Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 216: Continental with Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson

Episode Date: March 19, 2012

The hosts of Throwing Shade join Jesse and Jordan to talk about Jordan's cross-country trip, Jesse's charming airplane seat neighbor and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, by the hosts of the new Throwing Shade podcast.

And we discuss Jordan's road trip across America. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris. Smart, sarcastic, with just a hint of real. Wait a minute. Somebody got new headshots.

Yeah. Well, here's what's going on with me. Someone got to at Jordan Morris on Twitter before I could. I'm at Jordan underscore Morris. And there's a gal from, I think, Georgia. Sure. The Peach State. think, Georgia. Sure. The peach state. Yeah, the peach state.

And I've been noticing that she's been getting a lot of- The peach tree state? I think it's just- The double tree state. The peach pit state. The Marriott state. Yes. The Radisson of the United States.

Yes. And I've been noticing that this girl from Georgia has been getting a lot of people who are trying to talk to me. Did you say the Peach Pit State? Yeah. Yeah, that's really funny. Okay, keep going. Thanks, thanks. And so I, and this is her, and this is her Twitter, you know, quote.

You know, like on Twitter you can kind of have a little bio? Hers is smart, sarcastic, with just a hint of real. So I'm thinking, like, why don't we just consolidate our brand here? Like, there's a lot of enthusiasm for people named Jordan Morris. Why don't you come out at X and Y?

Yeah, absolutely. Like, she's XM Radio, and I'm Sirius Satellite Radio. You're splitting the demos. Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and... And really, doesn't that kind of describe me? Think about it.

I think that's a pretty good idea. Smart. Yes. Yeah. Sarcastic. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm also a little bit real. Well, you like to keep it real. Sure. When shit goes down... And I hate it when people are fake. Oh, if people are fake... You hate posers. Yeah. When shit goes down. And I hate it when people are fake. Oh, if people are fake. You hate posers. Yeah.

You hate posers. I totally do. If there's anything, there's two things you hate. Number one, posers. Number two, organized religion. But not spirituality. You're a very spiritual person. I'm a very spiritual person.

To your credit, you are a very spiritual person. Yeah, sorry. I just don't want to be a zombie or a sheep, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's introduce our guests. Or a zombie or a sheep, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's introduce our guests. Or a robot or a Nazi. Let's introduce our guests.

And, you know, maybe they have some feelings about this. I see this as almost a kind of magic show versus vibe type situation. Magic Johnson show, that is. You know, you have two. I don't understand this analogy. Well, you got two competitors. They're coming in at the same time. They're both coming in smart, sarcastic, and a little bit real.

Just a hint of real. And the concern is that instead of... Just imagine if Magic Johnson, and I believe it was Sinbad. I don't remember. No, believe it was Sinbad. I don't remember. No, it wasn't Sinbad. I still don't know what you're talking about. I'm talking about the Replace Arsenio Wars of the late 1990s. Okay, let's bring in our guests because they have some insights on this, I'm sure.

guests because they have some insights on this i'm sure um they're the hosts of the newest maximum fun podcast throwing shade uh aaron gibson and brian safi hi guys i'm so glad we could talk now me too but let me say something that'd be funny if you're like i'm so glad we could talk now shut up until you said the late night wars to replace arsenio yeah i i was like this i hope this doesn't come off as just someone who doesn't understand basketball that's what i thought we're about to talk basketball i was not brought into worse people to talk about that but then when you brought up sinbad i thought no i'm in my element now right yeah sure you guys are super into march madness though right oh yeah yeah well i did my, yeah. Obviously. I did my brackets. Bracketology. Yes. Brackets. I did all my brackets.

My bracelets. We placed our bets at the sport club. Oh, we went to Sport Club LA. Yeah, we did. They didn't understand what we were giving them money for. No, we just gave them money and said, our bets are placed on Nebraska. I had to get into a bracket convo on the airplane.

I went to- You had to get into, I had to get into a bracket convo on the airplane. Uh, I, I went to, you had to like you were, you were, someone brought you into one or you joined it. No, I was introduced to one. Um, I, I went to Minneapolis, Minnesota this past week to visit my good friends at public radio international. And, um, I was sitting next to this guy and, um, and um i was sitting next to this guy and um okay i'm just gonna assume that this guy didn't like look me up afterwards and listen to this show if he did he was a nice guy so i'll just say that however you've now covered all you're about to tear into him no he seemed like a decent enough fellow there i was i was really concerned about this guy i I'd say he was maybe 25. He was husky. He was wearing a University of Michigan baseball cap.

And what concerned me was that when the airplane got high enough in the air that you can do electronic things, he took out his iPad, started playing, what's this movie with Marky Mark where he's a boxer? The Champion Fighter. Oh, The Fighter. I love the movie. I'm not putting down the movie. That'd be funny if he was just watching old Marky Mark videos. Just Funky Bunch. He starts watching The Fighter on his iPad, and then he busts out two telephones and starts

playing games on both telephones at the same time. I'm like, whoa. Yeah. This is young people today. This was like my first young people today experience of my life. I don't know. And then you look down and his dick is in a fleshlight. So he's also fucking something.

So he puts one of the phones away. So he's playing one game and watching a movie at the same time. Do you think he has like a talking phone and then just a game phone? I guess so. I mean, he must just, I don't know, maybe, well, you know what? Maybe he's a doctor and one of his phones is his personal phone. One of them is for calls from the hospital. Were they the same platform?

Was one an iPhone and one a Droid? I was not getting into the platforms. I wasn't expecting to be grilled by a nerd. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Well, guess what? Yeah, Poindexter. Well, I'm here and deal with it.

Yeah, you want to lecture us about Einstein next? Your boyfriend, Albert Einstein? He's a very tender lover. I'm pretty sure one of them was a Palm Pilot 3. I don't even know what that is. It's like OG. No, I think they were both iPhones. See, that I don't even know what that is. It's like OG. No, I think they were both iPhones. See, that I don't understand.

I don't know. I think, I don't know what the fuck was going on. You were just blown away. But then shit got, when shit got serious was when he brought out the jelly bellies because he had this bag full of jelly bellies. And look. That's the most disgusting part to me because i can't imagine being that stimulated and then being like you know what i need sugar like a ton of it that's what that's what was going down it's crazy okay and i want to say one more thing about the fighter the movie the fighter

and again i don't want anyone to think that i'm taking a shot at the movie the fighter which i really thought was wonderful christian bale jumps out of that window and falls into the garbage. Into the dumpster, yeah. That's amazing. It's tremendous. I loved The Fighter. So this isn't about The Fighter. Right.

Just like a couple weeks ago when Cameron Esposito was on, and I said that Chicago was a frozen wasteland but was a really wonderful city. I only meant that the weather was bad. The weather in Chicago is horrible. Everything else about it is great. That's why the rent is so cheap there. I only meant that the weather was bad. The weather in Chicago is horrible. Everything else about it is great. That's why the rent is so cheap there. Even though it's great, the weather's horrible nine months out of the year.

Sure. Okay. So I'm not taking shots at the fighter here. But I look at his screen and I can see, you know how it has like an on-screen graphic for the volume? You know what I mean? Like it's with little bars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's full. He's got the fighter cranked to 10.

Does he have Beats by Dre headphones? I can only presume he did. There was a lot of spillage. I was just hearing, which is what the fighter sounds like when it's spilling out of someone's earbuds. Right. He was listening on earbuds

and I could still hear like dialogue from the film. He's listening so loud. So he brings out, he brings out the, I think you just hate the same. I think you just hate the sound of the Boston accent. He's from Michigan.

So he brings out the, oh, the character in the hit, in the hit film, the fighter. You're talking about, you're talking about Marky Mark. Fuck that movie.

I hated that. Complete turnaround. I love it. Yeah. So. Fuck that movie. I hated that shit. Complete turnaround. I love it. So anyway, he opens up these jelly bellies. He's got a phone in one hand,

the jelly bellies in the other, the iPad in front of him, cranked to 10. He's a big, he's a husky lad. He's not fat. I don't want to make it

seem like this guy was fat. He's corn-fed. But he was a corn-fed broad fella. Had some real gams on him. And he's got, the other thing is, he's in the middle seat, and he's one of these middle seat seaters that he's out. He's going wide. He's using both armrests.

All the way. Can I just, just real quick, middle seat aside about my last plane trip? I had a situation where my middle seater was a kid who was maybe 12 or 13, like a 12 or 13-year-old boy, and he fell asleep on my shoulder. And if a little kid fell asleep on your shoulder, that's kind of adorable, but I'm like, is he too old for this to be cute? Right. Is he just – That, I think, is the exact age where you are not cute anymore. Right.

It is too old. Yeah, yeah. And I think if he was six, I would look at the mom and we would have a little glance. Totally. And she would do a little – It's like a little jack-off motion. This kid of mine. Yeah.

And I would mouth, he's so cute. Yeah. You would have already adopted. Right. Exactly. I would have murdered the mother. You'd smell his hair. Yeah. And I would mouth, he's so cute. Yeah. You would have already adopted. Right. Exactly. I would have murdered the mother. You'd smell his hair. Yeah.

Exactly. Just stick a pinky into his ear. Sure. Swab around. Yeah. So yeah. So I had that dilemma. Sounds like you've done that before.

Yeah. Yeah. Right? Okay. That's actually not a thing people do. Swab around in the ear of a preteen? I've never done it. Never done it.

