Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 197: California Zephyr with Gene O'Neill

Episode Date: October 24, 2011

Big Time Gene O'Neill joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about bum strategies, the genius of Rick Ross and all the suggestions Jordan can handle for his free time.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, prid joined by our old friend Gene O'Neill

to talk about Hollywood douchebaggery, Jordan's bender, and much more. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. The World Series of Podcasting. Is that an apt analogy? Well, we're not competing against other podcasts. No. I mean, it is like a spectacular once a year event.

That's what I mean when I say it. Yeah. No, this is the World Series as the World Series is to the sport of baseball. So this is, it's called the Fall Classic, right? We were going to call this episode the Fall Classic. Well, which is it? Reggie Jackson is here. Yeah.

Legendary baseball Hall of Famer, Mr. October, Reggie Jackson. Oh, just to clarify, though, just so people don't get excited, he's not the guest. He's just hanging out. We're not letting letting within six feet of a microphone that guy blah blah blah yeah those home runs i hit in the world series blah blah blah all my world series rings my close friendship with george steinbrenner etc etc should we introduce our guest yeah um you know him and love him as uh not just um uh not just a low-level employee on a broad variety of television programs, not just a guy who used to work at Hot Dog Stand, not just a guy we went to college with, but a true Jordan Jesse Go legend.

Perhaps the most beloved guest in Jordan Jesse Go history, especially now that Ashkahn moved to the Bay Area. Former co-host of The Sound of Young America, Mr. Big Time Gene O'Neill. Thank you, Jesse, for detailing my curriculum vitae. Vitai. You give me your CV, I'm going to read it. You forgot concierge at the Cat Hotel. I appreciate, by the way, that you laminated your CV before you brought it in. Do you just have the one copy?

Yeah. Is that why you asked me to mark it up with a dry erase pen? Yeah, I need that back. I've got to give that to Ralphs. Gene, I feel like all of Jesse's credits for you are a little dated. What have you been up to? Let's update your resume here. I'm actually not working right now, so not really updated.

I had a screenplay that sold and failed to go to production. And so I've been, I guess, thinking of myself as a pseudo. Not because technically I guess I'm not a screenwriter. Was the screenwriter Transformers 4? Because they're going to make that now. Oh, what? Yeah. That was my idea.

Shit. You know Jason Statham's going to be in the next two Transformers movies? He is? Yeah. He should have been in the previous three. Yeah, I saw the first one and just hated it more than anything. So I'm firmly anti transformer but now that statham's gonna be in them like my world has rocked a little bit like

it's like wasn't my greatest love and my greatest hate have come together wasn't andy daly in the last one he was yeah did he die or is he gonna come back for the next one i don't know gene are you have you seen did he i i saw the last one i feel like like he and... God, who's the other comedy guy that was in it? Tyrese. Bill Cosby. Bill Cos? No, you know, Mr. Chang from Community. Oh, sure.

Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken? Dr. Ken was in Transformers? Yeah, he and Andy Day. What is Dr. Ken not in? He's in most things. I'm fine with it, too, you know? He's pretty great.

They had, like, the only worthwhile scene in that entire movie. I would like to see, what would you say, Jordan, would be your ideal actor lineup for a Transformers film? You're going to want Bill Macy in there, right? Sure. And you're going to want Andy Daly and Jason Statham. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm going to throw, I don't know, Luis Guzman can go in there.

He's good in everything. Luis Guzman should be in most movies. I think we need Rob Schneider to play a variety of ethnic players. Like every time they go to a store, he's another ethnicity. Yeah. He's making it difficult for them to make a transaction. He's a guy who keeps sweeping up in front of his storefront after the Transformers. Sure.

Getting increasingly furious. You broke my watermelons! He'll yell. Can John Lovitz be like a customer in all of Rob Schneider's stores? Like going like, you know what I mean? Like looking askance. I don't know if there's enough room in the budget for that. Sorry.

Sorry. I know he gets the big bucks now that he has his own comedy club at Universal City Walk. Jordan, who else? Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, Statham, that's a given. Right. Hey, how about some ladies?

No. No? Yeah. No, no, no. I think they bogged down the Transformers movies. What about the great Vanessa Redgrave? No, okay. Wait, I think she was actually in Transformers 3.

Wait, what? What did she do? I don't know. You're the one who's actually seen it. I thought you said you saw it. No, I haven't seen it. I've only seen the first one. I hated it more than I've hated a movie.

I've seen Transformers, the animated movie. Okay. I think I saw that in the theater. Starring Or. I've seen Transformers, the animated movie. Okay. I think I saw that in the theater. Starring Orson Welles. Starring Orson Welles as God. Yeah. Some sort of God robot, as I remember. Yeah, I saw the first one and inexplicably talked myself into seeing the third one.

Like, I had friends that were like, no, it's good now. Yeah, that was the line that I got from everybody. It's like, this one's the good one. Yeah. I don't know. I just couldn't believe it. That one was the one that was really dark because when you watch through 3D glasses, everything's just dark to me. So that was the shadowy one.

That's how I thought of it. For sure. The sleepy Transformers. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. This is a serious question about film and colors. serious question about film and colors how many more movies will hollywood make in the genre that i would broadly describe as gray and gold movie like the 300 there's a new movie that's from the guys that brought you the 300 oh sure there's a mortal tower heist yeah tower heist but you know

what i'm talking about movies where for no at all, the whole color palette is exclusively gray and gold, like a sort of warm golden glow around everything. I've seen the new or the upcoming Justin Timberlake high concept sci-fi movie In Time, and that is gray and green. Oh. So let's switch that up a little bit up because it's a sci-fi movie though right yeah yeah and gray and gold is for time out of mind movies oh sure where everything moves in slow motion yeah like uh i i feel like maybe this this all got started by um

like the scorpion king and the mummy. The Mummy starring Brendan Fraser. Those are the first gray and yellow movies. Yeah, the first gray and yellow movies where you're like, why is this movie gray and yellow? And then for several years, all movie posters have been gray and yellow. But the movies themselves haven't necessarily been. But there have been so many gray and yellow movies, right? I'm not crazy. I'm not a madman uh i don't know i mean this has never occurred to me ever yeah i'm having a hard time i mean i know what you

mean i know what you mean about like movies and their color schemes but yeah i mean the mummy movies what about that movie with the underground with the one that was like uh that famous outsider artist's paintings, but it was by the guy who directed The Watchman. Banksy? No, no. What? Oh, yeah, the... The one where it's like little girls. Yeah, Sucker Punch.

Wasn't that gray and gold? Sucker Punch has a lot of different vignettes, and each vignette has its own color scheme. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm just sick of color schemes. Yeah? You know what I mean?

How about this for a color scheme? The color that things are. Yeah. I'm just sick of color schemes. Yeah? You know what I mean? How about this for a color scheme? The color that things are. Yeah. That could be a good color scheme for a movie. Well, how will you add a signature style to a movie? Like, anybody can just film a purple tie. He can still use slow-mo excessively. Oh, okay.

Well, Zach Braffman just quit the film industry. Or Zach Braff. They just say his name wrong. Yeah, Zach Snyder you're thinking of. Zach Braff, yeah. You thinking of Zach Braffman just quit the film industry. Or Zach Braff. Did I just say his name wrong? Yeah, Zach Snyder you're thinking of. You're thinking of Zach Braff or Zach Snyder? No, I think Zach Braff has a signature color scheme in Garden State and no other movies after that. He had a couple of directed DVD movies. Did he?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Tell us about those, Gene. Were they in the vein of Garden State? I didn't see them. I'm aware that they existed. Gene, I knew about your Zach Braff scrapbook, but I guess I didn't know that he had made more

movies. Yeah, you guys... Did they take place in the same universe as Garden State? The Garden State-iverse? Or the Scrubs-iverse? Yeah, they're kind of like Kurt Vonnegut films in that they all are coterminous without really overlapping. Gotcha, they're coterminous. I've heard Gotcha, they're coterminous.

I've heard a theory that all the Adam Sandler movies take place in the same universe because there's certain linking properties. I hear that because multiple movies have a bratty, redheaded kid named O'Doyle, you can follow some strands. The suggestion is that Waterboy and Don't Mess With the Zohan all take place in the same universe. mess with the zohan all take place

in the same universe well i mean it they are they all take place in the same movie they take place in a universe where rob schneider and john lovitz are in movies sure so that's one distinguishing characteristic about all of their movies you know i'm glad someone's putting john lovitz in movies oh yeah i mean say what you want about the Happy Madison. We can leave behind... Look, we'll leave... Even though he's from a native San Franciscan, I'm going to leave Rob Schneider out to dry.

But... Fair. John Lovitz, yes. John Lovitz should be in more movies. Yeah, he's a national treasure, and he doesn't seem to get work from anyone else except Comedy Central roasts, which I don't get and then happy madison films well i think he should have been in the movie national treasure yeah but as as what nicholas cage is looking for the whole time

he's like oh yeah so it's just the whole movie and then nicholas cage breaks into the, you know, the vault of the... You found me? I was what you were looking for? The whole time. Templars, that's what I was trying to think of. The Constitution! We'll be back in just a second, I'm Jordan Jessico. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Hey, it's great to have a roof over my head. How long has it been since you've been indoors? Several months. Yeah?

