Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 201: Bird Murder with Oscar Nunez

Episode Date: November 29, 2011

Oscar Nunez from The Office joins Jordan and Jesse to discuss Belfast Baddasses, how to acheive Aaln Alda celebrity status and of course the Pet Pigeon Plight.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by Oscar Nunez from the office. It is mom sits behind us silently judging. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful evening in the podcast manor here on Mount Washington. I keep changing it a little bit, and really for it to have power,

it has to be the same thing every week that I introduce the venue as. Sure. What was it before? Was it a fortress before? I think it was Meerkat Manor before. Yeah. And well, then I was disappointed, because I thought I was going to see some adorable meerkats. Yeah, no. Just your ugly mug. Just a fat balding man in a necktie. Sure.

Probably a bowtie last week. Who knows? Wouldn't a meerkat in a bowtie be cute? That's a really good point. Yeah. We should get on that. Let's kidnap a meerkat. Sorry, man.

Then you'll disrupt their social structure. I feel like you've never seen Meerkat Manor. No, they have a complex social structure like ants? Yeah, they do. Oh. I had no idea. If you take out Flower, who will watch for snakes while they're foraging? Right, but if I don't take out Flower, who will wear a bow tie for my amusement?

Yeah, well, I mean, I think what I'm getting at is I do like you calling this meerkat manner. Right. But you need to transplant the whole family. Oh, so I need to bring the whole television program. They can set up a social structure here. Flower can wear a bow tie. Will they claw or attack my baby? As long as your baby doesn't display any snake-like

tendencies does your baby slither or it doesn't help that the baby's name is cobra i don't know well jesse just named it after the medical plan that he used to go to the hospital yeah exactly i was so grateful it's a great plan i was so grateful for my ability. I mean, the other, I considered naming him FMLA for Family Medical Leave Act. Sure. But Fimla sounded a little bit less. Anyway, our guest on the program, of course, is one of the stars of the smash hit television program, The Office, Oscar Nunez. Thank you so much for joining us, Oscar. Hello.

And I am so happy to be at Mirror Mansion. Yeah, double M. Mansion or Manor? Well, Mansion, that way we don't get sued by the TV show. We'll focus group it. Jesse, and I think it's great that you named your son Cobra because I think it really ensures that when he grows up, he marries a stripper, which I know is really important to you.

That is. That has always been a really high priority for me. It builds character. It does, absolutely. Yeah. You can learn about doing cocaine. I don't know. Anyway, it's a family program this week.

Oscar Nunez's mom is sitting behind him right now. Oscar, thank you for bringing your mother on the program. You were probably the first guest ever to text message me and say, hey, do you mind if I bring my mom? And I'm all for it. I think we should have more moms on Jordan and Jesse Go. Well, we can't leave her home because the last time we did that, there was— She tore up the carpets.

Yeah. And the sofa was in the swimming pool. Sure. Oh, wow. And we don't have a swimming pool. So she dug a swimming pool. She's something. Her and her homies.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. She's a bit of a chola, isn't she? Yeah. So my wife is out walking the dog, and I had to bring her. Sure. Will we be seeing embarrassing baby pictures of you during the podcast? I don't think she bought any.

She has actually great-grandchildren. Oh, wow. Wow. So maybe she has pictures of them. That's spectacular. Do you yourself have any children? No. You should probably get some. My sister has four, of them. That's spectacular. Do you yourself have any children? No. You should probably get some.

My sister has four, and then her kids have kids. You should get them. They got them all over the world now. Now you have one. Go in, yeah. I got mine locally. Everything local. I'm a locavore.

Organic, organic and local. Organic child, little cobra adder thorn. Yeah, I have one recently. I just got back from a trip to Ireland and England. No. Yeah, I did. And we took the baby. Wow.

It was no joke, gentlemen. It was no joke. Well, here's the thing, though. Okay, I'll give you the context. I got invited to speak at this conference. Or actually, not to speak at, but to host this conference. It was on web design, a topic that I know nothing about.

It was on dumb baby names. Last year they had Gwyneth Paltrow. Sure. Well, doesn't that name automatically put you on a watch list or something? I think so, yeah, yeah. If the hospital receives the birth certificate. Then the next time you have a baby, it automatically has to go before the judge

who took away the baby that the parents named Adolf Hitler. Did you hear about that? What? Some parents named their children, they were Nazis, obviously. I don't mean to... Would you find a point on it? It'd be weird if they weren't.

They just really liked the name. They were actually Jewish, but they just really liked the name. It has a lilting quality to it. It just rolls off the tongue. It's like a song. It's like a song. Adolf Hitler. It looks great embroidered on a onesie.

Yeah, absolutely. With a little duck. So they were Nazis? They were Nazis. They named their child Adolf Hitler. Is this America? Yes, this is America. Well, two answers.

Number one, yes, this is America. Number two, this took place in America. Okay, because that was my first question. Meerkat Manor has not annexed itself from the country yet. The papers haven't been notarized. Right. But what state was this in? This was, I can't remember where this was.

Who does this? A real jerkwad. That's who does it. A real piece of work. A real so-and-so. That's who does that. Sorry to use such salty language in front of your mother, Oscar, but this guy's a real so-and-so. Well, we're Cuban.

That's her middle name, so-so. Well, we're Cuban. That's her middle name, so-so. Oh, okay. So she just thinks we're... So they stopped this from happening? Yeah, they stopped this from happening. And I think they also took away the child. The courts can come in and do that? Yeah, well, I mean, it's a surprise. I mean, it's good that Gwyneth Paltrow has all those lawyers.

Sure. You know, she's got the money for the lawyers to keep the children. For Apple, for the... Yeah. Yeah. Also, our friend Greg Barron. Our friend Greg Barron's children are named, like, Rocket Chip

and something like that. Greg Barron's children also have ridiculous names. Wow. You know, but God bless him. Greg Barron, I bet, is a really good dad. Don't you think Greg Barron's probably a good dad? He's a wonderful father. Yeah, I mean, you know, he'll buy his kid their first chain wallet.

Absolutely. There's those milestones in a young boy's life. His first baseball mitt, first two-wheeler, and your first chain wallet and Sparrow tattoo. Well, what about first ticket to a David Lee Roth concert? Sure. Barron will get you that. Is he still performing? Oh, absolutely. For Barron, specifically. David Lee Roth concert. Sure. Baron will get you that. Is he still performing? Oh, absolutely.

For Baron, specifically. David Lee Roth. Are we talking about David Lee Roth? David Lee Roth, yeah. Yeah, Greg Baron took his... I think Greg Baron took his He's Just Not That Into You money and plowed it into

keeping David Lee Roth going. Sure. That's fantastic. I mean, for the good of the nation. Yeah, you've got to buy him flags to wave around. And spandex. Yeah, you got to buy him flags to wave around. Yeah. And spandex.

Yeah. Spandex budget. And frankly, Oscar, I don't mean to be rude, but it takes more and more spandex every day. Yeah. Even with its astonishing stretch qualities. It can only stretch so far. Yeah. And, you know, Greg Barrett knows how to stretch some spandex and stretch a dollar to support David Lee Roth.

This guy, I've met him a couple times. David Lee Roth? No, Greg Barrett, the latter, yes. Oh, Greg Barrett's a tremendous guy. Yeah. Oh, no, a favorite of our program, the host of the Walking the Room podcast, which everyone should check out, and was just performed on our stand-up comedy show on Friday night. Wonderful man.

Brilliant comedian, the great Greg Barron. So I got invited to this conference in Belfast, and I kind of... It was sincerely on web design. It was a web design conference. Okay. And I'm not a web designer. Sure. I am a man who was known to a guy who puts on a web design conference.

Okay. I think that is the quality that qualified me to host this thing. I don't, I genuinely, I mean, here's the thing. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I didn't do a good job hosting this web design conference. I did a great job, a really nice job. A little bit funny, a little bit poignant, a little bit thoughtful. Just the right amount.

That's why, like Billy Crystal hosting the Oscars. Right. Exactly. You did a song about the year's triumphs in web design. A little less sweaty, but yes, roughly the same thing. However, that having been said, I'm proud of the work I did

out there, and I was happy to be there. It was an amazing conference, to be perfectly frank. However, you'd think they could have found somebody local. Like when they invited me to this conference, this is what they... My wife is the person who fields these requests. She's the development director of MaximumFun.org. And she said, the guy seems really nice, and he doesn't seem weird or anything. And he really seems to want to do it. And I said, huh. And they said, well, do you want to try and go there?

And she said, I guess maybe. And I said, well, ask him if he would just put us up for a week and pay for our plane tickets for all of us. Sure. Does a baby need a plane ticket these days? A baby does not need a plane ticket. Under a certain size, he doesn't. Yeah. Yeah.

They have one of those. He's luggage, right? A baby does not need a plane ticket. Under a certain size, he doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. They have one of those. He's luggage, right? The baby's technically luggage. Yeah, well, you can... There's a $75 check luggage fee. Yeah, go ahead. There's a $75 check fee. $40 for the first baby.

$75 for every baby. That's why... See, this is why I fly Southwest now. There's none of that stuff. You know, you get your boarding group. You can carry on as many babies as you want. In fact, Angelina Jolie, actually, now flies exclusively Southwest because of that carry-on role. Oh, funny.

She likes to carry on the babies. They cling to her like koalas. Yeah, exactly. She's covered in babies. Or like those little gorillas that came on those backpacks that were popular in the mid-90s. Also true. You know what I'm talking about. You know those gorilla backpacks.

