Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 204: Gravy Boat Lighthouse Retrospective with Andres Du Bouchet

Episode Date: December 21, 2011

Andres Du Bouchet brings the cheeseburgers and his opinions to the Chalet where they discuss Sky Rim avatars, the comedic stylings of Regis and Kelly and of course, the gravy boat lighthouse.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan. Jesse. Go!

Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go. We're joined by Andre Dubuche for a return to the kind of lighthearted humor you've come to expect from us. And an exhaustive explication of Gravy Boat Lighthouse. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful evening in the Mountain Chalet. Cool weather here in Los Angeles. Great. That's out of the way. I hope you're happy, Jordan. Thank you. I hope you're happy that we got through your favorite part of the show in a record six sentences, six words.

I feel better. I feel better. It's like an ocd thing for me if you don't describe the weather in los angeles on the night we're recording like i feel all ganked up for the rest of the time i didn't get to bring the audience in with a beautiful word picture i didn't get to i didn't get to sing a song with words. I didn't get to do some of my patented prose poetry at the top of the show. I just fucking laid it out there. I hope... I mean, if you want to do a... You know, if you want to Spalding Gray around

about the weather, I mean... I'm the Garrison Keillor of my generation, Jordan. I can just go on autopilot. We've done live shows. You've heard me say things that aren't jokes and heard the peels of laughter in the audience it's true you are like Garrison Keillor in that way

you've heard me patronize people from one third of the country and heard them eat it up like it was so much chocolate cake okay look it up like it was so much chocolate cake. Okay, look.

We're here. Let's do this thing, Jordan. Let's make this show happen. This is going to be great. This is going to be our Peabody show, Jordan. Might be. This is going to be the show that wins us, if not a Peabody, then a Polk. If not a Polk, then a Cable Ace Award.

Sure. Let's introduce... They will bring back the Blockbuster Entertainment Awards specifically to give one to this episode of this show. Best Kiss MTV Movie Awards 1998 Jordan Jesse Go episode4, featuring guest Andre Dubuchet. Andre, welcome to the program. Oh, great to be here. Thanks for having me. Oh, it is a joy, a delight to have you here. Andre, of course, not only a stand-up comedian is insufficient, you might say, a solo sketch comedian, a solo performer, You might say a solo sketch comedian, a solo performer, but also a writer for the Conan O'Brien television program, which I believe is called Conan, on the Turner Broadcasting System, which is the Superstation.

Yes, exactly. Do they still call it the Superstation? I'm pretty sure they still call it the Super Station. All right, I believe you. Yeah. That's one of those situations. Is this correct? You correct me if I'm wrong, Andre.

This is one of those things where you get the cast together. You get the cast of the show together. They put it in order for 100 episodes. Right. And you produce those 100 episodes over the course of one calendar year. So you have all the writers. You get a studio audience in. You tape three a week until you're wrapped. I think you're confusing us with the shows that Tyler Perry produces.

Right. I am thinking of Tyler Perry's House of Pain. Okay. Your show is pretty folksy, though, right? I mean, it's still folksy. Yeah, there's a folksiness to it, I guess. Conan and Andy have a... fairly infrequently, I would say.

People of color. Fairly... Sassy grandmas, though. It does have sassy grandmas. We do have that recurring character, Sassy Grandma. Does anyone go upside anyone else's head? Behind the scenes, yeah.

Okay. Now, Andre, I'm impressed that you made it out tonight because you mentioned before we sat down that you've been playing Skyrim. And this is destroying lives all over my social circle. I'm surprised you didn't feign sickness or something to play this video game Skyrim. And I'm surprised that people who play this video game have social circles. Oh, they do. Ba-ding!

Yes. I don't really think that. It's huge. This, you know, what is this? I've only heard, like, basically all I know about this Skyrim is essentially what Jordan just said. Like, I keep hearing people on the Internet say that it's consuming their lives. I don't even know what kind of video game it is. I guess I would say it's a pet segment.

It's kind of a spiritual sequel to Marble Madness. I think if you remember the old Marble Madness for the NES, this is just kind of like an updated version. I figured it was one of those It's like a Super Mario game to collect gold coins, do a lot of hopping Gotcha, sure. Hold B to run. So it's like a Tomogachi pet simulator kind of thing. Right, okay.

I got it, I got you. Does it have, it's like one of those things where you grow a fish with a man's face inside of a fish tank that's right and uh every so often leonard nimoy's voice scolds you that's exactly the kind of game we're talking okay great no you know it's it's funny and and i i do not i don't play this game and i usually don't play this type of game but kind of something that i'm observing from people playing it is that um you know the main portion of the game takes an

obscenely long amount of time but you can divert off this kind of main path and do these side quests yeah and let's say the main game takes 60 hours to complete uh that's just a guesstimate uh yeah it might even be more like 100 yeah Yeah, right. It is something like that. But people are kind of bragging how long they can play the game without actually finishing it. There are people who are like, yeah, I've been playing 100 hours and I haven't even finished it. They're trying to extend it. It's like, I imagine it's how Sting talks about sex. I was just about to say. It's like the tantric sex of video games.

Well, is that how your experience? Yeah, well, I played the previous game. Have you had sex with Sting, I guess is what I'm asking. No, I have not had sex with Sting. Isn't that like the whole purpose of getting staffed on a show like Conan? To meet and have sex with celebrities?

Yeah. Well, I mean, Sting specifically. Or at the very least, like Phil Collins. But, you know, that's a fool's errand, I think. If you go into this business with hopes of sleeping with Phil Collins, you're really betting on a very slim chance. Yeah.

You know, so, you know, I cross my fingers. Hopefully something like that will happen to me at some point. That guy's a legendary soft dick. Is he really? Yeah. It's Peter Gabriel that has the... Yeah, that guy's a fucking diamond. Yeah, sure. I mean, at anything.

Like, I mean, you know, a pair of corduroy pants and Gabriel standing at attention. Yeah, sure. But no, are you trying to draw out the game experience as long as possible? Or do you want to complete it? Wait, hold on. Can you guys tell me what this thing is? It's like Dungeons & Dragons on the Xbox, basically.

If you want to boil it down to it. It's a single person. You don't play against other people, and it's just you as this character wandering around this kind of giant landscape, fighting monsters and going on quests. I get it. I had a Dungeons & Dragons game for my PC XT, The Secret of the Silver something or others.

So I know a little something about playing Dungeons & Dragons on a Microsoft product. Right, right. So yeah, it's just, you just wander around and you can keep playing it even after you finish the main quest. You don't have to like delay that gratification. You can just sort of,

you know, like in the last game I played, Oblivion, which was the sequel, I'm sorry, the prequel to this game. You just, you finish the main quest and then just keep wandering around the world indefinitely.

I mean, really, you know. And are you, are you good or evil? It seems like there's a lot, a lot of people talk about kind of like if their actions are good or evil. Like are you doing one or the other? Are you striving to be virtuous or not?

I usually try to be virtuous. It's because it makes the game more – I find it makes it more interesting and also harder if you play it as a good guy. Because if you just kind of kill everyone that you come across and steal their stuff, it's pretty boring and easy. And I'll save the... I don't know. I'll kill innocent people once in a while

just if they're in my way to complete some sort of task or whatever. Or they look kind of faggy. Yes. That's why I got the game, to beat up medieval fags. Andre, I have to come at this from a slightly different perspective. I'm glad we're discussing strategy and gameplay mechanics.

Here's my question. This is only the tip of the iceberg. That's what Peter Gabriel says. You've been writing on the Conan program at the very least since it's been here in Los Angeles on TBS, correct? You started on the Tonight Show, right? I started on the Late Night Show in New York

for just the last couple months of that show and then moved out here. There you go. So you would say this is a reasonably demanding job, correct? Yeah. I mean, it's mentally taxing and the hours are... Actually, the hours aren't too bad as far as TV shows go, but... But it's hard.

Look, somebody's got to sit down, fucking focus, and come up with Gravy Boat Lighthouse. Exactly. Yeah. And at the end of the day, I can't help but notice you got a wedding ring on your finger. Yep. Yep. I got married. You got a wife or husband to come home to.

I've got a lovely wife. She's awesome. You got a beautiful wife to come home to, or lovely as you put it. I presume she demands some of your time and attention. Absolutely. Absolutely. Where does playing Dungeons and Dragons on the Xbox fit into all of this? That's a very good question.

Well, right now she's out of town for a week. So that's why I started playing the game. And then if she were around, I'd probably be, you know. So is this something you can jack off to? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no. No. No.

Well, maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Actually, that's not a bad. I mean, if you get the right power-ups. If you design your character to be hot enough. You know, I always have this weird moment when I have to design an avatar for a game. I don't like that.

I would rather be told what my character looks like. I don't like the responsibility of picking their jawline and their skin tone. Oh, really? Literally, the first ten... Well, I don't want to say ten hours. I'd say the first five or six hours of playing Skyrim was me designing what my character's face looked like. Wow. And then scrapping it and starting over.

It's so hard to make them look like it, right? I mean, have they developed... They've not really developed a system to make it anything other than really difficult to make it look how you want to look, right? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, and they give you... Especially in this game, they give you too many parameters. It's like what he was saying. It's like you are meddling with the jawline and how close

the eyes are set together and the skin tone and then, you know. It should have two settings. It should have a setting where it takes... Dude or gal. It takes a picture of you and makes your guy look like that. And then it should have another setting that makes it look like Mr. T. Right?

That's what people want. Sure. You want to play as someone who looks like yourself. Or as Mr. T. Like what if Mr. T was a basketball guy? Or what if Mr. T had magic powers? Right? What if Mr. T had a big sword? That would be tremendous.

Did you just say sword? Yeah, sure. Why not? You pronounced the W. That's great. Yeah, throw it in there. Talking about tea. Mr. T and his sward. I say swarp.

