Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 217: Dent Pohlson with Rob Corddry

Episode Date: March 26, 2012

Rob Corddry joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about neighbor enemies, funny names and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, the brilliant Rob Corddry joins us to talk about neighborhood enemies. And guess what? It's the Max Fund Drive.

Go donate now. Okay, listen to some show first. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wow, Jordan. Are you okay? Your roof is caving in. Yeah, I am here despite the fact that my house is now filling with water.

That's how much I care about this podcast. Well, you do have that old-timey bailing machine and those two day laborers pumping it. Right, exactly. Yeah, I got them all at the swap meet because i thought it was kind of cute and kitschy i also got one of those desks were like in the 50s i'd put a telephone those were kind of all in like a bundle so you just to clarify you went down to the swap meet you got yourself one of those desks where in the 50s you'd put a telephone yeah there's a little thing underneath for the yellow pages. You got yourself an old-timey bailing machine and you got yourself a couple

of day laborers to operate the bailing machine. Right, but they're like old-time antique day laborers so they're Irish. Gotcha. Just a bunch of drunk mix. They're working for taters. Yeah, sure. Blight-free taters.

That was their condition. The taters cannot have the blight You actually did call me 45 minutes before we were set to start recording And said, hey Jesse, it's Jordan If I'm there late It's only because A hole just opened up in my roof And there's water pouring through it

I might have thought that if I was late You would just assume it was a jo sesh sure but yeah no vo sesh right exactly one or the other you gotta show business i try and do i try and you can do both at the same time because you can do it from home yeah so i i like to do a jo while i do my record my vo and if you're doing it for a video game it helps you with the part of the vo sesh where you have helps you with the part of the vo sesh where you have to do all the sort of grunts and you know what i'm talking about like the operating a gun grunts and moving stuff grunts like oh yeah my character in skyrim that's the only noises he makes you know the skyrim guy doesn't talk he just goes, ugh. Interesting. Interesting that they... So you're in...

I haven't played Skyrim, so the character is just kind of a cipher. They don't talk. Let's bring our guest into this. Oh, yes, exactly. We'll talk about this. Our guest on the program, of course, one of our most beloved guests on Jordan, Jesse Goh.

You know him as the co-creator and star of the hit television program Children's Hospital. You know him as the co-creator and star of the hit television program Children's Hospital. You know him as the star of numerous major motion pictures and television programs. Some of them involving Kumar. I was going to say, including one that Jordan worked as a PA on once. His name is Mr. Rob Corddry. Hi, Rob. I have a lot to say.

Okay. A lot to say about this. About J-O-Sash, V-O-S Rob. I have a lot to say. Okay. A lot to say about this. About J-O-Sash, V-O-Sash? Let's start from the beginning. Okay. No, those little grunts are called efforts. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Have you done video game stuff before? I have. I did New Vegas. Fallout. Fallout New Vegas. Yeah, I'm the annoying stand-up

that you probably, I haven't played the game, but you probably just want to skip over if that's even Vegas. Yeah, I'm the annoying stand-up that you probably... I haven't played the game, but you probably just want to skip over if that's even possible. Yeah. And just kind of like, I'm just going to do my own thing. I haven't played it, but the series takes place post-apocalypse, so you are doing post-apocalyptic stand-up material? Well, no. I don't remember. I was super scared, first of all i had

no idea what i was getting myself into i mean this is one of the most prestigious projects you've ever been involved with yeah the fallout prod thanks for asking the fallout um yeah but it's the it's the scariest thing in the world to have to – not scary so much as it is just annoying to record efforts. Yeah. Because really you're just sitting there and there's are you doing – like I know you're a method actor from that school of acting. What are you – what kind of sense memory are you experiencing? Right. So I am more of a – from the Mammoth School, the Atlantic Theater program, and they believe in physical first.

And so this gets to the beginning of what you were saying. A J-O. Oh, okay. You were right. So that's easier than actually pushing a giant crate. Well, conveniently, actually. I mean, I've worked with Rob a little bit

as an engineer. He came over here and recorded a couple sessions with me. He can't get hard unless he's pushing a crate so oh wow that's that's an interesting part of this so yes i was technically pushing a crate with one hand yeah jowing with the other yeah yeah i was i was pretending to shoot a really heavy gun uh yeah but which is actually easy when he's got his you know what i'm talking about well it's a thing, too. And I've gotten so good at this. I don't have to use my hands to J.O. I use my mind.

Wow. Yep. Is that, like, because you read The Secret. Is that part of The Secret? It's Secret-esque. I put that on my board. I made a board. A vision board.

And I just drew a picture of me masturbating without hands. I read The Secret, and I read that How to Pick Up Girls book. The game. I read The Secret and The Game at the same time. And that's how I learned how to do it. Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah.

So that's kind of like an alchemy project, like taking some stuff from the game, taking some stuff from The Secret and kind of mixing it together to the point where you can shoot loads without touching your dong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Technically speaking. Okay. It was really like I've become sort of a Jedi master. Oh, interesting. Well, also, I'm just lucky to have read those two books at once because who – that was my big uh aha moment my eureka moment i would not have would not have i'd be still jacking off with my left hand to make it interesting like you have to deal with

plebeians you still have to deal with the chafing not not even uh that's the first time i've even thought of the word chafing i bet you're saving a lot on lotions no still i still love rubbing lotions all over my dick. But it has nothing to do with jacking off. Gotcha. Just keeping things supple. Skin is very important. I'm 41 years old.

Sure. Shit could get ashy. And my dick is... Yes. Thank you. Yeah. I actually... Jordan, didn't you read the game?

I did read the game, yeah. I actually did read the game. What happened is I booked... Neil Strauss, the author of the game, was at the time that he wrote the game still a music critic for the New York Times. And I thought he was a very interesting music critic for the New York Times. I thought he did a good job. And so when that game book came out, this was when we were still doing The Sound of Young America at UC Santa Cruz. I think this was after you graduated, Jordan, but I was still doing The Sound of Young America at UCSC. And the game came out and I thought, well, that's a really interesting subject for the guy who's

the music critic of the New York Times to take on. And when you start reading the book, and a lot of times when I'm trying to decide whether to book a guest, I'll start reading the book. I don't read the whole book before I decide whether to book them because I can't read every book that comes through. But you start reading the book. It's sort of like it's a very kind of experiential journalism, kind of like what's going on with these weirdos tone that the book takes in the early going. And I thought, yes, this is a weird thing that I'm interested in hearing this journalist that I trust. I'm interested in hearing his opinion about this odd, sad world. So I booked him on the show. And I will say now that he was, when he was on the show, just a super pleasant, nice guy. Couldn't have been nicer.

He was, when he was on the show, just a super pleasant, nice guy. Couldn't have been nicer. However, and the book is a very well-written book, which I think was part of why it was so successful. However, that tone starts off with him being like, you know what? And this is a book about pickup artists, for anyone who hasn't learned about this phenomenon yet he sort of starts off with the tone where it's going to be like i'm gonna i'm gonna see what what makes these guys tick and then maybe 50 pages in i think what happens is he looks at these guys and thinks holy shit i have I have found a subculture where, A, there's money to be made, and B, the level of charisma inherent in being a newspaper pop music critic makes me a 10 out of 10 on the charisma scale. I can become the king of these people.

And so he just does. Yes, absolutely. No, it's totally compelling. I agree. Do you, like, knowing that that's the kind of second act of the book, would you have booked him otherwise? I would have been uncomfortable booking him otherwise. I mean, I might have because, I mean, the thing about it is he is an excellent writer and it's a compelling book the whole way through.

I mean, he also, by the time he wrote that book, he had famously co-written like a Motley Crew guy's autobiography. Yeah, yeah. That was famous for being one of the greatest ghostwritten rock and roll autobiographies ever because he really nailed the ridiculous salaciousness of being a Motley Crew guy. I think it was a Motley Crew guy. It might have been a Def Leppard guy. I think it was a Motley Crue guy. It might have been a Def Leppard guy. I think it was Motley Crue.

Okay, great. So, and it was obvious that he had just written the entire thing and the Motley Crue guy had had nothing to do with it other than saying like, oh, one time I fucked this. Like, fax me a list of things you fucked. Things you snorted. Yeah, right. Things you fucked and places you've slept. And I'll put them

into a compelling pasty and things ozzy did right i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna fax you a diagram of a person you circle the various parts of your body and then and then do an arrow saying what you put into that part and then i will write a book but it's amazing amazing. Isn't it, Jordan? You've read this book. Isn't it amazing how the tone turns when he realizes not only that he can use these mind tricks to get laid, but also that he can become the king of these sad men? Yeah. No, it's funny because, I mean, again, he is such a good writer and it always is, you know, this is something that I don't want to say could be in the New Yorker, but certainly would be the best thing in an issue of Esquire. Right. Like, it would be easily the best thing in an issue of Esquire.

It's the tone, despite the salaciousness, he keeps the tone relatively classy. He doesn't shy away from the salaciousness, keeps the tone relatively classy he's not he doesn't shy away from the salaciousness later on especially yeah but is it always uh sort of he treats it sort of like this is an experiment i'm on or this is as a i'm approaching this i'm crushing all this pussy until he starts a journalist until he starts having these like four ways and stuff like three quarters of the way through what's the whole no what's the in a nutshell what is the science what is his uh what's his uh a very important part of it is learn a magic trick oh my that's the best way to that's the best thing to approach a woman with is like a sleight of hand magic trick women are like four-year-olds so just pull a quarter out of their year uh-huh uh but

yeah um so yeah and there's there's a lot of that's like kind of the simple angle of it and then there's a lot of like lie scenarios that you ask a girl to help you with like you you find a couple of pretty girls and you're like hey um uh there's a lot of like we've got a bet going over there like that's the big thing it's like we've got a bet going over there. Like, that's the big thing. It's like, we've got a bet going over there. My friend just got two goldfish, and we want to name them after an 80s pop group. What should we name the goldfish?

And then, you know, you kind of set up this fun scenario. But then there's like some low-level hypnotism, and that's kind of like... So the big tension, I i mean the big tension is between the people who have figured out these systems to talk to a lot of women while creeping a relatively low percentage of them out so that's like that's the relatively less creepy group of people and those people are a little bit creepy don't get me wrong but many of them are just sad guys who are socially awkward and they have a hard time talking to girls anyway

and this gives them some tools to talk to a lot of girls in a way that is less likely to upset girls like for example going up to them and saying i've got a bet going with my buddies would you do this or this which is a way of talking to people without making them think that you're creeping them out without being aggressive essentially right and so there's that but then yeah there's this other part there's this other branch of it and that goes further and further down the line and gets more and more creepy to be frank but then there's this other part which is which involves fucking mind trick hypnotism type shit and that is bad like what now neil strauss was against that he's against that but it's a fun it's a the distinction gets finer and finer the further down the one way the the good way you go

the distinction between the good way and the bad way Gets less and less distinct Yeah, I think that whether or not You agree with the hypnotism The thesis seems to be Women are easily tricked Women like to be fooled Seems what you're saying The magic trick being the most

Reductive Example of that But yeah, everything is Has that same concept. They will welcome trickery. Right, exactly. With open legs. Yeah, anyway, the book, I mean, the book is genuinely bizarre.

