Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 195: Half Saw with Neil Campbell and Paul Rust

Episode Date: October 9, 2011

Neil and Paul join Jesse and Jordan to talk about Wyoming, the new Pee-Wee movie and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go.

We're joined by Neil Campbell and Paul Rust. They tell us about travels in the center of America, the new Pee Wee movie, which Paul is co-writing, and more. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, you look like you've had a rough morning.

Yeah, I just came from a family wedding. Oh, man, family, am I right? Oh, boy. Can't live with them. But who are you going to borrow money for from if they've died? Wait a minute. Yeah. You have to repay the money

that you inherit from a dead relative? Yes. I had no idea. I am fucked. Mm-hmm. Man. So, yeah, I'm feeling

a little plainy right now. Sure. I have a little bit of the... If it seems like I have a little bit of a case of the giggles, it's because I watch so much funny

NBC Universal programming on American Airlines. So, you know. Let's introduce our guests on the program. It has been, I think, maybe they've been on individually since. But the last time they were on together was, we're talking about four years ago. It's been a while. years no not that long i don't think it was that long and i don't think we've had them on individually three years so i

think you're wrong i think that whole sentence the whole thing was wrong yeah okay well uh paul rust neil campbell hey welcome back to jordan jesse go thank you thanks for having us thanks for having us good to be back after that six year break we. We had to have a cool-down period after we did that segment with, I think, Paul was the guy who wrote Look Who's Talking 2. Right. That was even further back. Yeah. I think since then we had... That was to promote Look Who's Talking 2. That's how old it was. Because we did that political The campaign That must have been for 08

That was Bart Simpson running against Didn't we do Harry Anderson? Against Harry Anderson From 94 But that was even like Early 08 Because you were on the place off of Normandy

We were in Koreatown I got so many emails. I am not kidding you. I don't think that Bart Simpson and Harry Anderson are really running for president. But CNN reported on it, right? They did. We were able to pull it over to them. Yeah, we got the wool pulled over Blitzer's eyes.

But then we were on again as guests together Just as ourselves Not doing a bit Okay Right In your other place Your next place We've been to Koreatown We've been to Silver Lake And that was the one where

Because someone tweeted About that show At me Yeah Just a few months ago What did they say? Well I don't know If you'll recall

But you did That they were like Someone plays a question Or that you have The call in And I think This is going to sound Like an excuse i think i thought it was supposed to be like you'd get questions from viewers and someone did like kind of a bit and i like laughed really like derisively or meanly at it like ha ha ha like because i whatever i was just being a jerk

i was just being a jerk well you have a reputation i thought it was like when you're doing a Q&A after a screening or something and someone just tries to be funny and I was like, come on. And so I misunderstood. But anyway, I was mean. And then someone tweeted not long ago that was like, listening to an old JJ Go with at kneeler dude and at Paul Rust.

They're really funny, but they're so mean to a guest and it bums me out. I was like, oh man. I mean, this is going to come back to haunt you whatever you say on the show this is kind of like the podcast of record now I'm here to make amends and apologize he's going to be so nice this is also a show

do I really look like I've had a hard time do I look haggard you've got a 5am shadow you said that and then we had that little banter session look haggard? You've got a 5 a.m. shadow. You said that and then we had that little banter session and now I got self-conscious while we were doing that. I'm sorry. It's a sexy haggard.

You're definitely unshaven. Like Liam Neeson when he's looking for his daughter. Like, wow, still looks good. You're unshaven and you smell strongly of coffee. Okay, fair enough. But no, you look fine, Jordan. Nothing to good. In real life. Right. Right. You're unshaven and you smell strongly of coffee. Okay, fair enough. But no, you look fine, Jordan.

Nothing to worry about. It's Sunday morning. Yeah, right? That's when we all look. It's a beautiful day. Let's have a little mimosa. Get bitchy. Here's the thing that you have to understand, Neil, about Jordan, Jesse, go. and Jesse go. We've established a pattern of positive attitudes that leads people to get really bummed out and write us sad emails about how disappointed they are if we're ever opposed

to anything. Isn't that probably, I don't know, I can speak for myself, but I would say for most of us, I would say that's also friendships. I think we're all nice guys, right? And if you're like really nice to your friend and then you don't you kind of slip up one time it seems worse because it's coming from like the nice guy i just want to be one of these guys where people are like where people are like hey he's a wild card you know what i mean so you wanted people to suspect that maybe you're bipolar you want to be so emotionally erratic yeah i mean he's up he's down. You want to be so emotionally erratic. He's up, he's down. My goal is to be such a great friend in every other way

that if I do or say something horrible or I'm a bad friend, people will be like, that's just Jesse being Jesse. That's what makes him so great. Well, I think public radio is synonymous with wild man. Those two words are interchangeonymous with wild man.

Those two words are interchangeable with each other. So, go for it. Yeah, David Bianculli, he'll loan you money one minute, and then he'll key your car. No reason. Who's that? David Bianculli fills in for Terry Gross sometimes. You can put it in the name of any public radio guy in there.

Jordan, it's funny that you mention that because, and I am, this is going to sound like something that I'm making up, but I swear on a stack of Bibles that it is not something I'm making up. I went to the public radio conference a week and a half ago in Baltimore, Maryland, and I was having a conversation with a fellow public radio industry employee, a high ranking, much more high ranking than myself. And I was talking about how much I like Dave Davies, substitute host on Fresh Air. I think we all think Dave Davies is the best substitute host, regardless of how you feel about David being cooley. about David being cooley, I think we can all agree that Dave Davies is the top substitute host on Fresh Air. He's probably the top of all time. I'd say he's even better than Barbara Bogave. Whoa, strong words, man. Come on.

You're going to get more hate mail. So I was talking about how great I think Dave Davies is. And then we started talking about... And I was pitching the idea that I've had recently, which is that it's time to drop the charade that Terry Gross is the only host of Fresh Air. Terry Gross is fantastic. She's brilliant. No doubt about it.

Terry Gross is the best. I have nothing, no bad things to say about Terry Gross. But she hosts to Fresh Air about 60% of the time. And that's just not enough to say that you're the host. Sort of like the latter Tonight Show years where it's sort of Johnny Carson but a little more Jay Leno. Enjoying his vacation time.

Now Jay Leno is hosting Fresh Air now, right? Yeah, exactly. He is. And I think the monologue has really improved. But David Bianculli came up who fills in occasionally On the show Is this going to be something where you're talking bad about David Bianculli

And then he's right behind you Someone is trying to gesture wildly He's right behind me isn't he No I think David Bianculli does an excellent job as well I'm not in love with him Like I am with Dave Davies Certainly would I marry Dave Davies. Certainly, would I

marry Dave Davies? Yes. But David Bianculli also does a great job. And this highly ranked public radio person whose name I cannot use because of what I'm about to say asked me, have you ever partied with

David Bianculli? He's a wild man. Use the exact phrase wild man. I wonder if it is on a sliding public radio scale. If it's just like, oh yeah, that guy will have an espresso after dinner. Or if it is

like, oh yeah, well he does cocaine and he'll just punch out a guy at a bar. I wonder if wild man, what's the... I wonder if Wild Man means the same thing. Well, I don't know to what extent it could compare to the Rolling Stones, but I will tell you that these people... I'm talking about a bunch of issues of Rolling Stones. The excitement and thrill you would have reading 10 Rolling Stones in your bedroom. Just like, oh, he's a wild man.

He'll sit quietly on your coffee table. Look at this. A latter day David Bowie album got five stars. Also, all the other albums. A party that I heard someone at the public radio conference saying was a really awesome time. Unfortunately, I missed it. Yeah. Was in the hotel bar,

there was an official public radio conference party for Beatles sing-along. Can't even. Beatles sing-along with public radio composer BJ Lederman. Wow. Whoa. Public radio super celebrity BJ Lederman. And the after party was in Krista Tippett's room where they all made God's eyes.

You know, if you remember the Beatles sing-along, you weren't really at the Beatles sing-along. You know what I mean, man? There is. I think every year there is a party hosted by PRX. Does that have a reputation of being a little hipper and cooler? Yeah, well, I mean, PRX is the distributor of The Moth. It is the distributor of the show that I produced with Mark Maron, the public radio version of WTF.