Is it hard to get adjusted? No, I feel like I can get right back into it with you guys. Did you bring a towel, or should I loan you one so you can... No, but I owe you a roll of paper towels. Oh, gotcha. Gene, you still look like you're keeping an eye out for coyotes. Don't worry, they can't get in the house. Oh, I have a communion with coyotes now. Oh, really?

Oh, really? Yeah. Is it like a spirit animal kind of thing? Or is it more sexual? It's more just we both realize that we're misunderstood. Right. And that eating garbage is free. Yeah.

I just want to eat your garbage and kill your cat. Sure. And travel in packs. Hey, Jordan, before I forget to do this, I want to thank everybody that came out to the comedy club in Pasadena last week. What a fucking blast that was. That was a terrific show. It was a really great show.

Totally sold out. Jam-packed. And I think it's going to be at least a semi-regular occurrence for the foreseeable future. Absolutely. We're bringing it back the day after Thanksgiving, the Friday after Thanksgiving. Everybody in SoCal should come out and check it out, us and some of our favorite stand-up comedians. That was really fun.

Bring your leftovers. Absolutely. We'll be making Thanksgiving sandwiches. That's how I like to eat my turkey. I love turkey sandwiches made with all of the different stuff from Thanksgiving. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. What's been going on with you guys? What's up with you, Jordan? Do you just go like you just got off of a plane? Yes. You're like. I did just get off of a plane. But I think the more interesting story is what did a bum say to you recently?

Okay, Jordan, let me, let me, I'll rewind that. Sorry, I'm a little off my game. No, no, no, that's okay. I've got a bit of a cold. It's okay. The day coil is wearing off. But usually, like, you know, we get a lot of mileage from airplane stories on this show. So I could, like, see why you would go to that well.

Yeah, why is the packet of peanuts so little? There's not enough peanuts in there. Oh, my gosh. Who wants to eat that food? Am I right? Why is this fat guy sitting next to me? Don't bring the baby on the plane. Here's my question for you, Jordan.

Have you run into any fun or cool bums lately? Well, yes, I have, Jesse. Allow me to describe the run-in. Or I should say run-ins. Oh, run-ins. I was walking near my house, kind of late at night, and there is a bum that I

didn't see. He was lying down. And as I walked by, he yelled at me, uh, Excuse me, sir! Could you spare a dollar? I'm a fan of the movie Casino! Ha ha ha! Uh, which was interesting. Uh, which was delightful.

I gave him a thumbs up and kept walking. I maybe should, in hindsight, I should have given him some money. And I was kind of near the same area a couple nights ago, and he was in the middle of the street, in the middle of the street yelling at cars, Excuse me, can I have a dollar? I'm a fan of the movie Young Guns! cars excuse me can i have a dollar i'm a fan of the movie young guns so this bum has like a really distinct strategy right is it like and i i mean i don't know if these are the only two movies he

uses or if he just changes the movie nightly but or those are movies on sale for a dollar at sun coast yeah he's yeah specifically these this is what he wants to buy with the dollar are you suggesting that at this point vcrs have become something that is inside of a bum's cardboard box like a bum could have a uh like a cathode ray television connected to a vcr inside of a is his box yeah well what did we all do with our old vcrs? Gave them to bums. You're right. Yeah. Installed them in bums in cardboard boxes. I mean, obviously this is a strategy that works for him on some level. And I guess I wonder, I don't know, maybe it's just like... Why obviously, if I can interrupt you.

Do you look like he was rolling in it? Yeah, I guess still a bum. He was wearing a tuxedo while shouting from the middle of the street. Right, yeah. Yeah, I guess it hasn't got him out of bum land yet. Yeah, maybe I need to add that to my CV. Fan of young guns. I like the idea of him being really successful at this

and still doing it like he's in the middle of the street. He just grabs a handful of caviar, tosses it in the air and catches it in his mouth and says he's a big fan of the movie Young Guns. yeah it seems like those are odd choices too it's like but maybe like the bum is considering well what are movies that people have emotional connections with like he's like well for one maverick sure yeah maverick dark city sorrow and the pity but yeah i mean you know maybe it's like oh i don't want to just like i don't know what's the Maverick, Dark City. Sorrow and the pity. Sure. But, yeah, I mean, you know, maybe it's like, oh, I don't want to just, like, I don't know, what's the number one movie at the box office?

Real Steel. He's like, well, I, you know, Real Steel is very popular. But, you know, it's one of those movies that's just kind of like, well, here's something I can take the kids to. He's looking for movies That college freshmen Bring posters of To put up on their dorm room walls Yeah movies with a frat cult Oh maybe that's it Oh I guess I didn't make that connection Between Casino and Young Guns

But yeah that's a good The thing to do would be to ask him What he thinks about the usual suspects Or Fight Club or Taxi Driver Sure If you're in loathing in las vegas maybe could also go on that uh go in that pile yeah some kubrick movies maybe um old school big lebowski big lebowski would be a good one but also where does a bum watch a movie i guess i

guess it would make more sense to me if he was yelling about a movie that was in theaters because i guess i could see like a bum getting his bum money and going into a movie theater. His bum money. You know? I guess real steel to me would make more sense. Do you accept bum money at your movie theater? Bum bucks? Well, Jordan, I mean, haven't you ever heard of peep shows?

No. You go and you put a quarter in, the thing opens, and you get to watch just a little bit of Casino. Oh, right. You got to keep feeding the box if you want to. Just a little bit of heat. But you got to put more quarters in if you want to see the scene where Pacino and De Niro are together. Right. So that's how they get you.

You got to keep putting those quarters in until you get to see them together. Yeah, like, well, wait, you're thinking of Heat. That's what I said. Oh, I thought you were talking about Casino. Oh, no, I switched it to Heat. Oh, okay. Yeah, I said you get to see a little bit of Heat. Heat is another good example of this.

Absolutely. Basically, all of Michael Mann's oeuvre would fit into this. Sorry, I said oeuvre. I don't mean to upset anyone. Yeah, I was trying to remember other Michael Mann movies. I remembered Heath. Thief? Thief is a good one.

Oh, Thief is good. It's like the pre-Heath. Thief is awesome. Yeah, Thief is great. I didn't see Johnny Depp as Dillinger movie, but I like the idea of that movie. Yeah, but you know what? I liked the idea of Miami Vice, and it turned out to be pretty boring. I feel like most of Michael Mann's movies, you like the idea of it.

I do really like Thief though What about Collateral? That was pretty great Oh Collateral is good You know what the secret is? It's gotta be a movie about a dude taking care of business At night while 80's electronic music plays And it's set in Los Angeles

And the streets are really wet All the streets are wet And there's a Soundgarden song. Yeah. And Jamie Foxx is surprisingly good. Sure. Under Tom Cruise is unsurprisingly great. Yeah.

He's a very handsome man, very charismatic. But I had another movie-related thing happen to me that I thought you guys might like to hear about. Wait a minute. Movies? Tinseltown? Showbiz to hear about. Wait a minute. Movies? Tinseltown? Showbiz? I know. Fill me in.

Sure. I did the press junket for Tower Heist yesterday. Did you see Tower Heist? I did see Tower Heist. What did you think of Tower Heist? Tower Heist is pretty good. I'm very happy to hear that. The funny parts are actually funny.

Thank God. A nice sad sack performance from Matthew Broderick. Yeah. Would you say that Michael Pena, who's in this film, who people might remember from the version of Paul Blart that had the rape in it? Yeah. What was that called?

Seth Rogen, Rape Cop. Yeah, Seth Rogen. Oh, Jesus. Sexual Assault Policeman. The bleakest comedy ever made. Yeah. Yeah, he's in this. He's very funny.

He was so great in that. He's in that. Would you say that Luis Guzman has passed his torch to Michael Peña? Yeah, I mean, I guess if you need a Hispanic guy to do a funny voice. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's like well god i would love to see something where like luis guzman is michael pena's mentor oh that would be tremendous yeah i mean they're both they're also i think the other things that uh the other things that are significant about them is they're both impressively grounded uh for how funny and

ridiculous they can be. Sure. Like, they have that combination of, I mean, obviously, Guzman tending more towards the grounded and Peña tending more towards the silly. But each of them has both of those things in a remarkable combination. Absolutely. How is Casey Affleck reprising his role from Oceans 11 through 13? Surprisingly effective. Does he have a brother he argues with constantly? No, but the man's got it down.

He doesn't need the brother anymore. He's like, hey, I got this. Brett Ratner's like, hey, we can give you a brother in this. And he's like, you know what? I got it. And it can be Scott Conn. Right. So this movie is like Oceans 13.

Does it have Super Dave in it? No, Super Dave is not involved. What the fuck? Gene, you told me this movie is like Oceans 13. Does it have Super Dave in it? No, Super Dave is not involved. What the fuck? Gene, you told me this movie is like Oceans 13. I forgot to say except no Super Dave. Fucking shit. It's like a Super Dave-less Oceans 13. Man, why aren't we just getting Super Dave movies at this point?