And he went on to a career as, and again, when he was on the show, I mean, I found him to be a really interesting, bright, charming guy. You fucked him. You wanted to have sex with him. I mean, I sucked his dick. I mean, you pulled that quarter out of your ear. What are you supposed to do? Not suck his dick? Where was the quarter? How did it get behind my ear? Yeah. There's a, Rob, I don't know if you've been here. There's a place in LA called the

Magic Castle. Go ahead. It is a castle. A castle-like building. uh it's magical it has magical powers you start to tingle it appears once every year when a when a dense fog rolls out um no this is a place um that you need kind of a special invite to get into um and uh it's like you know kind of this fancy steakhouse but there are rooms where different kinds of magic are being performed uh there's like a sleight of hand room and then there's kind of you know but then you can kind of see like a theatrical you know chris angel type you know

goth bullshit show and then there's you know like dad's goofy magician friend um but you know it's it's kind of this it's kind of this weird it's weird thing and i swear to god i go there and i tell myself just don't go into the just don't go into the cloak coat closet with one of these guys you're just gonna get hurt and every fucking time i do it i end up in the cloakery yeah with one of these fucking magicians but you're all now that i'm putting two and two together you are always at magic shops right you are always at magic shows you're taking a magic class you're teaching a magic workshop on saturdays i am yes uh at the y uh-huh yeah it's you know just a community i know i need to just get away from magic entirely but oh it's so hard you got to separate yourself from these magic gatherings i do

i know i just you know what i need to do i just need to meet a nice non-magician just i don't know like you know just talk to some friends of friends maybe get online and then you know down the down the line after we've have a healthy relationship and maybe we each other, I could just ask her for the wand in the butt. And then I could still have some of that. Do you guys like men? Do you like men? I do, Rob. Jesse, where's your cloak room?

You put the wand in the butt and then you start sending out them scarves. Them hankies. Those were all in the butt, and then you start sending out them scarves. Them hankies. Those were all in my butt. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. What are those noises called, Rob? Efforts. Efforts. Those were some great efforts.

Great efforts. We're going to have to have you do it again, Jesse. Just move around a little bit more. Actually, like, jump, bounce up and down while you're doing it. Rob, how do you... Really make the listener think that scarves are coming out of your butt. Rob, how do you feel about magic, just on a personal level? Not necessarily sexually, but there are some people who enjoy it

and some people who do not like it at all. I have a natural, I think, aversion to it philosophically. You have a natural gift for close-up magic. So I always feel like it's kind of like, well, it's like prop comedy, basically. It's just kind of like a, you know. But whenever I see it, I'm absolutely 100% involved. Love it. I love it. I'm a sucker.

Yeah. I'm a sucker for it. Sleight of hand is great. I've always wanted to go to the Magic Castle. Oh, it's a ton of fun. Just for that. Yeah, yeah. You should do it.

It's at once the classiest and tackiest place you'll ever be in your life. And they say, like, and, you know, everybody that has been there is like, hey, you know, you got to know somebody to get in. But apparently, like, everybody but me has been there. It's not a hard place to get into. I know what I, all I know really about the Magic Castle is I was once talking to our MaximumFun.org colleague, John Hodgman, and he told me that he was turned away from the Magic Castle. I want to say maybe it was after the Emmys or something.

But anyway, it was at some time when he was wearing a suit and tie, but sneakers, and he got turned away for wearing sneakers. Yeah, yeah. The first time I went, I was wearing sneakers and then had to drive home and get non-sneakers. They are that hard line about it. Now, here's the thing. This is also a place that will allow Penn Jillette to come in just at any time. You can have a ponytail.

Really, what's worse? A man with a ponytail or a man with sneakers? You can vote for Ron Paul whenever you want. But please, no sneakers. Ponytails are a necessity for a magician, though, I think. think like yeah well that's where you hide your extra cards yeah a lot of them have your bonus cards magic upsets me magic sincerely upsets me

i get angry because i don't like people trying to trick me and i don't understand why i would want to pay someone to trick me. Like, I don't... Look, I know that other people have this capacity for wonder that they can engage when they see a magic show. But if I see someone doing magic, I'm like, Oh, stop fucking tricking me. And the thing is, I can't figure out what's happening because the man is a professional magician.

You know what I mean? I'm not a professional magician. I don't know how he does the magic tricks. I don't want to have to get so deep involved in it that I figure out how to do it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Then he wins. I did that once.

I got upset when David Blaine was first on television. It was amazing. I mean, he's a joke now, but his first special or whatever was really incredible. Like, apparently people have been doing those magic tricks for years, but it was the first time a mass audience had seen them, like the levitation trick. And I knew a guy, a comedian named,

he was a comedian magician, and very funny and very good named magic brian um and he'd workshop that name for a while and he just came up that was like tested really well he went with a corporate name consultant for a while he was brian the magic gentleman yeah yeah that seemed a little wordy a lot of iterations but this one seemed that the simplest and it you know in the 18 to 34 demographic alestro yeah and he went with he could also in some way use that uh you could use that name to sell pepsi max dr pepper but uh he was like he was so pissed and uh and i actually went to a magic store

and to look for that levitation trick and of course those guys are like comic book store guys times 100. Sure. They fucking hate you the second you walk in there. Sure. If they don't already know you and you've spent thousands of dollars. Because that's all people do is that magicians go to those stores and they just buy a trick. They'll buy a great trick for like $3,000.

Yeah, it's an investment. Who do you think has more sex, the comic book store guys or the magic store guys? I guess like comic book fan, I guess there's, you know, the kind of the, there's the Comic-Cons and the Ren Fairs

that maybe... Yeah, and there are girls at comic book stores. I mean, it's like four to one, but there are girls at comic book stores, especially now in the age of manga. I have a half thought out theory.

Sure. That all of those. That's too much. If you could make that, if you could like bump that down to a quarter. If blacks and Mexicans are crazy. And the Irish are always drunk. And that's all I have. Now you tell me how much of a full thought this is but uh

that that all of that shit that subculture sort of you know comic book and like you know a fantasy gat you know and even you know audiophiles and anything that has sort of a even a sub category of conventions you know it's not a major convention, but it is. They meet every year, and it's all about fucking. Yeah, that's Jordan's... This is a running theme on our program. Really? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. What are you people doing at this thing,

and why won't you invite me? And why won't you own up to the fact that that's what you're doing? These are the three principal questions I have about subculture gatherings. You have a lot of resentment. It's gone you're doing. These are the three principal questions I have about subculture gatherings. You have a lot of resentment. Yes. Oh, yeah.

It's gone past just curiosity. Absolutely. You've bumbled your way into the secret sex party theory. Yeah. Jordan's signature theory.

There's always a sex party going on? Yes, exactly. That you're not invited to. But that I'm not invited to and no one will talk about it. But I know it's going on.

Yeah. Jordan did once get invited to a secret sex party that takes place regularly outside of seattle no yes that's true did you go uh no i mean i i haven't had a head cause to go to seattle but you know if i'm you know if if there's anyone in seattle who needs a comedy writer or performer for a weekend. I am available for roadshows. I imagine they're not all there. What our imagination makes them out to be. Yeah, I'm not so much, at this point,

I'm not so much interested in it for the sex. I just want to say I told you so. I just want to see. I told you you were doing this. I knew about it. But actually, the one in Seattle, we had a listener that called in to kind of describe when he went to. It didn't seem to be affiliated with a proper subculture. I mean, I know that is a subculture, but it didn't seem to involve costumes, and those are the ones I'm mainly curious about.

Oh, yeah. Now, that would be fun, I think. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. You'd have to wear a full-on mask and you know i i uh i um my wife and i years and years ago there was this you know in tribeca in new york there's a triangle building uh where i think like the gansevoort hotel is or something and there used to be a sex club or like a i don't even know what it was man but we stumbled in there one night half by accident we were wasted okay just you were just kind of looking for another bar that was open no we were like we were like this would be funny you know this this is you know i will

admit that i was like yeah yeah it'll be a gas i'm gonna get her into a sex club and we walked in there we're like oh my god it's gonna be so ironic and I'm going to get her into a sex club. And we walked in there. We're like, oh, my God. It's going to be so ironic. And it turned out to be, it was horrifying. We were in there for about, well, not horrifying. So it was about two minutes. Sure.

And there was one other woman in the whole, there was sawdust on the floor. Oh, my. One other woman in the whole place. In case of vomiting. It's like at a carnival. I mean, that, you you know happened probably after like two in the morning oh no they were they were full of guys and very thick serial killer glasses with t-shirts on but no pants uh jacking off their flaccid penises and like just kind of

wandering around like like they were just kind of expressionless and like just bumping into things that's like that's my impression i'm sure it was different but like was it just a slow night or is that supposed to be what's going on is that what people go to do to meander and jay like a soft sort of salacious mr magoo it was yeah it was they were like it's it's uh there was one other woman there and she was in a swing being spanked. Okay. But once my wife walked in, who's very attractive and not like when these guys – because I'm sure the ratio is not good any night at a sex club like that, right? It's still all dudes mostly, and they're like, oh, my God, it happened.

We were here the night that she walked in. were here the night that she walked in and they just they like come like come over to her like they were just yeah just just kind of standing near us checking off and we just took off it was yeah yeah yeah it was mackerel it was wild well we're not gonna top that we'll be back in just a second on j, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Rob Corddry, celebrity to the stars.

Yes. That's why the man. Like a redundant nickname. That's why the man is a show business success story. Sure. You know, a lot of people think that it's because of his good looks or his talent. No, it's because of shit like that. My mother and my wife. Yeah.

Like that. Hey, guess what? I'm spent, Dad. I'm spent. You know what? Rob, take five. That's all I got. No, no, no.

Guys, I'm useless from now on. We would be cruel to expect anything else from you. That would be unreasonable. Jordan, Max Fun Drive. Yes. Hello. It's currently now. So this is the deal.

