Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 220: Terminated with Ben Acker

Episode Date: April 17, 2012

The Thrilling Adventure Hour's Ben Acker joins Jesse and Jordan for discussion of Van Wilder, college radio, ascetisism and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go.

We're joined by the very funny Ben Acker. We talk about a man we knew in college who had no possessions. And another one who lived in the woods. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It couldn't be more beautiful here in Los Angeles, Jordan.

Mm-mm. You know how much I love Los Angeles, Jordan. Boy, I'm almost getting sick of hearing about it. If there's one thing that I, Jesse Thorne, love, it's the City of Angels. La Ciudad de Los Angeles. Yes. If you folks at home can't see,

Jesse is making the jack-off motion. But you've done a great job melding a sincere voice with a fuck-it gesture. Yeah. No, it is genuinely spectacularly beautiful outside,

although it is unpleasantly warm here in the studio. It is a little bit. We're going to get a little sweaty on this program. I mean, before that happens, I'm going to remove my sweater. Spoiler alert. Wow. Yeah. Really?

Mm-hmm. Do you think things might get sensual? I mean, that's up to you. Patrick, what? That's up to you. If you want to, take the jack-off motion that you're making right now and move it about three feet over here to my erect dingus then i think we can make this sensual but get up again get up in your dingus yeah but again that's

that's relying on you how much effort you want to put forth i'm i'm wondering this did you save the scent the most sensual episode of jordan jesse go for when when our long-time listener Patrick Roddy was in the studio. I did, consciously. You know what? That's great, because I've been feeling bad. We should explain. Patrick Roddy is here because he makes light boxes as a hobby.

It's a perfectly normal hobby. It's not normal at all. A very unusual hobby. Let's introduce our guest, and we'll get into Patrick Roddy. What? Our guest is the co-creator of the Thrilling Adventure Hour podcast and long-running live stage show here in Los Angeles. He's a writer for film and television.

Mr. Ben Acker. How are you, Ben? I'm good. Thank you for that introduction. Oh, of course. I try and introduce all of our guests. It usually goes, it goes homoeroticism, a little Patrick, then the guest. That's how we do it on Jordan Jesse Go.

He's already got the rhythm of the program. Sure. The fascinating rhythm of Jordan Jesse Go. So let's get back to Patrick Roddick. All right, let's go. Light boxes. He's got a Lightboxes. He's got a very traditional hobby.

The kind of thing, what are we talking about? What's a gentleman going to do in his workshop? You know, model trains. Model trains, absolutely. Box kites. Box kites. Soldering. Sure.

Some light soldering. Most importantly, making light boxes of his favorite podcast. I was really impressed by the light. Okay, so Patrick makes these light boxes. And because we had our recent MaxFunDrive, he made one for Jordan Jesse Go that said more powerful than ever and an ape going ape. And he put it on eBay and donated all the proceeds to MaximumFun.org. Thank you very much, Patrick. And the guy who won it asked if we would autograph it. So I said yes, and I figured as long as we were autographing it,

Patrick lives here in Southern California. We've met him at several past volunteer days and stuff when we pack up all the thank you gifts for the Max Fun Drive. I figured he might as well come by, bring it by, hang out here. And I'm glad that I invited him by because I got to admire his joinery. Oh, what's that?

Oh, let me handle this one. Yeah. It means corners. Oh, his corners. I'm looking at him right now. He doesn't seem to be a particularly cornered man. You've taken what I've said literally.

When Ben says corners, he means dingus. Oh, I know what that is. Right. Yeah. Sorry to have come on your podcast. I still don't know what you guys are talking about. No, so Patrick. It's the quality of being a joiner?

Like you could see him running for class president or something? No, I assumed that when Patrick made these light boxes... You know what a light box is? Those of you in our audience, it's like a light bright, you know, where there's a translucent pattern, and the light shines through it and it lights up. You know, like one of those things you put uh slides on top of so you can decide which slide to put on the cover of your magazine you know in a film about

making a magazine in 1974 which film you know magazine there's a more starring dustin hoffman there's a more contemporary example just Just like your favorite episode of Just Shoot Me. Sure. There you go. We've all seen. We all have a favorite episode of Just Shoot Me. The one with the lady with the giant tits. George Segal.

Yes. Man, those were big. I mean, the masculine name is a little bit of a turn off, but you know, whatever. He was a bosomy gentleman. He was. He was. You could just call him Georgie in the sack, though. I mean her. I called him her whatever

I wanted to. He was sort of my bitch. George Segal. Yeah. You were talking about joinery. Okay, so I assumed that This is the proclivity of someone to join like an adult kickball league or a stitch and bitch group. That's to be a joiner.

Whoa. Okay. Whoa. Let's sidebar about stitch and bitch groups. Okay. After we explain what joinery is. Okay. So.

It's corners. Have you ever, have you, Jordan, you've watched the new Yankee workshop with Norm Abrams, correct? Yeah. Okay. So then you know a little something about the process of making corners out of two pieces of wood. something about the process of making corners out of two pieces of wood. Sure. You can either

slam them together and then just shoot them together with a nail and some glue. That's called slammery or shootery. Exactly. Or you can cut little jigsaw patterns into them and fit them together. Joining them. Okay. That's joinery.

I always watch that show with the sound off. Right. So... Right. Well, that Norm Abrams. That's whyer. I always watch that show with the sound off. Right. So. Right. Well, that Norm Abrams. That's why I'm. The tits on that guy. Fucking tits. Wow.

The jugs. This is just what I thought it would be like. Yeah. Talking about the tits on men. Yeah. Stitch and bitch. Yeah. The old stitch.

Wait. You have some thoughts about stitching and bitching. No. I have a lot of questions about it. Okay. I don't think we'll be able to answer them. I don't know. Jesse, have you participated in a stitch and bitch? I've participated in a stitching and bitching. No, I have a lot of questions about it. I don't think we'll be able to answer them. I don't know, Jesse. I've participated in a stitch and bitch once.

When we were in college, we were resident advisors. Right. You had just been dumped. Jordan and I worked together, actually. I don't know, Ben, if you were a resident advisor in college. No. It's a little sensitive. You're a wild man.

I didn't advise shit about dick in college. Okay, good. Yeah. Residents, occupants, nobody came to me. If I was advising shit about dick, I would be like, watch out, here it comes. Because of all the homophobia. Sure. Sure.

So here's the thing. um so here's the thing uh when i was in when we were in college we had the resident advisors had two bosses and the lady boss had a stitch and bitch club and it was almost all ladies in it but because we went to uc santa cruz it was a big deal for there to be dudes to get dudes to come to it so that it wasn't sexist all right and so one time i apart from being inherently sexist right so one time i went to it uh as a favor to her because she was such a nice lady okay um were you the only guy i think there might have been another dude in it well there was this one dude named nick that was a resident advisor with us. It may have been the year before you became an RA, and he was an amazing man.

He lived a completely Spartan existence. He was taller than me. He was 6'4", 6'5". I've been that tall. Have you? Yeah. No longer? Sometimes Depends on the hairstyle

That was back when you had the high top fade In your kid and play days Kid and or play, not both Wait, which one had Which one had the famously tall haircut? Also, what was that? That's kid, right? I think it's kid that had the high-top fade. You know, I only

know that as just like a pull, like an early 90s pull. Like House Party? Yeah, yeah. I don't even know really what it is. It's a movie starring Kid and Play. Wait, we're kidding? There was a series of them. So were Kid and Play a thing before House Party? Yes. Yes. Okay. But House Party

was their main thing well and house party too yeah it was a pajama jammy jam oh okay right what were they this was two guys this was what made reginald hudland's uh reputation correct it sounds true yes i think that's true it was a certainly part of reginald hudland's reputation okay um but they, I think, a DJ and a rapper. Yeah, I think that's correct. All right. Wikipedia that at home. This is in the era, this is in the hip hop era when you could still be, when hip hop was still at that turning point where you could still be some really silly ass bullshit.

Okay. You know what I mean? You could be a guy with giant tall hair. Sure. You could be three guy with giant tall hair. Sure. You could be three fat men. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what we're talking about is the era immediately after the Fat Boys.

Okay. That's a post-Fat Boys cultural landscape. Yeah, exactly. I mean, this is like the Tone Loke era. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? Where Tone Loke is bad at rapping. I mean, he could be worse at rapping, but he was pretty bad at rapping.

It's just a silly novelty thing could actually be an actual rap thing. Okay. That was still the era. It would still get you a little cameo in Ace Ventura 1. Yeah. Didn't rap start with Rapper's Delight, which was silly? You're saying all the way from Rapper's Delight

until Tone Loke and beyond. I think that ended with MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. I think that's pretty much the end of silly bullshit in rap. Because MC Hammer became

as famous as you could possibly be. Vanilla Ice became one level down and they crashed and burned when uh credibility became an important part of the hip-hop equation sure anyway hip-hop history lesson aside i feel like there's more to know this guy nick what about nwa right so nwa were an important part of i, the rise of gangster rap in the early 1990s was about introducing the idea of authenticity and credibility into hip hop. And refusing both refusing sort of simultaneously pop ideas and silly bullshit. simultaneously uh pop ideas and silly bullshit that's sort of conflated into one uh which is why in part the baby got thrown out with the bathwater in in a genuinely authentic group like for example de la soul who are very silly but also genuinely authentic and very talented on their first album

um who then had to make a record called de la soul is dead on their first album, who then had to make a record called De La Soul is Dead on their second album. Too soon. So, yeah, I know. Far before their time. So, there you go. That's a little rap history lesson. So, anyway, this guy Nick. What's Kid and Play?

This guy Nick. That's all I wanted to know. They were two gentlemen who made a series of movies, a short series, a series of two movies. Yeah. They heard that the best way to get booked as a weirdly regular guest on Bill Maher's various television programs was to make some movies in the early 1990s. Great. Awesome.

Yeah, I feel like I have a series of things that I just use for, like, comedy polls. I feel like I've used Kid and Play as one of them without knowing what it is, just kind of knowing what it is. Like, knowing the tone and that that guy had a haircut. And just use it. So, yeah, I feel like if I use something, like, more than three times, I should actually look into it.

