Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 210: Going Ape

Episode Date: February 6, 2012

Eliza Skinner joins Jesse and Jordan to change your life forever.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by the delightful Eliza Skinner, and we change your life for the better. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Man, I am back, Jordan. In a big way?

In a major way. Okay. Sorry. You're not just regular back. No, and I'm not Lance Corporal back. Okay. I don't know the rankings. I don't know if that's a promotion or a demotion. I know that there are some men and women in service of our country who listen to our

program. they can probably tell me if I had previously been back in a Lance Corporal way and now I'm back in a major way, whether that's a promotion or a demotion. Yeah. I mean, Purple Heart. Thank you. Yeah. For being wounded in the line of duty.

Oh, you're referring to when Meryl Markle was mean to us. Yeah, exactly. We get purple hearts for that, right? I'm pretty sure we do get purple hearts. Podcasting purple hearts. I think Apple gives those out. Yeah. We had previously gotten that from those webcomics guys, and now Meryl Markle.

Man, we're double purple heart recipients. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to burn mine. In protest? Yeah, because I oppose the double Purple Heart recipients. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to burn mine. In protest? Yeah, because I oppose the war in podcasting. Oh, yeah. No, I think so, too.

I also will burn mine. I'm baffling myself Oh, can I just sell mine? with this comic metaphor. Yeah. You can just sell yours. Yes, Jordan. In protest, though.

Sell it in protest? Yeah. Like, I'll sell it and then, like, just use the money for blow like i feel like that's the best way to say to the uh podcast infrastructure hey i don't appreciate your war profiteering right it is for you to use the money on cocaine just to get high yeah like super fucked up it sounds like the protest that you're describing here, Jordan, is not so much a protest as an opportunity for you to get high on cocaine. Yeah, but I'm going to like, like if anyone asks me why I'm so fucked up and where I got the money to get so fucked up.

Right. I'm going to let them know about my strong opinions and create a dialogue. But that, you're just going to. See, it's creating an opportunity to create a dialogue. You're just... Number one, it's going to be a monologue because you're going to be so high on cocaine. Sure. Number two...

No, it'll be a dialogue because the devil's there. He lives in my brain. Your opinions are going to be so strong because you're high on cocaine. You don't have strong opinions, Jordan. If there's one thing I've learned in 10 years of working with you, it's that you moderate all of your opinions. Sure. I sit pretty squarely on the fence on all topics. You like to have a preferred place to buy a $10 hamburger, $10, $12 hamburger in each city that you visit.

Sure. So you could say that's a moderately strong opinion that you hold. But that's the main strong opinion that you hold. I mean, certain continuities, certain mythic continuities or pop cultural continuities, you have some moderately strong opinions on. Oh,

which direct to DVD Futurama movie was the best? The second one. Shall we introduce? But yeah, everything, everything else I can take or leave pretty much let's introduce our guest uh she's a uh successful writer actress stand-up comedian uh she has uh her own stage show uh here in uh los angeles miss eliza skinner welcome to the

program hey thanks oh it's delightful to have you here, Eliza. It's delightful to be here. Sorry? It's a lovely place, that's all. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much. You know what I call Eliza Skinner? The anti-Meryl Marko. Oh, no, that doesn't say great things for my career.

No. Well, I mean, you're the anti-Meryl Marko in that you're being very polite. And also in that you didn't invent stupid pet tricks oh okay you didn't create contemporary late night comedy yeah yeah i did not create the top 10 list guys can i can i just jump right in to some emotional trauma i see for myself in the future yes this is that okay i'm this is just this i feel like this is important we should get this out there before we recorded the last show that i was on jordan had been dating meryl marco oh wow that makes it all so much more loaded yeah we

we we broke up between the intro and uh theous occasions. Oh, now it all makes sense. No, so I've talked previously on the show about my mom's eHarmony boyfriend, Brad. Yeah. Right. My mom's getting back out there, Eliza, for your benefit. She's also something that I think Brad is helping with is making her a little more tech savvy. She has an iPhone and she enjoys texting now. So the other day I was texting with my mom about potentially getting together for lunch.

And then I get another text that says, have a great time. Looks like I picked the right guy. And then she sent me another text that said, whoops, that was for Brad. So now I exist in a world where my mom could accidentally sext me. Oh, no. Because she's obviously new to the technology. Right. Yeah.

And now every time my phone buzzes, this little shard of panic sticks into my brain and I don't know what to do about it. Has she figured out texting photos yet? I have not been texted a photo. Okay. So you're still kind of that. Okay. Cause that's really where it gets horrible.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I mean, sexy phrases. That's one thing you don't want. Yeah. I mean, I think I could deal with a sexy phrase. Yeah, you don't want... I think I could just delete that really quick and then, you know, laugh it off. Jordan, let's talk about what you can and can't deal with.

Okay. Sexy words. Mm-hmm. Okay, I could deal... You know, can't wait to kiss ya. Okay, that's a sexy... That's a sexy phrase. And I think for my mom, my mom is a pretty demure lady, so

that would be pretty ribald for her. That's about as far as all sexting goes, right? I mean, that sounds pretty racy where I'm from. I'm pretty sure I saw that on 2020. Yeah. That's what the kids are doing. Hugh Downs sent me that text. Oh my god. After 2020.

I do a lot of sexting with Hugh Downs. God, I hate to break it to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. I'm going to break this to you. Send me that text. Oh, my God. After 2020. Oh, that's not what I thought you meant. I do a lot of sexting with you, Dan. I hate to break this to you guys, but sometimes in sexts, people mention their wet pussies. Their what? I know. I know. And... What? Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. For the benefit of the home listener, Liza is demonstrating some Tex Avery style wild takes. Yeah, my eyeballs popped out and my hat flew off. My head spun around and then sat back down. Later, if a sexy dame walks in, your head will turn into a wolf's head. And then my tongue will wag out and then unfurl. And then go right back up. Jordan, I hear you talking about

this pussy business. Just say wet pussy, Jesse. I just don't think... A slippery snatch. We can say that too, right? Yeah, that's fine. Right. Well, I'm talking about the dirty stuff. Oh, okay. Sorry.

Slippery snatch sounds like a Hanna-Barbera villain. Like someone who would be racing against Yogi Bear in some sort of race around the world. Slippery Snatch, even. You'll never catch the Slippery Snatch. And he has a giant, like one of those black bombs with a wick that comes out of it. But when he runs, his legs pinwheel and go like clankety clankety clankety clankety. Yes, exactly. The Slippery Snatch.

You'll never stick it to the Slippery Snatch. Jordan, there are some people who would sext something like about a wet pussy. There are some people who wouldn't. I think we can agree that there's some type of people who are like that and some people weren't. I just don't think Brad is the kind of guy who would send that kind of text. Oh, I'm not worried about getting sexed for Brad. I don't think he even has my phone number.

I just don't think Brad is that kind of guy. Yeah. Brad is a stand-up guy, Jordan. You don't have to worry about it. Sure. Am I misunderstanding the situation? You are a little bit. Okay. Brad is a stand-up guy. Looks, you don't have to worry about it. Sure. Am I misunderstanding the situation? You are a little bit. Okay.

Brad is a stand-up guy. Looks great in a Tommy Bahama shirt. Sure. But your mom's real dirty. Yeah, she's a lusty old gal. She's like Phyllis Diller. Oh, okay. Right, so a lot of caftans and...

Fright wigs. Fright wigs. Caftans and fright wigs. That's Jordan's mom for you. And I guess like if... Caftans and fright wigs. That's Jordan's mom for you. And I guess like if... Caftans, fright wigs, and wet, wet pussy. Sorry, Jordan. No, no, that's okay.

This is a fictional version of my mom we're presenting, and I can hang on to that. In real life, we should explain it. In real life, Jordan's mom is one of the nicest ladies you could ever meet in your entire life, A. And B, she is actually a nurse lactation counselor at a hospital. This is how nice of a lady Jordan's mom is. A heart filled with compassion and just a little tinge of a southern accent.

Yeah, very cute. But in terms of what this could do to me if it happened, like, I'm, you know, I'm okay with where I am sexually. I feel like I can, you know, like, I feel like I can manage. Boy, you sell yourself.

I know, right? Ladies, I'm at a real comfy place. You're comfortable with your sexual power. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, my ability to destroy someone sexually. Oh, this is better. That sounds better. I'm at a real comfy place You're comfortable with your sexual power Yeah exactly My ability to destroy someone sexually This is better that sounds better Like right now I feel like I'm not You know like all of my sexual

Tastes are very very manageable I'm you know just Just happy to be having It at all and like Look at the end of the day Gerbils are cheap Exactly exactly There's a lot of homeless ones anyways having it at all. And like, look, at the end of the day, gerbils are cheap. Exactly.

Exactly. And they, there, there, there's a lot of homeless ones anyways. Um, but like, I feel like if something like this happened,

it could like, it could tip me over into some sort of weird, like cloistered asexual person or like, I could call it poundstone type of Apollo pound. So pretty soon you're going to be drunk at the ice cream place with your 14 children. Exactly. And your fancy blazer. Or it could push me over into furry or something. And then, man, I just don't know what I'll do.

Right. I'm not crafty enough to cut a dick hole into a fox costume. Do you know what the number one movie that what the the number one uh movie that that inspires furries no disney's robin hood oh i believe it now that you say that that's like like tons of furries are like that's what did it for me yeah really well because uh sexy foxes because that fox lady is foxy yeah what's her name made mar Maid Marian. Yeah, she's a sensual fox. Yes, she is a fox. Yeah.

