Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 193: Home, Car or Office with Paul Provenza

Episode Date: September 26, 2011

Paul Provenza, comic and host of Showtime's The Green Room, joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about Magic Johnson, first dates, Alan Derschowitz and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pretty, lovely, Jesse, go a freewheeling conversation with Paul Provenza about first dates and more.

Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful evening in Los Angeles. Cool, crisp air outside. Jesse, can I hijack the intro for a second? I know you are used to...

Well, usually the intro is my part of the show. Would you mind? Just for this once. Just for this once. I'm working on it. If you hijack the intro, nobody's going to know what the weather was like in Los Angeles a few days to a few weeks ago, depending on when they listen to the podcast. People look forward to that.

And you did it. You got it out of the way. Can I? This is important. I didn't really even get it out of the way. This is useful, what I just want to do. Real quick. What if there's a tornado outside and people got to know?

Do you want to do the weather thing? Good. Do it. No, I don't want to do it anymore. Okay. Can we do my thing? It's as useful as knowing what the weather is like in Los Angeles. I kind of want to let you go.

Yeah? Just off the podcast? Yeah. Because I'm being insolent? Yeah, absolutely. For insolence. Yeah. Precisely.

Let them eat cake. That's what I say. Yeah. I just need some insulin. Do whatever your fucking thing is. No, no. It involves you. It's a two-person thing. Okay. Just okay someone was asking is it who's on first it is

the classic comedy routine fair enough uh i was wondering why we were rehearsing that so much you'll play fatso and i'll play the racist it's classic comedy team Sure, Fatso and the Racist, yeah. Somebody was asking me... Sounds like a morning radio. Shut up, guest! Jordan's doing a bit. I have a thing. I'm going to hijack his hijack. Oh, Jesus Christ!

Jordan, what's your thing? Someone was recently asking me how to be compelling on a first date. Uh-huh. Those first dates can be... Just compelling is what they're looking for yeah well you know you want to you don't want to seem like a stick in the mud you want to have something to talk about you want to have interesting opinions and there's that like first date chit chat that just gets so you know you're just you're groping for something in common you know like

before that's the start of the date is always that kind of like what you know what's this person's point of view what can we talk about together? So, Jesse, I don't know. This comes up a lot, I feel like. Just saying. Sure. What kinds of movies do you like? Yeah.

Just go ahead and ask me. Okay, we'll try this out. So, I'm the girl? This is the sex on a gay date. Okay. Sex unimportant. So, Jordan, I know that you work in television What kind of movies do you enjoy?

Santa movies I only watch movies that's it our guest this week Jordan Jessica you know him he's a veteran stand up comedian Our guest this week on Jordan, Jesse Coho. You know him. He's a veteran stand-up comedian. He's the host of The Green Room on Showtime.

You probably know him best as the host of Nickelodeon Kids Court. Please welcome to the show Mr. Paul Provenza. Compelling. I don't know if Santa movies are particularly compelling And then you go on to insist that you only watch movies That exist in a universe where Santa is real For instance, you don't watch bad Santa And it's not just Christmas movies It can't be about a guy playing Santa

No, no In the world of the movie Santa has to be real Right He has to be Santa Claus versus the Martians Yeah, that's a good one Well, that's a way to go on a first date

I, you know Compelling to me is like A little date rape is compelling So that's just to give you a high end on the story Sure, I was just Potato, potato I was gonna suggest like a really interesting open wound. If you have an

unexplained gash on your face, that's compelling because you're looking at it and you're thinking, how the fuck did this guy get this wound and also why hasn't he explained to me why there's an open wound on his face? I am compelled to ask. Well, if there's that old saying, show her

a gash, she'll show you some gash. Yeah, I know that old saying. That old chestnut... Santa movie. I... I don't think... I think that we've been doing this show for like five years. I think

that may be the hardest I've laughed at anything that's happened on this show in that time. Well, it's certainly the dumbest thing that's happened on this show in that time. Well, it's certainly the dumbest thing that's been said. Oh, I have something really dumb that I want to talk about for a second, and that is this.

Wait a second, what about Miracle on 34th Street? Because you're not really sure if Santa's real in that. But at the end, it is revealed that he's real, so yes. This first date character can watch Miracle on 34th Street. I just want to prep for our date.

You go with the Santa movies, I'll go with the rape. Fair enough. We're a regular fatso in the races. That's going to affect where we go on this date. We have to pick the right restaurant for this particular combo. You have to pick a place that's rapey.

Rapey and Christmas-like. Oh, so you're both going on dates in the same place. No, with each other. Oh, with each other. Oh, right, gay date. I forgot about that it was a gay date. Man, what does it take for you to remember things? What's your mnemonic for that?

On the subject of gay dates. Laugh uncontrollably for ten minutes, then it's a gay date. Reset. On the subject of gay dates, I'm two classes into, I'm taking a pilot writing class. Yeah. Listeners may remember I took a spec writing class a few months ago. Sure. This is a pilot writing class. A spec script is a script that you write for a show that you don't work on.

Sure. That you use as a sort of sample for... Future hiring. Exactly. Anyway, so I'm... By the way, there are 7 million Seinfeld specs now that we have nothing to do with. Yeah, right. It's a major ecological problem here in Los Angeles. There's a landfill filled with them.

I actually read a really interesting... I think there's a building on the Universal lot that's actually just stacks of Seinfeld scripts. I read a great article in Dwell about repurposing unnecessary Seinfeld scripts. They're transforming them into backyard dwellings.

They're great as home offices. I thought you were going to go with they're transforming them into modern family scripts. Just with a few, just add a little voiceover, add some direct address, and that's Seinfeld script. Yeah. That's why they invented search and replace. I guess if you just add dick, then it's an Always Sunny in Philadelphia script.

The word dick. Well, you also need crack whore. Crack whore. Yeah. Or the word one and one shit per script. Anyway, so I had this moment where I didn't, you know, everyone's a comedy writer, so cracking off is probably par for the course, I imagine, but it was the first day. Wait, cracking off? You know, cracking off.

Are you an Englishman in the early 19th century? Yeah. I had not heard that expression. Yeah. You could say cracking off, right? Well, yeah, but it would probably. Cracking wise? It would probably.

Cracking wise would mean that you're making a joke. Cracking off would mean that you're engaging in onanism. Right, while on crack cocaine. Self-pleasure. On the set of It's Always Sunny. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah. Anyway, so I had this moment where I didn't know if I should crack wise at this particular moment.

So everybody's going around the room and saying what the topic of their pilot's going to be. And there was a gay gentleman in the class who says, I'm doing like a gay version of Green Acres. And the teacher said, well, do you not have a title yet? And he's like, I don't have a title yet. And I wanted to say, well, I mean, obviously

you just call it Green Gakers. But then I'm like, is that will that brand me An awful homophobe For the rest of this For the rest of these seven weeks You're not sure of the level Of comedy freedom you have yet

Right Yeah that's a tenuous situation Should I have said Green Gakers Or I think you should have said Green Gakers And then you could have You know followed it up with

I'm pretty sure Tom Arnold Is available And that would have I think softened it all Sure Would have put it up with, I'm pretty sure Tom Arnold is available. And that would have, I think, softened it all. Sure. Would have put it right back in the... He is available, too. I'm pretty sure he is, yeah. I think you're always good saying that.

I just learned that... You've heard of the rap group A Tribe Called Quest, Jordan. Sure. Paul, you've heard of A Tribe Called Quest. So A Tribe Called Quest, I think, have an earned reputation as a, I guess what you would call maybe a positive rap group or what they used to call a conscious rap group. A conscious, yeah. You know, like one of these things where they don't rap about murdering people and so forth.

a famous song on their great album, The Low End Theory, that's famous for the couplet Industry Rule No. 4080, Record Company People Are Shady. I think it's called Record Business or something like that, but you may know it as part of the theme from the public radio program, The Business, Jordan. So I just learned... The old business. I always wondered... CBA hosted it, right? Yeah, exactly. They have just learned... The old business. I always wondered... CBA hosted it, right? Yeah, exactly.

They have a new... They have a mashup now. Oh, God, I hate mashups. They, A Tribe Called Quest, have this whole song about how, you know, you can't trust record executives, because they'll just knife you in the back or whatever. And I always wondered what precipitated this song, because this was only their second album. Their first album had done very well, and I hadn't heard anything about there being big problems between the group and the record company. I learned today that the reason they made this song is they had previously made another song with the same beat

Featuring another semi-positive hip-hop group, Brand Nubian And the whole song is just about how much they hate gays Just the whole song is about how much, how Do you know, can you cite any specific lyrics? Something that rhymes with shady. Yeah. I really, like, I would... There are parts, there are parts of the song

where it's sort of like being gay is wrong, but then there are other parts that are like, that guy's a faggot. You know what I mean? A specific guy? There are parts where it's... The protagonist in the song. Right.

He's an unreliable narrator. But that is literally... I mean, it's not just... There are a lot of rap songs where somebody calls somebody a faggot. Sure. And you just have to... Didn't the Beastie Boys have a famous retroactive we're sorry for all the times we said that?

Yeah, probably so. I mean, the reality is that Common has also recently sort of gone into the I'm sorry for that stuff thing. And God bless those people. I think it takes a lot of guts to do that. But I think just in general, there's a lot of guts to do that. But I think just in general, there's a sort of general miasma of homophobia, but not a lot of focused homophobia in hip hop.