So you not only pronounce the W, you change the D to a P. I do, yes. He's into consonant substitution. It's sort of like cockney rhyming slang. It's a lifestyle. Yeah. It's a lifestyle substitution. It's sort of like cockney rhyming slang. It's a lifestyle. Yeah. It's a lifestyle that I'm into. But yeah, you know, when that character customization part of the game comes around, like, that's

the thing that makes me feel a little too nerdy. Like, that's the thing where I start to feel ashamed of myself. Like, that's when, I don't know, it's like, I feel like it's the difference between watching, you know, a standard pornography movie and something a little weirder. Like I honestly start to feel like when I am adjusting my character's jawline and the pattern on their tunic, that's when I feel like, you know what? My life has gone off the rails. You know what's an interesting kind of pornography to me? That's my character, by the way.

This type of pornography. Actually, I'd like to see. Would you pass it here? Yeah, pass it around. Yeah, I'm going to take a look at this. It's funny that it's... Do you have a picture of your wife on your phone? Yes.

Or is it just your Skyrim? Okay, you do. In addition to your Skyrim character, you also have pictures of your family. You're like a squat-faced Lynx. Yeah, he's got kind of some tiger colorations, and he's got the ears of a Lynx. Yeah, he's like a... You know what he's like?

He's like, what if a Lynx was also half Andre Dubuchet? Exactly. He's got that scowl. Oh, yeah. He's like part Lynx and part Andre Dubuchet. He does not's got that scowl. Oh, yeah. He's like part Links and part Andre Dubuchet. He does not look unlike you. Was that part of it? Was that part of the idea was to make it look like a...

Just for jack-off purposes? Yeah, with the jacking off. Right. Fine, yes. It is for jack-off purposes. You know what is... Jordan, can I ask you one quick pornography-related question? Sure.

I have one, too. This is a weird type of pornography to me. It's a type of pornography where it's definitely pornography, but there's no sex or nudity in it. Where there is something going on that is a porn thing, whatever it is, but it doesn't involve boobs or wieners or vaginas. Sounds like you've just been watching Two Broke Girls. It might be, does it come on for half an hour on Tuesdays? Is that the kind of porn you're talking about? That certainly gives me a peels of laughter boner.

Sure. Wait, wait, I don't even know what you're talking about. I ejaculate uncontrollable giggles um like uh i think maybe actually it may have been you that i was talking about this with i now realize as we were taking pictures with our friend zach wolf the other day uh there is a type of this is not what it sounds like there is a type of pornography This is not what it sounds like. There is a type of pornography that just features giant women. Oh, you mean obese women? No, no, no.

Giant, as in 50 feet tall. Like, what makes it pornography is that they are as tall as a building. And they're not naked or fucking. They're just as tall as a building. And are there are there like males in the illustration? Yeah, but the men in the illustration are sort of

like... Are they being throttled and held like Godzilla would hold a train? Maybe, but generally I think they're just sort of standing next to the women, sort of like the man that stands next to a dinosaur to show you what size a dinosaur is. It's like, huh, check this out. They're there for scale, to show you what size a dinosaur is check this out yeah they're there for scale to show scale exactly like or and i mean i think probably the most common form of

this type of pornography would be foot fetishism where it's just like someone just like poking their foot out or something or wearing a special kind of sex shoe you know what i mean yeah that is that is weird to me like almost anything happening where there's sex happening is not weird to me but as soon as you remove all the actual as soon as you remove the sex part right but it's still definitely pornography that starts to be make me uncomfortable i mean there's certainly sex things that could make me uncomfortable but how do you know it's pornography then if there's no sex involved someone's jacking off I mean, there's certainly sex things that could make me uncomfortable, too. But how do you know it's pornography, then, if there's no sex involved? Someone's jacking off to it. It's behind a paywall.

You definitely know. So you know that the purposes of these pictures is to jack off. You're positive. Yes. And the best way to tell is if it's behind a paywall. So a good example would be with these giant women websites or... Steve Puck. Not Steve Puck. Time Select. New York Time Select would be with these giant women websites or uh time not time select new york time select

would be another like maureen dowd of course everyone is one presumes everyone's jacking off to her fiery opinions because she's behind a paywall yeah exactly yeah um you know certain fantasy sports analysts manola dargis webcam yeah baseball tonight like the insider stuff on espn yeah sure peter gammon's yeah oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely i thought that when you when you brought up porn i thought you were starting to say that playing video games of that like role-playing games of that nature is sort of a form of pornography because it's all vicarious acting through oh and you do it when your wife is away yeah uh you know i i uh uh i don't know if i've told this story before but i think i think it's worth it's worth telling in this uh in in this context it's i um you know i

i have a uh I'll back up. I'll start from a reasonable place to begin this story. No, I just, I was on a date a couple of years ago, and this was the first time she had come into the house. And she saw my video game console hooked up to my TV, and she looked at it, and she looked at me, and she says, what, you used that to jack off? And that was like, that was, I mean, that was the this isn't going to work out moment. But I feel like there is this like. The whole notion that it might be a video game console, just like she leapt right over that. Right, yeah, exactly.

Did she mean it literally? She wasn't just mocking you for liking video games? No, there was a genuine, like, there was a threatened-ness in her voice. You know, and I think it's like that, you know, it's like when that significant other finds the, you know, finds the porn on your computer or a dirty magazine or something. There's the, like, oh, this is what you like? Right. And, yeah, I don't know. And, you know, maybe this girl had been a, you know, World of Warcraft widow at some point or something like that.

But she obviously had these, like, aggressive feelings towards video games and thought it was just for, like, shut-in-y masturbators. Is that someone whose World of Warcraft character's husband dies? Right, in a raid. Gotcha. Yeah. Goblins, usually. Yeah. gotcha yeah goblins usually yeah anyway so yeah it's like with all this you know like i you know people talk about how you know like how mainstream video games are now or how you know everybody's a

little nerdy but like no i think there are still some people who see it and automatically jump to oh you're a weird shut-in right do you do you play uh andres you you like me am a married man. Yes. Do you play video games with your wife or is your wife interested in video games at all? She's not interested in them. I try to get her to play like, you know, football against me and stuff like that. She's not. She's just not interested.

You started with the easy stuff. Yeah. Usually, yeah, if I'm sitting there playing video games, she'll sometimes watch a little bit while she's reading or whatever. But most of the time she has no interest. I am not. I mean, I am like what you might call. I think I'm the classic definition of a casual video game player. I guess casual video game player now means somebody who plays Farmville.

Yeah, I think that means Angry Birds and Solitaire. but yeah but i think your your definition fits that's that's yeah i i probably i i probably play you know uh an hour or two of video games a week you know i just fire it up once in a while and play some video games um and you know sometimes i'll buy a video game i enjoy and i'll play it and maybe almost win or whatever. One time I beat a video game. It just never takes over your life. My wife really loves me and

she wants to connect with me. That's the word I'm looking for on a human level. She wants to participate in, what's this? Oh, yeah, a couple activities. And so since I hate hiking, which is her interest. I love hiking.

And I'm a real dick of it. Well, maybe you should marry my wife. No, my wife also likes hiking. You could have two hiking wives. How cool would that be? That would be great. Come on, man. take him up on it So she's

She's been really really nice About playing video games With me And I've tried a broad variety Of different video games To play with her I bought Initially I thought That the best kind of video game to play with her would be

a video game where we're on the same team right uh like uh like an adventure game where we're running around and killing guys right and uh whatever and i and i asked i think this was actually a topic on jordan jesse go three or years ago. I asked our video game literate, uh, listeners what game I should get. And on their advice, I think I bought Lego star Wars. And basically what happened is I am not, and we should explain, I am not good at video games. I mean, I, I could certainly be worse at video games but i didn't have a video game system until i was like 13 um so i would only really only play occasionally at friends houses

um i was a poor kid and um you know i i never really played a lot of the kind of video games where you have to be really good at pressing the buttons and you know what i mean right and so uh i'm not like masterful at video games and basically anyone who's uh who enjoys playing video games can beat me at pretty much any video game right um probably me too i mean that's why i only play the ones where it's just me against the computer or whatever yeah yeah and um i what happened when we played the one where uh where we're on the same team is uh my wife would like go the wrong way go the wrong direction and stuff right um and uh and then i'd be like no you're going the wrong way go go the other way go the same way i'm going right go forward forward go forward right it is yeah i think playing playing video games with a significant other is like this it's this unnecessary stress

like i i'm you know you might as well compete against your spouse. Right. It is like, okay, like, I'm trying to think of when I've had the most fights with people I've been dating, and it's when we've been moving. You know, like, when you're moving, and you're like, you know, lift the desk. Turn it that way. No, no, no, no, the other way. Yeah, don't put that on top of that.

I'm not ready. It's just this thing where you're snapping at each other and you're frustrated and I feel like video games are the closest thing playing video games with a significant other is the closest thing to just moving with them every night trying to move a couch through a doorway that's just a little too small

exactly yes I don't know people will probably tell you that a good game to play with a significant another is New Super Mario Brothers for the Wii. It's kind of just this old, it's a Mario game that's very, very much like the Mario game that everybody has played. But there's this element of fucking each other over that you can do. Like you can, you know, you can work together to get all the coins or get to the end of the level.

But if you see a mushroom that you want, you can bounce off your partner's head to get the mushroom, so you can, you know, exploit them to get things. And it's that impulse that I think, I mean, yeah, that game's a relationship destroyer. So we switched. So we gave up on that. Okay, then what next? I was willing to keep trying that, but it made my wife feel too bad that she felt that i was yelling at her so then you just started doing group sex stuff at sting's house yeah exactly so we switched to you had the same arguments yeah turn it no don't don't

don't put that on top of that that doesn't go in there that doesn't go in all right well we switched to bass put a blanket down. I don't. Thinking of other moving things. It could be sex things. We switched to basketball. Send Jesse a Twitter at. I have a basketball video game called NBA 2K6. 2K6.