It is a distributor of Sound Opinions, an excellent rock and roll music program. Any association with P90X? No, it is not, unfortunately Any association with P90X? No, it is not, unfortunately, associated with P90X. But it does get you totally shredded, right? You get totally shredded. Yeah, absolutely.

You get beefed, right? But they do have a notorious invitation-only party every year in a hotel suite that always gets shut down by hotel security. Really? I don't know.

I can see people getting crazy. Because people just get, I think it's just people getting just super, super wasted. It's probably like the Catholic school kid comparison, right? You spend your whole day living by the book. And then at night you fuck Catholic school kids. Is that what it was? Yeah.

What Sound Opinions has like an alcohol sponsor? They have like... Yeah, they're sponsored by a liquor brand. It is what it isn't. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, they're sponsored by a liquor brand.

They get free liquor probably. Yeah, send up a case of Makers and... Greg Cott starts drinking and shit starts flying. Yeah, some wild accusations about what the best guided by voice is out. Come out. I just listened to their album review of Russ Never Sleeps, which since my last name is Russ for the longest time, I felt like, why haven't I really...

I tried giving it a listen in college. I think I was a little too young. Guys, I'm totally into Russ Never Sleeps now. college. I think I was a little too young. Yeah. Guys, I'm totally into Russ Never Sleeps now. Wow. I've been loving it the last two weeks. They're co-produced by Devo, right? I think so.

Or I know that they got the name from Mark Mothersbaugh, because they were like old ad guys in Ohio, and there was a slogan called Russ Never Sleeps, which I guess is something about, look out, Russ Never Sleeps. Like a true coat for your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess Neil Young is one of those things that I had a hard time getting into

retroactively just because as a kid, I feel like I heard impressions of Neil Young before I actually heard his music. And you're about to hear another. Oh, go for it, Neil! This is exactly what he sounds like so yeah i feel like i have a hard time separating real neil young which might actually be pretty good from like comedy jokey neil young because he is his voice is kind of is extreme yeah yeah so wait you the

the spoof sort of spoiled it well neil young i think, the distinctive thing about Neil Young is how he straddles the line between beautiful and horrific nightmare. It is both the oral equivalent of a Saw movie and genuinely beautiful. I once was at a Half Saw, half Milo notice.

A Starbucks, and behind me You were at a Starbucks? Yeah, you know it's true. I was at a Starbucks, and behind me in line were, like, three dudes. Like, I don't know, like, polo shirts tucked into khakis. I don't know. And I ordered, you know, and they went, what's your name? Neil. And the guys, I guess,

were just like giggly behind me. And one of the guys went to the other, what, Neil Young? And then they all like laughed. And I was like, I guess he burned me. Oh, that was a far cooler day. It's true. You guys do have the same first name. Oh, fuck. The same fairly

common first name. Well, you used to, I remember you got upset when you went to the E.T. ride where he's supposed to say your name at the end. Yeah, yeah well you used to i remember you got upset when you went to the et ride where he's supposed to say your name at the end yeah and then he did it and your attitude was like the one human being who left earth and went into outer space has the name neil et yeah i think you can remember it at the at the beginning of glad i tore it down this is this is yeah this is a ride at Universal Studios where it's gone now, where what you would do

before you went in, you would write down your name, and then you did the ride, and at the end, E.T. would, in theory, say goodbye to you. He'd be like, goodbye, Eliza, or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah, and then, I think, I remember it being a thing of like, let's see what we can get E.T. to say. Like, let's see what we can get E.T. to say. Like, let's see if we can get E.T. to say butthead. And did he?

God, what's the weirdest one I think I've ever heard? I think, yeah, I think butthead I've heard. I had a friend, Matt, had an older brother, Brad, and then they went with their friend, Jeremiah. The three of them went when they were like boys, he was telling me. And then they went with their friend Jeremiah. The three of them went when they were like boys, he was telling me. And then at the end they were all going by E.T., Matt, Brad, and Jeremiah. And E.T. went, goodbye, Matt. Goodbye, Brad.

Goodbye, friend. Because he couldn't say Jeremiah. So you just get Fred, I guess. But it seems like E.T. forgot your name and he's trying to be polite. Yeah. Hey, you. Sport.

We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Go. The program is Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Neil Campbell. Paul Rust. You guys can come up with nicknames.

Oh, you want little nicknames? Oh, okay. Okay, let's try it again. Okay, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Neil Campbell, hockey fan. Paul Rust, smocky fan. Oh, man.

You took his and flipped it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. That's raw. For a word that does not exist. Can I ask you guys...

I just thought it was like a fun way to describe a smock. Like a... Dentist. That is what it was. You're right. Sort of like

you get a note that says, bring one of your dad's old dress shirts. We're making smockies tomorrow in art class. Here's my question for you guys. This is a Twitter etiquette question. So last week on the program, I talked about how if anybody says anything that seems mean to me on Twitter,

if anybody at messages something rude to me, I will generally just ban them. Or block them. I will block them. No, you could get them kicked off of Twitter. You call Dr. Twitter. I will send them into exile. Off to Siberia to the work camp for that.

No, I think that's a good... Are you questioning if that was... No, okay. So I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable with that. There's I think that's a good... Are you questioning if that was... No, okay. So I'm comfortable. Right. I'm comfortable with that. There's plenty of people who follow me on Twitter. And look, there are people who say something, you know, constructive to me, like, oh, I

didn't like that or something like that. But anybody who says anything personal or anything that feels mean, just fuck them. I don't need it. And there's a difference between the person who writes an insult and doesn't use your at, just kind of lets it exist, and if you want to find it, you can. But then the real jerks are the ones who put at with the insult so they know you're going to see it. Yeah, so this is, so this is, so I did get someone on the forums declared that, declared that they just realized, they think it's ruder to ban someone than to send someone a message that says you shouldn't say something like that because it's secret, because then they just stop getting the messages,

your Twitters or something. This person got banned by me for saying something I don't understand. So we got into a gray area. I pushed some buttons accidentally. It got into a gray area. I pushed some buttons accidentally. Sure. It got into a gray area. Situations came up. Sounds like a real Sophie's Choice. I think everything's fine.

I don't know the story of Sophie's Choice. Sophie's Choice. Sure. Popular Twitter handle, Sophie. This is a situation that came up. She sounds great. One degree removed from that, and it's something that I think dovetails

nicely with what you were just saying. I was bored the other day. So, what do you do when you're bored? Well, you type your own name into the Twitter search box. Well, I usually masturbate, but you've got a baby in the house, so you don't want to set a bad example. You don't want that baby to ever do that.

I want my baby, when he grows up and he's bored, to do something constructive with his time, like search for his own name on Twitter. You'd rather have him be self-loving in his vanity about his own name, rather than self-loving that he

touches his own genitals. Yeah. So, I, in his vanity about his own name rather than self-loving that he touches his own genitals. So I, you know, I'm not... Jesse's house is only one big room, too, so there's no private place he could go to. The thing about typing your own name into the internet in any place is that it's an irresistible thing to do, but it never, it never goes well.

Right. Or you're going to have to take some bad with the good. Right. But the bad so outweighs the good. Like, your emotional reaction to it is so disproportionate to the bad part. Well, you have to have this attitude where if the good stuff means a lot when you get it,

you're like, oh my God, that's so nice. Then you have to make this deal that like then the bad stuff is just as important and you know what i mean like so it's like you have to just go oh none of it matters frankly what ends up what ends up happening is that you uh because you don't want to be a vain asshole you just poo-poo the stuff that's positive but then when something negative comes that that really hurts your feelings. The time I've recently felt kind of shameful about this is that I Googled myself,

and then to see how it stacked up, I Binged myself. A Google and a Bing. Yeah, just to see. Bing had a lot more stuff that wasn't me. It was about a lot of high school football players who just share my name. So Bing is the inferior search engine. i think google has learned your your clicking

patterns so it knows that you're interested in jordan morris yeah from the podcast and then there's that maybe black porn stars that happen to be but the autofill function too where you put your name in and then like it puts in the other stuff that people are searching for. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. So then that's another double punch of like... Well, in our case, when you type Jordan Jesse Go into it, the second option after just plain Jordan Jesse Go is the low point of our entire podcast, a feud we had with some webcomics guys. So I try not even to look at that.

