Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 205: Willenium with Erin Gibson

Episode Date: January 2, 2012

Erin Gibson of Throwing Shade joins us to talk about the West Hollywood firebomber, the terrifying reign of Mao, the holidays and other light-hearted topics.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, brandy, maggoty, netty, twiddle, dum, fiddle, Jesse, go.

We're joined by the hilarious Aaron Gibson for some fun firebombing talk. Let's go. It's a new day. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective A new year Is what I should have said after I said it's a new year

Wait I should have said It's a new day It's a new year It's Jordan Jesse Go When does the Willennium start? Is it now? We are balls deep in the Willennium, Jordan

Well, probably More specifically, the Willennium is balls deep in us Willennium, Jordan. Well, probably, more specifically, the Willennium is balls deep in us. Willennium doesn't get fucked. The Willennium fucks you. You're suggesting that we are getting reamed Big Willie style right now? I mean... No wonder I feel so great! Yeah!

Men in Black 3! In theaters this summer oh it's 2012 it's episode 205 of jordan jesse go we've had over 200 episodes of this kind of just good clean corn pone humor sure all of which makes sense is that is that what corn pone means i think corn pone has a negative connotation like if you called someone corn pone it would imply that they're a rube or you know easily you can like trick them with like a three card monty i thought it meant interracial ass fucking oh no because we were doing if that's what it meant then we were definitely doing that's corn that's corn bone. Okay.

Shall we introduce our guest? Well, I mean, if you have any more questions about interracial ass fucking, we should clear that up. One thing at a time, Jesse. You don't want to confuse the audience. Are we done here at interracial ass fucking? This is the bluest first 100 seconds. You know how presidents have the first 100 days? They have to set an agenda for the first 100 days,

and then that's how they're judged for the first two years or so of their presidency, is what they've accomplished in those days. We've accomplished so much in the first 100 seconds of this program. We've talked about interracial ass-fucking. We've closed down Guantanamo. Two things. Those two main things. about interracial ass fucking we've closed down guantanamo two things so two things those two main things and i think we've we've produced kind of a beautiful tribute to one of our nation's greatest movie stars and frankly one of our nation's greatest and most enduring uh hip-hop

and rap stars the one it won the same of course mr will smith sure um let's introduce our guest of course uh you knew her for years from her hilarious work on the current television network uh now she is a smash hit podcaster in with the delightful podcast throw in shade uh please welcome back to jordan jesse go uh the hilarious aaron gibson aaron everybody welcome back back Jordan, Jesse, go, the hilarious Aaron Gibson. Hi, everybody. Welcome back. Back by popular demand, right? This was based on requests, multiple requests. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I have to say, I feel like I can laugh now because I feel like it would be weird for me to be laughing while you were... Yeah. For two reasons. One, we haven't introduced you.

Right. Two, we haven't said anything funny. But I, well... And three, it would frankly be imm. Right. And two, we haven't said anything funny. But I, well. And three, it would frankly be immoral for you to laugh at the things we said. But it was hard. It was hard. I was almost out of breath from holding it. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Let it out. I almost died. Yuck it up, Erin. I almost died on this podcast. I'm out of breath, but that's because I was just doing calisthenics. Oh. I do calisthenics before... That's a modern exercise.

I do calisthenics before every show. You have some medicine ball work, right? Well, I do my Chairman Mao exercises. Do you wear button-down linen pajamas? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. And one of those Red Army hats. And then you spent some time in the reducing machine.

Yeah. Doing it right. You know what? Here's something that... Mao did a lot of horrible things. Well, that's up for debate. Yeah. I mean, I think we can agree that... You know, I think you can make some argument that Mao may have done some good things. One or two.

But on the whole, he did many, many horrible murders. But I would like to give it up to him for two things number one for uh that great calisthenics routine that old uh chinese gentlemen and ladies do in the park um or in gung ho i i had um i had a uh i had a sword fighting teacher in middle school i know that sounds weird but you're just gonna have to go with me on it um who had lived in china for a while and knew all of the knew the whole routine because it was the same for the whole country until i mean it may have been modernized in the past 10 or 15 years but he had lived in China in like the early 80s in the Gung Ho era and would do it. And it's a great, it's a lot of fun. There's a lot of arm twists and it's a blast.

So number one, kudos to Mao for that. Number two, he instituted this national outfit, right? The Mao suit. It's uplifting to the proletariat certainly but it was really flattering on Mao a man who was essentially shaped like a potato

he figured it out he's a fashion maverick he had it sorted out he said he had someone who knew about outfits come to his house and he said I want something new and I want something that flatters the potato like said i want something new and i want something that flatters the potato like man i want something new i want something mandatory yeah and then and then

we're just gonna kill anybody who doesn't wear it right and you can't say no to that kind of request yeah exactly and you know what he knocked it out of the ballpark the the ma Mao suit looks tremendous on Mao. And I think any portly leader. Slash monster. Frankly. Kim Jong-il. And Kim Jong-un. I haven't seen Kim Jong-un. What's the difference between

Kim Jong-il's style of dress and Kim Jong-un's style of dress? Is there one? It's identical. It looks similar to me. Okay. Kim Jong not much. Kim Jong not much.

I heard a weird story. This is probably not true, but a story about Kim Jong-il where he went, and one of his solutions to fight hunger in his country was to get this rabbit from Europe and bring it over and have it breed in the countryside. Oh, that's good. And then that would create food for the people. That's outside the box thinking. Yeah.

Well, but then he couldn't wait and he brought backids, and he ate them before he could even implement. That's evil. This could be like a tale. I didn't Google it, but yeah, it was a good story. And he didn't even think to himself, hey, just go get 12 more. No. It's like, well, that's over. He does whatever whim he has, he just acts upon it.

No, he did the same thing with Catholics. Whatever whim he has, he just acts upon it. Yeah, he did the same thing with Catholics. Initially, he was going to bring in some Catholics, but he ended up killing them and eating them. Well, they taste delicious. He had heard that they had large families. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah, of course.

A Protestant stringy. A Protestant stringy. Yeah. Tough meat. Tough meat because of that Protestant work ethic. Yep. All that self-denial makes you tough. But Catholic's meat is very tender because of all the work ethic. Yep. All that self-denial makes you tough. But Catholic's meat is very tender because of all the alcoholism.

Yeah. Right. And the passion. Yeah, and the passion. It's a mixture of booze and passion. Wow. We've really gotten ourselves deep into this one. Yeah. We're really taking some big swings.

Oh, I love it. Well, at Dictators Who Can't Hurt Us? Yeah. Well, they're ghosts. Well, dictators who can't hurt us? Yeah. Well, they're ghosts. Right. But are we in any danger for insulting them? Like, is there like some sort of... Like a retroactive...

Retroactive, yeah. I don't know. I mean... Can their estate come after us? Right, yeah. So you're saying, in theory, could Kim Jong-un hear this? And because you told the defamatory rabbit story, send some sort

of shock troops out to get us. Right. I don't know. I mean, if he doesn't get to me, the arsonists will. Oh, yeah. Aaron and I are smack dab in the middle of a, would you call it a rampage? Yeah, arson rampage. There's a West Hollywood fire bug, Jesse.

No. I don't know if you knew about this. I haven't heard about this. They've also called him a Carsonist because he is setting fire primarily to garages. Carson Daly. To Carson Daly. And Johnny Carson's tomb. And Carson from Downton Abbey.