Anyway. They go by men in work now. Do they? Now you're thinking of men at work. They've really come a long way. Get in play. That was probably the most overwrought joke that anyone has ever told on Jordan. Like, the most, like, work that had to go on in your brain to get to that point. It was only two works.

It was like an analogy, I think. What are the things on the SATs? It's an analogy. Let's go with it. Oh, you said what are the things on the SATs with a colon and I should have said a butt. That's the most overwrought.

Now that's the most overwrought joke. When you took the SATs You just dropped your trousers And rubbed your ass on them Yep I still got a 700 So this guy Nick That we went to college with

That was an RA with me Yeah He was tall Very tall Yeah, classically tall I remember this guy Yes Ripped

I mean, you remember this guy Yeah, yeah, totally Were you an RA with him? Yeah, classically tall. I remember this guy. Yes. Ripped. I mean, you remember this guy? Were you also an RA with him? Yeah, yeah, I was. So, how would you describe him? Like, he had the build of, he had that kind of, um, he had that kind of, like, swimmer's build or decathlete's

build. Like, he looked like he could, um, uh, he really looked like he could, he was, looked like he could he was he looked athletic in the sense that like a greek sculpture looks athletic you know what i mean i think i think yeah the best way to describe this guy is being like if there was a movie about him christian bale would play him yes and because like it had a he's he's the perfect combination of uh good looks and madness yes in total yeah i think i think like his dorm room was just like one you know iron bed frame that he brought himself and a hanging

like a swinging light bulb and then like a big book that just said dostoevsky on the front yes those are his three possessions that was the amazing thing about this guy is that he had a dorm room that was literally empty. It was an empty dorm room. It had, in fact, I once, he once had his dorm room door propped open and I thought that it was a dorm

room on the, like a prospective students tour. Like I thought that it was just the furniture that comes with your dorm room on the like a prospective students tour like i thought that it was just the furniture that comes with your dorm room i didn't realize that someone lived there because there was no things in it yeah i said and and just to remind people what we're talking about this is the guy who went to the stitch and bitch club right this guy you know just tuning it yeah yeah this like i could see this guy's hobbies being like um you know like lifting a medicine ball yes um like seeing how long he could jack off because he wanted to prove that he had you know an insane sexual stamina what about

holding his breath that would be a hobby yeah holding his breath and That would be a hot topic. Yeah, holding his breath. And here's the thing. Eating little bits of glass. He was also, I mean, he once, he was a very private man, as you would imagine he would be. But also just very thoughtful and kind. I mean, he was not an evil man by any means. and kind. I mean, he was not an evil man by any means. Like all of these things,

all of these pieces fit together to form a picture of an, of a nightmare man, of an evil nightmare man. But he actually was a very nice man. Who just wanted to fight a rainbow. But I remember that I had known him. I mean, when you're,

when you're an RA, you have RA training together. So you spend two weeks before school with a group of, I don't remember what, 15 people. So you get to know everyone very well, and you work with everyone very closely. And I felt like I had not connected that deeply with him. And I remember at one point I was sitting with him in the lunchroom or something like that in the dining hall. And we called it the lunchroom because we were in elementary school. Well, no breakfast or dinner.

Yeah. And we were sitting down and he told me a story about how when he was in high school, he had a Plymouth Valiant and the engine caught on fire while he was on the freeway. And I remember being touched by that story, like emotionally touched because he'd shared that with me. I remember this 10 years later, because it was the only thing he ever shared with me in the two years we knew each other. Like in the two years we knew each other like in the two years we worked with each other several days a week that was the most personal thing he shared with me was that one time when he was in high school his plymouth valiance engine caught on fire yeah you're like well it's so so nice of you to say that so you're into kegels right i just assumed but what was amazing about

this guy is our friend uh jim real the master of would you rather who's appeared on this podcast many times um at one point he took up this martial art there was this guy who came this this student this resident student who was like 35, which at UC Santa Cruz is very unusual. There were probably like, there were probably four resident students in regular student housing over the age of 25 at all of UC Santa Cruz. So this resident student moved in who was about in his early to mid 30s. And he started teaching classes in jeet kune do and jeet kune do is this martial art that bruce lee invented um which is amazing that bruce lee decided to invent his own martial art yeah well also amazing that there was

there was an audience at santa cruz for martial art that couldn't also double as a dance. Yes. Martial arts were very popular while we were going to college, but they could all double as a dance. Yeah. So a kind of dance fighting. Anything that doesn't, in any kind of martial art that doesn't also involve a guy with, a white guy with dreadlocks going, bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar- going right right see yeah i think i feel like i feel like yeah i feel like the people at our college saw martial arts and they're like this is great this is practical or a martial art that involves someone making their own chain mail right right it's another type of martial art

like we love these martial arts how can we replace the nunchucks with hand drums? Yeah. And then they invented something. So Nick started taking these classes in the art of Jeet Kune Do. Now, as it was explained to me at the time, the difference between Jeet Kune Do and other martial arts is that Jeet Kune Do is focused on killing. Sure. You know that Bruce Lee movies had the highest mortality rates in all of cinema.

I know. I did not know that. I mean, It's true. Bruce Lee, there's one. Yeah. I guess we can count

nearly everyone else. His son dying while making The Crow. Oh, yeah. I guess. Was that Jeet Kune Do? I don't know. Probably.

Probably Jeet Kune Do. But no, who. Probably. Probably it was Jeet Kune Do. But no, who else died on the set of a Bruce Lee movie? Well, all those... Everyone he fought in the fight. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Sure. The late Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. May he rest in peace.

Sure. Yeah, I don't know. Todd, Steve, I don't know all the guys' names who came at him in the fight. Okay. That he would punch really hard. Wow. And freeze most of his body after. Wait, wait. So the people who died, that wasn't because of like harness accidents because Bruce Lee killed them?

He invented a martial art that was devoted to – And then killed people in his movies? Absolutely. What? Wait, so they didn't go to jail? I think the rules were different back then. Is there some sort of YouTube compilation showing all the times that Bruce Lee punched a guy And the guy later died?

I would love to see that He would punch them to death In the movie Did Kareem know about this when he signed up for this operation? He thought he was tough because he was tall Oh, that was your mistake, Jabbar Right, former Kareem Abdul-Jabbar As long as Bruce

has access to your sternum, he can kill you. You think you're such a big man, Alcindor. That is the pronunciation of it, probably. I don't know how it's pronounced, Alcindor. Well, didn't he fight those hobbits under the name Alcindor?

What if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar changed his name if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar because he was sick of having such a fucking hobbity name? He hated Led Zeppelin. He's like, this Lou Alcindor bullshit has to go. Okay, so Nick was learning to kill. And that is the context in which I met him.

He was the one dude that always went to stitch and bitch class. Yeah. Or club. Do you think he was knitting something to be used as a killing weapon? I don't know. Maybe some sort of choking scarf or a smothering blanket? Crocheting is the one craft that is, the purpose of it is to kill, right? Right.

Bruce Lee invented crocheting. He did. Well, he invented his own form of crocheting. If that's true, someone should shut down this Etsy website because that's just murder weapons. It's all murder weapons. Bruce Lee founded Etsy.com also. Oh, wow. Did you not know that?

Pre-internet, though. He bought the domain name. He thought eBay was insufficiently deadly. He bought the domain name when GoDaddy was still GoChild. Jesus Christ, this thing's turning in on itself. Do you think that 50-year-old guys who don't know how to use the internet jack off to GoDaddy commercials? Just say yes or no, and we can continue with the story. I think it's a case-by-case.

I think it depends on the 50-year-old guy. Okay. I can't make a sweeping statement. Okay. I'm going to change my answer to yes. Okay. Thank you. Yes.

Am I right? Thank you. I, yes. What happens in the rest of a GoDaddy commercial if you go, because I know during the Super Bowl it says go to GoDaddy.com. Oh, for unrated content. Do they show boobs or something? I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question. I haven't. I mean, I don't want to go and find out.

Yeah, that's the thing. I kind of, I'm curious about it because I hate them so much. They're so horrible. But. And I'm sick of all the rated content on the internet. Yeah, that's the thing. I kind of, I'm curious about it because I hate them so much. They're so horrible. But. And I'm sick of all the rated content on the internet. Yeah, I know all that. Yeah, sure, all that. Yeah, heavily censored.

Yeah, no, it's, I'm, for the audience at home, I'm in a different chair today and it's throwing off my equilibrium a bit. So I'm, I'm whacking the windscreen as we, as we record. Are you usually in this chair? I am usually in that chair. I offered you this this chair ben offered to switch with jordan but yeah no i thought it would be rude but uh it's like a stitching bitch without the stitching i know right hey um yeah no i always see those go daddy commercials and they're and they're awful but it's like the sexy part doesn't even seem it does not seem all that sexy. It's like it involves a woman.

I think the one that I always think of as being the most infuriating is one where Danica Patrick gets pulled over by a hot lady cop. And Danica Patrick is like, you're hot. Do you want to be a GoDaddy girl? And the cop's like, you said it. And then sensually unzips her cop outfit. And then, you know, there's a sound cue that's just a fucking, you know, Motley Crue guitar. Wee-wee-wee! The Michael Mann, right?

Huh? The Michael Mann, the soft rock, like the soft metal guitar solo. Yeah, right. Prevalent on the show Luck that killed horses. Sure. And she whips off the jacket, and she's wearing a t-shirt, like a to-her-elbow-sleeve T-shirt. I'm like, what? This isn't even like, shouldn't she be wearing a bikini underneath?

I don't know. It's just like, whoa, a T-shirt. I don't know. Anyway. I don't know. And it strikes me as something that a 50-year-old would jack off to. If you ever get the chance to see a lady cop in a t-shirt, it's,

yeah, you would know like, it's different on TV, but I'm talking about like, just if we do a one-to-one situation, lady cop unzips her uniform. Yeah. That's entrapment.

And then, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Well, certainly entrap my dingus. Dingus means penis, right? That's what I've been working on.