A foxy fox. Are there any other sexy animals in that? Because I remember the other ones, they look the most human. There's another lady chicken, but she's kind of heavy. But I mean, any time you get a lady chicken hybrid, though, I mean. Yeah. She's got some nice breasts. It's sort of like.

Check out those drumsticks. It's sort of like... Check out those drumsticks. It's true. Sure. And they have... Just dunk her in some blue cheese. Apparently there was a... They have nice breasts. Really?

She's got good thighs also. There was a stuffed animal. No crow's feet. No, no, not yet. Yeah, when she gets older. There was a stuffed animal that they made of the raccoon from Pocahontas that was apparently very... She's got quite a pecker, though. Really?

She's got quite a pecker, though. Wait, wait. So it wasn't the character from Pocahontas, but a particular stuffed animal that people fuck? I think so. Is it like a puppet? Is it meant to be a hand puppet? No, no, no. It was a stuffed animal.

Do you have to install a fuckhole? I think so. Right. I think that's like a subset of furries where they... Install fuckholes? Yeah, and stuffed animals. that's like a subset of furries where they... Install fuckholes? Yeah, and stuffed animals. Otherwise, the main group, it's people in fursuits. Is that a DIY thing to make? Do you buy a fuckhole

kit? Yeah, I don't think you take it to a store and they're like, can you install a fuckhole in this stuffed animal for me? Well, I don't know. I guess maybe there could be like sympathetic tailors and you just take it and you say, I'd like the Robin Hood special. Yeah.

I'd like the Maid Marian, please. I kind of feel like if there's anywhere that this happens, it's at the model shop. Who knows what's going... Like, at those model shops that still remain, they can't be sustained by people buying, you know, World War II airplane models or model train pieces. There's some tabletop gaming going on, probably. There's a lot of that. Maybe Warhammer.

I think the era of Warhammer has faded, according to an article about the desperate bids to reinvigorate the world of tabletop Dungeons & Dragons that I read in the New York Times. that I read in the New York Times. So my guess is that sort of like how I always believed the Brazilian goods store on Valencia Street near my house was a drug front, I think that model stores are fuckhole installation fronts. They've got to be fronts for something, right? Yeah, like a hobby store. How many rocket kits can you really sell?

I will say most of those hobby stores are also specialty game stores, and those games are expensive. They are expensive games. When you say specialty game, what are we talking about? We're talking about a Settlers. We're talking about, you start with Settlers of Catan, but then you get into expansion And then you get more German from there. You get more, like, really, yeah, even weirder, until you have adult men playing games about,

like, collecting fruit. And really taking it seriously. Sure. And women, and women. And women, absolutely. Eine kleine Fruchtkollektion. That's Germany's most popular fruit collecting game. It is.

There's a lot of competition. Sure. There's Bananeng Gadren, for example. Das ist mein Grape. Yeah. That one's fun because it's pop-o-matic. Yeah. I mean, that's one of the...

It's got a lot of strategy. A lot of people don't like the timed ones. But it has the pop-o-matic element, which makes it fun for the whole family. But the problem with Hitler Melon is that if you lose one of the pieces, you can't play any. And you've got to buy a whole new set. It's too much set up, too. You spend 45 minutes setting it up and then two minutes playing. I had that problem.

I lost Riefenstahl and the whole thing was... You lost Lemon Riefenstahl. Oh, my side hurts from the pun. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, magical horse enthusiast.

Really? Oh, sure. What's your favorite magical horse? Well, I guess you got the big two. You got a unicorn. You got a pegasus. Sure, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant their specific names.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm talking just Bree and Glory. Oh, okay. Those are the two. Those are the big two. names. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm talking just Breed. Firefly and Glory. Oh, okay. Those are the two. Those are the big two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as far as Breed, when we're talking Breed, what would you say is your magical horse of choice? Of those two?

I mean, those are just the two that came to the top of my head. Whichever one grants wishes. Okay. Yeah, so like a Sparkle Pony pony which would be one of those two they're they're both varieties but with a lot of glitter and wish granting abilities okay yeah great thank you it's clear that you've thought this out and i appreciate that i have a question okay would you consider uh the ability to inspire young people around the globe um a magical power because if so my favorite is probably misty of chinkateague i think so thank you that's the greatest power jordan what's yours warhorse

well movie magic okay sure yeah yeah that counts i I would say War Horse's magical power is probably the ability to transform World War I into a story appropriate for children. Yeah. Or at all interesting to them. The nightmares of trench warfare. Guys, it's 2012. Oh, my God. I don't know if you guys have been... I don't know if you guys have been... I don't know if you guys have been...

Shit, my kid's still in the car. I left the windows cracked. He'll be fine. I don't know if you guys... Since 2011. I don't know if you guys have been keeping up with the calendar. I, myself, I've got this great calendar. Jordan, you won't be interested in this, but my wife likes to buy me a fun calendar every year,

and we unveil each new month. They're a real fun couple. They have a reputation. Sounds like it. We do. Around the neighborhood. It's like a really fun couple. Yeah, it's true. People come by and are like, we want to see this year's calendar. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not trying to brag. People out there think

that me talking about this right now is me trying to brag about how rich I am or about my connections or about how I have the best calendars, the best taste. Anyway, Unlikely Animal Friends is my calendar this year. That's the best. It's pretty amazing. Are you familiar with this calendar, Eliza? I'm familiar with the concept.

Okay. I'm big time into Animal Friends, especially the unlikely kind. Sure. Yeah. I'm big time into animal friends, especially the unlikely kind. Sure. Yeah. So anyway, I think we've all got a pretty good handle on what year it is, 2012.

But I don't know... Just real quick, how unlikely are these animal friends? Well... Do they come from different climates? Is it like shark and polar bear? No, I mean... It's political. Those don't just come from... You understand... It's a real leftist dog. Right. Jordan, I mean... It's political. Those don't just come from... You understand...

It's a real leftist dog. Right. Jordan, you understand... A real messy dog and a real clean dog. Mm-hmm. A shark and a polar bear don't just come from different climates. They breathe different stuff. Sure.

Like, they would really... Well, underwater is a climate, right? Yeah. You know, at the... I went to the San Diego Zoo last week and they've got a cheetah and a dog that are best friends and live in the same enclosure. Cute. It is adorable.

What kind of dog is it? It's just like this really cute, fluffy white dog. You know, kind of medium-sized. How did that happen? Like, let's throw this dog in there and see what happens. Maybe they'll become friends. Apparently, cheetahs bond well with dogs. Really? And sometimes when

they don't. What kind of asshole doesn't bond well with a dog? Sure. They got big eyes. Exactly. They just, all they

want to do is be your friend. That's all they want in the world. Yeah. They just want a few food scraps. And friend scraps.

Yeah. And yeah, and apparently, you know, it's just a thing that's good to do. Like, I know they do that with elephants also. Also with dogs? Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah, they'll like, because elephants like to pair bond. Oh, okay. And so if they don't have another elephant or person, they'll... They'll just get a dog in there. Yeah. Pair bond them up. Mm-hmm.

And, but the enclosure with the dog and the cheetah is great because the dog is one of the only animals in the whole zoo who actually looks at people. So the dog is like, hey, hey, what's up? Hey, hi, hi, to all the people coming by the cage. And the cheetah is behind him just like, I could eat you and I will. Give me the chance. The cheetah is just like 55 miles an hour. Yeah, exactly.

Try me, buddy. Try me. The cheetah is like, my front legs and my back legs cross. Can yours? Can yours? No. Yeah. So that's great. Anyway. Yeah, I mean, there's some great pairings.

Look, it's only February. I'm not looking ahead. Sure. You're not some kind of calendar cheater. Yeah, but I mean, you wouldn't believe what we'll be friends with a baboon. Let me just leave it at that. Is it daily or monthly? It'sater. Yeah, but I mean, you wouldn't believe what we'll be friends with a baboon. Let me just leave it at that. Is it daily or monthly?

It's monthly. Oh, okay. It's monthly. For his daily calendar, he has the quotable Dave Barry. That would be amazing. I don't even believe you, but it would be amazing.

I bought a bunch of Dave Barry books not too long ago, like a year or so ago at a used bookstore because I was like, hey, America's Greatest Humorist. Sure. Come on, why discount him?

You're in the humor business. Yeah. And tried to read them. They don't hold up. Were they old or just not good? They were old. I mean, maybe his current stuff is okay. I don't know.

I don't want to slam Dave Barry. We actually discussed this with Meryl Markle a couple weeks ago. I met Dave Barry and he is a wonderful guy. I loved him growing up. I was a huge Dave Barry fan. And again, one of the things about Dave Barry is when you read Dave Barry, I think, in a contemporary context, besides remembering that he wrote the columns 20, 25 years ago now, you should also probably remember that he was writing them as a three to five times a week columnist

yeah it's insane how fast he had to write these things yeah like i hardly think of two funny things to talk about on jordan jesse go in the context of a week yeah yeah they don't hold up okay what county does though bloom county does yeah okay there you go calvin and hobbs i've heard i've heard that's good. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You should probably. If you think. Farsight, Farsight's still funny.

Yeah, newspaper humor needs. They're still out there. If you think Calvin and Hobbes is good, you should probably email me and let me know about that. Just if you're out there. Do you get a lot of emails about that? I don't know. I just get a lot of emails.

You should track down the reclusive Bill Watterson. It's the kind of thing that people would email me about over and over and over because I just said, I said it is though. Hey, you said Calvin and Hobbes. Because I said Calvin and Hobbes and now people will start emailing me about Calvin and Hobbes. Wow, the internet. That's how the internet works. Okay, so let's talk about 2012 a little bit. I'm hoping you get some furry emails from that last conversation.