Mm-hmm. The butler. Please don't get me started on that lovely show. Mr. Carson. Isn't that a treat? Yeah, it's a delight. But back to us being a danger of being murdered. Yeah, yeah.

There's been these fire bombings in West Hollywood, a rash of them. I think as of this recording, they haven't caught him or the gang. And also, no one has died. So it's still kind of fun to talk about. Okay. When someone dies, we have to stop being so excited slash scared. Right. But Erin, a car next door to you got firebombed, right?

Firebombed, melted the car, melted the car next to it, and then the whole side of the building is charred black. How many cars? There's been, I think, 35 fires in all. And there were one or two last night. And then on my way here, I dropped off something at my friend's house in Los Feliz. Drugs. Drugs.

Yeah. It was a package, a nondescript package. Right. Just an ordinary brown package. From your butt. Uh-huh. From my butt. Just an ordinary deflated balloon, not filled with anything.

Not filled with anything. It definitely wasn't a cocaine-heroin mix. Sure. Which is a thing I invented. There was a car... We should call Motley Crue and let them know about this thing that you just invented. Yeah, they're going to love it. They're going to love this thing.

I don't know if they're on the wagon or off the wagon these days, but... I think they're off. Oh, God. I mean, I know I'm paraphrasing a Seinfeld issue, but what is it definitively? When you're on drugs, are you on the wagon or off the wagon? Oh. I don't know. I don't know.

I think it's off the wagon. Yes. Sorry. Well, you're certainly full of pith and vinegar today. Yes, I know't know. I don't know. I think it's off the wagon. Yes. Sorry. Well, you're certainly full of pith and vinegar today. Yes, I know. Exactly. It's all the fires. It's got everyone riled up.

Yeah. But there was one. They were investigating one on Melbourne and Franklin. Wow. I mean, Melbourne and Hillhurst. Those streets are parallel. Thirty-five cars? Somewhere around 30 fires.

I think most of them have been cars. That is a lot. Oh, you know what though? I think I've got how many of those cars were Chevy Corvairs. Oh, because those things are unsafe at any speed. Well, you're saying that Ralph Nader is doing this to prove a point. I believe he is. I believe he is.

Nader is the carsonist. Passive safety systems well what if the arsonist gets blamed for more car fires than he deserves because of because of the chevy corvair oh yeah that's another bummer about that is yeah bad time to be a carcinist yeah it hurts everybody um aaron if you okay and i i've uh you know i i was uh kind of looking around, there's kind of a, kind of West Hollywood community Twitter feed, and I was looking at this for information.

And, um, you know, it, it, it talked about, like, if you see someone suspicious, you know, be on the lookout. If you, do you think if you saw someone who you believe to be the carcinist, you could take him down? Take him down? No, not with someone armed with a Molotov cocktail. Yeah. I would have to start carrying Molotov cocktails.

Well, that's probably the only solution. So I should start doing that? In the place of the heroin cocaine balloons, just have a Molotov cocktail in your butt at all times. Officer, I have an explanation for this. I am trying to defend myself against the carcinist by carrying whatever mode of fire he'd carry. Have you ever heard the expression fight fire with fire?

It's a pretty popular one. Yeah. I think the West Hollywood has its own police department. Yes. And my guess is the response that you would get would be, I'm sorry, ma'am. If you told me that you had that in there to stimulate your prostate, I would have believed you. A lot of gays in West Hollywood. A i would have believed you a lot of gays a lot of gays a lot of gays and they at the west hollywood police department just completely shuts

down around brunch from around 11 to like 2 30 ish they're having brunch yeah they're for tatas sure at the mimosa painting with broad strokes this week on jordan jesse go we'll be back in just a second with more. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Hi, I'm Erin Gibson sitting in this chair. Was that? I didn't have time to come Erin Gibson, sitting in this chair. She is.

Was that, I didn't have time to come up with that thing. No, it's true. It is absolutely true. I'm going to sit here and vouch for it. It's not a lie. I'm not standing, that's for sure. Are you guys concerned, genuinely concerned about your safety? I am because the building next door to mine was torched.

But I feel like it's kind of like a shark attack. Right. I saw someone get attacked by a shark, so the chances of me... You should do whatever you can to not look like a seal. Yeah, whatever I can. Is that what you're describing? And if you see an arsonist, just punch him in the nose. Right on the nose.

Well, unless he comes back to finish the job. Right. Which is the only reason I could think he would... I think it'd be dumb to come back to that exact area. Our friend, John Richmuth of Casper Hauser, the Casper Hauser Skit Club, a sketch comedy group from San Francisco, friends of MaximumFun.org,

creators of the Casper Hauser Comedy Podcast. I'm just going to end my descriptions of who Casper Hauser are. He's an open sea swimmer. This is something that he does. I don't know why he does this. It sounds terrible to me. He was attacked in San Francisco Bay.

He likes to swim in the bay. By an arsonist. Yes, by an arsonist. Who tried to set fire to water. By a gay police officer. He was attacked by a harbor seal. He was attacked by a harbor seal. He was attacked by a seal. They attack?

They don't attack. That's what makes it so amazing. Here's the thing. Sharks attack. And sharks totally attack people who open sea swim in the San Francisco Bay. It totally happens. Sea lions attack.

And they totally attack people who are swimming in the San Francisco Bay. It totally happens. Sea lions attack and they totally attack people who are swimming in the San Francisco Bay. Seals do not attack and a seal is what attacked John Richmuth, definitely. Was he provoking it in any way? Maybe dangling something in front of it? That's what, like, apparently

John has, I saw a picture and you don't want to see this picture, but I saw a picture of his injury and it is grotesque. It bit him on the side? Yes. The seal biologists accused him of provoking it. They said, well, seals don't attack people. You must have provoked it.

And he said, well, what could I have done to provoke it? And the best they could come up with is maybe he accidentally kicked it while he was swimming. Like it was swimming, and he was swimming, and he accidentally kicked it in the head or something. And the seal couldn't be like, hey, dude, I get it. You're swimming. No, because seals can't talk. Oh, right. I mean, that is ultimately what this is about.

It's like, use your words. You know what I mean? Well, no wonder. Biting him is a little dangerous. I mean, but biting to me, well, I guess I don't have any other way to. Well, he could have gone on his back and flopped back and forth with his little flippers. Oh, my God. That would have been adorable.

So his injuries were pretty deep. His injuries were pretty severe, but he made it back and he's just fine. He had to have a bunch of stitches, but he's okay. So he wasn't damaged on the inside. He was not damaged on the inside. He was severely bitten. It is gross. Just mega gross. And it spoils one of the world's cutest animals. Yeah. It does.

It's one of the world's cutest slash most vicious animals. Yeah, it's like getting attacked by a kitty or a squirrel. Like these things that are just like universally enjoyable. Sure, absolutely. Yeah. A fawn. Oh, a fa just universally enjoyable. Sure, absolutely. Fawn. Foal. Bear cub.

What about a baby koala bear? That would be awful too. Wow, that would be terrible. Did you really get attacked by a baby koala bear? No, I don't. How were you handling it? I mean, I don't want to get into it, but essentially I tried to breastfeed it. Oh, right.

