Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 199: Good in Everything

Episode Date: November 7, 2011

30 Rock's Keith Powell joins Jordan and Jesse to serenade a birthday girl, give good advice for America's troubled teens and if there's enough time, sprinkle some gay dust.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, prid joins us for a lively discussion of board games and etc.

That makes you want to listen, right? Let's go. The program is Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I feel like I was insufficiently welcoming when I said my name just now. Is that because it's nighttime? Yeah, I think so. I think you got your night moves on. Oh.

That was kind of like, I mean, it was less welcoming, but it was more sensual. It was kind of like a Hugh Hefner, like, step into my... I'm thinking of the old Hugh Hefner TV show that I've only seen referenced in... I have a second question. Did I say that the name of the show was The Sound of Young America? No. Oh, maybe you did. It's possible that I also did that.

Should we start over? Yeah, I mean, should we and will we are sort of the two questions we should address. Probably to the first, yes. To the second, seems unlikely at this point. I think so. We've really spent a lot of time dealing with this first subpar intro. And, you know, we all got to go to bed sometime. You know what I mean, Jordan?

It is a beautiful evening here in Los Angeles, in Mount Washington Manor. Does that work? I've been wanting to come up with a good name. For your home state. For my estate Yeah Mount Washington Manor? Yeah, I mean

You don't seem convinced I've been saying fuck palace But you just ignore it every week I have fucked here I mean, I don't mean to be gross or anything I'm not trying to be gross, Jordan But that's the reality It's not that palatial

No, that's true There's a turret, though That's true i did build a crude turret out of cereal boxes and egg cartons i'm looking forward by the way to the part of fatherhood where it's important to save my egg cartons for projects oh right okay there's a point in fatherhood let's introduce our guest Sure. You probably know him as a... Ladies and gentlemen, a stack of egg cartons. Ladies and gentlemen, the incredible edible egg. You probably know him as a regional theater impresario.

If you don't know him from that, you probably know him from what I would describe, Jordan, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, as the best show. Oh, I've been calling it a fuck palace. Our guest, Keith Powell, you know him as Twofer on the hit show 30 Rock, which chronicles the behind the scenes tales of the wacky misadventures of a team trying to put together a sketch comedy series out of egg cartons with Alec Baldwin at the helm. You absolutely mischaracterized it. It is the wacky adventures of a man named Two-Fur.

Oh. And all the people that surround him in his life. Was I thinking of Hogan's Heroes? Yes. Ah, Hogan's Heroes is the one. That's the one about the sketch comedy show with Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin is... Yes, yes.

Well, Keith, welcome to Jordan, Jesse, go. It's a pleasure to have you here. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you for making time in your busy Los Angeles schedule, running probably, I'm guessing, from major film audition to major film audition. No. Most of my time here has been my girlfriend wanting me to do a practice run for when we challenge people in Taboo.

So wait. I'm not lying about that, actually. So why is this something you cannot do in New York City, which I imagine is where you live? My girlfriend lives in Los Angeles. Okay. And I live in New York City. So she wants, she asked you to fly out. Specifically.

Because game night is coming up. Game night's happening. And we had a game night last night. Uh-huh. And we lost by a couple points. What game were you playing? Taboo. Right.

That's the only game in the world to play. I guess I just assumed Settlers of Catan. There will be no other game. The Settlers of Catan people are going to freak out. Yeah. You don't know the Settlers of Catan people. Yes. That graph, the Settlers of Catan graph and the Jordan Jesse Go listener graph are remarkably similar.

Yeah. They're going to freak. Yeah. Going to freak. Yeah, they're flipping out. So wait, she wanted to do a practice? Okay, you have to understand that- What happens in Taboo, first of all? You can't say a word, and you have to have your deck out. Yeah, that's the game.

You can't say a word. Yeah, so you get this practice. You get the word that you have to get your team to guess. Kind of like $40,000 pyramid? $50,000 pyramid? Yes. How much does the pyramid cost? The pyramid is anything you want it to be. It's all in your mind. Jordan, I think you're thinking of Mahjong.

But, so, yeah, you know, and then you have to describe whatever it is without saying the five words that Taboo tells you not to say. How would you describe those words? What do you mean? Off the table, probably.

Would you say those five words are off the table? Oh, yeah, yeah. They would be off the table. I like that. Thank you. How many now is your game night? Is this a couple's affair? Who comes to game night?

You know, it's pretty much anybody that we, the motley crew of people that we, the Motley Crue of people that we've amassed along the way. So it's a lot of nutty artists. How many of those people are in Motley Crue? All of them. Okay. We invite the full band. Is it weird that

as soon as you said that you had amassed a Motley Crue of people to play board games with you, I assumed that one of them was Luis Guzman. Because he's a member of most motley crews. He really is. I have to tell you how, like, I've run into him in so many different weird circles.

Oh, I wish I could run into Luis Guzman more. One time he was on The Sound of Young America, and it was one of those things, you know, often I'll book someone on The Sound of Young America. Typically, I'll book someone on The Sound of Young America because I admire their work. Can you just say that again? The Sound of Young America? The Sound of Young America.

Sorry, I didn't know that was off the table. Oh! Oh! But when I booked Luis Guzman on, that dude lives, number one, that dude lives in rural Vermont. He lives in Vermont? He lives in rural Vermont. Do you know who else lives in Vermont vermont he lives in vermont he lives in rural vermont do you know who else lives in vermont that i went to visit uh recently treat williams how is that for random also i thought you were gonna say a bottle of famous maple syrup

other famous vermonters so they might be neighbors Include Jackie Chan Really? I don't know Why not? At this point I assume that all famous non-white people live in Vermont As a sort of taunt to Vermonters I gotta tell you, it's the weirdest idea to see like Louise Guzman and Treat Williams living in Vermont

Well because Louise Guzman is like He is the world's most famous new yorkan right like he really is this guy got famous because this guy got famous because he was in short eyes you know what i mean and and much well before that he got famous well before that did he no no no it was a broadway play first and then they made it into a movie. Yeah. You're absolutely right. Yeah, and at the very end of the 70s, beginning of the 80s, soundtrack by Mr. Curtis Mayfield. Okay, I have – because I'm filled with meaningless facts about pop culture, I'll tell you that Short Eyes is the production that they coined the phrase – the Broadway play. They coined the phrase snob hit.

Oh. Because it was written by a prison inmate who later went back to prison. And then the entire cast were former prison inmates. top hats and tuxedos, went to go and see this play where a whole bunch of prison inmates kind of, I don't know, shivved each other in front of them. And that's when they coined the phrase snob hit. What was also interesting was that those people managed to find a haberdasher that still sold top hats. It was the 80s. Sure. head down to warhol's factory i like that i like that premise of just like saying saying a fact true or not and going it was the 80s i think you could get away with a lot yeah like i can't believe there's a time

when griffins and hydras roamed the earth. Well, it was the 80s. Hey, Jordan, did you know that George Plimpton was briefly president of the United States? Oh, boy. The 80s were crazy. The 80s. The 80s. None of us were born in it. No.

But Luis Guzman had to draw. This is how rural the place that Luis Guzman had to draw... This is how rural the place that Luis Guzman lives, and I'm not making this up, Keith. Luis Guzman lived two hours from the nearest public radio station. It was... We booked him a public radio station, a remote Vermont public radio studio.

It wasn't even Montpelier. Most public radio stations are actually in those shacks you use for ice fishing. So it's already pretty out there. I mean, he wants to go off the map. So wait, so where do you... Maybe some of those short-eyes prison inmates are looking for him. Where does Keith Powell run into Luis Guzman? Is there a sort of...