You gotta. Yeah. Guys. I'm not saying it sounds bad. I'm just saying I've never done it. You'll probably also tell me you've never been to Umami Burger. You gotta go. You gotta go to Umami Burger. You gotta swab

around in the ear of a preteen. Brian, you haven't done that? You've watched movies about it on the internet. Never. I've never done either. You gotta. I'm a real card. My thing was like, I've never I've never done either You got it Yeah Anyway

I'm a real card My thing was like Is this kid too old To wake up Yeah Is this kid too old To get Just get the

Yeah Sure Yeah Anyway So he brings out The jelly bellies Just tears this thing open And he ate these jelly bellies

Like a person Whose mother gave him dinner, but then took it away at unexpected intervals. You know what I mean? Like would give him a beautiful roast beef dinner and then take it away after. Sometimes she'd leave it for seven minutes, but sometimes she'd take it away after 90 seconds. He is full on open mouth and he's got the earphones in and it's cranked all the way up. I don't think he knew what was going on, but he was seriously... I'm not a person who's into like, oh, you got to be like so, you know, into manners or whatever. We've eaten on this podcast right into the microphones and told

people who didn't like it to go fuck themselves right but this guy was he first of all he was going into this bag like like like you're gonna get some fucking beans out of here you i don't like it was a challenge even though the bag was his and he had opened it? Somehow there was something to overcome with this bag of Jelly Belly. I'll show you, Candy. It was as though he was a caveman who had left his obsidian ads at home and had just killed a beast and had to tear out its innards and just eat them with his hands. Maybe it's a direct effect of the Hunger Games. its innards and just eat them with his hands. Maybe it's a direct effect of the Hunger Games.

I feel like all kids are like, we only have a few moments with actual food, and they just start freaking out. I have to say, I think this is indicative of, you know, you say this is like a younger generation where they have like two phones and an iPad and consuming a lot of stuff every once in a while. They're always watching that bullshit movie, The Fighter. They love David O. Russell.

They do. Yeah. The iHeart Huckabees. They love flirting with disaster. You know what? shit movie the fighter the fighter i love david o russell they do yeah but legitimately i heart huckabees they love flirting with disaster you know what if one more fucking 16 year old comes to me and wants to tell me about three kings i am done that's all they care about fucking done yeah anyway hey you know i there's i feel like i've seen a lot of articles and i haven't digested the specifics but i feel like there's a lot of stuff out there about, like, you can tell a lot about how a person is in the bedroom by how they eat.

Apparently that is linked in some way. So maybe this kid was just, like, sending out vibes to all the ladies on the plane. Hey, I could really go to town on your pussy. Yeah, I don't want... That description, I don't want anyone near my pussy. Yeah. Yeah, this guy. I will rip your pussy open and go at it without any control or nuance.

This guy will be holding two phones. That's the opposite of giving a woman an orgasm. It's just like, I'm going to do whatever I want without any regard for anybody who's around me. Well, Aaron, there's something to be said. Ah, you just bit my labia. There's something to be said for enthusiasm, though, isn't there? Oh, sure. A jaunty eater is, I think, probably perfect.

Something dashing. Something who eats with verve. A certain shit is a quad. Exactly. That's what you want. Oh, wait a minute. A continental eater. Someone with a beret.

Yes, exactly. A beret and a baguette. That sounds like my kind of lovemaker. I'd rather have someone just hit me in my privates with a baguette than have that guy. So he's eating it. Is it okay if while he does it, you're on a bicycle built for two? Yeah. All right.

I don't know how that would work. He'd have to be on a skateboard. We'll figure it out. He can reach back. Oh, that's good. Or he can reach forward, depending on where he is on the bike. Just kind of swat you. This guy was full on making um-num-num noises.

He's going um-num-num. Well, maybe that's also like a thing. What are the youngsters like these days more than memes, GIFs? I think they've seen the GIF or the meme with the cat so much that they think eating just includes the phrase om nom nom. So I'm over the course of... How long is he eating his jelly bellies? He has a big bag of jelly bellies.

Oh, no. This is like a half hour that he's doing... And so I'm getting... And he's, you know, he's got his arms out. And look, I understand. Like once in a while, I'm in putting a middle seat through no fault of my own. I do anything in my power to get the aisle seat because I literally... In coach, as soon as the person in front of me tilts their chair back, I have to go sideways.

So I have to... If I'm not in the aisle, I'm getting up in somebody's business. So I do everything within my I'm not in the aisle, I'm getting up in somebody's business. So I do everything within my power to get in the aisle. But I have a couple times had to sit in a middle seat. And so I understand if you're a big dude why you would want to be on both armrests. But he was going past the arm, so I'm getting resentful. Oh, I mean, there's so many things to be upset about. The eating in your face, the loud stuff and the taking up all the

space which is why it was so upsetting to me when at two minute two hours and 40 minutes into this two three hour flight they made us take off our headphones and this guy starts talking to me and i don't want to talk to him they they made you take off your headphones so they can make you so they can land gotcha and uh you know how that like if you have headphones on the plane will crash yeah i do yeah it messes with the planes uh mechanisms wing patterns wing sure yeah so updrafts sure um props flaps yeah um and so what was most upsetting was not even just that i had to talk to him, but he was a very pleasant young man. But it was very difficult for me to talk to him because... His mouth was full of taffy.

Because I could tell, like, I knew that I was going to need to talk to him about sports. Because it's just one of those things that it just comes down to it. You're just going to have to talk to this other dude about sports. And I'm cool with sports. I like sports. But I don't follow sports closely anymore because I basically haven't had cable in a really long time. That's the real reason I don't follow sports that closely.

And sports is like the one thing you can't effectively steal from the internet so you just television so you just both sang your favorite songs from huey lewis's sports so what a what a what a timely reference yeah i'm in the zeitgeist yeah certainly something that young kid knew i'm a showbiz mover and shaker i know kids love huey lewis they love jennifer love hewitt who they only know as a guest star on hot in cleveland right which kids also love love they love tv land aaron yeah kids love tv the whole lineup aaron brand dresser is back you you really shouldn't judge jordan i don't know if you've heard but it's hip to be square i did oh i see yeah that's another Huey Lewis. Yep. So I got wrapped into a conversation about March Madness.

And I'm trying to throw other sports things at him. You want to talk about curling. Well, I'm trying to bring it to any kind of sports thing that I know something about, because I sure do not follow college basketball. And so I'm thinking about, well, do not follow college basketball and so I'm I'm thinking about well maybe I can talk to him about football maybe I can talk to him about I we we did a show in Ann Arbor a year or two ago maybe I can talk to him about university he didn't go to the University of Michigan oh it was just but he was wearing he's a big supporter fair enough and uh

I it was the most difficult conversation and again this guy was perfectly nice but it was like it was the most difficult conversation. And again, this guy was perfectly nice. But it was like it was so hard to to talk. And was he asking you questions or just like talking? He was very he was asking me questions. But I think here's the thing. Like it was like it was sort of like being at it was sort of like being at a bed and breakfast in a foreign country. And you're seated across the table from someone that is also American, but you have, and you know you should talk to them. I think what you've done is you've taken a situation that's very relatable.

is you've taken a situation that's very relatable. We've all been on a plane and had to talk to someone who we... Don't have anything in common with. Right. I think fewer people have been abroad at a bed and breakfast.

You made a relatable situation totally unrelatable by adding Europe to the mix. That's fair. Oh, I stubbed my toe. You know, it was kind of like stepping on a stingray in the Bahamas.

In my mind, it was Oaxaca, not Europe. But yes, I understand. I know that your mind is very continental in how it works. Oh, because those are the only kind of people

I let near my pussy. Sure. Well, with a baguette, certainly. A sourdough batard. Try not to just imagine someone just violently hitting me in the vagina with a baguette you can't do it you can't not do it

yeah that was fine Jesse I have to say my limit with people eating on planes is so I have very little patience for it and that would have I don't think I could have even had a conversation with that gentleman I've never had a conversation about sports with someone on a plane.

And I've definitely – for me, it's always – and I don't even know how we get there. You give off a real sports vibe. I know I do. Believe me. But I've never – You've got an athletic t-shirt on, right? I do. Oh, God.

This shirt literally with holes in it that's Abercrombie & Fitch, which is, I guess, gay athletics. That's just sit-ups, right? It's not real, exactly. Shirtless sit-ups. Working out for literally no reason. For no functional reason. But my conversations are always John Grisham. And neither one,

I'm never reading a John Grisham book. There's just always a woman who's like, is up on John Grisham. And there have been about 50 books. Are you up on John Grisham? No have been are you up on no i know the firm and like the ones that were movies sure the pelican exactly the client like who knows any of the rest sure i got roped into a conversation once there's two people i was sitting in a three-person aisle and the two people sitting next to me were having the most animated conversation they didn't

know each other and they i could just tell that they were really nice. Like, I could tell that it wasn't that they were... They were just being really nice to each other. And they just seemed like they were having such a nice time. But I did not want to be part of it. Like, I wasn't ready to go there. I was ready to be happy for them. But I was not ready to engage it.

But they caught me with my headphones out or something and they asked me what i do and i told them i'm a public radio host and they said oh what kind of show do you do and this never goes right never goes right because they always ask well who's been on your show it always gets to who's been on your show and i just go down this list of the most famous people i can think of that have ever been on my show in 12 years, and they have not heard of any, any of them. Zero. I'm just going like, oh, Jenna Fisher from The Office,

Andy Richter from the Conan O'Brien Show, and just going on and on. Bill Withers, whatever I can think of. Henry Rollins. And I'm like, these people don't know who Henry Rollins is. And so then they started talking to me about Jesus, and I was like, God damn it't know who Henry Rollins is. And so then they started talking to me about Jesus. And I was like,

God damn it. I didn't say that because that would have been rude. No, that would have been very offensive. Yeah, that would have been very rude. Well, speaking of Jesus

on a plane, I was, my ex-husband and I, I'm divorced, deal with it. We were coming to- You're a gay divorcee. And that's the name

of the TV link. Aaron, no one was not dealing with it. We were all dealing with it. No, everyone- You didn't have to remind us. We all had dealt with it. You looked at me.

You were like, as soon as I said divorce, you were like. Oh, I'm being judgy. Yeah. I'm sorry. You could have just been listening, but I instantly read it as judgment. No, I think that's reasonable. Okay. Everything I do is reasonable.

Usually she wears the T-shirt. She literally has a T-shirt that says, I'm divorced. Deal with it. It's hilarious. That's in rhinestones, right? Yes. And then she has another shirt that says,

I gave him the skinniest years of my life. Which is much angrier. And then on the butt of your pants, it says, give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt.