And I think that it didn't. No, that's fair. It was too much. Yeah. Yeah. My mothering instinct kind of took over. Right. I think that's happened to me before.

Were you stimulating its pouch at all? Oh, no, I forgot that part. Oh, yeah, that's what you got to do if you're trying to breastfeed a baby koala no i put on some um i i think i put on some like american lullabies classical lullabies no sure yeah um yeah twinkle twinkle little star yeah some very uh what a baby would like a human baby yeah i had a mobile. Put a mobile up and... Sure. Koalas get upset when you treat them too much like a human. I stenciled its name

on the wall. Mm. Yeah. In fun letters that looked like it had stitches on it. Sure. You took a Christmas card

picture with you and the koala. I got an armchair that also rocks. A lot of stuff. Makes sense that it attacked you. Didn't like it.

Makes sense. I invested a lot of money in this scenario too so I lost probably about $400,000 in total wow that's almost half a million dollars if i'm counting that correctly yeah right no i got it yeah any i mean any plans to mother another kind of marsupial maybe a kangaroo okay good i do not give up okay are you going another koala or are you gonna maybe branch branch out, maybe like a wallaby? Yeah, I think wallaby.

You know, a wallaby or a raccoon. I think a raccoon would actually be kind of docile for a baby. I mean, that's not a marsupial, but... No, I know, but I got to... They do clean their own food. Yes. Right. Fair enough.

Hey, how are your holidays, guys? Mine was nice. I spent it in Orange County, as I do all of my holidays. I think we all imagine, when we think of the classic American holiday, we think of spending it in Orange County. Oh, sure. Just, you know, you go wassailing down at Chili's. Yep. You know, Santa's...

Mittens, board shorts. Yeah, Santa comes by in his raised truck with the social distortion sticker, and he delivers gifts of body spray and guns. I don't know. I don't know if he's not gun-toting. No, it isn't. But yeah, it was nice, and for...

Jordan, body spray and gift cards to the store that only sells things that glow in the dark there you go um spencers oh by the way i didn't get a single starbucks card this christmas and i didn't get a single random text that said happy new year from a number that i didn't have in my phone am i do i need to cultivate more bullshit fair weather friendships no these seemed like bad signs no i think it's this the thing that you have to look at is why were you putting up with that in the first place it's a starbucks cards at the end of the year right yeah but like a five dollar starbucks card yeah it's almost insulting. Yeah, I can get... I'm going to buy one coffee, and then the next coffee I have to pay for 30 cents?

Let's pay a little bit of it. Yeah. No, you're right. It's more convenient not to have it. What about Jamba cards, though? I don't believe in Jamba juice. You get an orange dream machine. Those...

That's... You don't believe Jamba juice exists? I don't. Or you're boycotting it? I'm boycotting it. Those drinks are not healthy. No. Yeah.

No, they're special milkshakes. They're special milkshakes. They're fruity milkshakes. Why does... But people go in there thinking they're getting something healthy, and then they drink too much of something that they shouldn't have in the first place. Yeah, that's true. That's what they...

It's a house of lies. I have... But the tiny pizzas are good for you, though, right? Tiny pizzas? Yeah. Yeah. That's moderation. Sure.

Those are gluten-free. But not a big thing. That's how much sugar is in one of those jambas. You know what the problem with America's health is? Which, yes. A surfeit of gluten.

A gluten surfeit. Yep. I had one of those just insanely intense. I'm thinking about, you know how when children are bad in class, they separate them? I'm thinking about separating my families. I have my wife's family, my father's family, and my mother all live within 10 miles of each other. That's convenient.

No. See, that's what you would think. You would think it was convenient because here's what's convenient about it. When you go home for the holiday, you can see everyone. But here's the thing. They made a movie about it for Christmases. Nothing went wrong in that movie.

It was a zero conflict movie. When you go home for the holiday, you are obliged to see everyone. You are locked into this grueling marathon of holiday- related events. So essentially this was my Christmas schedule. I drove, I worked through Wednesday.

On Thursday morning, I got up early to drive my wife and baby from Los Angeles to Marin County. It took nine hours because babies don't like sitting in cars unless they're asleep. And you can't feed a baby in the car that doesn't eat out of the bottle, which our baby doesn't. Eats out of a bowl? Yeah, eats out of a bowl. Yeah, exactly. Well, we give them a wet food, dry food mixture. Oh, good.

It's kind of a hood he wears, right? Like a food hood? Am I describing it right? It's sort of like one of those. Like a feed bag for a horse? Yeah, it's like a feed bag, yeah. And so you can't take the baby out of the car seat and feed him in the back seat anymore because it's 2011. You can take the baby out of the car seat, but you can't take the car seat out of the baby.

Am I right? Someone had to say that. Am I right? He's always acting like a fucking car seat. And so it took nine hours to drive to Los Angeles. Then we got to my wife's family's house at like six. We changed and headed to the clubhouse my wife's family living in this condo uh and the condo grouping or whatever it is there's a clubhouse where there's

like a pool and there's like a little common room that you can rent out uh for events and so they had rented it out for the family christmas thing. This is two days before Christmas. This is the 23rd. No, this is the 22nd. This is the 22nd. So on the 22nd, we have this dinner with 20-ish people, which is my wife's father's family. Okay, so that's the 22nd. 23rd, I get part of the day off.

I go into the city. I finish up my Christmas shopping. My wife takes care of the baby, hangs out with her family. I come back into town. Night of the 23rd is my wife's mother's Christmas event. Because they're divorced? No, they just, each of their families also live in Marin County. But why couldn't they combine it?

Because they're not the same family. They don't know each other. Only my wife's parents know each other. Have you thought about watching Four Christmases? It doesn't sound like you've watched it. Because there's a very clear game plan laid out in that movie. It's there for the picking. 60 people at my wife's mother's family

christmas dinner there's like crabs and it is insane it is a fucking madhouse and all of them is like a family reunion but and it usually has skits thankfully there was no skits this year. What do you mean? They put on plays? They put on Christmas plays! The ch- These are- These people are- Some of them are enthusiastic

homosexuals. Some of them are- It's something that started when they were six, and it was cute, and then continued to when they were 12, and it's a very positive family, and no one told them to stop, and it just kept going

into basically a musical review. I got into this thing with one of my wife's aunts where there was this... It's Wicked now, right? That's what Wicked started out as? That's how Wicked started. Yeah, only all of the musical numbers have been replaced by complex musical parodies of various aunts and uncles. I got into this thing. There was this slideshow that was grandma and grandpa's slideshow.

This thing is all theoretically a tribute to my wife's grandparents. It's not for my wife's grandparents, really. They like it, though. They're nice people. So there's this slideshow of just pictures that people have sent in of what's happened to them over the year.

There's 60 of these people, right? So there's a lot of pictures in this slideshow. It's a visual letter, letter of the year. Yeah, exactly. This is what happened. What song is playing in the background?

Single ladies? It was not. It was not. Over and over again. It was not that Green Day song. I think it was a Stevie Wonder song. But it's about to start. It's about to start.

And they're trying to get everybody to sit down and watch it. And my wife's aunt comes up and says, and I'm like cleaning up. I'm cleaning up. I'm helping clean up. And my wife's aunt says, they're going to start the slideshow. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. I'll watch it. I'm cleaning up.

