Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 223: Chop for Chop with Colt Cabana

Episode Date: May 15, 2012

Pro wrestler Colt Cabana of the Art of Wrestling podcast joins us to talk about wrestling in Japan, at the Gathering of the Juggalos, and about the porn studio upstairs from our new digs.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by Colt Cabana, an actual professional wrestler. But we mostly talk about the porn studio that shares our office space. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you feeling, Jordan? I am, well, I'm feeling a little odd, a little threatened.

Uh-huh. Maybe we should describe our new surroundings a little bit. Yeah, we are not in Thorne Manor, the house on the hill. We are, that's what we settled on calling it, right? Yeah. That's not just two completely new and different names that I made up. Well, I started calling it the house on Haunted Hill when you started dressing like Vincent Price. Well, to be fair, you also started cutting holes out of sheets and wearing them over your head.

Sure. But that was because you were going through a white supremacist phase. Sure. I was not supposed to be a ghost. No. It was a little confusing. Yeah. The hard part, you know, the hard part of the Klan garb isn't the sheet.

It's not the eyes in the sheet. It's making the top of the sheet come to a point above your head. Right. It was just more starch work than I was willing to do. Exactly. You need a really good laundress. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, a lot of times I was trying to, you know, really let everybody know that I was about racial purity, the supremacy of the white race.

But you were not all about housework. No. Right. I can understand that. But so it was confusing and I had to explain to people, no, I'm not a ghost. The good news is that now you understand that all races are equal. Yeah, it was. Yeah. But you still have that lovely ascot. Yeah. So anyway, our situation, our recording situation, very different here.

We are in the new Max Fund World headquarters on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, California. We are recording in a weird box, a weird recording box that I purchased from a Samoan man on Craigslist. Yeah, it looks like we are inside of a U-Haul. I feel like I'm inside of a U-Haul or the opening scene of a Saw movie. It's cool, though. It's exciting. It's very cool. You know what I feel like let's let's bring our guest into the mix here we can talk more about how we feel about this new recording situation

uh our guest he's a professional wrestler by day host of the podcast uh the art of wrestling by night his name colt cabana colt it's great to have you on the program it's great to be in your box thank you very much wow um what's exciting to be in your box. Thank you very much. Wow. What's exciting to me about- That's what I'd say to all my dates. What's exciting to me about this recording situation is that we do have those kind of classic studio windows here in this box. And I can see Nick, our editor at Maximum Fun, engineer, producer, he's outside the window, and that makes me feel like Mariah Carey. Right.

Yeah, you should put your headphones only on one ear, and then Nick should slide the levels up just slightly and then give you a thumbs up. There it is. I feel if I am not a marijuana smoker, but I feel if I was a marijuana smoker, this is the place I would want to be in this. I feel this is a contraption they would love. Are you a masturbator at all? It seems like a great place to masturbate, right? Too terrifying. Only if Nick is outside watching.

Sliding the level up, giving the thumbs up. Good levels on that jerking. Yeah. Yeah. I would smoke marijuana in here if there was some way I could watch an episode of Bob's Burgers. Maybe if I had an iPad in here. Right. Or a laptop.

Yeah. You wouldn't want it to be like a sensory deprivation situation where you get high and then you're freaking out because you're in a padded cell. No, I just want to watch Bob's Burgers. I did what I could. And I want to give myself a little bit of credit here for doing what I can. There's acoustic foam on all of the walls in what is an 8x8 room that we're recording in here. There is gray, solid gray acoustic foam on all of the walls. However, I have covered the floors with oriental rugs,

and I did bring in this nice floor lamp. It is very nice. So there are some homey touches. That was the first thing I noticed was the lamp, and I wondered if it came with the box. You go to recordingstudio.com, and you can order it with or without wrought iron floor lamp. Because, Colt, your podcast, you travel the country as a professional wrestler.

The world. The world, even. And so you have kind of a mobile setup, right? Yeah, I travel around the world. I just got back from a two-week tour in Japan and we did some podcasting out there. And I take it around. Obviously, I couldn't take anything like this aroundweek tour in Japan, and we did some podcasting out there, and I take it around. Obviously, I couldn't take anything like this around with me in a perfect situation, though. I think I would.

I think you made the right move, Jesse. You probably could. I mean, I'm taking a look at the width of your shoulders. I'm guessing that you probably could. If it came down to it, you could hoist this. Yeah. I've hoisted many of things. Why not a mobile podcasting studio?

If you had the help of the Samoan dude that I bought this from, I think between the two of you, you could hoist this. Colt, what's Japan's opinion of American professional wrestling? We're a novelty. Okay. And over there, the girls scream. Like, there's a wrestler named Kenta. And they'll always go, Kenta! And they'll scream.

Sorry if I just blew out your fuse. So I love when they say, Kabana! And the inner giddiness in me gets so excited. And what I do is I just point to the person, knowing that everyone will now know that that little young Japanese girl who said my name is now a star. So now everybody tries saying my name. Oh, so they can get the point. So they can get the point, right, exactly. And that's my favorite part.

I don't think the Japanese do that. Just American comes over. Do they have their own professional wrestling in Japan? Yeah, they do. What is it like? It's a lot. American is very theatrical, very showmanship, a soap opera for men, if you will. Is that what it's like?

Yes. Japanese wrestling is very hard-hitting, very serious. It's taken very serious. Really? Yeah, they take it as a sport, really. Yeah. And so when a goofy comedian wrestler comes over and is having a laugh in the middle of the ring, it really throws them for a loop.

But I'm memorable. I stand out in their mind. I'm very different, and I think that's why I'm brought over to Japan to wrestle. Wait. So in Japan, here's ultimately my question. In Japan, is it what you might call a pure athletic competition, or is it, as it is here, a sort of athletic entertainment? I'd say the pure athletic competition is first. Ah. Yeah, a lot of hold for hold, trade for trade, strikes for strikes. A classic strikes for strikes, hole for hole situation.

I recommend YouTubing a guy named Kobashi. There's a match where they had in the Tokyo Dome in front of 50,000 people, and him and this guy, Kensuke, they chop each other. Knife-edge chops back and forth for probably three straight minutes. It's just one chop, you chop, I chop, you chop. And you see the sweat flying off their chest and you see the marks of hands just embedded in their chest. Wow.

Yeah, that's your classic strike for strike competition. And forgive me, I haven't followed professional wrestling since I was a kid, so maybe these aren't even tropes in American wrestling, but the stuff you see in American wrestling like ladders and folding chairs, does that come into play in Japan? A little bit, but now it's really overplayed, I feel. Yeah. Your first thought of American wrestling is ladders and chairs.

Yeah, it's just a competition where strong men hit each other with chairs. Right. I think it's brought out just for the special occasions. Okay, gotcha. Okay. This is exciting to me. It's very exciting. Okay, so, Cole, what other unusual places have you done this in besides Japan?

Yeah, I've been to Japan, Puerto Rico, Mexico. I did the border towns in Mexico where that day during our shows 40 people were murdered and they didn't even tell us about it we found out on the news like I've been to Iqaluit which is the very top part of Canada and it was it was light out for 23 hours and 30 minutes I want you to know Cole that as you said you said that, our intern, who is Canadian, leaned into my field of view, made eye contact with me, and gave me one of these. Yeah. It really is. Yeah.

A place I know. E. Calloway. If American wrestling is very theatrical and kind of fun and funny and Japanese wrestling is very subdued and respectful, what is Canadian professional wrestling? I thought you were going to ask what is apartment wrestling. Canadian wrestling is just following American wrestling. Oh, okay. Yeah, for the most part. But it's more polite and cleaner. Right?

Actually, we brought a show up. We brought a show up there. Oh, man. You're going to have to help me on this. The only people that have ever done a show up there, because it's so away from everything, there was a band from Canada who promised to play every single Providence. And Akella was like, we're a Providence. And they were like, oh, damn it.

And so they had to go up and play. Any cool Canadian? I don't necessarily remember who it was exactly. Snow. It was either the Bare Naked Ladies or Nickelback, one of the two. Those are the Canadian bands, right? Well, I came up with Snow. I was pretty proud of that.

Was Snow Canadian? Yeah, he promised to do Informer in every province of Canada. I thought your joke was that's what Canada has a lot of. Well, it does coincidentally also have a lot of snow. So, I mean, while we're on the topic of unusual places that you've wrestled, something that's been a frequent topic of conversation on this program, the gathering of the juggalos. The gathering of the juggalos.

And you would say, after that, you would say, whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop. Excuse me, I forgot to say whoop, whoop. And I learned this one. You have to say, magic, magic, ninja, what? And if you were to say that to any juggalo in the world, they would reply back to you with, magic, magic, ninja, what? So, okay.