Is that even a real... He had a cartoon for a while. Yeah. I would love to watch a movie starring Super Dave. I mean, I'd call him Super Dave, but there could be a Marty Funkhauser movie, I think. I would watch a Funkhauser flick. But the kind of amazing thing that happened is this movie, as I maybe suggested, is directed by Brett Ratner. Yeah.

And I guess I'm familiar with Brett Ratner's reputation as being a Hollywoodwood douchebag but i guess i don't really know why i guess he's the guy you get to do the by the book sequel when no one else wants to do it yeah but the big big big money hollywood sequel right sure but i guess other than maybe just being involved with some kind of creatively bankrupt projects i guess i don't understand why he's regarded as a, I mean, I know he is, but I guess, is there anything specific?

He is in part, I think part of his appeal is that he is a Hollywood douchebag who is white, but is friends with Hollywood douchebags who are black. So he's sort of like an interface between white and black Hollywood douchebaggery. Interesting. Who's a black Hollywood douchebag? I was about to ask that too. That sounds like the most racist thing.

It feels like the most racist thing I've ever said. Forbes should do an article. Like 50 Cent. Yeah. 50 Cent would be a good example of, I don't know if Brett Ratner is specifically friends with 50 Cent, but Brett Ratner's got 50 Cent's phone number in his phone, and he can convince a studio guy, if

we need to go urban with this thing, I've got black people's phone number in my phone. Yeah. Whereas the studio guy, he's never met any black people. Okay. Anyways, so I'm familiar with- Sidney Poitier one time at an awards dinner. Gotcha. Oh, is he a Hollywood black douchebag?

No, no. He's a class act. Sir Sidney Poitier. So while you're doing a junket... That's President Sidney Platt. This is America. Yeah, once an actor reaches a certain level of respect, you have to start referring to him as President.

President Lee Jones? Mm-hmm. So, you know, when you do these press junkets, you kind of wait outside of a hotel suite You kind of wait in a line with other reporters And you go in for your four minutes, you leave They go in, do their four minutes, and leave Do you actually wait in the hallway? You do, there's like little chairs set up

Oh, jeez All the ones that I've done, it's been multiple rooms in the suite And you get to sit in one of the rooms of the suite like a human being Oh, that's neat There is a nice hospitality area in multiple rooms in the suite, and you get to sit in one of the rooms of the suite like a human being. Oh, that's neat. There is a nice hospitality area. Okay. It's like the hall is kind of the on-deck circle. You're sort of describing waiting in line outside an estate sale before it opens.

Yeah. So you have to put your name on a list. Wait, so when we're seeing you interview people on those Fuel things, that's not your little studio there. No, I didn't construct that and put up posters for their movie that they're promoting. Oh, okay. But I... Anyway, so... It would be a fun way to add some color to the shot, though.

Yeah. So, you know, people are cycling in, and then the kind of publicity person comes out, and she's like, We're just going to hold for it. We're going to hold Brett's room for a few minutes. And then we just kind of we sit and we sit and like nobody's going in. But, you know, it happens sometimes. Sometimes they're eating or need to make a phone call or something. But as we're waiting, the elevator opens up and five leggy plastic surgery Asian women in Kelly Bundy dresses get out

and go into Brett Ratner's room. So, I don't know. I thought that was great. Like, that's kind of like, oh, that's exactly what you... Like, oh, that's someone behaving exactly as advertised. Oh, so this didn't refute the gossip that you heard about him. No, uh-uh, yeah. I about him no uh yeah i mean i don't know i don't know that that's inherently a douchebaggy thing to do to send for several

asian women but uh i um but you know he's he's pals with chris tucker and i had always given chris tucker a lot of credit for fifth element yes we all do for only for making a bajillion dollars in those rush hour movies yeah which i i don't think i only saw rush hour one but i did enjoy it a lot and then just going around and doing like being a un goodwill ambassador oh yeah he quit movies to just be a liaison to and i i always thought that was really cool. And then I read this article, I read this feature about him in the New York Times Magazine. And it was, I would describe it as a fawning piece. But it was that kind of thing where sometimes you'll read this type of article in a GQ magazine. Yeah.

Like a real classic GQ magazine article where they're fawning over someone, but it's clear that they spent a week, 10 days with that person, and they couldn't find anything good to say about them. Yeah. And so they just fawn over what kind of French fries they ordered or whatever. Sure. You know what I mean? Like he's got great shoestring french fries or

whatever yeah great choice that's what i would have ordered it made me a man of the people it made me wonder whether i got whether i got chris tucker all wrong in this colliewood douchebaggery with his friend brett ratner that might explain it yeah that might explain the situation perhaps um i also saw a funny billboard. Wait, we'll get to this billboard in a second. I actually want to say one thing about articles in GQ magazine. Please. I read this.

Gene, do you know who the rapper Rick Ross is? I'm familiar. I've heard his name. Okay. He's a rapper from, Jordan, you know who this is, right? Yeah. Oh, I also have his name. Okay. He's a rapper from... Jordan, you know who this is, right? Yeah. Oh, I also have this question. Is it now a thing where rappers don't have a rap name?

They just call themselves their regular guy name? See, now, Rick Ross's name is not Rick Ross. Okay. Rick Ross is the name... This is part of the Rick Ross mythos, is that Rick Ross was a famous drug dealer in Miami. Okay. Like a super famous drug dealer in Miami. Okay. Like a super famous drug dealer. Like a Scarface type character?

Yeah, like a Scarface type guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, I remember that now. Oh, that's another thing that Bum can yell about. Scarface. Anyway, sorry. But not dead when Rick Ross named himself Rick Ross and sued Rick Ross. Wow.

For naming himself Rick Ross. Oh, Rick Ross is not that drug dealer. No, no, no, no. He's not a drug dealer at all. In fact, he was a correctional officer. I feel like when people want to make jokes, like people make rap jokes, they still, like if they have to make up a fake rap name, they still add MC this or DJ this on the front. That, like, that's an outdated conceit, right?

That hasn't happened since 1993. Yeah. I feel like when people are creating fake rap names, it's always like,it, right? That hasn't happened since 1993. Yeah. I feel like when people are creating fake rap names, it's always like, oh, yeah, like MC Diamondface. The state of satire of hip-hop and hip-hop-based jokes about other things really has progressed very little since 1993, I would say. You got the Lonely Island, and that's about it. Right. That's the most sophisticated Island and that's about it. Right. That's the most sophisticated hip hop joke so far.

But there was this article in GQ magazine. I've been getting GQ magazine. And while I appreciate that GQ.com did an article about me recently, this magazine, it will have an occasional glimmer of one of the feature articles will be great. have an occasional glimmer of one of the feature articles will be great like sometimes there will be a long serious magazine writing e article on gq that's great and i do like glenn o'brien the style guy but everything else there'll be a fun q a with a cute girl from houston who they've named america's greatest hostess that's the part that i think is that makes it just a mind-bendingly dumb magazine. Sometimes they alert you to a new $800 shaving cream. Yeah, I mean, it is really...

Or a picture of a sandwich from Denver that you'll never get to eat. I have a lot of questions about GQ magazine, but I have to say, there was an article about Rick Ross in GQ magazine, and it revealed Rick Ross's lifestyle. And if you guys don't know about Rick Ross, Rick Ross's main things are he's fat. He usually doesn't wear a shirt and he's covered in tattoos. Okay. And he has a, he has a big beard. He's sort of like,

he's a little bit like, like some sort of rap Viking. He's a little bit like the, he's a little bit like the Tim, the lead singer from Les Savvy Favre. Oh, okay. But a rap version of that. That's an analogy I can appreciate. Yeah.

As a white, I'm comfortable thinking about that. And this article was really just about Rick Ross living this Rick Ross lifestyle, which is interesting because Rick Ross is one of the first rappers to have been sort of openly 50 Cent openly exposed him as not being a drug dealer, whatever, whatever, whatever, by passing around pictures of him as a correctional officer, which he was. And it sort of doesn't it sort of has not slowed Rick Ross down. It failed to tarnish his reputation when it came to light that he wasn't a drug dealer. Yeah, exactly. I guess I'm surprised to hear that in rap it still matters that you were actually a drug dealer who's been shot. Well, that's the thing. It seems like it. I mean, the thing.

Maybe it doesn't. The thing about Rick Ross is he is the first person to have truly transcended that to the point where he openly is living a mythic lifestyle that has no grounding in anything. But because he is doing it openly, it seems to fly. And the reason is this. There's a couple of reasons. One is he's made some really good records lately. But the main reason was absolutely perfectly evidenced in this GQ article. There's this part where Rick Ross and the reporter from GQ and Rick Ross's producer

and a couple of just Rick Ross's friends and Rick Ross's bouncer are all at the Louis Vuitton store in Miami. And Rick Ross is just buying different people shit at the Louis Vuitton. There's some chicks there, too. He's just buying some different people shit. And Rick Ross turns to the reporter who's writing the article about him for GQ magazine and says, see anything you'd like to fuck with courtesy of Rick Ross? And that is such a magical moment.