Oh, really? That's more popular than... But here's the thing. So when I type JordanJesseGo in, I don't know if you ever type JordanJesseGo in, because we have the hashtag JJGo. That's not completely about me. So I wouldn't dream of searching for it.

That does... Only kind of about me. That does actually bring up... When you type JordanJ Jesse Go into the Twitter, and you don't use quotation marks, you will get a lot of pornography-related tweets. Because apparently there is a porn star named Nautica Thorne, and there are a number of porn stars named Jordan. I don't know if I'm related. I mean, we might be cousins or something. Me and Nautica Thorne. But anyway, I typed Jesse Thorne in the other day.

What kind of a name is... Is it Thorne? Is it to maybe suggest some sort of luxury? Like, she's got a boat. She's nautical. Or maybe it's sponsored by Nautica, then. Yeah, no, I think...

Nautica? Thorne. By Nautica. Thorn. I don't get it. What's the connection between Thorn and... I just thought it sounded kind of like nautical. I'm like, oh, she probably owns a boat. That's how good at porn she is. I think Nautica is actually... I think it's about the clothing brand.

I mean, I think it's meant to suggest that she's the kind of high-quality, mid-range brand that you can find at ross or marshall's at a significant discount i just wouldn't like the idea of a porn star being like having thorns all over that's not like sexy right sure levy roses i'll tell you later you wrote a poem right you were telling me about that um so i typed jesse thorne in and there wasn't there wasn't a lot there wasn't a lot going on uh about jesse thorne but there was one message from someone called dr underscore cop and it just said it's a funny twitter name and it just said, I think I could beat Jesse Thorne in a fight. Whoa.

Now, do you know this is you? Is this like just you? Or maybe it's the porn star's dad. I mean, there are a couple of other Jesse Thorns. So I don't know that it's me. But there are very few other Jesse Thorns. I mean, there's a lot of Jessica Thorns. It would be funny if a guy was really old-fashioned and had to ask a porn star's dad before he masturbated to her.

Like, had to go to his house. Excuse me, sir. With flowers. I mighty like your daughter. So, I don't know if you guys can see his avatar here. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. He could beat you in a fight. Look at those guns.

Yeah, yeah. He's wearing a tank. He's wearing a pink muscle shirt. Yeah, that sort of cancels, one cancels the other out, right? Yeah, I think so. That's like wearing a camouflage tattoo or a camouflage tutu. Camouflage tattoo or a camouflage tutu. So I was trying to think, like, what do I do with this information that this person is?

And there's no punctuation on this tweet either. It just says, I think I could beat Jesse Thorne in a fight. Does this fall under your block rules? Yeah, because he didn't at message me. But on the other hand This is pretty serious That's a threat So I just messaged him In all caps, think again

Perfect But do you think That I handled it appropriately And then Dr. Cop He sent me another message You're under cardiac arrest That's what a Dr. Cop, he sent me another message. You're under cardiac arrest. That's what a Dr. Cop would say, Jesse. Jesse.

Jesse, Jesse. Jesse, did you hear it? I don't know if we got cardiac arrest. We may not have gotten his attention, guys. Quick, write something about him on the internet so he finds it when he Googles himself. I'm going to see if I can find the follow-up tweet, because he did send me a follow-up tweet. See, that's the thing.

Anytime that you engage, I thought it would be, I thought that if I wrote that, he would be like, you know, this guy's too hilarious for me. You know what I mean? Right. But I think that maybe he took it literally i mean that's the internet right just people are always going to take something too literally um but he sent me this message and you guys can cover for me for a second while i pull

this thing up well yeah oh one quick a side thing i i had a google alert for my name and it had a there was a blog entry of someone who was walking her dog. And her dog, I guess, kept jumping out at people. And she said, the first one that jumped out, that was Neal Campbell. She'd seen me from shows at UCB theaters. So she's like, he doesn't know who I am, but I know who he is. And then she's like, then the dog jumped at, and I don't remember this at all. She's like, then the dog jumped at – and I don't remember this at all. She's like, then the dog jumped at some – this big guy.

And so the post I think was kind of about like, I'm glad the dog's instinct is to protect me. But I mean – but Neil just looks like a harmless hipster. Which I do. I mean I can't – That's true. I take – yeah. Maybe the dog doesn't like hipsters. But the other guy was big. So that's why I'm glad it did it.

You don't look like you're in one of those hipster violence gangs. Right, right. Control all of the meth in New Mexico. So this is the message that Dr. Cop sent me back. At Jesse Thorne, did you just search your name plus, quote, beat in a fight, unquote? You don't have to prove anything. You're very successful. What a strange message.

Yeah. Is he complimenting me by saying that I'm successful? I think so. I would also say maybe that's the root of all of this. Sure. I think it's maybe meant to be a slam. It's, you know, it's a little bit of a slam on you for searching your own name, I think. Right.

But he didn't, but he also added beat in a fight. Yeah. So there's also an element of me wondering here whether he's just confused as to how the internet works. Like he thinks right now you're going to enter some digital domain where the two of you like joust on a grid. Or just that I would have searched for two things instead of just one of the two.

Like either one of those is possible. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like it's just the thing like I guess you get a message and you can either assume someone's reaching out in a friendly way or in a confrontational way. Yeah. And this guy assumed confrontational. Man,

I bet Obama like Googles himself. Like everybody does it. Dude, Obama fucking, that guy Googles himself all the time. Every morning when he wakes up, that's how he gets out of bed. That's why every day I Twitter Obama's a fag.

Every day. Cause I want to meet the president, you know, I just want to meet the president. And suck his dick. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. Paul, I want to ask you something

about the world of internet reacting to things. You made this video for Funny or Die that I really, really loved. I wish I could think of the title but it was a talk show. Oh, Guy Talk? And Neil's in it too. And he'll share a man in the street interview but it was a talk show. Oh, Guy Talk? Yeah. And Neil's in it, too. Oh, sure.

And he'll share a man in the street interview in it. You got one line. And in this video, I guess it's a hard thing to describe, but it's a talk show, and the premise is that it's on Spike, but you guys are, and it's kind of this roundtable talk show where you're talking about guy issues, but in kind of this tone where it's like your characters in a PG movie made in 1990. War men.

Yeah. Right. It's like... They're very sensitive and they're very excited that their sisters are getting married and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, and so one of the things is one of the guys on the panel went on date, and you're like, come on, tell us, did you kiss her? And he gets really embarrassed. Like, that's the tone of the thing.

Yeah. And that is so hilarious. I feel like I watched that ten times when I first saw it. But I feel like, in comparison to the other stuff that is sometimes on Funny or Die, which is, like, you know, sometimes it's super outrageous, and sometimes it's, like, mean to celebrities. Like, what was the Funny or die reaction to that? It was most people or a lot of people thought, yeah, it was, ha ha. These gay guys are acting straight. Like that's their first, you were like closeted gay guys, right?

Or that like, that's, you know, I know what your point is, which is like most people when they, we've talked, Neil and I have talked about this before. When people first see a video on the internet, for whatever reason, they're wired to think the thing you're trying to do is shit on that person or make fun of it or be mean. So that's always like the first level you have to go through when somebody sees your video. Yeah, we made that Toy Story 3 video that was just about what if like some guys are idiots and it's like – What if the guys are idiots. And it's like... What if the guys at Pixar are dumb? It was just the joke of what if at Pixar,

every time they're talking about the movie, they need to say the word drawing. So they're like, so then the drawing of the cowboy and the drawing of the space man. Like, to be super clear. And then the comments are like, way to make fun of Pixar, guys. It's like, Pixar makes way better stuff than you guys do.

