behind of those shorts.

You know, it's always a lot of very attractive women. And they kind of use the strip mall to work out. There's kind of this staircase, and they're always going up and down the staircase. And it is kind of like one part performance, one part workout. There's some scary bums, and they're always kickboxing them. Right.

And something maybe also about West Hollywood, less so than over here, but there is kind of a cultural collision going on. It's kind of like Hollywood people, it is women who would work at a place called Pink Fitness and like Russian Jews. Maybe the other area. Doing their kugel exercises.

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joshua Molina. I've been waiting a lifetime for that setup. Anyway, so usually when I go by this place, there are kind of lovely, you know, women with suspicious breasts going up and down these stairs. It's usually kind of fun to drive by. I drove by this place.

When you say it's fun to drive by, you mean drive-by shootings. To wipe them off the face of the earth. So I drove by, and there was an instructor leading the thing, typical pink fitness instructor. But her class was all young Hasidic girls in ankle-length black skirts and black sweaters. That's hot. Wow. I know. It's very, very hot in LA.

But they were like power jogging up and down these stairs. They're committed to their faith. Yeah, but it seems... Yet they're embracing. It's the 19th century meets the 21st. It's beautiful. Ish. Yeah, so I wonder if you are that

committed to being Hasidic and to wearing a black skirt and black sweater wherever you go, no matter the temperature, why is it also okay to work out at Pink Fitness? Which seems... Well, I mean, I think I've talked before about how comforting I find the Hasidic community of Los Angeles simply because they are sometimes pedestrians. And I just like to see a pedestrian of any kind in Los Angeles simply because they are sometimes pedestrians. And I just like to see a pedestrian

of any kind in Los Angeles. That's true. So you drive around on Shabbos and watch the Jews walk. Somebody's walking down the sidewalk. That's what that strip of pavement is for. They're keeping it real. Exactly.

You know, that's fascinating that they would go, that that is the gym that they, you'd think, well, they can't go to the YMCA. Why not? Or the YWCA. The C. All right, the C. I think that this is also would, if I saw this while I might be confused by it, I would also be, uh,

I would also find it comforting because it is the other, you, it was seeing someone, uh, who fits the other thing that you just, that I find myself death, like thirsty to see in Los Angeles, which is someone who's not dressed more slutty than they need to be.

Like some people are dressed super slutty. Some people are dressed a little bit slutty, but everyone is definitely more slutty than they need to be. That is true. And so if you see some Hasidic teens, they're not going to be dressed slutty at all. They're holding the line on that one. Maybe it's relative.

Like maybe they've hemmed their skirt slightly more than their sister. Yes, this season they're wearing it mid-ang. Oy. Shit's going down. The sweaters can get tighter. Yeah, you'd think that they would. As you grow your bosom. You know, when you have a tight-knit community of people with what you might call complicated religious needs.

Sure. Usually there are businesses that spring up to cater to those needs. Just like you can go in Los Angeles and New York where there are Hasidic Jews. You can go to the Hasidic Jew hat store and buy Hasidic Jew hats. A strimel. Sure. Sure. Thank you, Mr. Molyneux.

Strimels are us. Sure. Sure. Thank you, Mr. Moan. I will strive as our us. And so, you know, like, and so it is, the things that you need are typically on offer. Right. But there, so that suggests to me a business idea, which is a Hasidic-oriented gymnasium. Well, not a bad idea.

Okay. You guys don't seem like you're on board. I thought it was going to be gym wear. I thought it was going to be like all black sweatpants. Oh, no, no, no. I'm trying to build a nationwide chain. And by nationwide, I mean Los Angeles and New York. And possibly Chicago. Not sure.

So maybe there's like a jazzercise class that plays klezmer music. And you work out to that. Exactly. Or there's just a jazzercise class that plays klezmer music, and you work out to that. Exactly. Or there's just a canter. Yeah, sure. Everybody jazzercises to that. Sure. And then instead of a juice bar, you get a nice brisket.

Sure. At the end. This sounds great. This sounds way better than any gym I've ever been to. Ponchos Pilates class. Game over. Wait, Jordan, was that the last thing?

I've got... There's got to be one more thing. I have one more. Do you guys want to hear one more? Yeah, let's hear one more thing. I don't think we can get any more juice

out of that last thing than Pontius Pilates class. I may be feeling glad to end the podcast. Yeah. This is... I was going to the post office. Sure. I held the door. That's pretty old school, just right there. Yeah, it was.