So wait, rappers fuck suitcases? Yeah, that's the moral of the story. I thought it was beautiful women. Rappers fuck suit... Well, they fuck...

They fuck suitcases and... Beautiful suitcases. Yeah. Okay. Well, and... It can't just be like, you know, dad's overnight bag.

And boxy women. When you get really successful, Jordan, you can just fuck anything you want. Wow. Awesome. And you can't go to jail. I mean, remember that one time that Lil' Kim had the Louis Vuitton monogram spray painted on her by David LaChapelle? I don't remember that, but it sounds like something that happened. It was so she could fuck rappers. Oh, okay.

Yeah. They can't get a boner without that happening. Gotcha. Anyway, I was just wondering guys, if you guys see anything here you'd like to fuck with, courtesy of Rick Ross. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second. I'm, Jessica.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Big time, Gene O'Neill. Jordan. Yes. Oh, wait, can I say about this billboard real quick? Yes.

I know I teased it in the last segment, and people are going to go nuts if there's no follow through. Yeah, okay. Was it for Whitney? It was not for Whitney. Oh. Because. Oh, man. Seems unlikely that it was funny then. You guys know half of all marriages end in sweatpants.

I did know that after seeing the billboard. It's a very serious issue. There's a series of billboards that I can only imagine is just an L.A. thing. It's this guy advertising his painless dentistry. And he's like real goofy looking and has a Hawaiian shirt on. And it's like, you know, it's talking up its kind of painless dentistry. And the thing is we cater to dental chickens. And it's like, well, that's goofy, but he's got a goofy Hawaiian shirt on.

And like, you know, that's fun. It's his thing. There's a billboard for another dentistry place with no one goofy on it that I think is trying to capitalize off that. But maybe the whoever wrote the copy for the billboard doesn't have a good grasp of English because it just says we cater to cowards. Anyway, we can move on. Jordan, what I don't know if Gene knows this yet, but your show, The Daily Habit, will be coming to an end not long from now. And we've been talking on the show about what you can do with your life now that you will be unemployed.

Of course, you'll probably be doing some screenwriting. Sure. You'll certainly be getting started on 100 Push-U. The 100 push-ups plan. Well, that's a long road. The first step will be one non-girl push-up. But yeah, eventually 100 push-ups. Maybe a couch to 5K. Sure.

You could try. I think we threw it out to the audience last week. What do people think you should spend your time doing? We've gotten some interesting suggestions. Actually, there was someone on the forum who pointed out something really interesting, which is that it seems that your period of unemployment, as Pete on the forum said this, is going to coincide with the NBA lockout. So there are a lot of NBA players locked out right now.

I think that opens up a lot of possibilities. Number one, there's been some rumors that Kobe Bryant is going to go play in Italy. You could consider playing professional basketball in Italy. Yeah, okay. That's one thing you could think about. They like me over there. I guess, well, I mean, just to... I mean, because I can combine it with the screenwriting, I

mean, I guess I should probably write another Space Jam movie. Right, exactly. Because if these guys aren't playing basketball, they're going to want to do a little bit of acting with Looney Tunes. I think you should think about developing a double act with Dirk Nowitzki. Oh, who's that? He's a... Basketball player?

One of the top basketball players. He's German, so you've got a funny voice. Oh, cool's that? He's a... Basketball player? One of the top basketball players. He's German, so you've got a funny voice. Oh, cool. Great. We can use that. And he's very tall, which is great for a double act. And he's a great shooter, which is great for a double act. Because you're a great penetrator.

Sure. Hey, wait a minute. Is this a gay double act? Yes. Is this an act where I get fucked by a basketball player and people toss coins at us? Did I not mention that that's what this is? I'm just... I wanted to clarify.

Well, you don't have anything better. You'll be traveling... I read another Space Jam movie! That's a great idea. America wants another Space Jam movie. The thing is, I think that the whole premise of Space Jam was it was basically a vehicle for the R. Kelly classic I Believe I Can Fly.

And I don't... It was originally called I Believe I Can Fly. And I don't know if Kells has another one of those in him. So I would put my priority first, get to Chicago with a pen and a pad. R. Kelly is semi-illiterate. And help him write a sequel to I Believe I Can Fly. Okay. And then, like, the Space Jam sequel will just write itself, basically.

I Believe I Can Swim. Exceptionally well, in parentheses. That's a parenthetical. A lot of hit songs have a good parenthetical in there. Okay. We did get some... We did get some call i am so incoherent um we did get some telephone calls uh on the subject we threw it out there as an action item uh let's go to the tape hello jordan jesse go this is brandon um i actually studied transformations of consciousness

in college yeah a ridiculous major. And now I... Wait, that was his major? Transfer? Yeah, I don't even know what that is. I can't... We wanted to find a transformative experience for you because you insisted that you should go on a bender. Right.

And I was... When I mentioned it to a couple of coworkers, they were into doing the bender with me. Jordan, they work on an extreme sports TV show. I'm just saying it's less sad if I'm not alone. So I'm kind of more into the bender now. It's more dangerous if you do it with guys that work on an extreme sports television show. I think a bender for them might be different than a bender for you. Yeah.

I'll just call Dan Cortez and ask him what his benders have been like. And then that's why I can just like get a good idea. Because I bet whatever we do will involve do-rags. Is that like the Dirk Nowitzki of skateboards? It is. Okay, great. No, Dan Cortez from Yo! MTV Sports. Wait, is that something?

No, I combined MTV Sports and Yo! MTV Raps. You know, Dan, we've talked about Dan Cortez on the show, right? I don't think I know who Dan Cortez is. Okay, well, Dan Cortez, in the era of Kennedy and House of Style, hosted MTV Sports. And he always had a do-rag, and he was like, you know, told you about street luge-ing and ice wall climbing. you know told you about street luging and ice wall climbing and uh he would always i mean i think i don't know if he uh invented this move but he certainly like was one of its you know what was what was one of its great backers the uh talking into the camera and right before your face hits the camera turning your face sideways oh i don't know if he invented that.

I don't know if it's called the Cortez. That's pretty extreme. I think he also figured prominently into Pepsi's Chill Out campaign. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's what I know of him. That would make sense. I saw a great move on the World Series. I was just watching the World Series.

It's where, are you familiar with this Stand Up to Cancer campaign? This is an advertising campaign for a major credit card company that happens to have a minor corollary in the field of philanthropy. So everyone has these cards that say, I stand up for, and then there's a spot where you write the name of someone who has cancer or died from cancer, that you're making your voice heard by making purchases with the credit cards of this credit card company. How many people just wrote the main character from Breaking Bad? You write the name of an actual loved one or Steve Jobs or whatever. And they had the whole ballpark in Texas, the ballpark at Arlington. Everyone was standing up with the sign that say, I stand up for blank, right?

And they had written the name of their loved one with cancer in there. And they're panning across this crowd. And these two girls are holding these signs. And they have the names of people that died of cancer in their family or whatever. But they're also leaning over the rail of the stadium and making devil horns into the camera. They just did not understand the tone of what was going on. It was a real tonal error, I would say. It was a real misstep.

I mean, I think just from the nature of young people's TV, I think they just assume that if there's a TV camera pointed at you, you're supposed to yell and gesture. Right. Like they don't, you know, understand that different programs have different tones. Well, maybe they were making an argument that cancer is a devil of a disease. Oh, sure.

Or maybe they thought they're taking a stand against the establishment man. Yeah, totally. Represented in this case by the deadly disease cancer. Wait, okay, so this guy majored in transformative experiences. The establishment is the cancer of fun. Did he go to Santa Cruz with us? I don't know.

He must have gone. If I was going to predict where he went to college, I would say Hampshire. Okay. Right, because that's that college where I think Eugene Merman went there and majored in comedy. Yeah. I feel like transformative experience was a major option at uc santa cruz or didn't we have like higher consciousness or wasn't there something like that well it was called tripping balls yeah there was um oh gosh what was it called history of id history of consciousness yeah

history of consciousness was a but that was only a graduate major you can only get a master's degree in history of consciousness what did that mean it was like it was like a it was like a philosophical history thing oh it was like a history of philosophy but this guy just this guy is trying to tell us that he majored in peyote yeah um at santa cruz people i think just made majored in uh watching uh uh that johnny depp movie the fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Make burritos at a food cart. But anyways, I would recommend for Jesse, or no, Jordan, sorry,

that he go on a medicine walk. It's very easy. Takes about an hour. No drugs involved. Well, it depends how far away the Duane Reade is from where you are. Also, I'm on the East Coast in this situation. No long commitments.

Just go to your local park. Draw a line in the sand. Put your intention out there. I want to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. How do I not hate myself, whatever it is, and step over the line, go on a walk. Go on a walk for about an hour. Come back, cross over the line, reflect on the walk. Go on a walk for about an hour, come back, cross over the line, reflect on the walk. Think of the imagery, think about what you thought about, write it down,

and typically the subconscious will bring something up for you to work with. If not, you want an honest little hike. And if you want to go really ballsy, turn it into a vision quest. Okay, bye. Thanks for doing everything you do. Later. That guy gave a really thoughtful answer. Yeah, I mean, I guess too bad the solution was just walk around. That's where you figure shit out. Yeah, that's not what we're looking for at all.