So, like, when you shake hands with Joe Biden. Right. No juggalo. Yeah, when the professional wrestlers are received by the vice president, you would whisper in his ear. Magic, magic ninja what? Yeah. And he would whisper back to me with a wink, I feel. Sure.

Magic, magic ninja what? Yes. You know, there are counties in Michigan where if you get arrested on anything below a felony, all you have to do is just as as they're putting the cuffs around you, you just get your mouth close to that policeman's ear and just say magic, magic, ninja, what? And then boom, you're good as gold. Sure. You're free. Free as a bird. Next thing you know, you're you're inner tubing down the river. Butt light in hand.

Tell me about the wrestling at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Do you do something special for that crowd? I have a different character. Around the world, I'm known as the smiling-faced, good-loving. Good-loving? Good-loving. Oh, sure. Why not?

Yeah, sure. Happy-go-lucky. Sexually adapted. It's that Japanese girl that you pointed to earlier. Right. Good Lovin' Good Lovin'? Good Lovin'? Oh, sure. Why not? Yeah, sure. Happy Go- Sexually Adapt. It's that Japanese girl that you pointed to earlier. Right. Happy Go Lovin' Colt Cabana.

But here, you know, wrestling is art. It's about the good versus bad, you know, heroes versus villain. And there I play a police officer,

Officer Colt Cabana. Oh. Okay. Now, what's crazy is they turned down my original name, which I wanted to have, which is crazy. They turned it down, which was Officer Jack Offerson. That was too much for them. Right. They turned that one down.

They said, let's go with Colt Cabana. So the head of the Gathering of the Juggalos, the Murder Dave Knife Dick, is like, that's too much. So wait, they have their own, correct me if I'm wrong, they have their own wrestling organization of some kind? Yeah, it's called Juggalo Championship Wrestling. Originally called Juggalo Champion Shit Wrestling. Oh, that's great. They changed it to-

For merchandising. You want to be able to sell nightmare clown backpacks to kids. Right. And so I wrestle the weed man. Your classic good versus evil. Oh, sure. But you're evil in this game. You're like a narc.

Right. In this scenario, obviously the police officer is the bad guy and the weed man is beloved. In this scenario, the police officer is the bad guy and the weed man does meth. Right. And so, yeah, and I know, you know, but it's amazing. We go down there. I wrestle. The fans are crazy. They're rowdy. But in between wrestling, oh, I get to go over to this stage and watch Ice Cube perform. Oh, I get to go hang out with George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelics.

Oh, hey, Brian Posehn. You're like a hero of mine. Hi. We're in the same locker room together. It's just, you know, they have their figure. Wait, hold on. Wait. Stop.

We got to break this down. There's a locker room where the comedians and the wrestlers change together? It was actually like a van. I like the idea. Let's just make it a locker room. Yes. where Andrew WK and Sugar Free or whatever

old school rapper it is are all taking a schvitz after the show together. Just like those Japanese bathhouses. Yeah. Like the New York Athletic Club. Everyone's playing squash too. Violin Jay comes up after you.

Great performance, guys. Yeah, really fantastic. Delightful. Hot stone massages on me. Those guys are great, man. They are. And like, you know, you wrote that article, Jesse, and they really have made their own thing. And when I get my check for my performance, it says psychopathic ink on the upper left-hand corner.

And I can write off Faygo if I wanted to. It's a business expense. to yeah of course of course they've really put together their own thing and it's so admirable i mean that is such an amazing what's amazing to me about it is that it is is that they have so many people who have agreed on like such a specific set of things like it's clearly the grouping of things that they were into when they were 14 right like there's no like for me i genuinely i don't admire them as musicians but many of the musicians that they admire, I admire. So like they'll have, I remember when your Scarface was there, like there's no, you would be hard pressed to find a rapper that I care more about than Scarface.

And you know that like when they were 14, they had a list that said be friends with Scarface on it, right? But what's crazy about it is that somehow they've found this group of 50 or 100000 people and they've gotten them all to agree to be on exactly the same page about the weird shit that they're into. it is so unusual and yeah, that there is a place where professional wrestling but also guys who were on Mr. Show and Andrew WK and

you know, Gallagher and Gallagher and Ron Jeremy, please don't forget, Hedgehog I am so sorry that I forgot Professional wrestlers doing stand-up and then early 90s gangster rap, like it is so, but everyone's into it. When I was in high school, the Dayton family were, like, amazing.

And then 15 years later, I show up, and they're signed to Psychopathic Records, and I'm hanging out with the Dayton family. Yeah, it's such a bizarre—but what's great, the soda they like. Right. What's great, the soda they like. Right. Like every weird thing. Like they made up a weird, like even their catchphrase is definitely something that they made up as 14-year-olds. And they had to stick with it. Yeah.

Because that's what got hot. Exactly. Like no part of it is something that they, even the things that they came up with as adults had to match the stuff that they came up with as 14-year-olds. You know what I mean? So everything is, it's like the Winchester Mystery House, you know, where a mad woman with a lot of money kept building corridors with no exit to confuse ghosts. To confuse the ghosts, sure, yes. Yeah.

Like, that's basically what we're talking about. It's like 14 year olds somehow have have commanded. It's it's like that you took the two most downtrodden 14 year olds at your high school and just let them build an empire based on their wildest, craziest dream. Yeah, sure. There's like a Spirograph booth for some reasons. Like, oh, yeah, we love Spirograph. Yeah, sure. There's like a Spirograph booth for some reason. It's like, oh, yeah, we love Spirograph. Yeah. God, so tell me about your fight against the Weed Man. How did he get the better of you? Does he use illicit bongs? Well, the Weed Man comes to the ring smoking a J, obviously. And in the buildings that we run, besides the gathering, you know, obviously that's illegal.

And he keeps on, you know, they tell the law enforcement, the other law enforcement. Right. No, not you. Right. That it's fake weed. But obviously I, by the smell of it, no. Right. It is not spiced by any means or whatever they call that stuff. So he likes to take a hit of a joint and then blow it in my face.

Oh, to infuse you. Which is wild because I have never partaken in that, in marijuana or anything. But I almost feel like an actor, you know, someone who would smoke a cigarette. Right. But never would smoke a cigarette, but would do it for the stage. So I'm getting this marijuana puffed in my face and I'm like, ah, for the theater. Look at me. I will get a contact high for my art.

Yes, for sure. And so that's how the weed man Man gets the best of me, usually. That's quite a special move. And the people are behind him. Oh, I mean, I can't imagine. I'm behind him. I love the guy already. How could you not?

I've only heard a vague description. So does the Weed Man have a full-time wrestling career as the Weed Man, or is he only the Weed Man on 420 and at the Gathering of the Chuggalos? Yes, it's actually Joe Biden. as the Weed Man, or is he only the Weed Man on 420 and at the Gathering? It's actually Joe Biden. You know, every year he gets on Air Force Two. He takes the Amtrak. Oh, yeah, the Amtrak. Weed Man does wear a mask.

Yeah, could be Joe Biden. You don't want to know who your local weed seller is. Joe Biden is very healthy. He is. For his age. Probably the wrestling. Does Joe Biden have a giant weed tattoo on. For his age. Probably the wrestling. Does Joe Biden have a giant weed tattoo on his shoulder like the Weed Man? I mean, I've never seen him in a tank top.

You never know. Could be Joe Biden. I don't know. So is it a full-time occupation or is this just a- For the Weed Man or for me? For the Weed Man. I know it's your full-time job. He's under a mask, but he does wrestle different places without the mask, not as the Weed Man. I know it's your full-time job. He's under a mask, but he does wrestle different places without the mask, not as The Weed Man.

The Weed Man is a copywritten, you know, I said these guys are all business, even though it's face paint and hatchets. They're all business, so The Weed Man is. So that's like their character. Their character, yes. Wait, so is Officer Colt Cabana their character? I mean, it's only performed there. I try not to do it anywhere else. Wow.

Yeah. Even what about- They're litigious. They're very litigious murderous class. They really are, for sure. What about like bachelorette parties? If the price is right, I'm sure. A juggalette bachelorette party I would do.

Yes, of course. There are probably some really beautiful ladies out there. They are. And they have the- Very classy. The yarn hair and everything. Oh, sure. Can you imagine like a shower at a Juggalette where they're all doing each other's yarn hair together?

Right. Cole Cabana, our guest. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Kessie. Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Colt Cabana, professional wrestler. He really is a professional wrestler. He actually is. Would you, I mean, I know they shot it down at the gathering. Just for the podcast, do you want to be Officer – correct me, Jackofsky? Jack Offerson. Jack Offerson. Right now?

I mean, I don't know. I mean, you can have a nickname. Officer Jack Offerson. You don't have to play him, but just for your nickname if you'd like to use it. Colt Cabana, Officer Jack Offerson. I like it. It's got a ring. I thought so too.