And as opposed to like dancehall reggae, where that's like one of the big themes, is lighting homosexuals on fire. I'm not sure what makes it specific homophobia. Well, it's not. Well, you know, there's a, I think there's a difference between fuck that faggot and being gay is a

choice. And they should go to jail or something like that. Or we should kill them or something. There's one where it's an insensitive, ignorant, and hateful sl them or something there's one where it's an insensitive ignorant and hateful slur and it's one where it's actually about right gayness right um and but there are very few songs in the world of hip-hop that are really just about we hate gays And I listened to this song.

It's called Georgie. Is this something that was leaked and you had to like, or is this like a B-Sides album? No, it's not. It is not. Yeah, yeah. But you found it online somewhere. Yes, I found it online somewhere. My friend Andrew Nas, who does the great hip hop blog Cocaine Blunts, posted it on his website.

And I had never, I mean, I've been a Tribe fan since I was 13 years old. But I had no idea. And this song is horrible. Like, it is horrible. And the reason they made Industry Rule No. 4080, Record Company People Are Shady, is because they were upset that the record company wouldn't let them put it on the album. The record company was like, you guys, you guys, while you're wearing these dashikis and like day glow sneakers and stuff like that, maybe it's not a good image move for you to put an entire song on your album that's just about how much you hate homosexuals. move for you to put an entire song on your album that's just about how much you hate homosexuals?

Well, see, this is how fate works, because it turns out that what they ended up with by using Record Company is the one subset of the population that nobody has any problem with slandering. Yeah, I don't think there's

anyone out there... Nobody is coming to the defense of record executives. I don't think they have a record there. Nobody is coming to the defense of record executives. I don't think they have a record executive pride parade coming up anytime soon. Although they still won't let record company executives get married in some states. It would be great if someone— You remember Robert Schimmel? Sure, sure. I remember he used to do a joke about the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms was retiring their first set of cocaine-sniffing dogs.

And they were putting them up for adoption. And the ones that weren't adopted were going to go into the record industry. I would like to hear a song by a rap artist who has benefited significantly from their record company. Like, I was thinking maybe Fat Joe might be a good example. A guy who was a perfectly good sort of street rapper, but then inexplicably had a string of monstrous hits with ladies singing on the hook that clearly just somebody at his record company said, do some raps on this.

It's already a hit you know what i mean like lay down some verses as opposed to like uh um everybody that was in the stables on the east coast and west coast that were kind of the uh usual suspects these are the people that we're going to push because they're the ones who are already big locally and stuff yeah well fat joe was fat joe was an example of a guy who was a very credible New York rapper, Puerto Rican guy. He used to be tight with Big Pun. He was sort of in the underground world with the Digging in the Crates crew, DITC.

This sounds a lot like dialogue from an old Mafia movie, actually. But then had... Jordan, you remember the Fat Joe songs, like, What's love? I don't. No. No. Okay.

Well, anyway, I would like to hear a rapper like that just make a song about how much he appreciates the help of his record company. And like his A&R guy, you know? Like, thanks for finding me those great songs, the great nice hooks. I didn't really have to do much to make that a hit. Actually, there's a rich history of musicians slamming record companies in some of their best work. Springsteen

does a thing about the record company, Fat Man with a Cigar making you sign a contract on the hood of a car in a parking lot. I don't remember the exact words. Zant's Can't Dance, the old who was that? Was that Warren Zevin? I don't remember.

Prince had a solid four years of writing songs only about the record company. But Prince just releases his own albums out of Minneapolis now, doesn't he? Isn't Prince's money where his mouth is? Prince puts out his albums on weird, like every two years, he starts a new weird flash based website it's like it has like a picture of a flower spinning on the screen and just a little place where you put in your credit card number and that could actually be his new name that flower spinning i'm really sure but um uh yeah but he is he is doing his own stuff but every you're right like every two years though there's some new technological Or industry

You know Nipping at the heels Of the industry advance And that's what he'll do now Like I think Didn't he put out one Which was Pay What You Want

He put out an album And then he put out an album And then he did one That was only available online It wasn't released anywhere else He made a record About two years ago That was distributed

Exclusively through a newspaper in England. Right. Oh, I think I heard about it. Okay, sure. That you could later buy, that you later got only if you went to one of his concerts, but you bought it with the, like when you bought a concert ticket, you were buying one of his albums. Buying the album, yeah. And it became a number one selling album because he was doing 30 000 40 000 person concerts right and if you do 20 of those and every person is theoretically buying one of your cds

genius to me um oh you know i'll kind of on this topic and kind of back at the i know we're going a little long for the intro i think we're having fun no we're having fun i thought this was the show this is just the intro still? Oh, yeah. We got Paul Provenza here from Kids Court. But yeah, as a rock and roll fan, I don't find myself having to do that much. Having to, you know, somebody say, isn't this person an awful person? I'm like, no, not really.

Like, that's not something I've had to do much. But there was a punk band called Screeching Weasel that was kind of popular in the like late 80s, early 90s, you know, kind of right there. Maybe Hay Day was a couple years before like the Green Day Offspring thing. And I never liked them, even at the height of my punk rock consumption in high school,

always thought they were one of those bands that was like more important than good. Like, oh, you just like them because they were first. You know, they wore like leather jackets like the ramones and the guy has this kind of awful nasal voice and uh where's the first part huh where's the war first part uh you know they were like just around kind of like so if you're like i like green day and rancid you're like oh i like screeching weasel that's better that's the punk rock guy giving you shit burr gotcha i always thought thought that's the only reason people talked about them, not because of their quality,

which I always thought was really low. And I saw them, I was at South by Southwest this year, and they were playing, and my buddy I was with was a huge fan of theirs, so I'm like, nah, I'll go. It'll be, you know, it'll be fun. It's a little piece of punk rock history, and we'll be drunk, so it'll be fine. That's your solution to everything, Jordan. Right. I'll be drunk, so it'll be fine.

I think you may have a problem. No. Drinking makes things fun that aren't normally fun. Jesse, that's not a problem. That's not a problematic worldview. Um, and, um, so they, uh, so they start to play and this guy, the guy, the leader, Ben Weasel is kind of famously, uh, kind of a famous, famous dick. Like, you know, every, the band's been 20 different people, but he stays in and he fires people and, you know, and they haven't made an album for like 15 years.

Like this is their comeback. They apparently made this new album and this is like one of the first shows they're playing, you know, 15 years. This is their comeback. They apparently made this new album, and this is one of the first shows they're playing 15 years. And he's being an asshole through the entire set. He's saying how much he hates being there. He hates South by Southwest. He hates the hipsters. He's like, we're only getting $5,000 for this gig, and just complaining about how much they're getting paid,

just being generally awful. And then maybe halfway through the show, he's been shouting at a fan this whole time and he jumps into the crowd and punches the fan in the face who is a woman so you know

so I mean it was crazy that's compelling yes right I know and they drag him off stage and then this you know the thing explodes a little bit you know it was at South by Southwest why would you write about a 30-year-old punk band other than he punched a woman? So the story becomes, like, grungy old punk rock guy assaults woman at South by Southwest. Holy shit.

I'm on the mailing list for their record company. So a couple weeks later, I get their album in the mail, their comeback album. And I'm like, well, I guess I was there for this whole punch in the face thing. I've never liked them. I bet this is as shitty as their other albums in high school that I never liked.

It is fucking fantastic. It is such a good album. It is like as good a punk album as you will hear. It's like every song is terrific it's so well like put together his awful nasal voice has been toned down the harmonies are beautiful there's a little organ like right where it needs to be it is so good it's called first world manifesto and i'm having such a hard time recommending it to people because all anyone knows about this guy it's like oh he's that woman puncher from South by Southwest. So I'm having a hard time talking about it.

As hooks go, that's not terrible. Yeah, right? I mean, on the one hand, I'm thinking, you know, the thing that comes to my mind is, you know, you just have to cut it off. Right. You just have to line in the sand. But then I realized, you know, I like rap music. Who are a few of my favorite rappers? Beanie Siegel, Roscoe P. Cold Chain.

Some murderers. What do they have in common? They went to jail for shooting people. Right, yeah. Like these guys both literally were convicted of shooting people in front of other people. Yeah, and it also means you can't listen to Wagner either, you know? Yeah.

So what did Wagner do? Oh, he was a Nazi sympathizer. Oh, okay. Big on the, uh, Oh yes.

The eugenics. Maybe I knew that. Uh, but, um, apart from that, but you know what, you know what,

this is, uh, this is interesting. And, and, um, uh, Penn Jillette actually,

uh, professes this all the time and the time And I've picked it up And it's a really useful thing It's basically just trust the art Not the artist The art has nothing to do with that So in other words I can find Penn Jillette funny

Despite his insistence In profoundly annoying libertarianism Yes, that's correct Oh, fantastic But I guess the issue is also Yeah, I absolutely see that And that's correct. Oh, fantastic. But yeah, but I guess the issue is also like, yeah, I mean, I absolutely see that. And that's, you know, it's the art, not the artist. But I guess I have a hard time recommending it to people because do we give the woman puncher money? Well, yeah.