2K6. Okay. And this is a fun, very fun basketball game for the Xbox 360 console. And I recommend this game highly. You can get it for 99 cents at your local game spot. Find a Blockbuster that's closing down. Go out back. There should be a box of them.

And my wife and I have been playing this game together for, I mean, this game is 2K6, so that means it came out in 2005. We probably bought it in 2007, because I will only buy a video game that costs $15 or less. You bought L.A. Noire, though, right? I did, yeah. I did buy L.A. Noire for $30. I think I paid $30 for L.A. Noire. I've never played that one.

How was that one? It's incredibly, it incredibly fucking retarded. I heard it was really dull. It seems like the game I would love more than any other game in the history of the world, except that it is basically based on the biggest bullshit in the history

of the universe. The facial recognition. You're supposed to tell whether a computer is lying. You can tell if someone's lying just by what their face. Yeah. I mean, there's no, it's just, it's just insane. There's no like, there's no rhyme or reason to it. It's so tedious and awful.

But it's fun in other ways. I mean, it's fun to go every part that I should like. I do like, I like driving around old-timey Los Angeles, but that's a little bit boring. Yeah, that would be the part I would just drive around. Let's take a drive. Anyway. Obey all the traffic laws.

That's fun. So we took up basketball, and we've been playing basketball together, I'd say once a week. Teammates or against each other? Against each other. We tried teammates, but what would happen is, again, the same kind of stuff.

I'm open. Yeah. And so I like well we'll play we'll do against and my wife knows the rules of basketball she played on a basketball team for five or six years and like from you know elementary through middle school i think and maybe maybe into her beginning of high school um and so we're at this point where we've been we've done this hundreds upon hundreds of times and we have made special teams each of us has a special team my team is composed of guys that i am basketball players that i'm fond of. And I have not really followed sports closely since I was about 15. And her team is composed of shoes and handbags, right, guys? Bitches be crazy. Oh, ladies.

So my team, even in the 2K6 game, my team is composed exclusively of 40-year-old basketball players. And my team, like, the scale goes from 1 to 100 and like the worst team in the NBA is like a 60 and my team is like a 28 or something like that right it's like as bad as a team but you're only using it to play against your wife anyway

yeah exactly exactly and her special team like uh Samantha don't know anymore who are the other sex in the city ladies Her special team, like... Is Carrie. Samantha. Oh, don't know anymore! Shit! Who are the other Sex and the City ladies?

Gilda, Beyonce... The Skipper. Rowena. The Skipper. Jordan said the Skipper. Scary, Spice, Posh. Crackle. Teresa's team is like... Kobe Bryant is like her backup shooting guard.

All right, so she's loaded. She has every best player. Every best player is on her team. And she's beat me like twice. Yeah, I was just going to say, you probably still... Two times she's beat me. And I don't know what to do. Like, I would like to encourage her.

Like, it would be more fun for me. Like, I really like playing with her. And I would like it if she was better than me. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I know. And there's only so far, I've already made her team as good as it can be and my team as bad as it can be. You might have to make up special rules. Like, I'm only allowed to take three-point shots.

Yeah, you have to drink half a bottle of NyQuil before you play. But here's the thing. So you're sleepy. We've been playing. Like, there was a point when, you know, my hours at the game were dramatically higher than her hours at the game. You know, maybe I went into this thing with 20 hours of NBA 2K experience, gameplay experience, and her with zero. So I was way ahead of her.

But at this point, you know, I'm at 400 hours of NBA 2K experience. She's at 380 hours of NBA 2K experience. And it's not like I'm sitting around doing drills. This is going to be an excuse for you to brag that you've been reading the Malcolm Gladwell book. All right, we know. We know. The Beatles played for 10,000 hours.

One of my least favorite things about going to auditions is there will always be an actor who brings that Malcolm Gladwell book to them to sit in the waiting room with. Downloaders. Yeah. Just as an excuse to talk about sit in the waiting room with. Downloaders. Yeah. Just to like, as an excuse to talk about it. Anyway.

Without fail. Yeah, that book is, I liked that book a lot, but it definitely, you can get a sort of deflating feeling when you read it because you realize like,

oh, we're just the product of our environments and of, you know, we're like, there's no such thing as like destiny or, you know, we're like, there's no such thing as like destiny or innate talent or no one's, no one's special. No one's meant to be,

you know, you know what? Fuck Malcolm Gladwell. Fuck that guy. You know, I actually, I am so fucking sick of all world information being fit into noteworthy narratives,

being fit into noteworthy narratives. Into narratives that you would want to tell someone else about in three sentences or less. Fuck that. Fuck it. You know, I... Give me Tad Friend every day. I don't have any problem necessarily with Malcolm Gladwell. It just seems to me that that book and that thing

has just become the go-to conversation piece for someone who has nothing else to talk about. It's like, oh, I've read this. They say it takes 10,000 hours to get good at something. Right. Did you know? Yeah. And I feel like it's like the guys who learn magic tricks to get pussy.

I feel like that is the book equivalent of that. Like, oh, I've just learned this. Also, Malcolm Gladwell didn't invent that. Some guys that spent their lives doing research invent that. Like, oh, I've just learned this. Also, Malcolm Gladwell didn't invent that. Some guys that spent their lives doing research invent that. Malcolm Gladwell just reads stuff until something is like, yeah, that's some bullshit somebody would

want to tell somebody about. I'll write a 100-page book about it. Why are you fucking guys who know magic tricks? Are they, though? I don't know. Maybe. I would hope not. I mean, some people, though? I don't know. Maybe. I would hope not. Yeah. I mean, some people, yeah.

I don't know. Wait, did Malcolm Gladwell write a book about how women are fucking guys who know magic tricks? That's his next one. I'm just mad because I don't know any magic tricks. That's mine. I don't know. If anybody wants to play, if anybody's, okay, if anybody has NBA 2K6, but isn't very good at it, and wants to play it against me on the internet with the Xboxes, let's do it. Make it happen.

Post on the forum. You only want people who aren't good at it. Well, you don't have to be terrible at it. You should play against Kamil Nanjiani. Is he good at it? No, he's really good at it. No, I'm sorry. He's probably really good at it. No, I'm sorry. He's probably really good at it. Yeah.

Well, does he like sports? NBA 2K. The NBA 2K series is like his favorite series of games. He's probably got at least 2K7. Yeah. If not an even higher number. It's possible I have 2K7. It might be 2K7 that I have, not 2K6.

Just think to yourself, which has magic johnson opened in the game and then that that's a good like signifier as to what the date is does he have a tgi fridays yet mine does so then it's 2k7 mine does have some weird solo modes like there's one where you're like a street basketball player and you have to make it to the nba or something yeah sure yeah i don't I don't know. They're so weird. They're so awkward, and obviously someone just said,

make a fucking thing where a guy does this. Yeah, it's tough. I think it's always a challenge for those sports games to get people to buy the... Because you have to do one a year. You just have to do it every year. There's the guys who just buy them every year just because of the new rosters and stuff.

But yeah, it's like the casual guy who does own six and eight but not ten. How do you get him to buy it? So I think those sports games definitely have – like modern sports games have a lot of weird bullshit just because they're striving to get people to buy them. A lot of like life simulation modes. That's a weird thing. It's in a surprising number of modern – You've got to call people to buy them. A lot of life simulation modes, that's a weird thing. Sure, yeah. It's in a surprising number of modern... You've got to call your agent.

Yeah. Don't carry a gun in the airport. I think they figured out that it's hard to get right the thing where you're running your team. It's hard to make it so the other teams are smart enough that you can't just trick them into trading. They've never gotten that right. They've never gotten to the point that you can't just trick them into trading like they've never gotten that right like they've never gotten to the point where you can't somehow just trick the computer teams

into trading you their best players and so they've just gotten to the point where they're like well there's no tricking if we just arbitrarily say oh you've gotten addicted to cocaine wait do you get addicted to cocaine is it that i don't think you're allowed to put cocaine in video games. Even if it's a negative... Yeah, whatever it is. It lowers your stats. Right. I mean, I guess it's one thing if the cocaine boosted your shooting power.

It would be great if it made you awesome. Yeah. Just faster, funnier. It's like a white cloud of powder floating around the guy's head as he dribbles. Great news, Dwight Gooden. You won the 1985 NL Cy Young Award. And then you just, it's just like the faint sound of grinding teeth, like, throughout the whole game. You have received a package from Daryl Strawberry.

Do you open it? We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. Do you open it? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Cal. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Andre Dubuchet. You can have a nickname if you want to.

I'm the Count of Cheeseburgers. Great. That's actually a fairly accurate title for myself. Technically, I'm the Duke of Cheeseburgers, but... Lately, yeah. You live at Burger Manor? I do. Up on... You...

Up on Cheddar Hill. Andre. Andre was a guest. I was just talking with my beautiful wife, Teresa, about this. Andre was a guest on one of the first ever

live Sound of Young America programs. That's right. Andre was a guest on the Sound of Young America live in New York City in 2006? Yeah, maybe 2005 or 6. 2K6. Yeah, 2K6.

What was Magic Johnson up to, guys? Oh, man. Andre did a wonderful bit, an orientation for new vampires called So You're Going to Be... So You've Been Turned. Yeah, it was like a PowerPoint presentation.

Oh, it was delightful. I encourage you. It's still up there on MaximumFun.org. If you search Andre Dubuchet on MaximumFun.org. I think I still link to that from my site. Oh, excellent. It's fantastic. It's hilarious.

Thank you very much. But that's not what we're here to talk about, Jordan, is it? No, no, no. We're here to talk about something very specific. We alluded to it in the first segment, but now we're going to explicate it a little bit. We're going to blow this thing up. We're going to blow this thing sky high. It's probably the most important.