And she's like, oh, well, we're all just cool i'm i'll watch it i'm cleaning up and uh she's like oh well we're all just gonna sit down and watch it and i was like oh oh like i thought they were just gonna play the slideshow i had been an advocate of just play the slideshow during the whole event on loop so people can see the pictures background a background event so people can see the pictures and it's not a performance of any kind. A slideshow is not a performance. So anyway. But I was being nice. So I was like, you know, I'm just going to finish cleaning up here and everything.

And she said, my wife's aunt said, they're going to start the slideshow and we are going to respect that. Ooh, wow. You got faced. I got faced. You got dunked on. You got faced. I got faced. You got dunked on. I got dunked on big time. You told her to eat a dick, right? No.

Oh. I can't tell these people. They're very nice people. That's, no, they're not. That's not nice. That's not, and that's using niceness to get what you want.

Yeah. No, that was not nice. I want to be clear. She was not being nice about it. But I... Did she think you have like, you had like a dish i want to be clear that was she was not being nice about it but i think you have like you had like a big city toad they was that did she assume it was coming from some sort of big they're all they're all nice they definitely all think i have a big city toad but um they mostly find that charming to their their credit. They find my big city tube charming. However, I cannot fucking deal with this shit.

When your cops send it to you. I don't blame you. There are 60 of these people. There are 60 of them. I don't want to sit through wedding slideshows during a wedding reception. There are 60 of them. Of the wedding you just saw. Awful.

I just don't want to see people. I don't want to see what you look like when you're a kid. So the next day, we have Christmas with my wife's family. This is on Christmas Eve day. We do all the Christmas shit. We get up in the morning. We go open presents. They go for a hike.

We went for a hike. All the Christmas shit, right? The Christmas morning, we drive from Marin to Sanisco to my dad's house and do christmas morning at my dad's house with my dad and my brothers who are half brothers my dad and my stepmother my half brothers do fucking christmas morning there then we drive to my mom's house and do christmas with my mom and then christmas dinner with my mom this is in four fucking days fuck christmas no i don't go home for Christmas. I stay in LA.

Where's your home? Texas. Oh, yeah. Because I do Thanksgiving and then I stay here for Christmas because it's like a college town and it's very quiet and peaceful and you can park places and everyone's nice and relaxed and all the... But you know what? Here's the thing. But you know what? Here's the thing.

I also, I just said fuck Christmas, but the other side of this thing is that actually the truth is I love Christmas. I love my family. I love seeing my family. I love my wife's family. I love seeing my wife's family. It's just I wish that I could do them one at a time. That'll never be an option for you.

I know. But now that you have... I gotta separate them. I gotta buy them one-way plane tickets. You do not have to go. You have the best excuse. No, because now they're gonna want to come stay at my house. But then you can have four of them here instead of... No, I can't. Where am I gonna put them?

Do you sleep here on the floor of my office? Just move some of the taxidermy. You've got a lot of taxidermy. Just, you know, put some of that in the car for a while. Anyway, but it was a really, it was, every year it is that. I don't enjoy Christmas. Really? No.

Do you have some sort of, like, anti-Christmas thing you do while you're staying here, or is it just relaxing? Oh, when I'm here? No. Do you have some sort of like anti-Christmas thing you do while you're staying here? Or is it just relaxing? Oh, when I'm here? Yeah. Totally relaxing, pretending it's not Christmas. Okay. Christmas is disappointment for me. Because my parents were very poor, but they talked a big game.

So it was kind of a mindfuck. So they're like oh somebody's getting a bike this christmas and then it's just a piece of paper with the word bike written on it yeah it was like basically like the worst kind of psychological torture for a kid and they didn't do it to be malicious but they didn't understand that you know saying that this stuff was going to happen and then knowing they didn't have the resources to make it happen so they would tease presents that never came? They would make us write a list.

We would go through the... JCPenney and Sears used to have a huge catalog in the 80s. We would go through and mark everything and give it to them. Oh, wow. You know, that kind of thing. And then we would get hardly anything that we wanted. And then when my parents did have money to do it, they would give us presents that they wanted us to have, not what we asked for. So one year...

So like a colonic. Oh, God. It was basically, when I was 16, I asked for a pager. And my mom bought me a clay set and a watercolor set. I don't paint. To make a pager. To draw a pager. To make your own pager.

A clay pager. Yeah. My dad, my parents, my parents were, my mother is an exceptionally good gift giver. She was just exceptionally good at things, at objects. Yes. And so even when we were, and we were genuinely pretty poor until I was in high school, until she got her first full-time teaching job when I was about 15. And until then, we were broke as a joke, especially at my dad. Both houses, we were really broke.

But she could always get it together because she is a hustler. My dad, less so. But I was never hurting for presents one of the nice things about divorced parents is you do get two christmases so between the two i would always piece together a pretty good haul yeah and but one year my dad's big present for me was a scooter and i had wanted a scooter like the kind with inflatable wheels. And, you know, this is pre like razor scooter type deal. This is like, and you know, like a grip brake and that kind of thing. And I had wanted one just forever.

And my dad got me this scooter and it was seriously the most exciting gift I had ever gotten in my entire life. I mean, I was maybe eight, nine years old. I still remember how excited I was when I opened that present. I mean, this was in an apartment where we had, for some reason our apartment had a fireplace. It was an apartment, an apartment building. It had a fireplace, but it was,

the fireplace was literally just covered with plywood. And so I had to explain to my dad that santa came in through the window and um your so your dad was poking holes at the santa theory yeah he's like i don't think he's real look at this fucking fireplace yeah and like dad window come on and i opened that i i opened up that scooter i just remember just filling with joy. And my dad brought it out. And my dad was a single dad at the time. This was sort of in between when he divorced with my mom and when he got married to my stepmother.

And probably he had this thing like on holidays because he was in AA and he himself was a crazy vet he would invite his crazy vet friends over so there was probably a couple of crazy like semi-homeless recovering alcoholic vets over um who all looked like santa yeah in camo right a couple of them they would like live at the house for a couple weeks at a time. Wait, is your dad a Vietnam vet? Yeah, yeah. Mine too. Yeah. And also a recovering alcoholic.

Did he... It's their thing. Did he ever rescue other recovering alcoholic Vietnam vets? Did they ever live at your house? No, because he stopped drinking but wasn't in any programs. Oh. And then relapsed really hard like three years ago. Oh, wow.