Does he deserve money? He's going to need it to pay off the legal battle. Right, the legal bill. So I think you really, if you stop and think about it, you're just shuffling money into her lawyer's pocket. Yeah, maybe I guess so. Which is another questionable moral course right there. And I think probably how close you are to it plays into it as well. Like, you were at this concert.

If you knew the lady that got punched, that would change things. Sure. Like, what about that punk rock guy that came over to our house and started saying weird Nazi stuff? Oh, yeah. Dwayne Peters. Yeah, sure. I mean, you know, he's probably punched.

Yeah. Maybe got some Nazi leanings. None that I was there for. You hope he just punched. Yeah, right. But I was just, you know. My aunt was, she was, I guess she was probably close to 70 at the time. No, she was probably in her 60s when the book came out. But she was from she was a Frank Sinatra Bobby Soxer. Yeah, she was a teenage girl who swooned over him at the Paramount Theater, you know, and was an absolute devoted Sinatra fan her entire life. And then she read the biography. I think it was Kitty Kelly's.

Yeah. The, the, the tell all right. And, uh, and I came over to visit her and, uh,

all the Sinatra pictures were taken down. What happened to Sinatra? She goes, I'm not, I can't listen. I can't, I can't be anymore. I go,

what is it? She goes, I, I can't believe he ate eggs off a hooker's chest wait that's a reason to hang up more pictures of him you said well can i get the pictures yeah there's some room on my wall that's where i was going with that was this is all very subjective but it's interesting like what amount of i mean like charen, I'm sorry. Charlie Sheen is now interesting to me. I couldn't have been interested in him at all before.

But now, whether this is a meltdown, whether it's calculated, whether it's real, true, genuinely... I think we both know that you... I'm watching everything with Charlie Sheen. You were vice president of the international two and a half men fan club. I actually tweeted. I'm looking at you right now. You're wearing a sleeveless shirt and I can see your hot shots part deux tattoo. When he was getting, when they announced that he was getting, what was it, two million an episode for that?

Yeah, something like that. I just tweeted, wow, that's like four million dollars a laugh. But it's interesting how much you Like the relationship between you relating directly to an artist And you caring about their music I mean, I was just thinking to this as I was driving to buy tacos for my dinner And I was listening to probably my favorite rapper in the world Devin the Dude And I think listeners to Jordan Jesse Go know that I have a

very straight-laced lifestyle. You know what I mean? I don't drink or fuck hoes or any of these things. And Devin the Dude has a line in this song that I was listening to just as I pulled into the garage that goes, I smoke weed, I drink brew, that's all I rap about, because shit, that's all I do. And there's something, on the one hand, like, me and bitches, I have no relationship with bitches. I'm married to my high school sweetheart. I don't drink or smoke weed.

But there's something about his winning attitude that I really relate to. He's so sweet about the fact that all he cares about in the world is getting his dick sucked, getting high, and drinking. He has such a sweet, he has such a charm to him. He seems authentic. It's very authentic and very, very friendly. And almost self-deprecating as well. Well, that's very in the reggae mold. Yeah, sure. No, absolutely. Yeah. Well, Jesse, you can just use those as a metaphor.

Like, just think about, like, to him, you know, the greatest thing is, you know, smoking a blunt and getting a blowjob. Sure. Just imagine to you that blunt is going antiquing. Sure. Absolutely. Just like... Or a Santa movie. Or a nice Santa movie.

Like finding a nice, a good ice cream that doesn't have any chocolate in it. Sure. And watching the road show. A pralines and cream, maybe. This raises an interesting question to me. Yeah. Now, you clearly are very well-versed and educated in rap. You've listened to a lot.

And it speaks to you in some way. Since my childhood, yeah. You respond to it. Now, I get that you can respond to something. The beat gets you. Sure. Music. You just respond to music.

Sure. The beat gets you Everything Music You just respond to music Sure But I don't think it's possible To really listen to rap Without Rap and the The music and the lyrics And rap They all sort of work together to me It seems like one great entity

As opposed to like You know You could listen to A Beatles song Without hearing the lyrics And you can enjoy the song Right sure The lyrics don't matter

Sure Your enjoyment But It seems to me inseparable In the kind of rap That I think you like Which is really well wrought Well crafted

That's true So what's your connection to it? Because you are the antithesis Is it just vicarious? Well for one thing I feel like I get hate emails every time I say this But I am actually from the hood Where would that hood be?

Connecticut? No. This would be the mission district. They had some pretty tough regattas where Jesse grew up. Some very tough regattas. This would be the mission district of San Francisco, the inner city. It's more of a... And how are you not at all expressing that?

Well, I'm a white guy. I mean, the thing is, is when you grow up in a neighborhood like that, you're not just a white guy. Yeah, no, yeah, sure. I mean, I'm a white guy who wears neckties as a hobby. But I think what it is, at the core of it is this, Paul, it's that if you're the white guy in the neighborhood that I grew up in at the time that I grew up in it's a different it's been gentrified substantially since then

but during the you know if you're a white guy in a neighborhood where when you're 10 years old somebody tries to sell you crack I think there are two choices you can try and be down you know what I mean you can try and

you know you can get your hair cut in a Caesar and, you know, sag your pants and try and fit in. Or you can just be like, faggot over here. Nothing to see. Right. Don't bother the faggot. No need. Right. You just own it.

Yeah, exactly. Cracker. Hello. Friendly cracker. Just passing through. I got that. So you went the other way. Yeah, exactly. Hello. Friendly Cracker. Just passing through. I got that. So you went the other way. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. But where is your emotional connection? Or is it just intellectual? No. It's the kind of music I like. I mean, I think my parents, you know, like if you were going to say, if you called my mom up right now and you said, what's the best concert you ever went to? She would probably say the P-Funk Earth Tour in Washington, D.C. in 1972.

And if you ever asked my dad, you know, who's your favorite musical artist of all time? He would say James Brown. And neither one of them would be. I mean, that's just what was going on in my house as a kid. And I think if that's how your aesthetics are formed, the contemporary version of those aesthetics is rap music. Right, right. I think it's sort of like if your parents loved the Beatles and listened to the Beatles all the time when you were a kid, then you could grow up to like indie rock music, you know, poppy indie rock music or something.

You know what I mean? Like it's a continuum. Yeah. So is your connection to it just that it's what you know? You're steeped in it? So it connects with you in that way musically? Because I have a lot of problem separating the ideas from the music. It's hard for me to listen to a lot of – not that I have anything against it.

Right. I feel the same way about country western for different reasons. But some music speaks to you, some doesn't, some you like, some you don't. But I feel like – for some reason, and this could be totally – this may say more than even the question I'm asking, but for some reason I feel guilty about the fact That I can't connect with rap music Well you know I feel bad sometimes About how little I connect with rock music

I mean I'm like Sometimes I'm listening to a rock and roll song And I'm just like Symbol crash, symbol crash, symbol crash You know what I feel that too So maybe it's just a lot of music in general Maybe we're just hateful people Do you think that's possible We may just be unnecessarily So maybe it's just a lot of music in general that I feel that way. But I need to. Maybe we're just hateful people.

Do you think that's possible? We may just be unnecessarily misanthropic. No, it's also it's an age thing. I mean, you know, there's only so much ram I have for pop culture. Uh-huh. I just seriously, I'm disconnected from a vast amount. If Beyonce and Rihanna walked in here right now, Aya wouldn't know that they were anybody

and I wouldn't know which was which. Uh-huh. I just don't. I found it... Well, you'd be too concerned about your boner. Yeah.

You'd be like, oh, there's two incredibly fuckable women. There's... Holy Christ, is what you would say. How did these two unbelievably beautiful women

get in here? That's true. I'd probably be stunned by the fact that they were showing up at your house. Yeah. That's true. Did I mention, by the way, that I'm... I'll take some of your coconut water, Rihanna, you'd say. Okay, look, this is all too serious.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goe. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Paul Prevenza, unfortunate victim. There's been a horrible podcasting accident in Mount Washington, Los Angeles. There's a rash of them lately. Jordan, you know how I want to run something by you.

And I'll run this by you as well, Paul. I mean, you have experience as a judge. So you should be good at this. You love the kids' court thing. I love it. Well, because I, Paul, I'm in the novelty court. You think it's a little needle to me. No, I think it's...

I love it. No, you have to understand. The older I get, the more crazy stuff I've done in my career. The more I'm becoming just eccentric, which is cool. I wish I had a credit as great as having hosted Kids Court on Nickelodeon. That is the coolest credit you could ever have. Fucking Jordan was in All About Steve. Sure.

I don't have anything. I've never been in anything that I could just think about and be amused and delighted by. If I were your manager, I would get you a cameo in a hip-hop rap video. Yes. Immediately. Yes. I would have you be the record executive in the video. Oh, yeah.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. you be The record executive In the video Oh yeah Yes Exactly Yeah Exactly I play the record executive Exactly Or like Chris Hardwick Our friend Chris Hardwick

Sure He was on A Little Brother album As like a Morning radio host Or something like that In the interstitial skits That's

Give me that How about Andrew Dice Clay? No Nerdcore. Sampled in IMF. If any of you out there want me to be on your Nerdcore album, no, I'm talking about actual rap albums. I just want to have a career that can be described as...