I know those mid-90s gorilla backpacks. So, and he said, yes, and my stepmother is actually from Belfast. So I have some relatives there, and I hadn't been there since I was 10 or 12. So I thought I should just go. And then we were like, well, if we're going to go all the way to Belfast, maybe we should do some other stuff in Ireland. Then we were like, well, if we're going to do some the way to belfast maybe we should do some other stuff in ireland then we're like well if we're going to do some other stuff in ireland maybe we should go to london for a few days so it ended up being two weeks in europe that's fantastic and it was amazing um and i guess here's the thing it was insanely difficult, laughably, comically difficult. But when it would get its worst, I would just remind myself that it would probably be like that if I was at my house.

Oh, the baby having? Yeah, just any, like, he started teething two days in. So two days in, he went from the world's most content baby to the world's most crank-tankerous baby. Yeah, poor little guy. Probably fitting that you were going to Ireland because he turned into a banshee. He did. Which is an Irish yelling ghost. He turned into Darby. Is it Scottish?

He turned into Darby O'Gill. No, let's go with Irish. Okay, yeah, let's go with Irish. It helps my remark. But, you know, to answer your question about why they wanted you from across the pond, it's prestigious. Sure. We got the guy from L.A. This guy's coming from L.A.

Hollywood. I'm coming from show business. I briefly hosted a show on the Independent Film Channel. Yeah. I'm no joke. I mean, that was a 15-minute program. But nevertheless, they don't know that. They don't know that.

Sure. They just hear Hollywood. They hear TV. You've got a suit. They figure I'm probably friends with Steve Coogan. And possibly Robbie Williams. That's right. The best part, I mean, London is just so amazing. I hadn't been there since I was like four or five years old.

I've never been. I can't wait. For a guy, and I'll tell you this. I mean, Oscar, you're a sharp tack. You're a good-looking, well-dressed man. However, my interests lie in the areas of neckties and pocket squares and the like. You went to the Mecca. And I went, this is where it lives.

This is where it lives. This is where it lives. That aside, Belfast. My stepmother is middle-aged and grew up in Belfast during the 1970s and 80s. And when the troubles in Belfast, which is what they call the war, were at their worst. And I've probably talked on the show about what her sense of humor is like. She's certainly the funny person in my family.

Both of my parents love things that are funny, but I would not describe either of them as funny. They're good audience members. Yeah, exactly. Discerning, yeah. would not describe either of them as funny. They're good audience members. Yeah, exactly. Discerning. Discerning. They have good tastes. My mom says a lot of nonsense words, which is—

Well, that's her bit. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. She's a sort of precursor to Stella in that way. I mean, she might be a student of the kind of Shakespearean character who deals in malapropisms. Maybe she's like, she enjoys the funny washerwoman character who often appears in Shakespeare plays. She's a bottom-like figure.

She's Commedia dell'arte. She goes way back. Right, yes, exactly. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, she's definitely, she's a sort of Arlecchino, I would say, in our family. But my stepmother... Oscar, you...

She's really not. This is a harlequin. She's really not, but... You have mistakenly stumbled upon one of our favorite topics, listing Commedia dell'arte things. Till we've run out of specifics. Is she the doctor?

Ildatore? You're talking about Ildatore. No, she wouldn't be that. Don't play this game with us, Oscar. We will destroy you. I know very little of it. This is a night... Just enough to get in trouble.

This is an 80-minute program, and it's just going to be 80 minutes of us listing... Is she El Bafune? Is she El Bafune? She... Okay, so my stepmother has this very... She's funny. ...brutal sense of humor.

Oh, boy. Like, to my... My wife has often told me of the first time she came over to dinner at my father and stepmother's house. And I have two much younger brothers, half-brothers, who are like 8 and

12 or 14 years younger than me. Boy, they are? Okay. Yeah. And so they were a little kid the first time my wife came over to our house when we were 18 or 19. My one brother was like 12 and my other brother was like five. And what happens at dinner at my family is basically my brothers and my stepmother just make fun of my dad, just mock my dad mercilessly through the entire dinner while

my dad just sits there and laughs because he gets a kick out of it. And it terrified my wife. She's like, why are... My wife's family are all so nice and genuinely nice, kindhearted, thoughtful, always trying to make things easy and better for you my my wife's mom is a marriage and family therapist like they're all about positivity and good vibes and in my in my family the only way not just the main way the only way to express love is by calling my dad fat sure and so which he is to be fair not corpulently obese, but he's overweight. And that's my stepmother's influence purely. Like, my stepmother will mock anything. And to her, the funniest story from her childhood, and I probably said this on Jordan Jesse Go before, so forgive me, is the time her sister tried to steal her piece of bacon and my stepmother stabbed her sister in the

hand with a fork and drew blood what kind of fork uh dining for that's good that's good you're right if it was an oyster fork not so much hack yeah not a salad done to death absolutely yeah we've all we've all seen where the cable guys stabbed with a salad fork that was funny that was that's that her is the only thing as funny as that is the time a police officer tried to sexually assault her and she kicked him in the balls and pushed him down a flight of stairs.

Good for her. Well, my stepmother's also a badass. I should mention that, too. There's no choice. Here's the thing. So I visit my stepmother's family. My stepmother's brother and sister that live in Belfast

are just the Belfastiest Belfasters. And my stepmother's sister, my Aunt Marion, she's sort of like the kind caretaker of the family. But my stepmother's brother, John, his only interest in life, he's recently retired, and his only interest in life is muttering jokes. Elbowing you and then muttering a joke. That's very Irish. And to him what's funny,

here's an example of something that he actually laughed uproariously at while we were driving around. So he's given us sort of a tour of the old neighborhood. And they grew up, there's this street called the Falls Road in Belfast, which was sort of the epicenter of the Troubles. And they grew up there. Like, right there. And, you know, they grew up in between, like, two of the two highlights were the Irish Cultural Center building, which was, it's essentially the historical center for the Troubles from the Catholic perspective. And then there was another store where you could go and Liam Neeson would punch you in the throat.

Yeah, essentially. He lined up. And then Van Morrison would get drunk and sing a song about it. What was the name of that store? It's actually, weirdly enough, that's called Pizza Hut. Yeah. It's a little different over there. It's a different thing.

Spelled differently. They regionalize it. It's like how Kentucky Fried Chicken is different in Thailand. Yeah, like how McDonald's has shrimp most places. So the other boundary of the place where they lived was Sinn Féin headquarters. So it was like there's this four block stretch. They're halfway in between these two things. So he's pointing out these different things to me.

And he starts talking about the bonfires. And the nationalists still have these huge bonfires. They have these marches where they all get all strapped up. Sure. And they march through the Catholic neighborhoods and, you know, do their best to provoke people. And look, it's a fucked up situation on both sides. I'm not picking teams here. Yeah.

They march through. It's crazy. They marched through. And my uncle says, oh, just this past year, they built this huge bonfire. And they had the names of Catholic boys at the top of the bonfire. And one of them was this Catholic boy, 16 years old, who died the previous month of cancer. And then he goes. Sure. Because what the fuck are you going to do? I guess.

Right. Like, I guess when shit is so real that there is a bonfire with the name of a teenager that just died of cancer in your city that theoretically is in the midst, is in year 10 of the peace process. Like, it's been 10 years since there's been any actual violence. Yeah. There's a lot of, like, psychological torment. Oh, God, yes. It'll never end.

Well, they, it makes them laugh. I mean, that's as a... It really does. You know, I should tell you, I mean, I know this all seems strange and foreign, but I was going to say, as a resident of West Hollywood, this happens all the time in my neighborhood between Russians and homosexuals. There's bonfires.

The Russians march through the streets and start bonfires. I can see that. Elderly Russian people. Anyway, it was totally... I mean, it was really wonderful to see. It's funny because my stepmother, my whole life has been, well, I mean, until eight years ago, she literally was an alien in this country because she refused to become a citizen. She, in fact, did not immigrate legally and only became a permanent resident

through the Reagan amnesty in the 80s. How'd she get here? She flew here. She clung to Liam Neeson's back like a koala when he came over. Van Morrison's got two drum kit bags that don't actually house drum kits. They just house anguished teenagers.

Also still performing. Oh, yeah. Yes, and still drunk. Still, yeah. Van Morrison's songwriting technique, I think, is just to get super wasted and then just make noises. Keeps him alive. Just go,

You know what I mean? Yeah. I love Van Morrison, by the way. Oh, yeah, he's awesome. And he is a god in belfast i bet he is a fucking god i bet he's on the money yeah they they've got they've got him on the money absolutely but he it was my my stepmother has always felt like she was out of place even in san francisco a very broad-minded place i mean mean, I think it's telling,

like she's told me about when she first moved to San Francisco for the first couple of years, she actually learned to speak Spanish. I mean, she spoke French, I think, just from school, but she learned to speak Spanish because the only people that she related to, this was the mid-80s,

was all the Salvadorians who had just come from the Civil War in El Salvador. They were like, oh, you coming from a nightmarish Civil War? Me too. And so she has always felt like, and, you know, she has never, I mean, she's in a difficult position because I think like a lot of immigrants, especially refugee immigrants, she didn't choose to be here, really.

I mean, she chose to be here, but she didn't want to leave where she was from. But on the other hand, she can't go back. I mean, now maybe it's slightly different, but it's such a nightmarish, traumatic place and was. It still is Belfast? No, I mean, it's very different. The last time I was there was 20 years ago.

I was like 10 or 11. And that was, it was a real war zone then. So it was people with, you know, I remember going to a toy store with my Aunt Marion. And outside, guarding the front door of the toy store were four soldiers with machine guns. Yeah. At the toy store. To be fair, they had new beanie babies. Yeah, they did have the new beanies.