You know, just try it. Just try. Just open your mind. It's actually not model stores. It is in the bank. I will get. Georgetown Science Reading Rooms. I will get.

Oddly enough. I will get free emails. They'll be about how it's not sexual. Right. Every time. Well, there are all kinds of different. Yes. Absolutely.

Apparently it's a very wide community. Yeah. And a lot of them fuck. Yes. And the ones that aren't fucking, the ones who aren't, here's the thing about the furries. We've, we may have gone over this before, but I believe you that it's not about, it's not about fucking in the sense that it's not a fetish for many, many furries. I believe that that is true.

However, even if that is the case, it's still about fucking in the sense that like going to a Star Trek convention is about fucking. Like you're just, you're going to a place where your odds are good that you're going to find someone

who's willing to fuck you. Yeah. Much better than in the real outside world. Yeah. Without being rude about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So anyway. Oh, Eliza, speaking of baiting and emails, Eliza, because of your nickname and strong opinions, you might have just attracted some bronies. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Bronies being?

Bros, men who are into My Little Pony. Yeah. Oh. So they, yes, we- we sexually uh hard to say i don't really get it but i'm gonna say yes they they like the positive messages of the show uh they and the pretty pretty hair as far as i can tell i from what i understand it is a it is a mix of things. There is an element of the weird thing that I don't understand where if it is a cartoon, nerds will watch it even if it's for children. They'll give it a lot of extra points for some reason.

Yeah. And if it's good for a thing that is for children, they'll be like, but it's good for a kid's thing. And you'll be like, but it's still for kids, though. I think it's also if it has a large world attached to it. Like, if they're part of a whole community and world that they can get into the intricacies

of. But they really love the positive message. I mean, the great thing about the Bronies is these guys have decided... I mean, they're nerds who have decided to nerd out about something, right? Like, that's the sort of the baseline of this, is that they're going to be nerds about something. And so they looked at the different stuff they could be nerds about and they thought, well, it would be cool if we were. It's this or Digimon.

Yeah. That's taking all the passion out of it. That's so calculated a way to do it. No, no, no. It's not a matter of calculation. No, it's not a matter of calculation. It's a matter of powerful chemicals coursing through their bodies, driving them to... Put all the Zelda games in order chronologically.

Collect and categorize things. Yes, completionists. Yes, so they're nerds by nature. I think some people are nerdier than others by nature. You know, my wife is... You're thinking some people are naughtier by nature. That's true. Well, not because I hate thinking of some people are naughtier by nature. That's true. Well, not because I hate it.

Some people are down with OPP. Some people are not. Well, you know me. Hip-hop hooray for that one. My wife, for example, is perfectly happy to watch... I don't know what is a nerdy thing that I like to do. I like to watch Larry Sanders, which is like a comedy nerd thing to do, right?

And she's more than happy to watch Larry Sanders with me. Or like, here's a thing that I did for a while, is watch Battlestar Galactica. I watched Battlestar Galactica until it started to annoy and enrage me. I checked out. But for a while, I was watching Battlestar Galactica. She was perfectly happy to watch Battlestar Galacticarage me. I checked out. But for a while, I was watching Battlestar Galactica. She was perfectly happy

to watch Battlestar Galactica with me. But she does not... She doesn't nerd out about it. She does not nerd out about it. She thinks it's an interesting show and enjoys watching it just as she would enjoy watching, I don't know,

Damages or something like that. Some other show that's a real B plus, A minus. She can take or leave. Yeah, exactly. And so she just doesn't have that. So you either have it or you don't have it. These dudes are nerds and they have a lot of, and they very much to their credit, they

decided we're all going to be a community together. And I think it started out with some guys, people who were friends from a message board. And they all decided that they were going to be fans of this. Apparently, the new My Little Pony cartoon is relatively good. And they all decided that they love the positive messages of the new My... and the fact that it's relatively good. And so they decided to be fans of that.

I'm going to get into them. Yeah, totally. I'm going to be a nerd about brownies. Yeah. Brown. I'm going to be a nerd about brown brownies. Yeah. Yeah. Brownies. You should also be a nerd about brownies. Those are those are people who love My Little Pony and scat porn.

Oh, geez. I thought it was going to have something to do with Girl Scouts or cookies or something. No. Yeah. It's shitting. Sexual, sexual shitting. So 2012 is the year. Yeah.

sexual shitting. So 2012 is the year. Right, yeah. And look, I personally have had a lot of challenges in 2012. I don't know how you guys have been having it thus far in the year,

but, you know, I mean... It's been smooth sailing. It's been smooth sailing for me. You know, Jordan, you were unemployed. It's been a shit show for me. Yeah, we should... I don't know if we've mentioned that you're working now.

People keep sending me emails. Yes. Okay, you did mention it on the show. Okay, so Jordan is working now, but Jordan was unemployed. And, you know, I've got a new baby. He's unemployed. The baby can't find a fucking job. Yeah, the baby can't even get it together to fill out the fucking paperwork to get unemployment checks um apparently he wasn't paying into unemployment insurance so it's a whole

thing um anyway i i you know it's it's been very challenging uh 2012 and and when i was in europe uh working my fucking ass off that's that's really hard transition to make. It's been really challenging when I was in Europe. I should explain. I was in Europe working 14-hour days. Okay, all right. Every day. So when I was in Europe and certain challenges went up, it's possible that a guest on this program

went on a friend of ours, very popular podcast, and talked shit about us. Something came into focus for me, and that is a theme for the year 2012. Now, you don't know this, but I like to have personal themes, and I like to extend those themes to an organization that I'm the sort of de facto leader of called the Boner Society. an organization that I'm the sort of de facto leader of called the Boner Society. I should explain, in case you don't know, the Boner Society has nothing to do, only metaphorical connections to the phallus. The Boner Society is really built around the theme of being all that you can be, just as

the boner is the apotheosis of the wiener. So the Boner Society seeks to reach for the stars in all of our endeavors. In fact, our slogan, Ad Astra, in Latin, reflects that. So I have been passed. I've talked about, or you may remember, Jordan, when I turned 27, and I used the metaphor of a baseball player's age 27 season, when he tends to peak. Okay. Now, research suggests that while a baseball player's best season may come at age 27, players' best season may come at age 27. With each passing year, while he may become somewhat slower, he will also become more powerful. So if a player has great skills, he can become stronger and stronger as the years go on, despite the fact that he's getting older. So he can grow wily, number one. He can grow wise, number two.

And he can grow more powerful. Like an ape. Exactly. Which brings me to my theme for 2012 in the face of adversity. My theme is more powerful than ever. Okay. That's nice. What about more ape-like than ever?

I mean, you can just, you know, you can learn to open a melon with your feet. Sure. Learn American Sign Language. Absolutely. Get a kitten. Yeah. Love a kitten. Love a number of kittens.

Sure. Yeah. I am encouraging all of our Jordan Jesse Go fans to get on board with this theme. More powerful than ever. Just instead of acquiescing to whatever forces are arrayed against you, crush them. Crush them like... As an ape will crush a pomegranate. I'm telling you. I like it. I'm telling you, I think it's more ape-like.

Well, I think that's sort of the parenthetical. Okay. More powerful, more ape-like. Okay. And that can be your sort of talisman, your imagery for it. Sure. Well, I would love to see a graphic for More Powerful Than Ever 2012. Like a silverback. That features an ape going ape.

More Powerful Than Ever sub-headline, going ape. Yeah, that's great. Going ape with an apostrophe. Because that's what we do when our enemies... Like Slippery Snatch. The... Like Slippery Snatch. The devious Slippery Snatch. Wait, so you're saying more powerful going grape. Going like a grape ape.

Yes. Who probably exists in the same universe as Slippery Snatch. As Slippery Snatch. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. I think it's very inspiring. Thank you very much.

You're welcome. Here's what I hope, Jordan. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Here's what I hope, Jordan. It just so happens that because we have a friend at a certain corporation based in Redmond, Washington, which I shan't say the name of, we happen to have an Xbox console device downstairs. And so... It was formerly a box? Yes.

Okay. Exactly. Later... We've shaved off the corners. Yes. Okay. It's now a dodecahedron. All right.

We... And I would like to make this... I would like to make this theme for 2012 the subject of a creative project on the part of our community. And I'm just interested to see what folks can come up with on this theme of 2012 more powerful than ever. I'm talking about visual art. I'm talking about short films. I'm talking about short films. I'm talking about songs. An ape who can sign that.

An ape who can... Teaching an ape to sign more powerful than ever fine animal gorilla. Absolutely. And this is... Wait, he's going to sign that whole phrase?

Yeah. Okay. February. That's what Coco said about herself. She's called herself Fine Animal Gorilla. I'll bring it back later. February is the month to do this. I hope that people will share them both in our Facebook group, which if you haven't already

liked Jordan Dessigau on Facebook, please do so. And in our forum at forum.maximumfun.org. Please share these projects on the theme of more powerful than ever. We'll send an Xbox to someone. This is really true. We really do have an Xbox. Wow. That really was gifted to us by a certain

unnamed corporation. I bet you can't figure out which one it was. I'm guessing Del Monte. Yeah. They actually did send us some Del Monte fashion piece. I could not be more excited about this. That's a fun project. This is going to be tremendous.

I mean, the apes that are going to be going ape in this thing. I'm seeing animations people are going to create. People are going to create short films uh freestyle rapping freestyle written raps sure both people might even put a little effort into this thing that's also we got a rapper we got a couple rappers listening to this program are they nerdcore rappers yeah kind of Well, they know how to download a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That taps you in the realm of nerd.