It's like, we're not criticizing you. We love saying you're better than Pixar. Yeah, but I guess that is sort of the normal. But yeah, with the guy talk thing, people thought it was... What about that part in the video where you said you thought that you could beat Buzz Lightyear in a fight? That was actually... No way, he's got a laser. Tim Allen wasn't happy.

He dropped by in full Buzz Lightyear regalia and then said, We're power. He was the last man standing. I think he dropped by in full Buzz Lightyear regalia and then said, War Power. He was the last man standing. But don't worry. In a month and a half, he'll be the Santa Claus. Jordan, last week we asked people to be critical of you on the internet because you've been disappointed that you're not as much of a lightning rod as you'd like to be.

Yeah, yeah. I sometimes people always complain about, yeah. I sometimes... People always... A lot of people complain about, like, oh, you know, I do this and I just get shit on on the internet. And I feel like the fact that I don't get shit on a lot

is a sign that I'm not successful. You're not connecting with people. Yeah, like maybe I should be rattling more cages. Usually when people complain about Jordan, Jesse, go, they say, Jordan seems nice enough,

but that Jesse, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I would rather people say something controversial right now. We asked last week, did anyone step up to the plate and criticize you? Yeah, boy, God, I wish I had my phone

and I could bring it up. But yeah, no, you know, a lot of our listeners, God love them, really stepped up to the plate and called me a faggot a lot. Thanks, guys. So nice. Thanks, you know, a lot of our listeners, God love them, really stepped up to the plate and called me a faggot a lot. So thanks, guys. So nice. Thanks. You're the best.

Did it change your perspective at all? Did you appreciate what it's like to be? Yeah, I'm going to try and stop, you know, mincing around. They can see that, right? They can hear that. Yeah. I just, every couple of sentences, just flick my limp wrist for no reason just because I'm such a fancy boy

we'll be back in just a second it's Jordan Jesse go I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective Neil Campbell super dude Paul Rust, muscle face. You do have a very powerful face. I'm using P90X just for my face.

Face edition. Jordan, before we go any further, we are doing something big. And look, I'm not trying to insult the size of the things that you two have done, Neil and Paul. But it's very small in comparison. In your roles as sketch comedians, improvisers, artistic directors, writers at the UCB Theater and for film and television, you've done a lot of big things. But I don't think you've ever done anything this big. Probably not. Not on the scale of

It's good that you guys are real about your accomplishments Like you haven't gotten big heads Yeah, yeah, yeah The Comedy Club with Jordan and Jesse Yes Jordan and Jesse is us, by the way This is our first ever stand-up comedy program What?

Yeah, this was what happened. Our friend, Al Madrigal, regular guest here on Jordan, Jesse, Go, brilliant stand-up comedian, dropped us a line. He says, listen, there's two rooms at the Ice House, which is this legendary stand-up comedy club in Pasadena. Home of the legendary Rose Parade. But, you know, like the Ice House has been a comedy club since 1970 or something like that. It was literally a house for ice. Yeah, before that. That's where people picked up their blocks of ice.

People would go and there was this one ice block cutter who was a cut up in more ways than one. It was kind of like a goodwill too. Also, if you had extra ice, you could drop it off there, donate it there. And so Al Madrigal called us and said, look, the Ice House is the only major comedy club on the east side of Los Angeles. You're mostly talking about Hollywood and West when you're talking about comedy. And Al lives here on the east side of Los Angeles, and so do we. And so he's a regular there at the Ice House. And they have two rooms.

They have a big room where they have big comedy club type shows with, I don't know. Your Glandos, your Mandas, your Sansifals. All the big names. Yes. Paddingtons. Parpars. Paddington Bear. One name, lots of consonants. They show up.

But they also have this other stage. And from what I heard, they were booking not the best stuff there. And they knew it. Name names. Tell us how bad they were. Crando. Sves-Fes. Sarkozy.

They were. I mean, Nikolai Sarkozy did four weeks there. And it's like, don't you have shit to do in Europe? And he really runs the light, man. He will not get off stage. Dictators are notorious stage hogs. So Al sort of talked them into letting him be in charge of a bunch of the time on this stage. And so he wanted to do, you know, Al does a great podcast called The Minivan Man.

And he's good friends with our friend Mark Maron, who, of course, does WTF. And they were like, what if we made it, you know, podcast stand-up comedy nights in Pasadena or whatever? And part of that was he offered us our own show. Cool. So Friday night in Pasadena will be the first and hopefully the first of many, but we'll see how this first one goes. Oh, I'm planning on sabotaging it. I have very busy Friday nights. Yeah, I got to keep those open.

I'm going to phone it in or not show up at all. But this is, we put out the call to favorite past Jordan Jesse Go guests. We have a super killer lineup. Marc Maron's going to be on it. Al Madrigal is going to be on it. We've got the Chris Fairbanks, probably people's favorite Jordan, Jesse, go guest of all time. Very funny. Chris Fairbanks, the brilliant Chris Fairbanks.

DC Pearson, past Jordan, Jesse, go guest and a member of Derek Comedy. And me and Jordan are going to be hosting. Nice. So if you're in Southern California. We are. And you don't come to this show. We're saying this specifically to you guys. Oh, the mic's wrong.

What are you guys up to? Yeah, Mozeon down to Colorado Avenue, right? Yeah. Get some shopping done. Yeah, exactly. The fondue place, I think, around there. They got a J.Crew. They got a Banana Republic.

They got a Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, if you don't want to drive down to Orange County to go to the Cheesecake Factory, you're going to Pasadena while you're there. You're going there anyway. You're going to Pasadena anyway, sure. Gotta get some of that cheesecake. That's their slogan. So it is Friday night, the 14th, which is the Friday of the week that this show will be released.

And it is at 8 p.m. Post-show meet-up at the Cheesecake Factory. Always. You can find the ticket link at MaximumFun.org. Buy your tickets in advance because it is a small, it is what they call an intimate venue. But come out. And if you're in Southern California and you don't come out to this, I mean, I'm not going to say for sure

that you're on my shit list, but you... Oh, my God. If you've heard this message and you don't come... And you're in Southern California. Look, if you're in the Bay Area, I think you should come down for the show. But I'm not going to put you on my shit list if you don't come down.

Yeah, right. But I'm not going to put you on my shit list if you don't come down. Yeah, right. But the reality is that I, ever since people put... What about Pismo Beach? Should people from Pismo Beach come? Yeah, of course they should come from Pismo. They're on your P list. What else are they going to do? Friday night surfing?

Come on. These dudes should check out our comedy show. I'm going to ask a real question Some of your listeners might ask Okay Are there Routines recorded on the podcast So when I listen to the podcast

I hear the people's sets or it's like the banter between you Look, here's the thing Wait and see People have to fucking go This is not some shit that's going to come out On our show later That you can wait to hear it and pay your 99 cents to Doug Benson or whatever. This is a situation where if you want to enjoy this amazing night of comedy, you have to come out. And it's not going to be one of these typical Los Angeles, everybody's doing five minutes because we have 10,000 people on the bill.

Like, we want it to be a place where- This is going to be a long, uncomfortable show. Let people stretch their legs out. That's what you're saying. No. We've got several headlining comedians, and they're going to do actual, real comedy sets, and it's going to be a fucking blast. Beautiful.

Sounds great. If you don't want to end up on the shit list, then you know what to do. You know what to do! Be careful. Now everybody's going to sample that, put it on their hip-hop tracks. That's so good. That's how well I'll get my lawyer on that, my friend. You know what to do.

That's what you'll say to him. Exactly. Yes, I know the catchphrase, Jesse. I sampled it the other... I mean... Oh, I'm fired, aren't I? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Moore's boy detective. Neil Campbell, all-around, all-American guy. Paul Rust, all-around goofball. Wow! I crossed my eyes there. Yeah, for the people at home, Paul made an appropriate goofball face. People in the car, he didn't.

We don't want people driving up the road. I'm laughing at this. I can imagine that. 40 killed. Neil and Paul, by the way, if anyone doesn't know Neil and Paul's work, you can find it on FunnyOrDie.com. You can see their sketches they do with their Sketch comedy group A Kiss From Daddy Yes You can see the

Great sketch comedy group That they direct The Birthday Boys Yeah well we don't Do any more But we did We directed their first Show

They're kind of Self sufficient now You can see You can see them You can see Neil Running things over there Well we have an improv show too Thursdays at 11 Last last day of school.