That was the reason. Normally it would have been two guys. Yeah, right. Let's add some extra guys. Yeah. But, so it's, and it's very different from that. If you didn't know, if you weren't from there and you walked around, like the guy who hosted this conference, actually, it was a really nice guy.

And he's lived in Belfast, I think he told me six or eight years. And he's, I think, originally from Dublinlin or something like that and he has never known belfast as a war zone so it has never and he's not party to it and so to him it's not a war zone sure but i can tell you that it's funny we went to this um we went to this castle that's just outside of Belfast. And we were there with my uncle. It was just, we're like, we should go to a castle while we're in the UK, right? And we're there with my uncle. And my uncle is telling us about this. I put some pictures of the castle on Facebook, our visit to the castle. Somebody, one of our listeners or something, recognized the castle and said, oh, it's such a wonderful place. It's such a lovely, charming town

that it's in. Like, we had such a great time visiting it when we were in Ireland three years ago or whatever. And that was amazing to me because my uncle's entire monologue about the castle, well, he complained about the statue of King George that was outside for a while, about the castle. Well, he complained about the statue of King George that was outside for a while. But his entire monologue about the castle was about how the last time he went to the castle, he was really hungry and he had to go out to eat.

And it was such a hostile Protestant town that he was worried he was going to get beat up or killed. And this was two years ago or something like that. Right. And so it's a very, it depends on what, what position you're in. Like there aren't any people walking around with machine guns on the street,

which is a big difference. That's a big difference. Yeah. And they vote for things, but on the ballot, when they vote for things, you have to mark Catholic or Protestant. That's crazy. Who are the, the orange guys? That's, that's the Protestants. things but on the ballot when they vote for things you have to mark catholic or protestant

that's crazy who are the uh the orange guys though that's that's the protestants that's the national the orange they they are they are loyalists when they march yes they are the loyalists they believe in the crown and then the nationalists believe in uh in one irish nation unbelievable and are catholics. So it's... It was pretty intense. But what was cool about it for me was that after... The baby's putting all sorts of stuff in his mouth because he's teething.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And that's cute. You wouldn't believe it. He doesn't care if it's orange. Yeah. I'm talking about shamrocks, talking about pots of gold, talking about those bombs

with the wick coming out that you yeah light they look like a bowling ball the old timey ones yeah old timey bombs um it was uh it was amazing for me to see that there was a place that my stepmother was from and talking to my stepmother's brother and sister, you know, spending just a couple days with my stepmother's brother and sister. It was like, oh, like, here's a place where Bernie is the most normal of normals. Like, Bernie's, my stepmother Bernie's family is like her. And she's not like a space alien. And it's not that I didn't.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not that I never, that I didn't relate to her. I thought she was a weirdo or something like that. But I could always tell that she wasn't at home there in the United States. Right. And it was really, I mean, it was honestly like I've grown up with my, my stepmother has been married to my dad since I was seven or something like that. And, you know, I love her.

I think of her as part of my family. And it was like almost moving to have that feeling of recognizing a place where she belonged because it made explicit in my mind the tension that she carries of not belonging in the united states and part of it you know i mean she's certainly ornery and um stubborn you know like it's like she could she probably could have chosen to assimilate you know what i mean but uh but there's you know you you give a lot up by that you know know what I mean? I don't – Oscar, you mentioned being from – or being Cuban. Have you been there?

Have you been to Cuba? No, I've not been back. Were you born there or here? I was born there. But I went to Irish – an Irish grammar school. Oh, yeah? In Union City, yeah. And I have many friends who are Irish, and it's in their DNA.

It's – you know, they're such a, they love melancholia, and they love reading, and they love words, and they love, and they're ornery, and it's just the whole thing. Well, my stepmother, there's this town called Pacifica, south of San Francisco, that is, it is right on the coast. of San Francisco that is, it is right on the coast. It's, if you take the coast road, the coast route out of San Francisco, the one that is closed down probably 30 days out of the year, it is, it is the city that you get to. And it's sort of on this bluff. It's like on a, just is just nasty cold there, 345 days of the year. It's always wet. You just feel like you're going to fall off into the ocean no matter where in the town you are. Right. My stepmother loves that place.

She wants to move there. Perfect. She's like, yes, sign me up for that. It matches my mood. I don't have to work too hard. I don't want to. Right. It's loud.

Anyway, 30-minute intro segment. Oscar Nunez, our guest. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, that's your cue, Oscar. Hey, Oscar Nune, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, that's your cue, Oscar. Hey, Oscar Nunez from The Office.

Not your office, The Office. Hey. Hey, it's Oscar Nunez from The Office. That sounds like, you know what that sounds like? It sounds like you, it sounds like over the, how many years are we talking about? Seven years, eight years of The Office? Eight years. Eight years of The Office through a lifetime of having to do beginning of season morning radio tours and do ID drops. You have managed to hone a thing that you say when you have to introduce yourself before you say.

And you're listening to The Bear, 92.9. I got to tell you, I change it up every time. Really? I keep myself on my toes. You should. Who else is gonna do it? We used to have this CD. Jordan and I started hosting

The Sound of Young America in college radio. And back at our college radio station at UC Santa Cruz, Santa Cruz, California, we had this CD. Go Fighting Corn Cops. Yeah, that's what it is. You know what? It's more ridiculous.

It's the Banana Slugs. Yeah, Banana Slugs. So Corn Cop would have been a more dignified mascot. That's right, the Banana Slugs. Yeah, Banana Slugs. So Corn Cob would have been a more dignified mascot. That's right, the Banana Slugs. Yeah. Anyway, go ahead. We had at the radio station a CD. This was right when Tenacious D had had their HBO series and their first album was about to come out.

And they were pitching it hard to College Radio. And we had a CD of IDs for literally 60 College Radio stations. Like they had just sent Jack Black and Kyle Gass into a studio with a list of College Radio stations. And to save money on producing these CDs, they had just put 75 of them on the CD and then just circled which track you were supposed to play for your station. And it was amazing.

And I can seriously from memory recite what they said. They said, you're listening to KZSC Santa Cruz. Party hacky sack, go. And then there was a pause for a second, and then there was this roar. I don't know what that was.

Maybe Sasquatch? The 40th one they did. Yeah, like they're just making noises at that point. That was the slug. Yeah. Like the battle cry. Of a banana slug. Oscar, do you have to do those press things where you sit in a hotel room and they just roll calls to morning shows?

I sit at home. Oh, okay. I don't know why I thought those happened in a hotel room. You do them telephonically? Yeah, and he held up his... He held up, you can't see, the phone. He did a... Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne from Comedy Sports.

Yeah. And I'm holding up a finger phone. He did a finger phone. We do like, oh, I don't know, eight or nine or ten sometimes. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm holding up a finger phone. He did a finger phone. We do like, oh, I don't know, eight or nine or ten sometimes. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I would think they put you in an ISDN studio somewhere. What is that? That's a digital telephone line so that you can just patch straight in. Guys, it's not that difficult. We sit home. They call us on the phone. We just do it. We do it from home.

Wow. We've romanticized the radio tour. Did they chopper in the ICD? No, no. We just stayed, sit home, and they call you a motherfucker. You're sitting on top of a mountain of cocaine, right? Yes, at home. That's how they get you up in the morning, correct?

To do East Coast. I love your second cocaine reference, like it's 1980. Yeah, we're doing all cocaine stuff. Is cocaine back? Oh, it's ironic, yeah. You go, oh, look at me. Oh, now I'm super high. I'm going to punch something. Yeah, and then you talk about the breakfast club. Okay. You know, it's ironic, yeah. You go, oh, look at me. Oh, now I'm super high. I'm going to punch something.

Yeah, and then you talk about the breakfast club. Okay. You know, it's fun. Actually, pretty much all of our material for this week's program is going to come from Miami Vice, if that's okay. I love it. Okay, just push up your sleeves real quick. Let's push up our sleeves.

I'm going to put on this white blazer. And put on sunglasses. Yeah. Oscar, I want to ask about... I'll answer anything but that. Okay. I have a new question now. Go ahead.

The one I was going to ask was very insulting and I've since thrown it out. It's probably racist. Yeah, it was. It was about... Oscar, what are you? Mexican?

Have you ever made love to an orientental lady? Is the sideways vagina thing true? I was going to ask how intense James Spader is on a day-to-day basis. Yes, no, yes. He's very professorial. Okay. So patches on his elbows.

Yes, patches on his elbows. And when he wears a T-shirt So, patches on his elbows. Yes, patches on his elbows. And when he wears a t-shirt, they're on his shoulders. Wait, the t-shirt is on his shoulders? The patches are on his shoulders. Oh, I thought he just walks around with just a t-shirt around his shoulders to show off his ripped physique. It's James Spader.

He's probably ripped, though, right? He's in good shape. It's James Spader. It's very cool having him there. And he was quiet for, oh, I don't know, like the first week or two. And we're like, oh, I guess he's just quiet. And then one day he just started speaking. I guess he just was kind of checking us out.

Were you worried that he was autistic? No, I just thought he was bored and really didn't care to be there and wasn't friendly. I'm like, oh, you know, you can't make someone friendly. I'm not going to hate him. But then when they

just started talking, I'm like, oh, he was just checking us out to see if we were assholes or something. Like a cat. Like a cat. Like when you go

into a cat house. Yeah. Cat's going to hide under the couch for a little bit. Yeah. So then it'll come out. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I think the cast of The Office, to be fair, has a reputation as being then... It'll come out. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think the cast of The Office, to be fair, has a reputation as being a real bunch of assholes. Sure. Well, that's our rep, but that's, you know,

that's when we go out on the town, air quotes. I keep... I mean, every time I open the newspaper, I see something. Jenna Fisher, you know, socked a valet.

That was once... Punched in the gut, you know. That was once, and he was Mexican. You know? So he had it coming. He did not display his papers. And she can't stand them.

Yeah. But it's very cool. He has really cool stories. I believe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows Bob Dylan. Talk about Belfast. We were talking about Elvis Costello or something and he went into a story.

It was like he saw Elvis Costello was performing, and Dylan was sitting next to him, and Carly – Carole King walked off the stage and fell off the stage and hit her head, and Elvis Costello was there, and Bob Dylan was there. It's fantastic stories from way back when. I guess do you think – because you guys have been together as a show for eight years, is it possible that Spader comes in, you guys have all these inside jokes and stuff, and is it maybe kind of tough to... You've already got your cliques.

We've got the cliques. Who eats lunch with who? But he kind of supersedes that. Somebody's pulling on Spader's bra strap. Well, he came in, he punched someone in the nose,

I think it was a PA or someone, and bloodied his nose and that kind of set the tone. It's like a first day in a new show is a lot like

the first day in prison. You gotta beat somebody up. It's like a David O. Russell type situation. Symbolically shanked. Russell and Clooney gotta fight once. Yeah. You know, once Russell and Clooney got a fight once. Yeah.

You know, once Russell and Clooney really actually physically punched, then the feelings come out. Then you can make an I Heart Huckabee. Then you can do that. You know what I mean? Was Clooney an I Heart Huckabee? No, he was in Three Kings and they got in a fight on the set of Three Kings. A punching fight on the set of Three Kings. I met David O. Russell.

Oh. Were you punched? No, we were walking. We were going to go see Huckabee. Yeah. And it was me, Kate Flannery. Oh. Were you punched? No, we were walking we were going to go see Huckabee and it was me, Kate Flannery. Sure. Who, by the way, okay, I'm going to derail your story for a second because I need to say something

about Kate Flannery. So I lived in Koreatown. Interject. I also have a Flannery story. Until recently, I lived in Koreatown. Okay. Because Mere Mansion is clearly not, but go ahead. No, we're in Mount Washington now. Yeah. We, until recently, lived in Koreatown.

Meir Cat's like the Elevation here. And I would frequently see her. A restaurant called the HMS Bounty. Now, the HMS Bounty, it is across the street from the former site of the Ambassador Hotel where Robert Kennedy was killed. across the street from the former site of the Ambassador Hotel where Robert Kennedy was killed. It is purportedly where Sirhan Sirhan

fled to when there's no sign of that or whatever. And the booths at the HMS Bounty are named after famous Californians.

So you're Pat Browns. All right. You know what I mean? You're legendary public life figures in California. You're John Muirs. And I always thought, man, if I could do one thing, one give an autographed 8x10 to your dry cleaner type thing, it would be, I would be

the legendary guy who always hangs out at the HMS Bounty. I would be that beloved local fixture, public radio host, Jesse Thorne.

There he is. There's old Jesse Thorne wearing his tie again at the HMS Bounty. Yeah. So one day... As Guns N' Roses once were to Cantor's, you would be to the HMS Bounty. Yeah. So one day... As Guns N' Roses once were to Cantor's,

you would be to the HMS Bounty. And I had a regular booth. They knew what my wife and I drank. This is not in your mind. This is just fantasizing. No, this is... So far, all of this is real. This part is real.

They knew what me and my wife drank. They always brought over two waters as soon as we sat down. We did not need to order them. They knew we liked napkins. Now, to be fair, I would have a ginger ale. My wife would have a rum and Coke. Okay. And we had a regular booth where they would seat us.

So we'd go in. They'd be happy to see us. They'd put us at our regular booth. They'd say, do you want your usual? Give us some menus. We'd order some food, right? Sure. I'm thinking, if I keep this up, I just have to figure out some way to let them know that I'm marginally famous.

And this can be my booth. Yeah. Because there's a plaque on every booth. I'm like, this is going to be my booth, right? Yeah. And so, and this is the only time i've ever made a scheme like this but i gotta figure it out yeah i thought it was good you were gonna let it go organically and now you're scheming one time one time we're sitting at the booth a guy comes up to the booth and says

hey are you jesse thorne i say why yes i am jesse thorne the famous public radio host. Sure. Who's a regular at this booth. Sure. You know what I mean? No response. Well, were there people there? People did not care.

So I'm doing this two years I put in. Two years of coming back to this restaurant, to this booth, having my customary drinks, trying to make friends. This is going to be heartbreaking. Two years in, I sit down at this booth. I look over where it used to say Pat Brown. Yeah. The plaque looks suspiciously shiny. It's not a shiny plaque.

I remember it being old and dull. Sure. I'm thinking. You know what I'm thinking. Insanity is what you're thinking. I'm thinking maybe they figured it out. Maybe they figured out that Jesse, this is Jesse Thornton.

They just didn't tell you maybe they put up a new plaza. It's a little delusional, but okay. I look at the words on the plaque. This is one of the best ways to figure out what the plaque is for. Sure.

Read them. Yeah, Kate Flannery. Son of a bitch. Kate Flannery! Your booth? My booth! And she didn't even try of a bitch Kate Flannery your booth my booth and she didn't even try have you ever seen her

in your booth have you ever come and there's like oh we'll have our usual it's like I'm sorry Mr. Thorne I'm sorry you'll have to move

I once yeah we've reserved this spot for Flannery I once saw her there and I don't think she was in that booth you know it's weird because

in her defense we don't there's no in that booth. You know, it's weird because in her defense, we don't... There's no defending this. This is indefensible. This is indefensible. It's indefensible. But if I were to say something, if I may interject... It's like building a castle in a valley. Indefensible.

That is indefensible. You're in the thing, and we don't realize it's been eight years because you're just working. That's all we're doing. We're on the TV all the time. It's like Mary Taylor Moore mary taylor moore it's weird it's weird you're saying indication now you're you're the modern ed asner is what you're saying yeah or that kate flanner is i don't know i'll let her know next time i see next time i see her i'll let her know that you said that she's the modern ed as Oscar i don't betty white the the the because she had the cooking show.

There's so many of us on the cast. Oscar, I think you're more of a Rhoda. I think Carlton the Doorman. These are all good characters. It was all good characters. I gotta say, I mean, look. Is Kate Flannery talented? You were about to defend this.

Indefensible action. No, no, no. Forget that. I'm going to bring it back around to David O. Russell. Yeah, David O. Russell. I'm walking with Clay Flannery, the booth stealer. Sure. Notorious.

Notorious. And my friend Chris Bono. And there's David O. Russell walking out of the arc light. And you're going to see David O. Russell's movie. Yes, we were. And he was walking in his limo and there was women following him. And he stops and says, hey. And he was walking on his limo and there was women following him. And he stops and says, hey. And he knows Kate.

And so he stopped and had a nice chat with us. And it was very cool. Then we saw the movie and he was there for Q&A, but we snuck out. We didn't have to stay for the Q&A. You guys are celebrities. It was very nice. He didn't punch us or anything. It was very nice.

You're Carlton the Doorman. You don't need to sit around for a Q&A. You can have a Q&A at a showbiz soiree. You can have a private Q&A with Mr. David O. Russell. You can ask him about what's Lily Tomlin really like. Yeah, they did an improv at the Q&A. Oh. Oh, yeah.

At the end, they got some guy from the audience. It was nuts. Huh. That's amazing. He is, I think he may, now I will say that Three Kings is one of my favorite movies of all time. Good movie. Well directed. Sincerely, I sincerely love Three Kings.

And I enjoyed I Heart Akabees. I love that movie. I love this. I love any movie that puts Marky Mark in a spot to shine. Nobody can Marky Mark like Marky Mark. I love any movie that puts Marky Mark in a spot to shine. Nobody can Marky Mark like Marky Mark. I love watching it.

And look, I'll be the first to admit, put Marky Mark in the wrong situation, he might fall on his face. But if he's Marky Markin', A plus every time. He is tremendous. If you let him do that, yes. He is tremendous at that.

So I love the, what was that, The Fighter? The Fighter, sure. Yeah, love that. But David O. Russell may be a madman. Possible that he's a madman. Possible. It is possible. He's Irish.

This is like the whole Irish show. Yeah, he's got the... He's got a funny nose. He's got a kiss and et cetera. He was weaned in Belfast. Who knows what's going on with him? He is weaned in Belfast. Oscar, have you been asked to give headshots to dry cleaners and things like this?

I had breakfast at the Good Neighbor in the Valley. Oh, yeah? And they asked me for a headshot, and my wife said, don't you dare. None of those people are working. That's the curse. Don't you dare. You're like, what the hell's wrong with Webster? Webster's doing fine.

Emmanuel Lewis is doing just fine You know, Conan's there But my wife's like Don't you dare give them a headshot Yeah The lady asked me once And she won't anymore But I love the good neighbor

I go there a lot She just thinks it's bad juju or something? Yeah, she thinks it's bad juju Oh, God That would be Isn't that the whole point of becoming a star? Signing a headshot And giving it to a dry cleaner?

Or a brunch place? Yeah. For me, yeah. I'm from New Jersey, whatever. She's from here, so she grew up in it, so it's nothing for her. I'm like, woohoo!

You think of yourself exclusively in terms of Bruce Springsteen, and now that you've achieved three-quarter Springsteen status... Yeah, or Al Inalda. Oh, God. He's from New Jersey. Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi.

Bon Jovi. You're kind of the Bon Jovi of sitcoms, right? I guess. I heard Alan Alda on The Business. Or no, The Treatment with Elvis Mitchell. He's got a play here in Los Angeles. This one's going to go see it. Oh, wow.