Tear the lid off of it? It's probably the most important development in comedy since, I don't know, the Coneheads. Wow, really? Maybe Monty Python. It's up there. I don't know The Coneheads Wow really Maybe Monty Python It's up there I mean you have Thank you Possibly the invention

Of the doubles act You have a night at the opera A day at the races Yeah And then I think Nothing for about 60 years Yeah

And then Gravy Boat Lighthouse Gravy Boat Lighthouse Wow This is a sketch From the Conan television program. Yeah, Conan. It's on TBS, the Superstation. It's probably following a Back to the Future movie.

Sure. Preceding House of Pain. Yeah. Does TBS still show a lot of Back to the Future movies? I think that's my poll for TBS, but I don't know if that's true anymore. I always think of TBS as like Family Guy reruns. Oh, yeah. A lot of Family Guy reruns.

Big Bang Theory. Sure. Anyway. Some Seinfeld? Maybe. Too big. Meow. Anyway.

But Gravy Boat Lighthouse. And this was done for the occasion of Thanksgiving? Yeah, this was just about a occasion of Thanksgiving Yeah this was about Just about a year ago Thanksgiving 2010 Right Tell us the premise Of Gravy Boat Lighthouse

If you're a crazy person Who thinks that Your gravy boat Is a real boat Are you serious? Yes I love Gravy Boat Lighthouse If you're an insane person

Who thinks your gravy boat Is a real boat And you're worried That it's going to crash and sink, then you need a lighthouse in your mashed potatoes to help guide the gravy boat to the shore. And there you have it. And this is a fake commercial for this product. For this product. Oh, yeah.

No, it's not a real product. Oh, yeah. So these sketches. This is a fake commercial for this product. For this product. Oh, yeah. No, it's not a real product. Oh, yeah. It's not a real product. It's a commercial parody where we make up a product and then we pretend that we're advertising it. I mean, what was the zenith? What was the germ that created, that planted the seed in your brain soil that nurtured the sapling that grew into the mighty comedy oak that is Gravy Boat Lighthouse. Just one day you were really tired and angry.

Probably. That describes me most of the time, actually. But I, no, you know, we were asked to pitch ideas for Thanksgiving, and I probably submitted like a page of ideas, and that was one, it was probably literally uh you know are you crazy person who thinks your gravy boat's a real boat and you're worried it's gonna crash you need a gravy boat lighthouse it was probably that was the entirety probably of what i wrote on that page and uh it got it got it got you know i was told yeah that's that sounds like a funny idea

go make it and so then we had to figure out, all right, what the hell is that? Is this the first time that you've – what was the reaction to Gravy Boat Lighthouse? Was it immediate? Did you know immediately that you had caught lightning in a bottle? No, no. Because it didn't do great on the show. It got some laughs, but it was like, okay, well, I was very proud of it. It did great with me.

I want to make it clear. I saw it when it aired on the show, and I couldn't believe, A, I couldn't believe I was watching a real television program where this was really allowed to be on television, and B, I couldn't believe that I was so lucky as to get to watch it. Oh, thanks. To me, it was even kind of. Oh, thanks. It was, well, you know, to me,

it was even kind of, it was meaningful a little bit. Like it was, it was like, you know, like God, I mean, all the stuff, all the Conan stuff had been going on for so long. Like the, you know, the Tonight Show and then where is he going to go? And, you know, is, you know,

will his crew have jobs and how much money and what's going to happen to Jay Leno and was all this stuff? And I felt like Conan wasn't – I felt like he didn't just have to be funny, but he had to address all this stuff that was going on. And a lot of the humor he was doing was about his situation. And it was all really, really funny, and he handled it way, way more hilariously than anyone could have possibly hoped. But when I saw Gravy Boat Lighthouse, I'm like, you know what? He's back.

Here's some pure stupidity. Yes, here's the kind of just crazy, dumb stuff. Here's the reason why the Conan O'Brien organization is a great one. Like it has – I agree. It's like the dumb stuff that I latched onto as a kid when I first saw it. And I'm like, oh, this is great. Like this is as asinine and stupid as something that would have been on Late Night.

Exactly. Yeah. That's exactly why I was happy that we did it. It was because I finally was – one of my heroes, Brian Stack, is did it. It was because I finally was, you know, one of my heroes, Brian Stack, is in it. He had been one of the sort of main performers on Late Night for years and years and years, and I just was so tickled that I was like, there he is!

I'm making him say the stupid stuff! There it is! Shoeberine! Oh, I guess he didn't play Shoeberine. No, Shoeberine's Andrew Weinberg. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. Another very funny guy. The Ghost Crooner. There he is, the Ghost Croberg. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Another very funny guy. The Ghost Crooner. There he is. The Ghost Crooner.

Sure. Right. It really is probably the dumbest, stupidest thing I've ever seen on television in my entire life. Excellent. I mean, it is so, so stupid. And it is a whole sketch, too. It's about a minute long. You guys did a really – with the production. There's a little production there.

There's – as you said, Brian's in it. He does some really committed acting. Oh, yeah. He does some really serious acting. some really committed acting oh yeah it is some really serious acting and it really not only did i laugh uproariously but i was moved by it i thought it was i thought it was touching that these three insane guys have all uh well i think in the way that someone someone is catering to their insanity they're not like, let's cure these guys with medication and therapy. Let's cater

to their outlandish fears by creating a product. The commercial even starts with the announcer saying, are you an insane person? Right. Then this is for you. I think, you know, I think that just as when, just like when Space

Ghost Coast to Coast came on television and like there were 20-year-old stoned guys across the country were just like, oh, man, somebody really cares about 20-year-old stoned guys. You know what I mean? You're speaking to me. Like, oh, this different stuff is happening and it's not really connected. You know what I mean? Non sequiturs. Yeah, this stuff is just non sequiturs.

I think that this spoke to me in a similar way in that it was like, wow, this is like a contest to see who can come up with the stupidest idea and commit to it without the slightest bit of hesitation. So I guess my next question is, where are you in the development process for the Gravy Boat Lighthouse movie? Are you guys still pitching? Is there a script? You did bring back a Gravy Boat Lighthouse, right? I saw like a sequel segment to Gravy Boat Lighthouse movie? Like, are you guys still pitching? Is there a script? You did bring back a Gravy Boat Lighthouse, right? I saw like a sequel segment to Gravy Boat Lighthouse. It was the Gravy Boat Anti-Piracy Gun Turret, which was if you were worried that Somalian

pirates were going to hijack your gravy boat. I haven't seen that. Oh, yeah. It was for this past Thanksgiving. Oh, wow. So, yeah. And it's just as stupid. You'll be happy to know.

And the movie will be directed by like a Rennie Harlan? Yeah, I think we're going to go with somebody. Harlan Williams? No, more like a Rennie Harlan. Actually, we have a guy named Rennie Harlan Williams. Oh, okay. He's very funny and he's very over budget usually. And German. And German. Yeah over budget, usually. And German.

And German. Yeah, it's going to be huge. We still have to figure out the script. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, there's a lot of ways you can go with it. Like, rom-com. I mean, I guess if you have Rennie Harland Williams. I think we want to see action.

Action movie. You know, you're right. Maybe a little romance. Sure. Maybe get Minka Kelly in there to play the love interest. We have a great scene where she falls on the gravy. Oh, boy. Oh, she's probably wearing a white t-shirt.

Oh, yeah. Of course. What I'm enjoying thinking about right now, and I'm just going to bring you guys into my world, is that there's a special room at the Conan show where different ideas like Gravy Boat Lighthouse are considered and some of them are considered to be not as good

as other ones. I would go so far as to say most of them are considered not very good and never get made. Yeah, of how much of the stuff you of the stuff you, of the ideas you have, what percentage makes it to air?

Oh, geez. 20%? I don't know. I mean, we come up with a bunch of stuff. Only some of it gets approved. And then we rehearse a ton of stuff. And less than half of that gets on TV.

I would, I would say, because I mean, not, not much of, not a huge percentage of this. The comedy on Conan is, uh,

could be, would be described as stupid. Um, yeah, I agree. You know, I mean, where,

where it being that sort of... Absurd. Absurd and just utterly ridiculous. Yeah, it's more of an old... Yeah, there's a lot of... It's in the spirit of the old show, more so. Yeah, I mean, that is definitely part of what goes on Conan. There's a lot of just totally regular jokes as well on Conan.

Yeah, it's a fairly traditional talk show. I mean, what makes it, in my opinion, what makes it better than most is the fact that it has Conan and Andy being as funny as they are. Conan and Andy are so great. I really, I was just thinking about this, I was just thinking about this the other day, and I got in trouble for

writing it on twitter with the comedy nerds of course but um i was thinking about how much uh not just how much i i love andy richter which i do i think he's just brilliantly hilarious but how much i love what andy richter brings to conan as a show. Oh, absolutely. Which is that I think that, I think Conan is as brilliant, as brilliant a joker as there could be. Like you see, you see the way, when he's in conversation with someone,

you can see those wheels flying in his head. Yeah. How can I make this funny? And he will say something that is funny that I could never have imagined thinking of. And, and it will shock me. Like it won't just shock me that he thought of it in that moment.

It will shock me because it is so sharp and funny. And it's the fastest brain you'll ever. Yeah. And that is amazing to me. That is totally amazing to me. And, you know, so sharp and funny. He has the fastest brain you'll ever encounter. Yeah, and that is amazing to me. That is totally amazing to me. And Andy is also a really brilliantly funny guy. But I would say that if Conan has a weakness as a talk show host,

it's that he can feel like he is not confident in his abilities or like he's, he's flailing or trying too hard or worried that he's not landing things or he can go into his too deeply into his bag of tricks to the point where instead of feeling like charming self deprecation, it feels like he's not confident in his ability to host the show. And I think his, yeah, I think his standards for what he considers to be funny are so high that if he's not getting

constant gales of laughter, he's like, well, something's wrong. He's like, well, no, you've been super hilarious several times already. Allow yourself the occasional B+. Yeah, exactly. Just chill out and let the celebrity be a little boring if they are or whatever. And I think what's great about having Andy Richter there is that since they have such natural and pleasant rapport of being genuine friends, they – and that really – and their relationship on camera really reads on camera. I think Andy really grounds Conan on the show in a way that I really missed when Andy wasn't on the show.