Jordan, Jesse Goh, and all of the shows at MaximumFun.org are supported by listeners. That means people like you or that guy sitting next to you, assuming that he's also listening to this show. He's got his headphones in. He's probably what he's listening to, right? Sure. I mean, yeah. I mean, if you're at a New York sex club, he's dead-eyed jacking off. Wait, do I owe you guys money?

Yes. Yes, that's what this is about. Fair enough. That's why we brought you in here. You know what? It's worth it. Yeah, absolutely. I'll do it.

in here you know what it's worth it yeah absolutely i'll do it um but almost almost all of our expenses like 75 80 of our budget comes from donations from people like you it's what pays my salary and jordan's salary and pays for all of our equipment and pays for our producers and our staff and our office space and our microphones and all of that shit comes from people who listen to the show and then say, this is worth a couple bucks a month to me. Sure. And this is our first of only two MaxFunDrive Jordan Jesse Go episodes.

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Holy shit, Jordan. Well, last year we... I said we had prizes. Why are you mad? You've been fucking my wife. No. This is the story with prizes Number one We have recorded an entire episode Of Jordan, Jesse, Go

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No. We have no technical skills at all. In fact, arguably, we have no skills of any kind. We should be dead. I can barely boil pasta. So that's what you get at $5 or more per month. $10 or more a month, you become a friend of the family, and you get our Maximum Fun Friendship Bracelet.

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Remember how there's claps? With the Maximum Fun rocket ship on it, as well as all of the other stuff. All of these are cumulative. Sure. Just so you know, $35 per month is my favorite level. It is the friendship emergency kit level um we have put together this amazing friendship emergency kit for uh you know just any time when some friendship is about to go down but you're ill prepared um it has in it among other things uh some super ultra fancy coffee from our friends at tonks um tonks do this thing

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for a minute I was reading your guest book and I just came in on that feel free to check out again it's not gonna get any better than that I peaked I peaked earlier with your nickname I panicked for a minute too Are we still on the drive?

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It's online at MaximumFun.org slash donate. And the answer is just fucking do it. Don't think about doing it. Don't put off doing it. We give you this show and all of our shows for free. And all we ask is if you think they're worth a little bit of money, just fucking kick us a little bit of money. MaximumFun.org slash donate it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective rob corddry celebrity to the stars. I am developing an enemy in my neighborhood.

They don't know this yet. And I have not yet met them. But there is, so I walk my... It's that asshole putting up those lost cat posters. I mean, come on, those are an eyesore. This, there's this, my, I live in the most sort of like low-key neighborhood in Los Angeles. Like there's really no – I have no beef with anyone in my entire neighborhood for any reason. No one is noisy.

There's no problems here at all. No one is a dick. No one is like telling people, other people how to grow their lawns or whatever it is that rich people do to each other. There's a lot of people strolling. And every time I park to walk up to the house, if there's someone strolling, they always say, hey, how you doing? Yeah, exactly. It's a very nice, very pleasant place, except for this one house. And my dogs, one of my dogs is scared of other dogs.

And the other one is little and feisty. And so it is our goal in life to not get too involved with other dogs while they're walking. And if we keep walking and the other dog keeps walking on a dog walk, it's no problem. Our dogs will keep going. Their dog will keep going. And it took a lot of work to get to that point with the feisty one but we're there so stressful there's this house that is that is so perplexing to me and it's not just because they have recently introduced an enormous snarling german shepherd like what this is not a neighbor what did the fuck like this is the kind of dog i swear to

god this is the kind of dog from a cartoon where someone throws a steak in one direction and then runs the other direction you know what i'm talking about not only do they have this fucking horrifying dog but their house is on a corner and it's kind of a long corner. And so the dog can snarl all the way around the house. And it basically can go for a city block, snarling and throwing itself. Terrifying. Yeah, exactly. It is genuinely terrifying. I'm not even scared of dogs and this dog is terrifying.

It is just flinging itself at the fence, you know. And it's a fucking big ass German shepherd. These people also have a Bentley that they park on the street. I don't live in a Bentley neighborhood. What? And who parks a Bentley on the street? What is who are these people? Would it be funny if the dog was driving the Bentley?

Like if maybe a little chauffeur's cap on. Maybe that's the people. It's that the dog was driving the bentley like if maybe a little chauffeur's cap on maybe that's the people it's just the dog yeah have you ever seen anybody go that could be that dog could be heir to the rin tin tin fortune you don't yeah this is harleywood man if that was the case i would forgive the dog because that is fucking awesome yeah if the dog had bought a bentley and the reason it was parked on the street is because dogs can't drive and they just dropped it off on the street in front of his house when he bought it yeah like that would be great but who the fuck has a bentley that they park on the street in front of their house right i bet he i bet the dog is also married to a cat and he had to move away

from his family who doesn't approve. That's why he's so mad all the time. I know, exactly. Because society doesn't approve of his love. My family is on my ass. This cat. Like, I married a cat. Just the inherent problems with that. They're high maintenance.

They're a handful. It's just going to be hard. These people have a $190,000 car, and inside their garage, which they sometimes leave the garage door open uh inside their garage is it's like one of those garages where there's that uh that weightlifting equipment i'm talking about like just a sort of sad abandoned weightlifting equipment like not even with the belts just like a lot of folded towels on it like from the laundry machine the dryer right and to it. And really, you can't make room for your Bentley in there because you do have a Bentley.

Now, I'm going to shred my abs one of these days. A late model Bentley. Their cars are, this is the cars they have at this house. They have a Bentley. They have four cars at this house, all of which they park on the street. So they have a Bentley. They have a matteley they have a matt black mini cooper which is matt black what more badass car is there right to paint matt black

than a mini cooper sure that's that's batman's car for when he's just tooling around on the weekend yeah that's alfred's car exactly and 260s Ford Mustangs, which I maintain is the official classic car of an asshole. Yep. Like, just a dope. It was my favorite classic car of all time until I moved to L.A. Until you turned 11. Oh, this is a douchebag car. This is a douchebag car.

I'm a bad person. But you just assumed that whenever that car was present, there was a woman in a kind of a skimpy one-piece bathing suit laying on top of it. There is nothing I am more biased against

than the Ford Mustang. Like, I don't get into, I don't care about Fords. It's not a thing where I'm like a Chevy guy or something like that. I just think that Ford Mustang, it's like the Ed Hardy of classic car.

I think classic cars are great. I think they're tremendous. But if you get a Mustang, show me something. Have an idea. Here's something I was disappointed with. I did, one of my last things I did for Fuel TV

before the show got canceled was I did, they had some sort of ad partnership with Ford. And I did a thing where I went to kind of an area near Detroit and did like some crazy driving on some Ford cars. I guess they're trying to make Fords more appealing to young people. And so I did drifting in a Mustang, and I did like an intro by the car, and I had to retake it because Ford doesn't like it when you call it a stang.

Apparently that's not part of their new branding is someone calling it a stang. I thought that was the point of having a Mustang. Who's to call it a stang? Oh, this is my stang. Come on, at least get a gto right if you're gonna get an uncomfortable somewhat homely not that fast muscle car that you can't really fit a good radio into yeah like if you're just if you're gonna get a if you're gonna get a home like at least get one

that's not the one that everyone else already has right see that's the thing that's so it's but it's all over la you can't every be in every stoplight there's a classic 64 or 5 mustang the only thing that's sadder than a 64 or 65 mustang is a 2011 mustang or even worse like a 2006 mustang you can drift in them if you're looking to drift. I don't know what drifting is. Oh, that's Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious 3? No, no. Okay.

It is when you... Bow Wow? Have you ever heard of Bow Wow? Oh, now I know what drifting is. Okay, ludicrous. It's when you... Chris, ludicrous bridges. Got it.

It's when you turn the car sharply in one direction and then in another direction to make it go sideways as far as you can. And the goal is to make it travel sideways for the longest distance. And I drifted when we did this thing. I drifted further than anyone else. They had other guys from car websites do it. I drifted further than anyone else, and I attribute it to this. They had a drifting expert teaching you. And so he's explaining

this to me. I'm like, wait, wait. Is this kind of like power sliding in Mario Kart? And he said, yes. It's exactly like power sliding in Mario Kart. And then I won the drifting contest! Video games are valuable! I am not wasting my time.

You know what? That came up for me the other day when I had to make a potion of regenerate health. And there was some lavender and some wheat on hand. Some wheat? And I happened to find myself an alchemy station. Rob, do you feel like having worked on Fallout New Vegas you could survive the apocalypse now? Because there's practical

application to all this stuff. Well, to be fair I always felt like I could survive an apocalypse. So I think that's maybe why I brought that to the game. Yeah, yeah. I haven't had an enemy

in my neighborhood since this woman named Mrs. Love who used to live next door to me on Guerrero Street in San Francisco. And Mrs. Love was like an elderly African-American woman who, I was realizing this, like there was so many people in my neighborhood growing up who dressed like it was 1978. Just that was the main form of dress. Like 40%

I forgot you guys aren't my age for a second. I'm like, wasn't that wasn't it 1978? I'm talking about in 1987. Gotcha. Go ahead. And 1988, 1989. And I realized like A, at some point in my life

I realized, oh, those people were just winos. And some of them were junkies. But winos and junkies. But some of them were time travelers. Yeah. And they just... Please say that. They just don't make...

Who were also on drugs, to be fair. These were... They just don't make winos like they used to. Smack addicted time travelers. You know what I mean? Like, there's just not the volume of crackheads, winos, and junkies that you used to have in the inner city. volume of crackheads, winos, and junkies that you used to have in the inner city. But Mrs. Love was the other category, which is elderly African-American people who all, as a community, got together, I think, and decided to...

They were going to stay, stay pressed. Like, they were going polyester. They were like, this is great. This is colorful. this is energetic i experienced this very this phenomenon i think i mentioned it on a on a on a previous podcast but i'll uh i'll i'll sum it up real quick there is a roller rink here kind of near watts and they have a um over 25 night uh where like no that's fantastic yeah it starts at like nine o'clock and it's actually like an over 50 night that's right it's like roller that's what i was hoping for yes and everyone is that person you're talking about and they do fucking impressive

roller roller skate moves it's really kind of amazing they're these people and most of them are not in good shape but can do kind of amazing things on roller skates. So, yes. Mrs. Love once said to my mom in front of me about our dog, Sonoma, I'm going to poison and kill that dog. Which my mom had to explain to me was just an expression. Until later when I grew up, I realized, wait, that's not just an expression. She was actually threatening to kill my dog. That's a literal threat. Yeah, so I haven't had a neighborhood enemy since Mrs. Love.