Anyway, month of February is Make It Happen Month for 2012, more powerful than ever. Sub headline, go in ape. Yay! I'm so excited to be a part of that. And this is great, and I support it 100%. Are we to believe that there is a listener out there who doesn't already own an Xbox?

But wants one. Well, look, the Xbox is ancillary. And I know people with multiple Xboxes. It seems like something you could probably find to use. Put it on your TV in your bedroom. There you go. Look, if you don't want the Xbox, if you want us to donate to charity

and send you a couple T-shirts instead, we're happy to do that. And look, we'll probably send a couple of T-shirts to people who just send in something really cool. This isn't about the prizes. We have this cool prize because thank you very much to our friend who sent it to us. He found it in a storeroom. It was sort of left over at the end of the year, and they're promotional.

Because you're making it sound so much more special. Well, look, Xboxes are great. I have an Xbox. They're terrific. I think we both love the product. Yeah, me and Jordan both love our Xboxes are great. I have an Xbox. It's tremendous. I think we both love the product. Yeah, me and Jordan both love our Xboxes. For sure. But, you know, it's a tremendous machine.

We're happy to have it. I think this is a great way to use it up. Yeah. But I would be doing this whether or not we had the Xbox. For the love of the game. Absolutely. For the love of the game. For the love of apes.

This is going to be... I mean, this is my best thing that I've thought of in years, this new theme. I'm so excited about this, not just because it's a great idea for, you know whether it's you know someone who was rude to them on their podcast someone who was rude to them on their podcast and then went on greg fitzsimmons podcast and was rude about their podcast whether it's you know they're working too much and they miss their baby whatever it is i mean granted i'm not very empathetic i have a hard time thinking of what other people's problems might be but whatever it is, I mean, granted, I'm not very empathetic. I have a hard time thinking of what other people's problems might be. But whatever it is, more powerful than ever is the theme that is going to play in their head as they destroy their enemies.

As they crush their enemies like so many paper cups in their hands. Like a fist cocked back. Exactly. Ready to strike. Exactly. So you to strike. Exactly. So you're gaining the power. Like a fucking crossbow. Like a coiled rattlesnake.

Like you're fucking ratcheting back a crossbow. So it looks like you're getting away from your target. You're not. No. You're not.

You know what's in your fucking crosshairs? Your enemies. Yeah. The fucking people standing between you and ultimate success is what's in your fucking crosshairs.

And you are going to take them down. You're going to take them out. More powerful than ever. 2012. Go an ape. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, magical pony. Do you guys mind if I go away for a second? You're not just an enthusiast anymore. No, now I am a magician. Oh, you've transformed. Now everyone gets to imagine that. You've emerged from your pupa. Jordan, I've got great news.

Okay. She just found out she's a real princess. That's a callback, pupa. Jordan, I've got great news. Okay. She just found out she's a real princess. That's a callback, Eliza. It's to a very popular bit from the past. Something that happened four or five years ago. Wow.

Do you guys mind if I go ape for a second? Yeah, go ape. There's something that has been weighing upon... I'll just be over here going chimp. I'm a pony.

There's something that's been weighing upon me for a while that i really needed a form to get out there and i think that this podcast is going to be it i am here today before you to stand up to people who stand up to hypocrites. I am sick and tired of people who are sick and tired of hypocrisy. I am here to support hypocrites and hypocrisy. Sounds like you're speaking generally about something specific. I am...

It sounds like you had a bed run in with an anti-hypocrisy advocate. This is my slogan. My slogan for the foreseeable future is going to be standing up to those who stand up to hypocrisy. Because what is this? Freshman year, give me a fucking break. Yeah. Because, you know what?

Wait, what prompted this? Yeah, what is the specific? I don't know. Just, I'm not going to say Ron Paul. This isn't a political show. It's not Ron Paul. It actually isn't Ron Paul. But it is the, you know, it's totally not Ron Paul.

I agree with Ron Paul on a fair number of things but it is this it's something on not wanting to use the same bathroom as a gay man you agree with him that's your well no I mean only having first names for all your names

we're both not racist but we do hire racists to write our newsletters. Here's the thing. But if a gay is going to the bathroom in a place where you are, you'll go across the street. So you don't catch it. Yeah. Right.

I mean, that's where it festers, toilet seats. Well, you guys. We're kidding. We're kidding. No, I'm not a homophobe. I know that you can't catch AIDS from a... You can't catch gay from a toilet seat. AIDS, on the other hand.

You can catch AIDS from a toilet seat. You catch AIDS, that's where. Okay, it's not... It's this... I feel like when you call someone out on hypocrisy, what you should actually be calling them out on is some matter of actual merit. Like, the reality is that there is no one in the world who does not fail at making their practice match their rhetoric if your practice does not match your rhetoric then maybe your ambitions are not high enough and if your if your practice does not match your rhetoric and if your practice does match your rhetoric maybe

you're a fucking asshole like maybe you're just an inflexible jerk who doesn't care what other people think about anything. I don't want to put too much. I don't want to make this specifically in a discussion of politics because I don't think it really is just about politics. Because I don't think it really is just about politics. It's really, for me, more about the idea that I would much rather have someone have high ideals and compromise them when it's necessary than have low ideals deliver on their low, and then be lauded for being consistent. I think part of what you're saying, which I can agree with, is the idea of people having this attitude of, aha, I caught you. Yes. I got you. You said this, but then there's other things.

So I got you. It's like, well, wait, wait, wait. Do you have a problem with either side of that? Did you not like what I said or not like what I did? Or did you just enjoy the, ha-ha, I gotcha, which that's such a time waster. Because what is this, a seventh grade debate? Yeah. Like, we're not playing a game.

The real life is not a game of pointing out I gotchas. is not a game of pointing out I gotchas. This is, you know, I mean, again, not to get into politics, but this is why, you know, a sort of like pointing and laughing debate performance, Newt Gingrich, is ultimately problematic. It's because the reality is that no matter what side of the aisle you're on, or no matter what your political values are, you know, compromise is a necessary part of anything, of anything, of any interaction with a human being, not just in terms of politics, but in terms of just being a person in the world, you have to compromise constantly. And that does not make you

a less good person. And it doesn't mean that you're striving any less to be good. And in fact, I think that it means that you're striving more to be good if you're- You're exploring different options. And the question is, if, if all that you're willing to, if all that you're willing to engage about someone is their fucking rhetoric, why don't you engage their actions? Why don't you say,

you know, why don't you focus on whether they're good or bad rather than what, whether their words match their deeds yeah yeah and i think that uh that hypocrisy is such is something that people love to uh yell about because it's almost impossible to identify in yourself so like everyone feels like they are the least typical hypocritical person in the world but but because they have recognized all of the compromising they've done. Like, they're like, oh, well, yes, I, you know, I said they shouldn't make a sequel

to Planet of the Apes, but then I went to see the new one. But that's just because everyone said it was good. You know, like. Yeah. Yeah. And it's become just such a villainized thing that, like, something, an example like that, that sounds flexible. That sounds like

sure you know allow for for changing my mind maybe it's pretty good yeah i allow for for uh for i'm open to other options and creative thinking and all of that stuff like yeah it's not good to hold other people to some sort of unfair standard that you don't hold yourself to that kind of hypocrisy but changing your mind no not a problem i just don't i just don't want the world to be more like fucking 13 year olds it's like well it's like the people it's like those jerks that you play board games with who are just jerks about uh about the rules and like the nitpicky rules like oh oh wait a minute I forgot to get I forgot to collect that card when I was on that spot sorry sorry you didn't do it really is that

a fun way to play this game you're ruining you're ruining das ist mein grape for everyone exactly like let's play let's let's let's have a little flexibility and enjoy this game whose grape is that really das ist mein grape um yeah but I mean again not to make this about

politics but yeah it seems like the person who's getting this a lot well i guess i mean he's he's giving it probably more than anybody but he's also getting it a lot it's like newt gingrich it's like people are saying like well newt gingrich uh doesn't want women to have abortions but he's been married three times you know know, like saying that that is somehow related. But to be fair, I think people who give that a lot get it a lot. Sure. Absolutely. Yeah.

No, I think as much as... You're being hypocritical. Right. People are like, well, so are you. That's where it comes from. But yeah, but I think people, everything, everything goes back to Newt Gingrich cheats on wives. So therefore, how dare he say anything at all?

Look, I think even most people who voted for Newt Gingrich think the man is a twat. Sure. He's clearly a bad human being. I don't think even his most fiery supporter would say that the man is not a horrible human being. I think most of the people who voted for him were like, well, I agree with his politics, and he seems really bright. Sure. And then they're like, eh, I mean. I politics and he seems really bright. And then they're like, and I mean, a jerk.

A good jerk, but smart. Not a weird Mormon. He's got a lot of moral and emotional failings, certainly, but that's not that important when you're president. That's sort of the argument on behalf of Newt Gingrich, if I might put myself in that position. But I just think

that there is this general quality of someone who gets in an argument and wants to have it as though they were a 13-year-old boy who just discovered having a debate. And that is they want to engage on semantic grounds rather than on grounds of what actually matters in the real world. And I think that that is much easier because it frees you of the responsibility

to make genuine judgments about actual things. And I think it's bullshit. That's what I have to say about that. I can't help but think this came up because of something very specific. I think it's bullshit. That's what I have to say about that. I mean, I think that... I can't help but think this came up because of something very specific. I feel like something really bad happened at the grocery store. I feel like there's that This American Life where they interview the militia guys who take it upon themselves to catch illegal immigrants. And then at the end, you find out that one of them was dumped by an illegal immigrant.