They didn't – I can't – They're fools. If you were in the marketing department at Hatchet Attacks, you would. I know. Right. I mean, and I'm jockeying for that position. Right. I'm going to start in the mail room.

I know you're looking. Yeah, I am. I'm looking for some full-time employment. Take a trip down to Detroit. Call me, Violent J. These guys are trying to trade on Colt Cabana's name. They can't have a name that doesn't have Colt Cabana in it because they know you put Colt Cabana on the bill.

That's like printing money. I'd like to think so. Yeah, I think so. I definitely think so. I think so, too. Hey, so I was walking out of this building last night or yesterday, and I ran into an old college friend of ours, Jordan, Maria Calpito, with whom we were RAs. It turns out she lives in this building.

Neat. In this box? Right here in this building. She'll be home any second, so we've got to wrap this up. She doesn't know we're doing this. It's a three's company. What was nice, she and her husband, Gino, run an art gallery on the first floor. Oh, neat.

And I used the opportunity to get some scuttlebutt about the building I'm like so what's the deal with the building who's DTF which of the parking guys is DTF little do you know Jordan so they said well you know there's our gallery there's another gallery on the other side

of the building but we did a joint opening with them and then they didn't really want to do anything else and now they're moving out so I'm not sure what's up with them. You know, there's some other folks that just live here. There's some folks who have offices here. Then there's some other activities. And I said other activities. The way you say other activities makes me think that you mean that somebody's shooting

porn in here or something. And they said, why? Did you know about that? Oh, my. I mean, that was my first thought when you said that. And this is near Sherman Oaks? I don't know. I'm from Chicago.

It's not. Sherman Oaks is in kind of the valley and kind of the notorious filming location of much porn. I mean, this and Sherman Oaks are both in Southern California. Sure. So, I mean, they're closer than Chicago. Right. So I can assume everybody here is doing porn in every building. Yeah. That in Southern California. Sure. So, I mean, they're closer than Chicago. Right. So I can assume everybody here is doing porn in every building. Yeah.

That's my assumption. Right. Interso, do you know specifically what sort of porn? So here's the thing. So we were there with, Gino and I were talking and my wife was there with me. I were talking and my wife was there with me. And if I know anything, it's that you shouldn't get into a big porno discussion with your wife present. You should just say, ha ha ha, that's funny. And then move on. And so I moved on. But I have some sense in my head, gentlemen. I know what my address is. I know how to use Google.

So I put 2404 Wilshire into quotes with porn after it. Because I figured, you know, I'll take a swing at this. Sure. See what happens. See if it works. And I did. And I was, and here's the thing.

My concern was that it would be some kind of terrifying porn that was coming out of my building sure right because and when i say terrifying porn i don't so much mean that the content of the porn would be terrifying as that it would be terrifyingly sad i guess okay you know what? Like, I don't want it to be Broken Lives pornography. Okay. Now, that's a significant portion of pornography in one way or another.

Yeah. So wait, so you just mean you don't want them to be shooting Todd Solon's movies here? You say Broken Lives pornography. Pronouncing his last name right? Yeah, good enough. Yeah.

That's about as good as i know that's my point um but uh it is actually uh but the good news was i mean i was i was comfortable with like okay you know i dream dream scenario what kind of porn are they shooting here well a dream scenario i mean maybe it's some kind of amusing no-penetration fetish porn. Like, probably like giant woman porn, maybe? Sure, or just a woman stepping on eggs.

Yeah, exactly. That's my dream scenario. It didn't meet that. Wait, your dream scenario isn't the Jordan-Jesse-Go parody? No. This ain't Jordan-Jesse-Go parody. This ain't Jordan-Jesse-Go XXX. Talk about niche marketing. Yeah.

Well, I mean, you know, it's how they stay afloat these days. Oh, God. Yeah. So many titles. I wouldn't want us to be chicks. I wouldn't want some weird porno guy trying to mimic my affect. I mean, bare minimum, minimum you know chicks with gentleman parts sure yes bare minimum um so uh yeah so at my even more niche my ideal situation jordan would be

for it to be like giant woman porn or something that would amuse me but not upset me. Okay. And also would be sexual but not have any penetration. Okay. So that would be, that was the A level. You find penetration sinful. I do. Consider it. I do. No, but I mean, you know, I'm not sure what I'm comfortable with going on

in the immediate vicinity of life. Yeah, I would find that hard to say too. But as we're having, I should also mention that as we're having this conversation, as we're sitting there talking to Gino, their loft opens out onto the street, and we have a view of the front door. And I see these women going in that look like they're going into job interviews, but they're dressed way too slutty to be going into job interviews. Yes. And I realize, oh, my God, these women are definitely going into either a porn film shoot or a porn film casting call.

Were they 7-1 by any chance? They weren't, which is why I knew it wasn't giant woman porn. Oh, that giant woman. Okay. Wait, wait giant women. Okay. Wait, so wait. I mean, maybe, I mean, do you think they just have an office set here so when they need to do a, you know, Miss Smith, get in here and take some dictation, like when that needs to happen? Well, the building that we're in is sort of a lofty building, a loft-style building.

a lofty building, a loft-style building. So, I mean, you could make a credible office set out of it, but it's not like, you know, dropped acoustic panel ceilings and that kind of thing. Now, Jordan, when I was, I used to wrestle for a company out here, and I think it was in Sherman Oaks, and the place, it was the New Japan Wrestling Dojo, but the New Japan Wrestling Dojo was shared with one of those places. Wow.

And there was a giant warehouse where the wrestling would go down, and we could take a walk and walk up the stairs, and it was like an apartment complex with different bedrooms of different styles. And that's where they shot the porn. Jeez. And it was, yeah. So just multiple bedrooms. You know, a spaceship theme, an Italian girl theme or whatnot.

I don't really know. I do know what the themes are. Wait, an Italian girl theme bedroom? I was going to say like a pizza parlor. We're doing the entire house with an Italian girl theme. Yeah, like a villa. Yeah. A lot of frescas.

There it is. I hung up. hung up so um so essentially essentially i realized that i'm literally watching people go in to do job interviews for a porno film and that's what led me to to do the work and google it um best case scenario was some kind of gigantic woman stepping on eggs uh something seems to be a more traditional women are putting a chicken on their head, something that would really give me a good hearty laugh. But it was probably this, and then the other possibility was, what if it was a pornographic actor or actress whose work I was familiar with intimately.

And I decided that would make me, on the one hand, that would mean that I was comfortable with their work. On the other hand, it would mean it would make me really uncomfortable in my workplace. Right. So I didn't really want that. And like, so that I wasn't on board for that. But I really ended up finding out that it was an almost best case scenario. When I Googled our address plus porn, I found out that it is the home studio of famous sex positive porn advocate and celebrity Nina Hartley.

Oh, okay. She is like the lady that Dan Savage asks for porno advice. That is a good scenario. I love the double reaction by both of us. Oh, Nina! That old gal.

I remember my house as a youth was the house where everybody saw their first porno at. Really? I was the guy. My dad had the secret stash. My dad had the Playboys. There was another kid's dad who had the pornos.

My dad didn't have any on hand. Oh, we had Playboys. Playboys aplenty. Hustler, Cherry. I knew all of these at the age of nine. Oh, sure. I knew everything about it at the age of nine. Oh, sure. I knew everything about it. Yeah, and my brother and I found the porno above the ceiling.

That was the first one. And then eventually we found the giant stash. That was just a substash in the ceiling. Yes, it was. That was kind of a funny. That was actually just behind the cookies in the pantry. I don't know how you found the porno above the ceiling first. But Nina Hartley is a name I know,

sure, from my youth. Like, trading baseball cards, I also had... I knew the women and the men of porn, sure. Oh, fuck. So, wait, so I'm maybe... I only know her, I guess, as the woman that Dan Savage uses

for the porn advice. Is she a performer, or is she just a figurehead? She was, in her day, she was jacked. Okay. Like a muscle competition I feel she used to do. Yeah. Okay.

For me, that was really exciting. Sure, sure. As a 10-year-old boy. Yes, sure. She's like a porn actress legend. Okay. But I think that in the, she's 50-ish. Okay.

I looked at her Wikipedia. She's 50-ish and she is, I think she was one of the first porn actresses to essentially advocate on behalf of porn actresses in the porn industry and say, look, there is a way to do this that doesn't ruin people's lives. It's not a sad, kooky car crash. Exactly. Interesting. And she's been doing that, running her own company. I think she does mostly, she still, according to her Wikipedia, she still performs. And according to her Wikipedia picture, she looks tremendous.

But she does, I think she does like S&M pornography and like MILF pornography. Sure. A little MILF work. Yeah, a little MILF work on the side. A little MILF work, yeah, sure. Oh, interesting. Huh. Do you think maybe I could go down there and ask for a non-sex role in her next porno?