You were trying to use that expression in just everyday conversation. Like when you're haggling with someone, you're like, well, I'm going to have to poison this dog and kill it. Well, you know what they say. You got to poison the dog and kill it Well you know what they say You gotta poison the dog and kill it If you wanna kill it You know there was a wise old black lady In my neighborhood named Mrs. Love And she taught me something real important

This is from your one man show right? Yeah Sometimes you gotta poison the dog and kill it I think in my neighborhood I think Cause we just bought a house a couple years ago. It's our first house we own. And I think we might be the crazy people. Oh.

We might be the assholes. Because we have these people next to us. They've been there since the 80s. And they're busybodies. They know everything that's going on in the block. And they have, it's like Game of Thrones, basically. They've got, this is the, they're in that realm. And're like it's you know there's seven realms and they want us to be on their side and there's a guy next door who might be a meth head and he likes giving my

daughters japanese anime and stuff so we're you know we tend to err on the side of the crazy old couple but they said uh uh we had a had an oversized fence, apparently, when we bought the house. And they told us right off. They said, well, you know, that fence is oversized. And we're like, well, okay. I don't know what that means. And then we got a summons for it. We had to take it down.

It cost us like $5,000 to take the fence down. And the guy told us you have to be turned in for something like that. So we knew it was them that turned us in. Right? So long story longer, my wife sent me an email. She, the woman next door, sent my wife an email saying, oh, you know, these people down the block are doing construction, so watch your car or whatever.

And, you know, it just painted her as a busybody. And my wife said, she sent me an email saying, she forwarded that email to me saying, this proves that it was that know-it-all cunt that turned us in for the over-height fence, sent it to her instead of me. Oh no. Next door, house it to her instead of me. Oh, no. Next door house, eight feet away from mine.

And they still, you guys are still neighbors? Well, it almost proves that they did turn us in for the fence because I think they see it as sort of a leveling of the playing field in the Game of Thrones. You know, they... A Lannister always pays his debts. A Lannister always pays his debts lanister always pays his debts you know so they're like oh no it wasn't us but you know we're good now okay you

know so okay yeah yeah so so they kind of they respected your strong position yeah okay yeah yeah like to be fair we are kind of cunts we weren't behaving cuntish. Gary can be a cunt. Not me so much. No, no, no. I can be a snatch, certainly. But a cunt? No. That's Gary's territory. I find myself wanting to take vigilante action against this house with the terrifying dog and the Mustangs and the Bentley. I don't know.

Don't do it. I want to start shit. I've never had this what's your what's your what's your plan in a fantasy world

where where where decorum does not exist what are you gonna do to these Bentley people fucking I don't know

that's what I'm that's why I'm coming to you guys you're more creative than I am well you know what you know what they say you know

you gotta poison the dog and kill it well I did some the same people next door yeah You know what they say, you know, you got to poison the dog and kill it. Well, I did some, the same people next door. Yeah. I, uh, I, I always, I just, you'll regret vigilante work, I think. Cause there was a car parked a little bit in front of my driveway and it wasn't that much in the way I can get my car around it, but it makes my wife so mad. And so I was like, it made me mad too. I don't care.

It didn't make any difference in my life. Well, you had to protect your children. Yeah, from this car that's three feet in front of my driveway. So what I did was I'm going to show them, because it's just those little tiny injustices. So you got in your Bentley. Just get me burned. I got back in my Bentley.

You took the barrier or the stain? No, I got my German Shepherd. We moved in right down the street, by the way. You might know the people I'm talking about. You saddled him up. I rode him to the sixth realm. So I took

the biggest sticker I could find in one of my daughter's sticker books and I wrote a note on the sticky side saying, I forget what, like, you know, this is your car's in my driveway. It's lucky my wife wasn't home. This was like a Lisa Frank unicorn sticker or something.

Yeah, something like that. I was a big, a big fucking kitty. And I stuck it on the windshield right in front of where her face, the driver's face would be. And I'm like, ah, I got, so that's gonna, they're gonna have to get a widget and, you know, get it out.

They got their razor blade and yeah, I showed them they'll. And then I heard, then I heard it was the woman next door that we called the cunt. And she was like, Hey, I was like, Oh my God, I am so sorry. Here's the story. And I, and she was, could not be cooler about it. I am so sorry. Here's the story. And she could not be cooler about it. She's like, no, it was only here for like 10 minutes. It's our friend's car.

Yeah, sometimes you got to put a sticker on it. She's like, no, no. And luckily, it just peeled right off, which kind of defeated the purpose of it. It was supposed to be really hard to get off. But that's like just, I feel like we did something. But that's two things we've done to done to them and rob i don't need to be the one to tell you this but you're a celebrity you're in film and television people are writing to page six about this yeah she's writing at least to the council city council about fences she's um yeah you know that guy also he every time he corners me

all the time, he's a writer, he always corners me and he says, hey, you know what you should do? An updated version of Mr. Mom.

He wants you to write this or star in it? Maybe he's trying to get me back for being an asshole. He's just pitching you bad movie projects. Exactly,

like, yeah. That would actually probably sell. I'll devote two years to that. You know just pitching you bad movie projects. Exactly. Like, yeah. That would actually probably sell. I'll devote two years to that. You know what? Like, I'll get him into this. He'll devote two years to it.

It'll fail. He'll have to move out because he won't be able to afford the house anymore because he sunk all his time and money into this update of the snorks. That'll get him. Can I ask you guys a question about my enemy? You may. So my enemy is a CPA. I know this because he has a...

You've been rooting through his mail. He has a big sign on his fence that says CPA service. What is a CPA? Certified Public Accountant. Okay. And we should explain that Jordan keeps his money under his bed, inside his mattress. I don't trust the banking industry. It's run by lizard people.

What are those guys called? He also calls Jews lizard people. They're just scaly, forked tongues. You can see why I call them that. So my enemy is a CPA, and would it make you uncomfortable to go to a CPA who drove a Bentley? Like, wouldn't it feel, doesn't that seem like your CPA is making too much money if he's driving a Bentley and also parking it on the street?

Or is that a Los Angeles thing? Is it in Los Angeles, is it appropriate for a CPA? Is it like, look, we're all making money here. I feel like if you're an agent or something you have to have at least yeah you gotta wave your dick around like you've gotta have a car exactly that shows you that people the back of your balls yeah that's but not a cpa yeah no i'm uncomfortable with people in los angeles who drive i'm also uncomfortable with real estate agents that drive very expensive cars. Because I understand that you're getting – I just feel like anyone who's getting a portion of my money should be driving a modest – should be putting forth a modest front.

Like, hey, I don't embezzle. No embezzling here. I understand money and saving. And, you know, I think this is actually a good topic of conversation because we are in the middle of the MaxFunDrive, and I don't want to harp on it too much. But I know we are at a time where we are asking people to contribute. I just want everyone to know I only ride a Razor scooter. That's true. I do not own a car.

Yeah. Jesse, actually, I have a little— You're a Razor scooter over here from West Hollywood. Yeah. I start at not own a car. Yeah. Jesse, actually, I have a little... You're a razor scoot over here from West Hollywood. Yeah. I start at 8 in the morning. Yeah. And I get hurt a lot. You actually spend a lot of money just on shoes.

Yeah. Because of the distance you travel. Yeah, I roll my ankles a lot, so like ace bandages. Here's what I think you should do. Yeah. Don't look at this as an enemy. Look at this guy as just maybe a potential friend that you don't see eye to eye with yet. Right.

And foresee a future where you're all together, you and Teresa and him and his 19-year-old Asian wife. You know, you're out back, you're having a barbecue, and you're laughing about the time. I took a shit on his Bentley because I already did take a shit on his Bentley. Oh, okay. I should explain. Here's what you do. We should have known that before you. Be the bigger man.

You go up to his house. Maybe don't bring a casserole. Maybe bring a gram of Coke. Uh-huh. I'm thinking, you know, bring a gram of Coke. CPA type stuff. Yeah, and like a jet ski. Right. And then, you know bring a grandma coke cpa type stuff yeah and like a jet ski right and then you know you just say i'm gonna see you do sure exactly and then you know he'll he'll invite you in for a bump a bump in it do yeah and you guys can uh you can admire

his velvet uh paintings of nude asian women sure and his uh his armless his armless venus Venus fountain that shoots vodka. Nude Asian teens. Yes, nude Asian teens. And then you might find something there that you can actually relate to him. Like there might be a piece of you in there. You know what I mean? Like he might have a... Like one of my toenails or fingernails that he got out of my garbage.

Is that what you're just... You're just assuming that both of you are going through each other's garbage. I was thinking maybe he'll have garbage. Maybe he does a podcast. Maybe he has a sex dungeon. That is a sex dungeon you have downstairs. He probably does do a podcast. He is in Los Angeles, and there are precious few of us left who don't have podcasts. Do you think maybe you're this guy's enemy?

Do you think maybe he has noticed little details about your life and he's over there fuming about? I am always walking past his house. You insist on walking past his house. Literally once a day. With your tiny, scared dogs. Yeah, my little scruffy dogs. Your pussy dogs. Yeah.

That don't know how to drive. Flaunting their haunches in front of his hungry, hungry German shepherd. Yeah. You might as well be walking a little roast chicken. Driving around my 2004 car, bringing down the property values. Oh, boy. Yeah. I got to find out.

You got to show me. Point it out to me. I want to walk past. I'm very curious. It's a pretty intense situation. But seriously, right? Who parks a Bentley on the street? Who is that person?

Who is the person that parks a Bentley? Who is it? Yeah, no, I think this is... Who doesn't garage their Bentley? I think this is probably just some guy who clearly peaked in the 80s. My accountant. He's probably got a white sport coat. Couldn't think of his name.

Don Johnson? Big description. Fucking Don Johnson. It wasn't even that good either. No, no, I think it was good. If you pulled out Don Johnson... Becoming a CPA after having that career is not a bad... Absolutely.

You've got to have a fallback. Yeah, absolutely. You know he spent got to have a fallback. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You know he spent all of his money on jackets and cocaine. Rob, you're a notary on this side, right? I am a notary, yeah, a little bit. Sure. I took an oath.

I made an oath. Donny J was at the Nash Bridges wrap party signing people up for the CPA biz. Yeah. I need a couple of clients. You know what I mean? Hey, Cheech, you need somebody to keep track of the accounts on that Mexican-American Chicano art collection you've got going? I'm your man. I got a Bentley.

I got a couple of Stangs. For practical reasons, I have a matte black Mini Cooper. Don't call it a Stang. What? Don't call it a Stang. Can we cut that? Yeah. It's not in line with Ford. Who does your audio? Who does your Casper? What's the guy's name that does your audio? Yeah, it it a stang. Yeah, can we cut that? Can we cut that? Yeah, can we cut that? It's not in line with 4.