Where's the debauchery? Yeah, I know. I'm, you know, and I don't like this implication that I hate myself either. You want all these calls to start with. Have you ever fucked a chick in the ass? Because now's the time to start really trying to make that happen. There were a lot of really thoughtful, I mean, people really care about you, Jordan.

Yeah. There were a lot of thoughtful answers. A lot of people suggested you take this opportunity to do some exercising. Sure. It's not because they think you're fat. It's just because they think it's a good opportunity. Yeah.

That's a big, it's a big, uh, enemy of exercise is the, uh, is, uh, being fat, predictable job. Yeah. You know, as probably the most frequently, uh, unemployed person in this room, um, let me just say, like, I think it's good. You're going to find it impossible to do anything productive when you become unemployed because your immediate reaction is self-loathing okay there's just there's just no way you're going to be motivated to do anything constructive or to make it you're not going to want to make yourself better at all okay so how do i well then what's the what's the light at the end of the

tunnel i guess i'm asking masculine okay uh the light at the end of the tunnel is that you just do something very very destructive and you just make yourself so sick and that you have no choice but to want to improve yourself at the end of it you have to kind of make yourself it can't be it can't just be like you know a whim like hey i'd like to be in better shape like it has to you have to force yourself yeah like no every time i'm about to go unemployed because like i you know i like i've worked in tv as jesse said i do like low level working in reality tv shows they they go three months at a time and then you got to find a new job and it's not always you go from job to job and i always think oh this is great i'm gonna like read this book in this book i'm gonna get back in shape, and I'm going to start running again, and I do none of those things.

What do you do? I'm not going to give you my examples, but I'll cite, you know, I'll tell you this about my great-uncle Ed, who's my mom's uncle, and he's the king of benders. He only recently died at like, God, he was like 93 or something like that, but he's a guy that just... From a bender? Did he die on a bender? No, he died from... I think he died from liver failure.

But he was a guy that just like for... But on a yacht. Yeah. Right. But this is a guy for like who for 20 years... That he stole. That actually happened. He actually stole a yacht once on Lake Michigan.

But this was a guy that like... Since... He only died recently and since I was a little kid, every time we were visiting Great Uncle Ed. I can't get away. He's got land on all sides. He's got to lay low for a while.

He stole a friend's yacht that he knew how to steal and he crashed it into a pier, a Navy pier apparently. Anyway, but so this was like a guy that every time, like since I was a little kid, every time we visited him, so this was like a guy that every time like since i was a little kid every time we visited visited him my mom was like you know this is probably uncle ed is probably gonna die soon yeah because he was still an a raging alcoholic like in his 80s he was just

constantly drunk and but like he just somehow he just he's just one of those guys that just his body refused to die right despite the fact he would drink like a handle of vodka a day. And he was always barred from family weddings because he would get too – he would just get too drunk. But when he would somehow – he always somehow like found out about it and he would get there. And the way he would keep track of his drinks, which his sister, my grandma, made him do, was like always push – Now, okay. So what – I guess, do you know anything about this insistence on showing up at weddings?

Did he just still want to be part of the family or was it just because, oh, there's free booze here? What happened was whoever was getting married was always like, no, don't let Uncle Ed come because he'll just get too wasted. But then, you know, Uncle Ed would notice that there was this sudden

influx of family in town. He'd be like, what's going on? And people would be like, oh, it's just, you know, Uncle Ed would notice that there was this sudden influx of family in town. Oh, sure. He'd be like, what's going on? And people were like, oh, it's just, you know, everyone's in town. We're visiting. And then finally someone would feel bad, like, ah, so-and-so, their wedding is this week. And then he would show up.

And his ritual was always to, like, yeah, put a little red straw in his breast pocket for every drink he had. And then he would start, he would like kind of grab like one of his nephew, like he would, I don't know. I always ended up kind of being like a point man on this. He would grab me and he would call me Sean,

which is my brother's name. And he'd be like, Sean, did you know that I can do still do handstands and no one else believes it. I'm just like, and the first time I heard this, I was like, you cannot do a fucking handstand.

You're like 80 years old and you're wasted. And I, and I like didn't know at the time that you were not supposed to tell uncle Ed that he can't do a handstand. So he was like, okay, well we can't do it in here because people will get upset. And so like he would go out.

He like brought me outside of like the hotel or wherever we having it and he would seriously go in the middle of the street and he would do a fucking handstand like an eight or like wasted guy and he would do it and all the straws would come right like spilling out all over the place i haven't had a drink yet and that's exactly that's how he would reset that's how he'd reset the drink meter he's like oh i haven't had anything to drink tonight but uh anyway apparently after one wedding uncle ed uh ended up in mexico somehow like i'm not even kidding we should explain your family's from chicago yes they're not from san diego for example no he lives or el paso yeah he disappeared for a week and everyone was really worried about him and then he called

like my uncle dave who lives in san francisco and because i guess like i don't know he had like a understanding he was hoping uncle dave wouldn't tell he's like don't tell anybody just come down to mexico he's like everyone thinks you're dead i have to tell them that i found you it's like no no no just take me home and i'll just say like uh you know i was you know a friend's house for a week or something like that fugue state yeah but anyway that's kind of similar though i guess so i guess drunk the moral of the story jordan yeah is that you should be more like this guy you need to go on a true i mean of course like he would come back like like obviously he repeated this scenario throughout his life but the only way that he

became motivated to change himself was that you know know, he had to just, like, sink to the absolute bottom. Right. And he enjoyed it, too, while he was doing it. Yeah. So you're advocating rock bottom. I am advocating rock bottom. Okay. Does this include alienating loved ones?

There's probably going to be some collateral damage with the loved ones. All right. All right. No, no. I'm just prepping for it mentally. But you know what? It's a true test of who really loves you. Yeah, right.

Who's willing to put up with my... Or who has similar problems, I guess. Yeah. Jordan, anytime Gene starts to give you advice, I just want you to think about the time in college when Gene decided that it would be fun to see how long he could stay awake to see what happened. What happened? Something cool? The walls started to breathe. Great, yeah.

So you're saying take everything Gene says at face value. Yeah, I guess that's pretty much... You know, I don't appreciate... You always insinuate that I give bad advice. Like, my advice is to, like, go against what Gene says. I've got some pretty good tips from Gene. Yeah, right? Point Break holds up.

That's a good tip I got from Gene once. Yeah. It's true. It does. Yeah, even I can't deny that. Fallout 3 is good. Sounds like solid advice. Sorry, Gene, I take it back. Maybe I should try staying up for as long as I can to see what happens.

Well, you're doing it now already, right? Yeah, that's called being a new father, guys. Right? Yeah. Man, it's swimsuit season. Hey, Jordan, this is Josh in L.A. This is, I guess, for Jordan, Jesse Goh, but specifically for Jordan and his experience suggestions.

I was going through a pretty rough patch myself a few months ago, and something that really helped me through it that I think will help you is try and get good with a Street Fighter character that you just didn't like before i used to play primarily as ken and it turns out i'm also pretty good with e honda so that really turned things around for me and good luck getting a new uh oh god do i wish this was a television so you could see jordan leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed giving careful consideration to this suggestion and nodding thoughtfully yes that is an interesting and reasonable suggestion for a transformative experience in this traumatic time in my life

i thought i saw an eye roll like, yeah, thanks, buddy. I've already done that. Yeah, game, set, match. My assumption was that... Well, Pan and E. Honda are two very different characters. Sure. One is a guy and one is some kind of green monster.

Oh, no, you're thinking of Blanca. And that is my character. That's the one I would be departing from. Oh, Blanca. I thought that was the yoga guy with the stretchy arms. Dhalsim. Oh. Yeah.

Any other questions about which Street Fighter characters are named? I got the answers. Yeah, I could do that. What's Double Dragon the movie? Is that anything? It's a movie based on the game Double Dragon. Okay. You just named a video game and then added the movie.

Yeah. When's the last time something was called something colon the movie? I feel like that was a thing for us growing up, right? When a game or a cartoon became a movie Because otherwise you'd think, man, the graphics on this look really good Yeah, it's not very responsive to my button pushes though Or dialogue Jordan, right now I'm imagining you as a small child with a Nintendo controller at the movie theater.

Oh, yeah, I brought it into Mortal Kombat. Someone told me that Malcolm McDowell is in the second Mortal Kombat movie. Really? Yeah, he replaced Christopher Lambert as Raiden, and now I want to watch it. Someone just told Malcolm McDowell that he's in the second Mortal Kombat movie. I was? That's my Malcolm McDowell impression. That's going to get me on SNL.

We have one more suggestion from our audience. By the way, if you have thoughts on this subject, you can email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org or give us a call, 206-9844-FUN. I should probably try and get good with Yoon. It's very in vogue these days. Yoon? Yoon is a very popular new character character That's not a character on Street Fighter It's in Street Fighter 4

There's no Street Fighter 4 There's Street Fighter and Street Fighter 2 You're just fucking with us You're thinking of Pit Fighter Yes I am thinking of Pit Fighter Jordan, Jesse Go This is Dan from Chicago I'm just calling in regards to your action item.

Jordan, I'm really sorry to hear about your job. That sucks. Here's what I would do if I were you. Get a bunch of your friends together. Go to Koreatown. Get yourself some Korean barbecue. Load up on the soju cocktails. Load up on the Korean beer.

Go to Korean karaoke, go to a bunch of... So far, by the way, I just want to mention, this sounds like a great idea. It sounds like a blast. Sure. No one ever invites me

to Korean barbecue and my wife can't eat enough meat. She likes meat, but only like a little tiny amount. So if I try and go with my wife, we end up spending $40 on Korean barbecue and I have to eat all of it.

It's weird. It's embarrassing. I need to go to Korean barbecue with some people that like to eat meat. So, so far this sounds tremendous to me. Keep going. Meet some Koreans is what I'm saying. I think you'll have a good time. That's what I usually do here.

Also... You might meet my tailor, Mr. Ryu. Okay. He's a super nice guy. His wife, Nina, is also very nice. I recommend trying to meet them at a nightclub. I'm sure there are plenty of Max Funsters who would be willing to put you up if you wanted to take your drink fest national. If you want to go and drink in different cities,

you're welcome to crash with us in Chicago. You can crash on my couch and go drink yourself into oblivion, and I'll try to scrape you up off the pavement. I'm sure there's people in New York that would be willing to help too, maybe Portland. Good places. Anyways, sorry to hear about your job. I wish you the best of luck

Talk to you soon, take care, bye I like this idea of a tour Sure, yeah, you know And that's actually been suggested Like places I can go on a bender I guess my I guess Like I shouldn't be spending money on travel though

That's a good point But I mean, he's suggesting I'm not getting a severance package. He's suggesting budget travel. Yeah. I mean, that's something that I like about this.

I'm picturing you, you go, you stay with Craxworth, you stay with Zack Linder. Sure. You know what I'm

talking about? You go from Trusted Max Funster to... I recommend, this is my idea, you take california zephyr out of los angeles it goes through the rocky mountains you drink on the train that's just a flying machine sounds like a blimp yeah sounds like a steampunk uh

way to get around this is a train that goes through the rocky mountains goes great through the rocky mountains it's got a beautiful observation car. And it goes to Chicago as its final destination. Huh. How long does that take? Days. Yeah. You could get so wasted.

And every time... When you get off the train and get back on? You put liquor in your luggage. Okay. You stow away on the train. I like this because... I wear a raincoat soaked in gin. And I just suck on the train. I like this because... I wear a raincoat soaked in gin. And I just suck on the sleeves.

What I'm worried about, Jordan, is I don't... If you go on a bender, I don't want you driving a car and getting into an accident. No, I wouldn't drive a car. I don't want you... I have a walking bender planned. No, you get into other people's cars. That's what you do on a bender. Yeah.

I'm just... I just don't think it's safe to go on a bender in Los Angeles. It's just not a good place for a bender. It's easy to get lost and forgotten. You got to get on a train. It's a closed area. And you go from Max Funster to Max Funster. You go to Chicago.

You stay with Tom DJ. Where's he bending, though? On the train and at each stop of the train. So the train stops somewhere. Taos, New Mexico or something. Go get fucking plastered in Taos, New Mexico. Yeah, I could do that. Check out, buy yourself some turquoise jewelry.

Yeah. That might be too expensive. Yeah, I say you find a max funster to stay with in each city. That this train stops on? Yeah. What's this train ticket setting me back? I think we need to do a little mini jordan bender drive yeah we could sponsor jordan yeah jordan wants to get drunk and in a city that he doesn't live no i'll say it's a documentary we just yeah let's see you get money on kickstarter yeah what would we need i mean

we'd only need what two, $2,000? Don't you think we could do this project for $2,000? Yes. I think less than that. You think less than that? What's this train cost? I'm figuring $500 for the train. Yeah. He's got to get back at the end, too,

so that's another couple hundred bucks. And then you steal everything else. Yeah. Oh, you only eat like crab apples and stuff. Sure. No, this is a boxcar I'm stowing away in now. Yeah. And that's free.

I mean, you just heat. I can ride the rails like this. Yeah. And then you heat some canned asparagus over a sterno can. But no, seriously, we get you a nice, we get you a sleeper car. A Pullman? I'm a Pullman with his own Pullman porter. A wise black man.

A wise elderly African-American gentleman. That one was black Hollywood douchebag. Probably played by President Morgan Freeman. What if 50 Cent wants to play the porter, though?

Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess is this the best place to spend that 500 bucks though? I guess, should I be No, it's not You should give it to charity No, that's a terrible idea We're raising the money for you, Jordan

I'm an experienced fundraiser This is for Jordan's transformative experience I'll withhold it How about this? I'll withhold it from your next MaxFunPay check. Oh, okay. That's fine. And then that way, it's not your fault. It's mine.

I'll send... I'll just buy you the ticket. And we can go down to the BevMo. Sure. And get you a few jugs. And then you just hit the road. You can get Olympia beer at the BevMo now. Is that a good beer?

Yeah, it's a staple of the Pacific Northwest. It's very tasty. What about Anchor Steam? Yeah, you can probably get an Anchor Steam beer. It's a popular beer in San Francisco. Yeah? Anchor Steam. Hmm.

That's all I got on beer. That's fine. I noticed there's a beer-making store near my house. Oh, yeah? Yeah, over in eagle rock eagle rock home brewing supplies let me just tell you you're not going to get very far drinking fancy home brews yeah on a two thousand dollar budget you got to think steel reserve schlitz i also want to say home brew that is not a store that is a mail order company yeah There should not be a store.

You don't need to attract walk-ins. Sure. Like, oh, I've always been interested in the incredibly complicated process of turning wheat and hops into beer. Well, maybe the guy lives there. That's all you need for it to be a homebrew. That's true. Maybe you should move into the homebrew place to save on rent. Yeah, right? I can live in a still.

Save on beer money. I like the idea of you riding a train, a beautiful, this is a beautiful train. As I said, it goes through... Sounds like you're getting a little kickback from this train company, Jesse. Is this a sponsor that I don't know about? Absolutely not. You're going through some of the most beautiful country in America. No, I mean, I love the idea. You're enjoying it?

I love the idea of seeing America, going to a place I've never been. I guess, yeah. Everywhere you go, you're carrying around a jug of Carlo Rossi wine like you were E40. Sure. Does E40 do that? Yeah. He raps a lot about how much he loves Carlo Rossi wine. Okay, I'll take it under advisement.

I think that's the most realistic plan so far. You go on a train. Yeah, right. We got to settle this now on the show. Oh, yeah. You can't decide on your own time. You know. Jordan, you can share intimacies with some of these Max Funsters.

Yeah. Zach Linder will suck your dick. Oh, hey. I mean. Sorry, Zach. I used your name because I knew you'd be cool with it. He would. Also, he would.

Yeah. I have wanted to get some mail blowjobs in some other time zones. Right. Because you can't get them at home. The word might get around. Sure. Yeah. Mail blowjobs are very underrated.

They know what they're doing. They know how to work the equipment. Plus they high-five you afterwards. Jordan, you've got to hide your shame in Taos, New Mexico. Yeah, I guess so. I guess I've got to get over there. This is a good plan. Okay.

This is a really good plan. Come on, you're not going to do better than this. Come on. The train is great. We're getting you a sleeper car. You don't even have to go on one of those reclining chairs A sleeper car, Jordan You go out

And check this out Let's say there's someone you want to murder Okay There it is, continue And you meet someone I'm thinking of him or her right now And you meet someone on the train And there's someone they want dead

Yeah You're both pretty wasted on Carlo Rossi wine Yeah It can be a real along came Pauly situation We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go It's Jordan, Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Big time Gene O'Neill. Hey, look at this. We got some sponsor messages here. Yay! First of all, special thanks to our sponsor this week, MakePixelArt.com. It is a cool online drawing tool for drawing pixel-type arts. You know about these arts?

Yeah. It's like your super mario brothers yeah uh you're george plimpton's video falconry sure you're pit fighters yeah absolutely uh it's gonna be it's gonna be a mobile application but um in the meantime it's an internet website called makepixelart.com so thanks to makepixelart.com. So thanks to MakePixelArt.com. Everyone should visit that and make some arts on there. How about this? For a personal message, here is a message for Angela from Adam. He says, happy first anniversary, Angela.

I love you even though you watched a man fuck a pineapple and then called your favorite podcast to tell everyone. Oh, hey. I remember when that happened. I mean, I wasn't there, but I remember when we talked about it. That is sweet. Did we already read that one? I feel like we might have already said that on the air, or did I just read it before when it came up? No, I mean, I think you're remembering that pineapple

fucking story. Oh, okay. I'm really incoherent from this flu. It's not really the flu. It's a cold. Hey, we got one more ad up here on the jumbotron uh this one comes from this one comes to us direct from mr j frosting um it is a podcast called pre-recorded late night um all you got to do is uh look for it in your iTunes. It is a podcast or Google pre-recorded late night. He says, on this podcast, we invite comedy type people onto our parody of a talk show

and then ambush them with a new name and job description. So for example, Jessamyn, who is one of the head honchos over there at Metafilter, friends over there at Metafilter. She went on the program to play AA, and they announced when she went on that she was a banker who works across the street from Occupy Wall Street. Terrific. So he puts these people into awkward situations. Oh, and we get to see their improvisational skills. We get to see their improvisational skills. Sounds like a lot of fun.