And now he does have programs and stuff where he goes in and talks and talks about it. Yeah. My dad still goes to meetings, and it is now 25 years later. But anyway, that point aside. So my dad, I still remember my dad took that scooter up to the kitchen table. And this is so resonant for me because our friend Tyler McNiven, who's been on this show, old friend of ours from college, showed up at my mom's house over Christmas with this fire truck as a gift for my son Simon. And Tyler and I put it together just to sort of sat there

and put all the pieces together. It was so fun. My dad took it there, took the scooter, and put it on the kitchen table and put it together, like put the wheels on and put some of the pieces on. Anyway, long story short, he lost some of the pieces. He never long story short he lost some of the pieces he never put it all the way together so you couldn't even ride it no oh my god he just gave up halfway through putting it together he put some of the he put like half the wheels he put like one wheel on and

lost some a couple things and then figured he'd try and get another thing, and then just never did. Did the unfinished scooter stay in the house? Just as a reminder? The unfinished scooter was in the house for like three years. Oh, good. Just on the list of how our parents are actual human beings. Well, my dad, and see, the other thing about my dad

and his craziness, he has this horrible memory, right? So, my dad would tell you, A, that the scooter never existed, B, that he finished the scooter, and C... What's a scooter? What's a scooter? Like, I couldn't even, like, use it to get other stuff from him because it was sitting in some weird part of the house and i'd be like can you finish making the scooter and he would not know what i was talking about now our our house um has been kind of lacking a dad at christmas for a while now my my dad uh moved out when i

was around 12 and we've never had like that dad presence in the house but um uh my mom's internet boyfriend oh come on yep i know uh has started kind of joining us at holidays he's a wait now he's a he's a real life boyfriend that she met online yes i know and I definitely need to stop calling him mom's internet boyfriend it's just funnier when I call him that I know but that's like I'm on OkCupid I date on the internet it's how you have to do it these days

I know with apps and all the main way to do it is putting a message on Jordan Jesse Go I think I basically just did that yeah sure and The main way to do it is putting a message on Jordan Jesse Go, I think. Yeah, I mean, that's the main way people... Oh, I basically just did that. Yeah, sure. And, yeah, must love Molotov cocktails.

And he's doing a real good job of kind of being Christmas dad for us. Like, he wears Hawaiian shirts all the time, which is kind of what you want from mom's internet boyfriend. But also, he's really got the dad joke down. We were, we all, our tradition is going to, we always go to see a movie kind of on Christmas evening. We were kind of talking about- You saw Girl with a Dragon Tattoo.

Yes, exactly. And I had to explain to my mom what rape was. It's good that she didn't know. Right, yes. um it's good that she didn't know right yes um but we were talking about what movies to see in and the uh and warhorse came up um and uh and brad chimed recording glitch here brad said warhorse is that like mr ed gets drafted i wanted a fucking standing ovation this guy. Like, it was amazing. Like, could not be more like on point. Yeah, we all had a good laugh.

Absolutely, it's great. I mean, it was beautiful. I mean, yeah, we all had a good laugh. He's not doing it like every four minutes. Yeah, no, I mean, he's good. He's good with it. You know, he spaces it out. Yeah, rhythm. But here was my one complaint. R's good. He's good with it. You know, he's, he's, he spaces it out. Rhythm. But here was my one complaint. R.E. Brad's performance at Christmas dinner.

I sat next to him and for the whole dinner, this, this is what was going on. I'm glad he was enjoying the meal. I don't need to imagine his sex noises. I don't need to get a glimpse into his sex noises. The man's dating my mom. What was your mom doing? I mean, she's being a quiet eater. This is kind of a long table.

So, you know, they weren't playing footsie underneath or something. We should explain that jordan have you seen batman the movie batman several times jordan lives in a bruce wayne style mansion and jordan's mom is kind of a vicky veil yeah your mom you have a cat the condo labra in the middle yeah Yeah, yeah. Separating everyone. Yeah. So, yeah. And it's like, well, I mean, I can just go ahead and have the illusion that they just hold hands and do charity work together, you know? Like, I don't need that little reminder. I don't know. Because I felt like, can I tell him to stop?

I can't. But you know what you could have done? You could have made noises like that, but louder. Yeah. Oh, sure. That would have been a funny comic situation. See if he caught on. Yeah.

Fuck these potatoes. God, these are fucking good. Mom makes a mean fucking roast, doesn't she, asshole? Why am I calling you that? I'm going to put this turkey in my mouth. I don't like it when people make noises, period, when they eat. I don't like when people eat food sloppily or smacking or noises. Yeah. I don't like it when people make noises, period, when they eat. I don't like when people eat food sloppily or smacking or noises. Yeah.

I like it to be a peaceful endeavor and not like a wolf eating a whatever. Sure. Pussy. Wolf eating pussy. Yeah. You know how wolves eat pussy? I do. I don't want to speak like that.

Yeah, yeah. I know how a wolf eats pussy. I'm really glad that's not a thing because you're not a lady wolf well that's oh i in my mind it was like a um what was that movie jack nicholson it was jack nicholson and mich Pfeiffer in Wolf Pussy. It was just a director. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I am Erin Gibson, and I am still in this chair. Oh, great to see you there, Erin. Thank you. You look fantastic. So do you. You're sitting the shit out of that chair. Thank you.

How am I doing, guys? Oh, well. Sorry, Poindexter. A little homely over here. Hey, how about a couple of commercial announcements, my friend? First of all, thank you to our sponsor this week, MakePixelArt.com. Erin, if you've ever wanted to make pixel art, one of the best websites to use is makepixelart.com. I knew that.

Because you listen to Jordan and Jessie Go. That's probably why. They've also got a great app for the information phone. You can make your, for all your, you know, all of your Mario paid style picture drawing needs. all of your MarioPade style picture drawing needs. Anything that you need to draw in the context of 8 to 16 bit graphic type situation, you can do it at MakePixelArt.com.

Will that work on a Razer? A Razer phone? Yeah, it'll probably work on a Razer phone. Most likely. Most things do. What about a StarTAC? Yeah. I say put it on the StarTAC. Flip phone? Yeah, sure. Yeah, put that on that flip phone. Zach Morris phone? Yeah, Zach Morris phone. Absolutely.

Car phone? Put it on your car phone. Yeah, please. Pager code. Use pager code. 143, makepixelart.com. We got a personal ad this week Up on the Jumbotron As we turn our eyes up to the Jumbotron

Speaking of personal ads Kevin S Anyone in the Allentown, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania area The Allentown, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania area And I should mention specifically When I say anyone I'm speaking about female anyone Because that is the gender

That our friend Kevin S. is interested in. He is a 24-year-old nurse. Good job. Good job. He's working out of Philadelphia. It's a nice, steady job. It's a good gig. It's a good, well-paid.

And it implies compassion. Yeah. Empathy. Yes. There was a study about male nurses and how attractive they are to women. And male Norsemen. And Norsemen. Oh, did you know I'm from the Bronx circa 1920?

It's a noice. You guys want to go play some stickball? A real potato. He's 24 years old. He's a nurse. 5'9". dark brown hair kind of look like a fred savage charlie day type guy adorable that's an adorable type of guy he's got two cats one's called kittler and one's called ezio auditore oh i what is that it's an assassin's

creed reference sorry i'm I'm, I'm, I'm hurting his chances by pointing out. Anyway, you can email, you can email Kevin S. at K A Stanley 1000, K A Stanley 1000 at AOL.com. S T A N L E Y?

S T A N L E Y. 1000 at AOL.com. And of course, all of these are always up in the forum thread for episode sponsors. So it's a video game, a cat owner, a video game fan, a cat owner, and he's got an AOL account. It's a cat named after Hitler, but with a kitty start, right? It's a dark world that this guy lives in. That and the gunshot victims and hey

look at this we got a commercial message up on the Jumbotron from our friends at Tepedico yeah we love Tepedico absolutely I've ordered some lovely Brandon Bird art on Tepedico Tepedico.com is actually the home of MaxFunStore.com

which is where you can go to buy all of your red-hot Jordan Jesse Go merchandise, Sound of Young America merchandise, Bullseye merchandise coming soon, My Brother, My Brother and Me merchandise. I know you're fond of that Peepums t-shirt. That's a great Peepums shirt. Peepums Nasty Gum. Peepums Nasty Gum is the chewing gum

that your grandparents give you, known for being crumbly and flavorless. Oh, it tastes like a napkin after four seconds? You got it. That's the gum. Yeah. Anyway, they also do merchandise for a lot of friends of Jordan, Jesse, Go. Our friend David Malky from the great webcomic Wonder Mark.