Who does your audio? Who does your Casper? What's the guy's name that does your audio? Yeah, it's Casper. Casper, can you cut that out? Casper Van Dien. I got a couple musties in the driveway. Musties?

There you go. We can't. Oh, they don't like musties? I have a feeling they're not going to like musties. They don't like stang and they're not going to like musties. It makes it seem like it smells inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mustards.

Smells like mustard oh i don't know i i i don't want to have enemies but i feel like he put it on my plate have you ever seen the guy eat it you don't actually have an enemy yet you you have a guy i haven't i've seen some sort of 22-olds walking around there that I think are his grown... I think it's his grown son. I don't think the 22-year-old is the accountant. No. That kid couldn't be right. Right?

He couldn't have four cars. I have seen like... No, no, no, no. The guy is definitely not older than 25, but he's definitely an adult. Any other piece of the puzzle that you're leaving out? Because I feel like there's just one thing that's going to make all of this make sense. Is there a limb tethered in the backyard? The German Shepherd lives in a shed out back.

There's like one of those tool sheds that's maybe three feet deep, and I can tell the German Shepherd lives in there because it has a bowl of kibble in it. It's not a doghouse. They just went and bought a tool shed. It's not even shaped like a in it. It's not a doghouse. They just went and bought a tool shed. It's not shaven shaped like a doghouse. It's not shaped. It's wildly inappropriate to be a doghouse. Now it sounds like you've got a rear window situation with this guy, Jesse.

I walk past his house when I'm walking my dogs every day. And he just happens to be where your telescope is set up. He leaves his house every day. It's between 7.01 and 7.10. What's the goal of this asshole? He also has one of those giant front doors. You know what I'm talking about? Where the front door is like 14 feet tall.

And you're like, give me a fucking break. How tall do you think you are? Is that a sign of arrogance? Yes, it is. I never, ever would have considered that. I would say they're A, I'm that tall, or B, I'm such a cool guy, a minute bowl could come over at any second. Or like, this house is too awesome. No, it's like having a white grand piano. Having one of those giant front doors, it's the same as having a white grand piano.

Well, if you don't have a white grand piano, what do you do blow off of? I mean, if you're a modern asshole, you do it off your iPad. I do it off one of my gold or platinum records. Oh, okay. Personally. Right. I produced Bob Newhart's The Button Down Mind. I know.

I love your stuff. Thank you. I love it. Thank you very much. I mean, that is so crisp. It is just so, you can hear, it's just crisp. I also did Von Meter's The First Family.

That's how I really made my money. The First Family. Von Meter. Famous presidential impressionist until, of course, the Great Tragedy. I'm listening. John F. Kennedy, may he rest in peace. I thought you meant when the hotel exploded during that impressionist convention.

We'll be back in just a second. The 9- that impressionist convention. We'll be back in just a second. The 9-11 impressionist convention. The day the impressions died. Can I, you know what? Instead of going to break right now, I'm going to make this an action item. Course of action for Jesse with, what should I do about this situation and why?

Okay. Because I know that people besides me have a lot more experience living in what you might call neighborhoods where people own houses and i've never lived somewhere that's not in the inner city before silver lake where i lived for a year was not in the inner city but i've never lived not in an urban environment before and so i know you're supposed to be enemies with certain people in your neighborhood i know that from our friend al madrigal but i don't know exactly which i don't know how to handle it so if you have a suggestion or you've had a really good if you've had a really good situation where you had an enemy in your

neighborhood you handle it in a really particularly effective way like you know you lit a bag of shit on fire and put it on their thing and then they got shit on their... You called her a cunt. Yeah. Yeah, sure. You had your wife do it. Whatever it is, if your neighbor actually killed your dog, so either advice for me or an amazing conflict with your neighbor, 206-984-4FUN or jjgoe at maximumfun.org. 206-984-4FUN.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. fun or JJ go at maximum fund.org, uh, two zero six nine eight four four FUN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris,

boy detective, Rob Corddry, celebrity to the stars. Oh, Rob Corddry from the smash hit television program. Children's hospital, a smash hit. Yeah. yeah i mean no one thought it was gonna be the this the movement it has become millions of people literally millions of people truly i'm i'm not making that up right literally millions right yeah we've got three

million or something no no no three is uh we've got our biggest night was uh approaching two yeah there's un-fucking-believe and that's that's like what things on nbc gets yeah that's at one o'clock in the morning on the cartoon network and shit for 11 minutes but i think that's part of it too like it's you know all of the fucking people that watch that network watch it yeah that's good you know well you what you've done is the the thing that you've done that uh is the truly amazing is that you've done is, the thing that you've done that is truly amazing is that you've created something that people who like comedy and people who like The Family Guy like. The people, the two things. That's funny.

I'm underselling The Family Guy. The Family Guy has a lot of stuff going for it. The Family Guy's got a lot of good jokes on it in a typical episode. Tons of good jokes. going for it. The Family Guy's got a lot of good jokes on a typical episode. Tons of good jokes. But it's the formula for that network has always been

well, people love The Family Guy if we can just put enough shit in between episodes of The Family Guy that keeps our credibility high enough to, you know, so that people don't complain about what it is and whatever. We'll just patch it through.

And they've gotten some wonderful programming out of that. But somehow you have managed to motivate. You've managed to not lose any of the credible people and motivate the family guy people somehow. Well, motivating the Adult Swim people, for sure. They want to like, yeah, they have a lot. They're definitely, they are those, you nailed it. Exactly. They're like, and that's what makes that station or that network so great is because they're just creative people.

Right. Who love like weird shit. And yeah, they just. When I visited there and I met a bunch of people, I was like, man, everybody here is like super cool and nice and like trying to do cool shit. Like not even a single dipshit that I met the entire time. They're the best. And now they're like, okay, we're going to around children's like we want to build a night now around children. It's going to be like a TV network.

We're going to have a reality show and a this show and a that and a fake news show and all this. a reality show and a this show and a that and a fake news show and all this. And, uh, but they're like, but the problem is we're, we're just like guys that like to get high and green light shows. So how do you do that? Rob, I, we asked Paul Scheer about this or last time he was here. And I can't remember if it was on mic or off mic, but, uh, I will ask you this. Have you guys discussed whether or not children's Hospital takes place in the same universe

as NTSF as DSUV? Oh, my God. Colon, colon, colon. Endlessly. Oh, well. End. Well, no, I mean. You are getting high in green lighting shows.

Yeah, not endlessly in that, like, we know, we both know that it does not exist in the same world. Right. Oh. It exists, I would think, because it started off as a trailer, a fake trailer, basically. Yeah, yeah, right. And breaking up two season one episodes, that means it exists in the same world that Children's Hospital, the TV show, where I play Cutter Spindell, who plays Dr. Blake Downs, is, right? Yeah. Right, I guessindell, who plays Dr. Blake Downs is, right? Yeah.

Right, I guess. Oh, okay. Right. So your character, the actor who plays the character in Children's Hospital could watch NTSF SDSUV. And I just did a guest star on NTSF, which is actually something like I wanted to protect it at first and say like, we shouldn't do too much crossover because you know i would never say like hubel can't do ntsf because those guys you know their relationship trumps my petty little weirdness but

i mean sex is the most important yeah yeah i would never get in the way of that thing but yeah i i i wanted to like uh i didn't want to i want for both of our sakes like not to think it was uh like i wanted to to feel like two separate shows. So you, did you go on as Cutter Spindell? No, I was, no, but see, that's funny. But you would be walking onto the set of a TV show and everyone would have to break character because someone wandered on. Anyway. I was, I played a character named Agent Coyote and it's like I have three lines, but he's like a Fox Mulder kind of guy.

named Agent Coyote and it's like I have three lines but he's like a Fox Mulder kind of guy but it's it's really like if you think about it

this is the first time I have I guess yeah that was probably Cutter Spindel playing I should ask for Cutter Spindel

to get credit that would be that would be pretty punk rock you gotta fucking you gotta maintain the integrity of the universe

yeah if we've learned anything it's the only thing we care about the integrity of the universe yeah if we've learned it's the only thing we care about the continuity of yeah you know if you can't if you can't make a wikipedia article for it you it will not be a success in today's media landscape sure that's that's just that's just god's own truth yeah people gotta be able to make charts and graphs yeah you gotta enable charts and graphs in today's comedy landscape. Well, I'm thinking, you know, because nothing really makes sense on the show and the mythology of it is that, like, it's been around for, we're on season 17 now. It's the greatest show that ever was.

And it's had some hard times. And Erin Hayes, you know, she plays Lola, has been on the show since the 70s because we did a 70s show. But, you know, Lake Bell, in our minds, wasn't even born yet. Like, she wasn't even on the show. Of course, they're like five years apart in age. But like, so I want to write a like David Lynch sort of episode next season

that explains why there are all these sort of temporal... Like the dream of an autistic child episode. Right. Well, at least there's like an undercurrent of evil. Right. You know, that sort of like... Yeah. So is this a portal?

Is this a hell mouth? Have you thought that far ahead? I have not thought about it. I've thought about it as much as... Hell mouths are good for this kind of thing. Hell mouths are good. Yeah. I've thought about it as much as David Lynch ever thought about Twin Peaks and what the

black curtain or behind the red curtain was. Right. But, you know, so, yeah. But other than that, like, continuity matters not. Mm-hmm. But, yeah, the mythology I'm obsessed with. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that.

I think your millions of fans appreciate that. What are we talking about? Three million? It might be, like, a couple hundred that just watch it a lot. Four or five million? I don't know. Six million people? Seven, seven and a half million.

Million? Seventeen and a half million. Wow. American Idol. Well, luckily. Right. Well, since you got J-Lo. Yeah.

Since we got J-Lo, the American Idol fans followed. Right. She's got great comedy chops, by the way. I wouldn't think so, because she's done so much great dramatic work, but it's that commitment. I will remind you that she was on In Living Color. As a dancer, yes.

But a funny dancer. You wouldn't know it with all the money that she's got, but she really is just Jenny from the block. I i always thank you so much because that's true you think you think all right when you think j-lo you think uh ass you think a big sure a big just fat perfect light brown like fragrant fragrant soft what we I'm sorry

well anyway her ass is great yeah we'll be back in just a second how about that Christina Hendricks from Mad Men you got us back you got us back perfect bulbous we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica You got us back. You got us back. Perfect. Oh, that bulbous. Tits and fragrant.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Jordan, Jesse Goeim, Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Rob Gorgias, Celebrity of the Stars. To the Stars.