I still do paper bills. I don't pay my bills online. Don't trust the internet. I don't know why. You know what? I went to the post office recently, and I was mailing a lot of packages for The Sound of young america um they asked me oh what what is it tell me what are you why are you mailing all these packages i

say oh i host a radio show and some podcasts and so sometimes we send out t-shirts or whatever you know as gifts or thank yous sure and they said uh oh like what kind of show is it and i was oh you know we on my radio show we interview a lot of comedians and also, you know, some actors and stuff. And they said, oh, do you know a comedian? And his name is Mark Maron. And I was like, oh, yeah, sure. I know Mark Maron. Yeah, he's a he's a friend of mine.

And they go, oh, he's a regular here. Mark Maron is so beloved at my post office that they bring him up to strangers. I long to have that kind of relationship with my post office. When I was a kid, the post office by my house, they would always ask me, ask after my parents. And still to this day, if my mom goes there, they'll ask my mom how I'm doing. But here in Los Angeles, I have no such relationship. And so I'm thinking about trying to build a relationship like that, possibly by bringing lemon bars.

That's a good idea. And then you'd be able to, like, order the regular. And they just give you a book of forever stamps. Exactly. And a poster, too. Exactly. Or. Yeah, I was like, oh, one book of forever stamps and a huge cardboard tube.

That's my. I could just go in there with Marin. Yeah, you could. And just go in there with Marin and have Marin say, oh, my buddy Jesse needs a few things too. Yeah. He could set you up. Yeah. And then I could get set up.

Tee it up for you. Yeah. That might be good. Right. That might be good. Even though they don't sell them anymore. Maybe they'll, they got a book of the Simpsons stamps in the back. You can get your hands on.

Like we'll get stamps in the back. You can get your hands on like, we'll get some from the back. So you were in line at the post office. I was coming out and I held the door for a very, very old lady. And she said, excuse me, do you drive a Honda?

I said, no, I don't drive a Honda. She's like, could you, could you look at this key and tell me something and she had the key to a rental car it was you know it had that weird plastic rental car thing on the end she's like what do these buttons do and she turned over the key and it was the keyless entry buttons and i'm

like oh um this unlocks the car this locks the car and this pops the. And she looked at me and just went, oh. I explained the concept of keyless entry to this woman. She had never heard of it before. And the look of like, to maybe borrow a line from Sports Night, she had this look what we can do look on her face. This like, I am in my time. Keyless entry. It felt really good to me. You could have gone the extra step and been like, and this button feeds a village in Africa.

And she would have been like, well, that's lovely. I will press it twice. I will do that every day. What I wonder is if you didn't turn it over, show her the red button and say, and this is if someone's trying to rape you. You know, a minority.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Wonderful. Yeah. And this button brings all your cats back to life. Oh, it doesn't. It would be really grand if you had an old lady who had a really winning attitude just in general

that went around with you to marvel at things that you explained to her. And just whatever it was, like, you know, this tree is evergreen. That means that the leaves stay on it year round.

Boy, that's wonderful. Oh. I would watch's wonderful. Oh. I would watch that show. I think there may be a series in there. Evergreen, you say. This is a post-it. Yeah. You're going to write a little note on it and stick it to anything.

Literally anything. But surely you can't remove it once it's in the stuff. That's the thing you can. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Joshua Molina, middle-aged Jew.

You're young for middle-aged Well, it depends when I die, isn't it? Doesn't it? Josh Molina is here We're having fun with Josh Molina Hey, listen Fuelie.com Once again sponsoring this week's program

Our friend Matt Howey Is the owner of Fueluley.com. This, for your benefit, Josh, is a website where you go to it like on your phone or whatever when you fill up your car. And you write in what your mileage is and what your odometer reading is and how much gas you put in the car. And then it tracks over time your gas mileage. and so you can either adjust your patterns of behavior or you can compare yourself to other people with the same car so you can find out if there's something wrong with your car. That is fiendishly clever.

I like that. There really is a community of fuel economy nerds. Sure, as there should be. Yeah, and God bless them. Anyway, it's online. That's a very cool thing. Fuelly.com, F-U-e-l-l-y.com um hey let's go to the jumbotron jordan um what do we have up on the jumbotron this week ah here

is a nice personal message happy third anniversary to andy from Marissa. Their third anniversary is September 18th and or the beginning of the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season. I'm guessing that they first made out while watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The third anniversary. That is the internet shout-out anniversary. Because paper would internet shout-out.