As you mentioned, Brandon Bird from BrandonBird.com. Chris Hastings, from Dr. McNinja. Oh, the great Chris Hastings. Some lovely products in there. He's often kindly mentioned Jordan Jesse Goh in his comics. Lots of great people,

Jonathan Colton, also has merchandise up there at TopatoCo.com, and they have special deals if you buy multiple t-shirts, you get a cool discount, and anyway, it's really great. They they run a great service they're great people that's why we that's why we have them selling our merchandise so our thanks to them for sponsoring this week's

jordan jesse go if you want to sponsor an episode of jordan jesse go uh email teresa at maximumfund.org if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, share a message with our audience. It's just $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message. Just go to maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,, talking over you guys. What are you, like a morning radio DJ now? I can't even muster it. That was at the beginning of me trying to do a bit, and I couldn't even do it. Boy, the standing up thing isn't working out for you.

You probably just have a seat, Erin. You were doing great before. You don't need to change anything. I couldn't think of a... Don't change a thing. A fun DJ name. One time I went into the office of an advertising company. It was a very small boutique advertising company. Five or six people worked there. And the boss of it was working in the middle at a stand-up desk while everyone else worked around him at normal desks. I've

seen people do that. It was weird. Not so much the working at a stand-up desk i mean that's weird i mean it's unusual but i'm fine with that but it was made me really uncomfortable uh that they were all in the same room and that the boss was at a stand-up desk and everyone else was at a normal desk if i ever uh work in an office again i want a couch no desk couch laptop it's sort of like what if he was working like in moon boots like what if he was hanging up to gravity boots like what if he was hanging upside down from or in moon boots that's the kind of where you bounce up and down right is it pretentious to you to have a standing desk um it's like aggressively advertising agency you know what i mean like

you might as well have a you might as well take your meetings in a ball pit. Oh, yeah. Hey, we got some telephone calls. When something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for momentous occasions. And they have done so, and we have listened. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, possible guest. This is Will from Indiana calling in with a momentous occasion. I was just at the grocery store, and a woman walked by me wearing the best T-shirt ever. So the picture is like a standard werewolf guy ripping his shirt open because he's turning into a werewolf.

The text in big like indiana jones looking letters says wolfman's got nards thanks remember the word nards i'm glad to know they're putting it on shirts still um i saw a t-shirt today that um i'm uh that i i won okay i was just wondering if this shirt was racist or not uh this was i was at a bar um it said millennium yes millennium it was a picture of me and jordan yeah um do okay so i was at this bar it's called the sf saloon and it's the i guess it's the kind of go-to bar if you want to watch like a san francisco sporting event like a giants game or a niners game this guy was wearing a shirt it looked like it had been homemade like you could see the

part where it had been ironed on and it said this is your brain and it had a picture of the san francisco 49ers logo and then it says this is your brain on, and it had a picture of the San Francisco 49ers logo. And then it says, this is your brain on drugs, and it had the Oakland Raiders logo. Is that racist? Why was he doing it? What is that? Desi, can you shed some light on it as someone who knows about this kind of thing? They're known for their rough and tumble ways.

Yeah, their drug use? Oh, man. You know, I mean, I'm from San Francisco, so I'm a 49ers fan. I mean, there is definitely an element to the rivalry. And there's not like a really a strong rivalry between the Niners and the Raiders. There is a strong rivalry from Raiders fans hate Niners fans and Niners fans don't care too much about the Raiders. Except for this guy who made his own iron-on. Yeah, I mean, I think that generally

you would find that Raiders fans think of themselves as a wild, rough-and-tumble, blue-collar bunch and think of 49ers fans as a white wine-sipping bunch of over-moneyed whatever. Classism, not racism. Okay.

So it was just simply classist. I mean, there's some race mixed up in there. Sure. Yeah, there's no doubt about that. Okay. Yeah. He was also wearing a fishing hat. Did I say that?

Oh, no. He was. That makes a big difference. Yeah. More or less racist because of the fishing hat. Did he have on pants? Shorts. Was the fishing hat white and pointy?

It was, actually, yeah. And his fishing pole was like a big pole, and then it had another pole going across it, and it was on fire. Yeah. Yeah, like a fisherman. Yeah. A Ku Klux fisherman. Gotcha. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

This is Levi from Chicago. I'm calling with a momentous occasion that was prompted by another momentous occasion that I heard on the program. I was out running while listening to Jordan, Jesse, Go!, which is something that I recommend to all Jordan, Jesse, Go! listeners. Although you end up laughing while you run, which is ridiculous. It does. The advantage is it does give you something to run from. Yes. The advantage is it does give you something to run from.

Yes. You had a momentous occasion from someone who saw the license plate on a car that was one dick. Moments earlier, I had seen a shiny big pickup truck with the license plate nads. That's all. It felt momentous. Thanks for doing the show. Cool. The thing that I admire about the person who gets a vulgar custom license plate is this it's not the vulgarity i don't really care i don't admire vulgarity and it's

almost always stupid it's not actually funny sure but what i like about it is that at least in california i don't know what it's like in other states, but in California, what you have to do is you pay your fee, your $250 or whatever it is. I know this because I did have custom license plates on my El Camino. You pay your fee and then you fill out a form. And the form has three things that you request. So you can look up what's taken online or in this huge book that they have at the DMV. But it has three things that you request. And if the thing that you ask for is deemed vulgar or whatever, they will not give it to you. And they will give you the second thing on your list, the second thing, and so on. And if all of the things that you ask are not on your list, that you will, are not, are too vulgar, they'll just keep your money and give you a regular license plate.

Wow. So basically. It's kind of a crapshoot. So basically all of these people. And they probably won't let you put crapshoot on there. Right. So, and if you want to get it by, there's a little explanation thing. If you want to get it by, you have to come up with a reason.

You have to say that, you know, you had an Uncle Mads who died, and this is a tribute to him, right? I think I've said this on the podcast before, but a friend of mine's brother growing up had Stank Ho, and he said it was a tribute to his college professor, Stonko.

Wow. So you can appeal it. But here's the thing. you have you can explain it on the on the form there is a little thing where they ask what the reason is sure um but the thing is just pussy you just put i love pussy and who doesn't question mark yeah you know what i'm saying right guys high five so here's but here's the question it's just me clapping here's no you write all that on the form yeah high five guys not i mean the people who have the vulgar ladies know what i'm talking the people who have the vulgar one they they definitely i mean if you have three vulgar options with three

non-vulgar explanations then the person knows this isn't actually a tribute to your three favorite college professors. You know. Nads, hard-on, and gruntful. Queef, yeah. You know, I mean, even if you really did, even if your third option

was a real tribute to a real Professor Queef. Professor Queef. It just seems like a lot of lies to tell the government on one document. to a real Professor Queef. Professor Queef. It just seems like a lot of lies to tell the government on one document. And you're like, well, if Buttman and Balzer

don't get through, at least I have this honest one. My favorite. The first two are vulgar jokes because I'm childish. But if those don't go through, I would like Professor Boner. So really what you have to do is you have to come up with a vulgar one. And then you're really riding your $250 that that will slip through.