First of all... They both work. To the... Yeah. First of all, thanks to our sponsor this week, Ask Metafilter. Absolutely. Thousands of life's little questions answered online at ask.metafilter.com. Like Yahoo Answers, but not dumb.

Yeah. Is that their slogan? I think that is not their slogan. I'm going to call Matt Howey and suggest that to them. Like Yahoo Answers, but with less zwinkies. Wait, what is a zwinky? It's like a little anime avatar that you do of yourself. A zwinky, I think.

Ask a Metafilter is genuinely one of my favorite websites in the entire world. It is, I mean, if you know how Yahoo Answers or any of these questions, any of these websites where people ask a question and people answer it, work. It works like that that only it actually does work like people act give great answers to the questions and people ask in good and interesting questions to the point where i actually subscribe to the rss feed of the questions just because a lot of times something will come along and i'll be like huh i wonder what is the answer to that and i'll learn something ask metaf. Ask.Metafilter.com.

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with their review database, you can check out MakeThePhoto. MakeThePhoto.com. That sounds like a lovely website. Yeah, right? Something our audience would be interested in. Up there on the Jumbotron. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

If you want to sponsor an episode of any of our podcasts, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. T-H-E-R-E-S-A at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Corddry, celebrity to the stars.

You know, we've been talking about your hit television program, Children's Hospital, Rob. It's funny. I've watched a lot of episodes of Children's Hospital. I have not. Maybe I missed Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. I don't know. I guess. Funny, I have this memory.

And you can correct me if I'm wrong. You're not wrong, I have this memory. You can correct me if I'm wrong. You're not wrong. I have this memory of my friend, Rob Corddry. I'm listening. From television, film, and movies. Some of them involving Kumar. If his hit show became a hit show, if his hit internet show became a hit television show, became a hit show, if his hit internet show became a hit television show,

he would definitely promise to write the characters, Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson, into the script for the show, which he is the primary writer of, one of the primary writers. So I guess my friend Rob would have the power to do that. But it's weird because I've watched a lot of episodes of the show and I haven't seen those characters. So now I'm thinking, like, am I misremembering that? I just don't know. If you have any, I just don't know.

You want to know. You know, I don't. Maybe I misremember. Maybe I misremember. Maybe I misremember. Maybe I misremember. Maybe I misremember. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I owe you not just an apology, but an explanation. I have a... Standards and practices. I have a note here. I have a note. Yeah, they say no, you can't say dipson.

And without dipson, it doesn't work. Right, sure. I have a... I have a... In my notes... Yeah. Notesy. Rob's holding up his app. Notesy app. I have a, I have a, in my notes, uh, notes, um,

uh, notes, he app. I have a, just funny names. We should explain by the way that, uh, an iPhone is like a windows.

It's a sort of a lot like a windows. Yeah. But for the Macintosh operating system, if you've seen a zoom, zoom software running on a phone, it's sort of like that. They have their own version of it called iTunes. Yeah.

Anyway, go ahead. It's the same sort of thing. Windows, it's just basically a copy of Windows, right? Right. Yeah, yeah. And this is in a smaller... Yeah. So I have a list of names here.

Yeah. And whenever I need a name for a character, I go to it. And where do you get the... When you make a note of these funny names, mean obviously some of them come from hilarious podcasts but like the other names there's just you know things you think of or people that you things i think of things i think of and then sometimes then um one of these terrible uh sometimes i i actually sit down with it and trying to think up some funny names dav David Wayne does this as well. David Wayne actually, David Wayne and Ken Marino are funny name geniuses.

Oh, yeah. And so, and they recently like, just welcomed me to the club. But I read my database of names and I want to tell you that... This is a treat. Being my Rob, just so you know, my favorite genre of comedy are funny

names, a funny list of names or words. It's coming back, right? This is a treat. My number one favorite genre of comedy is probably like pun-based names of hair salons. But my number two favorite genre of comedy is lists of names. This list will be a cut above the rest. I'm so ready. I got him.

I got him. Right in your wheelhouse. Jeez Louise. Okay. Dominic Nomsen. This is one. Mike Graston. It's just a normal yeah it's a c plus yeah it's a guy you would maybe this is a good one shed from uh uh uh put your german shepherd in

yeah exactly like a dog shed uh dent polson Good one Marnie Facefram Cunny Pheffan Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson Lovely Waiting to go Ready to go In the chamber And the last two Not mine of course

You'll probably You have a Def Jam book over there So you probably know Where this comes from I want to name a character Jazz and AWOL. Yeah, that's pretty good.

But Chip Dipson and... You can't just waste Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson... Before your show gets canceled. Anything. The clock is ticking. You're like, just get it in there. Got to save them indefinitely. Yeah, I mean, it's harder to do a...

You can't just do one of those, you know? That's true. No, you're right. You have to have a pair of characters. I think that is a totally reasonable explanation, in that, like, I was prepared to be angry, but after hearing that funny list, and then...

I mean, I feel honored that those names are even in the same iPhone as Dent Polson. Dent Polson. Dent Polson. Maybe that's Dent Pol... Those are Dent Polson. Dent Polson. Dent Polson. Maybe those are Dent Polson's friends. How do you spell me? How do you spell Polson? P, I believe P, I don't even have to, I was about to look it up.

P-O-H-L-S-O-N. Right. Dent Polson. Yeah. If you need a ladies one, may I suggest Kelly Shunt. That's great. Kelly Wright. I love Shunt.

Hey, by the way, Jordan. What? On this subject of collecting on old debts. Right. We have been giving our audience Jordan Jesse Go absolutely for free for over 215 episodes. That's crazy. We're looking at 400 hours of free entertainment just on Jordan, Jesse, go. That's to say nothing of Bullseye, Judge John Hodgman,

Throwing Shade, Stop Podcasting Yourself, My Brother, My Brother and Me, the Casper Hauser Comedy Podcast, Coil and Sharp, The Imposters, The College Years, all of these amazing Maximfund.org podcasts all absolutely 1000 for free however they cannot and do not exist unless people out there pay the pay for them this is our fucking model this is our model our model is we live in the age of the internet where

people steal everything from the internet every anyway and they say we'll all support it blah blah blah blah blah okay great we this is what we've done we've cut out the middleman you don't have to steal it we put everything on the internet 100 for free if you think it's worth listening to it's worth paying for right you're right you're right it's pretty straightforward i agree with you here's the that's why i'm a that's why i'm a part of the organization. We've got people who already donate. We have literally more than 1,000 people who already donate every month to support MaximumFun.org. And dozens of them in the past couple of days have gotten together to issue a challenge to new donors. So at this point, and we're recording this before the drive even starts,

five bucks for every new donor will go to MaximumFun.org. So not only are we getting your money, we're also getting five bucks for every single person who donates. That's pretty fucking sweet. Absolutely. MaximumFun.org.donate slash donate is where you go.

Look, we've got this huge pile of amazing thank you gifts. We've got a bonus episode of Jordan Jesse Go and a bonus episode of Throwing Shade and My Brother, My Brother and Me and Stop Podcasting Yourself that you can download only if you're a Maximum Fund donor. All these thank you gifts, all this stuff is great. Yeah. Ultimately, in my opinion opinion at the end of the day the question is do you like the show if you do then pay for it right why wouldn't you no you got yeah listen you get an episode with chris fairbanks where shit gets real i i don't i don't know i feel like that's the selling point i was there when we were taping the episode i was in it shit got real

you need to listen to this the reality is this you know we set it up so it comes out in you know a few bucks a month out of your bank account it's not a huge deal it's not going to break the bank for you it's going to be very easy and the only thing that you're going to notice is the warm feeling of pride every time you listen to a maximumum Fun podcast and know, hey, I'm part of that, I consumed it, and then I helped pay for it because that's the honorable and decent thing to do. And maybe at some point in the future, people who buy ads for corporations will know that podcasts exist and that they have an audience, But right now they do not.

No one knows that. And yeah, and perhaps there's a beautiful future somewhere down the line where we get a fraction of the money that networks get for branded content or something like that. But right now everyone who doles out that money is old. They have Bentleys parked outside. And yeah, so it's really, really tremendous that you guys are paying for this because no one else does.

Yeah, I mean, for me, what it comes down to is I would rather make content for the audience than make content for advertisers. down to is I would rather make content for the audience than make content for advertisers. And we do, you know, we have the Jumbotron where we, you know, share people's, you know, looking for roommates and stuff, you know, occasionally somebody's Kickstarter project, you know, we have little advertisements here and there on the shows, but it's a small part of our model because at the end of the day, what we don't want is to have to make something that is a vehicle for selling other people's products. Ultimately, if I'm going to sell anything to anyone, I want it to be the entertainment that I make.

Like, I want people to think this is a thing that's valuable to me. It's worth some money. To be fair, we do feel very strongly about the Windows phone and the Windows platform in general. But sadly, we do not get paid for that. We should. We say it in hopes that someday we'll get paid. So anyway,

it's MaximumFun.org slash donate. The time to do it right now, we really, we've only come to you once a year for the six or so years that we've been doing this, and every year I am like gobsmacked by the number of people who step up to the plate and allow us to do this. I

mean, you know, we've gone from me having a real job and sort of desperately scrambling to book guests on The Sound of Young America in my free time to all of these shows, a staff, a place to do this. I mean, look, we still record this in my house, but the reality is that more than 50% of the real estate in this real estate is now taken up by MaximumFun.org. You know, like, and it's great because it means that, you know, Nick White, our editor on Bullseye can come and do this. You know, Julia Smith, the producer of Bullseye comes and works here with us. You know,

we have interns working here. You know, my wife Teresa works here. And these guys have to pay me too. I mean, it's like these guys, you got a lot of, it's like a protection.

Interesting people that come on this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a pretty serious quote. Well, I mean, this is what I get for podcasts. I get 50 grand for podcasts. And, you know, but that comes directly from you guys.

Right. So if you want— Worth every penny. Look, I'm going to go through the guest book here. If you want people like Judge John Hodgman, well, he's on a show. Right. He actually—Allison Becker. Yeah.

Sharing her quotes up between $10,000 and $15,000. No, no. Becker doesn't show up for less than 15 oh she doesn't do a good job for less than 20 eric werheim man man of the people right yeah until you want to book him for a podcast and then that's when the money comes in yeah that's when the shit gets really he has a lot of he has a lot of demands getting real but look you don't have to take our word for it. I want to take you to a friend of ours, a listener to the program,

a Max Funster, who's been one of our biggest supporters for many years, Rebecca, and she's going to tell you about why she supports Maximum Fun.