I'd love to just be like, you know. Well, I think that's the dream, isn't it? Yeah, I would like to be the angry husband that someone cheats on with the pole boy or something. Yeah, I don't really. I would like to. I don't know. Like, you'd like to.

You would probably like to, I'm guessing, maybe see them have sex for a minute but not have to stay, right? Sure, yeah. You'd just like to see what it is. And then go to craft service. But you don't want to have to hang out there because it probably goes on for a really long time. Sure. Like any movie making, right? Right.

Hurry up and wait, I think is the old cliche, the old showbiz cliche. You don't want to work on a porn set. No. That would be horrible. Yeah, I think so. Well, there's worse things to do in this world. Horrible in quotation marks. But I mean, it would be

rough. Sure. It would be a tough gig. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, but I would be happy to be, I would be happy to be you know, I mean, what are the other non-sex roles in porno? There's angry husband, there's... You could be the guy driving the pizza delivery guy. What are the other non-sex roles in porno? There's angry husband. You could be the guy driving the pizza delivery guy. Oh, yeah.

Because he lost his license or something like his friend. What is the setup for this porno that you're imagining? Well, the pizza delivery guy is going to have the sex. He doesn't have his license. What is the pizza business that has that kind of overhead? Where they're sending out two guys on deliveries. Well, they, you know, it's their dream that that happens. Show me this business model, Colt. I'm trying to hook you up, man.

I'm sorry. No, thank you. I appreciate you trying to find a role. We got a real cock blocker over here. I know. We got a real little rain cloud over our parade. Just let me drive the pizza guy to his sex fest. Jordan, would you be willing to participate in a non-penetrative sex act of some kind?

Like having eggs broken over my head? Yes. Or dressing up as a building and letting a giant woman knock me over? Yes. Yeah, sure, totally. See, because I think that's more likely. I get the impression, and again like my familiarity is mostly from dan savage and from reading her wikipedia page and we also got a book that she

wrote about sex once uh as a submission for the sound of young america a few years ago that i read like a chapter or two of with thoughts of oh this lady's friends with dan savage he's the greatest and then thinking like how could i possibly talk about any of these things on public radio? Well, so much for this. But I get the impression that you're more likely to be involved in. I don't think that she's involved in the making of the kind of pornos that are plot heavy. So much as she might be involved in the making of pornos that are plot heavy so much as she might be involved in the making of pornos that are uh you know like like there's this there's this building by my um there's this

building by my house where i grew up called the armory in san francisco that used to literally be an armory it's a city block by a city block it's made of brick um and it was built i think in the teens or something like that as an armory for the National Guard. I've wrestled in many of those. Yeah. And it's huge. It's beautiful. And it was completely derelict when the neighborhood that I grew up in was the hood. And as the neighborhood gentrified and gentrified, there was this push to say, there's no such thing as an armory anymore. Let's find something to do with this building.

But because it didn't have windows and stuff and because the demand for professional wrestling is relatively low in central San Francisco, they decided to find a – they thought maybe we can get a.com or someone to move into it. And they ended up, they ended up leasing the building to kink.com, which is this website that does S&M videos. And they're famous for, in San Francisco anyway, they're famous for being the website

that does porno videos in the classiest way possible. Okay. You know, like the most performer positive, sex positive, site that does porno videos in the classiest way possible. You know, like the most performer positive, sex positive, you know, good vibrations, lesbian owned dildo store type of porno thing. But I think that Nina Hartley's deal is more that than it is the kind of Showtime movie soft focus plot heavy thing that you're imagining. Sure. You know what I mean?

Well, maybe I can talk her into getting into that business. I think so. I think it's going to make some sort of ironic comeback. Oh. It'll be kitschy. The one Nina Hartley movie that I do remember is she was trying to seduce this guy who was a geek because he had glasses with tape around the middle of it. Right.

Yet at the same time he looked about 6'2", 240 with no fat on him. Right. Sure, sure. And so when you say that she's not a plot-heavy girl, like the one I remember with her was this- Oh, funny. Was a kind of a- I was going to say rags to riches.

I guess the rags were the glasses and the riches were the blowjobs. Was the semen. Yeah. Wait, Cole. Which he had a lot of. I have an important question. I have a really important question for you. As a professional wrestler who at one point shared a building with a porn producer,

do professional wrestlers ever get invited to participate in weird marginal entertainments such as pornography that aren't professional wrestling? Like with the assumption that like once you're a professional wrestler, you're down for whatever. Well, I have two stories for you, Jesse. Excellent. Two, two, two, two. The first one will be short.

Yeah. And it was an email I received the other day. Colt, I'm a huge fan of yours. You're a great wrestler. You know, you're the best. I enjoy you, blah, blah, blah. You're a great wrestler. You know, you're the best.

I enjoy you, blah, blah, blah. Would you be interested for $1,500 in doing a J slash O video with a mask on if you choose? He was willing to offer. If you choose. Willing to offer that I could wear a lucha mask. Okay. But not like a point break president mask. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, he was very. Like a real buff Nixon. A real Mexican. He was specific on a lucha mask if I were. Oh, interesting. Okay. And that's, no, no. He's like a real buff Nixon. A real Mexican. He was specific on a lucha mask. Oh, interesting. Did he specify, did he want El Santo? Yes. Did he want La Flama? It was up to me. Blue Demon Jr. But I chose not to

and that's not the first time I've gotten. There's a lot of offers to buy my underwear and that kind of – and the women of wrestling. Yes. That's big business, by the way, in professional wrestling on an independent circuit is guys buying the used underwear and even the shoes of the women of wrestling. And they make a decent living from that, that alone. I mean this is obviously a different thing. I was talking to a wrestling fan that's a friend of mine, and he told me that, you know,

at least in televised wrestling in the WWE, when the divas come on, maybe that's seen as less respectable than the other wrestling. But you're saying it has its rabid fan base. Of course it has a different fan base. Yes, sure, sure. Now, there's some great women's wrestlers out there,

but there's also a guy going, that girl's beautiful. Let's make her a wrestler. And then she's on TV in six months, whereas I spent 15 years of my life dedicated to this craft. Gotcha, sure, sure. I'm in and out in two minutes while with the WWE. Yeah. But, yeah, that's the beautiful women in wrestling. Were you pressured to get a boob job at all

when you were in the WWE? No, but I'm sure there was others. Were you disappointed that you weren't? Yeah, I would have. You know, I always wanted a calf implant. Oh, yeah, no one ever complained specifically about your calf. Yeah, I was hoping they would ask that, and I would.

That's funny. I want to share this other story. Please, please. Now, there's a promoter ask that and I would. That's funny. I want to share this other story. Please, please. Now, there's a promoter out there. I've worked for many promoters. The Insane Clown Posse, Vince McMahon,

and one of the promoters was a woman. There's also some normal people. Yeah. The Insane Clown Posse, Vince McMahon, Trump,

Darth Vader. Well, this one was a woman in Philadelphia and she was a woman in Philadelphia, and she was known also in her side business as the gangbang queen of New Jersey, Jasmine St. Clair. Oh, my. I wrestled.

But of New Jersey. Of New Jersey, yes. I wrestled for Jasmine St. Clair. Wow. Yeah, and if I could say anything, my father is proud of what I do as a professional wrestler and made myself into this little small business of myself, but boy, when I told him I was wrestling

for Jasmine St. Clair, he could not have been proud of his baby boy. That's terrific. Yeah. That's so funny. Like, is there a gangbang queen of Delaware? Are there jockey and and gangbangs? With a sash?

Actually, you know. Miss Delaware. You know, Trump, speaking of Trump, you know, he bought the Miss America pageant. He's working on a gangbang queen pageant. Oh, wow. To nationalize. Because right now it's just different states have different gangbang queen commissions. Now that that whole birth certificate thing has been solved, he needs somewhere to put his

energy, his crazy energy. He's got a history in wrestling too, so it really all ties together. Does he have a history in wrestling? Well, he hosted WrestleMania 4 and 5. He has to wrestle that piece onto his head every morning. Hey! Hey folks,

I'm a late night television host in 1984. But, yeah, so what did he do for WrestleMania? Well, Trump Plaza hosted WrestleMania 4 and 5. But also a couple of WrestleManias ago, he represented one guy in a match. Vince McMahon represented another guy in the match. And the loser was going to have to shave their head. Oh, wow.

And who'd have thunk Donald Trump didn't have to shave his head and Vince McMahon. Yeah, so he was one of the stars of WrestleMania when Apprentice was really hot and all that stuff. But, I mean, Donald Trump's taking a big risk there, getting involved in that competition because he's famous for his hair. What if he had had to shave his head? Well, that was the selling. People bought it to see that.