She's like a car wrap. Okay. She's just wrapped in slogans. Exactly. In sassy slogans. I don't know. I mean, I would defend myself, but it's all true. Exactly. In sassy slogans. I don't know. I mean, I don't...

I would defend myself, but it's all true. Sure. We were coming back from Houston on Easter weekend, and this gentleman in front of us... It was a gentleman, a child, and then the child's grandmother. The gentleman was a stranger. He starts reading the story of David and Goliath to this

kid who he doesn't know, out loud, very loudly. We're just taxiing. He just starts engaging him in non-voluntary Christianity. Scary religious stories. Then did he also try and get the kid

to put up Kony posters? It was very close. If what had happened, what I'm about to tell you hadn't happened, the dude would have been masturbating all over this kid. Right. Just drunkenly masturbating. Which is what happened to the Coney guy.

I don't want to seem like it was a non-sec word. I just like, oh, I'm going to talk about masturbation all of a sudden. This is shitty to make fun of this guy, but I think, can we call public masturbation Coney-ing now? Yes. In fact, we should. We should call it getting rid of your invisible children. Oh, yeah.

Sure. Because Coney, that's a real dude. Sure. Invisible children. Can we just call Jism visible children? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Jism.

So anyway, this guy started doing- Seamans. Yes. Seamans. Seamans. This kid started getting really scared, and the grandmother was like... Because he was afraid that giants might be real? The tone at which this guy was reading the story, and the guy was reading the story out loud for no reason.

I think he was just concerned about the vengefulness of the Hebrew Bible's God. Yes. Yes. It became basically a... Kids understand Old Testament. Oh, more than anything. If there's one thing kids love more than David O. Russell, it Kids understand Old Testament. Oh, more than anything. If there's one thing kids love more than David O. Russell, it's the Old Testament. And cheat codes.

And Huey Lewis. Let's run down what kids like. Kitties love cubits. That's the rule. Sure. But this kid started crying, and the grandmother was like, can you please stop? You're scaring him. And then the guy got more religious.

He's like, he should know this is important um how important is religion in your life and it got really it got really um uh activist i guess or i don't know what you would call a christian going nuts on a plane but coning coning yeah um and so the flight attendants weren't doing anything and it just kind of escalated and I just heard it all going down. And they asked – then finally the woman, the grandmother rang the call bell and then the stewardess came over and they were like, it's okay. Just, sir, can you please stop reading? He didn't. He kept doing it.

And basically I called the flight attendants over and I said, I'm uncomfortable. Get this guy off the plane or get me off the plane. Because who knows? Like, I don't know what this guy. Right. This guy could flip out. He could be carrying a sling. Yes.

He could be carrying a sling. In order to slay a giant or just someone else on the plane. I imagine. I didn't think he had a bomb, but I did imagine him punching everyone in the face who didn't believe in Jesus. Regardless. I think a bomb's more likely. Yeah, thank you.

But post 9-11, you shouldn't be able to get away with that shit. Sure. So they stopped the plane, but what they said was, over the announcement, they said, we're going to turn the plane around. Two people from L.A. would like to go back to the gate. Oh, sure. I guess not to freak people out, but everyone I was pretty clear who was from LA I mean we had on like members only jackets

And you were blowing rails And talking about your development deals Plus you were in that You were in that Corvette convertible Yeah in hot pink On the PCH So they got him off the plane They arrested him

But the stewardesses act like it was not a big deal. I said to them, I was like, if he was Muslim, this would be a different story altogether. But because he's Christian and you happen to be a church-going person, which is fine, you don't see the severity of the situation. So anyway, when I got back home, I called Continental to figure out because they were going to give us another plane ticket. And the rep said, I told him what happened. And he was like, well, I'm really sorry about that, man. But don't you think in some way it's God's way of getting you back home so you can spend Easter with your mom? Oh, shit.

Continental. Oh, man. Folksy. It's tough because. Can't win. It's tough because they're just trying to be nice. But they don't. He didn't understand what he said. It would also's tough because they're just trying to be nice. But they don't... He didn't understand what he said.

It would also be so convoluted of God to do that. Like, to take out a guy who was reading a story from the Bible. Like, it's such... It's so backward. It's very complicated. Mysterious ways, Brian. Yes, fair enough. God is your passive-aggressive aunt.

Can I take a second to restoreica's faith in airplanes now that we've shaken it um uh the good news is that on my other plane flight um you've been on more than two i yeah well one each way i took the greyhound out and luckily they bought me they were so impressed they bought me a flight back um you are very impressive very very generous people um they uh on the on the other flight uh there was a big scruffy dog and i was sitting in my seat and the dog just went trotting along down the aisle past me like dogs are as though dogs are allowed on airplanes i feel like i've been on where Where was the dog? It was just...

It was a big dog. It was like a hearing service dog, which I didn't know was a type of service dog, but... I was on the plane with a tiny dog. An elderly woman had a tiny dog, and the dog was wearing a vest that said, Emotional Health Animal. That's how you do it.

Isn't that every animal? Yeah. It seems to me like that's every that every animal? Yeah, this is my emotional health boa constrictor. Do I need to say boa constrictor or can I just say boa? I think constrictor. Oh, you think feather boa. I would assume feather boa. Especially emotional.

You're not that sportsy, Jordan. You're not that sportsy. There's several people who walk around LA with snakes wrapped around their... Snakes wrapped around their neck. And then I've seen a man with a parrot on Fountain Avenue. A man with a parrot is just... That's a sad scene.

Right? That's just... That's worse than a recumbent bicycle. Yeah. I feel like man with a parrot, all I can think is you're also a hoarder. Right. And you know what I mean? I feel like it's something...

Bird odors in general, i think there's a problem did you hear this this american life episode about uh the woman with the pet parrot uh the thing about parrots here's the thing about having a pet parrot that's different from a boa constrictor another crazy person's pet animal um is a parrot is really smart, bonds really, really, really strongly with its owner. And also, many of them can live to be like 40 years old. And so basically, when you buy a parrot, you're buying it for life, for your life, because it bonds to you. And in the This American Life piece,

the woman's parrot, she got married and the parrot would attack her husband and children. But they couldn't just euthanize it or something because she loved it. It had lived with her for 10 years before she met the husband. Yes, and a bird is more important than your own children. Well, it wasn't winning the fights against the children.

Children were swatting it to the ground. I just imagine a whole winning the fights against the children. Children were swatting it to the ground. I just imagine a whole family with pecked out eyes. That honestly would be my nightmare. That would be my nightmare. That's terrifying. Being attacked by a parrot. Just a bird in my house, period. I just can't do it. Something that gets higher than you?

Oh, sure. What's it doing up there? I don't know. Maybe something good. It's not right, Jordan. I'm not doing it. What's it doing up there? I don't know. Maybe something good. Maybe not. It's not right, Jordan. It's not. No, I agree. What a crazy thing to have a problem with.

I have a problem with cats for the same reason. Because they can get up higher than you. They can get up higher. And at that point, I'm losing. That's why I'm so afraid of rapper Jim Jones. Yes. He flies so high. Exactly.

You know that. Of course. You just don't want anything above you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, smart, sarcastic, and just a bit of real. I'm Brian Safi.

I'm homosexual. Hi, I'm Erin Gibson, and I love routers. That's not true. You just saw my router over there. That was cheating. Can I do it again? Yeah. Brian did your thing from your guys' show.

Why don't you do that? I know. Because I want to talk about curtains and eagle statues and water glasses. Okay, so you are. Looking at stuff in the room. Just saying stuff. Looking at stuff in the room. You're just saying stuff, Aaron.

Jeez Louise. I'm feminasty. Are you guys tired of your nicknames already? I don't know. We say it a lot. Well, welcome to our world. Yeah, I know. We've been saying it for 12 years for no reason.

It's just some dumb shit we thought of when we were 19 but at that point don't you think there's no attachment you just say it and there's no there's no emotion because you're just here's the problem uh here's the problem what happens is we have no feelings left for it right jordan wouldn't you say that it's a loveless marriage yeah we have nothing left i'm getting a little piece on the side from another nickname people people who like people who like our show i'm fucking another nickname probably most most of them probably like it they probably have it it's close to their heart you know what i mean uh and then people who haven't heard our show think these are the two biggest assholes and what the fuck are these people doing

well i have a new one so what is it uh sarcastic sarcastic and just a bit of real oh okay it was jordan morse boy detective before i remember but i've changed it okay so jordan i actually there's something i need to talk to you about because last week on the program we mentioned where you were when you were gone and that is that is, you went on a nationwide tour as the co-host of a web series for a men's related stuff website. I'm summarizing it reasonably accurately. It was penthouse.com.

Was it really? It was not. It was thrillist.com. But I mean, you know, I'm going to send the videos to Guccione, get Guccione's people to watch them, and then maybe like next year I can do a similar thing, but with pussy.

I've been telling Jordan and Jordan's agent, you've got to get the Gooch. Yeah. Is that what you call him? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I call Bob Gucci Oni. Okay. Legendary pornographer, Bob Gucci Oni. Is he dead?

Probably. I feel like he is dead. He might be dead. Yeah. Of syphilis. I don't know it, but I feel it. I do too. Can I ask you? he is dead he might be dead yeah of syphilis i don't know it but i feel it i do too i can i ask

you what if you were what if you were a channeler but only for famous pornographers you know i've often thought that i what my well when i was born my grandmother said that i would be i'm getting something brian what's going on with Seymour Butts? I was about to say, I don't know any famous dead pornographers. Yeah. So I have one famous pornographer-related question before we get into this story. No, please. Yes.

Of course, yeah. So you guys live here in Los Angeles. You've seen the Larry Flint building. Yes. Which is where, I mean, I guess Larry Flint Media is mostly Hustler Magazine, right? Yeah, I can't think of anything else. No, he does a couple of mom blogs. He invented Pinterest.

Yeah. Other than that. And then there's also Lil Hustler for kids. And then there's also Lil Hustler for kids. But there's a huge sign outside of the Hustler building, the Larry Flint building, that says Larry Flint Industries. You know what I mean? And underneath it says Hustler Magazine, Hustler.com, Hustler Video, and then Larry Flint Aviation. Wow. You know, there's a landing pad on the top of that building.