You're betting $250 that some lady at the DMV is going to be bamboozled by whatever you come up with to put on that one line on that form. And if she's old enough, she might. Who knows? I don't know. It's just what she knows about slang. You know what I say? Fly away, little dreamer.

Is that something that I can say? Yes, every day. You say it every day. Okay, excellent. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and possible guests. We've got a momentous occasion. My name's Fletch. I'm from Indianapolis, currently in Fort, and possible guests. Got a momentous occasion. My name's Fletch. I'm from Indianapolis, currently in Fort Lauderdale.

And the wife and I just tried a Satsuma. All I got to say is, eh, if you can't get them, Clementine's good enough. Thanks. What is this? This is not the call that Colin told me it was going to be. This is some of the insulting Satsumas. Number one, you probably got a lousy satsuma because you live in Clementine country. Wow.

Number two, a Clementine is a B-minus satsuma. Look, Clementine is about as good as it gets for other non-satsuma citrus fruits. But the reality is that you really got to hope that you're hitting a home run with your Clementine. Even then, you're going to have a bear of a time peeling that thing. You're going to get a bunch of seeds in your mouth. I'm afraid of citrus. Yeah? So, yeah.

Nothing? No grapefruit? It just burns in my eye. I always get it in my eye. Okay. I only drink it in juice form. That call was supposed to be, woman sees fixie guy. He's got a bird on his shoulder.

Makes total sense. But instead it was slanderous. Jesus Christ, Walzak. If our intern Colin Walzak is going to get fired over this. Oh, you know what? I'm going to dock his pay 50%. 75% pay dock for Colin Walzak this pay period. Which is, you pay him yearly?

I pay him every six weeks. He gets his pay such as it is. Every six weeks, I issue his pay. The way that you're over-talking it makes me think he doesn't receive any money. It's a great summary, Erin. I appreciate it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I am Erin Gibson, and I am sitting down again. Good, back to basics, huh? I don't know. Exactly. Back in that chair.

It's like this new Black Sabbath album that's going to come out. Back to basics. What am I playing? That gopher? What am I playing? That gopher smashing game? What is it? A game of hot potato chairs?

Thank you. This is psychological warfare. We're not doing hot potato chairs. What is this? One of those hot potato chair games? Yeah. Jeebus Christ. Mm-hmm.

You know what? I want to thank... I've gotten so many lovely downton abbey related emails lately the satsuma emails and satsuma season has started to come to a close have started to uh uh have started to recede but as season two of downton abbey comes to pbs uh the downton abbey emails have started to flood in and i want to thank everyone who's thanked me for, yes, I will take credit for popularizing Downton Abbey in the United States. Yes, I did start talking about it during the second week that it aired here in the United States. Yes, I've been talking about it ever since.

Yes, it is completely my doing. Yes, you've established your credibility. And I will say to everyone out there who's gotten so much from downton abbey you're welcome i understand why people aren't thanking me for recommending eating pussy wolf style wolf style right i mean i think i think this is your time going forward yeah it will be attributed to you that was me as as much as jesse has talked up downton abbey is eating and he was right i'll get it's a great show i love it absolutely correct about that i am i as good a show as downton abbey is that's how good a sex act eating pussy wolf is eating puffy is eating pussy wolf style something

that you can order at the in-and-out burger oh please someone. Yeah. I'll have a hamburger, wolf pussy eating style. Is that how you'd order it? Yeah. Wolf pussy eating. No, that's not right. There's got to be a cleaner way to do it. I want to mention, though. It's just a paper bag filled with cheese.

Melted cheese. And you have to eat it with your mouth. You have to eat it with your hands behind your back in the woods. Well, one hand on the top and then eat the rest up. I don't want to eat it. On the subject. To stimulate the wolf clitoris. I know.

On the subject of Downton Abbey, I just want to mention, I think I mentioned this last week on the show, but The Sound of Young America, after 10 years, is coming to an end and is being replaced with a new show called Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, which will be in many ways very similar. It's really, in some ways, it's a new name for The Sound of Young America. In some ways, it's a new show called Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, which will be in many ways very similar. It's really, in some ways, it's a new name for The Sound of Young America. In some ways, it's a new show. I'm really, really proud of it. We worked our asses, we've been wearing our butts off, and we really, last week, we spent all of the week really focused working on it with Nick White flew in from Chicago, our editor, and our friend Roman Mars, who makes the brilliant show 99% Invisible,

which was just on Radiolab last week, came in and sort of helped us. And we really crafted a show that I'm really, really proud of. I think it's sort of like, I don't know, it's like the next generation of The Sound of Young America. Will it be as, will it, is it, is it to The Sound of Young America as Saved by the Bell, the new class was to Saved by the Bell? Yeah, Screech is still going to be around.

Good, good. He's like the principal or something, right? Yeah. Each iteration of The Sound of Young America will have an awkward interview where Jordan and I talk to Screech and Sc screech tells street jokes about disabled people which is a real thing that happened to me and jordan when we were in college um you can legitimately get him on the show we did legitimately get him on

the show he was on our college radio show yeah and he talked about his math rock band and then just told uh he copped an attitude about talking about his math rock band. Yeah. We tried to talk about his math rock band and he was a dick about it. And we're like, why would you be a dick about that? That should be something you would want to talk about. He just wanted us to set him up for his jokes. His street jokes.

Let's be clear. His stand-up comedy act, which was telling joke book jokes. Oh, boy. Off-color joke book jokes no about disabled people well he's an angry person obviously anyway the first episode of bullseye the first episode of bullseye is up this week and uh among its guests we have the brilliant uh australian comedian slash actor slash writer chris lilly uh who has a great new show called Angry Boys that's on HBO starting this week.

But we also have three of the cast members of one television program known as Downton Abbey. Yes, that's right. I will be joined by the Earl of Grantham, his second cousin Matthew, and Anna, the head housemaid. I'm real fucking jealous. Oh, yeah.

And I talked to them about outfits. And I talked to them about wanting to make out with Mr. Bates. And I talked to them about all of the important Downton Abbey stuff that you've been waiting to hear me talk about with cast members of the television program Downton Abbey. Anyway, that's on Bullseye this week. Are the puddings on the show real puddings? Or are these some sort of elaborate wax prop pudding?

I will also mention that we are also putting out in sort of in memoriam for The Sound of Young America, a torrent of every sound of young america episode that exists in digital form it is a 15 gigabyte torrent of uh 11 years of the sound of young america um i can't believe it but literally 11 years of the sound of young america my entire life's work in one torrent um there's some videos in there There's the pilot for the television show of the Sound of Young America is in there, possibly illegally. Um, not really sure who owns that. Um, it's, I mean, this thing is a monster and it'll be up on maximumfund.org. Uh, you can, you can find it there if you're interested in that, um, as well. But I just want to invite people who are jordan jesse go fans who have not checked out the

sound of young america uh uh we have a new dawn in sound of young america history it's called bullseye with jesse thorne we're really proud of it it's about all the good stuff in popular culture in-depth interviews and culture pics from the av club um uh just really great stuff also dan deacon dan deacon talking about the song that changed his life which is a um a song by this guy called conlan noncaro who was a composer who composed exclusively for mechanical player pianos did not believe in human beings did not like their physical limitations decided to compose exclusively for player pianos. So, all bullseye, plus a torrent of every Sound of Young America ever, all at MaximumFun.org. So please, Jordan Jesse Go fans, check it out. I'm so proud of the work that we've been doing, and I think that you will like it.