I mean, I think Conan was also brilliant without Andy Richter, and don't get me wrong. But with him, it really feels like a stronger show, like the pair of them together. Andy, yeah, Andy has an uncanny ability to just jump in with one-liners that are always hilarious. And there's something about Conan turning over to Andy and Andy being a person. You know what I mean?

It's just like when you're broadcasting, part of your challenge is always remembering that you're talking to people and not talking to a crowd of 100,000, that you're talking to individual people on the other side of trying to get that intimacy and it's especially hard when you're trying to do comedy and so you want to have a audience a lot of people there you know because you want to be able to tell what's funny and perform for laughs so it's hard to get that balance those two things together you know yeah and so having someone there that you have a personal connection with, you know what I mean? Absolutely. And Andy is very much himself on camera. And I get the feeling he doesn't particularly, like, care if there's a down moment or if he's, you know, he's more than happy to let things be more organic and kind of go with

the flow and uh you know he'll sometimes he'll just shrug and go like i don't know you know he's he's a you know yeah exactly he's a real person and that does ground everything yeah yeah and and also i mean as long as we're talking about things that are great about andy i've uh noticed his max fun con t-shirt on the Conan show a couple of times. So God bless him for that. Oh, hey. I didn't know that. Only in those, you know, sometimes they'll show a picture from rehearsals. Yeah, yeah.

There's Andy's Max FunCon t-shirt. Nice. Anyway. That's good. Isn't that nice? He's a good guy. Isn't that fun? When's Shoevarine coming back?

Jordan's fucking obsession. We had Brian Sack on this show. I think Jordan talked about Shoe-verine for an hour And it turns out it's not even the character he played I think I shit between being upset with that and FedEx Pope FedEx Pope we could bring back Brian McCann still works on the show I don't know

I think there was sort of an intentional leaving behind Of most of the late night with Conan O'Brien stuff. I mean, we've done a couple of Triumph things and Masturbating Bears made a couple of appearances. Well, yeah, those are your aces in the hole. Exactly, yeah. And, of course, Larry Bud Melman. You've done a couple of things with Larry Bud Melman. You know, we do top ten lists almost every night now.

No one has called us out on it yet. That is, yeah. It's the weirdest thing. Can I ask you guys a question about top ten lists? Yeah. Sure. Would it kill David Letterman to try a little bit when he reads those? Does he not?

I haven't watched him in a while. He used to be one of my favorite talk shows. Here's the thing. Let me say this about David Letterman. I am on record as thinking that David Letterman is not just the greatest American talk show host or the greatest American entertainer, but the greatest American. He is the greatest American. I think that David Letterman is probably better than Martin Luther King Jr. Wow.

And has done more for this country. Definitely funnier. Sorry, guys. Maybe I'm a racist. Right. David Letterman is funnier. You're definitely racist. I am a racist.

That may be a racist statement. Yeah. Okay. So I could not love David Letterman more. Right. Okay. But you don't feel that he's putting any... I think he...

And as much as I love Conan and Andy and the Conan show, I love David Letterman more than I love my own mother. But David Letterman could not be less interested in the top 10 list. Right. Like, just don't do it. He probably feels he has to at this point. I know, but he... But then the other choice would be just deliver them like they're jokes. Right.

Like, don't just be like, no, no, no, no. Right. No, no, no, no. Like, I think that the reason that they have those celebrity top ten list readings is so he doesn't have to say it. Right. And I think it's one of those things where the producers are like dave hates this so much that it would be better to have derrick jeter mitt romney would be better at telling these jokes than david letterman the real question to me about the david letterman show is can't we

just get can't we just change the format of the David Letterman show and just make it so that it's just him so it's just Charlie Rose that's what I want or just him and him and Regis do 20 minutes of panel

and then some celebrities come on with him and Regis Regis can stick around I see Regis as his new sidekick I mean Paul can Paul can stick around

I like Paul too but Paul's not really a sidekick he's I mean, Paul can stick around. I like Paul, too. Paul's not really a sidekick. I mean, he chimes in once in a while, but not nearly as much as Andy does. No, no. He's the band leader. Paul's the band leader, and he yells different stuff.

I mean, it's important. He does repeat words from time to time that David says. Yeah, David. A fun game to play if you ever get the chance to watch The Late Show with David Letterman is Paul Schaefer trying to be funny. Because I think Paul Schaefer, you know, Paul Schaefer didn't get that job accidentally. I think Paul Schaefer, you know,

has a long and proud comedy history. Oh, yeah. Tied to SNL. Tied to SNL. He was in Spinal Tap. The Toronto Second City, I believe. And, you know, produced Gilda Radner's first album. Produced Gilda Radner's first and maybe only album.

And, you know, helped create the Blues Brothers and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Of course, the Blues Brothers 2000. And I think sometimes maybe he doesn't get the credit he could for the things that he says that are funny on purpose, because he's obviously insane right like clearly paul shaffer's insane there's no doubt about that unintentional well here's the thing like i think that he does say a lot of things on purpose that are funny that he doesn't get credit for saying them on purpose that are funny right however he's also

definitely saying some things not on purpose that are funny. That are also funny. So then that gets murky. Yeah. So I think it's a murky territory. I think it's just a fun game to play while you're watching. Sort of like Homeless or Hipster. Right.

Where you try and guess whether someone's a hipster or a homeless person. Right. You know what I mean? Did he mean for that to be funny? Yeah. Or did he just hear something and he wasn't paying attention, so he decided to just yell it back. He's like, Cincinnati! Yeah, exactly.

That seems to be his primary role is shouting stuff back that has already been said. That is pretty funny, though. I enjoy it when he does it. I got to admit. But the great part on the... I mean, the funniest thing... The funny thing on the Letterman show at this point is when Letterman just complains about something

for 15 minutes. I agree. When he tells a story and it's just him being bitter and angry, it's fucking hilarious. Or when Regis comes on and he just yells at Regis. Remember when Richard Simmons used to be that to the Letterman show? Does he still do that?

I don't know. I guess I don't watch it regularly. But here's the thing. Charles Grodin back in the 80s was always hilarious. He's a lot of famously contentious relationships. But Regis is genuinely very funny, I think. I think when Letterman and Regis are yelling at each other, I'm always impressed at how funny Regis is. I never thought of Regis as when Regis, when Letterman and Regis are yelling at each other, I'm always impressed at how funny Regis is.

Like, I never thought of Regis as a funny person, I guess because I didn't really watch Regis. Right. That's another example of, is he trying to be funny or is he just funny because of how he sounds and how he is? Yeah, I mean, I think... Oh, you mean the, it's the John Lovitz principle. John Lovitz is funny.

No, no, John Lovitz is funny. I'll go on the record. No, no, I will too, sure. No, I mean, there's no doubt that John Lovitz principle. John Lovitz is funny. No, no, John Lovitz is funny. I'll go on the record. No, I will too, sure. No, I mean, there's no doubt that John Lovitz is funny. But he's such a character, you're like, oh. Right. Yes, what am I laughing at here? What percentage of this is that?

You do have to think about it pretty hard. Like, what am I laughing at here? Right, right, right. But I've watched a few, in my travels, I have had occasion to watch morning television and have watched a few episodes of The Regis Show, which I guess is no longer going to be The Regis Show. And I found both Regis and Kelly Ripa to be genuinely funny. Really? I found them...

Yes. I was surprised by that, I have to say. I am surprised by that as well. But I found that... Now, the content of the program, I found to say. I am surprised by that as well. But I found that... Now, the content of the program I found to be abhorrent. Right. Just excreble. Just the worst, most pandering, awful things.

And so it's hard to watch. A lot of war on Christmas segments. Not quite that. A lot of war on Christmas. The apolitical version of that, though, is your – I was listening to our friend Julie Klausner's podcast the other day, and she was talking about a segment on the Today Show about whether your makeup has gone bad. Sure. You mean like food? Like can you get makeup poisoning?

She said the premise is if your makeup smells really different, maybe you shouldn't put it on your eyes. So that's the kind of content that we're talking about, only maybe a little more vacuous. Right. However... Is your pussy tight enough for your husband? However, I will say that both Kelly Ripa and I... I mean, Regis has been doing it for a bajillion years. And I just assume there must be some reason that he was still doing it at age 97.

You know, besides just, you know, there must be some reason that they that they had to hadn't pushed him out until now. You know what I mean? But Kelly Ripa, I figured maybe she's just the lady, you know, because I've seen the Today Show. None of them are funny. You know what I mean? But Kelly Ripley is pretty funny. I mean, she's not like, she's not Ellen DeGeneres. She's not a comedian, but she's pretty funny.

She had to fill the shoes of, what, Kathie Lee Gifford, right? Who's not funny. She's not funny, but she had like spunk, for want of a better word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's colorful. Right. But she was more of a weird nut job. An alcoholic. Yeah, but of a weird nut job. An alcoholic.

Yeah. A weird morning drunk. But Kelly Ripa makes jokes. And they're pretty funny. I don't believe you. No, it's totally true. All right. I'm totally not making it up.

And so does Regis. Regis is more... Regis is definitely more... Regis is... I mean, it's weird. It's definitely weird because what they're talking about is so horrible. Right. You know what I mean?

It's hard to separate the fact that they're doing a segment about the 10 best values in holiday toys that could poison your children. You know what I mean? Are Spanx racist? I would enjoy more shows where someone who is as brilliantly good at being funny and talking as is as is david letterman yep gets to be funny and talk to other people who are funny and talking in fact i have to say that one of the things i like the most about conan uh the conan show is the really impressive commitment to booking meritorious and entertaining guests. Yeah.

I think, you know, I mean, the volume of the volume of hot television actresses with nothing to say is very low on the Conan show. Yeah, that's true. He usually wants to interview people who have a little something going on.

Yeah, but I mean, there really is a big difference. Or Norm MacDonald, which is great. I mean, there really... It's Norm MacDonald. Oh, no, no. I watched Norm MacDonald's

stand-up special recently. Norm MacDonald has stuff going on. I'm sorry. When I said stuff going on, I meant like has... Mental stuff going on. Has a light on in the attic. Gotcha.

Exactly. I mean, there is... I thought you meant projects. There is definitely... I mean, I is... I thought you meant projects. There is definitely... I mean, I think anytime you have one of those shows, you will have a certain number of television, you know, sexy television actresses that are just sexy television actresses and don't have... They can be dumb as hell. Yeah.

Or sexy television actors. They can be dumb as hell. D or or sexy television actors um they can be dumb as hell uh but i i am off i i am genuinely impressed at the booking on that show because if you look at if you look at the other options i mean the reality is that when you is that there when you're in that position you don't always have access to the A-list. Right. Then your choices are, you can just grab whatever is the most famous person

you have access to. Right. Or you can get Patton Oswalt. Right. And Conan does a great job of getting Patton Oswalt. When you get to the Bs and Cs... Patton Oswalt. You know, when you get to the B's and C's. Patton Oswalt's on the show next week. And I want to make it clear that it's absolutely no slight to Patton Oswalt.

But he is a guy who is a television star and is in movies but is not a movie star, right? Yeah. I would agree, yeah. But is brilliantly funny and entertaining guy right and not a sexy actress whereas like i don't know just some person from csi whatever right some lady from csi whatever is uh it's unlikely to see on the conan show and that's usually one of those circumstances that you were talking about before where uh conan might feel like he's got to delve into his bag of his bag of tricks because he knows how dull the you know yeah csi whatever actress is yeah and then shit gets really crazy and shit gets really crazy yeah and sometimes it ends up being him

talking more than the sure if they're if they're really a dud man He's running around the stage. He's gesticulating wildly. He's making himself into a human puppet. Yeah, he's doing human puppet moves. He's doing voices. Oh, yeah. He's doing origami. There it is. Andre, is there anything in the realm of Gravy Boat Lighthouse that you feel like got...

Andre, look, we've had a lot of fun talking about a lot of topics. But let's get back to Gravy Boat Lighthouse that you feel like got... Andre, look, we've had a lot of fun talking about a lot of topics, but let's get back to Gravy Boat Lighthouse. Let's focus here. Is there anything in that vein that didn't get on the show that you feel like you still wish would have? Is there a premise or a pet project that you wish would have been? Geez, that's a good question. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that I've pitched that never got...

We will produce it. Yeah, we'll put it up. We'll put it up. We'll put it on stage and see if it flies. I can't even think right now of what that would be. I have to go back into all my notebooks and emails and stuff and see. No, I mean, to answer your question, there's no one thing where I'm like,

if only they would have let me make, you know, Space Turtle. Yeah. Or whatever. I don't know. Hey, you know what? Space Turtle is a good enough answer for me. Yeah, man.

I fucking... How did he get up there? Actually, Gamera was a space turtle, wasn't he? Oh, sure. That's a really good point. Gamera... Wait, what's his thing? Gamera loves all children?

Was that what his thing was? I think his catchphrase is... Like, I think the thing with Gamera is that Gamera can summon children. That's awesome. Or he can be summoned

by children. Excuse me. Oh, that's right. The children have the power to... Yeah, Gamera loves all children. Okay. Yeah, there you go. This giant space turtle with flames jetting out of its armholes.

And he flies by spinning. Gamera is the friend of all children. Okay. Gamera was a Godzilla knockoff, a giant turtle. That's me explaining Gamera. He gives you a lot of advocacy groups for kids. He's a champion. Sure.

He lets children climb on his back and fly away from abusive situations. He'd have a lot to say about this whole Sandusky situation. I think he would, yeah. I know. Where were you then, Gamera? Probably fighting some giant reptile. Yeah, I know. Time to prioritize, Gamera.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. Love you, love you, information phone, or your Android communications appliance. It's a great way to make pixel art. On the go. That's a good point. You can do it on the go. Let's say I'm a Cuban drug runner, Jordan. Just for shits, let's say. Sure.

And I'm on a cocaine delivery. I'm in my cigarette boat. I'm on my way from Cuba to a port just south of Miami. And I get the urge to draw a picture of Scarface in the style of a Super Nintendo character. This app would let you do that. Thank God, Andre! Thank God! Anyway, in the App Store or whatever, makepixelart.com. Nothing on the

Jumbotron this week. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. We will make your announcement. $100 for a personal announcement, $200 for a commercial announcement, and I would we will make your announcement 100 bucks for a personal announcement 200 for a commercial announcement and um i would like to make an announcement please um after last week's show i got a lot of uh thoughtful emails and uh comment cards um uh no i got a lot of thoughtful notes and a lot of folks posted on the forum and sent me Twitters and all this different stuff.

So I want to thank all those folks. And I also want to thank the folks who have sent us nice Christmas cards and holiday cards. Yes, thank you. It's always nice to get holiday cards from listeners. We always get our fair share. I'd say more than our fair share. Probably our fair share would be zero. Yeah, we should not be getting any.

That's the amount you feel you deserve is zero. Yeah, it's unreasonable for us to expect to get holiday. We deserve someone to sneak into our house and tear up the Christmas cards we've gotten from family members. Yeah. I think that in a just world. we did get one Christmas card today. A very thoughtful card, like a particularly thoughtful card that was addressed to Jesse, Teresa, Jordan, Coco,

Sissy, and Bug. Bug being your cat, Coco and Sissy being my dog. Which was incredibly exhaustive in its exclusion of my baby son, Simon. Alright, my cat outranks your baby. I know.

Yes. But in all sincerity, thank you very much to everyone who's sent us holiday cards and thoughtful notes and all that different stuff. It is very much appreciated. And we will be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Andre Dubuchet, count of the cheeseburgers. Are you regretting your nickname? Yes, I am. That's great. I think it's a really good nickname. But I'm sticking with it. Yeah, no, you should. Sure, please.

What qualifies you to be Duke of the cheeseburgers? Well, he's been watching a lot of Downton Abbey lately, and he's been hungry. I eat too many cheeseburgers, frankly. By the way, I interviewed three of the cast members of Downton Abbey, and it was awesome. Hey, which ones? I interviewed the Earl of Grantham, the boss of the whole show. Sure. I interviewed Anna.

That's Mr. Bates' girlfriend. Oh, man. Mr. Bates. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Bates. That's how she says it. She does. She totally does.

And I interviewed Matthew. That's the heir apparent. I'm embarrassed to say I don't know what show Downtown Abbey is. Downton Abbey is the best show. It's the best show. How come I haven't watched it then?on Abbey is the best show. It's the best show. Oh, yeah. How come I haven't watched it then? I've got to watch the show.

Okay, it's a PBS thing. It's on Netflix. Okay. And it is... Is it currently on? It's very... It's super duper... Well, I don't know.

What's the TV status of it, Jesse? It is... The second series has already aired in the UK on ITV and is going to air on PBS's Masterpiece in January. So I can start DVRing it in January. Yeah. In fact, you can. Yes, exactly. And you can watch.

If you have Netflix Instant, you can watch the first season there. You can also watch it on PBS.org. You can watch it on Amazon streaming, I was told. You can also... We should be getting money for this at this point. Once again, that's Downton Abbey. Yeah, from those dirty money bags at PBS. I know, right?

You can also... They're going to do a marathon of it on PBS, of the first season before they... I'll search for that. Get your bros, get your wings, order some pizza. Fuck yeah, man. Get some wangs.

I call them wangs. Is it a funny show? Is it a drama? It's a little bit funny, but it's a drama. Here's my observation about Downton Abbey. I don't want to say

this is a failing of it, but here's maybe a way that it's not, I don't even want to say not art but here's just a thing i've noticed about it that i think is kind of funny so it's about um it's about like a big manor house in britain and and modernism is on the way the titanic just sunk and you know they've got a telephone for the first time and and cars and their and you know their their social structure is constantly in flux. And people – but people will just literally say that.

Like two women will be talking and they're like – Our social structure is in flux. They'll say like, boy, things sure are changing for women and not because we've got the vote. Like they'll – and they have this new air that's coming to the manor. And he's like, they'll probably want me to have servants, but that's just not me. Like, they'll just literally say what the theme of the show is. That is what is expected of someone of my station in this day and age. But I've got a different opinion.

But they're really slick about it. I mean, they're not like, you're overselling how. I feel like I've gotten a few laughs because of how blatantly they say it. But it's a delight. Yeah, this is a delightful program. It's definitely what my wife would call juicy, which is to say it's very slightly soapy. Right. Which is to say it's very slightly soapy.

Right. But it is the best. I have never liked something that could be described that way before. And so, except for arguably Sports Night. Sure. And so... Sports Night-esque. Yeah. A lot of walk and talk.

So this is easily the best cost period costume drama of this type i've ever seen okay um it's just delightful anyway uh i asked uh i asked the dudes uh uh if they've ever uh wanted to uh make out with mr bates um and they thought that was cool so that was cool that was pretty much my triumph of my life is when I asked him that. Oh yeah, Mr. Bates is great. Um, wait, do I have any more observations about Downton Abbey? I have one important thing to say, uh, which is that, uh, one really funny thing about, uh, Downton Abbey is that the guy who, uh, created Downton Abbey, uh, recently became,

uh, recently became a member of the House of Lords and is a Tory and is kind of a dick. Oh, yeah? Yeah. So one of the funny things about Downton Abbey is that it's better if... I think people who live in England and who have that context for the show, it's also a big hit show there. It is colored by the fact that this guy actually apparently seems to at least to some extent believe in uh the aristocracy sure um like the show is really not uh really pro aristocracy it's um it's not anti-aristocracy but it's not pro um and uh uh but if you could see how you could certainly interpret it as pro-aristocracy if you went into it with the knowledge

that the creator of the show had just recently been made a Tory member of the House of Lords. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. Anyway, let's go to the calls. There's not as much inter-class getting it on as I would like. I would like there to be a little more inter-class getting it on. Well, there's some... I'm not going to tell you anything about season two.