So if you've ever wanted to see what Jessamine, the admin from Metafilter, is like. Yes. When she, she's a real nice lady, I've met her. When she's forced to play a character with a social conscience. Yep. The context has a social conscience. This character may not have, for all I know. There's really only one way to find out, Jordan.

Yeah, is to listen. That's to listen to pre-recorded late night by Googling pre-recorded late night or typing that into your information tunes appliance. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's cheap. It's affordable. Absolutely.

It's a tremendous advertising value, Jordan. I think so. You get results. In terms of relationships, it's dramatically better than anything else out there. It's better than a night on the town. It's better than buying all those rose leaves to throw on the bed. One mention.

Typically, if you're trying to romance a woman, you do rose petals. Rose leaves don't look like much. No, you use rose leaves. Yeah. I'm just saying. Oh, wait, no. I'm sorry. I was thinking of Rose Byrne.

Yeah. You get Rose Byrne to roll around in your bed. Me and Rose Byrne. Your wife or girlfriend will immediately be insecure because of how beautiful she is. Yeah. And then she'll leave you. Man, I thought it was leave copies of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. immediately be insecure because of how beautiful she is yeah and then she'll leave you man i thought it was leave copies of rose and cranson guild and stern are dead by tom stoppard on their head

boy i don't know how you got there i mean i guess they both start with r anyway just uh type it type it into the internet maximum fun.org slash jumbotron i've got a little bit of an illness here. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boyd. Big time Gene O'Neill. When something momentous happens, we ask

that you give us a telephone call at 206-984-4FUN and report it to us for our signature segment, our beloved signature segment, Momentous Occasions. Let's go to the tape, shall we? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, guest. Statistically speaking, I'm just going to say, Nick, repeat, Adams. I have a momentous occasion.

Bad call, dipshit. Yeah, wrong again. You rolled the dice and you lost. I was at a Hickster neighborhood street fair. You know, Korean drumming, middle-aged white people in fringy belly outfits with weird stick dancing,

gluten-free cupcakes, that kind of thing. Anyway. Wait, middle-aged white people doing stick dancing? Yeah. I think she's thinking of high school-aged white people doing stick dancing yeah i think she's thinking of high school-aged filipinos doing stick dancing at the youth book sale i found the best book i ever spent a dollar on it's called you can always tell a harvard man and its only purpose is to go on about how awesome Harvard is and shit all over Yale. So if I may indulge in a brief reading of Chapter 1, Yes, Virginia, there really is a Harvard. Yale is a night school located at New Haven, Connecticut, near the football stadium, but visiting potentates from foreign shores usually asked for the conducted tour of Harvard.

Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Gaff. Wait, was that the whole thing? I think so, yeah. I mean, he found a funny Harvard book? No, I think that was in the book. Yeah.

Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This must have gotten cut off or something. That seems wrong, right? Colin wouldn't have picked that. He's no stone jug. Our intern, Colin, who screens the calls, I guess maybe he just thought that we would yell at Harvard and Yale.

Yeah. I'm on board for that. I guess he thought we were all Yale men, so this would be particularly incendiary. Well, we went to the Yale of Santa Cruz. Sure. And we're on the crew team there. Yeah.

The main thing that the crew team does at Santa Cruz, though, is mescaline. Sure. Okay, let's just go to the next call here. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guest. This is Adam from Tacoma, Washington, calling in with a moment of shame. A moment of shame.

I was at an Oktoberfest party called Maltoberfest, where we drink malt liquor. And I had been there for a while. I was kind of drunk. It was pretty good. He's still drunk, right? I mean, signs point to yes. It sounds like he's coming from the party. Yeah. A girl came up to me and she said uh pardon me but uh you look a lot like wiley

dufresne and i said oh yeah wiley dufresne crawled through 500 feet of shit and found freedom on the other side and then she just kind of looked at me there's an awkward silence and I said oh wait that's Andy Dufresne you know Shawshank Redemption Andy Dufresne and more silence she was referring to Wiley Dufresne the molecular gastronomist I guess

that's a shitty moment of shame I'm turning against Colin maybe it's just these fever hallucinations I've been having but I think I'm going to fire Colin of shame i'm turning against colin maybe it's just these uh maybe it's just these fever hallucinations i've been having but i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna fire colin i mean i don't know i thought it was pretty shameful i mean the molecular gastronomist and also also shameful that you can quote shawshank redemption at the drop of a hat no maybe that's not shameful yeah it's not shameful to another guy i think it's of a hat no maybe that's not shameful yeah it's not

shameful to another guy i think it's shameful across the genders that's a movie with two different presidents in it president morgan freeman and president tim robbins that's another uh frat boy poster that's another movie that yeah yeah that's like that's like yeah that's like in in every frat guy's like top five movies to like prove that they're sensitive yeah they're like oh they just like they throw, they throw that one. Yeah, you get that on the DVD shelf for sure. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. This is Calista from New York.

I'm calling with a momentous occasion. This morning I got into the elevator that takes me down to my subway platform and the elevator operator was unusually garrulous. Saw that I was holding a cup of coffee, which, by the way, was decaf, and said, oh, I see you have your wakey juice. That's what I like to call it. Wakey juice.

Thought you would enjoy that. I just think it's sad that Tyrese Gibson is operating elevators now. I mean, he's a great actor, a pretty good singer. I don't know. It's a shame. Maybe he's just researching a role, though.

I was in a taqueria today. I'm not trying to brag or anything. And on the TV, they were playing... Foreign food? They were playing a Fast and Furious movie that had Ludacris and Tyrese in it,

but I didn't recognize it. I don't know which one it was. No, it wasn't the new one. It could be two. Then it must have been Fast and Furious 2. Too Fast, Too Furious, yeah. Dean, if you have any questions about Fast and Furious continuity, I can help you out. There was something.

Maybe they had turned up the color saturation all the way or something like that. Colors and grays again. No, no, no. Colors and grays. It looked like... You know that kind of way that a children's television comedy looks? Like everything is really white and bright,

like a Zack and Cody's The Suite Life or whatever it looks like. Everything is lit. Like almost phosphorescent. Yeah, like every single thing on the screen is lit. It sort of looks almost like they just took some cameras outside at noon and just shot out there. Well, that movie takes place in Miami.

So it has to be sexy. Everything is really shimmery in Miami. Things are reflecting off of cars and windows. There was something wrong with this television in this taqueria that made Fast and the Furious 2, Too Fast, Too Furious, into that. It was as though you were watching Bullet, but the color values made it look like a Canadian educational TV show, like Today's Special or something. You know? Or the Wreck of the Mimi.

Yeah. It was very disconcertingting is what I have to say. And I got worried. Maybe it's that bad presentation that's led Tyrese Gibson to have to operate elevators. The main thing it reminded me of was like, I don't know if you've ever seen clips online of the Star Wars Christmas special. Sure. But, you know, it looks like a TV special from 1983 or whenever it was from. But actually, it has Harrison Ford in it.

That's what it looked like. It looked like Tyrese and Ludacris had done some kind of weird narrative infomercial. Or maybe guest stars on an episode of You Can't Do That on television. Yeah, it was completely baffling. They were there. And I should also mention the cast of hey dude was there oh okay um but i don't know what i don't know what they were racing cars i guess they were in the movie or they were in the restaurant yeah they were in the movie and in the restaurant oh wow did i mention was that the premiere of their movie yeah well they had it at their taqueria they own the taqueria okay yeah it's it's right it right

it's right next door to the uh all that pizza joint and also good burger oh fuck we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Big time Gene O'Neill. Okay.

First of all, I want to say one thing to Gene. I know, Gene, you're not a baseball fan. You're more of a football and basketball fan. But Jordan just tunes out even if you just say the word ball. Yeah, I was a baseball fan when I was a kid. Okay. I've been watching the World Series of Baseball. It's very enjoyable.

I'm rooting for the St. Louis Cardinals. That's the end-of-the-year championship, Jordan. Exactly. It's sort of like... Right, the Stanley Cup. I know. You would know it as Pit Fighter. Okay, sure.

Final boss. Yeah, I wish I knew who the final boss of Pit Fighter was. That'd make a great joke. Well, this is like M. Bison versus... That's good. Saget? Yeah, sure. Wait, Bob Saget is in Pit Fighter?