I remember listening to Jordan and Jesse go and there was just a good sense of community amongst people who liked the same things, were interested in the same things, had a similar sense of humor. It had a very warm and cozy feel that really drew me to it. Hi, I'm Rebecca O'Malley. I'm a donor to MaximumFun.org.

I was thinking a lot about independent media and what it meant to me to have a show that I really like that was so specifically attuned to my interest, and how much I valued that. And so that was an important part of my decision. It's been wonderful just within my lifetime to see this whole area of media pop up where people are creating very specific work that can appeal directly to the things that you're interested in.

It's wonderful to have, but it's also very fragile. The only way that you can see it continuing is if people care enough to support it. Support Maximum Fund today. Just visit MaximumFund.org slash donate. Thank you. It's that easy. MaximumFund.org slash donate, right? Yes, you are right. Jesse, you're correct.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Corddry, celebrity to the stars. You know, when something momentous happens to you in your life, we ask that you give us a call at 206-984-4FUN and share it with us for a segment we like to call Momentous Occasions. Why do we like to call it that?

Name of the fucking segment. That's why. Yeah, why would we call it something else? It would be confusing. It would baffle people. It would be quite the conundrum. Why did Jesse and Jordan insist on calling the momentous occasions segment that when it's something else when it's the momentous occasions segment?

Were all those scarves in my butt? We would be some fucking lying magicians if we change the name of the segment we would be some dirty lying sexy magicians i suddenly want to fuck you yeah i don't know why you know it happens it happens wow people it starts out wow it works it works i've got this just give me just give me a solid 45 minutes i've got i will go from uh slightly distasteful to totally fuckable in 45 minutes. That's my guarantee. I've got this call in front of me, and I don't know what it is, but it's labeled P-Trio.

So I'm guessing P-Trio is going to cool you down, Rob. Okay. Sexually. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and the guest and or guests. This is Eric from Antioch. guests and or guests. This is Eric from Antioch. I am on Highway 24 approaching the Caldecott Tunnel, and it's in the middle of the pouring rain, and I just saw a car pull over on the side of the road. One guy jumped out, didn't hide behind the door, ran right up onto the embankment in full view of all of the stop-and-go traffic, and started peeing. And then another guy ran up right next to him and started doing the same thing.

And then a third guy jumped out of the car, ran up, and started doing the same thing. of the car, ran up, and started doing the same thing. And so there were these three guys all doing the kind of hello, hello, hello peeing all next to each other, right out in full view of everybody in the middle of the rain. Thank you.

There's only one reasonable explanation. Well, I think what it is is it's viral marketing for the Three Stooges movie. It's like a flash mob. I was going to guess our friend Charlie Todd a flash mob. I was going to guess our friend Charlie Todd was involved and there was an improv

everywhere. Oh, okay, sure. You know, just bringing a little magic into people's lives. I was distracted because I can't... I mean, if you're in Antioch

and you're going towards the Caldecott Tunnel, you should not be talking on your phone, even on Bluetooth because it gets slick there. Right. You know the area.

Yeah, and it's an older route, and it's tight. I mean, it's unsafe. Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, not all that far from Antioch and the Caldecott Tunnel, I remember listening to radio. I used to listen to a lot of sports radio as a kid, and they would have that traffic report, and it would just be a list of places and freeways that i had never heard of in my entire life because i guess i think when you live in you know when you live within the bounds of the primary city of a region um you just don't have like

someone who lives in antioch has a reason to go to san francisco but someone who lives in san francisco doesn't have a reason to go to antioch. So like I knew some... What if you want to get into a car accident? Like I knew some things about Oakland and Berkeley, but that's about it, you know, in terms of other places in the Bay Area. And I thought, well, maybe that's just because I was a kid or something like that. And then I moved to Los Angeles. And all Los Angeles is, is a list of places that I'm unfamiliar with. Like that is the defining characteristic of this Southern California region is people going on the radio and just listing things that I've never heard of. The 1292 is backed up today. You know, we've got, it is insane.

Costa Mesa. Yeah. Huntington Beach. Just, I don't know what any of these, Turkington. Oh yeah, the 429 is backed up near Turkington. Like, what? Is that even something? Yeah, I mean, it's where county fairs are.

Right. These are county fair communities. I once went to the county fair in Los Angeles my first year when I moved to Los Angeles before I learned about the don't try and do things in Los Angeles rule. And it took us, it literally took us two and a half hours to drive to the county fair. But to be fair, the L.A. county fair is nowhere near Los Angeles. It was insane. The L.A. county fair is like be fair the la county fair is nowhere near los angeles the la county fair is like is like super duper inland and uh then once we parked it took us an hour to get from where we parked to the fair and we parked in the parking for the fair i don't even know what is that

yeah it's the fair where's the i know, how are you going to get fried cheesecake? You get a fried cheesecake at home? You can't do that. Yeah, where else are you going to wear your headbands? What do you think about that turkey fryer? Sure. Got to fry a whole cheesecake in there. You fry cheesecakes whole, right?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you got to debone them first. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. This is Gabby from New York City. My friend just told me that she has a friend who's from Nepal and is a devout Hindu. And in Nepalese Hinduism, it's really important to be monogamous so you can't get divorced or remarry anyone or have other wives. can't get divorced or remarry anyone or have other wives.

But when this boy was born, astrologers predicted that he would marry three times. So his family panicked, and I guess to trick the Hindu gods, they married him to a tree. So he had to invite all his relatives from all over the country, and they watched him perform elaborate Hindu wedding rites with a tree. But the best part is that he still has to get married to another tree before he can marry a woman. Keep up the good work. Goodbye. Now, this is almost certainly a penguin in the pants. I'll say that first.

Rob, for you, a penguin in the pants is a fake call. Yeah. Or a put on, a string along, a wind up, as they might say in England. She sounds credulous. I think that she believes what she's saying. But you're saying she has been, someone has put a penguin in her pants. There's just too many, there's just, yes, there's a penguin in this young woman's pants right now. However, that point aside, that's fucking delightful.

Sure. I like how it combines elements of, like, charming, magical realism and xenophobia. Sure. You know, and I think what we've learned from all this is that all of the Hindu gods are clearly girls because they're so easily tricked. Right. You put a... You just pull a quarter out of Ganesh's ear

and she'll fuck you. Can I just say that I... Is that Ganesh? Am I racist? Is that the right one? That's a Hindu god? I don't keep track of it. I think there could be... I don't care track of it. I think there could be.

I don't care about that stuff. Other cultures, yeah. More trouble than it's worth. The only thing I'm really up to date on is Zoroaster. So, you know, if it ain't Zoroaster, you know what they say. You're going to poison that dog. Poison that dog and kill it. I want to congratulate our callers, by the way.

I used to have to say on everyers, by the way. I used to have to say on every show, keep it pithy. Our callers have been consistently pithy for the last few months. Sure. These are nice, tight, taut calls. Just light brown, just bulbous, fragrant, just like fucking J-Lo's ass and a pair of fucking Daisy Dukes. America's radio sweetheart, boy detective, and super fantastic guest, I have a moment this occasion that I have to share with you at this moment. I'm driving in rush hour traffic on my way home from work, and I look to my right, and there is an amputee from the knee down, riding a bicycle

with no shirt on, with a giant Punisher skull tattoo covering his entire back. Not only is he pedaling his bike with one leg, but he has an entire Punisher tattoo covering his whole back. This guy is amazing.

Alright, guys. Love you. Bye. That is awesome. We love you bye that is awesome we love you too that's my manager my roofer might be calling oh let's hold for Jordan's roofer hello

yes hi Nelson oh no you know I'm sorry Hi, Nelson. Oh, no, you know, I'm sorry. I already found somebody. Thank you very much. Bye-bye. I left a message with a lot of other roofers before I found one.

Casper, keep that in. Yeah, Casper, keep that in before you make the new Starship Troopers movie. Because that is good stuff. There is an element of badassery to everyone who overcomes a physical disability. My father's best friend when I was growing up was a disability rights advocate named Ed. And Ed was actually, for anyone out there who's a disability rights advocate nerd, Ed Roberts. I did. I wrote a thing about Ed one time and somebody emailed me and said that they attended UC Berkeley because they were inspired by Ed's example. Ed was, among other things, when he first went to college, which was

in the, at the end of the 50s, beginning of the 60s, he and his mom, Zona, who's still around, had to fight to get a dorm that could accommodate his iron lung, because he had polio as a kid. He was one of the last polio cases, you know, the end of the polio epidemic in the early 50s, and, or late 40s, early 50s. And so he was almost completely paralyzed. He could move. He could basically when I knew him, he could basically move himself from the neck up in one of his fingers.

And so he would drive his chair with his finger and then he had to have a breathing machine to breathe and he could, you know, talk and stuff with help from the machine. machine to breathe and he could you know talk and stuff with help from the machine and so anyway uh ed and zona had to fight to get uc berkeley to accommodate his disability it was one of the first disability accommodations basically by a public organization of any kind was uc berkeley essentially taking a wing of a wing of a dorm and turning it into a hospital so that they could put in an iron lung so that Ed could go to college because Ed was super badass and precocious. But the thing that

I remember the most about Ed is that when Ed would get... Incredible Hulk tattoo. Was that he had the longest pull list at his local comic book store. Ed would get into fights with people and it was really funny because he would yell he would get in screaming matches but he was on a breathing machine so he had to suck in his air from this thing that

hung by so he'd be like yell yell yell yell yell yell yell yell yell and then also if he was still having a fight with somebody like he could be kind of a dick frankly but like if he was really getting into a fight with someone he would run over them with his wheelchair like he had this huge electric wheelchair and if somebody was fucking with him or like just disrespecting him or whatever just not you know like he just was like you know what i'm like this so you fucking deal with it, was basically his attitude. And if anybody gave him any shit, he'd just fucking either run into them or over them

with his giant 2,000-pound electric wheelchair. So anyway, I'm super inspired by the badassery. I know this guy. He had an accident when he was a kid. He lived in New York and he was blinded. But as part of this accident, he got super hearing

and super sensory abilities. I wonder which Marvel character he'd have a tattoo of. That's so funny. Well, he became a superhero named Daredevil and he wears a red... Is this guy Matt?

Yeah, Matt Murdock. Yes, yes. He's a lawyer. It's rumored that he's Daredevil. It's like... But yeah, so it's another example of someone that... That is amazing. Has sort of triumphed.