I'm imagining that it's kind of like the... What's the club for comedians? Friars Club. It's sort of like a Friars Club for beloved television supporting characters. Well, you know, the thing... I mean, first off, let me preface this by saying Luis Guzman would not know me From like a bum on the street

And why would he No reason But you know I've run into him about two or three times At like different I don't know You go to like different parties And you know you have a circle of friends Maple syrup tastings Maple syrup tastings in Vermont when you're picking out

Sure Haberdasheries As they do in Vermont You go to a haberdashery Vermont haberdasheries sell mostly plaid shirts Right But you know I have a friend of mine named Malcolm

Who Barrett Malcolm Barrett who did a show with him. So, you know, they, I was out one night and I saw Malcolm and Louise Guzman. So it's like, it's,

you know, it's a different, it's like, it's a, you know, just around. Louise Guzman almost seems magical to me. And that did not change after I interviewed him for 45 minutes.

Like he seems like from his, from his his like his life as like essentially he was like uh you know he was like an anti-gang community organizer in this sort of guardian angels era he was a social worker at one point like literally a social worker. But like in New York City in the mid-1970s, like basically he was trying to keep the warriors from knifing each other. This man should have ran for mayor. Oh, God. Of Montpelier specifically. I have a joke, then a question. Okay.

a joke than a question okay the joke is i bet in the beloved tv character supporting the beloved tv supporting character uh social club there is a french stewart lending library that's the joke the question is why did you go to treat williams's house oh you know i'm doing a project with him later on uh next year but i gotta tell you he is like the sweetest hippie that's still kind of living in the 60s you'll ever meet. He is the sweetest man in the world, and he's such a hippie. Wow. Now, how does this hippiness manifest itself? Is this – You get some stories about his wilder days.

Okay. Sure. If you go over to Treat Williams' house, you get some stories about his wilder days okay all right sure you know every time if you go over to treat williams's house you get some stories about his wilder days i i um uh he's like but he's so hospitable and like it's very interesting because like the what i see him on television and the person that i like see in life in my mind are two very different things because on television I see Treat Williams as a very like alpha male, handsome, dashing, I'm going to like

tell you how it is, I'm going to crush you with my hand. In that order. You'll know how it is while I'm crushing you with my hand. Sort of a French Stuart type. Well, he borrows from the French Stuart line. And then when you meet him, he's so gentle and sweet and literally Earth Mother loving.

Total hippie. Yes. Literally give you a speech about the Earth Mother. Right. Exactly. So, Mother Gaia. I like this. I like...

Jordan, why aren't we mid-level Hollywood figures? This sounds great. Not for lack of trying. Basically, all I want out of life is a career that could be described as Diedrich Bader-esque. That's all I want for myself. We all should aspire to as much. I think that... I, frankly, Jordan, I have to be honest with you.

We've been podcasting for four or five years now. Sure. We're very popular podcasters. Sure. We're really at the top of the heap in the world of podcasting. Thank you, Keith. Of course. And Keith, by the way, also works for Nielsen Podcast Ratings.

So that's number one. I mean, that's the baseline. We've got a lot of legitimacy. You're legitimate in the world of comedy, and I in the world of public radio. Why has that not paved our path in Hollywood? Why are you not staying in Treat Williams' house in Vermont? Yes, and getting hugged and then served a bowl of quinoa.

Why are we... Before having our necks snapped like celery sticks. Why are we almost never at the Chateau Marmont? That's what I want to know. We are rarely there. Why don't we... We should be. You can be. At the very least we should be able to... We should have met

like Michael Richards. Like hung out one time with Michael Richards. Really? You know, bare minimum we should be able to, we should have met like Michael Richards. Like hung out one time with Michael Richards. Really? You know, bare minimum, we should have, you know, we should have met Alan Alda socially. Like run into Alan Alda at a party. Why not? He's everywhere too.

He's the Luis Guzman of his day. Really? Have you met? It's a fun thing to say i was genuinely i was genuinely excited at the prospect i met him once when he was on when he was on 30 rock but oh yes he was on 30 rock i i remember and you were also uh you also did a guest shot on scientific american frontiers why yes absolutely it was quid pro quo. Right. And also, they retroactively inserted you into After Mash.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Jordan and Jesse Go, the program. I'm your host, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Keith Powell, actor. He is. He's an actor. He does act. But not just an actor, Jordan. A theatrical empresario.

Wow. This is what I imagine. I know that you are involved in the operation of what appears to be a legitimate summer stock theater in i used to be delaware in delaware good job i picture you getting cast on 30 rock yes and then when studio 60 got canceled you went and bought your own theater retrofitted it and said let's put on a show well it actually was the opposite. I had the theater. 30 Rock came along, and I'm like, why the hell am I doing theater?

Yeah, I mean, that's reasonable. That's what happened. Once I started this podcast, I stopped metalworking. I had a similar, like, fuck this. You understand this. You understand. I do miss, you used to make the most beautiful metal flowers, Jordan yeah my heart wasn't in it i know it's too many craft fairs yeah you've been to one craft fair man i fucked my way across this nation's craft fairs too i mean

i'm so tired of the craft fair groupies you're tired of it you're tired specifically of craft puss yeah it's a very specific type of that's my uh favorite german techno band from the 70s too kraft bus kraft puss with an umlaut over the u the uh the felt does sorry that is really dumb yeah that's probably one of the two dumb can i ask you guys a quick question yeah just a follow-up to something I said earlier. Okay. I was tweeting earlier today, and something moved me to use the word puss. As a diminutive form of pussy.

As in like puss in boots. Yeah, as in puss in boots. You were tweeting about how much you loved Puss in Boots. In 3D and theaters now. They hit film Puss in Boots. I don't know who's in it, but probably Whoopi Goldberg, right? Antonio Banderas. And Whoopi Goldberg. Selma Hayek. Yes, Selma Hayek.

You know what? I think America, the movie going public, loves Selma Hayek and Antonio Banderas. But the one thing they're sick of is having to look at them on the screen. So it's good that they've gone. I'm glad that they've gone. They've gone towards. But I use the word puss. I don't think I had ever used that before, but I got a nice kick out of it.

I mean, I enjoyed saying puss. Here we go. Jesse is going to bring back the word puss into our popular lexicon. And so I'm wondering, is that cool? Like, is that something we should work on? Like us saying puss a lot? And just to encourage others to say it? Yeah.

Or just, or is it even okay for me to say it once? Or is it too upsetting? Yeah, I like, I mean, yeah, in general, I like it. I mean, I guess I think about it not as, you know, genitals or, youitals or not a female's genitals or, you know, a synonym for wimp. But I guess I think of it as something like a grandma says when you're pouting, like, don't have a puss on. Like a sour puss. Like a sour puss. That's still dirty.

Yeah. Oh, I'll have a puss on, grandma. Yeah. Oh! Oh! Image in my head I can never erase You know Okay We're talking about

Shoving something up the zeitgeist Sure Sure Changing the world Here's been something I've Been kind of working on In my spare time That I think

I'm ready to debut Yeah, okay Keith, tell me Just If you have a quick You know, just not a full anecdote, but just a sentence about someone who is not famous. Just, you know, you had a rude waiter, or you were pleased to see the bartender you usually see. Just a story about someone who is not particularly famous. Your greengrocer passed on?