He's the Street Fighter character Jordan needs to play. What if all of those weird digitized guys in Pit Fighter were played by Bob Saget? He did a lot of mo-cap work after Full House. I've been looking at these baseball players, and I've got to admit, I have not watched a lot of baseball in 10 years or so because I haven't had any cable. And there's not a lot of network television baseball outside of the World Series. So I'll watch the World Series every year, but sometimes I'll see something at a friend a friend's house or something like that but generally i don't watch a lot of baseball i've been watching this world series and the thing that has struck me the most is the sheer volume of ill-advised facial hair just every single player has some kind of weird when was the last time you would characterize baseball facial hair as advised?

What era of baseball? That's the thing I had to check in with you about. Because as soon as I said that out loud, I remember the last... When I stopped watching baseball in, I don't know, 2003, when I stopped getting cable, stopped watching it regularly, I do remember thinking, 2003 when I stopped getting cable. Stopped watching it regularly. I do remember thinking, why do all these men still have goatees? But, and I guess there was a lot of mustaches. Yeah. And when we look back on those like old baseball cards, we say, oh, that was a great mustache. But that's in this post-sincerity era that we live in,

oh, that was a great mustache, but that's in this post-sincerity era that we live in, where, ironically, that's a great mustache he had. But was that a great mustache at the time, or were, you know, non-baseball players, you know, whatever would be the equivalent of the Wiseacre podcast host, think like, oh, get a load of this guy. Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like Raleigh Fingers was always cool. I mean, Dennis Eckersley still has that mustache. Yeah, he sure does.

That he had 20 years ago. But, you know, he's also got that death stare, so you're not going to fuck with him, you know? Yeah. You know he can paint a slider on the outside corner if he wants to. Is it just a way of having personality without actually having to have personality like you know it's like do they all want to have a trademark facial hair is that it well they also have they also all wear these rope necklaces now that i that is relatively new that's only been the last couple of years these rope necklaces these brightly colored rope neck like they're seriously you'd say rope you could basically tie up a boat with. I remember.

How thick these things are. I think when I was last into baseball, the fad was baseball players all wearing an earring. Yeah. I mean, baseball players are just a fucking embarrassment. They just seem to have no idea how to go about expressing themselves. There's some guys with beards, just regular beards, and they look fine. I think a baseball player with a beard that's like a classic you know like a steve bedrock madrosian you're looking at a classic style for a baseball player is there a hometown bias defending the brian wilson beard here uh yes i will defend the brian

wilson beard because of hometown bias and i don't want to get too deep into brian wilson because he's in some embarrassing television commercials right now. Yeah, he is. Oh, I've seen those. The Subway commercials? They're for Taco Bell. Ah, okay. By the way, here's one other thing that came up with me watching the World Series. One other thing watching the World Series.

I guess I hadn't watched a lot of Taco Bell commercials lately. Oh, man, you've got to catch up. There's a lot of... Yeah, if you miss one i mean yeah you can't follow them there's a there's this one commercial where there's where this kind of benihana's guy is making a taco bell food oh yeah and it looks like it's sure it's meant to maybe evoke like the cool chefs like top chef i think it's yeah it's supposed to be like iron chef right yeah except at the there's all these super close-ups of the Taco Bell thing. It's like some kind of, it's like in a pita. It's like slices of gross chicken, like would be on top of a chicken Caesar salad that you

bought out of a refrigerator at an airport that has like a weird squirt of sauce on it. And then the guy like slides his knife under and folds this weird square pita over it. But this all happens in like super close up. If you're the director of a Taco Bell commercial, shouldn't your basic, shouldn't the like marching orders that they hand you say, please no closeups of the Taco Bell food? Like shouldn't that be the bedrock premise of everything?

Like who looks at that and thinks, that makes me want to go to Taco Bell more? Well, no, because I hold up my hand to the tv and think like yeah that looks about right yeah you just want to make sure like it's not going to get away from you that's mainly let's let's pick a tweet of the week every week we give out a free t-shirt to somebody who tweets about the show with the hashtag jj go i'm gonna go with with Turbo Tom this week. And sometimes we... Sometimes I pick one because it's funny or whatever.

This one, I'm going to read it to you guys, and I have a question about it. I remembered that at Jesse Thorne, that's me on Twitter, Jordan, by the way, Jordan underscore Morris, Eugene O'Neill is something a little complicated. Yeah, sorry. Eugene, right? Y-O-U-G-E-N-E-I-L. Yeah, Y-O-U-G-E-N O'Neill.

And also the delightful at fake Civil War. Oh, that at fake Civil War. Yeah. Big time Gene O'Neill and Brian back in business lane have been running Twitter at fake Civil War

that is just a delight. You should really follow it. I think we should add a thousand followers to at fake Civil War. Yeah, let's start a Kickstarter program. Instead of donating money money you donate yourself as a follower if we can get if we can you don't know how kickstarter works do you we got two thousand just you asked

for something that yeah it's maybe it is we got two thousand people to follow spider-man 223 right yeah sure so we can get a thousand people to follow at fake civil war this is it's facts about the civil war that they are not actual facts well i underreported facts basically what your teacher didn't tell you in school oh so this is for history she was too much of a pussy because we talked about slavery mostly this is this is what uh this is what turbo turbo to tom says first of all for context i'm looking at his thing and i think these are pokemons in his background i think they're pokemons they might be something else that's like pokemons but i think might be bakugan is that something like pokemon yes these could be made Is that a made-up word? Just now. I mean, Pokemon is a made-up word.

Oh, maybe it's not. Maybe it's something in Japanese. No, that's in the Oxford English Dictionary now. Okay. Okay. He says, I remembered... Kudu-jiman.

I remembered that at Jesse Thorne was talking about the show Cheers on a recent episode of JJ Go. I started watching it and it's fantastic.

So I guess the question I'm asking is, did I really introduce this guy to Cheers? Well, I think what maybe you don't know from not having regular TV is that there's no place to watch reruns of stuff like that. I feel like when we were growing up, the syndicated TV shows that were on in the afternoon, you could see MASH, and I feel like Cheers hung out on TV Land for a long time. But now TV Land, or Nick at Night. There's no Nick at Night anymore. Yeah, there is a Nick at Night. Is there?

But it's really recent. It's like the George Lopez show. Not the George Lopez show. This is going to be racist. This is going to... Steve Harvey. The Steve Harvey show. Yeah.

I know. Whatever the George Lopez sitcom was. It might be called I think it was George Lopez. Yeah. It's impossible, by the way.

I feel like the oldest thing I've ever, I've seen on TV recently has been The Nanny. Like, I feel like that's as far back as reruns go. Oh. So, I mean,

I think it's totally possible that someone who's 18 or 19 hasn't seen Cheers. I think it's easy to write off Cheers. You just think, like, that's like a show my mom and dad watch, so it probably sucks. Yeah, yeah. But it's great. It is really funny. You know what else is really funny? I guess there's Seinfeld reruns, and I guess there's Family Guy reruns.

Maybe that's the only syndicated TV that's out there. Well, there's those 30 Rock reruns with the completely inexplicable posters. Sure. And there's those Third Rock from the Sun reruns. Anyway, at TurboTom, email intern at MaximumFun.org with your t-shirt size and your address, and we'll send you a t-shirt. And everyone else, talk about us on the Twitters. Listen, I have one question for our audience.

I am going to be in the United Kingdom next month. Maybe you've heard of it. We're talking about England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. Gaul, Romania. Only Northern Ireland. Harry Potter Castle. Not even that, depending on who you ask. But I am definitely doing a

Make Your Thing in London, England on November 16th. You can find the information at MaximumFun.org. But I'm going to be in Belfast in Northern Ireland for about a week and I could do a meetup, but only if people want to do a meetup with me in Belfast. So, if no one wants to do a meetup with me in belfast so if no

one wants to do it jesse can't do it well it's just i mean it's not a huge place it's only a few hundred three hundred fifty thousand people and it's a foreign country ten thousand miles away from where we are right now so i don't know if that we actually have fans in belfast man jordan we should make fake email accounts and then, yeah. Oh, Jesse. Sure. Senior Belfast. That's the guy's name at gmail.com. He has a Mexican accent. Yeah. No, it's just his email.

Hey, man. You should come out to Ireland. Hey, man, those troubles was a bitch, man. So many bombings. So I'm going to make a message on the forum. And if you're in Belfast or in Virans, if you're elsewhere in Northern Ireland or you want to come up from Dublin,

you know, it's only a couple hours on the train or whatever, then tell me and we'll set up a meetup for everyone to come and say hi and meet each other. But that and also remember November 25th, the day after Thanksgiving, our show at the Ice House. Yep. 206-984-4FUN, the telephone number to call, jjgoe at maximumfun.org, our email address.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. It's from their album Kites Are Fun, The Best of The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. It's from their album Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, which is available on compact disc and digital audio formats. Big time Gene O'Neill is on the Twitters at Eugene O'Neill, Y-O-U, Gene O'Neill, and at Fake Civil War. I can't begin to say how delightful this fake civil war is yeah but you can't screw eugene o'neill yeah fake civil war it's at this is where i mean that's where

your your sitcom deal is going to come from right no yeah you're going to do a sort of hogan's heroes but set in the civil war no jesse they're not giving out TwitComs anymore. Really? Yeah. They stopped giving that out? Yeah, now you have to start pitching hour-long Tumblr dramas. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Bye!