And look, I'm not here to puff up our guests. No. If anything, we want to cut them down. Because we're self-conscious about their success. Self-conscious about their success. But I have to admit that as successful in show business as Jordan and I have been over the course of the past 10 years, which is to say marginally so, neither of us has ever been hired by Judd Apatow to write a movie, a Pee Wee Herman movie. Oh, yeah. Right.

Which, I mean, at the end of the day, I don't really think that there is a better show business credit than that. I mean, I'm trying to think of something. Eva Mendes' clit liquor. That would be really good. Just bringing pleasure to that beautiful woman and receiving nothing in return. Just the stories and receiving nothing in return. Just the stories and the memories.

Yep. Oh, just while we're talking about your guys' body of work, if I was to suggest something from your guys' sketch group, I would go onto

the UCB Comedy website and look up Santa in a Bar. Oh, yes, yes. Neil wrote that. It's hilarious. Christmas is coming up. It is.

This is a Christmas-themed sketch and I think the less said about it, the better. Right. You should really, really look at it. You'll be tickled. It's so funny. It's fairly undiscovered as well. Not have that many views. Well, you can be on the ground floor.

Not technically a popular video or successful. But it's the marquee moon of internet videos. Oh, yeah. Television? Yes. But yeah, it's the marquee moon of internet videos. Oh, yeah. Television? Yeah. But yeah, it's definitely... You completely lost me there. You completely lost me.

You'll discover it later and like it. Okay, this is... And then the strokes will rip it off later. We'll rip off your internet video. I wish. This is what I want to ask. Both of you guys, both you... And when I say both of you guys, it sounds like I would be talking to Neil and Paul, but I'm not.

I'm actually talking to Neil and Jordan. Both just are fresh off of trips to America's heartland. Yes. Neil, you went to Laramie, Wyoming. That's true. For an Upright Citizens Brigade touring company improvisational performance. Yes. You had already been to Laramie, Wyoming?

I did a tour co-show there three years ago. Are you playing like the University of Wyoming? Yes. Yes. We were in a ballroom at the University of Wyoming. Now, I imagine this is a beautiful place, Laramie, Wyoming. Mm-hmm. Wyoming.

What kind of stuff happens when... Is it okay for skinny harmless hipsters to be walking around? No one sticks their dogs on you. We... Yes. No.

We had a run in just recently, right? Yeah. Well, we pulled up. We literally flew into Denver, drove to Laramie. I hopped out of the van and ran upstairs to teach a workshop as the rest of my crew went and checked into the hotel. And then that got done, and basically we warmed up and did the show. So dinner and all the students I met were great, and everyone was super nice. And then afterwards, we were walking downtown, and someone drove past in a pickup truck and shot a bb gun at us and uh luckily mike mitchell of the birthday boys was in the group and um his his body uh protected us

i'll build a bradley he leapt out and jumped trying to save us. Yeah. And he got hit twice by these BBs, and the rest of us did not, fortunately. He was... I mean, he jumped out because he was wearing a BB-proof vest. Yeah. Which you could also describe as a standard vest. Well, I think it was just a promotional vest from Bee Movie that gave those out. But now Mitch is like a staunch anti-bb gun guy right he's trying to pass a bill yeah yeah mitch's law so uh yeah everything that can go funny will go funny you told you

you mentioned before we went on the air that someone yelled at your jacket yes and then someone yelled at me like that that looks french, like pointing at my jacket, like a drunk guy downtown in Laramie. Maybe you mispronounced fringe, because you usually wear a fringe jacket. Yeah, I had a lot of fringe, yeah. It was just like Ryan Gosling's jacket from Drive, but instead of a scorpion on the back, it had a croissant. Yeah. That's the jacket you were wearing? You know what I'm really looking forward to?

Seeing a bunch of sub-Gosling guys trying to pull off that look over Halloween. God, I can't wait to hear about how much pussy they get. No man should walk into a room where you can compare and contrast between yourself and Ryan Gosling. That was when we were in college. I remember the Fight Club came out. So many Tyler Durdens. A lot of guys. How would you Tyler Durden?

Just like leather jackets? Yeah, basically wear that kind of red leather jacket. We were also in the theater department at the University of Iowa, and we noticed that a lot of guys, sort of you could tell, had their fingerprints all over the title, Tyler Durden performance. You'd see a, you know, when you were in junior high, if a kid had to be funny, he acted like Jim Carrey.

It was like that, but then the theater department was like, if a kid had to be funny, he acted like Jim Carrey? Yeah, sure. It was like that, but then the theater department was like, if a guy wanted to seem cool on stage, you would sort of have a Durden-esque swagger. Can I say something important about Brad Pitt? Yes, sure. Moneyball. The Moneyball movie? Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to see the Moneyball film.

I think the tiny baby situation has prevented me from getting out of the house as much as I'd like to. It's weird you call Jonah Hill a tiny baby. You're afraid of Jonah Hill. Someone tweeted... Okay. I have something to say. One more Twitter thing about Jonah Hill. I'm going to talk about Brad Pitt in a second.

But someone tweeted me an action alert from Huffington Post, some sort of bill in Congress. And they tweeted it. They said, I can't believe this is happening, with a link. And then at the end of it, they wrote, at Jesse Thorne, at Jonah Hill. They thought. I've gotten stuff like that too. It seems

just like spam. No, it was a real person. I checked her Twitter feed. I got that recently. I got that. Oh, so funny. Okay, so it was this... It was this... I think it's probably the same person. I was doing a... She kind of said something funny

about how I should be the next... If they did another live action version of The Tick, I could be Arthur, his sidekick. I thought that was really nice. I feel like I enjoy that franchise. Sure. Anyways, and we did a little Twitter bantering about that, but then I got that same message about, like,

can you believe this bill in Congress? And it was at me and at punk rock accordionist Jason Webley. Oh, boy. And then I felt kind of betrayed. I'm like, well, I thought we were bantering, and now you're just using me to forward your political agendas? Like, I thought we had a thing going. So I was a little mad. I sent her back a message because she seemed like she's had such a winning attitude.

I felt like I didn't want to leave her hanging. So I sent her back a message that said, thanks for letting me know. Me and movie star joni jonah hill are on it we'll get this sorted out in no time yeah well i don't know why she thought the two of you okay so back to brad pitt right i i think we just need to come to terms with the fact that brad pitt and this isn't something against Brad Pitt. Sounds like it's about to be, though. Here we go.

You know, I heard Brad Pitt on Fresh Air the other day. He seemed like a real decent fella. I'm glad he's committed to adopting. Well, it was a Dave Davies interview, so of course he was going to soar. Good point. You know, he has adopted a lot of children and everything. But I think we need to just accept that what's special about Brad Pitt is that he's the most beautiful person of all time to do a lot of funny voices. Bye-bye me. You know what?

I might. I might. I might have agreed. You should see Moneyball. Really? He's a real person in it. He has a funny voice in it, though. Oh, really?

I didn't notice his voice being that affected. He does a goofy. Well, you're talking to Paul Rust, his co-star from Inglourious Bastards. Oh, sure. Did the voice, when they yelled action, did the voice get funny? You were there when he delivered that Killin' Nazis speech. Well, for the first three weeks, he was just doing a Grover voice.

He was definitely trying some new things. So it's all post, I think. For a while, he was just talking like this. We were all in hysterics and in stitches through the season. So that's why I had to change it. Hey, soldiers! What's up?

He did a variety of what might loosely be described as ninny voices before he settled on the southern voice. But actually, maybe now that you say that, oh, he's doing a weird voice, maybe I don't know what Brad Pitt's voice sounds like. His natural speaking voice? Yeah, yeah. It is Grover. Oh, okay, right. On fresh air, he sounded like he was trying very, very hard to be unaffected in his speech. Like he was kind of talking like this the whole time.