Yeah, sure. Those maids need to get shtupped. There are some very beautiful daughters of the aristocracy in this television program, I will tell you. Holy mackerel. They need to bathe each other more. That's what I think. They need to be more sibling bathing.

I'll tell you, I saw some pictures of, when I was researching the actress who plays Anna, who is a housemaid on the show, and she is sort of the virtuous female semi, it's a huge ensemble cast, but in a way she's the romantic lead of the virtuous female semi... It's a huge ensemble cast, but in a way she's the romantic lead of the... At least of the downstairs cast, the servant cast. And she is very, very plain on the show.

Saw her in real life, like doing television appearances. Extremely beautiful. That is a big surprise. Yeah, like it was one of the first people i had ever seen uh who looked less beautiful on television than they did in real life right it sort of shook me to my core frankly turned everything upside down yeah and it wasn't like she wears like a big fake nose on. They just make her look really plain. It's not like she gained a bunch of weight like Charlize Theron or whatever. She doesn't wear fake lesions.

Right. Okay, look, when something momentous happens to you, we ask that you give us a call and share it with us at 206-9844-FUN for momentous occasions. Let's see what you got, folks. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. This is Heather in San Francisco, and I have a momentous occasion. So tonight I worked catering for an event.

It was the holiday party of an Internet company that I'm not going to name. And MC Hammer showed up about two hours into the party. Was it beans or flues? Which do you guys think it was? I don't know what you're talking about. What does that even mean? Flues.

What are the internet alternate currencies? Beans and flues. I have no idea what that's a reference to. One of them had Whoopi Goldberg as its spokesperson. Beans and flues. They both were spelled with a a z what does this have to do with pets.com to just kind of hang out with the dj and he was up there for maybe 45 minutes or an hour and halfway through his time up there with them the dj played a flow right Rida dance mix or medley or whatever you want to call it,

and Hammer decided that the appropriate thing to do would be to freestyle over it. And also he did perform Too Legit to Quit. Okay, that's all. Bye. Well, at least we know what song from his catalog Hammer chooses to do at corporate appearances. Too legit to quit. As if to underscore. You think he throws the name of the company in there somewhere so that everybody applauds?

You know who else is too legit to quit? Yeah. Beans or Flooz. Pets.com. Flooz.com. The alternate currency just for the internet. You can use it as a consumer incentive. Or you could use dollars, which you can easily move.

Is that really a thing? Do they try and get there to be like... Oh, yes. Huh, wow. I didn't make that up. Yeah. I didn't make that up any more than I made up fogdog.com. Oh, I remember that.

What was fogdog? Webvan.com. Fogdog.com, for some reason, sold sporting goods. Jeez, you have an uncanny memory for this. Yeah, I'm from San Francisco. So I was right in the thick of Web 1.0. Right. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and awesome guests.

Calling with a momentous occasion. I work in an Indiana factory plant where we build trucks, American-built trucks. I like listening to your podcast while we're building our trucks. And while I was cracking up, I accidentally slid my hand up into a horrible machine and crunched the crap out of myself. But in retrospect, still totally worth it. Thanks for being hilarious. Wow. I thought this was going to be the beginning of a lawsuit.

Yeah. We're the reason that the Chevrolet Corvair is unsafe at any speed. It's good to know that we can speak to the Rust Belt. Crunched the crap out of it. I also like that. Yeah. No, it means a lot. It's like we got a Laverne and Shirley audience out there.

Sure. We're not just West Coast elitists. No, we're not. We're not just rich Coast elitists. No, we're not. We're not just rich Hollywood Jews. I wonder what factory is letting their employees listen to funny podcasts as they're working with dangerous machinery. I like to think they just pipe it through. It's just playing in the loudspeakers and the whole place.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. That'd be awesome. Jordan. Hmm. 20 free t-shirts for the first factory with 20 or more employees that can document them playing an entire episode of Jordan Jesse Go over the loudspeaker. Great. Sure.

20 free t-shirts. Do it. Great. Do it. Done and done. I hope it's an ice cream factory. Greenlit. We already know that the ice cream factory plays Jordan, Jesse, go.

Oh, yeah, sure. In Denver. There you go. Sweet action. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Jess in North Carolina with a momentous occasion. I was just at work, and one of my coworkers was talking about all the drama in her relationship and ultimatums of moving in and all sorts of stuff. And I said to her, listen, next year is the presidential election, so why don't you save your drama for Barack Obama?

And it went over great. So I'm starting that catchphrase thanks to Jordan. Thanks, guys. Bye. Technically, Jordan starting that catchphrase thanks to Jordan. Thanks, guys. Bye. Technically, Jordan started that catchphrase. Oh, did I say that? Yeah. When did I say that?

I think you invented Obama drama. Really? Huh. Well, good for you. I was applauding that. I thought that guy was just calling to brag about something funny he said, and I was on board. I'm like, oh, that's a pretty funny guy.

That was me? Yeah, I think you invented Obama drama. Huh. So you made up the phrase, save your drama for Obama? I hope I did. Yeah'm like, oh, that's pretty funny, guy. That was me? Yeah, I think you invented Obama drama. Huh. So you made up the phrase, save your drama for Obama? I hope I did. Yeah, well, I did. Man, I should fucking t-shirt that shit. Right now.

Jeez, I probably, huh. I think it was in lieu of baby mama drama. Huh. Right. Obama drama. Okay. Can I just say that if you're going to have a slightly gay manner of speech, it's really cool to have a southern accent, too. You sound really cool.

He sounded cool, yeah. I don't know if that guy – I'm not going to say that that guy was a gay guy because I also have been known to have a slightly gay manner of speech. Can't judge a book by its but if you're but but if you're if you're gonna have a little bit of that in there it's fun to have a southern accent it really makes it cooler you know what what I mean, right? You sound very respectable with the southern accent. Well, you really sound like you'd make a fun best friend.

Yes. Right? Like someone you would really like to dish with. Get a mint julep. A designing woman, yeah. Yeah, totally. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is my fourth try, but i have to tell you i had the most amazing momentous occasion just now she's tried to have a momentous occasion four times what do you do

just get drunk and go down to the docks sure what happens i ride public transit here in Los Angeles, and I just got off the bus in Koreatown. Okay, well, we figured out what she does to try and have a momentous occasion. First, she rides public transit in Los Angeles. Second, she gets off the bus in Koreatown. Is your momentous occasion eating pho? And right before I got off the bus, a bald homeless lady wearing a wedding dress got on the bus, and she sat down right next to me, and she started proclaiming her love for one of the other bus passengers,

and I think he might have been some kind of social worker because he seems to know her, but he obviously was a person who possessed a home himself. So I don't know what the story was, but he rejected her love, and she was pretty sad, and then I had to get off the bus. Thanks for the show, guys. Bye.

I feel like we're just having so much fun. I like how she ended, thanks for the show, guys. I can't believe I just said all that. Yeah, that's a good one. That's good. Bald, crazy lady in a wedding dress. It's always good. Sure.

I don't know. Wedding dress outside of a wedding is like, that's like, I mean, quintessential crazy lady. Like that is, I think, the number one thing. If you're a lady and want to signify that you're crazy, wedding dress at inappropriate times. Well, what about a birdcage with no bird in it? That's good. Or the bird skeleton. Yeah.

That's good. But I would say that, yeah, I mean, you can do that if you want to. But I mean, cut to the chase. Just wear your wedding dress, you know? If you're looking to save the world, I'm crazy. Can I make a recommendation to everybody out there in the audience? This is just based on my recent experience. You should watch Airplane again.

That's a good movie. Yeah. That shit is fucking hilarious. Absolutely. Holds up. It is weird how much it holds up, right? It's one of those movies that like... Considering its sense of humor is more in sync with what comedy is like today than it was in the 70s.

Yeah. There are comedies like today than there was in the 70s. Yeah. I feel like it's one of those movies that you lump in with the dad comedies that your dad loves that just don't hold up at all. Like if you watch Caddyshack right now, you will find lots of great things to appreciate. And you will understand why people for whom it was a touchstone in their adolescence, you'll understand absolutely why. But? But it will not be that good of a movie. I agree. I find the same thing about the Blues Brothers

personally. Oh, well, I watched the Blues Brothers last night, actually. I really liked it. All right. That was one of my favorite comedies growing up. I think that it helps that I really, really enjoy the musical performances because that's my favorite kind of music i think if you that didn't mean anything to you um it is good music yeah i think

that that might you know it's sort of like for like a lot of like if it was like if it was all your favorite comedians and then also in between like oh here's the who and the beatles right or something like that i you know i used to i used to, I used to have a big aversion to those movies that were like important comedies but didn't hold up. I didn't want to watch them for a while. There was one, I'm like, why would I waste my time? But I don't know. I feel like I've been watching more of those now.

I had a lot of fun re-watching Animal House recently, and I think that's definitely one of those. I think that holds up. Oh, yeah? No, it doesn't. It's boring. That's what I thought. It's boring.