Thursday with my wife. Oh, I'd love to go see it. They didn't invite me. Sorry. She's going to have only two tickets Oh, wow. Thursday with my wife. Oh, I'd love to go see it. They didn't invite me. Sorry. She's going to have only two tickets. Your wife can give up her ticket. I'll ask her. You're not going to make your mom give up her ticket, are you?

Maybe. She's looking forward to it because we get like four, like a package or whatever. Right. For the Geffen. No, for Alda. You get to go to four Alda-related events every year. It's just Alda. You get a subscription. It's called Alda, Alda, Alda. But... You get to go to four Alda-related events every year. It's just Alda. You get a subscription to Alda.

It's called Alda, Alda, Alda. Alda, Alda. But you were saying about him? So I heard him... I heard it too. I heard him on Elvis Mitchell, talking with Elvis Mitchell. And I guess I had never heard him be interviewed before. That seems unlikely, but it felt like that as I was watching it.

I really know him only as an actor and, of course, from Scientific American Frontiers. And I was so happy to hear him being Alan Alda in real life. Because, you know, he's obviously he's a gifted actor. Maybe it's all a trick. Maybe he's not a slightly pretentious, sophisticated wit with an element of down-home charm and all of these. Maybe he's not Hawkeye. You doubted. You doubted.

I wondered. Well, maybe it's all an act. Maybe he's leaned on the Woody Allens and the MASH writers of the world to transform him into Alan Alda. And he just happens to carry it very well. Well, Jesse was very disappointed when he met Webster for the first time. Oh, that explains it. Did you know that he is six foot four? I didn't know that. That was my primary disappointment.

Oh, that's horrible. His size. Yeah, I was prepared for that because I got the memo. And, you know, Bob Newhart is Bob Newhart. Did they send out a show business memo, an all show biz? Yes. Did they send it out to the all show biz list? Oh, yes. I am not on that list. When did you meet Bob Newhart. Did they send out a show business memo on all show biz? Did they send it out to the all show biz list? Oh, yes. I am not on that list.

When did you meet Bob Newhart? I never met Bob Newhart. Oh, okay. But you're saying through his interviews you have learned that he is Bob Newhart-y. Tell you who I met. Tom Poston. I don't know who that is. Yeah, I don't know who Tom Poston is. Oh, you guys are too young. Can we talk about Alan Alda some more? You ever met Alan Alda? No, but

I feel like I'm going to. Yeah, I feel like I'm going to. But you'd like to meet Alan Alda, right? Yeah, I feel like I'm going to. He's from New Jersey. He's, like you said. You're on the rocket ship to Alda. He's got a booth at the HMS whatever the hell. The HMS Bounty. He does.

He's got his own HMS Bounty booth. Oscar, it seems like Oscar, and correct me if I'm wrong not being from New Jersey, but New Jersey seems to have a lot of pride in its local celebrities. Maybe more than most places. Would you say that's true? Well, we got a little bit to be prideful about, but yeah, Jon Stewart. You're Jon Stewart. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're Richard Lewis's. Hmm.

It's sort of how I feel about Tracy Chapman and Huey Lewis, Jordan. Oh, okay. I'm from San Francisco. Oh, you got more than that. Robin Williams. Willie McGee. Sure. Willie McGee, okay. I'm from San Francisco. Oh, you got more than that. Robin Williams. Willie McGee. Sure. Willie McGee, sure.

Yeah. San Francisco's cool. Right field for the Giants. That's right. That's about it. We've pretty much hit the whole list. I mean, you already said Robin Williams. Alingalda, Ed McMahon.

Ed McMahon. That's a good one. Frank Sinatra. New Jersey is a beautiful place. Parts are. I have a friend who teaches Frank Sinatra. New Jersey is a beautiful place. Parts are. I have a friend who teaches at the College of New Jersey, and I had never really been to New Jersey outside of going to Jersey City. And Jersey City is pretty nice, actually, too.

But going through New Jersey towards the Philadelphia end of New Jersey, which I realize is in Pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. It's a beautiful place. I understand certainly why it's called the Garden State. It is. They're doing some... Yeah, there's some stuff going up on now at the Delaware River, the Delaware Water Gap.

Some company, not to get all political, but they want to do that mining for coal or whatever. What's it called? Coal mining? Oh, fracking. The fracking. Yeah, the fracking. This is where they compress shale so that the oil juice squirts out of it.

Yeah, they want to do – they have a – they want to put through – like they want to do 20,000 mines and they're trying to stop it. It will ruin that whole area. Yowza. Yowza whole area. Yowza. Yowza's right. Yowza. Well, that's why I'm voting for Herman Cain. Yeah. And he'll do and say a lot of funny stuff while he's president.

Am I correctly understanding the political theme that you introduced? It's about voting for Herman Cain, correct? It is. That's exactly. I'm so glad I made it clear. Okay, good. I just I did not want to misunderstand the gist. Vote for Herman Cain or you are insane.

Yeah. If you don't vote for him. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

And Oscar from The Office. Not your office, The Office. Uh, I love it. I love it! We just gotta get an oral exciter on that microphone. Sure. Get an oral exciter. Punch it up a little bit.

Make it sound a little more aggro. We're good to go. Compress it. Boost the bass. Makepixelart.com. Just a touch of trouble. Wait. Our thanks to our sponsor, makepixelart.com.

This is an internet website where you can make a picture in the form of pixel art. Any kind of picture you want, Oscar. I'm talking about wristwatches, wedding rings, shirts. That's making a comeback. Earphones, microphones. But you can also make pictures of animate objects, right? I guess, but I don't know why you would want to. You know, just if you have a wild hair.

I guess you could do a wild hare. Like a rabbit? Yeah, yeah, like a rabbit with no home. Sure. Or a pheasant. A game bird, I guess you could also do. But that's basically it. Of the animate objects.

A fox. Yeah. Anything small game is what you can draw pictures of. Yeah, sure. A lynx. You could do a lynx, probably. A caravel? Yeah, sure, absolutely.

A dick dick. Like a caravel whale, for example. The ice cream cake? We're talking about ice cream cake. Fudgy the whale. Correct, fudgy the whale. Oh, I'm sorry, caracal. Yes, exactly.

Caracal or, you know... Ocelot. St. Thomas. And I think the only other one that you can make is an iBix but that's it the ones we listed plus iBix

makepixelart.com hey we got a couple messages up on the Jumbotron this week too here is a message for Andrew from Tiff I would like to congratulate my husband for finishing his MFA this December.

That is such a good... She says, I love him. I'm terribly proud of him. And I look forward to that sweet, sweet post-apocalyptic novel money. And as if finishing his first novel and getting a real job weren't enough, he recently finished listening to the entire Jordan Jesse Go back catalog. Wow. That is actually a lot of people.

More and more people are getting their MFAs, Master in Fine Arts, in Jordan Jesse Go back catalog. Wow. That is actually a lot of people. More and more people are getting their MFAs, Master in Fine Arts, in Jordan Jesse Go listening. Do you think the novel is just transcripts of Jordan Jesse Go episodes? Yeah, it's just... Well, I only got a brief glimpse of it, but I did see a lot of instances of the word dildonics. And so I believe that it probably was

just Jordan Jesse Go transcripts. Do you think we have a lawsuit on our hands? Well, I think we should join the Creative Commons. Look, it's like Benjamin Franklin said to Thomas Jefferson, he who lights my taper with his makes two lights, not less

than one. You know? He was all about the common good of the people. And slaves. Slavery. Hemp. Wait, hemp, all of these things. Wait, I'm confused. Are we getting money or not? Yeah, we got $100 from these people. Oh, okay.

But none from book sales. Well, this isn't good. This guy's already got an MFA. Once you get the MFA, that's how you guarantee that your book's not going to sell. You think James Patterson has an MFA, my friend? You think... Okay. I got one more message. This one is for Billy. You think James Patterson has an MFA, my friend? You think? Okay.

One more message. This one is for Billy from Erica. She says, Bilsden, which I guess is what she calls him. Yeah. It might just be a weird typo. I'm so fucking proud of you for getting your master's degree in political science and political economy from the London School of Economics. Now, that actually is pretty impressive. Yes that is not some bullshit mfa this guy probably got this guy andrew probably got his mfa from devry that's probably where he went there's nothing wrong with the vry he got his he got a master's in fine arts i mean he couldn't

get into barbizon air conditioning modeling conditioning repair you're saying that because i'm wearing a devry t-shirt? You are wearing a DeVry. You're their most prestigious alumna. DeVry does TV VCR repair, air conditioning, and comic acting. Jordan, he's a man. He's an alumno. Oh, excuse me.

So you're a fancy smarty pants now. I can't wait to celebrate with you soon. I'm the proudest girlfriend there is, and I can't wait for all of our upcoming adventures. Presumably working where? At the World Bank, right? Yeah. Go annex some third world country.

Restructure the economy of a banana republic. I love it. Congratulations. Congratulations. Don't step on the masses sitting outside. Do you notice that all of our listeners are getting advanced degrees that don't lead to jobs? I think that is the thing that ties our listeners together, advanced degrees that don't lead to jobs.

Sure. They're thinkers. Yeah, they're brainy. They're thinkers slash debtors. That's the two categories. And they seem to have nice girlfriends. They do have nice girlfriends. And you know what?

And God bless them. Sure. God bless the nice girlfriends. They do have nice girlfriends. And you know what? And God bless them. Sure. God bless the nice girlfriends. God bless... Education. God bless education. God bless the London School of Economics. And most of all,

God bless Barbizon. If it weren't for Barbizon, I wouldn't... Do those still run? Is that just the most outdated regional reference, Barbizon? Do you know what Barbizon is, Oscar? Is it a beauty school?