I've been working under that assumption. All right. Colin, feel free to call in. So, yeah, okay. So did you ever get a sense of why Nick was a part of Stitch and Bitch? I would just guess because he's the kind of guy who was soothed by repetitive tasks. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's nice to know. I mean, it's nice to know that, like, there's people, there's, it's nice to have people

in your life. And I mean, Nick hasn't been an active part of my life for 10 years now. But I think I could go on the internet and make Facebook friends with him. And I want to make it clear that I like Nick. He's a good dude. He had that story about that car. It was a great story about that car. But I think Nick was a genuinely good dude.

about that car. But I think Nick was a genuinely good dude. And it's nice to know that if you're ever going to start a private army, I guess, that you have a go-to guy. You know what I mean? A go-daddy. A real go-to daddy. But I think you follow what I'm saying.

There's someone who you know you could trust. If they don't have the munitions expertise, you could trust them to acquire it. Sure. But they're also, they're not a loose cannon. You know what I mean? He seems like the kind of guy, if you're like, Nick, I'm putting together a private army. Have you read the Anarchist Cookbook? Let me ask you this about your private army.

I'll play the part of Nick. Okay. Is it ragtag? How ragtag? Pretty ragtag. All right. Yeah. He probably has not read the Anarchist Cookbook, but feels like it pulled too many punches.

Yeah. I mean, I can see the only context. It's probably read the anarchist anarchist cookbook but feels like it pulled too many punches yeah i mean i i can see the only context gone too commercial yeah the bucket the only context i can see uh nick reading the anarchist cookbook is with a red pen in his hand frankly just start crossing you've seen his bookshelf there was that one dostoevsky book so he's borrowed the anarchist cookbook from someone and is marking it up with a pen. But you know what? Nick was like, it was like being friends with a character from that genre of movie that I've talked about how much I love on this program, which is the genre of movie that the George Clooney movie, The American, belongs to, which is something where George Clooney is silent but beautiful

and he has an important but complicated task to pursue in an exotic locale. There's exotic nudity, but it's classy. You know what I mean? Like a Lethal Weapon 2. Not like Lethal Weapon.

I don't know if I've... I don't know if I've... Patsy Kenseth over Woody's girlfriend from Cheers. I don't know if I've... I'm not sure that I've exactly... Maybe I should... I might be missing the... Maybe I should run this back and...

Tell me, yeah, is there another movie in that genre besides that one movie? Because I don't know if that's how genre works. There's got to be. I mean, I figure probably all movies that Pierce Brosnan has ever been in besides the Bond movies. So Mrs. Doubtfire is a part of this genre. Oh, is he in Mrs. Doubtfire? Yeah, he's Sally Field's new boyfriend, who Robin Williams has to compete with,

while still dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire. I was going to exempt the ABBA movie, but so now I'm exempting the ABBA movie and Mrs. Doubtfire. The Ben Aldridge Bond movies is three greatest accomplishments. Probably the Taylor of Panama, which I haven't seen, but I'm presuming it belongs to this genre. Your knowledge of The Tailor of Panama is about my knowledge of House Party. You know it as a poll. Exactly.

I'm talking about a silent and violent, as I call it. The old S&B. Yeah. Sure. So, Birth of a Nation. Exactly. Okay. And just a nice, healthy dose of racism.

Just something where some heroic Klansmen are rescuing white women from a savage black man. On this topic of... Savage Klan violence. On this topic of... Savage clan violence. On the topic of someone saying something very small to you, but it being very meaningful, and also it taking place where we went to college. Yes. Do you remember Bob DeBolt,

the guy who came on after us on college radio? We were on college radio together, Ben. No, we weren't. We hosted... Do you not remember this, Ben? I was in a car accident. It was unfortunate, to say the least, and it wasn't my fault,

but despite the fact that I was going slowly, edging out into the intersection, because I was going left and this guy was going straight. Right. Technically it was my fault. And so I've lost a lot of our college experience together. Right. I remember a different college experience.

Right. It's kind of written over. Sure. The memories. Well, you know, I see when we've been... I feel just sorry about the whole thing. Yeah. I apologize.

Previously when we've talked and you said, hey, remember that time in college together where we tricked the frat boys into eating the dog cum? That leads me to believe that what you think was college was just the movie Van Wilder. Yeah, that probably – well, I was watching it during my accident. Oh, okay. That's probably what that was. Hey, congratulations on getting it on with Tara Reid, though. Like, young, hot Tara Reid. Not the fucking new, mass Tara Reid.

Thanks. I accept your congratulations. In her prime. You know what else? Congratulations on getting on MTV's Pimp My Ride when it was in its prime. Mm-hmm. And getting your ride pimped out with a Van Wilder theme, including getting the film Van Wilder embedded in your getting the film Van Wilder

embedded in your steering wheel. Say what you will. A screen that plays... That ride better have my money. Only Van Wilder. Does it play just Van Wilder, or does it play the direct-to-DVD sequels as well? I'm glad you asked.

The prequels, yeah. No, it doesn't play the sequels. Oh, you don't consider those canon? I don't give a care about The Rise of Taj That guy's got his own thing And it ain't This guy's thing

Yeah Yeah it's a different guy's thing Okay It's Taj's thing It's Taj's thing Have a rise Have a fall Have a whole thing

I wish you the best of luck But you're not playing In my goddamn car Weirdly it does play Some of the lesser American Pie movies. Right. You're talking a naked mile. But I think that's about Sunspots. That's about Sunspots.

Pussy camp. That's not about anything that X to the Z did. Wasn't Tit Run in one of those? Oh, let's go around and name fake American Pie directed DVD sequels. That's more fun than what we were talking about. I want to talk about Bob DeBolt. Oh, sure. Okay, so. Wasn't he in Bosom Hump? When Jordan and I. Oh, one more.

Balls to the Walls with Zs instead of Ss. Jordan and I I'm sorry it was in that one. Jordan and I hosted a college radio program together and after our college radio program If you were wondering why we have so many stories about crazy sex in college

That's why Sure sure After our college radio program Was a show called the politics of social reality And it was hosted by a man Named Bob DeBolt The late Bob DeBolt May he rest in peace

It was not our loss He was always very rude to us i'm not sorry and um and he was an older man i would say in his late 60s yeah it sounds about right um he lived in the woods on a platform under a tarpaulin. He smelled horrible. Like a man who lives in that place where he did. Yes. I bet the tarp didn't smell so great. That was one of them stank tarps. Fair, fair.

That's one of the directed DVD American Pie sequels, right? Stank tarp. Him and the tarp is a chicken and egg situation, right? Just so nice of Eugene Levy to be in all of these, too. He got $100,000 for Stank Tarp. They doubled his quote on that one.

You fly off to Vancouver for two weeks. It's fun. It's just nice. And he knows they suck. He had one scene in Stank Tarp. He just pulled a lever at the Stank tarp factory right he calls that movie uh house payments yeah you got it um so uh bob de bolt would come into the station he'd go into the production studio and we had a feed of the paca radio station, which is a very far left-leaning

radio network, public radio network, and in Berkeley, KPFA, that ran into our station, we would carry the KPFA afternoon news on our station. We would syndicate it. So we had a feed of their station, and he would go in there and record...

Now the KZSC is just syndicating old family guys. It's really changed a lot. So if you want the news, don't listen And he would go in there and record. Now KZSC is just syndicating old family guys. Yeah. It's really changed a lot. So if you want the news, don't listen to it. Yeah. But if you want old family guys, check it out. If you want like season one through three family guy.

Classic family guy classic. But you know, you really can't fault them because it really buoys the ratings on some really amazing original out there programming. Yeah. It's a great lead-in for Nothing But Klezmer. Yeah. Did they ever get anything but Klezmer on that show? No, they don't. They won't allow it. They won't allow it? Absolutely

not. Somebody tried to sneak a little Zydeco in there, but the Nothing But Klezmer host said... That is the original East Coast, West Coast rapper food. Zydeco v. Klezmer. Well, that's a court case. Yeah. Although I bet guys who. Zydeco v. Klesberg. Well, that's a court case. Yeah. Although I bet guys who play Zydeco do actually hate guys who play Klesberg.

But not because of the music. Do you think that somewhere right now Sandra Day O'Connor is taking questions at a law school and she's saying, well, I don't have to worry that much about Supreme Court cases anymore. It's mostly just deciding on the entertainment for my birthday party. Although you might call that a ruling in the case of Zydeco v. Klesmer. That was home audience. I hope that you will write a letter expressing how perfect that Sandra Day O'Connor impression was. It's like she walked into the room. Jesse, you know, although I'll acknowledge it was very good.

I inverted my scrotum for that. No, obviously. He walked it around in front of a mirror. He said, I'd fuck me. In the style and spirit of Sandra Day O'Connor. And then it was like a different person walked in and sat down and put on cans, headphones. I just think it's a little rude that you use this show to test material for your SNL audition. If not here, where?

In comedy clubs where you're supposed to be doing it, the Groundlings Theater. You know, I just interviewed Rachel Dratch for Bullseye, which will actually probably be out at exactly the same time as this show, so go listen to it. Our sister show episode. She told me, exactly. So she told me that one of the impressions that she did for her Saturday Night Live audition was Paula Poundstone. I think you, like, at some point, there has to be a relevancy cutoff for a Saturday Night Live audition. God, Bill Hader has a funny one, too. I've heard him talk about it. I think maybe he did Vincent Price or something for his.

Yeah. And Lorne Michaels shook his head. Do we want to tell the story of somebody else's comedy? No. Let's get back to Bob DeBolt. So Bob would record Angela Davis speeches off of KPFA to play on his show. And then he'd sort of rant about how fluoride in the – he literally believed that fluoride in the water supply helped the government control our minds. Yeah.

He literally believed that. He did not believe that it was a satirical plot point in one of the most famous satires of our time. He literally believed it to be the case. The apartment. The goofy suicide satire. The apartment. Horrible bosses. Yeah. the goofy the goofy suicide satire the apartment horrible bosses um so anyway so bob de bolt was an amazing amazing man and his callers would call our show

the second half of our show we would be taking calls on some subject um and his caller his people would call us and yell at us for not being him like where's bob something to connor called you she was a big fan of his she was a big fan i mean the court has taken a big swing to the right since she retired yeah it was it was it was weird that they appointed just a rabid conspiracy theorist. Yeah. Yeah, she lobbied the famous Sunspots v. Chemtrails case. For some reason, in Bush v. Gore, she found in favor of loose change. Yeah.