Yeah, yeah. And old Vince McMahon had to shave his head. Oh, man. Real bait and switch scenario, I think. Yeah. You're always going to be surprised at how it turns out. You never know. Is that Undertaker going to come away with the W?

Yeah. Is he not dead, right? Wait, Paul Bearer was on the show with me yesterday. Is that the Undertaker? The Undertaker's manager. Oh, okay. Paul Bearer. A friend of mine, yes. I read an article in the newspaper that the Undertaker? The Undertaker's manager. Oh, okay. Paul Bearer. A friend of mine, yes.

I read an article in the newspaper about the Undertaker recently. That's about as deep as my wrestling knowledge goes. He's been around for a long time. Yes, and someone told me that not only has he changed personas several times, but also when the Undertaker was at his hottest, there was a novel written that was his backstory. was at his hottest, there was a novel written that was his backstory. So there is an Undertaker novel about his time in the Old West as an Undertaker and his family getting killed, and that's his motivation to wrestle so he can get revenge. Oh, wow.

It's all justified now. Yeah, right. I know. It's like, why are they body slamming each other? This makes no sense. Have you ever considered, Colt, and I'm just throwing this out there. I don't know if this is something you ever thought about or whatever. You've been in wrestling a long time. A J slash O video?

Is that what you're... J slash O. I mean, I got 1,500 on this thing. You can wear a lucha mask if you want to. I don't even care which one it is. We're starting a new video podcast. It's JJ Go J slash O. Yes!

It's our new... We got one of those YouTube channels that they're giving out to everybody. This is my pitch to you. You seem like, look, you got this vibrant, independent career going. You got this great podcast going. You got a lot of different things. But let's face it. You could be having a more successful and focused life. Have you thought about using the ultimate warrior's principles to develop your success?

I'm talking about folk and distrusity. What's that? I'm glad you didn't know what distrusity was. Yeah, what is this about the ultimate warrior? I just assumed that if anyone would know about folk and distrusity, it would be Colt Cabana. Yeah, I mean, help us out. You don't know about Warrior Nation? Look at Jesse.

He's such an ultimate warrior fan. This is like the greatest thing ever. He is a hardcore conservative. Okay, so when I was in college, we're talking about 1966, 67, right before the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1966-67, right before the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. When I was in college, the Ultimate Warrior, who at the time I think was going by Warrior because the WWE owned Ultimate Warrior. Yeah, and he legally changed his name to Warrior. Okay.

Wow, so that's on his birth certificate. Yes. Wow. He had this website called Warrior Nation. I'm pretty sure it was called Warrior Nation. I think that's correct. And he was, and I hope I'm not being unkind. This man may or may not be alive right now.

He's alive. He's got a reality series coming out. Sorry you didn't know that, Jesse. Excellent. Thank you. I'm glad that he's not passed on because I'm about to be unkind. He was clearly a madman. And he had this website called Warrior Nation that outlined his plan to educate America's youth through a combination of mental and physical training and a nationwide system of gyms slash schools.

Like the sit and reach? Yeah, exactly. That's what we're talking about. Like the president's physical fitness test. Yeah. But the central tenets of this were these two qualities, folk and distrusity. And distrusity is just what it sounds like. It's having destructive, personal destructive power towards whatever's standing in your way.

Okay. And folk is like focus, but you remove the word us because it's all about you. Wow. Wow. I would maybe, I would guess he was just, from from hearing that he wanted kids to be more folksy. So maybe to learn the banjo, you know, putting up preserves. And for a guy who wants distrusity, if that's the correct word.

Yeah. You got it. This guy spent a career trying to break down those ring ropes, shaking them. Not once did that ring fall apart. He's never destroyed. I mean, he destroyed those neon sheets that his mother gave him to make those wings he had. Those special wings. I like how you call them wings.

Wrestling wings. Tassels. They're called special wings. Special wings, yes. And doing a special wing dance here in the studio. It looks great. Wrestling wings. Tassels. They're called special wings. Special wings, yes. And doing a special wing dance here in the studio. It looks great. Thank you. Now, the Ultimate Warrior, before he was the Ultimate Warrior, he had another name.

Really? And it's interesting why he changed it. He was known as the Dingo Warrior. Okay. What, he was racist against Australians? He definitely wasn't from Australia. That's so weird. Yeah.

But you don't know why that was. That's some weird thing that he came up with huh that's so strange what like what a change though dingo to ultimate well dingo warrior is a terrible name yeah i mean i think we can that might have played into why he changed it and if anyone's questioning vince mcmahon's genius it's the knowledge to change from dingo to ultimate. I think, here's the thing, the Warrior Nation website is no longer on the internet. I looked it up a couple years ago because I needed to get a quick refresher. However, when I looked it up,

I was so disappointed that it wasn't on the internet that I did then follow up by looking it up on the archive.org Wayback Machine, which is the website where you can look up old websites that have been taken down. Angel fires, your lycosis. Exactly. It's mostly Buffy the Vampire Slayer related stuff. That's mainly what you can look up. And it was – much of it is on archive.org, and it is just glorious. It just could not be more tremendous. Folk indistricity is only the beginning of this man's amazing worldview. Now, I guess I know – what I know about him now is that he's kind of an outspoken conservative.

Oh, is he really? Yeah, I think so. I think that's his the last time I checked. He's just outspoken. Right, right. I don't know which way he flows. Yeah, I of course could be wrong about that. Are you thinking of Michael Savage? I might be thinking of Michael Savage. Because he has those same

wings, right? Yeah, he has his AM talk radio wings which are different than wrestling wings. Yeah. But yeah, so maybe that's a new development in the world of The Ultimate Warrior. What I think is funny is that when you were looking this up you were, at the time in college you were laughing, right? Like to you that was funny.

It was amazing. My mind was blown by this. Now to me, I remember looking at The Ultimate Warrior's website, probably at the same time, but I was like to me, it was the coolest thing. And it was wrestling, and it was amazing. You were sending him a check for $25.

I wanted to go to Warrior University, which somebody told me the other day, they went to Warrior University. Warrior University was part of it! Yes! Wait, is that like a wrestling camp? That's where you learn folk and distrusity. And what I heard was, they told me what happened was when everybody came, sat down, he was nowhere to be found. He wasn't at his own school or his university, if you will.

And what they did was they turned off the lights, the fog machine hit, and his music hit, and then he comes out and gives a speech and then walks back out never to be seen again. That's Warrior University. Wow. Wow. And then things were turned over to his TA, Jake the Snake Roberts. It's like, ugh. You know, all TAs just teach the classes here.

The professors, they just have an office. Publish or perish, right? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Colt Boom Boom Cabana. Boom Boom, huh?

I have a real nickname, actually. Yeah, yeah. I mean, no need to, like, muck it up with. Oh, sorry. No, no, I'm saying because you have a nickname nickname, actually. Yeah, yeah. I mean, no need to, like, muck it up with addition. No, no, I'm saying because you have a nickname, Boom Boom. I mean, it makes sense that you would bring it to the podcast. Right. I shouldn't be throwing Officer Jack Offerson's in there or any other.

Yeah, I mean, I don't want things to get confusing. Okay. The San Francisco Giants hitting coach is named Hensley Muellens. He's from Curaçao. Curaçao? Near Chicago? Curaçao. Curaçao? Near Chicago? Curaçao. It's right by Evanston.

Okay. Right next door to Evanston. And he speaks six languages or something. I know he speaks Japanese, Curaçaoian. Maybe they speak Portuguese or something like that. Okay. Dutch. Dutch.

It was a Dutch colony. Yep. So he speaks Dutch. He speaks English, of course, Spanish. So anyway, this guy's a real trip. Used to play for the Yankees in the olden days and played Japanese and Korean professional baseball also. Was recently knighted in the Netherlands.

He is a knight of the Netherlands. Wow, cool. How cool would it be if you were a professional baseball player and your batting coach, whose nickname, by the way, Bam Bam, became Sir Bam Bam? That would be great. That would be tremendous. Hey, let's do some sponsors, huh?

Yes. First of all, hey, how about this? Don't take this the wrong way. A comedy TV pilot about three guys who will do anything besides going with the flow of heading into their 30s. This is an Indiegogo project from some folks who actually met in a sketch comedy class that Jordan taught. Yeah, yeah.

I looked into this project. I have led these fellows in a sketch comedy workshop. They're very funny guys, and I'm sure whatever they're working on is very funny. Yeah. I had a chat with them about the show that they're working on. They're basically doing – they've been working on this script for a long time. They've decided to put together – they basically decided to shoot it, which is how it works these days in Hollywood. You no longer can get a script made unless you happen to be Aaron Sorkin.