But yeah, and I have similar, you know, you kind of think similar things about Johnny Depp. It's like, oh, maybe he doesn't know what actual people are like, but he can sure put on a hat and act crazy, and it's so compelling. But yeah, but actually, after seeing Moneyball, I'm like, oh, maybe Brad Pitt can play actual people. Because people will tell you about how – Yeah, me too. I thought it was his best performance. People will tell you about how amazing he was in your 12 Monkeys or something. And it's not that he was bad in 12 Monkeys.

I don't mean to – the part called for him to act crazy and talk in a funny voice, and he did. But the reality is that I wouldn't say that... Sure, you've starred in a major motion picture, Paul, but we're not necessarily accomplished actors sitting here behind these microphones. We've had some

success. Exactly. We've left accomplished behind That's an insult at this point Only one of us has been chosen to star in a film by Chris Columbus So I'm going to take you out And then he did his signature scream when he noticed what we noticed But I kind of feel like

Committing to doing a funny voice and like scratching yourself And like having some kind of funny physicality is just something that anyone who went to acting school. Whoa. Right. Throwing it down, Jesse. And look, I'm not saying that anyone is as charismatic or attractive as Brad Pitt is because they're not. He's one of the most charismatic, attractive people ever. I think that's as much as you can ask for, really.

That's what a movie star is! And also, the way you described him, you know, he's a handsome guy who does funny voices. Like, you described the people that when I was like six, like, friends, older brothers that I thought were really cool. They're like good-looking guys who made you laugh, and they just wanted to be around them all. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes he's only the funny

voice. Mastermind? I think he's funniest at True Arrogance, right? Megamind. What did you say, Neil? What about the other day when you and me were over at his house playing Mastermind?

And he was doing a real funny voice. He did that funny voice. He's like, close your eyes. Just hear this. Yeah. Well, here's what I think a good analog is. Okay. I was talking to someone who was in the costume design world.

And they were talking about how when the Oscars come around, big period pieces always win that costume award. Whatever, you know. Tampon the movie. Tampon the movie. Tampon packs the motion picture. Right. Right. You know, period pieces.

Oh, I love it. I almost don't want to continue the story. I just want to laugh. Just laugh. Think about things. Enjoy myself. I'm sorry. Sure, yes.

So those period pieces always win the Academy Award. I'm sorry. Isn't the costume designer who made sure that Julianne Moore was wearing a particular Elvis Costello shirt, isn't that as talented a costume designer as the person who inferred what the wigs might look like in whatever? It's the showiness. Right, right. Right, right. So I think that when people talk about great performances, those kind of crazy Daniel Day-Lewis things really stick out. But those small, regular person performances just go kind of unnoticed. Yeah, those things are always interesting because you hear about editors or composers say, if you notice my art, then it's not doing its job. Right, yeah, sure, sure. It's supposed to be invisible if you notice a good editing move or something like that.

I'd just like to see... It end of the day i just don't want someone to tell me about clooney being not as good as brad pitt because he doesn't do voices because i love clooney does someone say that to you is that an argument you've had he doesn't do voices man watch michael clayton he doesn't do voices, man. Watch Michael Clayton. He doesn't do one voice. It's exactly how he talks. Here's the thing. Like, it's just, I am so skeptical of the, but he plays the same guy in every movie argument. People say that about Klundog? People say that about every person that I think is great. I fucking hate it when people say that because it's like.

That's what a movie is. Yeah, that's what a movie star is. That hack Charlie Chaplin still played that lovable tramp every time. Come on, man. Right, right, right. Play a movie is. Yeah, that's what a movie star is. That hack Charlie Chaplin still played that lovable trap every time. Come on, man. Right, right, right. Play a rapist. Play a fucking murderer. It's not like you're casting from a pool.

It's not like it's sketch comedy where it's like there's a troop and you need to use people in ways that there would never be. No, you cast the best person for the job. If you need to go cast like a big hulking bruiser guy, then you need another whatever, like a little wimpy guy. You're not going to go like, let's get one actor with great range as opposed to a guy who just, when you see him... Oh, we should probably just get Jason Statham.

Henry Cicerny from Little Man Tate. People consistently put it down. You will always hear, you know, oh yeah, another brave, independent, loyal dog, Rin Tin Tin. When are you going to play a rapist? I tried for white dog. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Morris boy, detective. Neil Campbell, Falconer. Paul Rust, Calconer. What? You'll notice a trend. I take Neil's day word and I change it by a letter. Sometimes.

And number one. Neither times. It's funny. I would like to thank Fuelie.com for sponsoring Jordan, Jesse, go. F-U-E-L-L-Y.com. It's a fun website for hot games, as long as what you consider a hot game would be tracking the fuel efficiency of your car. So I'd say that's a red hot game. I'd say it's the worms for a new generation. It's only a matter of time before it usurps Angry Birds as the number one game.

Oh, I am obsessed with that game. Why does that monster love Angry Birds? There is really nothing in the world that's worse than someone telling you about Angry Birds, right? I mean, I don't play it. I guess I played it once. And I'm not trying to be the snob

who's like, everybody likes it. No, it's not that they shouldn't play it. It's just, why do you have to talk to me about it? Well, you know, I think what it is... Sorry, this is absolutely off topic. This is not in line with our sponsor, Fuley, who are fantastic. I think it's kind of taken the place of the Wii when someone wants to prove that they're techie or they like video games when they're not really. They're like, oh, I'm totally a nerd.

I'm totally into nerd stuff. I angry birds it's like well well i can understand i mean they fear the wrath that uh jordan you and i received uh when we posted that video game parody video on the internet um i i received it i received a number of messages about how i'm not a real video game guy so why am I allowed to make fun of video games? And I know that you received a number of comments that the elaborate joke explanation for moves in Street Fighter 2 that you said was Act 4. But why are you, how do you even comment on this?

You don't know the difference between Street Fighter 2 and 4. Buy some more bow ties. Sorry. We also have, we've also got a message up on the Jumbotron this week. Just so you guys know, if people go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron, we will share their

message, just like up on the big screen at the ball game, whether it's a marriage proposal, which we have done. Whoa. And it went great. They're very happy. It happened. No one has even talked about divorce.

We have a commercial. We've got a commercial sponsor this week. It's Organs of State and their latest work, Fighter, which they describe. This is a live stage show At the legendary Shell Theater Near Times Square in New York City This is how they describe it It is a multidisciplinary fight experience Featuring an array of mixed martial arts styles

Acrobatic, sword play, and live VJing All set to a rockin' soundtrack Wait, what? That sounds great! I know, that sounds like the greatest theatrical experience of all time. Do you ever see an ad in, like a billboard in Chinese for a Chinese wushu spectacular?

Sure. You think like, I wonder if... Probably a pretty good wushu spectacular. That looks like, I mean, you gotta figure the Chinese know their wushu spectaculars if anybody is going to, right? You're not gonna go to a Russian language wushu spectacular that looks like i mean if you gotta figure the chinese know their wushu spectaculars if anybody is going to right here's you're not gonna go to a russian language wushu spectacular no i bet it's like five hours i know that's the thing that i worry about that uh vietnamese variety show for a while and every episode was four hours long yeah if people think that it's a joke no jordan did actually work actually work for a Vietnamese television variety show for a little while.

Was it in America, or did you go to Vietnam? No, it was in America. Yeah, it was like in Downey. I'd like to imagine your experience as like a metal jacket. Oh, you know what? I just want to – yeah, right, I know. I was in the shit. You got trained in Parris Island, and then you went out.

Oh, I just think you guys will enjoy this story. I feel like I've told this before. But in the Vietnamese variety show, it was all the everyone behind the scenes was caucasian so there's kind of this like oh we don't really understand what's going on in the show but you know they ran the lights and hired the pas they had some like but they had some vietnamese people who were in charge of booking the vietnamese act on the variety show right it? It wasn't just some guy that used to be Brian Grazer's assistant just being like, I don't know, get me...