I haven't watched it in a long time. No, no. And yeah, it's one of those things where like, yeah, there's a lot. It's just like the college movie that has been duplicated 30, 40 times. Right. And yeah, there are like eight hilarious things in it. Watching Airplane. but and yeah and there are like eight hilarious things in it um i watching uh airplane i watched airplane a couple nights ago on netflix instant and um i was laughing like an asshole like i was

like there are a couple of stretches of like there's a saturday night fever parody that i is was a little bit boring to me that was maybe five minutes long. I mean, there's a couple of scenes that there's maybe three or four scenes total that are obviously a parody of something that I didn't see. Right. But really only like three or four. And even those have a couple of great jokes in them. And then everything else that happens is like mind-bendingly hilarious just really funny i mean i guess i just like

jokes and it's the sheer quantity of jokes they cram into that sure yeah which is why it's a more of a modern so many jokes i mean i even found myself laughing a lot at the guy answering the phone at the Mayo Clinic in front of a wall of jars of mayonnaise. Then the secretary, he's talking to the Mayo, when the guy is talking to the Mayo Clinic and the guy says, you've got, oh shit, I'll take... Oh, his secretary breaks in and says, you've got Mr. Ham on line five. And he says, all right, I'll take Ham on five and hold the mayo. That is the stupidest thing in history. I knew a girl once who was just talking

to me about growing up, and she's like, oh, my dad always did the funniest thing where he said, oh, I've got a drinking problem, and then he had splashed the water on himself, and then I said, oh, like an airplane. And she's like, what? So her dad... Got it from an airplane? But never told her it was from a movie. Was she crestfallen?

Yeah, I felt bad. I felt like I was calling her dad out without ever having met him. That is really funny, too. But then again, what kind of a jerk appropriates a joke from a movie and then pretends that it's his? I know. Somebody's got to take that guy to school. That's what a dad...

Andre, that's what a dad does. No. You're looking at this like a... I'm serious. Dads do that. He should be sued for plagiarism. No, that's what a dad, Andre, that's what a dad does. No. You're looking at this like a... I'm serious. Dads do that. He should be sued for plagiarism. Dads do jokes from their favorite movies, and then they give their kid a hug.

But then they say, ah, that's from my favorite movie. What I just said is not something I made up. My mom... It's something I'm repeating from... My mom has been declaring various days Irving R. Feldman's birthday because she loves a thousand clowns since well before I had ever seen a thousand clowns. In fact, my mom's whole life is just a string of things that only she remembers that she's alluding to that essentially she has gone past the thing that Jordan is explaining. she has gone past the thing that jordan is explaining like at this point they are her original jokes because whatever it's a reference to only she can think of right and it's so crazy sounding that it seems like it must be original humor right so there you go flanders and swan is

something she likes to make allusions to a A comedy duo of the 1950s, maybe. Flanders and Swan. Yeah, a comedy album comedy duo. I don't remember that at all. Yeah, you wouldn't. I don't think anyone does. Well, I guess it was from the 50s. We're going to get emails from Flanders and Swan fans now.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Suite. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Andre Dubuchet. Say it. We know you don't like it. Say it. Say. Andre Dubuchet. Say it. We know you don't like it. Say it, Dubuchet.

Count of the cheeseburgers. Yay! Okay, here we go. I want to say something. Yeah. Andre Dubuchet is a hilarious guy, and you should buy his album. Sure. He has a comedy album. Thank you.

It is called... Naked Trampoline Hamlet. Naked Trampoline Hamlet. Naked Trampoline Hamlet. Look, if you want to sample, I say if you want to sample something, you want to get a taste of what Andre Dubuchet is all about, you can take a listen to that So You've Been

Turned piece on that old Sound of Young America. I think it's tremendous. I think it stands up. Thank you. I think it's one of my favorite things that has ever been done on Sound of Young America. I think it's tremendous. I think it stands up. Thank you. I think it's one of my favorite things that has ever been done on The Sound of Young America, I will say. Thank you. A real favorite of mine. And if you like that, I think Andre Deboucher's CD is absolutely worth your time and your $8 or whatever it costs. It's very absurd and very profane.

I'll say that up front. Sure. You can get it on your information tunes. I recommend it highly. I think you will enjoy it. I'll say that up front. Sure. You can get it on your information tunes. I recommend it highly. I think you will enjoy it. I agree. Let it not be said that I did not say that to you. So if you don't listen to it, look, when I told you to eat satsumas and you did, how did that turn out for you?

Fucking tremendous. When I told you to watch Downton Abbey and you did, how did that turn out for you? Fucking tremendous. Andre Dubouchet is watch Down Abbey, and you did, how did that turn out for you? Fucking tremendous. Andre Dubouchet is your next favorite thing, okay? Jeez. I also want to mention this, because I have not mentioned this on Jordan Jesse Go, but we are changing the name and format of The Sound of Young America.

Starting in January, The Sound of Young America will become Bullseye. Bullseye. Bullseye. Bullseye. Same great content, plus some new stuff. We're going to be broadcasting the whole show every week as an hour. So you'll get an hour in your same podcast feed. But I hope that everyone will subscribe who doesn't.

Give it a chance if you haven't. Give it another chance if you haven't. Stick with it if you're already a subscriber. We've got lots of cool stuff planned. We've got more stuff from our friends at the AV Club and lots of cool comedy, including stuff from Jordan and Casper Hauser. And we're working on something with my brother,

my brother and me and some other cool stuff. I mean, we got a lot of really, we're working really, really, really hard. It's essentially like a relaunch of the show uh because we really want to make this thing work on public radio stations around the country so jordan jesse go will be remaining stagnant yes absolutely well it will mostly just be uh jordan talking about a video game and then me saying with your dick out yeah we're gonna even simplify it more we're gonna cut out the we're gonna cut out the time between those things happening and it's With your dick out. Yeah. We're going to even simplify it more.

We're going to cut out the time between those things happening. And it's going to be just that. I mean, I have a mustache now. Yeah. I guess that's something you need for the show. I grew kind of a Clark Gable mustache, so there's that. I mean, that's a pretty big change. Yeah. It works for you.

No, thank you. And yeah, so 206-984-4FUN. Our telephone number, jjgoe at MaximumFun.org, our email address, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Forum.MaximumFun.org is our – oh, shit, we've got to pick a tweet of the week, Jordan. Oh, sure. Okay, so, Andre, here's what happens. Jesse picks a tweet of the week, and I make small talk with the guest while he's looking. Yeah, okay.

A lot of Satsuma tweets this week, by the way. Have you eaten dinner yet? Have I eaten dinner yet? No, I'm going to probably make some dinner when I get home. Yeah, what do you think you'll make? Well, I only... So my wife is out of town. Yeah.

She's the real chef. I only know how to make a couple of things. What's your specialty? I like to boil some pasta and, you know, buy a jar of my favorite sauce. Sure. Some vodka sauce, I think, tonight. That's a dinner. And then open up a bottle of red wine and watch some, probably watch football highlights or whatever.

You know, I got a, I was given a gift, a bottle of red wine from John Lasseter of Pixar's Personal Vineyard. Wow. It was a delicious bottle of wine. I mean, I don't really. Shut up. Okay, sorry. Tweet of the's personal vineyard. Wow. It was a delicious bottle of wine. I mean, I don't really... Shut up. Okay, sorry. Tweet of the week. Jesus Christ.

Shut the fuck up. Do you know that John Lasseter from Pixar has... I didn't know he made his own wine. Yeah, and there's no Pixar character on the

label. It's just called Lasseter Vineyard. You'd think the little lamp would be on there or Buzz and Woody or something. Would you guys please

just shut your pie holes? I like the movies that he's associated with. Yeah, I mean, I heard Cars 2 was a little bit lackluster. I never saw the car movies, but I do appreciate... The Rester, I mean. Yes. If he puts the same care into his wine...

Yes, that he does into his animated entertainment. I was going to give Tweet of the Week to this tweet. Jordan Morris and Jesse Thorne, oh, they're good in anything. Oh, sure. Hashtag JJ Go, which is Jordan's catchphrase that he's trying to expand that out past character actors. Just other different stuff. Oh, they're great in everything they do. Like if you said to me, oh, my wife's out of town, I would say, oh, your wife, she's good in everything.

Right, right. It's not catching on. That sounds kind of creepy. It is not catching on. Yeah, it does. People are creeped out by it. It makes no sense. But that person's Twitter handle is at iskid2astop, and his avatar is Fixed Gear Bike with no brakes.

And as we know, while I am fine with fixed gear bikes, I insist that they have brakes. So that one is... Oh, wow. So that guy is ineligible because of his hobby. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, well... Sorry.

Well, because of taunting me with his hobby. Okay, sure. Through his Twitter handle. I mean, it was nice of him to help promote our show. Gotta have standards. Yeah, I mean, it was nice of him to help promote our show. Gotta have standards. Yeah, I mean, I'm not bringing my full force down on him because he was nice enough to promote our show. He's not community.

No, sorry, we're not talking about that anymore. Sorry, we're not talking about that anymore. You know what? I am going to give it to... I feel like there's so many Satsuma tweets this week. I have to give it to a Satsuma tweet. So I'm going to give it to at Stephen Merrill, who said,

Whole Foods in Manhattan had Satsumas, so I told my sister that we had to try some because a podcast host told me to. Okay. So thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you for everyone who tweets about our show with the hashtag JJGo and tells their friends about our show.

And, you know, Facebook's about our show, recommends our show to people. That's the only way our show gets closer to our ultimate goal of... Do we have a goal? I mean, you know, I think having an audience for dick talk is basically it. I mean, I think we're here. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, it's weird if we're just talking about our dicks here by ourselves. Sure. I assume that none of this was being recorded.

Oh, sorry, yeah. It was still fun. It is. It's for public consumption. Oh, so people are going to listen to this. Yeah, people will listen to this. All right. Bad news, Andre.

Well, fair enough. Yeah. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica. Bad news, Andre. Fair enough. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers. It's not a coincidence. We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we also take questions from the Yahoo answer service. Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf?

That's a fine question, Griffin. We'll answer that one and so much more including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society. Subscribe on iTunes

or get it online at MaximumFun.org. We're brothers. We're experts. And we're sorry.