Yeah. That must be Larry Flint. He was just looking at the list of things, and he's like, you know what? We need one not pussy-related thing on this list. Yeah, but the website doesn't count as a separate industry. It's like your magazine, an extension of your magazine. Right. There's a lot of Flash games on it.

Oh, yeah. I've heard this, too, about the building. If you do land on it, supposedly it's shaped like a vagina. Wow. So if you notice, it's a curved building. You can only see it from the air. Yeah. Oh, wow.

It's like a pointy oval. I haven't seen it, but apparently that's the rumor. A pointy oval is a way to describe a vagina. That's exactly what my vagina looks like. Picture a pointy oval and a baguette. Slamming.

Slamming into the oval. You know, actually, obviously, when that building was bought, Hustler was, you know, the thing to jerk off to. Um, I think he built that building. Yeah. Yeah.

By brick. Well, he's in a wheelchair, right? Yeah. Yeah. So he built the first floor. He did just the, oh, I don't know. Um, I've actually talked to, I mean, now that's kind of just office space. I mean, I think Hustler is there, but I think...

I've talked to people who's like, oh, yeah, I had a job... You know, if people need a quickie office space for a short-term job, you can work in the Hustler building. That's a good building for a quickie office space. Yeah, right. Short-term job, huh?

What kind of job would you say it might be, Jordan? Oh, I think you can go into one of the broom closets and jack off. Oh, well, that's specific. I wish you'd use a little more, you know, illusion. I should have been cuter with it. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. But I winked when I said it. You did. That doesn't work on podcasts. And I glanced over my shoulder coyly. Hustler building aside, Jordan, I really am interested in learning about... You had to get in a car and drive across the country.

Oh, awful. Yeah, part of this thing was driving from L.A. to New York, which is something I've always wanted to try, so it was nice to get paid for it. So I just have kind of a couple of stray observations about America That I just wanted to share with everybody. Number one, it's prone to helping you develop deep vein thrombosis. Some concerns about blood clots in your rear. Because your

butt's in a seat the whole time? Yeah. Or because of the fat food? I mean, yeah. The butt in the seat plus the only restaurant from here to New York is Sonic. That gut. Or maybe you have that. Do they have a roller skate there?

I don't. You know, good question. I don't. And is every television everywhere still playing America's Funniest Home Videos? Because I feel like that's all I hear is the theme. When I hear middle America, I always just hear the America's Funniest Home Videos theme song every time. Yeah. And so here are some things.

Here's something we did. So kind of part of the video series was us kind of stopping in fun cities and doing, like, fun activities. Right. And the thing we did in Vegas, it was a little tricky for Vegas because it was sponsored by a car company and therefore you couldn't drink. So you couldn't even like have alcohol in the shot. So that kind of eliminates. What about prostitutes? Yeah, you could have them in the shot as long as they didn't have any logos for competing car companies.

I see. So no Honda prostitutes. So no, I could not fuck the famous Honda whores. Right. I've always wanted to and I'm like, when am I going to be back here? So yeah, so if, so, you know, they had to kind of do some other Vegas-y stuff. And one of the things we did was we flew, we, I shouldn't say flew because I didn't fly it, but I rode around in a tiny World War I style airplane. Oh.

That sounds pretty cool. It was, yes, yes, it pretty cool. It was – yes. Yes, it was cool. Wait, rode around, not flew. Yeah. Well, I guess what I say, I don't want to say I flew it because a guy who was sitting behind me flew it while he whacked me in the crotch with a baguette. Seems dangerous. It was.

So you're in this tiny kind of World War I plane. And before I got into it, I asked the guys, you know, do people ever get sick? Because, you know, kind of part of it is you go in it, you do some loop-the-loops, figure-eights, barrel rolls. You're inside, not on the wing, right? No, yeah. You're not like a famous tap dancing rock cat. This isn't, what was that show called? DuckTales? No, that's the wrong one.

Yeah, no, DuckTales. Did DuckTales have Ariel? Darkwing Duck? We were talking about that earlier. Darkwing Duck? Is it DuckTales? I believe DuckTales is Aviation. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Aviation? Aviation. That's very continental of you. No, I'm very French. So anyway, so we have this. So the guy's position on it was like, listen, it's happened a couple of times, but there's a sick bag in front of you. But honestly, you have a little walkie-talkie to the captain. If you're starting to feel sick, just let him know.

He'll even out until you feel better, and then we'll keep going. So great. I'm super, super at ease at this point. R-E, will I puke? And so we get up in the thing, and he's just fucking going crazy, just doing loop-de-loops, and I start to feel sick. So I just say in my little thing, in my walkie-talk talkie i'm like hey i'm i'm starting to feel a little sick can we even out and the guy just fucking ignores me the guy keeps doing loop crazier loop the loops and like pretends to crash the plane and like the whole time i'm going i'm

getting sick i'm getting sick and uh so he's just going nuts. And I. That is an outrage. I puke into this bag. And, you know, they're filming, you know, and so the thing has 30 more minutes to go. So I'm riding around in this thing, just puking every two minutes. And to the point where it was dry heaves and then like bile and just the worst like the worst situation the good news is your humors are balanced exactly i got rid of some of that black bile that was making me fussy i was being a real bitch before i left right and now i'm i'm sunnier because i got rid of some of that black bile um and when we got to the bottom i i went up to him and i'm like hey i thought you

said you would level out if I got sick. And I wasn't being confrontational about it because, you know, he's an Air Force guy, probably has a gun. Guaranteed. He's like, hey, God, I am really sorry about that. The guy who's producing it just told me to keep going even if you got sick. Right? Wow.

Whoa. Yeah. keep going even if you got sick right wow whoa yeah see now if it was the red baron pizza squadron i have gone up with the red baron pizza oh here we go just a fucking other excuse for you to name drop the red baron pizza squadron what where will you shoehorn this story to next captain johnson from the red baron pizza squadron he didn't even do any loop-de-loops when I told him not to do any loop-de-loops because I'm fucking terrified of heights. But I figured if somebody calls your college radio station and says, does anyone want to go in an airplane with the Red Baron Pizza Squadron? You got to say yes, right?

Did you come close to death? Did he pretend to crash the plane? No, he was not an asshole. I get the impression this guy flying the plane wasn't the asshole in that situation. What did you say to your producer? We had a sensitive conversation about it. So yeah. Jordan revealed that he has gonorrhea.

Exactly. Your conversation had nothing to do with the plane. I was fucking him that he has gonorrhea as well. Yeah. conversation and i was fucking him like he has covered i gotta read as well um yeah no i guess that's the thing is like you i like i get that it's better tv or internet tv if somebody pukes you know you can film a couple guys having fun on a vacation that you're not on and you can watch that or you can watch some fucking goon puke isn't it better if you know that's gonna happen though or that's something you can fake. Right, right, right.

I can go blah into a bag and then we can fill it up with cottage cheese or someone else's puke. Yeah. Oh, I like the someone else's puke idea. Yeah, just punch somebody else in the stomach. You could pay a day laborer to vomit in a bag. They'll be glad to have the work.

And they're a nauseous people anyways. That's a different kind of nausea than being drunk, right? Or is it the same? Their lives are just nausea-inducing. It's a hot sun all day. No, no. I legitimately want to know what it feels like

right before you're about to throw up in this plane. Oh, me? Yeah. Sorry, ask me the question again. I was too busy making still talking about your day laborers no no yeah i want to i want to talk i want to know what like lichen it's because they don't they don't necessarily get the chance to eat regular meals but they're doing difficult physical labor oh right right right now erin's fully schooled in that i mean she right yeah oh yeah because she's had to use fake vomit to get out of a ton of pickles. Yeah. She just goes to Home Depot with bags and stores it. Ironically, she has to go with a barrel of pickles.

Exactly. It's kind of one of those things that sometimes a dog doesn't look like a dog on camera. So a lot of vomit doesn't look like vomit unless it's pickle vomit. I actually haven't paid for anything in six years since I've known about this trick. I just get up to the register. They're like, it'll be $116, please. And I'll go, okay. But then I'll just start vomiting.

Right. And then I just walk out with the products. Oh, terrific. Yeah. Then you end up with valuable products and services. Right. Sometimes it has a little bit of vomit on it. Yeah. Oh jacket that is a nightmare like the number one thing when i went in that airplane because i'm genuinely i'm not afraid of airplanes at all but i am horrified yeah no no me too because i'm like i'm not afraid of flying open cockpit

oh mine was not i had a little dome on mine okay so mine was totally open so i could have fallen out of i mean i couldn't have because i was strapped into it right but i if they go upside down no i i can't and there's nothing between you and the ground tens of thousands of feet away there's nothing standing between you and watsonville and you're trusting a day laborers that are picking the fruits of Watsonville. Just hearing about it makes me want to, like I could faint right now. Just like no way, just knowing any of that. It's just terrifying. Before you throw up

are you thinking, I'm going to die, I'm going to die? At no point did I think I was going to die. Even when he was fake crashing the... Yeah. You know, honestly, and I think that's kind of part of the benefit of being nauseous

and vomiting during this. You're not really thinking about anything other than I'm puking, I'm puking, I'm puking. Right. You're not really concerned about greater safety issues. Yeah.

I can see that. I mean, to be honest, my ride was so smooth with the Red Baron Pizza Squadron, my friends in the Red Baron Pizza Squadron. Oh, now they're your friends! Now they're your friends! Red Baron Pizza Squadron, my friends in the Red Baron Pizza Squadron. Oh, now they're your friends. Now they're your friends.

Red Baron Pizza Squadron. What's their email address? I was concerned. I'll give it to you later. Okay. I'll give you their cell phone number. I feel like they would

have a pager. Is that wrong to assume? Well, in case of emergencies. Right, right. What if they're at the movies and somebody needs to call? Get in there! There's a sad housewife.

And she's got hungry kids. They gave me a certificate at the end of mine. Did you get a certificate at all? No, I didn't. I did have a bag of my own. This is really a double whammy, this situation. Yeah. You barfed the whole time and no certificate.

On camera that people will be able to watch on the internet. Did you get any coupons for free frozen pizza? I didn't. I got like three or four frozen pizzas out of this thing. I have a question about the Red Baron. Yeah. When he delivers pizzas, do they have parachutes on them and they just land? I thought your question was going to be your question about

the red baron was going to be when he delivers pizza does he first repudiate the weimar republic oh i didn't even think about that but now that you've mentioned of course that should have been my question i was gonna ask do the guns on the plane shoot pizza like liquid pizza is my history correct there is that I don't know. The Prussian, the King of Prussia, maybe? If you want to talk about the Great Boer War, I can do that. World War I, that's where, that's a little gap in my...

Were there any fun facts about the plane? Like, this killed this many Japs. In aviation, that's called a fun slur. Yeah, yeah. They were replicas. This was kind of in the style of a World War I plane. That's an industry?

I don't think we were fighting the Japanese. World War I? You don't know that. Well, I don't know. That's true. I think we've established I don't know a lot about World War I. He wasn't fighting the Japanese. The Japanese are safely ensconced in the internment camps, as I understand it.

Right, right, right. Right. Again, my history is not as strong as it could be, but this is based on what I know about the Boer War. Okay. Can I move on to another observation about America? Next observation about America. Number three. Jordan Morris' observation about America. Number three. Jordan Morris' observation about America.

Number three. This is actually maybe the last one. I had no other thoughts except for these two. And the other one wasn't really a thought. It was a story. Well, you had that Sonic thing at the top. Oh, yeah. There you go.

That was clever. You didn't know whether there was roller skates. That's true. We didn't actually stop at a Sonic. I feel a little bit like... Oh, you didn't have a banana cream pie shake? I probably should have. You didn't get a Buster Bar?

They're known for their desserts, right? They're kind of creative. And their drinks. They have like... They were the original, like the cherry limeade thing. Oh, they'll have like a cherry Dr. Pepper or a lime Dr. Pepper.

Did you get a Buster Bar at a DQ? No, I didn't. Did you go to a DQ and get a Buster Bar? Yeah, I maybe fucked up in the like regional fast food area. I should have stopped at a Hardee's. Should have stopped at a Whataburger. Oh, yeah, you should have. I a hardy's should have stopped at a water burger oh yeah you should have or and a taco cabana oh yeah totally my uh my co-host was uh is from oklahoma and was talking about taco cabana all the time uh i did eat at a cracker

barrel do you guys remember when taco taco cabana took on hulk hogan in wrestlemania in 1984. How could we forget? Oh, that's the most racist WrestleMania ever. And that is an achievement. Yes, because it's pretty racist. He took on the Crimson Blackie. He was red with blood from slavery. No, yes. He just threw chains around. That was his deal. So part of my thing

included a few days in New Mexico. He lost because he was too lazy. Thank you. Yep. Way to bring it around. That's WWF's thing, not mine. No, I know. I'm against the racism of professional wrestling of the 1980s. Yes. Iron Sheik

the whole nine yards. Thank God someone is. So we were in New Mexico for a bit, which is the setting for Breaking Bad. Also the home of Green Chili. And Shirley MacLaine. Yeah, all of that. Yes. This is a hell of a state.

And there is one restaurant that's devoted to all three of those things. Yes. And it is confusing there. And I don't know what was going on. There's just a sign when you enter New Mexico with a bullet point list. And the Breaking Bad one is really new. Like, the other ones are faded. And the Breaking Bad one looks like it's only been there a few years.

Yeah. They crossed out turquoise jewelry. They're the most proud of the Breaking Bad one looks like it's only been there a few years. They crossed out turquoise jewelry. They're the most proud of the Breaking Bad one. Right, exactly. They're like, well. So I've always really, really liked Breaking Bad, but a problem I always had with the show. Do you guys watch it? I haven't seen all of them.

I haven't seen season four. Okay. I haven't either. You've seen one or two? Not at all? No, I've never seen it because of my rule against uh descents into okay enjoy watching descents into that's a rule for entertainment i don't watch anything that's a descent into so you only watch the news and

reality shows no there's lots of shows that aren't a descent into something good name desperate housewife you watch desperate housewives I watch nothing but Desperate Housewives. I thought, yeah. Well, when I'm not watching March Madness. That could be a descent into bitchiness. Do you think Nicolette Sheridan was killed off on purpose? Oh, I sure hope so. The answer is someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I hate that bitch. She was always doing that different stuff. Didn't she recently have to didn't the Supreme Court recently spoil the fact that she died? Yeah. Can we talk about New Mexico though because I'm done with Nicolette Sheridan. Yeah I think we probably let it go on too long honestly. If we're not going to talk about Felicity

Huffman the next best thing is New Mexico. Yeah. So a problem I always had with Breaking Bad are the the dirt bags on the show specifically how they're costumed. We talked a little bit about this phenomenon. We were talking about the Jackie Chan movie Rumble in the Bronx. It's kind of like there's just this generic dirt bag template or this box of mishmash dirt bag costumes. And the characters will have raver pants but then a

leather jacket and then a do-rag and but also like a mesh shirt sure on underneath it and it seemed like i'm like well you know this show is great but whoever is costuming these dirtbags just has no you know regard for the fact that there are kinds of dirt bags and it always kind of bothered me and it's like well you know it's like why is the cholo hanging out with the punk rock guy and it always just kind of irked me it's something why is the country and western guy wearing that fubu jersey right exactly it was totally stuff like that and it seemed like you know it you know a good portion of the show kind of happens in that dark, seedy, dirtbag underworld. And it always was something I just had to get over.

Now, after having spent time in New Mexico, I think whoever dresses those dirtbags should get an Emmy. Is that how they dress? It was amazing. Not all New Mexicans did dirtbag community. There was a lot of New Mexico that was really, really nice. New Mexico is an amazing community. There was a lot of New Mexico that was really, really nice. New Mexico, amazing state. It was terrific. But there were a lot of dirtbags, and they were all dressed in crazy mishmash outfits.

A lot of, like, Jankos. Oh, Jankos. Yeah, exactly. I own stock in Jankos, so I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, yeah. So it is still alive and well in New Mexico. I don't think they're buying these Jankos new. Oh, well, that's bad for business yeah i shorted janko and went all in on zeke haverichi

oh that's a really smart business um but yes a lot of and and and multi multi-racial gangs of dirt bags too it's like usually the the you know the the The ethnicities by rights should be separate. Well, with dirtbags. If WWF has taught us anything. But yeah, it seems like you don't see too many multiracial gangs of dirtbags except in New Mexico where it seems like all these guys have just pulled all their weird-looking clothes, dressed up, and now walk around looking vibratey. They're all vibrating. It's pretty resourceful. I think so, too.

And open-minded. Absolutely. It's sort of like a multicultural utopia, is what you're describing. It is a little bit. So dirtbags are better than us, as far as regular people who don't... Though they don't see color.

Right. This sounds like a society... Because their retinas are detached yes because of all the meth yeah sounds like a society for us and by us yeah exactly a real fubu did you have any run-ins no uh-uh i mean the dirt bags were polite oh you know this really funny this uh we were parked somewhere i think we were just parked at a McDonald's in this kind of old dirt bag. Man or woman? Man. An old male dirt bag.

He was driving a – God, yeah, and it's so funny. He was a white guy, and he was driving a crazy airbrushed van. Sure. Which is maybe not something you think any – Sunset or dolphins? I think warrior. Oh, yeah. I think warrior.

Feathers and – yeah. Yeah, yeah. But yes, white guy dirt bag, like jean jacket, no shirt. Love it. It would be better if you had said that it was a Quetzalcoatl. Yeah, right.

That was on this side. It was La Malinche painted on this side. And he comes up, he came up to us, we were just like switching some gear from one car to the other. And he's like, hey, are you fellas bachelors? And we're like, yep.

He's like, I know bachelors when I see them. And walked into the McDonald's. That is fucking brilliant. That's wonderful. It was great. And yeah, and that guy could just go ahead and walk onto the set of Breaking Bad and do that and not look out of place. But that's what I like about – that's a perfect crazy person encounter because if you go one more step from are you guys bachelors? I know bachelors when I see them.

Then it just turns into like something you don't want to be a part of. But that's a brilliant five-minute interaction with someone who's crazy. I mean I don't know if he was trying to like cruise us or something. No, he just wanted to – he wanted to have something sassy to say. You made his day from that point on. He remembered his days as a bachelor. I still got it. I still have my bachelor detection talent.

And then he walked in and ordered six McRebs. Yeah. Right. I'd love for him to just reach into his pants and pull out a stag film reel. Just, like, unspooled and just hold a stag film reel. Just like unspooled and just hold it up to the light. Yes. You boys want to see a nun suck a dog's dick?

Yeah. See, that's what I mean. One more step and it's too crazy. I think I know bachelors. Yeah. If I know bachelors, they want to see a nun suck a dog's dick. Fubu.

Cross colors. All that. FUBU. Cross colors. All that. Yeah, that's... Bugle boy. That might be the only... What else you got? Miller's Outpost. I don't know.

At L. Bean. County Seas. L. L. Bean. Aaron Gibson just said L. L. Bean. We're running out of... Yeah, L. L. Bean. Aaron Gibson just said L.L. Bean. We're running out of... Yeah, L.L. Bean, the clothing of thugs. Oh, so you fellas bachelors then. Everybody into my Volvo.

Now you're from Maine. Let's head down to the coast. Oh, I love a thug in a Volvo. Wearing L.L. Bean. Fresh jam. That's one of those lobster dirt bags. Yes. Gotta go empty the traps.

And then snort some glue to get fucked up. We'll be back. Don't touch my keys. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective homosexual brian sophie feminasty aaron gibson um that was see isn't it fun that we all did our

right one yeah that was fun it felt good i didn't That felt as good as a nice baguette to the snack. Thank God. Why is using... Actually, baguette to the snatch should be the right way to say it, because that sounds the best, actually. I haven't lost it the whole time, and that made me lose my shit. Jesse, please, use the less offensive bun to the gash. Disgusting.

I picked up a really old joke book the other day, and what the joke was, what do you call a tampon? What's another term for tampon? And it was a gash mask. Horrifying. Oh, wow. Did you pick this up out of the garbage? Basically. It was disgusting.

You stole it from Milton Berle. No, it was from that era. You pushed down Milton Berle. Stole it? I feel that he's not. You stole it from Milton Berle. No, it was from that era. You pushed down Milton Berle. Is he alive? I feel that he's not. Is this just a podcast where we talk about people who may or may not be dead? Yeah, yeah. I want to take this moment to recognize our sponsors.

First sponsor this week, Ask Metafilter. Hey. Welcome, Ask Metafilter. Welcome, Ask Metafilter. Sponsor this week. I thought it would be fun for me to just read ask metafilter is this website great website where people ask questions they get answers it's sort of like what if yahoo answers or something like that wasn't horrible yeah it is like actually run by goth 12 year olds yeah it is actually really consistently

superb they've like set it up so that uh so that it really works right and people give you really like i've asked any kind of crazy question and gotten perfect answers and anytime i don't know something i always first i google it on ask metafilter but these are questions that the answer that there are answers to on ask metafilter right now. Number one, what is the name of that song about a werewolf in love? What is it? There's two answers. Let's see. Somebody's going to have the answer.

The Werewolf as sung by Cat Power, original by Michael Hurley, or the next suggestion is Falling in Love with the Wolf Boy? Question mark. There's... Oh, the other one that I really liked is, my girlfriend is hoping to get a mohawk. Any tips?

But any tips is the question. Yeah. Yeah, for talking her out of the mohawk, for mohawk maintenance. There's a big explanation here. There is a big explanation. To their here. There is a big explanation. To their credit, there is a big explanation. And I hope that there's also a big explanation to the next question underneath that, which is, what are these large metal objects?

Oh, I love it. Anyway, so I think Ask Metafilter is the best. You can find it online at askthatmetafilter.com. If you have some weird question, like I was just looking for weekend getaway spots near Los Angeles. Typed it into Ask Metafilter. Found two great threads with lots of valuable information from non-idiots. Terrific. Wonderful website.

Up on the Jumbotron this week. Oh, first of all, we have a commercial message. Beyond the Twilight, a short story collection from the mind of Christopher Meyer. The Christopher Meyer? Yes. The Christopher Meyer. Right, Stephanie Meyer. Yeah, the author of Twilight is Stephanie Meyer.

This has Twilight in it. Is this her weird brother? Yeah, sure. Why not? Okay. From coin flips to cannibalistic eating contest, this collection of story offers something for the different minded. Different as in quotes.

I don't know what that means. It's upsetting. They say, if you've laughed or even have just been offended one time by Jordan Jesse Go, this book is for you. All right. That's Christopher Meyer's opinion. I think you should give it a shot. Sure.

Whether or not you're offended by the program, which is offensive. It was offensive, especially when we started talking about those made-up 80s WWF guys. That was offensive. Yeah, but funny. And also satirical. That was satire. That was some satirical-ass shit. We do not support that racism.

That was the WWF's thing. Do you think satire is dead? I don't know. I'm talking about Doonesberry? I'm not going into that. You just want an excuse to talk about Doonesberry. Just about how Jessie's always trying to shoehorn in the Red Baron Pizza Patrol. She has in her sweaty little paw, she has a three by five card

full of Spiro Agnew jokes. Yes. She needs to get to. Okay, we have one more up on the Jumbotron. This is from Zach. Oh, this is, this one's a personal.

I love personal ads on Jordan Jesse Go. I love it when the Jumbotron has people looking for love. They're a lot of fun. Okay. Greetings, fellow Jordan Jesse Go fans.

I'm a 28-year-old journalist in Washington, D.C. Hi. That sounds good so far. Sounds good, right? I'm an outdoor guy. That's a career that's on the rise. Yes. I'm an outdoor guy in that I like running, skiing, going to the beach, and checking out new bars slash restaurants.

Fun. This guy sounds great. The last one is not part of being an outdoor guy, but I'm going to let it slide. After that sentence he has in parentheses, patios only. But I'm also a homebody in the sense that I like staying in and listening to Led Zeppelin while taking bubble baths. This guy sounds great. The most relaxing music for a bubble bath. The most relaxing music for a bubble bath.

I'm looking for a cool girl to take to concert. I'm going to guess that it went ahead and that it cut him off there and said, go take to concerts and so on and so forth. Here's what you can do. If you think it might be nice to meet Zach and you're in Washington, D.C., or if you just want to, you know, email with him, you know, get a picture of him, that kind of thing. A lot of times people will post a picture of themselves in the forum thread for the show. Let's be honest. It's important.

Yeah, it is. And I mean, let's get real. This guy's probably at least a nine. Oh, yeah. I mean, he skis. Yeah, this guy's... Outdoor stuff. When have you met an unattractive skier?

Go ahead. Name an unattractive skier. You can't. Can't do it. I can't think Peekaboo Street is a skier. That's as far as I can get. Right. And also, skiers usually have some money. That's true, yeah, it is.

So he probably does pretty well. What's the famous snowboard guy? Oh, the one that looks like Carrot Top? Sean White. Yeah. He was on a pack of gum at the grocery store? Yes, Spearmint Gum. Why?

Why would you put celebrity goofus Sean White on a pack of gum? Also, isn't he like X Games territory? Why would you put on Spearmint Gum? No, kids don't eat that. He's like an Olympic gold medalist. I know, but he doesn't appeal to like – who eats spearmint gum? Like accountants and divorcees? Smokers.

I think they probably tried to like dress up the – I think it's probably called like Arctic Blast. Right. So if you want to maybe meet Zach or email with him or whatever, this is how we do it. Anonymous styles. Just email JJGo at MaximumFun.org, which is our email address, and put message for Zach in the subject line. And just say whatever you want. Talk about fun stuff.

And Washington, D.C. is a fun town. I used to work at Borders there. I lived there for a year. I love D.C. It is fun. One time I found George F. Will's Newsweek. Crazy shit can happen. Crazy shit can happen. Crazy shit can happen in Washington

D.C. You never know when you're going to see James Carville. A lot of local celebrities. A lot of fun local celebrities. Also a lot of micro brews there. Hot micro brews. I did get in an argument with someone when I was in Washington D.C. about the city and how

she was like, I was like, well, I don't think I could live here, but it's very interesting to visit. And she was like, well, there's so much history here. And I was like, yeah, that's fine. Like, I just came off as the dumbest L.A. person. Like, well, we have tacos. They got some good empanadas in Washington, D.C. Your go-to lunch in Washington, D.C., I recommend, if you're downtown, empanada. I don't know how that worked out.

Maybe this is a romantic date. Oh, get some empanadas. Grab an empanada. Skiing and empanadas. Sure. So if you want to meet Zach, email us at jjgoatmaxim maximumfun.org and just put message for Zach in the subject line. And besides that, if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it is cheap. It is easy.

Just go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, go just email Teresa at maximumfun.org. Hey, I've got a couple of quick things that I want to mention here, Jordan. Sure. Number one, we're looking for an events intern here at MaximumFun.org. We have a new event director, Nick White,

who's also the editor of Bullseye. And he is going to be working on MaxFunCon as well as some secret projects that I can't yet describe, but you will know all about if you're in the events. It's eugenics.

Well, it's actually sex furniture. It's one of those Ottomans... I feel like sex furniture is worse than eugenics. What's worse? Sex furniture or eugenics? Sex furniture is pretty good. It helps you penetrate deeper.

What if sex furniture was part of your eugenics scheme? Yeah, I can make that happen. if sex furniture was part of your eugenics scheme? Oh, yeah, I can make that happen. Like sex furniture that rejected the feeble minded. You have to do an IQ test before you can step on. That would be the most frustrating

thing in the world. Well, when you said step on, I think you maybe had something else in mind. With this sex furniture, you get in. It's a pod. It's a pod that fucks you. Anyway, about the internship. Best segue.

If you're interested in learning all about how. And getting penetrated super deep. How Maximum Fun works and, you know, all that different kind of stuff and you're interested in MaxFunCon and how MaxFunCon works and putting together the thing you'll be working directly with Nick and me here at MaxFun World Headquarters and you get all the t-shirts

and leftover USB drives from last year's MaxFun drive that you want email Nick Nick at MaximumFun.org and he will get you the link for all of the application details. But do it quickly because the application deadline is nigh. I do not remember exactly what it is, but it is approaching very quickly. So email nick at maximumfund.org, and he will hook you up. Also, I want to mention one other thing, which is another new Max Fund show.

I want to mention one other thing, which is another new MaxFun show. This is a show that Jordan and I did a pilot for a few weeks ago. And we've sort of had it out there. We sort of sneakily social mediated it up on SoundCloud a little bit. But we've actually added it to the iTunes store now. It's actually part of the viral marketing for the new spider-man movie yeah it's kind of a it's called webs and things it's like linens and things but for spider-man yeah right which the two those two the fans of both cross over a lot there is a lot of crossover people who love linens and things love Spider-Man. They do. We were going to call it Web's Bab and Beyond.

We decided we couldn't find that fucking coupon, the 15% off coupon. It's 20%. So it's a correction. 20. It's a pop culture comedy quiz show called International Waters. Jordan is the head writer. I thought it was called Webs and Things. Oh, that would be cool.

Well, I guess now we have to shoehorn a show into that title. This is a better name. It's called International Waters. Jordan is the head writer. I'm the host. And every week on the show, or excuse me, every month, we're going to be producing this show once a month for the time being, there is a pop culture quiz contest between a team of two comedians in the United States and two comedians in London, England.

That's right, in a studio in London, England, competing for the title of who is the best country. Other countries besides England and the United States. Have already been eliminated in a previous vetting process. Yeah. We did a complicated. We did a. It was numerical. Let me just say that.

There was a numerical system we came up with. It's alphabetical, right? Yeah. Sounds like lies. A, America. B, Britain. Anyway, we've got. No one else.

But Bahamas. We've got. Britain comes first. first okay we've got the pilot up we've got the pilot up uh in the feed right now just search for international waters and itunes or go to the maximum fun room it'll be up on the website very shortly and um i think it is just really it's a it's a really fun awesome show So give it a listen. Tell a friend, etc., etc. I think you'll really like it. And then if I do say so, when the MaxFunDrive rolls around in a couple of weeks, just remember

that we have to pay for this whole thing. So if you like it, if you listen to it and you like it and you want to support the cost of making it, then become a member or up your donation level or whatever is required of you. Right? Sure.

Take care of business. TCB. Ship over some sex furniture. If it's not too expensive. Right. It's very expensive to ship on that. Just like sex furniture you're done with. I want to thank...

You're bored with. Nothing better than used sex furniture. Yeah. Well, you say in this economy. Yeah. You can't be buying sex furniture. Yeah, well, you say it. In this economy? Yeah. You can't be buying sex furniture new. No. I want to thank everybody who came to our meetup this week in Minneapolis.

We had a great turnout. I think we had 40 or 50 people there. It was really a blast. Everyone from Public Radio International couldn't believe that I could draw that many people to something in a place where I'm not on the radio. But it was really a great time. Everybody was super nice. A nice lady whose name I want to say was Mary, that's from memory, was nice enough to give Simon, my son, a board book. It is a Minnesota Twins-themed board book. It is an effort to trick him into becoming a Minnesota Twins fan, which I think is both very kind of her and genuinely

evil. Just a dastardly act. But I want to thank her for that and all the folks who came out. It was really a great time. And we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Homosexual Brian Safi. And feminasty Aaron Gibson. By the way, Brian and Aaron. I'm tired of all that now. Brian and Aaron. I liked it before. Now I don't. The hosts of the new MaxFun podcast, Throw in Shade.

If you think they're hilarious here, wait until you hear them on that show. Thanks, Jesse. Yeah, we'll take it. It's like this, but with more issues. Yeah, we talk about women's issues and gay issues, and we take them kind of seriously. And then we don't. And then we also tell dick jokes. Spin off into madness.

Yeah, I think people maybe would see the description and maybe think it's a little more high-minded. And no, it is high-minded. You guys are intelligent. It's very low-low. It's ultimately a base. Yeah, it's very base. This is basically Mike and Molly. Yes, yes.

We basically were like, what is the easiest way to get these issues across? Talking about jerking off and, you know, murder. Yeah, yeah. Fantasy scenarios about genital jewelry. Yeah. Oh, I love genital jewelry. Sure. The pop singer from the 80s?

Isn't there a documentary about people who are obsessed with genital jewelry? Yep. There must be. Hey, we've got some momentous occasions here. When something momentous happens in our listeners' life, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. We hope that you will plug that into your telephone number so that when something important happens, you can call us.

We've got a couple of great calls here. Let's give them a listen. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Ken from Denver calling in with a momentous occasion. I'm at the Atlanta airport waiting for a flight back to Denver, and I saw Vanilla Ice buying a cup of coffee at Starbucks, and a minute later, Newt Gingrich bought a cup of coffee at the same Starbucks. I saw them within 20 seconds of each other.

Weirdest celebrity pairing of all time. Do you think this is going to be one of those McCain-Palin type situations? Like they met, they clicked. Oh, sure. And they're running. They really should. You know, Vanilla Ice is a very successful real estate guru. Yeah.

Is he? Gingrich Ice 2012. Yeah. So I think that his business savvy and Gingrich's political. And Gingrich would give Vanilla Ice an edge. Yeah. Gingrich Ice 2012. Yeah. So I think that his business savvy and Gingrich's political. And Gingrich would give Vanilla Ice an edge. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. He doesn't have a lot of edges on him, that Gingrich. He's a fat man.

Yes. Yeah. And my mom makes the best vanilla newts. They are so good. And I think that that would. He didn't say what Nuke got I would be curious to know Yeah, I'm interested to know what they ordered Yeah, I am also

Yeah, I mean, I think we encourage callers to keep it pithy But I think in some cases they leave out important details I think it, yeah, it could maybe really, I don't know Can we just guess what it is? Because I have a guess Absolutely Venti Caramel Macchiato Extra Cream On both of them Oh, wait, is that what Vanilla Ice got? just guess what it is because i have a guess absolutely venti caramel macchiato extra cream

on both their both of them for both oh wait is that what vanilla ice got i mean that's what newt got because as we said before he's a fatso right but i think that newt asked them to dump two muffins inside of it hey just dump a couple of muffins in there i'm supposed to be getting more fiber right and i want it through a straw. Newt doesn't ingest anything unless he chews it, including liquids. Right. I want to be able to chew this.

Do you think maybe, I mean, you know, kind of a maybe the impetus for their ticket would be like if they both had the same order, you know, double grande caramel macchiato, and the barista puts it on the shelf, and then they both try and grab it at the same time,

and then their eyes lock. It's a meet-cute. Yeah, exactly. I love this romantic comedy. I'm going to sell to Paramount. I'm sorry, I just... Can I have some money? No, no.

Oh, I want some. America's love affair with gay, washed-up rappers and politicians. He's not gay. Continues. Vanilla ice? They are in this movie. Oh, in the movie. Oh, in want some. America's love affair with gay washed-up rappers and politicians. He's not gay. Continues. Vanilla Ice? They are in this movie. Oh, in the movie. Oh, in the movie.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Of course. But do you think America is ready, Jesse? I mean, you know. I think America is hungry for this. Oh, it's called Fourth Wife. Okay.

Let's hear the next call here. It's like Fourth Meal. Yeah, but. It's a wife you have after you're drunk and all the bars are closed. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guest. This is Cameron from San Diego.

I'm working down here at the factory, and I go into the bathroom. You know, the San Diego factory. San Diego factory, sure. It's where they make orcas. I was going to say they make neck tattoos and social distortion stickers. They make the San Diego factory. Under the bathroom

and there's someone standing at the urinal and the closer I get, I realize that he's actually asleep and he kind of leaned over against the wall and he's sort of standing there, and I can only assume that he fell asleep while taking care of business. So I kind of just snuck out of the bathroom, and now I'm trying to figure out if maybe it would have been better to wake him up,

but maybe it would have been better if, you know, we weren't both so embarrassed because that seems to be be a really awkward situation. Wow. Just thought you'd like to hear. Take care. I would have just made a lot of noise. And I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you at some point I haven't rested my arm against a urinal and closed my eyes. I'm not even joking.

I think I probably have before. This is why we have the Momentous Occasion segment on this show. Because shit like this is so magical, so beautiful. It's just something that enters your life and just delivers you like a power blast of fairy dust. That can bring you into the sky of joy clouds. To see something as amazing and something you just never imagined you could see you know what i mean like you know when people were saying i never thought i'd live to see a black president like i never lived i never thought i would live to hear someone tell me that they saw

someone asleep standing up while being i also love that it was in the the bathroom of the fact it sounds like a bruce springsteen lyric so down, you fall asleep at the urinal. Sleep at the factory urinal. At the very least. That's what The Rising is all about, right? It's about getting up after falling asleep at the urinal. Guys, it's about 9-11, okay? Oh, God.

Sorry. Didn't want to bring it down. Sorry. You did. Sorry you knew that was going to happen. Sorry, Jordan. I forgot. Sorry. Didn't want to bring it down. Sorry. You did. Sorry you knew that was going to happen. Sorry, Jordan. I forgot. Okay.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, yo. This is Josh in Los Angeles. I was just in a parking lot of a 7-Eleven, and a momentous occasion happened. A guy got out of a car and asked me if I played World of Warcraft, and I said no. And he said, oh, if you did, I was going to invite you to my guild. And then he slammed his car door and drove away. It's because I look like a dork. That's cool.

Anyhow, have a good show. Bye. That's when you've got to start re-evaluating your grooming and attire choices. Exactly. Yeah. Random invites to World of Warcraft. Exactly. You need to wipe the sweat off

your brow not that there's anything wrong with playing world of warcraft or anything no there are there is i'm just saying if you're gonna get into that you at least want to be able to hit the world like world champion baseball pitcher kurt schilling when you tell people that you play a world that you're obsessed with world of warcraft you want them to be like oh because i thought you were a world champion baseball pitcher and you'll be like well don't judge a book by its cover you don't want someone you do not want the reverse to happen now where you are enough you are a social person with life real with world engagements and then someone assumes the worst. But I am impressed that someone

that's that into World of Warcraft would be that social and be like, do you want to play? I'm impressed by that. I mean, it's possible. I think it's an act of desperation. It's also possible

that they just didn't have the social tools. They couldn't interpret reactions. And they were on the spectrum is what I was saying. Where is there a parking lot in LA? Can you tell me where that is? God, I wish I could find a parking lot. And are you being... No, I don't...

Nothing has a parking lot. You have to park on the street. 7-Elevens do. He was at a 7-Eleven. What are you talking about? Los Angeles is one enormous parking lot. But there's no spaces. Isn't that what's crazy about this town?

How did these people both get a space? How do they both have a space? I think they were more connected than he thought, than Josh thought. He should have gone. Just because when life gives you an apple, you make apple pie, right? Exactly. And I want to be clear that World of Warcraft is an apple, not a lemon, because it's perfectly okay to play World of Warcraft. I have nothing against World of Warcraft.

It's no Skyrim, certainly. Well, thank you for telling the truth. I don't even really know. I know it's a game. Is it like Dungeons and Dragons? Yes. Skyrim or World of Warcraft? They both are.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, World of Warcraft is one where you play it on the internet. Dungeons and Dragons is more so. But is it like an RPG? It is. Yeah. Yeah. Sure like an RPG? It is, yeah. Yeah. Orcs. Nice work. You know how proud I am that I knew that. Yeah, you got a real shit-eating grin on your face.

Look at you. RPG. Right, guys? You want to join my guild? Oh, absolutely. See, I would. I would be interested. In a guild? But I'm also the kind of person that never gets a second invite for a game night. So I don't think it would be that fun. them up yeah okay it's because you like throw the board across the room and say i'm done yeah is that why i haven't seen you in elf quest lately yes

that's exactly why i get one invite and i freak out i think so i think that's the thing before i think that's the thing i think that's live action i think you go out into the world and do that. No, that's vampire. What about, Brian, did you ever play Legends of Zelda? Don't worry, Jesse. Someone will correct us. No, but I did play Legends of the Fall. Okay. The video game based on the movie.

Only available on PS3. Yeah. That's an exclusive. Exactly. I'm really good at the level where you have to write stuff on a chalkboard. Yes. Legends of the Fall. Yeah.

I'm really good at the Anthony Hopkins level. That is the Anthony Hopkins level. Yeah. He goes mute. Anyway. I'm grasping at straws here. Yeah. As far as my Legends of the Fall details.

I never saw it, to be honest with you. It's beautiful. It's a really lovely movie. Yeah. You know, I have never played Legends of the Fall what happened is I got super into Metropolitan yeah

the Whit Stillman movie the video game yeah the Whit Stillman video game it's where it's where you're you're a prep in your early 20s right

and you get involved don't stop talking you've got a lot of ennui that you express verbally. I bet you'd love the video game Not Without My Daughter. That is a good one. Oh, by Lifetime Games. Yeah. Yes.

Right. Yes. Real, I mean, real violent, too. Yeah. I'm surprised that they got away with just an M rating for that. Sally Field did all those voices. Yeah. All the mocap, too.

She put on the suit. At this point. did all those voices. All the mocap too. She put on the suit with all the balls. At this point, if we don't get, if we're not getting gifs emailed to us and posted on the forum and on Tumblr of the covers, art, and screenshots from these games, I'm just going to kill myself before the next show.

I did a... Suicide is no laughing matter, but I want to make it clear that I'm serious. Guys, I think this has been a great run, and I'm not trying to diminish this run. I did a similar run the last time I was on the Indoor Kids, Kumail Nanjiani's video game podcast, and I goofed that I was very into the network video game. Oh, that's – but that's a good one too. Yeah, I think it's good. And I was tempted to reuse it, But I think more of you than that

Thank you I have one more quick story about a video game The Saw video game has a question on it That's like who do you choose Wait the Saw video game is like a trivia game No it's like a video game The Saw video game with Alex Trebek No it's like Jigsaw asks you

Who are you fighting Or who are you fighting to win for or whatever. Your wife, your partner, or your children, which I thought was extremely progressive. I was really impressed that Saul would have that option. He also likes to torture gay people. Totally. Jigsaw is pro-gay. Sure.

He voted against Prop 8. Equal opportunity. I was going to say someone made a lovely, lovely animated gif of the start scene of the network video game because of that podcast. Oh, wow. That's tremendous. It's great. You can see it on my Tumblr if you'd like. It says, if you're mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, press start.

There you go. I think the gauntlet has been thrown down here. I'm really excited about Metropolitan, the video game. Oh, that will be a good one. I'm just looking forward to seeing, and, you know, I mean, the Last Days of Disco game is going to be pretty exciting. Yeah, that is going to be. Oh, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Is that the one I'm talking about?

Matchpoint is going to be a fun one. Yeah. River Runs Through It. Yeah. The entire early Brad Pitt canon. Sure. Thelma and Louise. I'm looking forward to the one-on-one fighting talented Mr. Ripley.

Yes. Oh, that one will be good. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. and tell them Louise. I'm looking forward to the one-on-one fighting talented Mr. Ripley. Yes. Oh, that one will be good. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Homosexual Brian Safi. And feminasty Aaron Gibson. I like it again. I am prepared this time around for the tweet of the week. Because earlier today I was searching for the hashtag JJGo. Which I do from time to time. Try and keep an eye on what people are chatting about.

Who's calling me fat and ugly. And hashtagging it JJGo. Yeah. We got something from at Hoffm. H-O-F-F-M. And usually I like to pick something that is both original, not just repeating a joke of ours, and directly related to something we just talked about on Jordan, Jesse Go. And I know that we have talked about this, but I don't remember talking about it recently. But it's so important.

Sure. It's just so important. He just wrote if you enjoy being delighted I suggest you type Clooney pig into Google Images. And he provided a link. I clicked on this link.

Look at these pictures of George Clooney and his pet pig. Oh God. That is pretty adorable. George Clooney used to have a pet pig that lived in his. That's pretty adorable. Pretty... George Clooney used to have a pet pig that lived in his house.

But it's dead now? It's passed on now. But it used to... Just like the late Bob Guccione. It used to sleep with him in his bed and I just...

It's just so great to see it. That's pretty wonderful. He... Was the pig... Is that who got him out of jail? Oh, maybe. Oh, the pig's dead. I'm sorry. So the ghost of the pig got him out of jail yeah oh the pig's dead i'm sorry yeah so

the ghost of the pig got him out of jail the ghost it spooked all the guards yeah so at a run for it at hoffman michael uh email intern at maximumfund.org and we'll give you a free we'll send you a free t-shirt because uh i i think it was absolutely it was worth every penny of what those t-shirts cost me plus postage that you you brought those pictures of George Clooney hugging his pig into my life. Who knew? I did. But I didn't know about the pictures. I didn't have the photographic evidence of this amazing, amazing, fucking amazing situation.

Is it going to make you not eat pork? No, I love pork. Even more now. That pig looks delicious. Oh, yeah. Friends with a movie star. Smarter than a dog. I'm consuming your power.

Anyway, gee whiz. I just want to remind everybody the MaxFunDrive starts on the 26th. Um, we're going to have not just great episodes of all of your favorite MaxFun shows, including but not limited to Jordan, Jesse, Go and Throwing Shade, but also special bonus episodes. Donors only. Gordon and I, and also my brother, my brother, and me, and Stop Podcasting Yourself, are going to make new riff videos where we make little jokes at the expense of a short educational film from the 1940s and 50s. This is going to be a real blast, and we've got all kinds of cool thank you gifts and whatever. And everything that we do is paid for by people out there like you. And, you know, everything that we do is paid for by people out there like you. So thank you to everybody who donates and to everybody who's warming up to start getting up off their money. Starting on the 26th. Y'all going to get paid.

Y'all going to get paid. I'm not talking to you in the audience. I'm talking to Aaron and Brian. Oh, yeah. Can I just say not to – I don't know how you feel about leaving this on a sentimental but you're super rich already oh i'm lousy with money yeah no we're really we're really happy to be part of the family oh thank you very much it's great to have you guys it is a pleasure i was so i was so happy to hear you say that i've been listening to your show for a long time and i

when i when i pitched you i was i was like nervous i'm like oh what are they going to think of this we were? We were nervous too. It all comes out. Remember when we first met at that airport and I had that triple caramel macchiato and I reached for it, Newt reach for it, I just reached for it. And then you guys were on the same plane

and you were loudly reading the story of David and Goliath. Yeah. Over the sound of jelly bellies being consumed. It was all the same plane trip, guys. So listen. That's what we call the prestige.

Langoliers. Or the Langoliers. Listen up, fuckfaces. Subscribe to Throwing Shade. Give it a listen. What they do, what Aaron and Brian do

is every week they take all of the most important issues that are going on in the worlds of ladies and homosexuals. And then they make a long string of often very vulgar jokes about them. Sometimes lies. Lies. Also lies.

Start lying. Yeah, that is one of your favorite comic tropes. It is. Someone said, they go, I love your podcast. It's just lies. Which is doing it a little bit of disservice because we do try to talk about serious things and i i hope that everyone also will check out the pilot for international waters which we just posted and we're going to put another one up

uh very shortly during the pledge drive i think this is a really really cool show the first episode has uh among other people the brilliantly hilarious hilarious Paul Scheer and Janet Varney here in the United States and in the UK. It has Tom Parry and Josie Long. I almost forgot Josie's name there for a second. Josie's actually a friend of mine. But Josie and Tom representing the UK, Paul and Janet representing the US, and special guest Ryan Johnson, the director of Brick and the Brothers Bloom and the upcoming Looper.

Nice. The upcoming Looper, which he just premiered the trailer for or some shit at WonderCon. Don't know. What is WonderCon? I was at WonderCon. I was there yesterday.

What is it? It's like kind of a lesser Comic-Con. Okay. Although it is becoming more like Comic-Con. It'll destroy Comic-Con is what you're saying. It's put on by the same people, so I don't think they would like it to destroy it. Well, you don't know that. It is in Anaheim.

It was lovely. Wait, WonderCon is in Anaheim? It used to be in San Francisco. Now it's in Anaheim. Oh, I thought that it being in San Francisco was the whole point of it. I guess not. I guess you can just get show business people to come to Anaheim. Yeah, I think so. I think they had a, you know, Milla Jovovich was down there.

Free canvas bags. You can get anybody. Right. Yes, exactly. That's a good point. So anyway, go into your iTunes, download a Throw in Shade, download an International Waters, give them a try, and get ready for the pledge drive. That's all I got to say. It has been a delight to have you on the program, Erin and Brian.

Thanks for having us. It's been a delight for us. This was great. I'm fucking say. It has been a delight to have you on the program, Erin and Brian. Thanks for having us. It's been a delight for us. This is great. I'm fucking delighted. I'm happy every day of my life thinking about what's happening between all of us. This is amazing. I'm so glad that we decided to have this quadrangle marriage. Yeah.

Words can't describe it. This is absolutely. But we can try. Why don't we? Let's give it a shot. I mean, it is like having one of your feet in the perfect foot massage machine. Yes. Wait, wait.

Who's going to hit me in the crotch with the baguette? I'll do it. Oh, thanks. Great. I'd love to do it. Thank you. It would be my pleasure. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design,

courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We're online at MaximumFun.org. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org. 206-9844-FUN we'll talk to you next time on jordan jessica