You know what I mean? Yeah. So it was mostly singing. It was mostly like pop singing, but there would be other kinds of segments in between. There would be skits and poems and stuff like that that and some martial arts

demonstrations. But the lady who hired me, the production manager, came up to me. I was the PA on this. She came up to me. She's like, Jordan, we're going to need you to go to Kmart and get a slip cover for the sofa. We just found out in the comedy segment they're going to be throwing raisins.

Those messy, messy raisins. I messy raisins anyway raisins everywhere if if you want if you want tickets for fighter the multidisciplinary fight experience the slogan for which by the way is come for the abs stay for the journey there will be raisins go to tickets.organsofstate.org tickets.organsofstate.org It opens October 13th and runs through the 23rd at the legendary Sheld Theater in New York City. organsofstate.org

If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, just go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. And if you want to sponsor Jordan Jesse Go, email Teresa at maximumfun.org Paul. Paul is at MaximumFun.org. Paul. Paul is... Neil is too.

Neil and Paul were making mocking faces. No, no, no. It wasn't mocking about the thing. We just started sticking our tongues out at each other. We have that thing that happens in classrooms where the teacher's like, don't make fun of me. We're like, we're not.

Do you guys want to go talk to the vice principal? No. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go what's the program jordan jesse go i's the host jesse foreign america's radio sweetheart me jordan morris boy detective neil campbell america's favorite author paul rust america's favorite arthur so more than russell brad or jesse moore i mean it's a modest standard you favorite author? Paul Rust, America's favorite Arthur. So more than Russell Brand. Or Dudley Moore. It's a modest standard.

I think Dudley and Russell. But Dudley Moore is dead, I think. Dudley Moore! How do you like him? How do you like him? Sorry. Sorry. So, when something momentous happens Sorry, sorry So

When something momentous happens In the lives of our audience We ask Like hearing one of the greatest song parodies Of all time We ask that they give us A call at 206-984-4FUN For a segment called

Momentous Occasions. Let's go to the tape. Hi, this is Zach D. from Santa Cruz. I was driving to class today and the car in front of me had a vanity license plate that read, One Dick.

The number one and the word dick. Thank you. Well, if you've only got one dick You're going to want to commemorate that I'm surprised they came up with that I came out all right That's tough, isn't it? To get a vanity license plate

That's a little dirty Yeah, there was one in Virginia Where I grew up I think this was Virginia Where there was something where a guy got – like, I wish I could remember what this was. But it was something about you could get a special kind of license plate that's like end hunger or something like that. And then it's like – then he – The license plate frames it end hunger, and the license plate said eat pussy.

It's something like that except it was it was like on its own you would be like oh that's fine but then when it was paired oh right with end hunger yeah it was something about like you or like we can eat children or something like that what it was but they eventually made them i got a butthead license plate from et and et Go back to the song parodies. E.T. Moore. That's his full name. That's his full name. We'll plug our song parody show.

Oh, right. Neil and I, can we plug a show two months in advance? Yeah. What is it, December? I want to say 16th if that's a Friday. We do a show called We Wish You a Silly Spoofmas, and it's all Christmas spoof songs. They're really good.

Very good. An E.T. spoof is actually good. There is an E.T. spoof. Instead of Little Town of Bethlehem, it's Little Town of E.T. Ham. A beloved Christmas spoof. Is it about eating ham? It's about E.T. buys a town that only makes ham or something.

It's basically we give a real long convoluted setup about how there's this town and E.T. bought it. And then we finally start singing the song and people go, oh, that's why they explained this for five minutes. Jordan, Jesse, guest. I'm calling in with a moment of occasion. I'm opening my shop in a mall food court at 10 in the morning, and I saw a woman walking through the food court of a closed mall

look in all directions to try to make sure that no one could see her doing this, and then chug an entire bottle of Tabasco sauce. In a sneaky way. I don't

understand it. She didn't even look like it affected her. Whoa. Wow. She's hooked on the junk. She's half cactus. Yeah, right? That's how that works, right? Sure.

Think about it. I know what you're getting it sounds crazy but then realize he said half not full so yeah then you start to understand why i don't know why she would do that wow i don't either i heard a story i'm i won't name names because i don't remember who it was but I'll name them. Somebody was telling me they knew somebody. Was it David Bianculli or Ken Tucker? It was Ken Tucker. Critic at large for Entertainment Weekly.

It was actually Jim Mullen and his famous hot sheet. So Jim Mullen, I guess. Rock historian Edward. No, somebody told me that they knew somebody who went to a wedding cake store every day and bought a wedding cake and would eat it full. How many tiers is the cake? Well, one tier probably when they ate it, and then many tiers after they were done eating it. They realized the thing. Yeah, what they did.

I'm a fan of our friend Tom Sharpling's radio program, The Best Show on WFMU. And he once told—Tom doesn't really open up very much on that show. He's very guarded. He sort of presents a lot of false facades. That's almost the premise of the show is sort of what's the real Tom. But once there was some talk about September 11th, and he said that after September 11th happened, he went to Trader Joe's. This is on September 11th. And he said that after September 11th happened, uh, he went to Trader Joe's. This is on September 11th after, after the disaster,

he went to Trader Joe's, went in, bought a pumpkin pie, brought it out to his car and ate it with his hands. Whoa. Cause he was so upset. Man. I mean,

I guess it, pumpkin pie automatically makes me think of like Thanksgiving. And that's such like a, I guess pumpkin pie automatically makes me think of Thanksgiving, and that's such a communal time. Maybe he just needed to go to Thanksgiving in his brain. He ate the whole thing with his hands in his car. Well, you know, yesterday I— Oh, I see. My dog Sissy came back from a walk. I'm a big fan of Tom Sharpling's.

We got back from Laramie yesterday. 9-11 was an inside job. All right. Calm down. We've heard it. We'll watch it on Netflix. We got back from Laramie yesterday. You know,

where we were shot at with a BB gun. Right, right. Speaking of domestic terrorism. So you ate a whole Carvel ice cream can. My coat was called French and then I went

and got back and I just went straight to yogurt land and I had pumpkin pie flavored frozen yogurt. You did? Yes. So you needed that.

The same story on a smaller scale. There's some sort of connection between psychic trauma and pumpkin pie. Yes, yes. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Go. I have a moment of occasion. Hi, go.

I have a moment of occasion. I'm driving home from work, and I see that an opening has opened up in the left-hand lane. And so I signal, and I get in the left-hand lane in front of a woman driving a white BMW, who apparently was really looking forward to closing that gap with the car in front of her and didn't see me signaling and moving over. So she proceeds to start flipping me off and honking and tailgating me, so naturally I slow down. And she then gets really mad and pulls over into the, you know, she's a single car driver. So she pulls over into the diamond lane, into the carpool lane, pulls up next to me, and spits towards her passenger seat, window closed on the passenger side, spits into her car at me.

This was fantastic, and it really made me laugh a lot, and that made her flip me off even further. She pulled in front of me, kept flipping me off, pulled next to me, kept flipping me off, and attempted to spit to her right side, her left side now. In any case, it was fantastic okay bye i bet that's the woman she spit a bunch mouth got dried out went and drank some tabasco sauce yeah i like that that story was sort of a combination of the first two right it was like car from the first story crazy lady from the second story put them together synthesis another classic half cactus um i uh i i wasn't the person who had somebody get angry at me i once not driving i think i

told you me and uh it was after a show i think we told you about this me and harris uh whittles after a show we were like driving away from the ucb theater and we were at a uh like a stop or red light or a stop sign and it was like 1 a.m so people were kind of coming out of bars and being a little unruly and like a group of four guys when they passed harris's car they went behind it and then they like slapped the back of the trunk and like just sort of fucked with it and i think me and harris were also maybe just in sort of like places where we didn't want to be fucked with in that moment. So it's like, fuck those guys. How dare they do?

You know, and then we like started. And it was like, we got to get back at them. That's my property. We got to get back at them. Let's get back at them. Okay, okay, okay. So we like drove down and went past them first. And we were going to say something.

And then we chickened out. And then it was like. Were they. Did you. What kind of guys were these? They were younger than us. So it's very cool. But then we were like, oh, there was a cup of water.