I feel like, Jesse, what's your illegal immigrant heartbreak story? I don't know. I mean, I was listening to our friend Julie Klausner's great podcast, How Was Your Week, recently. And she did an interview with David Cross. And she asked him a great question, which was, interview with david cross and she asked him a great question which was um what are you not angry about anymore that you used to be angry about and david cross's answer which was equally great was i don't know pretty much everything um which i mean you can understand because david cross is i guess in what it was about 45 now i guess. And, you know, let's just see.

He's got a legacy of being angry about different stuff. Maybe being upset about things when he could be utilizing his comic genius to make brilliant jokes instead of just yelling about something. I mean, he utilizes comedy. He uses a more than fair amount. I don't feel like we... He's known to be a comedian. Yes, absolutely. A brilliant, brilliant man.

But as he was talking about... You know, he started talking about Gawker. He was talking about how you know the most the most artful takedown of i mean this is it's a it's a very obvious point but the most artful takedown of how stupid the people on uh jersey shore are is the is still the reason that jersey shore is on television and that they get paid millions of dollars. And so all he sort of was able to come to as an adult was to, A, no longer be enraged that they get paid millions of dollars

because what are you going to do? There's always going to be talentless people who get paid a lot of money just because they were in the right place at the right time and someone exploited them in the proper way. had paid a lot of money just because they were in the right place at the right time and someone exploited them in the proper way. And B, to just try and get to a place where he could disengage from that kind of bullshit. And I think that this is exactly that kind of bullshit that you just really have to stand apart from and think about what do you actually want to spend your time and energy on?

Well, yeah, that's a thing that I have a real problem with. And it also kind of makes me feel old that I feel like a lot of younger people love watching and consuming stuff that they hate. They're like, can you believe how terrible this is? I'm like, why not consume something that we, someone put a lot of effort into and perfected and made good? Why not consume something that someone put a lot of effort into and perfected and made good? Why not appreciate something that is done well instead of like, can you believe what a shit show this is? No, I can't. It's really, really bad. Why are we watching it?

Sometimes I think of there's this scene in Larry Sanders where Larry has to do live commercials on the show. And he doesn't know how to shill for something he doesn't believe in because he doesn't really believe in anything. And he asks Hank, his sidekick, played by Jeffrey Tambor, how to do it. And Hank says, well, you just think about something you really believe in. And Larry asks him what he thinks of. And Hank says, I, you just think about something you really believe in. And Larry asks him what he thinks of. And Hank says, I just think of America, all she stands for. Yeah.

You got to believe in something. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I just... Post-irony era. I mean, I'm not... And here's the other thing. I am not against being opposed to things either. I just, you know, I would rather that people spend their time and energy being opposed to things that are consequential in consequential ways.

Rather than just bickering about rhetoric. And also that people be, people engage things in a way that's humane. I mean, I feel like the essential problem with the, the essential problem with the hypocrisy argument is, is that it, it, it, it inhumanizes, it dehumanizes your opponent. It turns them into a sort of set of logic flashcards so that you can say, well, if A doesn't equal B, then B is wrong, rather than emotionally engaging them as a human being who might have a different opinion than you about something, um,

or who might be doing something wrong or whatever. Um, and that is a really, I mean, that's, that's just gross to me. It's, and it's,

it's a cop out. It's really about trust though, right? I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's,

can we trust this person? It's trying to debunk whether or not they're they are trustworthy and oh yeah yeah but you know what but i feel like when you hear this kind of thing i am almost i wouldn't i'll maybe almost say that someone who makes the hypocrite argument doesn't really care about it themselves they are just trying to take the person down like the guy who's going to vote for newt gingrich is going to vote for Newt Gingrich is going to vote for Newt Gingrich, and is just looking for every reason in the world to tell everyone else to vote for Newt Gingrich.

And just an easy thing to do is to say, like, well, Barack Obama said he would, you know, get rid of Guantanamo, and then he didn't. What a hypocrite. Like, this guy doesn't care about that. Like, he just is looking for something to yell about so everyone else votes for Newt Gingrich, you know? So I kind of, I feel like when I do hear that, like, when people scream hypocrisy at something, that's just the first thing they thought of.

It's like, you smell, you know? And fighting hypocrisy is also such an easy cop-out to be able to hold on to terrible ideas and actions. Sure. Like, well, it would be hypocritical to change it now. Sure, yeah. We got to keep doing that. I can't admit that maybe this was not a great idea in the first place. Yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, I think that every, you know, every human being except for only the most insane thinks that compromise is a good thing. But I think when you're in that situation where you've already decided to hate something, you can just call compromise hypocrisy. And then that's – Because hypocrisy is a bad word. Sure, exactly. It's really big and it has that hard c sound which is threatening yeah it's got some latin roots sure so here's the good news guys i'm more powerful than ever yay so we have almost certainly stamped out this problem yeah i mean if just 17 minutes of between the time we started

talking about it and now it's now no longer an issue. We've destroyed our enemies like so many paper cups in our hands. Do you think that maybe you should get some ape sound effects for when you do this to an issue? And you can just play that and really go ape on the issue? Maybe we should just clip out the part from Rise of the planet of the apes where he's finally says no, you know, maybe that, maybe that says, we can't put any parts from rise of the planet.

It'll make me sad. Okay. Rise of the planet. The ace is really sad. If, cause you're, if you're a dad, is this about how sons,

it's about sons abandoning their dads. It'll never happen. Don't worry. Yeah. Well, that's a whole... That's exactly what happens. I'm trying to reassure you. No, but you're just lying to me. They'll look at you and say no.

And then the world will contract a disease and apes will become our masters. I never should have had an ape baby. Oh, yeah. That's weird. I did not know that was the situation. You didn't know i have any baby uh no no the the pictures appeared to be a human child they shave they shave him daily because

they're ashamed oh okay yeah well we wax him down there oh dear that doesn't sound pleasant oh yeah come on what is this the 70s come on get rid of that pubic bush, baby. Oh, God. Oh, pubic bush, baby. That could be Slippery Snatch's pet. Oh, man. Jordan, look, I've never just repeated someone else's joke on this program, but Sarah Thayer made a tweet that... You did that whole line of... You did that whole chunk of dialogue from Larry Sanders. Yeah, that's true. I did. Sarah Thayer made this tweet. Our friend Sarah Thayer,

past guest on this program. She's great. Made a tweet that made me laugh, that is still making me laugh three weeks later. She said, I don't care if it's not feminist to get a Brazilian.

I love it. It makes my vagina look huge. It's true, too. Do women get self-conscious about the size of their vagina? Next to the brush? Yeah. Oh, sure. How much of this is hair and how much of this is vagina? Exactly.

So in comparison, it looks much better. Oh, sure. Yeah. Like how much of this is hair and how much of this is vagina. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So in comparison, it looks much better. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, regular pony. Oh, you've been demoted.

This has been a real journey for you, this show. Well, that might be a promotion. We're going to have to ask our listeners in uniform. Oh, yeah. Is being regular better than being magical? Yeah. I guess there's like

the Spider-Man argument. With great power comes great responsibility. Mm-hmm. So. Yeah. Now are you freer to just, you know.

I can just live my life. Prance about. Exactly. Have some oats. Oh, yeah. I still prance. No, I didn't mean to imply that you weren't prancing.

She could still inspire people like Misty of Chincoteague. Exactly. Yeah, inspirational pony. And you could still kill the Kaiser like War Horse. I don't think that's what the War Horse did. Didn't War Horse personally kill the Kaiser? He did stomp him to death. A little shaky hoof

holding a gun. This is where it ends. And just before War Horse shoots, the Kaiser says, now you are just like me. And the War Horse learns that. And the War Horse says, no, no.

Exactly. And then he spares the Kaiser. Right before he shoots, the Kaiser says, hello, War Horse. Vise a long face. And then that's the credits, because it can't get better than that.

So when something happens to our listeners that they consider to be momentous, we ask them to give us a call for a segment we call Momentous Occasions. And boy, have they given us telephone calls, Jordan. Our faithful intern, Joe, has screened them for us, and I'm about to play them for everyone to hear. How's that for a setup?

Yeah, I mean, that very clearly lays out the premise of this. I understand. It was close. I would say it was close to incoherency, but it was not quite incoherent. It was a little rambly, wouldn't make a good elevator pitch. Yeah, I mean, I would say that not quite incoherent. It was a little rambly, wouldn't make a good elevator pitch. Yeah, I mean, I would say that not quite incoherent is pretty much the standard that we shoot for on Jordan and Jesse Go on a day-to-day basis, or week-to-week basis, I should say.

I mean, that fit the standard of not quite incoherent, so there you go. It wasn't quite incoherent, so yeah. Hi, Jesse, Jordan, and possible guest. I am calling with a momentous occasion. On this past weekend, I went into a pet store to buy cat food. Yes, I'm one of those guys. Oh, you feed your cats.

One of those guys. On the way towards the front, I saw a father and a daughter whispering and giggling. So I get up front. There's a line. I get in line behind a woman with a cart. And then I hear that little girl's giggling getting louder and louder and louder. And then all of a sudden I hear the little girl scream, Mom, look! And the little girl is doing this maniacal little jig, jumping around with one of those stitch collars around her neck.

The dog satellite dishes that prevent them from getting at their stitches. And I'm putting the inside of my lip, trying not to laugh out loud because I could see the mom has the stern face on. But then I bust out laughing like a lunatic when the mother cocks back her head, looks for her husband, and then yells out loud, Steve! Again? Thank you. Way to go.