Oh, I should have one. Alright. Wait. Let's help him out. Jews run the banking industry. Constitution's printed on him. What do we got? What do we got, guys? Let's rally. Let's rally. There's Lizard People v.

Kennedy's. Is that one? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, Lizard People v. the DMV-assassinated Kennedy. people v uh yeah kennedy's is that one yeah yes yeah lizard people v the dmv assassinated carlisle carlisle group something yeah sure okay build build build a berg oh build a bear i'm sorry nobody's gonna follow this face it's too cute You're going to fill the Perican spirits. Nobody's going to follow this face. It's too cute. Put a little fireman's hat on him. So what were you going to say about Bob? Oh, yeah, yeah.

So he, so, you know, obviously. Oh, and he also, he died of cancer because he didn't believe in doctors. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. So, so this I think was. Doctors are real. I think, so I think this was... Doctors are real. I think... So I think this was after maybe our time slot had changed, and you weren't there, but I

was there for some other thing, some other radio thing. Was I there? Huh? Was I there? No, you were... Oh, shit. Balls deep in terror. Balls deep in terror.

I was trying to think of something else. DD and TR. Yeah, yeah. I like that week. Oh, you were organizing the roller disco benefit for the nerds. That also happened in Van Reade. I was trying to think of something else. DD and TR. Yeah, yeah. I love that week. Oh, you were organizing the roller disco benefit for the nerds. That also happened in Van Wilder. Sure. You've seen Van Wilder.

You know what? Jacuzzi. Yes, I have seen Van Wilder. I saw it in high school, but then re-watched it again. I wrote a TV pilot about college and wanted to watch a bunch of the famous college things over again just to make sure that I wasn't retrotting anything. Maybe do a podcast remembering all of college. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I watched a couple of the direct-to-DVD American Pies and Van Wilder and a bunch of others.

It was a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah, they're all terrible. No offense if you made that movie. No, sorry. Yeah, sorry guy who made Van Wild offense if you made that mistake. No, sorry. Yeah, sorry, guy who made Van Wilder. Maybe you've gone on to better things. I really loved the King speech.

So, you know, you've taken a step in the right direction. You know, Van Wilder really, I mean, if nothing else, it gave us the careers of Ryan Reynolds and, of course, Jeffrey Rush. He breaks that. Sure. A young Jeffrey Rush really showed America what he could do. He was a really harsh dean. In that scene where he ate dog cum. Which happens in that movie.

Wow. Does the person who eats it go like, this is really good? Like, they eat it in like a... Okay. You've stumbled upon my favorite thing to describe. This is one of the craziest things to ever happen in a movie

as far as I'm concerned. I maybe have described it on the podcast before, so I apologize if I'm... I don't remember this. Okay. So in the scene, they're trying to put one over on like the waspy frat, the real stereotypically waspy frat.

Would you say that they were snobs or slobs? No, Jesse. Van Wilder is the slob in this situation. Gotcha. These are the snobs. And how they do this— You know, I always prefer the slobs. Yeah.

You know what? The slobs are all right. They don't have fancy yachts. No. They have just regular prison yachts. They know how to have a good time. Quick question. Yeah.

How would you describe their degree of wildness relative to the protagonist, Van? Would you describe them as less wild? Oh, far less wild. Far less wild. Okay. Yeah. Van was wilder. Gotcha.

Is their arc to be as wild as... Well, no, they want things to be less wild. They want it to be more refined. Oh, no, I meant the people under, the people serving under Van. Oh, okay. His ragtag group. Right, yes, his ragtag group of soldiers of fortune. So in order to put one over on the snobs

What they do is there's a bulldog Who lives in Van Wilder's dorm They jack off this bulldog into pastries Like they jack him off so he ejaculates into pastries Like a puff pastry? Yeah, like a puff pastry Like a beard papa? Yeah, exactly, like a beard papa Wikipedia that, kids a puff pastry. Like a beard papa? Yeah, exactly. Like a beard papa.

Wikipedia that, kids. Yeah. What are those, by the way? Are they Japanese? Where do those come from? I've never been in one, but I see them around. Anyway, they're Japanese, right? When you say you've never been in one, you mean in an American Pie sense?

Yes, exactly. I've never fucked one of these. I've never fucked one of these So they So they jack off this dog Into these pastries And they send them in a big basket Over to the Over to the frat house of the snobs

And they of course all crowd around Like they all are just there in the frat house And they all crowd around the basket And just start Like devouring these things And like Like Was there a pretense of

These are from someone who likes you yeah the card said something like congratulations on the crew team it had some sort of thing on it and so they're all there and they all just encircle this basket of cum filled pastries what a circle of jerks yeah right and they just like eat them in the most ravenous crazy way possible like they squirt they squirt the cum onto their face and, like, lick it off. And there's all this crazy, like, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. And they even ADR'd in. They added after the fact someone offscreen in a gay voice going,

I've had these before. And then someone tells them that it's come and then they start throwing up but like that crazy like oh you wait there was like a solid five minutes where you loved this and ate it crazier than anyone has ever eaten anything i don't know that's it's baffling you've never had beard papa i've clearly never have beard papa because if i guess if i had it i would be squirting it all over my face sucking my fingers after each individual bite you see this on my face you thought this was just semen i did yeah that's beard oh beard papa now if you masturbate a dog for your revenge scenario yeah yeah haven't you already lost yeah right i know it seems like that's a you would get more

cum on you also you masturbated a dog. Cum shmum. Oh, they show him dog porn, too. That's kind of funny. They have some dog porn magazines. I thought that was pretty good. Wait. I have a lot of questions about the kind of economy that would sustain... The reality of this is shaky at best.

The economy that would sustain a dog porn magazine. Yeah. It's the largest economy in the world. God's United States. But is the internet not... Whoa, are you one of these Obama types that believes that America has taken a backseat to the rest of the world? Wait.

You think that we don't deserve American supremacy? Well, listen, this is a sticky wicket. You know what? Jump in your Van Wilder car and drive it to China. Go back to your coastal ivory towers. My point is, what? What? That's my point.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Point taken. In the magazine, were there dogs in lingerie? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, obviously. Yes.

Obviously. And it was for dogs. It seemed to be. It didn't seem to be. I couldn't tell. The impression I got watching the movie is this is for dogs. But I guess it would make more sense to be for humans who like to see dogs in little outfits. Instead of leaving nothing to the imagination.

How hot did it make you? About as hot as a young in her prime Tara Reid. Comparable. I can speak to that. About as hot as it would make a young in her prime Tara Reid. She ran pretty warm. You've been up in them guts. Spelunking, she made me call it.

Lord, one of those little minor hats, right? A major. Very major minor hat. Oh, so back to the Bob DeBolt bolt story let's get back to that as opposed to describing scenes from van wilder stop calling us we're going to finish i know just take it uh no so so he he was there and and you know as jesse mentioned he was always real rude to us like real yeah you know like we would wave and say hi and we would we tried so hard to be nice to him Yeah, yeah

Standard friendliness procedures initiated Right Waving hellos Over the course of literally years You can't wear them down Let's be clear Years we tried to be nice to Bob DeBolt And

Excuse me And he And so he had never said more than two words to us. He would maybe respond with grunts when we said hello. Literal grunts. Literal grunts. Let's be clear. He grunted like a frat boy eating a cum-filled donut.

Like we would say, hi, Bob, how are you doing? He'd just go, and walk away from us to be fair we are secret lizard people that's true and we have built a bear or two yeah making us part of the problem so we uh so yeah i just remember um him saying to me and this was uh and this was maybe around 2003 sure just to give you a picture. Yeah. Of what was going on. It was early in the George W. Bush years.

He's like... It was post 9-11. So he just said... So I'm walking past him. Pre-9-11 of that year. And I think at this point, I was not even trying to wave. It was just a point where I was like, well, I'm clearly bothering him. And he said out loud, so how about that Arnold Schwarzenegger, huh?

And this was when Arnold Schwarzenegger was the governor of California. And I looked around and I'm like – it took me a minute because I'm like, wow, he's talking to me. Or the bag of leaves that he's brought to eat. He's like, how about that Arnold Schwarzenegger, huh? And I'm like, yeah, that's really something huh and he's like yeah i think the terminator's gonna terminate california and then he like shut the door and started doing his show and then he he died a couple of weeks later um and i i like to think that you know maybe he he knew was making amends with you?

Yeah, maybe that was it. Maybe he always felt bad about the grunts and the general surliness. And he's like, you know what? I'm going to tell this youngster a hilarious joke. That he's going to, yeah, that he can retell. And he can remember me fondly. And also surprised me that he had seen Terminator. But maybe, I guess you don't have to have seen Terminator,

but him making that joke kind of implies that he had like a pop cultural knowledge that I was surprised of. But anyway, that's all. Well, that's a really beautiful story about Bob. Yeah. I'll always remember him. He always wore the same jacket.

It was really smelly. He really smelled bad. All right, I know that's kind of a sad note to go jacket. It was really smelly. He really smelled bad. All right, I know that's kind of a sad note to go on. Let's go around. Come on, go around. One more American Pie sequel. One more direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel. Come on.

Let's see. Boobstravaganza. Jugs and something? Yep, Jugs and something. All right. Come on, you can do it. Jenny, probably. Like she was a can do it. Jenny, probably. Like she was a lady in one. Sure.

Done. Done! Hey Jenny, hey Jenny. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Ben Acker, Heart Attacker.

Yeah. I like that. My first TV credit. What was it? Wait a minute. My first TV credit. On what program? Hardest Hacker?

No. Heart Attacker. Heart Attacker. Oh, I thought maybe you were like a computer hacker who had seen it all. Yeah, I've really developed a thick skin. I don't care about these lines of code. Ones and zeros. Yeah.