They just say, go shoot it. Right. made unless you happen to be Aaron Sorkin. You just, they just say, go shoot it. Right. And so essentially they're at indiegogo.com slash wrong way. You can check out the video they've made to promote this project that they've got. It's sort of a cool sitcom about a group of friends who are entering their 30s and their idea is for it to be sort of like men of a certain age, only for people in their late 20s and early 30s. So if you saw that show,

it was sort of an actual, sincere, human, but also very funny look at what men are like. And I think it's nice to have a show where men get to have actual feelings and be human beings and also make jokes. Probably for they have a different Indiegogo startup page to get the rights to the Sublime song the wrong way, right? Yeah.

But that's like $750,000 they're trying to raise for that. So first they're going to shoot it, and then they're going to work on getting all the appropriate music that they had envisioned. Yeah. And they also want to get Scott Bakula involved, like TBS's Men of a Certain Age. You gots to get Bakula.

You gotta get Bakula. You gotta get Bakula. Anyway, you can check it out. You can check out their video. You can check out all the cool stuff they're doing at Indiegogo.com slash wrongway. We're always happy when people from our listener community are working on really cool stuff. This really seems like a cool project. So you can check out their video and what they're up to at Indiegogo.com slash wrong way.

Up on the Jumbotron this week, we've got something from Devin. Devin is moving from Washington State to the great city of San Francisco, California, one of my personal favorites. Let's be honest, my number one personal favorite. He says June 1st he is moving from Seattle to San Francisco to finally get his butt back into school and pursue his dreams in the field of urban planning. What a nice field. Sure.

Right? You make a park, put a park here, don't put a park there. You're going to need a market there. Sure. Right? It sounds like your version of're going to need a market there. Sure. Right? It sounds like your version of urban planning is a lot like SimCity. Right. Sounds like a game of SimCity.

Yeah. It's an educational game. You're going to want to watch out for alien attacks. Well, it's better than if my version of urban planning was based on SimAnt. Right. It's just protect the queen. You've got to watch out for red ants. Protect the queen.

Anyway, Devin is looking for roommates. He's thinking Mission, Noe Valley, Inner Richmond, Inner Sunset, but also open to other areas. Again, moving June 1st. Super nice dude, Max Funster, responsible person. So it's easy. It's fun. Drop Devin a line. Devin Silvernail

at Hotmail.com. Devin Silvernail, as in silver the color, nail the thing you put in a wall at Hotmail.com. Talk to him. If you know someone who has a room available, if you have a room available, if you've got a lead, he's

moving June 1st and he's looking for a place to live. I bet he's a nice guy. That's a fun one. If you have a room available, if you've got a lead, he's moving June 1st and he's looking for a place to live. I bet he's a nice guy. That's a fun one. If you have a box by any chance. He's got a weird box that looks like a scene from a Saw movie. Yeah. Guess what?

Somebody just tweeted at me today with a picture. They said that they met on the MaxFun forums and now they're in love. Oh, yeah. I also got a similar tweet. Wow, that's nice. Do you think it's some sort of, like, Nigeria scam?

I can only imagine. Yeah. Yeah, one has to assume. Sure. Right? Can I share one more thing with you guys before? By the way, if you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go! or any of our shows, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org.

And if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. And if you want to fall in love, tough luck. You're difficult. I want to share the eight disciplines of the warrior. Number one. Is this sponsored by the Ultimate Warrior? Yeah. He's our new sponsor.

Number one, physical. Number two, beliefs. Number three, moment of mastery. Number four, attitude. Number five, commitment. Number six, association. Okay. moment of mastery number four attitude number five commitment number six association number seven

integrity and number eight wisdom those are great those are some yeah I mean those are all pretty universal right

just remember dreams are the movies that tell one's story some already told some not yet written oh that's the best I just dropped a warrior wisdom bomb

on your asses fucking warrior wisdom I'm asking for some I want people I'm not that good with the wayback machine so it's ultimatewarrior.com go into the wayback machine I'm talking 2000 2001

right in there and dig some stuff out of that ultimatewarrior.com for us and share it on the forum because there is some gold there is some solid gold nuggets of amazing folk and distrusity Jesse, I didn't wear my wrestling

costume here, I don't understand why you're sitting here with Ultimate Warrior face paint on I was going to ask because I have folk and distrusity my wrestling costume here. I don't understand why you're sitting here with Ultimate Warrior face paint on. I was going to ask. Because I have folk and distrusivity. That's your problem. You have insufficient folk and distrusivity.

I'm also lacking association. Exactly. Number six, I think. You know what this is right now? My moment of mastery. We'll be back.

My problem was I think of dreams less as movies and more as plays. So I can see how I was wrong there. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Colt Cabana, Kirby Puckett enthusiast. Are you really? The man. I didn't know if we were going to get to baseball, but I had to let you know of my love for Kirby Puckett. That's good. That's great.

More of a Tom Brunanski, man. I'm not really. I prefer Kirby Puckett. I just figured, you know, as long as we were talking about guys from the Minnesota Twins. There was Greg Gagne, who's the shortstop, and a world-famous wrestler on AWA. Wait. Greg Gagne was a wrestler? Well, there was a wrestler named Greg Gagne.

Oh. Greg Gagne. Ken Herbeck, though. He was a wrestler. Yes. Ken Herbeck was a wrestler. The crusher, Ken Herbeck. We had a

meet-up in the Twin Cities in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I believe it was. And this was a, this thing was a tremendous success. We had, we must have had 40 or 50 people at this meet-up. And my go-to Twin Cities thing to say, you know, because you have to have,

you have to have something to pander with when you're in an unfamiliar city. They call it a cheap pop. Yeah. In wrestling. Excellent. Do you have one when you go to Japan? Yeah, you do.

Like if you're in Kyoto, you say something nasty about Osaka. Right. Usually I just bow and they can't believe I'm doing it. What? So I said something about Kent Herbeck. And apparently not only does Kent Herbeck still live in the Twin Cities area, but he's super fat now. And he does commercials for a sporting goods store, either a sporting goods store or a car dealership, where he sits in a boat in a parking lot. That sounds good. Oh, YouTube, here I come.

Anyway, that's pretty tremendous. Way to go, Kent Herbeck, former Minnesota Twins first baseman. I salute you, sir. I salute you. Okay, so when something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for our beloved segment, Momentous Occasions. We've got some telephone calls lined up and ready to go. Let's go to the tape. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. Hey, possible guests. This is Loie from Seattle. I just had a momentous occasion. As I was leaving my shift at about 9.30 at night at a really fancy grocery store, I was walking through the parking lot to get to my car, and I saw two people having oral sex without any shame whatsoever, right in the very front row of the parking lot to get to my car, and I saw two people having oral sex without any shame whatsoever, right in front, right in the very front row of the parking lot, bright lights shining

on them. It was, well, momentous, to say the least. Thank you. Bye. That's the kind of thing that you expect to see in the parking lot of a low-rent grocery store. But not in nice, not in like a... I mean, I don't know if this was a Whole Foods

or whatever the Seattle regional equivalent is. I don't know if they have Whole Foods up there. But, yeah, I mean... The nice Gelson's or... Sure. Yeah. I mean, you don't even expect to see that kind of thing at Trader Joe's.

No. Maybe a little finger-blastin', but... I once had the Sklar Brothers on The Sound of Young America, and, of course, the Sklar brothers are good friends. Two of the funniest guys around. You should watch, by the way, their brand new discovery show, United Stats of America. But the Sklar brothers said something about there's these two grocery stores here in Los Angeles, one called Vons, which is which is like the supermarket is supermarket. It's like the average of all supermarkets across America.

It's affiliated with Safeway, which covers most of the West, sort of Raley's. It's a medium supermarket. Jewel Osco would be my equivalent. There you go. Piggly Wiggly. I'm from the South. Yeah. And so it's a real solid, normal supermarket.

And then there's this other one called John's. The exact same logo, basically. Yeah. And it's spelled the same, too. J-O-N-S. I mean, it's spelled the same with a J. And the J looks as much like a V as a J can look. Yeah.

And they said that it was like shopping at a market in Istanbul, which it is vaguely. I mean, to the extent that shopping at a supermarket can be. There's people yelling. And they add a great bit based on this idea, right? I had just been picked up on this station in Illinois, actually. I shan't say exactly where. And it was the first episode that had ever

been carried on the show. The station manager happened to be listening in his car as it aired. He heard that, decided that was racist, I guess against Turks, and dropped the show immediately. Oh, no. Yeah. When I was in England,

I would travel all over England, and the big thing over there is ripping off KFC. So there was Kansas fried chicken, and there was country fried chicken. Everybody had the KFC logo. Obviously not giving any money to the colonel, right? Yeah. Right. And the colonel needs the money. Sure.