Dads are the best kind of family member. Dads are the best kind of family member. They're even better than uncles because they're there all the time. I love that that's this girl's standard joke now. Yeah, I think when you're a little kid and you discover that something is funny...

You can do it all the time. Yeah, your instinct is to repeat it. My poor dog Coco had to have a surgery because she got something in her paw and it ended up getting infected. And she had to wear one of those collars and it was not the clear plastic kind it was like a softer kind made of sort of nylon um fabric and it was marked on our bill as elizabethan collar oh i wish it had been which is nice ruffles and everything. Yeah, I mean, it's nice because it's good for surgeries. And then also, if we ever go to the Ren Faire, we've got something to, you know. Or have to meet the queen.

Yeah, exactly. It should come with little opera glasses, too. We are most amused. Hi, this is Jordan and Jesse. Hi, this is Jordan and Jesse. This is Maggie Galena from Indianapolis, and I am calling with a momentous occasion. So I was driving to work, and I was stuck at a particularly long traffic light that is still kind of in the middle of nowhere. And I look across the road, and I see these two squirrels jumping around doing acrobatics.

And so, of course, I assume that they're in a tiny squirrel fight. And I start thinking about all the things that squirrels could fight about. For example, one of them, since it's winter, one of them stole the other one's acorns. And now they don't have enough food to get them through. Then I started imagining Chip and Dale and if they ever got in fights, and I couldn't really remember because I've really only ever seen three Chip and Dale cartoons. It was a contentious relationship, famously contentious. Because that's what I had on my VHS when I was a child, but I watched it many times. when I was a child, but I watched it many times.

And then I stopped thinking about tiny squirrel fights, and I look over back at the squirrels, and they are no longer doing acrobatics. One is on top of the other, and they are writhing around, and they are having squirrel sex. And I feel as if my innocence has just been destroyed it's called squawking that is just like chip and dale yeah we're chipmunks and not yeah i mean that was all sexual tension oh god yeah it was boiling that boiling that rescue ranger was all about uh

right rescuing their genitals from their pants. Yeah. Get them out of there. Sure. It's on fire. That Gidget or whatever her name was, she's like, God damn it. There's no way to break into this. She says, there are three talking chipmunks and two of them are dudes. I'm a lady and the dudes are homos. Oh, big time.

That's what she's saying to herself god damn it yeah all the good ones are gay right right girlfriend it's true I mean it's rude

it's rude of her I don't think it was I thought it was rude of her to call them homos it's not a nice thing to say well but it was a different era so

and also it wasn't understood I mean given the context the Disney afternoon was famously homophobic yeah that's true yeah there were a lot of secret messages in there I thought that in the call And also, the Disney afternoon was famously homophobic. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. There were a lot of secret messages in there. I thought that in the call, she was going to say that when she looked back, they were wearing tiny boxing gloves. Oh, that would be cute. I was really looking forward to that. Yeah. That does seem more plausible. Yeah. I can understand how you would assume that that's what would actually happen.

We also ask people to call in when something particularly shameful happens to them for our segment moments of shame hey jordan and guests i know jesse's out on vacation so i guess i won't say hi to him uh i have a moment i came back from vacation vacation is permanent and number one i wasn't on vacation i was working number two I'm back from vacation, from work. I'm back from working in Europe to entertain and inform the people of the world on the subject of menswear. I hate this guy already. I hate this guy. I've got this guy in my fucking crosshairs, and I'm ratcheting back the crossbow. Oh, no.

You're going to go ape. And to occasion or possibly a moment of shame, I guess that's for you to decide. I had bought Fallout New Vegas on a Steam sale this past month, and so I decided I wanted to play it. And so Saturday what I did was I moved my computer and my computer monitor

into my bedroom and set it... Wait, do you know what he just said? No. Yes, Fallout is a game from the same company that brought you Skyrim. It's a post-apocalyptic version. Eliza, is any of this helping you out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. First-person shooter kind of thing?

Yeah, it's more of an RPG, but it has a first-person perspective. Wait. I think I've seen it. Fallout is like Skyrim? Yeah, but it's set in a in a in a kind of a post-apocalyptic wasteland oh and you go around do you have to collect flowers uh do not know i'm sure there's a fair amount of collecting it seems to be one of the things of these games is that the one that's in like post-apocalyptic dc area yes and new vegas is uh is the add-on where you go to

a post-apocalyptic Vegas. All right, yeah, I've seen that. What about lavender? I mean, technically that's a flower, but you could also probably call it an herb. Well, I think that I would guess that because the apocalypse has happened, there's not a lot of vegetation. I think that these are kind of barren wastelands. How do you do alchemy? Well, I think you'd probably do a little more like that. What if you want to make potions or poisons?

I don't think that's part of the post-apocalyptic... I think you're maybe collecting more like gears and nuts and bolts to kind of make weapons and things like that. Oh, like mecha weapons. Yeah.

However you need to say it. Oh, like Dwemer weapons. Well... Like the ancient Dwemer. Sure, like Dwemer weapons. No. Like the ancient Dwemer. Sure. Like the Dwemer. Yeah. Gotcha.

So that I could do it in bed. And then I didn't get up the entire day from my bed, except one time to get a six-pack of beer and put it next to my bed so that I could drink beer while I played. And then another time I got up because the pizza delivery guy showed up and gave me my pizza. Those were the only two times I got up out of bed and stopped playing. And then I played until four in the morning. So I don't know if that's sad or cool. Your decision.

You really don't know? You're not sure? I can't tell if these bed sores are a good thing or a bad thing, but I got them now, so you tell me. I got these bumps on my dick. Yeah, listen. It's for you to decide. It's for you to call.

I would be a dirty hypocrite if I criticized someone for playing video games, but yes, let's all just own up to the fact that it's a little bit sad. You know? Hey. Our friends on the wonderful podcast, my brother, my brother, and me

are Max Fun Pals. Our professional video game journalists, two out of the three of them are. And a lot of their fans come to them from that world. So they will often get questions from a video game enthusiast perspective, which I think is absolutely tremendous. I mean, A plus for that.

The question that most amused and delighted me, it's an advice show for the modern era. Wonderful, hilarious program. Any Jordan Jesse Go fan that hasn't at least given it a listen, just give it a listen. It's a great, great show. This guy, I can't even believe this was real, but it was such a sweet email.

It really was real. He emailed in to say this was his dilemma that he needed advice on. He had this serious girlfriend. She lived in another town and she was moving into his town. And he thought that was really great

because he really loved her. But the problem was he had a really good routine set. He went to work at eight. He came home at six, Went to Taekwondo. Got home from Taekwondo at 7 or 8. And then played video games till midnight. And he was worried that his girlfriend was going to eat into his video game time. I'm worried that this whole growing up thing is going to affect my life the way I live it.

I'm not sure. I have to do all that fucking. That can take upwards of an hour from start to finish. The best part was, to me, the really best was the Taekwondo part.

He goes to Taekwondo for an hour. And the man has discipline. You gotta hand it to him. Yeah, he's also got asperger's but he's got ass kicking ability as well i mean that's do you think that's like in the taekwondo teacher's book of ethics like maybe if someone has asperger's and they don't understand you know they have a hard time with like social cues do they need to is it responsible to teach them how to kill with their hands sure they still i mean they they still have to defend themselves and yeah and they and they learn it's not that they don't understand them it's that they they have to learn them once they get themselves so you're saying once they get themselves into trouble from misreading

social cues they may find themselves in a situation where they need to kick some serious ass. Okay. No, you're right. It's probably more useful than it is detrimental. I was briefly considering taking up a martial art. I was thinking about one of the martial arts with less kicking in the face. One of the dancing ones?

Well, no. I wasn't ready to go full capoeira. But I was thinking, you know, there's a sort of, there's a Japanese martial art that's very pushing-based, mostly pushing-based. And I thought, well, maybe I'll do this thing, you know? I, every few months, decide that I should get into some sort of martial art.

I never have, though. Yeah, so, and because I really needed, I really need something to get me out of martial art. I never have. Yeah. So I, and because I really needed it, I really need something to get me out of the house. Have you gone as far as to buy the nunchucks? I've gone as far as to buy the martial arts for dummies book. Oh, okay.

Can you use that? Is that heavy? Can you strike with it? How do you, do you throw it? I think it's propping up a stack of other books at this point. Okay, sure.

Have you attended a ladies' self-defense class? No, but I got invited to one. There was a lady comedian's one. Really? Yeah, a female comedian organized this whole lady comedian. Is this something that you do in between astrology retreats? Yeah, yeah, there was one of those, too. Oh, jeez, Louise.

You know, the male comedy world does not organize in this way. I'm always surprised to hear about the kind of solidarity and activity focusedness. Do you know how many book clubs there are? I bet there's a ton. I personally have been invited to three different lady comedy book clubs. One time Paul Scheer came over and he and Rob Hubel and Michael Cera and a couple of other people had just gone to a Weird Al concert. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. So they probably have a Weird Al concert going to club.

What do you think? What do you think? Do you think that exists in other worlds that aren't comedy? That the ladies in a business will all get together and do a thing? I think so. And especially, you know, especially once people have started getting married. And so they're like, okay, what do I do for socializing? I'm not going out and meeting guys.

We do our couple things. And then, well, I only have a small amount of time left over from all of that, and that's only left for ladies. So it's got to be highly organized. It's got to be really organized. Exactly. I've got to do all of them at once. And let's prepare for it by reading an entire book.