Look at this. So for any of you coming up on a third anniversary, this is the only way to celebrate it. Jordan, Marissa and Andy's first real date was in a bar talking about Jordan and Jesse Go. Oh. Love connection. Beautiful. That's the power of love, Jordan. We are the cause of fucking.

Oh. Look at this. I'm assuming, you guys. She says he's been hilarious patient kind and lovely ever since look at that wow that is tremendous we're the we have the power to bond we're like a high-tech epoxy of love well you know what we're like we're like one of those glues that you buy at the hardware store where there's two tubes and you squeeze it out because if they mix together inside the tube it would be too dangerous exactly that's how powerful we are oh hey guess what we also have

a commercial message this is a really cool thing i think um we've played we've done jordan jesse go at the dark room in san francisco sure it's a great great theater in uh mild stomping grounds the mission district of san francisco on mission. Little tiny theater. They have all kinds of cool productions there, including a lot of cool local comedy. And one of them is this show called Snob Theater. So it is a once-a-month variety show at the Dark Room featuring all of the best of the Bay's indie rock and alternative stand-up comedy.

It's hosted and produced by Sean Robbins, who's a stand-up comedian in San Francisco. Check out some of these people Who have been on their program Number one, Sean Hayes from television That's no joke How about Moshe Kasher, past Jordan Jesse Go guest How about Kamau Bell Another past Jordan Jesse Go guest

How about Mary Van Note A popular comedian who we went to college with How about Brent Weinbach Who's one of the funniest comedians in america and it's never been on jordan jesse go he's a strange man sure he's an unusual man i think if we included if we just promised him we would do a segment about old sega genesis music he does have a podcast dedicated to video game music a a a humorless podcast dedicated to video game music no jokes in this thing brent weinbach is the fucking greatest that guy is so tremendous and

hey how about this speaking of people who are absolutely tremendous december guest on this show mr john vanderslice wow doesn't get much better than vanderslice that's a get that's indie rock heavy hitter right there see him at the dark at the darkroom. That's a small, it's a small, intimate venue. That's an intimate venue. You can get intimate.

I think the promise of snob theater is that you can get intimate with John Vanderslice. Sure. I'd love to get intimate with John

Vanderslice. That guy's dreamy. I don't really want to do that with John Vanderslice, but he's a great guy. Sure. He's really sweet

and a brilliant musician. Anyway, you can find out more at snobtheater.t great guy. Sure. He's really sweet and a brilliant musician. Anyway, you can find out more at snobtheater.tumblr.com. snobtheater.tumblr.com. And if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's cheap. It's $100 for a personal message,

$200 for a commercial message. Just go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. And if you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, Go! or any of our shows, just email our

development director, Teresa, at teresa at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go or any of our shows, just email our development director, Teresa at Teresa at Maximum Fund dot org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Natalie. Yep. Hey, remember when you rigged the popularity contest? I did. Oh, that was fun. Oh, man. Remember when he dated a porn star and didn't kiss her ever? Yeah, I remember that, too. Yeah.

Sports night. Hey, remember when Bill Macy was on it? Yeah. And you were like, man, Bill Macy's married to Felicity Huffman? How cool is that? That was cool. Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Ah, sports night.

Those were the days. Now available on Netflix Instant Watch. Stream it, people. Stream it, everybody. Josh Molina gets a nickel. Not even. What the fuck were we going to do? Oh, yeah.

Take Telephone Call. I got so excited to talk about Sports Night. Look, I don't mean to impugn. I'm sorry. You have a resume full of wonderful and brilliant credits. I'm comfortable with having peaked 12 years ago.

I just get so excited. Look, if Peter Krause was here right now. Krause. Is that how you pronounce it? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. In Sprechensie Deutsch. Krause!

If Peter Krause was here right now, I would not want to talk to him about his hit network television program. I would not want to talk to him about his iconic HBO program. All I would want to talk to him about would be Sports Night. Sure. Yeah. Especially Dana. I just want to talk about him about would be Sports Night. Sure.

Especially Dana. I just want to talk about Dana. What it was like to date Dana. Maybe you should have the unapproachable women from Sports Night that you actually want to talk to on your show. I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say maybe have them themselves. We're building to that.