Colonel's got gambling debts. Man, you know what my new career goal is? I think I'm going to abandon because I just don't think it's realistic. My previous career goal, as regular Jordan Jesse Go listeners know, had been to be the first non-dramatic male heterosexual gay icon, which I was really hopeful about. But I just don't see it happening. I mean, it just doesn't seem realistic. I'd have to do something far more amazing than I'm capable of doing, frankly. However, I have a new goal, which is to become a Kentucky colonel.

It turns out that you don't have to live in Kentucky. You don't have to be from Kentucky. You don't have to be in Kentucky. You don't have to be from Kentucky. You don't have to be in the military at all. Several people a year get made a Kentucky- Kentucky colonel status? Is this like an honorary- Yeah. Do you have to do something to benefit the state of Kentucky?

It's like getting an honorary degree. They give it out like- Oh, it's like a Dr. Bill Cosby situation. They give it out like fucking popcorn. Number one, Bill Cosby's degree is real. That's a myth that it's not real. Oh, okay. I didn't know that.

Isn't that crazy? That is crazy. Why would someone try to defame Bill Cosby like that? I know. Anyway. I know. He's only the greatest stand-up comedian of all time. Give him credit for his degree if he got one.

Anyway. Now, that said, Fat Albert was his PhD dissertation. Oh, okay. So it's sort of like a semi-real degree. It's a mostly real degree, but it's not honorary. Okay. Anyway, let's get back to this Kentucky Colonel thing because this is what's important. Also, in the parking lot, was it male on male, female on male, male on female, or female on female?

We'd like a follow-up call. Anyways, continue. Yeah. There's lots of ways to oral. She did say it was two, right? She said two people. There was no gender attached to it. Oh, she said two people. Yeah. There's lots of ways to oral. She did say it was two, right? She said two people. She did. There was no gender attached to it.

Oh, she said two people. Yes. So it could have been- I mean, I'm assuming it was- Two people and a dolphin, for example. Right. Yeah. There could have been more than one living being involved with this oral sex.

Dolphins are mammals. They breathe normal air, just like you or I. Sure. I mean, you've got to keep them wet, but- Yeah. I mean, but if you're in a- I mean, if the sex is hot enough. I mean, if the sex is hot enough. Moist parking lots.

Okay, next call. You can go into the fancy. Wait, wait. How do you become a Kentucky colonel? You do something distinguished. It's like becoming honorary mayor of New York City. Oh, okay. But it has to be in Kentucky?

It's like getting the keys to the city of Kentucky. Huh. Maybe you can enter a mint julep drinking contest. Virgin mint juleps at Disneyland. How about that? Really? Yeah, they have that. They've got that.

Hey, John. Hey, Jesse. This is Mike in D.C. I'm here on the National Mall where I see a car parked with a license tag frame that says, I'd rather be at a Journey concert. So I thought it was pretty funny what you called in. Talk to you guys later. Bye-bye.

See, this guy knows about what is and is not a momentous occasion. He understands the basic principles. Number one, he knows to start by saying that he's on the National Mall. Sure. Almost anything that happens to you on the National Mall is a momentous occasion. Weird part is that I know that that was Joe Biden's car. Joe Biden has, I mean, we're talking about a weird collection of interests earlier.

Joe Biden's got that. What do you do when you drive that car to the Journey concert? You're a real asshole, aren't you? You have to borrow your wife's car to go to the Journey concert. You have in your trunk. She drives a new Beetle, too. It's really embarrassing.

There's a little flower pot in it. Yeah. Geez. I guess, or maybe just in your trunk with your spare tire and with your emergency kit, you have- I'd rather be at the Smashing Pumpkins concert, right? I was going to say I'd rather be at a Styx concert. Sorry. But yes, Smashing Pumpkins is great.

Yeah, so I guess maybe you just switch it out. You know, you pull over before you get to the parking lot. You pull over to the gas station, switch them out. Who have I wrestled for, by the way? Billy Corgan. Really? Oh, that's right. Yes.

Wait, you wrestled for Billy Corgan? Yeah, he runs a wrestling promotion. Was it a J-O type situation? J-slash-O. Yeah, he has a slash. No, he runs a wrestling promotion. Wait, Billy Corgan runs a wrestling league? Yeah, Slash. No, he runs a wrestling promotion. Wait, Billy Corgan runs a wrestling league? Yeah, yeah.

Why not, right? And also, I mean, speaking of weird celebrities and how they're involved in wrestling, I heard that for a while- He does have a wrestling-themed head. Yes. For a while, there was a wrestling league run by Ted Turner that he started, from what I understand, to spite Vince McMahon because he was mad. Yeah, and people made bajillions of dollars off of him. And I guess for a while, David Arquette was the champion of that wrestling league.

Why wouldn't he be? As David Arquette. Yes. Why wouldn't he be? Wow. Yeah. But when I wrestle for Billy Corrigan, I have the bumper sticker, I'd rather be at a Smashing Pumpkins wrestling show.

Fuck this music. Fuck this grunge. Right. Okay, we got one more momentous occasion. Let's hear it. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This is Michelle in New York in the Hudson Valley.

I have a momentous occasion. I have been married for two years to my husband, who's a little older. I'm in my 40s. He's a little bit older. And when we got married, based on previous life experiences, we decided that after two years of cementing our marriage bond, we wanted to have an open polyamorous relationship. And I'm happy to say that we recently celebrated two years. Our bond is really strong. And last night we helped each other set up our profiles online to look for other partners.

And we're very kiddy about it. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye. Wow. Wow. Yowza. Yowza. I always – that's – I mean the fella in that relationship has to be so emotionally powerful because your wife is going to have so much more luck at that. Yeah. Like, this is not, Colt, you were talking earlier about the Japanese guys trading chops.

The Japanese wrestlers go and chop for chop. This is not a chop for chop situation. Like, I can't imagine a situation where your wife isn't going to have, like, a bazillion more fuck opportunities than you are. Fuck opportunities. Fuck opportunities. Fuck opportunities. A bazillion more fuck opportunities than you are.

Fuck opportunities. Fuck opportunities. Fuck opportunities. Like, yeah, like not only, you know, is it easier for a woman to fuck, but like the women that would get in a relationship with a, you know, a married man who has a polyamorous relationship. God, what a small pool that must be. Anyway. Wait, did you say a polyamorous god? No, no, a polyamorous, yes.

That's my god. Is that obvious? Yeah, my god is like the traditional Christian god, but he has kind of an open, wide-collared shirt, a gold chain, a lot of chest hair. And he has a license plate for it that says, I'd rather be at a Styx concert. Yeah, a polyamorous guy, I think. So, yeah, but if, yeah, gosh, that must be, I can't imagine. I mean, you know, a delightful idea in theory. I just can't imagine how that works.

I like that they're giddy about it. I like that adjective. That's adorable. That adjective is a delightful adjective. Are they only going with partners or they can have- Oh, I don't know. See what I'm saying? It might be like-

Right. We're welcoming you into our boudoir. My only concern is that if we ask them, they'll tell us. Yeah. I'm not concerned. I would like to hear. I'm curious. I'm curious, yeah.

I'm worried that if we open the floodgates, it's just going to be polyamorous nerds calling us just, oh, our voicemail servers are going to crash from polyamorous nerds calling us to tell us about their polyamory. Yeah. Anyways. And when you think about business, I think it's crazy that there's somebody making money off of, you know, like they signed up for a site, probably $49.99 a month. And now there's this guy making money off of something that. Yeah, that's true, for sure. Where'd you get that price, by the way? That's, you know, what a website costs.

Look, I've done some market research. $49.99. $49.99. That's what NinaHartley.com costs. Right. That's what it costs to get into my dad's ceiling. I just needed a special screwdriver, a very expensive screwdriver. What were you doing in the ceiling?

I bet if, I bet if. Yes, let's get to that. I sniffed it out. I bet you there's a little box you can check on like OkCupid or something, like a free website that says I'm a polyamorous fuck machine. Anyways. Yes, how did you get into the ceiling? This is called being in the Hudson Valley School, by the way. Yeah, yeah.

When you're nine and you hear there's porn in the house, you go – it's like double dare. Wait, wait. Did your dad – It's like searching for a small orange flag in a giant pie. Did your dad invite a bunch of – did your dad just invite a bunch of adolescents over? He was wondering why my house was the sleepover house. And sit back in his Barca lounger and just get a megaphone and just go, there's porn in the house. It's like when you have a- And just go, with an air horn.

He would go, cold, cold, warmer. Black chicks. It's like when you have a birthday at the community pool or something, and the dad just takes a handful of change and tosses it in the pool, and the kids just die for change for the whole party. Or like when you have a birthday at the community pool, there's a dad and he takes a handful of porn and he just throws it in the pool. Yeah, sure. You gotta get it out quick or it gets warped. In the ceiling of the community center. Right,

yes, exactly. The community pool by my house was constantly being shut down by gang violence. Had to go to a different community pool nearby. I feel like if someone had thrown change into the community pool, someone would have been shot over it. Oh, dear.

Yeah. With some sort of water gun. Hey. That also shot bullets. Yes. They were retrofitting water guns. I forgot in that instance that water gun was a thing. I was thinking of a gun that shot underwater. A gun that

shoots water. Super soakers were amazing. Are those still around? I think so. I think the super soaker is probably still the predominant water gun. But I think like the tech now, there's different variations I feel of super soakers. Remember there's like three barrels of super soaking.

It got really too complex. Well now it just looks like a super soaker, but it just shoots cyber bullying text messages. Because that's how kids... I think it's like processor technology. There was one point where the number was going up, and that meant that it was more powerful.

But at some point it branched off into a combination of numbers and words that it's impossible for a layman to parse. And you just have to ask the clerk which one's faster right and you buy whatever don't you yeah you just buy whatever it's going to be good enough it's going to soak and or run well i mean i if i remember my my my experience with the super soaker uh line of products um it was easy to pn yeah they had the you know yes they had the, they had the Super Soaker 20, the Super Soaker 50, the 100, so on, so on,

so on. And kind of, yeah, the idea was that the higher the number went, the more expensive, the more soaking you would get. But as they got bigger, they got flimsier. And so when you were getting into the 100s, the 200s, those would break immediately. Your Super Soaker 50, good, sturdy Super Soaker. Right.

Reasonably priced. Good. And plenty of soaking power. So it's good for soaking and pistol whipping. Yeah, exactly. As necessary. If you needed to turn it around and hit someone with the butt of a gun. If a fucking Sureño comes into the pool.

Sure, and is diving for your change. If somebody's wearing a fucking cowboy's jersey at the pool. Starter jacket. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, it's been a joy to have you on this program. It's a real delight. I love being in your box, guys. This has been a lot of fun. Surprises as far as the box. Gets a lot warmer than you'd expect. It's pretty hot.

Yeah, we've all gradually become nude. Smells very strongly. We are wearing masks, if you're wondering. That was optional, but we did decide to go ahead and wear the masks. Smells very strongly of foam in here. I didn't know that foam had a strong smell, but it definitely smells like foam in here. It could be also the fake tanner that I'm wearing for wrestling. Also the foam that you're wearing.

My foam onesie that I wear to the ring. You're trying to make weight, right? You need to cut some weight so you can go wrestle at a lower class. Now, did you guys ever think you'd have a professional wrestler on JJ Go? Yeah, I mean, that was always our goal. We've been trying to get Jake the Snake Roberts for, but his schedule is so weird, it's all over the place. I've been trying to get Andre the Giant, but I just don't have the technology.

You know, the man's dead. He's been dead for years. You don't have necromancing technology. You don't have the technology. You know, the man's dead. He's been dead for years. You don't have necromancing technology. You don't have a necromancer's orb. The problem is I built the machine, but the right lightning bolt hasn't come along yet. Yeah, sure. We could get the Necrobutcher. Is that a wrestler?

Oh, he's a wrestler. Oh, he sounds great. Maybe seen in the movie The Wrestler. Oh, terrific. Oh. So there were some actual wrestlers in that movie, right? Remember when Mickey Rourke was getting staple gunned by that one crazy dude? Yes.

That was the Necrobutcher. A good friend of mine has been on my podcast and graduated high school at 15 and is a member of Mensa. This is great. People don't know stuff about wrestlers. The Necrobutcher. Yes. I didn't know that about the Necrobutcher. Well, you could also say all of those things about Todd Berry,

and he was in the wrestler, too. Sure. I wonder if they had any conversations on set. They're like primary. I mean, Todd Berry was on The Sound of Young America a couple of times and one of the most

brilliant comedians ever. The primary real-life conversation I've ever had with Todd was once when I drove him home from a party at San Francisco Sketch Fest. It was like a 20 minute or so drive. I was driving at the time, a 65 Dodge Dart. And he he mercilessly mocked and complained about my car the entire way. 20 continuous minutes it was like the jesse's car roast only i think it was real i think he actually didn't want to be in my car like he agreed to be in my car when he thought it had a

shoulder belt um but yeah just 20 minutes of todd barry why are you why am i in this death trap thorn why am i in this horrible car? Where's the shoulder belt? Does this thing even have brakes? What is this nightmare machine? Like, for 20 continuous minutes. Why does your bumper sticker say I'd rather be at a Jeremy concert? Well, it's been an absolute delight.

You're certainly the funniest professional wrestler I've ever met. Yay! With Ultimate Warrior a close second. For other reasons. I've never met the Ultimate Warrior. If I did meet him, it would be close. Understandably. I mean, it would be a close fucking call is all I have to say. But it's been a joy.

Colt's podcast is called The Art of Wrestling. He's got interviews with wrestlers, talk about wrestling, globetrotting wrestling chat. We keep it light, though. It is meant to be also comedic and fun as my career and my life. I live a stress-free life. I don't ever wear a suit to anything unlike yourself, Jesse. You're so well-dressed. And so we keep it light and we talk about wrestling and our lives' journeys and how we get there.

And I think everyone has a crazy story. People see these guys on television. I mean professional wrestlers more so. Yeah. They have an actual story, but then they have a back story. Right, yes. Not just our crazy storylines. Some of them have novels written about their back story as ghosts in the Old West.

And I do thank you as a pioneer of the medium and podcasting. Oh, that's very kind of you. It's really changed my life and my career for the best. And I was listening to your guys' show and Sound of Young America and now Bullseye. And I love podcasting. I love it so much. I listen to so many shows each week. I travel all over the world and i'm constantly traveling and on airplanes and i i've given up music for good you know yeah and uh i'm on the podcast train and well colt also colt colt was on uh the sound of young america when we were in chicago about a

year ago and uh he was promoting this documentary that he made called The Wrestling Road Diaries, correct? Am I remembering that correctly? Correct. We filmed the second one also. Oh, fantastic. And I've not seen the second one, but I did watch the first one. And I really enjoyed it, even as a non-wrestling fan. Seeing what life was.

It was sort of like a slice-of-life road documentary about these guys on the independent wrestling circuit. Colt and some friends of his that he's worked with for a long time, all in sort of different places in their careers, different types of wrestlers, different approaches to their both inside and out of the ring, you know, traveling together. And I really found it fascinating and really recommend it, whether or not you like wrestling. I thought it was a really lovely little movie. Thank you. You know what's fun now is the other guy, his name was Brian Danielson.

Daniel Bryan is now the, was the WWE champion of the world. Wow. So within that distance, he had, we were doing our journeys on the independent life. He got signed by WWE. He had started low, and he has become a huge megastar in the world of wrestling. Wow, that is fantastic. And also, the movie itself was basically based off of the comedians of comedy, really.

It was inspired by that. So I know, obviously, the comedy fans out here, I saw a real parallel to our lives, and we wanted to show people the same lifestyle that we have. Nobody will know us at the supermarket, your Vons or your Johns, but in this small little

arenas, we're sensations to a group of 200 to 300 people. Well, Colt, it's been a joy to have you on the program. Colt's on Twitter, at Colt Cabana, and you can find his podcast in your iTunes, The Art of Wrestling. Special thanks to our intern Joe for— Waving? No, no, that's Justin, the intern that was waving.

Joe's the intern who screened our calls. Thanks to Justin, the intern, for waving. And Nick for running our calls when we our calls. Gotcha. Thanks to Justin, the intern, for waving. And Nick for running our calls when we had calls. Special thanks to the nice Samoan guy, Robert, who sold us this enclosure. Jesse,

may I plug a live date? Yeah, of course. This Friday, if you're in the Southern California area, I'm going to be at Meltdown Comics

this Friday at 9 p.m. I'm going to be doing the live indoor kids show. We've got a Camille Nanjiani. Sure. We've got an Emily V. Gordon. Oh, she's tremendous. You've got a Jonah Ray.

Absolutely. And myself. So it's going to be fun. We're going to chat about video games. Yeah, those are always really, really great shows. So, yeah, Meltdown Comics, 9 p.m. on Friday. And thanks to all the folks who came out to the This American Life meetups in Los Angeles. We had several dozen people there hanging out, watching the show with us, eating wings

with us. It was really a blast. And all across the country who went to their own meetups. It was a great show. I did not even realize that there were several friends of Jordan Jesse Goh and Maximum Fun in the This American Life show, including Tig Notaro. Absolutely. So it was

really a blast. Thanks to everybody. We'll see you online at MaximumFun.org. And give us a call, 206-9844-FUN. Email us, jjgoe at MaximumFun.org. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go.