Yes. It's like a modeling school. Oh, it's modeling. I thought it was hairstyling, like how to cut hair. No, it's Barbizon. Oh, school of modeling. Their slogan is, learn to be a model or just look like one. Well, that's not bad.

You can't really... Is it a fallback if you look like one? Sure, absolutely. You can't really learn to look like something, though. I mean, a little bit on the margins. You could wear a false mustache. I think they're saying if you look like a model, you can either become one through Barbizon or just be some schmo who looks like a model. If you don't get the Barbizon training, you'll just be walking around looking like a model.

Could you go there on a scholarship? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, well, certainly. I mean, I think i would certainly be considered underprivileged sure in that context right right right in the context of a modeling school this guy's too handsome i think brett ratner actually has a scholarship for uh beautiful underage girls to the model the brett ratner he does. For big tits. The subtitle is No Fags Allowed.

Well, if you want to get on the Jumbotron, just go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to advertise on the program, email Teresa

at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Gessica. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I thought I was the boy detective.

Well, Oscar Nunez from the office, not your office, the office. I can be Jordan Morris from the office, not your office. I'll be the boy detective. Oh, great. Terrific. Do I actually get to be on this very profitable syndicated television show then? I'll do my best. Okay. I'll say Oscar Nunez's apprentice detective. Oh, okay. I've been

looking for an apprentice. Oh, so I'm beneath the boy detective. You are, yes. Even though you are older than me. But you're like Tintin. Yeah, so you'll be like Snowy. Arf! There you go. I love Tintin. I hope they do well with it. Can I be Captain Ahab? I don't see why not. Is that his name? What is the name of the I love Tintin. I hope they do well with it. Can I be Captain Ahab? I don't see why not.

Is that his name? Am I going to write? What is the name of the captain in Tintin? It's not Ahab. It's not? Is it Ahab? I thought it might be Ahab. It was an illusion.

I thought it was an illusion. They're all French. Can I be a racist caricature of an African person? Yes, you can. Or just any ethnicity other than Belgian. Be Chinese, please. All right, have a little braid coming out of your tiny hat. Gosh, okay.

So, Jordan, you have had in your sweaty palm through the course of this entire program a folded up piece of paper that I'm very interested in. Oscar, for your benefit and for the benefit of the people who may not have heard the episode where we discussed this, the name Rick Martino has loomed pretty large for us. I was getting copies made

at this copy store and on the bulletin board were these tiny slips of paper that had been cut out that said, Need help? Rick Martino. And I think, and somebody may correct me on this, but here's what I,

it's been a while, but I think this is what it said. Need help? Call Rick Martino, Italian-American, physically fit. And it had a phone number and then said YouTube.com. Not YouTube.com slash Rick Martino, just YouTube.com. So this is, this was strange. And we kind of speculated as to what this meant. We went to Rick Martino's YouTube page. And all it was was a weird black and white art film of someone filming outside of a car driving around Hollywood to like weird classical music.

Yeah. So, you know, and that's about all the research we've done. And we kind of like Rick Martino. It was a lot like, Did you see Tree of Life? It was sort of like that I did, I did Yeah Well, I mean God, who's the guy who directed Tree of Life?

Terrence Malick Sir Like Terrence Malick Rick Martino isn't exactly what we would call prolific Right He comes onto the scene every couple years Makes a big splash And then kind of recedes

He goes overseas Right, he does, exactly He does Well, because of that child rape. So you're thinking of that one time. Yeah. That wasn't Terrence. So if need help was Rick Martino's thin red line.

Right. I have in my hands his tree of life. Wow. The newest Rick Martino piece of paper. Call me a con crowd prepared for a 10-minute standing ovation. And this is taped on basically every light post in Hollywood between Vine and Fairfax. Oh, boy. They don't have telephones in Hollywood anymore.

Everyone just communicates telepathically. Sure. Join me for justice for all. Animal control from North Central District are criminals. They killed my pet pigeons without my permission. Rick Martino, phone number, youtube.com. Oh, boy. Something's happening.

Wow. So, I mean, what a follow-up to Need Help. Yeah. So something has happened. Oh, and I should say that all of these are taped on the light posts at crotch level. Across the board. These are not at eye level. So you have to stoop to read this.

Oh, he's a short person. Yeah, maybe. I mean, something has clearly happened. He seemed big in the movie, but so does Tom Cruise, you know? Yeah, yeah. The first thing, need help. Did he need help? Or was he offering help?

I think he was asking you if you needed help from someone who was Italian-American and physically fit. Because this pitching thing makes me think that maybe he needed help. Need help. Do you think he was offering a Richard Gere type service? I'm confused. What do you mean? A gigolo type situation. Do you think that was implied?

That's where we all go to need help. He could have been a handyman. He could have been like a, well, again, that's, but he could maybe around the house. Why would you, would you be concerned about your, what, what ethnicity you're, well, you're, you may be racist. Yeah. Well, you know I am. I guess for handyman and gigolo, physically fit makes a difference, right? Right.

I think we can all agree. Yeah, I think so. Those are two instances where you'd want the person to be physically fit. So yeah, I can see why your mind would go there. It makes sense. But so how does – okay, I guess Mike Tyson has pet pigeons, right? I think he's the Herman Cain of Handyman. Yeah.

I don't know if he's lascivious or not. I don't know if he's – What's going on with the pigeon thing? He does say numbers a lot. He repeats a number a lot. That's true. So he is like – and he's got that cool mustache. Jesse, now, would you maybe go to

YouTube.com and maybe I haven't looked at Rick Martino's YouTube page in a while. I only ripped it. Yeah, yeah, here, I'll hand this to you. And maybe, I mean, it's just a piece of paper in a very plain font. Well, it's got a watermark. What does it say? Oh, is this a national treasure situation where the Templars buried

Da Vinci's plans? Is Rick Martino R-I-C-K or R-C? It is R-I-K Martino. R-I-K. Rick Martino. Oh, yeah, here's Sunset at Dawn, the one that we saw before. Yeah, that's his black and white art movie.

Okay. They killed his pet pigeons without his... Was that necessary, without my permission? Yeah, I guess. Is there an instance... Maybe, I mean, I guess you could potentially call a hit out on pigeons. Oh, there's a video here called Pigeons Killed by City, More Trouble for the Birdman. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, boy. Should we? Okay, we're going to take a quick break, and we're going to report back in just a second on Pigeons Killed by City, More Trouble for the Birdman. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. City, more trouble for the bird man. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oscar Nunez, apprentice detective. It appears that they rounded up Rick Martino's pigeons that he feeds in public. So this is not a Mike Tyson situation where he's got coops on his roof. No, this is probably, he was feeding these outside of a cafe on Hyperion Avenue in Los Angeles. And they were rounded up. However, I will tell you what this puts me in mind of.

There was a woman who wrote to the mayor's office when I was working in the mayor's office in San Francisco. And she wrote us this letter. And this was her concern. The CIA had trained these pigeons to shit on her house and also spy on her. So obviously, she did what anyone else would have done. She hired an extermination company

to the tune of, I think it was over $10,000. Wow. Of pigeon abatement. So they put, she detailed everything they did in the letter. They put a, they wrapped her house completely and then they put an exterior wrap around it and then they put spikes everywhere and then they poison gassed it and

so on and so forth. She wrote to the mayor's office because as she saw it, the mayor should pay for this. Wow. I'm always impressed how insanos get money. Every time, I feel like every time I go to New York

and I talk to my New York friends, they always, the story always seems to be how they're always kind of teetering on poverty. It's so expensive to live and they're just waiting for the day where they lose their jobs and immediately have to move back home. I wonder – and New York has more insanos than anybody. I wonder how insanos live in such expensive meccas. I don't know. They always find a way.

Yeah. There's Insanos who are really on Skid Row, and there are those who do street theater, and they survive, and they have a place. In New York, it was Alphabet City, kind of. I mean, Rick Martino makes his own movies. Sure. Yeah. This guy's an accomplished filmmaker. He's an accomplished filmmaker.

But, you know, that's, that's not cool that they rounded up those birds and did that. Yeah, yeah,

maybe, maybe. That's an overreach. Sure. Are we with Martino on this one? Yeah, that's an overreach by the government. You know,

I think just to do Martino a favor, I'm going to go around Hollywood and take all of these from crotch level and put them at eye level. Because I just, I think that he would get a lot more. You know what? That is a real.

That's a good one today. Were you inspired by the Occupy movement? Mm-hmm. No. Yeah. I was too. Occupy eye level. Does he want them at crotch level?

Maybe he's just trying to get like children on his side. Yeah. And doggies. Yeah. I don't know. Woof, woof, woof. Well, he seemed upset on the thing. Yeah.

He's upset and heartfelt, and he's pointing at the thing. Handsome man. Very good. He's a good-looking guy. Physically fit. Yeah, very physically fit. I expected younger when you first read the thing from King Toes. I thought he was a gigolo.

Right. And now I just see he's a flannel-shirted older man. Well, a lot of the ladies that hire gigolos are older women looking for companionship. Oh, okay. So you want someone who remembers Lawrence Welk. You can relate to. Yeah, you don't want, you know, I guess if you're an older lady and you hire a 19-year-old gigolo, he's talking about dubstep.

You don't know what that is. And there's so many of them. Yeah, yeah. All the kids, those tween gigolos. I know. You're not there to talk about Tiny Tempa. Sure. You want to talk about, you're there to talk about PBS pledge specials.

Yeah. You want to talk about Suze Orman. You want to talk about the coasters. But just for a little bit, then you get down to business. As I understand it, gigolos aren't there for conversation. Correct me if I'm wrong. Well, with the older ladies. There's a certain amount of companionship.