I would be happy, as always, to be the conduit to actual celebrity. I might be able to get them for you. Well. I think we could do it. I mean, I think we could do it. I would be more uncomfortable if it was Jon Hamm. I understand. Like, don't ask Hamm to come over here.

I would get too uncomfortable. But if you do have him, he'll sweep up afterwards. Yeah. In fact, there was some talk recently that Ryan Gosling might come on The Sound of Being America. Ooh, whoa. I interviewed the director of Ryan Gosling's new film, Drive, and we worked very hard to book an actor

from the film. And the film has a number of actors in it. Albert Brooks is in that, right? Yeah, Joan from Madness in it. We tried so has a number of actors in it. Albert Brooks is in that, right? Yeah, Joan from Madness in it. Yeah, Joan. But we tried so hard to get Albert Brooks. Albert Brooks is fantastic in it, by the way. He plays the heavy in this film.

Ron Perlman. I'm very curious to see it. I want you to play with Ron Perlman. We were interested to have Ron Perlman on the program. What's Perlman like in person? Does he sweep up? He's an incredibly nice guy. This was in 1989 or 90. So, rabid Beauty and the Beast fans.

Oh, yeah. That was kind of like a Twilight type of thing. Like it was something that gothy. Yeah, romantic, you know, fantasy. And Pearlman's Posse, these women called themselves. We're talking, this is a Broadway play, so not an inexpensive ticket. And they would come 10, 20, 30 times and wait at the stage door for him. Wow.

Oh yeah. It was incredible to observe. And he is a super gracious, nice guy. And you know, it always hang out with them and sign autographs. And that's tremendous. Yeah.

I'd like to join Perlman's posse. Yeah, sure. You could pound me into a pulp if you needed to. Sure. Um, I got to ask him a few blade to question. So,

and two, and I mean, just, uh, among other other brilliant actors in this thing, but Ryan Gosling is the star of it. And we were like, we would love to have Ryan Gosling. And I thought it would be nice to connect with Ryan Gosling for Put This On, my men's style web series, because Ryan Gosling is one of the few men in Hollywood who dress themselves and do it well. He's a very well-dressed guy. And he instructs Steve Carell how to dress. Oh, does he? In Crazy Stupid Love.

Oh. He tells him, you're better than The Gap. But when he's breaking up fights in New York, he's doing it in a tank top. That is true. Have you seen it? I have seen that video. Yeah. And in that movie...

But he's tank top handsome. Oh, yeah. Steve Carell is the movie... But he's tank top handsome. Oh, yeah. Steve Carell is the subject of mockery for wearing New Balance. Oh. So my daughter was like... Oh, you got busted. You're a loser. You got busted.

There are cool New Balances right now. If you're talking about the New Balance classic, especially in a few colors, you could be talking... You're not wearing those. No, I'm not. I want to make that clear. That's not the kind of New Balance that you're wearing. My daughter made that distinction today, too.

She was like, she pointed to someone else. She said, you could even go to New Balance and be cooler than what you've done. Anyway, I just thought that if Ryan Gosling came in here, I might get too nervous

because he's too handsome. Yeah. Even, I get more, I think I get maybe even more nervous around a super, super, like a movie star handsome dude than around a movie star beautiful lady. I think you're coming out on air. Yeah, this might be it.

This is a gig. This is an important. I mean, you know, you could have picked a more opportune time than, you know, a month after the birth of your child. But, you know. See, I feel like I'm more intimidated by a guy In whose general zone I'm in That I'm a shot at Jon Hamm might as well be a third gender Or a species, another species

It's like, whatever I mean, I can't be intimidated by that He might as well be just made of pure energy Right, exactly I know I'm human What about like a Paul Rudd type character, like a Paul Rudd type guy who's very handsome

but in a very approachable way? That his handsomeness is leavened with approachability and apparent friendliness. That's a very good description of the Ruddian appeal. Yeah.

I'd say that's the Malinian appeal. That's how I would describe it. Oh, you're very kind. That's how I would describe it, Josh Mal Yeah. I'd say that's the Malinian appeal. That's how I would describe it. You're very kind. That's how I would describe it, Josh Malina. I'm just worried that I'll meet Jason Statham and he'll kick me in the face. Something momentous like getting kicked in the face by Jason Statham happens to our listeners. We ask that they give us a call for a segment called Momentous Occasions.