Sure. Let's prepare for it with The Hunger Games. Yeah. It's probably not The Hunger Games, right? No, no, no. That's probably not what you're reading in these. Something more high-minded. My wife took a lady self-defense class some years ago.

And, you know, it was the whole nine yards. I mean, if you've seen the King of the Hill episode where Bobby Hill yells, that's not your purse, then you know what she did. And then she was living in communist Cuba and Guy was like in an alley hitting on her and then started trying to grope her. And she was telling him not to and he was ignoring her. She fucking kicked his ass. Yeah. She fucking left him in a crumpled heap on the ground.

Good. That's fucking awesome. My wife is the most mild-mannered person I've ever known in my entire life. Fucking left him in a crumpled heap on the ground. When she's pushed, she can go ape. She can fucking go ape. More powerful than ever. My wife grew a human inside of her and then took it outside of her using the force of her muscles.

It's pretty powerful. Unbelievable. Anyway, I looked up the- One more question about female comedian stand-up. I am an expert. Or female comedy self-defense class. Okay. Do you think that you would have a hard time taking down Paula Poundstone?

I imagine she's coming to this, right? Is she the one you're most afraid of? She's got those linebacker shoulders. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, no. We don't fight each other. That may be some sort of costume trick.

You think that she's not built like that underneath the... She probably is. Yeah. Yeah, you fight the guy in all the padding. Oh. We've got a sisterhood. Okay, so you're not scrapping with Joy Behar. No, no, no.

All right. No, yeah. Elaine Boosler? No, no. Yeah, well, you know, when fucking Boosler goes up on the racial tirade, you've got to sock her in the mouth. Yeah. I looked on the internet at the listing for this place that's near my house

that teaches this pushing-based Japanese martial art. I hope that's the only name for it, pushing-based Japanese martial art. And it said, and I don't know what I was picturing. I mean, I'm willing to do what people tell me to do. I'm pretty good. And I was willing to exercise. I didn't want to do something

where I have to do a lot of push-ups. You know, that was sort of like, I was willing to be disciplined and thoughtful, but I didn't want to do a lot of push-ups. I didn't want to get hit in the face a lot. I was willing to get thrown around a little bit. So you were looking for like the video game where you get to... No.

I mean, I was willing to get thrown around a little bit, but I just didn't want to get kicked in the face. All right. The moneymaker. That doesn't... Yeah. Look. This is where the bucks come from, sister.

It's insured by Lloyd's of London. Oh, I understand. I'm a male prostitute. Wow, I didn't think you were going there. Sorry, I didn't. Was that the project? Yeah, yeah. Now I understand the whole Europe thing. Yeah.

Now I go to Europe. He was the personal guest of the Sheik. Wow. He was on the Sheik's yacht. While they were just, you know. I suck Sheik dick for a living. Yeah. Yeah, usually you die before you get let go. At the point of orgasm. Usually they slit your throat at the point of orgasm.

Right, yes. That's how sheiks do it. I read the Yelp reviews. I'm like, how do you figure out what's a good martial arts place? I'm like, I don't know. I guess I'll go on Yelp. You know, it was either that or angie's list so i went on yelp and it said you know if you're looking for a traditional martial arts disciplined

environment and i thought about it for a minute i thought no that actually sounds terrible i'm looking for like a fusion type environment i don't know like something with an element of brazilian dance i think maybe capoeira i think the problem is the only here's the only problem is that i it's the choices are it's either going to be getting punched in the face there's going to like it'll either be dancing something dancing based which is for girls and not me, or for wiry dudes that have a lot of sex with the girls that are in their classes. Oh, like the real weirdo, like... You know, the... Yeah.

Or just like... Someone who's a little Anthony Kiedis-esque. Yeah. I guess maybe that's... Exactly. That's a perfect... There's a lot of burning sage in those places. Yeah, precisely.

He wears clothes to highlight his pronounced pubic bone. That shirt is never quite long enough. Totally drawstring pants that are sagging in the front. Pants are a little low, shirt's a little short. Yeah. And he's looking good. So that I'm not down for. And then another choice is a place where the focus is on killing people.

I don't want to participate in that. That's the one where you get hit in the face a lot. And also, I just don't have any strong desire to kill people. Like, I'm competitive, but I'm not especially physically competitive. I don't want to be a killing people guy. And so this pushing martial art, I thought that's the hot setup. But then I remembered, I don't want to...

I want to do like... You know what I should probably do? I should probably do like Kendo. That's the one with swords. With wooden swords. I think in a few months to a year, maybe some sort of a baby in me martial arts class. Put the baby in a Bjorn.

Yeah. And then you punch the other dads in their babies. You just kind of do some Tai Chi kind of stuff and roll around and then put them in cute outfits. My dad did Tai Chi in his 50s

and he entered some local push hands tournaments and I was very proud of him. Is that when they actually do a grapple? Yeah, it's sort of like grappling. Like you put your hands, you have to put your hands palm together and then you like push your chi through each other and then knock each other out. But his, the boss of his...

That's where you learn how to be a gay prostitute. The boss of his Tai Chi joint rolled through one time and they had a big open house you know he came from from uh china and uh did some magic tricks and um uh i don't know like the it was a real bummer because he did all this chi stuff and like he did do some like he like broke some stuff in half with like his finger or like a dollar bill or something and like that was kind of like he like broke some stuff in half with like his finger or like a dollar bill or something and like that was kind of neat but then i was just like yeah but i mean that's just like you know anyone can do that show me something good well i just want to see some magic powers you know and then he's like now we're gonna now we're gonna show some magic powers and

i was like awesome he's like i'm gonna focus my chi and make the room warm and i'm like okay i mean that's like i'd rather see somebody fly or something but it's fine we'll make the room warm it's like everybody close your eyes i'm gonna focus my chi and warm up the room fucking the room was exactly the same exactly the same and nobody was like uh hey old chinese guy uh the emperor's naked i hate to tell you but um why do you think it's the matter of the old chinese guy could fucking kick your ass he totally whether or not he could make the room warm i think that if you you know if you called him out on that you had a seriously he could kick your ass like a dollar bill in slow motion you could be fighting in fast motion he could kick your ass in slow motion i think could be fighting in fast motion. He could kick your ass

in slow motion. I think this is the class that you need to take. Slow motion fight? Tai Chi. What about the one where I fucking warm up the room using my chi powers? Well, maybe if you take the class, then you can feel it. Maybe you just weren't tuned in enough to feel it. Maybe you didn't have an open mind.

That's a really good point. Yeah. I actually went to, in my weird private middle school I went to, there was a Tai Chi class. Really? And the Tai Chi teacher was, he also did Wushu, which is like the sort of fat, it's a lot like Tai Chi. Tai Chi is derived from Wushu or vice versa. But Wushu is fast and it's sort of like a performance form, mostly.

It's what, it's the... It's for picking up chicks. Yeah's sort of like a performance form mostly. It's what... It's the... It's for picking up chicks. Yeah, it's what a lot of the... It's a lot of negging. It's what a lot of the Hong Kong... Sure, you rappel off the wall and then you tell a woman

that she's got spinach in her teeth. Oh, yeah, yeah. That really hooks them. Bone down. It's what a lot of the Hong Kong action star guys do. It's like... It's real showy. Yeah, it's super... I mean, it is. It's a show. It's an extra lot of like the Hong Kong action star guys do. Like it's like, it's what if you go see. It's real showy.

Yeah, it's super. I mean, it is. It's a show. Like it's an extravaganza. It's designed for performance. And he could do fucking insane, crazy shit. Like once every four or five months, he would do two things. First, he would like bring in a couple of his students from his wushu class.

And they would do a little wushu demonstration that was in fucking sane just insane like they'd be doing flips with knives and just throwing things at each other and it was just insane and the other thing is he would just have people attack him and he would just use his chi power fucking shit to deflect them and mean, granted we were 13 years old, but these people like the biggest kid in the class could attack our Tai Chi master. And he would just stand there and he would like have his hand in front of him. And he would just sort of flick his wrist or something like as though,

as though he was going like, as though he was going like Jeeves, bring me a Manhattan. And the kid would just go, just explode. Yeah, just bonk, bonk, bonk. I want to learn how to do the martial art

where I don't want to learn how to punch people in the face. It sounds like this is the martial art you want to learn. But the idea of someone attacking you and then you didn't do anything but for some reason they're on the ground, that is really appealing to me. So do that. You wouldn't get hit in the ground that is really appealing to me do that i know but you wouldn't get hit in the face you wouldn't murder anybody you i would get good

i would get good powers early way and yeah serious chi powers i think you've got your answer man should i should i get some chi powers jordan what i think it would be one problem is that i would have too many chi powers it would overwhelm jordan It would be out of balance. So then Jordan would have to do it with me. Yeah. Yeah. We're all just like, stop jacking off. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Eliza Skinner, magical pony. You're tremendous, Eliza Skinner. Yay! To being magical. Look, what do we got here? We got some fucking sponsors.