I actually have a buddy, too, Bruce Banner. He's a scientist, and he has the fucking biggest green dick. I mean... Wait, he triumphed over being a scientist? Oh, yeah, yeah. That was his disability was being a scientist. His disability was the dick. Go ahead.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just tough. People ask about it. He can't wear shorts. We'll be back in just a second. I could do this all day, by the way. On Jordan and Jesse. Go. Go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Corddry, celebrity to the stars. Rob, as ever, has been the greatest of delights. Look, there are two perfect delights for me in this world. One. The 65 Mustang. The sleek, stylish,

the powerful. Oh, the satisfying rumble of that engine. One is to have you on Jordan Jesse go. The other is the perfect gooseberry. Those two things.

Sure. Those are the two things that make Those two things. Sure. Those are the two things that make me happier than anything else. It has been a joy to have you on the program. I love doing it. We are looking forward

to watching the next season of Children's Hospital. August 9th, I believe. August 9th. Season four. This show will be on the Comedy Channel. Adult Sw on the Comedy Channel. Adult Swim.

Comedy Channel. The Comedy Channel, right? Sure, sure, sure. The Paramount Comedy Channel. Is that correct? You are the old man in the neighborhood. Is that correct? That's why you hate that name.

You're on the Comedy Channel. You're on the Comedy Channel, correct? You're on the Dumont Network. Are you on the WGN Superstation? Yes. You are on the Superstation. Yes, channel 245. Your show comes on after your Seinfeld rerun. UHF.

For the kids. Also, I was... If only your show was as funny as UHF. I was delighted to read in the industry press that you will be appearing in this Lennon-Garant film that's coming out soon. Yeah. By soon,

I mean it's just been announced, so I'm guessing in roughly a year. Yeah, yeah. We have to make it. I'm going to New Orleans for a month to make it with those guys. It's their first directorial project too, so it's great. And so our hope is that this will be every bit as good as Night at the Museum 2.

It's basically the same story structure. Right. With just less dinosaur skeletons running around. Yeah, Night at the Museum has been on FX a lot. It's pretty funny. Yeah, I've never seen Night at the Museum. It's pretty funny. I think I would probably laugh. Owen Wilson's a little cowboy. It's pretty funny. Yeah. I've never seen, I've never seen. It's pretty funny. I think I would probably,

I would probably laugh. Owen Wilson's a little cowboy. He's a tiny, he's a tiny cowboy. He's a teeny tiny cowboy. Is Owen Wilson back in movies now? Uh, yeah,

he's back in Midnight in Paris. Full size. Was that since, was that since the, the unfortunate incident? Yes. I, you know what?

Wilson's back. I, I love, I, I loved Midnight in Paris, not because it was a perfect film But just because I think I was so happy To spend some time with Owen Wilson

And Woody Allen You're like oh thank goodness Every once in a while there's a soothing balm In between Train wrecks You're like oh thank god I'm not crazy And then crashes a train to

you but here's the starring larry david with with woody allen like i have to admit that i outside of the fact that um you know you're these these women that woody allen would like to see naked are roughly the same ones that i would like to see naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, outside of that, I don't really... I haven't really enjoyed his theoretically good, not funny movies recently. Your Match Point and Vicky Cristina Barcelona I thought was particularly stupid. I liked them, but I think maybe...

I wouldn't argue with you too much, only because I think just because they weren't fucking shitty. Right. You know? Right. And I watched them. They were the first two that I watched. The Jade Scorpion.

Exactly. And what was the one about the heist? Oh, I kind of liked that one. That's the first movie I ever watched. Small Time Crooks. Small Time Crooks. I kind of liked Small Time Crooks. First movie I ever walked out of.

Oh, funny. Oh, actually, one of the only movies I've ever walked out of was, oh gosh, the Larry David one. Oh, really? Whatever works. I didn't even see it. Yeah, I've given up on seeing them at all. Not even Michael McKeon could save it. That guy's great.

I did kind of like Small Time Crooks. You're a huge Rappaport fan, though, Michael Rappaport. I do like Rappaport. You love Rappaport. But wait, you like Rappaport? You claim to like Rappaport, but you've never seen Deep Blue Sea. That's true. He's saving it.

No, because he's saving it. Oh, yeah, you're right. He's hoarding it. For your Teresa's 10th anniversary, you're going to watch Deep Blue Sea. Why won't you let me do the Michael Rappaport podcast? I pitching it and you're like it seems like you'd be the perfect guy to i just here's the thing like i know it's a it's one of those things where i feel like i'm too close to it to really be able to produce it effectively um just because i would literally literally have a hard time a hard time uh moving the keyboard and mouse because of my arousal so you wouldn't yeah i understand it would probably be a nightmare for me

you know michael rapaport was on this podcast or is it just you two talking about michael yeah i'm talking about michael rapaport was on the sound of young america last year uh to talk about his excellent documentary about a tribe called Quest, which I really strongly recommend. Oh, I heard it's great, actually. It's really excellent. Yeah. I don't even know how he ended up making fun of Michael Rappaport. He's really not worthy of any.

No, he's great. Name him Rappaport Stinker. Can't do it. What's amazing about Michael Rappaport is he's one of those guys where you meet him and he is exactly what you think he would be. I used to live. Exactly. I used to live near him. There's no curveball at all.

I used to live near him because I'd see him on the street every once in a while. I lived in an area where there was actually a walking street in L.A. And he would walk and he'd say, it's two little boys. And they'd be walking down the street. What have I, uh, one of them said something to my little, to my daughter.

It was like two or three at the time. He goes, ah, look at daddy. That little girl is doing something or whatever. And he goes, yo, little two.

That was it. Sure. Putting them in their place. Yeah. He gonna let him get i had i had so much fun talking to michael rapaport because it was like talking to michael rapaport sure that's why yeah it was it was amazing it was totally amazing and uh yeah i i cannot record if you ever get the chance to meet michael rapaport i can't't recommend it enough. It's really a delight. I mean, I wouldn't put it on the Luis Guzman level. Well, that's unfair to Rappaport.

Yeah, but it's right up there with that. Anyway, the moral of the story here, Rob, is that it's been great to have you on the show. And anybody who doesn't watch Children's Hospital is really missing out because it's one of the funniest things that there is. It's just fucking hilarious. Thank you. Through and through. Just so much crazy nonsense happens on that television program. Thank you for letting me come on and promote it because I feel like you guys, we all share a sensibility and your audience is a perfect place to talk about it.

I don't know if I've told you this story or not, but I think it's – okay, if I haven't, I'm sorry it's taken me this long. We officiated a – or I officiated a wedding for some listeners. I remember. This was right after my last podcast here. Yeah, so these listeners who I had not met before yeah flew me out to uh flew me out to st louis to officiate their wedding it was a huge honor right uh between the ceremony and the uh between the ceremony and the reception we had to go back to their house because they had forgotten to tivo children's hospital wow and that was on their minds on their wedding day. Wow.

So anyway, so yes. I mean, that's a doomed marriage, but that is a... P-A-R. Don't have kids. Don't have kids. I could not appreciate that more, but that's never going to work out. But thank you, strangers. That is beautiful. That is just beautiful.

I'll tell you, the wedding that I officiated for listeners was, I think, somewhat... I get the impression from you describing your wedding to me, maybe mine was a little bigger and fancier, a little bit more... And that's probably why you would pick me, because I got a tuxedo. Sure. You know what I mean? You're going to look good. You're not having to rent a tux.

Yeah. You're going to look good. Yeah. I'm going to class it up. Yeah. I got classy mode. You're going to look good. Yeah. I'm going to class it up. Yeah. I got a classy mode. You know how to rock a pocket square. I got a classy mode.

And so it was a super classy wedding, a beautiful setting, wonderful family. I'd say 125 people there, just wonderful, kind people. You know, everybody's crying and has tears in their eyes. And then at the end of it, everybody took pictures with the giant guns from Gears of War. The guy you officiated works for Microsoft. So he has access to replicas of the Lancer from Gears of War. Sure. The giant guns from... I was proud of myself for remembering that it's called Gears of War.

But thank you for showing me up there, Jordan. No problem. The Lancer. I mean, they didn't have boom shots on hand. Anyway, we have great wedding memories. Have I mentioned the person who asked if I could officiate their wedding and then took it back? Yes. Okay.

Oh, wow. I'll officiate anybody's wedding. took it back? Yes. Okay. Oh, wow. I'll officiate anybody's wedding. How about you, Jordan? Yep. I have to do it in October. What? The guy, one of my best friends, the guy that introduced Sandy and I,

my wife, wants me to marry her. I'm so nervous. I mean, it's a very, very... It's stressful. Feeling the weight of that. Sure, it's a big responsibility yeah but i'm but i i'm looking forward to it maybe i'll ask you guys what you know for uh absolutely tips and tricks yeah i got tips and tricks you know what i'll tell can i tell you something actually just give

me the tips you don't want to get pregnant first time that joke has ever been made. Go ahead. Can I give you guys a piece of God's own truth? When I was getting ready to officiate my wedding, I went on Ask Metafilter. Yeah? It really, really helped, except for the one person who suggested wedding vows from Babylon 5. And before I officiated, I was shrooming. That's my advice. For real? No, I was shrooming. That's my advice. For real? No, I wasn't.

God, that would have been cool. I should have. In hindsight, I should have been shrooming. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, here's the deal. This is the closing seconds

of this program. If you don't take this opportunity, if you're already a Maximum Fund donor, God bless you. Sure. If you want to kick up your donation a you're already a Maximum Fund donor, God bless you. If you want to kick up your donation a notch, you can get some awesome thank you gifts. That's great.

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to all of you. That's many of our listeners. I'm going to set them aside. If you're not already a donor, take care of business. T-C-B. Take the wand out of your ass. Pull out that long strand. Free those free those panicky pull out that long strand

free those panicky doves get out your checkbook and poison the dog and kill it maximumfun.org can that be our call to action for this time poison the dog and kill it yeah sure gotta poison that dog and kill it my friends

maximumfun.org donate just do it right Yeah, sure. Gotta poison that dog and kill it, my friends. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Fucking just do it, right? That's the thing. The thing that's standing between you and doing it isn't, it's not about you don't have the money. It's not about you don't like the show because you're listening to the show. Sure.

It's not about any of those things. You just ain't done it yet, so just fucking do it. Just do it. Yeah, why not do it? I mean, just because I don't do it is not a reason you shouldn't. Well, you contribute to the organization with your talent. Yeah. Your good looks.

Your stories about cunts. Your C-word tales. We haven't had a lot of cunt stories on. Should we get Corddry back on? Corddry. You know what we haven't had? We haven't had any dick or cunt stories. No one spun a delightful cunt yarn.

No one said cunt in like two or three episodes. Is Cordoville? Anyway. We don't want all the cunts out there to get too confident. We need someone to take them down a peg. Maximumfun.org. Slash cunt. We'll talk to you next time on Troy and Jessica.