We've got one momentous occasion and three moments of shame this week. I'm excited about this. Let's go to the tape. Hey, Jordan and Jesse. This is Matt in San Diego. And it's, there's not a lot of light in San Diego. It's been a blackout for most of the day,

but I just want to let you know that my wife and I just had sex. And at the end of having sex, the lights came back on in my area of San Diego. Yes! Bravo!

You have an electric dick! His dick is made of pure energy. You get enough friction going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a spark, and sure. Absolutely. You know your physics. I do, I do.

That's a new, like, that's a new, maybe kind of a green source of energy. Like, maybe a town everybody is fitted with a, I don't know what you would be fitted with. You know, a flint penis sheath You know, a flint penis sheath. Yeah, a flint penis sheath. Sure. And then, you know, everyone has to fuck at a certain time. I've heard that actually 80% of the electricity in Iceland comes from fuckfests. Yeah, from flint penis sheath.

Yeah. I like that we've had so many sex-related momentous occasions. Yeah. I like that we've had so many sex-related momentous occasions, but I want to emphasize that your momentous occasions need not be sex-related. I mean, sure, if you overshare a little bit, it might give you a slightly better shot of getting on the program, but you might also get on the show if you saw somebody walking a chinch on a leash. Sure. That's the kind of thing that will get you on the program, too. A leashed chinch. Yeah, exactly. Okay, let's go to the moments of shame.

We also ask that people call in to share with us the lowest points in their lives so that we can, I was going to say mock them, but I'm going to change that to liberate them from the shame. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guest. I'm calling with a moment of shame. I was inspired by the woman who called about Ben Franklin chasing love. When I was in junior high and Saturday Night Live had just come out. Wait, do we remember that?

Nope. Someone chasing off Ben Franklin on our show? We talked about Ben Franklin chasing muff. Oh, right. Ben Franklin chasing muff. Okay, I remember somebody made an inappropriate joke in a graduate seminar about how that Ben Franklin was always out chasing muff.

One of my friends was telling me about the line in which John Travolta told the woman that she could just give him a blowjob. And I didn't really know what that was. And a couple days later, my sister was kind of playing sick to get out of school. And my dad was undecided about whether she was really sick or not. And I didn't think she was so i said to my dad dad i think she's trying to give you a blow job what i meant to say what i had in mind was a con job a snow job is that something in middle school junior high i didn't know the difference and i basically told my dad that my sister was trying to give him a blowjob. That is a good story.

That's fantastic. That's real shame, Jordan. Very shameful. That's genuinely shameful. They really, we should change the name of blowjobs just for the benefit of 11 and 12-year-olds. Just to confuse a new generation so they can make the same mistake. I wouldn't know that I wasn't going to go there.

I was something like a suck job or a lick job or something like that that would more naturally lead them to figure out what it actually is. I had a friend growing up whose dad was kind of – he was definitely the cool dad. He was the dad who put together the uh the haunted house in the garage for halloween the kind of dad who you'd see like sucking a dick or whatever yeah you know um you know and he's the dad who who had the maybe the not that well hidden stash of playboys right um because you know because they gotta learn sometime you know kind of had that attitude and we went up to him and asked him what a blowjob, because we had, in this situation, we had heard it,

but we didn't know what it was. And he's like, well, I'll give you a hint. They should call it a suck job. And then he winked and walked away. That is a cool dad. That is a very cool dad. Hi, guys. This is Steve from Bellingham, Washington, and I have a moment of shame.

Recently, you guys were talking about times when you were a kid when you may have said something kind of wildly inappropriate, but you didn't really know what it meant. And this is my story about that. When I was in about fourth grade, my best friend's mom was driving us to school one morning, and I had just gotten this joke book. So we're heading to school, and I'm just reading jokes from this book, and people are laughing. So, you know, good. I get to this joke, and I don't know what it means. But, like I said, I'm getting a pretty good response.

The punchline is, all right, but only enough to win. So I just decided to go ahead and tell it. And here's the joke. Why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? And the punchline, of course, is she uses the other hand

to moan with. And now, this is met with just dead silence. And the rest of the trip is pretty chilly. And, you know, of course we get to school, and my friend, you know, socks me one. He's like, you know, what the hell are you doing? You know, masturbate means jerking off. And, yeah, and so I was mortified.

So that's my story. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye. And thematically similar to the previous. Yeah. I was once at my friend Tony McCauley's house. And Tony McCauley's house, Tony McCauley as a fifth grader, I think we were in fourth or fifth grade, was distinguished by a couple of things. Number one, he was a karate black belt, which was very impressive to everyone.

karate black belt, which was very impressive to everyone. Despite being now, I now as an adult, I know they just give these things out like so many Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. But at the time, I thought that was a pretty distinctive distinction that he had a karate black belt. He also had both both a Nintendo and a Sega Master System, which was like, that was serious stuff. And Tony was half Italian and half Chinese, ethnically. And my grandparents had visited Australia, a nation not known for its racial sensitivity, Australia, a nation not known for its racial sensitivity, and had returned with this joke book that was primarily composed of what you might call an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman

type jokes. And being that my heritage is English, Scotch, Irish, that was sort of like, I don't think I probably got into any trouble with that part of it. However, there was this one joke that I remembered that went like this. It was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chinaman, which I guess was OK in Australia in 1989 were traveling across they were doing a hot air balloon race across the Emerald across the United Kingdom or something like that

and as they crossed over Ireland the Irishman said oh my beautiful Ireland and as they crossed over Scotland or England or whatever the other guy was he said oh my beautiful england and so the chinaman grabbed their tableware and threw it over the side and said oh my beautiful china and i don't think it wasn't as racist as i thought it was gonna be that was kind of cute it does involve repeated uses of the borderline ethnic slur Chinaman.

Sure. Well, sure. But if you said Chinese guy, that's kind of cute. That's acute racism. I'm going to tell that to my kids today. Maybe a month or two after that, my mom was driving with Tony and me in the car. And we were coming across the Golden Gate Bridge and somebody rear-ended us and my mom

didn't call Tony's parents. Like, everybody was okay. My mom didn't call Tony's parents. And Tony's parents found out that he'd been in a car accident and he was a little bit sore or something, I think, maybe the next day. He died that evening. He died that evening.

And they put that together with the Chinaman thing and decided I was a bad seed. And I was no longer invited to Tony's birthday parties at Pizza and Pipes in Burlingame, California. It still stings, doesn't it? And they never let you take him on a hot air balloon trip. Forget it. Absolutely not.

But that was the only time. I mean, if you can imagine someone thinking that I was a bad seed, like I managed to get that reputation with this one set of parents. Oh, I think I said hell in front of them once, too. Three strikes and you're out, my friend. I didn't know it was a swear word to Tony McCauley's parents. Josh, have you had to bad seed any kids out of your kids' social circle? Yeah, I'm not going to go there.

Okay. Fair enough. A little bit. A little bit. He had a friend early on. I guess I can just not name names. Sure. Yeah, he had a friend early on.

A black friend. I didn't want to say it. John Black. No, who was Just wildly inappropriate Sex talk We had him over and they were behind They closed the door and they were hanging out They were like

I think it was like three years I think it was six or seven And I heard like the phrase humping on I was like wait a minute And I came in and then You put a comical ear horn up to the Pardon me And I opened the door And I said I and then I was... You put a comical ear horn up to the... Pardon me. And I opened the door and I said, I'm not exactly sure what you guys are talking about.

But let's wrap it up there. And then I closed the door and the media was like, and then I was humping on her. I could see in my son's eyes too. He was like, get me out of here. I don't know what the hell this kid's talking about. And then the kid explained what humping was to you, and you said, oh. Tell me more. Yeah, well.

Jordan, Jesse, let's go. Moment of shame. The public library today, I had some stomach issues, so I stood up, so I walked to the bathroom, and I shit myself. Diarrhea. Wearing shorts. Had to throw away my boxers. Oh, jeez. It was a bad day.

And he was in the bathroom. But I hope you can enjoy it. All right. Rock on. That's bad. Oh, man. That's public property, too. Taxpayers have got to pay for that.

Yeah, that's public property, too. Taxpayers have got to pay for that. Yeah, that's rough. At least it's municipal property and not federal property. Yeah. Unless it was the Library of Congress. That might be. He's headed to federal court. Don't shit on the Constitution. He shit on the Alan Lomax tapes.

Right, that's the main thing they have in the Library of Congress. Pretty much, I think, yeah. I think. That's in the Smithsonian, isn't it? This guy was very candid. I give him... Yeah? I give him plaudits for his candor.

Yeah, and I apologize to everybody out there who's upset by that kind of thing. Just, if it makes you feel any better, just know that the people who aren't upset by it got so much good times out of hearing that story that it more than balanced out how upset you were. Absolutely. That you have essentially lost in the game of life. Let's put it that way. If you have a momentous occasion or a moment of shame, or if you're a teen who needs some straight talk,

give for our segment, Straight Talk with Teens, Straight Talk for Teens, give us a call, 206-984-4F call. 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. I would like to say that

I have never been so delighted as to have Joshua Molina on our program I don't know whether I believe that it's true, I've never in my life and I recently witnessed the birth of my first child this is better than that because Simon Thorne has never known Natalie. Simon Thorne.

Much less Kiss Natalie. That's a good name. That's a great name. He's going to be like a spy or something. Kids are great. Oh, it's going to get better and better and better. That's what I'm hoping for because right now he doesn't care for me. Well, you know, they're not that interactive early on.

Yeah. Who's to say whether he cares for you or not? Pretty soon he'll be making skateboard videos, right Josh? That's right This is going to be great Joshua Molina, of course, you can catch his And it really is funny I mean the real

We've talked a lot about Natalie on this program But the real reason that we invited Josh Molina onto this show Is because his web series is so hilarious And we want especially comedy people Who might think like Oh it's weird that josh melina from uh you know from sports night they they probably know you from sports night because i don't know if you knew this podcast solely yeah your your character jeremy on sports

night kiss natalie indeed so that's sort of how you're known in the comedy world pretty much um but uh uh i just want people to know because because it's fucking it's a really really funny web series i mean i would say that it's right up there with children's hospital in web series that i don't hate that's major that's major well it's uh it's still available on crackle.com and on youtube it's called backwash backwash it starts josh molina and josh will also be on uh uh an upcoming television program on what I call the Alphabet Network. The Alphabet Network, indeed. Because I'm in the business.

Sure. This program is, we're going to look for this sometime in the winter, right? Yes, it is a mid-season replacement. It is called Scandals. We will collectively look for something to tank quickly this fall on ABC. Sure, sure. Not that I wish anyone specifically. Sure.

And then look for Scandal. Yeah. So what are we hoping will tank, Jordan? You don't have to be involved in this. I recuse myself. I hear my...

I have just a... And I know this is not on ABC, but I would like for two broke girls to tank so I can stop being... The billboards. The billboards are making me

sexually uncomfortable on my way to work. These billboards want to fuck me me I can't get up to them Yes, it's frustrating What about that show with Jim Belushi? Is that on ABC? I don't know Where he's a lawyer? I don't know

Where he's a Vegas lawyer? Yeah, we're going to cancel that show where Jim Belushi's a Vegas No offense to Jerry O'Connell Who I think seems to be a pretty decent and funny man. And I'm glad that he has a successful program and everything. But that doesn't balance out the fact that this is a show that's built around the idea of what if we made Jim Belushi a lawyer, but in Las Vegas. So we're going to cancel that one. I'm going to assume it's on ABC.

Those billboards don't make me sexually uncomfortable. They make me sexually uncomfortable. They make me feel like I'll never be able to have sex again. Too much Jim Belushi. Sorry, I don't... Why am I picking on Jim Belushi? Is it just because he's so unfunny?

Is it just because I've heard he's kind of a dick? No, Jim Belushi is probably a decent fella. Sure. Yes. All the best to showbiz. Here's the thing. Everyone in showbiz succeeds all the time. This show

stars the very beautiful and talented Kerry Washington. I just heard from your... Look, I don't read the trades. My son was very excited. He came to a table read of one of the episodes and he was like, that's the girl from Little Man. We like Little Man at my house. Good.

Speaking of great comedies. Sure. The world of great comedy and how well we wish all of show business. Yes. Nothing could be better than the classic film Little Man. Hopefully they'll re-release it and it'll run forever. Yeah, our friend Nick Swartzen has a great movie out this week. Oh, yeah.

Bucky Larson, right? Wishing people all the best. With a lot of heavy breathing. Show business is hard. It is hard. It's hard to make something good. A lot of people are involved and sometimes things go wrong. This is true.

No, even if you're one of the funniest people in the world like Kerry Washington. Sure. Or Nick Swartzen. i'm sort of grandfathered carrie washington and she's not really known for being funny she's more known for being a gifted actress and very beautiful she's got a very wacky web series oh no i'm thinking of me all right um 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number um shit dogs oh i wanted to i wanted to make your catchphrase yeah it's a really cool new Thorfun is our telephone number. Shitdogs. Oh, I wanted to mention. Is that your new catchphrase? Yeah, it's a really cool new catchphrase.

Shitdogs, everybody. I want to mention, speaking of web series, my web series put this on. If people have watched that and enjoyed it, this week is the last closing days of our Kickstarter for Season 2. We right now have, gee whiz, 750 plus, I think 800, 775, 800 backers on that Kickstarter. And we've raised $30,000, $35,000, $40,000-ish, something like that. But our goal is $68,000. So if you want to see a season, if you're a Pitheson fan, as I know there are Jordan Desigo fans out there who are, go to Pitheson.

The Kickstarter link is right there and support it this week. It's not Maximum Fun related, but I want to make Season 2 and put this on. Or Laser Bucks. We do. We're taking... Well... Yeah, but I mean, you can't transfer Laser Bucks electronically.

No, that's true. What about a gift certificate for a hot stone massage? Yeah, sure. I'll take that. Okay. But not related to the Kickstarter. You just want that. Yeah, I would enjoy a hot stone massage. If you want to send me to like a Korean spa where they scrub you down with a loofah, and maybe they'll only do that for ladies, though.

If you want to give me, you know, that's a thing. They hit you with loofahs. Yeah, sure. In the Korean spa. God damn it. I was really, I was right there with you with loofahs. Yeah, sure. In the Korean... God damn it. I was really... I was right there with you until just now, Josh Mooney. I'm sorry. I lost you in the laser box.

Yeah. Balls. God damn it. Anyway. Shit dogs, everybody. Shit dogs. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records.

You can find it on their CD. Love You, the best of the free design which we uh sincerely recommend uh if you want to advertise on the show theresa at maximumfund.org 206-984-4fun our telephone number jjgoe at maximumfund.org oh shit shit dogs everybody jordan what i forgot to pick a tweet of the week. Oh, tweet of the week. We're going to pick a tweet of the week before we go. Oh. I saw a tweet of the week that I liked before. Josh, for you, this is people who have hashtagged JJ Go on Twitter.

Yeah, our hashtag is pound JJ Go. It's not going to go to the guy who said, I love hashtag JJ Go and all but this week's episode which was a bit too comedy elitist not to mention my tweet was way better than the one they picked last week on the program

I did admittedly complain about the fact that instead of just having a lesson in every episode at the end of every episode of Modern Family they tell you what the lesson is directly to the camera over a montage of people learning the lesson. Um, uh,

God, I, there was one that I really, there was one here that I really liked. Um, Oh, somebody, do we remember when DC Pearson said self-awareness has reached its crack

cocaine stage. Everyone can buy it and it's destroying our communities? Mm-hmm. That was really funny last week. Goodbye. Jordan, you talk while I find a tweet of the week. Okay. Hey, Josh, what are you going to do after this?

After this, I'm going to go home. I will get home in time to hang out with my kids before they go to bed. Oh, that'll be fun. My son always does that. When are you going to be back? He likes to check in with me right before he goes to bed. So we're going to do a little read-y club. He'll lie there and do his reading.

I will read my book. I'm reading a book called What Just Happened by Art Linson. Throw a little plug there for Art Linson's 2006 book, What Just Happened. And now in paperback. I got it from my library. Holy shit. And a crazy guy shit in the bathroom when I was there getting it. Wait a minute.

Shit dogs. Shit dogs. I've got one here. It's from At F Shroff. One of the coveted At accounts. Sure. Yeah. How'd you get that?

At F Shroff. Early adopter, yeah. He says, I don't know if you guys have, have you guys seen the viral video sensation, What Are You Listening To? No. This is where people, this is where a camera person just goes around on the streets of a major city in the world and just interrupts people who have headphones in and ask them what, ask them what they're listening to.

And then it's edited together sort of very artfully with the music or sounds that they're listening to, and then it's edited together sort of very artfully with the music or sounds that they're listening to. At F Shroff says, I just got caught listening to Pound JJ Go in the Rotterdam edition of What Are You Listening To? That's cool. If it wasn't Rotterdam, I wouldn't, but since it is.

Hey, that's a winner. Anyway, Florian, that's winner. Anyway, Florian. That's his real name, Florian. Nice. Florian, email me your t-shirt size and your address, and we'll send off a t-shirt to you in Rotterdam. And everybody else, remember to talk about Jordan Jesse Go on the tweeters and hashtag it JJGo.

We'll talk to you next time right here on Jordan Jesse Go. Bye.