Number one, MakePixelArt.com. That is not a request. That is an order. You know, I don't know how you've been monitoring the JJ Go hashtag, Jesse, but someone, hashtag JJ Go, went on MakePixelArt.com and made a great penguin who's waving at us. Oh, that is awesome. It was really amazing. I wish I remembered the person's Twitter handle,

but if you're listening, please know that I really enjoyed your waving penguin. That's adorable. It was really cute. Thank you very much, Pixelart.com maker Makepixelart.com you can make some pixel art There's also an app for your smart phone Okay let's go to the Jumbotron Shall we? Oh before we get off makepixelart

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We got number one Fucking personal ad This is for men My name is Kate I'm a 29 year old woman From Hamilton, New Jersey I do computer things by day And I draw fantasy bullshit by night

This is a great personal ad Interests include animals That's not you editorializing She actually said that and I draw fantasy bullshit by night. This is a great personal ad. Interests include animals. That's not you editorializing. She actually said that. Well, she didn't say that it's great. I editorialized that it was great. Okay. No, but the bullshit part,

that was not your editorial. Oh, no, no. She said she draws fantasy bullshit by night. That led me to editorialize that it was a great ad. It all makes sense now. This is a real New York review of books personal ad level fucking

shit right here interests include animals sci-fi scary ghost movies crochet and reading uh it also fellow max funster k sikelski's awesome book the time traveler's pocket guide uh one of my goals in life is to have a small farm with and then it cut off. So I'm going to say with donks. Right. Miniature donkeys? Yeah. Donk is a miniature donkey. How does someone get involved,

get in contact with said person if they would like to fuck them? You can email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org and we will forward your email over to Kate. Again, she is 29. She is in Hamilton, New Jersey.

I don't know where that is. I mean, it's obviously somewhere in the garden state. What do you know? No, I was going to say that it was in New Jersey. Yeah. It is certainly not an old Jersey.

No, no. Yes. Email us at JJ, go at maximum fund.org. We'll forward it over to kate uh and uh kate will take it from there this kate sounds tremendous i mean she draws fantasy bullshit by night sure you know just send her something you guys can email each other see what happens it's a fucking love connection waiting to happen here live your Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Live your life. Yeah. You know?

Get your pussy wet. Sure. Yeah. Rock on. How about that one? That's good, too. Maybe next year. Next year? Yeah. What about... You've already got more powerful than ever for this year.

You know, just cool it on the slogans. Cool it on the slogans, Chairman Mao the slogans chairman mal whoa suck it to me fuck face okay that one was that was good no no that was great you should probably run with that okay speaking of k sakalski uh let's talk about our next jumbotron which is her book the time traveler's pocket guide it contains everything you need to know before you get in your time machine. Vital information, like the Time Traveler's Secret Handshake. Tips on making out with celebrities before they become famous. Also, she suggests that you be nice to Kate because she is an awesome lady.

She sent me a copy of this book. It is very amusing. It has a blurb on it from Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings. So that's pretty good. I've also been told that there's a Chip Dipson-Dip Dobson reference in it. Oh, bravo. Okay, bravo. Go to timetravelbureau.com slash JJ Go.

timetravelbureau.com slash JJ go to grab a copy of that. Thank you, Kay. It's she is also a graphic designer. I was quite a handsome book as well. Handsome and charming. And he even includes a pair of emergency mutton chops in case you accidentally time travel to a mutton chop appropriate era and don't have the appropriate facial hair. Like she thought

of everything yeah I mean she thought of writing this book she thought of the various information in the book and she thought of

sending us some money to promote it so she's pretty much got all the bases covered if you want to get up on the Jumbotron go to MaximumFun.org

slash Jumbotron it's cheap it's affordable 100 bucks for a personal message 200 bucks for a commercial message if you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go, just drop us an email. Teresa

at MaximumFun.org and our beautiful, charming and sensual development director, Teresa Thorne will help you very much. Hopefully won't do any sensual stuff with you. She tries to keep that focused over here.

She's focused on the big man. She needs to seal the deal. I'm more powerful than ever. She does what it takes to get the job done, right? No, she does not do what it takes to get the job done. No. No. Jesse, let your wife suck another dude's dick.

It's fine. Just let her do it. It'll get more money. We'll be back in just a second. Sounds like Maximum Phone. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Eliza Skinner, magical pony.

You know, it has been such a delight to be joined on this program by Eliza Skinner, one of the most talented young people in the city of Hollywood. Aw, thanks. Tinseltown, as I call it. It's been great being here. I call it Hollyweird. Yeah, well. And I'm the only one.

Yeah, sure. I've never heard that before. That's pretty funny. That's because I'm the only one who says've never heard that before that's pretty that's because i'm the only one who says it and i don't i don't want to say it out loud too much because then other people will start saying it i've i'm even kicking myself for saying it just now that was like my private thing but you just said it to yourself while you were jacking off when looking at those guys who hang outside graumann's and the spider-man outfits that's who i look at while i

jack off they are weird and they are in Hollywood. I know. That's hilarious. Wordplay. It is. Well, I mean, wordplay is one of Jordan's specialties. Is it? Yeah.

Yes. Boy, you really pulled one out. I know. Yep. Eliza, it has been a delight and a joy to have you on the program well i mean people can certainly across the nation can follow you on twitter at eliza skinner that's true um eliza spelled with z yes uh skinner spelled with a k two n's and an r at the end that's that's all true yeah um people can also catch you live and in person regularly here

in Los Angeles, correct? Yeah. I perform every Friday night at the UCB Theater in a group called Diamond Lion. And every Saturday, I host a show with the lovely and talented D.C. Pearson at the Little Modern Theater called Magic Bag. He's a beautiful little man, that D.C. Pearson.

He's wonderful. He's got that long, luxurious hair. Yeah. He really looks nice with that sort of homeless man, that D.C. Pearson. He's wonderful. He's got that long, luxurious hair. Yeah. He really looks nice with that sort of homeless man aesthetic that he's... Works for him. Yeah. He's in some commercials as like weird homeless guy now, isn't he? Doesn't he... Well, not weird homeless guy.

Weird guy. Okay. Yeah. Because the thing is, it's so well-groomed. Yeah. He doesn't... Exactly. It's a good look.

Sure. It's not creepy. Have you guys seen Michael Cera recently? Yes. Michael Cera has a sort of long, like a nearly shoulder-length sort of Prince Valiant haircut. He has sort of bangs. He has bangs going on. He has a straight bangs.

When I saw him, he had straight bangs. I think you saw him with a blowout or something. When I saw him, he had straight bangs. I think you saw him with a blowout or something. When I saw him, he had kind of long, but puffy, kind of curly hair. Well, that's the thing. I mean, that's the issue about it. He has curly hair, so it's voluminous. Oh, okay. But still with the bangs. But with the straight bangs. And he also

has a sort of stringy mustache. Yes. And I mean, on the one hand, looks uh terrifying um and i i'll just say that it does look slightly terrifying on the other hand and i mean this absolutely sincerely i think he looks fucking tremendous i really think that he pulls it off so well and i think the fact that he i mean it helps that he's a movie star and that he's a great movie star and he's tremendous i mean god bless michael cera he's just wonderful um you know he's great in the movies that he's in and he's you know super

talented and hilarious that helps but i think that like he looks like a madman but he he looks like the best nine man like a wonderful madman like the best like a willy wonka oh okay like he looks like the most not a buffalo bill like a like like the most tremendous kind of madman you would like someone you would want to make friends with right now because he's going to take you on an amazing adventure yeah a kook with some kind of old-fashioned candy in his pocket yeah someone some sucking candies yeah like maybe some candies with some fizzy stuff in the middle yeah i've never had this kind of candy yeah and maybe some cocaine okay all right yeah i mean just he's just gonna take you on a fucking adventure you know i somebody somebody sent me me some link to a picture of him.

I had seen him in person. This was my impression of it. I was like, fucking Michael Cera looks insane, but tremendous. Just wonderful. Like, I really hope that he makes this his public aesthetic, because I don't know if it's for a role or if it's just his new look or if it's just a kind of thing where he's like in between things and he's like i should i should look crazy while i can it definitely grows him up some yeah and uh and they sent me a link and it was on one of these you know it was on gawker or something like that and had some sort of slightly snide comment and i was like fuck you michael cera is awesome he's like the greatest thing ever like he's so great and uh he's he's such a i mean he he's such a sort

of he's such a sort of like uh eccentric charmer anyway it sort of amps that up and makes him seem like he could do magic spells or something yeah even more eccentric anyway that's just my thoughts on michael sarah's new aesthetic um i i give it i if I had more than two thumbs, that's how many thumbs I would give it up. I think you have a crush. You know who has more than two thumbs? Who? Apes. They have them on their feet.

That's true. Oh, that's a really good point. That's a really good point. Maybe while we're all going ape, we can give things four thumbs up. Yeah, well, I give four thumbs up for Michael Cera taking the advice of our friend John Hodgman in his new book and cultivating a deranged millionaire aesthetic because he is doing a tremendous job of it. I give four thumbs up to Eliza Skinner for being a delightful guest on our program. becoming more powerful than ever in 2012 and sharing your art projects with us during the month of February on our Facebook page and on our forum at forum.maximumfund.org. I'm fucking super stoked about this, Jordan.

Yeah, clearly. Super fucking excited. I can feel it. You're raising the temperature in the room. You're so excited. If you don't know how to post shit on the internet, I mean, number one, get your fucking act together. Yeah, come on, guys.

But you can email it to us at jjgoatmaximumfun.org and we'll post it for you. But get your fucking act together and post that shit. Post it on the forum and on the Facebook page. Just fucking do it.

Yeah, man. Go ape. More powerful than ever. Four thumbs up. Let's go. Yep. Do it. That old signature Morris wordplay. four thumbs up let's go yep do it signature Morris wordplay

cap it off the episode with my signature ball moves I don't okay we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Desi I'm Jesse Thorne Bullseye is all about discovering the good stuff in popular culture that will do nothing less than change your life.

You know, I'd never heard anything like it before. It'd be like seeing a new color, which I guess is music's, like, biggest asset, is that you can hear new sounds constantly. It's the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on Bullseye from PRI.