The sex is just half of it. I'm going to enlighten you. It's only half of it. I spent a little time as a young gigolo. A rent boy. Yeah. That was always a hurdle for me with the older ladies.

But that's not nice rent. It's lease. I believe the term you first lease. Rent to own. Well, there is a contract. I'm like a couch. How long was that when you first moved here? That was, yeah, just when I was trying to get my footing.

Good for you. And then I started working in entertainment. I always felt like two things. Number one, I always felt like you were working in entertainment even then. Sure. I mean, that's all preparation. It's a performance. It's all preparation for our art.

It's all usable. You use it later. You use it later. Absolutely. I mean, you're an artist, Oscar. You're on The Office. Everything I do is, yeah. You know about creating beauty.

You know, painting. thing i do is yeah you know about creating beauty yeah you know painting i mean i'm sure i know that you uh for example i i heard that you were the person at the dog groomers that does the anal gland excretion and i'm sure that you use that every day in creating your character on... Yes, but I actually aspired to be that person. Couldn't quite cut it. Like Michael Crichton when he... Oh, and then you became... That's why you became, and it was like those who can't teach. Those who can't teach.

I tried and... Wait a minute. I just heard the sentence fragment, like Michael Crichton. Well, he was going to be a doctor, but he couldn't get past the cadaver thing. Oh, I didn't know that. And then he, that was, he's like, I can't do this. You know what? He was writing.

And then he found his true calling, climate change denial. Deny global warming. Yeah. Oh, and anti-Japanese racism. And passing away. I just bought his latest novel. He keeps cranking them out. Really?

For five years, yeah. Beyond the grave. Is it a sequel them out Really? Yeah, beyond the grave Is it a sequel to Rising Sun? Micro, it's called, no Yeah, it's called Micro Yeah? I definitely, the year Jurassic Park came out As a kid, I went through a Michael Crichton

Oh yeah, I read a buttload of Michael Crichton novels So yeah, I'm a year older than you I'd say maybe two years before Jurassic Park came out. Just a pile of them. A pile of them, yeah. Smart guy. Smart guy. He was going to be a doctor. Yeah. I mean, this is a guy who could see through the bullshit

that the so-called scientists were putting up there on the matter of climate change. See, I didn't know he was a big climate change denier. Oh, yeah. Testified before Congress numerous times. What business is it of his? He's a novelist. Well, because who else are you going to get? Scientists.

All scientists agree. All of the actual scientists are on board with climate change. He saw a young bit player on Roseanne. Yeah. And he said to that young bit player on Roseanne, come be the star of my Doctor drama.

And that is why we have George Clooney. Yeah, he sent him... Good for him. Yeah. He picked him... He plucked him out of obscurity on the most popular show on television at the time. He sent him to an African-American barber to get a Caesar. I was over his house.

George Clooney's house? No, Michael Crichton. Oh, that's not as good as George. I would like to hear about what Michael Crichton's house is like. Michael Crichton's house is really good, and I'm sorry that I was disappointed by it, but you did set it up like it was going to be Clooney's house. Well, my wife has been over George Clooney's house. Hello.

Hey. Wow, wow, wow. You gave her permission for that one. She was dating. You just got to tell me about it afterwards. She was dating a fella who lived at the house. This is before you were. Wait, who lived at George Clooney's house?

Yeah, because he always has guys over there. I want to live at Clooney's house. No, you can't. No, I want to. You probably could if you meet him. He's a very nice guy. He's a very nice guy. He's a very nice guy. He always has guys

over the house. She was dating one of the guys. She slept over a couple times. He's always got plenty of olive oil on hand. She's met him

a couple times. This was years ago. Everybody looks tremendous. Everybody's in great shape. Yeah. They got a wrestling league. He's a nice fella. He did that movie

with John Krasinski. Yeah. Leatherheads. And we saw him at the movie and she's like, hey, that. And they knew him. His Yeah, Leatherheads. And we saw him at the movie and she's like, hey, that, and they knew him.

Like his buddies, hey, how are you? They recognized her from when she used to hang there. Wow. And he, because he's very loyal to his friends,

like Mark, like your boy Mark, very loyal to his friends. And we met him at a telethon. He's very nice, very nice guy. You know where we have to go is to the lake house.

That's where you want to go. Are you inviting us? No. I am not. I am not invited. No, no, no. That's reasonable. We would just act like boobs.

That's the place you want to go. Oh, yeah. To Clooney's lake house. Yeah. Wow. I bet that's great. Has your wife met Clooney's pig? Late pig?

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think he has bulldogs or a pig. He used to have a pig that slept in his bed. I know this. But this was years ago. It's one of those important pieces of evidence, along with punching David O. Russell on the set. And he had bulldogs, too.

But this was years ago. Makes me really believe in Clooney. You know, more than just admire him for his good looks and acting talent. But just really believe in him as an expression of what it means to be an American. Yeah. You know what than just admire him for his good looks And acting talent But just really believe in him as an expression Of what it means to be an American You know what I mean He did 16 pilots before ER How do we get

How do we get Nunez's life I mean You know what the next stop on the Nunez train is He's going to have his own fucking booth At the HMS Bounty We're working on it. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, we're sitting here. We're lucky if somebody makes a passing reference to us in the popular web comic, Dr. McNinja.

Lucky. Do you have people? We don't have people. We need to get people. We need people. Yeah. How many people do we need? Three?

You need, how many are there? Two of you? Yeah. Let's say three to start with. Are we talking about... We each have one and a half person. You have one and a half person to start. We'll start you off nice and easy.

Right. Publicist, a baker, and a masseuse. And we'll see how that goes for a while. Because once we stop, you know, I mean, so much of my day is, you know, taking up making scones, muffins. You don't have time. See, all that time... That's why you need a baker. Yes. Because that time that you're doing that, you could be having a manic scones, muffins. You don't have time. See, all that time. That's why you need a baker. Yes.

Because that time that you're doing that, you could be having a manicure. That's true. So why are you making scones? You're not, that's not allocating your time properly. You need a publicist. Well,

because people love to eat scones. That's why I'm making scones. I don't understand what your problem is. Is that what I smell? Yeah. Because something's been baking. I got some scones in the oven. You don't notice that I keep excusing myself to check on my scones?

That's where you're going. We thought when you said, excuse me, I'm going to check on my scones, we just assumed you were jerking off. I thought it was a Belfast euphemism. Right. Go check on the old scones. You just assumed that meant I was worried I had ball cancer. Yeah, because that's where we went. That's where we guessed ball cancer. When you slip out, we whisper, he's I had ball cancer. Yeah, because that's where we went. We did go there.

When you slip out, we whisper, he's got the ball cancer. His pants are bulbous in the crotch area. What's going on? Giant ball tumor. Okay, so we needed to get a publicist. And it was your, I mean, to be fair, it was Oscar's manager's publicist who emailed us and said, hey, have you ever thought about having Oscar Nunez on Jordan Jesse Go? I said, he's hilarious.

I've seen him on our friend Jimmy Pardo's programs. I said, I would love to have him. So maybe we could even get on popular podcasts. I mean, let's not shoot for the moon. Let's start out. Okay. Let's start with Clooney's House. Let's start with something achievable.

Go to Clooney's House and then maybe like hang up some posters around Hollywood moon let's start out okay let's start with cluny's house let's start with something achievable go to cluny's house and then maybe like then maybe hang up some posters around hollywood at crotch level i have to let doggies know who we are i have a friend who's a publicist and i think she might be able to help us out jordan she already represents hollywood's top uh top same gender two person team Wendy and Lisa okay and I know that I know that this is important because she did once say do would you ever want to have Wendy and Lisa

on the sound of young America and I said yeah sure I would love to have Wendy and Lisa from the revolution on the sound of young America and she said oh that's awesome the only thing is they're not allowed to talk about Prince. I was like, what? What?

Sure. What are you going to talk to Wendy and Lisa about that's not Prince? Yeah. The theme song they wrote for Nurse Jackie? What else they got? Yeah. It's like having Oscar Nunez's wife on and not asking her about Clooney's Lake House. Or his pig.

Yeah. Tell us about this. Can we hear about this Lake House? I've never been to the Lake House. Or his pig. Yeah. Tell us about this. Can we hear about this Lake House? I've never been to the Lake House. You know what I know. Wow. Why haven't you been to the... Don't you know that you're on The Office?

It's one of the most popular and hilarious television programs in America. Lake House in Italy? No. They have The Office in Italy, Oscar. They have it all over the world. They do. They do.

I have not been there. I wish. I wish. I wish. It's more of a commedia dell'arte show, though, in Italy. Yeah, Oscar's on it. It has more lotso. It's done on stage.

It's actually done on stage. In office. When Oscar Nunez does the lotso of the bumblebee, where he's looking at the bumblebee, he's watching it fly around, and then it flies into his mouth, and then he starts shaking around because it's flying around inside of him and then it stings him and then he poops it out it's amazing and the preparation for that this is i mean it is so true to ricky gervais and

steven merchant's vision that it is just power i mean it is a documentation of, you know what I did when I was in London, actually? What? I spent the night in Slough, the city that is the setting for the British office. Oh, good. And, yeah, you can really see why it was chosen as the setting for the British office. That's hilarious. Great show, by the way, the British office. Eh.

Really? No, no, not at all, The British Office. Eh. Really? No, no, not at all. It's a brilliant show. It's a terrific show. One of the best sitcoms of the past 30 years. What Jesse likes to do these days is something called comedy nerd baiting, where he takes a sacred cow amongst comedy nerds

and criticizes it in order to have internet fights. Yeah, like a couple weeks ago when I said that I like community a lot and then I made some joke about it. And people were like, wait a minute, you just like it a lot? I got in so much trouble, Jordan, for saying that I like community a lot.

Just keep your fucking opinions to yourself. Yeah. I was supposed to be an opinionated firebrand. I'm like Tom Likas. I hear you. Have you had Danny Pudi on the show? Danny Pudi has been

on The Sound of Young America. He has not been on Jordan Jessup Go. Seemed like a class act. Oh, funny guy. Seemed like a real... Yeah, speaks Polish. Fluent Polish.

We can talk to him in Polish. How about that? We did improv in Portland and San Francisco. Oh, neat. Yeah. Oh, neat. Oh, you do the theme park improv sometimes. Is that correct?

With our friend Janet Varney and Cole Stratton. Yeah. Both Janet and Cole have been guests on this very program, and in fact, I used to work for Janet and Cole at the San Francisco Sketch Fest. I love those kids.

Do you think that's enough to get me into Clooney's Lake House? Janet can probably get into Clooney's Lake House, right? Now we're not a publicist. Yeah. Right. How much is a publicist? You have to have a lot of buzz and a tray full of scones, so that's why we need... And you need to be relaxed.

Be relaxed. Jimmy Pardo, I was at the Podcast-a-thon, which, by the way, people should go to podcast.com and buy the podcast-a-thon. Our friend Jimmy Pardo's marathon charity podcast event, because all the money goes to charity. So go buy it. Is that his mistress? Yes. That's a gigolo that he hires.

An over-50 gigolo. Yeah. that he hires. An over 50 gigolo. Yeah. And Jimmy was telling me that after he informed his publicist that he was going to be having the podcast-a-thon, he started getting solicitations

from other publicists from people not to appear on the podcast-a-thon, but to walk the red carpet at the podcast-a-thon, but to walk the red carpet at the podcast-a-thon. Wow. And he said he got literally dozens of these, and he had not heard of any of the people. Like, not even like that name sounds familiar. Yeah.

Like, they were complete. It was just someone's uncle. Oh, it's just such a scam. So, okay. So here's what we need. We need a publicist. Do we need an assistant? No, we're starting with the big three. Publicist, baker, masseuse. Yeah.

Jordan's got management. Does that help? Sure, management helps. They just help you locate a quality baker. Right. If they can help you with that, that's half the game. I mean, if you... The reason you need a good baker is because if they're not working from the right starter, their sourdough is not going to be any good. Oh, absolutely. It's a foundation.

Yeah. By the way, my mom's pretending to read. That's how bored she is. Well, at least she's not paying close attention. We've said a lot of mom inappropriate stuff. Oh, she doesn't. We once went to see Dom Irera. Uh-huh.

Because he... Legendary stand-up comedian, Dom Irera. Because he directed some sketch thing I was in, and Eddie Griffin was on stage, and she was there, and Eddie Griffin's doing stand-up material about like... Oh, now she's listening. A lot of... Now she's paying attention. Jokes about odors when performing oral sex on a woman, maybe?

Absolutely. I don't give a shit about that. Would you want to stick a finger up her butt? Smell it. Who gives a shit? Like, literally. And also, to some extent, what odors go with what races? Yes.

He does 15 minutes on that. It's lovely. Racial odors. But anyway, she was dying. Mexicans 15 minutes on that. It's lovely. Racial odors. But anyway, she was dying. Mexicans be smelling like cactus. She was like aloe vera. But anyway, yeah, to get back to the scone thing. Yeah.

Because you're already a Hollywood, you're Hollywood royalty. I don't mean to. Am I? Yeah. Oscar Nunez, you're Hollywood royalty. You've got your own booth at the HMS Bounty. You've been punched in the throat by Liam Neeson. A given.

You've gotten Van Morrison drunk and had him make noises for you. Oscar Nunez! Brownhead! Brownhead! La, la, la, la! That's spot on, by the way. Good, good fit, yeah. Well, shoot.

What are you going to do? I think we just need to wrap this thing up, Jordan. Yeah, why not? It's been just a fucking joy to have you on the program. It's been so cool. Thank you so much for taking the time. I love the Mere Mansion and great meeting you guys. And of course, you've always been a huge fan of the show.

Oh, yeah. From the beginning. From 1963. We really appreciate that. What do we need to say? Oh, hashtag JJ Go. I've got to pick a tweet of the week, Jordan. Pick a tweet of the week.

I've got to pick a tweet of the week real quick. This has kind of become customary. Jesse picks a tweet of the week. Oscar, we make small talks. Should I tweet? Yeah, feel free. You can wait until we put it up. Should I tweet? Yeah, feel free. You can wait until we put it out. What are you doing

after this? We make small talk while Jesse looks for the tweet of the week. No, I'm saying should I start tweeting? Oh, just in general. Oh, in general. Oh, yeah, that's a good area of small talk. I, well, do you, what do you do social networking-wise? I don't know. Rainn Wilson wants me to tweet. He's like, you should be tweeting. Rainn Wilson

is very good on the Twitter. He's very funny. I don't know. I mean Wilson wants me to tweet. He's like, you should be tweeting. Rainn Wilson is very good on the Twitter. He's very funny. I don't know. I mean, I feel like you're like an established guy. You don't feel like you have trouble getting work, and you feel like— I was on Facebook. I went off of it because I kept playing Bejeweled, and people are like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't want to talk to you. I don't know.

Who cares? Yeah. I might say that, i like twitter i enjoy being on there but if you're not drawn to the idea of it i think you know you're you know you're at a point where maybe you don't need the help publicity wise right right yeah but rain says that you do he says it's good for whatever you're doing you have a million million followers or whatever, half a million. And I think you would probably go into the game with the, you know, in the 50 to 100,000 range.

A little bit, yeah. The sweet spot, we like to call it on Twitter. That's nice. That's always nice. So yeah, I mean, I would say maybe try it out. I would follow you on Twitter, certainly. Give it a try it out. I will say, I want to thank everybody. There are lots of tweets about our 200th episode, which we just released this past week.

Congratulations. So thank you very much. Thank you to everybody who was tweeting about all their favorite Jordan Jesse Go moments that we were considering over the course of that hour and a half, two hours or so. There's a lot of really earnest tweets. And you know what? I'm just going to give it, I'm just going to give it to Melissa here, at Melissa LIB,

who is angry that she was busy taking classes on Shakespeare when we were at UC Santa Cruz taking classes on Saturday Night Live and the Muppets. Perfectly reasonable. Thank you, Melissa. Melissa, email intern at MaximumFun.org. Tell them your T-shirt size and our unisex T-shirts

and we will send you a free T-shirt. And everybody else, remember to tweet with the hashtag hashtag JJGo. And hey, guess what? I just put

MaxFunCon tickets on sale. MaxFunCon June 1st through 3rd, 2012. And it is now, it is, we sold 85%, I think, 80%, 85% of the tickets on, in one day to MaxFunCon. This is seven, eight months from now. to MaxFunCon. This is seven, eight months from now. And we now, as of this recording,

I think we have about, I think it's a dozen left. Okay. So if you want to go to MaxFunCon, better get your ass in gear is all I have to say about that. It's MaxFunCon.com. I don't know, Jordan. I feel like some people don't know

what MaxFunCon is. How would you't know, Jordan. I feel like some people don't know what MaxFunCon is. How would you describe it? Like a real fun weekend that I'm at. Yeah, look, if you've always wanted to fuck Jordan, now's your chance. Here it is. Only one way to do it. MaxFunCon.com. I only have sex once a year.

There was a long period when all it took was $100 an hour to fuck Jordan. Yeah, well, I'm past that. These days, you've got to buy tickets to MaxFunCon, get him a couple drinks. Sure, have a nice plate of scones, lure me into the room. Now he's like Santa Claus. Yes, exactly. Once a year. In my sack is down your chimney.

Gross. Oh, God, that's really gross. Jiminy. Gross. Oh, God. That's really gross. Oscar Nunez, you can watch Thursday nights on the National Broadcasting Company's hit television program, The Office. And if you want Oscar to get on Twitter, just tweet at Rainn Wilson and say you want Oscar

to be on Twitter. And then the next... Because, I mean, when we need to crowdsource something, we usually go to Twitter. So if the question is, should I get on Twitter, that's a little bit complicated. But I say that people go through Rainn Wilson, tweet at them, and then next time you guys are taping or at some sort of function... He'll say, hey, what the hell? There's been, you know, there's 400,000 people who want you on Twitter. The best thing to do also is just to make sure you get through what I call the Rainn Wilson filter is bring up the B'nai B'rith.

In the tweet, bring up the B'nai B'rith and just work it in there somehow. Because I have strong feelings about religious tolerance of all religions. In fact, religious tolerance is my religion. Oscar Nunez should be on Twitter. Nice. There you go. So something that's going to pique his interest. Something we call Wilson baiting.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Or bring up, another good thing to bring up would be being great on, but also derailing six feet under. You know what I mean? Like being really compelling, but also, why is feet under you know what i mean like being really compelling but also why is that character part of the show but it wasn't there that long no he was and he was genuinely great i mean i remember thinking and it was this guy is amazing i can see why they wanted

to have this guy on their television show but what does this have to do with the rest of the things that are happening on the program it was bizarre oscar is there any is there any other non-office related things that we should we should make sure and send people to no i'm good okay oscar nunez star of the office he's not sweating he's headed off to the lake house next week um we'll be back next time on jordan jesse go hi i'm justin mcelroy i'm travis mcel. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers. It's not a coincidence.

We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we ask take questions from the Yahoo answer service. Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf? That's a fine question, Griffin. We'll answer that one and so much more, including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society.

Subscribe on iTunes or get it online at MaximumFun.org. We're brothers. We're experts. And we're sorry. We're sorry.