They were tweens. They were on Razor scooters. But we had a cup of water and we're like, oh, we'll chuck the water out of them at the window and get them all wet. And we're imagining, of course, like a cauldron of water, but then we were on the other side of the road and we rolled down the window and these guys saw like the most pathetic thing in the world. They saw like us throw a cup that just kind of fell to the side and like fell in the middle of the road.

Yeah. I got a tweet of a momentous occasion, somebody who for some reason couldn't call in and even if you can't call in please email it in to the line JJGoAtMaximumFun.org but this was from AtBeardOfPrey and he sent me a picture of this

actually happening he was in a cemetery in a cemetery and he saw a man He was in a cemetery. In a cemetery. Good saying, that word. And he saw a man pushing a wheelchair. And in the wheelchair was a sex doll that was holding a stuffed giraffe. I saw somebody who just saw somebody out with their, what is it, real life? The real life lady?

Sure, real doll. Real girl, yeah, Real Doll. Really? I guess that's a thing, huh? He was just out at a bus stop. Maybe that's just another Ryan Gosling Halloween costume. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Neil Campbell, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Neil Campbell, Grim Reaper. Paul Rust, best friend to all animals. That's a dog questioning my claim. Cocked his head. You were quite cold to me at that cocktail party, says the dog.

You were quite cold to me at that cocktail party, says the dog. Well, Neil, Paul, it has been a delight to have you on the program, as ever. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Love having you. It was maximum fun. I hope that folks in the Southern California area will take the opportunity to come see you guys performing at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. I hope people will take the opportunity to do whatever needs to happen

to make sure that this Pee Wee movie happens. Oh, yeah, I can give you... We got some notes. Yeah. From Universal. Uh-huh. I'm meeting with Paul in a couple hours, and we're going to start working on another draft.

But it sounds good. It's looking like it might get made. See, because, Paul, I don't mean to be flippant about this, but I don't think that I had ever met anyone who cared about Pee Wee Herman as much as I did until I met you. Right. So you're there to help protect this something that's very important to me. Well, that's nice.

I mean, I am, we're changing the character entirely. Okay. I mean, he doesn't wear a gray suit. Oh, really? Since it's universal, they want to like incorporate some stuff from the Fast and Furious franchise. The Despicable Me franchise. Sure. They're other successful. The Blues Brothers franchise. Paul Despicable Me franchise. Sure, they're other successful.

The Blues Brothers franchise. Paul Rubens is starring though, right? No, it's Vin Diesel. Really? They've got Vin Diesel in there. When he said he's meeting with Paul in a few hours, he meant Paul Walker. To ask him for Vin Diesel's number. So hold on, I think we've talked a little bit. I think we've talked a little bit about that kind of annoyance when something gets remade,

like people getting really amped up about like, oh, they're fucking up my childhood. Do you feel like you now have sympathy for people who complain about Transformers movies? No, because Pee Wee is good and Transformers is bad. Yeah, I mean, I really feel my objection to those people is when they're talking about something that's not anything. Like, Transformers is horrible. And I understand that you liked it because you were a child. I also liked Transformers because I was a child. But it's genuinely awful. Whereas Pee-Wee's Playhouse and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, and to a lesser extent, frankly, Pee-Wee's Big Top Pee-Wee, are all actually great.

I like that when he told that pig that he was winning the race because he had four legs. That's all I remember from that. They're all legitimately amazing things that if i watch peewee's peewee's big adventure now i watched it maybe a year ago i am every bit as odd and inspired as i was you know what i mean like whereas you're saying if you went back to a transformers cartoon you might actually i i saw i saw heathcliff on netflix instant and I was like, I wonder what Heathcliff is like. Because I remember loving watching Heathcliff. I liked it even better than Garfield in the Battle of the Cartoon Cats.

Similar cartoon cats. Not me. Oh, wow. You have some strong feelings about Heathcliff i turned on heathcliff and even having seen you know gi joe or transformers cartoons as an adult and just knowing about how shoddy they are the shoddiness of heathcliff frankly stunned me like i it did not even look as good as scooby-doo like you know cat would eat a whole fish bone out of a garbage can? No, but I mean, it really looked like something...

The physics was so off. It really just looked like something that one guy made. Like, they just gave one guy $10,000 and asked him to make 30 cartoons. You don't think there's any way somebody could look up online the Cool Cat Rocky? I mean, if you want to find shitty cat cartoons... I think it is online, somewhere. Our friend Mickey worked on this cartoon called Cool Cat Rocky. I mean, if you want to find shitty cat cartoons. Our friend Mickey worked on this cartoon called Cool Cat Rocky, where in the theme song

they say, he even has shades! And he's not wearing shades. That's how terrible it is. There's a local commercial in San Diego. There's this guy who's the famous local commercial guy. He's called the Lawyer in Blue Jeans. Oh, boy. It is the commercial I saw. They don't show him from the waist down. guy who's like the famous local commercial guy he's called the lawyer in blue jeans and uh it is

the commercial i saw they don't show him from the waist down purely theoretical that he's the lawyer but paul just just to pump you for a little information so you've you have a draft written and you've you're getting some notes on it and it looks like it may act... Because I just figured that maybe there was a frenzy around Pee-Wee when he had a successful stage show. Paul Rubens and I, like many people, went to see it. I thought it was a real blast. And he has been trying to make new Pee-Wee movies. He's been focused on features. No pun intended.

He was working with Focus Features. But he's been focused on making a movie and not... I think he's had the opportunity to make a different Pee Wee TV show, but he has wanted to make a movie for 10 years. Right. And he would go on talk show

occasionally or something like that and be like, you know, I've written a script and everybody would be like, oh, there's going to be a Pee Wee movie, that and be like, you know, I've written a script. And everybody would be like, oh, there's going to be a Pee Wee movie. But then it's, you know, there's a lot of steps in between Paul Rubens writing a script and someone giving him $25 million to make a movie. But in this case, it was Judd Apatow had hired and my friend Paul was involved. And so it was very exciting. But it's, you know, you guys have been working on it for some time now. Yeah.

So do you feel like there is an actual chance that this will be more than just some money in you guys' pocket? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't want to say anything. You don't know. It's show business. I have huevos all over my face. You certainly don't want a huevo situation. No, no, no, no. It's show business. I have huevos all over my face. You certainly don't want a huevo situation.

No, no, no, no. It's been good. We've been working on it the last year. And so the way the process sort of works is that we kind of work on it through Judd's company. And he gives us notes. So we did sort of like three drafts just sort of with Judd and within his company. And then we take it over to Universal. And that's what just happened a couple months ago. Now, they've come back to us with some notes.

They're pretty easy notes, fairly doable. Spelling errors, mostly. But now, Paul, you were telling me the other night you went over there for a meeting, and you were attacked by Chucky, by the Scream Monster guy. Those people over at Universal Really have to get their eyes taken over

By Freddy, by Jason, by the thing Their tram was taken over My primary concern is this giant shark I've been hearing works there They can't get it together And every time I go on it there's an earthquake You were just visiting a set And then Paul and I were meeting with Judd this week, and we're going to go over

the notes and then sort of start it up. I mean, I think we're hoping maybe we'd start shooting in next spring. Wow. So if it works out, then that's when we'd start shooting. Is he a madman? Who? I know Judd Apatow's not really a madman. Judd Ham is a madman.

I've met Judd Apatow. I always just sort of assumed that Paul Reubens was a madman No, no, no, he's a sweet man Well, a sweet madman No, I don't think Not a tyrannical or cruel No Yeah, no, he's fun, he's great

He's a whip Well, I'm very happy to hear it I hope it lives up to your expectations Are you working on Are you working on a sequel to The Adventures of Baron Munchausen or The Princess Bride? I mean, on my fan fiction site, I have all of those. They're all there. Well, Neil, Paul, thank you for joining us. 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number.

JJGo at MaximumFun.org, our email address. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records thanks to our intern Colin for screening the telephone calls Southern Californians we will see you

Friday night at the Ice House second stage get your tickets now at maximumfund.org if you don't get tickets just wait for us at the Cheesecake Factory.

We will be there. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go.