Yeah, or a family member or something like that. Okay. Well, just recently, when I used to run my theater company, there was an usher that worked there who recently passed away. And all of his obituaries talk about how he was married for 26 years and have all these kids. And neglecting to mention that when his wife passed away before him, he became the biggest homosexual I've ever met in my entire life. Like wearing every – like rainbow flag t-shirts every time I saw him. Do you think it was maybe under his mourning gear at her funeral? Like he had on the black suit and just tore open the coat?

And he was the nicest human being I have ever met in my life. And he was a sweet guy, sweet guy. The gayest thing ever. And he must have been like 80 years old. And when his wife passed away, he decided to let the gay flag fly. And then now his obituaries all talk about how devoted husband he was. Devoted husband. Yeah.

You're missing the fact that he had. Lover of pussy. No. No. But like you're missing the fact that this man had like a 25-year-old Dominican lover for like 15 years. Yeah, and also kind of like what's amazing about that is that, you know, it's kind of a testament to – you can't have a second act in life. You know, like maybe you are – you grew up in a different era where you had to be closeted. Well, it's good.

Like if your wife of longstanding is going to pass on, and we'll get to your zeitgeist. Sorry, sorry. No, no, what actually hurt my zeitgeist thing is that was an interesting story. No, no, but it's great. I can give you another one. We'll ask for another one shortly, because we want to talk

about this elderly homosexual gentleman. Why not? I think that it would be nice if when your wife passed you could just turn to a new page yeah right open a new book maybe like maybe it's like well i hadn't considered it before but i guess now i'm free to be a gayman a gayman why not why give it a whirl you might get yourself a plane ticket and be a gayman gayman. Oh, sure. And you can do some banking, some offshore banking.

So if there's a short for pussy, then what's the short for dick? I've always been interested in a little d. Oh. Stop being such a d. D. I think you sound like you had a little stroke when you said that. Look at that eye sound. Which is what the French call orgasm.

Lethal stroke. Oh, man. Sorry I ruined your zeitgeist. That's okay. You know, Teresa made a Bundt cake. I saw my green grocer, like you said. Yeah, Julia went to play with her mom the other day.

Oh, Julia. She's good in everything. If the person being talked about is not an actor, go, oh, they're good in everything. I think that works for me. Can we get that started? Yeah. Wait, you can't use my dead gay friend? Oh, no, maybe I can.

I can. I can. An elderly usher who until recently was closeted. He's good in everything. That could work. I like he's good in everything. It's a little morbid now that he's dead. Yeah.

He's good in everything, including his coffin. That doesn't work. No, no. But I get it. Yeah yeah i like an elderly gay sure because they're out there having fun they are you know what i mean walking a dog not all of them yeah that's true i've known more than one elderly gays in my life some could be sad some could be mean i mean, I think they really do represent. Let's get inhuman. I have to tell you, this conversation has taken a very interesting turn.

But here's the thing. I mean, as a San Francisco native, when you see a gay elderly couple walking their dog down the streets of San Francisco, what I think is that seems like a fun way to be an old person. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, listen, that's a lot of sex there. Yeah. For an old person especially. But I've always – and I don't want to offend any – I have – it's always the go-to.

And I'm not going toto I'm not against homosexuals I have a lot of homosexual friends I like black people I have a lot of black friends You have a male lover I'm not against gay I have a 25 year old Dominican fuck buddy I don't want to offend anybody

I don't think this is offensive But when I was in college I was like No, I want to offend anybody, but I don't think this is offensive. But when I was in college, I was like, no, I want to be gay. I would not be able to stand. I'd be fucking so much. Yeah, sure. No, no, no. Yeah, sure. As it stands right now, begging women to have sex with me.

I mean, now, this is more true now than it was then. Now, this is more true now than it was then. Now there's an app they use to fuck on their phones where it beeps when they're getting closer to sex. All you have to do is walk around in an area where there's cell reception. It's a fuck tricorder. Yeah, right. It's a fuck divining rod. That is amazing.

There is a Geiger counter for penis and butt. I mean, you know, I wish I were gay. I wish. Because I would totally be fucking all the time. My penis would be broken. And we don't mean to diminish the difficulties that gay men face

even still in America today. I don't want to diminish the difficulties that gay men face even still in America today. And that's why I did not want to offend them. Yeah, I mean, these are significant difficulties. And we would love to do our best to lend a hand to remove those difficulties. But guys, console yourself in endless cock. It's like endless shrimp at Red Lobster. Right. It's like endless shrimp at Red Lobster.

Now, I have to tell you, I now just think about three gay friends of mine who are not getting laid and having a big problem with it. So, of course, I just contradicted myself. But, I mean, I think if you're a gay man in a major city in the United States and you're not getting laid it's because you've chosen to seek something more you've made that choice well it's like women you know i i really do believe that that women can get laid anytime they want they just you know make a choice about the man that they you know i you know they have values but but gay men don't have to worry about that not a concern for gay dudes this conversation has taken a very weird turn no they don't they don't have to they don't have to worry about ladies who have values so if they decide that they don't have to worry about ladies who have values. So if they decide that they don't... Because I think that each of us has been in situations in our lives where we have decided to choose values.

We're not powerless in the face of our ids. Right. However, it's not necessarily always ruling the day in the way it might with a lady. I would agree with that. It's funny because there's a story I love to tell. I had an assistant who was gay and he was telling me that he— Hold on. That's kind of offensive.

I know. I regularly offend people. Clean it up. No. So I had an assistant who was gay, and he was telling me about the fact that he lives with his ex-boyfriend. And I was like, well, I don't understand. So you have a current boyfriend, but your roommate is your ex-boyfriend. Isn't that awkward?

And he goes, oh, keith i'm gay as if as if like that answers all the problems like you know i i could not and i i was saying i can't imagine like being roommates with my ex-girlfriend of like five years and then bringing another girl home. I just can't imagine that. And he's like, oh, you idiot. I'm gay. Did he give you the international symbol for it's cool, I'm gay, which is just two hands. It's cool. It's fine.

I wish our audience at home was seeing this action. Left and right sure given the old motion no i but but honestly that and that was that was the end of that conversation he did not explain it any further right yeah it almost right it does and it doesn't require a lot more explanation there are parts of it that do and parts of it that don't i just like the idea of him having a handful of, I almost said pixie dust, but that actually is offensive. But a handful of magic dust that he just goes. And that's just gay.

That's just gay. And it makes everything. It diffuses any awkward situation. Oh, Keith. It was very condescending, too. Like, you plebeian. Just like there's an old lady. There's only one window open at the post office.

And there's an old lady paying for a money order in pennies. And he just blows a little gay on her and then just takes her out at the knees. It's fine. I'm gay. It's cool. I'm gay. Oh out at the knees it's fine i'm gay it's cool i'm gay oh doris it's fine in your coupons okay look we'll be back we'll be back on and on a different subject in just a second on jordan jesse go La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, that there is. Sure. Thank you. I mean, look, I like Archer a lot, too. And I know people like community because they like to recognize things that they know. Yeah.

You enjoy the Antiques Roadshow. I do. I do. I love the Antiques Roadshow. But I still, I'm going to go with 30 Rock for best show. It is. Right? It is.