Well, then you better move to a neighborhood with more black people in it. But, Paul, we are both, you are a veteran of the novelty judge business. we're both, you are a veteran of the novelty judge business as, as a bail, as the bailiff on the judge, John Hodgman podcast. I feel like I, I could,

I really have a lot to learn from you as a man who brought it all the way to cable television. Um, showbiz jurisprudence. Yeah. I mean, you had, you had,

I just want to say I, I was pre judge Judy. Oh, excellent. But post Wapner, post Wapner, post Wapner, post Wapner. Um, that was when the clock turned over to just like PW. We're living in the year 30 PW, uh, um, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck. They're all just post Wally george sure no sure sure i um uh i actually i have something that i want to run by both of you guys that we got off

track there for a second this is a real thing i have this baby um he's now i'm sorry i thought you were writing a song i have have this child. He's like seven weeks old now. Beautiful son. And I want to have a name for the process of raising him. Just so I can refer to it conveniently on the show

or whatever. And I'm thinking about and I want to know your opinion on this. Operation Super Soldier. Because he was bored the same year the Captain America movie came out or just because I'm sure maybe I'm turning him into a super soldier who's to say that I'm not I don't like that it has violent and militaristic overtones

it saddens me for a seven week old what about hanging with Mr. Pooper that's not bad I think you can actually get a deal I think FX will pick that one up that's not bad Jordan That's not bad. I think you can actually get a deal. I think FX will pick that one up. That's not bad. Jordan, we had a lot of fun. I like to go the high-tech way.

I'm engineering Simon. I'm going to build him. I'm going to race him better, stronger, faster. Yeah. It's going to be like that video where Dr. Dre introduced 50 Cent. You could just go with Master Race. I think that's already spoken for. V2.

Jordan, was that last week or the week before that you just read things off of a list and then that was most of our show? Yeah, you know, I'd like to go back to that. Well, it's weird because I feel like I have a lot of things I would like to talk about on the show, but I'm not sure how I would introduce them. And I want to give us options if, for some reason, one of these stories isn't fruitful, just to have something else to go back to.

Sure. So I'll start like I did last week. I have kind of a note. I've titled these instances in my iPhone, and then you guys, well, I guess Paul, if we're going by last week. Paul, since you're the guest, you'll get to pick which one we talk about first. Oh, okay.

I'm glad that you have something, Jordan, because I spent the last week at a public radio conference, so all of my anecdotes are Jean Gomeshi related. So you're just dead behind the eyes. Yeah. The world's favorite English-Persian-Canadian radio talk host. So, Paul, would you like to hear first about Crosswalk or Box Truck? Ooh. I think I'm going to go with Crosswalk. Okay.

For 50. So I've got, there's a new bar on my corner called The Surly Goat. And it's nice, Paul, for you. I live in West Hollywood. So it's nice to have a non-gay bar. Sure. Not that I am above having a drink in a gay bar, but it's nice. You'll drink anywhere. Sure.

It makes things fun. As we've established. Yeah. I have a problem. Do you find drinking in gay bars uncomfortable? Because you're a smooth, hairless young boy? Yeah, right. Well, no.

The gay men in my neighborhood don't pay a lot of attention to me I don't get a lot of cat calls I wish I did I know it's really Kind of like what women must feel when they don't get whistled at I know it's like come on My ass is hanging out guys Fresh meat

Is that why you've been dressing so slutty lately Jordan Yeah I'm just trying to So the surly goat So it's nice so I have a good bar within walking distance and they also have a Street Fighter 2 Championship Edition machine.

Okay, good. Which is great. So that's all the important things that you need in a place to drink. Sure. You've got walking distance so you can get drunk

and you don't have to drive back home. Yep. And heterosexuals. Heterosexuals. And an arcade game so you don't have to interface with other people Exactly, yes

It's all going according to plan For some reason I was Just to make sure I don't Somehow broker going to a heterosexual bar Into having heterosexual sex Because I'm not Equipped for that Right, anyway

So I'm walking back And I get in the crosswalk with uh this woman who i i would best describe her as uh maybe a two-line character on breaking bad uh she's wearing like a filthy poncho sweatshirt she's either a a 16-year-old runaway or a 50-year-old mother of three, but nothing in between. She's visibly dirty, has dirt on her,

and she's kind of shambling in the crosswalk. And then, true to form, she asked me, she's like, hey, do you smoke meth? And then I said, nope, and then we kept walking. She's like, hey, do you smoke meth? I said, nope. And then we kept walking.

She's like, hey, you know where I could buy some meth? And I said, no, sorry, I'm more of a pot guy. And then she's like, yeah, I smoked pot the other day. It was a bad trip. With like this shitty judgmental tone in her voice. Like, really? Take a look at your life. I don't know. With like this shitty Judgmental tone in her voice Like really Take a look at your life I don't know maybe it was a bad trip Because you were on meth

While you smoked pot You know when you said Do you know where I can't eat meth I just would not have been able to resist going You know I was just going to ask you Right Your pockets are filled with it right now It's possible that she got too high And hallucinated that her teeth were falling out I was just going to ask you this. Right. Your pockets are filled with it right now.

It's possible that she got too high and hallucinated that her teeth were falling out. Right. Or maybe you need to look at you. Yeah. Well, yeah. Because crackheads are asking you where they can find crack. Yeah. I don't know exactly what that says.

I think it's noteworthy. Were you just walking down the street in some vans you got for free and a Surf's Up t-shirt that you got at the premiere of Surf's Up? Yep. And those walk-hard boxer shorts that you like to wear? I was wearing only promotional materials from movies. Uh-huh. I think that may have been the problem. Yeah, it was I looked like I had been dumpster diving or I got all these second- She thought you were a kindred spirit.

This is a funny thing about living in L.A. When you go to a rough neighborhood, all of the lower class Hispanic kids are wearing crew gifts from movies. Oh, that's really funny. The kids all have Con Air t-shirts. That's really fun. When you go to the thrift store in Los Angeles, a solid 20% of the clothing on the rack is crew gifts from weird things. I ran into, I actually, we just had Josh Molina from the West Wing and previous to that, Sports Night, a favorite show of both mine and Jordan, on the program. And I ran into a Sports Night baseball jacket the other day. Yeah, I'm feeling like a chump for not buying it probably. Well, I mean, I looked at it and I thought, Sports Night, that's one of my favorite shows.

I loved that show. I watched that every week when it was on when I was in high school. I should really buy this. And then I was trying to think of any context besides the set of Sports Night where it's appropriate to wear a Sports Night baseball jacket. Paul, you're wearing a crew gift now, aren't you? As a matter of fact, I am, yeah.

My Politically Incorrect t-shirt. I tend to say, like, particularly baseball caps, I tend to save only the ones of shows that nobody would even know existed. Like I've got a Keenan Ivory Wayans talk show. You know, I've got like, yeah, you've got to vibe the TV show.

Yeah. That kind of thing. It's mostly sort of shows that were conceived as a replacement for Arsenio or just, or just TV shows that were so short lived That nobody even remembers they existed Those are the kinds of things Wasn't there a Magic Johnson talk show Magic Johnson I think may have hosted

Which I was asked to co-host actually Really? What? Did you have a lot of chemistry with Magic Johnson? As a matter of fact I did This is kind of an interesting random story But I did a sitcom Called The Pursuit of Happiness. And the premise of it was I was a young, idealistic history professor with all the ideals of teaching the values and the philosophy of history and government and American history.

It was like a TV version of Dangerous Minds. I don't know. I don't know what that is. No, that's where the song Gangsta's Paradise comes from. comes from oh uh no okay it's not at all like that anyway so um and it was taking place at what was ostensibly the university pennsylvania in philadelphia which is where i actually went to school in fact some of the exteriors were shot there and everything was just a total coincidence anyhow so i was playing this character and and um the characters this sort of like high concept of the thing was his two heroes are Thomas Jefferson and Magic Johnson.

Because of their height? No. But that turned out to be an advantage. Especially for Magic Johnson. Thomas Jefferson. Do you think Thomas Jefferson can dunk on Magic Johnson? Well, you're getting ahead of me here. Oh, sorry.

So the history teacher thing and then the fact that he's just a big Lakers fan. And they would be my fantasies that would come to – I would talk to them and they would come to life and I would work out all my problems with them. And we got a terrific actor named Kevin Scannell to play Thomas Jefferson and Magic Johnson to play Magic Johnson. So was the premise in this world was Magic Johnson dead? Why could he come to you in ghost form? It wasn't a goat. It was my imagination. I was incarnating them to have a conversation with them.

If I could put this in terms you would understand, it was sort of Herman's head life. There we go. Have you not seen television? This is a combination of Herman's Head and Drexel's Class I feel like I have to explain the genesis of television For somebody not to understand that I should also mention by the way That Lisa Simpson was also inside This fantasy sequence

Sure Anyway so Magic Johnson was basically a series regular On the thing And every episode They would make an appearance Magic Johnson was basically a series regular on the thing or semi-regular or something. He did like eight out of 12 episodes. And every episode, they would make an appearance. That was a conceit of the show. Pretty much.

It wasn't every, but it was predominantly. Maybe eight out of 12 episodes or something like that. It only went one season. So Magic Johnson was the height of his fame in L.A. Glory. And he had no acting chops Or experience whatsoever But we hit it off And he would like turn to me

Because I'm a fun guy And I also He knew you from Kids Court Well here's the thing though Is that I'm not a sports fan So I didn't care at all I'm the only person that never asked him for something Or wasn't fawning over him or didn't bring the kids to get

autographs. I was just a guy hanging out. I had nothing to do with him being a sports figure at all. I mean, I knew, you know, obviously I knew this was, this was a cool thing and all,

but I didn't care. And, um, uh, so, so we became really, really close and I would make him laugh and the director would give, give him notes and he turned to me and he'd go,

does that mean he want the words closer together or further apart? And stuff like that. It was just really great. I was kind of like just coaching through it and throwing jokes at him and stuff like that. And then the show got kind of funny. Like I couldn't even control my own fantasies and like I'd come home one day and a handful of the Lakers would be playing Nerf basketball with a handful of founding fathers, you know,

and all that kind of stuff. Sounds like the greatest TV show in history. Yeah, I know. It sounds good on paper. No, it actually was. There was some funny stuff in it, but then it's a whole thing there. But anyway, so, yeah, so, you know, we became friendly, and he came to see me do stand-up a couple of times,

and then it was a really funny story, too. He said to me, he says, you know, he gives me his card. He goes, this is my personal number. If you ever want to sit on the floor, just call me. Wow, with Jack, huh? And, you know, just didn't, I'm not that kind of guy. But meanwhile, I remember once getting on a plane and he was sitting in first class and I had to go through first to get into, go into the cattle steerage. The comedian area.

Yeah, I know. Right. Back to where you can be, back to where you serve the drinks. He was in first class and I was on my way to Chuckles in Tempe. So I'm chatting with him and I'm holding up the line so they make me go into coach. And then when I – after the plane takes off and the light goes off, I go to chat with him again in first and they wouldn't let me go forward. So he came out of first class and sat with me and coached the whole flight oh wow and everybody on the plane was like who are you that it was really great fun so anyway so when he when this tv this talk show thing came around um he called me and

said do you want to do it and i went back and forth on it a few times and uh i just i just kind of knew that wasn't worth cancellling a flight for By the way I've got a hundred stories Of missed calls And opportunities that were Right taking me to another Stratosphere and then take a sharp left off a cliff So many of them

Like the time I found the sports night jacket And I didn't buy it I could be wearing a sports night jacket Right now when Josh Molina came over the other day I could have been wearing a sports night jacket and I didn't buy it. Yeah. Yeah. I could be wearing a sports night jacket right now. When Josh Molina came over the other day, I could have been wearing a sports night jacket. Right. But here's the cool thing. You said like,

where do I wear that? That's the cool thing is that when you wear stuff like that, people gravitate to you. And it's always really interesting things. I was wearing your sound of young America t-shirt. That got me more potential. Sexual activity. I forgot.

Were we on the radio or on the internet? I forgot. I'm sorry. I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It draws people to you. That's why you have to be careful what you wear. People just randomly wear things like Nike or whatever. A lot of people don't know that about Son of Young America t-shirts, by the way. Yeah, they're pussy magnets.

And dick magnets if that's your thing. Also dick, sure. Yeah way. Yeah, they're pussy magnets. And dick magnets, if that's your thing. Sure. Yeah, I mean, they're great with dick. I mean, really good with dick. They also compliment a nice butthole. Yeah, absolutely. Whatever you're looking for,

F in the AP. Yeah. For home, car, or office. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go Jordan, Jesse, go I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective And I'm Paul Provenza, just watching

Hey, guess what, Jordan We're sponsored once again by Fuelie.com That's great, I love to hear that F-U-E-L-L-Y.com. A great website for tracking the fuel economies of your motor vehicles. Do you think that people

really believe us that this is an actual website? They should, because it's great. I kind of think that this sounds like we might be making it up. It sounds like a Middle Eastern plush toy. Well, they sell Middle Eastern plush toys as well. It's Fuley the Cartel.

But Fuley.com, it's a website where you track the fuel economy of your car. You can compare it to the fuel economy of other people who have the same car as you, or you can track it over time to see if your patterns of driving have affected it. Gee, Jesse, how does that work? How does it track your fuel economy? You use the internet, Paul, at FuelEat.com. How does it know what's going on in your car? You type numbers in using your telephone.

I gotcha. Yeah. It's a telephone-based system. Gotcha. I don't know if you're familiar with telephones. It's one of these things where you pick up the phone, you say, Pennsylvania 65,000. Yeah. I have a smartphone,

but it's a party line. We also have something up on the Jumbotron here. Just so you know, Paul, we have a sort of Jumbotron-style advertising system where you can give us a couple hundred bucks and we will plug your thing, just like the Jumbotron at the... Let's say you had courtside seats for

the Lakers, for example. You might see something up on the Jumbotron at the uh if you'll say let's say you had courtside seats for the lakers okay you might see something up on the jumbotron uh it is tonks this week tonks t-o-n-x we actually got some tonks in the mail tonks it's like um it's for people who either don't have access to super super good coffee uh because they don't live in, you know, your Chicago, Los Angeles, Portland, Brooklyn kind of. Needy people. Or just people who are too lazy to go get their beans every so often. It is like a subscription by mail to super, super fancy, fresh roasted coffee beans. Like the Fruit of the Month Club for coffee beans.

Yeah, exactly. And it is run by one of the founders is a former roaster at, this is not in the thing, I just know this because they sent us some of them, at a coffee company here in Los Angeles that I will refer to, just say that it rhymes with gintelligentsia. Just say that it rhymes with gintelligentsia. But anyway, they're really... They're like world-class, primo, super fancy. My wife is a coffee fanatic. And she was a barista for a while.

And we'll get really angry if somebody... If the coffee's not exactly perfect. She goes across town to special places when we're in san francisco she goes to a special place to get a special kind of coffee has she enjoyed the coffee that's um incubated inside like a civets oh something like a that a weird ground rat poops out right right I don't know if she's gotten that far, but she's consumed her fair share of Kona coffee. She's very serious about it, and she really liked this Tonks coffee.

That sounds like a great idea. There's nothing worse than running out of coffee. They were even recently on Boing Boing with our pal Shennie, Pastor Rod and Jesse Goh guest Shennie and Mark Fraunfeld are all the good folks at Boing Boing. So,

tonx.org, T-O-N-X.org and go to tonx.org slash JJ Goh so they know where you're coming from.

Tonx.org slash JJ Goh and if you want to get up, very good. He is. He's literally riding it on his hands

so we can remember. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's cheap. Keep it cheap for the people, Jordan. Cheap enough that you can do whatever you want. It's $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message. By the way,

last week on the Jumbotron, it's possible that our guest, Rob Hubelel repeatedly called a lady a slut. It's possible that that happened. It may or may not have happened. That may have happened. Did he punch her? Because the bar is very high this week.

We're a chick positive show. I just want to convey that Rob Hubel lives inside of a special character. And the character is distinguished by having horrible, horrible opinions about everything and saying horrible things. and so I just want to convey that look, the reality is that certainly when you get up on the Jumbotron we will josh around we will do some of our signature joshing we'll crack off

we'll do some cracking off but if that was a little bit too much I just want to apologize I think it was clear that it was in character and ridiculous, but still probably a bit much, right? Sure. Okay. So sorry about that.

And maybe he meant it. Who knows? Yeah. Well, I mean, he is kind of a slut fucker. He knows him when he sees him. Uh, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Boy, detective. Paul Provenza. Really? Not sure. Not surevenza. Really not sure. You can reuse it. You can just go back. I'm really not sure. What about Judge Paul Provenza? I watched some of it because I didn't remember.

When you were on The Sound of Young America, Paul, I was looking. I had just said something maybe on Twitter like Paul Provenza's coming in because I had been watching The Green Room

and I enjoyed it very much. And in fact, you, I think maybe you had been pitched to me as a guest by Showtime right before the first season started. And I was like, it's kind of weird to interview somebody about interviewing comedians. And then, and I was like, I don't really know. And then the second season, your manager actually sent me some episodes of the show because I don't get Showtime. And I was like, oh, I don't really know. And then the second season, your manager actually sent me some episodes of the show because I don't get showtime. And I was like, oh, I actually really like this. Like, I expected kind of to think it was okay. But it's a weird thing, and it works very well on the show, much better than I expected it to.

So basically, at this point in my career, I still have to just send a reel. Yeah, exactly. That's what it boils down to. So I was looking at, look, Paul, if you were, say, the sidekick on the Magic Johnson show, I could certainly interview you about that. You clearly do not know the minutiae of my career pinballing. I mentioned on Twitter something, and somebody said oh my god oh my god oh my god ask him about kids court and as a i never had cable as a kid um or my family also didn't have cars

uh you remember you may remember that as a 10 year old i was somebody offered to sell me crack etc right um but my wife was like kids court yeah like this was like a direct line to her heart and soul. Here's the thing that the people who were fans and who like she was the perfect age, I'm sure at the time. Yeah. And it stuck with her for some reason, whatever reason,

all those people really smart. Well, because they, they learned, they learned an important lesson, that if you're going to make a courtroom show about children, you have to hire child actors to play the

actual disputants, because you can't have two children squaring off in an actual dispute. It would make people uncomfortable. That's actually not even the truth. Those were real kids. Really? Yes. Why did it say they were actors? I'm going to tell you what the thing about the audience,

the kids in the audience. Here's the only way that it was not completely authentic is that they specifically went and got gifted kids. They got really, really bright great scores. But the kids, see I watched it and the kids had lines though.

Oh, and the little wraparounds and the intros were all staged and stuff like that. Yeah. But they were actual disputes between actual... I feel like there was a thing that said these aren't actual disputes between actual children. Didn't I tell you about this? Kids wrote in their disputes and everything. And the technical advisor on the show was Alan Dershowitz. And the technical advisor on the show was Alan Dershowitz.

And he would read the cases and he would lay them out to, you know, what's interesting about them or like, you know, here's kind of he would look for the simplest ones, the ones that are most interesting. And he actually infused the show with these cases that he would promote to say this is a really good one to do because I could say this one is essentially a contraband case. This is actually a constitutional issue here Wow So he would lay out what's really compelling about this That's why the thing about that weird little show Is that kids and their parents Used to watch it together Because there was that kind of thing

That subtle little influence That Dershowitz had in making these decisions Nickelodeon was kind of maybe even a little high-minded back then. That's when it had Nick News with Linda Ellerbe. It was. What happened with Kids Court was after its first season, I think there were 36 or 38 shows, something like that, was the juncture at which they decided were they going to go with that sort of a philosophy or are they going to be the slime network?

And they went slime. Literally, it was at that juncture when they decided to go slime is when they let the show go. Meanwhile, there had also been an FCC regulation passed about a certain amount of educational children's programming required for networks. And so immediately, ABC wanted to pick up the show. Immediately, they wanted to pick it up. And Nickelodeon wouldn't let it go because they knew that it would be a hit. And they didn't want to give somebody a hit to compete against their own network when they're trying to get a footing. So it went nowhere.

You know who was, I think, may have been running Nickelodeon at the time? Our friend, Mrs. Explodo. Oh. Mrs. Explodo Oh Mrs. Explodo Kurt Anderson's wife Yeah, Kurt Anderson's wife was a long time executive Who is that? Her name is Anne

Well, because the president at the time was Geraldine Laybourne Oh, Laybourne, huh? Fucking Laybourne Dershowitz, so Dershowitz would pick the cases Based on, he'd be like Oh, this one is sort of like A racially charged celebrity murder case, for example. It wasn't only that kind of stuff, but he had input in the way, because the show was

about unfolding information. It sets it up in black and white terms at the top, and the kids go fair or unfair, and they make the decision, and then a little bit more information comes in, and the whole show was about pushing them to stay true. It was to dramatic transformation a 12 angry men type situation which is why you needed a robot

when something momentous happens to our listeners we ask they give us a call at 206-984-4 fun to tell us about it for momentous occasions our calls this week screened by our new intern, Colin. Welcome to the fold, Colin. Yeah, we will be judging very harshly.

I might have to fire him. Well, there's only one way to find out. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and amazing guest. I just had a momentous occasion that I think raises uh a question you guys can debate for me uh i was coming how slow can you talk before colin gets fired is that the question no this sounds good i think this is going somewhere i think this is colin you just like that he said you were amazing yeah Yeah, and I took it real personally. From my work.

I actually work in podcasting, weirdly. But coming from my... See, now we know this is bullshit. The podcast industry. He works in the podcast mines. Work in West Hollywood and saw a fight. And it was a rare three-way fight, which those are hard to see. But it seemed to be not two-on-one, but one-versus-one-versus-one.

One person was wielding what looked like mace or pepper spray, some sort of sprayable weapon. I thought it was going to be medieval mace. He might have been at a red fair. One person had a mace, one person had a longbow.

And then one guy was dressed like Doctor Who for no reason. A red fair, right? It was. And one had a pointy piece of wood that did not look sharpened. It looked like it was a splintered, maybe like a table leg. It would be perfect for killing a vampire, but it was very sharp. Was he testifying at court?

And the third person was unarmed, but then pulled out something that was either a gun or a taser. I think it was a taser. I don't know. I didn't want to find out, so I quickly sped away in my car. But I would like

your guys' opinion on who would have won this momentous fight location with those three weapons. Superman. Yeah, Superman. I gotta go Batman on this one, guys. You gonna go Batman? Well, no, Doctor Who. Yeah, Doctor Who wins.

Depends on that taser gun dilemma Yeah, I don't know Even if it's a taser, doesn't taser beat pepper spray And sharpen, I guess unless the two guys are vampires Sharpened stick is fucking weak It's possible That the three of them were That the guy with the stick was Filipino though

I don't know if you've ever seen The Filipino stick fighting It's sort of like a cross between a fight and a dance. It's very impressive and I presume quite deadly. And sharp sticks were a turning point in the Vietnam War. Oh, this is also possible.

I think I heard the detail that he's in West Hollywood. This is probably just some sort of gay bondage foreplay. It's too gay, man. How do you follow that? I'm just a superman. Seen some weird shit living in West Hollywood, man.

It's two gay men fighting an old Russian Jewish lady. Sure. So what do we have? We have a sharp stick. Either a gun or a taser. Let's go taser, because if it's a gun, I think we know who's going to win. Right.

The gun industry. Right. Merchants of death. This is sort of like if you believe in string theory. This is sort of like the alternate universe rock, paper, scissors. Oh, yeah. If you believe in string theory. At which point do we reach the singularity?

When the piece of wood gets as sharp as the taser. When the gun fires a sharp stick into a can of maize. Is a taser the thing where it shoots out little stickers? What kind of taser is it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Is it the long distance taser? Or is it just you have to touch them with the taser? Oh, geez.

I think this is unresolved. This is unknowable. I think this would be a good cone. A zen cone. This would be. Something for Gary Shandling to work on. It would also be a good episode of Mythbusters. Yes, it could be a good episode.

Or Kids Court. Or Kids Court. And especially violent. Fair or unfair? The robot will have something to say about this. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. I'm calling with a momentous occasion.

I went to a bachelorette party in Las Vegas this weekend and we ended up in an all-nude male strip club. And one of the strippers came up and said, Hey, this guy that's on next, you don't want to miss this. He's really good. That guy.

I mean, he's a real male stripper's male stripper. Right. Yeah. This guy invented the cop. It's the ass he's not shaking. Fuck the pineapple. It's the ass he's not shaking. Fuck the pineapple. What? Fuck the pineapple?

Wait, I'm going back. You don't want to miss this. He's really good. That guy fucked a pineapple. He fucked a pineapple that was filled with whipped cream. And the whole time, the emcee just kept saying, He's fucking a pineapple. He's fucking a pineapple! He's fucking a pineapple!

So I saw that. And also, there were three lesbians with us, who I'm pretty sure are traumatized now. Love you guys. Bye. Wow, we love you too! Yeah. I just hope they we love you too. Yeah. I just hope they weren't Hawaiian lesbians. Yeah, because that's a national staple.

That's part of their economy. I think the whipped cream's gilding the lily myself. Hi, Jordan, just you go This is Gabby from New York City I'm in Boston right now But I'm technically from New York City But I just experienced You know what, get your fucking story straight Gabby Yeah, before you call in

Already I'm not buying it I was on the train When I was home, so that was a few days ago. And there was this guy on the bus, and he was really like a metal dude, like ponytail, black shirt, black pants, like a black sweatshirt, and he was really grungy and greasy, and he had like a big necklace on or whatever. And he had these big, scary headphones, and through his headphones, you could hear that he was listening to TLC's

Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls. So that was pretty awesome. Thanks, bye. I mean, if you're going to listen to a TLC song, I mean, that's is the most metal one It's the highlight of their catalog I would argue Got organized noise on production on that one

You guys don't have any thoughts About organized noise That just kind of sounds right I have no comment about that experience I think it just All fits together nicely You know I think Something that we learn together nicely. You know, I think something that we learn sometimes

when we're doing momentous occasions is that the world, when you think you've got it figured out, when you think you've got it figured out, it's always ready

to show you a new wonder. Are you talking about the metal guy or the pineapple fucking? I'm still on pineapple fucking. Yeah, me too. He's fucking a pineapple. Man. Gotta go to one of these male strip clubs. I like the

idea that in the male strip club, I mean, I've been to a strip club where a lady's getting naked and the DJ's job is to introduce the stripper to rile up the crowd and to exhort them to throw money at her right that's a two things you don't remember if you like the scenery show her some greenery come on gentlemen show a little love gentlemen i like that one of the

differences between an all-male and all-f female strip club is that in the male strip club the strip the DJ is actually narrating what's going on like yeah he's taking off his shirt the shirt is off here comes his wang ladies that's a

wang he's in the bone zone he's fucking a pineapple. He's taking out his machete. And whacking through the underbrush. The Hawaiian underbrush. The pineapple is cored. What other fruits do you think he passed up

on the way to pineapple? This is the one. Let's go with pineapple. It seems like the most potential for chafing on the pineapple. It seems like a nice honeydew. I do think there's a degree of difficulty with pineapple. You just show it off. I guess the whole thing is showing off. I'm just like, I don't know. It seems kind of

shitty. Like, oh, well, great. You can fuck a pineapple. Congratulations. You know what? I'm here on my imaginary internet. I just did a little research on this and it turns out it was Carrot Top. It's his show. That's what he does in vegas that's great that's why he's the highest paid comedian in the world i see late night show

god bless right yeah after 10 god bless him we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, bad idea um listen we had this we had this call last week um someone called and said they were in uh they were in a town where they never expected they would find another jordan jesse go fan until they were found themselves driving behind a car with a jordan jesse go bumper sticker and they needed to figure out quickly some kind of signal to signal to the other person that they were simpatico so they could pull over and become friends, like exchange email addresses or something, and threw that out to us. Now, we'll get to the signals in just a second, but first I wanted to play this call. Hi, this is Jake from Middle Tennessee with a black Mercury Milan.

Last week with Rob Hubel, someone called in to report my car having a Max Fun bumper sticker. I want to meet you. Let's be friends. I am Zicklepop on the forums. Jesse, can you help me out here? Thanks. Love you guys. Bye.

Yes, I'm making it happen. You guys are like reuniting loved ones. This guy posted on the forums And said, oh my god, that's me I'm the guy with the black Mercury Milan I mean, you gotta admit That there are probably not that many Mercury Milans still out there on the road

Not a car known for its high quality And durability But also there were that many Jordan Jesse Go fans Out there Both unlikely. Both very unlikely. So he's Zicklepop on the forum. But if you go to the Rob Hubel episode, dear guy who called in last week, go to the Rob Hubel episode on the forum and you will find his post in there, if you forget.

And you can send him a message on the forum. And then you guys go on a date, a friendship date, and give us a call and let us know how it goes. That's your assignment. Bring either a sharp stick. Yeah. Or a pineapple. A pineapple. We got some suggestions for Signal. reminded uh i was reminded that we did suggest that we could have like a saying that you could

say to someone that was in the mold of are you a friend of dorothy the kind of classic 60s and 70s thing that you would say to uh someone that you thought was gay like you were just to double check that you were that they were cool or like a are you a friend of bill w yes exactly which is that's if you're in AA. Yeah. Sort of like fellow traveler. Yeah. From the 50s. In this case, in this case, it was aren't you a friend of Chip

Dipson's? Oh, yeah. Chip Dipson is a name that we think is funny, and we would like to see inserted into more television programs and other works of fiction. I gotta write this down. Chip Dipson. Along with mytunks.org. And Dip Dobson.

Chip Dipson. What was the other one? Dip Dobson. They're friends. They're best friends. Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson? Yeah. See? They've already appeared in an X-Men comic book so we're doing pretty good getting them out there And our friend Rob Corddry has insisted

That he's going to put them in his television show Children's Hospital So I've got high hopes for Chip and Dip But we have that But we wanted some kind of hand signal to go with that We have I think, how about this? Yeah?

Dip in a chip Oh yeah, make it kind of a scooping And then you're chomping I think... How about this? Yeah? Dipping a chip. Oh, yeah. Making kind of a scooping. You're scooping and then you're chomping. Chip and dip. Chip and dip. Are you afraid to... You're taking another level of code away. There's a certain extent to which you want something that will make you look not too weird

to someone who doesn't like Jordan Jesse Go. Philistine. Okay. Sorry. Hey, let's see. We have a few. I haven't actually read these, but I think, um, uh, I think we've got a few suggestions that we got via email at JJ go at maximum fund.org.

Michael suggested, uh, here's my idea for our gang signal, a fully extended middle penis. Well, you know. Here's one from John. I think the gang sign to other members should be this. Act like you're jerking off. Is this going to be all of them? This is just going to be all of them. You know, it's...

And I should know at this point, but it always is a little surprising to me. I don't want to say offensive, but I'm taken aback every time somebody points out how much jerk-off humor we do. My friend, you reap what you sow. I guess so. And when you're spilling your seed. What's amethylone for pineapple? What is what? American Sign Language

You said that as though I should know what Amicelon is You knew what Amicelon was I didn't, uh-uh No, you're weird But it would be good Act like you're jerking off Move your hand up and down in that wonderful motion The jerk-off motion

And then show the climax by throwing your palm forward in a splat-type motion. That's like, hey, I'm a big Spider-Man fan. Yeah, that could also be... Or I jack off to Spider-Man. Which, probably, some of our

listeners do. Okay, here we go. We got a call on this here. Hi, Jordan, Jesse. This got a call on this here. men. The sketch is the Sid and Marty Croft's Trope of Juices where one character says, Hello, Jonesy. Why do you hate me? And Jonesy replies, Why do you hate me? Oh, you are welcome. Bye-bye.

No, that's terrible. It's about a show that's not ours. Yeah, that's not our show. That's for Mr. Show. Now, granted, have we had guests on this program who appeared on that television program? Yes. Have we had the guest on that said that titular line? Oh, God. But have you had any Sid and Marty Kroft characters on?

No, we have not had Sigmund or the Sea Monster. I did have one of Sid and Marty Kroft on The Sound of Young America once. You had Sid and or Marty Kroft? Yeah, I think one of them's no longer in the business and or dead. That's sort of like a taser and or gun. Heather just suggests jazz hands. Yeah, that's maybe for fans of Bring It On.

Nah, it needs to be something original. I am kind of a fan of Bring It On. Yeah, but you to be something original. I am kind of a fan of Bring It On. Oh, I know. Yeah, but you could be easily mistaken for a fan of Glee, if you know what I mean. No, that's true. Who wouldn't want to be mistaken for a fan of it? I'm fine with being mistaken for a fan of Bring It On, a movie that I actually did watch in the theater and kind of enjoy. Bring It On's funny.

Remember that part with Ian Roberts in Bring It On? That's amazing. That's like, if you have not seen Bring It On, you don't really need to watch the movie. Is that the cheerleading one? Yeah, it's a cheerleading one. Yeah, exactly. Really, if a circumstance comes up where you have to watch it, you will be surprised at how decent and enjoyable it is.

It's actually kind of a fun movie. Also, Elijah Dushku at the top of her foxiness in that. Yeah, absolutely. If you like a young, fresh Dushku. This is back when her name

was on a monopoetic. Right. Juicy Dushku. If you like a taut, tight Dushku, you're going to want to watch Bring It On.

But if... And certain episodes of Buffy the Vampire. If, no matter how you feel about the douche coup you're gonna want to watch bring it on but if in certain episodes of buffy the vampires if no matter how you feel about the douche as taut and tight as she may be what about the coup you should who's the coup the cool part of the douche oh okay um you should i hate it when they break up i know go on to youtube and google ian roberts bring it on there ian roberts has one key scene in bring it on it is essentially like a like a two and a half or three minute monologue uh he plays a dance coach who's brought in essentially as a ringer uh to teach the white

girls to beat the blacks right it is a race war film you should also know that And a class war It's all out Helter Skelter Bring it on But Ian Roberts scene is One of the funniest Scenes in a movie I mean it's just hilarious Purposely? He is great in it

It's funny those That segment of movies Those those kind of mid-to-late 90s teen movies, they all had one legitimate comedian giving a great performance. I would also like to call out 10 Things I Hate About You. Larry Miller is really, really funny in that. Larry Miller, very funny in everything he does. Yes, basically. You're right.

You're talking about along the lines of Sam Kinison in Back to School? Yeah, it is something like that. The 10 Things I Hate About You is my high school girlfriend's favorite movie. I bought her a VHS tape of it, and we watched it more times than I care to mention, but I always remember thinking,

oh shit, Larry Miller's hilarious in this. You know what I like about, I want to say something about Curb Your Enthusiasm. And I think there are two things that are underappreciated about Curb Your Enthusiasm. One is that it is Larry David's, the emotional significance of Larry David's vocal support for the Bald and Balding. I think that is a really important and central part of Kirby. It's a very brave position to take. No one else takes it. You had to get to like season eight before you could go that far.

And I know I really, I personally really appreciate it. The other is that it is such a wonderful venue for 56 year old comedians to show you, to remind you why they are brilliant comedians like a Larry Miller, like a super Dave Osborne, AKA Bob Einstein. Uh, I, I watched, uh, there's this, there's a Lewis. Yeah. I mean, there's a chance to really strut him strut his stuff there's an episode in the latest season that just has a very brief appearance by michael mckean and michael mckean is someone who at this point i had gotten to the point where i wondered if i knew that there was a reason that people thought he was funny, but I couldn't remember what it was because it had just been so long that I'd been exposed to some really solid Michael McKean action.

And he just has one or two scenes in this one episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and he is so fucking hilarious. Yeah, he's really great. I mean, he is just perfect, just brilliantly hilarious. I want to take issue here with this. Yeah.

Hasn't he come across in every Chris Guest movie? Hasn't he delivered the goods for you? Oh, you know, I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but I really, I have found, as much as I admire Christopher Guest, I have found diminishing returns on every Christopher Guest movie since Waiting for Guffman. Really? I did not even... For your consideration?

I didn't see for your consideration because everyone I know said that it just made them sad because it was so not funny. Yeah, I did see it. And I can say that I think that, whereas I do think there are very good performances in that movie, Michael McKeon and Catherine O'Hara specifically, I think it's not that funny.

I just feel like they didn't write jokes for it. And I know they don't really write anything for those, but I felt like they didn't think of enough jokes. Yeah, I mean, even in Best in Show, which I think a lot of people like a lot more than I did. Although, you know what? I maybe haven't, didn't, I was among those who think that,

oh, I didn't love Best in Show either. I re-watched it recently and got a ton of enjoyment from it. Oh, well, maybe I will. I think you should revisit for your consideration. I think that's a better movie than you guys. I actually think it's one of his best. Okay. And I say this.

I would like that to be true. I say this even though I should be bitter about it because another little piece of show was true. Oh, yeah. Myself and Dana. You and Magic Johnson were supposed to be in it together. Myself and Dana Gould were cut out. Really?

Oh. Oh. Yeah. We did a scene together where we, that's a long story, were supposed to be in it together. Myself and Dana Gould were cut out. Really? Oh. We did a scene together where we, that's a long story, but we were both, that scene was cut out. But we knew it at the time.

We were like, you know, if this goes long, this is the first scene to go. And Dana's like, absolutely, this scene has nothing to do with anything. Is it on the DVD?

I don't know if it is. I watched it on Netflix, so yeah, I would like to see it on DVD. Anyway. I would say that at least The last one I watched was A Mighty Wind And I will say that That was a little soft

I find Fred Willard I thought Fred Willard was I think we can all agree Brilliantly hilarious in A Mighty Wind A movie that overall was not funny Not insultingly not funny Not funny But it's as though they didn't see feel

it was necessary to insert funny stuff into it you're saying not funny does my does my description of it sort of feel more comfortable for you i just say it's soft yeah sure no sure sure i mean because it's not it's not a everyone in it is brilliant yeah and b no one in it is making jokes that you're like that's not funny yeah exactly it's just it is making jokes that you're like, that's not funny. Yeah, exactly. It's just, it's as though they forgot, they like, they forgot that jokes were supposed to be part of it. Yeah.

Except for Fred Willard, who I feel like exists in his own magical world. He does. Like the thing about Fred Willard is that Fred Willard, he might as well not even be in the movie in his scenes. It's just as though they just pointed a camera and said, do some Fred Willard stuff. And he's like, ah, okay.

With all three of those, I mean, he was like a central character in Guffman. I feel like the other three Christopher Guest movies, he is just like, he's the announcer at the dog show, he's some weird agent, and then he's just the Entertainment Tonight host. He is. They did put him in the weird vortex just to look at the camera and say the world's funniest but what it reminds me is is even though they're i mean there are people in those movies like katherine o'hara like

i don't think they're i think there are few funnier people in the world i think she may be the funniest woman in and she's just a fucking genius. Just a fucking genius. But Fred Willard is the person that every time... I would watch... Wasn't Fred Willard on that 70s show or some weird thing? I would watch him on that. Oh, yeah.

He's just Fred Willard-ing. Fred Willard shows up... It doesn't matter what the context is. Fred Willard is like bell peppers. Wherever he shows up, it's going to taste like Fred Willard shows up It doesn't matter what the context is Fred Willard is like bell peppers Wherever he shows up It's going to taste like Fred Willard We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go Jordan Jesse Go

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective And I'm Paul Provenza, Pineapple Sexual Assault Consultant. Consultant? You, I couldn't think of the word counselor. I couldn't think of the word counselor. I like consultant.

Because consultant is the person who looks at the act. I'm the guy who stages it. And then says, you look at the act and you say, I don't know, I think the whipped cream's a bit rococo. I think the whipped cream's a bit Rococo whipped cream's a bit much hey how about a tweet of the week from at Norm Z

who says he's convincing the wife we need to go to sweet action ice cream while we're in Denver I wanted to go since I heard about it on JJ Go and now I'm in town that one is not funny but I like the fact that it gave a shout out to our ice cream friends in Denver. Not a lot of podcasts have ice cream friends.

What's the name of your ice cream? Sweet Action. Well, the ice cream that they made for us was a Dr. Pepper ice cream, because they know that in high school I founded a Dr. Pepper club, because I love Dr. Pepper so much. But if you're in Denver and you're not going to to that sweet action ice cream you're a real dick go there and tell them that you heard about it on jordan jesse go i bet you they'll give you an extra scoop for free or something that's not verified by the way not a guarantee not an actual anyway at normsy

uh send an email to our intern at intern at maximumumFun.org with your T-shirt size and your address, and we will send a T-shirt out to you. Everybody else, be sure to tweet with the hashtag JJGO about the program so we can prove that our fans are more enthusiastic than my brother, my brother, and me fans, which they're not. We've lost that battle so badly at some point we're actually gonna i think jordan i think that even though we like pulled even during the brief week of our twitter friendship war yeah i think that we are gonna have to listen to a segment of my brother my brother and me and talk about what we learned from it it's fine at some point that was the That was the bet. Our MaximumFun.org brethren, my brother, my brother, and me, had a lot of people tweeting

with their hashtag, MBMBAM. Well, that's not fair. And so we thought we could take them, and we were right up there with them, but I think they beat us in the end. And the bet was whoever lost had to listen to a segment

of the other one's show on their show and then talk about what they learned. So you have to do that. Yeah, I think we're going to have to do that. Yeah. Maybe we'll do that next time on the show. Anyway, Paul. Why don't you MST it?

Oh, yeah. Make fun of it. How bad they suck. Yeah. How bad their props are. The point is that we're supposed to. Why don't you do the JJ Go commentary track? We're supposed to be...

It's supposed to humiliate us. You're going to take that lion down? Paul Provenza, thank you so much for joining us on the program. Thanks for having me. It's fun news, guys. Paul is the host of The Green Room on Showtime, which just finished its second season, but I'm sure those programs are

rerunning indefinitely on the Showtime network. I believe they will rerun for a while. You can catch those on Showtime Green Room if you have DirecTV. That's the Showtime sub-channel dedicated specifically to the show The Green Room with Paul Provenza. Also, a Facebook fan page. Paul has a Facebook fan page,

and Paul's book, Satiristas, has a Facebook fan page. Yes. Sat book satiristas has a facebook fan page yes satire with an east is at the end um you should go and friend or what is that called fan i don't know they changed it today didn't they what's it called now they change it today they changed now it's like it's it's listened to it's red it's shoved up my nose anyway you got all kinds of options uh don't really like it But have nothing against it I'm not sure

What they've worked out You can check out All of these things On Facebook By searching for Paul Provenza probably Yeah well How about that

Or at your local Barnes and Nobles Where you can find Paul's books At a recess Actually ours You can find at Borders Okay

Just go Just break into The closed down Borders. There will be a box of them in the back. I think there's just stacks of them in the alley. Our email address, jjgoe at maximumfun.org. You can talk about the show at forum.maximumfun.org.

Give us a call, 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN. Yes, sir. A couple of things before we go in the plug department. I'm sorry. Asking you what my favorite movies are.

Jesse, I made a video with a buddy of mine. You do the voiceover for it. It's true. It's very funny. It is a video game related joke video. I would like to encourage people to go watch it. That's on my YouTube page, youtube.com slash Jordan Morris. What's it called?

It's called Game Wave Commercial, and then in parentheses it's Parody. I have a hard time naming things on the internet. Probably not the best name, but yeah, it's up there on my YouTube page. It's brief and funny, and Jesse is in it, as am I.

You can also see it on our blog at MaximumFun.org, right there on the front page. You might have to scroll down a little bit depending on when you listen to this, but it really is very, very hilarious. I can say that because my role in the hilarity is very small. Did you play the record executive? Yes, exactly. I know. I'm the voiceover guy, so I'm just the straight man, but it's very, very small. Did you play the record executive? Yes, exactly. No, I'm the voiceover guy, so I'm just the straight man.

But it's very, very funny. You'll want to find it at MaximumFun.org. Is there something else you want to plug for? Yes, there is. I'm actually, if you live in the L.A. or Southern California area, I am teaching a crash course in stand-up comedy in October. It's like a month-long thing. There's a performance at the end.

Wait, you're teaching it? I'm teaching it. You're a veteran stand-long thing. There's a performance at the end. Wait, you're teaching it? I'm teaching it. So you're a veteran stand-up comedian. Sketch comedian, I'm sorry. What did I say? Stand-up comedy? You said stand-up comedy. Oh, fuck, no.

I am not qualified. Which is why I've been speechless. Yes. You're like, really? Don't take this asshole's class. Sketch comedy, excuse me. Look, I've done literally dozens of stand-up shows over the past eight years.

Right. I've done it once or twice as a goof. As many as two dozen stand-up shows in my life. Which makes you as qualified as anybody else teaching stand-up comedy. But no, it's a class in sketch comedy, which I am only slightly more qualified to teach a class in. Yeah, and it's reasonable. I think it's $40 for the month. You get a performance at the end, and the money

goes to high schools who have had their arts funding cut. Oh, wow. Where are you teaching this class? It's in North Hollywood. Oh, he's actually the principal of the school now. I am the principal. I will be issuing demerits. The URL is a little bit long, so maybe I'll ask people to go to the

forums, to the episode in this forums And I will put up a link to the sketch comedy class Why do I feel like anybody who's listening to this Probably has the time for you to spell that URL They probably do I wish I could think of it off the top of my head actually Well we are in a minute 174 Of this week's program

It's a barn burner It's 1179 p.m. right now. A very special Jordan Jesse Go from Hawaii. Yeah, it's every Tuesday night in October and it should be a lot of fun. If you didn't

know that this whole episode was set in Hawaii, you should have been clued off by the pineapple fucking. Which is, you know... And the poi! It's one in Hawaii. Our should have been clued off by the pineapple fucking. Which is, you know. And the poi. It's one in Hawaii. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design,

courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan Jesse Go, hit us up at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back next week

on this very program, Jordan Jesse Go. Goodbye. be back next week on this very program jordan jesse go goodbye