That's what it's like. I'm over it. No. What was it? What was the credit? It was... This was on Murder, She Wrote. Oh, you guys.

Have you seen Murder, She Wrote? I mean, I saw Murder, She Wrote when I was nine. I haven't seen Murder, She Wrote. But was nine I haven't seen Murder, She Wrote but I went to a wedding in the town where they shot the credits or maybe the town that she lived and I was telling my friend hey, I'm in the town where I think they shot the credits but it might have been where the show was set

but I couldn't figure out, the two of us hadn't seen it and couldn't figure out, was the show set in a town? it couldn't possibly have been because we know enough that she solves murders exclusively that's the show right right so if it was set in one town obviously this town would be made up of half murderers murder victims potential victims that's one of the concerns about murder she wrote i think i think that's a historical concern about Murder, She Wrote. Why is this small, sleepy town? Why are there so many murders in this small town? Okay, because I assumed that she was on a book tour. And there just happened to be murders in every major city where she went.

And she would have to solve. Good thing I, an expert, is here. Or then I thought maybe it was about her coming up with the scenario of her next book. Like it all took place in her mind. Like, oh, if this guy killed that guy, then this would be the... And then she put herself in... Right.

I like the book tour one better. I like the idea... I think that sounds more like a show. I think the Mind's Eye is more of an art film. She has a sidekick in the book tour one that plays her literary minder. Yeah. That's the person who's responsible

for driving an author from interview to interview and then to the reading. Don't get involved in another mystery. Yeah. You've got to be in Topeka. We've got to be in Barnes & Noble. Yeah. No, I bet that's tough for her agents because she, you know, it basically cuts the amount

of stops she can do in half. I mean, you know, she's got to, I mean, I imagine solving a murder is at least, you know, at least a work day. Right. So I guess she's got to allow one day for, you know, interviews's got to, I mean, I imagine solving a murder is at least, you know, at least a work day. Right. So I guess she's got to allow one day for, you know, interviews and signings. And then the other day has to be just devoted completely to the murder. Maybe she just does an every other day thing and she pays for her own Motel 6. Oh, yeah.

On the every other day. So it's just like, it's like, you know, reading day, murder day, reading day, murder day. Or maybe, maybe the local police force is like, hey, she's coming to our town to do a signing. Which murders haven't we solved? Right. Let's get her to write, by which I mean solve, some of our cold cases. Right. So the police department puts her up for a day.

Murder she wrote, cold case file. To be fair, Jesse, she did have more hobbies other than solving murders. So it basically went signing day, murder day, signing day, murder day, tour of classic carousels. Right? Sure. Jessica Day. Yeah. Jessica Day.

Signing day, murder day, lightbox day. Lightbox day. Gotta get some corners done. Hey. Joinery. Joinery, everyone. Joinery. I'm going to get some corners done. Hey. Joinery, joinery, everyone. Joinery, I was talking about. If you want to know how Murder, She Wrote worked, a great website to visit would be Ask Metafilter.

Online at ask.metafilter.com. Or just type it into the internet and have the internet tell you right away. But if you have a more sophisticated question that needs answering, Ask Metafilter is the place to go. way but if you have a more sophisticated question that needs answering ask metafilter is the place to go uh ask that metafilter.com thousands of life's little questions answered uh sign up for an account uh type your next question into the search box and see if somebody has already answered it it is uh like the other answer websites only with answers that are actually useful and good google it on metafilter yeah google it on metafilter. Yeah, Google it on Metafilter.

Right. That's what I say. Isn't that their slogan? Yeah, this is a tremendous website. I love this website. I genuinely, sincerely love Ask Metafilter. It's the best. Also, up on the Jumbotron this week,

MakeThePhoto.com. Make The Photo explains photography and photo gear in simple terms. That sounds useful and fun. Yeah. Let's say you want to be a photographer. Let's say you want to collect and sell photo gear. Let's say you're half man, half camera, and you're trying to figure out how to fuck. Right.

You're finding out which telephoto lens will best please your partner. Just go to makethephoto.com If you want to get up on the... That's what you call it, right? When you're a half man, half photo and you're banging. Call it making the photo. Make the photo.

If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron and we'll share your message here on Jordan Jesse Go. If you want to sponsor this show or any show on the Maximum Fun Network, email our development director, Teresa, at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Ben Acker, Soda Cracker. Oh, wait. What was your TV? We never got to what your actual TV credit was. He changed his thing. I changed it. I like Soda Cracker. My TV thing, I was credited.

My very first job in Los Angeles, California, Hollywood America was I worked for my aunt and uncle's children's nanny sister's baby's daddy at a show called Biorhythm, which was an MTV show that told biographies of your MTV-type celebrities in MTV's fashion, which was fast editing and crazy clips from things and music from the tops of the charts. And that guy, Ford is his name, he was responsible for my episode. He was the editor in charge of that episode. And he gave me the name and he put it in the credits. And you had to have a heart attack? I didn't have to have one. The implication was that I was like some sort of stunning fellow who would attack people by the heart.

Like, oh, that guy's cool. He might give them, for example, a total eclipse of the heart. Oh, okay. Attacking in the nice way. Okay. Oh, terrific. Like with his death. I feel like we've had...

Yeah, fuck him in the heart. That was my slogan. Last week, our guest was from the Lyricist Lounge. Right. This week, our guest is from Biorhythm. Next week, do you think we can get someone who did a voice on The Max? That was just Sam Keith, right? Doing all the voices.

I think it was, yeah. He's a real Frank Gorshin. Jordan, you were on that one show that one time. What was I on on MTV? You were on that one show oh yeah i totally was yes that was i was not a cast member though i uh there was a there was an mtv dating show called oh shit i even forget what it was called singled out no not called sagat i wish i was on singled out that'd be great it was a punked dating show yeah the, the... Oops, my penis? Yeah, whoops raped ya, is what it was called. I uploaded it to YouTube many years ago, like five years ago, when we first started Jordan Jesse Go.

I think it's still up there. Yeah, yeah. It was this dating show where if you have a friend who you think is kind of like a sleaze bag with women who has like a pickup routine you you were supposed to prank him by getting him to go to a place and um and there's cameras on him and he doesn't know it and we get to watch him like pick up women and then at the end we're like we pranked you and me and some friends from high school made up a fake one and did it so it was great no it's a lot of fun no one got paid you know you're just you're getting paid in yucks.

You're having a good time. You're having a good time. Legal currency of West Sylvania. Uh-huh. Yeah. If the consensus is that I've never told that story on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maybe I'll tell it next week. But I know I feel like I've told it 10 times. I think that last week on the program, speaking of getting paid in yucks, we asked our audience to go to the new American Pie movie for us.

Oh, yeah. And let us know what happens in it so that we don't have to go see it. All right. To sort of... I grant your premise. Because we're kind of interested in it. Yeah, yeah. I've never even seen regular American Pie, frankly.

But even I am kind of curious about it. But we don't want to dignify it with our American money. Sure. We're saving that for lockout. What's that? Space prison. Gotcha. French space prison. Yeah, yeah. Luc Besson produced space prison. This is Adam from

Chicago calling about the action item about seeing American Reunion. Go ahead. I did see it last Friday, and while the actual movie itself was actually not that bad, pretty nostalgic, made me and my friends kind of think about where we were going in our lives, believe it or not.

A Stifler movie can do that to you. It wasn't so much the movie, though, that affected us, but what happened in the movie at some point in... You're not talking. He's not... Ben, you gotta... What? Ah, jeez.

During the show, my friend noticed that the couple next to us were pretty hot and heavy, talking to each other, whispering sweet nothings, getting a little kissy. And then as we're halfway through the movie, he just kind of jabs me with his elbow and he just goes with his eyes, you know, look, look. And I look over and the gentleman was definitely fingering the girl that was sitting directly next to my friend. Naturally, we were both shocked and tried to hold in our laughter.

I think they caught wind of us laughing at them. And shortly thereafter, decided to pack up and go, I'm assuming, out to their car to finish their business. They never returned to the theater, so I don't know what happened to my experience. Sorry to take over for a second. With American Reunion. All right. Thanks a lot, guys. I got to tell you, that didn't really fulfill what we were asking for.

Nice to know that it had some nostalgia value and was not a disaster. I mean, in a lot of ways, that call was a disappointment. But on the other hand, he did describe some people finger-banging in the seats next to him. Was it banging or blasting?

Did he go into detail? It sounded like... I think he just said fingering, which implies a kind of... He's a real gentleman. Well, you know, I think when you say fingering as opposed to finger banging or finger blasting, that implies a kind of tenderness. Could have been finger boinking.

Yeah, right. Finger make loving. Sure, yeah. Have you ever... Or finger soaking. You've heard of soaking, right? It's something that Mormon teens do. Is doing sex stuff in a movie theater a real thing?

I think it is. Yeah, yeah. I also never, not even in my make-out-y high school year, late bloomer, we did a lot of car stuff, but never movie theater stuff. I think they're- You and who? My high school girlfriend. His mom. Name names.

What was her name? Do you remember? Jackie. Jackie what? I don't want to... Jackie Morris. Yeah, Jackie Robinson. The first black baseball player. She broke the color barrier of your relationships. And then so did I. The color barrier

was her hymen. It was Jack K. Jack K. Robinson. Oh, Mary. Was that a goodmen. It was Jack K. Jack K. Robinson. Oh, Mary. Was that a good impression? It was. I don't know. I mean, it's worth calling in, though.

I thought it was great. I liked it a lot. Have you ever witnessed or participated in sexual activities in a regular movie theater? A regular movie theater? No. Revival movie theater. Like, you know, like during like Alpha Hitchcock night. Like a rep house.

Sure. Well, I can't watch Frenzy without being turgid. Yeah. Yeah. I'd maybe do it. I'd maybe do it during Nothing But Godard. After I listened to Nothing but Zydeco. Seriously, if in Vertigo,

when he's going up those stairs, and the camera does the pull back and zoom in, doesn't make you as stiff as a board, and I don't know who the fuck you are, do you even have equipment down there? Yeah, because that is... Look inward. Anyway, let's...

Yeah, just to be clear, when Jesse watches Birth of a Nation, he's not hard because of the racism. No. It's the achievement in filmmaking.

Right. Every going agrees that that is a very technically... Look, I get super hard when I watch Metropolis. Yeah. Oh, a six-boner film. Yeah, absolutely.

Sure. That's Pauline Kael's review. Yeah. Oh, a six boner film. Yeah, absolutely. Sure. That's Pauline Kael's review. Sure. The only modern movie Jesse's jacked off to has been Hugo because it was about classic silent movies and film preservation. It's about the magic of the cinema. I mean, ultimately, the thing that really gets me hard is the magic of cinema. Sure.

That's why I really loved the end of Inglourious Bastards. Because you think it's a war movie the whole time and then you find out, you know what this is really about? Boner fun. The magic of cinema. You're like, right, that's right. It turns out that filmmakers really like movies.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh! It turns out that filmmakers really like movies. If only they had a vote in the Oscars. Okay, next up. Momentous occasions when something momentous happens to you. Yes, you listening right now with the earbuds. You give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for Momentous Occasions. Let's hear what we've got. Hi, this is Eric from New Jersey calling in with a Momentous Occasion.

A woman just came inside our coffee shop, the coffee shop I work in, and she angrily declared, You're really going to make me open all these sugar packets for the prices you charge? You should really have a sugar bowl. I might as well go to 7-Eleven and walk out with a coffee. Thanks. Bye. At least she believes in something.

Am I right? Yeah. You know, at least she's directing that anger toward something. It sounded like he did not know the name of the coffee shop where he works. You know, it's a coffee shop. Tell them where I work. Where I work. Downtown.

It's a money building. You know, building what give me money. It's all around me right now. I'm inside it. It's got that beanie smell. I make coffee here and sell it. Pastry case. I don't know. I make coffee here and sell it. Pastry case? I don't know.

I don't know. Stingy with sugar. Hello, gentlemen and guests. This is Jim from Bellingham. I don't usually do this kind of thing, but I just have to call. I was standing at an intersection... What kind of thing?

He said that like it was trying anal. One more comment, RE Sugar. How many sugars are you putting in your coffee to where it's a strain on your time? Where it's a noteworthy inconvenience to open the sugar packets. I guess maybe if you do take six or seven sugars in your coffee, it's a thing. I mean, I guess you could put them all in one hand and rip them at the same time. If you use a bowl. Ah, my wrist.

Ah, my's a thing. I mean, I guess you could put them all in one hand and rip them at the same time. Ah, my wrist. Ah, my wrist. Yeah. Is her problem that she usually uses a bowl of sugar? Maybe that's it. Yeah, I should just, I need a bowl of sugar. Try a little coffee with your sugar. Good one, Ben. Good one, heart attacker. I hope that was the most amount of fun.

I don't usually do this kind of thing, but I just have to call. I was standing at an intersection with a guy and his dog, and he was holding the dog's front right paw while the dog was standing on two legs. And I said, you're not going to cross the street like that, are you? And he did. The dog walked across the street on two hind legs, upright, hand in hand with this owner. Pretty cool.

Very romantic. Very romantic. Very romantic. You know, they say romance is dead, but in a world where a man and a dog can walk bipedally across the street while holding hands, or hand and paw. They're still, yeah, they're not. That would be funny if there was a puddle, and then the dog untied the little hanky, the little bandana that was around his neck and put it down for the guy.

Yeah. That would be nice. He would need hands to do that, though. Yeah. By romantic and also horrifying. Yeah. Because, you know, you get to see a dog's hands behave like human hands. Right.

And also you get to see whatever is underneath the area that a dog usually keeps covered up with a hanky, thank God. Yeah, I know. The back of your neck. Yeah. Allah does not want us to see that.

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but... Yeah. Oh, so you're saying that... So you're saying that all the guys... All the guys with dogs

in Venice Beach, all those dogs are Muslims? Yeah. Absolutely. The ones pulling the guys on the longer than usual skateboards? Yeah. Those are Muslim dogs. Those dogs are Muslim. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yes, absolutely. Aloha Akbar. But the guys probably aren't. The guys don't look like Muslims. They look like, you know, just like shorts. They're agnostic. Oh, okay. They're agnostic. They look like, you know, just like shorts. Oh, okay. They're agnostic.

They're open-minded. That's nice. That's really cool that those agnostic guys and those strict Muslim dogs can get together and take a walk. The dogs don't mind pulling the guys on skateboards. It's really great. Absolutely. And, you know, if you're an agnostic dog owner, you still have to take time out for the call to

prayer. You still have to pay attention to which way Mecca is, because a dog doesn't know dogs are idiots. Just look at their religion. Whoa! Hey! Whoa! Hey! Whoa! We're not making a judgment about these dogs' religion.

Oh, they're idiots that happen to be Muslim. Yes. There are idiots of to be Muslim. Yes. Exactly. There are idiots of all creeds. Okay. How do you think the Muslim dogs take it when their owners blow pot smoke in their face? Yeah, I don't think they take that very well. I don't think so either. I don't think the Prophet Muhammad would be on board with that.

It's not a fun joke. It makes all the dudes from your adult kickball league laugh. Yeah, that's true. Guy. Yeah, which is fun. It is a lot of fun. Yeah, but... But don't, you know. No. Sure. The dog...

Respect the dog's religion. At least in the interest... Even if it's not your religion, respect it. Yeah, you gotta have some... You know, this is a lesson that is important for these guys to learn and for Ben Acker to learn. Yeah. What? Me? Our guest Ben Acker. I was just interpreting what you said. Famous intolerant. Yeah. This guy... I what you said. Famous intolerant.

Yeah. This guy. I'm not famed for being intolerant. I'm intolerant and I'm famous. Also famous. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Like Mel Gibson. Apparently, I'm looking at our list of telephone calls.

Apparently, we've got a call for some straight talk for teens here. Sure. I'll put it in there. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh. This is Dane in D.C. I'm not a teen, but I kind of need a straight talk.

It might apply more to Jesse. I want to get into baseball, and I was wondering if you have any suggestions on where to start. Thanks. Oh, getting into baseball. You know, this us

offering advice to callers, I think this is a really good thing Do you think there should be a podcast devoted to this? No, that would be a stupid podcast You're right You'd have to have another gimmick It would have to be

It would have to be talking dogs Or a set of brothers or something like that Yeah, you're right That's what I mean inside baseball Ben, are you a sports fan at all? I'm not but I know people who are You're aware of sports fans Yeah and I have been introduced to baseball

By some What did you think? Seems alright We went to a baseball game Teams were playing You and the other racists Listen It was racial, not racist.

Oh, no, you're right. And I was given a little scorecard like a child would keep, like it's for children. And you just make a note of everything that happens in the game. Oh, fun, like you're the baseball team's special helper. Right? And I will tell you this, I appreciated the game more than, like, because I had to follow what was

actually going on. Oh, sure, yeah, no, it's a good way to stay engaged. So I recommend that. I don't know if we're supposed to give actual advice. No, that isn't good. No, we are, sure, absolutely. This is straight talk for teens. This guy needs some actual straight talk. I'm going to help this guy. Sure. Because I know a lot about getting into baseball and it just so happens that I've been getting

back into baseball. I mean, I've never completely left the fold, but I have a, what's called an Xbox. This thing, you won't believe the shit this thing can do. I can't. I don't plan to. You won't believe the advertisements this thing can show me when I turn it on.

Well, for various services that I don't qualify for for various reasons involving a channel called epics hd yeah um look into it's the future uh but here's here's what i did i paid a hundred dollars or 125 dollars to major league baseball to purchase a service called MLB.TV Premium. Now I can watch every baseball game on my Xbox, except for the baseball games of my local teams. Now, it just so happens that as a San Franciscan living in Southern California, I fucking hate my local teams as a matter of birth. It's like my birth. What's the responsibility side of a birthright?

I don't know. I'm going to say onus. I would be betraying my homeland if I did not hate the Los Angeles Dodgers. And as good as they are, it's hard to take the Los Angeles Angels seriously. I mean, they still, you know, it's just hard to take the, as good as they are, it's hard to take the Los Angeles Angels seriously. I mean, they still, you know, it's just, you know, it's just hard to take them seriously. Do they still have the rally monkey? That's one reason. Okay.

They still play in a stadium called the Big A. They used to be owned by a movie cowboy. Do they still, is that, is something that's all... Wait, the character or the guy who played them? They were one and the same Who's the movie cowboy Gene Autry Alright Asked and answered

He is He is both Both the character And the Man okay So here's what I Here's some steps I can recommend

I don't know how far Into baseball you are Like if you I'm gonna assume That you know the rules and stuff like that. If you don't know the rules and stuff,

I would recommend that you learn the rules. That's a good way in. Good way in. Learn the rules. If you want to learn the rules, a good way to learn the rules of a sport is maybe get a video game of it. Sure. That's how I know some of the rules of hockey it's certainly not because i've watched hockey on tv i know how to fight with a sword yeah the

rules of the guy um i uh so i would say if you don't know the rules maybe think about getting a video game of it i do not know what the best baseball video game is. Baseball does not make the best video games, frankly. Base Wars. Yes. It's a futuristic dystopia where robots play baseball and shoot the ball out of a cannon. The last time I really played a game-oriented baseball game was Baseball Stars on the Nintendo Entertainment System. oriented baseball game was Baseball Stars on the Nintendo Entertainment System. I did go through a long period where I was obsessed with playing this game called Baseball Mogul, but that was a game where you just trade players and sign free agents and stuff

where you don't actually play the baseball game yourself. The movie Moneyball was based on that game. Yes, basically. The movie Moneyball was actually based on me as a 12-year-old. Um, the movie Moneyball was actually based on me as a 12 year old. Um, I would, I would recommend that you try reading a couple of books about baseball. If you like books. Yeah.

If you don't know how to read, we have to go back a few steps. Um, if I could recommend a couple of books about baseball, uh, I would, baseball has by far the best books about it of any sport ever. Not even close. Um, I would recommend, uh. There are some good caper tossing books. has by far the best books about it of any sport ever. Not even close. I would recommend... There are some good caper-tossing books. Roger... They're all in Scottish, though. The books of Roger Angel,

who's a New Yorker editor, whose stepfather was E.B. White, and is as brilliant a nonfiction writer as exists in the world, and has spent an inordinate amount of his time writing about baseball. He has one that's just a sort of greatest hits collection all of his books are brilliant but there's one that's a sort of greatest hits collection i can't think of what it's called off the top of my head um i would recommend uh if you want to read a sort of light uh

entertaining book about baseball maybe Dave Barry does baseball. Maybe the autobiography of legendary baseball owner Bill Veck. Veck as in wreck. That is a baseball classic that is a lot of fun. If you like history, you might try The Glory

of Their Times, which is an oral history of baseball in the early 20th century. It is the greatest, basically, it basically invented the genre of oral history and is the greatest of its type ever. Does it include any chapters on Oral Hershiser?

No, although I would enjoy an oral history of Oral Hershiser. Oral history is the crassest kind of history, right? Really base. I mean, there are a variety of really wonderful... Eight Men Out is a wonderful baseball history book. It's a decent movie. Pretty good movie.

Yeah, I mean, I would try a couple books. I would get that MLB.TV. You might consider joining a fantasy baseball league of some kind. If you can find one that... Yeah, nice t-ball team. Lie about your age and join a children's t-ball league. Come on, the adult kickball league has an adult t-ball league probably. Oh, yeah, I bet there totally is.

Yeah, I bet there's totally adult t-ball leagues. And you need a team to root for and you should root for one that you're uh that you can root for with people that you know that isn't the yankees just not the yankees as long as it's not the yankees it could even it can be the team that you live like if you live in new york here's the rule if you live in new york if if you can root for the Mets, so you don't have to root for the Yankees. Are the Mets still lovable losers? They're, no, they're not that lovable.

Okay. But they're a real mess. Who are the new lovable losers of baseball? They're lovable in the sense that they're not the Yankees. They do have a knuckleball pitcher. So, I mean, I think that's enough. Do you think he was on Fresh Air the other day? Yes, and he was awesome on Fresh Air.

We're totally going to have him on Bullseye, by the way. Yeah, I say read some books. Roger Angel is the most wonderful. In fact, I might even make a list of some of my favorite baseball books. I've read many, many books about baseball in the forum. So go in the forum so go in the

forum but find a team to root for that you can root for with people you know which might be your local team wherever you live and if you live in new york it can't be the yankees because only fucking assholes root for the yankees i'm even look i mean there are teams that a lot of assholes root for like for example a lot of assholes root for the boston red sox um but that your hometown nope okay okay you're just being insulted for the people of boston i know a guy okay from boston but the reality is that it's not you're not automatically an asshole if you root for the boston red sox you're automatically an asshole if you root for the new york yankees the only excuse for rooting for the new york yankees there's two one is that you're on the new york yankees the other is you thought

that scene uh from the other guys with derrick jeter was pretty funny the other is that you're from the bronx if you're born and raised in the bronx which is where the yankees play then i will give you permission to root for the new y Yankees. If you're from, so people from Manhattan, they're like, but I'm from Manhattan. How can I root? How can I not root?

How can I not root for the Yankees? I got these newspapers to sell. Over here. You had a choice, asshole. You had a choice and you chose the fucking Yankees. Quit it. You know, I think,

we mentioned this last time and I think this, I think, points to this theory I have to where the sports aggressive nerd, I think, is a stereotype that is going

the way of the buffalo. I think this whole... I thought of one more book. Ball Four by Jim Boughton. It's just a hilarious, hilarious memoir about being a sad, semi-failed relief pitcher in the late 1960s. Yeah, I feel like every... Summerland, also a good... It's a young adult book, but Michael Chabon wrote it, and baseball's in it. I haven't even got...

We haven't even touched on literature, but go ahead, Jordan. If we want to just do a list of books with no jokes, we can. Let's poll the audience. Let's talk about the celebrant. Sure. Okay. I think that I feel like every, all of my various semi-intersecting friend groups are nerds. Right.

And I say that the number of nerds who are into sports in some way now outnumbers the ones who are not. And certainly it's been years and years and years since I've talked to a nerd who's done the classic nerd, you know, oh, enjoy your barbaric display of jingoism. I'll be over here with Einstein. You know, I think that – The Woody Allen nerd. Yeah, I think maybe... Woody Allen, by the way, was a sports star in high school. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, it was more about the post. Oh, no. Wasn't Woody Allen like a big baseball fan, too? Doesn't he have a classic sort of... He's a monster. He's a huge Knicks fan. But he was literally like... He was like All-City or something like that. He was literally a sports star. Oh, wow. if you want to

see that nerd uh-huh check twitter on the game on like a game day like a super bowl or a world series twitter gives you a healthy amount of you know i feel like the only and i and i i've noticed that and the only the only that i've seen and maybe my i maybe my feed is skewed somehow the only person i see do that is d Holmes. And that is not a nerd. Yeah, Dave Holmes is too slick and gay to be a nerd. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of that, I did Dave Holmes' show during the Portland Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Yeah.

Terrific. If you live in LA, go see Dave Holmes' Friday 40 show if you're visiting. It's a great show and I was very happy to be a part of it. Are you telling me that Dave Holmes is the best? I am, yes. That's kind of what I'm saying. And there's a sports section of his, it's a trivia show, and there's a sports section of it, and some mention of a recently,

it might have even been this knuckleball guy from Fresh Air, got a huge round of applause just from the mention of the name, and this was alternately gays and nerds. Like, this was the entire audience. from Fresh Air got a huge round of applause just from the mention of the name. And this was alternately gays and nerds. Like this was the entire audience. And I know it's a little bit different than being a sports fan, sports fan, but I feel like all nerds are part of some sort of fantasy league now. And I know that's a little bit like, that's a little nerdier than being like a, you know, a fan of, you know of the history of the team.

But I think it's – I think the fandom is legitimate. I think – I don't think it's cynical and just based on numbers. I think it's – so anyway. Do you think that these competitive cooking shows are a gateway? They might be. You're saying Iron Chef? Iron Chef, you're Chopped. You're Next Food Network Star. Sure, sure.

That sort of thing where it's the same. America's Next Top Chocolate Model. Right. That might be a different show. But it's presented in the same way. It's not a racial thing. The models are made of chocolate. Obviously.

Yeah. Anyway, I don't know. I think that when you think of that sports-averse nerd, that is something that I think maybe is resigned to high school and early college. And I think that's more of just a fuck society thing. I don't think that's nerdery. I think that's like being a little punk rock in that way that kids that age are. Anyway, that's what I think. You know that being a little punk rock is nerdy, right? Yes, absolutely. Yes. I will acknowledge that those come from the same place, but I think it just comes from being surly and kind of hating the establishment.

You know that nerds are surly, right? Sure. Yeah, absolutely. That's how they became nerds, because they couldn't make friends. They were too surly. Too surly. Every one of them. But yeah, but I think that if you think about adult nerds and certainly our audience, I don't know.

I don't think that – which is adult nerds. Come to grips with it, people. Yeah, I don't know. I think that – I don't know. I think that you would be equally – at a MaxFun meetup, you would be equally likely to be able to talk to someone about the current season of a sporting event. Anyway. As? As something deep in the video game canon i'm not

gonna say skyrim because that's more likely but let's say joust joust let's say battlefront 3 anyway so yeah i don't know i think that i think that the nerd jock line is a blurrier line than it was when we were kids and i don't know what it is now, because I think that sports and video games both cross over into the other side enough to where it's hard to hate the other one for liking that. Yeah, I mean, that's an interesting theory. I have a skewed perspective on it, because I mean, when I was a kid, I was a baseball nerd. Sure. I mean... Yeah, and you can be a nerd about... The thing that I was a nerd of was the only thing that I've really truly been a nerd of. I mean, I guess you could argue that I'm a menswear nerd.

But the thing that I have truly been a nerd of is baseball. Record collecting too and stuff, right? Antiques? But I mean, I've not been dedicated to record collecting the way that actual record collector nerds are. Everybody's self-identifying as a nerd anymore. Yeah, and that hurts it too, I think, a little bit. Everybody had insecurities in high school that they magnify in their memories to go, oh yeah, that was me. I was a terrible, terrible nerd. And whatever it is that they like to a degree a degree that it's it outshines what what else

they like come to think of it when i was in high school i was sort of a pornography nerd yeah i was a sleeping self-love nerd yeah i was really nerdy about like sleeping late, sleeping as late as I could. Absolutely. I was a getting my driver's license nerd. I think that nerd... I was a not math nerd. I think that, yeah, I was a C in Spanish nerd. I really fucking was all about getting a C in Spanish.

Right? I rode the shit out of that bus. Yeah, I think it's more about the level of enthusiasm now than it is about the things. Because I think that nerds in general aren't afraid of liking sports. And I think that jocks and, you know, it's sportsy kids aren't afraid to like play video games. So it's just about how over the top is your enthusiasm for the thing. Is it or is it not antisocial? Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Does it? Yeah. Is it to the point where you just want to say a list of facts or is it – yeah. Well, I think it goes back to the – and I think I've talked about this on Jordan Jesse Go before, but on our Friends My Brother, My Brother and Me's podcast, the guy who once wrote in with the question that was, I've got this really great routine going on in my life

where and I'm really in love with this girl. She lives in one town over 40 minutes away. And she's going to move in with me and I'm worried it's going to upset my routine. Here's my routine. I go to work from nine to five and I get off work and I go to Taekwondo. I eat dinner and then I play video games from eight to two and I go to sleep and I get up I eat dinner, and then I play video games from 8 to 2. And I go to sleep and I get up and I go to work. And I'm worried that my girlfriend moving in is going to upset this routine. So, like, the question is, it becomes nerdy when it gets... Right, when you would rather do the thing than interact with a human who might fuck you.

Yeah, that you're in love with. That you have announced that you're in love with. Yeah, yeah. That you have announced that you're in love with. Yeah, so, yeah, I don't know. Maybe there is a new modern line for what the jocks and what the nerds are into, but I don't think it's sports-slash-video-game-sci-fi-fantasy anymore. Anyways. It's more about how you look than what you like?

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, and I was even going to say this. I feel like the last, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Um, Oh yeah. Oh, you know, and I was even going to say this, I feel like the last,

I'm sort of a modeling nerd. Like I'm really into being a model. Poise. You're into poise. Yeah. Um, yeah, the last five, the last,

uh, the last five girls I've dated have all been serious sports fans and I've had to like accompany them to their sporting events and they have, uh, apart from one or two exceptions, been nerds. I like the idea that you have like notches on the wall, just another girlfriend that's a serious sports fan. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you have a type.

Oh, and you know, and definitely in my just like casual dating, it always comes up on the first date or so. So what sports team are you into? And don't even ask, am I into sports? It's what sports team are you into? And don't even ask, am I into sports? It's what sports team are you into? And when I say I'm not into one, there's always a weird look. There's always a weird look.

Charlotte Bobcats. Oh, yeah. I'm giving you one for free. Thank you. You should name Charlotte Bobcats. She doesn't care what sport you like. Oh, Charlotte Bobcat is hot. Wait, Jordan, what about the Washington...

Is she an actual Bobcat or is she a human? If that comes up again... On her mother's side. Okay, so she's half Bobcat, half human. I think if that comes up again. On her mother's side. Okay, so she's half bobcat, half human. I think if that comes up again, you should say the Washington Generals. The people who always play the Harlem Globetrotters. Yeah. God, I mean.

Sports nerd you are. I like the lovable losers. You know, you're rooting for them. They got a lot of heart. They're due. They're due any day now. Usually they lose. And by usually, I mean the last 1494 times um you gotta break that

streak yeah it's like being a clippers fan am i right right or a fan of the cleveland indians in the movie major league right um yeah anyways i'd like yeah i'd actually like to hear some listener perspective on this do you a what is the new jock nerd divide, if there is one? Or B, do sports averse nerds still outnumber the non-sports averse nerds? Okay. I'm interested to hear that too. 206-9844-FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org.

I just said I'd get ratified. What? He was into it. Yeah. I'll allow it. Okay, excellent. You gave out the phone number. You were waiting for... Jesse's kind of like the vice president. He breaks a tie in the Senate. I like that we're doing this by Robert's Rules of Order. Yeah. Point of personal privilege? Yeah.

Can we go to a break? I'll allow it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ben Acker, Love Shack.

So you were in the B-52's Love Shack video then? Are all your nicknames, do they sync up with your credits? Your film and TV credits? Absolutely. Okay. Yes. So Soda Cracker, that was. That was the Robbie Coltrane. Okay.

I brought him sodas on the set of the show Cracker That was The Robbie Coltrane Okay I brought him sodas On the set of The Showcracker And uh Yeah and then it was Well I didn't Well not during the music video For Love Shack But I

Keep going to all these Love Shacks You mean strip clubs No Oh okay This is a different kind of shack It's a different kind of shack entirely Is it a funky little shack

Shacks cannot be Zoned for strip clubs Okay I should explain Love Shack Is a little old place where we can get together. Is it old or little known? Is it a little known? I'm asking you.

I don't know. I think it's pretty known. I think if you say Love Shack, people know it. So maybe it's a little old place. Guys, can we wrap this up? I've got me a car and it's big as a whale. Yeah, I also have to get to this rust problem on my tin roof um well ben it has been a joy to have you on the program thank you very much for joining us thanks

for having me it was a joy to be here uh ben acker by the way is the co-creator uh i know we mentioned this in the introduction of the uh the thrilling adventure hour which is a delightful new-timey podcast in the old-timey radio style that was a very long-running and much-beloved stage show here in Los Angeles that was and continues to be transformed into a podcast program roughly one year ago. All over a year. January to now. Two Januaries ago. Yeah. And you're looking... 2010.

In the average episode of this thing, you're looking at an all-star cast. You're looking at a John DiMaggio. John DiMaggio. A Josh Molina.

A Paul F. Tompkins. You're looking at a Sarah Thayer. Just taking a guess. Busy Phillips? Busy Phillips. What? Did I guess right?

We got busy. You're talking about a Paget Brewster. Television's Paget Brewster. You're talking about Sam Levine. We got Levine. Phineas Gage. Phineas PG. Phineas Gage.

Yep. Jordan, by the way, does not know who the people are. He's just guessing names of people that he thinks would be on this. Yes. That's what makes this even more remarkable. Phineas Gage is a famous brain study case. He's a railroad worker who had a spike launched into his medulla oblong. Whatever restricts your social cues.

So he just yelled swear words and stuff. Right. But he does a mean Pauline in my show. He's so good in that show. and stuff. Right, but he does a mean Paul Lind in my show. He's so good in that show. Anyway, the most recent episode, which was recorded live at the San Francisco Sketch Comedy Festival, SF Sketch Fest,

features our good friend John Hodgman. Hey, there you go then. He's very good. He has no business being as good of an actor as he is. I know. It's annoying. He has all these other skills. He's skilled at acting, as it turns out. He brings it acting and singing he can do. What?

Yeah, it's not fair. I know. When Hodgman came and did his show here in Los Angeles at the Largo Theater, which you've been known to frequent. Both his show and the Largo Theater. Yes. He performed a singing number, which he has done in the past. He sings at Max FunCon, for example.

I have to say, the man has become a singer. He started off as a writer who sang on stage as a lark. He's now become a genuine singer. We have a musical episode of our show. Not unlike Paul F. Tompkins. Next month. And John sings. That was his actual first appearance in our show. And he sings. Yeah, I always like it when Paul F. Tompkins. Next month. Ooh. And John sings. That was his actual first appearance in our show.

And he sings as well. Yeah, I always like it when Paul F. Tompkins sings. I think he's great at it. Yeah. It's a delightful program. Ben, it's been a joy to have you on. We're really looking forward to our first appearances on your show. Absolutely.

You like how I slipped that in there? Yeah. Just work it in. It's contractually binding, by the way. Why not? It was part of the deal. This is the podcast of record. Etched out at the Chateau. Yeah. Just work it in. It's contractually binding, by the way. Why not? It was part of the deal. This is the podcast of record. Etched out at the Chateau.

Yeah. Well, this is what I like. What I like about saying that right here is that what I'm hoping is it will free me from people emailing me. Hey, how come you've never been on Doug Love's movies? I don't know. Ask fucking Doug Benson. Yeah.

Not like we're turning him down. Thrilling Adventure is not a gateway to Doug Love's movies, sir. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is... As an example. I'm just hoping that we can get the process out there in the open so people know not to email me to complain about why I haven't been. I've appeared on people's podcasts that have no audience

and have personally insulted me. I'll go on anybody's. I'm not going to call anybody out. I'll go on anybody's podcast. I'm a nice man. Can we find out the names of your last five girlfriends, by the way? Yeah.

All right, let's go. Come on. Last five girlfriends. Buzza Maya. Phineas Gage. Boob Patrol. Anyway, it has been an absolute tremendous pleasure to have you on the show, Ben. People can find the show online at thrillingadventurehour.org.

No. Thrilling Adventure Hour. We bought com when we changed to... T-A-H. T-A-H.co.uk. It was a misinformation campaign. iTunes or Nerdist. Go there.

Go to iTunes or Nerdist.com, our friend Chris Hardwick's popular podcasting network. They will also be putting up some web video internet animations in the... No. Let's get them done first before we tell the world about it. They hope to branch out into other mediums. Who knows what might happen? Nobody knows. No one can know.

Who knows? Who knows what might happen? Maybe they'll get a biplane and do some humorous skywriting. That seems likely. Probably. You know how much skywriting costs? How much? No.

If you want to just get, you know, marry me, Phine phineas uh yeah well how many letters is that don't know we would probably want to do that for that guy that used to work at kzse phineas who was always bringing in almond butter oh yeah he was great right we were resident advisors together may he rest in peace what does it cost oh it depends on how many letters let's say it's 10 letters. What are you dropping for 10 letters? $1,100. What? Yeah. That seems like too much. Seems like a bargain to me.

Yeah? It's $100 a letter? Yeah. I'm in. All right, let's do this. Where are we going to do it? In the sky. It'd be funny if you just wrote the word skywriting.

What does that say? Okay. 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org, our email address. Hey, dummy, go to iTunes and click on our name and click on the stars. Dummy. Yeah, let's get some stars. Let's get some fucking stars in here.

Yeah, right? Hey, you can write something nice. Would it kill you? Exactly. You know what we've been doing a lot lately, Jordan? I don't know if you've noticed this, but we have been fucking using the shit out of our facebook page yeah uh we have been posting all kinds of shit on the facebook uh like for example uh this past week uh last week's program with ian edwards basically everything that we discussed on that show from the bank heist sketch from the lyricist lounge show uh to bullies wit fullies

uh to uh all all kinds of shit you're saying ancillary materials all of these things we put into our facebook group people look people are loving it people are loving it oh and there's one more thing i want to i want to share with our audience because i'm we're going to go out on this our theme music love you You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. This was created by a guy called Kamel or Kamel Nis. I may be mispronouncing this. That's right on.

This gentleman, you remember when Rob Corddry was on and we got to talking about efforts? These are the sound effects that... I heard that episode. Okay, so the video game guys make sound effects. You have the uhs and ahs. This guy, Camel, created this song from our efforts and all of the theme songs of all of the Max Fun shows.

It's a ton of fun. It's spectacular. You should listen to it. So our hats are off to you, Camel. You're one of the greatest people of all time. He mimed a hat coming off. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Interesting. Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free.

Interesting. Interesting that they... So you're in... Hey, I'm Maggie from Los Angeles. I'm Colin from Louisville. Hey, I'm Harry Thorne. Bullseye is all about discovering the good stuff in popular culture that will do nothing less than change your life. You know, I'd never heard anything like it before.

It'd be like seeing a new color, which I guess is music's, like, biggest asset, is that you can hear new sounds constantly. It's the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on Bullseye from PRI.