You know, people always say to me, you know, people stop me on the street and say it's their favorite show. And I go, it's mine too. I feel like I have not contributed to its success in a way. And I don't say that in a self-deprecating way. But the show's brilliance, I think, is in its writing. And I don't write for the show. So I get to be a fan as well yeah it must be exciting because i wish i would get the 30 rock script yeah the week you were shooting oh dude

like that is kind of a a pleasure it is a pleasure to get the script so far in advance and know what's happening and know what the weird jokes are and i'm so over you know like um when i i'm so over the jokes when by the time they, because you're like, we've said it a million times. There's a fun little story where I was over my aunt and uncle's house. And I was like, I read the funniest thing in a 30 Rock script the other day. It said, never go with a hippie to a second location it was the funniest thing in the world and everybody looked at me like what the hell are you talking about they did not find it funny at all and then and then when it aired they laughed so hard to it i'm like and i'm like guys remember when i told you that i'm like i told you that joke already and they're like yeah but it wasn't funny now it's funny now i'm over it but a joke on 30 rock i mean it doesn't get any better than that i mean that really is the best joke that there is it almost sometimes i'll be watching 30 rock um and i will see a joke and i will be pained that the joke is so good like upset and confused yeah that there could be a

joke that is so good it's sort of beyond it's sort of like outside of my comprehension it's sort of like it's sort of like if you're an atheist and you're trying to think about god and it's just making you upset you know what i mean i think i? I think there's a great joke on 30 Rock that every single time, and I've known this joke forever, I always giggle at. And it's a scene, I think it was in the fourth season, where Jenna, who's the actress on the show, and she previously was the only singer on the show. And then there's a new cast member who can sing very well. And she said, well, let me hear you sing so that we can arrange it. But

she really is just threatened by the competition. And he starts singing, and it's really beautiful. And they have the cameras on him. And then he stops singing in the middle of it. And he goes, I'm sorry. Is your nose bleeding? And they cut back to her. And there's a drop of blood trickling down from her nose. And she goes, no, I'm just so happy for you. I'm not having a rage stroke.

Every time I see that joke, I giggle endlessly. Sorry if this is becoming 30 Rocky Great. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. It's lame. I'm used to it. I hate myself for it.

But it feels like the show now, its most recent episodes, it seems like it's gradually gone from like taking place in the real world to not taking place in the real world. Well, you know, Tina, Tina was very clear at the, in the first season when, when they were still kind of figuring out what the show was,

that she really loved the idea that the, that the world was elastic. That's the word she used that she wanted to be very elastic so that you can get away with a joke that really would not take place in the real world and then also be uber realistic. And she said that there is a freedom in joke writing where there really is no rules on what can be done or what can't be done. You just want to make somebody laugh. I have been, I have gotten in arguments on the internet that I've then had to withdraw myself from over, you know, some show or other that I have complained about not being character driven

enough, probably arrested development and which I think is a wonderful show. And I want to make that clear to everyone who emailed me about, I think it's a wonderful show. I just think it lost its way a little bit towards the end um but uh i've i've complained about that before and this and people say well you love 30 rock you know that's your favorite show you know that is the joke drivenest sitcom on television but the thing that i the thing that I really appreciate about 30 Rock is that no matter how absurd the jokes are, they are always driven by the character and situation and feelings. And Tina's very, very strict about that, too.

I think that the way that I like to categorize it is that it's rooted in humanity. And it's rooted into the personalities of the people who are telling that particular joke. It's not just – and that's what drives me crazy about some particular shows, Family Guy, that you just – there's nothing rooting the joke. Huffington Post headline, twofer takes on family guy, comma, gays. Elderly gays. Elderly gays. No, I mean, you know, I actually used to be a huge fan of Family Guy, but I feel like it's now just throwing comedy at you that's kind of baseless. And, and, and I think that that's what kind of makes 30 rock unique and special and interesting and,

and kind of to what you're talking about, that there is, um, that there's a humanity in the joke. Yeah. And you know, when Norm Macdonald was on, uh,

our friend, uh, Mark Maron's podcast, WTF recently. And he said, we said a lot of amazing shit. Um, that's an amazing man. mcdonald that's

an amazing hour podcast yeah an amazing madman um but one of the things that i really like that he said was he wrote on rosanne which i i've been watching a lot of because my wife has been why it's on netflix instant streaming it is a great show i mean rosanne really is really good and john goodman couldn't be better when it was all a dream when she won the lottery it was all a dream it was very weird um but uh uh he wrote he wrote on roseanne for a couple years i think and um one of the things that he said in that wtf interview was when he got the first uh roseanne script the first year that he worked on rosanne he read it and said said because he's norm mcdonald not just thought uh all of these jokes are terrible no one is going to laugh at

this huh and then the lesson that he had to learn was that um the what made the jokes funny was the characters yeah and he didn't i mean he still does has does not have a strong understanding of character i think but that's good comedy i mean you know um people always ask me what my favorite show of all time is and i think it's cheers i have that i have that problem too people are always asking me that all the time but no but you know i you you watch cheers and i kind of think fraser is kind of lumped into that. Yeah. And Frasier... It's part of the Cheers-iverse. It's the Cheers-iverse.

And certainly... So is Wings, actually. Oh, yeah, right? It totally is. Certainly the Tortellis also. The Tortellis. Oh, my. But what made that show...

The writing was solid, was really good. But what made that show extraordinary was that it wasn't just that Norm said something funny. It was that Norm said something funny. Yeah, well, Norm said the normiest thing you could ever say every time. And you just marvel at it. There's no character on Cheers who's witty. None. Zero. And that's amazing.

It's amazing that you have a comedy show as funny as Cheers is when none of them are ironic. Carla's good with a slam. Carla will insult you, but she's not really ironic and above it all and snarky. There's no character like that. And to modern sitcoms that that's just just kind of a dying breed it's not it doesn't exist much anymore so that's why i really love when it's um when the the kind of shows where you're laughing because the person because you know the person who said it yeah you know You know, I'm having a little bit of a,

it's funny that we're talking about this, because I'm kind of having a, I'm thinking about this a lot. I'm kind of putting the kind of finishing touches on a pilot. I want to be in it. Oh, sure. It's part of the 30 Rockiverse, so this is two-fers. Oh, good. This is two-fers tortellis. It's actually also called 30 Rockiverse So this is Twofers Oh good This is Twofers Tortellis

It's actually also called the Tortellis It's sort of a hybrid It's a reboot of the Tortellis starring Twofer Just give me the check Yeah Don't worry we got that podcasting money Oh for the listeners I'm going to have a stage reading

In LA soon I will let you know when that is. But it's funny because I also don't want the script just be full of, like, slams and weird things and references. But here's the thing. Just someone reading this, some executive guy who's certainly never heard of me, doesn't know these characters. So it's so hard because I can't like... Pilot write... I can think of them and I can think of what kind of guy this is

and why it's funny that they think this, but how do I tell the reader that? Yeah. Pilot writing isn't... Excuse me. It's entirely its own beast, pilot writing. I've written a couple of pilots. I have an animated pilot that I'm,

that I actually decided to fund first, or to self-fund and make first. Oh, neat. And then sell it, you know, and then put it out. But, and... This is called Family Guy 2, correct? Yes. Family Guy-er. Yeah. Family Guy, in parentheses, the family is the Tortellis This is a confusing title

Also, why does it star Kelsey Grammer? Because everything should star Kelsey Grammer Sure But no, but It's its own beast Yeah, yeah It's like auditioning isn't acting Exactly

I think it's kind of a similar thing. But, you know, pilots have, and network executives want, a very specific thing in a pilot that will have nothing to do with anything else you will ever write connected to the series. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Which is so friggin' weird, right? And it's almost counterproductive. It's almost self-defeating in the way that that happens.

Because you spend all this time setting up the premise and there's nothing funny or nothing interesting about it that makes someone want to come back to watch it again. But you have to do all that to kind of lay a foundation. You know what's something that upsets me? You know what's something that upsets me? I feel like people oversell how bad a show was at the beginning to make up situations for me that would be 30 rock in the office okay um and i feel like i have read so many things about oh 30 rock didn't really work the first season or the office didn't really work the first season no you watched the pilot right you didn't get it yet and then you decided it wasn't good and then you came back to it a year and a half later when someone was telling you how good it was exactly well that's what happens you know um i was just reading recently where it is a scientific fact that people have i don't know i was talking to matt weiner about this and he did

and he did an interview about it sure i think we've all talked to matt weiner he's good in everything no but he you know he claims that there's a scientific fact that people reject anything new immediately before anything new. And so it's only when consensus starts happening that they re-approach something new. Oh, interesting. And so, you know, first of all, I will say that the pilot for 30 Rock wasn't our best. You know, I will say, though, I've been watching a ton of pilots kind of in preparation for this. It's really fucking funny. Yeah, I thought the pilot for 30 Rock was funny.

It's fucking funny. Yeah, I thought the pilot for 30 Rock was funny. It's very funny. Like, yeah, I mean, sure. Is it as funny as the one where they use the Jack Donaghy voice box to trick... Anyways. Look, is Dr. Spaceman in it? No.

No. Hank Hooper hasn't come along yet. Well, Hank Hooper hasn't come along for a while. No, but yeah. But I think the pilot for 30 Rock was funny. Hank Hooper hasn't come along yet Hank Hooper hasn't come along for a while But yeah I think the pilot for 30 Rock Was funny I think that it was that thing Where it needed to establish all the characters

And if you didn't know that Tracy Jordan was crazy Then everything else that he Ever does wouldn't be funny Do you know what I mean? And if you didn't know that Although to be fair I kind of think that anything tracy morgan does in any context is pretty funny i think tracy morgan it just breathes funny i think tracy morgan like crying at a close relative's funeral

would probably be pretty funny well yes actually i i've seen tracy cry i heard tracy cry on on fresh air i'm on a first name basis with him as well um and uh for no other reason than you decided to be why not and he cried and i couldn't tell if it was a joke or not so there you go yeah tracy, Tracy is just one of those people that, you know, he doesn't have to say anything funny for it to be funny. No. But he can and does say funny things. But there are a lot of people who don't get him. And I understand that. And I, because he is a very specific type of comedian. Well, I remember, I mean, I think he is one of the great classic

examples of a cast member on Saturday Night Live who just completely baffled the writers of Saturday Night Live. He did. And, you know... And he really didn't break out on Saturday Night Live, ironically enough. He wasn't that popular

of a cast member on Saturday Night Live. It was only in retrospect. It was only after he got off the show he's like yes we all love brian fellows right but the zoologist with the fifth grade education but was that funny at the time i mean people didn't get it yeah sure i i swear to god he and it's it's very interesting because he's one of the highest selling best of saturday night live dvds But while he was on Saturday Night Live, no one understood him. And even the public. It was one of those slow burns. I have to say he was my favorite

for much of his period on Saturday Night Live. He was my favorite cast member. But I definitely under... I mean, I was in love with him telling Lorne Michaels to get him a sandwich. Wait, when did he do that? There was a... It may have been a recurring sketch. Was it a recurring sketch?

They did this more than once. Lorne Michaels, get me a sandwich! Yeah, exactly! That's exactly what he said. Go get me a sandwich! To the point where I did watch multiple episodes of The Tracy Morgan Show on NBC. But I think, you know, there's a combination I did watch multiple episodes of The Tracy Morgan Show. I did too.

On NBC. But I think there's a combination of – you put Tracy Morgan on Saturday Night Live. He is as distinctive a comic voice as you could possibly have. Yes. It is a comic voice that is not just distinctive from – it is distinctive from his Saturday Night Live cast mates. Yes.

You know, it is not. I mean, there's nobody else like him. Yeah, it is not easily integrated into a, you know, a sketch where. The comedy sketch has to be about him. Yeah. Or it to be something. You can't just put him on the panel of a talk show where it's a rotating celebrity. Although he's funny when he's in the view.

Well, but, you know, that's a rotating celebrity impressions. Although he's funny when he's in The View. Well, but you know, that's how he broke out. I mean, you know, Tina wrote all those View sketches. Oh, really? Oh, wow. And she, you know, I mean, Tracy Morgan owes his entire career to Tina Fey. I mean, and it's not just because of 30 Rock. It's because

Tina knew... Tina wrote for him at a time when nobody else was writing for him and totally got his voice in a very specific way that made it kind of amazing, that made him Tracy Morgan that we know today. Do you remember when he was Harry Belafonte?

I don't remember which. It was Hardball or something like that. I do remember that sketch, though. And he said, Poodle is the black man in the dog world. Oh, man. Finally, Astronaut Jones. Oh, man.

Tracy, it's so fun. No, but when he was on The View, though, the reason why he broke out in The View Is because literally There were times in that sketch Where everybody was talking at once The person you heard was Tracy Even when everybody was talking at once

You heard Tracy talk And I guess the joke of that is supposed to be Oh everyone's talking at once and you can't understand anyone He's like no you understand this guy And he's being crazy And what he's saying is insane But you can't understand anyone. He's like, no, you understand this guy and he's being crazy. And what he's saying is insane. But, you know, I mean, there's a lot of people who don't get his type of humor. And I understand it and you can't explain it to them.

Right. He just is funny to you or he's not. I mean, it's not long on explicability. It's certainly, if I could characterize it with any word, it might be inexplicable. He's inscrutable. Do you think he just has that magic gay dust on him?

He does. That's what it is? You know what it was? My assistant came up to him and blew the dust on him. Genius. Just blew the dust on him. And then just all of a sudden, rocket. Okay, we'll be back in just a second dust on and then just all of a sudden rocket okay we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica love you

it's jordan jessica i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morse Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Keith Powell, actor. Seems pretentious. I know that you're self-satirizing it.

I mean, I know that you're bringing it with each time. You're bringing it further towards self-satire. You're becoming more and more a character on the Canadian television program Slings and Arrows. Oh, my. We are certainly now appealing to a very, very tiny audience. That's what we like to do. We like to start kind of broad and we like to shrink it down so no one knows what we're talking about. One of my favorite quotes ever from that show

is there's a director, flamboyant director, comes in and he goes, I am, I don't know what his name is, I am Keith Powell, deal with that. So I do that when I walk into the room sometimes. I just go, I'm Keith Powell, deal with that. Oh, I want a recording of John Lovett saying that. That would be great.

Oh, that would be really fun. You could make that your ringtone. I'm Lovett. Deal with that. Why does the voice go up? Hey, sponsor this week, MakePixelArt.com. It's our pals Ben and Katie's website. This is a fun website where you can go to.

They have an application to make it easy for you to make lo-fi graphics. Somebody, did you see the race car that somebody made for us? I thought it was great. I thought it was a tremendous race car. I have to say. You can go there, too. Make us something. MakePixelArt.com.

Pretty soon, they're going to have a mobile telephone application. But in the meantime, you can do it all on the worldwide internet at makepixelart.com. You put drop pixels. It's like Mario Paint without the confusing musical element. Didn't Mario Paint have a confusing musical element? It did. Yes. It's very confusing. Hey, let's go to the Jumbotron now.

What do we got? Well, we got a commercial message from our friends at MonthlySauce.com. They painstakingly research gourmet sauces to send you the best of the best every month. It makes a great gift for a gourmand, foodie, cooking enthusiast, or anyone who likes to eat. I think that's all of us. Personal testimonial. Yes. Jesse gave me a bottle of chipotle ketchup.

I did. Same service. Yes. I had a chicken cutlet in the fridge, leftover. Sounds insufficiently flavorful. Boy, that was the problem. And I had not been grocery shopping I had this cold chicken cutlet

Sure I'm like, well, I'm hungry I'm running out the door I'm going to warm this thing up Threw it in a pan Gosh, wait a minute Yeah? I have that chipotle ketchup

So you can give it a real kick in the pants Flavor-wise Threw it on the chicken cutlet Booyah I kick in the pants flavor-wise. Threw it on the chicken cutlet. Booyah. I'm in the flavor zone. All thanks to MonthlySauce.com. We also have a personal message.

Happy 30th birthday to Sarah. Sarah D'Auto. Sarah, you're old. Sarah. No one else will tell you this No This is Frank right here This is an intervention You're now old

Yes Intervention about your age Sarah You're entering Your sexual peak That's a lady's sexual peak The dirty 30s Their 30s

The dirty 30s Anyway I heard that This message to Sarah Comes from her husband Tony Enjoy your wife's sexual peak And her pals Anyway, this message to Sarah comes from her husband, Tony. Enjoy your wife's sexual peak. And her pals, Monica, Heather, Holly, and Chris.

They say that she is an amazing wife and a wonderful friend. I bet she is. Best of all, she just found out she's a real princess. Oh, in joke. That's an in joke from Jordan and Jesse Go four years ago. Nice. Do people email? You don't have a public email address.

No. People are constantly emailing me about something that happened on Jordan and Jesse Go four years ago. And if I want to respond to them, first I have to ask them to explain what happened. Because I don't remember. Anyway, happy 30th birthday to Sarah. By the way, Sarah's birthday, November 11th. I don't know if you guys know this. November 11th, 2011 is a very important date in an organization which I have a vested interest in. And that is the Corduroy Appreciation

Club, because it is the date which most resembles Corduroy of all time. Also... Lots of straight lines. Also, it's the date The Immortals comes out from the producer of 300. Well, sign me up. This looks like a similar film. Isn't that America's most beloved new gray and gold movie? Let's talk about a movie that they sprinkled a lot of gay dust on.

Yes, they were looking at the producer's cut of the movie going, well, this is fine. It's not gay enough. Hey, guys, looking producer's cut of the movie going, well, this is fine. It's not gay enough. Hey, guys. Looking at a cut of a movie in here? No. I have to tell you. What I find, and I don't mean to go off on a tangent about 300.

But I hate the movie with a flaming passion. Sure. And what I find. A flaming passion. No, but what I find very interesting is that the Spartans regularly had sex with each other in order to get pumped up to go into war. And they were so homophobic in the movie. Oh, yeah. Like, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, it's definitely always kind of a comically conservative movie. And I kind of go, you're the people that fucked each other. Not the bad guys. I mean, the bad guys probably fucked each other, too. I'm sure the bad guys. But yeah, right. But you're going to be homophobic when you fuck each other? Right.

You know how? When they cover each other with the shields, there's that move in the movie where they defend against the arrow barrage by covering themselves with shields. When you can't see them, they're fucking in there. But you know, and that was also like the famous society that did the man boy love oh sure sure and you kind of go but you're being like the movie was so aggressively homophobic yeah there was like evil gay it was a little disgusting yeah i would enjoy watching a and by enjoy watching i mean not enjoy watching, but Be Glad exists in the world. Like a Starz series, S-T-A-R-Z, a sort of sword and sandal epic that has a lot of dude on dude fucking. It would be historically accurate.

Which is as gratuitous as the boobs in Spartacus, Blood and Sand. Exactly. Just a lot of cock. Just so many beautiful rock hard boners. That would be historically accurate. Just elegant, elegant, but also threatening boners. Yeah. Anyway, if you want to have a beautiful birthday message like that.

If you want us to get you rock hard. Okay, Jordan, I feel bad about talking about Sarah's sexual peak on behalf of her husband. No, that's great. Good for him. Good for both of them. Tony, Monica, Heather, Holly, and Chris say that Sarah's favorite segment on Jordan, Jesse, Go! is Jordan sings a song. I don't know if maybe when we come back from a break, in honor of Sarah's birthday, we might be able to put a little something together. Okay, we'll be back in just

a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Keith Powell ballerina. You should say it with some gravitas, though. Keith Powell ballerina. Pretty, pretty ballerina I should say it with some gravitas though Keith Powell ballerina Pretty, pretty ballerina

I think you're a ballerino Ballerino Okay, so for the birthday, before we move on I just want to say Keith has heard Jordan Yossi go before But I don't think he's listened to every episode or anything. And I want to give Keith a little background on what we're about to do before we do it. You know, we have some recurring segments on Jordan Jesse.

We don't like to run them into the ground, Keith. We bring them back once in a while, but there are some that... Wait, wait, don't tell me. No, sorry. That's not our job. I love the limericks. Yeah. But here's the thing, Keith. people's perspective on life, on love, on, you know, what it is to be a man or woman

in contemporary America. I don't think that's, yeah, I don't think that's inaccurate. And I think that this segment is one of those, this is an example of one of those things. This is something where people come up to me on the street and they say, I was down in the dumps. You know, my wife left me. You know, my husband left me. I, you know, I had run. It was Halloween and I didn't have any candy for all the kids.

And all the kids were leaving my house crying. You know, I had to get my leg cut off because of diabetes. Just all of these things in this one segment transformed my life. Oh, wow. I'm ready for my world to be rocked. And this segment is called Jordan Sings a Song. Jordan, what song are you going to be singing for us? I'm going to be singing a little bit of Don't Stop Me Now

by Queen. Now, Jordan isn't technically a professional singer. No. Although, I think that singing on this program, which he does get paid to co-host, may qualify him as one. But there's something about him. I would say that Jordan is

a Susan Boyle-like figure. Sure, yeah. He also has a susan boyle like figure sure yeah just um he also has kind of looks like he also has a susan boyle like figure oh boy sorry jordan i didn't mean to um but i i think i think you're i guess i'm just saying this to say that i think you're really gonna enjoy this and you should really strap in especially your dick because i'm holding on it's gonna be a powerful experience so the song again jordan don't stop me now by queen and i'm gonna ask you guys because this is a birthday okay edition and i want to be extra special sure when i point to you guys i'm gonna have you do the harmony with me which is

all you have to do is gonna do it twice i'm I'm just going to have plenty of you guys, and you're going to go, don't stop me now. Okay. All right. I'm ready. Okay. I'm ready. Tonight, I'm going to have myself a real good time. I feel alive. I feel alive.

And the world is turning inside out. Yeah. I'm floating along in ecstasy. So don't stop And the world is turning inside out, yeah. I'm floating along in ecstasy. So don't stop me now. Don't stop me now. Because I'm having a good time, having a good time. I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity. I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva.

I'm going to go, go, go, go. There's no stopping me. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, gravitas keith powell black panther that's great not questioning sexiness we all got something different from that the tone of that was should i be this sexy should i should i do i have a choice i uh i did a i i recently did a voiceover for um a commercial for for an online company. LuisKuzman.com. Yes. Kuzman. And the voice that I used was,

this is the pluralesses. And, you know, they are an Indian rock band who used to be, and my girlfriend's like, why don't you talk like that all the time? Like a tool? Well, that's because your girlfriend to be fair to your girlfriend she did have her sexual awakening while listening to an esl tape um listen speaking speaking of sexual awakenings we have a segment on this show called straight talk for teens this is where teenagers who are having a lot of problems in their life, as all teenagers do, let's face it, it's a rocky time in everyone's life.

And there are literally no other podcasts for advice. Yeah. So they call us and ask us to guide them through the rocky shoals of teenagerdom and into the pussy shores of college. Your 20s. Of your 20s. So we have a couple of calls from real-life teens. Let's hear what they have to say for themselves. I hope they can pull up their pants first.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and delightful guest. This is Allison from Minnesota. I'm calling because I am a teen in dire need of some straight talk. I live in a Minneapolis suburb, and I met a guy who goes to the U of M a few months ago. Despite only meeting once, we hit it off and now text and Facebook each other with some regularity. There are two problems here. One, I'm 17 and he's 21, as in I'm a senior in high school and he's a senior in college. Number two, I am horrible at reading signs.

We've planned to attend a few events together. He offered to take me to the Tig Notaro show that he helped book, but I can't tell if he's just being nice and I don't want to embarrass myself. What do I do? Thanks, guys. Bye. Some very serious straight talk action here. Yeah.

Okay, so wait. And I guess I maybe don't know a lot about Minnesota geography. Is part of her conundrum that they live far away or not? No. He attends the University of Minnesota. He's a golden gopher. Oh. Is that what that is?

And I think that they are reasonably proximate. Okay. I think that's part of this question. I may have misinterpreted it. I mean, one of her issues is the age difference. Right. I think that's the core issue. The secondary issue is she can't read signs, which is going to be a problem in relationships and also a big problem in intersections.

Well, the first thing is with men, there is no reading signs. He wants to have sex with her. Yeah, he wants to have sex. Yeah, he wants to put it in. Yeah, and I think that, okay, and this is something I was having a conversation about this recently. With a 17-year-old. With a 17-year-old, who I was trying to fuck. Yeah.

Um, yeah, I mean, I, I wonder if there's that, there's that like, well, men are more prone to thinking something's a date. Right. And women are, um, I would say more. Women are constantly agreeing to go on dates that turn out not to be dates. Yeah, I was, and I, but, and I think women are more like... I don't know if it's oblivious or not. Women think that men and women can be friends. Right.

Yes. By just the two of them doing something. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I think it's safe to say, ladies out there, if a guy's inviting you to a thing where it's just the two of you, and certainly when he pays for something, just assume that he's interested.

Yes, I would agree with that. I've spent a lot of money in my life on dates where the woman was like, oh, what? Oh, you're interested? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, a lot of dates where after the check comes and you paid it She's like we should meet my boyfriend

He's out with his friends That's happened to me more times than I can remember And you're like but I already bought this copy of Taboo So I guess her relationship is off the table I have to dad out on this one Sure And I'm gonna go with He's definitely interested I have to dad out on this one. Sure. And I'm going to go with he's definitely interested, but I don't think you should get involved.

I agree. Yeah. No, I feel a little bit like that, too. And, yeah, I mean, if it, you know, if it's you don't just want to be fucked, I'm assuming. Right. That's not your core. That's not your core. That's not the agenda. That's not the agenda. If you are, you could probably do it elsewhere.

But we cannot advocate. Right. But if you do want to just have a relationship, you can fucking hang out for a couple months while you turn 18. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of feel like once you're in college, if you're a freshman in college and he's a senior in college there is still an unequal power balance there but it's not so bad and it will probably be made up for by the fact that he is an awkward guy whose only social outlet is booking tignitaro shows and nothing against our good friend tignitaro the brilliant Tig Notaro. But, you know, I mean, it'll be okay then.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think that I honestly just think that she is young and has, you know, a whole world to explore and a whole group of social circles to explore and, you know, kind of being in a relationship with this dude and being serious about this dude at such a young age and at such an age difference at this particular time in their life might not be smart. But here's a good, I think Jordan's advice is at the core of this, and that is when it comes to reading signals from dudes, they probably do want to sleep with you. Yeah, definitely if you're a young lady and it's just you and a guy.

Oh, then they definitely want to sleep with you. Yeah, I think default to that. Just default to that. Yeah, if you do just want to pal around unless they haven't figured out that they were gay that they're gay yeah right yes if they're just looking for a beard if they have a handful of sparkly dust but in that case though but in that case if they haven't found out that they're gay yet nine times out of ten they're trying to convince themselves that they just want to sleep with you yeah so then we're back to the yeah it's still

the same thing yeah yeah it's just a little sadder for you and them. The whole thing's just a little sadder. It's the same basic setup, but with a more melancholy and retrospect. Here's my final advice. Don't do anything one-on-one with this guy, because that's a date. Yeah. Pal around in a group setting yeah and if he's a really you know a nice guy and you guys are meant to be together then when you turn 18 you can start the

dating process yeah uh but yeah for now don't let him pay for a lot of stuff and don't go to any one-on-one things with him yeah don't let him pick you up in his Camaro after school. Oh, sure. If he's got a Lambo, then blow it. Keith is like, I don't know. What if it's a Camaro? Does it have a firebird painted on the hood? It's the 80s. Hi, JJ Goh. This is Ben Kearns from Tampa.

And I think I'm in need of some straight talk for teens. I'm 18, and I just entered college. Well, I entered college about a month ago, and I've had a hard time making friends. I just don't really know what to do. I've always been kind of a socially awkward guy, but I'm trying to overcome that, and I just don't know how well it's working.

I don't know, but I think I'd like some help, I guess, on the subject of how to meet people or make friends. Thanks. First step, listen to more podcasts. Yes.

Turn to them for advice. Anybody who knows how to socialize, it's podcasters. Well, first of all, nerds shall inherit the earth. So it's not such the worst thing in the world that you're socially awkward at the moment. One day you might own your own theater company. Right. And then be on 30 Rock. Yeah.

Keith, what was your... Did you... You went to some sort of performance college, right? I did. Did you kind of glean that? I went to NYU for acting. To the Tisch School of the Arts? To the Tisch School of the Arts!

Did you go into it feeling socially awkward? I don't... I mean, yes. I guess everyone feels socially awkward um especially if you're an actor um i and i feel now even now i'm still socially awkward um i think we are we're all feeling that right now well but but you know i i think that for me i've been looking at my phone a lot during this show yeah i know i I can bore the shit out of people. But no, I think... Especially Treat Williams.

I think for me... So much that he doesn't offer you a second slice of carob cake. You know, I knew that there was a reason we were not, you know, praising Mother Gaia the second night. Yeah.

But no, I think that for me, first of all, I think that college is the time to discover who you are and how you relate to people and what kind of people that you want to relate to. And that was very much. And going into college made me see a lot of different people, a lot of different ways of life. And I started to learn who I was as a human being, as an individual. And I think that that's what college is about, right? You started to explore your body. I explored my body very often.

No, but, you know. You got high speed internet for the first time. Sure. But, you know, I think that being in college is the time where you are socially awkward. You are trying to go out there and meet different people. And you are trying to find out – define who you are as a human being. And so I think that that's just – Yeah.

You know what I think? I think that what he's saying is not unusual. And I think that he needs to understand that that's not unusual. That's actually more normal. Yeah, for sure and i think that's something funny is like when you are growing up like you're kind of like you it's not absolutely your call who you're friends with like when you're a kid like well there's the kids in your neighborhood and you should probably make friends with them even if you know it's like right just to have friends around maybe like

if they're sportier than you you should try and be a little sportier. You know, like, you should kind of maybe, you have to adapt a little bit when you're a kid. Kind of just, you know, get by. But, yeah, when you're in college, you can kind of pick and choose. And if you don't hit it off with somebody right away, don't feel like you need to impress them. Yeah, no matter how sporty they are. Sure. Well, but I also will say that.

Maybe they've got two doors and a spoiler. Very sporty. But I will also say that the friends will happen, especially if it's only been a month. Sure, sure. I remember figuring out who my – if you feel the need to make friends, lifelong friends immediately with the people that you've gone to college, you know, you're starting college with, then you'll never get anywhere. You know, the friends will happen. And I wouldn't force it. I would say that even people who are not socially awkward believe themselves to be

socially awkward. Like social awkwardness is a common experience with everyone and that you know college is a world of people who are excited to have escaped high school whether they were kings of high school or stepped on by high school and no matter how socially awkward you are there are more socially awkward people than you and they they also want friends. Exactly. So just throw down a box of toothpicks, see who can count them, and make friends with that guy. Just to head down to the library, open up that Settlers of Catan. Also, I know, but seriously, what I want to say is that what I think you should really do is just make sure that you're not cutting yourself off

from the opportunity to engage with other people. And that means when someone, anytime anybody says you want to go do this or you want to try doing that, try saying yes instead of no as your first response. I mean, I'm not saying that you should, you know, say yes to, you know, taking some peyote and climbing to the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, but you should try and make yes your default response for a while, and you should try and just do as best you can, irrespective of how socially awkward you feel, just know everyone feels awkward,

and just put yourself in those situations as best as you can, even if it means joining four clubs or something. You know what I mean? And, you know. Showing up to the Filipino club meeting. The idea of an orgy sounds awkward. I went to a lot of Filipino club meetings. Yeah.

The idea of an orgy sounds very awkward. But you know what? You get there. But. You talk. You have some lewds. Fucking shit. Yeah, I don't know.

Shit works itself out. So just say yes. But college is about Saying yes to life And that's all That's really You're there to Hammer that

Social awkwardness Yeah And that's what The whole experience is about Yeah Pretty soon It's just a month You're fine

Pretty soon you'll be Transformed into a Majestic golden eagle Correct? Yeah Just like me and Jordan And Keith Powell From Jordan and Keith Powell from 30 Rock.

Keith Powell, Black Panther. Eagles of a feather. We should explain that Keith Powell's nickname is Black Panther because he owns a puma. If you need

some straight talk, if you're a teen out there and you need some straight talk, 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number. If you have a momentous occasion, want to call us about just about anything, 206-984-4FUN

or email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Keith Powell. I've run out of things to say. Oh, don't worry about it, Keith. You know what?

Keith, that's why we're wrapping this thing up. Yeah, we're out of nicknames. We already tapped the Powell well. How about a tweet of the week here, Jordan? Yes, that'd be great. This one is from Max McGreevy, who is is at law and order pcp that's kind of funny that's kind of funny actually it's kind of funny good work max mcgrievey uh he says i believe this is a momentous occasion he says halloween party in silver lake beautiful couple holding hands

and dancing to new order in vintage star trek uniforms ps les.S. Lesbians. That is great. That is a momentous occasion. Vivid, vivid picture. What a beautiful sentiment. Isn't it? Max, just email intern at maximumfun.org with your size and our unisex t-shirts and we will send you a free t-shirt.

And everyone should tweet with the hashtag JJGO. I'd like to see more momentous occasion tweets. Sure. Yeah, hashtag it momentous occasions and JJGo. Right? Come on. No reason not to. Taking care of business.

Hey, I am headed to London, England, Jordan. And it is going to be fucking great. I am doing a Make Your Thing in London. That is going to be November 16th at the Green Man Public House in something called Marleybone. That is a part of London. Awesome. Sounds very London-y. Marleybone.

Very few tickets left for that, so grab them if they have not yet sold out. It's going to be hosted by our friend, the brilliantly hilarious Josie Long, England's most beloved stand-up comedian. And we are also going to do a meetup in Belfast, which is where I'm going to be first, in Belfast, Northern Ireland. That is going to be on, gosh, as you hear this, Wednesday evening? Tuesday.

So if you're listening to this right away, the Belfast meetup will be Tuesday, November 8th from 8 to 10 p.m. The location has not yet been decided as of this recording, but if you just go to the forum or look at MaximumFun.org, you will find it there. I've got a little... As long as we're saying where we're going to be. Yeah, sure.

Here in Los Angeles, Saturday, November 12th, 8 p.m., I will be doing a show called Lit Up. This is kind of a storytelling stand-up comedy show. This is at St. Michael's and All Angels Church, 3646 Coldwater Canyon, Studio City, California, 91406. I'll be twittering and putting that up on the forum. And this is a storytelling show. It's kind of for a good cause.

They are, I think the charity they are supporting this month is a mom with six kids who has escaped abuse, and it is at a church. I will say the story I am telling will be filthy. So, if

the potential awkwardness of that appeals to you, please come to the all lit up show on the 12th at 8 o'clock in Studio City. Keith, we so appreciate having you here on the program. It's been my pleasure. It's been my pleasure. Thank you. It was a tremendous honor. I mean, not just for me, but also for my mother-in-law.

She was very excited. Gave me some water. She's a very nice lady. Keep you hydrated. Very caring. You have any important projects that we should mention? No, I am doing this animated thing. It's going to be called Nate and Abe.

It's about when I got caught with porn when I was 13 years old in school. In school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was caught with porn in high school. What sort of porn? And I went to a Catholic school, ironically enough. It was a penthouse. That's pretty good porn for a 13-year-old.

And it's got, oh God, it's got a whole bunch of people. It's got Robert Ben-Garrett, David Wayne, Rachel Dratch, Alyssa Milano, all doing voices for it. We're animating it right now. We're going to put it together and I'm going to put it online soon. So people should look for that on internet. On internet. Internet.com. But, you know, you can follow me on Twitter.

Keith Powell is my Twitter name K-E-I-T-H-P-O-W-E-L-L It's got At Keith Powell Oh I'm sorry At Keith Powell No one will now know I type in Keith Powell and nothing happens

At Keith Powell And then my website is poweltothepeople.net And you can see a lot of my Was poweltothepeople.com taken and you can see a lot of my... Was poweltothepeople.com taken? It was by some crazy Brit guy who will not sell it to me. But you couldn't come up with another website name when that was taken. You had your heart set on it. It's a very good website name.

It's kind of fucking awesome. It's a good URL. And you can watch my web videos. Wait, who stole the website from you? Some crazy British guy named Keith Powell. No, no, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say he's good. Brian Powell is his name.

And Brian is my real first name, actually. And he's some British guy. So when you go over there, can you please like I'll keep I'll keep an eye peeled. And if shit goes down, I'm going to tell the State Department it was your fault. And hey, me and Jordan have our big comedy show returning in Southern California, November 25th, the day after Thanksgiving at the Ice House in Pasadena. The Comedy Club with Jordan and Jesse. Who's on the show this time around? Well, let me tell you. We got Greg Barrett.

We got Moshe Kasher. We got the return of the great Al Madrigal, our good friend Mr. Al Madrigal, and more. Just wait, Jordan. To be announced. And more. So get your tickets now online, MaximumFun.org, all that good stuff. JJ, go to MaximumFun.org, 206-984-4FUN.

Our telephone number, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Thank you very much for listening to our program and enjoy this promo from one of our MaxFun compatriots. Goodbye. and enjoy this promo from one of our MaxFun compatriots. Goodbye. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers.

It's not a coincidence. We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we also take questions from the Yahoo answer service. Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf that's a fine question griffin we'll answer that one and so much more including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society subscribe on itunes or get it online at maximumfun.org we're brothers we're experts and we're sorry