So give it a listen, please. Special shows at SF Sketch Fest. special shows at SF Sketch Fest, January 20th at SF Sketch Fest, an evening of my expertise with Mr. John Hodgman at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco, January 21st at Cobb's Comedy Club, an afternoon with Eagle Heart featuring, among other people, the great Chris Elliott and our friend Maria Thayer.

You can find more information about those shows and ticket links and so on and so forth at MaximumFun.org. Just look at live shows in the right-hand bar. Want to pick a tweet of the week with me, Jordan? Sure. Well, I can't really see it. Do you want to pick one, and me and Aaron will just chit-chat while you look through those? Well, I mean, I like...

Oh, if you need help narrowing it down, I can help. Yeah, I'm going to give you a couple here. Okay, here we go. Here's something from Heidi. She wrote, just heard, quote, I'd like to hear what Jesse Thorne has to say about Burlington Coat Factory, unquote. I am interested to know where she heard that. I don't know.

I mean, probably near a Burlington Coat Factory. Now, that would make me want to hang out outside of Burlington Coat Factory now to hear the people are talking about me there. Yeah, yeah. Do you enjoy coats? Because they have a lot. I love bargains. Well, if you love coats and bargains, it's kind of your place. Yeah, it's probably the place to go.

I feel like this is a follow-up question. I feel like this is a follow-up question I feel like you have to go experience a Burlington Coat Factory Before you can make an educated statement Touch the coats Try the coats on At what happened, hashtagged JJ Go Just a request for tickets to the sold-out Wet Hot American Summer Show At SF Sketch Fest

That's probably strategic though She just figured whoever's's probably strategic, though. She just figured whoever's searching for what people are talking about... Yeah, JJ Go probably has tickets, too. Yeah. That's just a good move. I actually kind of like that one. Maybe a misuse of the hashtag, but, you know, a means to an end, certainly. Might be abuse.

Might be abuse. I like Chris. I like Chris at Pesky C, who complained that JJ Go and How Was Your Week don't get any love on the AV Club's Podmas lists anymore. Sometimes, though. Occasionally. It's been a long time since we've been on that Podmas. They stopped covering us.

That's too bad. We were podcast of the week on the split sider though this past week i'm sure absolutely thank you very much to those split siders the um the downside of being one of two places that uh reviews podcasts is we could tell when you're mentioning us or not so we could take it personally every time yeah Yeah, exactly. Several nice tweets about, you see anything here you want to fuck with? Compliments of Rick Ross. He's always happy to see that being discussed on the show.

You know what, though? I'm going to give it to a classic. I'm going to give it to Heidi Valine, who picked up on a common theme over the past couple of weeks, which is listen to two hashtags. Two hashtags. Listen to two episodes of JJ Go on our drive home for Christmas with my uninitiated husband. He laughed a lot. I think I converted him.

No. Hey. So, all the people, lots of folks tweeting about listening to 12,000 episodes on their holiday drives. It's always nice to hear, although it concerns me that you got that backlog. Let's stay up to date, people. Let's stay up to date. We're doing topical stuff here. Yeah, but I also like—

Kim Jong-il. Very topical. The Hollywood fire, the West Hollywood fire bug. I mean, that's going to be old news soon. I also like people converting people. So, Heidi, email intern at MaximumFun.org. We'll get you a free t-shirt. And also, just feel free to hashtag JJ Go if you convert someone to Christianity.

Yeah, well, just any kind of conversion. Please, hashtag JJ Go if you convert lead into gold. If you successfully alchemize lead. What about a gay person into a straight person? Yeah. Hashtag JJ Go. If you convert lead into gold. Yeah. If you successfully alchemize lead. What about a gay person into a straight person? Yeah. Hashtag it. Yeah, JJ Go. I'm really interested to hear about that.

If you can use our show in some way to, like, help that. If, like, maybe if you're having a gay thought and you put on our show. Mm-hmm. Maybe if that... I don't know if that would, like, cancel out a gay thought somehow. I think it would. I think if someone was like, God, I could really fuck a dude right now. They'd be like, fuck a dude, huh?

Here's some dudes. Then it'd be like, oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. I guess I don't want to be gay anymore. If all men are like this. I suspect I'm gay, but I've never met another man. Ew. Hey.

Here are what men are likes. I don't want to get involved in these fellas. Hey, Jordan, do you think it

would help my standing with some of our geekier listeners if I mentioned that I've played Skyrim for nine hours this weekend?

Couldn't hurt. I've played Skyrim for nine hours this weekend. My brother-in-law got it for Christmas and I played it for like three hours at

his house and I thought I should buy it but I shouldn't have because then I played it for nine hours this weekend. Jesus Christ. I can't stop playing this fucking stupid video game. Just going for it. Yeah. It sounds like a weird sexual thing that you do in space.

This is what happens. Skyrim. Yeah. Right. This is what it is. It's a sex act when you're watching the movie Space Jam. Skyrim. Yeah, right.

This is what it is. It's a sex act when you're watching the movie Space Jam. You're a magic cat man in an ancient world who goes on a lot of long walks. That's what happens in Skyrim. Anyway, 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number. JJGO at Maximum Fun, our email address. Our special thanks this week to the great Erin Gibson. Thanks for having me, you guys.

Erin, you've got a Smash hit podcast, don't you? Uh-huh, ThrowingShade.com. It's a Tumblr. Ooh. A Tumblr and a podcast? Uh-huh. How modern of you. Thank you. Yeah.

And then if you want to see me live, I do a lot of stuff at UCB. I have a show on the 20th and then February 13th. This is the UCB Los Angeles. Uh-huh, Los Angeles. Podcasts are an international medium. Yes. You would have to fly here or be already located in the city

to do the other things I do. Yeah. To come see them, yeah. Yeah. I will also mention on the theme of Tumblr that I've been Tumblogging at jessithorn.tumblr.com, Jordan Tumblogs.

Sure. jordanmorris.tumblr.com. We are also revamping our social media strategy. So I hope that you will like Jesse Thorne on Tumblr. I hope that you will like Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. I hope that you will like Jordan Jesse Go. On Facebook. On Facebook.

Okay. On Tumblr. You said Tumblr. You can like a Tumblr post. You can star a particular Tumblr post. Yes. Heart point. Sorry. Can you please LinkedIn particular Tumblr post. Yes. Heart point. Sorry.

Can you please LinkedIn the following Friendsters? Yes. Oh, and also on the subject of tiny hearts. Again, may I make this brief? Basically, all the Twitter ads I've gotten in the past week have been about the fact that they've established a definitive Zelda timeline. Thank you. I know. Thank you. If you ever see me in person, I'm glad to talk about it with you.

I know. And hey, while we're asking for shit, can you review our show on iTunes? Yes. It makes a big difference. Review our show on iTunes. Okay, we're done asking for shit. Thank you so much for listening to our program. Thank you to Aaron Gibson from Throw in Shade. And just so you for listening to our program. Thank you to Aaron Gibson from Throw in Shade. Just so you know, this episode came between the Oracle of Seasons and the Oracle of

Ages in the timeline. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica.